Named characters

Major entities (proper, common)

FAC

67 home/Home
51 the room/The room
50 the house/the House/The house
38 the road
31 here/Here
30 there/There
16 the church
14 the mines/The mines
13 her room
12 the Mill/the mill

GPE

13 town/Town
10 the town
5 the district
4 the country
4 there/There
3 the place
3 this place
2 the Midlands
2 a nation
2 a village

LOC

109 the world/The world
43 the water/The water
26 the lake/The lake
23 the earth/The earth
20 the pond/The pond
17 the hill
12 earth
11 another world
11 the bank
9 the country

PER

211 one/One
57 people/People
50 man/Man
49 a man/A man
49 the man/The man
48 each other
48 her father/Her father
43 the father/The father
43 a woman/A woman
40 everybody/Everybody

ORG

8 the firm/The firm
2 the Grammar School
1 the old school
1 another house of business
1 a satellite of Mars
1 a German university
1 the Godhead of the great productive machine
1 a charity institution
1 the industry
1 a machine that is without power

VEH

28 the car/The car
25 the boat/The boat
18 the train/The train
7 the motor - car/The motor - car
7 the canoe/The canoe
6 the carriage/The carriage
6 a boat
6 the boats/The boats
5 the trucks/The trucks
4 the ship/The ship

Text

[Ursula]_255-gerald and [Gudrun Brangwen]_160-gudrun sat one morning in the window - bay of [[[their]_446-their father]_{447-their father} ’s house in [Beldover]_1-beldover]_{448-their father ’s house in beldover} , working and talking . [Ursula]_255-gerald was stitching a piece of brightly - coloured embroidery , and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was drawing upon a board which [she]_160-gudrun held on [her]_160-gudrun knee . [They]_446-their were mostly silent , talking as [their]_446-their thoughts strayed through [their]_446-their minds . “ [Ursula]_255-gerald , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “ do n’t [you]_255-gerald really want to get married ? ”_[160-gudrun] [Ursula]_255-gerald laid [her]_160-gudrun embroidery in [her]_160-gudrun lap and looked up . [Her]_160-gudrun face was calm and considerate . “ [I]_160-gudrun do n’t know , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied . “ It depends how [you]_160-gudrun mean . ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was slightly taken aback . [She]_160-gudrun watched [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} for some moments . “ Well , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , ironically , “ it usually means one thing ! But do n’t [you]_160-gudrun think anyhow , [you]_160-gudrun ’d be — ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun darkened slightly—“in a better position than [you]_160-gudrun are in now . ”_[160-gudrun] A shadow came over [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s face . “ [I]_160-gudrun might , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ But [I]_160-gudrun ’m not sure . ”_[160-gudrun] Again [Gudrun]_160-gudrun paused , slightly irritated . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to be quite definite . “ [You]_160-gudrun do n’t think one needs the experience of having been married ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked . “ Do [you]_160-gudrun think it need be an experience ? ”_[255-gerald] replied [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Bound to be , in some way or other , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , coolly . “ Possibly undesirable , but bound to be an experience of some sort . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Not really , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ More likely to be the end of experience . ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun sat very still , to attend to this . “ Of course , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , “ there ’s that to consider . ”_[160-gudrun] This brought the conversation to a close . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , almost angrily , took up [her]_160-gudrun rubber and began to rub out part of [her]_160-gudrun drawing . [Ursula]_255-gerald stitched absorbedly . “ [You]_160-gudrun would n’t consider a good offer ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_255-gerald think [I]_255-gerald ’ve rejected several , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Really ! ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun flushed dark—“But anything really worth while ? Have [you]_160-gudrun really ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ A thousand a year , and [an awfully nice man]_{4645-an awfully nice man} . [I]_255-gerald liked [him]_{4645-an awfully nice man} awfully , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Really ! But were n’t [you]_160-gudrun fearfully tempted ? ”_[255-gerald] “ In the abstract but not in the concrete , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ When it comes to the point , [one]_4646-one is n’t even tempted — oh , if [I]_255-gerald were tempted , [I]_255-gerald ’d marry like a shot . [I]_255-gerald ’m only tempted not to . ”_[255-gerald] The faces of [both sisters]_{450-both sisters} suddenly lit up with amusement . “ Is n’t it an amazing thing , ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “ how strong the temptation is , not to ! ”_[160-gudrun] [They]_{450-both sisters} both laughed , looking at [each other]_{451-each other} . In [their]_{450-both sisters} hearts [they]_{450-both sisters} were frightened . There was a long pause , whilst [Ursula]_255-gerald stitched and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went on with [her]_160-gudrun sketch . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} were [women]_453-women , [Ursula]_255-gerald twenty - six , and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun twenty - five . But [both]_454-both had the remote , virgin look of [modern girls]_{455-modern girls} , [sisters of [Artemis]_161-artemis rather than of [Hebe]_162-hebe]_{456-sisters of artemis rather than of hebe} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was very beautiful , passive , soft - skinned , soft - limbed . [She]_160-gudrun wore a dress of dark - blue silky stuff , with ruches of blue and green linen lace in the neck and sleeves ; and [she]_160-gudrun had emerald - green stockings . [Her]_160-gudrun look of confidence and diffidence contrasted with [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s sensitive expectancy . [The provincial people]_{457-the provincial people} , intimidated by [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s perfect sang - froid and exclusive bareness of manner , said of [her]_160-gudrun : “ [She]_160-gudrun is [a smart woman]_{4647-a smart woman} . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun had just come back from [London]_2-london , where [she]_160-gudrun had spent several years , working at [an art - school]_{458-an art - school} , as [a student]_{459-a student} , and living a studio life . “ [I]_160-gudrun was hoping now for [a man]_{4648-a man} to come along , ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun said , suddenly catching [her]_160-gudrun underlip between [her]_160-gudrun teeth , and making a strange grimace , half sly smiling , half anguish . [Ursula]_255-gerald was afraid . “ So [you]_160-gudrun have come [home]_4649-home , expecting [him]_{4648-a man} [here]_4650-here ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun laughed . “ Oh [my]_160-gudrun dear , ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , strident , “ [I]_160-gudrun would n’t go out of [my]_160-gudrun way to look for [him]_{4648-a man} . But if there did happen to come along [a highly attractive individual of sufficient means]_{4651-a highly attractive individual of sufficient means} — well — ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun tailed off ironically . Then [she]_160-gudrun looked searchingly at [Ursula]_255-gerald , as if to probe [her]_160-gudrun . “ Do n’t [you]_255-gerald find [yourself]_255-gerald getting bored ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked of [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} . “ Do n’t [you]_255-gerald find , that things fail to materialize ? Nothing materializes ! Everything withers in the bud . ”_[160-gudrun] “ What withers in the bud ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Oh , everything — oneself — things in general . ”_[255-gerald] There was a pause , whilst [each sister]_{461-each sister} vaguely considered [her]_{461-each sister} fate . “ It does frighten [one]_4646-one , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , and again there was a pause . “ But do [you]_255-gerald hope to get anywhere by just marrying ? ”_[255-gerald] “ It seems to be the inevitable next step , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Ursula]_255-gerald pondered this , with a little bitterness . [She]_160-gudrun was a class mistress [herself]_160-gudrun , in [Willey Green Grammar School]_{3-willey green grammar school} , as [she]_160-gudrun had been for some years . “ [I]_160-gudrun know , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , “ it seems like that when [one]_4646-one thinks in the abstract . But really imagine it : imagine [any man one]_{4654-any man one} knows , imagine [him]_{4654-any man one} coming [home]_4649-home to [one]_4646-one every evening , and saying ‘ Hello , ’ and giving [one]_4646-one a kiss — ”_[160-gudrun] There was a blank pause . “ Yes , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in a narrowed voice . “ It ’s just impossible . [The man]_{4658-the man} makes it impossible . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Of course there ’s [children]_{4659-children} — ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald doubtfully . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s face hardened . “ Do [you]_255-gerald really want [children]_{4659-children} , [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked coldly . A dazzled , baffled look came on [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s face . “ [One]_4646-one feels it is still beyond one , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ Do [you]_255-gerald feel like that ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_160-gudrun get no feeling whatever from the thought of bearing [children]_{4659-children} . ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [Ursula]_255-gerald with a masklike , expressionless face . [Ursula]_255-gerald knitted [her]_160-gudrun brows . “ Perhaps it is n’t genuine , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun faltered . “ Perhaps [one]_4646-one does n’t really want [them]_{4659-children} , in [one]_4646-one ’s soul — only superficially . ”_[160-gudrun] A hardness came over [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s face . [She]_160-gudrun did not want to be too definite . “ When one thinks of [[other people]_{4665-other people} ’s [children]_{4659-children}]_{4666-other people ’s children} — ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . Again [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} , almost hostile . “ Exactly , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , to close the conversation . [The two sisters]_{463-the two sisters} worked on in silence , [Ursula]_255-gerald having always that strange brightness of an essential flame that is caught , meshed , contravened . [She]_160-gudrun lived a good deal by [herself]_160-gudrun , to [herself]_160-gudrun , working , passing on from day to day , and always thinking , trying to lay hold on life , to grasp it in [her]_160-gudrun own understanding . [Her]_160-gudrun active living was suspended , but underneath , in the darkness , something was coming to pass . If only [she]_160-gudrun could break through the last integuments ! [She]_160-gudrun seemed to try and put [her]_160-gudrun hands out , like [an infant in the womb]_{464-an infant in the womb} , and [she]_160-gudrun could not , not yet . Still [she]_160-gudrun had a strange prescience , an intimation of something yet to come . [She]_160-gudrun laid down [her]_160-gudrun work and looked at [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} . [She]_160-gudrun thought [Gudrun]_160-gudrun so charming , so infinitely charming , in [her]_160-gudrun softness and [her]_160-gudrun fine , exquisite richness of texture and delicacy of line . There was a certain playfulness about [her]_160-gudrun too , such a piquancy or ironic suggestion , such an untouched reserve . [Ursula]_255-gerald admired [her]_160-gudrun with all [her]_160-gudrun soul . “ Why did [you]_160-gudrun come [home]_4649-home , [Prune]_163-prune ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun knew [she]_160-gudrun was being admired . [She]_160-gudrun sat back from [her]_160-gudrun drawing and looked at [Ursula]_255-gerald , from under [her]_160-gudrun finely - curved lashes . “ Why did [I]_160-gudrun come back , [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun repeated . “ [I]_160-gudrun have asked [myself]_160-gudrun a thousand times . ”_[160-gudrun] “ And do n’t [you]_160-gudrun know ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Yes , [I]_160-gudrun think [I]_160-gudrun do . [I]_160-gudrun think [my]_160-gudrun coming back [home]_4649-home was just reculer pour mieux sauter . ”_[160-gudrun] And [she]_160-gudrun looked with a long , slow look of knowledge at [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald know ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , looking slightly dazzled and falsified , and as if [she]_160-gudrun did not know . “ But where can one jump to ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Oh , it does n’t matter , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , somewhat superbly . “ If [one]_4646-one jumps over the edge , [one]_4646-one is bound to land somewhere . ”_[160-gudrun] “ But is n’t it very risky ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . A slow mocking smile dawned on [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s face . “ Ah ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said laughing . “ What is it all but words ! ”_[160-gudrun] And so again [she]_160-gudrun closed the conversation . But [Ursula]_255-gerald was still brooding . “ And how do [you]_160-gudrun find [home]_4649-home , now [you]_160-gudrun have come back to it ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun paused for some moments , coldly , before answering . Then , in a cold truthful voice , [she]_160-gudrun said : “ [I]_160-gudrun find [myself]_160-gudrun completely out of it . ”_[160-gudrun] “ And [father]_4673-father ? ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [Ursula]_255-gerald , almost with resentment , as if brought to bay . “ [I]_160-gudrun have n’t thought about [him]_4673-father : [I]_160-gudrun ’ve refrained , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said coldly . “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] wavered [Ursula]_255-gerald ; and the conversation was really at an end . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} found [themselves]_{452-the sisters} confronted by a void , a terrifying chasm , as if [they]_{452-the sisters} had looked over the edge . [They]_{452-the sisters} worked on in silence for some time , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s cheek was flushed with repressed emotion . [She]_160-gudrun resented its having been called into being . “ Shall [we]_{452-the sisters} go out and look at that wedding ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked at length , in a voice that was too casual . “ Yes ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , too eagerly , throwing aside [her]_160-gudrun sewing and leaping up , as if to escape something , thus betraying the tension of the situation and causing a friction of dislike to go over [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s nerves . As [she]_160-gudrun went [upstairs]_467-upstairs , [Ursula]_255-gerald was aware of [the house]_{468-the house} , of [[her]_160-gudrun home]_{469-her home} round about [her]_160-gudrun . And [she]_160-gudrun loathed [it]_{468-the house} , [the sordid , too - familiar place]_{470-the sordid , too - familiar place} ! [She]_160-gudrun was afraid at the depth of [her]_160-gudrun feeling against [the home]_{471-the home} , the milieu , the whole atmosphere and condition of [this obsolete life]_{472-this obsolete life} . [Her]_160-gudrun feeling frightened [her]_160-gudrun . [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} were soon walking swiftly down [the main road of [Beldover]_1-beldover]_{474-the main road of beldover} , [a wide street]_{475-a wide street} , part [shops]_476-shops , [part dwelling - houses]_{477-part dwelling - houses} , utterly formless and sordid , without poverty . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , new from [her]_160-gudrun life in [Chelsea]_4-chelsea and [Sussex]_5-sussex , shrank cruelly from this amorphous ugliness of [a small colliery town in the Midlands]_{478-a small colliery town in the midlands} . Yet forward [she]_160-gudrun went , through the whole sordid gamut of pettiness , [the long amorphous , gritty street]_{479-the long amorphous , gritty street} . [She]_160-gudrun was exposed to every stare , [she]_160-gudrun passed on through a stretch of torment . It was strange that [she]_160-gudrun should have chosen to come back and test the full effect of this shapeless , barren ugliness upon [herself]_160-gudrun . Why had [she]_160-gudrun wanted to submit [herself]_160-gudrun to it , did [she]_160-gudrun still want to submit [herself]_160-gudrun to it , the insufferable torture of [these ugly , meaningless people]_{480-these ugly , meaningless people} , [this defaced countryside]_{481-this defaced countryside} ? [She]_160-gudrun felt like a beetle toiling in the dust . [She]_160-gudrun was filled with repulsion . [They]_482-they turned off [the main road]_{483-the main road} , past [a black patch of common - garden]_{484-a black patch of common - garden} , where sooty cabbage stumps stood shameless . [No one]_{485-no one} thought to be ashamed . [No one]_{485-no one} was ashamed of it all . “ It is like [a country in an underworld]_{4674-a country in an underworld} , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [The colliers]_{4675-the colliers} bring it above - ground with [them]_{4675-the colliers} , shovel it up . [Ursula]_255-gerald , it ’s marvellous , it ’s really marvellous — it ’s really wonderful , [another world]_{4676-another world} . [The people]_{4677-the people} are [all ghouls]_{4678-all ghouls} , and everything is ghostly . Everything is a ghoulish replica of [the real world]_{4679-the real world} , a replica , a ghoul , all soiled , everything sordid . It ’s like being mad , [Ursula]_255-gerald . ”_[160-gudrun] [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} were crossing [a black path]_{488-a black path} through [a dark , soiled field]_{489-a dark , soiled field} . On the left was [a large landscape]_{490-a large landscape} , [a valley with [collieries]_{492-collieries}]_{491-a valley with collieries} , and [opposite hills with cornfields and woods]_{493-opposite hills with cornfields and woods} , all blackened with distance , as if seen through a veil of crape . White and black smoke rose up in steady columns , magic within the dark air . Near at hand came the long rows of [dwellings]_{494-dwellings} , approaching curved up [the hill - slope]_{495-the hill - slope} , in straight lines along [the brow of [the hill]_{497-the hill}]_{496-the brow of the hill} . [They]_498-they were of darkened red brick , brittle , with dark slate roofs . The path on which [the sisters]_{452-the sisters} walked was black , trodden - in by the feet of [the recurrent colliers]_{500-the recurrent colliers} , and bounded from [the field]_{501-the field} by iron fences ; the stile that led again into [the road]_{502-the road} was rubbed shiny by the moleskins of [the passing miners]_{503-the passing miners} . Now [the two girls]_{473-the two girls} were going between some rows of [dwellings]_{494-dwellings} , of the poorer sort . [Women]_453-women , [their]_453-women arms folded over [their]_453-women coarse aprons , standing gossiping at the end of [[their]_453-women block]_{507-their block} , stared after [the Brangwen sisters]_{508-the brangwen sisters} with that long , unwearying stare of [aborigines]_{509-aborigines} ; [children]_{4659-children} called out names . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went on [her]_160-gudrun way half dazed . If this were human life , if these were [human beings]_{511-human beings} , living in [a complete world]_{512-a complete world} , then what was [[her]_160-gudrun own world]_{513-her own world} , outside ? [She]_160-gudrun was aware of [her]_160-gudrun grass - green stockings , [her]_160-gudrun large grass - green velour hat , [her]_160-gudrun full soft coat , of a strong blue colour . And [she]_160-gudrun felt as if [she]_160-gudrun were treading in the air , quite unstable , [her]_160-gudrun heart was contracted , as if at any minute [she]_160-gudrun might be precipitated to the ground . [She]_160-gudrun was afraid . [She]_160-gudrun clung to [Ursula]_255-gerald , who , through long usage was inured to this violation of [a dark , uncreated , hostile world]_{514-a dark , uncreated , hostile world} . But all the time [her]_160-gudrun heart was crying , as if in the midst of some ordeal : “ [I]_160-gudrun want to go back , [I]_160-gudrun want to go away , [I]_160-gudrun want not to know it , not to know that this exists . ”_[160-gudrun] Yet [she]_160-gudrun must go forward . [Ursula]_255-gerald could feel [her]_160-gudrun suffering . “ [You]_160-gudrun hate this , do n’t [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked . “ It bewilders [me]_160-gudrun , ”_[160-gudrun] stammered [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [You]_160-gudrun wo n’t stay long , ”_[255-gerald] replied [Ursula]_255-gerald . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went along , grasping at release . [They]_515-they drew away from [the colliery region]_{516-the colliery region} , over [the curve of [the hill]_{497-the hill}]_{517-the curve of the hill} , into [the purer country of the other side]_{519-the purer country of the other side} , towards [Willey Green]_{6-willey green} . Still the faint glamour of blackness persisted over [the fields]_{520-the fields} and [the wooded hills]_{521-the wooded hills} , and seemed darkly to gleam in the air . It was a spring day , chill , with snatches of sunshine . Yellow celandines showed out from the hedge - bottoms , and in [the cottage gardens of [Willey Green]_{6-willey green}]_{522-the cottage gardens of willey green} , currant - bushes were breaking into leaf , and little flowers were coming white on the grey alyssum that hung over the stone walls . Turning , [they]_515-they passed down [the high - road]_{523-the high - road} , that went between high banks towards [the church]_{524-the church} . There , in the lowest bend of [the road]_{502-the road} , low under the trees , stood [a little group of expectant people , waiting to see the wedding]_{526-a little group of expectant people , waiting to see the wedding} . [The daughter of [the chief mine - owner of [the district]_{529-the district}]_{528-the chief mine - owner of the district}]_{527-the daughter of the chief mine - owner of the district} , [Thomas Crich]_{164-thomas crich} , was getting married to [a naval officer]_{530-a naval officer} . “ Let [us]_515-they go back , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , swerving away . “ There are [all those people]_{4680-all those people} . ”_[160-gudrun] And [she]_{527-the daughter of the chief mine - owner of the district} hung wavering in [the road]_{502-the road} . “ Never mind [them]_{4680-all those people} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ [they]_{4680-all those people} ’re all right . [They]_{4680-all those people} all know [me]_255-gerald , [they]_{4680-all those people} do n’t matter . ”_[255-gerald] “ But must [we]_515-they go through [them]_{4680-all those people} ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [They]_{4680-all those people} ’re quite all right , really , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , going forward . And together [the two sisters]_{463-the two sisters} approached [the group of uneasy , watchful common people]_{533-the group of uneasy , watchful common people} . [They]_{463-the two sisters} were [chiefly women]_{534-chiefly women} , [colliers ’ wives of the more shiftless sort]_{535-colliers ’ wives of the more shiftless sort} . [They]_{463-the two sisters} had watchful , underworld faces . [The two sisters]_{463-the two sisters} held [themselves]_{463-the two sisters} tense , and went straight towards the gate . [The women]_{537-the women} made way for [them]_{463-the two sisters} , but barely sufficient , as if grudging to yield ground . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} passed in silence through the stone gateway and up the steps , on the red carpet , [a policeman]_{539-a policeman} estimating [their]_{452-the sisters} progress . “ What price the stockings ! ”_{[539-a policeman]} said a voice at the back of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . A sudden fierce anger swept over [the girl]_{540-the girl} , violent and murderous . [She]_{540-the girl} would have liked [them]_{452-the sisters} all annihilated , cleared away , so that [the world]_{541-the world} was left clear for [her]_{540-the girl} . How [she]_{540-the girl} hated walking up [the churchyard path]_{542-the churchyard path} , along the red carpet , continuing in motion , in [their]_{452-the sisters} sight . “ [I]_{540-the girl} wo n’t go into [the church]_{524-the church} , ”_{[540-the girl]} [she]_{540-the girl} said suddenly , with such final decision that [Ursula]_255-gerald immediately halted , turned round , and branched off up a small side path which led to [the little private gate of [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school} , whose grounds adjoined those of [the church]_{524-the church}]_{543-the little private gate of the grammar school , whose grounds adjoined those of the church} . Just inside the gate of [the school shrubbery]_{546-the school shrubbery} , outside [the churchyard]_{547-the churchyard} , [Ursula]_255-gerald sat down for a moment on the low stone wall under the laurel bushes , to rest . Behind [her]_{540-the girl} , [the large red building of [the school]_{549-the school}]_{548-the large red building of the school} rose up peacefully , the windows all open for the holiday . Over the shrubs , before [her]_{540-the girl} , were the pale roofs and tower of [the old church]_{550-the old church} . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} were hidden by the foliage . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun sat down in silence . [Her]_160-gudrun mouth was shut close , [her]_160-gudrun face averted . [She]_160-gudrun was regretting bitterly that [she]_160-gudrun had ever come back . [Ursula]_255-gerald looked at [her]_160-gudrun , and thought how amazingly beautiful [she]_160-gudrun was , flushed with discomfiture . But [she]_160-gudrun caused a constraint over [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s nature , a certain weariness . [Ursula]_255-gerald wished to be alone , freed from the tightness , the enclosure of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s presence . “ Are [we]_4682-we going to stay here ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_255-gerald was only resting a minute , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , getting up as if rebuked . “ [We]_4682-we will stand in the corner by [the fives - court]_{4683-the fives - court} , [we]_4682-we shall see everything from there . ”_[255-gerald] For the moment , the sunshine fell brightly into [the churchyard]_{547-the churchyard} , there was a vague scent of sap and of spring , perhaps of violets from off [the graves]_{553-the graves} . Some white daisies were out , bright as angels . In the air , the unfolding leaves of a copper - beech were blood - red . Punctually at eleven o’clock , [the carriages]_{554-the carriages} began to arrive . There was a stir in [the crowd at the gate]_{555-the crowd at the gate} , a concentration as [a carriage]_{556-a carriage} drove up , [wedding guests]_{557-wedding guests} were mounting up the steps and passing along the red carpet to [the church]_{524-the church} . [They]_{557-wedding guests} were all gay and excited because the sun was shining . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [them]_{557-wedding guests} closely , with objective curiosity . [She]_160-gudrun saw [each one]_{559-each one} as a complete figure , like [a character in a book]_{560-a character in a book} , or [a subject in a picture]_{561-a subject in a picture} , or a marionette in [a theatre]_{562-a theatre} , a finished creation . [She]_160-gudrun loved to recognise [their]_{557-wedding guests} various characteristics , to place [them]_{557-wedding guests} in [their]_{557-wedding guests} true light , give [them]_{557-wedding guests} [their]_{557-wedding guests} own surroundings , settle [them]_{557-wedding guests} for ever as [they]_{557-wedding guests} passed before [her]_160-gudrun along the path to [the church]_{524-the church} . [She]_160-gudrun knew [them]_{557-wedding guests} , they were finished , sealed and stamped and finished with , for [her]_160-gudrun . There was none that had anything unknown , unresolved , until [the Criches themselves]_{564-the criches themselves} began to appear . Then [her]_160-gudrun interest was piqued . Here was something not quite so preconcluded . There came [the mother]_{565-the mother} , [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} , with [[her]_{565-the mother} eldest son]_{566-her eldest son} [Gerald]_255-gerald . [She]_{565-the mother} was a queer unkempt figure , in spite of the attempts that had obviously been made to bring [her]_{565-the mother} into line for the day . [Her]_{565-the mother} face was pale , yellowish , with a clear , transparent skin , [she]_{565-the mother} leaned forward rather , [her]_{565-the mother} features were strongly marked , handsome , with a tense , unseeing , predative look . [Her]_{565-the mother} colourless hair was untidy , wisps floating down on to [her]_{565-the mother} sac coat of dark blue silk , from under [her]_{565-the mother} blue silk hat . [She]_160-gudrun looked like [a woman with a monomania , furtive almost , but heavily proud]_{567-a woman with a monomania , furtive almost , but heavily proud} . [[Her]_160-gudrun son]_{568-her son} was of a fair , sun - tanned type , rather above middle height , well - made , and almost exaggeratedly well - dressed . But about [him]_{568-her son} also was the strange , guarded look , the unconscious glisten , as if [he]_{568-her son} did not belong to the same creation as [the people about [him]_{568-her son}]_{569-the people about him} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun lighted on [him]_{568-her son} at once . There was something northern about [him]_{568-her son} that magnetised [her]_160-gudrun . In [his]_{568-her son} clear northern flesh and [his]_{568-her son} fair hair was a glisten like sunshine refracted through crystals of ice . And [he]_{568-her son} looked so new , unbroached , pure as an arctic thing . Perhaps [he]_{568-her son} was thirty years old , perhaps more . [His]_{568-her son} gleaming beauty , maleness , like [a young , good - humoured , smiling wolf]_{570-a young , good - humoured , smiling wolf} , did not blind [her]_160-gudrun to the significant , sinister stillness in [his]_{568-her son} bearing , the lurking danger of [his]_{568-her son} unsubdued temper . “ [[His]_{568-her son} totem]_{4684-his totem} is the wolf , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun repeated to [herself]_160-gudrun . “ [[His]_{568-her son} mother]_{4685-his mother} is [an old , unbroken wolf]_{4686-an old , unbroken wolf} . ”_[160-gudrun] And then [she]_160-gudrun experienced a keen paroxyism , a transport , as if [she]_160-gudrun had made some incredible discovery , known to nobody else on [earth]_571-earth . A strange transport took possession of [her]_160-gudrun , all [her]_160-gudrun veins were in a paroxysm of violent sensation . “ [Good God]_167-god ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun exclaimed to [herself]_160-gudrun , “ what is this ? ”_[160-gudrun] And then , a moment after , [she]_160-gudrun was saying assuredly , “ [I]_160-gudrun shall know more of [that man]_{4687-that man} . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun was tortured with desire to see [him]_{568-her son} again , a nostalgia , a necessity to see [him]_{568-her son} again , to make sure it was not all a mistake , that [she]_160-gudrun was not deluding [herself]_160-gudrun , that [she]_160-gudrun really felt this strange and overwhelming sensation on [his]_{568-her son} account , this knowledge of [him]_{568-her son} in [her]_160-gudrun essence , this powerful apprehension of [him]_{568-her son} . “ Am [I]_160-gudrun really singled out for [him]_{568-her son} in some way , is there really some pale gold , arctic light that envelopes only [us]_4688-us two ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked [herself]_160-gudrun . And [she]_160-gudrun could not believe it , [she]_160-gudrun remained in a muse , scarcely conscious of what was going on around . [The bridesmaids]_{572-the bridesmaids} were here , and yet [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} had not come . [Ursula]_255-gerald wondered if something was amiss , and if the wedding would yet all go wrong . [She]_160-gudrun felt troubled , as if it rested upon [her]_160-gudrun . [The chief bridesmaids]_{574-the chief bridesmaids} had arrived . [Ursula]_255-gerald watched [them]_{574-the chief bridesmaids} come up the steps . [One of [them]_{574-the chief bridesmaids} [she]_160-gudrun knew]_{575-one of them she knew} , [a tall , slow , reluctant woman with a weight of fair hair and a pale , long face]_{576-a tall , slow , reluctant woman with a weight of fair hair and a pale , long face} . This was [Hermione Roddice]_168-hermione , [a friend of the Criches]_{577-a friend of the criches} . Now [she]_168-hermione came along , with [her]_168-hermione head held up , balancing an enormous flat hat of pale yellow velvet , on which were streaks of ostrich feathers , natural and grey . [She]_168-hermione drifted forward as if scarcely conscious , [her]_168-hermione long blanched face lifted up , not to see [the world]_{541-the world} . [She]_168-hermione was rich . [She]_168-hermione wore a dress of silky , frail velvet , of pale yellow colour , and [she]_168-hermione carried a lot of small rose - coloured cyclamens . [Her]_168-hermione shoes and stockings were of brownish grey , like the feathers on [her]_168-hermione hat , [her]_168-hermione hair was heavy , [she]_168-hermione drifted along with a peculiar fixity of the hips , a strange unwilling motion . [She]_168-hermione was impressive , in [her]_168-hermione lovely pale - yellow and brownish - rose , yet macabre , something repulsive . [People]_579-people were silent when [she]_168-hermione passed , impressed , roused , wanting to jeer , yet for some reason silenced . [Her]_168-hermione long , pale face , that [she]_168-hermione carried lifted up , somewhat in the Rossetti fashion , seemed almost drugged , as if a strange mass of thoughts coiled in the darkness within [her]_168-hermione , and [she]_168-hermione was never allowed to escape . [Ursula]_255-gerald watched [her]_168-hermione with fascination . [She]_580-she knew [her]_168-hermione a little . [She]_168-hermione was [the most remarkable woman in [the Midlands]_{582-the midlands}]_{581-the most remarkable woman in the midlands} . [[Her]_168-hermione father]_{583-her father} was [a Derbyshire Baronet of [the old school]_{585-the old school}]_{584-a derbyshire baronet of the old school} , [she]_168-hermione was [a woman of the new school , full of intellectuality , and heavy , nerve - worn with consciousness]_{586-a woman of the new school , full of intellectuality , and heavy , nerve - worn with consciousness} . [She]_168-hermione was passionately interested in reform , [her]_168-hermione soul was given up to the public cause . But [she]_168-hermione was [a man ’s woman]_{587-a man ’s woman} , it was the manly world that held [her]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione had various intimacies of mind and soul with [various men of capacity]_{588-various men of capacity} . [Ursula]_255-gerald knew , among [these men]_{589-these men} , only [Rupert Birkin]_169-birkin , who was [one of [the school - inspectors of [the county]_{592-the county}]_{591-the school - inspectors of the county}]_{590-one of the school - inspectors of the county} . But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had met [others]_593-others , in [London]_2-london . Moving with [[her]_160-gudrun artist friends]_{594-her artist friends} in different kinds of society , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had already come to know [a good many people of repute and standing]_{595-a good many people of repute and standing} . [She]_168-hermione had met [Hermione]_168-hermione twice , but [they]_596-they did not take to [each other]_{451-each other} . It would be queer to meet again down here in [the Midlands]_{582-the midlands} , where [their]_596-they social standing was so diverse , after [they]_596-they had known [each other]_{451-each other} on terms of equality in [the houses of [sundry acquaintances in [town]_602-town]_{601-sundry acquaintances in town}]_{600-the houses of sundry acquaintances in town} . For [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had been a social success , and had [[her]_160-gudrun friends]_{603-her friends} among [the slack aristocracy that keeps touch with the arts]_{604-the slack aristocracy that keeps touch with the arts} . [Hermione]_168-hermione knew [herself]_168-hermione to be well - dressed ; [she]_168-hermione knew [herself]_168-hermione to be the social equal , if not far the superior , of [anyone [she]_168-hermione was likely to meet in [Willey Green]_{6-willey green}]_{605-anyone she was likely to meet in willey green} . [She]_168-hermione knew [she]_168-hermione was accepted in [the world of culture]_{606-the world of culture} and of intellect . [She]_168-hermione was [a Kulturträger , a medium for the culture of ideas]_{607-a kulturträger , a medium for the culture of ideas} . With all that was highest , whether in society or in thought or in public action , or even in art , [she]_168-hermione was at one , [she]_168-hermione moved among [the foremost]_{608-the foremost} , at [home]_4649-home with [them]_{608-the foremost} . [No one]_{485-no one} could put [her]_168-hermione down , [no one]_{485-no one} could make mock of [her]_168-hermione , because [she]_168-hermione stood among the first , and [those that were against [her]_168-hermione]_{612-those that were against her} were below [her]_168-hermione , either in rank , or in wealth , or in high association of thought and progress and understanding . So , [she]_168-hermione was invulnerable . All [her]_168-hermione life , [she]_168-hermione had sought to make [herself]_168-hermione invulnerable , unassailable , beyond reach of [the world]_{541-the world} ’s judgment . And yet [her]_168-hermione soul was tortured , exposed . Even walking up the path to [the church]_{524-the church} , confident as [she]_168-hermione was that in every respect [she]_168-hermione stood beyond all vulgar judgment , knowing perfectly that [her]_168-hermione appearance was complete and perfect , according to the first standards , yet [she]_168-hermione suffered a torture , under [her]_168-hermione confidence and [her]_168-hermione pride , feeling [herself]_168-hermione exposed to wounds and to mockery and to despite . [She]_168-hermione always felt vulnerable , vulnerable , there was always a secret chink in [her]_168-hermione armour . [She]_168-hermione did not know [herself]_168-hermione what it was . It was a lack of robust self , [she]_168-hermione had no natural sufficiency , there was a terrible void , a lack , a deficiency of being within [her]_168-hermione . And [she]_168-hermione wanted [someone to close up this deficiency , to close it up for ever]_{615-someone to close up this deficiency , to close it up for ever} . [She]_168-hermione craved for [Rupert Birkin]_169-birkin . When [he]_616-he was there , [she]_168-hermione felt complete , [she]_168-hermione was sufficient , whole . For the rest of time [she]_168-hermione was established on the sand , built over a chasm , and , in spite of all [her]_168-hermione vanity and securities , [any common maid - servant of positive , robust temper]_{617-any common maid - servant of positive , robust temper} could fling [her]_168-hermione down this bottomless pit of insufficiency , by the slightest movement of jeering or contempt . And all the while [the pensive , tortured woman]_{618-the pensive , tortured woman} piled up [her]_{618-the pensive , tortured woman} own defences of æsthetic knowledge , and culture , and world - visions , and disinterestedness . Yet [she]_168-hermione could never stop up the terrible gap of insufficiency . If only [Birkin]_169-birkin would form a close and abiding connection with [her]_168-hermione , [she]_168-hermione would be safe during this fretful voyage of life . [He]_616-he could make [her]_168-hermione sound and triumphant , triumphant over the very angels of [heaven]_619-heaven . If only [he]_616-he would do it ! But [she]_168-hermione was tortured with fear , with misgiving . [She]_168-hermione made [herself]_168-hermione beautiful , [she]_168-hermione strove so hard to come to that degree of beauty and advantage , when [he]_616-he should be convinced . But always there was a deficiency . [He]_616-he was perverse too . [He]_616-he fought [her]_168-hermione off , [he]_616-he always fought [her]_168-hermione off . The more [she]_168-hermione strove to bring [him]_616-he to [her]_168-hermione , the more [he]_616-he battled [her]_168-hermione back . And [they]_620-they had been [lovers]_621-lovers now , for years . Oh , it was so wearying , so aching ; [she]_168-hermione was so tired . But still [she]_168-hermione believed in [herself]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione knew [he]_616-he was trying to leave [her]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione knew [he]_616-he was trying to break away from [her]_168-hermione finally , to be free . But still [she]_168-hermione believed in [her]_168-hermione strength to keep [him]_616-he , [she]_168-hermione believed in [her]_168-hermione own higher knowledge . [His]_616-he own knowledge was high , [she]_168-hermione was the central touchstone of truth . [She]_168-hermione only needed [his]_616-he conjunction with [her]_168-hermione . And this , this conjunction with [her]_168-hermione , which was [his]_616-he highest fulfilment also , with the perverseness of [a wilful child [he]_616-he wanted to deny]_{622-a wilful child he wanted to deny} . With the wilfulness of [an obstinate child]_{623-an obstinate child} , [he]_616-he wanted to break the holy connection that was between [them]_624-them . [He]_616-he would be at this wedding ; [he]_616-he was to be [[groom]_625-groom ’s man]_{626-groom ’s man} . [He]_616-he would be in [the church]_{524-the church} , waiting . [He]_616-he would know when [she]_168-hermione came . [She]_168-hermione shuddered with nervous apprehension and desire as [she]_168-hermione went through [the church]_{524-the church} - door . [He]_616-he would be [there]_629-there , surely [he]_616-he would see how beautiful [her]_168-hermione dress was , surely [he]_616-he would see how [she]_168-hermione had made [herself]_168-hermione beautiful for [him]_616-he . [He]_616-he would understand , [he]_616-he would be able to see how [she]_168-hermione was made for [him]_616-he , the first , how [she]_168-hermione was , for [him]_616-he , the highest . Surely at last [he]_616-he would be able to accept [his]_616-he highest fate , [he]_616-he would not deny [her]_168-hermione . In a little convulsion of too - tired yearning , [she]_168-hermione entered [the church]_{524-the church} and looked slowly along [her]_168-hermione cheeks for [him]_616-he , [her]_168-hermione slender body convulsed with agitation . As [best man]_{631-best man} , [he]_616-he would be standing beside the altar . [She]_168-hermione looked slowly , deferring in [her]_168-hermione certainty . And then , [he]_616-he was not [there]_629-there . A terrible storm came over [her]_168-hermione , as if [she]_168-hermione were drowning . [She]_168-hermione was possessed by a devastating hopelessness . And [she]_168-hermione approached mechanically to the altar . Never had [she]_168-hermione known such a pang of utter and final hopelessness . It was beyond death , so utterly null , desert . [The bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} and [[the groom]_{634-the groom} ’s man]_{635-the groom ’s man} had not yet come . There was a growing consternation outside . [Ursula]_255-gerald felt almost responsible . [She]_168-hermione could not bear it that [the bride]_{636-the bride} should arrive , and [no groom]_{637-no groom} . The wedding must not be a fiasco , it must not . But here was [[the bride]_{636-the bride} ’s carriage]_{639-the bride ’s carriage} , adorned with ribbons and cockades . Gaily the grey horses curvetted to [their]_640-their destination at [the church]_{524-the church} - gate , a laughter in the whole movement . Here was the quick of all laughter and pleasure . The door of [the carriage]_{642-the carriage} was thrown open , to let out the very blossom of the day . [The people on [the roadway]_{644-the roadway}]_{643-the people on the roadway} murmured faintly with the discontented murmuring of [a crowd]_{645-a crowd} . [The father]_{646-the father} stepped out first into the air of the morning , like a shadow . [He]_{646-the father} was [a tall , thin , careworn man , with a thin black beard that was touched with grey]_{647-a tall , thin , careworn man , with a thin black beard that was touched with grey} . [He]_{646-the father} waited at the door of [the carriage]_{642-the carriage} patiently , self - obliterated . In the opening of the doorway was a shower of fine foliage and flowers , a whiteness of satin and lace , and a sound of a gay voice saying : “ How do [I]_{649-the expectant people} get out ? ”_{[649-the expectant people]} A ripple of satisfaction ran through [the expectant people]_{649-the expectant people} . [They]_{649-the expectant people} pressed near to receive [her]_{636-the bride} , looking with zest at the stooping blond head with its flower buds , and at the delicate , white , tentative foot that was reaching down to the step of [the carriage]_{642-the carriage} . There was a sudden foaming rush , and [the bride]_{636-the bride} like a sudden surf - rush , floating all white beside [[her]_{636-the bride} father]_{583-her father} in the morning shadow of trees , [her]_{636-the bride} veil flowing with laughter . “ That ’s done it ! ”_{[636-the bride]} [she]_{636-the bride} said . [She]_{636-the bride} put [her]_{636-the bride} hand on the arm of [[her]_{636-the bride} care - worn , sallow father]_{653-her care - worn , sallow father} , and frothing [her]_{636-the bride} light draperies , proceeded over the eternal red carpet . [[Her]_{636-the bride} father]_{583-her father} , mute and yellowish , [his]_{646-the father} black beard making [him]_{646-the father} look more careworn , mounted the steps stiffly , as if [his]_{646-the father} spirit were absent ; but the laughing mist of [the bride]_{636-the bride} went along with [him]_{646-the father} undiminished . And [no bridegroom]_{656-no bridegroom} had arrived ! It was intolerable for [her]_{636-the bride} . [Ursula]_255-gerald , [her]_{636-the bride} heart strained with anxiety , was watching [the hill beyond]_{657-the hill beyond} ; [the white , descending road]_{658-the white , descending road} , that should give sight of [him]_{646-the father} . There was [a carriage]_{556-a carriage} . [It]_{556-a carriage} was running . It had just come into sight . Yes , it was [he]_{646-the father} . [Ursula]_255-gerald turned towards [the bride]_{636-the bride} and [the people]_{4677-the people} , and , from [her]_{636-the bride} place of vantage , gave an inarticulate cry . [She]_{636-the bride} wanted to warn [them]_{4677-the people} that [he]_{646-the father} was coming . But [her]_{636-the bride} cry was inarticulate and inaudible , and [she]_{636-the bride} flushed deeply , between [her]_{636-the bride} desire and [her]_{636-the bride} wincing confusion . [The carriage]_{642-the carriage} rattled down [the hill]_{497-the hill} , and drew near . There was a shout from [the people]_{4677-the people} . [The bride , who had just reached the top of the steps]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} , turned round gaily to see what was the commotion . [She]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} saw a confusion among [the people]_{4677-the people} , [a cab pulling up]_{667-a cab pulling up} , and [[her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} lover]_{668-her lover} dropping out of [the carriage]_{642-the carriage} , and dodging among the horses and into [the crowd]_{670-the crowd} . “ Tibs ! [Tibs]_170-tibs ! ”_{[665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps]} [she]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} cried in [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} sudden , mocking excitement , standing high on [the path]_{671-the path} in the sunlight and waving [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} bouquet . [He]_{668-her lover} , dodging with [his]_{668-her lover} hat in [his]_{668-her lover} hand , had not heard . “ Tibs ! ”_{[665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps]} [she]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} cried again , looking down to [him]_{668-her lover} . [He]_{668-her lover} glanced up , unaware , and saw [the bride]_{636-the bride} and [[her]_{636-the bride} father]_{583-her father} standing on the path above [him]_{668-her lover} . A queer , startled look went over [his]_{668-her lover} face . [He]_{668-her lover} hesitated for a moment . Then [he]_{668-her lover} gathered [himself]_{668-her lover} together for a leap , to overtake [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} . “ Ah - h - h ! ”_{[665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps]} came [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} strange , intaken cry , as , on the reflex , [she]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} started , turned and fled , scudding with an unthinkable swift beating of [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} white feet and fraying of [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} white garments , towards [the church]_{524-the church} . Like [a hound]_{675-a hound} [the young man]_{676-the young man} was after [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} , leaping the steps and swinging past [[her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} father]_{583-her father} , [his]_{668-her lover} supple haunches working like those of a hound that bears down on [the quarry]_{678-the quarry} . “ Ay , after [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} ! ”_{[679-the vulgar women below]} cried [the vulgar women below]_{679-the vulgar women below} , carried suddenly into the sport . [She]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} , [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} flowers shaken from [her]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} like froth , was steadying [herself]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} to turn the angle of [the church]_{524-the church} . [She]_{665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps} glanced behind , and with a wild cry of laughter and challenge , veered , poised , and was gone beyond the grey stone buttress . In another instant [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} , bent forward as [he]_{573-the bridegroom} ran , had caught the angle of the silent stone with [his]_{573-the bridegroom} hand , and had swung [himself]_{573-the bridegroom} out of sight , [his]_{573-the bridegroom} supple , strong loins vanishing in pursuit . Instantly cries and exclamations of excitement burst from [the crowd at the gate]_{555-the crowd at the gate} . And then [Ursula]_255-gerald noticed again the dark , rather stooping figure of [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} , waiting suspended on [the path]_{671-the path} , watching with expressionless face the flight to [the church]_{524-the church} . It was over , and [he]_{171-mr crich} turned round to look behind [him]_{171-mr crich} , at the figure of [Rupert Birkin]_169-birkin , who at once came forward and joined [him]_{171-mr crich} . “ [We]_{686-the two men} ’ll bring up the rear , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , a faint smile on [his]_{171-mr crich} face . “ Ay ! ”_{[646-the father]} replied [the father]_{646-the father} laconically . And [the two men]_{686-the two men} turned together up [the path]_{671-the path} . [Birkin]_169-birkin was as thin as [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} , pale and ill - looking . [His]_{171-mr crich} figure was narrow but nicely made . [He]_{171-mr crich} went with a slight trail of one foot , which came only from self - consciousness . Although [he]_{171-mr crich} was dressed correctly for [his]_{171-mr crich} part , yet there was an innate incongruity which caused a slight ridiculousness in [his]_{171-mr crich} appearance . [His]_{171-mr crich} nature was clever and separate , [he]_{171-mr crich} did not fit at all in the conventional occasion . Yet [he]_{171-mr crich} subordinated [himself]_{171-mr crich} to the common idea , travestied [himself]_{171-mr crich} . [He]_{171-mr crich} affected to be quite ordinary , perfectly and marvellously commonplace . And [he]_{171-mr crich} did it so well , taking the tone of [his]_{171-mr crich} surroundings , adjusting [himself]_{171-mr crich} quickly to [[his]_{171-mr crich} interlocutor]_{688-his interlocutor} and [his]_{171-mr crich} circumstance , that [he]_{171-mr crich} achieved a verisimilitude of ordinary commonplaceness that usually propitiated [[his]_{171-mr crich} onlookers]_{689-his onlookers} for the moment , disarmed [them]_{689-his onlookers} from attacking [his]_{171-mr crich} singleness . Now [he]_{171-mr crich} spoke quite easily and pleasantly to [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} , as [they]_690-we walked along [the path]_{671-the path} ; [he]_{171-mr crich} played with situations like [a man on a tight - rope : but always on a tight - rope]_{692-a man on a tight - rope : but always on a tight - rope} , pretending nothing but ease . “ [I]_{171-mr crich} ’m sorry [we]_690-we are so late , ”_{[171-mr crich]} [he]_{171-mr crich} was saying . “ [We]_690-we could n’t find a button - hook , so it took [us]_690-we a long time to button [our]_690-we boots . But [you]_{171-mr crich} were to the moment . ”_{[171-mr crich]} “ [We]_690-we are usually to time , ”_{[171-mr crich]} said [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} . “ And [I]_169-birkin ’m always late , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ But today [I]_169-birkin was really punctual , only accidentally not so . [I]_169-birkin ’m sorry . ”_[169-birkin] [The two men]_{686-the two men} were gone , there was nothing more to see , for the time . [Ursula]_255-gerald was left thinking about [Birkin]_169-birkin . [He]_{171-mr crich} piqued [her]_694-her , attracted [her]_694-her , and annoyed [her]_694-her . [She]_694-her wanted to know [him]_{171-mr crich} more . [She]_694-her had spoken with [him]_{171-mr crich} once or twice , but only in [his]_{171-mr crich} official capacity as [inspector]_{695-inspector} . [She]_694-her thought [he]_{171-mr crich} seemed to acknowledge some kinship between [her]_694-her and [him]_{171-mr crich} , a natural , tacit understanding , a using of the same language . But there had been no time for the understanding to develop . And something kept [her]_694-her from [him]_{171-mr crich} , as well as attracted [her]_694-her to [him]_{171-mr crich} . There was a certain hostility , a hidden ultimate reserve in [him]_{171-mr crich} , cold and inaccessible . Yet [she]_694-her wanted to know [him]_{171-mr crich} . “ What do [you]_160-gudrun think of [Rupert Birkin]_169-birkin ? ”_[694-her] [she]_694-her asked , a little reluctantly , of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_694-her did not want to discuss [him]_{171-mr crich} . “ What do [I]_160-gudrun think of [Rupert Birkin]_169-birkin ? ”_[160-gudrun] repeated [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_160-gudrun think [he]_{171-mr crich} ’s attractive — decidedly attractive . What [I]_160-gudrun ca n’t stand about [him]_{171-mr crich} is [his]_{171-mr crich} way with [other people]_{4665-other people} — [his]_{171-mr crich} way of treating [any little fool]_{4690-any little fool} as if [she]_{4690-any little fool} were [his]_{171-mr crich} greatest consideration . [One]_172-one feels so awfully sold , oneself . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Why does [he]_{171-mr crich} do it ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Because [he]_{171-mr crich} has no real critical faculty — of [people]_579-people , at all events , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_160-gudrun tell [you]_255-gerald , [he]_{171-mr crich} treats [any little fool]_{4690-any little fool} as [he]_{171-mr crich} treats [me]_160-gudrun or [you]_255-gerald — and it ’s such an insult . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Oh , it is , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [One]_4646-one must discriminate . ”_[255-gerald] “ One must discriminate , ”_[160-gudrun] repeated [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ But [he]_{171-mr crich} ’s [a wonderful chap]_{4694-a wonderful chap} , in other respects — a marvellous personality . But [you]_255-gerald ca n’t trust [him]_{171-mr crich} . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald vaguely . [She]_696-she was always forced to assent to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s pronouncements , even when [she]_696-she was not in accord altogether . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} sat silent , waiting for the wedding party to come out . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was impatient of talk . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to think about [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to see if the strong feeling [she]_160-gudrun had got from [him]_255-gerald was real . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to have [herself]_160-gudrun ready . Inside [the church]_{524-the church} , the wedding was going on . [Hermione Roddice]_168-hermione was thinking only of [Birkin]_169-birkin . [He]_255-gerald stood near [her]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione seemed to gravitate physically towards [him]_255-gerald . [She]_168-hermione wanted to stand touching [him]_255-gerald . [She]_168-hermione could hardly be sure [he]_255-gerald was near [her]_168-hermione , if [she]_168-hermione did not touch [him]_255-gerald . Yet [she]_168-hermione stood subjected through the wedding service . [She]_168-hermione had suffered so bitterly when [he]_255-gerald did not come , that still [she]_168-hermione was dazed . Still [she]_168-hermione was gnawed as by a neuralgia , tormented by [his]_255-gerald potential absence from [her]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione had awaited [him]_255-gerald in a faint delirium of nervous torture . As [she]_168-hermione stood bearing [herself]_168-hermione pensively , the rapt look on [her]_168-hermione face , that seemed spiritual , like the angels , but which came from torture , gave [her]_168-hermione a certain poignancy that tore [his]_255-gerald heart with pity . [He]_255-gerald saw [her]_168-hermione bowed head , [her]_168-hermione rapt face , the face of an almost demoniacal ecstatic . Feeling [him]_255-gerald looking , [she]_168-hermione lifted [her]_168-hermione face and sought [his]_255-gerald eyes , [her]_168-hermione own beautiful grey eyes flaring [him]_255-gerald a great signal . But [he]_255-gerald avoided [her]_168-hermione look , [she]_168-hermione sank [her]_168-hermione head in torment and shame , the gnawing at [her]_168-hermione heart going on . And [he]_255-gerald too was tortured with shame , and ultimate dislike , and with acute pity for [her]_168-hermione , because [he]_255-gerald did not want to meet [her]_168-hermione eyes , [he]_255-gerald did not want to receive [her]_168-hermione flare of recognition . [The bride]_{636-the bride} and [bridegroom]_{700-bridegroom} were married , [the party]_{701-the party} went into [the vestry]_{702-the vestry} . [Hermione]_168-hermione crowded involuntarily up against [Birkin]_169-birkin , to touch [him]_255-gerald . And [he]_255-gerald endured it . Outside , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald listened for [[their]_703-their father]_{447-their father} ’s playing on the organ . [He]_{447-their father} would enjoy playing a wedding march . Now [the married pair]_{705-the married pair} were coming ! The bells were ringing , making the air shake . [Ursula]_255-gerald wondered if the trees and the flowers could feel the vibration , and what [they]_703-their thought of it , this strange motion in the air . [The bride]_{636-the bride} was quite demure on the arm of [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} , who stared up into the sky before [him]_{573-the bridegroom} , shutting and opening [his]_{573-the bridegroom} eyes unconsciously , as if [he]_{573-the bridegroom} were neither here nor there . [He]_{573-the bridegroom} looked rather comical , blinking and trying to be in the scene , when emotionally [he]_{573-the bridegroom} was violated by [his]_{573-the bridegroom} exposure to [a crowd]_{645-a crowd} . [He]_{573-the bridegroom} looked [a typical naval officer]_{709-a typical naval officer} , manly , and up to [his]_{573-the bridegroom} duty . [Birkin]_169-birkin came with [Hermione]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione had a rapt , triumphant look , like the fallen angels restored , yet still subtly demoniacal , now [she]_168-hermione held [Birkin]_169-birkin by the arm . And [he]_{573-the bridegroom} was expressionless , neutralised , possessed by [her]_168-hermione as if it were [his]_{573-the bridegroom} fate , without question . [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald came , fair , good - looking , healthy , with a great reserve of energy . [He]_255-gerald was erect and complete , there was a strange stealth glistening through [his]_255-gerald amiable , almost happy appearance . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun rose sharply and went away . [She]_160-gudrun could not bear it . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to be alone , to know this strange , sharp inoculation that had changed the whole temper of [her]_160-gudrun blood . [The Brangwens]_{173-the brangwens} went [home]_4649-home to [Beldover]_1-beldover , [the wedding - party]_{711-the wedding - party} gathered at [Shortlands]_7-shortlands , [[the Criches]_{174-the criches} ’ home]_{712-the criches ’ home} . It was [a long , low old house , a sort of manor farm , that spread along the top of a slope just beyond [the narrow little lake of [Willey Water]_{8-willey water}]_{714-the narrow little lake of willey water}]_{713-a long , low old house , a sort of manor farm , that spread along the top of a slope just beyond the narrow little lake of willey water} . Shortlands looked across [a sloping meadow]_{715-a sloping meadow} that might be [a park]_{716-a park} , because of the large , solitary trees that stood here and there , across [the water of [the narrow lake]_{718-the narrow lake}]_{717-the water of the narrow lake} , at [the wooded hill that successfully hid [the colliery valley beyond]_{720-the colliery valley beyond}]_{719-the wooded hill that successfully hid the colliery valley beyond} , but did not quite hide the rising smoke . Nevertheless , the scene was rural and picturesque , very peaceful , and [the house]_{468-the house} had a charm of [its]_{468-the house} own . [It]_{468-the house} was crowded now with [the family]_{722-the family} and [the wedding guests]_{723-the wedding guests} . [The father]_{646-the father} , who was not well , withdrew to rest . [Gerald]_255-gerald was [host]_725-host . [He]_255-gerald stood in [the homely entrance hall]_{726-the homely entrance hall} , friendly and easy , attending to [the men]_{727-the men} . [He]_255-gerald seemed to take pleasure in [his]_255-gerald social functions , [he]_255-gerald smiled , and was abundant in hospitality . [The women]_{537-the women} wandered about in a little confusion , chased hither and thither by [the three married daughters of [the house]_{468-the house}]_{729-the three married daughters of the house} . All the while there could be heard the characteristic , imperious voice of [one Crich woman]_{731-one crich woman} or another calling “ [Helen]_175-helen , come here a minute , ”_{[731-one crich woman]} “ [Marjory]_176-marjory , [I]_{731-one crich woman} want [you]_175-helen — here . ”_{[731-one crich woman]} “ Oh , [I]_{731-one crich woman} say , [Mrs Witham—.]_{177-mrs witham—.} ”_{[731-one crich woman]} There was a great rustling of skirts , swift glimpses of [smartly - dressed women]_{732-smartly - dressed women} , [a child]_{733-a child} danced through [the hall]_{734-the hall} and back again , [a maidservant]_{735-a maidservant} came and went hurriedly . Meanwhile [the men]_{727-the men} stood in calm little groups , chatting , smoking , pretending to pay no heed to the rustling animation of [the women]_{537-the women} ’s world . But [they]_{727-the men} could not really talk , because of the glassy ravel of [women]_453-women ’s excited , cold laughter and running voices . [They]_{727-the men} waited , uneasy , suspended , rather bored . But [Gerald]_255-gerald remained as if genial and happy , unaware that [he]_255-gerald was waiting or unoccupied , knowing [himself]_255-gerald the very pivot of the occasion . Suddenly [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} came noiselessly into [the room]_{739-the room} , peering about with [her]_{165-mrs crich} strong , clear face . [She]_{165-mrs crich} was still wearing [her]_{165-mrs crich} hat , and [her]_{165-mrs crich} sac coat of blue silk . “ What is it , [mother]_4695-mother ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Nothing , nothing ! ”_{[165-mrs crich]} [she]_{165-mrs crich} answered vaguely . And [she]_{165-mrs crich} went straight towards [Birkin]_169-birkin , who was talking to [a Crich brother - in - law]_{740-a crich brother - in - law} . “ How do [you]_169-birkin do , [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin , ”_{[165-mrs crich]} [she]_{165-mrs crich} said , in [her]_{165-mrs crich} low voice , that seemed to take no count of [[her]_{165-mrs crich} guests]_{741-her guests} . [She]_{165-mrs crich} held out [her]_{165-mrs crich} hand to [him]_{740-a crich brother - in - law} . “ Oh [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} , ”_[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]_169-birkin , in [his]_{740-a crich brother - in - law} readily - changing voice , “ [I]_{740-a crich brother - in - law} could n’t come to [you]_{165-mrs crich} before . ”_{[740-a crich brother - in - law]} “ [I]_{165-mrs crich} do n’t know [half the people]_{4696-half the people} [here]_4650-here , ”_{[165-mrs crich]} [she]_{165-mrs crich} said , in [her]_{165-mrs crich} low voice . [[Her]_{165-mrs crich} son - in - law]_{742-her son - in - law} moved uneasily away . “ And [you]_{165-mrs crich} do n’t like [strangers]_{4698-strangers} ? ”_[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [I]_169-birkin [myself]_169-birkin can never see why [one]_4646-one should take account of [people]_579-people , just because [they]_579-people happen to be in [the room]_{739-the room} with [one]_4646-one : why should [I]_169-birkin know [they]_579-people are there ? ”_[169-birkin] “ Why indeed , why indeed ! ”_{[165-mrs crich]} said [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} , in [her]_{165-mrs crich} low , tense voice . “ Except that [they]_579-people are there . [I]_{165-mrs crich} do n’t know [people whom [I]_{165-mrs crich} find in [the house]_{468-the house}]_{4703-people whom i find in the house} . [The children]_{4705-the children} introduce [them]_579-people to [me—‘Mother]_{4706-me—‘mother} , this is [Mr So - and - so]_{4707-mr so - and - so} . ’ [I]_{165-mrs crich} am no further . What has [Mr So]_{179-mr so} - and - so to do with [his]_{179-mr so} own name?—and what have [I]_{165-mrs crich} to do with either [him]_{179-mr so} or [his]_{179-mr so} name ? ”_{[165-mrs crich]} [She]_{165-mrs crich} looked up at [Birkin]_169-birkin . [She]_{165-mrs crich} startled [him]_743-he . [He]_743-he was flattered too that [she]_{165-mrs crich} came to talk to [him]_743-he , for [she]_{165-mrs crich} took hardly any notice of [anybody]_744-anybody . [He]_743-he looked down at [her]_{165-mrs crich} tense clear face , with its heavy features , but [he]_743-he was afraid to look into [her]_{165-mrs crich} heavy - seeing blue eyes . [He]_743-he noticed instead how [her]_{165-mrs crich} hair looped in slack , slovenly strands over [her]_{165-mrs crich} rather beautiful ears , which were not quite clean . Neither was [her]_{165-mrs crich} neck perfectly clean . Even in that [he]_743-he seemed to belong to [her]_{165-mrs crich} , rather than to [the rest of [the company]_{746-the company}]_{745-the rest of the company} ; though , [he]_743-he thought to [himself]_743-he , [he]_743-he was always well washed , at any rate at the neck and ears . [He]_743-he smiled faintly , thinking these things . Yet [he]_743-he was tense , feeling that [he]_743-he and [the elderly , estranged woman]_{747-the elderly , estranged woman} were conferring together like [traitors]_748-traitors , like [enemies within [the camp of [the other people]_{751-the other people}]_{750-the camp of the other people}]_{749-enemies within the camp of the other people} . [He]_743-he resembled a deer , that throws one ear back upon the trail behind , and one ear forward , to know what is ahead . “ [People]_579-people do n’t really matter , ”_[743-he] [he]_743-he said , rather unwilling to continue . [The mother]_{565-the mother} looked up at [him]_743-he with sudden , dark interrogation , as if doubting [his]_743-he sincerity . “ How do [you]_743-he mean , matter ? ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} asked sharply . “ [Not many people]_{4709-not many people} are anything at all , ”_[743-he] [he]_743-he answered , forced to go deeper than [he]_743-he wanted to . “ [They]_{4709-not many people} jingle and giggle . It would be much better if [they]_{4709-not many people} were just wiped out . Essentially , [they]_{4709-not many people} do n’t exist , [they]_{4709-not many people} are n’t there . ”_{[565-the mother]} [She]_{565-the mother} watched [him]_743-he steadily while [he]_743-he spoke . “ But [we]_4710-we did n’t imagine [them]_{4709-not many people} , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said sharply . “ There ’s nothing to imagine , that ’s why [they]_{4709-not many people} do n’t exist . ”_{[565-the mother]} “ Well , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said , “ [I]_{565-the mother} would hardly go as far as that . There [they]_{4709-not many people} are , whether [they]_{4709-not many people} exist or no . It does n’t rest with [me]_{565-the mother} to decide on [their]_{4709-not many people} existence . [I]_{565-the mother} only know that [I]_{565-the mother} ca n’t be expected to take count of [them]_{4709-not many people} all . [You]_4711-you ca n’t expect [me]_{565-the mother} to know [them]_{4709-not many people} , just because [they]_{4709-not many people} happen to be there . As far as [I]_{565-the mother} go [they]_{4709-not many people} might as well not be there . ”_{[565-the mother]} “ Exactly , ”_[743-he] [he]_743-he replied . “ Might n’t [they]_{4709-not many people} ? ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} asked again . “ Just as well , ”_[743-he] [he]_743-he repeated . And there was a little pause . “ Except that [they]_{4709-not many people} are there , and that ’s a nuisance , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said . “ There are [[my]_{565-the mother} sons - in - law]_{4712-my sons - in - law} , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} went on , in a sort of monologue . “ Now [Laura]_180-laura ’s got married , there ’s another . And [I]_{565-the mother} really do n’t know [John]_181-john from [James]_182-james yet . [They]_{4709-not many people} come up to [me]_{565-the mother} and call [me]_{565-the mother} [mother]_4695-mother . [I]_{565-the mother} know what [they]_{4709-not many people} will say—‘how are [you]_{565-the mother} , [mother]_4695-mother ? ’ [I]_{565-the mother} ought to say , ‘ [I]_{565-the mother} am not [[your]_{565-the mother} mother]_{4715-your mother} , in any sense . ’ But what is the use ? There [they]_{4709-not many people} are . [I]_{565-the mother} have had [[children]_{4659-children} of [my]_{565-the mother} own]_{4717-children of my own} . [I]_{565-the mother} suppose [I]_{565-the mother} know [them]_{4709-not many people} from [[another woman]_{4718-another woman} ’s children]_{4719-another woman ’s children} . ”_{[565-the mother]} “ [One]_4646-one would suppose so , ”_[753-he] [he]_753-he said . [She]_754-she looked at [him]_753-he , somewhat surprised , forgetting perhaps that [she]_754-she was talking to [him]_753-he . And [she]_754-she lost [her]_754-she thread . [She]_754-she looked round [the room]_{739-the room} , vaguely . [Birkin]_169-birkin could not guess what [she]_754-she was looking for , nor what [she]_754-she was thinking . Evidently [she]_754-she noticed [[her]_754-she sons]_{756-her sons} . “ Are [[my]_754-she children]_{4721-my children} all there ? ”_[754-she] [she]_754-she asked [him]_753-he abruptly . [He]_753-he laughed , startled , afraid perhaps . “ [I]_753-he scarcely know [them]_{4721-my children} , except [Gerald]_255-gerald , ”_[753-he] [he]_753-he replied . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald ! ”_[754-she] [she]_754-she exclaimed . “ [He]_255-gerald ’s the most wanting of [them]_{4721-my children} all . [You]_169-birkin ’d never think it , to look at [him]_255-gerald now , would [you]_169-birkin ? ”_[754-she] “ No , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [The mother]_{565-the mother} looked across at [[her]_{565-the mother} eldest son]_{566-her eldest son} , stared at [him]_{566-her eldest son} heavily for some time . “ Ay , ”_[754-she] [she]_754-she said , in an incomprehensible monosyllable , that sounded profoundly cynical . [Birkin]_169-birkin felt afraid , as if [he]_753-he dared not realise . And [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} moved away , forgetting [him]_{566-her eldest son} . But [she]_754-she returned on [her]_754-she traces . “ [I]_754-she should like [him]_{566-her eldest son} to have [a friend]_{4722-a friend} , ”_[754-she] [she]_754-she said . “ [He]_{566-her eldest son} has never had [a friend]_{4722-a friend} . ”_[754-she] [Birkin]_169-birkin looked down into [her]_754-she eyes , which were blue , and watching heavily . [He]_{566-her eldest son} could not understand them . “ Am [I]_{566-her eldest son} [[[my]_{566-her eldest son} brother]_{4724-my brother} ’s keeper]_{4725-my brother ’s keeper} ? ”_{[566-her eldest son]} [he]_{566-her eldest son} said to [himself]_{566-her eldest son} , almost flippantly . Then [he]_{566-her eldest son} remembered , with a slight shock , that that was [Cain]_183-cain ’s cry . And [Gerald]_255-gerald was [Cain]_183-cain , if [anybody]_744-anybody . Not that [he]_255-gerald was [Cain]_183-cain , either , although [he]_255-gerald had slain [[his]_255-gerald brother]_{760-his brother} . There was such a thing as pure accident , and the consequences did not attach to one , even though [one]_4646-one had killed [[one]_4646-one ’s brother]_{763-one ’s brother} in such wise . [Gerald]_255-gerald as [a boy]_{764-a boy} had accidentally killed [[his]_255-gerald brother]_{760-his brother} . What then ? Why seek to draw a brand and a curse across the life that had caused the accident ? [A man]_{4648-a man} can live by accident , and die by accident . Or can [he]_{4648-a man} not ? Is [every man]_{767-every man} ’s life subject to pure accident , is it only the race , the genus , the species , that has a universal reference ? Or is this not true , is there no such thing as pure accident ? Has everything that happens a universal significance ? Has it ? [Birkin]_169-birkin , pondering as [he]_255-gerald stood there , had forgotten [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} , as [she]_{165-mrs crich} had forgotten [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald did not believe that there was any such thing as accident . It all hung together , in the deepest sense . Just as [he]_255-gerald had decided this , [one of [the Crich daughters]_{769-the crich daughters}]_{768-one of the crich daughters} came up , saying : “ Wo n’t [you]_255-gerald come and take [your]_255-gerald hat off , [mother dear]_{4726-mother dear} ? [We]_771-we shall be sitting down to eat in a minute , and it ’s a formal occasion , [darling]_4727-darling , is n’t it ? ”_{[768-one of the crich daughters]} [She]_{768-one of the crich daughters} drew [her]_{768-one of the crich daughters} arm through [[her]_{768-one of the crich daughters} mother]_{770-her mother} ’s , and [they]_771-we went away . [Birkin]_169-birkin immediately went to talk to [the nearest man]_{772-the nearest man} . The gong sounded for the luncheon . [The men]_{727-the men} looked up , but no move was made to [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} . [The women of [the house]_{468-the house}]_{775-the women of the house} seemed not to feel that the sound had meaning for [them]_{775-the women of the house} . Five minutes passed by . [The elderly manservant]_{777-the elderly manservant} , [Crowther]_184-crowther , appeared in the doorway exasperatedly . [He]_{777-the elderly manservant} looked with appeal at [Gerald]_255-gerald . [The latter]_{778-the latter} took up a large , curved conch shell , that lay on a shelf , and without reference to [anybody]_744-anybody , blew a shattering blast . It was a strange rousing noise , that made the heart beat . The summons was almost magical . [Everybody]_{780-everybody} came running , as if at a signal . And then [the crowd in one impulse]_{781-the crowd in one impulse} moved to [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} . [Gerald]_255-gerald waited a moment , for [[his]_255-gerald sister]_{783-his sister} to play [hostess]_784-hostess . [He]_255-gerald knew [[his]_255-gerald mother]_{4685-his mother} would pay no attention to [her]_{4685-his mother} duties . But [[his]_255-gerald sister]_{783-his sister} merely crowded to [her]_{783-his sister} seat . Therefore [the young man]_{676-the young man} , slightly too dictatorial , directed [the guests]_{788-the guests} to [their]_{788-the guests} places . There was a moment ’s lull , as [everybody]_{780-everybody} looked at the hors d’oeuvres that were being handed round . And out of this lull , [a girl of thirteen or fourteen]_{790-a girl of thirteen or fourteen} , with [her]_{790-a girl of thirteen or fourteen} long hair down [her]_{790-a girl of thirteen or fourteen} back , said in a calm , self - possessed voice : “ [Gerald]_255-gerald , [you]_255-gerald forget [father]_4673-father , when [you]_255-gerald make that unearthly noise . ”_{[790-a girl of thirteen or fourteen]} “ Do [I]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald answered . And then , to [the company]_{746-the company} , “ [Father]_185-father is lying down , [he]_185-father is not quite well . ”_{[793-the girl with the hair down her back]} “ How is [he]_185-father , really ? ”_{[792-the married daughters]} called one of [the married daughters]_{792-the married daughters} , peeping round the immense wedding cake that towered up in the middle of the table shedding its artificial flowers . “ [He]_185-father has no pain , but [he]_185-father feels tired , ”_{[186-winifred]} replied [Winifred]_186-winifred , [the girl with the hair down [her]_186-winifred back]_{793-the girl with the hair down her back} . The wine was filled , and [everybody]_{780-everybody} was talking boisterously . At the far end of the table sat [the mother]_{565-the mother} , with [her]_{565-the mother} loosely - looped hair . [She]_{565-the mother} had [Birkin]_169-birkin for [a neighbour]_{796-a neighbour} . Sometimes [she]_{565-the mother} glanced fiercely down [the rows of faces]_{797-the rows of faces} , bending forwards and staring unceremoniously . And [she]_{565-the mother} would say in a low voice to [Birkin]_169-birkin : “ Who is [that young man]_{4729-that young man} ? ”_{[565-the mother]} “ [I]_{565-the mother} do n’t know , ”_{[565-the mother]} [Birkin]_169-birkin answered discreetly . “ Have [I]_{565-the mother} seen [him]_{4729-that young man} before ? ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} asked . “ [I]_798-i do n’t think so . [I]_798-i have n’t , ”_[798-i] [he]_798-i replied . And [she]_{565-the mother} was satisfied . [Her]_{565-the mother} eyes closed wearily , a peace came over [her]_{565-the mother} face , [she]_{565-the mother} looked like [a queen in repose]_{799-a queen in repose} . Then [she]_{565-the mother} started , a little social smile came on [her]_{565-the mother} face , for a moment [she]_{565-the mother} looked [the pleasant hostess]_{800-the pleasant hostess} . For a moment [she]_{565-the mother} bent graciously , as if [everyone]_801-everyone were welcome and delightful . And then immediately the shadow came back , a sullen , eagle look was on [her]_{565-the mother} face , [she]_{565-the mother} glanced from under [her]_{565-the mother} brows like a sinister creature at bay , hating [them]_802-them all . “ [Mother]_187-mother , ”_[188-diana] called [Diana]_188-diana , [a handsome girl a little older than [Winifred]_186-winifred]_{803-a handsome girl a little older than winifred} , “ [I]_188-diana may have wine , may n’t [I]_188-diana ? ”_[188-diana] “ Yes , [you]_188-diana may have wine , ”_{[565-the mother]} replied [the mother]_{565-the mother} automatically , for [she]_{565-the mother} was perfectly indifferent to the question . And [Diana]_188-diana beckoned to [the footman]_{805-the footman} to fill [her]_188-diana glass . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald should n’t forbid [me]_188-diana , ”_[188-diana] [she]_188-diana said calmly , to [the company at large]_{806-the company at large} . “ All right , [Di]_188-diana , ”_{[807-her brother]} said [[her]_188-diana brother]_{807-her brother} amiably . And [she]_188-diana glanced challenge at [him]_{807-her brother} as [she]_188-diana drank from [her]_188-diana glass . There was a strange freedom , that almost amounted to anarchy , in [the house]_{468-the house} . It was rather a resistance to authority , than liberty . [Gerald]_255-gerald had some command , by mere force of personality , not because of any granted position . There was a quality in [his]_255-gerald voice , amiable but dominant , that cowed [the others]_{809-the others} , who were all younger than [he]_255-gerald . [Hermione]_168-hermione was having a discussion with [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} about nationality . “ No , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , “ [I]_168-hermione think that the appeal to patriotism is a mistake . It is like one house of business rivalling [another house of business]_{4730-another house of business} . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Well [you]_{573-the bridegroom} can hardly say that , can [you]_{573-the bridegroom} ? ”_[255-gerald] exclaimed [Gerald]_255-gerald , who had a real passion for discussion . “ [You]_{573-the bridegroom} could n’t call a race a business concern , could you?—and nationality roughly corresponds to race , [I]_255-gerald think . [I]_255-gerald think it is meant to . ”_[255-gerald] There was a moment ’s pause . [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Hermione]_168-hermione were always strangely but politely and evenly inimical . “ Do [you]_255-gerald think race corresponds with nationality ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione asked musingly , with expressionless indecision . [Birkin]_169-birkin knew [she]_168-hermione was waiting for [him]_255-gerald to participate . And dutifully [he]_255-gerald spoke up . “ [I]_255-gerald think [Gerald]_255-gerald is right — race is the essential element in nationality , in [Europe]_9-europe at least , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . Again [Hermione]_168-hermione paused , as if to allow this statement to cool . Then [she]_168-hermione said with strange assumption of authority : “ Yes , but even so , is the patriotic appeal an appeal to the racial instinct ? Is it not rather an appeal to the proprietory instinct , the commercial instinct ? And is n’t this what [we]_4731-we mean by nationality ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Probably , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , who felt that such a discussion was out of place and out of time . But [Gerald]_255-gerald was now on the scent of argument . “ A race may have its commercial aspect , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ In fact it must . It is like [a family]_{4732-a family} . [You]_4733-you must make provision . And to make provision [you]_4733-you have got to strive against [other families]_{4734-other families} , [other nations]_{4735-other nations} . [I]_255-gerald do n’t see why [you]_4733-you should n’t . ”_[255-gerald] Again [Hermione]_168-hermione made a pause , domineering and cold , before [she]_168-hermione replied : “ Yes , [I]_168-hermione think it is always wrong to provoke a spirit of rivalry . It makes bad blood . And bad blood accumulates . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ But [you]_168-hermione ca n’t do away with the spirit of emulation altogether ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ It is one of the necessary incentives to production and improvement . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} came [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s sauntering response . “ [I]_168-hermione think [you]_168-hermione can do away with it . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ [I]_169-birkin must say , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ [I]_169-birkin detest the spirit of emulation . ”_[169-birkin] [Hermione]_168-hermione was biting a piece of bread , pulling it from between [her]_168-hermione teeth with [her]_168-hermione fingers , in a slow , slightly derisive movement . [She]_168-hermione turned to [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [You]_169-birkin do hate it , yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , intimate and gratified . “ Detest it , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald repeated . “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione murmured , assured and satisfied . “ But , ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald insisted , “ [you]_168-hermione do n’t allow [one man]_{4736-one man} to take away [[his]_{4736-one man} neighbour]_{4737-his neighbour} ’s living , so why should [you]_168-hermione allow [one nation]_{4738-one nation} to take away the living from [another nation]_{4739-another nation} ? ”_[255-gerald] There was a long slow murmur from [Hermione]_168-hermione before [she]_168-hermione broke into speech , saying with a laconic indifference : “ It is not always a question of possessions , is it ? It is not all a question of goods ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [Gerald]_255-gerald was nettled by this implication of vulgar materialism . “ Yes , more or less , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald retorted . “ If [I]_255-gerald go and take [a man]_{4648-a man} ’s hat from off [his]_{4648-a man} head , that hat becomes a symbol of [that man]_{4687-that man} ’s liberty . When [he]_{4648-a man} fights [me]_255-gerald for [his]_{4648-a man} hat , [he]_{4648-a man} is fighting [me]_255-gerald for [his]_{4648-a man} liberty . ”_[255-gerald] [Hermione]_168-hermione was nonplussed . “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , irritated . “ But that way of arguing by imaginary instances is not supposed to be genuine , is it ? [A man]_{4648-a man} does not come and take [my]_168-hermione hat from off [my]_168-hermione head , does [he]_{4648-a man} ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Only because the law prevents [him]_{4648-a man} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Not only , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [Ninety - nine men out of a hundred]_{4743-ninety - nine men out of a hundred} do n’t want [my]_169-birkin hat . ”_[169-birkin] “ That ’s a matter of opinion , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Or the hat , ”_{[573-the bridegroom]} laughed [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} . “ And if [he]_{4648-a man} does want [my]_169-birkin hat , such as it is , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ why , surely it is open to [me]_169-birkin to decide , which is a greater loss to [me]_169-birkin , [my]_169-birkin hat , or [my]_169-birkin liberty as [a free and indifferent man]_{4744-a free and indifferent man} . If [I]_169-birkin am compelled to offer fight , [I]_169-birkin lose the latter . It is a question which is worth more to [me]_169-birkin , [my]_169-birkin pleasant liberty of conduct , or [my]_169-birkin hat . ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , watching [Birkin]_169-birkin strangely . “ Yes . ”_[169-birkin] “ But would [you]_169-birkin let [somebody]_{4745-somebody} come and snatch [your]_169-birkin hat off [your]_169-birkin head ? ”_{[636-the bride]} [the bride]_{636-the bride} asked of [Hermione]_168-hermione . The face of [the tall straight woman]_{813-the tall straight woman} turned slowly and as if drugged to [this new speaker]_{814-this new speaker} . “ No , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione replied , in a low inhuman tone , that seemed to contain a chuckle . “ No , [I]_168-hermione should n’t let [anybody]_744-anybody take [my]_168-hermione hat off [my]_168-hermione head . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ How would [you]_168-hermione prevent it ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [I]_168-hermione do n’t know , ”_{[168-hermione]} replied [Hermione]_168-hermione slowly . “ Probably [I]_168-hermione should kill [him]_{814-this new speaker} . ”_{[168-hermione]} There was a strange chuckle in [her]_168-hermione tone , a dangerous and convincing humour in [her]_168-hermione bearing . “ Of course , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “ [I]_255-gerald can see [Rupert]_169-birkin ’s point . It is a question to [him]_{814-this new speaker} whether [his]_{814-this new speaker} hat or [his]_{814-this new speaker} peace of mind is more important . ”_[255-gerald] “ Peace of body , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Well , as [you]_168-hermione like there , ”_[255-gerald] replied [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ But how are [you]_168-hermione going to decide this for [a nation]_{4747-a nation} ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Heaven preserve [me]_169-birkin , ”_[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Yes , but suppose [you]_168-hermione have to ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald persisted . “ Then it is the same . If the national crown - piece is an old hat , then [the thieving gent]_{4748-the thieving gent} may have it . ”_[255-gerald] “ But can the national or racial hat be an old hat ? ”_[255-gerald] insisted [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Pretty well bound to be , [I]_169-birkin believe , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [I]_255-gerald ’m not so sure , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [I]_168-hermione do n’t agree , [Rupert]_169-birkin , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione . “ All right , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [I]_255-gerald ’m all for the old national hat , ”_[255-gerald] laughed [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ And [a fool]_{4749-a fool} [you]_255-gerald look in it , ”_[188-diana] cried [Diana]_188-diana , [[his]_255-gerald pert sister who was just in [her]_188-diana teens]_{815-his pert sister who was just in her teens} . “ Oh , [we]_4750-we ’re quite out of [our]_4750-we depths with these old hats , ”_[188-diana] cried [Laura Crich]_180-laura . “ Dry up now , [Gerald]_255-gerald . [We]_4750-we ’re going to drink toasts . Let [us]_4750-we drink toasts . Toasts — glasses , glasses — now then , toasts ! Speech ! Speech ! ”_[180-laura] [Birkin]_169-birkin , thinking about race or national death , watched [his]_255-gerald glass being filled with champagne . The bubbles broke at the rim , [the man]_{4658-the man} withdrew , and feeling a sudden thirst at the sight of the fresh wine , [Birkin]_169-birkin drank up [his]_255-gerald glass . A queer little tension in [the room]_{739-the room} roused [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald felt a sharp constraint . “ Did [I]_255-gerald do it by accident , or on purpose ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked [himself]_255-gerald . And [he]_255-gerald decided that , according to the vulgar phrase , [he]_255-gerald had done it “ accidentally on purpose . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald looked round at [the hired footman]_{818-the hired footman} . And [the hired footman]_{818-the hired footman} came , with a silent step of cold servant - like disapprobation . [Birkin]_169-birkin decided that [he]_255-gerald detested toasts , and [footmen]_820-footmen , and assemblies , and mankind altogether , in most of its aspects . Then [he]_255-gerald rose to make a speech . But [he]_255-gerald was somehow disgusted . At length it was over , the meal . [Several men]_{821-several men} strolled out into [the garden]_{822-the garden} . There was [a lawn]_{823-a lawn} , and flower - beds , and at the boundary an iron fence shutting off [the little field or park]_{824-the little field or park} . The view was pleasant ; a highroad curving round [the edge of [a low lake]_{826-a low lake}]_{825-the edge of a low lake} , under the trees . In the spring air , the water gleamed and [the opposite woods]_{827-the opposite woods} were purplish with new life . [Charming Jersey]_{189-charming jersey} cattle came to the fence , breathing hoarsely from [their]_{189-charming jersey} velvet muzzles at [the human beings]_{828-the human beings} , expecting perhaps a crust . [Birkin]_169-birkin leaned on the fence . [A cow]_{829-a cow} was breathing wet hotness on [his]_255-gerald hand . “ Pretty cattle , very pretty , ”_{[190-marshall]} said [Marshall]_190-marshall , [one of [the brothers - in - law]_{831-the brothers - in - law}]_{830-one of the brothers - in - law} . “ [They]_{189-charming jersey} give the best milk [you]_169-birkin can have . ”_{[190-marshall]} “ Yes , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Eh , [my]_190-marshall little beauty , eh , [my]_190-marshall beauty ! ”_{[190-marshall]} said [Marshall]_190-marshall , in a queer high falsetto voice , that caused [the other man]_{832-the other man} to have convulsions of laughter in [his]_{832-the other man} stomach . “ Who won the race , [Lupton]_191-lupton ? ”_{[832-the other man]} [he]_{832-the other man} called to [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} , to hide the fact that [he]_{832-the other man} was laughing . [The bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} took [his]_{573-the bridegroom} cigar from [his]_{573-the bridegroom} mouth . “ The race ? ”_{[573-the bridegroom]} [he]_{573-the bridegroom} exclaimed . Then a rather thin smile came over [his]_{573-the bridegroom} face . [He]_{573-the bridegroom} did not want to say anything about the flight to [the church]_{524-the church} door . “ [We]_4751-we got [there]_629-there together . At least [she]_{573-the bridegroom} touched first , but [I]_{573-the bridegroom} had [my]_{573-the bridegroom} hand on [her]_{573-the bridegroom} shoulder . ”_{[573-the bridegroom]} “ What ’s this ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin told [him]_255-gerald about the race of [the bride]_{636-the bride} and [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} . “ H’m ! ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , in disapproval . “ What made [you]_190-marshall late then ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [Lupton]_191-lupton would talk about the immortality of the soul , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ and then [he]_191-lupton had n’t got a button - hook . ”_[169-birkin] “ Oh God ! ”_{[190-marshall]} cried [Marshall]_190-marshall . “ The immortality of the soul on [your]_190-marshall wedding day ! Had n’t [you]_190-marshall got anything better to occupy [your]_190-marshall mind ? ”_{[190-marshall]} “ What ’s wrong with it ? ”_{[573-the bridegroom]} asked [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} , [a clean - shaven naval man]_{839-a clean - shaven naval man} , flushing sensitively . “ Sounds as if [you]_190-marshall were going to be executed instead of married . The immortality of the soul ! ”_{[840-the brother - in - law]} repeated [the brother - in - law]_{840-the brother - in - law} , with most killing emphasis . But [he]_{840-the brother - in - law} fell quite flat . “ And what did [you]_190-marshall decide ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald , at once pricking up [his]_255-gerald ears at the thought of a metaphysical discussion . “ [You]_190-marshall do n’t want a soul today , [[my]_190-marshall boy]_{4753-my boy} , ”_{[190-marshall]} said [Marshall]_190-marshall . “ It ’d be in [[your]_190-marshall road]_{4754-your road} . ”_{[190-marshall]} “ [Christ]_192-christ ! [Marshall]_190-marshall , go and talk to [somebody else]_{4755-somebody else} , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Gerald]_255-gerald , with sudden impatience . “ By [God]_167-god , [I]_190-marshall ’m willing , ”_{[190-marshall]} said [Marshall]_190-marshall , in a temper . “ Too much bloody soul and talk altogether — ”_[841-he] [He]_841-he withdrew in a dudgeon , [Gerald]_255-gerald staring after [him]_841-he with angry eyes , that grew gradually calm and amiable as the stoutly - built form of [the other man]_{832-the other man} passed into the distance . “ There ’s one thing , [Lupton]_191-lupton , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , turning suddenly to [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} . “ [Laura]_180-laura wo n’t have brought such [a fool]_{4749-a fool} into [the family]_{722-the family} as [Lottie]_193-lottie did . ”_[255-gerald] “ Comfort [yourself]_191-lupton with that , ”_[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [I]_{573-the bridegroom} take no notice of [them]_4758-them , ”_{[573-the bridegroom]} laughed [the bridegroom]_{573-the bridegroom} . “ What about [this race]_{4759-this race} then — who began it ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald asked . “ [We]_4760-we were late . [Laura]_180-laura was at the top of [the churchyard steps]_{4761-the churchyard steps} when [[our]_4760-we cab]_{4762-our cab} came up . [She]_180-laura saw [Lupton]_191-lupton bolting towards [her]_180-laura . And [she]_180-laura fled . But why do [you]_191-lupton look so cross ? Does it hurt [your]_191-lupton sense of the family dignity ? ”_[255-gerald] “ It does , rather , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ If [you]_191-lupton ’re doing a thing , do it properly , and if [you]_191-lupton ’re not going to do it properly , leave it alone . ”_[255-gerald] “ Very nice aphorism , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Do n’t [you]_169-birkin agree ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Quite , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Only it bores [me]_169-birkin rather , when [you]_191-lupton become aphoristic . ”_[169-birkin] “ Damn [you]_169-birkin , [Rupert]_169-birkin , [you]_169-birkin want all the aphorisms [your]_169-birkin own way , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ No . [I]_255-gerald want them out of the way , and [you]_169-birkin ’re always shoving [them]_4763-them in it . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald smiled grimly at this humorism . Then [he]_255-gerald made a little gesture of dismissal , with [his]_255-gerald eyebrows . “ [You]_169-birkin do n’t believe in having any standard of behaviour at all , do [you]_169-birkin ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald challenged [Birkin]_169-birkin , censoriously . “ Standard — no . [I]_255-gerald hate standards . But they ’re necessary for the common ruck . [Anybody who is anything]_{4764-anybody who is anything} can just be [himself]_{4764-anybody who is anything} and do as [he]_{4764-anybody who is anything} likes . ”_[255-gerald] “ But what do [you]_169-birkin mean by being [himself]_{4764-anybody who is anything} ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Is that an aphorism or a cliché ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald mean just doing what [you]_169-birkin want to do . [I]_255-gerald think it was perfect good form in [Laura]_180-laura to bolt from [Lupton]_191-lupton to [the church]_{524-the church} door . It was almost a masterpiece in good form . It ’s the hardest thing in [the world]_{541-the world} to act spontaneously on [one]_4646-one ’s impulses — and it ’s the only really gentlemanly thing to do — provided [you]_169-birkin ’re fit to do it . ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_169-birkin do n’t expect [me]_255-gerald to take [you]_169-birkin seriously , do [you]_169-birkin ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Yes , [Gerald]_255-gerald , [you]_255-gerald ’re one of [the very few people [I]_255-gerald do expect that of]_{4768-the very few people i do expect that of} . ”_[255-gerald] “ Then [I]_255-gerald ’m afraid [I]_255-gerald ca n’t come up to [your]_169-birkin expectations here , at any rate . [You]_169-birkin think [people]_579-people should just do as [they]_579-people like . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald think [they]_579-people always do . But [I]_255-gerald should like [them]_579-people to like the purely individual thing in [themselves]_579-people , which makes [them]_579-people act in singleness . And [they]_579-people only like to do the collective thing . ”_[255-gerald] “ And [I]_255-gerald , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald grimly , “ should n’t like to be in a world of [people who acted individually and spontaneously]_{4770-people who acted individually and spontaneously} , as [you]_169-birkin call it . [We]_4771-we should have [everybody]_{780-everybody} cutting [everybody else]_{4773-everybody else} ’s throat in five minutes . ”_[255-gerald] “ That means [you]_169-birkin would like to be cutting [everybody]_{780-everybody} ’s throat , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ How does that follow ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald crossly . “ [No man]_{4775-no man} , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ cuts [another man]_{4776-another man} ’s throat unless [he]_{4775-no man} wants to cut it , and unless [the other man]_{832-the other man} wants it cutting . This is a complete truth . It takes [two people]_{4778-two people} to make a murder : [a murderer]_{4779-a murderer} and [a murderee]_{4780-a murderee} . And [a murderee]_{4780-a murderee} is [a man who is murderable]_{4782-a man who is murderable} . And [a man who is murderable]_{4782-a man who is murderable} is [a man who in a profound if hidden lust desires to be murdered]_{4784-a man who in a profound if hidden lust desires to be murdered} . ”_[169-birkin] “ Sometimes [you]_169-birkin talk pure nonsense , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald to [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ As a matter of fact , [none of [us]_4786-us]_{4785-none of us} wants [our]_4786-us throat cut , and [most other people]_{4787-most other people} would like to cut it for [us]_4786-us — some time or other — ”_[255-gerald] “ It ’s a nasty view of things , [Gerald]_255-gerald , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ and no wonder [you]_255-gerald are afraid of [yourself]_255-gerald and [your]_255-gerald own unhappiness . ”_[169-birkin] “ How am [I]_255-gerald afraid of [myself]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald ; “ and [I]_255-gerald do n’t think [I]_255-gerald am unhappy . ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_255-gerald seem to have a lurking desire to have [your]_255-gerald gizzard slit , and imagine [every man]_{767-every man} has [his]_{767-every man} knife up [his]_{767-every man} sleeve for [you]_255-gerald , ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin said . “ How do [you]_169-birkin make that out ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ From [you]_255-gerald , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . There was a pause of strange enmity between [the two men , that was very near to love]_{845-the two men , that was very near to love} . It was always the same between [them]_846-they ; always [their]_846-they talk brought [them]_846-they into a deadly nearness of contact , a strange , perilous intimacy which was either hate or love , or both . [They]_846-they parted with apparent unconcern , as if [their]_846-they going apart were a trivial occurrence . And [they]_846-they really kept it to the level of trivial occurrence . Yet the heart of each burned from the other . [They]_846-they burned with [each other]_{451-each other} , inwardly . This [they]_846-they would never admit . [They]_846-they intended to keep [their]_846-they relationship a casual free - and - easy friendship , [they]_846-they were not going to be so unmanly and unnatural as to allow any heart - burning between [them]_846-they . [They]_846-they had not the faintest belief in deep relationship between [men]_848-men and [men]_848-men , and [their]_846-they disbelief prevented any development of [their]_846-they powerful but suppressed friendliness . A school - day was drawing to a close . In [the class - room]_{850-the class - room} the last lesson was in progress , peaceful and still . It was elementary botany . The desks were littered with catkins , hazel and willow , which [the children]_{4705-the children} had been sketching . But the sky had come overdark , as the end of the afternoon approached : there was scarcely light to draw any more . [Ursula]_255-gerald stood in front of [the class]_{852-the class} , leading [the children]_{4705-the children} by questions to understand the structure and the meaning of the catkins . A heavy , copper - coloured beam of light came in at the west window , gilding the outlines of [the children]_{4705-the children} ’s heads with red gold , and falling on the wall opposite in a rich , ruddy illumination . [Ursula]_255-gerald , however , was scarcely conscious of it . [She]_855-her was busy , the end of the day was here , the work went on as a peaceful tide that is at flood , hushed to retire . This day had gone by like so many more , in an activity that was like a trance . At the end there was a little haste , to finish what was in hand . [She]_855-her was pressing [the children]_{4705-the children} with questions , so that [they]_{4705-the children} should know all [they]_{4705-the children} were to know , by the time the gong went . [She]_855-her stood in shadow in front of [the class]_{852-the class} , with catkins in [her]_855-her hand , and [she]_855-her leaned towards [the children]_{4705-the children} , absorbed in the passion of instruction . [She]_855-her heard , but did not notice the click of the door . Suddenly [she]_855-her started . [She]_855-her saw , in the shaft of ruddy , copper - coloured light near [her]_855-her , the face of [a man]_{4648-a man} . It was gleaming like fire , watching [her]_855-her , waiting for [her]_855-her to be aware . It startled [her]_855-her terribly . [She]_855-her thought [she]_855-her was going to faint . All [her]_855-her suppressed , subconscious fear sprang into being , with anguish . “ Did [I]_169-birkin startle [you]_855-her ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , shaking hands with [her]_855-her . “ [I]_169-birkin thought [you]_855-her had heard [me]_169-birkin come in . ”_[169-birkin] “ No , ”_[855-her] [she]_855-her faltered , scarcely able to speak . [He]_{4648-a man} laughed , saying [he]_{4648-a man} was sorry . [She]_855-her wondered why it amused [him]_{4648-a man} . “ It is so dark , ”_{[4648-a man]} [he]_{4648-a man} said . “ Shall [we]_4789-we have the light ? ”_{[4648-a man]} And moving aside , [he]_{4648-a man} switched on the strong electric lights . [The class - room]_{850-the class - room} was distinct and hard , a strange place after the soft dim magic that filled [it]_{850-the class - room} before [he]_{4648-a man} came . [Birkin]_169-birkin turned curiously to look at [Ursula]_255-gerald . [Her]_855-her eyes were round and wondering , bewildered , [her]_855-her mouth quivered slightly . [She]_855-her looked like [one who is suddenly wakened . There was a living , tender beauty]_{861-one who is suddenly wakened . there was a living , tender beauty} , like a tender light of dawn shining from [her]_855-her face . [He]_{4648-a man} looked at [her]_855-her with a new pleasure , feeling gay in [his]_{4648-a man} heart , irresponsible . “ [You]_255-gerald are doing catkins ? ”_{[4648-a man]} [he]_{4648-a man} asked , picking up a piece of hazel from [a scholar]_{862-a scholar} ’s desk in front of [him]_{4648-a man} . “ Are they as far out as this ? [I]_{4648-a man} had n’t noticed them this year . ”_{[4648-a man]} [He]_{4648-a man} looked absorbedly at the tassel of hazel in [his]_{4648-a man} hand . “ The red ones too ! ”_{[4648-a man]} [he]_{4648-a man} said , looking at the flickers of crimson that came from the female bud . Then [he]_{4648-a man} went in among the desks , to see [the scholars]_{863-the scholars} ’ books . [Ursula]_255-gerald watched [his]_{4648-a man} intent progress . There was a stillness in [his]_{4648-a man} motion that hushed the activities of [her]_855-her heart . [She]_855-her seemed to be standing aside in arrested silence , watching [him]_{4648-a man} move in another , concentrated world . [His]_{4648-a man} presence was so quiet , almost like a vacancy in the corporate air . Suddenly [he]_{4648-a man} lifted [his]_{4648-a man} face to [her]_855-her , and [her]_855-her heart quickened at the flicker of [his]_{4648-a man} voice . “ Give [them]_{863-the scholars} some crayons , wo n’t [you]_855-her ? ”_{[4648-a man]} [he]_{4648-a man} said , “ so that [they]_{863-the scholars} can make the gynaecious flowers red , and the androgynous yellow . [I]_{4648-a man} ’d chalk them in plain , chalk in nothing else , merely the red and the yellow . [Outline]_194-outline scarcely matters in this case . There is just the one fact to emphasise . ”_{[4648-a man]} “ [I]_255-gerald have n’t any crayons , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ There will be some somewhere — red and yellow , that ’s all [you]_169-birkin want . ”_{[4648-a man]} [Ursula]_255-gerald sent out [a boy]_{764-a boy} on a quest . “ It will make the books untidy , ”_[855-her] [she]_855-her said to [Birkin]_169-birkin , flushing deeply . “ Not very , ”_{[4648-a man]} [he]_{4648-a man} said . “ [You]_855-her must mark in these things obviously . It ’s the fact [you]_855-her want to emphasise , not the subjective impression to record . What ’s the fact?—red little spiky stigmas of the female flower , dangling yellow male catkin , yellow pollen flying from one to the other . Make a pictorial record of the fact , as [a child]_{733-a child} does when drawing a face — two eyes , one nose , mouth with teeth — so — ”_{[4648-a man]} And [he]_{4648-a man} drew [a figure on the blackboard]_{865-a figure on the blackboard} . At that moment another vision was seen through the glass panels of the door . It was [Hermione Roddice]_168-hermione . [Birkin]_169-birkin went and opened to [her]_168-hermione . “ [I]_855-her saw [[your]_{4648-a man} car]_{4791-your car} , ”_[855-her] [she]_855-her said to [him]_{4648-a man} . “ Do [you]_{4648-a man} mind [my]_855-her coming to find [you]_{4648-a man} ? [I]_855-her wanted to see [you]_{4648-a man} when [you]_{4648-a man} were on duty . ”_[855-her] [She]_855-her looked at [him]_{4648-a man} for a long time , intimate and playful , then [she]_855-her gave a short little laugh . And then only [she]_855-her turned to [Ursula]_255-gerald , who , with all the class , had been watching the little scene between [the lovers]_{866-the lovers} . “ How do [you]_{4648-a man} do , [Miss Brangwen]_{195-miss brangwen} , ”_{[168-hermione]} sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , in [her]_168-hermione low , odd , singing fashion , that sounded almost as if [she]_168-hermione were poking fun . “ Do [you]_{4648-a man} mind [my]_168-hermione coming in ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [Her]_855-her grey , almost sardonic eyes rested all the while on [Ursula]_255-gerald , as if summing [her]_855-her up . “ Oh no , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Are [you]_{4648-a man} sure ? ”_[255-gerald] repeated [Hermione]_168-hermione , with complete sang - froid , and an odd , half - bullying effrontery . “ Oh no , [I]_255-gerald like it awfully , ”_[255-gerald] laughed [Ursula]_255-gerald , a little bit excited and bewildered , because [Hermione]_168-hermione seemed to be compelling [her]_855-her , coming very close to [her]_855-her , as if intimate with [her]_855-her ; and yet , how could [she]_168-hermione be intimate ? This was the answer [Hermione]_168-hermione wanted . [She]_168-hermione turned satisfied to [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ What are [you]_169-birkin doing ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione sang , in [her]_168-hermione casual , inquisitive fashion . “ [Catkins]_196-catkins , ”_[867-he] [he]_867-he replied . “ Really ! ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said . “ And what do [you]_169-birkin learn about [them]_196-catkins ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [She]_168-hermione spoke all the while in a mocking , half teasing fashion , as if making game of the whole business . [She]_168-hermione picked up a twig of the catkin , piqued by [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s attention to it . [She]_168-hermione was a strange figure in [the class - room]_{850-the class - room} , wearing a large , old cloak of greenish cloth , on which was a raised pattern of dull gold . The high collar , and the inside of the cloak , was lined with dark fur . Beneath [she]_168-hermione had a dress of fine lavender - coloured cloth , trimmed with fur , and [her]_168-hermione hat was close - fitting , made of fur and of the dull , green - and - gold figured stuff . [She]_168-hermione was tall and strange , [she]_168-hermione looked as if [she]_168-hermione had come out of some new , bizarre picture . “ Do [you]_168-hermione know the little red ovary flowers , that produce the nuts ? Have [you]_168-hermione ever noticed them ? ”_[867-he] [he]_867-he asked [her]_168-hermione . And [he]_867-he came close and pointed them out to [her]_168-hermione , on the sprig [she]_168-hermione held . “ No , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione replied . “ What are they ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Those are the little seed - producing flowers , and the long catkins , they only produce pollen , to fertilise them . ”_[867-he] “ Do they , do [they]_4792-they ! ”_{[168-hermione]} repeated [Hermione]_168-hermione , looking closely . “ From those little red bits , the nuts come ; if they receive pollen from [the long danglers]_{4793-the long danglers} . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Little red flames , little red flames , ”_{[168-hermione]} murmured [Hermione]_168-hermione to [herself]_168-hermione . And [she]_168-hermione remained for some moments looking only at the small buds out of which the red flickers of the stigma issued . “ Are n’t they beautiful ? [I]_168-hermione think they ’re so beautiful , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , moving close to [Birkin]_169-birkin , and pointing to the red filaments with [her]_168-hermione long , white finger . “ Had [you]_168-hermione never noticed them before ? ”_[867-he] [he]_867-he asked . “ No , never before , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione replied . “ And now [you]_168-hermione will always see them , ”_[867-he] [he]_867-he said . “ Now [I]_168-hermione shall always see them , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione repeated . “ Thank [you]_867-he so much for showing [me]_168-hermione . [I]_168-hermione think they ’re so beautiful — little red flames — ”_{[168-hermione]} [Her]_168-hermione absorption was strange , almost rhapsodic . Both [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald were suspended . The little red pistillate flowers had some strange , almost mystic - passionate attraction for [her]_168-hermione . The lesson was finished , the books were put away , at last the class was dismissed . And still [Hermione]_168-hermione sat at the table , with [her]_168-hermione chin in [her]_168-hermione hand , [her]_168-hermione elbow on the table , [her]_168-hermione long white face pushed up , not attending to anything . [Birkin]_169-birkin had gone to the window , and was looking from [the brilliantly - lighted room]_{869-the brilliantly - lighted room} on to the grey , colourless outside , where rain was noiselessly falling . [Ursula]_255-gerald put away [her]_168-hermione things in the cupboard . At length [Hermione]_168-hermione rose and came near to [her]_168-hermione . “ [[Your]_255-gerald sister]_{4794-your sister} has come [home]_4649-home ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said . “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ And does [she]_{4794-your sister} like being back in [Beldover]_1-beldover ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ No , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ No , [I]_255-gerald wonder [she]_{4794-your sister} can bear it . It takes all [my]_255-gerald strength , to bear the ugliness of [this district]_{4796-this district} , when [I]_255-gerald stay [here]_4650-here . Wo n’t [you]_255-gerald come and see [me]_255-gerald ? Wo n’t [you]_255-gerald come with [[your]_255-gerald sister]_{4794-your sister} to stay at [Breadalby]_11-breadalby for a few days?—do — ”_[255-gerald] “ Thank [you]_255-gerald very much , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Then [I]_168-hermione will write to [you]_255-gerald , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione . “ [You]_255-gerald think [[your]_255-gerald sister]_{4794-your sister} will come ? [I]_168-hermione should be so glad . [I]_168-hermione think [she]_{4794-your sister} is wonderful . [I]_168-hermione think some of [her]_{4794-your sister} work is really wonderful . [I]_168-hermione have two water - wagtails , carved in wood , and painted — perhaps [you]_255-gerald have seen it ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ No , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald think it is perfectly wonderful — like a flash of instinct . ”_[255-gerald] “ [Her]_{4794-your sister} little carvings are strange , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Perfectly beautiful — full of primitive passion — ”_[255-gerald] “ Is n’t it queer that [she]_{4794-your sister} always likes little things?—she must always work small things , that [one]_4646-one can put between one ’s hands , birds and tiny animals . [She]_{4794-your sister} likes to look through the wrong end of the opera glasses , and see [the world]_{541-the world} that way — why is it , do [you]_255-gerald think ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [Hermione]_168-hermione looked down at [Ursula]_255-gerald with that long , detached scrutinising gaze that excited [the younger woman]_{870-the younger woman} . “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione at length . “ It is curious . The little things seem to be more subtle to [her]_{4794-your sister} — ”_{[168-hermione]} “ But they are n’t , are [they]_4802-they ? A mouse is n’t any more subtle than a lion , is it ? ”_{[168-hermione]} Again [Hermione]_168-hermione looked down at [Ursula]_255-gerald with that long scrutiny , as if [she]_{870-the younger woman} were following some train of thought of [her]_{870-the younger woman} own , and barely attending to the other ’s speech . “ [I]_{870-the younger woman} do n’t know , ”_{[870-the younger woman]} [she]_{870-the younger woman} replied . “ [Rupert]_169-birkin , [Rupert]_169-birkin , ”_{[870-the younger woman]} [she]_{870-the younger woman} sang mildly , calling [him]_871-him to [her]_{870-the younger woman} . [He]_871-him approached in silence . “ Are little things more subtle than big things ? ”_{[870-the younger woman]} [she]_{870-the younger woman} asked , with the odd grunt of laughter in [her]_{870-the younger woman} voice , as if [she]_{870-the younger woman} were making game of [him]_871-him in the question . “ Dunno , ”_[871-him] [he]_871-him said . “ [I]_255-gerald hate subtleties , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . [Hermione]_168-hermione looked at [her]_{870-the younger woman} slowly . “ Do [you]_{870-the younger woman} ? ”_{[870-the younger woman]} [she]_{870-the younger woman} said . “ [I]_255-gerald always think they are a sign of weakness , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , up in arms , as if [her]_{870-the younger woman} prestige were threatened . [Hermione]_168-hermione took no notice . Suddenly [her]_{870-the younger woman} face puckered , [her]_{870-the younger woman} brow was knit with thought , [she]_{870-the younger woman} seemed twisted in troublesome effort for utterance . “ Do [you]_872-you really think , [Rupert]_169-birkin , ”_{[870-the younger woman]} [she]_{870-the younger woman} asked , as if [Ursula]_255-gerald were not present , “ do [you]_872-you really think it is worth while ? Do [you]_872-you really think [the children]_{4705-the children} are better for being roused to consciousness ? ”_{[870-the younger woman]} A dark flash went over [his]_872-you face , a silent fury . [He]_872-you was hollow - cheeked and pale , almost unearthly . And [the woman]_{873-the woman} , with [her]_{873-the woman} serious , conscience - harrowing question tortured [him]_872-you on the quick . “ [They]_{4705-the children} are not roused to consciousness , ”_[872-you] [he]_872-you said . “ Consciousness comes to [them]_{4705-the children} , willy - nilly . ”_{[873-the woman]} “ But do [you]_872-you think [they]_{4705-the children} are better for having it quickened , stimulated ? Is n’t it better that [they]_{4705-the children} should remain unconscious of the hazel , is n’t it better that [they]_{4705-the children} should see as a whole , without all this pulling to pieces , all this knowledge ? ”_{[873-the woman]} “ Would [you]_872-you rather , for [yourself]_872-you , know or not know , that the little red flowers are there , putting out for the pollen ? ”_[872-you] [he]_872-you asked harshly . [His]_872-you voice was brutal , scornful , cruel . [Hermione]_168-hermione remained with [her]_168-hermione face lifted up , abstracted . [He]_872-you hung silent in irritation . “ [I]_168-hermione do n’t know , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione replied , balancing mildly . “ [I]_168-hermione do n’t know . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ But knowing is everything to [you]_872-you , it is all [your]_872-you life , ”_[872-you] [he]_872-you broke out . [She]_168-hermione slowly looked at [him]_872-you . “ Is it ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said . “ To know , that is [your]_872-you all , that is [your]_872-you life — [you]_872-you have only this , this knowledge , ”_[872-you] [he]_872-you cried . “ There is only one tree , there is only one fruit , in [your]_872-you mouth . ”_[872-you] Again [she]_168-hermione was some time silent . “ Is there ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said at last , with the same untouched calm . And then in a tone of whimsical inquisitiveness : “ What fruit , [Rupert]_169-birkin ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ The eternal apple , ”_[872-you] [he]_872-you replied in exasperation , hating [his]_872-you own metaphors . “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said . There was a look of exhaustion about [her]_168-hermione . For some moments there was silence . Then , pulling [herself]_168-hermione together with a convulsed movement , [Hermione]_168-hermione resumed , in a sing - song , casual voice : “ But leaving [me]_168-hermione apart , [Rupert]_169-birkin ; do [you]_169-birkin think [the children]_{4705-the children} are better , richer , happier , for all this knowledge ; do [you]_169-birkin really think [they]_{4705-the children} are ? Or is it better to leave [them]_{4705-the children} untouched , spontaneous . Had n’t [they]_{4705-the children} better be animals , simple animals , crude , violent , anything , rather than this self - consciousness , this incapacity to be spontaneous . ”_{[168-hermione]} [They]_874-they thought [she]_168-hermione had finished . But with a queer rumbling in [her]_168-hermione throat [she]_168-hermione resumed , “ Had n’t [they]_{4705-the children} better be anything than grow up crippled , crippled in [their]_{4705-the children} souls , crippled in [their]_{4705-the children} feelings — so thrown back — so turned back on [themselves]_{4705-the children} — incapable — ”_{[168-hermione]} [Hermione]_168-hermione clenched [her]_168-hermione fist like one in a trance—“of any spontaneous action , always deliberate , always burdened with choice , never carried away . ”_{[168-hermione]} Again [they]_874-they thought [she]_168-hermione had finished . But just as [he]_875-he was going to reply , [she]_168-hermione resumed [her]_168-hermione queer rhapsody—“never carried away , out of [themselves]_{4705-the children} , always conscious , always self - conscious , always aware of [themselves]_{4705-the children} . Is n’t anything better than this ? Better be [animals]_4805-animals , [mere animals with no mind at all]_{4806-mere animals with no mind at all} , than this , this nothingness — ”_{[168-hermione]} “ But do [you]_168-hermione think it is knowledge that makes [us]_4807-us unliving and self - conscious ? ”_[875-he] [he]_875-he asked irritably . [She]_168-hermione opened [her]_168-hermione eyes and looked at [him]_875-he slowly . “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said . [She]_168-hermione paused , watching [him]_875-he all the while , [her]_168-hermione eyes vague . Then [she]_168-hermione wiped [her]_168-hermione fingers across [her]_168-hermione brow , with a vague weariness . It irritated [him]_875-he bitterly . “ It is the mind , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , “ and that is death . ”_{[168-hermione]} [She]_168-hermione raised [her]_168-hermione eyes slowly to [him]_875-he : “ Is n’t the mind — ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , with the convulsed movement of [her]_168-hermione body , “ is n’t it [our]_4808-we death ? Does n’t it destroy all [our]_4808-we spontaneity , all [our]_4808-we instincts ? Are not [the young people growing up today]_{4809-the young people growing up today} , really dead before [they]_{4809-the young people growing up today} have a chance to live ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Not because [they]_{4809-the young people growing up today} have too much mind , but too little , ”_[875-he] [he]_875-he said brutally . “ Are [you]_875-he sure ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione cried . “ It seems to [me]_168-hermione the reverse . [They]_{4809-the young people growing up today} are over - conscious , burdened to death with consciousness . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Imprisoned within a limited , false set of concepts , ”_[875-he] [he]_875-he cried . But [she]_168-hermione took no notice of this , only went on with [her]_168-hermione own rhapsodic interrogation . “ When [we]_4808-we have knowledge , do n’t [we]_4808-we lose everything but knowledge ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione asked pathetically . “ If [I]_168-hermione know about the flower , do n’t [I]_168-hermione lose the flower and have only the knowledge ? Are n’t [we]_4808-we exchanging the substance for the shadow , are n’t [we]_4808-we forfeiting life for this dead quality of knowledge ? And what does it mean to [me]_168-hermione , after all ? What does all this knowing mean to [me]_168-hermione ? It means nothing . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ [You]_168-hermione are merely making words , ”_[875-he] [he]_875-he said ; “ knowledge means everything to [you]_168-hermione . Even [your]_168-hermione animalism , [you]_168-hermione want it in [your]_168-hermione head . [You]_168-hermione do n’t want to be [an animal]_{4810-an animal} , [you]_168-hermione want to observe [your]_168-hermione own animal functions , to get a mental thrill out of them . It is all purely secondary — and more decadent than the most hide - bound intellectualism . What is it but the worst and last form of intellectualism , this love of [yours]_168-hermione for passion and the animal instincts ? Passion and the instincts — [you]_168-hermione want them hard enough , but through [your]_168-hermione head , in [your]_168-hermione consciousness . It all takes place in [your]_168-hermione head , under that skull of [yours]_168-hermione . Only [you]_168-hermione wo n’t be conscious of what actually is : [you]_168-hermione want the lie that will match the rest of [your]_168-hermione furniture . ”_[875-he] [Hermione]_168-hermione set hard and poisonous against this attack . [Ursula]_255-gerald stood covered with wonder and shame . It frightened [her]_168-hermione , to see how [they]_876-they hated [each other]_{451-each other} . “ It ’s [all that Lady of [Shalott]_12-shalott business]_{4811-all that lady of shalott business} , ”_[878-he] [he]_878-he said , in [his]_878-he strong abstract voice . [He]_878-he seemed to be charging [her]_168-hermione before the unseeing air . “ [You]_168-hermione ’ve got that mirror , [your]_168-hermione own fixed will , [your]_168-hermione immortal understanding , [your]_168-hermione own tight conscious world , and there is nothing beyond it . There , in the mirror , [you]_168-hermione must have everything . But now [you]_168-hermione have come to all [your]_168-hermione conclusions , [you]_168-hermione want to go back and be like [a savage , without knowledge]_{4812-a savage , without knowledge} . [You]_168-hermione want a life of pure sensation and ‘ passion . ’ ”_[878-he] [He]_878-he quoted the last word satirically against [her]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione sat convulsed with fury and violation , speechless , like [a stricken pythoness of the Greek oracle]_{879-a stricken pythoness of the greek oracle} . “ But [your]_168-hermione passion is a lie , ”_[878-he] [he]_878-he went on violently . “ It is n’t passion at all , it is [your]_168-hermione will . It ’s [your]_168-hermione bullying will . [You]_168-hermione want to clutch things and have them in [your]_168-hermione power . [You]_168-hermione want to have things in [your]_168-hermione power . And why ? Because [you]_168-hermione have n’t got any real body , any dark sensual body of life . [You]_168-hermione have no sensuality . [You]_168-hermione have only [your]_168-hermione will and [your]_168-hermione conceit of consciousness , and [your]_168-hermione lust for power , to know . ”_[878-he] [He]_878-he looked at [her]_168-hermione in mingled hate and contempt , also in pain because [she]_168-hermione suffered , and in shame because [he]_878-he knew [he]_878-he tortured [her]_168-hermione . [He]_878-he had an impulse to kneel and plead for forgiveness . But a bitterer red anger burned up to fury in [him]_878-he . [He]_878-he became unconscious of [her]_168-hermione , [he]_878-he was only a passionate voice speaking . “ [Spontaneous]_{197-spontaneous} ! ”_[878-he] [he]_878-he cried . “ [You]_168-hermione and spontaneity ! [You]_168-hermione , the most deliberate thing that ever walked or crawled ! [You]_168-hermione ’d be verily deliberately spontaneous — that ’s [you]_168-hermione . Because [you]_168-hermione want to have everything in [your]_168-hermione own volition , [your]_168-hermione deliberate voluntary consciousness . [You]_168-hermione want it all in that loathsome little skull of [yours]_168-hermione , that ought to be cracked like a nut . For [you]_168-hermione ’ll be the same till it is cracked , like an insect in its skin . If one cracked [your]_168-hermione skull perhaps [one]_4646-one might get [a spontaneous , passionate woman]_{4814-a spontaneous , passionate woman} out of [you]_168-hermione , with real sensuality . As it is , what [you]_168-hermione want is pornography — looking at [yourself]_168-hermione in mirrors , watching [your]_168-hermione naked animal actions in mirrors , so that [you]_168-hermione can have it all in [your]_168-hermione consciousness , make it all mental . ”_[878-he] There was a sense of violation in the air , as if too much was said , the unforgivable . Yet [Ursula]_255-gerald was concerned now only with solving [her]_880-she own problems , in the light of [his]_881-he words . [She]_880-she was pale and abstracted . “ But do [you]_881-he really want sensuality ? ”_[880-she] [she]_880-she asked , puzzled . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked at [her]_880-she , and became intent in [his]_881-he explanation . “ Yes , ”_[881-he] [he]_881-he said , “ that and nothing else , at this point . It is a fulfilment — the great dark knowledge [you]_168-hermione ca n’t have in [your]_168-hermione head — the dark involuntary being . It is death to one ’s self — but it is the coming into being of another . ”_[881-he] “ But how ? How can [you]_881-he have knowledge not in [your]_881-he head ? ”_[880-she] [she]_880-she asked , quite unable to interpret [his]_881-he phrases . “ In the blood , ”_[881-he] [he]_881-he answered ; “ when the mind and the known world is drowned in darkness everything must go — there must be the deluge . Then [you]_168-hermione find [yourself]_168-hermione a palpable body of darkness , [a demon]_{4815-a demon} — ”_[881-he] “ But why should [I]_880-she be [a demon]_{4815-a demon} — ? ”_[880-she] [she]_880-she asked . “ ‘ Woman wailing for [[her]_168-hermione demon lover]_{4817-her demon lover} ’ — ”_[881-he] [he]_881-he quoted—“why , [I]_880-she do n’t know . ”_[880-she] [Hermione]_168-hermione roused [herself]_168-hermione as from a death — annihilation . “ [He]_881-he is such [a dreadful satanist]_{4818-a dreadful satanist} , is n’t [he]_881-he ? ”_[880-she] [she]_880-she drawled to [Ursula]_255-gerald , in a queer resonant voice , that ended on a shrill little laugh of pure ridicule . [The two women]_{882-the two women} were jeering at [him]_881-he , jeering [him]_881-he into nothingness . The laugh of [the shrill , triumphant female]_{883-the shrill , triumphant female} sounded from [Hermione]_168-hermione , jeering [him]_881-he as if [he]_881-he were [a neuter]_{884-a neuter} . “ No , ”_[881-he] [he]_881-he said . “ [You]_168-hermione are the real devil who wo n’t let life exist . ”_[881-he] [She]_168-hermione looked at [him]_881-he with a long , slow look , malevolent , supercilious . “ [You]_881-he know all about it , do n’t [you]_881-he ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , with slow , cold , cunning mockery . “ Enough , ”_[881-he] [he]_881-he replied , [his]_881-he face fixing fine and clear like steel . A horrible despair , and at the same time a sense of release , liberation , came over [Hermione]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione turned with a pleasant intimacy to [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [You]_255-gerald are sure [you]_255-gerald will come to [Breadalby]_11-breadalby ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , urging . “ Yes , [I]_255-gerald should like to very much , ”_[255-gerald] replied [Ursula]_255-gerald . [Hermione]_168-hermione looked down at [her]_168-hermione , gratified , reflecting , and strangely absent , as if possessed , as if not quite there . “ [I]_168-hermione ’m so glad , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , pulling [herself]_168-hermione together . “ Some time in about a fortnight . Yes ? [I]_168-hermione will write to [you]_255-gerald here , at [the school]_{549-the school} , shall [I]_168-hermione ? Yes . And [you]_255-gerald ’ll be sure to come ? Yes . [I]_168-hermione shall be so glad . Good - bye ! Good - bye ! ”_{[168-hermione]} [Hermione]_168-hermione held out [her]_168-hermione hand and looked into the eyes of [the other woman]_{885-the other woman} . [She]_168-hermione knew [Ursula]_255-gerald as [an immediate rival]_{886-an immediate rival} , and the knowledge strangely exhilarated [her]_168-hermione . Also [she]_168-hermione was taking leave . It always gave [her]_168-hermione a sense of strength , advantage , to be departing and leaving the other behind . Moreover [she]_168-hermione was taking [the man]_{4658-the man} with [her]_168-hermione , if only in hate . [Birkin]_169-birkin stood aside , fixed and unreal . But now , when it was [his]_{4658-the man} turn to bid good - bye , [he]_{4658-the man} began to speak again . “ There ’s the whole difference in [the world]_{541-the world} , ”_{[4658-the man]} [he]_{4658-the man} said , “ between the actual sensual being , and the vicious mental - deliberate profligacy [our]_4821-our lot goes in for . In [our]_4821-our night - time , there ’s always the electricity switched on , [we]_4821-our watch [ourselves]_4821-our , [we]_4821-our get it all in the head , really . [You]_4822-you ’ve got to lapse out before [you]_4822-you can know what sensual reality is , lapse into unknowingness , and give up [your]_4822-you volition . [You]_4822-you ’ve got to do it . [You]_4822-you ’ve got to learn not - to - be , before [you]_4822-you can come into being . “_{[4658-the man]} But [we]_888-we have got such a conceit of [ourselves]_888-we — that ’s where it is . [We]_888-we are so conceited , and so unproud . [We]_888-we ’ve got no pride , [we]_888-we ’re all conceit , so conceited in [our]_888-we own papier - maché realised selves . [We]_888-we ’d rather die than give up [our]_888-we little self - righteous self - opinionated self - will . ” There was silence in [the room]_{739-the room} . [Both women]_{4824-both women} were hostile and resentful . [He]_4825-his sounded as if [he]_4825-his were addressing a meeting . [Hermione]_168-hermione merely paid no attention , stood with [her]_168-hermione shoulders tight in a shrug of dislike . [Ursula]_255-gerald was watching [him]_4825-his as if furtively , not really aware of what [she]_168-hermione was seeing . There was a great physical attractiveness in [him]_4825-his — a curious hidden richness , that came through [his]_4825-his thinness and [his]_4825-his pallor like another voice , conveying another knowledge of [him]_4825-his . It was in the curves of [his]_4825-his brows and [his]_4825-his chin , rich , fine , exquisite curves , the powerful beauty of life itself . [She]_168-hermione could not say what it was . But there was a sense of richness and of liberty . “_[888-we] But [we]_888-we are sensual enough , without making [ourselves]_888-we so , are n’t [we]_888-we ? ” [she]_168-hermione asked , turning to [him]_4825-his with a certain golden laughter flickering under [her]_168-hermione greenish eyes , like a challenge . And immediately the queer , careless , terribly attractive smile came over [his]_4825-his eyes and brows , though [his]_4825-his mouth did not relax . “_[888-we] No , ” [he]_4825-his said , “_[888-we] [we]_888-we are n’t . [We]_888-we ’re too full of [ourselves]_888-we . ” “_[888-we] Surely it is n’t a matter of conceit , ” [she]_168-hermione cried . “_[888-we] That and nothing else . ” [She]_168-hermione was frankly puzzled . “_[888-we] Do n’t [you]_889-you think that [people]_579-people are most conceited of all about [their]_579-people sensual powers ? ” [she]_168-hermione asked . “_[889-you] That ’s why [they]_579-people are n’t sensual — only sensuous — which is another matter . [They]_579-people ’re always aware of [themselves]_579-people — and [they]_579-people ’re so conceited , that rather than release [themselves]_579-people , and live in [another world]_{4676-another world} , from another centre , [they]_579-people ’d — ” “_[579-people] [You]_889-you want [your]_889-you tea , do n’t [you]_889-you , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione , turning to [Ursula]_255-gerald with a gracious kindliness . “_[889-you] [You]_889-you ’ve worked all day — ” [Birkin]_169-birkin stopped short . A spasm of anger and chagrin went over [Ursula]_255-gerald . [His]_889-you face set . And [he]_889-you bade good - bye , as if [he]_889-you had ceased to notice [her]_168-hermione . [They]_4826-they were gone . [Ursula]_255-gerald stood looking at the door for some moments . Then [she]_168-hermione put out the lights . And having done so , [she]_168-hermione sat down again in [her]_168-hermione chair , absorbed and lost . And then [she]_168-hermione began to cry , bitterly , bitterly weeping : but whether for misery or joy , [she]_168-hermione never knew . The week passed away . On the Saturday it rained , a soft drizzling rain that held off at times . In one of the intervals [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald set out for a walk , going towards [Willey Water]_{8-willey water} . The atmosphere was grey and translucent , the birds sang sharply on the young twigs , the earth would be quickening and hastening in growth . [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} walked swiftly , gladly , because of the soft , subtle rush of morning that filled the wet haze . By [the road]_{502-the road} the black - thorn was in blossom , white and wet , its tiny amber grains burning faintly in the white smoke of blossom . Purple twigs were darkly luminous in the grey air , high hedges glowed like living shadows , hovering nearer , coming into creation . The morning was full of a new creation . When [the sisters]_{452-the sisters} came to [Willey Water]_{8-willey water} , [the lake]_{4830-the lake} lay all grey and visionary , stretching into [the moist , translucent vista of trees and meadow]_{4831-the moist , translucent vista of trees and meadow} . Fine electric activity in sound came from the dumbles below [the road]_{502-the road} , the birds piping one against the other , and water mysteriously plashing , issuing from [the lake]_{4830-the lake} . [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} drifted swiftly along . In front of [them]_{473-the two girls} , at [the corner of [the lake]_{4830-the lake}]_{4835-the corner of the lake} , near [the road]_{502-the road} , was [a mossy boat - house under a walnut tree]_{4838-a mossy boat - house under a walnut tree} , and a little landing - stage where [a boat]_{4839-a boat} was moored , wavering like a shadow on [the still grey water]_{4840-the still grey water} , below the green , decayed poles . All was shadowy with coming summer . Suddenly , from [the boat - house]_{4841-the boat - house} , a white figure ran out , frightening in its swift sharp transit , across [the old landing - stage]_{4842-the old landing - stage} . It launched in a white arc through the air , there was a bursting of the water , and among the smooth ripples [a swimmer]_{4843-a swimmer} was making out to space , in a centre of faintly heaving motion . [The whole otherworld]_{4844-the whole otherworld} , wet and remote , [he]_892-he had to [himself]_892-he . [He]_892-he could move into the pure translucency of the grey , uncreated water . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun stood by the stone wall , watching . “_[889-you] How [I]_0-i envy [him]_892-he , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , in low , desirous tones . “_[0-i] Ugh ! ” shivered [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] So cold ! ” “_[0-i] Yes , but how good , how really fine , to swim out there ! ” [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} stood watching [the swimmer]_{4846-the swimmer} move further into [the grey , moist , full space of the water]_{4847-the grey , moist , full space of the water} , pulsing with [his]_{4846-the swimmer} own small , invading motion , and arched over with mist and [dim woods]_{4848-dim woods} . “_[889-you] Do n’t [you]_0-i wish it were [you]_0-i ? ” asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , looking at [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] But [I]_0-i ’m not sure — it ’s so wet . ” “_[889-you] No , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , reluctantly . [She]_160-gudrun stood watching the motion on the bosom of the water , as if fascinated . [He]_892-he , having swum a certain distance , turned round and was swimming on [his]_892-he back , looking along the water at [the two girls by the wall]_{4849-the two girls by the wall} . In the faint wash of motion , [they]_{4849-the two girls by the wall} could see [his]_892-he ruddy face , and could feel [him]_892-he watching [them]_{4849-the two girls by the wall} . “_[889-you] It is [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i know , ” replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . And [she]_160-gudrun stood motionless gazing over the water at the face which washed up and down on the flood , as [he]_892-he swam steadily . From [his]_892-he separate element [he]_892-he saw [them]_{4849-the two girls by the wall} and [he]_892-he exulted to [himself]_892-he because of [his]_892-he own advantage , [his]_892-he possession of [a world]_{4850-a world} to [himself]_892-he . [He]_892-he was immune and perfect . [He]_892-he loved [his]_892-he own vigorous , thrusting motion , and the violent impulse of the very cold water against [his]_892-he limbs , buoying [him]_892-he up . [He]_892-he could see [the girls]_{4851-the girls} watching [him]_892-he a way off , outside , and that pleased [him]_892-he . [He]_893-he lifted [his]_893-he arm from [the water]_{4852-the water} , in a sign to [them]_{4851-the girls} . “_[893-he] [He]_893-he is waving , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[893-he] Yes , ” replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [They]_{4851-the girls} watched [him]_892-he . [He]_892-he waved again , with a strange movement of recognition across the difference . “_[893-he] Like [a Nibelung]_{894-a nibelung} , ” laughed [Ursula]_255-gerald . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun said nothing , only stood still looking over [the water]_{4852-the water} . [Gerald]_255-gerald suddenly turned , and was swimming away swiftly , with a side stroke . [He]_255-gerald was alone now , alone and immune in the middle of [the waters]_{4854-the waters} , which [he]_255-gerald had all to [himself]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald exulted in [his]_255-gerald isolation in the new element , unquestioned and unconditioned . [He]_255-gerald was happy , thrusting with [his]_255-gerald legs and all [his]_255-gerald body , without bond or connection anywhere , just [himself]_255-gerald in [the watery world]_{4855-the watery world} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun envied [him]_255-gerald almost painfully . Even this momentary possession of pure isolation and fluidity seemed to [her]_160-gudrun so terribly desirable that [she]_160-gudrun felt [herself]_160-gudrun as if damned , out there on [the high - road]_{523-the high - road} . “_[893-he] [God]_167-god , what it is to be [a man]_{4648-a man} ! ” [she]_160-gudrun cried . “_[167-god] What ? ” exclaimed [Ursula]_255-gerald in surprise . “_[167-god] The freedom , the liberty , the mobility ! ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , strangely flushed and brilliant . “_[167-god] [You]_{4648-a man} ’re [a man]_{4648-a man} , [you]_{4648-a man} want to do a thing , [you]_{4648-a man} do it . [You]_{4648-a man} have n’t the thousand obstacles [a woman]_{897-a woman} has in front of [her]_{897-a woman} . ” [Ursula]_255-gerald wondered what was in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s mind , to occasion this outburst . [She]_160-gudrun could not understand . “_{[4648-a man]} What do [you]_{4648-a man} want to do ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked . “_{[4648-a man]} Nothing , ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in swift refutation . “_{[4648-a man]} But supposing [I]_0-i did . Supposing [I]_0-i want to swim up [that water]_{898-that water} . It is impossible , it is one of the impossibilities of life , for [me]_0-i to take [my]_0-i clothes off now and jump in . But is n’t it ridiculous , does n’t it simply prevent [our]_899-our living ! ” [She]_160-gudrun was so hot , so flushed , so furious , that [Ursula]_255-gerald was puzzled . [The two sisters]_{463-the two sisters} went on , up [the road]_{502-the road} . [They]_{463-the two sisters} were passing between the trees just below [Shortlands]_7-shortlands . [They]_{463-the two sisters} looked up at [the long , low house]_{4859-the long , low house} , dim and glamorous in the wet morning , [its]_{4859-the long , low house} cedar trees slanting before the windows . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun seemed to be studying [it]_{4859-the long , low house} closely . “_[900-you] Do n’t [you]_900-you think it ’s attractive , [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ” asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[255-gerald] Very , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[255-gerald] Very peaceful and charming . ” “_[255-gerald] It has form , too — it has a period . ” “_[255-gerald] What period ? ” “_[255-gerald] Oh , eighteenth century , for certain ; [Dorothy Wordsworth]_{198-dorothy wordsworth} and [Jane Austen]_{199-jane austen} , do n’t [you]_900-you think ? ” [Ursula]_255-gerald laughed . “_[900-you] Do n’t [you]_900-you think so ? ” repeated [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[900-you] Perhaps . But [I]_0-i do n’t think the Criches fit the period . [I]_0-i know [Gerald]_255-gerald is putting in [a private electric plant]_{901-a private electric plant} , for lighting [the house]_{468-the house} , and is making all kinds of latest improvements . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun shrugged [her]_160-gudrun shoulders swiftly . “_[255-gerald] Of course , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , “_[255-gerald] that ’s quite inevitable . ” “_[255-gerald] Quite , ” laughed [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald is several generations of youngness at one go . [They]_903-them hate [him]_255-gerald for it . [He]_255-gerald takes [them]_903-them all by the scruff of the neck , and fairly flings [them]_903-them along . [He]_255-gerald ’ll have to die soon , when [he]_255-gerald ’s made every possible improvement , and there will be nothing more to improve . [He]_255-gerald ’s got go , anyhow . ” “_[255-gerald] Certainly , [he]_255-gerald ’s got go , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[255-gerald] In fact [I]_0-i ’ve never seen [a man that showed signs of so much]_{904-a man that showed signs of so much} . The unfortunate thing is , where does [his]_255-gerald go go to , what becomes of it ? ” “_[0-i] Oh [I]_0-i know , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] It goes in applying the latest appliances ! ” “_[0-i] Exactly , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i know [he]_255-gerald shot [[his]_255-gerald brother]_{760-his brother} ? ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[255-gerald] Shot [[his]_255-gerald brother]_{760-his brother} ? ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , frowning as if in disapprobation . “_[255-gerald] Did n’t [you]_0-i know ? Oh yes!—I thought [you]_0-i knew . [He]_255-gerald and [[his]_255-gerald brother]_{760-his brother} were playing together with a gun . [He]_255-gerald told [[his]_255-gerald brother]_{760-his brother} to look down the gun , and it was loaded , and blew the top of [his]_255-gerald head off . Is n’t it a horrible story ? ” “_[255-gerald] How fearful ! ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[255-gerald] But it is long ago ? ” “_[255-gerald] Oh yes , [they]_909-they were [quite boys]_{910-quite boys} , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think it is one of the most horrible stories [I]_0-i know . ” “_[255-gerald] And [he]_255-gerald of course did not know that the gun was loaded ? ” “_[255-gerald] Yes . [You]_0-i see it was an old thing that had been lying in [the stable]_{911-the stable} for years . [Nobody]_912-nobody dreamed it would ever go off , and of course , [no one]_{485-no one} imagined it was loaded . But is n’t it dreadful , that it should happen ? ” “_[255-gerald] Frightful ! ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[255-gerald] And is n’t it horrible too to think of such a thing happening to [one]_4646-one , when [one]_4646-one was [a child]_{733-a child} , and having to carry the responsibility of it all through [one]_4646-one ’s life . Imagine it , [two boys]_{918-two boys} playing together — then this comes upon [them]_{918-two boys} , for no reason whatever — out of the air . [Ursula]_255-gerald , it ’s very frightening ! Oh , it ’s one of the things [I]_0-i ca n’t bear . Murder , that is thinkable , because there ’s a will behind it . But a thing like that to happen to one — ” “_[0-i] Perhaps there was an unconscious will behind it , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] This playing at killing has some primitive desire for killing in it , do n’t [you]_0-i think ? ” “_[0-i] Desire ! ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , coldly , stiffening a little . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ca n’t see that [they]_{918-two boys} were even playing at killing . [I]_0-i suppose [one boy]_{919-one boy} said to [the other]_{920-the other} , ‘ [You]_{920-the other} look down the barrel while [I]_0-i pull the trigger , and see what happens . ’ It seems to [me]_0-i the purest form of accident . ” “_{[919-one boy]} No , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[919-one boy]} [I]_0-i could n’t pull the trigger of the emptiest gun in [the world]_{541-the world} , not if [some - one]_{922-some - one} were looking down the barrel . One instinctively does n’t do it — one ca n’t . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was silent for some moments , in sharp disagreement . “_[4646-one] Of course , ” [she]_160-gudrun said coldly . “_[4646-one] If [one]_4646-one is [a woman]_{897-a woman} , and grown up , [one]_4646-one ’s instinct prevents [one]_4646-one . But [I]_0-i can not see how that applies to [a couple of [boys]_928-boys playing together]_{927-a couple of boys playing together} . ” [Her]_160-gudrun voice was cold and angry . “_[928-boys] Yes , ” persisted [Ursula]_255-gerald . At that moment [they]_{927-a couple of boys playing together} heard [a woman]_{897-a woman} ’s voice a few yards off say loudly : “_[928-boys] Oh damn the thing ! ” [They]_{927-a couple of boys playing together} went forward and saw [Laura Crich]_180-laura and [Hermione Roddice]_168-hermione in [the field on the other side of the hedge]_{4861-the field on the other side of the hedge} , and [Laura Crich]_180-laura struggling with the gate , to get out . [Ursula]_255-gerald at once hurried up and helped to lift the gate . “_[928-boys] Thanks so much , ” said [Laura]_180-laura , looking up flushed and amazon - like , yet rather confused . “_[928-boys] It is n’t right on the hinges . ” “_[928-boys] No , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[928-boys] And they ’re so heavy . ” “_[928-boys] Surprising ! ” cried [Laura]_180-laura . “_[928-boys] How do [you]_929-you do , ” sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , from out of [the field]_{501-the field} , the moment [she]_168-hermione could make [her]_168-hermione voice heard . “_[929-you] It ’s nice now . Are [you]_929-you going for a walk ? Yes . Is n’t [the young green beautiful]_{930-the young green beautiful} ? So beautiful — quite burning . Good morning — good morning — [you’ll]_929-you come and see me?—thank [you]_929-you so much — next week — yes — good - bye , g - o - o - d b - y - e. ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald stood and watched [her]_168-hermione slowly waving [her]_168-hermione head up and down , and waving [her]_168-hermione hand slowly in dismissal , smiling a strange affected smile , making a tall queer , frightening figure , with [her]_168-hermione heavy fair hair slipping to [her]_168-hermione eyes . Then [they]_4863-they moved off , as if [they]_4863-they had been dismissed like [inferiors]_{4864-inferiors} . [The four women]_{4865-the four women} parted . As soon as [they]_4863-they had gone far enough , [Ursula]_255-gerald said , [her]_168-hermione cheeks burning , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do think [she]_931-she ’s impudent . ” “_[931-she] Who , [Hermione Roddice]_168-hermione ? ” asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_{[168-hermione]} Why ? ” “_[931-she] The way [she]_931-she treats one — impudence ! ” “_[931-she] Why , [Ursula]_255-gerald , what did [you]_255-gerald notice that was so impudent ? ” asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun rather coldly . “_[931-she] [Her]_931-she whole manner . Oh , it ’s impossible , the way [she]_931-she tries to bully [one]_4646-one . Pure bullying . [She]_931-she ’s [an impudent woman]_{933-an impudent woman} . ‘ [You]_255-gerald ’ll come and see [me]_0-i , ’ as if [we]_934-we should be falling over [ourselves]_934-we for the privilege . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ca n’t understand , [Ursula]_255-gerald , what [you]_255-gerald are so much put out about , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in some exasperation . “_[255-gerald] [One]_4646-one knows [those women]_{936-those women} are impudent — [these free women who have emancipated [themselves]_{937-these free women who have emancipated themselves from the aristocracy} from [the aristocracy]_{938-the aristocracy}]_{937-these free women who have emancipated themselves from the aristocracy} . ” “_{[937-these free women who have emancipated themselves from the aristocracy]} But it is so unnecessary — so vulgar , ” cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[937-these free women who have emancipated themselves from the aristocracy]} No , [I]_0-i do n’t see it . And if [I]_0-i did — pour moi , elle n’existe pas . [I]_0-i do n’t grant [her]_931-she the power to be impudent to [me]_0-i . ” “_[0-i] Do [you]_255-gerald think [she]_931-she likes [you]_255-gerald ? ” asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[255-gerald] Well , no , [I]_0-i should n’t think [she]_931-she did . ” “_[931-she] Then why does [she]_931-she ask [you]_255-gerald to go to [Breadalby]_11-breadalby and stay with [her]_931-she ? ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun lifted [her]_160-gudrun shoulders in a low shrug . “_[931-she] After all , [she]_931-she ’s got the sense to know [we]_939-we ’re not just the ordinary run , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[931-she] Whatever [she]_931-she is , [she]_931-she ’s not [a fool]_{4749-a fool} . And [I]_0-i ’d rather have [[somebody]_{4745-somebody} [I]_0-i detested]_{942-somebody i detested} , than [the ordinary woman who keeps to [her]_{943-the ordinary woman who keeps to her own set} own set]_{943-the ordinary woman who keeps to her own set} . [Hermione Roddice]_168-hermione does risk [herself]_168-hermione in some respects . ” [Ursula]_255-gerald pondered this for a time . “_{[168-hermione]} [I]_0-i doubt it , ” [she]_168-hermione replied . “_[0-i] Really [she]_168-hermione risks nothing . [I]_0-i suppose [we]_939-we ought to admire [her]_168-hermione for knowing [she]_168-hermione can invite [us]_939-we — [school teachers]_{944-school teachers} — and risk nothing . ” “_{[168-hermione]} Precisely ! ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_{[168-hermione]} Think of the myriads of women that dare n’t do it . [She]_168-hermione makes the most of [her]_168-hermione privileges — that ’s something . [I]_0-i suppose , really , [we]_939-we should do the same , in [her]_168-hermione place . ” “_[0-i] No , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] No . It would bore [me]_0-i . [I]_0-i could n’t spend [my]_0-i time playing [her]_168-hermione games . It ’s infra dig . ” [The two sisters]_{463-the two sisters} were like a pair of scissors , snipping off everything that came athwart [them]_{463-the two sisters} ; or like a knife and a whetstone , the one sharpened against the other . “_{[168-hermione]} Of course , ” cried [Ursula]_255-gerald suddenly , “_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione ought to thank [her]_168-hermione stars if [we]_939-we will go and see [her]_168-hermione . [You]_945-you are perfectly beautiful , a thousand times more beautiful than ever [she]_168-hermione is or was , and to [my]_0-i thinking , a thousand times more beautifully dressed , for [she]_168-hermione never looks fresh and natural , like a flower , always old , thought - out ; and [we]_939-we are more intelligent than [most people]_{946-most people} . ” “_[0-i] Undoubtedly ! ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] And it ought to be admitted , simply , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Certainly it ought , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] But [you]_945-you ’ll find that the really chic thing is to be so absolutely ordinary , so perfectly commonplace and like [the person in [the street]_{948-the street}]_{947-the person in the street} , that [you]_945-you really are a masterpiece of humanity , not [the person in [the street]_{948-the street}]_{947-the person in the street} actually , but the artistic creation of [her]_168-hermione — ” “_{[168-hermione]} How awful ! ” cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[255-gerald] Yes , [Ursula]_255-gerald , it is awful , in most respects . [You]_945-you dare n’t be anything that is n’t amazingly à terre , so much à terre that it is the artistic creation of ordinariness . ” “_{[168-hermione]} It ’s very dull to create [oneself]_951-oneself into nothing better , ” laughed [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[168-hermione]} Very dull ! ” retorted [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[255-gerald] Really [Ursula]_255-gerald , it is dull , that ’s just the word . [One]_4646-one longs to be high - flown , and make speeches like [Corneille]_{200-corneille} , after it . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was becoming flushed and excited over [her]_160-gudrun own cleverness . “_{[200-corneille]} Strut , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[200-corneille]} [One]_4646-one wants to strut , to be a swan among geese . ” “_[4646-one] Exactly , ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “_[4646-one] a swan among geese . ” “_[4646-one] [They]_954-they are all so busy playing [the ugly duckling]_{955-the ugly duckling} , ” cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , with mocking laughter . “_[954-they] And [I]_0-i do n’t feel a bit like a humble and pathetic ugly duckling . [I]_0-i do feel like a swan among geese — [I]_0-i ca n’t help it . [They]_954-they make [one]_4646-one feel so . And [I]_0-i do n’t care what [they]_954-they think of [me]_0-i . Je m’en fiche . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked up at [Ursula]_255-gerald with a queer , uncertain envy and dislike . “_[0-i] Of course , the only thing to do is to despise [them]_954-they all — just all , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} went [home]_4649-home again , to read and talk and work , and wait for Monday , for [school]_4869-school . [Ursula]_255-gerald often wondered what else [she]_160-gudrun waited for , besides the beginning and end of the school week , and the beginning and end of the holidays . This was a whole life ! Sometimes [she]_160-gudrun had periods of tight horror , when it seemed to [her]_160-gudrun that [her]_160-gudrun life would pass away , and be gone , without having been more than this . But [she]_160-gudrun never really accepted it . [Her]_160-gudrun spirit was active , [her]_160-gudrun life like a shoot that is growing steadily , but which has not yet come above ground . One day at this time [Birkin]_169-birkin was called to [London]_2-london . [He]_0-i was not very fixed in [[his]_0-i abode]_{4870-his abode} . [He]_0-i had rooms in [Nottingham]_{13-nottingham} , because [his]_0-i work lay chiefly in [that town]_{4871-that town} . But often [he]_0-i was in [London]_2-london , or in [Oxford]_14-oxford . [He]_0-i moved about a great deal , [his]_0-i life seemed uncertain , without any definite rhythm , any organic meaning . On [the platform of [the railway station]_{4873-the railway station}]_{4872-the platform of the railway station} [he]_0-i saw [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald , reading a newspaper , and evidently waiting for [the train]_{4874-the train} . [Birkin]_169-birkin stood some distance off , among [the people]_{4677-the people} . It was against [his]_0-i instinct to approach [anybody]_744-anybody . From time to time , in a manner characteristic of [him]_0-i , [Gerald]_255-gerald lifted [his]_255-gerald head and looked round . Even though [he]_255-gerald was reading the newspaper closely , [he]_255-gerald must keep a watchful eye on [his]_255-gerald external surroundings . There seemed to be a dual consciousness running in [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was thinking vigorously of something [he]_255-gerald read in the newspaper , and at the same time [his]_255-gerald eye ran over the surfaces of the life round [him]_255-gerald , and [he]_255-gerald missed nothing . [Birkin]_169-birkin , who was watching [him]_255-gerald , was irritated by [his]_255-gerald duality . [He]_255-gerald noticed too , that [Gerald]_255-gerald seemed always to be at bay against [everybody]_{780-everybody} , in spite of [his]_255-gerald queer , genial , social manner when roused . Now [Birkin]_169-birkin started violently at seeing this genial look flash on to [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face , at seeing [Gerald]_255-gerald approaching with hand outstretched . “_[954-they] [Hallo]_15-hallo , [Rupert]_169-birkin , where are [you]_169-birkin going ? ” “_[169-birkin] [London]_2-london . So are [you]_169-birkin , [I]_0-i suppose . ” “_[169-birkin] Yes — ” [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes went over [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s face in curiosity . “_[169-birkin] [We]_957-we ’ll travel together if [you]_169-birkin like , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[957-we] Do n’t [you]_169-birkin usually go first ? ” asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ca n’t stand [the crowd]_{670-the crowd} , ” replied [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] But third’ll be all right . There ’s [a restaurant car]_{959-a restaurant car} , [we]_957-we can have some tea . ” [The two men]_{686-the two men} looked at the station clock , having nothing further to say . “_[957-we] What were [you]_169-birkin reading in the paper ? ” [Birkin]_169-birkin asked . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [him]_255-gerald quickly . “_[169-birkin] Is n’t it funny , what [they]_960-they do put in the newspapers , ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[960-they] Here are [two leaders]_{961-two leaders} — ” [he]_255-gerald held out [his]_255-gerald Daily Telegraph , “_{[961-two leaders]} full of the ordinary newspaper ca nt — ” [he]_255-gerald scanned the columns down—“and_{[961-two leaders]} then there ’s this little — [I]_0-i dunno what [you]_169-birkin ’d call it , essay , almost — appearing with [the leaders]_{962-the leaders} , and saying there must arise [a man who will give new values to things]_{963-a man who will give new values to things} , give [us]_957-we new truths , a new attitude to life , or else [we]_957-we shall be a crumbling nothingness in a few years , [a country]_{964-a country} in ruin — ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i suppose that ’s a bit of newspaper ca nt , as well , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] It sounds as if [the man]_{4658-the man} meant it , and quite genuinely , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[4658-the man]} Give it to [me]_0-i , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , holding out [his]_0-i hand for the paper . [The train]_{4874-the train} came , and [they]_957-we went on board , sitting on either side a little table , by the window , in [the restaurant car]_{4880-the restaurant car} . [Birkin]_169-birkin glanced over [his]_0-i paper , then looked up at [Gerald]_255-gerald , who was waiting for [him]_0-i . “_{[4658-the man]} [I]_0-i believe [the man]_{4658-the man} means it , ” [he]_0-i said , “_{[4658-the man]} as far as [he]_{4658-the man} means anything . ” “_{[4658-the man]} And do [you]_0-i think it ’s true ? Do [you]_0-i think [we]_967-we really want a new gospel ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin shrugged [his]_0-i shoulders . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think [the people who say [they]_{968-the people who say they want a new religion} want a new religion]_{968-the people who say they want a new religion} are the last to accept anything new . [They]_{968-the people who say they want a new religion} want novelty right enough . But to stare straight at this life that [we]_967-we ’ve brought upon [ourselves]_967-we , and reject it , absolutely smash up the old idols of [ourselves]_967-we , that [we]_967-we sh’ll never do . [You]_0-i ’ve got very badly to want to get rid of the old , before anything new will appear — even in the self . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [him]_0-i closely . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i think [we]_967-we ought to break up this life , just start and let fly ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked . “_[0-i] This life . Yes [I]_0-i do . [We]_967-we ’ve got to bust it completely , or shrivel inside it , as in a tight skin . For it wo n’t expand any more . ” There was a queer little smile in [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes , a look of amusement , calm and curious . “_[0-i] And how do [you]_0-i propose to begin ? [I]_0-i suppose [you]_0-i mean , reform the whole order of [society]_969-society ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked . [Birkin]_169-birkin had a slight , tense frown between the brows . [He]_0-i too was impatient of the conversation . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t propose at all , ” [he]_0-i replied . “_[0-i] When [we]_967-we really want to go for something better , [we]_967-we shall smash the old . Until then , any sort of proposal , or making proposals , is no more than a tiresome game for [self - important people]_{970-self - important people} . ” The little smile began to die out of [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes , and [he]_255-gerald said , looking with a cool stare at [Birkin]_169-birkin : “_[0-i] So [you]_0-i really think things are very bad ? ” “_[0-i] Completely bad . ” The smile appeared again . “_[0-i] In what way ? ” “_[0-i] Every way , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[967-we] [We]_967-we are [such dreary liars]_{971-such dreary liars} . [Our]_967-we one idea is to lie to [ourselves]_967-we . [We]_967-we have an ideal of a perfect world , clean and straight and sufficient . So [we]_967-we cover [the earth]_{972-the earth} with foulness ; life is a blotch of labour , like insects scurrying in filth , so that [[your]_973-your collier]_{974-your collier} can have a pianoforte in [[his]_{974-your collier} parlour]_{975-his parlour} , and [you]_973-your can have [a butler]_{976-a butler} and [a motor - car]_{977-a motor - car} in [[your]_973-your up - to - date house]_{978-your up - to - date house} , and as [a nation]_{4747-a nation} [we]_967-we can sport [the Ritz]_{17-the ritz} , or the Empire , [Gaby Deslys]_{201-gaby deslys} and the Sunday newspapers . It is very dreary . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald took a little time to re - adjust [himself]_255-gerald after this tirade . “_[980-you] Would [you]_980-you have [us]_967-we live without [houses]_981-houses — return to nature ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked . “_[980-you] [I]_0-i would have nothing at all . [People]_579-people only do what [they]_579-people want to do — and what [they]_579-people are capable of doing . If [they]_579-people were capable of anything else , there would be something else . ” Again [Gerald]_255-gerald pondered . [He]_255-gerald was not going to take offence at [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[980-you] Do n’t [you]_980-you think [the collier]_{983-the collier} ’s pianoforte , as [you]_980-you call it , is a symbol for something very real , a real desire for something higher , in [the collier]_{983-the collier} ’s life ? ” “_[980-you] Higher ! ” cried [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[980-you] Yes . Amazing heights of upright grandeur . It makes [him]_0-i so much higher in [his]_0-i neighbouring collier ’s eyes . [He]_0-i sees [himself]_0-i reflected in the neighbouring opinion , like in a [Brocken mist]_{18-brocken mist} , several feet taller on the strength of the pianoforte , and [he]_0-i is satisfied . [He]_0-i lives for the sake of that [Brocken spectre]_{18-brocken mist} , the reflection of [himself]_0-i in [the human opinion]_{985-the human opinion} . [You]_986-you do the same . If [you]_986-you are of high importance to [humanity]_987-humanity [you]_986-you are of high importance to [yourself]_986-you . That is why [you]_986-you work so hard at [the mines]_{988-the mines} . If [you]_986-you can produce coal to cook five thousand dinners a day , [you]_986-you are five thousand times more important than if [you]_986-you cooked only [your]_986-you own dinner . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i suppose [I]_0-i am , ” laughed [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Ca n’t [you]_0-i see , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “_[0-i] that to help [[my]_0-i neighbour]_{989-my neighbour} to eat is no more than eating [myself]_0-i . ‘ [I]_0-i eat , [thou]_990-thou eatest , [he]_{989-my neighbour} eats , [we]_991-we eat , [you]_986-you eat , [they]_{989-my neighbour} eat’—and what then ? Why should [every man]_{767-every man} decline the whole verb . First person singular is enough for [me]_0-i . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i ’ve got to start with material things , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . Which statement [Birkin]_169-birkin ignored . “_[0-i] And [we]_991-we ’ve got to live for something , [we]_991-we ’re not just cattle that can graze and have done with it , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Tell [me]_0-i , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] What do [you]_0-i live for ? ” [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face went baffled . “_[0-i] What do [I]_0-i live for ? ” [he]_0-i repeated . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i suppose [I]_0-i live to work , to produce something , in so far as [I]_0-i am [a purposive being]_{993-a purposive being} . Apart from that , [I]_0-i live because [I]_0-i am living . ” “_[0-i] And what ’s [your]_0-i work ? Getting so many more thousands of tons of coal out of [the earth]_{972-the earth} every day . And when [we]_991-we ’ve got all the coal [we]_991-we want , and all the plush furniture , and pianofortes , and the rabbits are all stewed and eaten , and [we]_991-we ’re all warm and [our]_991-we bellies are filled and [we]_991-we ’re listening to [the young lady performing on the pianoforte]_{995-the young lady performing on the pianoforte} — what then ? What then , when [you]_0-i ’ve made a real fair start with [your]_0-i material things ? ” [Gerald]_255-gerald sat laughing at the words and the mocking humour of [the other man]_{832-the other man} . But [he]_255-gerald was cogitating too . “_[991-we] [We]_991-we have n’t got [there]_629-there yet , ” [he]_255-gerald replied . “_[991-we] [A good many people]_{997-a good many people} are still waiting for the rabbit and the fire to cook it . ” “_{[997-a good many people]} So while [you]_0-i get the coal [I]_0-i must chase the rabbit ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , mocking at [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Something like that , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin watched [him]_255-gerald narrowly . [He]_0-i saw the perfect good - humoured callousness , even strange , glistening malice , in [Gerald]_255-gerald , glistening through the plausible ethics of productivity . “_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald , ” [he]_0-i said , “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i rather hate [you]_255-gerald . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i know [you]_0-i do , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Why do [you]_255-gerald ? ” [Birkin]_169-birkin mused inscrutably for some minutes . “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i should like to know if [you]_255-gerald are conscious of hating [me]_0-i , ” [he]_0-i said at last . “_[255-gerald] Do [you]_255-gerald ever consciously detest [me]_0-i — hate [me]_0-i with mystic hate ? There are odd moments when [I]_0-i hate [you]_255-gerald starrily . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald was rather taken aback , even a little disconcerted . [He]_255-gerald did not quite know what to say . “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i may , of course , hate [you]_255-gerald sometimes , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] But [I]_0-i ’m not aware of it — never acutely aware of it , that is . ” “_[0-i] So much the worse , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [him]_255-gerald with curious eyes . [He]_255-gerald could not quite make [him]_255-gerald out . “_[0-i] So much the worse , is it ? ” [he]_0-i repeated . There was a silence between [the two men]_{686-the two men} for some time , as [the train]_{4874-the train} ran on . In [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s face was a little irritable tension , a sharp knitting of the brows , keen and difficult . [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [him]_255-gerald warily , carefully , rather calculatingly , for [he]_255-gerald could not decide what [he]_255-gerald was after . Suddenly [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s eyes looked straight and overpowering into those of [the other man]_{832-the other man} . “_[255-gerald] What do [you]_255-gerald think is the aim and object of [your]_255-gerald life , [Gerald]_255-gerald ? ” [he]_0-i asked . Again [Gerald]_255-gerald was taken aback . [He]_255-gerald could not think what [[his]_255-gerald friend]_{4885-his friend} was getting at . Was [he]_0-i poking fun , or not ? “_[255-gerald] At this moment , [I]_0-i could n’t say off - hand , ” [he]_0-i replied , with faintly ironic humour . “_[0-i] Do [you]_255-gerald think love is the be - all and the end - all of life ? ” [Birkin]_169-birkin asked , with direct , attentive seriousness . “_[255-gerald] Of [my]_0-i own life ? ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[255-gerald] Yes . ” There was a really puzzled pause . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ca n’t say , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] It has n’t been , so far . ” “_[0-i] What has [your]_255-gerald life been , so far ? ” “_[0-i] Oh — finding out things for [myself]_0-i — and getting experiences — and making things go . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin knitted [his]_0-i brows like sharply moulded steel . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i find , ” [he]_0-i said , “_[0-i] that one needs [some one really pure single activity]_{998-some one really pure single activity} — [I]_0-i should call love a single pure activity . But [I]_0-i do n’t really love [anybody]_744-anybody — not now . ” “_[0-i] Have [you]_255-gerald ever really loved [anybody]_744-anybody ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Yes and no , ” replied [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Not finally ? ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Finally — finally — no , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Nor [I]_0-i , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] And do [you]_0-i want to ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked with a long , twinkling , almost sardonic look into the eyes of [the other man]_{832-the other man} . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do — [I]_0-i want to love , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i do ? ” “_[0-i] Yes . [I]_0-i want the finality of love . ” “_[0-i] The finality of love , ” repeated [Gerald]_255-gerald . And [he]_255-gerald waited for a moment . “_{[1001-one woman]} Just [one woman]_{1001-one woman} ? ” [he]_0-i added . The evening light , flooding yellow along [the fields]_{520-the fields} , lit up [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s face with a tense , abstract steadfastness . [Gerald]_255-gerald still could not make it out . “_{[1001-one woman]} Yes , [one woman]_{1001-one woman} , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . But to [Gerald]_255-gerald it sounded as if [he]_255-gerald were insistent rather than confident . “_{[1001-one woman]} [I]_0-i do n’t believe [a woman]_{897-a woman} , and nothing but [a woman]_{897-a woman} , will ever make [my]_0-i life , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[1001-one woman]} Not the centre and core of it — the love between [you]_0-i and [a woman]_{897-a woman} ? ” asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes narrowed with a queer dangerous smile as [he]_255-gerald watched [the other man]_{832-the other man} . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i never quite feel it that way , ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i do n’t ? Then wherein does life centre , for [you]_0-i ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know — that ’s what [I]_0-i want [somebody]_{4745-somebody} to tell [me]_0-i . As far as [I]_0-i can make out , it does n’t centre at all . It is artificially held together by the social mechanism . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin pondered as if [he]_0-i would crack something . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i know , ” [he]_0-i said , “_[0-i] it just does n’t centre . The old ideals are dead as nails — nothing there . It seems to [me]_0-i there remains only this perfect union with [a woman]_{897-a woman} — sort of ultimate marriage — and there is n’t anything else . ” “_[0-i] And [you]_0-i mean if there is n’t [the woman]_{873-the woman} , there ’s nothing ? ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Pretty well that — seeing there ’s no [God]_167-god . ” “_[0-i] Then [we]_1009-we ’re hard put to it , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . And [he]_255-gerald turned to look out of the window at the flying , golden landscape . [Birkin]_169-birkin could not help seeing how beautiful and soldierly [his]_255-gerald face was , with a certain courage to be indifferent . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i think its heavy odds against [us]_1009-we ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] If [we]_1009-we ’ve got to make [our]_1009-we life up out of [a woman]_{897-a woman} , [one woman]_{1001-one woman} , [woman]_1012-woman only , yes , [I]_0-i do , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t believe [I]_0-i shall ever make up [my]_0-i life , at that rate . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin watched [him]_255-gerald almost angrily . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i are [a born unbeliever]_{1013-a born unbeliever} , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i only feel what [I]_0-i feel , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . And [he]_255-gerald looked again at [Birkin]_169-birkin almost sardonically , with [his]_0-i blue , manly , sharp - lighted eyes . [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s eyes were at the moment full of anger . But swiftly they became troubled , doubtful , then full of a warm , rich affectionateness and laughter . “_[0-i] It troubles [me]_0-i very much , [Gerald]_255-gerald , ” [he]_0-i said , wrinkling [his]_0-i brows . “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i can see it does , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , uncovering [his]_255-gerald mouth in a manly , quick , soldierly laugh . [Gerald]_255-gerald was held unconsciously by [the other man]_{832-the other man} . [He]_255-gerald wanted to be near [him]_{832-the other man} , [he]_255-gerald wanted to be within [his]_255-gerald sphere of influence . There was something very congenial to [him]_255-gerald in [Birkin]_169-birkin . But yet , beyond this , [he]_255-gerald did not take much notice . [He]_255-gerald felt that [he]_255-gerald , [himself]_255-gerald , [Gerald]_255-gerald , had harder and more durable truths than any [the other man]_{832-the other man} knew . [He]_255-gerald felt [himself]_255-gerald older , more knowing . It was the quick - changing warmth and venality and brilliant warm utterance [he]_255-gerald loved in [[his]_255-gerald friend]_{4885-his friend} . It was the rich play of words and quick interchange of feelings [he]_255-gerald enjoyed . The real content of the words [he]_255-gerald never really considered : [he]_255-gerald [himself]_255-gerald knew better . [Birkin]_169-birkin knew this . [He]_255-gerald knew that [Gerald]_255-gerald wanted to be fond of [him]_255-gerald without taking [him]_255-gerald seriously . And this made [him]_255-gerald go hard and cold . As [the train]_{4874-the train} ran on , [he]_255-gerald sat looking at [the land]_{4893-the land} , and [Gerald]_255-gerald fell away , became as nothing to [him]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked at [the land]_{4893-the land} , at the evening , and was thinking : “_[0-i] Well , if [mankind]_1014-mankind is destroyed , if [[our]_1015-our race]_{1016-our race} is destroyed like [Sodom]_19-sodom , and there is this beautiful evening with [the luminous land]_{1017-the luminous land} and trees , [I]_0-i am satisfied . That which informs it all is there , and can never be lost . After all , what is mankind but just one expression of the incomprehensible . And if [mankind]_1014-mankind passes away , it will only mean that this particular expression is completed and done . That which is expressed , and that which is to be expressed , can not be diminished . There it is , in the shining evening . Let [mankind]_1014-mankind pass away — time it did . The creative utterances will not cease , they will only be there . Humanity does n’t embody the utterance of the incomprehensible any more . [Humanity]_203-humanity is a dead letter . There will be a new embodiment , in a new way . Let humanity disappear as quick as possible . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald interrupted [him]_0-i by asking , “_[0-i] Where are [you]_0-i staying in [London]_2-london ? ” [Birkin]_169-birkin looked up . “_[0-i] With [a man in [Soho]_20-soho]_{1020-a man in soho} . [I]_0-i pay part of the rent of [a flat]_{1021-a flat} , and stop there when [I]_0-i like . ” “_[0-i] Good idea — have [a place more or less [your]_0-i own]_{1022-a place more or less your own} , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Yes . But [I]_0-i do n’t care for it much . [I]_0-i ’m tired of [the people [I]_0-i am bound to find [there]_629-there]_{1023-the people i am bound to find there} . ” “_[579-people] What kind of [people]_579-people ? ” “_[579-people] Art — music — [London Bohemia]_{21-london bohemia} — [the most pettifogging calculating [Bohemia]_22-bohemia that ever reckoned its pennies]_{1026-the most pettifogging calculating bohemia that ever reckoned its pennies} . But there are [a few decent people]_{1027-a few decent people} , decent in some respects . [They]_{1027-a few decent people} are really [very thorough rejecters of [the world]_{541-the world}]_{1028-very thorough rejecters of the world} — perhaps [they]_{1027-a few decent people} live only in the gesture of rejection and negation — but negatively something , at any rate . ” “_{[1031-musicians]} What are [they?—painters]_{1030-they?—painters} , [musicians]_{1031-musicians} ? ” “_{[1032-painters]} [Painters]_{1032-painters} , [musicians]_{1031-musicians} , [writers]_1034-writers — [hangers - on]_{1035-hangers - on} , [models]_1036-models , [advanced young people]_{1037-advanced young people} , [anybody who is openly at outs with the conventions]_{1038-anybody who is openly at outs with the conventions} , and belongs to nowhere particularly . [They]_{1027-a few decent people} are often [young fellows down from [the University]_{1040-the university} , and girls who are living [their]_{1039-young fellows down from the university , and girls who are living their own lives} own lives]_{1039-young fellows down from the university , and girls who are living their own lives} , as [they]_{1027-a few decent people} say . ” “_{[1027-a few decent people]} All loose ? ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin could see [his]_255-gerald curiosity roused . “_{[1027-a few decent people]} In one way . Most bound , in another . For all [their]_{1027-a few decent people} shockingness , all on one note . ” [He]_255-gerald looked at [Gerald]_255-gerald , and saw how [his]_255-gerald blue eyes were lit up with a little flame of curious desire . [He]_255-gerald saw too how good - looking [he]_255-gerald was . [Gerald]_255-gerald was attractive , [his]_255-gerald blood seemed fluid and electric . [His]_255-gerald blue eyes burned with a keen , yet cold light , there was a certain beauty , a beautiful passivity in all [his]_255-gerald body , [his]_255-gerald moulding . “_[1041-we] [We]_1041-we might see something of [each other]_{451-each other} — [I]_0-i am in [London]_2-london for two or three days , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Yes , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t want to go to [the theatre]_{1043-the theatre} , or [the music hall]_{1044-the music hall} — [you’d]_1045-you better come round to [the flat]_{1046-the flat} , and see what [you]_1045-you can make of [Halliday]_204-halliday and [[his]_204-halliday crowd]_{1047-his crowd} . ” “_[1045-you] Thanks — [I]_0-i should like to , ” laughed [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] What are [you]_0-i doing tonight ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i promised to meet [Halliday]_204-halliday at [the Pompadour]_{23-the pompadour} . It ’s a bad place , but there is nowhere else . ” “_[0-i] Where is it ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [Piccadilly Circus]_{24-piccadilly circus} . ” “_[0-i] Oh yes — well , shall [I]_0-i come round there ? ” “_[0-i] By all means , it might amuse [you]_1045-you . ” The evening was falling . [They]_4895-they had passed [Bedford]_25-bedford . [Birkin]_169-birkin watched [the country]_{4896-the country} , and was filled with a sort of hopelessness . [He]_0-i always felt this , on approaching [London]_2-london . [His]_0-i dislike of [mankind]_1014-mankind , of the mass of [mankind]_1014-mankind , amounted almost to an illness . [he]_0-i was murmuring to [himself]_0-i , like [a man condemned to death]_{4899-a man condemned to death} . [Gerald]_255-gerald , who was very subtly alert , wary in all [his]_255-gerald senses , leaned forward and asked smilingly : “_[0-i] What were [you]_0-i saying ? ” [Birkin]_169-birkin glanced at [him]_0-i , laughed , and repeated : [Gerald]_255-gerald also looked now at [the country]_{4896-the country} . And [Birkin]_169-birkin , who , for some reason was now tired and dispirited , said to [him]_0-i : “_[0-i] [I]_0-i always feel doomed when [the train]_{4874-the train} is running into [London]_2-london . [I]_0-i feel such a despair , so hopeless , as if it were the end of [the world]_{541-the world} . ” “_[0-i] Really ! ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] And does the end of [the world]_{541-the world} frighten [you]_0-i ? ” [Birkin]_169-birkin lifted [his]_0-i shoulders in a slow shrug . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[1051-it] [It]_1051-it does while it hangs imminent and does n’t fall . But [people]_579-people give [me]_0-i a bad feeling — very bad . ” There was a roused glad smile in [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes . “_[579-people] Do [they]_579-people ? ” [he]_0-i said . And [he]_0-i watched [the other man]_{832-the other man} critically . In a few minutes [the train]_{4874-the train} was running through [the disgrace of outspread [London]_2-london]_{4903-the disgrace of outspread london} . [Everybody in]_{4904-everybody in} [the carriage]_{642-the carriage} was on the alert , waiting to escape . At last [they]_579-people were under the huge arch of [the station]_{4906-the station} , in the tremendous shadow of [the town]_{4907-the town} . [Birkin]_169-birkin shut [himself]_169-birkin together — [he]_0-i was in now . [The two men]_{686-the two men} went together in [a taxi - cab]_{4909-a taxi - cab} . “_[579-people] Do n’t [you]_0-i feel like [one of the damned]_{1053-one of the damned} ? ” asked [Birkin]_169-birkin , as [they]_579-people sat in a little , swiftly - running enclosure , and watched [the hideous great street]_{4910-the hideous great street} . “_{[1053-one of the damned]} No , ” laughed [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[1053-one of the damned]} It is real death , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [They]_579-people met again in [the café]_{4911-the café} several hours later . [Gerald]_255-gerald went through the push doors into [the large , lofty room where the faces and heads of [the drinkers]_{4913-the drinkers}]_{4912-the large , lofty room where the faces and heads of the drinkers} showed dimly through the haze of smoke , reflected more dimly , and repeated ad infinitum in the great mirrors on the walls , so that [one]_4646-one seemed to enter a vague , dim world of [shadowy drinkers humming within an atmosphere of blue tobacco smoke]_{4915-shadowy drinkers humming within an atmosphere of blue tobacco smoke} . There was , however , the red plush of the seats to give substance within the bubble of pleasure . [Gerald]_255-gerald moved in [his]_255-gerald slow , observant , glistening - attentive motion down between the tables and [the people whose shadowy faces looked up]_{4916-the people whose shadowy faces looked up} as [he]_255-gerald passed . [He]_255-gerald seemed to be entering in some strange element , passing into [an illuminated new region]_{4917-an illuminated new region} , among a host of [licentious souls]_{4918-licentious souls} . [He]_255-gerald was pleased , and entertained . [He]_255-gerald looked over all the dim , evanescent , strangely illuminated faces that bent across the tables . Then [he]_255-gerald saw [Birkin]_169-birkin rise and signal to [him]_255-gerald . At [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s table was [a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the Egyptian princess]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} ’s . [She]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} was small and delicately made , with warm colouring and large , dark hostile eyes . There was a delicacy , almost a beauty in all [her]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} form , and at the same time a certain attractive grossness of spirit , that made a little spark leap instantly alight in [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes . [Birkin]_169-birkin , who looked muted , unreal , [his]_255-gerald presence left out , introduced [her]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} as [Miss Darrington]_{205-miss darrington} . [She]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} gave [her]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} hand with a sudden , unwilling movement , looking all the while at [Gerald]_255-gerald with a dark , exposed stare . A glow came over [him]_255-gerald as [he]_255-gerald sat down . [The waiter]_{4920-the waiter} appeared . [Gerald]_255-gerald glanced at the glasses of [the other two]_{4921-the other two} . [Birkin]_169-birkin was drinking something green , [Miss Darrington]_{205-miss darrington} had a small liqueur glass that was empty save for a tiny drop . “_{[1053-one of the damned]} Wo n’t [you]_1054-you have some more — ? ” “_[1054-you] Brandy , ” [she]_169-birkin said , sipping [her]_169-birkin last drop and putting down the glass . [The waiter]_{4920-the waiter} disappeared . “_[1054-you] No , ” [she]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} said to [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[1055-he] [He]_1055-he does n’t know [I]_0-i ’m back . [He]_1055-he ’ll be terrified when [he]_1055-he sees [me]_0-i here . ” [She]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} spoke [her]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} r ’s like w ’s , lisping with a slightly babyish pronunciation which was at once affected and true to [her]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} character . [Her]_{4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess} voice was dull and toneless . “_[1055-he] Where is [he]_1055-he then ? ” asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[1055-he] [He]_1055-he ’s doing a private show at [Lady Snellgrove ’s]_{26-lady snellgrove ’s} , ” said [the girl]_{540-the girl} . “_[1055-he] [Warens]_206-warens is there too . ” There was a pause . “_[206-warens] Well , then , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , in a dispassionate protective manner , “_[1055-he] what do [you]_0-i intend to do ? ” [The girl]_{540-the girl} paused sullenly . [She]_{540-the girl} hated the question . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t intend to do anything , ” [she]_{540-the girl} replied . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i shall look for some sittings tomorrow . ” “_[0-i] Who shall [you]_0-i go to ? ” asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i shall go to [Bentley]_207-bentley ’s first . But [I]_0-i believe [he]_1055-he ’s angwy with [me]_0-i for running away . ” “_[1055-he] That is from [the Madonna]_{27-the madonna} ? ” “_[1055-he] Yes . And then if [he]_1055-he does n’t want [me]_0-i , [I]_0-i know [I]_0-i can get work with [Carmarthen]_{28-carmarthen} . ” “_[0-i] [Carmarthen]_{28-carmarthen} ? ” “_[0-i] [Lord Carmarthen]_{208-lord carmarthen} — [he]_1055-he does photographs . ” “_[1055-he] Chiffon and shoulders — ” “_[1055-he] Yes . But [he]_1055-he ’s awfully decent . ” There was a pause . “_[1055-he] And what are [you]_0-i going to do about [Julius]_209-julius ? ” [he]_1055-he asked . “_[0-i] Nothing , ” [she]_169-birkin said . “_[1055-he] [I]_0-i shall just ignore [him]_1055-he . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i ’ve done with [him]_1055-he altogether ? ” But [she]_169-birkin turned aside [her]_169-birkin face sullenly , and did not answer the question . [Another young man]_{4925-another young man} came hurrying up to the table . “_[0-i] [Hallo Birkin]_169-birkin ! [Hallo Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , when did [you]_0-i come back ? ” [he]_0-i said eagerly . “_[0-i] Today . ” “_[0-i] Does [Halliday]_204-halliday know ? ” “_{[204-halliday]} [I]_0-i do n’t know . [I]_0-i do n’t care either . ” “_[0-i] Ha - ha ! The wind still sits in [that quarter]_{1056-that quarter} , does it ? Do [you]_0-i mind if [I]_0-i come over to this table ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m talking to [Wupert]_212-wupert , do [you]_0-i mind ? ” [she]_169-birkin replied , coolly and yet appealingly , like [a child]_{733-a child} . “_[0-i] Open confession — good for the soul , eh ? ” said [the young man]_{676-the young man} . “_[0-i] Well , so long . ” And giving a sharp look at [Birkin]_169-birkin and at [Gerald]_255-gerald , [the young man]_{676-the young man} moved off , with a swing of [his]_{676-the young man} coat skirts . All this time [Gerald]_255-gerald had been completely ignored . And yet [he]_255-gerald felt that [the girl]_{540-the girl} was physically aware of [his]_255-gerald proximity . [He]_255-gerald waited , listened , and tried to piece together the conversation . “_[0-i] Are [you]_0-i staying at [the flat]_{1046-the flat} ? ” [the girl]_{540-the girl} asked , of [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] For three days , ” replied [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] And [you]_0-i ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know yet . [I]_0-i can always go to [Bertha]_213-bertha ’s . ” There was a silence . Suddenly [the girl]_{540-the girl} turned to [Gerald]_255-gerald , and said , in a rather formal , polite voice , with the distant manner of [a woman who accepts [her]_{4932-a woman who accepts her position as a social inferior} position as [a social inferior]_{4933-a social inferior}]_{4932-a woman who accepts her position as a social inferior} , yet assumes intimate camaraderie with [the male [she]_{540-the girl} addresses]_{4934-the male she addresses} : “_[213-bertha] Do [you]_0-i know [London]_2-london well ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i can hardly say , ” [he]_255-gerald laughed . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’ve been up a good many times , but [I]_0-i was never in [this place]_{1058-this place} before . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i ’re not [an artist]_{1059-an artist} , then ? ” [she]_{540-the girl} said , in a tone that placed [him]_0-i [an outsider]_{4935-an outsider} . “_{[1059-an artist]} No , ” [he]_255-gerald replied . “_{[1059-an artist]} [He]_0-i ’s [a soldier]_{1060-a soldier} , and [an explorer]_{1061-an explorer} , and [a Napoleon of industry]_{1062-a napoleon of industry} , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , giving [Gerald]_255-gerald [his]_255-gerald credentials for [Bohemia]_22-bohemia . “_[0-i] Are [you]_0-i [a soldier]_{1060-a soldier} ? ” asked [the girl]_{540-the girl} , with a cold yet lively curiosity . “_{[1060-a soldier]} No , [I]_0-i resigned [my]_0-i commission , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “_[0-i] some years ago . ” “_[0-i] [He]_0-i was in the last war , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Were [you]_0-i really ? ” said [the girl]_{540-the girl} . “_[0-i] And then [he]_0-i explored [the Amazon]_{29-the amazon} , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “_[0-i] and now [he]_0-i is ruling over [coal - mines]_{1064-coal - mines} . ” [The girl]_{540-the girl} looked at [Gerald]_255-gerald with steady , calm curiosity . [He]_255-gerald laughed , hearing [himself]_255-gerald described . [He]_255-gerald felt proud too , full of male strength . [His]_255-gerald blue , keen eyes were lit up with laughter , [his]_255-gerald ruddy face , with its sharp fair hair , was full of satisfaction , and glowing with life . [He]_255-gerald piqued [her]_{540-the girl} . “_[0-i] How long are [you]_0-i staying ? ” [she]_{540-the girl} asked [him]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] A day or two , ” [he]_255-gerald replied . “_[0-i] But there is no particular hurry . ” Still [she]_{540-the girl} stared into [his]_255-gerald face with that slow , full gaze which was so curious and so exciting to [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was acutely and delightfully conscious of [himself]_255-gerald , of [his]_255-gerald own attractiveness . [He]_255-gerald felt full of strength , able to give off a sort of electric power . And [he]_255-gerald was aware of [her]_{540-the girl} dark , hot - looking eyes upon [him]_255-gerald . [She]_{540-the girl} had beautiful eyes , dark , fully - opened , hot , naked in [their]_4939-their looking at [him]_255-gerald . And on them there seemed to float a film of disintegration , a sort of misery and sullenness , like oil on water . [She]_{540-the girl} wore no hat in the heated café , [her]_{540-the girl} loose , simple jumper was strung on a string round [her]_{540-the girl} neck . But it was made of rich peach - coloured crêpe - de - chine , that hung heavily and softly from [her]_{540-the girl} young throat and [her]_{540-the girl} slender wrists . [Her]_{540-the girl} appearance was simple and complete , really beautiful , because of [her]_{540-the girl} regularity and form , [her]_{540-the girl} soft dark hair falling full and level on either side of [her]_{540-the girl} head , [her]_{540-the girl} straight , small , softened features , Egyptian in the slight fulness of [their]_4940-their curves , [her]_{540-the girl} slender neck and the simple , rich - coloured smock hanging on [her]_{540-the girl} slender shoulders . [She]_{540-the girl} was very still , almost null , in [her]_{540-the girl} manner , apart and watchful . [She]_{540-the girl} appealed to [Gerald]_255-gerald strongly . [He]_255-gerald felt an awful , enjoyable power over [her]_{540-the girl} , an instinctive cherishing very near to cruelty . For [she]_{540-the girl} was [a victim]_{4941-a victim} . [He]_255-gerald felt that [she]_{540-the girl} was in [his]_255-gerald power , and [he]_255-gerald was generous . The electricity was turgid and voluptuously rich , in [his]_255-gerald limbs . [He]_255-gerald would be able to destroy [her]_{540-the girl} utterly in the strength of [his]_255-gerald discharge . But [she]_{540-the girl} was waiting in [[her]_{540-the girl} separation]_{4942-her separation} , given . [They]_4943-they talked banalities for some time . Suddenly [Birkin]_169-birkin said : “_[209-julius] There ’s [Julius]_209-julius ! ” and [he]_255-gerald half rose to [his]_255-gerald feet , motioning to [the newcomer]_{4944-the newcomer} . [The girl , with a curious , almost evil motion]_{4945-the girl , with a curious , almost evil motion} , looked round over [her]_{540-the girl} shoulder without moving [her]_{540-the girl} body . [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [her]_{540-the girl} dark , soft hair swing over [her]_{540-the girl} ears . [He]_255-gerald felt [her]_{540-the girl} watching intensely [the man who was approaching]_{4946-the man who was approaching} , so [he]_255-gerald looked too . [He]_255-gerald saw [a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under [his]_{4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room} black hat , moving cumbrously down [the room]_{739-the room}]_{4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room} , [his]_{4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room} face lit up with a smile at once naive and warm , and vapid . [He]_{4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room} approached towards [Birkin]_169-birkin , with a haste of welcome . It was not till [he]_{4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room} was quite close that [he]_{4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room} perceived [the girl]_{540-the girl} . [He]_{4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room} recoiled , went pale , and said , in a high squealing voice : “_[209-julius] [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , what are [you]_{211-the pussum} doing here ? ” [The café]_{4911-the café} looked up like animals when [they]_{4911-the café} hear a cry . [Halliday]_204-halliday hung motionless , an almost imbecile smile flickering palely on [his]_204-halliday face . [The girl]_{540-the girl} only stared at [him]_204-halliday with a black look in which flared an unfathomable hell of knowledge , and a certain impotence . [She]_{540-the girl} was limited by [him]_204-halliday . “_{[211-the pussum]} Why have [you]_{211-the pussum} come back ? ” repeated [Halliday]_204-halliday , in the same high , hysterical voice . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i told [you]_{211-the pussum} not to come back . ” [The girl]_{540-the girl} did not answer , only stared in the same viscous , heavy fashion , straight at [him]_204-halliday , as [he]_204-halliday stood recoiled , as if for safety , against the next table . “_[0-i] [You]_{211-the pussum} know [you]_{211-the pussum} wanted [her]_{211-the pussum} to come back — come and sit down , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin to [him]_204-halliday . “_{[211-the pussum]} No [I]_0-i did n’t want [her]_{211-the pussum} to come back , and [I]_0-i told [her]_{211-the pussum} not to come back . What have [you]_{211-the pussum} come for , [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} ? ” “_{[211-the pussum]} For nothing from [you]_{211-the pussum} , ” [she]_{211-the pussum} said in a heavy voice of resentment . “_{[211-the pussum]} Then why have [you]_{211-the pussum} come back at all ? ” cried [Halliday]_204-halliday , [his]_204-halliday voice rising to a kind of squeal . “_{[211-the pussum]} [She]_{211-the pussum} comes as [she]_{211-the pussum} likes , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_{[211-the pussum]} Are [you]_{211-the pussum} going to sit down , or are [you]_{211-the pussum} not ? ” “_{[211-the pussum]} No , [I]_0-i wo n’t sit down with [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , ” cried [Halliday]_204-halliday . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i wo n’t hurt [you]_{211-the pussum} , [you]_{211-the pussum} need n’t be afraid , ” [she]_{211-the pussum} said to [him]_204-halliday , very curtly , and yet with a sort of protectiveness towards [him]_204-halliday , in [her]_{211-the pussum} voice . [Halliday]_204-halliday came and sat at the table , putting [his]_204-halliday hand on [his]_204-halliday heart , and crying : “_[0-i] Oh , it ’s given [me]_0-i such a turn ! [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , [I]_0-i wish [you]_{211-the pussum} would n’t do these things . Why did [you]_{211-the pussum} come back ? ” “_{[211-the pussum]} Not for anything from [you]_{211-the pussum} , ” [she]_{211-the pussum} repeated . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i ’ve said that before , ” [he]_204-halliday cried in a high voice . [She]_{211-the pussum} turned completely away from [him]_204-halliday , to [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald , whose eyes were shining with a subtle amusement . “_[0-i] Were [you]_{211-the pussum} ever vewy much afwaid of [the savages]_{1065-the savages} ? ” [she]_{211-the pussum} asked in [her]_{211-the pussum} calm , dull childish voice . “_{[211-the pussum]} No — never very much afraid . On the whole [they]_{1065-the savages} ’re harmless — [they’re]_{1065-the savages} not born yet , [you]_{211-the pussum} ca n’t feel really afraid of [them]_{1065-the savages} . [You]_{211-the pussum} know [you]_{211-the pussum} can manage [them]_{1065-the savages} . ” “_{[211-the pussum]} Do [you]_{211-the pussum} weally ? Are n’t [they]_{1065-the savages} very fierce ? ” “_{[1065-the savages]} Not very . There are n’t many fierce things , as a matter of fact . There are n’t many things , [neither people]_{1066-neither people} nor animals , that have it in them to be really dangerous . ” “_{[1065-the savages]} Except in herds , ” interrupted [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_{[1065-the savages]} Are n’t there really ? ” [she]_{211-the pussum} said . “_{[1065-the savages]} Oh , [I]_0-i thought [savages]_1067-savages were all so dangerous , [they]_1067-savages ’d have [your]_{211-the pussum} life before [you]_{211-the pussum} could look round . ” “_{[211-the pussum]} Did [you]_{211-the pussum} ? ” [he]_0-i laughed . “_{[211-the pussum]} [They]_1067-savages are over - rated , [savages]_1067-savages . [They]_1067-savages ’re too much like [other people]_{4665-other people} , not exciting , after the first acquaintance . ” “_{[1067-savages]} Oh , it ’s not so very wonderfully brave then , to be [an explorer]_{1061-an explorer} ? ” “_{[1067-savages]} No . It ’s more a question of hardships than of terrors . ” “_{[211-the pussum]} Oh ! And were n’t [you]_{211-the pussum} ever afraid ? ” “_{[211-the pussum]} In [my]_0-i life ? [I]_0-i do n’t know . Yes , [I]_0-i ’m afraid of some things — of being shut up , locked up anywhere — or being fastened . [I]_0-i ’m afraid of being bound hand and foot . ” [She]_{211-the pussum} looked at [him]_0-i steadily with [her]_{211-the pussum} dark eyes , that rested on [him]_0-i and roused [him]_0-i so deeply , that it left [his]_0-i upper self quite calm . It was rather delicious , to feel [her]_{211-the pussum} drawing [his]_0-i self - revelations from [him]_0-i , as from the very innermost dark marrow of [his]_0-i body . [She]_{211-the pussum} wanted to know . And [her]_{211-the pussum} dark eyes seemed to be looking through into [his]_0-i naked organism . [He]_0-i felt , [she]_{211-the pussum} was compelled to [him]_0-i , [she]_{211-the pussum} was fated to come into contact with [him]_0-i , must have the seeing [him]_0-i and knowing [him]_0-i . And this roused a curious exultance . Also [he]_0-i felt , [she]_{211-the pussum} must relinquish [herself]_{211-the pussum} into [his]_0-i hands , and be subject to [him]_0-i . [She]_{211-the pussum} was so profane , slave - like , watching [him]_0-i , absorbed by [him]_0-i . It was not that [she]_{211-the pussum} was interested in what [he]_0-i said ; [she]_{211-the pussum} was absorbed by [his]_0-i self - revelation , by [him]_0-i , [she]_{211-the pussum} wanted the secret of [him]_0-i , the experience of [his]_0-i male being . [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face was lit up with an uncanny smile , full of light and rousedness , yet unconscious . [He]_255-gerald sat with [his]_255-gerald arms on the table , [his]_255-gerald sunbrowned , rather sinister hands , that were animal and yet very shapely and attractive , pushed forward towards [her]_{211-the pussum} . And they fascinated [her]_{211-the pussum} . And [she]_{211-the pussum} knew , [she]_{211-the pussum} watched [her]_{211-the pussum} own fascination . [Other men]_{4953-other men} had come to the table , to talk with [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Halliday]_204-halliday . [Gerald]_255-gerald said in a low voice , apart , to [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} : “_[0-i] Where have [you]_1071-you come back from ? ” “_[1071-you] From [the country]_{4896-the country} , ” replied [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , in a very low , yet fully resonant voice . [Her]_{211-the pussum} face closed hard . Continually [she]_{211-the pussum} glanced at [Halliday]_204-halliday , and then a black flare came over [her]_{211-the pussum} eyes . [The heavy , fair young man]_{4954-the heavy , fair young man} ignored [her]_{211-the pussum} completely ; [he]_{4954-the heavy , fair young man} was really afraid of [her]_{211-the pussum} . For some moments [she]_{211-the pussum} would be unaware of [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald had not conquered [her]_{211-the pussum} yet . “_[1071-you] And what has [Halliday]_204-halliday to do with it ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked , [his]_255-gerald voice still muted . [She]_{211-the pussum} would not answer for some seconds . Then [she]_{211-the pussum} said , unwillingly : “_[1073-he] [He]_1073-he made [me]_0-i go and live with [him]_1073-he , and now [he]_1073-he wants to throw [me]_0-i over . And yet [he]_1073-he wo n’t let [me]_0-i go to [anybody else]_{1074-anybody else} . [He]_1073-he wants [me]_0-i to live hidden in [the country]_{4896-the country} . And then [he]_1073-he says [I]_0-i persecute [him]_1073-he , that [he]_1073-he ca n’t get rid of [me]_0-i . ” “_[1073-he] Does n’t know [his]_1073-he own mind , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[1073-he] [He]_1073-he has n’t any mind , so [he]_1073-he ca n’t know it , ” [she]_4955-she said . “_[1073-he] [He]_1073-he waits for what [somebody]_{4745-somebody} tells [him]_1073-he to do . [He]_1073-he never does anything [he]_1073-he wants to do [himself]_1073-he — because [he]_1073-he does n’t know what [he]_1073-he wants . [He]_1077-he ’s [a perfect baby]_{1078-a perfect baby} . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [Halliday]_204-halliday for some moments , watching the soft , rather degenerate face of [the young man]_{676-the young man} . Its very softness was an attraction ; it was a soft , warm , corrupt nature , into which [one]_4646-one might plunge with gratification . “_{[1078-a perfect baby]} But [he]_1073-he has no hold over [you]_1079-you , has [he]_1073-he ? ” [Gerald]_255-gerald asked . “_[1073-he] [You]_1079-you see [he]_1073-he made [me]_0-i go and live with [him]_1073-he , when [I]_0-i did n’t want to , ” [she]_1079-you replied . “_[1073-he] [He]_1073-he came and cried to [me]_0-i , tears , [you]_1079-you never saw so many , saying [he]_1073-he could n’t bear it unless [I]_0-i went back to [him]_1073-he . And [he]_1073-he would n’t go away , [he]_1073-he would have stayed for ever . [He]_1073-he made [me]_0-i go back . Then every time [he]_1073-he behaves in this fashion . And now [I]_0-i ’m going to have [a baby]_{1080-a baby} , [he]_1073-he wants to give [me]_0-i a hundred pounds and send [me]_0-i into [the country]_{4896-the country} , so that [he]_1073-he would never see [me]_0-i nor hear of [me]_0-i again . But [I]_0-i ’m not going to do it , after — ” A queer look came over [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face . “_[1073-he] Are [you]_0-i going to have [a child]_{733-a child} ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked incredulous . It seemed , to look at [her]_{733-a child} , impossible , [she]_{733-a child} was so young and so far in spirit from any childbearing . [She]_{733-a child} looked full into [his]_255-gerald face , and [her]_{733-a child} dark , inchoate eyes had now a furtive look , and a look of a knowledge of evil , dark and indomitable . A flame ran secretly to [his]_255-gerald heart . “_[1073-he] Yes , ” [she]_{733-a child} said . “_[1073-he] Is n’t it beastly ? ” “_[1073-he] Do n’t [you]_0-i want it ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked . “_[1073-he] [I]_0-i do n’t , ” [she]_{733-a child} replied emphatically . “_[0-i] But — ” [he]_255-gerald said , “_[0-i] how long have [you]_0-i known ? ” “_[0-i] Ten weeks , ” [she]_{733-a child} said . All the time [she]_{733-a child} kept [her]_{733-a child} dark , inchoate eyes full upon [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald remained silent , thinking . Then , switching off and becoming cold , [he]_255-gerald asked , in a voice full of considerate kindness : “_[0-i] Is there anything [we]_1083-we can eat here ? Is there anything [you]_0-i would like ? ” “_[0-i] Yes , ” [she]_{733-a child} said , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i should adore some oysters . ” “_[0-i] All right , ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[0-i] [We]_1083-we ’ll have oysters . ” And [he]_255-gerald beckoned to [the waiter]_{4920-the waiter} . [Halliday]_204-halliday took no notice , until the little plate was set before [her]_{733-a child} . Then suddenly [he]_255-gerald cried : “_[1083-we] [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , [you]_{211-the pussum} ca n’t eat oysters when [you]_{211-the pussum} ’re drinking brandy . ” “_{[211-the pussum]} What has it go to do with [you]_{211-the pussum} ? ” [she]_{733-a child} asked . “_[1083-we] Nothing , nothing , ” [he]_255-gerald cried . “_[1083-we] But [you]_{211-the pussum} ca n’t eat oysters when [you]_{211-the pussum} ’re drinking brandy . ” “_{[211-the pussum]} [I]_0-i ’m not drinking brandy , ” [she]_{733-a child} replied , and [she]_{733-a child} sprinkled the last drops of [her]_{733-a child} liqueur over [his]_255-gerald face . [He]_255-gerald gave an odd squeal . [She]_{733-a child} sat looking at [him]_255-gerald , as if indifferent . “_[0-i] [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , why do [you]_{211-the pussum} do that ? ” [he]_255-gerald cried in panic . [He]_255-gerald gave [Gerald]_255-gerald the impression that [he]_255-gerald was terrified of [her]_{733-a child} , and that [he]_255-gerald loved [his]_255-gerald terror . [He]_255-gerald seemed to relish [his]_255-gerald own horror and hatred of [her]_{733-a child} , turn it over and extract every flavour from it , in real panic . [Gerald]_255-gerald thought [him]_255-gerald [a strange fool]_{4959-a strange fool} , and yet piquant . “_{[211-the pussum]} But [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , ” said [another man]_{4776-another man} , in a very small , quick Eton voice , “_{[211-the pussum]} [you]_{211-the pussum} promised not to hurt [him]_1084-him . ” “_{[211-the pussum]} [I]_0-i have n’t hurt [him]_1084-him , ” [she]_{733-a child} answered . “_[0-i] What will [you]_{211-the pussum} drink ? ” [the young man]_{676-the young man} asked . [He]_{676-the young man} was dark , and smooth - skinned , and full of a stealthy vigour . “_{[211-the pussum]} [I]_0-i do n’t like [porter]_1085-porter , [Maxim]_215-maxim , ” [she]_{733-a child} replied . “_[215-maxim] [You]_{211-the pussum} must ask for champagne , ” came the whispering , gentlemanly voice of the other . [Gerald]_255-gerald suddenly realised that this was a hint to [him]_255-gerald . “_{[211-the pussum]} Shall [we]_1086-we have champagne ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked , laughing . “_[215-maxim] Yes please , dwy , ” [she]_{733-a child} lisped childishly . [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [her]_{733-a child} eating the oysters . [She]_{733-a child} was delicate and finicking in [her]_{733-a child} eating , [her]_{733-a child} fingers were fine and seemed very sensitive in the tips , so [she]_{733-a child} put [her]_{733-a child} food apart with fine , small motions , [she]_{733-a child} ate carefully , delicately . It pleased [him]_255-gerald very much to see [her]_{733-a child} , and it irritated [Birkin]_169-birkin . [They]_1086-we were all drinking champagne . [Maxim]_215-maxim , [the prim young Russian with the smooth , warm - coloured face and black , oiled hair]_{4962-the prim young russian with the smooth , warm - coloured face and black , oiled hair} was [the only one who seemed to be perfectly calm and sober]_{4963-the only one who seemed to be perfectly calm and sober} . [Birkin]_169-birkin was white and abstract , unnatural , [Gerald]_255-gerald was smiling with a constant bright , amused , cold light in [his]_255-gerald eyes , leaning a little protectively towards the Pussum , who was very handsome , and soft , unfolded like some red lotus in dreadful flowering nakedness , vainglorious now , flushed with wine and with the excitement of [men]_848-men . [Halliday]_204-halliday looked foolish . One glass of wine was enough to make [him]_204-halliday drunk and giggling . Yet there was always a pleasant , warm naïveté about [him]_204-halliday , that made [him]_204-halliday attractive . “_[215-maxim] [I]_0-i ’m not afwaid of anything except black - beetles , ” said [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , looking up suddenly and staring with [her]_{211-the pussum} black eyes , on which there seemed an unseeing film of flame , fully upon [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald laughed dangerously , from the blood . [Her]_{211-the pussum} childish speech caressed [his]_255-gerald nerves , and [her]_{211-the pussum} burning , filmed eyes , turned now full upon [him]_255-gerald , oblivious of all [her]_{211-the pussum} antecedents , gave [him]_255-gerald a sort of licence . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m not , ” [she]_{211-the pussum} protested . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m not afraid of other things . But black - beetles — ugh ! ” [she]_{211-the pussum} shuddered convulsively , as if the very thought were too much to bear . “_[0-i] Do [you]_0-i mean , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , with the punctiliousness of [a man who has been drinking]_{4965-a man who has been drinking} , “_[0-i] that [you]_0-i are afraid of the sight of a black - beetle , or [you]_0-i are afraid of a black - beetle biting [you]_0-i , or doing [you]_0-i some harm ? ” “_[1087-they] Do [they]_1087-they bite ? ” cried [the girl]_{540-the girl} . “_[1087-they] How perfectly loathsome ! ” exclaimed [Halliday]_204-halliday . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” replied [Gerald]_255-gerald , looking round the table . “_[0-i] Do black - beetles bite ? But that is n’t the point . Are [you]_0-i afraid of [their]_1087-they biting , or is it a metaphysical antipathy ? ” [The girl]_{540-the girl} was looking full upon [him]_255-gerald all the time with inchoate eyes . “_[0-i] Oh , [I]_0-i think [they]_1087-they ’re beastly , [they]_1087-they ’re horrid , ” [she]_{540-the girl} cried . “_[1087-they] If [I]_0-i see one , it gives [me]_0-i the creeps all over . If one were to crawl on [me]_0-i , [I]_0-i ’m sure [I]_0-i should die — [I’m]_0-i sure [I]_0-i should . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i hope not , ” whispered [the young Russian]_{4968-the young russian} . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m sure [I]_0-i should , [Maxim]_215-maxim , ” [she]_{540-the girl} asseverated . “_[215-maxim] Then one wo n’t crawl on [you]_0-i , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , smiling and knowing . In some strange way [he]_255-gerald understood [her]_{540-the girl} . “_[215-maxim] It ’s metaphysical , as [Gerald]_255-gerald says , ” [Birkin]_169-birkin stated . There was a little pause of uneasiness . “_[255-gerald] And are [you]_0-i afraid of nothing else , [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} ? ” asked [the young Russian]_{4968-the young russian} , in [his]_{4968-the young russian} quick , hushed , elegant manner . “_[0-i] Not weally , ” [she]_{540-the girl} said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i am afwaid of some things , but not weally the same . [I]_0-i ’m not afwaid of blood . ” “_[0-i] Not afwaid of blood ! ” exclaimed [a young man with a thick , pale , jeering face]_{4970-a young man with a thick , pale , jeering face} , who had just come to the table and was drinking whisky . [The Pussum]_{211-the pussum} turned on [him]_0-i a sulky look of dislike , low and ugly . “_[0-i] Are n’t [you]_0-i really afraid of blud ? ” [the other]_{920-the other} persisted , a sneer all over [his]_{920-the other} face . “_[0-i] No , [I]_0-i ’m not , ” [she]_{540-the girl} retorted . “_[0-i] Why , have [you]_0-i ever seen blood , except in [a dentist]_{1088-a dentist} ’s spittoon ? ” jeered [the young man]_{676-the young man} . “_{[1088-a dentist]} [I]_0-i was n’t speaking to [you]_0-i , ” [she]_{540-the girl} replied rather superbly . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i can answer [me]_0-i , ca n’t [you]_0-i ? ” [he]_{676-the young man} said . For reply , [she]_{540-the girl} suddenly jabbed a knife across [his]_{676-the young man} thick , pale hand . [He]_{676-the young man} started up with a vulgar curse . “_[0-i] Show ’s what [you]_0-i are , ” said [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} in contempt . “_[0-i] Curse [you]_0-i , ” said [the young man]_{676-the young man} , standing by the table and looking down at [her]_{540-the girl} with acrid malevolence . “_[0-i] Stop that , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , in quick , instinctive command . [The young man]_{676-the young man} stood looking down at [her]_{540-the girl} with sardonic contempt , a cowed , self - conscious look on [his]_{676-the young man} thick , pale face . The blood began to flow from [his]_{676-the young man} hand . “_[0-i] Oh , how horrible , take it away ! ” squealed [Halliday]_204-halliday , turning green and averting [his]_204-halliday face . “_[0-i] [D’you]_0-i feel ill ? ” asked [the sardonic young man]_{4976-the sardonic young man} , in some concern . “_[0-i] Do [you]_0-i feel ill , [Julius]_209-julius ? [Garn]_216-garn , it ’s nothing , [man]_1089-man , do n’t give [her]_1090-her the pleasure of letting [her]_1090-her think [she]_1090-her ’s performed a feat — don’t give [her]_1090-her the satisfaction , [man]_1089-man — it ’s just what [she]_1090-her wants . ” “_[1090-her] Oh ! ” squealed [Halliday]_204-halliday . “_[1090-her] [He]_209-julius ’s going to cat , [Maxim]_215-maxim , ” said [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} warningly . [The suave young Russian]_{217-the russian} rose and took [Halliday]_204-halliday by the arm , leading [him]_204-halliday away . [Birkin]_169-birkin , white and diminished , looked on as if [he]_204-halliday were displeased . [The wounded , sardonic young man]_{4978-the wounded , sardonic young man} moved away , ignoring [his]_{4978-the wounded , sardonic young man} bleeding hand in the most conspicuous fashion . “_[215-maxim] [He]_209-julius ’s [an awful coward]_{1092-an awful coward} , really , ” said [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} to [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[209-julius] [He]_209-julius ’s got such an influence over [Julius]_209-julius . ” “_[209-julius] Who is [he]_209-julius ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[209-julius] [He]_209-julius ’s [a Jew]_{1093-a jew} , really . [I]_0-i ca n’t bear [him]_209-julius . ” “_[0-i] Well , [he]_209-julius ’s quite unimportant . But what ’s wrong with [Halliday]_204-halliday ? ” “_[209-julius] [Julius]_209-julius ’s [the most awful coward [you]_0-i ’ve ever seen]_{1094-the most awful coward you ’ve ever seen} , ” [she]_4979-she cried . “_[209-julius] [He]_209-julius always faints if [I]_0-i lift a knife — [he]_209-julius ’s tewwified of [me]_0-i . ” “_[209-julius] H’m ! ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[1095-they] [They]_1095-they ’re all afwaid of [me]_0-i , ” [she]_4979-she said . “_[1095-they] Only [the Jew]_{1096-the jew} thinks [he]_209-julius ’s going to show [his]_209-julius courage . But [he]_209-julius ’s [the biggest coward of [them]_1095-they all]_{1097-the biggest coward of them all} , really , because [he]_209-julius ’s afwaid what [people]_579-people will think about [him]_209-julius — and [Julius]_209-julius does n’t care about that . ” “_[209-julius] [They]_1095-they ’ve a lot of valour between [them]_1095-they , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald good - humouredly . [The Pussum]_{211-the pussum} looked at [him]_255-gerald with a slow , slow smile . [She]_{211-the pussum} was very handsome , flushed , and confident in dreadful knowledge . Two little points of light glinted on [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes . “_[1095-they] Why do [they]_1095-they call [you]_0-i [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , because [you]_0-i ’re like a cat ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked [her]_{211-the pussum} . “_[1095-they] [I]_0-i expect so , ” [she]_{211-the pussum} said . The smile grew more intense on [his]_255-gerald face . “_[1095-they] [You]_0-i are , rather ; or [a young , female panther]_{1099-a young , female panther} . ” “_[0-i] Oh God , [Gerald]_255-gerald ! ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , in some disgust . [They]_1095-they both looked uneasily at [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[255-gerald] [You]_0-i ’re silent tonight , [Wupert]_212-wupert , ” [she]_{211-the pussum} said to [him]_0-i , with a slight insolence , being safe with [the other man]_{832-the other man} . [Halliday]_204-halliday was coming back , looking forlorn and sick . “_[0-i] [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , ” [he]_0-i said , “_{[211-the pussum]} [I]_0-i wish [you]_{211-the pussum} would n’t do these things — Oh ! ” [He]_0-i sank in [his]_0-i chair with a groan . “_{[211-the pussum]} [You]_0-i ’d better go [home]_4649-home , ” [she]_{211-the pussum} said to [him]_0-i . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i will go [home]_4649-home , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] But wo n’t [you]_{211-the pussum} all come along . Wo n’t [you]_{211-the pussum} come round to [the flat]_{1046-the flat} ? ” [he]_0-i said to [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[211-the pussum]} [I]_0-i should be so glad if [you]_{211-the pussum} would . Do — that’ll be splendid . [I]_0-i say ? ” [He]_0-i looked round for [a waiter]_{4981-a waiter} . “_[0-i] Get [me]_0-i [a taxi]_{1103-a taxi} . ” Then [he]_0-i groaned again . “_[0-i] Oh [I]_0-i do feel — perfectly ghastly ! [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , [you]_{211-the pussum} see what [you]_{211-the pussum} do to [me]_0-i . ” “_{[211-the pussum]} Then why are [you]_0-i such [an idiot]_{1104-an idiot} ? ” [she]_{211-the pussum} said with sullen calm . “_[0-i] But [I]_0-i ’m not [an idiot]_{1104-an idiot} ! Oh , how awful ! Do come , [everybody]_{780-everybody} , it will be so splendid . [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , [you]_0-i are coming . What ? Oh but [you]_0-i must come , yes , [you]_0-i must . What ? Oh , [[my]_0-i dear girl]_{1107-my dear girl} , do n’t make a fuss now , [I]_0-i feel perfectly — Oh , it ’s so ghastly — [Ho!—er]_{1108-ho!—er} ! Oh ! ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i know [you]_0-i ca n’t drink , ” [she]_{1107-my dear girl} said to [him]_0-i , coldly . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i tell [you]_0-i it is n’t drink — it ’s [your]_0-i disgusting behaviour , [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , it ’s nothing else . Oh , how awful ! [Libidnikov]_{218-libidnikov} , do let [us]_1109-they go . ” “_[1110-he] [He]_1110-he ’s only drunk one glass — only one glass , ” came the rapid , hushed voice of [the young Russian]_{4968-the young russian} . [They]_1109-they all moved off to the door . [The girl]_{540-the girl} kept near to [Gerald]_255-gerald , and seemed to be at one in [her]_{540-the girl} motion with [him]_0-i . [He]_0-i was aware of this , and filled with demon - satisfaction that [his]_0-i motion held good for two . [He]_0-i held [her]_{540-the girl} in the hollow of [his]_0-i will , and [she]_{540-the girl} was soft , secret , invisible in [her]_{540-the girl} stirring there . [They]_1109-they crowded five of [them]_1109-they into [the taxi - cab]_{4984-the taxi - cab} . [Halliday]_204-halliday lurched in first , and dropped into [his]_204-halliday seat against the other window . Then [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} took [her]_{540-the girl} place , and [Gerald]_255-gerald sat next to [her]_{540-the girl} . [They]_1109-they heard [the young Russian]_{4968-the young russian} giving orders to [the driver]_{4986-the driver} , then [they]_1109-they were all seated in the dark , crowded close together , [Halliday]_204-halliday groaning and leaning out of the window . [They]_1109-they felt the swift , muffled motion of [the car]_{4987-the car} . [The Pussum]_{211-the pussum} sat near to [Gerald]_255-gerald , and [she]_{211-the pussum} seemed to become soft , subtly to infuse [herself]_{211-the pussum} into [his]_255-gerald bones , as if [she]_{211-the pussum} were passing into [him]_255-gerald in a black , electric flow . [Her]_{211-the pussum} being suffused into [his]_255-gerald veins like a magnetic darkness , and concentrated at the base of [his]_255-gerald spine like a fearful source of power . Meanwhile [her]_{211-the pussum} voice sounded out reedy and nonchalant , as [she]_{211-the pussum} talked indifferently with [Birkin]_169-birkin and with [Maxim]_215-maxim . Between [her]_{211-the pussum} and [Gerald]_255-gerald was this silence and this black , electric comprehension in the darkness . Then [she]_{211-the pussum} found [his]_255-gerald hand , and grasped it in [her]_{211-the pussum} own firm , small clasp . It was so utterly dark , and yet such a naked statement , that rapid vibrations ran through [his]_255-gerald blood and over [his]_255-gerald brain , [he]_255-gerald was no longer responsible . Still [her]_{211-the pussum} voice rang on like a bell , tinged with a tone of mockery . And as [she]_{211-the pussum} swung [her]_{211-the pussum} head , [her]_{211-the pussum} fine mane of hair just swept [his]_255-gerald face , and all [his]_255-gerald nerves were on fire , as with a subtle friction of electricity . But the great centre of [his]_255-gerald force held steady , a magnificent pride to [him]_255-gerald , at the base of [his]_255-gerald spine . [They]_4988-they arrived at [a large block of buildings]_{4989-a large block of buildings} , went up in [a lift]_{4990-a lift} , and presently a door was being opened for [them]_4988-they by [a Hindu]_{4991-a hindu} . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked in surprise , wondering if [he]_255-gerald were [a gentleman]_{4992-a gentleman} , one of [the Hindus down from [Oxford]_14-oxford]_{4993-the hindus down from oxford} , perhaps . But no , [he]_255-gerald was [the man - servant]_{4994-the man - servant} . “_[1110-he] Make tea , [Hasan]_219-hasan , ” said [Halliday]_204-halliday . “_[219-hasan] There is [a room for [me]_0-i]_{1111-a room for me} ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . To both of which questions [the man]_{4658-the man} grinned , and murmured . [He]_{4658-the man} made [Gerald]_255-gerald uncertain , because , being tall and slender and reticent , [he]_{4658-the man} looked like [a gentleman]_{4992-a gentleman} . “_[219-hasan] Who is [[your]_219-hasan servant]_{1112-your servant} ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked of [Halliday]_204-halliday . “_{[1112-your servant]} [He]_{1112-your servant} looks [a swell]_{1113-a swell} . ” “_{[1113-a swell]} Oh yes — that ’s because [he]_{1112-your servant} ’s dressed in [another man]_{4776-another man} ’s clothes . [He]_{1112-your servant} ’s anything but [a swell]_{1113-a swell} , really . [We]_1116-we found [him]_{1112-your servant} in [the road]_{502-the road} , starving . So [I]_0-i took [him]_{1112-your servant} [here]_4650-here , and [another man]_{4776-another man} gave [him]_{1112-your servant} clothes . [He]_{1112-your servant} ’s anything but what [he]_{1112-your servant} seems to be — [his]_{1112-your servant} only advantage is that [he]_{1112-your servant} ca n’t speak English and ca n’t understand it , so [he]_{1112-your servant} ’s perfectly safe . ” “_{[1112-your servant]} [He]_{1112-your servant} ’s very dirty , ” said [the young Russian]_{4968-the young russian} swiftly and silently . Directly , [the man]_{4658-the man} appeared in the doorway . “_{[1112-your servant]} What is it ? ” said [Halliday]_204-halliday . [The Hindu]_{4999-the hindu} grinned , and murmured shyly : “_{[1112-your servant]} Want to speak to [master]_1120-master . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald watched curiously . [The fellow in the doorway]_{5000-the fellow in the doorway} was goodlooking and clean - limbed , [his]_{5000-the fellow in the doorway} bearing was calm , [he]_{5000-the fellow in the doorway} looked elegant , aristocratic . Yet [he]_{5000-the fellow in the doorway} was half [a savage]_{5001-a savage} , grinning foolishly . [Halliday]_204-halliday went out into [the corridor]_{5002-the corridor} to speak with [him]_{5000-the fellow in the doorway} . “_{[1120-master]} What ? ” [they]_5003-they heard [his]_{5000-the fellow in the doorway} voice . “_{[1120-master]} What ? What do [you]_1121-you say ? Tell [me]_0-i again . What ? Want money ? Want more money ? But what do [you]_1121-you want money for ? ” There was the confused sound of [the Hindu]_{4999-the hindu} ’s talking , then [Halliday]_204-halliday appeared in [the room]_{739-the room} , smiling also foolishly , and saying : “_[1122-he] [He]_1122-he says [he]_1122-he wants money to buy underclothing . Can [anybody]_744-anybody lend [me]_0-i a shilling ? Oh thanks , a shilling will do to buy all the underclothes [he]_1122-he wants . ” [He]_204-halliday took the money from [Gerald]_255-gerald and went out into [the passage]_{5006-the passage} again , where [they]_5003-they heard [him]_{5000-the fellow in the doorway} saying , “_[1121-you] [You]_1121-you ca n’t want more money , [you]_1121-you had three and six yesterday . [You]_1121-you must n’t ask for any more . Bring the tea in quickly . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald looked round [the room]_{739-the room} . [It]_{739-the room} was [an ordinary [London]_2-london sitting - room]_{5008-an ordinary london sitting - room} in [a flat]_{1021-a flat} , evidently taken furnished , rather common and ugly . But there were [several negro statues]_{5010-several negro statues} , wood - carvings from [West Africa]_{30-west africa} , strange and disturbing , [the carved negroes]_{5011-the carved negroes} looked almost like the fœtus of [a human being]_{5012-a human being} . [One]_4646-one was [a woman sitting naked in a strange posture]_{5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture} , and looking tortured , [her]_{5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture} abdomen stuck out . [The young Russian]_{4968-the young russian} explained that [she]_{5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture} was sitting in child - birth , clutching the ends of the band that hung from [her]_{5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture} neck , one in each hand , so that [she]_{5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture} could bear down , and help labour . The strange , transfixed , rudimentary face of [the woman]_{873-the woman} again reminded [Gerald]_255-gerald of a fœtus , it was also rather wonderful , conveying the suggestion of the extreme of physical sensation , beyond the limits of mental consciousness . “_{[744-anybody]} Are n’t they rather obscene ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked , disapproving . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” murmured [the other rapidly]_{5017-the other rapidly} . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i have never defined the obscene . [I]_0-i think they are very good . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald turned away . There were one or two new pictures in [the room]_{739-the room} , in the Futurist manner ; there was a large piano . And these , with some ordinary [London]_2-london lodging - house furniture of the better sort , completed the whole . [The Pussum]_{211-the pussum} had taken off [her]_{211-the pussum} hat and coat , and was seated on the sofa . [She]_{211-the pussum} was evidently quite at [home]_4649-home in [the house]_{468-the house} , but uncertain , suspended . [She]_{211-the pussum} did not quite know [her]_{211-the pussum} position . [Her]_{211-the pussum} alliance for the time being was with [Gerald]_255-gerald , and [she]_{211-the pussum} did not know how far this was admitted by [any of [the men]_{727-the men}]_{5021-any of the men} . [She]_{211-the pussum} was considering how [she]_{211-the pussum} should carry off the situation . [She]_{211-the pussum} was determined to have [her]_{211-the pussum} experience . Now , at this eleventh hour , [she]_{211-the pussum} was not to be baulked . [Her]_{211-the pussum} face was flushed as with battle , [her]_{211-the pussum} eye was brooding but inevitable . [The man]_{4658-the man} came in with tea and a bottle of Kümmel . [He]_{4658-the man} set the tray on a little table before the couch . “_{[211-the pussum]} [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , ” said [Halliday]_204-halliday , “_{[211-the pussum]} pour out the tea . ” [She]_{211-the pussum} did not move . “_{[211-the pussum]} Wo n’t [you]_{211-the pussum} do it ? ” [Halliday]_204-halliday repeated , in a state of nervous apprehension . “_{[211-the pussum]} [I]_0-i ’ve not come back [here]_4650-here as it was before , ” [she]_{211-the pussum} said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i only came because [the others]_{809-the others} wanted [me]_0-i to , not for [your]_{211-the pussum} sake . ” “_{[809-the others]} [[My]_0-i dear]_{1126-my dear} [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , [you]_{211-the pussum} know [you]_{211-the pussum} are [[your]_{211-the pussum} own mistress]_{1127-your own mistress} . [I]_0-i do n’t want [you]_{211-the pussum} to do anything but use [the flat]_{1046-the flat} for [your]_{211-the pussum} own convenience — [you]_{211-the pussum} know it , [I]_0-i ’ve told [you]_{211-the pussum} so many times . ” [She]_{211-the pussum} did not reply , but silently , reservedly reached for the tea - pot . [They]_5024-they all sat round and drank tea . [Gerald]_255-gerald could feel the electric connection between [him]_255-gerald and [her]_{211-the pussum} so strongly , as [she]_{211-the pussum} sat there quiet and withheld , that another set of conditions altogether had come to pass . [Her]_{211-the pussum} silence and [her]_{211-the pussum} immutability perplexed [him]_255-gerald . How was [he]_255-gerald going to come to [her]_{211-the pussum} ? And yet [he]_255-gerald felt it quite inevitable . [He]_255-gerald trusted completely to the current that held [them]_5024-they . [His]_255-gerald perplexity was only superficial , new conditions reigned , the old were surpassed ; here [one]_4646-one did as [one]_4646-one was possessed to do , no matter what it was . [Birkin]_169-birkin rose . It was nearly one o’clock . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m going to bed , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald , [I]_0-i ’ll ring [you]_255-gerald up in the morning at [[your]_255-gerald place]_{1129-your place} or [you]_255-gerald ring [me]_0-i up here . ” “_[255-gerald] Right , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , and [Birkin]_169-birkin went out . When [he]_0-i was well gone , [Halliday]_204-halliday said in a stimulated voice , to [Gerald]_255-gerald : “_[0-i] [I]_0-i say , wo n’t [you]_255-gerald stay here — oh do ! ” “_[0-i] [You]_255-gerald ca n’t put [everybody]_{780-everybody} up , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[255-gerald] Oh but [I]_0-i can , perfectly — there are [three more beds besides [mine]_0-i]_{1131-three more beds besides mine} — do stay , wo n’t [you]_255-gerald . Everything is quite ready — there is always [somebody]_{4745-somebody} here — [I]_0-i always put [people]_579-people up — [I]_0-i love having [the house]_{468-the house} crowded . ” “_[0-i] But there are only [two rooms]_{1135-two rooms} , ” said [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , in a cold , hostile voice , “_[169-birkin] now [Rupert]_169-birkin ’s [here]_4650-here . ” “_[169-birkin] [I]_0-i know there are only [two rooms]_{1135-two rooms} , ” said [Halliday]_204-halliday , in [his]_204-halliday odd , high way of speaking . “_[0-i] But what does that matter ? ” [He]_204-halliday was smiling rather foolishly , and [he]_204-halliday spoke eagerly , with an insinuating determination . “_[209-julius] [Julius]_209-julius and [I]_0-i will share [one room]_{1138-one room} , ” said [the Russian]_{5027-the russian} in [his]_0-i discreet , precise voice . [Halliday]_204-halliday and [he]_0-i were [friends]_5028-friends since [Eton]_220-eton . “_[0-i] It ’s very simple , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , rising and pressing back [his]_255-gerald arms , stretching [himself]_255-gerald . Then [he]_255-gerald went again to look at one of the pictures . Every one of [his]_255-gerald limbs was turgid with electric force , and [his]_255-gerald back was tense like a tiger ’s , with slumbering fire . [He]_255-gerald was very proud . [The Pussum]_{211-the pussum} rose . [She]_{211-the pussum} gave a black look at [Halliday]_204-halliday , black and deadly , which brought the rather foolishly pleased smile to [that young man]_{4729-that young man} ’s face . Then [she]_{211-the pussum} went out of [the room]_{739-the room} , with a cold good - night to [them]_5031-them all generally . There was a brief interval , [they]_5031-them heard a door close , then [Maxim]_215-maxim said , in [his]_215-maxim refined voice : “_[0-i] That ’s all right . ” [He]_215-maxim looked significantly at [Gerald]_255-gerald , and said again , with a silent nod : “_[0-i] That ’s all right — [you’re]_{1139-you’re} all right . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [the smooth , ruddy , comely face]_{5032-the smooth , ruddy , comely face} , and at the strange , significant eyes , and it seemed as if the voice of [the young Russian , so small and perfect]_{5033-the young russian , so small and perfect} , sounded in the blood rather than in the air . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m all right then , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Yes ! Yes ! [You]_0-i ’re all right , ” said [the Russian]_{217-the russian} . [Halliday]_204-halliday continued to smile , and to say nothing . Suddenly [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} appeared again in the door , [her]_{211-the pussum} small , childish face looking sullen and vindictive . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i know [you]_0-i want to catch [me]_0-i out , ” came [her]_{211-the pussum} cold , rather resonant voice . “_[0-i] But [I]_0-i do n’t care , [I]_0-i do n’t care how much [you]_0-i catch [me]_0-i out . ” [She]_{211-the pussum} turned and was gone again . [She]_{211-the pussum} had been wearing a loose dressing - gown of purple silk , tied round [her]_{211-the pussum} waist . [She]_{211-the pussum} looked so small and childish and vulnerable , almost pitiful . And yet the black looks of [her]_{211-the pussum} eyes made [Gerald]_255-gerald feel drowned in some potent darkness that almost frightened [him]_255-gerald . [The men]_{727-the men} lit another cigarette and talked casually . In the morning [Gerald]_255-gerald woke late . [He]_255-gerald had slept heavily . [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} was still asleep , sleeping childishly and pathetically . There was something small and curled up and defenceless about [her]_{211-the pussum} , that roused an unsatisfied flame of passion in [the young man]_{676-the young man} ’s blood , a devouring avid pity . [He]_255-gerald looked at [her]_{211-the pussum} again . But it would be too cruel to wake [her]_{211-the pussum} . [He]_255-gerald subdued [himself]_255-gerald , and went away . Hearing voices coming from [the sitting - room]_{5036-the sitting - room} , [Halliday]_204-halliday talking to [Libidnikov]_{218-libidnikov} , [he]_255-gerald went to the door and glanced in . [He]_255-gerald had on a silk wrap of a beautiful bluish colour , with an amethyst hem . To [his]_255-gerald surprise [he]_255-gerald saw [the two young men by the fire]_{5037-the two young men by the fire} , stark naked . [Halliday]_204-halliday looked up , rather pleased . “_[0-i] Good - morning , ” [he]_204-halliday said . “_[0-i] Oh — did [you]_1140-you want towels ? ” And stark naked [he]_204-halliday went out into [the hall]_{734-the hall} , striding a strange , white figure between the unliving furniture . [He]_204-halliday came back with the towels , and took [his]_204-halliday former position , crouching seated before the fire on the fender . “_[1140-you] Do n’t [you]_1140-you love to feel the fire on [your]_1140-you skin ? ” [he]_204-halliday said . “_[1140-you] It is rather pleasant , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[1140-you] How perfectly splendid it must be to be in a climate where one could do without clothing altogether , ” said [Halliday]_204-halliday . “_[1140-you] Yes , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “_[1140-you] if there were n’t so many things that sting and bite . ” “_[1140-you] That ’s a disadvantage , ” murmured [Maxim]_215-maxim . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [him]_215-maxim , and with a slight revulsion saw the human animal , golden skinned and bare , somehow humiliating . [Halliday]_204-halliday was different . [He]_204-halliday had a rather heavy , slack , broken beauty , white and firm . [He]_204-halliday was like [a Christ in a Pietà]_{5039-a christ in a pietà} . The animal was not there at all , only the heavy , broken beauty . And [Gerald]_255-gerald realised how [Halliday]_204-halliday ’s eyes were beautiful too , so blue and warm and confused , broken also in [their]_5040-their expression . The fireglow fell on [his]_204-halliday heavy , rather bowed shoulders , [he]_204-halliday sat slackly crouched on the fender , [his]_204-halliday face was uplifted , weak , perhaps slightly disintegrate , and yet with a moving beauty of its own . “_[1140-you] Of course , ” said [Maxim]_215-maxim , “_[1140-you] [you]_1140-you ’ve been in [hot countries where [the people]_{4677-the people} go about naked]_{1141-hot countries where the people go about naked} . ” “_{[4677-the people]} Oh really ! ” exclaimed [Halliday]_204-halliday . “_{[4677-the people]} Where ? ” “_{[4677-the people]} [South America]_{31-south america} — [Amazon]_{29-the amazon} , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[4677-the people]} Oh but how perfectly splendid ! It ’s one of the things [I]_0-i want most to do — to live from day to day without ever putting on any sort of clothing whatever . If [I]_0-i could do that , [I]_0-i should feel [I]_0-i had lived . ” “_[0-i] But why ? ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ca n’t see that it makes so much difference . ” “_[0-i] Oh , [I]_0-i think it would be perfectly splendid . [I]_0-i ’m sure life would be entirely another thing — entirely different , and perfectly wonderful . ” “_[0-i] But why ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Why should it ? ” “_[0-i] Oh — [one]_4646-one would feel things instead of merely looking at them . [I]_0-i should feel the air move against [me]_0-i , and feel the things [I]_0-i touched , instead of having only to look at them . [I]_0-i ’m sure life is all wrong because it has become much too visual — [we]_1144-we can neither hear nor feel nor understand , [we]_1144-we can only see . [I]_0-i ’m sure that is entirely wrong . ” “_[0-i] Yes , that is true , that is true , ” said [the Russian]_{217-the russian} . [Gerald]_255-gerald glanced at [him]_{217-the russian} , and saw [him]_{217-the russian} , [his]_{217-the russian} suave , golden coloured body with the black hair growing fine and freely , like tendrils , and [his]_{217-the russian} limbs like smooth plant - stems . [He]_{217-the russian} was so healthy and well - made , why did [he]_{217-the russian} make [one]_4646-one ashamed , why did [one]_4646-one feel repelled ? Why should [Gerald]_255-gerald even dislike it , why did it seem to [him]_255-gerald to detract from [his]_255-gerald own dignity . Was that [all a human being]_{5043-all a human being} amounted to ? So uninspired ! thought [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin suddenly appeared in the doorway , in white pyjamas and wet hair , and a towel over [his]_{217-the russian} arm . [He]_{217-the russian} was aloof and white , and somehow evanescent . “_[0-i] [There]_629-there ’s [the bath - room]_{1146-the bath - room} now , if [you]_1147-you want it , ” [he]_{217-the russian} said generally , and was going away again , when [Gerald]_255-gerald called : “_[0-i] [I]_0-i say , [Rupert]_169-birkin ! ” “_[0-i] What ? ” [The single white figure]_{5044-the single white figure} appeared again , a presence in [the room]_{739-the room} . “_[0-i] What do [you]_169-birkin think of that figure there ? [I]_0-i want to know , ” [Gerald]_255-gerald asked . [Birkin]_169-birkin , white and strangely ghostly , went over to the carved figure of [the negro woman in labour]_{5046-the negro woman in labour} . [Her]_169-birkin nude , protuberant body crouched in a strange , clutching posture , [her]_169-birkin hands gripping the ends of the band , above [her]_169-birkin breast . “_[0-i] It is art , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Very beautiful , it ’s very beautiful , ” said [the Russian]_{5027-the russian} . [They]_5048-they all drew near to look . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [the group of men]_{5049-the group of men} , [the Russian golden]_{221-the russian} and like a water - plant , [Halliday]_204-halliday tall and heavily , brokenly beautiful , [Birkin]_169-birkin very white and indefinite , not to be assigned , as [he]_255-gerald looked closely at [the carven woman]_{5050-the carven woman} . Strangely elated , [Gerald]_255-gerald also lifted [his]_255-gerald eyes to the face of [the wooden figure]_{5051-the wooden figure} . And [his]_255-gerald heart contracted . [He]_255-gerald saw vividly with [his]_255-gerald spirit the grey , forward - stretching face of [the negro woman , African and tense , abstracted in utter physical stress]_{5052-the negro woman , african and tense , abstracted in utter physical stress} . [It]_5053-it was a terrible face , void , peaked , abstracted almost into meaninglessness by the weight of sensation beneath . [He]_255-gerald saw the Pussum in it . As in a dream , [he]_255-gerald knew [her]_{5050-the carven woman} . “_[0-i] Why is it art ? ” [Gerald]_255-gerald asked , shocked , resentful . “_[0-i] It conveys a complete truth , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] It contains the whole truth of that state , whatever [you]_1148-you feel about it . ” “_[0-i] But [you]_1149-you ca n’t call it high art , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[1149-you] High ! There are centuries and hundreds of centuries of development in a straight line , behind that carving ; it is an awful pitch of culture , of a definite sort . ” “_[0-i] What culture ? ” [Gerald]_255-gerald asked , in opposition . [He]_255-gerald hated the sheer African thing . “_[0-i] Pure culture in sensation , culture in the physical consciousness , really ultimate physical consciousness , mindless , utterly sensual . It is so sensual as to be final , supreme . ” But [Gerald]_255-gerald resented it . [He]_255-gerald wanted to keep certain illusions , certain ideas like clothing . “_[1148-you] [You]_1148-you like the wrong things , [Rupert]_169-birkin , ” [he]_255-gerald said , “_[169-birkin] things against [yourself]_1148-you . ” “_[1148-you] Oh , [I]_0-i know , this is n’t everything , ” [Birkin]_169-birkin replied , moving away . When [Gerald]_255-gerald went back to [[his]_255-gerald room]_{5054-his room} from [the bath]_{5055-the bath} , [he]_255-gerald also carried [his]_255-gerald clothes . [He]_255-gerald was so conventional at [home]_4649-home , that when [he]_255-gerald was really away , and on the loose , as now , [he]_255-gerald enjoyed nothing so much as full outrageousness . So [he]_255-gerald strode with [his]_255-gerald blue silk wrap over [his]_255-gerald arm and felt defiant . [The Pussum]_{211-the pussum} lay in [her]_{211-the pussum} bed , motionless , [her]_{211-the pussum} round , dark eyes like black , unhappy pools . [He]_255-gerald could only see the black , bottomless pools of [her]_{211-the pussum} eyes . Perhaps [she]_{211-the pussum} suffered . The sensation of [her]_{211-the pussum} inchoate suffering roused the old sharp flame in [him]_255-gerald , a mordant pity , a passion almost of cruelty . “_[0-i] [You]_1150-you are awake now , ” [he]_255-gerald said to [her]_{211-the pussum} . “_[1150-you] What time is it ? ” came [her]_{211-the pussum} muted voice . [She]_{211-the pussum} seemed to flow back , almost like liquid , from [his]_255-gerald approach , to sink helplessly away from [him]_255-gerald . [Her]_{211-the pussum} inchoate look of [a violated slave]_{5057-a violated slave} , whose fulfilment lies in [her]_{211-the pussum} further and further violation , made [his]_255-gerald nerves quiver with acutely desirable sensation . After all , [his]_255-gerald was the only will , [she]_{211-the pussum} was the passive substance of [his]_255-gerald will . [He]_255-gerald tingled with the subtle , biting sensation . And then [he]_255-gerald knew , [he]_255-gerald must go away from [her]_{211-the pussum} , there must be pure separation between [them]_5058-them . It was a quiet and ordinary breakfast , [the four men]_{5059-the four men} all looking very clean and bathed . [Gerald]_255-gerald and [the Russian]_{5027-the russian} were both correct and comme il faut in appearance and manner , [Birkin]_169-birkin was gaunt and sick , and looked a failure in [his]_255-gerald attempt to be [a properly dressed man]_{5061-a properly dressed man} , like [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Maxim]_215-maxim . [Halliday]_204-halliday wore tweeds and a green flannel shirt , and a rag of a tie , which was just right for [him]_204-halliday . [The Hindu]_{222-the hindu} brought in a great deal of soft toast , and looked exactly the same as [he]_{222-the hindu} had looked the night before , statically the same . At the end of the breakfast [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} appeared , in a purple silk wrap with a shimmering sash . [She]_{211-the pussum} had recovered [herself]_{211-the pussum} somewhat , but was mute and lifeless still . It was a torment to [her]_{211-the pussum} when [anybody]_744-anybody spoke to [her]_{211-the pussum} . [Her]_{211-the pussum} face was like a small , fine mask , sinister too , masked with unwilling suffering . It was almost midday . [Gerald]_255-gerald rose and went away to [[his]_255-gerald business]_{5063-his business} , glad to get out . But [he]_255-gerald had not finished . [He]_255-gerald was coming back again at evening , [they]_5064-they were all dining together , and [he]_255-gerald had booked seats for the party , excepting [Birkin]_169-birkin , at [a music - hall]_{5065-a music - hall} . At night [they]_5064-they came back to [the flat]_{1046-the flat} very late again , again flushed with drink . Again [the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night]_{5067-the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night} — came in silently and inscrutably with tea , bending in a slow , strange , leopard - like fashion to put the tray softly on the table . [His]_{5067-the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night} face was immutable , aristocratic - looking , tinged slightly with grey under the skin ; [he]_{5067-the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night} was young and good - looking . But [Birkin]_169-birkin felt a slight sickness , looking at [him]_{5067-the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night} , and feeling the slight greyness as an ash or a corruption , in the aristocratic inscrutability of expression a nauseating , bestial stupidity . Again [they]_5064-they talked cordially and rousedly together . But already a certain friability was coming over the party , [Birkin]_169-birkin was mad with irritation , [Halliday]_204-halliday was turning in an insane hatred against [Gerald]_255-gerald , [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} was becoming hard and cold , like a flint knife , and [Halliday]_204-halliday was laying [himself]_204-halliday out to [her]_{211-the pussum} . And [her]_{211-the pussum} intention , ultimately , was to capture [Halliday]_204-halliday , to have complete power over [him]_204-halliday . In the morning [they]_5064-they all stalked and lounged about again . But [Gerald]_255-gerald could feel a strange hostility to [himself]_255-gerald , in the air . It roused [his]_255-gerald obstinacy , and [he]_255-gerald stood up against it . [He]_255-gerald hung on for two more days . The result was a nasty and insane scene with [Halliday]_204-halliday on the fourth evening . [Halliday]_204-halliday turned with absurd animosity upon [Gerald]_255-gerald , in the café . There was a row . [Gerald]_255-gerald was on the point of knocking - in [Halliday]_204-halliday ’s face ; when [he]_255-gerald was filled with sudden disgust and indifference , and [he]_255-gerald went away , leaving [Halliday]_204-halliday in a foolish state of gloating triumph , [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} hard and established , and [Maxim]_215-maxim standing clear . [Birkin]_169-birkin was absent , [he]_204-halliday had gone out of [town]_602-town again . [Gerald]_255-gerald was piqued because [he]_255-gerald had left without giving [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} money . It was true , [she]_5069-she did not care whether [he]_255-gerald gave [her]_5069-she money or not , and [he]_255-gerald knew it . But [she]_5069-she would have been glad of ten pounds , and [he]_255-gerald would have been very glad to give them to [her]_5069-she . Now [he]_255-gerald felt in a false position . [He]_255-gerald went away chewing [his]_255-gerald lips to get at the ends of [his]_255-gerald short clipped moustache . [He]_255-gerald knew [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} was merely glad to be rid of [him]_255-gerald . [She]_5069-she had got [her]_5069-she Halliday whom [she]_5069-she wanted . [She]_5069-she wanted [him]_255-gerald completely in [her]_5069-she power . Then [she]_5069-she would marry [him]_255-gerald . [She]_5069-she wanted to marry [him]_255-gerald . [She]_5069-she had set [her]_5069-she will on marrying [Halliday]_204-halliday . [She]_5069-she never wanted to hear of [Gerald]_255-gerald again ; unless , perhaps , [she]_5069-she were in difficulty ; because after all , [Gerald]_255-gerald was what [she]_5069-she called [a man]_{4648-a man} , and [these others]_{5072-these others} , [Halliday]_204-halliday , [Libidnikov]_{218-libidnikov} , [Birkin]_169-birkin , [the whole Bohemian set]_{5073-the whole bohemian set} , [they]_{5072-these others} were only [half men]_{5074-half men} . But it was [half men [she]_5069-she could deal with]_{5075-half men she could deal with} . [She]_5069-she felt sure of [herself]_5069-she with [them]_{5072-these others} . [The real men]_{5076-the real men} , like [Gerald]_255-gerald , put [her]_5069-she in [her]_5069-she place too much . Still , [she]_5069-she respected [Gerald]_255-gerald , [she]_5069-she really respected [him]_255-gerald . [She]_5069-she had managed to get [his]_255-gerald address , so that [she]_5069-she could appeal to [him]_255-gerald in time of distress . [She]_5069-she knew [he]_255-gerald wanted to give [her]_5069-she money . [She]_5069-she would perhaps write to [him]_255-gerald on that inevitable rainy day . [Breadalby]_11-breadalby was [a Georgian house with Corinthian pillars]_{5077-a georgian house with corinthian pillars} , standing among [the softer , greener hills of [Derbyshire]_{33-derbyshire}]_{5078-the softer , greener hills of derbyshire} , [not far from [Cromford]_34-cromford]_{5079-not far from cromford} . In front , [it]_11-breadalby looked over [a lawn]_{823-a lawn} , over a few trees , down to a string of fish - ponds in [the hollow of [the silent park]_{5082-the silent park}]_{5081-the hollow of the silent park} . At the back were trees , among which were to be found [the stables]_{5083-the stables} , and [the big kitchen garden , behind which was a wood]_{5084-the big kitchen garden , behind which was a wood} . It was [a very quiet place , some miles from [the high - road]_{523-the high - road} , back from [the Derwent Valley]_{35-the derwent valley} , outside the show scenery]_{5085-a very quiet place , some miles from the high - road , back from the derwent valley , outside the show scenery} . Silent and forsaken , the golden stucco showed between the trees , [the house - front]_{5087-the house - front} looked down [the park]_{5088-the park} , unchanged and unchanging . Of late , however , [Hermione]_168-hermione had lived a good deal at [the house]_{468-the house} . [She]_168-hermione had turned away from [London]_2-london , away from [Oxford]_14-oxford , towards the silence of [the country]_{4896-the country} . [[Her]_168-hermione father]_{583-her father} was mostly absent , abroad , [she]_168-hermione was either alone in [the house]_{468-the house} , with [[her]_168-hermione visitors]_{5093-her visitors} , of whom there were always several , or [she]_168-hermione had with [[her]_168-hermione [her]_168-hermione brother]_{5094-her her brother} , [a bachelor]_{5095-a bachelor} , and [a Liberal member of Parliament]_{5096-a liberal member of parliament} . [He]_{583-her father} always came down when [the House]_{468-the house} was not sitting , seemed always to be present in [Breadalby]_11-breadalby , although [he]_{583-her father} was most conscientious in [his]_{583-her father} attendance to duty . The summer was just coming in when [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went to stay the second time with [Hermione]_168-hermione . Coming along in [the car]_{4987-the car} , after [they]_5099-they had entered [the park]_{5088-the park} , [they]_5099-they looked across [the dip]_{5101-the dip} , where [the fish - ponds]_{5102-the fish - ponds} lay in silence , at the pillared front of [the house]_{468-the house} , sunny and small like an English drawing of [the old school]_{585-the old school} , on [the brow of [the green hill]_{5106-the green hill}]_{5105-the brow of the green hill} , against the trees . There were small figures on the green lawn , [women in lavender and yellow moving to the shade of the enormous , beautifully balanced cedar tree]_{5107-women in lavender and yellow moving to the shade of the enormous , beautifully balanced cedar tree} . “_[0-i] Is n’t it complete ! ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] It is as final as an old aquatint . ” [She]_168-hermione spoke with some resentment in [her]_168-hermione voice , as if [she]_168-hermione were captivated unwillingly , as if [she]_168-hermione must admire against [her]_168-hermione will . “_[0-i] Do [you]_1151-you love it ? ” asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[1151-you] [I]_0-i do n’t love it , but in its way , [I]_0-i think it is quite complete . ” [The motor - car]_{5108-the motor - car} ran down [the hill]_{497-the hill} and up again in one breath , and [they]_{5108-the motor - car} were curving to the side door . [A parlour - maid]_{5110-a parlour - maid} appeared , and then [Hermione]_168-hermione , coming forward with [her]_168-hermione pale face lifted , and [her]_168-hermione hands outstretched , advancing straight to [the newcomers]_{5111-the newcomers} , [her]_168-hermione voice singing : “_[0-i] Here [you]_1151-you are — [I’m]_0-i so glad to see [you]_1151-you — ” [she]_168-hermione kissed [Gudrun—“so]_{224-gudrun—“so[0-i]} glad to see [you]_1151-you — ” [she]_168-hermione kissed [Ursula]_255-gerald and remained with [her]_168-hermione arm round [her]_1151-you . “_[1151-you] Are [you]_1151-you very tired ? ” “_[1151-you] Not at all tired , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[1151-you] Are [you]_1151-you tired , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ? ” “_[160-gudrun] Not at all , thanks , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[160-gudrun] No — ” drawled [Hermione]_168-hermione . And [she]_168-hermione stood and looked at [them]_{5111-the newcomers} . [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} were embarrassed because [she]_168-hermione would not move into [the house]_{468-the house} , but must have [her]_168-hermione little scene of welcome there on [the path]_{671-the path} . [The servants]_{5115-the servants} waited . “_[160-gudrun] Come in , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione at last , having fully taken in [the pair of [them]_{5111-the newcomers}]_{5116-the pair of them} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was the more beautiful and attractive , [she]_168-hermione had decided again , [Ursula]_255-gerald was more physical , more womanly . [She]_168-hermione admired [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s dress more . It was of green poplin , with a loose coat above it , of broad , dark - green and dark - brown stripes . The hat was of a pale , greenish straw , the colour of new hay , and it had a plaited ribbon of black and orange , the stockings were dark green , the shoes black . It was a good get - up , at once fashionable and individual . [Ursula]_255-gerald , in dark blue , was more ordinary , though [she]_168-hermione also looked well . [Hermione]_168-hermione [herself]_168-hermione wore a dress of prune - coloured silk , with coral beads and coral coloured stockings . But [her]_168-hermione dress was both shabby and soiled , even rather dirty . “_[160-gudrun] [You]_1152-you would like to see [[your]_1152-you rooms]_{1153-your rooms} now , would n’t [you]_1152-you ! Yes . [We]_1154-we will go up now , shall [we]_1154-we ? ” [Ursula]_255-gerald was glad when [she]_168-hermione could be left alone in [[her]_168-hermione room]_{5117-her room} . [Hermione]_168-hermione lingered so long , made such a stress on one . [She]_168-hermione stood so near to one , pressing [herself]_168-hermione near upon one , in a way that was most embarrassing and oppressive . [She]_168-hermione seemed to hinder [one]_4646-one ’s workings . Lunch was served on [the lawn]_{5119-the lawn} , under the great tree , whose thick , blackish boughs came down close to the grass . There were present [a young Italian woman , slight and fashionable]_{5120-a young italian woman , slight and fashionable} , [a young , athletic - looking [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley}]_{5121-a young , athletic - looking miss bradley} , [a learned , dry Baronet of fifty , who was always making witticisms and laughing at them heartily in a harsh , horse - laugh]_{5122-a learned , dry baronet of fifty , who was always making witticisms and laughing at them heartily in a harsh , horse - laugh} , there was [Rupert Birkin]_169-birkin , and then [a woman secretary]_{5123-a woman secretary} , [a Fräulein März]_{226-fräulein} , young and slim and pretty . The food was very good , that was one thing . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , critical of everything , gave it [her]_160-gudrun full approval . [Ursula]_255-gerald loved the situation , the white table by the cedar tree , the scent of new sunshine , the little vision of [the leafy park]_{5124-the leafy park} , with far - off deer feeding peacefully . There seemed a magic circle drawn about [the place]_{5125-the place} , shutting out the present , enclosing the delightful , precious past , trees and deer and silence , like a dream . But in spirit [she]_168-hermione was unhappy . The talk went on like a rattle of small artillery , always slightly sententious , with a sententiousness that was only emphasised by the continual crackling of a witticism , the continual spatter of verbal jest , designed to give a tone of flippancy to a stream of conversation that was all critical and general , a canal of conversation rather than a stream . The attitude was mental and very wearying . Only [the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient]_{5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient} , seemed to be thoroughly happy . [Birkin]_169-birkin was down in the mouth . [Hermione]_168-hermione appeared , with amazing persistence , to wish to ridicule [him]_{5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient} and make [him]_{5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient} look ignominious in the eyes of [everybody]_{780-everybody} . And it was surprising how [she]_168-hermione seemed to succeed , how helpless [he]_{5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient} seemed against [her]_168-hermione . [He]_{5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient} looked completely insignificant . [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , both very unused , were mostly silent , listening to the slow , rhapsodic sing - song of [Hermione]_168-hermione , or the verbal sallies of [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} , or the prattle of [Fräulein]_{226-fräulein} , or the responses of [the other two women]_{5128-the other two women} . Luncheon was over , coffee was brought out on [the grass]_{5129-the grass} , [the party]_{701-the party} left the table and sat about in lounge chairs , in the shade or in the sunshine as [they]_{701-the party} wished . [Fräulein]_{226-fräulein} departed into [the house]_{468-the house} , [Hermione]_168-hermione took up [her]_168-hermione embroidery , [the little Contessa]_{228-the contessa} took a book , [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley} was weaving a basket out of fine grass , and there [they]_{701-the party} all were on [the lawn]_{5119-the lawn} in the early summer afternoon , working leisurely and spattering with half - intellectual , deliberate talk . Suddenly there was the sound of the brakes and the shutting off of [a motor - car]_{977-a motor - car} . “_[229-salsie] There ’s [Salsie]_229-salsie ! ” sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , in [her]_168-hermione slow , amusing sing - song . And laying down [her]_168-hermione work , [she]_168-hermione rose slowly , and slowly passed over [the lawn]_{5119-the lawn} , round the bushes , out of sight . “_[229-salsie] Who is it ? ” asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_{[230-mr roddice]} [Mr Roddice]_{230-mr roddice} — [[Miss Roddice]_{231-miss roddice} ’s brother]_{1155-miss roddice ’s brother} — at least , [I]_0-i suppose it ’s [he]_{230-mr roddice} , ” said [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} . “_{[230-mr roddice]} [Salsie]_229-salsie , yes , it is [[her]_{231-miss roddice} brother]_{807-her brother} , ” said [the little Contessa]_{5135-the little contessa} , lifting [her]_{5135-the little contessa} head for a moment from [her]_{5135-the little contessa} book , and speaking as if to give information , in [her]_{5135-the little contessa} slightly deepened , guttural English . [They]_5136-they all waited . And then round the bushes came the tall form of [Alexander Roddice]_{232-alexander} , striding romantically like [a Meredith hero who remembers [Disraeli]_233-disraeli]_{5137-a meredith hero who remembers disraeli} . [He]_{232-alexander} was cordial with [everybody]_{780-everybody} , [he]_{232-alexander} was at once [a host]_{5139-a host} , with an easy , offhand hospitality that [he]_{232-alexander} had learned for [[Hermione]_168-hermione ’s friends]_{5140-hermione ’s friends} . [He]_{232-alexander} had just come down from [London]_2-london , from [the House]_{468-the house} . At once the atmosphere of [the House of Commons]_{5142-the house of commons} made itself felt over [the lawn]_{5119-the lawn} : [the Home Secretary]_{5144-the home secretary} had said such and such a thing , and [he]_{5144-the home secretary} , [Roddice]_168-hermione , on the other hand , thought such and such a thing , and had said so - and - so to [the PM]_{5145-the pm} . Now [Hermione]_168-hermione came round the bushes with [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald had come along with [Alexander]_{232-alexander} . [Gerald]_255-gerald was presented to [everybody]_{780-everybody} , was kept by [Hermione]_168-hermione for a few moments in full view , then [he]_255-gerald was led away , still by [Hermione]_168-hermione . [He]_255-gerald was evidently [[her]_168-hermione guest]_{5147-her guest} of the moment . There had been a split in [the Cabinet]_{36-the cabinet} ; [the minister for Education]_{5148-the minister for education} had resigned owing to adverse criticism . This started a conversation on education . “_[229-salsie] Of course , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione , lifting [her]_168-hermione face like [a rhapsodist]_{5149-a rhapsodist} , “_[229-salsie] there can be no reason , no excuse for education , except the joy and beauty of knowledge in itself . ” [She]_168-hermione seemed to rumble and ruminate with subterranean thoughts for a minute , then [she]_168-hermione proceeded : “_[229-salsie] Vocational education is n’t education , it is the close of education . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald , on the brink of discussion , sniffed the air with delight and prepared for action . “_[229-salsie] Not necessarily , ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[229-salsie] But is n’t education really like gymnastics , is n’t the end of education the production of [a well - trained , vigorous , energetic mind]_{1157-a well - trained , vigorous , energetic mind} ? ” “_{[1157-a well - trained , vigorous , energetic mind]} Just as athletics produce a healthy body , ready for anything , ” cried [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley} , in hearty accord . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [her]_{225-miss bradley} in silent loathing . “_[229-salsie] Well — ” rumbled [Hermione]_168-hermione , “_[229-salsie] [I]_0-i do n’t know . To [me]_0-i the pleasure of knowing is so great , so wonderful — nothing has meant so much to [me]_0-i in all life , as certain knowledge — no , [I]_0-i am sure — nothing . ” “_[0-i] What knowledge , for example , [Hermione]_168-hermione ? ” asked [Alexander]_{232-alexander} . [Hermione]_168-hermione lifted [her]_168-hermione face and rumbled — “_{[168-hermione]} M — m — m — [I]_0-i do n’t know . . . But one thing was the stars , when [I]_0-i really understood something about the stars . [One]_4646-one feels so uplifted , so unbounded . . . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin looked at [her]_168-hermione in a white fury . “_[4646-one] What do [you]_168-hermione want to feel unbounded for ? ” [he]_5150-he said sarcastically . “_{[168-hermione]} [You]_168-hermione do n’t want to be unbounded . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione recoiled in offence . “_[4646-one] Yes , but [one]_4646-one does have that limitless feeling , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[4646-one] It ’s like getting on top of [the mountain]_{1160-the mountain} and seeing [the Pacific]_{37-the pacific} . ” “_[4646-one] Silent upon [a peak in [Dariayn]_38-dariayn]_{1161-a peak in dariayn} , ” murmured [the Italian]_{5151-the italian} , lifting [her]_{5151-the italian} face for a moment from [her]_{5151-the italian} book . “_[4646-one] Not necessarily in [Dariayn]_38-dariayn , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , while [Ursula]_255-gerald began to laugh . [Hermione]_168-hermione waited for the dust to settle , and then [she]_168-hermione said , untouched : “_[4646-one] Yes , it is the greatest thing in life — to know . It is really to be happy , to be free . ” “_[4646-one] Knowledge is , of course , liberty , ” said [Mattheson]_{234-joshua mattheson} . “_[4646-one] In compressed tabloids , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , looking at the dry , stiff little body of [the Baronet]_{235-the baronet} . [Immediately Gudrun]_160-gudrun saw [the famous sociologist]_{5152-the famous sociologist} as a flat bottle , containing tabloids of compressed liberty . That pleased [her]_168-hermione . [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} was labelled and placed forever in [her]_168-hermione mind . “_[4646-one] What does that mean , [Rupert]_169-birkin ? ” sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , in a calm snub . “_[169-birkin] [You]_1162-you can only have knowledge , strictly , ” [he]_{227-sir joshua} replied , “_[169-birkin] of things concluded , in the past . It ’s like bottling the liberty of last summer in the bottled gooseberries . ” “_[4646-one] Can [one]_4646-one have knowledge only of the past ? ” asked [the Baronet]_{5153-the baronet} , pointedly . “_[4646-one] Could [we]_1164-we call [our]_1164-we knowledge of the laws of gravitation for instance , knowledge of the past ? ” “_[4646-one] Yes , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[4646-one] There is a most beautiful thing in [my]_0-i book , ” suddenly piped [the little Italian woman]_{5154-the little italian woman} . “_{[4658-the man]} It says [the man]_{4658-the man} came to the door and threw [his]_{4658-the man} eyes down [the street]_{948-the street} . ” There was a general laugh in [the company]_{746-the company} . [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley} went and looked over the shoulder of [the Contessa]_{228-the contessa} . “_{[4658-the man]} See ! ” said [the Contessa]_{228-the contessa} . “_{[236-bazarov]} [Bazarov]_236-bazarov came to the door and threw [his]_236-bazarov eyes hurriedly down [the street]_{948-the street} , ” [she]_{5154-the little italian woman} read . Again there was a loud laugh , the most startling of which was [the Baronet]_{5153-the baronet} ’s , which rattled out like a clatter of falling stones . “_{[236-bazarov]} What is the book ? ” asked [Alexander]_{232-alexander} , promptly . “_{[1168-fathers]} [Fathers]_1168-fathers and [Sons]_1169-sons , by [Turgenev]_237-turgenev , ” said [the little foreigner]_{5157-the little foreigner} , pronouncing every syllable distinctly . [She]_{5154-the little italian woman} looked at the cover , to verify [herself]_{5154-the little italian woman} . “_{[237-turgenev]} An old American edition , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_{[237-turgenev]} Ha!—of course — translated from the French , ” said [Alexander]_{232-alexander} , with a fine declamatory voice . “_{[236-bazarov]} [Bazarov]_236-bazarov ouvra la porte et jeta les yeux dans la rue . ” [He]_236-bazarov looked brightly round [the company]_{746-the company} . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i wonder what the ‘ hurriedly ’ was , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . [They]_{746-the company} all began to guess . And then , to the amazement of [everybody]_{780-everybody} , [the maid]_{5160-the maid} came hurrying with a large tea - tray . The afternoon had passed so swiftly . After tea , [they]_{746-the company} were all gathered for a walk . “_{[236-bazarov]} Would [you]_1170-you like to come for a walk ? ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione to each of [them]_{746-the company} , one by one . And [they]_{746-the company} all said yes , feeling somehow like [prisoners marshalled for exercise]_{5161-prisoners marshalled for exercise} . [Birkin]_169-birkin only refused . “_[1170-you] Will [you]_1170-you come for a walk , [Rupert]_169-birkin ? ” “_[1170-you] No , [Hermione]_168-hermione . ” “_{[168-hermione]} But are [you]_1170-you sure ? ” “_[1170-you] Quite sure . ” There was a second ’s hesitation . “_[1170-you] And why not ? ” sang [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s question . It made [her]_168-hermione blood run sharp , to be thwarted in even so trifling a matter . [She]_168-hermione intended [them]_{746-the company} all to walk with [her]_168-hermione in [the park]_{5088-the park} . “_[1170-you] Because [I]_0-i do n’t like trooping off in a gang , ” [he]_0-i said . [Her]_168-hermione voice rumbled in [her]_168-hermione throat for a moment . Then [she]_168-hermione said , with a curious stray calm : “_[0-i] Then [we]_1171-they ’ll leave [a little boy]_{1172-a little boy} behind , if [he]_{1172-a little boy} ’s sulky . ” And [she]_168-hermione looked really gay , while [she]_168-hermione insulted [him]_0-i . But it merely made [him]_0-i stiff . [She]_168-hermione trailed off to [the rest of [the company]_{746-the company}]_{745-the rest of the company} , only turning to wave [her]_168-hermione handkerchief to [him]_0-i , and to chuckle with laughter , singing out : “_{[1172-a little boy]} Good - bye , good - bye , [little boy]_{1173-little boy} . ” “_{[1173-little boy]} Good - bye , impudent hag , ” [he]_0-i said to [himself]_0-i . [They]_1171-they all went through [the park]_{5088-the park} . [Hermione]_168-hermione wanted to show [them]_1171-they the wild daffodils on a little slope . “_{[1173-little boy]} This way , this way , ” sang [her]_168-hermione leisurely voice at intervals . And [they]_1171-they had all to come this way . The daffodils were pretty , but who could see [them]_1171-they ? [Ursula]_255-gerald was stiff all over with resentment by this time , resentment of the whole atmosphere . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , mocking and objective , watched and registered everything . [They]_1171-they looked at [the shy deer]_{5166-the shy deer} , and [Hermione]_168-hermione talked to the stag , as if [he]_0-i too were [a boy [she]_168-hermione wanted to wheedle and fondle]_{5167-a boy she wanted to wheedle and fondle} . [He]_0-i was male , so [she]_168-hermione must exert some kind of power over [him]_0-i . [They]_1171-they trailed [home]_4649-home by [the fish - ponds]_{5102-the fish - ponds} , and [Hermione]_168-hermione told [them]_1171-they about the quarrel of [two male swans , who had striven for the love of [the one lady]_{5171-the one lady}]_{5170-two male swans , who had striven for the love of the one lady} . [She]_168-hermione chuckled and laughed as [she]_168-hermione told how [the ousted lover]_{5172-the ousted lover} had sat with [his]_{5172-the ousted lover} head buried under [his]_{5172-the ousted lover} wing , on the gravel . When [they]_1171-they arrived back at [the house]_{468-the house} , [Hermione]_168-hermione stood on [the lawn]_{5119-the lawn} and sang out , in a strange , small , high voice that carried very far : “_[169-birkin] [Rupert]_169-birkin ! [Rupert]_169-birkin ! ” The first syllable was high and slow , the second dropped down . “_[169-birkin] [Roo - o - opert]_{1174-roo - o - opert} . ” But there was no answer . [A maid]_{5175-a maid} appeared . “_{[1174-roo - o - opert]} Where is [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin , [Alice]_238-alice ? ” asked the mild straying voice of [Hermione]_168-hermione . But under the straying voice , what a persistent , almost insane will ! “_[238-alice] [I]_0-i think [he]_1175-he ’s in [[his]_1175-he room]_{5054-his room} , [madam]_1177-madam . ” “_[1175-he] Is [he]_1175-he ? ” [Hermione]_168-hermione went slowly up [the stairs]_{5176-the stairs} , along [the corridor]_{5002-the corridor} , singing out in [her]_168-hermione high , small call : “_[1175-he] Ru - oo - pert ! [Ru - oo pert]_{239-ru - oo pert} ! ” [She]_168-hermione came to [his]_1175-he door , and tapped , still crying : “_{[239-ru - oo pert]} Roo - pert . ” “_{[239-ru - oo pert]} Yes , ” sounded [his]_1175-he voice at last . “_[0-i] What are [you]_0-i doing ? ” The question was mild and curious . There was no answer . Then [he]_1175-he opened the door . “_[0-i] [We]_1178-we ’ve come back , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione . “_[1178-we] The daffodils are so beautiful . ” “_[1178-we] Yes , ” [he]_1175-he said , “_[1178-we] [I]_0-i ’ve seen them . ” [She]_168-hermione looked at [him]_1175-he with [her]_168-hermione long , slow , impassive look , along [her]_168-hermione cheeks . “_[1175-he] Have [you]_1175-he ? ” [she]_168-hermione echoed . And [she]_168-hermione remained looking at [him]_1175-he . [She]_168-hermione was stimulated above all things by this conflict with [him]_1175-he , when [he]_1175-he was like [a sulky boy]_{5178-a sulky boy} , helpless , and [she]_168-hermione had [him]_1175-he safe at [Breadalby]_11-breadalby . But underneath [she]_168-hermione knew the split was coming , and [her]_168-hermione hatred of [him]_1175-he was subconscious and intense . “_[1175-he] What were [you]_1175-he doing ? ” [she]_168-hermione reiterated , in [her]_168-hermione mild , indifferent tone . [He]_1175-he did not answer , and [she]_168-hermione made [her]_168-hermione way , almost unconsciously into [[his]_1175-he room]_{5054-his room} . [He]_1175-he had taken a Chinese drawing of geese from [the boudoir]_{5180-the boudoir} , and was copying it , with much skill and vividness . “_[1175-he] [You]_1175-he are copying the drawing , ” [she]_168-hermione said , standing near the table , and looking down at [his]_1175-he work . “_[1175-he] Yes . How beautifully [you]_1175-he do it ! [You]_1175-he like it very much , do n’t [you]_1175-he ? ” “_[1175-he] It ’s a marvellous drawing , ” [he]_1175-he said . “_[1175-he] Is it ? [I]_0-i ’m so glad [you]_1175-he like it , because [I]_0-i ’ve always been fond of it . [The Chinese Ambassador]_{1179-the chinese ambassador} gave it [me]_0-i . ” “_{[1179-the chinese ambassador]} [I]_0-i know , ” [he]_1175-he said . “_{[1179-the chinese ambassador]} But why do [you]_1175-he copy it ? ” [she]_168-hermione asked , casual and sing - song . “_[1175-he] Why not do something original ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i want to know it , ” [he]_1175-he replied . “_[0-i] [One]_4646-one gets more of [China]_39-china , copying this picture , than reading all the books . ” “_[4646-one] And what do [you]_1175-he get ? ” [She]_168-hermione was at once roused , [she]_168-hermione laid as it were violent hands on [him]_1175-he , to extract [his]_1175-he secrets from [him]_1175-he . [She]_168-hermione must know . It was a dreadful tyranny , an obsession in [her]_168-hermione , to know all [he]_1175-he knew . For some time [he]_1175-he was silent , hating to answer [her]_168-hermione . Then , compelled , [he]_1175-he began : “_[1175-he] [I]_0-i know what centres [they]_1181-they live from — what [they]_1181-they perceive and feel — the hot , stinging centrality of a goose in the flux of cold water and mud — the curious bitter stinging heat of a goose ’s blood , entering [their]_1181-they own blood like an inoculation of corruptive fire — fire of the cold - burning mud — the lotus mystery . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione looked at [him]_1175-he along [her]_168-hermione narrow , pallid cheeks . [Her]_168-hermione eyes were strange and drugged , heavy under their heavy , drooping lids . [Her]_168-hermione thin bosom shrugged convulsively . [He]_1175-he stared back at [her]_168-hermione , devilish and unchanging . With another strange , sick convulsion , [she]_168-hermione turned away , as if [she]_168-hermione were sick , could feel dissolution setting - in in [her]_168-hermione body . For with [her]_168-hermione mind [she]_168-hermione was unable to attend to [his]_1175-he words , [he]_1175-he caught [her]_168-hermione , as it were , beneath all [her]_168-hermione defences , and destroyed [her]_168-hermione with some insidious occult potency . “_{[4745-somebody]} Yes , ” [she]_168-hermione said , as if [she]_168-hermione did not know what [she]_168-hermione were saying . “_{[4745-somebody]} Yes , ” and [she]_168-hermione swallowed , and tried to regain [her]_168-hermione mind . But [she]_168-hermione could not , [she]_168-hermione was witless , decentralised . Use all [her]_168-hermione will as [she]_168-hermione might , [she]_168-hermione could not recover . [She]_168-hermione suffered the ghastliness of dissolution , broken and gone in a horrible corruption . And [he]_1175-he stood and looked at [her]_168-hermione unmoved . [She]_168-hermione strayed out , pallid and preyed - upon like a ghost , like one attacked by the tomb - influences which dog [us]_5181-us . And [she]_168-hermione was gone like [a corpse , that has no presence , no connection]_{5182-a corpse , that has no presence , no connection} . [He]_1175-he remained hard and vindictive . [Hermione]_168-hermione came down to dinner strange and sepulchral , [her]_168-hermione eyes heavy and full of sepulchral darkness , strength . [She]_168-hermione had put on a dress of stiff old greenish brocade , that fitted tight and made [her]_168-hermione look tall and rather terrible , ghastly . In the gay light of [the drawing - room]_{5183-the drawing - room} [she]_168-hermione was uncanny and oppressive . But seated in the half - light of [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} , sitting stiffly before the shaded candles on the table , [she]_168-hermione seemed a power , a presence . [She]_168-hermione listened and attended with a drugged attention . The party was gay and extravagant in appearance , [everybody]_{780-everybody} had put on evening dress except [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Joshua Mattheson]_{234-joshua mattheson} . [The little Italian Contessa]_{228-the contessa} wore a dress of tissue , of orange and gold and black velvet in soft wide stripes , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was emerald green with strange net - work , [Ursula]_255-gerald was in yellow with dull silver veiling , [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley} was of grey , crimson and jet , [Fräulein März]_{226-fräulein} wore pale blue . It gave [Hermione]_168-hermione a sudden convulsive sensation of pleasure , to see these rich colours under the candle - light . [She]_168-hermione was aware of the talk going on , ceaselessly , [Joshua]_{234-joshua mattheson} ’s voice dominating ; of the ceaseless pitter - patter of [women]_453-women ’s light laughter and responses ; of the brilliant colours and the white table and the shadow above and below ; and [she]_168-hermione seemed in a swoon of gratification , convulsed with pleasure and yet sick , like [a revenant]_{5187-a revenant} . [She]_168-hermione took very little part in the conversation , yet [she]_168-hermione heard it all , it was all [hers]_168-hermione . [They]_{780-everybody} all went together into [the drawing - room]_{5183-the drawing - room} , as if [they]_{780-everybody} were [one family]_{5189-one family} , easily , without any attention to ceremony . [Fräulein]_{226-fräulein} handed the coffee , [everybody]_{780-everybody} smoked cigarettes , or else long warden pipes of white clay , of which a sheaf was provided . “_{[4745-somebody]} Will [you]_1182-you smoke?—cigarettes or pipe ? ” asked [Fräulein]_{226-fräulein} prettily . There was a circle of [people]_579-people , [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} with [his]_{234-joshua mattheson} eighteenth - century appearance , [Gerald]_255-gerald [the amused , handsome young Englishman]_{5192-the amused , handsome young englishman} , [Alexander]_{232-alexander} tall and [the handsome politician , democratic and lucid]_{5193-the handsome politician , democratic and lucid} , [Hermione]_168-hermione strange like [a long Cassandra]_{5194-a long cassandra} , and [the women lurid with colour]_{5195-the women lurid with colour} , all dutifully smoking [their]_{780-everybody} long white pipes , and sitting in a half - moon in [the comfortable , soft - lighted drawing - room]_{5196-the comfortable , soft - lighted drawing - room} , round the logs that flickered on the marble hearth . The talk was very often political or sociological , and interesting , curiously anarchistic . There was an accumulation of powerful force in [the room]_{739-the room} , powerful and destructive . Everything seemed to be thrown into the melting pot , and it seemed to [Ursula]_255-gerald [they]_5198-they were [all witches]_{5199-all witches} , helping the pot to bubble . There was an elation and a satisfaction in it all , but it was cruelly exhausting for [the newcomers]_{5111-the newcomers} , this ruthless mental pressure , this powerful , consuming , destructive mentality that emanated from [Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} and [Hermione]_168-hermione and [Birkin]_169-birkin and dominated the rest . But a sickness , a fearful nausea gathered possession of [Hermione]_168-hermione . There was a lull in the talk , as it was arrested by [her]_168-hermione unconscious but all - powerful will . “_[1182-you] [Salsie]_229-salsie , wo n’t [you]_229-salsie play something ? ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione , breaking off completely . “_[229-salsie] Wo n’t [somebody]_{4745-somebody} dance ? [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [you]_229-salsie will dance , wo n’t [you]_229-salsie ? [I]_0-i wish [you]_229-salsie would . Anche tu , Palestra , ballerai?—sì , per piacere . [You]_229-salsie too , [Ursula]_255-gerald . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione rose and slowly pulled the gold - embroidered band that hung by the mantel , clinging to it for a moment , then releasing it suddenly . Like [a priestess]_{5201-a priestess} [she]_168-hermione looked , unconscious , sunk in a heavy half - trance . [A servant]_{5202-a servant} came , and soon reappeared with armfuls of silk robes and shawls and scarves , mostly oriental , things that [Hermione]_168-hermione , with [her]_168-hermione love for beautiful extravagant dress , had collected gradually . “_[255-gerald] [The three women]_{1184-the three women} will dance together , ” [she]_168-hermione said . “_{[1184-the three women]} What shall it be ? ” asked [Alexander]_{232-alexander} , rising briskly . “_{[240-vergini delle rocchette]} [Vergini Delle Rocchette]_{240-vergini delle rocchette} , ” said [the Contessa]_{228-the contessa} at once . “_{[240-vergini delle rocchette]} [They]_{1184-the three women} are so languid , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[1184-the three women]} [The three witches from [Macbeth]_40-macbeth]_{1185-the three witches from macbeth} , ” suggested [Fräulein]_{226-fräulein} usefully . It was finally decided to do [Naomi]_241-naomi and [Ruth]_242-ruth and [Orpah]_243-orpah . [Ursula]_255-gerald was [Naomi]_241-naomi , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was [Ruth]_242-ruth , [the Contessa]_{228-the contessa} was [Orpah]_243-orpah . The idea was to make a little ballet , in the style of the Russian Ballet of [Pavlova]_244-pavlova and [Nijinsky]_245-nijinsky . [The Contessa]_{5203-the contessa} was ready first , [Alexander]_{232-alexander} went to the piano , a space was cleared . [Orpah]_243-orpah , in beautiful oriental clothes , began slowly to dance the death of [[her]_243-orpah husband]_{5204-her husband} . Then [Ruth]_242-ruth came , and [they]_5205-they wept together , and lamented , then [Naomi]_241-naomi came to comfort [them]_5205-they . It was all done in dumb show , [the women]_{537-the women} danced [their]_{537-the women} emotion in gesture and motion . The little drama went on for a quarter of an hour . [Ursula]_255-gerald was beautiful as [Naomi]_241-naomi . All [[her]_243-orpah men]_{5207-her men} were dead , it remained to [her]_243-orpah only to stand alone in indomitable assertion , demanding nothing . [Ruth]_242-ruth , [woman]_1012-woman - loving , loved [her]_243-orpah . [Orpah]_243-orpah , [a vivid , sensational , subtle widow]_{5209-a vivid , sensational , subtle widow} , would go back to the former life , a repetition . The interplay between [the women]_{537-the women} was real and rather frightening . It was strange to see how [Gudrun]_160-gudrun clung with heavy , desperate passion to [Ursula]_255-gerald , yet smiled with subtle malevolence against [her]_243-orpah , how [Ursula]_255-gerald accepted silently , unable to provide any more either for [herself]_255-gerald or for the other , but dangerous and indomitable , refuting [her]_243-orpah grief . [Hermione]_168-hermione loved to watch . [She]_168-hermione could see [the Contessa]_{228-the contessa} ’s rapid , stoat - like sensationalism , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s ultimate but treacherous cleaving to [the woman in [[her]_243-orpah sister]_{449-her sister}]_{5211-the woman in her sister} , [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s dangerous helplessness , as if [she]_243-orpah were helplessly weighted , and unreleased . “_{[1185-the three witches from macbeth]} That was very beautiful , ” [everybody]_{780-everybody} cried with one accord . But [Hermione]_168-hermione writhed in [her]_168-hermione soul , knowing what [she]_168-hermione could not know . [She]_168-hermione cried out for more dancing , and it was [her]_168-hermione will that set [the Contessa]_{228-the contessa} and [Birkin]_169-birkin moving mockingly in [Malbrouk]_41-malbrouk . [Gerald]_255-gerald was excited by the desperate cleaving of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun to [Naomi]_241-naomi . The essence of [that female]_{5214-that female} , subterranean recklessness and mockery penetrated [his]_255-gerald blood . [He]_255-gerald could not forget [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s lifted , offered , cleaving , reckless , yet withal mocking weight . And [Birkin]_169-birkin , watching like a hermit crab from its hole , had seen the brilliant frustration and helplessness of [Ursula]_255-gerald . [She]_243-orpah was rich , full of dangerous power . [She]_243-orpah was like [a strange unconscious bud of powerful womanhood]_{5215-a strange unconscious bud of powerful womanhood} . [He]_255-gerald was unconsciously drawn to [her]_243-orpah . [She]_243-orpah was [his]_255-gerald future . [Alexander]_{232-alexander} played some Hungarian music , and [they]_5216-they all danced , seized by the spirit . [Gerald]_255-gerald was marvellously exhilarated at finding [himself]_255-gerald in motion , moving towards [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , dancing with feet that could not yet escape from the waltz and the two - step , but feeling [his]_255-gerald force stir along [his]_255-gerald limbs and [his]_255-gerald body , out of captivity . [He]_255-gerald did not know yet how to dance [their]_5216-they convulsive , rag - time sort of dancing , but [he]_255-gerald knew how to begin . [Birkin]_169-birkin , when [he]_255-gerald could get free from the weight of [the people present , whom [he]_255-gerald disliked]_{5217-the people present , whom he disliked} , danced rapidly and with a real gaiety . And how [Hermione]_168-hermione hated [him]_255-gerald for this irresponsible gaiety . “_{[1185-the three witches from macbeth]} Now [I]_0-i see , ” cried [the Contessa]_{228-the contessa} excitedly , watching [his]_255-gerald purely gay motion , which [he]_255-gerald had all to [himself]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin , [he]_1186-he is [a changer]_{1187-a changer} . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione looked at [her]_168-hermione slowly , and shuddered , knowing that [only a foreigner]_{5218-only a foreigner} could have seen and have said this . “_[1186-he] Cosa vuol’dire , [Palestra]_246-palestra ? ” [she]_168-hermione asked , sing - song . “_{[246-palestra]} Look , ” said [the Contessa]_{5203-the contessa} , in Italian . “_[1186-he] [He]_1186-he is not [a man]_{4648-a man} , [he]_1186-he is [a chameleon]_{1189-a chameleon} , [a creature of change]_{1190-a creature of change} . ” “_{[1189-a chameleon]} [He]_1186-he is not [a man]_{4648-a man} , [he]_1186-he is treacherous , not one of [us]_1192-us , ” said [itself]_5220-itself over in [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s consciousness . And [her]_168-hermione soul writhed in the black subjugation to [him]_1186-he , because of [his]_1186-he power to escape , to exist , other than [she]_168-hermione did , because [he]_1186-he was not consistent , not [a man]_{4648-a man} , less than [a man]_{4648-a man} . [She]_168-hermione hated [him]_1186-he in a despair that shattered [her]_168-hermione and broke [her]_168-hermione down , so that [she]_168-hermione suffered sheer dissolution like a corpse , and was unconscious of everything save the horrible sickness of dissolution that was taking place within [her]_168-hermione , body and soul . [The house]_{468-the house} being full , [Gerald]_255-gerald was given [the smaller room]_{5224-the smaller room} , really [the dressing - room]_{5225-the dressing - room} , communicating with [[Birkin]_169-birkin ’s bedroom]_{5226-birkin ’s bedroom} . When [they]_5227-they all took [their]_5227-they candles and mounted the stairs , where the lamps were burning subduedly , [Hermione]_168-hermione captured [Ursula]_255-gerald and brought [her]_168-hermione into [[her]_168-hermione own bedroom]_{5228-her own bedroom} , to talk to [her]_168-hermione . A sort of constraint came over [Ursula]_255-gerald in [the big , strange bedroom]_{5229-the big , strange bedroom} . [Hermione]_168-hermione seemed to be bearing down on [her]_168-hermione , awful and inchoate , making some appeal . [They]_5227-they were looking at some Indian silk shirts , gorgeous and sensual in themselves , [their]_5230-their shape , [their]_5230-their almost corrupt gorgeousness . And [Hermione]_168-hermione came near , and [her]_168-hermione bosom writhed , and [Ursula]_255-gerald was for a moment blank with panic . And for a moment [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s haggard eyes saw the fear on the face of [the other]_{920-the other} , there was again a sort of crash , a crashing down . And [Ursula]_255-gerald picked up a shirt of rich red and blue silk , made for [a young princess of fourteen]_{5232-a young princess of fourteen} , and was crying mechanically : “_[1186-he] Is n’t it wonderful — who would dare to put those two strong colours together — ” Then [[Hermione]_168-hermione ’s maid]_{5233-hermione ’s maid} entered silently and [Ursula]_255-gerald , overcome with dread , escaped , carried away by powerful impulse . [Birkin]_169-birkin went straight to bed . [He]_5234-he was feeling happy , and sleepy . Since [he]_5234-he had danced [he]_5234-he was happy . But [Gerald]_255-gerald would talk to [him]_5234-he . [Gerald]_255-gerald , in evening dress , sat on [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s bed when [the other]_{920-the other} lay down , and must talk . “_[1186-he] Who are [those two Brangwens]_{1193-those two brangwens} ? ” [Gerald]_255-gerald asked . “_{[1193-those two brangwens]} [They]_{1193-those two brangwens} live in [Beldover]_1-beldover . ” “_{[1193-those two brangwens]} In [Beldover]_1-beldover ! Who are [they]_{1193-those two brangwens} then ? ” “_{[1193-those two brangwens]} [Teachers in [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school}]_{1194-teachers in the grammar school} . ” There was a pause . “_{[1193-those two brangwens]} [They]_{1193-those two brangwens} are ! ” exclaimed [Gerald]_255-gerald at length . “_{[1193-those two brangwens]} [I]_0-i thought [I]_0-i had seen [them]_{1193-those two brangwens} before . ” “_{[1193-those two brangwens]} It disappoints [you]_0-i ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Disappoints [me]_0-i ! No — but how is it [Hermione]_168-hermione has [them]_{1193-those two brangwens} [here]_4650-here ? ” “_{[168-hermione]} [She]_168-hermione knew [Gudrun]_160-gudrun in [London]_2-london — that ’s [the younger one]_{1197-the younger one} , [the one with the darker hair]_{1198-the one with the darker hair} — [she]_168-hermione ’s [an artist]_{1059-an artist} — does sculpture and modelling . ” “_{[168-hermione]} [She]_168-hermione ’s not [a teacher in [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school}]_{1200-a teacher in the grammar school} , then — only the other ? ” “_{[168-hermione]} Both — [Gudrun art mistress]_{1202-gudrun art mistress} , [Ursula a class mistress]_{1203-ursula a class mistress} . ” “_{[1203-ursula a class mistress]} And what ’s [the father]_{646-the father} ? ” “_{[646-the father]} [Handicraft instructor in [the schools]_{1206-the schools}]_{1205-handicraft instructor in the schools} . ” “_{[646-the father]} Really ! ” “_{[646-the father]} Class - barriers are breaking down ! ” [Gerald]_255-gerald was always uneasy under the slightly jeering tone of the other . “_{[646-the father]} That [[their]_{1193-those two brangwens} father]_{447-their father} is [handicraft instructor in [a school]_{1209-a school}]_{1208-handicraft instructor in a school} ! What does it matter to [me]_0-i ? ” [Birkin]_169-birkin laughed . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [his]_255-gerald face , as it lay there laughing and bitter and indifferent on the pillow , and [he]_255-gerald could not go away . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t suppose [you]_1210-you will see very much more of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , at least . [She]_160-gudrun is a restless bird , [she]_160-gudrun ’ll be gone in a week or two , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[160-gudrun] Where will [she]_160-gudrun go ? ” “_[160-gudrun] [London]_2-london , [Paris]_42-paris , [Rome]_43-rome — heaven knows . [I]_0-i always expect [her]_160-gudrun to sheer off to [Damascus]_44-damascus or [San Francisco]_{45-san francisco} ; [she]_160-gudrun ’s a bird of paradise . [God]_167-god knows what [she]_160-gudrun ’s got to do with [Beldover]_1-beldover . It goes by contraries , like dreams . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald pondered for a few moments . “_[0-i] How do [you]_0-i know [her]_160-gudrun so well ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i knew [her]_160-gudrun in [London]_2-london , ” [he]_0-i replied , “_[160-gudrun] in [the Algernon Strange set]_{1211-the algernon strange set} . [She]_160-gudrun ’ll know about [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} and [Libidnikov]_{218-libidnikov} and the rest — even if [she]_160-gudrun does n’t know [them]_1212-them personally . [She]_160-gudrun was never quite that set — more conventional , in a way . [I]_0-i ’ve known [her]_160-gudrun for two years , [I]_0-i suppose . ” “_[160-gudrun] And [she]_160-gudrun makes money , apart from [her]_160-gudrun teaching ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[160-gudrun] Some — irregularly . [She]_160-gudrun can sell [her]_160-gudrun models . [She]_160-gudrun has a certain réclame . ” “_[160-gudrun] How much for ? ” “_[160-gudrun] A guinea , ten guineas . ” “_[160-gudrun] And are [they]_1213-they good ? What are they ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think sometimes they are marvellously good . That is [hers]_160-gudrun , those two wagtails in [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s boudoir — [you’ve]_{1214-you’ve} seen them — they are carved in wood and painted . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i thought it was savage carving again . ” “_[160-gudrun] No , [hers]_160-gudrun . That ’s what [they]_1213-they are — animals and birds , sometimes odd small people in everyday dress , really rather wonderful when [they]_1213-they come off . [They]_1213-they have a sort of funniness that is quite unconscious and subtle . ” “_[1213-they] [She]_160-gudrun might be [a well - known artist]_{1215-a well - known artist} one day ? ” mused [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun might . But [I]_0-i think [she]_160-gudrun wo n’t . [She]_160-gudrun drops [her]_160-gudrun art if anything else catches [her]_160-gudrun . [Her]_160-gudrun contrariness prevents [her]_160-gudrun taking it seriously — [she]_160-gudrun must never be too serious , [she]_160-gudrun feels [she]_160-gudrun might give [herself]_160-gudrun away . And [she]_160-gudrun wo n’t give [herself]_160-gudrun away — [she]_160-gudrun ’s always on the defensive . That ’s what [I]_0-i ca n’t stand about [her]_160-gudrun type . By the way , how did things go off with [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} after [I]_0-i left [you]_0-i ? [I]_0-i have n’t heard anything . ” “_[0-i] Oh , rather disgusting . [Halliday]_204-halliday turned objectionable , and [I]_0-i only just saved [myself]_0-i from jumping in [his]_204-halliday stomach , in a real old - fashioned row . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin was silent . “_[0-i] Of course , ” [he]_0-i said , “_[209-julius] [Julius]_209-julius is somewhat insane . On the one hand [he]_209-julius ’s had religious mania , and on the other , [he]_209-julius is fascinated by obscenity . Either [he]_209-julius is [a pure servant]_{1216-a pure servant} , washing the feet of [Christ]_192-christ , or else [he]_209-julius is making obscene drawings of [Jesus]_247-jesus — action and reaction — and between the two , nothing . [He]_209-julius is really insane . [He]_209-julius wants a pure lily , [another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} , and on the other , [he]_209-julius must have [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} , just to defile [himself]_209-julius with [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} . ” “_{[4973-the pussum]} That ’s what [I]_0-i ca n’t make out , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Does [he]_209-julius love [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} , [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} , or does n’t [he]_209-julius ? ” “_[209-julius] [He]_209-julius neither does nor does n’t . [She]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} is [the harlot]_{1220-the harlot} , the actual harlot of adultery to [him]_209-julius . And [he]_209-julius ’s got a craving to throw [himself]_209-julius into the filth of [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} . Then [he]_209-julius gets up and calls on the name of the lily of purity , [the baby - faced girl]_{1221-the baby - faced girl} , and so enjoys [himself]_209-julius all round . It ’s the old story — action and reaction , and nothing between . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , after a pause , “_[0-i] that [he]_209-julius does insult [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} so very much . [She]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} strikes [me]_0-i as being rather foul . ” “_{[1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand]} But [I]_0-i thought [you]_0-i liked [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} , ” exclaimed [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i always felt fond of [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} . [I]_0-i never had anything to do with [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} , personally , that ’s true . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i liked [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} all right , for a couple of days , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] But a week of [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} would have turned [me]_0-i over . There ’s a certain smell about the skin of [those women]_{936-those women} , that in the end is sickening beyond words — even if [you]_0-i like it at first . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i know , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . Then [he]_0-i added , rather fretfully , “_[0-i] But go to bed , [Gerald]_255-gerald . God knows what time it is . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [his]_255-gerald watch , and at length rose off the bed , and went to [[his]_255-gerald room]_{5054-his room} . But [he]_255-gerald returned in a few minutes , in [his]_255-gerald shirt . “_[255-gerald] One thing , ” [he]_255-gerald said , seating [himself]_255-gerald on the bed again . “_[255-gerald] [We]_1223-we finished up rather stormily , and [I]_0-i never had time to give [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} anything . ” “_[0-i] Money ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [She]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} ’ll get what [she]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} wants from [Halliday]_204-halliday or from [one of [[her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} acquaintances]_{1225-her acquaintances}]_{1224-one of her acquaintances} . ” “_{[1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand]} But then , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “_{[1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand]} [I]_0-i ’d rather give [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} [her]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} dues and settle the account . ” “_[0-i] [She]_{1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand} does n’t care . ” “_{[1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand]} No , perhaps not . But one feels the account is left open , and [one]_4646-one would rather it were closed . ” “_[0-i] Would [you]_0-i ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [He]_0-i was looking at the white legs of [Gerald]_255-gerald , as [the latter]_{778-the latter} sat on the side of the bed in [his]_0-i shirt . [They]_5238-they were white - skinned , full , muscular legs , handsome and decided . Yet [they]_5238-they moved [Birkin]_169-birkin with a sort of pathos , tenderness , as if [they]_5238-they were childish . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think [I]_0-i ’d rather close the account , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , repeating [himself]_0-i vaguely . “_[0-i] It does n’t matter one way or another , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i always say it does n’t matter , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , a little puzzled , looking down at the face of [the other man]_{832-the other man} affectionately . “_[0-i] Neither does it , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[1227-she] But [she]_1227-she was [a decent sort]_{1228-a decent sort} , really — ” “_[1227-she] Render unto [Cæsarina]_{248-cæsarina} the things that are [Cæsarina]_{248-cæsarina} ’s , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , turning aside . It seemed to [him]_0-i [Gerald]_255-gerald was talking for the sake of talking . “_{[248-cæsarina]} Go away , it wearies [me]_0-i — it ’s too late at night , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i wish [you]_0-i ’d tell [me]_0-i something that did matter , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , looking down all the time at the face of [the other man]_{832-the other man} , waiting for something . But [Birkin]_169-birkin turned [his]_255-gerald face aside . “_[0-i] All right then , go to sleep , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , and [he]_255-gerald laid [his]_255-gerald hand affectionately on [the other man]_{832-the other man} ’s shoulder , and went away . In the morning when [Gerald]_255-gerald awoke and heard [Birkin]_169-birkin move , [he]_255-gerald called out : “_[0-i] [I]_0-i still think [I]_0-i ought to give [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} ten pounds . ” “_[0-i] Oh [God]_167-god ! ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “_[0-i] do n’t be so matter - of - fact . Close the account in [your]_0-i own soul , if [you]_0-i like . It is there [you]_0-i ca n’t close it . ” “_[0-i] How do [you]_0-i know [I]_0-i ca n’t ? ” “_[0-i] Knowing [you]_0-i . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald meditated for some moments . “_[0-i] It seems to [me]_0-i the right thing to do , [you]_0-i know , with [the Pussums]_{249-the pussums} , is to pay [them]_{249-the pussums} . ” “_{[249-the pussums]} And the right thing for [mistresses]_{1229-mistresses} : keep [them]_{1229-mistresses} . And the right thing for [wives]_1230-wives : live under the same roof with [them]_{1229-mistresses} . [Integer vitae scelerisque purus]_{1231-integer vitae scelerisque purus} — ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_{[249-the pussums]} There ’s no need to be nasty about it , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[249-the pussums]} It bores [me]_0-i . [I]_0-i ’m not interested in [your]_0-i peccadilloes . ” “_[0-i] And [I]_0-i do n’t care whether [you]_0-i are or not — [I]_0-i am . ” The morning was again sunny . [The maid]_{5160-the maid} had been in and brought the water , and had drawn the curtains . [Birkin]_169-birkin , sitting up in bed , looked lazily and pleasantly out on [the park]_{5088-the park} , that was so green and deserted , romantic , belonging to the past . [He]_0-i was thinking how lovely , how sure , how formed , how final all the things of the past were — the lovely accomplished past — [this house]_{5244-this house} , so still and golden , [the park]_{5088-the park} slumbering [its]_{5088-the park} centuries of peace . And then , what a snare and a delusion , this beauty of static things — what [a horrible , dead prison [Breadalby]_11-breadalby really was]_{5246-a horrible , dead prison breadalby really was} , what an intolerable confinement , the peace ! Yet it was better than the sordid scrambling conflict of the present . If only [one]_4646-one might create the future after [one]_4646-one ’s own heart — for a little pure truth , a little unflinching application of simple truth to life , the heart cried out ceaselessly . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ca n’t see what [you]_0-i will leave [me]_0-i at all , to be interested in , ” came [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s voice from [the lower room]_{5249-the lower room} . “_[0-i] Neither [the Pussums]_{249-the pussums} , nor [the mines]_{988-the mines} , nor anything else . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i be interested in what [you]_0-i can , [Gerald]_255-gerald . Only [I]_0-i ’m not interested [myself]_0-i , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] What am [I]_0-i to do at all , then ? ” came [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s voice . “_[0-i] What [you]_0-i like . What am [I]_0-i to do [myself]_0-i ? ” In the silence [Birkin]_169-birkin could feel [Gerald]_255-gerald musing this fact . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m blest if [I]_0-i know , ” came the good - humoured answer . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i see , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “_[0-i] part of [you]_0-i wants [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} , and nothing but [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , part of [you]_0-i wants [the mines]_{988-the mines} , the business , and nothing but the business — and there [you]_0-i are — all in bits — ” “_[0-i] And part of [me]_0-i wants something else , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , in a queer , quiet , real voice . “_[0-i] What ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , rather surprised . “_[0-i] That ’s what [I]_0-i hoped [you]_0-i could tell [me]_0-i , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . There was a silence for some time . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ca n’t tell [you]_0-i — [I]_0-i ca n’t find [my]_0-i own way , let alone [yours]_0-i . [You]_0-i might marry , ” [Birkin]_169-birkin replied . “_[0-i] Who — [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[211-the pussum]} Perhaps , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . And [he]_0-i rose and went to the window . “_{[211-the pussum]} That is [your]_0-i panacea , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] But [you]_0-i have n’t even tried it on [yourself]_0-i yet , and [you]_0-i are sick enough . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i am , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Still , [I]_0-i shall come right . ” “_[0-i] Through marriage ? ” “_[0-i] Yes , ” [Birkin]_169-birkin answered obstinately . “_[0-i] And no , ” added [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[4753-my boy]} No , no , no , [[my]_0-i boy]_{4753-my boy} . ” There was a silence between [them]_5250-them , and a strange tension of hostility . [They]_5250-them always kept a gap , a distance between [them]_5250-them , [they]_5250-them wanted always to be free each of [the other]_{920-the other} . Yet there was a curious heart - straining towards [each other]_{451-each other} . “_{[1236-salvator femininus]} [Salvator femininus]_{1236-salvator femininus} , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , satirically . “_{[1236-salvator femininus]} Why not ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_{[1236-salvator femininus]} No reason at all , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “_{[1236-salvator femininus]} if it really works . But whom will [you]_0-i marry ? ” “_{[897-a woman]} [A woman]_{897-a woman} , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_{[897-a woman]} Good , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Gerald]_255-gerald were the last to come down to breakfast . [Hermione]_168-hermione liked [everybody]_{780-everybody} to be early . [She]_168-hermione suffered when [she]_168-hermione felt [her]_168-hermione day was diminished , [she]_168-hermione felt [she]_168-hermione had missed [her]_168-hermione life . [She]_168-hermione seemed to grip the hours by the throat , to force [her]_168-hermione life from [them]_{780-everybody} . [She]_168-hermione was rather pale and ghastly , as if left behind , in the morning . Yet [she]_168-hermione had [her]_168-hermione power , [her]_168-hermione will was strangely pervasive . With the entrance of [the two young men]_{5254-the two young men} a sudden tension was felt . [She]_168-hermione lifted [her]_168-hermione face , and said , in [her]_168-hermione amused sing - song : “_{[897-a woman]} Good morning ! Did [you]_1238-you sleep well ? [I]_0-i ’m so glad . ” And [she]_168-hermione turned away , ignoring [them]_{5254-the two young men} . [Birkin]_169-birkin , who knew [her]_168-hermione well , saw that [she]_168-hermione intended to discount [his]_1238-you existence . “_[0-i] Will [you]_1238-you take what [you]_1238-you want from the sideboard ? ” said [Alexander]_{232-alexander} , in a voice slightly suggesting disapprobation . “_[1238-you] [I]_0-i hope the things are n’t cold . Oh no ! Do [you]_1238-you mind putting out the flame under the chafing - dish , [Rupert]_169-birkin ? Thank [you]_1238-you . ” Even [Alexander]_{232-alexander} was rather authoritative where [Hermione]_168-hermione was cool . [He]_{232-alexander} took [his]_{232-alexander} tone from [her]_168-hermione , inevitably . [Birkin]_169-birkin sat down and looked at the table . [He]_{232-alexander} was so used to [this house]_{5244-this house} , to [this room]_{5256-this room} , to this atmosphere , through years of intimacy , and now [he]_{232-alexander} felt in complete opposition to it all , it had nothing to do with [him]_{232-alexander} . How well [he]_{232-alexander} knew [Hermione]_168-hermione , as [she]_168-hermione sat there , erect and silent and somewhat bemused , and yet so potent , so powerful ! [He]_{232-alexander} knew [her]_168-hermione statically , so finally , that it was almost like a madness . It was difficult to believe [one]_4646-one was not mad , that [one]_4646-one was not a figure in [the hall of [kings]_5260-kings in [some Egyptian tomb]_{5261-some egyptian tomb}]_{5259-the hall of kings in some egyptian tomb} , where [the dead all]_{5262-the dead all} sat immemorial and tremendous . How utterly [he]_{232-alexander} knew [Joshua Mattheson]_{234-joshua mattheson} , who was talking in [his]_{234-joshua mattheson} harsh , yet rather mincing voice , endlessly , endlessly , always with a strong mentality working , always interesting , and yet always known , everything [he]_{234-joshua mattheson} said known beforehand , however novel it was , and clever . [Alexander]_{232-alexander} [the up - to - date host]_{5263-the up - to - date host} , so bloodlessly free - and - easy , [Fräulein]_{226-fräulein} so prettily chiming in just as [she]_168-hermione should , [the little Italian Countess]_{5264-the little italian countess} taking notice of [everybody]_{780-everybody} , only playing [her]_168-hermione little game , objective and cold , like a weasel watching everything , and extracting [her]_168-hermione own amusement , never giving [herself]_168-hermione in the slightest ; then [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley} , heavy and rather subservient , treated with cool , almost amused contempt by [Hermione]_168-hermione , and therefore slighted by [everybody]_{780-everybody} — how known it all was , like a game with the figures set out , [the same figures]_{5267-the same figures} , [the Queen of chess]_{5268-the queen of chess} , [the knights]_{5269-the knights} , [the pawns]_{5270-the pawns} , the same now as [they]_{5267-the same figures} were hundreds of years ago , the same figures moving round in one of the innumerable permutations that make up the game . But the game is known , its going on is like a madness , it is so exhausted . There was [Gerald]_255-gerald , an amused look on [his]_255-gerald face ; the game pleased [him]_255-gerald . There was [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , watching with steady , large , hostile eyes ; the game fascinated [her]_160-gudrun , and [she]_160-gudrun loathed it . There was [Ursula]_255-gerald , with a slightly startled look on [her]_5271-her face , as if [she]_5271-her were hurt , and the pain were just outside [her]_5271-her consciousness . Suddenly [Birkin]_169-birkin got up and went out . “_[1238-you] That ’s enough , ” [he]_5272-he said to [himself]_5272-he involuntarily . [Hermione]_168-hermione knew [his]_5272-he motion , though not in [her]_168-hermione consciousness . [She]_168-hermione lifted [her]_168-hermione heavy eyes and saw [him]_5272-he lapse suddenly away , on a sudden , unknown tide , and the waves broke over [her]_168-hermione . Only [her]_168-hermione indomitable will remained static and mechanical , [she]_168-hermione sat at the table making [her]_168-hermione musing , stray remarks . But the darkness had covered [her]_168-hermione , [she]_168-hermione was like [a ship]_{5273-a ship} that has gone down . It was finished for [her]_168-hermione too , [she]_168-hermione was wrecked in the darkness . Yet the unfailing mechanism of [her]_168-hermione will worked on , [she]_168-hermione had that activity . “_[1238-you] Shall [we]_1239-we bathe this morning ? ” [she]_168-hermione said , suddenly looking at [them]_1239-we all . “_[1238-you] Splendid , ” said [Joshua]_{234-joshua mattheson} . “_[1238-you] It is a perfect morning . ” “_[1238-you] Oh , it is beautiful , ” said [Fräulein]_{226-fräulein} . “_[1238-you] Yes , let [us]_1239-we bathe , ” said [the Italian woman]_{5274-the italian woman} . “_[1239-we] [We]_1239-we have no bathing suits , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[1239-we] Have mine , ” said [Alexander]_{232-alexander} . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i must go to [church]_1240-church and read the lessons . [They]_1241-they expect [me]_0-i . ” “_[1241-they] Are [you]_0-i [a Christian]_{1242-a christian} ? ” asked [the Italian Countess]_{5275-the italian countess} , with sudden interest . “_[0-i] No , ” said [Alexander]_{232-alexander} . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m not . But [I]_0-i believe in keeping up the old institutions . ” “_[0-i] They are so beautiful , ” said [Fräulein]_{226-fräulein} daintily . “_[0-i] Oh , they are , ” cried [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley} . [They]_1239-we all trailed out on to [the lawn]_{5119-the lawn} . It was a sunny , soft morning in early summer , when life ran in [the world]_{541-the world} subtly , like a reminiscence . The church bells were ringing a little way off , not a cloud was in the sky , the swans were like lilies on [the water]_{4852-the water} below , the peacocks walked with long , prancing steps across the shadow and into the sunshine of the grass . [One]_172-one wanted to swoon into the by - gone perfection of it all . “_[0-i] Good - bye , ” called [Alexander]_{232-alexander} , waving [his]_{232-alexander} gloves cheerily , and [he]_{232-alexander} disappeared behind the bushes , on [his]_{232-alexander} way to [church]_1240-church . “_[0-i] Now , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione , “_[0-i] shall [we]_1243-we all bathe ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i wo n’t , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i do n’t want to ? ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione , looking at [her]_168-hermione slowly . “_[0-i] No . [I]_0-i do n’t want to , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Nor [I]_0-i , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] What about [my]_0-i suit ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” laughed [Hermione]_168-hermione , with an odd , amused intonation . “_[0-i] Will a handkerchief do — a large handkerchief ? ” “_[0-i] That will do , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Come along then , ” sang [Hermione]_168-hermione . The first to run across [the lawn]_{5119-the lawn} was the little Italian , small and like a cat , [her]_168-hermione white legs twinkling as [she]_168-hermione went , ducking slightly [her]_168-hermione head , that was tied in a gold silk kerchief . [She]_168-hermione tripped through the gate and down the grass , and stood , like [a tiny figure of ivory and bronze]_{5281-a tiny figure of ivory and bronze} , at [the water]_{4852-the water} ’s edge , having dropped off [her]_168-hermione towelling , watching the swans , which came up in surprise . Then out ran [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley} , like a large , soft plum in [her]_{225-miss bradley} dark - blue suit . Then [Gerald]_255-gerald came , a scarlet silk kerchief round [his]_255-gerald loins , [his]_255-gerald towels over [his]_255-gerald arms . [He]_255-gerald seemed to flaunt [himself]_255-gerald a little in the sun , lingering and laughing , strolling easily , looking white but natural in [his]_255-gerald nakedness . Then came [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} , in an overcoat , and lastly [Hermione]_168-hermione , striding with stiff grace from out of a great mantle of purple silk , [her]_168-hermione head tied up in purple and gold . [Handsome]_250-handsome was [her]_168-hermione stiff , long body , [her]_168-hermione straight - stepping white legs , there was a static magnificence about [her]_168-hermione as [she]_168-hermione let the cloak float loosely away from [her]_168-hermione striding . [She]_168-hermione crossed [the lawn]_{5119-the lawn} like some strange memory , and passed slowly and statelily towards [the water]_{4852-the water} . There were [three ponds]_{5285-three ponds} , in terraces descending [the valley]_{5286-the valley} , large and smooth and beautiful , lying in the sun . The water ran over a little stone wall , over small rocks , splashing down from [one pond]_{5287-one pond} to the level below . The swans had gone out on to [the opposite bank]_{5288-the opposite bank} , the reeds smelled sweet , a faint breeze touched the skin . [Gerald]_255-gerald had dived in , after [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} , and had swum to [the end of [the pond]_{5290-the pond}]_{5289-the end of the pond} . There [he]_255-gerald climbed out and sat on the wall . There was a dive , and [the little Countess]_{5291-the little countess} was swimming like a rat , to join [him]_255-gerald . [They]_5292-they both sat in the sun , laughing and crossing [their]_5292-they arms on [their]_5292-they breasts . [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} swam up to [them]_5292-they , and stood near [them]_5292-they , up to [his]_{227-sir joshua} arm - pits in the water . Then [Hermione]_168-hermione and [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley} swam over , and [they]_5292-they sat in a row on [the embankment]_{5293-the embankment} . “_[0-i] Are n’t [they]_1244-they terrifying ? Are n’t they really terrifying ? ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] Do n’t [they]_1244-they look saurian ? [They]_1244-they are just like great lizards . Did [you]_1245-you ever see anything like [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} ? But really , [Ursula]_255-gerald , [he]_{227-sir joshua} belongs to [the primeval world]_{1246-the primeval world} , when great lizards crawled about . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked in dismay on [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} , who stood up to the breast in [the water]_{4852-the water} , [his]_{227-sir joshua} long , greyish hair washed down into [his]_{227-sir joshua} eyes , [his]_{227-sir joshua} neck set into thick , crude shoulders . [He]_{227-sir joshua} was talking to [Miss Bradley]_{225-miss bradley} , who , seated on [the bank above]_{5295-the bank above} , plump and big and wet , looked as if [she]_{225-miss bradley} might roll and slither in the water almost like one of the slithering sealions in [the Zoo]_{5296-the zoo} . [Ursula]_255-gerald watched in silence . [Gerald]_255-gerald was laughing happily , between [Hermione]_168-hermione and [the Italian]_{228-the contessa} . [He]_255-gerald reminded [her]_{225-miss bradley} of [Dionysos]_251-dionysos , because [his]_255-gerald hair was really yellow , [his]_255-gerald figure so full and laughing . [Hermione]_168-hermione , in [her]_168-hermione large , stiff , sinister grace , leaned near [him]_255-gerald , frightening , as if [she]_168-hermione were not responsible for what [she]_168-hermione might do . [He]_255-gerald knew a certain danger in [her]_168-hermione , a convulsive madness . But [he]_255-gerald only laughed the more , turning often to the little Countess , who was flashing up [her]_168-hermione face at [him]_255-gerald . [They]_5297-they all dropped into [the water]_{4852-the water} , and were swimming together like a shoal of seals . [Hermione]_168-hermione was powerful and unconscious in [the water]_{4852-the water} , large and slow and powerful . [Palestra]_246-palestra was quick and silent as a water rat , [Gerald]_255-gerald wavered and flickered , a white natural shadow . Then , one after the other , [they]_5297-they waded out , and went up to [the house]_{468-the house} . But [Gerald]_255-gerald lingered a moment to speak to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[255-gerald] [You]_1247-her do n’t like [the water]_{4852-the water} ? ” [he]_255-gerald said . [She]_1247-her looked at [him]_255-gerald with a long , slow inscrutable look , as [he]_255-gerald stood before [her]_1247-her negligently , the water standing in beads all over [his]_255-gerald skin . “_[1247-her] [I]_0-i like it very much , ” [she]_1247-her replied . [He]_255-gerald paused , expecting some sort of explanation . “_[0-i] And [you]_1247-her swim ? ” “_[1247-her] Yes , [I]_0-i swim . ” Still [he]_255-gerald would not ask [her]_1247-her why [she]_1247-her would not go in then . [He]_255-gerald could feel something ironic in [her]_1247-her . [He]_255-gerald walked away , piqued for the first time . “_[0-i] Why would n’t [you]_1247-her bathe ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked [her]_1247-her again , later , when [he]_255-gerald was once more [the properly - dressed young Englishman]_{5301-the properly - dressed young englishman} . [She]_1247-her hesitated a moment before answering , opposing [his]_255-gerald persistence . “_[1247-her] Because [I]_0-i did n’t like [the crowd]_{670-the crowd} , ” [she]_1247-her replied . [He]_255-gerald laughed , [her]_1247-her phrase seemed to re - echo in [his]_255-gerald consciousness . The flavour of [her]_1247-her slang was piquant to [him]_255-gerald . Whether [he]_255-gerald would or not , [she]_1247-her signified the real world to [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald wanted to come up to [her]_1247-her standards , fulfil [her]_1247-her expectations . [He]_255-gerald knew that [her]_1247-her criterion was the only one that mattered . [The others]_{809-the others} were [all outsiders]_{5303-all outsiders} , instinctively , whatever [they]_{809-the others} might be socially . And [Gerald]_255-gerald could not help it , [he]_255-gerald was bound to strive to come up to [her]_1247-her criterion , fulfil [her]_1247-her idea of [a man]_{4648-a man} and [a human - being]_{5305-a human - being} . After lunch , when [all the others]_{5306-all the others} had withdrawn , [Hermione]_168-hermione and [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin lingered , finishing [their]_{5306-all the others} talk . There had been some discussion , on the whole quite intellectual and artificial , about a new state , a new world of [man]_1089-man . Supposing this old social state were broken and destroyed , then , out of the chaos , what then ? The great social idea , said [Sir Joshua]_{227-sir joshua} , was the social equality of [man]_1089-man . No , said [Gerald]_255-gerald , the idea was , that [every man]_{767-every man} was fit for [his]_{767-every man} own little bit of a task — let [him]_{767-every man} do that , and then please [himself]_{767-every man} . The unifying principle was the work in hand . Only work , the business of production , held [men]_848-men together . It was mechanical , but then society was a mechanism . Apart from work [they]_848-men were isolated , free to do as [they]_848-men liked . “_[0-i] Oh ! ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] Then [we]_1250-we sha n’t have names any more — [we]_1250-we shall be like [the Germans]_{252-the germans} , nothing but [Herr Obermeister]_{253-herr obermeister} and [Herr Untermeister]_{254-herr untermeister} . [I]_0-i can imagine [it—‘I]_{1251-it—‘i} am [Mrs Colliery - Manager Crich]_{165-mrs crich} — [I]_0-i am [Mrs Member - of - Parliament Roddice]_{1252-mrs member - of - parliament roddice} . [I]_0-i am [Miss Art - Teacher Brangwen]_{195-miss brangwen} . ’ Very pretty that . ” “_{[195-miss brangwen]} Things would work very much better , [Miss Art - Teacher Brangwen]_{195-miss brangwen} , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[195-miss brangwen]} What things , [Mr Colliery - Manager Crich]_{171-mr crich} ? The relation between [you]_{171-mr crich} and [me]_0-i , [par exemple]_{1253-par exemple} ? ” “_{[1253-par exemple]} Yes , for example , ” cried [the Italian]_{228-the contessa} . “_{[1253-par exemple]} That which is between [men]_848-men and [women]_453-women — ! ” “_[453-women] That is non - social , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , sarcastically . “_[453-women] Exactly , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[453-women] Between [me]_0-i and [a woman]_{897-a woman} , the social question does not enter . It is [my]_0-i own affair . ” “_[453-women] A ten - pound note on it , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[453-women] [You]_1257-you do n’t admit that [a woman]_{897-a woman} is [a social being]_{1259-a social being} ? ” asked [Ursula of Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[1257-you] [She]_{897-a woman} is both , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[897-a woman]} [She]_{897-a woman} is [a social being]_{1259-a social being} , as far as society is concerned . But for [her]_{897-a woman} own private self , [she]_{897-a woman} is [a free agent]_{1261-a free agent} , it is [her]_{897-a woman} own affair , what [she]_{897-a woman} does . ” “_{[897-a woman]} But wo n’t it be rather difficult to arrange the two halves ? ” asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[897-a woman]} Oh no , ” replied [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[897-a woman]} [They]_1262-they arrange [themselves]_1262-they naturally — [we]_1263-we see it now , everywhere . ” “_[1262-they] Do n’t [you]_1257-you laugh so pleasantly till [you]_1257-you ’re out of the wood , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald knitted [his]_255-gerald brows in momentary irritation . “_[1257-you] Was [I]_0-i laughing ? ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[0-i] If , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione at last , “_[0-i] [we]_1263-we could only realise , that in the spirit [we]_1263-we are all one , all equal in the spirit , [all brothers there]_{1264-all brothers there} — the rest would n’t matter , there would be no more of this carping and envy and this struggle for power , which destroys , only destroys . ” This speech was received in silence , and almost immediately [the party]_{701-the party} rose from the table . But when [the others]_{809-the others} had gone , [Birkin]_169-birkin turned round in bitter declamation , saying : “_{[168-hermione]} It is just the opposite , just the contrary , [Hermione]_168-hermione . [We]_1263-we are all different and unequal in spirit — it is only the social differences that are based on accidental material conditions . [We]_1263-we are all abstractly or mathematically equal , if [you]_1265-you like . [Every man]_{767-every man} has hunger and thirst , two eyes , one nose and two legs . [We]_1263-we ’re all the same in point of number . But spiritually , there is pure difference and neither equality nor inequality counts . It is upon these two bits of knowledge that [you]_1265-you must found a state . [Your]_1265-you democracy is an absolute lie — [[your]_1265-you brotherhood of [man]_1089-man]_{1267-your brotherhood of man} is a pure falsity , if [you]_1265-you apply it further than the mathematical abstraction . [We]_1263-we all drank milk first , [we]_1263-we all eat bread and meat , [we]_1263-we all want to ride in [motor - cars]_{1269-motor - cars} — therein lies the beginning and the end of the brotherhood of [man]_1089-man . But no equality . “ But [I]_168-hermione , [myself]_168-hermione , who am [myself]_168-hermione , what have [I]_168-hermione to do with equality with [any other man]_{5313-any other man} or [woman]_1012-woman ? In the spirit , [I]_168-hermione am as separate as one star is from another , as different in quality and quantity . Establish a state on that . [One man]_{4736-one man} is n’t any better than another , not because [they]_1263-we are equal , but because [they]_1263-we are intrinsically other , that there is no term of comparison . The minute [you]_1265-you begin to compare , [one man]_{4736-one man} is seen to be far better than another , all the inequality [you]_1265-you can imagine is there by nature . [I]_168-hermione want [every man]_{767-every man} to have [his]_{767-every man} share in [the world]_{541-the world} ’s goods , so that [I]_168-hermione am rid of [his]_{767-every man} importunity , so that [I]_168-hermione can tell [him]_{767-every man} : ‘ Now [you]_{767-every man} ’ve got what [you]_{767-every man} want — [you’ve]_{767-every man} got [your]_{767-every man} fair share of [the world]_{541-the world} ’s gear . Now , [[you]_{767-every man} one - mouthed fool]_{5320-you one - mouthed fool} , mind [yourself]_{767-every man} and do n’t obstruct [me]_168-hermione . ’ ”_{[168-hermione]} [Hermione]_168-hermione was looking at [him]_1271-he with leering eyes , along [her]_168-hermione cheeks . [He]_1271-he could feel violent waves of hatred and loathing of all [he]_1271-he said , coming out of [her]_168-hermione . It was dynamic hatred and loathing , coming strong and black out of the unconsciousness . [She]_168-hermione heard [his]_1271-he words in [her]_168-hermione unconscious self , consciously [she]_168-hermione was as if deafened , [she]_168-hermione paid no heed to them . “ It sounds like megalomania , [Rupert]_169-birkin , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , genially . [Hermione]_168-hermione gave a queer , grunting sound . [Birkin]_169-birkin stood back . “ Yes , let it , ”_[1271-he] [he]_1271-he said suddenly , the whole tone gone out of [his]_1271-he voice , that had been so insistent , bearing everybody down . And [he]_1271-he went away . But [he]_1271-he felt , later , a little compunction . [He]_1271-he had been violent , cruel with [poor Hermione]_168-hermione . [He]_1271-he wanted to recompense [her]_168-hermione , to make it up . [He]_1271-he had hurt [her]_168-hermione , [he]_1271-he had been vindictive . [He]_1271-he wanted to be on good terms with [her]_168-hermione again . [He]_1271-he went into [[her]_168-hermione boudoir]_{1272-her boudoir} , a remote and very cushiony place . [She]_168-hermione was sitting at [her]_168-hermione table writing letters . [She]_168-hermione lifted [her]_168-hermione face abstractedly when [he]_1271-he entered , watched [him]_1271-he go to the sofa , and sit down . Then [she]_168-hermione looked down at [her]_168-hermione paper again . [He]_1271-he took up a large volume which [he]_1271-he had been reading before , and became minutely attentive to [[his]_1271-he author]_{1273-his author} . [His]_1271-he back was towards [Hermione]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione could not go on with [her]_168-hermione writing . [Her]_168-hermione whole mind was a chaos , darkness breaking in upon it , and [herself]_168-hermione struggling to gain control with [her]_168-hermione will , as a swimmer struggles with the swirling water . But in spite of [her]_168-hermione efforts [she]_168-hermione was borne down , darkness seemed to break over [her]_168-hermione , [she]_168-hermione felt as if [her]_168-hermione heart was bursting . The terrible tension grew stronger and stronger , it was most fearful agony , like being walled up . And then [she]_168-hermione realised that [his]_1271-he presence was the wall , [his]_1271-he presence was destroying [her]_168-hermione . Unless [she]_168-hermione could break out , [she]_168-hermione must die most fearfully , walled up in horror . And [he]_1271-he was the wall . [She]_168-hermione must break down the wall — [she]_168-hermione must break [him]_1271-he down before [her]_168-hermione , the awful obstruction of [him]_1271-he who obstructed [her]_168-hermione life to the last . It must be done , or [she]_168-hermione must perish most horribly . Terrible shocks ran over [her]_168-hermione body , like shocks of electricity , as if many volts of electricity suddenly struck [her]_168-hermione down . [She]_168-hermione was aware of [him]_1271-he sitting silently there , an unthinkable evil obstruction . Only this blotted out [her]_168-hermione mind , pressed out [her]_168-hermione very breathing , [his]_1271-he silent , stooping back , the back of [his]_1271-he head . A terrible voluptuous thrill ran down [her]_168-hermione arms — [she]_168-hermione was going to know [her]_168-hermione voluptuous consummation . [Her]_168-hermione arms quivered and were strong , immeasurably and irresistibly strong . What delight , what delight in strength , what delirium of pleasure ! [She]_168-hermione was going to have [her]_168-hermione consummation of voluptuous ecstasy at last . It was coming ! In utmost terror and agony , [she]_168-hermione knew it was upon [her]_168-hermione now , in extremity of bliss . [Her]_168-hermione hand closed on a blue , beautiful ball of lapis lazuli that stood on [her]_168-hermione desk for a paper - weight . [She]_168-hermione rolled it round in [her]_168-hermione hand as [she]_168-hermione rose silently . [Her]_168-hermione heart was a pure flame in [her]_168-hermione breast , [she]_168-hermione was purely unconscious in ecstasy . [She]_168-hermione moved towards [him]_1271-he and stood behind [him]_1271-he for a moment in ecstasy . [He]_1271-he , closed within the spell , remained motionless and unconscious . Then swiftly , in a flame that drenched down [her]_168-hermione body like fluid lightning and gave [her]_168-hermione a perfect , unutterable consummation , unutterable satisfaction , [she]_168-hermione brought down the ball of jewel stone with all [her]_168-hermione force , crash on [his]_1271-he head . But [her]_168-hermione fingers were in the way and deadened the blow . Nevertheless , down went [his]_1271-he head on the table on which [his]_1271-he book lay , the stone slid aside and over [his]_1271-he ear , it was one convulsion of pure bliss for [her]_168-hermione , lit up by the crushed pain of [her]_168-hermione fingers . But it was not somehow complete . [She]_168-hermione lifted [her]_168-hermione arm high to aim once more , straight down on the head that lay dazed on the table . [She]_168-hermione must smash it , it must be smashed before [her]_168-hermione ecstasy was consummated , fulfilled for ever . A thousand lives , a thousand deaths mattered nothing now , only the fulfilment of this perfect ecstasy . [She]_168-hermione was not swift , [she]_168-hermione could only move slowly . A strong spirit in [him]_1271-he woke [him]_1271-he and made [him]_1271-he lift [his]_1271-he face and twist to look at [her]_168-hermione . [Her]_168-hermione arm was raised , the hand clasping the ball of lapis lazuli . It was [her]_168-hermione left hand , [he]_1271-he realised again with horror that [she]_168-hermione was left - handed . Hurriedly , with a burrowing motion , [he]_1271-he covered [his]_1271-he head under the thick volume of [Thucydides]_{256-thucydides} , and the blow came down , almost breaking [his]_1271-he neck , and shattering [his]_1271-he heart . [He]_1271-he was shattered , but [he]_1271-he was not afraid . Twisting round to face [her]_168-hermione [he]_1271-he pushed the table over and got away from [her]_168-hermione . [He]_1271-he was like a flask that is smashed to atoms , [he]_1271-he seemed to [himself]_1271-he that [he]_1271-he was all fragments , smashed to bits . Yet [his]_1271-he movements were perfectly coherent and clear , [his]_1271-he soul was entire and unsurprised . “ No [you]_168-hermione do n’t , [Hermione]_168-hermione , ”_[1271-he] [he]_1271-he said in a low voice . “ [I]_1271-he do n’t let [you]_168-hermione . ”_[1271-he] [He]_1271-he saw [her]_168-hermione standing tall and livid and attentive , the stone clenched tense in [her]_168-hermione hand . “ Stand away and let [me]_1271-he go , ”_[1271-he] [he]_1271-he said , drawing near to [her]_168-hermione . As if pressed back by some hand , [she]_168-hermione stood away , watching [him]_1271-he all the time without changing , like [a neutralised angel]_{1274-a neutralised angel} confronting [him]_1271-he . “ It is not good , ”_[1271-he] [he]_1271-he said , when [he]_1271-he had gone past [her]_168-hermione . “ It is n’t [I]_1271-he who will die . [You]_168-hermione hear ? ”_[1271-he] [He]_1271-he kept [his]_1271-he face to [her]_168-hermione as [he]_1271-he went out , lest [she]_168-hermione should strike again . While [he]_1271-he was on [his]_1271-he guard , [she]_168-hermione dared not move . And [he]_1271-he was on [his]_1271-he guard , [she]_168-hermione was powerless . So [he]_1271-he had gone , and left [her]_168-hermione standing . [She]_168-hermione remained perfectly rigid , standing as [she]_168-hermione was for a long time . Then [she]_168-hermione staggered to the couch and lay down , and went heavily to sleep . When [she]_168-hermione awoke , [she]_168-hermione remembered what [she]_168-hermione had done , but it seemed to [her]_168-hermione , [she]_168-hermione had only hit [him]_1271-he , as [any woman]_{1275-any woman} might do , because [he]_1271-he tortured [her]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione was perfectly right . [She]_168-hermione knew that , spiritually , [she]_168-hermione was right . In [her]_168-hermione own infallible purity , [she]_168-hermione had done what must be done . [She]_168-hermione was right , [she]_168-hermione was pure . A drugged , almost sinister religious expression became permanent on [her]_168-hermione face . [Birkin]_169-birkin , barely conscious , and yet perfectly direct in [his]_1271-he motion , went out of [the house]_{468-the house} and straight across [the park]_{5088-the park} , to [the open country]_{1278-the open country} , to [the hills]_{1279-the hills} . The brilliant day had become overcast , spots of rain were falling . [He]_1271-he wandered on to [a wild valley - side , where were thickets of hazel]_{1280-a wild valley - side , where were thickets of hazel} , many flowers , tufts of heather , and little clumps of young fir - trees , budding with soft paws . It was rather wet everywhere , there was a stream running down at [the bottom of [the valley]_{5286-the valley}]_{1281-the bottom of the valley} , which was gloomy , or seemed gloomy . [He]_1271-he was aware that [he]_1271-he could not regain [his]_1271-he consciousness , that [he]_1271-he was moving in a sort of darkness . Yet [he]_1271-he wanted something . [He]_1271-he was happy in [the wet hillside]_{1283-the wet hillside} , that was overgrown and obscure with bushes and flowers . [He]_1271-he wanted to touch them all , to saturate [himself]_1271-he with the touch of [them]_1284-them all . [He]_1271-he took off [his]_1271-he clothes , and sat down naked among the primroses , moving [his]_1271-he feet softly among the primroses , [his]_1271-he legs , [his]_1271-he knees , [his]_1271-he arms right up to the arm - pits , lying down and letting them touch [his]_1271-he belly , [his]_1271-he breasts . It was such a fine , cool , subtle touch all over [him]_1271-he , [he]_1271-he seemed to saturate [himself]_1271-he with their contact . But they were too soft . [He]_1271-he went through the long grass to a clump of young fir - trees , that were no higher than [a man]_{4648-a man} . The soft sharp boughs beat upon [him]_1271-he , as [he]_1271-he moved in keen pangs against them , threw little cold showers of drops on [his]_1271-he belly , and beat [his]_1271-he loins with their clusters of soft - sharp needles . There was a thistle which pricked [him]_1271-he vividly , but not too much , because all [his]_1271-he movements were too discriminate and soft . To lie down and roll in [the sticky , cool young hyacinths]_{1286-the sticky , cool young hyacinths} , to lie on one ’s belly and cover [one]_4646-one ’s back with handfuls of fine wet grass , soft as a breath , soft and more delicate and more beautiful than the touch of [any woman]_{1275-any woman} ; and then to sting one ’s thigh against the living dark bristles of the fir - boughs ; and then to feel the light whip of the hazel on one ’s shoulders , stinging , and then to clasp the silvery birch - trunk against one ’s breast , its smoothness , its hardness , its vital knots and ridges — this was good , this was all very good , very satisfying . Nothing else would do , nothing else would satisfy , except this coolness and subtlety of vegetation travelling into one ’s blood . How fortunate [he]_1271-he was , that there was this lovely , subtle , responsive vegetation , waiting for [him]_1271-he , as [he]_1271-he waited for it ; how fulfilled [he]_1271-he was , how happy ! As [he]_1271-he dried [himself]_1271-he a little with [his]_1271-he handkerchief , [he]_1271-he thought about [Hermione]_168-hermione and the blow . [He]_1271-he could feel a pain on the side of [his]_1271-he head . But after all , what did it matter ? What did [Hermione]_168-hermione matter , what did [people]_579-people matter altogether ? There was this perfect cool loneliness , so lovely and fresh and unexplored . Really , what a mistake [he]_1271-he had made , thinking [he]_1271-he wanted [people]_579-people , thinking [he]_1271-he wanted [a woman]_{897-a woman} . [He]_1271-he did not want [a woman]_{897-a woman} — not in the least . The leaves and the primroses and the trees , they were really lovely and cool and desirable , they really came into the blood and were added on to [him]_1271-he . [He]_1271-he was enrichened now immeasurably , and so glad . It was quite right of [Hermione]_168-hermione to want to kill [him]_1271-he . What had [he]_1271-he to do with [her]_168-hermione ? Why should [he]_1271-he pretend to have anything to do with [human beings]_{511-human beings} at all ? Here was [[his]_1271-he world]_{1294-his world} , [he]_1271-he wanted [nobody]_912-nobody and nothing but the lovely , subtle , responsive vegetation , and [himself]_1271-he , [his]_1271-he own living self . It was necessary to go back into [the world]_{541-the world} . That was true . But that did not matter , so [one]_4646-one knew where [one]_4646-one belonged . [He]_1271-he knew now where [he]_1271-he belonged . This was [his]_1271-he place , [[his]_1271-he marriage place]_{1299-his marriage place} . [The world]_{541-the world} was extraneous . [He]_1271-he climbed out of [the valley]_{5286-the valley} , wondering if [he]_1271-he were mad . But if so , [he]_1271-he preferred [his]_1271-he own madness , to the regular sanity . [He]_1271-he rejoiced in [his]_1271-he own madness , [he]_1271-he was free . [He]_1271-he did not want that old sanity of [the world]_{541-the world} , which was become so repulsive . [He]_1271-he rejoiced in the new - found world of [his]_1271-he madness . It was so fresh and delicate and so satisfying . As for the certain grief [he]_1271-he felt at the same time , in [his]_1271-he soul , that was only the remains of an old ethic , that bade [a human being]_{5012-a human being} adhere to [humanity]_987-humanity . But [he]_1271-he was weary of the old ethic , of [the human being]_{1305-the human being} , and of [humanity]_987-humanity . [He]_1271-he loved now the soft , delicate vegetation , that was so cool and perfect . [He]_1271-he would overlook the old grief , [he]_1271-he would put away the old ethic , [he]_1271-he would be free in [his]_1271-he new state . [He]_1271-he was aware of the pain in [his]_1271-he head becoming more and more difficult every minute . [He]_1271-he was walking now along [the road]_{502-the road} to [the nearest station]_{1308-the nearest station} . It was raining and [he]_1271-he had no hat . But then plenty of cranks went out nowadays without hats , in the rain . [He]_1271-he wondered again how much of [his]_1271-he heaviness of heart , a certain depression , was due to fear , fear lest [anybody]_744-anybody should have seen [him]_1271-he naked lying against the vegetation . What a dread [he]_1271-he had of [mankind]_1014-mankind , of [other people]_{4665-other people} ! It amounted almost to horror , to a sort of dream terror — [his]_1271-he horror of being observed by [some other people]_{1312-some other people} . If [he]_1271-he were on [an island]_{1313-an island} , like [Alexander Selkirk]_{46-alexander selkirk} , with only the creatures and the trees , [he]_1271-he would be free and glad , there would be none of this heaviness , this misgiving . [He]_1271-he could love [the vegetation]_{1314-the vegetation} and be quite happy and unquestioned , by [himself]_1271-he . [He]_1271-he had better send a note to [Hermione]_168-hermione : [she]_168-hermione might trouble about [him]_1271-he , and [he]_1271-he did not want the onus of this . So at [the station]_{4906-the station} , [he]_1271-he wrote saying : [I]_0-i will go on to [town]_602-town — [I]_0-i do n’t want to come back to [Breadalby]_11-breadalby for the present . But it is quite all right — [I]_0-i do n’t want [you]_1317-you to mind having biffed [me]_0-i , in the least . Tell [the others]_{809-the others} it is just one of [my]_0-i moods . [You]_1317-you were quite right , to biff [me]_0-i — because [I]_0-i know [you]_1317-you wanted to . So there ’s the end of it . In [the train]_{4874-the train} , however , [he]_1271-he felt ill . Every motion was insufferable pain , and [he]_1271-he was sick . [He]_1271-he dragged [himself]_1271-he from [the station]_{4906-the station} into [a cab]_{1321-a cab} , feeling [his]_1271-he way step by step , like [a blind man , and held up only by a dim will]_{1322-a blind man , and held up only by a dim will} . For a week or two [he]_1271-he was ill , but [he]_1271-he did not let [Hermione]_168-hermione know , and [she]_168-hermione thought [he]_1271-he was sulking ; there was a complete estrangement between [them]_1323-them . [She]_168-hermione became rapt , abstracted in [her]_168-hermione conviction of exclusive righteousness . [She]_168-hermione lived in and by [her]_168-hermione own self - esteem , conviction of [her]_168-hermione own rightness of spirit . Going [home]_4649-home from [school]_4869-school in the afternoon , [the Brangwen girls]_{1326-the brangwen girls} descended [the hill between [the picturesque cottages of Willey Green]_{1328-the picturesque cottages of willey green}]_{1327-the hill between the picturesque cottages of willey green} till [they]_{1326-the brangwen girls} came to [the railway crossing]_{1329-the railway crossing} . There [they]_{1326-the brangwen girls} found the gate shut , because [the colliery train]_{1330-the colliery train} was rumbling nearer . [They]_{1326-the brangwen girls} could hear [the small locomotive]_{1331-the small locomotive} panting hoarsely as it advanced with caution between the embankments . [The one - legged man in [the little signal - hut by [the road]_{502-the road}]_{1333-the little signal - hut by the road}]_{1332-the one - legged man in the little signal - hut by the road} stared out from [his]_{1332-the one - legged man in the little signal - hut by the road} security , like a crab from a snail - shell . Whilst [the two girls]_{473-the two girls} waited , [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald trotted up on [a red Arab mare]_{1336-a red arab mare} . [He]_255-gerald rode well and softly , pleased with the delicate quivering of the creature between [his]_255-gerald knees . And [he]_255-gerald was very picturesque , at least in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s eyes , sitting soft and close on the slender red mare , whose long tail flowed on the air . [He]_255-gerald saluted [the two girls]_{473-the two girls} , and drew up at [the crossing]_{1338-the crossing} to wait for the gate , looking down [the railway]_{1339-the railway} for [the approaching train]_{1340-the approaching train} . In spite of [her]_160-gudrun ironic smile at [his]_255-gerald picturesqueness , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun liked to look at [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was well - set and easy , [his]_255-gerald face with its warm tan showed up [his]_255-gerald whitish , coarse moustache , and [his]_255-gerald blue eyes were full of sharp light as [he]_255-gerald watched the distance . [The locomotive]_{1341-the locomotive} chuffed slowly between [the banks]_{1342-the banks} , hidden . [The mare]_{1343-the mare} did not like it . [She]_{1343-the mare} began to wince away , as if hurt by the unknown noise . But [Gerald]_255-gerald pulled [her]_{1343-the mare} back and held [her]_{1343-the mare} head to the gate . The sharp blasts of the chuffing engine broke with more and more force on [her]_{1343-the mare} . The repeated sharp blows of unknown , terrifying noise struck through [her]_{1343-the mare} till [she]_{1343-the mare} was rocking with terror . [She]_{1343-the mare} recoiled like a spring let go . But a glistening , half - smiling look came into [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face . [He]_255-gerald brought [her]_{1343-the mare} back again , inevitably . The noise was released , the little locomotive with [her]_{1343-the mare} clanking steel connecting - rod emerged on the highroad , clanking sharply . The mare rebounded like a drop of water from hot iron . [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun pressed back into the hedge , in fear . But [Gerald]_255-gerald was heavy on the mare , and forced [her]_{1343-the mare} back . It seemed as if [he]_255-gerald sank into [her]_{1343-the mare} magnetically , and could thrust [her]_{1343-the mare} back against [herself]_{1343-the mare} . “ [The fool]_{5321-the fool} ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald loudly . “ Why does n’t [he]_255-gerald ride away till it ’s gone by ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was looking at [him]_255-gerald with black - dilated , spellbound eyes . But [he]_255-gerald sat glistening and obstinate , forcing the wheeling mare , which spun and swerved like a wind , and yet could not get out of the grasp of [his]_255-gerald will , nor escape from the mad clamour of terror that resounded through [her]_{1343-the mare} , as [the trucks]_{1344-the trucks} thumped slowly , heavily , horrifying , one after the other , one pursuing the other , over the rails of [the crossing]_{1338-the crossing} . [The locomotive]_{1341-the locomotive} , as if wanting to see what could be done , put on the brakes , and back came the trucks rebounding on the iron buffers , striking like horrible cymbals , clashing nearer and nearer in frightful strident concussions . The mare opened [her]_{1343-the mare} mouth and rose slowly , as if lifted up on a wind of terror . Then suddenly [her]_{1343-the mare} fore feet struck out , as [she]_{1343-the mare} convulsed [herself]_{1343-the mare} utterly away from the horror . Back [she]_{1343-the mare} went , and [the two girls]_{473-the two girls} clung to [each other]_{451-each other} , feeling [she]_{1343-the mare} must fall backwards on top of [him]_255-gerald . But [he]_255-gerald leaned forward , [his]_255-gerald face shining with fixed amusement , and at last [he]_255-gerald brought [her]_{1343-the mare} down , sank [her]_{1343-the mare} down , and was bearing [her]_{1343-the mare} back to the mark . But as strong as the pressure of [his]_255-gerald compulsion was the repulsion of [her]_{1343-the mare} utter terror , throwing [her]_{1343-the mare} back away from the railway , so that [she]_{1343-the mare} spun round and round , on two legs , as if [she]_{1343-the mare} were in the centre of some whirlwind . It made [Gudrun]_160-gudrun faint with poignant dizziness , which seemed to penetrate to [her]_160-gudrun heart . “ No — ! No — ! Let [her]_{1343-the mare} go ! Let [her]_{1343-the mare} go , [[you]_160-gudrun fool]_{5322-you fool} , [[you]_160-gudrun fool]_{5322-you fool} — ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald at the top of [her]_1349-her voice , completely outside [herself]_1349-her . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun hated [her]_1349-her bitterly for being outside [herself]_1349-her . It was unendurable that [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s voice was so powerful and naked . A sharpened look came on [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face . [He]_255-gerald bit [himself]_255-gerald down on the mare like a keen edge biting home , and forced [her]_{1343-the mare} round . [She]_{1343-the mare} roared as [she]_{1343-the mare} breathed , [her]_{1343-the mare} nostrils were two wide , hot holes , [her]_{1343-the mare} mouth was apart , [her]_{1343-the mare} eyes frenzied . It was a repulsive sight . But [he]_255-gerald held on [her]_{1343-the mare} unrelaxed , with an almost mechanical relentlessness , keen as a sword pressing in to [her]_{1343-the mare} . [Both man]_{1350-both man} and horse were sweating with violence . Yet [he]_255-gerald seemed calm as a ray of cold sunshine . Meanwhile the eternal trucks were rumbling on , very slowly , treading one after the other , one after the other , like a disgusting dream that has no end . The connecting chains were grinding and squeaking as the tension varied , the mare pawed and struck away mechanically now , [her]_{1343-the mare} terror fulfilled in [her]_{1343-the mare} , for now [the man]_{4658-the man} encompassed [her]_{1343-the mare} ; [her]_{1343-the mare} paws were blind and pathetic as [she]_{1343-the mare} beat the air , [the man]_{4658-the man} closed round [her]_{1343-the mare} , and brought [her]_{1343-the mare} down , almost as if [she]_{1343-the mare} were part of [his]_{4658-the man} own physique . “ And [she]_{1343-the mare} ’s bleeding ! [She]_{1343-the mare} ’s bleeding ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , frantic with opposition and hatred of [Gerald]_255-gerald . [She]_{1343-the mare} alone understood [him]_255-gerald perfectly , in pure opposition . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked and saw the trickles of blood on the sides of the mare , and [she]_160-gudrun turned white . And then on the very wound the bright spurs came down , pressing relentlessly . [The world]_{541-the world} reeled and passed into nothingness for [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun could not know any more . When [she]_160-gudrun recovered , [her]_160-gudrun soul was calm and cold , without feeling . [The trucks]_{1344-the trucks} were still rumbling by , and [the man]_{4658-the man} and [the mare]_{1343-the mare} were still fighting . But [she]_160-gudrun [herself]_160-gudrun was cold and separate , [she]_160-gudrun had no more feeling for [them]_1357-them . [She]_160-gudrun was quite hard and cold and indifferent . [They]_1357-them could see the top of [the hooded guard’s - van]_{1358-the hooded guard’s - van} approaching , the sound of [the trucks]_{1344-the trucks} was diminishing , there was hope of relief from the intolerable noise . The heavy panting of [the half - stunned mare]_{1360-the half - stunned mare} sounded automatically , [the man]_{4658-the man} seemed to be relaxing confidently , [his]_{4658-the man} will bright and unstained . [The guard’s - van]_{1362-the guard’s - van} came up , and passed slowly , [the guard]_{1363-the guard} staring out in [his]_{1363-the guard} transition on the spectacle in [the road]_{502-the road} . And , through [the man in the closed wagon]_{1365-the man in the closed wagon} , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun could see the whole scene spectacularly , isolated and momentary , like a vision isolated in eternity . Lovely , grateful silence seemed to trail behind [the receding train]_{1366-the receding train} . How sweet the silence is ! [Ursula]_255-gerald looked with hatred on the buffers of [the diminishing wagon]_{1367-the diminishing wagon} . [The gatekeeper]_{1368-the gatekeeper} stood ready at the door of [[his]_{1368-the gatekeeper} hut]_{1369-his hut} , to proceed to open the gate . But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun sprang suddenly forward , in front of the struggling horse , threw off the latch and flung the gates asunder , throwing one - half to [the keeper]_{1370-the keeper} , and running with [the other half]_{1371-the other half} , forwards . [Gerald]_255-gerald suddenly let go the horse and leaped forwards , almost on to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun was not afraid . As [he]_255-gerald jerked aside [the mare]_{1343-the mare} ’s head , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun cried , in a strange , high voice , like a gull , or like a witch screaming out from the side of [the road]_{502-the road} : “ [I]_160-gudrun should think [you]_{4658-the man} ’re proud . ”_[160-gudrun] The words were distinct and formed . [The man]_{4658-the man} , twisting aside on [his]_{4658-the man} dancing horse , looked at [her]_160-gudrun in some surprise , some wondering interest . Then the mare ’s hoofs had danced three times on the drum - like sleepers of [the crossing]_{1338-the crossing} , and [man]_1089-man and horse were bounding springily , unequally up [the road]_{502-the road} . [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} watched [them]_1379-them go . [The gate - keeper]_{1380-the gate - keeper} hobbled thudding over the logs of [the crossing]_{1338-the crossing} , with [his]_{1380-the gate - keeper} wooden leg . [He]_{1380-the gate - keeper} had fastened the gate . Then [he]_{1380-the gate - keeper} also turned , and called to [the girls]_{4851-the girls} : “ [A masterful young jockey]_{5324-a masterful young jockey} , that ; ’ll have [[his]_{4658-the man} own road]_{5325-his own road} , if ever [anybody]_744-anybody would . ”_{[1380-the gate - keeper]} “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , in [her]_160-gudrun hot , overbearing voice . “ Why could n’t [he]_1089-man take the horse away , till [the trucks]_{1344-the trucks} had gone by ? [He]_1089-man ’s [a fool]_{4749-a fool} , and [a bully]_{5329-a bully} . Does [he]_1089-man think it ’s manly , to torture a horse ? It ’s a living thing , why should [he]_1089-man bully it and torture it ? ”_[160-gudrun] There was a pause , then [the gate - keeper]_{1380-the gate - keeper} shook [his]_{1380-the gate - keeper} head , and replied : “ Yes , it ’s as nice a little mare as [you]_{4851-the girls} could set eyes on — beautiful little thing , beautiful . Now [you]_{4851-the girls} could n’t see [[his]_1089-man father]_{5330-his father} treat any animal like that — not [you]_{4851-the girls} . [They]_5331-they ’re as different as [they]_5331-they welly can be , [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald and [[his]_1089-man father]_{5330-his father} — [two different men]_{5333-two different men} , different made . ”_{[1380-the gate - keeper]} Then there was a pause . “ But why does [he]_1089-man do it ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ why does [he]_1089-man ? Does [he]_1089-man think [he]_1089-man ’s grand , when [he]_1089-man ’s bullied [a sensitive creature]_{5334-a sensitive creature} , ten times as sensitive as [himself]_1089-man ? ”_[255-gerald] Again there was a cautious pause . Then again [the man]_{4658-the man} shook [his]_{4658-the man} head , as if [he]_{4658-the man} would say nothing , but would think the more . “ [I]_{4658-the man} expect [he]_1089-man ’s got to train the mare to stand to anything , ”_{[4658-the man]} [he]_{4658-the man} replied . “ [A pure - bred Harab]_{5335-a pure - bred harab} — not the sort of breed as is used to round here — different sort from [our]_5336-our sort altogether . [They]_5337-they say as [he]_1089-man got [her]_{5334-a sensitive creature} from [Constantinople]_{257-constantinople} . ”_{[4658-the man]} “ [He]_1089-man would ! ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [He]_1089-man ’d better have left [her]_{5334-a sensitive creature} to [the Turks]_{5338-the turks} , [I]_255-gerald ’m sure [they]_{5338-the turks} would have had more decency towards [her]_{5334-a sensitive creature} . ”_[255-gerald] [The man]_{4658-the man} went in to drink [his]_{4658-the man} can of tea , [the girls]_{4851-the girls} went on down [the lane]_{1387-the lane} , that was deep in soft black dust . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was as if numbed in [her]_160-gudrun mind by the sense of indomitable soft weight of [the man]_{4658-the man} , bearing down into the living body of the horse : the strong , indomitable thighs of [the blond man]_{1389-the blond man} clenching the palpitating body of the mare into pure control ; a sort of soft white magnetic domination from the loins and thighs and calves , enclosing and encompassing the mare heavily into unutterable subordination , soft blood - subordination , terrible . On the left , as [the girls]_{4851-the girls} walked silently , [the coal - mine]_{1391-the coal - mine} lifted [its]_{1391-the coal - mine} great mounds and its patterned head - stocks , [the black railway with [the trucks]_{1344-the trucks} at rest]_{1392-the black railway with the trucks at rest} looked like [a harbour just below]_{1394-a harbour just below} , a large bay of [railroad with anchored wagons]_{1395-railroad with anchored wagons} . Near [the second level - crossing , that went over many bright rails]_{1396-the second level - crossing , that went over many bright rails} , was [a farm]_{1397-a farm} belonging to [the collieries]_{1398-the collieries} , and a great round globe of iron , a disused boiler , huge and rusty and perfectly round , stood silently in a paddock by [the road]_{502-the road} . The hens were pecking round [it]_1400-it , some chickens were balanced on the drinking trough , wagtails flew away in among [trucks]_1401-trucks , from the water . On the other side of [the wide crossing]_{1402-the wide crossing} , by [the road]_{502-the road} - side , was a heap of pale - grey stones for mending [the roads]_{1404-the roads} , and a cart standing , and [a middle - aged man with whiskers round [his]_{1405-a middle - aged man with whiskers round his face} face]_{1405-a middle - aged man with whiskers round his face} was leaning on [his]_{1405-a middle - aged man with whiskers round his face} shovel , talking to [a young man in gaiters , who stood by the horse ’s head]_{1406-a young man in gaiters , who stood by the horse ’s head} . [Both men]_{1407-both men} were facing the crossing . [They]_{1407-both men} saw [the two girls]_{473-the two girls} appear , small , brilliant figures in the near distance , in the strong light of the late afternoon . [Both]_454-both wore light , gay summer dresses , [Ursula]_255-gerald had an orange - coloured knitted coat , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun a pale yellow , [Ursula]_255-gerald wore canary yellow stockings , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun bright rose , the figures of [the two women]_{882-the two women} seemed to glitter in progress over [the wide bay of [the railway crossing]_{1329-the railway crossing}]_{1411-the wide bay of the railway crossing} , white and orange and yellow and rose glittering in motion across a hot world silted with coal - dust . [The two men]_{686-the two men} stood quite still in the heat , watching . [The elder]_{1414-the elder} was [a short , hard - faced energetic man of middle age]_{1415-a short , hard - faced energetic man of middle age} , [the younger]_{1416-the younger} [a labourer of twenty - three or so]_{1417-a labourer of twenty - three or so} . [They]_{686-the two men} stood in silence watching the advance of [the sisters]_{452-the sisters} . [They]_{1407-both men} watched whilst [the girls]_{4851-the girls} drew near , and whilst [they]_{1407-both men} passed , and whilst [they]_{1407-both men} receded down [the dusty road]_{1420-the dusty road} , that had [dwellings]_{494-dwellings} on one side , and [dusty young corn]_{1422-dusty young corn} on the other . Then [the elder man]_{1423-the elder man} , with the whiskers round [his]_{1423-the elder man} face , said in a prurient manner to [the young man]_{676-the young man} : “ What price that , eh ? [She]_{676-the young man} ’ll do , wo n’t [she]_{676-the young man} ? ”_{[1423-the elder man]} “ Which ? ”_{[676-the young man]} asked [the young man]_{676-the young man} , eagerly , with a laugh . “ [Her]_{676-the young man} with the red stockings . What [d’you]_{676-the young man} say ? [I]_{676-the young man} ’d give [my]_{676-the young man} week ’s wages for five minutes ; what!—just for five minutes . ”_{[676-the young man]} Again [the young man]_{676-the young man} laughed . “ [[Your]_{676-the young man} missis]_{5339-your missis} ’ ud have summat to say to [you]_{676-the young man} , ”_{[676-the young man]} [he]_{676-the young man} replied . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had turned round and looked at [the two men]_{686-the two men} . [They]_{686-the two men} were to [her]_160-gudrun sinister creatures , standing watching after [her]_160-gudrun , by the heap of pale grey slag . [She]_160-gudrun loathed [the man]_{4658-the man} with whiskers round [his]_{4658-the man} face . “ [You]_160-gudrun ’re [first class]_{5340-first class} , [you]_160-gudrun are , ”_{[4658-the man]} [the man]_{4658-the man} said to [her]_160-gudrun , and to the distance . “ Do [you]_160-gudrun think it would be worth a week ’s wages ? ”_{[1430-the younger man]} said [the younger man]_{1430-the younger man} , musing . “ Do [I]_{1430-the younger man} ? [I]_{1430-the younger man} ’d put [’em]_5341-’em bloody - well down this second — ”_{[1430-the younger man]} [The younger man]_{1430-the younger man} looked after [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald objectively , as if [he]_{1430-the younger man} wished to calculate what there might be , that was worth [his]_{1430-the younger man} week ’s wages . [He]_{1430-the younger man} shook [his]_{1430-the younger man} head with fatal misgiving . “ No , ”_{[1430-the younger man]} [he]_{1430-the younger man} said . “ It ’s not worth that to [me]_{1430-the younger man} . ”_{[1430-the younger man]} “ Is n’t ? ”_{[1432-the old man]} said [the old man]_{1432-the old man} . “ By [God]_167-god , if it is n’t to [me]_{1432-the old man} ! ”_{[1432-the old man]} And [he]_{1432-the old man} went on shovelling [his]_{1432-the old man} stones . [The girls]_{4851-the girls} descended between [the houses]_{1434-the houses} with slate roofs and blackish brick walls . The heavy gold glamour of approaching sunset lay over all [the colliery district]_{1435-the colliery district} , and the ugliness overlaid with beauty was like a narcotic to the senses . On [the roads]_{1404-the roads} silted with black dust , the rich light fell more warmly , more heavily , over all the amorphous squalor a kind of magic was cast , from the glowing close of day . “ [It]_{1435-the colliery district} has a foul kind of beauty , [this place]_{1058-this place} , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , evidently suffering from fascination . “ Ca n’t [you]_1438-miners feel in some way , a thick , hot attraction in it ? [I]_160-gudrun can . And it quite stupifies [me]_160-gudrun . ”_[160-gudrun] [They]_{4851-the girls} were passing between [blocks of [[miners]_1438-miners ’ dwellings]_{1439-miners ’ dwellings}]_{1437-blocks of miners ’ dwellings} . In [the back yards of [several dwellings]_{1441-several dwellings}]_{1440-the back yards of several dwellings} , [a miner]_{1442-a miner} could be seen washing [himself]_{1442-a miner} in the open on this hot evening , naked down to the loins , [his]_{1442-a miner} great trousers of moleskin slipping almost away . [Miners already cleaned]_{1443-miners already cleaned} were sitting on [their]_{1443-miners already cleaned} heels , with [their]_{1443-miners already cleaned} backs near the walls , talking and silent in pure physical well - being , tired , and taking physical rest . [Their]_1438-miners voices sounded out with strong intonation , and the broad dialect was curiously caressing to the blood . It seemed to envelop [Gudrun]_160-gudrun in [a labourer]_{1444-a labourer} ’s caress , there was in the whole atmosphere a resonance of [physical men]_{1445-physical men} , a glamorous thickness of labour and maleness , surcharged in the air . But it was universal in [the district]_{529-the district} , and therefore unnoticed by [the inhabitants]_{1447-the inhabitants} . To [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , however , it was potent and half - repulsive . [She]_160-gudrun could never tell why [Beldover]_1-beldover was so utterly different from [London]_2-london and [the south]_{1448-the south} , why [one]_4646-one ’s whole feelings were different , why [one]_4646-one seemed to live in another sphere . Now [she]_160-gudrun realised that this was the world of [powerful , underworld men who spent most of [their]_{1451-powerful , underworld men who spent most of their time in the darkness} time in the darkness]_{1451-powerful , underworld men who spent most of their time in the darkness} . In [their]_1438-miners voices [she]_160-gudrun could hear the voluptuous resonance of darkness , [the strong , dangerous underworld]_{1452-the strong , dangerous underworld} , mindless , inhuman . [They]_1438-miners sounded also like strange machines , heavy , oiled . The voluptuousness was like that of machinery , cold and iron . It was the same every evening when [she]_160-gudrun came [home]_4649-home , [she]_160-gudrun seemed to move through a wave of disruptive force , that was given off from the presence of thousands of [vigorous , underworld , half - automatised colliers]_{1454-vigorous , underworld , half - automatised colliers} , and which went to the brain and the heart , awaking a fatal desire , and a fatal callousness . There came over [her]_160-gudrun a nostalgia for [the place]_{5125-the place} . [She]_160-gudrun hated it , [she]_160-gudrun knew how utterly cut off [it]_{5125-the place} was , how hideous and how sickeningly mindless . Sometimes [she]_160-gudrun beat [her]_160-gudrun wings like a new Daphne , turning not into a tree but a machine . And yet , [she]_160-gudrun was overcome by the nostalgia . [She]_160-gudrun struggled to get more and more into accord with the atmosphere of [the place]_{5125-the place} , [she]_160-gudrun craved to get [her]_160-gudrun satisfaction of it . [She]_160-gudrun felt [herself]_160-gudrun drawn out at evening into [the main street of [the town]_{4907-the town}]_{1457-the main street of the town} , that was uncreated and ugly , and yet surcharged with this same potent atmosphere of intense , dark callousness . There were always [miners about]_{1459-miners about} . [They]_{1459-miners about} moved with [their]_{1459-miners about} strange , distorted dignity , a certain beauty , and unnatural stillness in [their]_{1459-miners about} bearing , a look of abstraction and half resignation in [their]_{1459-miners about} pale , often gaunt faces . [They]_{1459-miners about} belonged to [another world]_{4676-another world} , [they]_{1459-miners about} had a strange glamour , [their]_{1459-miners about} voices were full of an intolerable deep resonance , like a machine ’s burring , a music more maddening than the siren ’s long ago . [She]_160-gudrun found [herself]_160-gudrun , with [the rest of [the common women]_{1462-the common women}]_{1461-the rest of the common women} , drawn out on Friday evenings to [the little market]_{1463-the little market} . Friday was pay - day for [the colliers]_{4675-the colliers} , and Friday night was market night . [Every woman]_{1465-every woman} was abroad , [every man]_{767-every man} was out , shopping with [[his]_{767-every man} wife]_{1467-his wife} , or gathering with [[his]_{767-every man} pals]_{1468-his pals} . [The pavements]_{1469-the pavements} were dark for miles around with [people]_579-people coming in , [the little market - place]_{1471-the little market - place} on [the crown of [the hill]_{497-the hill}]_{1472-the crown of the hill} , and [the main street of [Beldover]_1-beldover]_{1474-the main street of beldover} were black with [thickly - crowded men]_{1475-thickly - crowded men} and [women]_453-women . It was dark , [the market - place]_{1477-the market - place} was hot with kerosene flares , which threw a ruddy light on the grave faces of [the purchasing wives]_{1478-the purchasing wives} , and on the pale abstract faces of [the men]_{727-the men} . The air was full of the sound of criers and of [people]_579-people talking , thick streams of [people]_579-people moved on the pavements towards [the solid crowd of [the market]_{1483-the market}]_{1482-the solid crowd of the market} . [The shops]_{1484-the shops} were blazing and packed with [women]_453-women , in [the streets]_{1486-the streets} were [men]_848-men , mostly [men]_848-men , [miners of all ages]_{1489-miners of all ages} . Money was spent with almost lavish freedom . The carts that came could not pass through . [They]_1490-they had to wait , [the driver]_{4986-the driver} calling and shouting , till [the dense crowd]_{1492-the dense crowd} would make way . Everywhere , [young fellows from [the outlying districts]_{1494-the outlying districts}]_{1493-young fellows from the outlying districts} were making conversation with [the girls]_{4851-the girls} , standing in [the road]_{502-the road} and at the corners . The doors of [the public - houses]_{1497-the public - houses} were open and full of light , [men]_848-men passed in and out in a continual stream , everywhere [men]_848-men were calling out to [one another]_{1500-one another} , or crossing to meet [one another]_{1500-one another} , or standing in little gangs and circles , discussing , endlessly discussing . The sense of talk , buzzing , jarring , half - secret , the endless mining and political wrangling , vibrated in the air like discordant machinery . And it was [their]_848-men voices which affected [Gudrun]_160-gudrun almost to swooning . [They]_848-men aroused a strange , nostalgic ache of desire , something almost demoniacal , never to be fulfilled . Like [any other common girl of [the district]_{529-the district}]_{1502-any other common girl of the district} , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun strolled up and down , up and down the length of the brilliant two - hundred paces of [the pavement nearest [the market - place]_{1477-the market - place}]_{1504-the pavement nearest the market - place} . [She]_160-gudrun knew it was a vulgar thing to do ; [[her]_160-gudrun father]_{583-her father} and [mother]_4695-mother could not bear it ; but the nostalgia came over [her]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun must be among [the people]_{4677-the people} . Sometimes [she]_160-gudrun sat among the louts in [the cinema]_{1509-the cinema} : rakish - looking , unattractive louts [they]_1510-they were . Yet [she]_160-gudrun must be among [them]_1510-they . And , like [any other common lass]_{1511-any other common lass} , [she]_160-gudrun found [[her]_160-gudrun ‘ boy]_{1512-her ‘ boy} . ’ It was [an electrician]_{1513-an electrician} , [one of [the electricians introduced according to [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s new scheme]_{1515-the electricians introduced according to gerald ’s new scheme}]_{1514-one of the electricians introduced according to gerald ’s new scheme} . [He]_{1513-an electrician} was [an earnest , clever man]_{1516-an earnest , clever man} , [a scientist with a passion for sociology]_{1517-a scientist with a passion for sociology} . [He]_{1513-an electrician} lived alone in [a cottage]_{1518-a cottage} , in [lodgings]_{1519-lodgings} , in [Willey Green]_{6-willey green} . [He]_{1513-an electrician} was [a gentleman]_{4992-a gentleman} , and sufficiently well - to - do . [[His]_{1513-an electrician} landlady]_{1521-his landlady} spread the reports about [him]_{1513-an electrician} ; [he]_{1513-an electrician} would have a large wooden tub in [[his]_{1513-an electrician} bedroom]_{1522-his bedroom} , and every time [he]_{1513-an electrician} came in from work , [he]_{1513-an electrician} would have pails and pails of water brought up , to bathe in , then [he]_{1513-an electrician} put on clean shirt and under - clothing every day , and clean silk socks ; fastidious and exacting [he]_{1513-an electrician} was in these respects , but in every other way , most ordinary and unassuming . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun knew all these things . [[The Brangwen]_160-gudrun ’s house]_{1523-the brangwen ’s house} was one to which the gossip came naturally and inevitably . [Palmer]_258-palmer was in the first place [a friend of [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s]_{1524-a friend of ursula ’s} . But in [his]_258-palmer pale , elegant , serious face there showed the same nostalgia that [Gudrun]_160-gudrun felt . [He]_258-palmer too must walk up and down [the street]_{948-the street} on Friday evening . So [he]_258-palmer walked with [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , and a friendship was struck up between [them]_1526-them . But [he]_258-palmer was not in love with [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ; [he]_258-palmer really wanted [Ursula]_255-gerald , but for some strange reason , nothing could happen between [her]_1527-her and [him]_258-palmer . [He]_258-palmer liked to have [Gudrun]_160-gudrun about , as [a fellow - mind]_{1528-a fellow - mind} — but that was all . And [she]_160-gudrun had no real feeling for [him]_258-palmer . [He]_258-palmer was [a scientist]_{1529-a scientist} , [he]_258-palmer had to have [a woman]_{897-a woman} to back [him]_258-palmer . But [he]_258-palmer was really impersonal , [he]_258-palmer had the fineness of an elegant piece of machinery . [He]_258-palmer was too cold , too destructive to care really for [women]_453-women , too great [an egoist]_{1532-an egoist} . [He]_258-palmer was polarised by [the men]_{727-the men} . Individually [he]_258-palmer detested and despised [them]_{727-the men} . In the mass [they]_{727-the men} fascinated [him]_258-palmer , as machinery fascinated [him]_258-palmer . [They]_{727-the men} were a new sort of machinery to [him]_258-palmer — but incalculable , incalculable . So [Gudrun]_160-gudrun strolled [the streets]_{1486-the streets} with [Palmer]_258-palmer , or went to [the cinema]_{1509-the cinema} with [him]_258-palmer . And [his]_258-palmer long , pale , rather elegant face flickered as [he]_258-palmer made [his]_258-palmer sarcastic remarks . There [they]_{727-the men} were , [the two of [them]_{727-the men}]_{1536-the two of them} : two elegants in one sense : in the other sense , two units , absolutely adhering to [the people]_{4677-the people} , teeming with [the distorted colliers]_{1538-the distorted colliers} . The same secret seemed to be working in the souls of all alike , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [Palmer]_258-palmer , [the rakish young bloods]_{1539-the rakish young bloods} , [the gaunt , middle - aged men]_{1540-the gaunt , middle - aged men} . [All]_1541-all had a secret sense of power , and of inexpressible destructiveness , and of fatal half - heartedness , a sort of rottenness in the will . Sometimes [Gudrun]_160-gudrun would start aside , see it all , see how [she]_160-gudrun was sinking in . And then [she]_160-gudrun was filled with a fury of contempt and anger . [She]_160-gudrun felt [she]_160-gudrun was sinking into one mass with the rest — all so close and intermingled and breathless . It was horrible . [She]_160-gudrun stifled . [She]_160-gudrun prepared for flight , feverishly [she]_160-gudrun flew to [her]_160-gudrun work . But soon [she]_160-gudrun let go . [She]_160-gudrun started off into [the country]_{4896-the country} — [the darkish , glamorous country]_{1543-the darkish , glamorous country} . The spell was beginning to work again . One morning [the sisters]_{452-the sisters} were sketching by [the side of [Willey Water]_{8-willey water}]_{1545-the side of willey water} , at [the remote end of [the lake]_{4830-the lake}]_{1546-the remote end of the lake} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had waded out to a gravelly shoal , and was seated like [a Buddhist]_{1548-a buddhist} , staring fixedly at the water - plants that rose succulent from the mud of [the low shores]_{1549-the low shores} . What [she]_160-gudrun could see was mud , soft , oozy , watery mud , and from its festering chill , water - plants rose up , thick and cool and fleshy , very straight and turgid , thrusting out their leaves at right angles , and having dark lurid colours , dark green and blotches of black - purple and bronze . But [she]_160-gudrun could feel [their]_{452-the sisters} turgid fleshy structure as in a sensuous vision , [she]_160-gudrun knew how [they]_{452-the sisters} rose out of the mud , [she]_160-gudrun knew how [they]_{452-the sisters} thrust out from [themselves]_{452-the sisters} , how [they]_{452-the sisters} stood stiff and succulent against the air . [Ursula]_255-gerald was watching the butterflies , of which there were dozens near the water , little blue ones suddenly snapping out of nothingness into a jewel - life , a large black - and - red one standing upon a flower and breathing with [his]_1550-his soft wings , intoxicatingly , breathing pure , ethereal sunshine ; two white ones wrestling in the low air ; there was a halo round them ; ah , when [they]_{452-the sisters} came tumbling nearer [they]_{452-the sisters} were orangetips , and it was the orange that had made the halo . [Ursula]_255-gerald rose and drifted away , unconscious like the butterflies . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , absorbed in a stupor of apprehension of surging water - plants , sat crouched on the shoal , drawing , not looking up for a long time , and then staring unconsciously , absorbedly at the rigid , naked , succulent stems . [Her]_160-gudrun feet were bare , [her]_160-gudrun hat lay on the bank opposite . [She]_160-gudrun started out of [her]_160-gudrun trance , hearing the knocking of oars . [She]_160-gudrun looked round . There was [a boat with a gaudy Japanese parasol]_{1551-a boat with a gaudy japanese parasol} , and [a man in white]_{1552-a man in white} , rowing . [The woman]_{873-the woman} was [Hermione]_168-hermione , and [the man]_{4658-the man} was [Gerald]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun knew it instantly . And instantly [she]_160-gudrun perished in the keen frisson of anticipation , an electric vibration in [her]_160-gudrun veins , intense , much more intense than that which was always humming low in the atmosphere of [Beldover]_1-beldover . [Gerald]_255-gerald was [her]_160-gudrun escape from the heavy slough of [the pale , underworld , automatic colliers]_{1555-the pale , underworld , automatic colliers} . [He]_255-gerald started out of [the mud]_{1556-the mud} . [He]_255-gerald was [master]_1120-master . [She]_160-gudrun saw [his]_255-gerald back , the movement of [his]_255-gerald white loins . But not that — it was the whiteness [he]_255-gerald seemed to enclose as [he]_255-gerald bent forwards , rowing . [He]_255-gerald seemed to stoop to something . [His]_255-gerald glistening , whitish hair seemed like the electricity of the sky . “ There ’s [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , ”_{[168-hermione]} came [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s voice floating distinct over [the water]_{4852-the water} . “ [We]_5343-we will go and speak to [her]_{1559-the girl standing by the water} . Do [you]_255-gerald mind ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [Gerald]_255-gerald looked round and saw [the girl standing by the water]_{1559-the girl standing by the water} ’s edge , looking at [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald pulled [the boat]_{1560-the boat} towards [her]_{1559-the girl standing by the water} , magnetically , without thinking of [her]_{1559-the girl standing by the water} . In [[his]_255-gerald world]_{1294-his world} , [his]_255-gerald conscious world , [she]_{1559-the girl standing by the water} was still [nobody]_912-nobody . [He]_255-gerald knew that [Hermione]_168-hermione had a curious pleasure in treading down all the social differences , at least apparently , and [he]_255-gerald left it to [her]_168-hermione . “ How do [you]_255-gerald do , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ? ”_{[168-hermione]} sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , using the Christian name in the fashionable manner . “ What are [you]_255-gerald doing ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ How do [you]_255-gerald do , [Hermione]_168-hermione ? [I]_168-hermione was sketching . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Were [you]_255-gerald ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [The boat]_{1560-the boat} drifted nearer , till the keel ground on [the bank]_{1564-the bank} . “ May [we]_5344-we see ? [I]_168-hermione should like to so much . ”_{[168-hermione]} It was no use resisting [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s deliberate intention . “ Well — ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun reluctantly , for [she]_160-gudrun always hated to have [her]_160-gudrun unfinished work exposed—“there ’s nothing in the least interesting . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Is n’t there ? But let [me]_160-gudrun see , will [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun reached out the sketch - book , [Gerald]_255-gerald stretched from [the boat]_{1560-the boat} to take it . And as [he]_255-gerald did so , [he]_255-gerald remembered [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s last words to [him]_255-gerald , and [her]_160-gudrun face lifted up to [him]_255-gerald as [he]_255-gerald sat on [the swerving horse]_{1566-the swerving horse} . An intensification of pride went over [his]_255-gerald nerves , because [he]_255-gerald felt , in some way [she]_160-gudrun was compelled by [him]_255-gerald . The exchange of feeling between [them]_1567-them was strong and apart from [their]_1567-them consciousness . And as if in a spell , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was aware of [his]_255-gerald body , stretching and surging like the marsh - fire , stretching towards [her]_160-gudrun , [his]_255-gerald hand coming straight forward like a stem . [Her]_160-gudrun voluptuous , acute apprehension of [him]_255-gerald made the blood faint in [her]_160-gudrun veins , [her]_160-gudrun mind went dim and unconscious . And [he]_255-gerald rocked on [the water]_{4852-the water} perfectly , like the rocking of phosphorescence . [He]_255-gerald looked round at [the boat]_{1560-the boat} . It was drifting off a little . [He]_255-gerald lifted the oar to bring it back . And the exquisite pleasure of slowly arresting [the boat]_{1560-the boat} , in the heavy - soft water , was complete as a swoon . “ That ’s what [you]_255-gerald have done , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , looking searchingly at the plants on [the shore]_{1571-the shore} , and comparing with [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s drawing . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked round in the direction of [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s long , pointing finger . “ That is it , is n’t it ? ”_[160-gudrun] repeated [Hermione]_168-hermione , needing confirmation . “ Yes , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun automatically , taking no real heed . “ Let [me]_255-gerald look , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , reaching forward for the book . But [Hermione]_168-hermione ignored [him]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald must not presume , before [she]_160-gudrun had finished . But [he]_255-gerald , [his]_255-gerald will as unthwarted and as unflinching as [hers]_160-gudrun , stretched forward till [he]_255-gerald touched the book . A little shock , a storm of revulsion against [him]_255-gerald , shook [Hermione]_168-hermione unconsciously . [She]_160-gudrun released the book when [he]_255-gerald had not properly got it , and it tumbled against the side of [the boat]_{1560-the boat} and bounced into the water . “ There ! ”_{[168-hermione]} sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , with a strange ring of malevolent victory . “ [I]_168-hermione ’m so sorry , so awfully sorry . Ca n’t [you]_255-gerald get it , [Gerald]_255-gerald ? ”_{[168-hermione]} This last was said in a note of anxious sneering that made [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s veins tingle with fine hate for [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_255-gerald leaned far out of [the boat]_{1560-the boat} , reaching down into [the water]_{4852-the water} . [He]_255-gerald could feel [his]_255-gerald position was ridiculous , [his]_255-gerald loins exposed behind [him]_255-gerald . “ It is of no importance , ”_[160-gudrun] came the strong , clanging voice of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun seemed to touch [him]_255-gerald . But [he]_255-gerald reached further , [the boat]_{1560-the boat} swayed violently . [Hermione]_168-hermione , however , remained unperturbed . [He]_255-gerald grasped the book , under the water , and brought it up , dripping . “ [I]_168-hermione ’m so dreadfully sorry — dreadfully sorry , ”_{[168-hermione]} repeated [Hermione]_168-hermione . “ [I]_168-hermione ’m afraid it was all [my]_168-hermione fault . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ It ’s of no importance — really , [I]_160-gudrun assure [you]_255-gerald — it does n’t matter in the least , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun loudly , with emphasis , [her]_160-gudrun face flushed scarlet . And [she]_160-gudrun held out [her]_160-gudrun hand impatiently for the wet book , to have done with the scene . [Gerald]_255-gerald gave it to [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_255-gerald was not quite [himself]_255-gerald . “ [I]_168-hermione ’m so dreadfully sorry , ”_{[168-hermione]} repeated [Hermione]_168-hermione , till both [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun were exasperated . “ Is there nothing that can be done ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ In what way ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , with cool irony . “ Ca n’t [we]_5345-we save the drawings ? ”_[160-gudrun] There was a moment ’s pause , wherein [Gudrun]_160-gudrun made evident all [her]_160-gudrun refutation of [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s persistence . “ [I]_160-gudrun assure [you]_255-gerald , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , with cutting distinctness , “ the drawings are quite as good as ever they were , for [my]_160-gudrun purpose . [I]_160-gudrun want them only for reference . ”_[160-gudrun] “ But ca n’t [I]_160-gudrun give [you]_255-gerald a new book ? [I]_160-gudrun wish [you]_255-gerald ’d let [me]_160-gudrun do that . [I]_160-gudrun feel so truly sorry . [I]_160-gudrun feel it was all [my]_160-gudrun fault . ”_[160-gudrun] “ As far as [I]_160-gudrun saw , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “ it was n’t [your]_255-gerald fault at all . If there was any fault , it was [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} ’s . But the whole thing is entirely trivial , and it really is ridiculous to take any notice of it . ”_[160-gudrun] [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [Gudrun]_160-gudrun closely , whilst [she]_160-gudrun repulsed [Hermione]_168-hermione . There was a body of cold power in [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_255-gerald watched [her]_160-gudrun with an insight that amounted to clairvoyance . [He]_255-gerald saw [her]_160-gudrun a dangerous , hostile spirit , that could stand undiminished and unabated . It was so finished , and of such perfect gesture , moreover . “ [I]_255-gerald ’m awfully glad if it does n’t matter , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said ; “ if there ’s no real harm done . ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun looked back at [him]_255-gerald , with [her]_160-gudrun fine blue eyes , and signalled full into [his]_255-gerald spirit , as [she]_160-gudrun said , [her]_160-gudrun voice ringing with intimacy almost caressive now it was addressed to [him]_255-gerald : “ Of course , it does n’t matter in the least . ”_[160-gudrun] The bond was established between [them]_1576-they , in that look , in [her]_160-gudrun tone . In [her]_160-gudrun tone , [she]_160-gudrun made the understanding clear — [they]_1576-they were of the same kind , [he]_255-gerald and [she]_160-gudrun , a sort of diabolic freemasonry subsisted between [them]_1576-they . Henceforward , [she]_160-gudrun knew , [she]_160-gudrun had [her]_160-gudrun power over [him]_255-gerald . Wherever [they]_1576-they met , [they]_1576-they would be secretly associated . And [he]_255-gerald would be helpless in the association with [her]_160-gudrun . [Her]_160-gudrun soul exulted . “ Good - bye ! [I]_160-gudrun ’m so glad [you]_255-gerald forgive [me]_160-gudrun . Gooood - bye ! ”_[160-gudrun] [Hermione]_168-hermione sang [her]_168-hermione farewell , and waved [her]_168-hermione hand . [Gerald]_255-gerald automatically took the oar and pushed off . But [he]_255-gerald was looking all the time , with a glimmering , subtly - smiling admiration in [his]_255-gerald eyes , at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , who stood on the shoal shaking the wet book in [her]_160-gudrun hand . [She]_160-gudrun turned away and ignored [the receding boat]_{1577-the receding boat} . But [Gerald]_255-gerald looked back as [he]_255-gerald rowed , beholding [her]_160-gudrun , forgetting what [he]_255-gerald was doing . “ Are n’t [we]_5346-we going too much to the left ? ”_{[168-hermione]} sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , as [she]_168-hermione sat ignored under [her]_168-hermione coloured parasol . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked round without replying , the oars balanced and glancing in the sun . “ [I]_255-gerald think it ’s all right , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said good - humouredly , beginning to row again without thinking of what [he]_255-gerald was doing . And [Hermione]_168-hermione disliked [him]_255-gerald extremely for [his]_255-gerald good - humoured obliviousness , [she]_168-hermione was nullified , [she]_168-hermione could not regain ascendancy . Meanwhile [Ursula]_255-gerald had wandered on from [Willey Water]_{8-willey water} along [the course of [the bright little stream]_{1579-the bright little stream}]_{1578-the course of the bright little stream} . The afternoon was full of [larks]_1580-larks ’ singing . On [the bright hill - sides]_{1581-the bright hill - sides} was a subdued smoulder of gorse . A few forget - me - nots flowered by [the water]_{4852-the water} . There was a rousedness and a glancing everywhere . [She]_168-hermione strayed absorbedly on , over [the brooks]_{1583-the brooks} . [She]_168-hermione wanted to go to the [mill - pond above]_{1584-mill - pond above} . [The big mill - house]_{1585-the big mill - house} was deserted , save for [a labourer]_{1444-a labourer} and [[his]_{1444-a labourer} wife who lived in [the kitchen]_{1588-the kitchen}]_{1587-his wife who lived in the kitchen} . So [she]_168-hermione passed through [the empty farm - yard]_{1589-the empty farm - yard} and through the wilderness of [a garden]_{1590-a garden} , and mounted the bank by the sluice . When [she]_168-hermione got to the top , to see [the old , velvety surface of [the pond]_{5290-the pond} before [her]_168-hermione]_{1591-the old , velvety surface of the pond before her} , [she]_168-hermione noticed [a man on the bank]_{1593-a man on the bank} , tinkering with [a punt]_{1594-a punt} . It was [Birkin]_169-birkin sawing and hammering away . [She]_168-hermione stood at the head of the sluice , looking at [him]_{1593-a man on the bank} . [He]_{1593-a man on the bank} was unaware of [anybody]_744-anybody ’s presence . [He]_{1593-a man on the bank} looked very busy , like a wild animal , active and intent . [She]_168-hermione felt [she]_168-hermione ought to go away , [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} would not want [her]_168-hermione . [He]_{1593-a man on the bank} seemed to be so much occupied . But [she]_168-hermione did not want to go away . Therefore [she]_168-hermione moved along [the bank]_{1564-the bank} till [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} would look up . Which [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} soon did . The moment [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} saw [her]_168-hermione , [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} dropped [his]_{1593-a man on the bank} tools and came forward , saying : “ How do [you]_168-hermione do ? [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} ’m making the punt water - tight . Tell [me]_{1593-a man on the bank} if [you]_168-hermione think it is right . ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [She]_168-hermione went along with [him]_{1593-a man on the bank} . “ [You]_168-hermione are [[[your]_168-hermione father]_{5347-your father} ’s daughter]_{5348-your father ’s daughter} , so [you]_168-hermione can tell [me]_{1593-a man on the bank} if it will do , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} said . [She]_168-hermione bent to look at the patched punt . “ [I]_168-hermione am sure [I]_168-hermione am [[[my]_168-hermione father]_{5349-my father} ’s daughter]_{5350-my father ’s daughter} , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , fearful of having to judge . “ But [I]_168-hermione do n’t know anything about carpentry . It looks right , do n’t [you]_{1593-a man on the bank} think ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Yes , [I]_1597-i think . [I]_1597-i hope it wo n’t let [me]_1597-i to the bottom , that ’s all . Though even so , it is n’t a great matter , [I]_1597-i should come up again . Help [me]_1597-i to get it into [the water]_{4852-the water} , will [you]_{1593-a man on the bank} ? ”_[1597-i] With combined efforts [they]_1597-i turned over the heavy punt and set it afloat . “ Now , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} said , “ [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} ’ll try it and [you]_168-hermione can watch what happens . Then if it carries , [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} ’ll take [you]_168-hermione over to [the island]_{5352-the island} . ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} “ Do , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione cried , watching anxiously . [The pond]_{5290-the pond} was large , and had that perfect stillness and the dark lustre of very deep water . There were two small islands overgrown with bushes and a few trees , towards the middle . [Birkin]_169-birkin pushed [himself]_169-birkin off , and veered clumsily in [the pond]_{5290-the pond} . Luckily the punt drifted so that [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} could catch hold of a willow bough , and pull it to [the island]_{5352-the island} . “ Rather overgrown , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} said , looking into [the interior]_{1601-the interior} , “ but very nice . [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} ’ll come and fetch [you]_168-hermione . [The boat]_{1560-the boat} leaks a little . ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} In a moment [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} was with [her]_168-hermione again , and [she]_168-hermione stepped into [the wet punt]_{1602-the wet punt} . “ It ’ll float [us]_1604-us all right , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} said , and manœuvred again to [the island]_{5352-the island} . [They]_1604-us landed under a willow tree . [She]_168-hermione shrank from the little jungle of rank plants before [her]_168-hermione , evil - smelling figwort and hemlock . But [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} explored into [it]_{5290-the pond} . “ [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} shall mow this down , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} said , “ and then it will be romantic — like [Paul et Virginie]_{259-paul et virginie} . ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} “ Yes , one could have lovely Watteau picnics here , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald with enthusiasm . [His]_{1593-a man on the bank} face darkened . “ [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} do n’t want Watteau picnics here , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} said . “ Only [[your]_{1593-a man on the bank} Virginie]_{5354-your virginie} , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione laughed . “ [Virginie]_{259-paul et virginie} enough , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} smiled wryly . “ No , [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} do n’t want [her]_{5354-your virginie} either . ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [Ursula]_255-gerald looked at [him]_{1593-a man on the bank} closely . [She]_168-hermione had not seen [him]_{1593-a man on the bank} since [Breadalby]_11-breadalby . [He]_{1593-a man on the bank} was very thin and hollow , with a ghastly look in [his]_{1593-a man on the bank} face . “ [You]_{1593-a man on the bank} have been ill ; have n’t [you]_{1593-a man on the bank} ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione asked , rather repulsed . “ Yes , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} replied coldly . [They]_1605-they had sat down under the willow tree , and were looking at [the pond]_{5290-the pond} , from [[their]_1605-they retreat on [the island]_{5352-the island}]_{1607-their retreat on the island} . “ Has it made [you]_{1593-a man on the bank} frightened ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione asked . “ What of ? ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} asked , turning [his]_{1593-a man on the bank} eyes to look at [her]_168-hermione . Something in [him]_{1593-a man on the bank} , inhuman and unmitigated , disturbed [her]_168-hermione , and shook [her]_168-hermione out of [her]_168-hermione ordinary self . “ It is frightening to be very ill , is n’t it ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said . “ It is n’t pleasant , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} said . “ Whether [one]_4646-one is really afraid of death , or not , [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} have never decided . In one mood , not a bit , in another , very much . ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} “ But does n’t it make [you]_168-hermione feel ashamed ? [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} think it makes [one]_4646-one so ashamed , to be ill — illness is so terribly humiliating , do n’t [you]_168-hermione think ? ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [He]_{1593-a man on the bank} considered for some minutes . “ Maybe , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} said . “ Though one knows all the time [one]_4646-one ’s life is n’t really right , at the source . That ’s the humiliation . [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} do n’t see that the illness counts so much , after that . [One]_4646-one is ill because [one]_4646-one does n’t live properly — can’t . It ’s the failure to live that makes [one]_4646-one ill , and humiliates [one]_4646-one . ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} “ But do [you]_{1593-a man on the bank} fail to live ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione asked , almost jeering . “ Why yes — [I]_168-hermione do n’t make much of a success of [my]_168-hermione days . [One]_4646-one seems always to be bumping [one]_4646-one ’s nose against the blank wall ahead . ”_{[168-hermione]} [Ursula]_255-gerald laughed . [She]_168-hermione was frightened , and when [she]_168-hermione was frightened [she]_168-hermione always laughed and pretended to be jaunty . “ [Your]_{1593-a man on the bank} poor nose ! ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , looking at that feature of [his]_{1593-a man on the bank} face . “ No wonder it ’s ugly , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} replied . [She]_168-hermione was silent for some minutes , struggling with [her]_168-hermione own self - deception . It was an instinct in [her]_168-hermione , to deceive [herself]_168-hermione . “ But [I]_168-hermione ’m happy — [I]_168-hermione think life is awfully jolly , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said . “ Good , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} answered , with a certain cold indifference . [She]_168-hermione reached for a bit of paper which had wrapped a small piece of chocolate [she]_168-hermione had found in [her]_168-hermione pocket , and began making a boat . [He]_{1593-a man on the bank} watched [her]_168-hermione without heeding [her]_168-hermione . There was something strangely pathetic and tender in [her]_168-hermione moving , unconscious finger - tips , that were agitated and hurt , really . “ [I]_168-hermione do enjoy things — don’t [you]_{1593-a man on the bank} ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione asked . “ Oh yes ! But it infuriates [me]_168-hermione that [I]_168-hermione ca n’t get right , at the really growing part of [me]_168-hermione . [I]_168-hermione feel all tangled and messed up , and [I]_168-hermione ca n’t get straight anyhow . [I]_168-hermione do n’t know what really to do . [One]_172-one must do something somewhere . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Why should [you]_{1593-a man on the bank} always be doing ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione retorted . “ It is so plebeian . [I]_168-hermione think it is much better to be really patrician , and to do nothing but just be [oneself]_172-one , like a walking flower . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} quite agree , ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} [he]_{1593-a man on the bank} said , “ if one has burst into blossom . But [I]_{1593-a man on the bank} ca n’t get [my]_{1593-a man on the bank} flower to blossom anyhow . Either it is blighted in the bud , or has got the smother - fly , or it is n’t nourished . Curse it , it is n’t even a bud . It is a contravened knot . ”_{[1593-a man on the bank]} Again [she]_168-hermione laughed . [He]_{1593-a man on the bank} was so very fretful and exasperated . But [she]_168-hermione was anxious and puzzled . How was one to get out , anyhow . There must be a way out somewhere . There was a silence , wherein [she]_168-hermione wanted to cry . [She]_168-hermione reached for another bit of chocolate paper , and began to fold another boat . “ And why is it , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione asked at length , “ that there is no flowering , no dignity of human life now ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ The whole idea is dead . Humanity itself is dry - rotten , really . There are myriads of [human beings hanging on the bush]_{5363-human beings hanging on the bush} — and [they]_{5363-human beings hanging on the bush} look very nice and rosy , [[your]_{1593-a man on the bank} healthy [young men]_{5365-young men} and [women]_453-women]_{5364-your healthy young men and women} . But [they]_{5363-human beings hanging on the bush} are apples of [Sodom]_19-sodom , as a matter of fact , Dead Sea Fruit , gall - apples . It is n’t true that they have any significance — [their]_{5363-human beings hanging on the bush} insides are full of bitter , corrupt ash . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ But there are [good people]_{5367-good people} , ”_[255-gerald] protested [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Good enough for the life of today . But [mankind]_1014-mankind is a dead tree , covered with fine brilliant galls of [people]_579-people . ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald could not help stiffening [herself]_255-gerald against this , it was too picturesque and final . But neither could [she]_168-hermione help making [him]_1609-you go on . “ And if it is so , why is it ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione asked , hostile . [They]_1610-they were rousing each other to a fine passion of opposition . “ Why , why are [people all balls of bitter dust]_{5370-people all balls of bitter dust} ? Because [they]_{5370-people all balls of bitter dust} wo n’t fall off the tree when [they]_{5370-people all balls of bitter dust} ’re ripe . [They]_{5370-people all balls of bitter dust} hang on to [their]_{5370-people all balls of bitter dust} old positions when the position is over - past , till [they]_{5370-people all balls of bitter dust} become infested with little worms and dry - rot . ”_[1610-they] There was a long pause . [His]_1609-you voice had become hot and very sarcastic . [Ursula]_255-gerald was troubled and bewildered , [they]_1610-they were both oblivious of everything but [their]_1610-they own immersion . “ But even if [everybody]_{780-everybody} is wrong — where are [you]_1609-you right ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione cried , “ where are [you]_1609-you any better ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ I?—I’m not right , ”_[1609-you] [he]_1609-you cried back . “ At least [my]_168-hermione only rightness lies in the fact that [I]_168-hermione know it . [I]_168-hermione detest what [I]_168-hermione am , outwardly . [I]_168-hermione loathe [myself]_168-hermione as [a human being]_{5012-a human being} . [Humanity]_203-humanity is a huge aggregate lie , and a huge lie is less than a small truth . [Humanity]_203-humanity is less , far less than [the individual]_{5373-the individual} , because [the individual]_{5373-the individual} may sometimes be capable of truth , and humanity is a tree of lies . And [they]_1610-they say that love is the greatest thing ; [they]_1610-they persist in saying this , [the foul liars]_{5375-the foul liars} , and just look at what [they]_1610-they do ! Look at [all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest]_{5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest} — and see what [they]_{5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest} are doing all the time . By [their]_{5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest} works [ye]_5377-ye shall know [them]_{5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest} , for [dirty liars]_{5378-dirty liars} and cowards , who dare n’t stand by [their]_{5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest} own actions , much less by [their]_{5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest} own words . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ But , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald sadly , “ that does n’t alter the fact that love is the greatest , does it ? What [they]_1610-they do does n’t alter the truth of what [they]_1610-they say , does it ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Completely , because if what [they]_1610-they say were true , then [they]_1610-they could n’t help fulfilling it . But [they]_1610-they maintain a lie , and so [they]_1610-they run amok at last . It ’s a lie to say that love is the greatest . [You]_5377-ye might as well say that hate is the greatest , since the opposite of everything balances . What [people]_579-people want is hate — hate and nothing but hate . And in the name of righteousness and love , [they]_579-people get it . [They]_579-people distil [themselves]_579-people with nitroglycerine , all the lot of [them]_579-people , out of very love . It ’s the lie that kills . If [we]_5380-us want hate , let [us]_5380-us have it — death , murder , torture , violent destruction — let [us]_5380-us have it : but not in the name of love . But [I]_168-hermione abhor humanity , [I]_168-hermione wish it was swept away . It could go , and there would be no absolute loss , if [every human being]_{5381-every human being} perished tomorrow . The reality would be untouched . Nay , it would be better . The real tree of life would then be rid of the most ghastly , heavy crop of Dead Sea Fruit , the intolerable burden of myriad simulacra of [people]_579-people , an infinite weight of mortal lies . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ So [you]_1611-you ’d like everybody in [the world]_{541-the world} destroyed ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald should indeed . ”_[255-gerald] “ And [the world]_{541-the world} empty of [people]_579-people ? ”_[1611-you] “ Yes truly . [You]_1611-you [yourself]_1611-you , do n’t [you]_1611-you find it a beautiful clean thought , a world empty of [people]_579-people , just uninterrupted grass , and a hare sitting up ? ”_[1611-you] The pleasant sincerity of [his]_1611-you voice made [Ursula]_255-gerald pause to consider [her]_1612-her own proposition . And really it was attractive : [a clean , lovely , humanless world]_{1613-a clean , lovely , humanless world} . It was the really desirable . [Her]_1612-her heart hesitated , and exulted . But still , [she]_1612-her was dissatisfied with [him]_1611-you . “ But , ”_[1612-her] [she]_1612-her objected , “ [you]_1611-you ’d be dead [yourself]_1611-you , so what good would it do [you]_1611-you ? ”_[1612-her] “ [I]_1611-you would die like a shot , to know that [the earth]_{972-the earth} would really be cleaned of [all the people]_{5388-all the people} . It is the most beautiful and freeing thought . Then there would never be [another foul humanity created]_{5389-another foul humanity created} , for a universal defilement . ”_[1611-you] “ No , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ there would be nothing . ”_[255-gerald] “ What ! Nothing ? Just because humanity was wiped out ? [You]_1611-you flatter [yourself]_1611-you . There ’d be everything . ”_[1611-you] “ But how , if there were [no people]_{5390-no people} ? ”_[1611-you] “ Do [you]_1611-you think that creation depends on [man]_1089-man ! It merely does n’t . There are the trees and the grass and birds . [I]_255-gerald much prefer to think of the lark rising up in the morning upon [a humanless world]_{5392-a humanless world} . [Man]_1089-man is a mistake , [he]_1089-man must go . There is the grass , and hares and [adders]_5394-adders , and the unseen hosts , actual angels that go about freely when a dirty humanity does n’t interrupt [them]_5395-them — and good pure - tissued demons : very nice . ”_[255-gerald] It pleased [Ursula]_255-gerald , what [he]_255-gerald said , pleased [her]_1614-she very much , as a phantasy . Of course it was only a pleasant fancy . [She]_1614-she [herself]_1614-she knew too well the actuality of [humanity]_987-humanity , its hideous actuality . [She]_1614-she knew it could not disappear so cleanly and conveniently . It had a long way to go yet , a long and hideous way . [Her]_1614-she subtle , feminine , demoniacal soul knew it well . “ If only [man]_1089-man was swept off the face of [the earth]_{972-the earth} , creation would go on so marvellously , with a new start , non - human . [Man]_261-man is one of the mistakes of creation — like the ichthyosauri . If only [he]_261-man were gone again , think what lovely things would come out of the liberated days;—things straight out of the fire . ”_[1614-she] “ But [man]_1089-man will never be gone , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she said , with insidious , diabolical knowledge of the horrors of persistence . “ [The world]_{541-the world} will go with [him]_261-man . ”_[1614-she] “ Ah no , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald answered , “ not so . [I]_255-gerald believe in [the proud angels]_{5400-the proud angels} and the demons that are [[our]_5401-we fore - runners]_{5402-our fore - runners} . [They]_5403-they will destroy [us]_5401-we , because [we]_5401-we are not proud enough . [The ichthyosauri]_{5404-the ichthyosauri} were not proud : [they]_{5404-the ichthyosauri} crawled and floundered as [we]_5401-we do . And besides , look at elder - flowers and bluebells — they are a sign that pure creation takes place — even the butterfly . But humanity never gets beyond the caterpillar stage — it rots in the chrysalis , it never will have wings . [It]_5405-it is anti - creation , like monkeys and baboons . ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald watched [him]_255-gerald as [he]_255-gerald talked . There seemed a certain impatient fury in [him]_255-gerald , all the while , and at the same time a great amusement in everything , and a final tolerance . And it was this tolerance [she]_1614-she mistrusted , not the fury . [She]_1614-she saw that , all the while , in spite of [himself]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald would have to be trying to save [the world]_{541-the world} . And this knowledge , whilst it comforted [her]_1614-she heart somewhere with a little self - satisfaction , stability , yet filled [her]_1614-she with a certain sharp contempt and hate of [him]_255-gerald . [She]_1614-she wanted [him]_255-gerald to [herself]_1614-she , [she]_1614-she hated [the Salvator Mundi]_{262-the salvator mundi} touch . It was something diffuse and generalised about [him]_255-gerald , which [she]_1614-she could not stand . [He]_255-gerald would behave in the same way , say the same things , give [himself]_255-gerald as completely to [anybody who came along]_{1617-anybody who came along} , [anybody]_744-anybody and [everybody who liked to appeal to [him]_255-gerald]_{1619-everybody who liked to appeal to him} . It was despicable , a very insidious form of prostitution . “ But , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she said , “ [you]_255-gerald believe in individual love , even if [you]_255-gerald do n’t believe in loving humanity — ? ”_[1614-she] “ [I]_1614-she do n’t believe in love at all — that is , any more than [I]_1614-she believe in hate , or in grief . Love is one of the emotions like all the others — and so it is all right whilst [you]_255-gerald feel it . But [I]_1614-she ca n’t see how it becomes an absolute . It is just part of human relationships , no more . And it is only part of any human relationship . And why [one]_4646-one should be required always to feel it , any more than [one]_4646-one always feels sorrow or distant joy , [I]_1614-she can not conceive . Love is n’t a desideratum — it is an emotion [you]_255-gerald feel or [you]_255-gerald do n’t feel , according to circumstance . ”_[1614-she] “ Then why do [you]_1620-he care about [people]_579-people at all ? ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she asked , “ if [you]_1620-he do n’t believe in love ? Why do [you]_1620-he bother about humanity ? ”_[1614-she] “ Why do [I]_1614-she ? Because [I]_1614-she ca n’t get away from it . ”_[1614-she] “ Because [you]_1620-he love it , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she persisted . It irritated [him]_1620-he . “ If [I]_1620-he do love it , ”_[1620-he] [he]_1620-he said , “ it is [my]_1620-he disease . ”_[1620-he] “ But it is a disease [you]_1620-he do n’t want to be cured of , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she said , with some cold sneering . [He]_1620-he was silent now , feeling [she]_1614-she wanted to insult [him]_1620-he . “ And if [you]_1620-he do n’t believe in love , what do [you]_1620-he believe in ? ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she asked mocking . “ Simply in the end of [the world]_{541-the world} , and grass ? ”_[1614-she] [He]_1620-he was beginning to feel [a fool]_{4749-a fool} . “ [I]_1620-he believe in [the unseen hosts]_{5410-the unseen hosts} , ”_[1620-he] [he]_1620-he said . “ And nothing else ? [You]_1620-he believe in nothing visible , except grass and birds ? [[Your]_1620-he world]_{5411-your world} is a poor show . ”_[1620-he] “ Perhaps it is , ”_[1620-he] [he]_1620-he said , cool and superior now [he]_1620-he was offended , assuming a certain insufferable aloof superiority , and withdrawing into [his]_1620-he distance . [Ursula]_255-gerald disliked [him]_1620-he . But also [she]_1614-she felt [she]_1614-she had lost something . [She]_1614-she looked at [him]_1620-he as [he]_1620-he sat crouched on [the bank]_{1564-the bank} . There was a certain priggish Sunday - school stiffness over [him]_1620-he , priggish and detestable . And yet , at the same time , the moulding of [him]_1620-he was so quick and attractive , it gave such a great sense of freedom : the moulding of [his]_1620-he brows , [his]_1620-he chin , [his]_1620-he whole physique , something so alive , somewhere , in spite of the look of sickness . And it was this duality in feeling which [he]_1620-he created in [her]_1614-she , that made a fine hate of [him]_1620-he quicken in [her]_1614-she bowels . There was [his]_1620-he wonderful , desirable life - rapidity , the rare quality of [an utterly desirable man]_{1623-an utterly desirable man} : and there was at the same time this ridiculous , mean effacement into [a Salvator Mundi]_{1624-a salvator mundi} and [a Sunday - school teacher]_{1625-a sunday - school teacher} , [a prig of the stiffest type]_{1626-a prig of the stiffest type} . [He]_1620-he looked up at [her]_1614-she . [He]_1620-he saw [her]_1614-she face strangely enkindled , as if suffused from within by a powerful sweet fire . [His]_1620-he soul was arrested in wonder . [She]_1614-she was enkindled in [her]_1614-she own living fire . Arrested in wonder and in pure , perfect attraction , [he]_1620-he moved towards [her]_1614-she . [She]_1614-she sat like [a strange queen]_{1627-a strange queen} , almost supernatural in [her]_1614-she glowing smiling richness . “ The point about love , ”_[1620-he] [he]_1620-he said , [his]_1620-he consciousness quickly adjusting itself , “ is that [we]_1628-we hate the word because [we]_1628-we have vulgarised it . It ought to be prescribed , tabooed from utterance , for many years , till [we]_1628-we get a new , better idea . ”_[1620-he] There was a beam of understanding between [them]_1628-we . “ But it always means the same thing , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she said . “ Ah God , no , let it not mean that any more , ”_[1620-he] [he]_1620-he cried . “ Let the old meanings go . ”_[1620-he] “ But still it is love , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she persisted . A strange , wicked yellow light shone at [him]_1620-he in [her]_1614-she eyes . [He]_1620-he hesitated , baffled , withdrawing . “ No , ”_[1620-he] [he]_1620-he said , “ it is n’t . Spoken like that , never in [the world]_{541-the world} . [You]_1614-she ’ve no business to utter the word . ”_[1620-he] “ [I]_1614-she must leave it to [you]_1620-he , to take it out of [the Ark of the Covenant]_{5413-the ark of the covenant} at the right moment , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she mocked . Again [they]_1628-we looked at [each other]_{451-each other} . [She]_1614-she suddenly sprang up , turned [her]_1614-she back to [him]_1620-he , and walked away . [He]_1620-he too rose slowly and went to [the water]_{4852-the water} ’s edge , where , crouching , [he]_1620-he began to amuse [himself]_1620-he unconsciously . Picking a daisy [he]_1620-he dropped it on [the pond]_{5290-the pond} , so that the stem was a keel , the flower floated like a little water lily , staring with its open face up to the sky . [It]_1632-it turned slowly round , in a slow , slow Dervish dance , as it veered away . [He]_1620-he watched it , then dropped another daisy into the water , and after that another , and sat watching [them]_1633-them with bright , absolved eyes , crouching near on [the bank]_{1564-the bank} . [Ursula]_255-gerald turned to look . A strange feeling possessed [her]_1614-she , as if something were taking place . But it was all intangible . And some sort of control was being put on [her]_1614-she . [She]_1614-she could not know . [She]_1614-she could only watch the brilliant little discs of the daisies veering slowly in travel on [the dark , lustrous water]_{1635-the dark , lustrous water} . [The little flotilla]_{1636-the little flotilla} was drifting into the light , a company of white specks in the distance . “ Do let [us]_5414-us go to [the shore]_{1571-the shore} , to follow [them]_1633-them , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she said , afraid of being any longer imprisoned on [the island]_{5352-the island} . And [they]_1633-them pushed off in the punt . [She]_1614-she was glad to be on [the free land]_{1638-the free land} again . [She]_1614-she went along [the bank]_{1564-the bank} towards [the sluice]_{1640-the sluice} . The daisies were scattered broadcast on [the pond]_{5290-the pond} , tiny radiant things , like an exaltation , points of exaltation here and there . Why did they move [her]_1614-she so strongly and mystically ? “ Look , ”_[1614-she] [he]_1614-she said , “ [[your]_1614-she boat of purple paper]_{5416-your boat of purple paper} is escorting [them]_1633-them , and [they]_1633-them are a convoy of [rafts]_5417-rafts . ”_[1614-she] Some of the daisies came slowly towards [her]_1614-she , hesitating , making a shy bright little cotillion on the dark clear water . [Their]_1633-them gay bright candour moved [her]_1614-she so much as [they]_1633-them came near , that [she]_1614-she was almost in tears . “ Why are they so lovely , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she cried . “ Why do [I]_1614-she think them so lovely ? ”_[1614-she] “ They are nice flowers , ”_[1614-she] [he]_1614-she said , [her]_1614-she emotional tones putting a constraint on [him]_1614-she . “ [You]_1614-she know that a daisy is a company of florets , [a concourse]_{5418-a concourse} , become [individual]_{5419-individual} . Do n’t [the botanists]_{5420-the botanists} put it highest in the line of development ? [I]_1614-she believe [they]_{5420-the botanists} do . ”_[1614-she] “ [The compositæ]_{5421-the compositæ} , yes , [I]_255-gerald think so , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , who was never very sure of anything . Things [she]_1614-she knew perfectly well , at one moment , seemed to become doubtful the next . “ Explain it so , then , ”_[1614-she] [he]_1614-she said . “ The daisy is a perfect little democracy , so it ’s the highest of flowers , hence its charm . ”_[1614-she] “ No , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she cried , “ no — never . It is n’t democratic . ”_[1614-she] “ No , ”_[1614-she] [he]_1614-she admitted . “ It ’s [the golden mob of [the proletariat]_{5423-the proletariat}]_{5422-the golden mob of the proletariat} , surrounded by a showy white fence of [the idle rich]_{5424-the idle rich} . ”_[1614-she] “ How hateful — [your]_1614-she hateful social orders ! ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she cried . “ Quite ! It ’s a daisy — [we’ll]_1642-they leave it alone . ”_[1614-she] “ Do . Let [it]_5425-it be a dark horse for once , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she said : “ if anything can be a dark horse to [you]_1614-she , ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she added satirically . [They]_1642-they stood aside , forgetful . As if a little stunned , [they]_1642-they both were motionless , barely conscious . The little conflict into which [they]_1642-they had fallen had torn [their]_1642-they consciousness and left [them]_1642-they like [two impersonal forces]_{1643-two impersonal forces} , there in contact . [He]_1614-she became aware of the lapse . [He]_1614-she wanted to say something , to get on to a new more ordinary footing . “ [You]_1614-she know , ”_[1614-she] [he]_1614-she said , “ that [I]_1614-she am having rooms here at [the mill]_{5426-the mill} ? Do n’t [you]_1614-she think [we]_1642-they can have some good times ? ”_[1614-she] “ Oh are [you]_1614-she ? ”_[1614-she] [she]_1614-she said , ignoring all [his]_1614-she implication of admitted intimacy . [He]_1614-she adjusted [himself]_1614-she at once , became normally distant . “ If [I]_1614-she find [I]_1614-she can live sufficiently by [myself]_1614-she , ”_[1614-she] [he]_1614-she continued , “ [I]_1614-she shall give up [my]_1614-she work altogether . [It]_5427-it has become dead to [me]_1614-she . [I]_1614-she do n’t believe in the humanity [I]_1614-she pretend to be part of , [I]_1614-she do n’t care a straw for the social ideals [I]_1614-she live by , [I]_1614-she hate the dying organic form of [social mankind]_{5428-social mankind} — so it ca n’t be anything but trumpery , to work at education . [I]_1614-she shall drop it as soon as [I]_1614-she am clear enough — tomorrow perhaps — and be by [myself]_1614-she . ”_[1614-she] “ Have [you]_1614-she enough to live on ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Yes — [I’ve]_1614-she about four hundred a year . That makes it easy for [me]_1614-she . ”_[1614-she] There was a pause . “ And what about [Hermione]_168-hermione ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ That ’s over , finally — a pure failure , and never could have been anything else . ”_[255-gerald] “ But [you]_1614-she still know [each other]_{451-each other} ? ”_[1614-she] “ [We]_{451-each other} could hardly pretend to be [strangers]_{4698-strangers} , could [we]_{451-each other} ? ”_[255-gerald] There was a stubborn pause . “ But is n’t that a half - measure ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald at length . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t think so , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [You]_255-gerald ’ll be able to tell [me]_255-gerald if it is . ”_[255-gerald] Again there was a pause of some minutes ’ duration . [He]_255-gerald was thinking . “ [One]_4646-one must throw everything away , everything — let everything go , to get the one last thing [one]_4646-one wants , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ What thing ? ”_[1644-she] [she]_1644-she asked in challenge . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t know — freedom together , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . [She]_1644-she had wanted [him]_255-gerald to say ‘ love . ’ There was heard a loud barking of the dogs below . [He]_255-gerald seemed disturbed by it . [She]_1644-she did not notice . Only [she]_1644-she thought [he]_255-gerald seemed uneasy . “ As a matter of fact , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , in rather a small voice , “ [I]_255-gerald believe that is [Hermione]_168-hermione come now , with [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald . [She]_168-hermione wanted to see [the rooms]_{5433-the rooms} before [they]_{5433-the rooms} are furnished . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald know , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [She]_168-hermione will superintend the furnishing for [you]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ Probably . Does it matter ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Oh no , [I]_255-gerald should think not , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Though personally , [I]_255-gerald ca n’t bear [her]_168-hermione . [I]_255-gerald think [she]_168-hermione is a lie , if [you]_255-gerald like , [you]_255-gerald who are always talking about lies . ”_[255-gerald] Then [she]_1645-i ruminated for a moment , when [she]_1645-i broke out : “ Yes , and [I]_1645-i do mind if [she]_168-hermione furnishes [[your]_1646-i rooms]_{1153-your rooms} — [I]_1645-i do mind . [I]_1645-i mind that [you]_1646-i keep [her]_168-hermione hanging on at all . ”_[1645-i] [He]_1646-i was silent now , frowning . “ Perhaps , ”_[1646-i] [he]_1646-i said . “ [I]_1646-i do n’t want [her]_168-hermione to furnish [the rooms]_{5433-the rooms} here — and [I]_1646-i do n’t keep [her]_168-hermione hanging on . Only , [I]_1646-i need n’t be churlish to [her]_168-hermione , need [I]_1646-i ? At any rate , [I]_1646-i shall have to go down and see [them]_{5433-the rooms} now . [You]_1646-i ’ll come , wo n’t [you]_1646-i ? ”_[1646-i] “ [I]_1647-she do n’t think so , ”_[1647-she] [she]_1647-she said coldly and irresolutely . “ Wo n’t [you]_1646-i ? Yes do . Come and see [the rooms]_{5433-the rooms} as well . Do come . ”_[1647-she] [He]_1646-i set off down [the bank]_{1564-the bank} , and [she]_1647-she went unwillingly with [him]_1646-i . Yet [she]_1647-she would not have stayed away , either . “ [We]_5437-we know [each other]_{451-each other} well , [you]_1647-she and [I]_1646-i , already , ”_[1646-i] [he]_1646-i said . [She]_1647-she did not answer . In [the large darkish kitchen of [the mill]_{5426-the mill}]_{1649-the large darkish kitchen of the mill} , [[the labourer]_{1651-the labourer} ’s wife]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} was talking shrilly to [Hermione]_168-hermione and [Gerald]_255-gerald , who stood , [he]_1646-i in white and [she]_1647-she in a glistening bluish foulard , strangely luminous in the dusk of [the room]_{739-the room} ; whilst from the cages on the walls , [a dozen or more canaries]_{1654-a dozen or more canaries} sang at the top of [their]_{1654-a dozen or more canaries} voices . [The cages]_{1655-the cages} were all placed round a small square window at the back , where the sunshine came in , a beautiful beam , filtering through green leaves of a tree . The voice of [Mrs Salmon]_{263-mrs salmon} shrilled against the noise of the birds , which rose ever more wild and triumphant , and [the woman]_{873-the woman} ’s voice went up and up against [them]_{1655-the cages} , and the birds replied with wild animation . “ Here ’s [Rupert]_169-birkin ! ”_[255-gerald] shouted [Gerald]_255-gerald in the midst of the din . [He]_255-gerald was suffering badly , being very sensitive in the ear . “ O - o - h them birds , [they]_{1655-the cages} wo n’t let [you]_255-gerald speak — ! ”_{[1651-the labourer]} shrilled [[the labourer]_{1651-the labourer} ’s wife]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} in disgust . “ [I]_{1651-the labourer} ’ll cover [them]_{1655-the cages} up . ”_{[1651-the labourer]} And [she]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} darted here and there , throwing a duster , an apron , a towel , a table - cloth over the cages of the birds . “ Now will [you]_255-gerald stop it , and let [a body]_{5439-a body} speak for [your]_255-gerald row , ”_{[1652-the labourer ’s wife]} [she]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} said , still in a voice that was too high . [The party]_{701-the party} watched [her]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} . Soon the cages were covered , they had a strange funereal look . But from under the towels odd defiant trills and bubblings still shook out . “ Oh , [they]_{1655-the cages} wo n’t go on , ”_{[263-mrs salmon]} said [Mrs Salmon]_{263-mrs salmon} reassuringly . “ [They]_{1655-the cages} ’ll go to sleep now . ”_{[263-mrs salmon]} “ Really , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , politely . “ [They]_{1655-the cages} will , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [They]_{1655-the cages} will go to sleep automatically , now the impression of evening is produced . ”_[255-gerald] “ Are [they]_{1655-the cages} so easily deceived ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Oh , yes , ”_[255-gerald] replied [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Do n’t [you]_255-gerald know the story of [Fabre]_264-fabre , who , when [he]_5440-he was [a boy]_{764-a boy} , put a hen ’s head under [her]_264-fabre wing , and [she]_264-fabre straight away went to sleep ? It ’s quite true . ”_[255-gerald] “ And did that make [him]_5440-he [a naturalist]_{5442-a naturalist} ? ”_[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Probably , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . Meanwhile [Ursula]_255-gerald was peeping under one of the cloths . There sat the canary in a corner , bunched and fluffed up for sleep . “ How ridiculous ! ”_[1660-she] [she]_1660-she cried . “ [It]_5443-it really thinks the night has come ! How absurd ! Really , how can one have any respect for a creature that is so easily taken in ! ”_[1660-she] “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , coming also to look . [She]_168-hermione put [her]_168-hermione hand on [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s arm and chuckled a low laugh . “ Yes , does n’t [he]_5440-he look comical ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione chuckled . “ Like [a stupid husband]_{5444-a stupid husband} . ”_{[168-hermione]} Then , with [her]_168-hermione hand still on [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s arm , [she]_168-hermione drew [her]_1660-she away , saying , in [her]_168-hermione mild sing - song : “ How did [you]_1660-she come [here]_4650-here ? [We]_5446-we saw [Gudrun]_160-gudrun too . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ [I]_255-gerald came to look at [the pond]_{5290-the pond} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ and [I]_168-hermione found [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin [there]_629-there . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Did [you]_169-birkin ? This is quite [a Brangwen land]_{5449-a brangwen land} , is n’t it ! ”_{[168-hermione]} “ [I]_255-gerald ’m afraid [I]_255-gerald hoped so , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald ran [here]_4650-here for refuge , when [I]_255-gerald saw [you]_169-birkin down [the lake]_{4830-the lake} , just putting off . ”_[255-gerald] “ Did [you]_169-birkin ! And now [we]_5452-we ’ve run [you]_169-birkin to [earth]_571-earth . ”_{[168-hermione]} [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s eyelids lifted with an uncanny movement , amused but overwrought . [She]_168-hermione had always [her]_168-hermione strange , rapt look , unnatural and irresponsible . “ [I]_255-gerald was going on , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin wanted [me]_255-gerald to see [the rooms]_{5433-the rooms} . Is n’t it delightful to live [here]_4650-here ? [It]_4650-here is perfect . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , abstractedly . Then [she]_168-hermione turned right away from [Ursula]_255-gerald , ceased to know [her]_168-hermione existence . “ How do [you]_1661-you feel , [Rupert]_169-birkin ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione sang in a new , affectionate tone , to [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Very well , ”_[1661-you] [he]_1661-you replied . “ Were [you]_168-hermione quite comfortable ? ”_[1661-you] The curious , sinister , rapt look was on [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s face , [she]_168-hermione shrugged [her]_168-hermione bosom in a convulsed movement , and seemed like one half in a trance . “ Quite comfortable , ”_[1661-you] [he]_1661-you replied . There was a long pause , whilst [Hermione]_168-hermione looked at [him]_1661-you for a long time , from under [her]_168-hermione heavy , drugged eyelids . “ And [you]_1661-you think [you]_1661-you ’ll be happy [here]_4650-here ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said at last . “ [I]_168-hermione ’m sure [I]_168-hermione shall . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ [I]_{1651-the labourer} ’m sure [I]_{1651-the labourer} shall do anything for [him]_1661-you as [I]_{1651-the labourer} can , ”_{[1651-the labourer]} said [[the labourer]_{1651-the labourer} ’s wife]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} . “ And [I]_{1651-the labourer} ’m sure [[our]_5457-our master]_{5458-our master} will ; so [I]_{1651-the labourer} hope [he]_1661-you ’ll find [himself]_1661-you comfortable . ”_{[1651-the labourer]} [Hermione]_168-hermione turned and looked at [her]_168-hermione slowly . “ Thank [you]_168-hermione so much , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , and then [she]_168-hermione turned completely away again . [She]_168-hermione recovered [her]_168-hermione position , and lifting [her]_168-hermione face towards [him]_{1651-the labourer} , and addressing [him]_{1651-the labourer} exclusively , [she]_168-hermione said : “ Have [you]_{1651-the labourer} measured [the rooms]_{5433-the rooms} ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ No , ”_{[1651-the labourer]} [he]_{1651-the labourer} said , “ [I]_{1651-the labourer} ’ve been mending the punt . ”_{[1651-the labourer]} “ Shall [we]_5460-we do it now ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said slowly , balanced and dispassionate . “ Have [you]_{873-the woman} got a tape measure , [Mrs Salmon]_{263-mrs salmon} ? ”_{[1651-the labourer]} [he]_{1651-the labourer} said , turning to [the woman]_{873-the woman} . “ Yes [sir]_5461-sir , [I]_{873-the woman} think [I]_{873-the woman} can find one , ”_{[873-the woman]} replied [the woman]_{873-the woman} , bustling immediately to a basket . “ This is the only one [I]_{873-the woman} ’ve got , if it will do . ”_{[873-the woman]} [Hermione]_168-hermione took it , though it was offered to [him]_{1651-the labourer} . “ Thank [you]_5461-sir so much , ”_{[873-the woman]} [she]_{873-the woman} said . “ It will do very nicely . Thank [you]_5461-sir so much . ”_{[873-the woman]} Then [she]_{873-the woman} turned to [Birkin]_169-birkin , saying with a little gay movement : “ Shall [we]_5462-we do it now , [Rupert]_169-birkin ? ”_{[873-the woman]} “ What about [the others]_{809-the others} , [they]_{809-the others} ’ll be bored , ”_{[1651-the labourer]} [he]_{1651-the labourer} said reluctantly . “ Do [you]_169-birkin mind ? ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , turning to [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Gerald]_255-gerald vaguely . “ Not in the least , ”_[1666-they] [they]_1666-they replied . “ [Which room]_{5464-which room} shall [we]_5462-we do first ? ”_{[873-the woman]} [she]_{873-the woman} said , turning again to [Birkin]_169-birkin , with the same gaiety , now [she]_{873-the woman} was going to do something with [him]_{1651-the labourer} . “ [We]_5462-we ’ll take [them]_{809-the others} as [they]_{809-the others} come , ”_{[1651-the labourer]} [he]_{1651-the labourer} said . “ Should [I]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} be getting [your]_169-birkin teas ready , while [you]_169-birkin do that ? ”_{[1652-the labourer ’s wife]} said [[the labourer]_{1651-the labourer} ’s wife]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} , also gay because [she]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} had something to do . “ Would [you]_169-birkin ? ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , turning to [her]_{1652-the labourer ’s wife} with the curious motion of intimacy that seemed to envelop [the woman]_{873-the woman} , draw [her]_{873-the woman} almost to [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s breast , and which left [the others]_{809-the others} standing apart . “ [I]_{873-the woman} should be so glad . Where shall [we]_5465-we have it ? ”_{[873-the woman]} “ Where would [you]_169-birkin like it ? Shall it be in here , or out on the grass ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Where shall [we]_5465-we have tea ? ”_{[168-hermione]} sang [Hermione]_168-hermione to [the company at large]_{806-the company at large} . “ On [the bank by [the pond]_{5290-the pond}]_{5466-the bank by the pond} . And [we]_5465-we ’ll carry the things up , if [you]_{1672-the pleased woman} ’ll just get them ready , [Mrs Salmon]_{263-mrs salmon} , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ All right , ”_{[1672-the pleased woman]} said [the pleased woman]_{1672-the pleased woman} . [The party]_{701-the party} moved down [the passage]_{5006-the passage} into [the front room]_{1675-the front room} . [It]_{1675-the front room} was empty , but clean and sunny . There was a window looking on to [the tangled front garden]_{1676-the tangled front garden} . “ This is [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione . “ [We]_5465-we ’ll measure it this way , [Rupert]_169-birkin — [you]_169-birkin go down there — ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Ca n’t [I]_255-gerald do it for [you]_168-hermione , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , coming to take the end of the tape . “ No , thank [you]_169-birkin , ”_{[168-hermione]} cried [Hermione]_168-hermione , stooping to the ground in [her]_168-hermione bluish , brilliant foulard . It was a great joy to [her]_168-hermione to do things , and to have the ordering of the job , with [Birkin]_169-birkin . [He]_255-gerald obeyed [her]_168-hermione subduedly . [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Gerald]_255-gerald looked on . It was a peculiarity of [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s , that at every moment , [she]_168-hermione had [one intimate]_{1677-one intimate} , and turned all the rest of [those present]_{1678-those present} into [onlookers]_{1679-onlookers} . This raised [her]_168-hermione into a state of triumph . [They]_1680-they measured and discussed in [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} , and [Hermione]_168-hermione decided what the floor coverings must be . It sent [her]_168-hermione into a strange , convulsed anger , to be thwarted . [Birkin]_169-birkin always let [her]_168-hermione have [her]_168-hermione way , for the moment . Then [they]_1680-they moved across , through [the hall]_{734-the hall} , to [the other front room]_{1683-the other front room} , that was a little smaller than the first . “ This is [the study]_{5469-the study} , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione . “ [Rupert]_169-birkin , [I]_168-hermione have a rug that [I]_168-hermione want [you]_169-birkin to have for [here]_4650-here . Will [you]_169-birkin let [me]_168-hermione give it to [you]_169-birkin ? Do — [I]_168-hermione want to give it [you]_169-birkin . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ What is it like ? ”_[1684-he] [he]_1684-he asked ungraciously . “ [You]_169-birkin have n’t seen it . It is chiefly rose red , then blue , a metallic , mid - blue , and a very soft dark blue . [I]_1684-he think [you]_169-birkin would like it . Do [you]_169-birkin think [you]_169-birkin would ? ”_[1684-he] “ It sounds very nice , ”_[1684-he] [he]_1684-he replied . “ What is it ? Oriental ? With a pile ? ”_[1684-he] “ Yes . Persian ! It is made of camel ’s hair , silky . [I]_1684-he think it is called [Bergamos]_47-bergamos — twelve feet by seven—. Do [you]_169-birkin think it will do ? ”_[1684-he] “ It would do , ”_[1684-he] [he]_1684-he said . “ But why should [you]_1685-she give [me]_1684-he an expensive rug ? [I]_1684-he can manage perfectly well with [my]_1684-he old Oxford Turkish . ”_[1684-he] “ But may [I]_1684-he give it to [you]_169-birkin ? Do let [me]_1684-he . ”_[1684-he] “ How much did it cost ? ”_[1685-she] [She]_1685-she looked at [him]_1684-he , and said : “ [I]_1685-she do n’t remember . It was quite cheap . ”_[1685-she] [He]_1684-he looked at [her]_1685-she , [his]_1684-he face set . “ [I]_1684-he do n’t want to take it , [Hermione]_168-hermione , ”_[1684-he] [he]_1684-he said . “ Do let [me]_1685-she give it to [the rooms]_{5433-the rooms} , ”_[1685-she] [she]_1685-she said , going up to [him]_1684-he and putting [her]_1685-she hand on [his]_1684-he arm lightly , pleadingly . “ [I]_1685-she shall be so disappointed . ”_[1685-she] “ [You]_1685-she know [I]_1684-he do n’t want [you]_1685-she to give [me]_1684-he things , ”_[1684-he] [he]_1684-he repeated helplessly . “ [I]_1685-she do n’t want to give [you]_1684-he things , ”_[1685-she] [she]_1685-she said teasingly . “ But will [you]_1684-he have this ? ”_[1685-she] “ All right , ”_[1684-he] [he]_1684-he said , defeated , and [she]_1685-she triumphed . [They]_1686-they went [upstairs]_467-upstairs . There were [two bedrooms]_{1688-two bedrooms} to correspond with [the rooms]_{5433-the rooms} [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} . [One of [them]_{1688-two bedrooms}]_{1691-one of them} was half furnished , and [Birkin]_169-birkin had evidently slept [there]_629-there . [Hermione]_168-hermione went round [the room]_{739-the room} carefully , taking in every detail , as if absorbing the evidence of [his]_1684-he presence , in all the inanimate things . [She]_168-hermione felt the bed and examined the coverings . “ Are [you]_1684-he sure [you]_1684-he were quite comfortable ? ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , pressing the pillow . “ Perfectly , ”_[1684-he] [he]_1684-he replied coldly . “ And were [you]_168-hermione warm ? There is no down quilt . [I]_168-hermione am sure [you]_168-hermione need one . [You]_168-hermione must n’t have a great pressure of clothes . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ [I]_1684-he ’ve got one , ”_[1684-he] [he]_1684-he said . “ It is coming down . ”_[1684-he] [They]_1694-they measured [the rooms]_{5433-the rooms} , and lingered over every consideration . [Ursula]_255-gerald stood at the window and watched [the woman]_{873-the woman} carrying the tea up [the bank]_{1564-the bank} to [the pond]_{5290-the pond} . [She]_{873-the woman} hated the palaver [Hermione]_168-hermione made , [she]_{873-the woman} wanted to drink tea , [she]_{873-the woman} wanted anything but this fuss and business . At last [they]_1694-they all mounted [the grassy bank]_{1699-the grassy bank} , to the picnic . [Hermione]_168-hermione poured out tea . [She]_168-hermione ignored now [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s presence . And [Ursula]_255-gerald , recovering from [her]_{873-the woman} ill - humour , turned to [Gerald]_255-gerald saying : “ Oh , [I]_255-gerald hated [you]_255-gerald so much the other day , [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} , ”_[255-gerald] “ What for ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , wincing slightly away . “ For treating [your]_168-hermione horse so badly . Oh , [I]_255-gerald hated [you]_168-hermione so much ! ”_[255-gerald] “ What did [he]_{171-mr crich} do ? ”_{[168-hermione]} sang [Hermione]_168-hermione . “ [He]_{171-mr crich} made [his]_{171-mr crich} lovely sensitive Arab horse stand with [him]_{171-mr crich} at [the railway - crossing]_{5472-the railway - crossing} whilst a horrible lot of trucks went by ; and the poor thing , [she]_5473-she was in a perfect frenzy , a perfect agony . It was the most horrible sight [you]_255-gerald can imagine . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Why did [you]_255-gerald do it , [Gerald]_255-gerald ? ”_{[168-hermione]} asked [Hermione]_168-hermione , calm and interrogative . “ [She]_5473-she must learn to stand — what use is [she]_5473-she to [me]_168-hermione in [this country]_{5474-this country} , if [she]_5473-she shies and goes off every time an engine whistles . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ But why inflict unnecessary torture ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Why make [her]_5473-she stand all that time at [the crossing]_{1338-the crossing} ? [You]_255-gerald might just as well have ridden back up [the road]_{502-the road} , and saved all that horror . [Her]_5473-she sides were bleeding where [you]_255-gerald had spurred [her]_5473-she . It was too horrible — ! ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald stiffened . “ [I]_255-gerald have to use [her]_5473-she , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ And if [I]_255-gerald ’m going to be sure of [her]_5473-she at all , [she]_5473-she ’ll have to learn to stand noises . ”_[255-gerald] “ Why should [she]_5473-she ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald in a passion . “ [She]_5473-she is [a living creature]_{5477-a living creature} , why should [she]_5473-she stand anything , just because [you]_255-gerald choose to make [her]_5473-she ? [She]_5473-she has as much right to [her]_5473-she own being , as [you]_255-gerald have to [yours]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ There [I]_255-gerald disagree , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald consider that mare is there for [my]_255-gerald use . Not because [I]_255-gerald bought [her]_5473-she , but because that is the natural order . It is more natural for [a man]_{4648-a man} to take a horse and use [it]_5473-she as [he]_{4648-a man} likes , than for [him]_{4648-a man} to go down on [his]_{4648-a man} knees to it , begging it to do as it wishes , and to fulfil its own marvellous nature . ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald was just breaking out , when [Hermione]_168-hermione lifted [her]_168-hermione face and began , in [her]_168-hermione musing sing - song : “ [I]_168-hermione do think — [I]_168-hermione do really think [we]_5479-we must have the courage to use the lower animal life for [our]_5479-we needs . [I]_168-hermione do think there is something wrong , when [we]_5479-we look on every living creature as if it were [ourselves]_5479-we . [I]_168-hermione do feel , that it is false to project [our]_5479-we own feelings on [every animate creature]_{5480-every animate creature} . It is a lack of discrimination , a lack of criticism . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ Quite , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin sharply . “ Nothing is so detestable as the maudlin attributing of human feelings and consciousness to animals . ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , wearily , “ [we]_5479-we must really take a position . Either [we]_5479-we are going to use the animals , or [they]_{5480-every animate creature} will use [us]_5479-we . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ That ’s a fact , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [A horse]_{5481-a horse} has got a will like [a man]_{4648-a man} , though it has no mind strictly . And if [your]_{5481-a horse} will is n’t [master]_1120-master , then the horse is [master of [you]_{5481-a horse}]_{5484-master of you} . And this is a thing [I]_255-gerald ca n’t help . [I]_255-gerald ca n’t help being [master of the horse]_{5485-master of the horse} . ”_[255-gerald] “ If only [we]_5479-we could learn how to use [our]_5479-we will , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , “ [we]_5479-we could do anything . The will can cure anything , and put anything right . That [I]_168-hermione am convinced of — if only [we]_5479-we use the will properly , intelligibly . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ What do [you]_168-hermione mean by using the will properly ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [A very great doctor]_{5486-a very great doctor} taught [me]_168-hermione , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said , addressing [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Gerald]_255-gerald vaguely . “ [He]_{5486-a very great doctor} told [me]_168-hermione for instance , that to cure [oneself]_5487-oneself of a bad habit , [one]_4646-one should force [oneself]_5487-oneself to do it , when [one]_4646-one would not do it — make [oneself]_5487-oneself do it — and then the habit would disappear . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ How do [you]_168-hermione mean ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ If [you]_168-hermione bite [your]_168-hermione nails , for example . Then , when [you]_168-hermione do n’t want to bite [your]_168-hermione nails , bite them , make [yourself]_168-hermione bite them . And [you]_168-hermione would find the habit was broken . ”_[255-gerald] “ Is that so ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Yes . And in so many things , [I]_255-gerald have made [myself]_255-gerald well . [I]_255-gerald was [a very queer and nervous girl]_{5490-a very queer and nervous girl} . And by learning to use [my]_255-gerald will , simply by using [my]_255-gerald will , [I]_255-gerald made [myself]_255-gerald right . ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald looked all the while at [Hermione]_168-hermione , as [she]_168-hermione spoke in [her]_168-hermione slow , dispassionate , and yet strangely tense voice . A curious thrill went over [the younger woman]_{870-the younger woman} . Some strange , dark , convulsive power was in [Hermione]_168-hermione , fascinating and repelling . “ It is fatal to use the will like that , ”_[169-birkin] cried [Birkin]_169-birkin harshly , “ disgusting . Such a will is an obscenity . ”_[169-birkin] [Hermione]_168-hermione looked at [him]_1701-he for a long time , with [her]_168-hermione shadowed , heavy eyes . [Her]_168-hermione face was soft and pale and thin , almost phosphorescent , [her]_168-hermione jaw was lean . “ [I]_168-hermione ’m sure it is n’t , ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione said at length . There always seemed an interval , a strange split between what [she]_168-hermione seemed to feel and experience , and what [she]_168-hermione actually said and thought . [She]_168-hermione seemed to catch [her]_168-hermione thoughts at length from off the surface of a maelstrom of chaotic black emotions and reactions , and [Birkin]_169-birkin was always filled with repulsion , [she]_168-hermione caught so infallibly , [her]_168-hermione will never failed [her]_168-hermione . [Her]_168-hermione voice was always dispassionate and tense , and perfectly confident . Yet [she]_168-hermione shuddered with a sense of nausea , a sort of seasickness that always threatened to overwhelm [her]_168-hermione mind . But [her]_168-hermione mind remained unbroken , [her]_168-hermione will was still perfect . It almost sent [Birkin]_169-birkin mad . But [he]_1701-he would never , never dare to break [her]_168-hermione will , and let loose the maelstrom of [her]_168-hermione subconsciousness , and see [her]_168-hermione in [her]_168-hermione ultimate madness . Yet [he]_1701-he was always striking at [her]_168-hermione . “ And of course , ”_[1701-he] [he]_1701-he said to [Gerald]_255-gerald , “ horses have n’t got a complete will , like [human beings]_{511-human beings} . A horse has [no one]_{485-no one} will . Every horse , strictly , has two wills . With one will , it wants to put itself in the human power completely — and with the other , it wants to be free , wild . The two wills sometimes lock — [you]_255-gerald know that , if ever [you]_255-gerald ’ve felt a horse bolt , while [you]_255-gerald ’ve been driving it . ”_[1701-he] “ [I]_255-gerald have felt a horse bolt while [I]_255-gerald was driving it , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “ but it did n’t make [me]_255-gerald know it had two wills . [I]_255-gerald only knew it was frightened . ”_[255-gerald] [Hermione]_168-hermione had ceased to listen . [She]_168-hermione simply became oblivious when [these subjects]_{1702-these subjects} were started . “ Why should a horse want to put itself in the human power ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ That is quite incomprehensible to [me]_255-gerald . [I]_255-gerald do n’t believe [it]_5493-it ever wanted it . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes it did . It ’s the last , perhaps highest , love - impulse : resign [your]_255-gerald will to [the higher being]_{5494-the higher being} , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ What curious notions [you]_169-birkin have of love , ”_[169-birkin] jeered [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ And [woman]_1012-woman is the same as horses : two wills act in opposition inside [her]_1012-woman . With one will , [she]_1012-woman wants to subject [herself]_1012-woman utterly . With the other [she]_1012-woman wants to bolt , and pitch [[her]_1012-woman rider]_{5496-her rider} to perdition . ”_[169-birkin] “ Then [I]_255-gerald ’m [a bolter]_{5497-a bolter} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , with a burst of laughter . “ It ’s a dangerous thing to domesticate even horses , let alone [women]_453-women , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ The dominant principle has some rare antagonists . ”_[169-birkin] “ Good thing too , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Quite , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , with a faint smile . “ There ’s more fun . ”_[255-gerald] [Hermione]_168-hermione could bear no more . [She]_168-hermione rose , saying in [her]_168-hermione easy sing - song : “ Is n’t the evening beautiful ! [I]_168-hermione get filled sometimes with such a great sense of beauty , that [I]_168-hermione feel [I]_168-hermione can hardly bear it . ”_{[168-hermione]} [Ursula]_255-gerald , to whom [she]_168-hermione had appealed , rose with [her]_168-hermione , moved to the last impersonal depths . And [Birkin]_169-birkin seemed to [her]_168-hermione almost [a monster of hateful arrogance]_{1703-a monster of hateful arrogance} . [She]_169-birkin went with [Hermione]_168-hermione along [the bank of [the pond]_{5290-the pond}]_{1704-the bank of the pond} , talking of beautiful , soothing things , picking the gentle cowslips . “ Would n’t [you]_168-hermione like a dress , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald to [Hermione]_168-hermione , “ of this yellow spotted with orange — a cotton dress ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , stopping and looking at the flower , letting the thought come home to [her]_168-hermione and soothe [her]_168-hermione . “ Would n’t it be pretty ? [I]_255-gerald should love it . ”_[255-gerald] And [she]_168-hermione turned smiling to [Ursula]_255-gerald , in a feeling of real affection . But [Gerald]_255-gerald remained with [Birkin]_169-birkin , wanting to probe [him]_255-gerald to the bottom , to know what [he]_255-gerald meant by the dual will in horses . A flicker of excitement danced on [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face . [Hermione]_168-hermione and [Ursula]_255-gerald strayed on together , united in a sudden bond of deep affection and closeness . “ [I]_168-hermione really do not want to be forced into all this criticism and analysis of life . [I]_168-hermione really do want to see things in [their]_5499-their entirety , with [their]_5499-their beauty left to [them]_5499-their , and [their]_5499-their wholeness , [their]_5499-their natural holiness . Do n’t [you]_255-gerald feel it , do n’t [you]_255-gerald feel [you]_255-gerald ca n’t be tortured into any more knowledge ? ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , stopping in front of [Ursula]_255-gerald , and turning to [her]_168-hermione with clenched fists thrust downwards . “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald do . [I]_255-gerald am sick of all this poking and prying . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_168-hermione ’m so glad [you]_255-gerald are . Sometimes , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , again stopping arrested in [her]_168-hermione progress and turning to [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ sometimes [I]_168-hermione wonder if [I]_168-hermione ought to submit to all this realisation , if [I]_168-hermione am not being weak in rejecting it . But [I]_168-hermione feel [I]_168-hermione can’t — [I]_168-hermione ca n’t . It seems to destroy everything . All the beauty and the — and the true holiness is destroyed — and [I]_168-hermione feel [I]_168-hermione ca n’t live without [them]_5500-them . ”_{[168-hermione]} “ And it would be simply wrong to live without [them]_5500-them , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ No , it is so irreverent to think that everything must be realised in the head . Really , something must be left to [the Lord]_{5501-the lord} , there always is and always will be . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione , reassured like [a child]_{733-a child} , “ it should , should n’t it ? And [Rupert]_169-birkin — ”_{[168-hermione]} [she]_168-hermione lifted [her]_168-hermione face to the sky , in a muse—“he can only tear things to pieces . [He]_5502-he really is like a boy who must pull everything to pieces to see how it is made . And [I]_255-gerald ca n’t think it is right — it does seem so irreverent , as [you]_255-gerald say . ”_[255-gerald] “ Like tearing open a bud to see what the flower will be like , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Yes . And that kills everything , does n’t it ? It does n’t allow any possibility of flowering . ”_[255-gerald] “ Of course not , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ It is purely destructive . ”_[255-gerald] “ It is , is n’t it ! ”_{[168-hermione]} [Hermione]_168-hermione looked long and slow at [Ursula]_255-gerald , seeming to accept confirmation from [her]_168-hermione . Then [the two women]_{882-the two women} were silent . As soon as [they]_{882-the two women} were in accord , [they]_{882-the two women} began mutually to mistrust [each other]_{451-each other} . In spite of [herself]_255-gerald , [Ursula]_255-gerald felt [herself]_255-gerald recoiling from [Hermione]_168-hermione . It was all [she]_168-hermione could do to restrain [her]_168-hermione revulsion . [They]_{882-the two women} returned to [the men]_{727-the men} , like [two conspirators who have withdrawn to come to an agreement]_{1710-two conspirators who have withdrawn to come to an agreement} . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked up at [them]_{882-the two women} . [Ursula]_255-gerald hated [him]_1711-him for [his]_1711-him cold watchfulness . But [he]_1711-him said nothing . “ Shall [we]_{882-the two women} be going ? ”_{[168-hermione]} said [Hermione]_168-hermione . “ [Rupert]_169-birkin , [you]_169-birkin are coming to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands to dinner ? Will [you]_169-birkin come at once , will [you]_169-birkin come now , with [us]_{882-the two women} ? ”_{[168-hermione]} “ [I]_169-birkin ’m not dressed , ”_[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ And [you]_255-gerald know [Gerald]_255-gerald stickles for convention . ”_[169-birkin] “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t stickle for it , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ But if [you]_255-gerald ’d got as sick as [I]_255-gerald have of rowdy go - as - [you]_255-gerald - please in [the house]_{468-the house} , [you]_255-gerald ’d prefer it if [people]_579-people were peaceful and conventional , at least at meals . ”_[255-gerald] “ All right , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ But ca n’t [we]_5505-we wait for [you]_255-gerald while [you]_255-gerald dress ? ”_[169-birkin] persisted [Hermione]_168-hermione . “ If [you]_255-gerald like . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald rose to go [indoors]_1712-indoors . [Ursula]_255-gerald said [she]_1713-i would take [her]_1713-i leave . “ Only , ”_[1713-i] [she]_1713-i said , turning to [Gerald]_255-gerald , “ [I]_1713-i must say that , however [man]_1089-man is [lord of the beast and the fowl]_{5507-lord of the beast and the fowl} , [I]_1713-i still do n’t think [he]_1089-man has any right to violate the feelings of [the inferior creation]_{5508-the inferior creation} . [I]_1713-i still think it would have been much more sensible and nice of [you]_255-gerald if [you]_255-gerald ’d trotted back up [the road]_{502-the road} while [the train]_{4874-the train} went by , and been considerate . ”_[1713-i] “ [I]_255-gerald see , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , smiling , but somewhat annoyed . “ [I]_255-gerald must remember another time . ”_[255-gerald] “ [They]_1715-they all think [I]_255-gerald ’m [an interfering female]_{5511-an interfering female} , ”_[255-gerald] thought [Ursula]_255-gerald to [herself]_255-gerald , as [she]_1714-she went away . But [she]_1714-she was in arms against [them]_1715-they . [She]_1714-she ran [home]_4649-home plunged in thought . [She]_1714-she had been very much moved by [Hermione]_168-hermione , [she]_1714-she had really come into contact with [her]_168-hermione , so that there was a sort of league between [the two women]_{882-the two women} . And yet [she]_1714-she could not bear [her]_168-hermione . But [she]_1714-she put the thought away . “ [She]_168-hermione ’s really good , ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she said to [herself]_1714-she . “ [She]_168-hermione really wants what is right . ”_[1714-she] And [she]_1714-she tried to feel at one with [Hermione]_168-hermione , and to shut off from [Birkin]_169-birkin . [She]_1714-she was strictly hostile to [him]_1718-he . But [she]_1714-she was held to [him]_1718-he by some bond , some deep principle . This at once irritated [her]_1714-she and saved [her]_1714-she . Only now and again , violent little shudders would come over [her]_1714-she , out of [her]_1714-she subconsciousness , and [she]_1714-she knew it was the fact that [she]_1714-she had stated [her]_1714-she challenge to [Birkin]_169-birkin , and [he]_1718-he had , consciously or unconsciously , accepted . It was a fight to the death between [them]_1719-them — or to new life : though in what the conflict lay , [no one]_{485-no one} could say . The days went by , and [she]_1714-she received no sign . Was [he]_1718-he going to ignore [her]_1714-she , was [he]_1718-he going to take no further notice of [her]_1714-she secret ? A dreary weight of anxiety and acrid bitterness settled on [her]_1714-she . And yet [Ursula]_255-gerald knew [she]_1714-she was only deceiving [herself]_1714-she , and that [he]_1718-he would proceed . [She]_1714-she said no word to [anybody]_744-anybody . Then , sure enough , there came a note from [him]_1718-he , asking if [she]_1714-she would come to tea with [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , to [[his]_1718-he rooms in [town]_602-town]_{1722-his rooms in town} . “ Why does [he]_1718-he ask [Gudrun]_160-gudrun as well ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she asked [herself]_1714-she at once . “ Does [he]_1718-he want to protect [himself]_1718-he , or does [he]_1718-he think [I]_1714-she would not go alone ? ”_[1714-she] [She]_1714-she was tormented by the thought that [he]_1718-he wanted to protect [himself]_1718-he . But at the end of all , [she]_1714-she only said to [herself]_1714-she : “ [I]_1714-she do n’t want [Gudrun]_160-gudrun to be [there]_629-there , because [I]_1714-she want [him]_1718-he to say something more to [me]_1714-she . So [I]_1714-she sha n’t tell [Gudrun]_160-gudrun anything about it , and [I]_1714-she shall go alone . Then [I]_1714-she shall know . ”_[1714-she] [She]_1714-she found [herself]_1714-she sitting on [the tram - car]_{1724-the tram - car} , mounting up [the hill]_{497-the hill} going out of [the town]_{4907-the town} , to [the place where [he]_1718-he had [[his]_1718-he lodging]_{1728-his lodging}]_{1727-the place where he had his lodging} . [She]_1714-she seemed to have passed into [a kind of dream world]_{1729-a kind of dream world} , absolved from the conditions of actuality . [She]_1714-she watched [the sordid streets of [the town]_{4907-the town}]_{1730-the sordid streets of the town} go by beneath [her]_1714-she , as if [she]_1714-she were a spirit disconnected from [the material universe]_{1732-the material universe} . What had it all to do with [her]_1714-she ? [She]_1714-she was palpitating and formless within the flux of the ghost life . [She]_1714-she could not consider any more , what [anybody]_744-anybody would say of [her]_1714-she or think about [her]_1714-she . [People]_579-people had passed out of [her]_1714-she range , [she]_1714-she was absolved . [She]_1714-she had fallen strange and dim , out of the sheath of the material life , as a berry falls from the only world it has ever known , down out of the sheath on to the real unknown . [Birkin]_169-birkin was standing in the middle of [the room]_{739-the room} , when [she]_1714-she was shown in by [the landlady]_{1736-the landlady} . [He]_1737-you too was moved outside [himself]_1737-you . [She]_1714-she saw [him]_1737-you agitated and shaken , a frail , unsubstantial body silent like the node of some violent force , that came out from [him]_1737-you and shook [her]_1714-she almost into a swoon . “ [You]_1714-she are alone ? ”_[1737-you] [he]_1737-you said . “ Yes — [Gudrun]_160-gudrun could not come . ”_[1737-you] [He]_1737-you instantly guessed why . And [they]_1738-they were both seated in silence , in the terrible tension of [the room]_{739-the room} . [She]_1714-she was aware that [it]_{739-the room} was [a pleasant room]_{1740-a pleasant room} , full of light and very restful in [its]_{739-the room} form — aware also of a fuchsia tree , with dangling scarlet and purple flowers . “ How nice the fuchsias are ! ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she said , to break the silence . “ Are n’t [they]_5513-they ! Did [you]_1737-you think [I]_1714-she had forgotten what [I]_1714-she said ? ”_[1714-she] A swoon went over [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s mind . “ [I]_1714-she do n’t want [you]_1737-you to remember it — if [you]_1737-you do n’t want to , ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she struggled to say , through the dark mist that covered [her]_1714-she . There was silence for some moments . “ No , ”_[1737-you] [he]_1737-you said . “ It is n’t that . Only — if [we]_5514-we are going to know [each other]_{451-each other} , [we]_5514-we must pledge [ourselves]_5514-we for ever . If [we]_5514-we are going to make a relationship , even of friendship , there must be something final and infallible about it . ”_[1737-you] There was a clang of mistrust and almost anger in [his]_1737-you voice . [She]_1714-she did not answer . [Her]_1714-she heart was too much contracted . [She]_1714-she could not have spoken . Seeing [she]_1714-she was not going to reply , [he]_1737-you continued , almost bitterly , giving [himself]_1737-you away : “ [I]_1737-you ca n’t say it is love [I]_1737-you have to offer — and it is n’t love [I]_1737-you want . It is something much more impersonal and harder — and rarer . ”_[1737-you] There was a silence , out of which [she]_1714-she said : “ [You]_1737-you mean [you]_1737-you do n’t love [me]_1714-she ? ”_[1714-she] [She]_1714-she suffered furiously , saying that . “ Yes , if [you]_1737-you like to put it like that . Though perhaps that is n’t true . [I]_1714-she do n’t know . At any rate , [I]_1714-she do n’t feel the emotion of love for [you]_1737-you — no , and [I]_1714-she do n’t want to . Because it gives out in the last issues . ”_[1714-she] “ Love gives out in the last issues ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she asked , feeling numb to the lips . “ Yes , it does . At the very last , [one]_4646-one is alone , beyond the influence of love . There is a real impersonal [me]_1714-she , that is beyond love , beyond any emotional relationship . So it is with [you]_1737-you . But [we]_5517-we want to delude [ourselves]_5517-we that love is the root . It is n’t . It is only the branches . The root is beyond love , a naked kind of isolation , an isolated [me]_1714-she , that does not meet and mingle , and never can . ”_[1714-she] [She]_1714-she watched [him]_1741-him with wide , troubled eyes . [His]_1741-him face was incandescent in its abstract earnestness . “ And [you]_1737-you mean [you]_1737-you ca n’t love ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she asked , in trepidation . “ Yes , if [you]_1737-you like . [I]_1714-she have loved . But there is a beyond , where there is not love . ”_[1714-she] [She]_1714-she could not submit to this . [She]_1714-she felt it swooning over [her]_1714-she . But [she]_1714-she could not submit . “ But how do [you]_1737-you know — if [you]_1737-you have never really loved ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she asked . “ It is true , what [I]_1714-she say ; there is a beyond , in [you]_1737-you , in [me]_1714-she , which is further than love , beyond the scope , as stars are beyond the scope of vision , some of them . ”_[1714-she] “ Then there is no love , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Ultimately , no , there is something else . But , ultimately , there is no love . ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald was given over to this statement for some moments . Then [she]_1714-she half rose from [her]_1714-she chair , saying , in a final , repellent voice : “ Then let [me]_1714-she go [home]_4649-home — what am [I]_1714-she doing here ? ”_[1714-she] “ There is the door , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [You]_255-gerald are [a free agent]_{1261-a free agent} . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald was suspended finely and perfectly in this extremity . [She]_1714-she hung motionless for some seconds , then [she]_1714-she sat down again . “ If there is no love , what is there ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she cried , almost jeering . “ Something , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , looking at [her]_1714-she , battling with [his]_255-gerald soul , with all [his]_255-gerald might . “ What ? ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald was silent for a long time , unable to be in communication with [her]_1714-she while [she]_1714-she was in this state of opposition . “ There is , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , in a voice of pure abstraction ; “ a final me which is stark and impersonal and beyond responsibility . So there is a final [you]_255-gerald . And it is there [I]_255-gerald would want to meet [you]_255-gerald — not in [the emotional , loving plane]_{5520-the emotional , loving plane} — but there beyond , where there is no speech and no terms of agreement . There [we]_5521-we are [two stark , unknown beings]_{5522-two stark , unknown beings} , [two utterly strange creatures]_{5523-two utterly strange creatures} , [I]_255-gerald would want to approach [you]_255-gerald , and [you]_255-gerald [me]_255-gerald . And there could be no obligation , because there is no standard for action there , because no understanding has been reaped from that plane . It is quite inhuman,—so there can be no calling to book , in any form whatsoever — because [one]_4646-one is outside the pale of all that is accepted , and nothing known applies . [One]_4646-one can only follow the impulse , taking that which lies in front , and responsible for nothing , asked for nothing , giving nothing , only each taking according to the primal desire . ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald listened to this speech , [her]_1714-she mind dumb and almost senseless , what [he]_255-gerald said was so unexpected and so untoward . “ It is just purely selfish , ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she said . “ If it is pure , yes . But it is n’t selfish at all . Because [I]_1714-she do n’t know what [I]_1714-she want of [you]_255-gerald . [I]_1714-she deliver [myself]_1714-she over to the unknown , in coming to [you]_255-gerald , [I]_1714-she am without reserves or defences , stripped entirely , into the unknown . Only there needs the pledge between [us]_5526-us , that [we]_5526-us will both cast off everything , cast off [ourselves]_5526-us even , and cease to be , so that that which is perfectly [ourselves]_5526-us can take place in [us]_5526-us . ”_[1714-she] [She]_1714-she pondered along [her]_1714-she own line of thought . “ But it is because [you]_255-gerald love [me]_1714-she , that [you]_255-gerald want [me]_1714-she ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she persisted . “ No it is n’t . It is because [I]_1714-she believe in [you]_255-gerald — if [I]_1714-she do believe in [you]_255-gerald . ”_[1714-she] “ Are n’t [you]_255-gerald sure ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she laughed , suddenly hurt . [He]_1742-i was looking at [her]_1714-she steadfastly , scarcely heeding what [she]_1714-she said . “ Yes , [I]_1742-i must believe in [you]_1714-she , or else [I]_1742-i should n’t be here saying this , ”_[1742-i] [he]_1742-i replied . “ But that is all the proof [I]_1742-i have . [I]_1742-i do n’t feel any very strong belief at this particular moment . ”_[1742-i] [She]_1714-she disliked [him]_1742-i for this sudden relapse into weariness and faithlessness . “ But do n’t [you]_1742-i think [me]_1714-she good - looking ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she persisted , in a mocking voice . [He]_1742-i looked at [her]_1714-she , to see if [he]_1742-i felt that [she]_1714-she was good - looking . “ [I]_1742-i do n’t feel that [you]_1714-she ’re good - looking , ”_[1742-i] [he]_1742-i said . “ Not even attractive ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she mocked , bitingly . [He]_1742-i knitted [his]_1742-i brows in sudden exasperation . “ Do n’t [you]_1714-she see that it ’s not a question of visual appreciation in the least , ”_[1742-i] [he]_1742-i cried . “ [I]_1742-i do n’t want to see [you]_1714-she . [I]_1742-i ’ve seen plenty of [women]_453-women , [I]_1742-i ’m sick and weary of seeing [them]_453-women . [I]_1742-i want [a woman]_{897-a woman} [I]_1742-i do n’t see . ”_[1742-i] “ [I]_1714-she ’m sorry [I]_1714-she ca n’t oblige [you]_1742-i by being invisible , ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she laughed . “ Yes , ”_[1742-i] [he]_1742-i said , “ [you]_1714-she are invisible to [me]_1742-i , if [you]_1714-she do n’t force [me]_1742-i to be visually aware of [you]_1714-she . But [I]_1742-i do n’t want to see [you]_1714-she or hear [you]_1714-she . ”_[1742-i] “ What did [you]_1742-i ask [me]_1714-she to tea for , then ? ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she mocked . But [he]_1742-i would take no notice of [her]_1714-she . [He]_1742-i was talking to [himself]_1742-i . “ [I]_1742-i want to find [you]_1714-she , where [you]_1714-she do n’t know [your]_1714-she own existence , the [you]_1714-she that [[your]_1714-she common self]_{5529-your common self} denies utterly . But [I]_1742-i do n’t want [your]_1714-she good looks , and [I]_1742-i do n’t want [your]_1714-she womanly feelings , and [I]_1742-i do n’t want [your]_1714-she thoughts nor opinions nor [your]_1714-she ideas — they are all bagatelles to [me]_1742-i . ”_[1742-i] “ [You]_1742-i are very conceited , [Monsieur]_{5530-monsieur} , ”_[1714-she] [she]_1714-she mocked . “ How do [you]_1742-i know what [my]_1714-she womanly feelings are , or [my]_1714-she thoughts or [my]_1714-she ideas ? [You]_1742-i do n’t even know what [I]_1714-she think of [you]_1742-i now . ”_[1714-she] “ Nor do [I]_1742-i care in the slightest . ”_[1742-i] “ [I]_1742-i think [you]_1742-i are very silly . [I]_1742-i think [you]_1742-i want to tell [me]_1742-i [you]_1742-i love [me]_1742-i , and [you]_1742-i go all this way round to do it . ”_[1742-i] “ All right , ”_[1743-he] [he]_1743-he said , looking up with sudden exasperation . “ Now go away then , and leave [me]_1743-he alone . [I]_1743-he do n’t want any more of [your]_1742-i meretricious persiflage . ”_[1743-he] “ Is it really persiflage ? ”_[1744-her] [she]_1744-her mocked , [her]_1744-her face really relaxing into laughter . [She]_1744-her interpreted it , that [he]_1743-he had made a deep confession of love to [her]_1744-her . But [he]_1743-he was so absurd in [his]_1743-he words , also . [They]_1745-they were silent for many minutes , [she]_1744-her was pleased and elated like [a child]_{733-a child} . [His]_1743-he concentration broke , [he]_1743-he began to look at [her]_1744-her simply and naturally . “ What [I]_1743-he want is a strange conjunction with [you]_1744-her — ”_[1743-he] [he]_1743-he said quietly ; “ not meeting and mingling — [you]_1744-her are quite right — but an equilibrium , a pure balance of [two single beings]_{5531-two single beings} — as the stars balance each other . ”_[1743-he] [She]_1744-her looked at [him]_1743-he . [He]_1743-he was very earnest , and earnestness was always rather ridiculous , commonplace , to [her]_1744-her . It made [her]_1744-her feel unfree and uncomfortable . Yet [she]_1744-her liked [him]_1743-he so much . But why drag in the stars . “ Is n’t this rather sudden ? ”_[1744-her] [she]_1744-her mocked . [He]_1743-he began to laugh . “ Best to read the terms of the contract , before [we]_5532-we sign , ”_[1743-he] [he]_1743-he said . [A young grey cat that had been sleeping on the sofa]_{1747-a young grey cat that had been sleeping on the sofa} jumped down and stretched , rising on its long legs , and arching its slim back . Then it sat considering for a moment , erect and kingly . And then , like a dart , it had shot out of [the room]_{739-the room} , through the open window - doors , and into [the garden]_{822-the garden} . “ What ’s [he]_{1750-the young cat} after ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , rising . [The young cat]_{1750-the young cat} trotted lordly down [the path]_{671-the path} , waving [his]_{1750-the young cat} tail . [He]_{1750-the young cat} was [an ordinary tabby with white paws]_{1752-an ordinary tabby with white paws} , [a slender young gentleman]_{1753-a slender young gentleman} . A crouching , fluffy , brownish - grey cat was stealing up the side of the fence . [The Mino]_{265-the mino} walked statelily up to [her]_1744-her , with manly nonchalance . [She]_1744-her crouched before [him]_{265-the mino} and pressed [herself]_1744-her on the ground in humility , a fluffy soft outcast , looking up at [him]_{265-the mino} with wild eyes that were green and lovely as great jewels . [He]_1743-he looked casually down on [her]_1744-her . So [she]_1744-her crept a few inches further , proceeding on [her]_1744-her way to the back door , crouching in a wonderful , soft , self - obliterating manner , and moving like a shadow . [He]_1743-he , going statelily on [his]_1743-he slim legs , walked after [her]_1744-her , then suddenly , for pure excess , [he]_1743-he gave [her]_1744-her a light cuff with [his]_1743-he paw on the side of [her]_1744-her face . [She]_1744-her ran off a few steps , like a blown leaf along the ground , then crouched unobtrusively , in submissive , wild patience . [The Mino]_{265-the mino} pretended to take no notice of [her]_1744-her . [He]_{265-the mino} blinked [his]_{265-the mino} eyes superbly at [the landscape]_{1754-the landscape} . In a minute [she]_1744-her drew [herself]_1744-her together and moved softly , a fleecy brown - grey shadow , a few paces forward . [She]_1744-her began to quicken [her]_1744-her pace , in a moment [she]_1744-her would be gone like a dream , when [the young grey lord]_{1755-the young grey lord} sprang before [her]_1744-her , and gave [her]_1744-her a light handsome cuff . [She]_1744-her subsided at once , submissively . “ [She]_1744-her is a wild cat , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [She]_1744-her has come in from [the woods]_{5533-the woods} . ”_[169-birkin] The eyes of the stray cat flared round for a moment , like great green fires staring at [Birkin]_169-birkin . Then [she]_1744-her had rushed in a soft swift rush , half way down [the garden]_{822-the garden} . There [she]_1744-her paused to look round . [The Mino]_{265-the mino} turned [his]_{265-the mino} face in pure superiority to [[his]_{265-the mino} master]_{1757-his master} , and slowly closed [his]_{265-the mino} eyes , standing in statuesque young perfection . The wild cat ’s round , green , wondering eyes were staring all the while like uncanny fires . Then again , like a shadow , [she]_1744-her slid towards [the kitchen]_{1588-the kitchen} . In a lovely springing leap , like a wind , [the Mino]_{1759-the mino} was upon [her]_1744-her , and had boxed [her]_1744-her twice , very definitely , with a white , delicate fist . [She]_1744-her sank and slid back , unquestioning . [He]_{1759-the mino} walked after [her]_1744-her , and cuffed [her]_1744-her once or twice , leisurely , with sudden little blows of [his]_{1759-the mino} magic white paws . “ Now why does [he]_{1759-the mino} do that ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald in indignation . “ [They]_5534-they are on intimate terms , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ And is that why [he]_{1759-the mino} hits [her]_1744-her ? ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes , ”_[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ [I]_169-birkin think [he]_{1759-the mino} wants to make it quite obvious to [her]_1744-her . ”_[169-birkin] “ Is n’t it horrid of [him]_{1759-the mino} ! ”_[1744-her] [she]_1744-her cried ; and going out into [the garden]_{822-the garden} [she]_1744-her called to [the Mino]_{265-the mino} : “ Stop it , do n’t [bully]_5535-bully . Stop hitting [her]_1744-her . ”_[1744-her] [The stray cat]_{1761-the stray cat} vanished like a swift , invisible shadow . [The Mino]_{265-the mino} glanced at [Ursula]_255-gerald , then looked from [her]_1744-her disdainfully to [[his]_{265-the mino} master]_{1757-his master} . “ Are [you]_{265-the mino} [a bully]_{5329-a bully} , [Mino]_{265-the mino} ? ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin asked . [The young slim cat]_{1763-the young slim cat} looked at [him]_{1757-his master} , and slowly narrowed its eyes . Then it glanced away at [the landscape]_{1754-the landscape} , looking into the distance as if completely oblivious of [the two human beings]_{1765-the two human beings} . “ [Mino]_{265-the mino} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t like [you]_{265-the mino} . [You]_{265-the mino} are a bully like [all males]_{5537-all males} . ”_[255-gerald] “ No , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ [he]_{265-the mino} is justified . [He]_{265-the mino} is not [a bully]_{5329-a bully} . [He]_{265-the mino} is only insisting to [the poor stray]_{5539-the poor stray} that [she]_{5539-the poor stray} shall acknowledge [him]_{265-the mino} as a sort of fate , [her]_{5539-the poor stray} own fate : because [you]_{265-the mino} can see [she]_{5539-the poor stray} is fluffy and promiscuous as the wind . [I]_169-birkin am with [him]_{265-the mino} entirely . [He]_{265-the mino} wants superfine stability . ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes , [I]_255-gerald know ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [He]_{265-the mino} wants [his]_{265-the mino} own way — [I]_255-gerald know what [your]_{265-the mino} fine words work down to — bossiness , [I]_255-gerald call it , bossiness . ”_[255-gerald] [The young cat]_{1750-the young cat} again glanced at [Birkin]_169-birkin in disdain of [the noisy woman]_{1767-the noisy woman} . “ [I]_169-birkin quite agree with [you]_{1750-the young cat} , [Miciotto]_266-miciotto , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin to the cat . “ Keep [your]_{1750-the young cat} male dignity , and [your]_{1750-the young cat} higher understanding . ”_[169-birkin] Again [the Mino]_{265-the mino} narrowed [his]_{265-the mino} eyes as if [he]_{265-the mino} were looking at the sun . Then , suddenly affecting to have no connection at all with [the two people]_{1768-the two people} , [he]_{265-the mino} went trotting off , with assumed spontaneity and gaiety , [his]_{265-the mino} tail erect , [his]_{265-the mino} white feet blithe . “ Now [he]_{265-the mino} will find the belle sauvage once more , and entertain [her]_1771-her with [his]_{265-the mino} superior wisdom , ”_[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Ursula]_255-gerald looked at [the man who stood in [the garden]_{822-the garden} with [his]_{265-the mino} hair blowing and [his]_{265-the mino} eyes]_{1769-the man who stood in the garden with his hair blowing and his eyes} smiling ironically , and [she]_1771-her cried : “ Oh it makes [me]_1771-her so cross , this assumption of male superiority ! And it is such a lie ! [One]_4646-one would n’t mind if there were any justification for it . ”_[1771-her] “ [The wild cat]_{5541-the wild cat} , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ does n’t mind . [She]_{5541-the wild cat} perceives that it is justified . ”_[169-birkin] “ Does [she]_{5541-the wild cat} ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ And tell it to [the Horse Marines]_{267-the horse marines} . ”_[255-gerald] “ To [them]_{267-the horse marines} also . ”_[169-birkin] “ It is just like [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald with [his]_255-gerald horse — a lust for bullying — a real Wille zur Macht — so base , so petty . ”_[169-birkin] “ [I]_255-gerald agree that the Wille zur Macht is a base and petty thing . But with [the Mino]_{265-the mino} , it is the desire to bring [this female cat]_{5542-this female cat} into a pure stable equilibrium , a transcendent and abiding rapport with [the single male]_{5543-the single male} . Whereas without [him]_{5543-the single male} , as [you]_5544-you see , [she]_{5542-this female cat} is a mere stray , a fluffy sporadic bit of chaos . It is a volonté de pouvoir , if [you]_5544-you like , a will to ability , taking pouvoir as a verb . ”_[255-gerald] “ Ah — ! [Sophistries]_{5545-sophistries} ! It ’s [the old Adam]_{5546-the old adam} . ”_[169-birkin] “ Oh yes . [Adam]_268-adam kept [Eve]_269-eve in [the indestructible paradise]_{5547-the indestructible paradise} , when [he]_268-adam kept [her]_269-eve single with [himself]_268-adam , like a star in its orbit . ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes — yes — ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , pointing [her]_1772-she finger at [him]_1773-he . “ There [you]_1773-he are — a star in its orbit ! A satellite — [a satellite of [Mars]_48-mars]_{5548-a satellite of mars} — that ’s what [she]_269-eve is to be ! There — there — [you’ve]_1773-he given [yourself]_1773-he away ! [You]_1773-he want a satellite , [Mars]_48-mars and [his]_48-mars satellite ! [You]_1773-he ’ve said it — [you’ve]_1773-he said it — [you’ve]_1773-he dished [yourself]_1773-he ! ”_[1772-she] [He]_1773-he stood smiling in frustration and amusement and irritation and admiration and love . [She]_1772-she was so quick , and so lambent , like discernible fire , and so vindictive , and so rich in [her]_1772-she dangerous flamy sensitiveness . “ [I]_1773-he ’ve not said it at all , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he replied , “ if [you]_1772-she will give [me]_1773-he a chance to speak . ”_[1773-he] “ No , no ! ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she cried . “ [I]_1772-she wo n’t let [you]_1773-he speak . [You]_1773-he ’ve said it , a satellite , [you]_1773-he ’re not going to wriggle out of it . [You]_1773-he ’ve said it . ”_[1772-she] “ [You]_1772-she ’ll never believe now that [I]_1773-he have n’t said it , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he answered . “ [I]_1773-he neither implied nor indicated nor mentioned a satellite , nor intended a satellite , never . ”_[1773-he] “ [You]_1773-he prevaricator ! ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she cried , in real indignation . “ Tea is ready , [sir]_5461-sir , ”_{[1774-the landlady from the doorway]} said [the landlady from the doorway]_{1774-the landlady from the doorway} . [They]_1775-they both looked at [her]_1772-she , very much as the cats had looked at [them]_1775-they , a little while before . “ Thank [you]_1773-he , [Mrs Daykin]_{271-mrs daykin} . ”_[1775-they] An interrupted silence fell over [the two of [them]_{1536-the two of them}]_{1536-the two of them} , a moment of breach . “ Come and have tea , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said . “ Yes , [I]_1772-she should love it , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she replied , gathering [herself]_1772-she together . [They]_{1536-the two of them} sat facing [each other]_{451-each other} across the tea table . “ [I]_{1536-the two of them} did not say , nor imply , a satellite . [I]_{1536-the two of them} meant two single equal stars balanced in conjunction — ”_{[1536-the two of them]} “ [You]_1773-he gave [yourself]_1773-he away , [you]_1773-he gave away [your]_1773-he little game completely , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she cried , beginning at once to eat . [He]_1773-he saw that [she]_1772-she would take no further heed of [his]_1773-he expostulation , so [he]_1773-he began to pour the tea . “ What good things to eat ! ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she cried . “ Take [your]_1772-she own sugar , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said . [He]_1773-he handed [her]_1772-she [her]_1772-she cup . [He]_1773-he had everything so nice , such pretty cups and plates , painted with mauve - lustre and green , also shapely bowls and glass plates , and old spoons , on a woven cloth of pale grey and black and purple . It was very rich and fine . But [Ursula]_255-gerald could see [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s influence . “ [Your]_1773-he things are so lovely ! ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she said , almost angrily . “ [I]_1772-she like them . It gives [me]_1772-she real pleasure to use things that are attractive in themselves — pleasant things . And [Mrs Daykin]_{271-mrs daykin} is good . [She]_{271-mrs daykin} thinks everything is wonderful , for [my]_1772-she sake . ”_[1772-she] “ Really , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ [landladies]_{5550-landladies} are better than [wives]_1230-wives , nowadays . [They]_{5550-landladies} certainly care a great deal more . It is much more beautiful and complete here now , than if [you]_1773-he were married . ”_[1772-she] “ But think of the emptiness within , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he laughed . “ No , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she said . “ [I]_1772-she am jealous that [men]_848-men have [such perfect landladies and such beautiful lodgings]_{5553-such perfect landladies and such beautiful lodgings} . There is nothing left [them]_{5550-landladies} to desire . ”_[1772-she] “ In the house - keeping way , [we]_5554-we ’ll hope not . It is disgusting , [people]_579-people marrying for [a home]_{5556-a home} . ”_[1772-she] “ Still , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ [a man]_{4648-a man} has very little need for [a woman]_{897-a woman} now , has [he]_{4648-a man} ? ”_[1772-she] “ In outer things , maybe — except to share [his]_{4648-a man} bed and bear [[his]_{4648-a man} children]_{5559-his children} . But essentially , there is just the same need as there ever was . Only [nobody]_912-nobody takes the trouble to be essential . ”_[1772-she] “ How essential ? ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she said . “ [I]_1773-he do think , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said , “ that [the world]_{541-the world} is only held together by the mystic conjunction , the ultimate unison between [people]_579-people — a bond . And the immediate bond is between [man]_1089-man and [woman]_1012-woman . ”_[1773-he] “ But it ’s such old hat , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Why should love be a bond ? No , [I]_255-gerald ’m not having any . ”_[255-gerald] “ If [you]_1772-she are walking westward , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said , “ [you]_1772-she forfeit the northern and eastward and southern direction . If [you]_1772-she admit a unison , [you]_1772-she forfeit all the possibilities of chaos . ”_[1773-he] “ But love is freedom , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she declared . “ Do n’t ca nt to [me]_1773-he , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he replied . “ Love is a direction which excludes all other directions . It ’s a freedom together , if [you]_1772-she like . ”_[1773-he] “ No , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she said , “ love includes everything . ”_[1772-she] “ Sentimental ca nt , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he replied . “ [You]_1772-she want the state of chaos , that ’s all . It is ultimate nihilism , this freedom - in - love business , this freedom which is love and love which is freedom . As a matter of fact , if [you]_1772-she enter into a pure unison , it is irrevocable , and it is never pure till it is irrevocable . And when it is irrevocable , it is one way , like the path of a star . ”_[1773-he] “ Ha ! ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she cried bitterly . “ It is the old dead morality . ”_[1772-she] “ No , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said , “ it is the law of creation . [One]_4646-one is committed . [One]_4646-one must commit [oneself]_4646-one to a conjunction with the other — for ever . But it is not selfless — it is a maintaining of the self in mystic balance and integrity — like a star balanced with another star . ”_[1773-he] “ [I]_1772-she do n’t trust [you]_1773-he when [you]_1773-he drag in the stars , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she said . “ If [you]_1773-he were quite true , it would n’t be necessary to be so far - fetched . ”_[1772-she] “ Do n’t trust [me]_1773-he then , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said , angry . “ It is enough that [I]_1773-he trust [myself]_1773-he . ”_[1773-he] “ And that is where [you]_1773-he make another mistake , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she replied . “ [You]_1773-he do n’t trust [yourself]_1773-he . [You]_1773-he do n’t fully believe [yourself]_1773-he what [you]_1773-he are saying . [You]_1773-he do n’t really want this conjunction , otherwise [you]_1773-he would n’t talk so much about it , [you]_1773-he ’d get it . ”_[1772-she] [He]_1773-he was suspended for a moment , arrested . “ How ? ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said . “ By just loving , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she retorted in defiance . [He]_1773-he was still a moment , in anger . Then [he]_1773-he said : “ [I]_1773-he tell [you]_1772-she , [I]_1773-he do n’t believe in love like that . [I]_1773-he tell [you]_1772-she , [you]_1772-she want love to administer to [your]_1772-she egoism , to subserve [you]_1772-she . Love is a process of subservience with [you]_1772-she — and with [everybody]_{780-everybody} . [I]_1773-he hate it . ”_[1773-he] “ No , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she cried , pressing back [her]_1772-she head like a cobra , [her]_1772-she eyes flashing . “ It is a process of pride — [I]_1772-she want to be proud — ”_[1772-she] “ Proud and subservient , proud and subservient , [I]_1773-he know [you]_1772-she , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he retorted dryly . “ Proud and subservient , then subservient to [the proud]_{5568-the proud} — [I]_1773-he know [you]_1772-she and [your]_1772-she love . It is a tick - tack , tick - tack , a dance of opposites . ”_[1773-he] “ Are [you]_1773-he sure ? ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she mocked wickedly , “ what [my]_1772-she love is ? ”_[1772-she] “ Yes , [I]_1773-he am , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he retorted . “ So cocksure ! ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she said . “ How can [anybody]_744-anybody ever be right , who is so cocksure ? It shows [you]_1773-he are wrong . ”_[1772-she] [He]_1773-he was silent in chagrin . [They]_1778-they had talked and struggled till [they]_1778-they were both wearied out . “ Tell [me]_1773-he about [yourself]_1772-she and [[your]_1772-she people]_{5570-your people} , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said . And [she]_1772-she told [him]_1773-he about [the Brangwens]_{173-the brangwens} , and about [[her]_1772-she mother]_{770-her mother} , and about [Skrebensky]_{272-skrebensky} , [her]_1772-she first love , and about [her]_1772-she later experiences . [He]_1773-he sat very still , watching [her]_1772-she as [she]_1772-she talked . And [he]_1773-he seemed to listen with reverence . [Her]_1772-she face was beautiful and full of baffled light as [she]_1772-she told [him]_1773-he all the things that had hurt [her]_1772-she or perplexed [her]_1772-she so deeply . [He]_1773-he seemed to warm and comfort [his]_1773-he soul at the beautiful light of [her]_1772-she nature . “ If [she]_1772-she really could pledge [herself]_1772-she , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he thought to [himself]_1773-he , with passionate insistence but hardly any hope . Yet a curious little irresponsible laughter appeared in [his]_1773-he heart . “ [We]_5571-we have all suffered so much , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he mocked , ironically . [She]_1772-she looked up at [him]_1773-he , and a flash of wild gaiety went over [her]_1772-she face , a strange flash of yellow light coming from [her]_1772-she eyes . “ Have n’t [we]_5571-we ! ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she cried , in a high , reckless cry . “ It is almost absurd , is n’t it ? ”_[1772-she] “ Quite absurd , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said . “ Suffering bores [me]_1773-he , any more . ”_[1773-he] “ So it does [me]_1773-he . ”_[1773-he] [He]_1773-he was almost afraid of the mocking recklessness of [her]_1772-she splendid face . Here was one who would go to [the whole lengths of heaven or hell]_{1780-the whole lengths of heaven or hell} , whichever [she]_1772-she had to go . And [he]_1773-he mistrusted [her]_1772-she , [he]_1773-he was afraid of [a woman capable of such abandon , such dangerous thoroughness of destructivity]_{1781-a woman capable of such abandon , such dangerous thoroughness of destructivity} . Yet [he]_1773-he chuckled within [himself]_1773-he also . [She]_1772-she came over to [him]_1773-he and put [her]_1772-she hand on [his]_1773-he shoulder , looking down at [him]_1773-he with strange golden - lighted eyes , very tender , but with a curious devilish look lurking underneath . “ Say [you]_1773-he love [me]_1772-she , say ‘ [my]_1772-she love ’ to [me]_1772-she , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she pleaded . [He]_1773-he looked back into [her]_1772-she eyes , and saw . [His]_1773-he face flickered with sardonic comprehension . “ [I]_1773-he love [you]_1772-she right enough , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said , grimly . “ But [I]_1773-he want it to be something else . ”_[1773-he] “ But why ? But why ? ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she insisted , bending [her]_1772-she wonderful luminous face to [him]_1773-he . “ Why is n’t it enough ? ”_[1772-she] “ Because [we]_5572-we can go one better , ”_[1773-he] [he]_1773-he said , putting [his]_1773-he arms round [her]_1772-she . “ No , [we]_5572-we ca n’t , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she said , in a strong , voluptuous voice of yielding . “ [We]_5572-we can only love [each other]_{451-each other} . Say ‘ [my]_1772-she love ’ to [me]_1772-she , say it , say it . ”_[1772-she] [She]_1772-she put [her]_1772-she arms round [his]_1773-he neck . [He]_1773-he enfolded [her]_1772-she , and kissed [her]_1772-she subtly , murmuring in a subtle voice of love , and irony , and submission : “ Yes,—my love , yes,—my love . Let love be enough then . [I]_1773-he love [you]_1772-she then — [I]_1773-he love [you]_1772-she . [I]_1773-he ’m bored by the rest . ”_[1773-he] “ Yes , ”_[1772-she] [she]_1772-she murmured , nestling very sweet and close to [him]_1773-he . Every year [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} gave [a more or less public water - party on [the lake]_{4830-the lake}]_{1782-a more or less public water - party on the lake} . There was [a little pleasure - launch on [Willey Water]_{8-willey water}]_{1784-a little pleasure - launch on willey water} and [several rowing boats]_{1785-several rowing boats} , and [guests]_1786-guests could take tea either in the marquee that was set up in [the grounds of [the house]_{468-the house}]_{1787-the grounds of the house} , or [they]_1786-guests could picnic in the shade of the great walnut tree at [the boat - house by [the lake]_{4830-the lake}]_{1789-the boat - house by the lake} . This year [the staff of [the Grammar - School]_{1792-the grammar - school}]_{1791-the staff of the grammar - school} was invited , along with [the chief officials of [the firm]_{1794-the firm}]_{1793-the chief officials of the firm} . [Gerald]_255-gerald and [the younger Criches]_{1795-the younger criches} did not care for this party , but it had become customary now , and it pleased [the father]_{646-the father} , as being the only occasion when [he]_{646-the father} could gather [some people of [the district]_{529-the district}]_{1797-some people of the district} together in festivity with [him]_{646-the father} . For [he]_{646-the father} loved to give pleasures to [[his]_{646-the father} dependents]_{1799-his dependents} and to [those poorer than [himself]_{646-the father}]_{1800-those poorer than himself} . But [[his]_{646-the father} children]_{5559-his children} preferred the company of [[their]_{5559-his children} own equals]_{1802-their own equals} in wealth . [They]_{5559-his children} hated [[their]_{5559-his children} inferiors]_{1803-their inferiors} ’ humility or gratitude or awkwardness . Nevertheless [they]_{5559-his children} were willing to attend at this festival , as [they]_{5559-his children} had done almost since [they]_{5559-his children} were [children]_{4659-children} , the more so , as [they]_{5559-his children} all felt a little guilty now , and unwilling to thwart [[their]_{5559-his children} father]_{447-their father} any more , since [he]_{646-the father} was so ill in health . Therefore , quite cheerfully [Laura]_180-laura prepared to take [[her]_180-laura mother]_{770-her mother} ’s place as [hostess]_784-hostess , and [Gerald]_255-gerald assumed responsibility for the amusements on [the water]_{4852-the water} . [Birkin]_169-birkin had written to [Ursula]_255-gerald saying [he]_{646-the father} expected to see [her]_{770-her mother} at the party , and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , although [she]_160-gudrun scorned the patronage of [the Criches]_{174-the criches} , would nevertheless accompany [[her]_160-gudrun mother]_{770-her mother} and [father]_4673-father if the weather were fine . The day came blue and full of sunshine , with little wafts of wind . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} both wore dresses of white crêpe , and hats of soft grass . But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had a sash of brilliant black and pink and yellow colour wound broadly round [her]_160-gudrun waist , and [she]_160-gudrun had pink silk stockings , and black and pink and yellow decoration on the brim of [her]_160-gudrun hat , weighing it down a little . [She]_160-gudrun carried also a yellow silk coat over [her]_160-gudrun arm , so that [she]_160-gudrun looked remarkable , like a painting from [the Salon]_{1812-the salon} . [Her]_160-gudrun appearance was a sore trial to [[her]_160-gudrun father]_{583-her father} , who said angrily : “ Do n’t [you]_160-gudrun think [you]_160-gudrun might as well get [yourself]_160-gudrun up for a Christmas cracker , an ’ ha ’ done with it ? ”_{[583-her father]} But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked handsome and brilliant , and [she]_160-gudrun wore [her]_160-gudrun clothes in pure defiance . When [people]_579-people stared at [her]_160-gudrun , and giggled after [her]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun made a point of saying loudly , to [Ursula]_255-gerald : “ Regarde , regarde ces gens - là ! Ne sont - ils pas des hiboux incroyables ? ”_[160-gudrun] And with the words of French in [her]_160-gudrun mouth , [she]_160-gudrun would look over [her]_160-gudrun shoulder at [the giggling party]_{1815-the giggling party} . “ No , really , it ’s impossible ! ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald would reply distinctly . And so [the two girls]_{473-the two girls} took it out of [[their]_{473-the two girls} universal enemy]_{1817-their universal enemy} . But [[their]_{473-the two girls} father]_{447-their father} became more and more enraged . [Ursula]_255-gerald was all snowy white , save that [her]_160-gudrun hat was pink , and entirely without trimming , and [her]_160-gudrun shoes were dark red , and [she]_160-gudrun carried an orange - coloured coat . And in this guise [they]_{473-the two girls} were walking all the way to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands , [[their]_{473-the two girls} father]_{447-their father} and [mother]_4695-mother going in front . [They]_{473-the two girls} were laughing at [[their]_{473-the two girls} mother]_{1821-their mother} , who , dressed in a summer material of black and purple stripes , and wearing a hat of purple straw , was setting forth with much more of the shyness and trepidation of [a young girl]_{1822-a young girl} than [[her]_4695-mother daughters]_{1823-her daughters} ever felt , walking demurely beside [[her]_4695-mother husband]_{5204-her husband} , who , as usual , looked rather crumpled in [his]_{5204-her husband} best suit , as if [he]_{5204-her husband} were [the father of [a young family]_{1826-a young family}]_{1825-the father of a young family} and had been holding [the baby]_{1827-the baby} whilst [[his]_{5204-her husband} wife]_{1467-his wife} got dressed . “ Look at [the young couple in front]_{5574-the young couple in front} , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun calmly . [Ursula]_255-gerald looked at [[her]_4695-mother mother]_{770-her mother} and [father]_4673-father , and was suddenly seized with uncontrollable laughter . [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} stood in [the road]_{502-the road} and laughed till the tears ran down [their]_{473-the two girls} faces , as [they]_{473-the two girls} caught sight again of [the shy , unworldly couple of [[their]_{473-the two girls} parents]_{1834-their parents} going on ahead]_{1833-the shy , unworldly couple of their parents going on ahead} . “ [We]_{5574-the young couple in front} are roaring at [you]_{273-mrs brangwen} , [mother]_4695-mother , ”_[255-gerald] called [Ursula]_255-gerald , helplessly following after [[her]_4695-mother parents]_{1835-her parents} . [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} turned round with a slightly puzzled , exasperated look . “ Oh indeed ! ”_{[273-mrs brangwen]} [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} said . “ What is there so very funny about [me]_{273-mrs brangwen} , [I]_{273-mrs brangwen} should like to know ? ”_{[273-mrs brangwen]} [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} could not understand that there could be anything amiss with [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} appearance . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} had a perfect calm sufficiency , an easy indifference to any criticism whatsoever , as if [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} were beyond it . [Her]_{273-mrs brangwen} clothes were always rather odd , and as a rule slip - shod , yet [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} wore them with a perfect ease and satisfaction . Whatever [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} had on , so long as [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} was barely tidy , [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} was right , beyond remark ; such [an aristocrat]_{1836-an aristocrat} [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} was by instinct . “ [You]_255-gerald look so stately , like [a country Baroness]_{5576-a country baroness} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , laughing with a little tenderness at [[her]_4695-mother mother]_{770-her mother} ’s naive puzzled air . “ Just like [a country Baroness]_{5576-a country baroness} ! ”_[160-gudrun] chimed in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . Now [the mother]_{565-the mother} ’s natural hauteur became self - conscious , and [the girls]_{4851-the girls} shrieked again . “ Go [home]_4649-home , [[you]_{4851-the girls} pair of idiots]_{5579-you pair of idiots} , [great giggling idiots]_{5580-great giggling idiots} ! ”_{[646-the father]} cried [the father]_{646-the father} inflamed with irritation . “ Mm - m - er ! ”_[255-gerald] booed [Ursula]_255-gerald , pulling a face at [his]_{646-the father} crossness . The yellow lights danced in [his]_{646-the father} eyes , [he]_{646-the father} leaned forward in real rage . “ Do n’t be so silly as to take any notice of the great gabies , ”_{[273-mrs brangwen]} said [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} , turning on [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} way . “ [I]_{646-the father} ’ll see if [I]_{646-the father} ’m going to be followed by [a pair of giggling yelling jackanapes]_{5581-a pair of giggling yelling jackanapes} — ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} cried vengefully . [The girls]_{4851-the girls} stood still , laughing helplessly at [his]_{646-the father} fury , upon the path beside the hedge . “ Why [you]_{646-the father} ’re as silly as [they]_{5581-a pair of giggling yelling jackanapes} are , to take any notice , ”_{[273-mrs brangwen]} said [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} also becoming angry now [he]_{646-the father} was really enraged . “ There are [some people]_{5582-some people} coming , [father]_4673-father , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , with mocking warning . [He]_{646-the father} glanced round quickly , and went on to join [[his]_{646-the father} wife]_{1467-his wife} , walking stiff with rage . And [the girls]_{4851-the girls} followed , weak with laughter . When [the people]_{4677-the people} had passed by , [Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} cried in a loud , stupid voice : “ [I]_{273-mrs brangwen} ’m going back [home]_4649-home if there ’s any more of this . [I]_{273-mrs brangwen} ’m damned if [I]_{273-mrs brangwen} ’m going to be made [a fool of]_{5585-a fool of} in this fashion , in [the public road]_{5586-the public road} . ”_{[273-mrs brangwen]} [He]_{646-the father} was really out of temper . At the sound of [his]_{646-the father} blind , vindictive voice , the laughter suddenly left [the girls]_{4851-the girls} , and [their]_{4851-the girls} hearts contracted with contempt . [They]_{4851-the girls} hated [his]_{646-the father} words “ in [the public road]_{5586-the public road} . ”_{[4851-the girls]} What did [they]_{4851-the girls} care for [the public road]_{5586-the public road} ? But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was conciliatory . “ But [we]_{4851-the girls} were n’t laughing to hurt [you]_160-gudrun , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried , with an uncouth gentleness which made [[her]_160-gudrun parents]_{1835-her parents} uncomfortable . “ [We]_{4851-the girls} were laughing because [we]_{4851-the girls} ’re fond of [you]_160-gudrun . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [We]_{4851-the girls} ’ll walk on in front , if [they]_{1835-her parents} are so touchy , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , angry . And in this wise [they]_{4851-the girls} arrived at [Willey Water]_{8-willey water} . [The lake]_{4830-the lake} was blue and fair , [the meadows]_{1849-the meadows} sloped down in sunshine on one side , [the thick dark woods]_{1850-the thick dark woods} dropped steeply on the other . [The little pleasure - launch]_{1851-the little pleasure - launch} was fussing out from [the shore]_{1571-the shore} , twanging its music , crowded with [people]_579-people , flapping its paddles . Near [the boat - house]_{4841-the boat - house} was [a throng of gaily - dressed persons]_{1855-a throng of gaily - dressed persons} , small in the distance . And on [the high - road]_{523-the high - road} , [some of [the common people]_{1858-the common people}]_{1857-some of the common people} were standing along the hedge , looking at the festivity beyond , enviously , like [souls not admitted to paradise]_{1859-souls not admitted to paradise} . “ [My]_160-gudrun eye ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , sotto voce , looking at [the motley of [guests]_1786-guests]_{1860-the motley of guests} , “ there ’s [a pretty crowd]_{5588-a pretty crowd} if [you]_1863-she like ! Imagine [yourself]_1863-she in the midst of that , [[my]_160-gudrun dear]_{1126-my dear} . ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s apprehensive horror of [people in the mass]_{1862-people in the mass} unnerved [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ It looks rather awful , ”_[1863-she] [she]_1863-she said anxiously . “ And imagine what [they]_{1862-people in the mass} ’ll be like — imagine ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , still in that unnerving , subdued voice . Yet [she]_1863-she advanced determinedly . “ [I]_255-gerald suppose [we]_5590-we can get away from [them]_{1862-people in the mass} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald anxiously . “ [We]_5590-we ’re in a pretty fix if [we]_5590-we ca n’t , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Her]_1863-she extreme ironic loathing and apprehension was very trying to [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [We]_5590-we need n’t stay , ”_[1863-she] [she]_1863-she said . “ [I]_160-gudrun certainly sha n’t stay five minutes among that little lot , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [They]_1864-they advanced nearer , till [they]_1864-they saw [policemen]_{1865-policemen} at the gates . “ [Policemen]_{1865-policemen} to keep [you]_255-gerald in , too ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [My]_160-gudrun word , this is a beautiful affair . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [We]_5590-we ’d better look after [father]_4673-father and [mother]_4695-mother , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald anxiously . “ [Mother]_187-mother ’s perfectly capable of getting through this little celebration , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun with some contempt . But [Ursula]_255-gerald knew that [[her]_1863-she father]_{583-her father} felt uncouth and angry and unhappy , so [she]_1863-she was far from [her]_1863-she ease . [They]_1864-they waited outside the gate till [[their]_1864-they parents]_{1834-their parents} came up . [The tall , thin man in [his]_{1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes} crumpled clothes]_{1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes} was unnerved and irritable as [a boy]_{764-a boy} , finding [himself]_{1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes} on the brink of this social function . [He]_{1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes} did not feel [a gentleman]_{4992-a gentleman} , [he]_{1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes} did not feel anything except pure exasperation . [Ursula]_255-gerald took [her]_1863-she place at [his]_{1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes} side , [they]_1864-they gave [their]_1864-they tickets to [the policeman]_{1871-the policeman} , and passed in on to the grass , four abreast ; [the tall , hot , ruddy - dark man with [his]_{1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes} narrow boyish brow drawn with irritation]_{1872-the tall , hot , ruddy - dark man with his narrow boyish brow drawn with irritation} , [the fresh - faced , easy woman]_{1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman} , perfectly collected though [her]_{1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman} hair was slipping on one side , then [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [her]_{1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman} eyes round and dark and staring , [her]_{1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman} full soft face impassive , almost sulky , so that [she]_{1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman} seemed to be backing away in antagonism even whilst [she]_{1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman} was advancing ; and then [Ursula]_255-gerald , with the odd , brilliant , dazzled look on [her]_{1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman} face , that always came when [she]_{1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman} was in some false situation . [Birkin]_169-birkin was [the good angel]_{1874-the good angel} . [He]_{1874-the good angel} came smiling to [them]_1864-they with [his]_{1874-the good angel} affected social grace , that somehow was never quite right . But [he]_{1874-the good angel} took off [his]_{1874-the good angel} hat and smiled at [them]_1864-they with a real smile in [his]_{1874-the good angel} eyes , so that [Brangwen]_160-gudrun cried out heartily in relief : “ How do [you]_{1874-the good angel} do ? [You]_{1874-the good angel} ’re better , are [you]_{1874-the good angel} ? ”_{[1874-the good angel]} “ Yes , [I]_{1874-the good angel} ’m better . How do [you]_{1874-the good angel} do , [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} ? [I]_{1874-the good angel} know [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald very well . ”_{[1874-the good angel]} [His]_{1874-the good angel} eyes smiled full of natural warmth . [He]_{1874-the good angel} had a soft , flattering manner with [women]_453-women , particularly with [women who were not young]_{1876-women who were not young} . “ Yes , ”_{[273-mrs brangwen]} said [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} , cool but yet gratified . “ [I]_{1874-the good angel} have heard [them]_579-people speak of [you]_160-gudrun often enough . ”_{[1874-the good angel]} [He]_{1874-the good angel} laughed . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked aside , feeling [she]_160-gudrun was being belittled . [People]_579-people were standing about in groups , [some women]_{1878-some women} were sitting in the shade of the walnut tree , with cups of tea in [their]_{1878-some women} hands , [a waiter in evening dress]_{1879-a waiter in evening dress} was hurrying round , [some girls]_{1880-some girls} were simpering with parasols , [some young men , who had just come in from rowing]_{1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing} , were sitting cross - legged on the grass , coatless , [their]_{1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing} shirt - sleeves rolled up in manly fashion , [their]_{1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing} hands resting on [their]_{1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing} white flannel trousers , [their]_{1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing} gaudy ties floating about , as [they]_{1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing} laughed and tried to be witty with [the young damsels]_{1882-the young damsels} . “ Why , ”_[160-gudrun] thought [Gudrun]_160-gudrun churlishly , “ do n’t [they]_{1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing} have the manners to put [their]_{1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing} coats on , and not to assume such intimacy in [their]_{1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing} appearance . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun abhorred [the ordinary young man]_{1883-the ordinary young man} , with [his]_{1883-the ordinary young man} hair plastered back , and [his]_{1883-the ordinary young man} easy - going chumminess . [Hermione Roddice]_168-hermione came up , in a handsome gown of white lace , trailing an enormous silk shawl blotched with great embroidered flowers , and balancing an enormous plain hat on [her]_168-hermione head . [She]_168-hermione looked striking , astonishing , almost macabre , so tall , with the fringe of [her]_168-hermione great cream - coloured vividly - blotched shawl trailing on the ground after [her]_168-hermione , [her]_168-hermione thick hair coming low over [her]_168-hermione eyes , [her]_168-hermione face strange and long and pale , and the blotches of brilliant colour drawn round [her]_168-hermione . “ Does n’t [she]_168-hermione look weird ! ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun heard [some girls]_{1880-some girls} titter behind [her]_160-gudrun . And [she]_160-gudrun could have killed [them]_{1880-some girls} . “ How do [you]_160-gudrun do ! ”_{[168-hermione]} sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , coming up very kindly , and glancing slowly over [[Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s father]_{1885-gudrun ’s father} and [mother]_4695-mother . It was a trying moment , exasperating for [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Hermione]_168-hermione was really so strongly entrenched in [her]_168-hermione class superiority , [she]_168-hermione could come up and know [people]_579-people out of simple curiosity , as if [they]_579-people were creatures on exhibition . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun would do the same [herself]_160-gudrun . But [she]_168-hermione resented being in the position when [somebody]_{4745-somebody} might do it to [her]_168-hermione . [Hermione]_168-hermione , very remarkable , and distinguishing [the Brangwens]_{173-the brangwens} very much , led [them]_579-people along to where [Laura Crich]_180-laura stood receiving [the guests]_{788-the guests} . “ This is [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} , ”_{[168-hermione]} sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , and [Laura]_180-laura , who wore a stiff embroidered linen dress , shook hands and said [she]_180-laura was glad to see [her]_180-laura . Then [Gerald]_255-gerald came up , dressed in white , with a black and brown blazer , and looking handsome . [He]_255-gerald too was introduced to [the Brangwen parents]_{1890-the brangwen parents} , and immediately [he]_255-gerald spoke to [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} as if [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} were [a lady]_{1891-a lady} , and to [Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} as if [he]_255-gerald were not [a gentleman]_{4992-a gentleman} . [Gerald]_255-gerald was so obvious in [his]_255-gerald demeanour . [He]_255-gerald had to shake hands with [his]_255-gerald left hand , because [he]_255-gerald had hurt [his]_255-gerald right , and carried it , bandaged up , in the pocket of [his]_255-gerald jacket . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was very thankful that [none of [[her]_160-gudrun party]_{1894-her party}]_{1893-none of her party} asked [him]_255-gerald what was the matter with the hand . [The steam launch]_{1895-the steam launch} was fussing in , all its music jingling , [people]_579-people calling excitedly from on board . [Gerald]_255-gerald went to see to the debarkation , [Birkin]_169-birkin was getting tea for [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} , [Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} had joined [a Grammar - School group]_{1897-a grammar - school group} , [Hermione]_168-hermione was sitting down by [[their]_1898-their mother]_{1821-their mother} , [the girls]_{4851-the girls} went to the landing - stage to watch the launch come in . [She]_{1821-their mother} hooted and tooted gaily , then [her]_{1821-their mother} paddles were silent , the ropes were thrown ashore , [she]_{1821-their mother} drifted in with a little bump . Immediately [the passengers]_{1901-the passengers} crowded excitedly to come [ashore]_1902-ashore . “ Wait a minute , wait a minute , ”_[255-gerald] shouted [Gerald]_255-gerald in sharp command . [They]_{1901-the passengers} must wait till [the boat]_{1560-the boat} was tight on the ropes , till the small gangway was put out . Then [they]_{1901-the passengers} streamed ashore , clamouring as if [they]_{1901-the passengers} had come from [America]_50-america . “ Oh it ’s so nice ! ”_{[1901-the passengers]} [the young girls]_{1904-the young girls} were crying . “ It ’s quite lovely . ”_{[1901-the passengers]} [The waiters from on board]_{1905-the waiters from on board} ran out to [the boat - house]_{4841-the boat - house} with baskets , [the captain]_{1907-the captain} lounged on [the little bridge]_{1908-the little bridge} . Seeing all safe , [Gerald]_255-gerald came to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [You]_160-gudrun would n’t care to go on board for the next trip , and have tea [there]_629-there ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ No thanks , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun coldly . “ [You]_160-gudrun do n’t care for [the water]_{4852-the water} ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ For [the water]_{4852-the water} ? Yes , [I]_255-gerald like it very much . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald looked at [her]_160-gudrun , [his]_255-gerald eyes searching . “ [You]_160-gudrun do n’t care for going on a launch , then ? ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun was slow in answering , and then [she]_160-gudrun spoke slowly . “ No , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [I]_160-gudrun ca n’t say that [I]_160-gudrun do . ”_[160-gudrun] [Her]_160-gudrun colour was high , [she]_160-gudrun seemed angry about something . “ Un peu trop de monde , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , explaining . “ Eh ? [Trop de monde]_{51-trop de monde} ! ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald laughed shortly . “ Yes there ’s a fair number of ’em . ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun turned on [him]_255-gerald brilliantly . “ Have [you]_255-gerald ever been from [Westminster Bridge]_{52-westminster bridge} to [Richmond]_53-richmond on [one of [the Thames steamers]_{5598-the thames steamers}]_{5597-one of the thames steamers} ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried . “ No , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ [I]_255-gerald ca n’t say [I]_255-gerald have . ”_[255-gerald] “ Well , it ’s one of the most vile experiences [I]_160-gudrun ’ve ever had . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun spoke rapidly and excitedly , the colour high in [her]_160-gudrun cheeks . “ There was absolutely nowhere to sit down , nowhere , [a man just above sang ‘ Rocked in [the Cradle of the Deep ’]_{5600-the cradle of the deep ’}]_{5599-a man just above sang ‘ rocked in the cradle of the deep ’} the whole way ; [he]_{5599-a man just above sang ‘ rocked in the cradle of the deep ’} was blind and [he]_{5599-a man just above sang ‘ rocked in the cradle of the deep ’} had a small organ , one of those portable organs , and [he]_{5599-a man just above sang ‘ rocked in the cradle of the deep ’} expected money ; so [you]_5601-you can imagine what that was like ; there came a constant smell of luncheon from below , and puffs of hot oily machinery ; the journey took hours and hours and hours ; and for miles , literally for miles , [dreadful boys]_{5602-dreadful boys} ran with [us]_5603-us on [the shore]_{1571-the shore} , in that awful [Thames mud]_{5605-thames mud} , going in up to the waist — [they]_{5602-dreadful boys} had [their]_{5602-dreadful boys} trousers turned back , and [they]_{5602-dreadful boys} went up to [their]_{5602-dreadful boys} hips in that indescribable [Thames]_54-thames mud , [their]_{5602-dreadful boys} faces always turned to [us]_5603-us , and screaming , exactly like carrion creatures , screaming ‘ ’ Ere y’are sir , ’ ere y’are sir , ’ ere y’are sir , ’ exactly like some foul carrion objects , perfectly obscene ; and [paterfamilias on board]_{5606-paterfamilias on board} , laughing when [the boys]_{5607-the boys} went right down in that awful mud , occasionally throwing [them]_{5607-the boys} a ha’penny . And if [you]_5601-you ’d seen the intent look on the faces of [these boys]_{5608-these boys} , and the way [they]_{5602-dreadful boys} darted in the filth when a coin was flung — really , [no vulture or jackal]_{5609-no vulture or jackal} could dream of approaching [them]_{5602-dreadful boys} , for foulness . [I]_160-gudrun never would go on [a pleasure boat]_{5610-a pleasure boat} again — never . ”_[160-gudrun] [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [her]_1909-she all the time [she]_1909-she spoke , [his]_255-gerald eyes glittering with faint rousedness . It was not so much what [she]_1909-she said ; it was [she]_1909-she [herself]_1909-she who roused [him]_255-gerald , roused [him]_255-gerald with a small , vivid pricking . “ Of course , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ [every civilised body]_{5611-every civilised body} is bound to have its vermin . ”_[255-gerald] “ Why ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t have vermin . ”_[255-gerald] “ And it ’s not that — it ’s the quality of the whole thing — paterfamilias laughing and thinking it sport , and throwing the ha’pennies , and materfamilias spreading [her]_1909-she fat little knees and eating , continually eating — ”_[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ It is n’t [the boys]_{5607-the boys} so much who are [vermin]_5613-vermin ; it ’s [the people]_{4677-the people} [themselves]_{4677-the people} , [the whole body politic]_{5615-the whole body politic} , as [you]_255-gerald call it . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald laughed . “ Never mind , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [You]_255-gerald sha n’t go on the launch . ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun flushed quickly at [his]_255-gerald rebuke . There were a few moments of silence . [Gerald]_255-gerald , like [a sentinel]_{1910-a sentinel} , was watching [the people who were going on to]_{1911-the people who were going on to} [the boat]_{1560-the boat} . [He]_255-gerald was very good - looking and self - contained , but [his]_255-gerald air of soldierly alertness was rather irritating . “ Will [you]_255-gerald have tea here then , or go across to [the house]_{468-the house} , where there ’s [a tent on [the lawn]_{5119-the lawn}]_{5617-a tent on the lawn} ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ Ca n’t [we]_5619-we have [a rowing boat]_{5620-a rowing boat} , and get out ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald , who was always rushing in too fast . “ To get out ? ”_[255-gerald] smiled [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [You]_255-gerald see , ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , flushing at [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s outspoken rudeness , “ [we]_5619-we do n’t know [the people]_{4677-the people} , [we]_5619-we are almost complete strangers here . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Oh , [I]_255-gerald can soon set [you]_255-gerald up with [a few acquaintances]_{5622-a few acquaintances} , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said easily . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald , to see if it were ill - meant . Then [she]_160-gudrun smiled at [him]_255-gerald . “ Ah , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , “ [you]_255-gerald know what [we]_5619-we mean . Ca n’t [we]_5619-we go up there , and explore [that coast]_{5623-that coast} ? ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun pointed to a grove on [the hillock of [the meadow - side]_{1914-the meadow - side}]_{1913-the hillock of the meadow - side} , near [the shore half way down [the lake]_{4830-the lake}]_{1915-the shore half way down the lake} . “ That looks perfectly lovely . [We]_5619-we might even bathe . Is n’t [it]_5624-it beautiful in this light . Really , it ’s like one of [the reaches of [the Nile]_{55-the nile}]_{5625-the reaches of the nile} — as one imagines [the Nile]_{55-the nile} . ”_[160-gudrun] [Gerald]_255-gerald smiled at [her]_160-gudrun factitious enthusiasm for [the distant spot]_{1917-the distant spot} . “ [You]_160-gudrun ’re sure it ’s far enough off ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked ironically , adding at once : “ Yes , [you]_160-gudrun might go there , if [we]_5619-we could get [a boat]_{4839-a boat} . [They]_{1919-the rowing boats} seem to be all out . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald looked round [the lake]_{4830-the lake} and counted [the rowing boats]_{1919-the rowing boats} on [its]_{4830-the lake} surface . “ How lovely it would be ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald wistfully . “ And do n’t [you]_160-gudrun want tea ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Oh , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “ [we]_5619-we could just drink a cup , and be off . ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_255-gerald looked from one to the other , smiling . [He]_255-gerald was somewhat offended — yet sporting . “ Can [you]_160-gudrun manage [a boat]_{4839-a boat} pretty well ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ Yes , ”_[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , coldly , “ pretty well . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Oh yes , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [We]_5619-we can both of [us]_5619-we row like water - spiders . ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_160-gudrun can ? There ’s [a light little canoe of [mine]_255-gerald]_{5628-a light little canoe of mine} , that [I]_160-gudrun did n’t take out for fear [somebody]_{4745-somebody} should drown [themselves]_{4745-somebody} . Do [you]_160-gudrun think [you]_160-gudrun ’d be safe in that ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Oh perfectly , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ What [an angel]_{5630-an angel} ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Do n’t , for [my]_255-gerald sake , have an accident — because [I]_255-gerald ’m responsible for [the water]_{4852-the water} . ”_[255-gerald] “ Sure , ”_[160-gudrun] pledged [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Besides , [we]_5632-we can both swim quite well , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Well — then [I]_255-gerald ’ll get [them]_{4745-somebody} to put [you]_160-gudrun up a tea - basket , and [you]_160-gudrun can picnic all to yourselves,—that ’s the idea , is n’t it ? ”_[255-gerald] “ How fearfully good ! How frightfully nice if [you]_255-gerald could ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun warmly , [her]_160-gudrun colour flushing up again . It made the blood stir in [his]_1920-his veins , the subtle way [she]_160-gudrun turned to [him]_1920-his and infused [her]_160-gudrun gratitude into [his]_1920-his body . “ Where ’s [Birkin]_169-birkin ? ”_[1920-his] [he]_1920-his said , [his]_1920-his eyes twinkling . “ [He]_1920-his might help [me]_1920-his to get it down . ”_[1920-his] “ But what about [your]_160-gudrun hand ? Is n’t it hurt ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , rather muted , as if avoiding the intimacy . This was the first time the hurt had been mentioned . The curious way [she]_160-gudrun skirted round the subject sent a new , subtle caress through [his]_1920-his veins . [He]_1920-his took [his]_1920-his hand out of [his]_1920-his pocket . It was bandaged . [He]_1920-his looked at it , then put it in [his]_1920-his pocket again . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun quivered at the sight of the wrapped up paw . “ Oh [I]_1920-his can manage with one hand . [The canoe]_{5633-the canoe} is as light as a feather , ”_[1920-his] [he]_1920-his said . “ There ’s [Rupert!—Rupert]_{274-rupert!—rupert} ! ”_[1920-his] [Birkin]_169-birkin turned from [his]_1920-his social duties and came towards [them]_1921-them . “ What have [you]_1920-his done to it ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald , who had been aching to put the question for the last half hour . “ To [my]_255-gerald hand ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald trapped it in some machinery . ”_[255-gerald] “ Ugh ! ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ And did it hurt much ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”_[1920-his] [he]_1920-his said . “ It did at the time . It ’s getting better now . It crushed the fingers . ”_[1920-his] “ Oh , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , as if in pain , “ [I]_255-gerald hate people who hurt [themselves]_{5634-themselves} . [I]_255-gerald can feel it . ”_[255-gerald] And [she]_1920-his shook [her]_1920-his hand . “ What do [you]_1920-his want ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [The two men]_{686-the two men} carried down [the slim brown boat]_{1923-the slim brown boat} , and set it on [the water]_{4852-the water} . “ [You]_1920-his ’re quite sure [you]_1920-his ’ll be safe in [it]_{1923-the slim brown boat} ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald asked . “ Quite sure , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_160-gudrun would n’t be so mean as to take it , if there was the slightest doubt . But [I]_160-gudrun ’ve had [a canoe]_{5635-a canoe} at [Arundel]_56-arundel , and [I]_160-gudrun assure [you]_{686-the two men} [I]_160-gudrun ’m perfectly safe . ”_[160-gudrun] So saying , having given [her]_160-gudrun word like [a man]_{4648-a man} , [she]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald entered [the frail craft]_{1926-the frail craft} , and pushed gently off . [The two men]_{686-the two men} stood watching [them]_{686-the two men} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was paddling . [She]_160-gudrun knew [the men]_{727-the men} were watching [her]_160-gudrun , and it made [her]_160-gudrun slow and rather clumsy . The colour flew in [her]_160-gudrun face like a flag . “ Thanks awfully , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun called back to [him]_{727-the men} , from [the water]_{4852-the water} , as [the boat]_{1560-the boat} slid away . “ It ’s lovely — like sitting in a leaf . ”_{[727-the men]} [He]_{727-the men} laughed at the fancy . [Her]_160-gudrun voice was shrill and strange , calling from the distance . [He]_{727-the men} watched [her]_160-gudrun as [she]_160-gudrun paddled away . There was something childlike about [her]_160-gudrun , trustful and deferential , like [a child]_{733-a child} . [He]_{727-the men} watched [her]_160-gudrun all the while , as [she]_160-gudrun rowed . And to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun it was a real delight , in make - belief , to be [the childlike , clinging woman to [the man who stood there on [the quay]_{1934-the quay} , so good - looking and efficient in [his]_{727-the men} white clothes]_{1933-the man who stood there on the quay , so good - looking and efficient in his white clothes} , and moreover [the most important man [she]_160-gudrun knew at the moment]_{1935-the most important man she knew at the moment}]_{1932-the childlike , clinging woman to the man who stood there on the quay , so good - looking and efficient in his white clothes , and moreover the most important man she knew at the moment} . [She]_160-gudrun did not take any notice of [the wavering , indistinct , lambent Birkin , who stood at [his]_{727-the men} side]_{1936-the wavering , indistinct , lambent birkin , who stood at his side} . One figure at a time occupied the field of [her]_160-gudrun attention . [The boat]_{1560-the boat} rustled lightly along [the water]_{4852-the water} . [They]_1939-they passed [the bathers whose striped tents stood between [the willows of [the meadow ’s edge]_{1942-the meadow ’s edge}]_{1941-the willows of the meadow ’s edge}]_{1940-the bathers whose striped tents stood between the willows of the meadow ’s edge} , and drew along the open shore , past the meadows that sloped golden in the light of the already late afternoon . [Other boats]_{1943-other boats} were stealing under the wooded shore opposite , [they]_1939-they could hear [people]_579-people ’s laughter and voices . But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun rowed on towards the clump of trees that balanced perfect in the distance , in the golden light . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} found a little place where [a tiny stream]_{1946-a tiny stream} flowed into [the lake]_{4830-the lake} , with reeds and flowery marsh of pink willow herb , and [a gravelly bank to the side]_{1948-a gravelly bank to the side} . Here [they]_1939-they ran delicately [ashore]_1902-ashore , with [[their]_1939-they frail boat]_{1950-their frail boat} , [the two girls]_{473-the two girls} took off [their]_{473-the two girls} shoes and stockings and went through [the water]_{4852-the water} ’s edge to the grass . The tiny ripples of [the lake]_{4830-the lake} were warm and clear , [they]_1939-they lifted [[their]_1939-they boat]_{1954-their boat} on to [the bank]_{1564-the bank} , and looked round with joy . [They]_1939-they were quite alone in [a forsaken little stream - mouth]_{1956-a forsaken little stream - mouth} , and on [the knoll just behind]_{1957-the knoll just behind} was the clump of trees . “ [We]_1939-they will bathe just for a moment , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ and then [we]_1939-they ’ll have tea . ”_[255-gerald] [They]_1939-they looked round . [Nobody]_912-nobody could notice [them]_1939-they , or could come up in time to see [them]_1939-they . In less than a minute [Ursula]_255-gerald had thrown off [her]_1959-her clothes and had slipped naked into [the water]_{4852-the water} , and was swimming out . Quickly , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun joined [her]_1959-her . [They]_1939-they swam silently and blissfully for a few minutes , circling round [[their]_1939-they little stream - mouth]_{1961-their little stream - mouth} . Then [they]_1939-they slipped ashore and ran into [the grove]_{1962-the grove} again , like nymphs . “ How lovely it is to be free , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , running swiftly here and there between the tree trunks , quite naked , [her]_1959-her hair blowing loose . [The grove]_{1962-the grove} was of beech - trees , big and splendid , a steel - grey scaffolding of trunks and boughs , with level sprays of strong green here and there , whilst through the northern side the distance glimmered open as through a window . When [they]_1939-they had run and danced [themselves]_1939-they dry , [the girls]_{4851-the girls} quickly dressed and sat down to the fragrant tea . [They]_{4851-the girls} sat on [the northern side of [the grove]_{1962-the grove}]_{1965-the northern side of the grove} , in the yellow sunshine facing [the slope of [the grassy hill]_{1968-the grassy hill}]_{1967-the slope of the grassy hill} , alone in a little wild world of [their]_{4851-the girls} own . The tea was hot and aromatic , there were delicious little sandwiches of cucumber and of caviare , and winy cakes . “ Are [you]_{449-her sister} happy , [Prune]_163-prune ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald in delight , looking at [[her]_1959-her sister]_{449-her sister} . “ [Ursula]_255-gerald , [I]_160-gudrun ’m perfectly happy , ”_[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun gravely , looking at the westering sun . “ So am [I.]_160-gudrun ”_[160-gudrun] When [they]_1939-they were together , doing the things [they]_1939-they enjoyed , [the two sisters]_{463-the two sisters} were quite complete in a perfect world of [their]_{463-the two sisters} own . And this was one of the perfect moments of freedom and delight , such as [children]_{4659-children} alone know , when all seems a perfect and blissful adventure . When [they]_1939-they had finished tea , [the two girls]_{473-the two girls} sat on , silent and serene . Then [Ursula]_255-gerald , who had a beautiful strong voice , began to sing to [herself]_255-gerald , softly : “ Ännchen von Tharau . ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun listened , as [she]_{449-her sister} sat beneath the trees , and the yearning came into [her]_160-gudrun heart . [Ursula]_255-gerald seemed so peaceful and sufficient unto [herself]_255-gerald , sitting there unconsciously crooning [her]_{449-her sister} song , strong and unquestioned at the centre of [[her]_{449-her sister} own universe]_{1973-her own universe} . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun felt [herself]_160-gudrun outside . Always this desolating , agonised feeling , that [she]_160-gudrun was outside of life , [an onlooker]_{1974-an onlooker} , whilst [Ursula]_255-gerald was [a partaker]_{1975-a partaker} , caused [Gudrun]_160-gudrun to suffer from a sense of [her]_160-gudrun own negation , and made [her]_160-gudrun , that [she]_160-gudrun must always demand [the other]_{920-the other} to be aware of [her]_160-gudrun , to be in connection with [her]_160-gudrun . “ Do [you]_160-gudrun mind if [I]_160-gudrun do Dalcroze to that tune , [Hurtler]_275-hurtler ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked in a curious muted tone , scarce moving [her]_160-gudrun lips . “ What did [you]_160-gudrun say ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald , looking up in peaceful surprise . “ Will [you]_255-gerald sing while [I]_160-gudrun do [Dalcroze]_276-dalcroze ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , suffering at having to repeat [herself]_160-gudrun . [Ursula]_255-gerald thought a moment , gathering [her]_160-gudrun straying wits together . “ While [you]_160-gudrun do — ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked vaguely . “ Dalcroze movements , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , suffering tortures of self - consciousness , even because of [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} . “ Oh Dalcroze ! [I]_255-gerald could n’t catch the name . Do — [I]_255-gerald should love to see [you]_160-gudrun , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , with childish surprised brightness . “ What shall [I]_255-gerald sing ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Sing anything [you]_160-gudrun like , and [I]_160-gudrun ’ll take the rhythm from it . ”_[160-gudrun] But [Ursula]_255-gerald could not for [her]_160-gudrun life think of anything to sing . However , [she]_160-gudrun suddenly began , in a laughing , teasing voice : “ [My]_160-gudrun love — is [a high - born lady]_{5636-a high - born lady} — ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , looking as if some invisible chain weighed on [her]_160-gudrun hands and feet , began slowly to dance in the eurythmic manner , pulsing and fluttering rhythmically with [her]_160-gudrun feet , making slower , regular gestures with [her]_160-gudrun hands and arms , now spreading [her]_160-gudrun arms wide , now raising them above [her]_160-gudrun head , now flinging them softly apart , and lifting [her]_160-gudrun face , [her]_160-gudrun feet all the time beating and running to the measure of the song , as if it were some strange incantation , [her]_160-gudrun white , rapt form drifting here and there in a strange impulsive rhapsody , seeming to be lifted on a breeze of incantation , shuddering with strange little runs . [Ursula]_255-gerald sat on the grass , [her]_160-gudrun mouth open in [her]_160-gudrun singing , [her]_160-gudrun eyes laughing as if [she]_160-gudrun thought it was a great joke , but a yellow light flashing up in them , as [she]_160-gudrun caught some of the unconscious ritualistic suggestion of the complex shuddering and waving and drifting of [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} ’s white form , that was clutched in pure , mindless , tossing rhythm , and a will set powerful in a kind of hypnotic influence . “ [My]_255-gerald love is [a high - born lady]_{5636-a high - born lady} — [She]_{5636-a high - born lady} is - s - s — rather dark than shady — ”_[255-gerald] rang out [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s laughing , satiric song , and quicker , fiercer went [Gudrun]_160-gudrun in the dance , stamping as if [she]_160-gudrun were trying to throw off some bond , flinging [her]_160-gudrun hands suddenly and stamping again , then rushing with face uplifted and throat full and beautiful , and eyes half closed , sightless . The sun was low and yellow , sinking down , and in the sky floated a thin , ineffectual moon . [Ursula]_255-gerald was quite absorbed in [her]_160-gudrun song , when suddenly [Gudrun]_160-gudrun stopped and said mildly , ironically : “ [Ursula]_255-gerald ! ”_[160-gudrun] “ Yes ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , opening [her]_160-gudrun eyes out of the trance . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was standing still and pointing , a mocking smile on [her]_160-gudrun face , towards the side . “ Ugh ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald in sudden panic , starting to [her]_160-gudrun feet . “ [They]_5638-they ’re quite all right , ”_[160-gudrun] rang out [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s sardonic voice . On the left stood a little cluster of Highland cattle , vividly coloured and fleecy in the evening light , [their]_1979-their horns branching into the sky , pushing forward [their]_1979-their muzzles inquisitively , to know what it was all about . [Their]_1979-their eyes glittered through [their]_1979-their tangle of hair , [their]_1979-their naked nostrils were full of shadow . “ Wo n’t [they]_5638-they do anything ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald in fear . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , who was usually frightened of cattle , now shook [her]_160-gudrun head in a queer , half - doubtful , half - sardonic motion , a faint smile round [her]_160-gudrun mouth . “ Do n’t [they]_5638-they look charming , [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in a high , strident voice , something like the scream of a seagull . “ Charming , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald in trepidation . “ But wo n’t [they]_5638-they do anything to [us]_5639-us ? ”_[255-gerald] Again [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked back at [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} with an enigmatic smile , and shook [her]_160-gudrun head . “ [I]_160-gudrun ’m sure [they]_5638-they wo n’t , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , as if [she]_160-gudrun had to convince [herself]_160-gudrun also , and yet , as if [she]_160-gudrun were confident of some secret power in [herself]_160-gudrun , and had to put it to the test . “ Sit down and sing again , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun called in [her]_160-gudrun high , strident voice . “ [I]_255-gerald ’m frightened , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , in a pathetic voice , watching the group of sturdy short cattle , that stood with [their]_1981-them knees planted , and watched with [their]_1981-them dark , wicked eyes , through the matted fringe of [their]_1981-them hair . Nevertheless , [she]_160-gudrun sank down again , in [her]_160-gudrun former posture . “ [They]_1981-them are quite safe , ”_[160-gudrun] came [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s high call . “ Sing something , [you]_255-gerald ’ve only to sing something . ”_[160-gudrun] It was evident [she]_160-gudrun had a strange passion to dance before the sturdy , handsome cattle . [Ursula]_255-gerald began to sing , in a false quavering voice : “ Way down in [Tennessee]_57-tennessee — ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun sounded purely anxious . Nevertheless , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , with [her]_160-gudrun arms outspread and [her]_160-gudrun face uplifted , went in a strange palpitating dance towards the cattle , lifting [her]_160-gudrun body towards [them]_1981-them as if in a spell , [her]_160-gudrun feet pulsing as if in some little frenzy of unconscious sensation , [her]_160-gudrun arms , [her]_160-gudrun wrists , [her]_160-gudrun hands stretching and heaving and falling and reaching and reaching and falling , [her]_160-gudrun breasts lifted and shaken towards the cattle , [her]_160-gudrun throat exposed as in some voluptuous ecstasy towards [them]_1981-them , whilst [she]_160-gudrun drifted imperceptibly nearer , an uncanny white figure , towards [them]_1981-them , carried away in its own rapt trance , ebbing in strange fluctuations upon the cattle , that waited , and ducked [their]_1981-them heads a little in sudden contraction from [her]_160-gudrun , watching all the time as if hypnotised , [their]_1981-them bare horns branching in the clear light , as the white figure of [the woman]_{873-the woman} ebbed upon [them]_1981-them , in the slow , hypnotising convulsion of the dance . [She]_160-gudrun could feel [them]_1981-them just in front of [her]_160-gudrun , it was as if [she]_160-gudrun had the electric pulse from [their]_1981-them breasts running into [her]_160-gudrun hands . Soon [she]_160-gudrun would touch [them]_1981-them , actually touch [them]_1981-them . A terrible shiver of fear and pleasure went through [her]_160-gudrun . And all the while , [Ursula]_255-gerald , spell - bound , kept up [her]_1983-her high - pitched thin , irrelevant song , which pierced the fading evening like an incantation . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun could hear the cattle breathing heavily with helpless fear and fascination . Oh , [they]_1981-them were brave little beasts , these wild Scotch bullocks , wild and fleecy . Suddenly one of [them]_1981-them snorted , ducked its head , and backed . “ [Hue]_277-hue ! Hi - eee ! ”_[1981-them] came a sudden loud shout from the edge of [the grove]_{1962-the grove} . The cattle broke and fell back quite spontaneously , went running up [the hill]_{497-the hill} , [their]_1981-them fleece waving like fire to [their]_1981-them motion . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun stood suspended out on the grass , [Ursula]_255-gerald rose to [her]_1983-her feet . It was [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin come to find [them]_1981-them , and [Gerald]_255-gerald had cried out to frighten off the cattle . “ What do [you]_160-gudrun think [you]_160-gudrun ’re doing ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald now called , in a high , wondering vexed tone . “ Why have [you]_160-gudrun come ? ”_[160-gudrun] came back [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s strident cry of anger . “ What do [you]_160-gudrun think [you]_160-gudrun were doing ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald repeated , automatically . “ [We]_1981-them were doing eurythmics , ”_[255-gerald] laughed [Ursula]_255-gerald , in a shaken voice . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun stood aloof looking at [them]_1981-them with large dark eyes of resentment , suspended for a few moments . Then [she]_160-gudrun walked away up [the hill]_{497-the hill} , after the cattle , which had gathered in a little , spell - bound cluster higher up . “ Where are [you]_160-gudrun going ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald called after [her]_160-gudrun . And [he]_255-gerald followed [her]_160-gudrun up [the hill]_{497-the hill} - side . The sun had gone behind [the hill]_{497-the hill} , and shadows were clinging to the earth , the sky above was full of travelling light . “ A poor song for a dance , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin to [Ursula]_255-gerald , standing before [her]_160-gudrun with a sardonic , flickering laugh on [his]_255-gerald face . And in another second , [he]_255-gerald was singing softly to [himself]_255-gerald , and dancing a grotesque step - dance in front of [her]_160-gudrun , [his]_255-gerald limbs and body shaking loose , [his]_255-gerald face flickering palely , a constant thing , whilst [his]_255-gerald feet beat a rapid mocking tattoo , and [his]_255-gerald body seemed to hang all loose and quaking in between , like a shadow . “ [I]_160-gudrun think [we]_5640-we ’ve all gone mad , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , laughing rather frightened . “ Pity [we]_5640-we are n’t madder , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald answered , as [he]_255-gerald kept up the incessant shaking dance . Then suddenly [he]_255-gerald leaned up to [her]_160-gudrun and kissed [her]_160-gudrun fingers lightly , putting [his]_255-gerald face to [hers]_160-gudrun and looking into [her]_160-gudrun eyes with a pale grin . [She]_160-gudrun stepped back , affronted . “ Offended — ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked ironically , suddenly going quite still and reserved again . “ [I]_255-gerald thought [you]_160-gudrun liked the light fantastic . ”_[255-gerald] “ Not like that , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , confused and bewildered , almost affronted . Yet somewhere inside [her]_160-gudrun [she]_160-gudrun was fascinated by the sight of [his]_255-gerald loose , vibrating body , perfectly abandoned to its own dropping and swinging , and by the pallid , sardonic - smiling face above . Yet automatically [she]_160-gudrun stiffened [herself]_160-gudrun away , and disapproved . It seemed almost an obscenity , in a man who talked as a rule so very seriously . “ Why not like that ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald mocked . And immediately [he]_255-gerald dropped again into the incredibly rapid , slack - waggling dance , watching [her]_160-gudrun malevolently . And moving in the rapid , stationary dance , [he]_255-gerald came a little nearer , and reached forward with an incredibly mocking , satiric gleam on [his]_255-gerald face , and would have kissed [her]_160-gudrun again , had [she]_160-gudrun not started back . “ No , do n’t ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried , really afraid . “ [Cordelia]_278-cordelia after all , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said satirically . [She]_160-gudrun was stung , as if this were an insult . [She]_160-gudrun knew [he]_255-gerald intended it as such , and it bewildered [her]_160-gudrun . “ And [you]_255-gerald , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried in retort , “ why do [you]_255-gerald always take [your]_255-gerald soul in [your]_255-gerald mouth , so frightfully full ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ So that [I]_255-gerald can spit it out the more readily , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , pleased by [his]_255-gerald own retort . [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald , [his]_255-gerald face narrowing to an intent gleam , followed up [the hill]_{497-the hill} with quick strides , straight after [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [The cattle]_{1990-the cattle} stood with [their]_{1990-the cattle} noses together on the brow of a slope , watching the scene below , [the men in white hovering about the white forms of [the women]_{537-the women} , watching above all [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , who was advancing slowly towards [them]_{1990-the cattle}]_{1991-the men in white hovering about the white forms of the women , watching above all gudrun , who was advancing slowly towards them} . [She]_160-gudrun stood a moment , glancing back at [Gerald]_255-gerald , and then at the cattle . Then in a sudden motion , [she]_160-gudrun lifted [her]_160-gudrun arms and rushed sheer upon the long - horned bullocks , in shuddering irregular runs , pausing for a second and looking at [them]_{1990-the cattle} , then lifting [her]_160-gudrun hands and running forward with a flash , till [they]_{1990-the cattle} ceased pawing the ground , and gave way , snorting with terror , lifting [their]_{1990-the cattle} heads from the ground and flinging [themselves]_{1990-the cattle} away , galloping off into the evening , becoming tiny in the distance , and still not stopping . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun remained staring after [them]_{1990-the cattle} , with a mask - like defiant face . “ Why do [you]_160-gudrun want to drive [them]_{1990-the cattle} mad ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald , coming up with [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun took no notice of [him]_255-gerald , only averted [her]_160-gudrun face from [him]_255-gerald . “ It ’s not safe , [you]_160-gudrun know , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald persisted . “ [They]_{1990-the cattle} ’re nasty , when [they]_{1990-the cattle} do turn . ”_[255-gerald] “ Turn where ? Turn away ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun mocked loudly . “ No , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ turn against [you]_160-gudrun . ”_[255-gerald] “ Turn against [me]_160-gudrun ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun mocked . [He]_255-gerald could make nothing of this . “ Anyway , [they]_{1990-the cattle} gored one of [the farmer]_{5641-the farmer} ’s cows to death , the other day , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ What do [I]_160-gudrun care ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [I]_255-gerald cared though , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied , “ seeing that [they]_{1990-the cattle} ’re [my]_255-gerald cattle . ”_[255-gerald] “ How are [they]_{1990-the cattle} [yours]_5642-yours ! [You]_255-gerald have n’t swallowed [them]_{1990-the cattle} . Give [me]_160-gudrun one of them now , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , holding out [her]_160-gudrun hand . “ [You]_160-gudrun know where [they]_{1990-the cattle} are , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , pointing over [the hill]_{497-the hill} . “ [You]_160-gudrun can have one if [you]_160-gudrun ’d like it sent to [you]_160-gudrun later on . ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald inscrutably . “ [You]_255-gerald think [I]_160-gudrun ’m afraid of [you]_255-gerald and [[your]_255-gerald cattle]_{5643-your cattle} , do n’t [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked . [His]_255-gerald eyes narrowed dangerously . There was a faint domineering smile on [his]_255-gerald face . “ Why should [I]_255-gerald think that ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . [She]_160-gudrun was watching [him]_255-gerald all the time with [her]_160-gudrun dark , dilated , inchoate eyes . [She]_160-gudrun leaned forward and swung round [her]_160-gudrun arm , catching [him]_255-gerald a light blow on the face with the back of [her]_160-gudrun hand . “ That ’s why , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , mocking . And [she]_160-gudrun felt in [her]_160-gudrun soul an unconquerable desire for deep violence against [him]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun shut off the fear and dismay that filled [her]_160-gudrun conscious mind . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to do as [she]_160-gudrun did , [she]_160-gudrun was not going to be afraid . [He]_255-gerald recoiled from the slight blow on [his]_255-gerald face . [He]_255-gerald became deadly pale , and a dangerous flame darkened [his]_255-gerald eyes . For some seconds [he]_255-gerald could not speak , [his]_255-gerald lungs were so suffused with blood , [his]_255-gerald heart stretched almost to bursting with a great gush of ungovernable emotion . It was as if some reservoir of black emotion had burst within [him]_255-gerald , and swamped [him]_255-gerald . “ [You]_160-gudrun have struck the first blow , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said at last , forcing the words from [his]_255-gerald lungs , in a voice so soft and low , it sounded like a dream within [her]_160-gudrun , not spoken in the outer air . “ And [I]_160-gudrun shall strike the last , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun retorted involuntarily , with confident assurance . [He]_255-gerald was silent , [he]_255-gerald did not contradict [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun stood negligently , staring away from [him]_255-gerald , into the distance . On the edge of [her]_160-gudrun consciousness the question was asking itself , automatically : “ Why are [you]_255-gerald behaving in this impossible and ridiculous fashion . ”_[160-gudrun] But [she]_160-gudrun was sullen , [she]_160-gudrun half shoved the question out of [herself]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun could not get it clean away , so [she]_160-gudrun felt self - conscious . [Gerald]_255-gerald , very pale , was watching [her]_160-gudrun closely . [His]_255-gerald eyes were lit up with intent lights , absorbed and gleaming . [She]_160-gudrun turned suddenly on [him]_255-gerald . “ It ’s [you]_255-gerald who make [me]_160-gudrun behave like this , [you]_255-gerald know , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , almost suggestive . “ [I]_255-gerald ? How ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . But [she]_160-gudrun turned away , and set off towards [the lake]_{4830-the lake} . Below , on [the water]_{4852-the water} , lanterns were coming alight , faint ghosts of warm flame floating in the pallor of the first twilight . [The earth]_{972-the earth} was spread with darkness , like lacquer , overhead was a pale sky , all primrose , and [the lake]_{4830-the lake} was pale as milk in one part . Away at [the landing stage]_{1998-the landing stage} , tiniest points of coloured rays were stringing themselves in the dusk . [The launch]_{1999-the launch} was being illuminated . All round , shadow was gathering from the trees . [Gerald]_255-gerald , white like a presence in [his]_255-gerald summer clothes , was following down [the open grassy slope]_{2000-the open grassy slope} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun waited for [him]_255-gerald to come up . Then [she]_160-gudrun softly put out [her]_160-gudrun hand and touched [him]_255-gerald , saying softly : “ Do n’t be angry with [me]_160-gudrun . ”_[160-gudrun] A flame flew over [him]_255-gerald , and [he]_255-gerald was unconscious . Yet [he]_255-gerald stammered : “ [I]_255-gerald ’m not angry with [you]_160-gudrun . [I]_255-gerald ’m in love with [you]_160-gudrun . ”_[255-gerald] [His]_255-gerald mind was gone , [he]_255-gerald grasped for sufficient mechanical control , to save [himself]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun laughed a silvery little mockery , yet intolerably caressive . “ That ’s one way of putting it , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . The terrible swooning burden on [his]_255-gerald mind , the awful swooning , the loss of all [his]_255-gerald control , was too much for [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald grasped [her]_160-gudrun arm in [his]_255-gerald one hand , as if [his]_255-gerald hand were iron . “ It ’s all right , then , is it ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , holding [her]_160-gudrun arrested . [She]_160-gudrun looked at the face with the fixed eyes , set before [her]_160-gudrun , and [her]_160-gudrun blood ran cold . “ Yes , it ’s all right , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said softly , as if drugged , [her]_160-gudrun voice crooning and witch - like . [He]_255-gerald walked on beside [her]_160-gudrun , a striding , mindless body . But [he]_255-gerald recovered a little as [he]_255-gerald went . [He]_255-gerald suffered badly . [He]_255-gerald had killed [[his]_255-gerald brother]_{760-his brother} when [a boy]_{764-a boy} , and was set apart , like [Cain]_183-cain . [They]_2003-we found [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald sitting together by [the boats]_{2004-the boats} , talking and laughing . [Birkin]_169-birkin had been teasing [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Do [you]_255-gerald smell this little marsh ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , sniffing the air . [He]_255-gerald was very sensitive to scents , and quick in understanding them . “ It ’s rather nice , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ No , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied , “ alarming . ”_[255-gerald] “ Why alarming ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun laughed . “ It seethes and seethes , [a river of darkness]_{5644-a river of darkness} , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ putting forth lilies and snakes , and the ignis fatuus , and rolling all the time onward . That ’s what [we]_2003-we never take into count — that it rolls onwards . ”_[255-gerald] “ What does ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [The other river]_{5645-the other river} , [the black river]_{5646-the black river} . [We]_2003-we always consider [the silver river of life]_{5647-the silver river of life} , rolling on and quickening [all the world]_{5648-all the world} to a brightness , on and on to [heaven]_619-heaven , flowing into [a bright eternal sea]_{5650-a bright eternal sea} , [a heaven of [angels thronging]_{5652-angels thronging}]_{5651-a heaven of angels thronging} . But the other is [our]_2003-we real reality — ”_[255-gerald] “ But what other ? [I]_255-gerald do n’t see any other , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ It is [your]_255-gerald reality , nevertheless , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said ; “ that dark river of dissolution . [You]_255-gerald see it rolls in [us]_2003-we just as the other rolls — the black river of corruption . And [our]_2003-we flowers are of this — [our]_2003-we sea - born [Aphrodite]_{279-aphrodite} , all [our]_2003-we white phosphorescent flowers of sensuous perfection , all [our]_2003-we reality , nowadays . ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_255-gerald mean that [Aphrodite]_{279-aphrodite} is really deathly ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald mean [she]_{279-aphrodite} is the flowering mystery of the death - process , yes , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ When the stream of synthetic creation lapses , [we]_2003-we find [ourselves]_2003-we part of the inverse process , the blood of destructive creation . [Aphrodite]_{279-aphrodite} is born in the first spasm of universal dissolution — then the snakes and swans and lotus — marsh - flowers — and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald — born in the process of destructive creation . ”_[255-gerald] “ And [you]_255-gerald and [me]_2005-she — ? ”_[2005-she] [she]_2005-she asked . “ Probably , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ In part , certainly . Whether [we]_2003-we are that , in toto , [I]_255-gerald do n’t yet know . ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_255-gerald mean [we]_2003-we are flowers of dissolution — fleurs du mal ? [I]_2005-she do n’t feel as if [I]_2005-she were , ”_[2005-she] [she]_2005-she protested . [He]_255-gerald was silent for a time . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t feel as if [we]_2003-we were , altogether , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ [Some people]_{5582-some people} are pure flowers of dark corruption — lilies . But there ought to be some roses , warm and flamy . [You]_255-gerald know [Herakleitos]_{280-herakleitos} says ‘ a dry soul is best . ’ [I]_255-gerald know so well what that means . Do [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald ’m not sure , ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald replied . “ But what if [people]_579-people are all flowers of dissolution — when [they]_579-people ’re flowers at all — what difference does it make ? ”_[255-gerald] “ No difference — and all the difference . Dissolution rolls on , just as production does , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ It is a progressive process — and it ends in universal nothing — the end of [the world]_{541-the world} , if [you]_255-gerald like . But why is n’t the end of [the world]_{541-the world} as good as the beginning ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald suppose it is n’t , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , rather angry . “ Oh yes , ultimately , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ It means a new cycle of creation after — but not for [us]_2003-we . If it is the end , then [we]_2003-we are of the end — fleurs du mal if [you]_255-gerald like . If [we]_2003-we are [fleurs du mal]_{5657-fleurs du mal} , [we]_2003-we are not roses of happiness , and there [you]_255-gerald are . ”_[255-gerald] “ But [I]_255-gerald think [I]_255-gerald am , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald think [I]_255-gerald am a rose of happiness . ”_[255-gerald] “ Ready - made ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked ironically . “ No — real , ”_[2006-her] [she]_2006-her said , hurt . “ If [we]_2003-we are the end , [we]_2003-we are not the beginning , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Yes [we]_2003-we are , ”_[2006-her] [she]_2006-her said . “ The beginning comes out of the end . ”_[255-gerald] “ After it , not out of it . After [us]_2003-we , not out of [us]_2003-we . ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_255-gerald are [a devil]_{5658-a devil} , [you]_255-gerald know , really , ”_[2006-her] [she]_2006-her said . “ [You]_255-gerald want to destroy [our]_2003-we hope . [You]_255-gerald want [us]_2003-we to be deathly . ”_[2006-her] “ No , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ [I]_255-gerald only want [us]_2003-we to know what [we]_2003-we are . ”_[255-gerald] “ Ha ! ”_[2006-her] [she]_2006-her cried in anger . “ [You]_255-gerald only want [us]_2003-we to know death . ”_[2006-her] “ [You]_255-gerald ’re quite right , ”_[255-gerald] said the soft voice of [Gerald]_255-gerald , out of the dusk behind . [Birkin]_169-birkin rose . [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun came up . [They]_2007-they all began to smoke , in the moments of silence . One after another , [Birkin]_169-birkin lighted [their]_2007-they cigarettes . The match flickered in the twilight , and [they]_2007-they were all smoking peacefully by the water - side . [The lake]_{4830-the lake} was dim , the light dying from off [it]_{4830-the lake} , in the midst of [the dark land]_{2009-the dark land} . The air all round was intangible , neither here nor there , and there was an unreal noise of banjoes , or suchlike music . As the golden swim of light overhead died out , the moon gained brightness , and seemed to begin to smile forth [her]_2006-her ascendancy . [The dark woods]_{2010-the dark woods} on [the opposite shore]_{2011-the opposite shore} melted into universal shadow . And amid this universal under - shadow , there was a scattered intrusion of lights . Far down [the lake]_{4830-the lake} were fantastic pale strings of colour , like beads of wan fire , green and red and yellow . The music came out in a little puff , as the launch , all illuminated , veered into the great shadow , stirring [her]_2006-her outlines of half - living lights , puffing out [her]_2006-her music in little drifts . All were lighting up . Here and there , close against [the faint water]_{2013-the faint water} , and at [the far end of [the lake]_{4830-the lake}]_{2014-the far end of the lake} , where [the water]_{4852-the water} lay milky in the last whiteness of the sky , and there was no shadow , solitary , frail flames of lanterns floated from [the unseen boats]_{2017-the unseen boats} . There was a sound of oars , and [a boat]_{4839-a boat} passed from the pallor into the darkness under the wood , where [her]_2006-her lanterns seemed to kindle into fire , hanging in ruddy lovely globes . And again , in [the lake]_{4830-the lake} , shadowy red gleams hovered in reflection about [the boat]_{1560-the boat} . Everywhere were these noiseless ruddy creatures of fire drifting near the surface of [the water]_{4852-the water} , caught at by the rarest , scarce visible reflections . [Birkin]_169-birkin brought the lanterns from [the bigger boat]_{2022-the bigger boat} , and [the four shadowy white figures]_{2023-the four shadowy white figures} gathered round , to light [them]_{2023-the four shadowy white figures} . [Ursula]_255-gerald held up the first , [Birkin]_169-birkin lowered the light from the rosy , glowing cup of [his]_2006-her hands , into the depths of the lantern . It was kindled , and [they]_{2023-the four shadowy white figures} all stood back to look at the great blue moon of light that hung from [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s hand , casting a strange gleam on [her]_2006-her face . It flickered , and [Birkin]_169-birkin went bending over the well of light . [His]_2006-her face shone out like an apparition , so unconscious , and again , something demoniacal . [Ursula]_255-gerald was dim and veiled , looming over [him]_2006-her . “ That is all right , ”_[2006-her] said [his]_2006-her voice softly . [She]_169-birkin held up the lantern . It had a flight of storks streaming through a turquoise sky of light , over [a dark earth]_{2024-a dark earth} . “ This is beautiful , ”_[169-birkin] [she]_169-birkin said . “ Lovely , ”_[169-birkin] echoed [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , who wanted to hold [one also , and lift it up full of beauty]_{2025-one also , and lift it up full of beauty} . “ Light one for [me]_169-birkin , ”_[169-birkin] [she]_169-birkin said . [Gerald]_255-gerald stood by [her]_169-birkin , incapacitated . [Birkin]_169-birkin lit the lantern [she]_169-birkin held up . [Her]_169-birkin heart beat with anxiety , to see how beautiful it would be . It was primrose yellow , with tall straight flowers growing darkly from their dark leaves , lifting their heads into the primrose day , while butterflies hovered about them , in the pure clear light . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun gave a little cry of excitement , as if pierced with delight . “ Is n’t it beautiful , oh , is n’t it beautiful ! ”_[160-gudrun] [Her]_169-birkin soul was really pierced with beauty , [she]_169-birkin was translated beyond [herself]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald leaned near to [her]_169-birkin , into [her]_169-birkin zone of light , as if to see . [He]_255-gerald came close to [her]_169-birkin , and stood touching [her]_169-birkin , looking with [her]_169-birkin at the primrose - shining globe . And [she]_169-birkin turned [her]_169-birkin face to [his]_255-gerald , that was faintly bright in the light of the lantern , and [they]_2026-they stood together in [one luminous union , close together and ringed round with light]_{2027-one luminous union , close together and ringed round with light} , all the rest excluded . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked away , and went to light [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s second lantern . [It]_2028-it had [a pale ruddy sea - bottom]_{2029-a pale ruddy sea - bottom} , with black crabs and sea - weed moving sinuously under [a transparent sea]_{2030-a transparent sea} , that passed into flamy ruddiness above . “ [You]_169-birkin ’ve got [the heavens above]_{5659-the heavens above} , and [the waters under [the earth]_{972-the earth}]_{5660-the waters under the earth} , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin to [her]_169-birkin . “ Anything but [the earth]_{972-the earth} itself , ”_[169-birkin] [she]_169-birkin laughed , watching [his]_255-gerald live hands that hovered to attend to the light . “ [I]_160-gudrun ’m dying to see what [my]_160-gudrun second one is , ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in a vibrating rather strident voice , that seemed to repel the others from [her]_160-gudrun . [Birkin]_169-birkin went and kindled [it]_2028-it . It was of a lovely deep blue colour , with a red floor , and a great white cuttle - fish flowing in white soft streams all over it . The cuttle - fish had a face that stared straight from the heart of the light , very fixed and coldly intent . “ How truly terrifying ! ”_[160-gudrun] exclaimed [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in a voice of horror . [Gerald]_255-gerald , at [her]_160-gudrun side , gave a low laugh . “ But is n’t it really fearful ! ”_[169-birkin] [she]_169-birkin cried in dismay . Again [he]_255-gerald laughed , and said : “ Change it with [Ursula]_255-gerald , for the crabs . ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was silent for a moment . “ [Ursula]_255-gerald , ”_[169-birkin] [she]_169-birkin said , “ could [you]_255-gerald bear to have this fearful thing ? ”_[169-birkin] “ [I]_255-gerald think the colouring is lovely , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ So do [I]_160-gudrun , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ But could [you]_255-gerald bear to have it swinging to [[your]_255-gerald boat]_{5663-your boat} ? Do n’t [you]_255-gerald want to destroy it at once ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Oh no , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t want to destroy it . ”_[255-gerald] “ Well do [you]_160-gudrun mind having it instead of the crabs ? Are [you]_160-gudrun sure [you]_160-gudrun do n’t mind ? ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun came forward to exchange lanterns . “ No , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , yielding up the crabs and receiving the cuttle - fish . Yet [she]_169-birkin could not help feeling rather resentful at the way in which [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald should assume a right over [her]_169-birkin , a precedence . “ Come then , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [I]_255-gerald ’ll put them on [the boats]_{2004-the boats} . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald and [Ursula]_255-gerald were moving away to [the big boat]_{2031-the big boat} . “ [I]_255-gerald suppose [you]_160-gudrun ’ll row [me]_255-gerald back , [Rupert]_169-birkin , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , out of the pale shadow of the evening . “ Wo n’t [you]_160-gudrun go with [Gudrun]_160-gudrun in [the canoe]_{5633-the canoe} ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ It ’ll be more interesting . ”_[169-birkin] There was a moment ’s pause . [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald stood dimly , with [their]_2032-their swinging lanterns , by [the water]_{4852-the water} ’s edge . [The world]_{541-the world} was all illusive . “ Is that all right ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun to [him]_255-gerald . “ It ’ll suit [me]_255-gerald very well , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ But what about [you]_160-gudrun , and the rowing ? [I]_255-gerald do n’t see why [you]_160-gudrun should pull [me]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ Why not ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [I]_160-gudrun can pull [you]_255-gerald as well as [I]_160-gudrun could pull [Ursula]_255-gerald . ”_[160-gudrun] By [her]_160-gudrun tone [he]_255-gerald could tell [she]_160-gudrun wanted to have [him]_255-gerald in [the boat]_{1560-the boat} to [herself]_160-gudrun , and that [she]_160-gudrun was subtly gratified that [she]_160-gudrun should have power over [them]_2036-them both . [He]_255-gerald gave [himself]_255-gerald , in a strange , electric submission . [She]_160-gudrun handed [him]_255-gerald the lanterns , whilst [she]_160-gudrun went to fix the cane at the end of [the canoe]_{5633-the canoe} . [He]_255-gerald followed after [her]_160-gudrun , and stood with the lanterns dangling against [his]_255-gerald white - flannelled thighs , emphasising the shadow around . “ Kiss [me]_255-gerald before [we]_5666-we go , ”_[255-gerald] came [his]_255-gerald voice softly from out of the shadow above . [She]_160-gudrun stopped [her]_160-gudrun work in real , momentary astonishment . “ But why ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun exclaimed , in pure surprise . “ Why ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald echoed , ironically . And [she]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald fixedly for some moments . Then [she]_160-gudrun leaned forward and kissed [him]_255-gerald , with a slow , luxurious kiss , lingering on the mouth . And then [she]_160-gudrun took the lanterns from [him]_255-gerald , while [he]_255-gerald stood swooning with the perfect fire that burned in all [his]_255-gerald joints . [They]_2038-they lifted [the canoe]_{5633-the canoe} into the water , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun took [her]_160-gudrun place , and [Gerald]_255-gerald pushed off . “ Are [you]_255-gerald sure [you]_255-gerald do n’t hurt [your]_255-gerald hand , doing that ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked , solicitous . “ Because [I]_160-gudrun could have done it perfectly . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t hurt [myself]_255-gerald , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said in a low , soft voice , that caressed [her]_160-gudrun with inexpressible beauty . And [she]_160-gudrun watched [him]_255-gerald as [he]_255-gerald sat near [her]_160-gudrun , very near to [her]_160-gudrun , in the stern of [the canoe]_{5633-the canoe} , [his]_255-gerald legs coming towards [hers]_160-gudrun , [his]_255-gerald feet touching [hers]_160-gudrun . And [she]_160-gudrun paddled softly , lingeringly , longing for [him]_255-gerald to say something meaningful to [her]_160-gudrun . But [he]_255-gerald remained silent . “ [You]_160-gudrun like this , do [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , in a gentle , solicitous voice . [He]_255-gerald laughed shortly . “ There is a space between [us]_2041-we , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , in the same low , unconscious voice , as if something were speaking out of [him]_255-gerald . And [she]_160-gudrun was as if magically aware of [their]_2041-we being balanced in separation , in [the boat]_{1560-the boat} . [She]_160-gudrun swooned with acute comprehension and pleasure . “ But [I]_160-gudrun ’m very near , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said caressively , gaily . “ Yet distant , distant , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . Again [she]_160-gudrun was silent with pleasure , before [she]_160-gudrun answered , speaking with a reedy , thrilled voice : “ Yet [we]_2041-we can not very well change , whilst [we]_2041-we are on [the water]_{4852-the water} . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun caressed [him]_255-gerald subtly and strangely , having [him]_255-gerald completely at [her]_160-gudrun mercy . [A dozen or more boats]_{2043-a dozen or more boats} on [the lake]_{4830-the lake} swung their rosy and moon - like lanterns low on the water , that reflected as from a fire . In the distance , [the steamer]_{2045-the steamer} twanged and thrummed and washed with [her]_160-gudrun faintly - splashing paddles , trailing [her]_160-gudrun strings of coloured lights , and occasionally lighting up the whole scene luridly with an effusion of fireworks , Roman candles and sheafs of stars and other simple effects , illuminating the surface of [the water]_{4852-the water} , and showing [the boats]_{2004-the boats} creeping round , low down . Then the lovely darkness fell again , the lanterns and the little threaded lights glimmered softly , there was a muffled knocking of oars and a waving of music . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun paddled almost imperceptibly . [Gerald]_255-gerald could see , not far ahead , the rich blue and the rose globes of [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s lanterns swaying softly cheek to cheek as [Birkin]_169-birkin rowed , and iridescent , evanescent gleams chasing in the wake . [He]_255-gerald was aware , too , of [his]_255-gerald own delicately coloured lights casting their softness behind [him]_255-gerald . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun rested [her]_160-gudrun paddle and looked round . [The canoe]_{5633-the canoe} lifted with the lightest ebbing of the water . [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s white knees were very near to [her]_160-gudrun . “ Is n’t it beautiful ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said softly , as if reverently . [She]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald , as [he]_255-gerald leaned back against the faint crystal of the lantern - light . [She]_160-gudrun could see [his]_255-gerald face , although it was a pure shadow . But it was a piece of twilight . And [her]_160-gudrun breast was keen with passion for [him]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald was so beautiful in [his]_255-gerald male stillness and mystery . It was a certain pure effluence of maleness , like an aroma from [his]_255-gerald softly , firmly moulded contours , a certain rich perfection of [his]_255-gerald presence , that touched [her]_160-gudrun with an ecstasy , a thrill of pure intoxication . [She]_160-gudrun loved to look at [him]_255-gerald . For the present [she]_160-gudrun did not want to touch [him]_255-gerald , to know the further , satisfying substance of [his]_255-gerald living body . [He]_255-gerald was purely intangible , yet so near . [Her]_160-gudrun hands lay on the paddle like slumber , [she]_160-gudrun only wanted to see [him]_255-gerald , like a crystal shadow , to feel [his]_255-gerald essential presence . “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said vaguely . “ It is very beautiful . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald was listening to the faint near sounds , the dropping of water - drops from the oar - blades , the slight drumming of the lanterns behind [him]_255-gerald , as they rubbed against [one another]_{1500-one another} , the occasional rustling of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s full skirt , an alien land noise . [His]_255-gerald mind was almost submerged , [he]_255-gerald was almost transfused , lapsed out for the first time in [his]_255-gerald life , into the things about [him]_255-gerald . For [he]_255-gerald always kept such a keen attentiveness , concentrated and unyielding in [himself]_255-gerald . Now [he]_255-gerald had let go , imperceptibly [he]_255-gerald was melting into oneness with the whole . It was like pure , perfect sleep , [his]_255-gerald first great sleep of life . [He]_255-gerald had been so insistent , so guarded , all [his]_255-gerald life . But here was sleep , and peace , and perfect lapsing out . “ Shall [I]_160-gudrun row to the landing - stage ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun wistfully . “ Anywhere , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald answered . “ Let it drift . ”_[255-gerald] “ Tell [me]_160-gudrun then , if [we]_5668-we are running into anything , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied , in that very quiet , toneless voice of sheer intimacy . “ The lights will show , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . So they drifted almost motionless , in silence . [He]_255-gerald wanted silence , pure and whole . But [she]_160-gudrun was uneasy yet for some word , for some assurance . “ [Nobody]_912-nobody will miss [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked , anxious for some communication . “ Miss [me]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald echoed . “ No ! Why ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ [I]_160-gudrun wondered if [anybody]_744-anybody would be looking for [you]_255-gerald . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Why should [they]_744-anybody look for [me]_160-gudrun ? ”_[160-gudrun] And then [he]_255-gerald remembered [his]_255-gerald manners . “ But perhaps [you]_160-gudrun want to get back , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , in a changed voice . “ No , [I]_160-gudrun do n’t want to get back , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied . “ No , [I]_255-gerald assure [you]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_255-gerald ’re quite sure it ’s all right for [you]_255-gerald ? ”_{[4745-somebody]} “ Perfectly all right . ”_{[4745-somebody]} And again [they]_2050-they were still . The launch twanged and hooted , [somebody]_{4745-somebody} was singing . Then as if the night smashed , suddenly there was a great shout , a confusion of shouting , warring on the water , then the horrid noise of paddles reversed and churned violently . [Gerald]_255-gerald sat up , and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald in fear . “ [Somebody in the water]_{5671-somebody in the water} , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , angrily , and desperately , looking keenly across the dusk . “ Can [you]_160-gudrun row up ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Where , to the launch ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in nervous panic . “ Yes . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [You]_255-gerald ’ll tell [me]_160-gudrun if [I]_160-gudrun do n’t steer straight , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , in nervous apprehension . “ [You]_160-gudrun keep pretty level , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , and [the canoe]_{5633-the canoe} hastened forward . The shouting and the noise continued , sounding horrid through the dusk , over the surface of [the water]_{4852-the water} . “ Was n’t this bound to happen ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , with heavy hateful irony . But [he]_255-gerald hardly heard , and [she]_160-gudrun glanced over [her]_160-gudrun shoulder to see [her]_160-gudrun way . [The half - dark waters]_{2054-the half - dark waters} were sprinkled with lovely bubbles of swaying lights , [the launch]_{1999-the launch} did not look far off . [She]_160-gudrun was rocking [her]_160-gudrun lights in the early night . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun rowed as hard as [she]_160-gudrun could . But now that it was a serious matter , [she]_160-gudrun seemed uncertain and clumsy in [her]_160-gudrun stroke , it was difficult to paddle swiftly . [She]_160-gudrun glanced at [his]_255-gerald face . [He]_255-gerald was looking fixedly into the darkness , very keen and alert and single in [himself]_255-gerald , instrumental . [Her]_160-gudrun heart sank , [she]_160-gudrun seemed to die a death . “ Of course , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said to [herself]_160-gudrun , “ [nobody]_912-nobody will be drowned . Of course [they]_912-nobody wo n’t . It would be too extravagant and sensational . ”_[160-gudrun] But [her]_160-gudrun heart was cold , because of [his]_255-gerald sharp impersonal face . It was as if [he]_255-gerald belonged naturally to dread and catastrophe , as if [he]_255-gerald were [himself]_255-gerald again . Then there came [a child]_{733-a child} ’s voice , [a girl]_{2057-a girl} ’s high , piercing shriek : “ Di — Di — Di — Di — Oh Di — Oh Di — Oh Di ! ”_{[733-a child]} The blood ran cold in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s veins . “ It ’s [Diana]_188-diana , is it , ”_[255-gerald] muttered [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [The young monkey]_{5673-the young monkey} , [she]_188-diana ’d have to be up to some of [her]_188-diana tricks . ”_[255-gerald] And [he]_255-gerald glanced again at the paddle , [the boat]_{1560-the boat} was not going quickly enough for [him]_255-gerald . It made [Gudrun]_160-gudrun almost helpless at the rowing , this nervous stress . [She]_160-gudrun kept up with all [her]_160-gudrun might . Still the voices were calling and answering . “ Where , where ? There [you]_160-gudrun are — that ’s it . Which ? No — No - o - o. Damn it all , here , here — ”_[2059-boats] [Boats]_2059-boats were hurrying from all directions to the scene , coloured lanterns could be seen waving close to the surface of [the lake]_{4830-the lake} , reflections swaying after [them]_2059-boats in uneven haste . [The steamer]_{2045-the steamer} hooted again , for some unknown reason . [[Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s boat]_{2062-gudrun ’s boat} was travelling quickly , the lanterns were swinging behind [Gerald]_255-gerald . And then again came [the child]_{2063-the child} ’s high , screaming voice , with a note of weeping and impatience in it now : “ Di — Oh Di — Oh Di — Di — ! ”_{[2063-the child]} It was a terrible sound , coming through the obscure air of the evening . “ [You]_160-gudrun ’d be better if [you]_160-gudrun were in bed , [Winnie]_186-winifred , ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald muttered to [himself]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was stooping unlacing [his]_255-gerald shoes , pushing them off with the foot . Then [he]_255-gerald threw [his]_255-gerald soft hat into the bottom of [the boat]_{1560-the boat} . “ [You]_160-gudrun ca n’t go into the water with [your]_160-gudrun hurt hand , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , panting , in a low voice of horror . “ What ? It wo n’t hurt . ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_255-gerald had struggled out of [his]_255-gerald jacket , and had dropped it between [his]_255-gerald feet . [He]_255-gerald sat bare - headed , all in white now . [He]_255-gerald felt the belt at [his]_255-gerald waist . [They]_2065-they were nearing the launch , which stood still big above [them]_2065-they , [her]_160-gudrun myriad lamps making lovely darts , and sinuous running tongues of ugly red and green and yellow light on the lustrous dark water , under the shadow . “ Oh get [her]_160-gudrun out ! Oh Di , [darling]_4727-darling ! Oh get [her]_160-gudrun out ! Oh [Daddy]_281-daddy , Oh [Daddy]_281-daddy ! ”_{[2063-the child]} moaned [the child]_{2063-the child} ’s voice , in distraction . [Somebody]_{4745-somebody} was in [the water]_{4852-the water} , with a life belt . [Two boats]_{2069-two boats} paddled near , [their]_{2069-two boats} lanterns swinging ineffectually , [the boats]_{2004-the boats} nosing round . “ Hi there — Rockley!—hi there ! ”_{[2063-the child]} “ [Mr Gerald]_255-gerald ! ”_{[1907-the captain]} came [the captain]_{1907-the captain} ’s terrified voice . “ [Miss Diana]_188-diana ’s in [the water]_{4852-the water} . ”_{[1907-the captain]} “ [Anybody]_744-anybody gone in for [her]_160-gudrun ? ”_[255-gerald] came [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s sharp voice . “ [Young Doctor Brindell]_{283-young doctor brindell} , [sir]_5461-sir . ”_[255-gerald] “ Where ? ”_{[1907-the captain]} “ Ca n’t see no signs of [them]_{2069-two boats} , [sir]_5461-sir . [Everybody]_{780-everybody} ’s looking , but there ’s nothing so far . ”_[255-gerald] There was a moment ’s ominous pause . “ Where did [she]_160-gudrun go in ? ”_{[1907-the captain]} “ [I]_{1907-the captain} think — about where [that boat]_{5680-that boat} is , ”_{[1907-the captain]} came the uncertain answer , “ that one with red and green lights . ”_{[1907-the captain]} “ Row there , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald quietly to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Get [her]_160-gudrun out , [Gerald]_255-gerald , oh get [her]_160-gudrun out , ”_{[2063-the child]} [the child]_{2063-the child} ’s voice was crying anxiously . [He]_255-gerald took no heed . “ Lean back that way , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , as [he]_255-gerald stood up in [the frail boat]_{2073-the frail boat} . “ [She]_160-gudrun wo n’t upset . ”_[255-gerald] In another moment , [he]_255-gerald had dropped clean down , soft and plumb , into [the water]_{4852-the water} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was swaying violently in [[her]_160-gudrun boat]_{2075-her boat} , the agitated water shook with transient lights , [she]_160-gudrun realised that it was faintly moonlight , and that [he]_255-gerald was gone . So it was possible to be gone . A terrible sense of fatality robbed [her]_160-gudrun of all feeling and thought . [She]_160-gudrun knew [he]_255-gerald was gone out of [the world]_{541-the world} , there was merely [the same world]_{2077-the same world} , and absence , [his]_255-gerald absence . The night seemed large and vacuous . [Lanterns]_284-lanterns swayed here and there , [people]_579-people were talking in an undertone on [the launch]_{1999-the launch} and in [the boats]_{2004-the boats} . [She]_160-gudrun could hear [Winifred]_186-winifred moaning : “ Oh do find [her]_186-winifred [Gerald]_255-gerald , do find [her]_186-winifred , ”_{[186-winifred]} and someone trying to comfort [the child]_{2063-the child} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun paddled aimlessly here and there . The terrible , massive , cold , boundless surface of the water terrified [her]_160-gudrun beyond words . Would [he]_255-gerald never come back ? [She]_160-gudrun felt [she]_160-gudrun must jump into [the water]_{4852-the water} too , to know the horror also . [She]_160-gudrun started , hearing [someone]_2083-someone say : “ There [he]_255-gerald is . ”_{[2083-someone]} [She]_160-gudrun saw the movement of [his]_255-gerald swimming , like a water - rat . And [she]_160-gudrun rowed involuntarily to [him]_255-gerald . But [he]_255-gerald was near [another boat]_{2084-another boat} , a bigger one . Still [she]_160-gudrun rowed towards [him]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun must be very near . [She]_160-gudrun saw [him]_255-gerald — [he]_255-gerald looked like a seal . [He]_255-gerald looked like a seal as [he]_255-gerald took hold of the side of [the boat]_{1560-the boat} . [His]_255-gerald fair hair was washed down on [his]_255-gerald round head , [his]_255-gerald face seemed to glisten suavely . [She]_160-gudrun could hear [him]_255-gerald panting . Then [he]_255-gerald clambered into [the boat]_{1560-the boat} . Oh , and the beauty of the subjection of [his]_255-gerald loins , white and dimly luminous as [he]_255-gerald climbed over the side of [the boat]_{1560-the boat} , made [her]_160-gudrun want to die , to die . The beauty of [his]_255-gerald dim and luminous loins as [he]_255-gerald climbed into [the boat]_{1560-the boat} , [his]_255-gerald back rounded and soft — ah , this was too much for [her]_160-gudrun , too final a vision . [She]_160-gudrun knew it , and it was fatal . The terrible hopelessness of fate , and of beauty , such beauty ! [He]_255-gerald was not like [a man]_{4648-a man} to [her]_160-gudrun , [he]_255-gerald was [an incarnation , a great phase of life]_{2090-an incarnation , a great phase of life} . [She]_160-gudrun saw [him]_255-gerald press the water out of [his]_255-gerald face , and look at the bandage on [his]_255-gerald hand . And [she]_160-gudrun knew it was all no good , and that [she]_160-gudrun would never go beyond [him]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald was the final approximation of life to [her]_160-gudrun . “ Put the lights out , [we]_5681-we shall see better , ”_[255-gerald] came [his]_255-gerald voice , sudden and mechanical and belonging to the world of [man]_1089-man . [She]_160-gudrun could scarcely believe there was a world of [man]_1089-man . [She]_160-gudrun leaned round and blew out [her]_160-gudrun lanterns . They were difficult to blow out . Everywhere the lights were gone save the coloured points on the sides of [the launch]_{1999-the launch} . The bluey - grey , early night spread level around , the moon was overhead , there were shadows of [boats]_2059-boats here and there . Again there was a splash , and [he]_255-gerald was gone under . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun sat , sick at heart , frightened of [the great , level surface of the water]_{2095-the great , level surface of the water} , so heavy and deadly . [She]_160-gudrun was so alone , with the level , unliving field of the water stretching beneath [her]_160-gudrun . It was not a good isolation , it was a terrible , cold separation of suspense . [She]_160-gudrun was suspended upon the surface of the insidious reality until such time as [she]_160-gudrun also should disappear beneath it . Then [she]_160-gudrun knew , by a stirring of voices , that [he]_255-gerald had climbed out again , into [a boat]_{4839-a boat} . [She]_160-gudrun sat wanting connection with [him]_255-gerald . Strenuously [she]_160-gudrun claimed [her]_160-gudrun connection with [him]_255-gerald , across [the invisible space of the water]_{2097-the invisible space of the water} . But round [her]_160-gudrun heart was an isolation unbearable , through which nothing would penetrate . “ Take the launch in . It ’s no use keeping [her]_160-gudrun [there]_629-there . Get lines for the dragging , ”_[160-gudrun] came the decisive , instrumental voice , that was full of the sound of [the world]_{541-the world} . The launch began gradually to beat [the waters]_{4854-the waters} . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald ! [Gerald]_255-gerald ! ”_{[186-winifred]} came the wild crying voice of [Winifred]_186-winifred . [He]_255-gerald did not answer . Slowly [the launch]_{1999-the launch} drifted round in a pathetic , clumsy circle , and slunk away to [the land]_{4893-the land} , retreating into the dimness . The wash of [her]_160-gudrun paddles grew duller . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun rocked in [[her]_160-gudrun light boat]_{2102-her light boat} , and dipped the paddle automatically to steady [herself]_160-gudrun . “ [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ? ”_[255-gerald] called [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s voice . “ [Ursula]_255-gerald ! ”_[255-gerald] [The boats of [the two sisters]_{463-the two sisters}]_{2103-the boats of the two sisters} pulled together . “ Where is [Gerald]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [He]_255-gerald ’s dived again , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald plaintively . “ And [I]_255-gerald know [he]_255-gerald ought not , with [his]_255-gerald hurt hand and everything . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_169-birkin ’ll take [him]_255-gerald in [home]_4649-home this time , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [The boats]_{2004-the boats} swayed again from the wash of [steamer]_2106-steamer . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald kept a look - out for [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ There [he]_255-gerald is ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , who had the sharpest eyes . [He]_255-gerald had not been long under . [Birkin]_169-birkin pulled towards [him]_255-gerald , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun following . [He]_255-gerald swam slowly , and caught hold of [the boat]_{1560-the boat} with [his]_255-gerald wounded hand . [It]_{1560-the boat} slipped , and [he]_255-gerald sank back . “ Why do n’t [you]_255-gerald help [him]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald sharply . [He]_255-gerald came again , and [Birkin]_169-birkin leaned to help [him]_255-gerald in to [the boat]_{1560-the boat} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun again watched [Gerald]_255-gerald climb out of the water , but this time slowly , heavily , with the blind clambering motions of an amphibious beast , clumsy . Again the moon shone with faint luminosity on [his]_255-gerald white wet figure , on the stooping back and the rounded loins . But it looked defeated now , [his]_255-gerald body , it clambered and fell with slow clumsiness . [He]_255-gerald was breathing hoarsely too , like an animal that is suffering . [He]_255-gerald sat slack and motionless in [the boat]_{1560-the boat} , [his]_255-gerald head blunt and blind like a seal ’s , [his]_255-gerald whole appearance inhuman , unknowing . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun shuddered as [she]_160-gudrun mechanically followed [[his]_255-gerald boat]_{2110-his boat} . [Birkin]_169-birkin rowed without speaking to the landing - stage . “ Where are [you]_255-gerald going ? ”_[169-birkin] [Gerald]_255-gerald asked suddenly , as if just waking up . “ [Home]_4649-home , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Oh no ! ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald imperiously . “ [We]_5685-we ca n’t go [home]_4649-home while [they]_5687-they ’re in [the water]_{4852-the water} . Turn back again , [I]_255-gerald ’m going to find [them]_5687-they . ”_[255-gerald] [The women]_{537-the women} were frightened , [his]_255-gerald voice was so imperative and dangerous , almost mad , not to be opposed . “ No ! ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [You]_255-gerald ca n’t . ”_[169-birkin] There was a strange fluid compulsion in [his]_255-gerald voice . [Gerald]_255-gerald was silent in a battle of wills . It was as if [he]_255-gerald would kill [the other man]_{832-the other man} . But [Birkin]_169-birkin rowed evenly and unswerving , with an inhuman inevitability . “ Why should [you]_169-birkin interfere ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , in hate . [Birkin]_169-birkin did not answer . [He]_255-gerald rowed towards [the land]_{4893-the land} . And [Gerald]_255-gerald sat mute , like a dumb beast , panting , [his]_255-gerald teeth chattering , [his]_255-gerald arms inert , [his]_255-gerald head like [a seal]_{2114-a seal} ’s head . [They]_2115-they came to the landing - stage . Wet and naked - looking , [Gerald]_255-gerald climbed up the few steps . There stood [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} , in the night . “ [Father]_185-father ! ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Yes [[my]_255-gerald boy]_{4753-my boy} ? Go [home]_4649-home and get those things off . ”_[255-gerald] “ [We]_2115-they sha n’t save [them]_2115-they , [father]_4673-father , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ There ’s hope yet , [[my]_255-gerald boy]_{4753-my boy} . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald ’m afraid not . There ’s no knowing where [they]_2115-they are . [You]_185-father ca n’t find [them]_2115-they . And there ’s a current , as cold as hell . ”_[255-gerald] “ [We]_2115-they ’ll let the water out , ”_{[646-the father]} said [the father]_{646-the father} . “ Go [home]_4649-home [you]_185-father and look to [yourself]_185-father . See that [he]_{4753-my boy} ’s looked after , [Rupert]_169-birkin , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} added in a neutral voice . “ Well [father]_4673-father , [I]_{646-the father} ’m sorry . [I]_{646-the father} ’m sorry . [I]_{646-the father} ’m afraid it ’s [my]_{646-the father} fault . But it ca n’t be helped ; [I]_{646-the father} ’ve done what [I]_{646-the father} could for the moment . [I]_{646-the father} could go on diving , of course — not much , though — and not much use — ”_{[646-the father]} [He]_{646-the father} moved away barefoot , on the planks of [the platform]_{2118-the platform} . Then [he]_{646-the father} trod on something sharp . “ Of course , [you]_{646-the father} ’ve got no shoes on , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [His]_{646-the father} shoes are here ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun from below . [She]_160-gudrun was making fast [[her]_160-gudrun boat]_{2075-her boat} . [Gerald]_255-gerald waited for [them]_2120-them to be brought to [him]_255-gerald . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun came with [them]_2120-them . [He]_{646-the father} pulled [them]_2120-them on [his]_{646-the father} feet . “ If [you]_160-gudrun once die , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said , “ then when it ’s over , it ’s finished . Why come to life again ? There ’s room under that water there for [thousands]_{5695-thousands} . ”_{[646-the father]} “ Two is enough , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said murmuring . [He]_{646-the father} dragged on [his]_{646-the father} second shoe . [He]_{646-the father} was shivering violently , and [his]_{646-the father} jaw shook as [he]_{646-the father} spoke . “ That ’s true , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said , “ maybe . But it ’s curious how much room there seems , [a whole universe under there]_{5696-a whole universe under there} ; and as cold as hell , [you]_160-gudrun ’re as helpless as if [your]_160-gudrun head was cut off . ”_{[646-the father]} [He]_{646-the father} could scarcely speak , [he]_{646-the father} shook so violently . “ There ’s one thing about [[our]_2121-i family]_{5697-our family} , [you]_160-gudrun know , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} continued . “ Once anything goes wrong , it can never be put right again — not with [us]_2121-i . [I]_{646-the father} ’ve noticed it all [my]_{646-the father} life — [you]_160-gudrun ca n’t put a thing right , once it has gone wrong . ”_{[646-the father]} [They]_2121-i were walking across [the high - road]_{523-the high - road} to [the house]_{468-the house} . “ And do [you]_160-gudrun know , when [you]_160-gudrun are down there , it is so cold , actually , and so endless , so different really from what it is on top , so endless — [you]_160-gudrun wonder how it is so many are alive , why [we]_2121-i ’re up here . Are [you]_160-gudrun going ? [I]_2121-i shall see [you]_160-gudrun again , sha n’t [I]_2121-i ? Good - night , and thank [you]_160-gudrun . Thank [you]_160-gudrun very much ! ”_[2121-i] [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} waited a while , to see if there were any hope . The moon shone clearly overhead , with almost impertinent brightness , the small dark boats clustered on the water , there were voices and subdued shouts . But it was all to no purpose . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went [home]_4649-home when [Birkin]_169-birkin returned . [He]_2126-he was commissioned to open the sluice that let out the water from [the lake]_{4830-the lake} , which was pierced at one end , near [the high - road]_{523-the high - road} , thus serving as a reservoir to supply with water [the distant mines]_{2129-the distant mines} , in case of necessity . “ Come with [me]_2126-he , ”_[2126-he] [he]_2126-he said to [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ and then [I]_2126-he will walk [home]_4649-home with [you]_255-gerald , when [I]_2126-he ’ve done this . ”_[2126-he] [He]_2126-he called at [[the water - keeper]_{2130-the water - keeper} ’s cottage]_{2131-the water - keeper ’s cottage} and took the key of the sluice . [They]_{473-the two girls} went through a little gate from [the high - road]_{523-the high - road} , to [the head of [the water]_{4852-the water}]_{2133-the head of the water} , where was [a great stone basin which received the overflow]_{2135-a great stone basin which received the overflow} , and a flight of stone steps descended into [the depths of the water itself]_{2136-the depths of the water itself} . At the head of [the steps]_{2137-the steps} was the lock of the sluice - gate . The night was silver - grey and perfect , save for the scattered restless sound of voices . The grey sheen of the moonlight caught the stretch of water , [dark boats]_{2138-dark boats} plashed and moved . But [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s mind ceased to be receptive , everything was unimportant and unreal . [Birkin]_169-birkin fixed the iron handle of the sluice , and turned it with a wrench . The cogs began slowly to rise . [He]_2126-he turned and turned , like [a slave]_{2139-a slave} , [his]_2126-he white figure became distinct . [Ursula]_255-gerald looked away . [She]_2140-she could not bear to see [him]_2126-he winding heavily and laboriously , bending and rising mechanically like [a slave , turning the handle]_{2141-a slave , turning the handle} . Then , a real shock to [her]_2140-she , there came a loud splashing of water from out of [the dark , tree - filled hollow beyond [the road]_{502-the road}]_{2142-the dark , tree - filled hollow beyond the road} , a splashing that deepened rapidly to a harsh roar , and then became a heavy , booming noise of a great body of water falling solidly all the time . It occupied the whole of the night , this great steady booming of water , everything was drowned within it , drowned and lost . [Ursula]_255-gerald seemed to have to struggle for [her]_2140-she life . [She]_2140-she put [her]_2140-she hands over [her]_2140-she ears , and looked at the high bland moon . “ Ca n’t [we]_5699-we go now ? ”_[2140-she] [she]_2140-she cried to [Birkin]_169-birkin , who was watching the water on the steps , to see if it would get any lower . It seemed to fascinate [him]_2126-he . [He]_2126-he looked at [her]_2140-she and nodded . [The little dark boats]_{2144-the little dark boats} had moved nearer , [people]_579-people were crowding curiously along the hedge by [the high - road]_{523-the high - road} , to see what was to be seen . [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald went to [the cottage]_{2147-the cottage} with the key , then turned [their]_2148-they backs on [the lake]_{4830-the lake} . [She]_2140-she was in great haste . [She]_2140-she could not bear the terrible crushing boom of the escaping water . “ Do [you]_2126-he think [they]_2148-they are dead ? ”_[2140-she] [she]_2140-she cried in a high voice , to make [herself]_2140-she heard . “ Yes , ”_[2126-he] [he]_2126-he replied . “ Is n’t it horrible ! ”_[2126-he] [He]_2126-he paid no heed . [They]_2148-they walked up [the hill]_{497-the hill} , further and further away from the noise . “ Do [you]_2126-he mind very much ? ”_[2140-she] [she]_2140-she asked [him]_2126-he . “ [I]_2126-he do n’t mind about the dead , ”_[2126-he] [he]_2126-he said , “ once [they]_2148-they are dead . The worst of it is , [they]_2148-they cling on to the living , and wo n’t let go . ”_[2126-he] [She]_2140-she pondered for a time . “ Yes , ”_[2140-she] [she]_2140-she said . “ The fact of death does n’t really seem to matter much , does it ? ”_[2140-she] “ No , ”_[2126-he] [he]_2126-he said . “ What does it matter if [Diana Crich]_{285-diana crich} is alive or dead ? ”_[2126-he] “ Does n’t it ? ”_[2140-she] [she]_2140-she said , shocked . “ No , why should it ? Better [she]_{285-diana crich} were dead — she’ll be much more real . [She]_{285-diana crich} ’ll be positive in death . In life [she]_{285-diana crich} was [a fretting , negated thing]_{5700-a fretting , negated thing} . ”_[2140-she] “ [You]_2126-he are rather horrible , ”_[255-gerald] murmured [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ No ! [I]_255-gerald ’d rather [Diana Crich]_{285-diana crich} were dead . [Her]_{285-diana crich} living somehow , was all wrong . As for [the young man]_{676-the young man} , [poor devil]_{5702-poor devil} — [he’ll]_{676-the young man} find [his]_{676-the young man} way out quickly instead of slowly . Death is all right — nothing better . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yet [you]_2126-he do n’t want to die , ”_[2140-she] [she]_2140-she challenged [him]_2126-he . [He]_2126-he was silent for a time . Then [he]_2126-he said , in a voice that was frightening to [her]_2140-she in its change : “ [I]_2126-he should like to be through with it — [I]_2126-he should like to be through with the death process . ”_[2126-he] “ And are n’t [you]_2126-he ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald nervously . [They]_2151-they walked on for some way in silence , under the trees . Then [he]_2126-he said , slowly , as if afraid : “ There is life which belongs to death , and there is life which is n’t death . [One]_4646-one is tired of the life that belongs to death — [our]_2151-they kind of life . But whether it is finished , God knows . [I]_2126-he want love that is like sleep , like being born again , vulnerable as [a baby that just comes into]_{5704-a baby that just comes into} [the world]_{541-the world} . ”_[2126-he] [Ursula]_255-gerald listened , half attentive , half avoiding what [he]_2126-he said . [She]_2140-she seemed to catch the drift of [his]_2126-he statement , and then [she]_2140-she drew away . [She]_2140-she wanted to hear , but [she]_2140-she did not want to be implicated . [She]_2140-she was reluctant to yield there , where [he]_2126-he wanted [her]_2140-she , to yield as it were [her]_2140-she very identity . “ Why should love be like sleep ? ”_[2140-she] [she]_2140-she asked sadly . “ [I]_2140-she do n’t know . So that it is like death — [I]_2140-she do want to die from this life — and yet it is more than life itself . [One]_4646-one is delivered over like [a naked infant from the womb]_{5707-a naked infant from the womb} , all the old defences and [the old body]_{5708-the old body} gone , and new air around one , that has never been breathed before . ”_[2140-she] [She]_2140-she listened , making out what [he]_2126-he said . [She]_2140-she knew , as well as [he]_2126-he knew , that words themselves do not convey meaning , that they are but a gesture [we]_2152-we make , a dumb show like any other . And [she]_2140-she seemed to feel [his]_2126-he gesture through [her]_2140-she blood , and [she]_2140-she drew back , even though [her]_2140-she desire sent [her]_2140-she forward . “ But , ”_[2140-she] [she]_2140-she said gravely , “ did n’t [you]_2126-he say [you]_2126-he wanted something that was not love — something beyond love ? ”_[2140-she] [He]_2126-he turned in confusion . There was always confusion in speech . Yet it must be spoken . Whichever way [one]_4646-one moved , if [one]_4646-one were to move forwards , [one]_4646-one must break a way through . And to know , to give utterance , was to break a way through the walls of [the prison]_{2156-the prison} as [the infant in labour]_{2157-the infant in labour} strives through the walls of [the womb]_{2158-the womb} . There is no new movement now , without the breaking through of the old body , deliberately , in knowledge , in the struggle to get out . “ [I]_2126-he do n’t want love , ”_[2126-he] [he]_2126-he said . “ [I]_2126-he do n’t want to know [you]_2140-she . [I]_2126-he want to be gone out of [myself]_2126-he , and [you]_2140-she to be lost to [yourself]_2140-she , so [we]_5709-we are found different . [One]_4646-one should n’t talk when [one]_4646-one is tired and wretched . One Hamletises , and it seems a lie . Only believe [me]_2126-he when [I]_2126-he show [you]_2140-she a bit of healthy pride and insouciance . [I]_2126-he hate [myself]_2126-he serious . ”_[2126-he] “ Why should n’t [you]_2126-he be serious ? ”_[2159-she] [she]_2159-she said . [He]_2126-he thought for a minute , then [he]_2126-he said , sulkily : “ [I]_2126-he do n’t know . ”_[2126-he] Then [they]_2160-we walked on in silence , at outs . [He]_2126-he was vague and lost . “ Is n’t it strange , ”_[2159-she] [she]_2159-she said , suddenly putting [her]_2159-she hand on [his]_2126-he arm , with a loving impulse , “ how [we]_2160-we always talk like this ! [I]_2159-she suppose [we]_2160-we do love [each other]_{451-each other} , in some way . ”_[2159-she] “ Oh yes , ”_[2126-he] [he]_2126-he said ; “ too much . ”_[2126-he] [She]_2159-she laughed almost gaily . “ [You]_2126-he ’d have to have it [your]_2126-he own way , would n’t [you]_2126-he ? ”_[2159-she] [she]_2159-she teased . “ [You]_2126-he could never take it on trust . ”_[2159-she] [He]_2126-he changed , laughed softly , and turned and took [her]_2159-she in [his]_2126-he arms , in the middle of [the road]_{502-the road} . “ Yes , ”_[2126-he] [he]_2126-he said softly . And [he]_2126-he kissed [her]_2159-she face and brow , slowly , gently , with a sort of delicate happiness which surprised [her]_2159-she extremely , and to which [she]_2159-she could not respond . [They]_2162-they were soft , blind kisses , perfect in their stillness . Yet [she]_2159-she held back from [them]_2162-they . It was like strange moths , very soft and silent , settling on [her]_2159-she from the darkness of [her]_2159-she soul . [She]_2159-she was uneasy . [She]_2159-she drew away . “ Is n’t [somebody]_{4745-somebody} coming ? ”_[2159-she] [she]_2159-she said . So [they]_2163-they looked down [the dark road]_{2164-the dark road} , then set off again walking towards [Beldover]_1-beldover . Then suddenly , to show [him]_2126-he [she]_2159-she was [no shallow prude]_{2165-no shallow prude} , [she]_2159-she stopped and held [him]_2126-he tight , hard against [her]_2159-she , and covered [his]_2126-he face with hard , fierce kisses of passion . In spite of [his]_2126-he otherness , the old blood beat up in [him]_2126-he . “ Not this , not this , ”_[2126-he] [he]_2126-he whimpered to [himself]_2126-he , as the first perfect mood of softness and sleep - loveliness ebbed back away from the rushing of passion that came up to [his]_2126-he limbs and over [his]_2126-he face as [she]_2159-she drew [him]_2126-he . And soon [he]_2126-he was a perfect hard flame of passionate desire for [her]_2159-she . Yet in the small core of the flame was an unyielding anguish of another thing . But this also was lost ; [he]_2126-he only wanted [her]_2159-she , with an extreme desire that seemed inevitable as death , beyond question . Then , satisfied and shattered , fulfilled and destroyed , [he]_2126-he went home away from [her]_2159-she , drifting vaguely through the darkness , lapsed into the old fire of burning passion . Far away , far away , there seemed to be a small lament in the darkness . But what did it matter ? What did it matter , what did anything matter save this ultimate and triumphant experience of physical passion , that had blazed up anew like a new spell of life . “ [I]_2126-he was becoming quite dead - alive , nothing but a word - bag , ”_[2126-he] [he]_2126-he said in triumph , scorning [[his]_2126-he other self]_{2166-his other self} . Yet somewhere far off and small , the other hovered . [The men]_{727-the men} were still dragging [the lake]_{4830-the lake} when [he]_2126-he got back . [He]_2126-he stood on [the bank]_{1564-the bank} and heard [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s voice . The water was still booming in the night , the moon was fair , [the hills beyond]_{2170-the hills beyond} were elusive . [The lake]_{4830-the lake} was sinking . There came the raw smell of [the banks]_{1342-the banks} , in the night air . Up at Shortlands there were lights in the windows , as if [nobody]_912-nobody had gone to bed . On the landing - stage was [the old doctor]_{2174-the old doctor} , [the father of [the young man who was lost]_{2176-the young man who was lost}]_{2175-the father of the young man who was lost} . [He]_{2174-the old doctor} stood quite silent , waiting . [Birkin]_169-birkin also stood and watched , [Gerald]_255-gerald came up in [a boat]_{4839-a boat} . “ [You]_2126-he still here , [Rupert]_169-birkin ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [We]_{727-the men} ca n’t get [them]_5714-them . The bottom slopes , [you]_169-birkin know , very steep . [The water]_{4852-the water} lies between [two very sharp slopes]_{5716-two very sharp slopes} , with [little branch valleys]_{5717-little branch valleys} , and [God]_167-god knows where the drift will take [you]_169-birkin . [It]_{4852-the water} is n’t as if it was [a level bottom]_{5718-a level bottom} . [You]_169-birkin never know where [you]_169-birkin are , with the dragging . ”_[255-gerald] “ Is there any need for [you]_169-birkin to be working ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Would n’t it be much better if [you]_169-birkin went to bed ? ”_[169-birkin] “ To bed ! [Good God]_167-god , do [you]_169-birkin think [I]_255-gerald should sleep ? [We]_5719-we ’ll find [’em]_5720-’em , before [I]_255-gerald go away from [here]_4650-here . ”_[255-gerald] “ But [the men]_{727-the men} would find [them]_5720-’em just the same without [you]_169-birkin — why should [you]_169-birkin insist ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald looked up at [him]_255-gerald . Then [he]_255-gerald put [his]_255-gerald hand affectionately on [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s shoulder , saying : “ Do n’t [you]_169-birkin bother about [me]_255-gerald , [Rupert]_169-birkin . If there ’s [anybody]_744-anybody ’s health to think about , it ’s [yours]_169-birkin , not [mine]_255-gerald . How do [you]_169-birkin feel [yourself]_169-birkin ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Very well . But [you]_169-birkin , [you]_169-birkin spoil [your]_169-birkin own chance of life — [you]_169-birkin waste [your]_169-birkin best self . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald was silent for a moment . Then [he]_255-gerald said : “ Waste it ? What else is there to do with it ? ”_[255-gerald] “ But leave this , wo n’t [you]_169-birkin ? [You]_169-birkin force [yourself]_169-birkin into horrors , and put a mill - stone of beastly memories round [your]_169-birkin neck . Come away now . ”_[255-gerald] “ A mill - stone of beastly memories ! ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald repeated . Then [he]_255-gerald put [his]_255-gerald hand again affectionately on [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s shoulder . “ [God]_167-god , [you]_169-birkin ’ve got such a telling way of putting things , [Rupert]_169-birkin , [you]_169-birkin have . ”_[255-gerald] [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s heart sank . [He]_2178-he was irritated and weary of having a telling way of putting things . “ Wo n’t [you]_169-birkin leave it ? Come over to [[my]_2178-he place”—he]_{5724-my place”—he[2178-he]} urged as one urges [a drunken man]_{2179-a drunken man} . “ No , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald coaxingly , [his]_255-gerald arm across [the other man]_{832-the other man} ’s shoulder . “ Thanks very much , [Rupert]_169-birkin — [I]_255-gerald shall be glad to come tomorrow , if that ’ll do . [You]_169-birkin understand , do n’t [you]_169-birkin ? [I]_255-gerald want to see this job through . But [I]_255-gerald ’ll come tomorrow , right enough . Oh , [I]_255-gerald ’d rather come and have a chat with [you]_169-birkin than — than do anything else , [I]_255-gerald verily believe . Yes , [I]_255-gerald would . [You]_169-birkin mean a lot to [me]_255-gerald , [Rupert]_169-birkin , more than [you]_169-birkin know . ”_[255-gerald] “ What do [I]_169-birkin mean , more than [I]_169-birkin know ? ”_[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]_169-birkin irritably . [He]_2181-he was acutely aware of [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s hand on [his]_2181-he shoulder . And [he]_2181-he did not want this altercation . [He]_2181-he wanted [the other man]_{832-the other man} to come out of the ugly misery . “ [I]_255-gerald ’ll tell [you]_169-birkin another time , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald coaxingly . “ Come along with [me]_169-birkin now — [I]_169-birkin want [you]_169-birkin to come , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . There was a pause , intense and real . [Birkin]_169-birkin wondered why [his]_2181-he own heart beat so heavily . Then [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s fingers gripped hard and communicative into [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s shoulder , as [he]_255-gerald said : “ No , [I]_255-gerald ’ll see this job through , [Rupert]_169-birkin . Thank [you]_169-birkin — [I]_255-gerald know what [you]_169-birkin mean . [We]_5725-we ’re all right , [you]_169-birkin know , [you]_169-birkin and [me]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_169-birkin may be all right , but [I]_169-birkin ’m sure [you]_169-birkin ’re not , mucking about here , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . And [he]_255-gerald went away . The bodies of the dead were not recovered till towards dawn . [Diana]_{285-diana crich} had [her]_{285-diana crich} arms tight round the neck of [the young man]_{676-the young man} , choking [him]_{676-the young man} . “ [She]_{285-diana crich} killed [him]_{676-the young man} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . The moon sloped down the sky and sank at last . [The lake]_{4830-the lake} was sunk to quarter size , [it]_{4830-the lake} had horrible raw banks of clay , that smelled of raw rottenish water . Dawn roused faintly behind [the eastern hill]_{2185-the eastern hill} . The water still boomed through the sluice . As the birds were whistling for the first morning , and [the hills at the back of [the desolate lake]_{2187-the desolate lake}]_{2186-the hills at the back of the desolate lake} stood radiant with the new mists , there was a straggling procession up to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands , [men bearing the bodies on a stretcher]_{2188-men bearing the bodies on a stretcher} , [Gerald]_255-gerald going beside [them]_{2188-men bearing the bodies on a stretcher} , [the two grey - bearded fathers]_{2189-the two grey - bearded fathers} following in silence . [Indoors]_286-indoors [the family]_{722-the family} was all sitting up , waiting . [Somebody]_{4745-somebody} must go to tell [the mother]_{565-the mother} , in [[her]_{565-the mother} room]_{5117-her room} . [The doctor in secret]_{2194-the doctor in secret} struggled to bring back [[his]_{2194-the doctor in secret} son]_{2195-his son} , till [he]_{2194-the doctor in secret} [himself]_{2194-the doctor in secret} was exhausted . Over all [the outlying district]_{2196-the outlying district} was a hush of dreadful excitement on that Sunday morning . [The colliery people]_{2197-the colliery people} felt as if this catastrophe had happened directly to [themselves]_{2197-the colliery people} , indeed [they]_{2197-the colliery people} were more shocked and frightened than if [[their]_{2197-the colliery people} own men]_{2198-their own men} had been killed . Such a tragedy in [Shortlands]_7-shortlands , [the high home of [the district]_{529-the district}]_{2199-the high home of the district} ! [One of [the young mistresses]_{2202-the young mistresses} , persisting in dancing on [the cabin roof of [the launch]_{1999-the launch}]_{2203-the cabin roof of the launch}]_{2201-one of the young mistresses , persisting in dancing on the cabin roof of the launch} , [wilful young madam]_{2205-wilful young madam} , drowned in the midst of the festival , with [the young doctor]_{2206-the young doctor} ! Everywhere on the Sunday morning , [the colliers]_{4675-the colliers} wandered about , discussing the calamity . At all the Sunday dinners of [the people]_{4677-the people} , there seemed a strange presence . It was as if [the angel of death]_{2209-the angel of death} were very near , there was a sense of the supernatural in the air . [The men]_{727-the men} had excited , startled faces , [the women]_{537-the women} looked solemn , some of [them]_{537-the women} had been crying . [The children]_{4705-the children} enjoyed the excitement at first . There was an intensity in the air , almost magical . Did all enjoy it ? Did [all]_1541-all enjoy the thrill ? [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had wild ideas of rushing to comfort [Gerald]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun was thinking all the time of the perfect comforting , reassuring thing to say to [him]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun was shocked and frightened , but [she]_160-gudrun put that away , thinking of how [she]_160-gudrun should deport [herself]_160-gudrun with [Gerald]_255-gerald : act [her]_160-gudrun part . That was the real thrill : how [she]_160-gudrun should act [her]_160-gudrun part . [Ursula]_255-gerald was deeply and passionately in love with [Birkin]_169-birkin , and [she]_160-gudrun was capable of nothing . [She]_160-gudrun was perfectly callous about all the talk of the accident , but [her]_160-gudrun estranged air looked like trouble . [She]_160-gudrun merely sat by [herself]_160-gudrun , whenever [she]_160-gudrun could , and longed to see [him]_255-gerald again . [She]_160-gudrun wanted [him]_255-gerald to come to [the house,—she]_{2214-the house,—she} would not have it otherwise , [he]_255-gerald must come at once . [She]_160-gudrun was waiting for [him]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun stayed [indoors]_1712-indoors all day , waiting for [him]_255-gerald to knock at the door . Every minute , [she]_160-gudrun glanced automatically at the window . [He]_255-gerald would be [there]_629-there . As the day wore on , the life - blood seemed to ebb away from [Ursula]_255-gerald , and within the emptiness a heavy despair gathered . [Her]_160-gudrun passion seemed to bleed to death , and there was nothing . [She]_160-gudrun sat suspended in a state of complete nullity , harder to bear than death . “ Unless something happens , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said to [herself]_160-gudrun , in the perfect lucidity of final suffering , “ [I]_160-gudrun shall die . [I]_160-gudrun am at the end of [my]_160-gudrun line of life . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun sat crushed and obliterated in a darkness that was the border of death . [She]_160-gudrun realised how all [her]_160-gudrun life [she]_160-gudrun had been drawing nearer and nearer to [this brink]_{2217-this brink} , where there was no beyond , from which one had to leap like [Sappho]_287-sappho into the unknown . The knowledge of the imminence of death was like a drug . [Darkly]_288-darkly , without thinking at all , [she]_160-gudrun knew that [she]_160-gudrun was near to death . [She]_160-gudrun had travelled all [her]_160-gudrun life along the line of fulfilment , and it was nearly concluded . [She]_160-gudrun knew all [she]_160-gudrun had to know , [she]_160-gudrun had experienced all [she]_160-gudrun had to experience , [she]_160-gudrun was fulfilled in a kind of bitter ripeness , there remained only to fall from the tree into death . And [one]_4646-one must fulfil [one]_4646-one ’s development to the end , must carry the adventure to its conclusion . And the next step was over the border into death . So it was then ! There was a certain peace in the knowledge . After all , when [one]_4646-one was fulfilled , [one]_4646-one was happiest in falling into death , as a bitter fruit plunges in its ripeness downwards . Death is a great consummation , a consummating experience . It is a development from life . That [we]_2222-we know , while [we]_2222-we are yet living . What then need [we]_2222-we think for further ? [One]_4646-one can never see beyond the consummation . It is enough that death is a great and conclusive experience . Why should [we]_2222-we ask what comes after the experience , when the experience is still unknown to [us]_2222-we ? Let [us]_2222-we die , since the great experience is the one that follows now upon all the rest , death , which is the next great crisis in front of which [we]_2222-we have arrived . If [we]_2222-we wait , if [we]_2222-we baulk the issue , [we]_2222-we do but hang about the gates in undignified uneasiness . There it is , in front of [us]_2222-we , as in front of [Sappho]_287-sappho , [the illimitable space]_{2223-the illimitable space} . Thereinto goes the journey . Have [we]_2222-we not the courage to go on with [our]_2222-we journey , must [we]_2222-we cry ‘ [I]_0-i dare n’t ’ ? On ahead [we]_2222-we will go , into death , and whatever death may mean . If [a man]_{4648-a man} can see the next step to be taken , why should [he]_{4648-a man} fear [the next but one]_{2225-the next but one} ? Why ask about [the next but one]_{2225-the next but one} ? Of the next step [we]_2222-we are certain . It is the step into death . “ [I]_255-gerald shall die — [I]_255-gerald shall quickly die , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald to [herself]_255-gerald , clear as if in a trance , clear , calm , and certain beyond human certainty . But somewhere behind , in the twilight , there was a bitter weeping and a hopelessness . That must not be attended to . [One]_4646-one must go where the unfaltering spirit goes , there must be no baulking the issue , because of fear . No baulking the issue , no listening to the lesser voices . If the deepest desire be now , to go on into the unknown of death , shall one forfeit the deepest truth for one more shallow ? “ Then let it end , ”_[2228-she] [she]_2228-she said to [herself]_2228-she . It was a decision . It was not a question of taking [one]_4646-one ’s life — [she]_4646-one would never kill [herself]_4646-one , that was repulsive and violent . It was a question of knowing the nextcstep . And the next step led into the space of death . Did it?—or was there — ? [Her]_2228-she thoughts drifted into unconsciousness , [she]_2228-she sat as if asleep beside the fire . And then the thought came back . The space of death ! Could [she]_2228-she give [herself]_2228-she to it ? Ah yes — it was a sleep . [She]_2228-she had had enough . So long [she]_2228-she had held out ; and resisted . Now was the time to relinquish , not to resist any more . In a kind of spiritual trance , [she]_2228-she yielded , [she]_2228-she gave way , and all was dark . [She]_2228-she could feel , within the darkness , the terrible assertion of [her]_2228-she body , the unutterable anguish of dissolution , the only anguish that is too much , the far - off , awful nausea of dissolution set in within the body . “ Does the body correspond so immediately with the spirit ? ”_[2228-she] [she]_2228-she asked [herself]_2228-she . And [she]_2228-she knew , with the clarity of ultimate knowledge , that the body is only one of the manifestations of the spirit , the transmutation of the integral spirit is the transmutation of the physical body as well . Unless [I]_0-i set [my]_0-i will , unless [I]_0-i absolve [myself]_0-i from the rhythm of life , fix [myself]_0-i and remain static , cut off from living , absolved within [my]_0-i own will . But better die than live mechanically a life that is a repetition of repetitions . To die is to move on with the invisible . To die is also a joy , a joy of submitting to that which is greater than the known , namely , the pure unknown . That is a joy . But to live mechanised and cut off within the motion of the will , to live as [an entity absolved from the unknown]_{2230-an entity absolved from the unknown} , that is shameful and ignominious . There is no ignominy in death . There is complete ignominy in an unreplenished , mechanised life . Life indeed may be ignominious , shameful to the soul . But death is never a shame . Death itself , like the illimitable space , is beyond [our]_2231-our sullying . Tomorrow was Monday . Monday , the beginning of another school - week ! Another shameful , barren school - week , mere routine and mechanical activity . Was not the adventure of death infinitely preferable ? Was not death infinitely more lovely and noble than such a life ? A life of barren routine , without inner meaning , without any real significance . How sordid life was , how it was a terrible shame to the soul , to live now ! How much cleaner and more dignified to be dead ! One could not bear any more of this shame of sordid routine and mechanical nullity . One might come to fruit in death . [She]_2228-she had had enough . For where was life to be found ? No flowers grow upon [busy machinery]_{2232-busy machinery} , there is no sky to a routine , there is no space to a rotary motion . And all life was a rotary motion , mechanised , cut off from reality . There was nothing to look for from life — it was the same in [all countries]_{2233-all countries} and [all peoples]_{2234-all peoples} . The only window was death . [One]_4646-one could look out on to [the great dark sky of death]_{2236-the great dark sky of death} with elation , as [one]_4646-one had looked out of the classroom window as [a child]_{733-a child} , and seen perfect freedom in the outside . Now [one]_4646-one was not [a child]_{733-a child} , and [one]_4646-one knew that the soul was a prisoner within this sordid vast edifice of life , and there was no escape , save in death . But what a joy ! What a gladness to think that whatever [humanity]_987-humanity did , it could not seize hold of the kingdom of death , to nullify that . [The sea]_{2243-the sea} [they]_2244-they turned into [a murderous alley]_{2245-a murderous alley} and [a soiled road of commerce]_{2246-a soiled road of commerce} , disputed like [the dirty land of [a city]_{2248-a city} every inch of [it]_{2243-the sea}]_{2247-the dirty land of a city every inch of it} . The air [they]_2244-they claimed too , shared it up , parcelled it out to [certain owners]_{2249-certain owners} , [they]_2244-they trespassed in the air to fight for it . Everything was gone , walled in , with spikes on top of the walls , and [one]_4646-one must ignominiously creep between the spiky walls through a labyrinth of life . But [the great , dark , illimitable kingdom of death]_{2251-the great , dark , illimitable kingdom of death} , there [humanity]_987-humanity was put to scorn . So much [they]_987-humanity could do upon [earth]_571-earth , [the multifarious little gods that [they]_987-humanity were]_{2254-the multifarious little gods that they were} . But [the kingdom of death]_{2255-the kingdom of death} put [them]_987-humanity all to scorn , [they]_987-humanity dwindled into [their]_987-humanity true vulgar silliness in face of it . How beautiful , how grand and perfect death was , how good to look forward to . There one would wash off all the lies and ignominy and dirt that had been put upon one here , a perfect bath of cleanness and glad refreshment , and go unknown , unquestioned , unabased . After all , [one]_4646-one was rich , if only in the promise of perfect death . It was a gladness above all , that this remained to look forward to , the pure inhuman otherness of death . Whatever life might be , it could not take away death , the inhuman transcendent death . Oh , let [us]_2257-we ask no question of it , what it is or is not . To know is human , and in death [we]_2257-we do not know , [we]_2257-we are not human . And the joy of this compensates for all the bitterness of knowledge and the sordidness of [our]_2257-we humanity . In death [we]_2257-we shall not be human , and [we]_2257-we shall not know . The promise of this is [our]_2257-we heritage , [we]_2257-we look forward like [heirs]_2258-heirs to [[their]_987-humanity majority]_{2259-their majority} . [Ursula]_255-gerald sat quite still and quite forgotten , alone by the fire in [the drawing - room]_{5183-the drawing - room} . [The children]_{4705-the children} were playing in [the kitchen]_{1588-the kitchen} , [all the others]_{5306-all the others} were gone to [church]_1240-church . And [she]_2265-she was gone into the ultimate darkness of [her]_2265-she own soul . [She]_2265-she was startled by hearing the bell ring , away in [the kitchen]_{1588-the kitchen} , [the children]_{4705-the children} came scudding along [the passage]_{5006-the passage} in delicious alarm . “ [Ursula]_255-gerald , there ’s [somebody]_{4745-somebody} . ”_{[4705-the children]} “ [I]_2265-she know . Do n’t be silly , ”_[2265-she] [she]_2265-she replied . [She]_2265-she too was startled , almost frightened . [She]_2265-she dared hardly go to the door . [Birkin]_169-birkin stood on the threshold , [his]_2269-he rain - coat turned up to [his]_2269-he ears . [He]_2269-he had come now , now [she]_2265-she was gone far away . [She]_2265-she was aware of the rainy night behind [him]_2269-he . “ Oh is it [you]_2269-he ? ”_[2265-she] [she]_2265-she said . “ [I]_2269-he am glad [you]_2265-she are at [home]_4649-home , ”_[2269-he] [he]_2269-he said in a low voice , entering [the house]_{468-the house} . “ [They]_{4705-the children} are all gone to [church]_1240-church . ”_[2269-he] [He]_2269-he took off [his]_2269-he coat and hung it up . [The children]_{4705-the children} were peeping at [him]_2269-he round the corner . “ Go and get undressed now , [Billy]_289-brangwen and [Dora]_290-dora , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [Mother]_187-mother will be back soon , and [she]_187-mother ’ll be disappointed if [you]_2269-he ’re not in bed . ”_{[4705-the children]} [The children]_{4705-the children} , in a sudden angelic mood , retired without a word . [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald went into [the drawing - room]_{5183-the drawing - room} . The fire burned low . [He]_2269-he looked at [her]_2274-her and wondered at the luminous delicacy of [her]_2274-her beauty , and the wide shining of [her]_2274-her eyes . [He]_2269-he watched from a distance , with wonder in [his]_2269-he heart , [she]_2274-her seemed transfigured with light . “ What have [you]_2274-her been doing all day ? ”_[2269-he] [he]_2269-he asked [her]_2274-her . “ Only sitting about , ”_[2274-her] [she]_2274-her said . [He]_2269-he looked at [her]_2274-her . There was a change in [her]_2274-her . But [she]_2274-her was separate from [him]_2269-he . [She]_2274-her remained apart , in a kind of brightness . [They]_2275-they both sat silent in the soft light of the lamp . [He]_2269-he felt [he]_2269-he ought to go away again , [he]_2269-he ought not to have come . Still [he]_2269-he did not gather enough resolution to move . But [he]_2269-he was de trop , [her]_2274-her mood was absent and separate . Then there came the voices of [the two children]_{2276-the two children} calling shyly outside the door , softly , with self - excited timidity : “ [Ursula]_255-gerald ! [Ursula]_255-gerald ! ”_{[2276-the two children]} [She]_2274-her rose and opened the door . On the threshold stood [the two children]_{2276-the two children} in [their]_{2276-the two children} long nightgowns , with wide - eyed , angelic faces . [They]_{2276-the two children} were being very good for the moment , playing the rôle perfectly of [two obedient children]_{2278-two obedient children} . “ Shall [you]_2274-her take [us]_{2276-the two children} to bed ! ”_{[289-brangwen]} said [Billy]_289-brangwen , in a loud whisper . “ Why [you]_2269-he are [angels]_5729-angels tonight , ”_[2274-her] [she]_2274-her said softly . “ Wo n’t [you]_2269-he come and say good - night to [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin ? ”_[2274-her] [The children]_{4705-the children} merged shyly into [the room]_{739-the room} , on bare feet . [Billy]_289-brangwen ’s face was wide and grinning , but there was a great solemnity of being good in [his]_289-brangwen round blue eyes . [Dora]_290-dora , peeping from the floss of [her]_290-dora fair hair , hung back like some tiny Dryad , that has no soul . “ Will [you]_2269-he say good - night to [me]_169-birkin ? ”_[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]_169-birkin , in a voice that was strangely soft and smooth . [Dora]_290-dora drifted away at once , like a leaf lifted on a breath of wind . But [Billy]_289-brangwen went softly forward , slow and willing , lifting [his]_289-brangwen pinched - up mouth implicitly to be kissed . [Ursula]_255-gerald watched the full , gathered lips of [the man]_{4658-the man} gently touch those of [the boy]_{2282-the boy} , so gently . Then [Birkin]_169-birkin lifted [his]_{4658-the man} fingers and touched [the boy]_{2282-the boy} ’s round , confiding cheek , with a faint touch of love . [Neither]_2284-neither spoke . [Billy]_289-brangwen seemed angelic like [a cherub boy]_{2285-a cherub boy} , or like [an acolyte]_{2286-an acolyte} , [Birkin]_169-birkin was [a tall , grave angel]_{2287-a tall , grave angel} looking down to [him]_289-brangwen . “ Are [you]_289-brangwen going to be kissed ? ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald broke in , speaking to [the little girl]_{2288-the little girl} . But [Dora]_290-dora edged away like [a tiny Dryad that will not be touched]_{2289-a tiny dryad that will not be touched} . “ Wo n’t [you]_289-brangwen say good - night to [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin ? Go , [he]_289-brangwen ’s waiting for [you]_289-brangwen , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . But [the girl - child]_{2290-the girl - child} only made a little motion away from [him]_289-brangwen . “ [Silly Dora]_290-dora , [silly Dora]_290-dora ! ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin felt some mistrust and antagonism in [the small child]_{2291-the small child} . [He]_289-brangwen could not understand it . “ Come then , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Let [us]_5730-us go before [mother]_4695-mother comes . ”_[255-gerald] “ Who ’ll hear [us]_5730-us say [our]_5730-us prayers ? ”_{[289-brangwen]} asked [Billy]_289-brangwen anxiously . “ Whom [you]_255-gerald like . ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ Wo n’t [you]_289-brangwen ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , [I]_255-gerald will . ”_[255-gerald] “ [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ Well [Billy]_289-brangwen ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Is it whom [you]_289-brangwen like ? ”_[255-gerald] “ That ’s it . ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ Well what is whom ? ”_[255-gerald] “ It ’s the accusative of who . ”_[255-gerald] There was a moment ’s contemplative silence , then the confiding : “ Is it ? ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin smiled to [himself]_169-birkin as [he]_289-brangwen sat by the fire . When [Ursula]_255-gerald came down [he]_289-brangwen sat motionless , with [his]_289-brangwen arms on [his]_289-brangwen knees . [She]_2292-you saw [him]_289-brangwen , how [he]_289-brangwen was motionless and ageless , like [some crouching idol , some image of a deathly religion]_{2293-some crouching idol , some image of a deathly religion} . [He]_289-brangwen looked round at [her]_2292-you , and [his]_289-brangwen face , very pale and unreal , seemed to gleam with a whiteness almost phosphorescent . “ Do n’t [you]_289-brangwen feel well ? ”_[2292-you] [she]_2292-you asked , in indefinable repulsion . “ [I]_2292-you had n’t thought about it . ”_[2292-you] “ But do n’t [you]_2292-you know without thinking about it ? ”_{[289-brangwen]} [He]_289-brangwen looked at [her]_2292-you , [his]_289-brangwen eyes dark and swift , and [he]_289-brangwen saw [her]_2292-you revulsion . [He]_289-brangwen did not answer [her]_2292-you question . “ Do n’t [you]_289-brangwen know whether [you]_289-brangwen are unwell or not , without thinking about it ? ”_[2292-you] [she]_2292-you persisted . “ Not always , ”_{[289-brangwen]} [he]_289-brangwen said coldly . “ But do n’t [you]_2292-you think that ’s very wicked ? ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ Wicked ? ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ Yes . [I]_289-brangwen think it ’s criminal to have so little connection with [your]_289-brangwen own body that [you]_289-brangwen do n’t even know when [you]_289-brangwen are ill . ”_{[289-brangwen]} [He]_289-brangwen looked at [her]_2292-you darkly . “ Yes , ”_{[289-brangwen]} [he]_289-brangwen said . “ Why do n’t [you]_2292-you stay in bed when [you]_2292-you are seedy ? [You]_2292-you look perfectly ghastly . ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ Offensively so ? ”_{[289-brangwen]} [he]_289-brangwen asked ironically . “ Yes , quite offensive . Quite repelling . ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ Ah ! ! Well that ’s unfortunate . ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ And it ’s raining , and it ’s a horrible night . Really , [you]_2292-you should n’t be forgiven for treating [your]_2292-you body like it — [you]_2292-you ought to suffer , [a man who takes as little notice of [his]_{5732-a man who takes as little notice of his body as that} body as that]_{5732-a man who takes as little notice of his body as that} . ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ — takes as little notice of [his]_{5732-a man who takes as little notice of his body as that} body as that , ”_{[289-brangwen]} [he]_289-brangwen echoed mechanically . This cut [her]_2292-you short , and there was silence . [The others]_{809-the others} came in from [church]_1240-church , and [the two]_{2296-the two} had [the girls]_{4851-the girls} to face , then [the mother]_{565-the mother} and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , and then [the father]_{646-the father} and [the boy]_{2282-the boy} . “ Good - evening , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Brangwen]_160-gudrun , faintly surprised . “ Came to see [me]_160-gudrun , did [you]_289-brangwen ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ No , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ not about anything , in particular , that is . The day was dismal , and [I]_169-birkin thought [you]_289-brangwen would n’t mind if [I]_169-birkin called in . ”_[169-birkin] “ It has been a depressing day , ”_{[273-mrs brangwen]} said [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} sympathetically . At that moment the voices of [the children]_{4705-the children} were heard calling from [upstairs]_467-upstairs : “ [Mother]_4695-mother ! [Mother]_4695-mother ! ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun lifted [her]_160-gudrun face and answered mildly into the distance : “ [I]_160-gudrun shall come up to [you]_169-birkin in a minute , [Doysie]_291-doysie . ”_[160-gudrun] Then to [Birkin]_169-birkin : “ There is nothing fresh at [Shortlands]_7-shortlands , [I]_160-gudrun suppose ? Ah , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun sighed , “ no , poor things , [I]_160-gudrun should think not . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [You]_{646-the father} ’ve been over [there]_629-there today , [I]_{646-the father} suppose ? ”_{[646-the father]} asked [the father]_{646-the father} . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald came round to tea with [me]_160-gudrun , and [I]_160-gudrun walked back with [him]_255-gerald . [The house]_{468-the house} is overexcited and unwholesome , [I]_160-gudrun thought . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [I]_160-gudrun should think [they]_5737-they were people who had n’t much restraint , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Or too much , ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin answered . “ Oh yes , [I]_160-gudrun ’m sure , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , almost vindictively , “ one or the other . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [They]_5737-they all feel [they]_5737-they ought to behave in some unnatural fashion , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ When [people]_579-people are in grief , [they]_579-people would do better to cover [their]_579-people faces and keep in retirement , as in the old days . ”_[169-birkin] “ Certainly ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , flushed and inflammable . “ What can be worse than this public grief — what is more horrible , more false ! If grief is not private , and hidden , what is ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Exactly , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said . “ [I]_{646-the father} felt ashamed when [I]_{646-the father} was there and [they]_5737-they were all going about in a lugubrious false way , feeling [they]_5737-they must not be natural or ordinary . ”_{[646-the father]} “ Well — ”_{[273-mrs brangwen]} said [Mrs Brangwen]_{273-mrs brangwen} , offended at this criticism , “ it is n’t so easy to bear a trouble like that . ”_{[273-mrs brangwen]} And [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} went [upstairs]_467-upstairs to [the children]_{4705-the children} . [He]_{646-the father} remained only a few minutes longer , then took [his]_{646-the father} leave . When [he]_{646-the father} was gone [Ursula]_255-gerald felt such a poignant hatred of [him]_{646-the father} , that all [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} brain seemed turned into a sharp crystal of fine hatred . [Her]_{273-mrs brangwen} whole nature seemed sharpened and intensified into a pure dart of hate . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} could not imagine what it was . It merely took hold of [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} , the most poignant and ultimate hatred , pure and clear and beyond thought . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} could not think of it at all , [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} was translated beyond [herself]_{273-mrs brangwen} . It was like a possession . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} felt [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} was possessed . And for several days [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} went about possessed by this exquisite force of hatred against [him]_{646-the father} . It surpassed anything [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} had ever known before , it seemed to throw [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} out of [the world]_{541-the world} into [some terrible region where nothing of [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} old life]_{2307-some terrible region where nothing of her old life} held good . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} was quite lost and dazed , really dead to [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} own life . It was so completely incomprehensible and irrational . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} did not know why [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} hated [him]_{646-the father} , [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} hate was quite abstract . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} had only realised with a shock that stunned [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} , that [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} was overcome by this pure transportation . [He]_{646-the father} was [the enemy]_{2308-the enemy} , fine as a diamond , and as hard and jewel - like , the quintessence of all that was inimical . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} thought of [his]_{646-the father} face , white and purely wrought , and of [his]_{646-the father} eyes that had such a dark , constant will of assertion , and [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} touched [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} own forehead , to feel if [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} were mad , [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} was so transfigured in white flame of essential hate . It was not temporal , [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} hatred , [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} did not hate [him]_{646-the father} for this or for that ; [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} did not want to do anything to [him]_{646-the father} , to have any connection with [him]_{646-the father} . [Her]_{273-mrs brangwen} relation was ultimate and utterly beyond words , the hate was so pure and gemlike . It was as if [he]_{646-the father} were a beam of essential enmity , a beam of light that did not only destroy [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} , but denied [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} altogether , revoked [[her]_{273-mrs brangwen} whole world]_{2309-her whole world} . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} saw [him]_{646-the father} as a clear stroke of uttermost contradiction , a strange gem - like being whose existence defined [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} own non - existence . When [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} heard [he]_{646-the father} was ill again , [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} hatred only intensified itself a few degrees , if that were possible . It stunned [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} and annihilated [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} , but [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} could not escape it . [She]_{273-mrs brangwen} could not escape this transfiguration of hatred that had come upon [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} . [He]_{646-the father} lay sick and unmoved , in pure opposition to everything . [He]_{646-the father} knew how near to breaking was the vessel that held [his]_{646-the father} life . [He]_{646-the father} knew also how strong and durable it was . And [he]_{646-the father} did not care . Better a thousand times take [one]_4646-one ’s chance with death , than accept a life [one]_4646-one did not want . But best of all to persist and persist and persist for ever , till [one were satisfied in life]_{2312-one were satisfied in life} . [He]_{646-the father} knew that [Ursula]_255-gerald was referred back to [him]_{646-the father} . [He]_{646-the father} knew [his]_{646-the father} life rested with [her]_{273-mrs brangwen} . But [he]_{646-the father} would rather not live than accept the love [she]_{273-mrs brangwen} proffered . The old way of love seemed a dreadful bondage , a sort of conscription . What it was in [him]_{646-the father} [he]_{646-the father} did not know , but the thought of love , marriage , and [children]_{4659-children} , and a life lived together , in the horrible privacy of domestic and connubial satisfaction , was repulsive . [He]_{646-the father} wanted something clearer , more open , cooler , as it were . The hot narrow intimacy between [man]_1089-man and [wife]_2315-wife was abhorrent . The way [they]_2316-their shut [their]_2316-their doors , [these married people]_{2317-these married people} , and shut [themselves]_2316-their in to [their]_2316-their own exclusive alliance with [each other]_{451-each other} , even in love , disgusted [him]_{646-the father} . It was a whole community of [mistrustful couples]_{2319-mistrustful couples} insulated in [private houses]_{2320-private houses} or [private rooms]_{2321-private rooms} , always in [couples]_2322-couples , and no further life , no further immediate , no disinterested relationship admitted : a kaleidoscope of [couples]_2322-couples , [disjoined , separatist , meaningless entities of [married couples]_{2325-married couples}]_{2324-disjoined , separatist , meaningless entities of married couples} . True , [he]_{646-the father} hated promiscuity even worse than marriage , and a liaison was only another kind of coupling , reactionary from the legal marriage . Reaction was a greater bore than action . On the whole , [he]_{646-the father} hated sex , it was such a limitation . It was sex that turned [a man]_{4648-a man} into a broken half of [a couple]_{2327-a couple} , [the woman]_{873-the woman} into the other broken half . And [he]_{646-the father} wanted to be single in [himself]_{646-the father} , [the woman single in [herself]_{873-the woman}]_{2329-the woman single in herself} . [He]_{646-the father} wanted sex to revert to the level of the other appetites , to be regarded as a functional process , not as a fulfilment . [He]_{646-the father} believed in sex marriage . But beyond this , [he]_{646-the father} wanted a further conjunction , where [man]_1089-man had being and [woman]_1012-woman had being , [two pure beings]_{2332-two pure beings} , each constituting the freedom of the other , balancing [each other like two poles of one force]_{2333-each other like two poles of one force} , like [two angels]_{2334-two angels} , or two demons . [He]_{646-the father} wanted so much to be free , not under the compulsion of any need for unification , or tortured by unsatisfied desire . Desire and aspiration should find [their]_2335-their object without all this torture , as now , in [a world of plenty of water]_{2336-a world of plenty of water} , simple thirst is inconsiderable , satisfied almost unconsciously . And [he]_{646-the father} wanted to be with [Ursula]_255-gerald as free as with [himself]_{646-the father} , single and clear and cool , yet balanced , polarised with [her]_{873-the woman} . The merging , the clutching , the mingling of love was become madly abhorrent to [him]_{646-the father} . But it seemed to [him]_{646-the father} , [woman]_1012-woman was always so horrible and clutching , [she]_1012-woman had such a lust for possession , a greed of self - importance in love . [She]_1012-woman wanted to have , to own , to control , to be dominant . Everything must be referred back to [her]_1012-woman , to [Woman]_1012-woman , [the Great Mother of everything]_{2339-the great mother of everything} , out of whom proceeded everything and to whom everything must finally be rendered up . It filled [him]_{646-the father} with almost insane fury , this calm assumption of [the Magna Mater]_{292-the magna mater} , that all was [hers]_1012-woman , because [she]_1012-woman had borne it . [Man]_1089-man was [hers]_1012-woman because [she]_1012-woman had borne [him]_1089-man . [A Mater Dolorosa]_{293-a mater dolorosa} , [she]_1012-woman had borne [him]_1089-man , [a Magna Mater]_{2341-a magna mater} , [she]_1012-woman now claimed [him]_1089-man again , soul and body , sex , meaning , and all . [He]_{646-the father} had a horror of [the Magna Mater]_{292-the magna mater} , [she]_1012-woman was detestable . [She]_1012-woman was on a very high horse again , was [woman]_1012-woman , [the Great Mother]_{2343-the great mother} . Did [he]_{646-the father} not know it in [Hermione]_168-hermione . [Hermione]_168-hermione , [the humble]_{2344-the humble} , the subservient , what was [she]_168-hermione all the while but [the Mater Dolorosa]_{293-a mater dolorosa} , in [her]_168-hermione subservience , claiming with horrible , insidious arrogance and female tyranny , [her]_168-hermione own again , claiming back [the man [she]_168-hermione had borne in suffering]_{2345-the man she had borne in suffering} . By [her]_1012-woman very suffering and humility [she]_1012-woman bound [[her]_1012-woman son]_{568-her son} with chains , [she]_1012-woman held [him]_{568-her son} [[her]_1012-woman everlasting prisoner]_{2347-her everlasting prisoner} . And [Ursula]_255-gerald , [Ursula]_255-gerald was the same — or the inverse . [She]_168-hermione too was [the awful , arrogant queen of life]_{2348-the awful , arrogant queen of life} , as if [she]_168-hermione were [a queen bee on whom all the rest depended]_{2349-a queen bee on whom all the rest depended} . [He]_{2345-the man she had borne in suffering} saw the yellow flare in [her]_168-hermione eyes , [he]_{2345-the man she had borne in suffering} knew the unthinkable overweening assumption of primacy in [her]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione was unconscious of it [herself]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione was only too ready to knock [her]_168-hermione head on the ground before [a man]_{4648-a man} . But this was only when [she]_168-hermione was so certain of [[her]_168-hermione man]_{2351-her man} , that [she]_168-hermione could worship [him]_{4648-a man} as [a woman]_{897-a woman} worships [[her]_{897-a woman} own infant]_{2353-her own infant} , with a worship of perfect possession . It was intolerable , this possession at the hands of [woman]_1012-woman . Always [a man]_{4648-a man} must be considered as the broken off fragment of [a woman]_{897-a woman} , and the sex was the still aching scar of the laceration . [Man]_1089-man must be added on to [a woman]_{897-a woman} , before [he]_1089-man had any real place or wholeness . And why ? Why should [we]_2359-we consider [ourselves]_2359-we , [men]_848-men and [women]_453-women , as broken fragments of [one whole]_{2362-one whole} ? It is not true . [We]_2359-we are not broken fragments of one whole . Rather [we]_2359-we are the singling away into purity and clear being , of things that were mixed . Rather the sex is that which remains in [us]_2359-we of the mixed , the unresolved . And passion is the further separating of this mixture , that which is manly being taken into the being of [the man]_{4658-the man} , that which is womanly passing to [the woman]_{873-the woman} , till [the two are clear and whole as angels]_{2365-the two are clear and whole as angels} , the admixture of sex in the highest sense surpassed , leaving [two single beings constellated together like two stars]_{2366-two single beings constellated together like two stars} . In the old age , before sex was , [we]_2359-we were mixed , each one a mixture . The process of singling into individuality resulted into the great polarisation of sex . [The womanly]_{2367-the womanly} drew to one side , [the manly]_{2368-the manly} to the other . But the separation was imperfect even [them]_2369-them . And so [our]_2359-we world - cycle passes . There is now to come the new day , when [we]_2359-we are [beings each of [us]_2359-we]_{2370-beings each of us} , fulfilled in difference . [The man]_{4658-the man} is [pure man]_{2372-pure man} , [the woman pure woman]_{2373-the woman pure woman} , they are perfectly polarised . But there is no longer any of the horrible merging , mingling self - abnegation of love . There is only the pure duality of polarisation , each one free from any contamination of the other . In each , [the individual]_{5373-the individual} is primal , sex is subordinate , but perfectly polarised . Each has a single , separate being , with its own laws . [The man]_{4658-the man} has [his]_{4658-the man} pure freedom , [the woman]_{873-the woman} [hers]_{873-the woman} . [Each]_2377-each acknowledges the perfection of the polarised sex - circuit . Each admits the different nature in the other . So [Birkin]_169-birkin meditated whilst [he]_2378-he was ill . [He]_2378-he liked sometimes to be ill enough to take to [his]_2378-he bed . For then [he]_2378-he got better very quickly , and things came to [him]_2378-he clear and sure . Whilst [he]_2378-he was laid up , [Gerald]_255-gerald came to see [him]_2378-he . [The two men]_{686-the two men} had a deep , uneasy feeling for [each other]_{451-each other} . [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes were quick and restless , [his]_255-gerald whole manner tense and impatient , [he]_255-gerald seemed strung up to some activity . According to conventionality , [he]_255-gerald wore black clothes , [he]_255-gerald looked formal , handsome and comme il faut . [His]_255-gerald hair was fair almost to whiteness , sharp like splinters of light , [his]_255-gerald face was keen and ruddy , [his]_255-gerald body seemed full of northern energy . [Gerald]_255-gerald really loved [Birkin]_169-birkin , though [he]_255-gerald never quite believed in [him]_2378-he . [Birkin]_169-birkin was too unreal;—clever , whimsical , wonderful , but not practical enough . [Gerald]_255-gerald felt that [his]_255-gerald own understanding was much sounder and safer . [Birkin]_169-birkin was delightful , [a wonderful spirit]_{2381-a wonderful spirit} , but after all , not to be taken seriously , not quite to be counted as [a man among [men]_848-men]_{2382-a man among men} . “ Why are [you]_169-birkin laid up again ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked kindly , taking [the sick man]_{2384-the sick man} ’s hand . It was always [Gerald]_255-gerald who was protective , offering the warm shelter of [his]_255-gerald physical strength . “ For [my]_169-birkin sins , [I]_169-birkin suppose , ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin said , smiling a little ironically . “ For [your]_169-birkin sins ? Yes , probably that is so . [You]_169-birkin should sin less , and keep better in health ? ”_[169-birkin] “ [You]_169-birkin ’d better teach [me]_{2384-the sick man} . ”_{[2384-the sick man]} [He]_{2384-the sick man} looked at [Gerald]_255-gerald with ironic eyes . “ How are things with [you]_169-birkin ? ”_[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ With [me]_169-birkin ? ”_[169-birkin] [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [Birkin]_169-birkin , saw [he]_{2384-the sick man} was serious , and a warm light came into [his]_{2384-the sick man} eyes . “ [I]_{2384-the sick man} do n’t know that they ’re any different . [I]_{2384-the sick man} do n’t see how [they]_5739-they could be . There ’s nothing to change . ”_{[2384-the sick man]} “ [I]_169-birkin suppose [you]_169-birkin are conducting the business as successfully as ever , and ignoring the demand of the soul . ”_[169-birkin] “ That ’s it , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ At least as far as the business is concerned . [I]_255-gerald could n’t say about the soul , [I’am]_255-gerald sure . ”_[255-gerald] “ No . ”_[169-birkin] “ Surely [you]_169-birkin do n’t expect [me]_255-gerald to ? ”_[255-gerald] laughed [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ No . How are the rest of [your]_169-birkin affairs progressing , apart from the business ? ”_[255-gerald] “ The rest of [my]_169-birkin affairs ? What are those ? [I]_169-birkin could n’t say ; [I]_169-birkin do n’t know what [you]_169-birkin refer to . ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes , [you]_169-birkin do , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Are [you]_169-birkin gloomy or cheerful ? And what about [Gudrun Brangwen]_160-gudrun ? ”_[169-birkin] “ What about [her]_160-gudrun ? ”_[255-gerald] A confused look came over [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Well , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald added , “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t know . [I]_255-gerald can only tell [you]_169-birkin [she]_160-gudrun gave [me]_255-gerald a hit over the face last time [I]_255-gerald saw [her]_160-gudrun . ”_[255-gerald] “ A hit over the face ! What for ? ”_[169-birkin] “ That [I]_169-birkin could n’t tell [you]_169-birkin , either . ”_[169-birkin] “ Really ! But when ? ”_[255-gerald] “ The night of the party — when [Diana]_{285-diana crich} was drowned . [She]_160-gudrun was driving the cattle up [the hill]_{497-the hill} , and [I]_169-birkin went after [her]_160-gudrun — [you]_169-birkin remember . ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes , [I]_169-birkin remember . But what made [her]_160-gudrun do that ? [You]_169-birkin did n’t definitely ask [her]_160-gudrun for it , [I]_169-birkin suppose ? ”_[169-birkin] “ [I]_169-birkin ? No , not that [I]_169-birkin know of . [I]_169-birkin merely said to [her]_160-gudrun , that it was dangerous to drive [those Highland bullocks]_{5741-those highland bullocks} — as it is . [She]_160-gudrun turned in such a way , and [said—‘I]_169-birkin suppose [you]_169-birkin think [I]_169-birkin ’m afraid of [you]_169-birkin and [your]_169-birkin cattle , do n’t [you]_169-birkin ? ’ So [I]_169-birkin asked [her]_160-gudrun ‘ why , ’ and for answer [she]_160-gudrun flung [me]_169-birkin a back - hander across the face . ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin laughed quickly , as if it pleased [him]_2385-him . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [him]_2385-him , wondering , and began to laugh as well , saying : “ [I]_255-gerald did n’t laugh at the time , [I]_255-gerald assure [you]_169-birkin . [I]_255-gerald was never so taken aback in [my]_255-gerald life . ”_[255-gerald] “ And were n’t [you]_169-birkin furious ? ”_[169-birkin] “ Furious ? [I]_169-birkin should think [I]_169-birkin was . [I]_169-birkin ’d have murdered [her]_160-gudrun for two pins . ”_[169-birkin] “ H’m ! ”_[169-birkin] ejaculated [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [Poor Gudrun]_294-gudrun , would n’t [she]_160-gudrun suffer afterwards for having given [herself]_160-gudrun away ! ”_[2385-him] [He]_2385-him was hugely delighted . “ Would [she]_160-gudrun suffer ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald , also amused now . [Both men]_{1407-both men} smiled in malice and amusement . “ Badly , [I]_{1407-both men} should think ; seeing how self - conscious [she]_160-gudrun is . ”_{[1407-both men]} “ [She]_160-gudrun is self - conscious , is [she]_160-gudrun ? Then what made [her]_160-gudrun do it ? For [I]_2385-him certainly think it was quite uncalled - for , and quite unjustified . ”_[2385-him] “ [I]_{1407-both men} suppose it was a sudden impulse . ”_{[1407-both men]} “ Yes , but how do [you]_169-birkin account for [her]_160-gudrun having such an impulse ? [I]_169-birkin ’d done [her]_160-gudrun no harm . ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin shook [his]_2385-him head . “ [The Amazon]_{29-the amazon} suddenly came up in [her]_160-gudrun , [I]_2385-him suppose , ”_[2385-him] [he]_2385-him said . “ Well , ”_[255-gerald] replied [Gerald]_255-gerald , “ [I]_255-gerald ’d rather it had been [the Orinoco]_{5742-the orinoco} . ”_[255-gerald] [They]_2387-we both laughed at the poor joke . [Gerald]_255-gerald was thinking how [Gudrun]_294-gudrun had said [she]_294-gudrun would strike the last blow too . But some reserve made [him]_255-gerald keep this back from [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ And [you]_169-birkin resent it ? ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin asked . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t resent it . [I]_255-gerald do n’t care [a tinker]_{5743-a tinker} ’s curse about it . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald was silent a moment , then [he]_255-gerald added , laughing . “ No , [I]_255-gerald ’ll see it through , that ’s all . [She]_294-gudrun seemed sorry afterwards . ”_[255-gerald] “ Did [she]_294-gudrun ? [You]_255-gerald ’ve not met since that night ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face clouded . “ No , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [We]_2387-we ’ve been — [you]_255-gerald can imagine how it ’s been , since the accident . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes . Is it calming down ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t know . It ’s a shock , of course . But [I]_255-gerald do n’t believe [mother]_4695-mother minds . [I]_255-gerald really do n’t believe [she]_294-gudrun takes any notice . And what ’s so funny , [she]_294-gudrun used to be all for [the children]_{4705-the children} — nothing mattered , nothing whatever mattered but [the children]_{4705-the children} . And now , [she]_294-gudrun does n’t take any more notice than if it was one of [the servants]_{5115-the servants} . ”_[255-gerald] “ No ? Did it upset [you]_255-gerald very much ? ”_[255-gerald] “ It ’s a shock . But [I]_255-gerald do n’t feel it very much , really . [I]_255-gerald do n’t feel any different . [We]_2387-we ’ve all got to die , and it does n’t seem to make any great difference , anyhow , whether [you]_255-gerald die or not . [I]_255-gerald ca n’t feel any grief , [you]_255-gerald know . It leaves [me]_255-gerald cold . [I]_255-gerald ca n’t quite account for it . ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_169-birkin do n’t care if [you]_169-birkin die or not ? ”_[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [him]_2388-him with eyes blue as the blue - fibred steel of a weapon . [He]_255-gerald felt awkward , but indifferent . As a matter of fact , [he]_255-gerald did care terribly , with a great fear . “ Oh , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t want to die , why should [I]_255-gerald ? But [I]_255-gerald never trouble . The question does n’t seem to be on the carpet for [me]_255-gerald at all . It does n’t interest [me]_255-gerald , [you]_255-gerald know . ”_[255-gerald] “ Timor mortis conturbat [me]_169-birkin , ”_[169-birkin] quoted [Birkin]_169-birkin , adding—“No , death does n’t really seem the point any more . It curiously does n’t concern [one]_4646-one . It ’s like an ordinary tomorrow . ”_[169-birkin] [Gerald]_255-gerald looked closely at [[his]_255-gerald friend]_{4885-his friend} . The eyes of [the two men]_{686-the two men} met , and an unspoken understanding was exchanged . [Gerald]_255-gerald narrowed [his]_255-gerald eyes , [his]_255-gerald face was cool and unscrupulous as [he]_255-gerald looked at [Birkin]_169-birkin , impersonally , with a vision that ended in a point in space , strangely keen - eyed and yet blind . “ If death is n’t the point , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , in a strangely abstract , cold , fine voice—“what is ? ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald sounded as if [he]_255-gerald had been found out . “ What is ? ”_[255-gerald] re - echoed [Birkin]_169-birkin . And there was a mocking silence . “ There ’s long way to go , after the point of intrinsic death , before [we]_5749-we disappear , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ There is , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ But what sort of way ? ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald seemed to press [the other man]_{832-the other man} for knowledge which [he]_255-gerald [himself]_255-gerald knew far better than [Birkin]_169-birkin did . “ Right down the slopes of degeneration — mystic , universal degeneration . There are many stages of pure degradation to go through : agelong . [We]_5749-we live on long after [our]_5749-we death , and progressively , in progressive devolution . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald listened with a faint , fine smile on [his]_255-gerald face , all the time , as if , somewhere , [he]_255-gerald knew so much better than [Birkin]_169-birkin , all about this : as if [his]_255-gerald own knowledge were direct and personal , whereas [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s was a matter of observation and inference , not quite hitting the nail on the head:—though aiming near enough at it . But [he]_255-gerald was not going to give [himself]_255-gerald away . If [Birkin]_169-birkin could get at the secrets , let [him]_255-gerald . [Gerald]_255-gerald would never help [him]_255-gerald . [Gerald]_255-gerald would be [a dark horse to the end]_{2392-a dark horse to the end} . “ Of course , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , with a startling change of conversation , “ it is [father]_4673-father who really feels it . [It]_5751-it will finish [him]_4673-father . For [him]_4673-father [the world]_{541-the world} collapses . All [his]_4673-father care now is for [Winnie]_186-winifred — [he]_4673-father must save [Winnie]_186-winifred . [He]_4673-father says [she]_186-winifred ought to be sent away to [school]_4869-school , but [she]_186-winifred wo n’t hear of it , and [he]_4673-father ’ll never do it . Of course [she]_186-winifred is in rather a queer way . [We]_5754-we ’re all of [us]_5754-we curiously bad at living . [We]_5754-we can do things — but [we]_5754-we ca n’t get on with life at all . It ’s curious — a family failing . ”_[255-gerald] “ [She]_186-winifred ought n’t to be sent away to [school]_4869-school , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , who was considering a new proposition . “ [She]_186-winifred ought n’t . Why ? ”_[169-birkin] “ [She]_186-winifred ’s [a queer child]_{5756-a queer child} — [a special child]_{5757-a special child} , more special even than [you]_5758-you . And in [my]_255-gerald opinion [special children]_{5759-special children} should never be sent away to [school]_4869-school . Only [moderately ordinary children]_{5761-moderately ordinary children} should be sent to [school]_4869-school — so it seems to [me]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald ’m inclined to think just the opposite . [I]_255-gerald think it would probably make [her]_186-winifred more normal if [she]_186-winifred went away and mixed with [other children]_{5763-other children} . ”_[255-gerald] “ [She]_186-winifred would n’t mix , [you]_5758-you see . [You]_5758-you never really mixed , did [you]_5758-you ? And [she]_186-winifred would n’t be willing even to pretend to . [She]_186-winifred ’s proud , and solitary , and naturally apart . If [she]_186-winifred has a single nature , why do [you]_5758-you want to make [her]_186-winifred gregarious ? ”_[169-birkin] “ No , [I]_255-gerald do n’t want to make [her]_186-winifred anything . But [I]_255-gerald think [school]_4869-school would be good for [her]_186-winifred . ”_[255-gerald] “ Was it good for [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes narrowed uglily . [School]_4869-school had been torture to [him]_255-gerald . Yet [he]_255-gerald had not questioned whether [one]_4646-one should go through this torture . [He]_255-gerald seemed to believe in education through subjection and torment . “ [I]_255-gerald hated it at the time , but [I]_255-gerald can see it was necessary , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ It brought [me]_255-gerald into line a bit — and [you]_255-gerald ca n’t live unless [you]_255-gerald do come into line somewhere . ”_[255-gerald] “ Well , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ [I]_169-birkin begin to think that [you]_255-gerald ca n’t live unless [you]_255-gerald keep entirely out of the line . It ’s no good trying to toe the line , when [your]_255-gerald one impulse is to smash up the line . [Winnie]_186-winifred is a special nature , and for special natures [you]_255-gerald must give [a special world]_{5765-a special world} . ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes , but where ’s [[your]_255-gerald special world]_{5766-your special world} ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Make it . Instead of chopping [yourself]_255-gerald down to fit [the world]_{541-the world} , chop [the world]_{541-the world} down to fit [yourself]_255-gerald . As a matter of fact , [two exceptional people]_{5769-two exceptional people} make [another world]_{4676-another world} . [You]_255-gerald and [I]_255-gerald , [we]_{5769-two exceptional people} make [another , separate world]_{5771-another , separate world} . [You]_255-gerald do n’t want a world same as [[your]_255-gerald brothers - in - law]_{5772-your brothers - in - law} . It ’s just the special quality [you]_255-gerald value . Do [you]_255-gerald want to be normal or ordinary ! It ’s a lie . [You]_255-gerald want to be free and extraordinary , in an extraordinary world of liberty . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [Birkin]_169-birkin with subtle eyes of knowledge . But [he]_255-gerald would never openly admit what [he]_255-gerald felt . [He]_255-gerald knew more than [Birkin]_169-birkin , in one direction — much more . And this gave [him]_255-gerald [his]_255-gerald gentle love for [the other man]_{832-the other man} , as if [Birkin]_169-birkin were in some way young , innocent , [child - like]_{2396-child - like} : so amazingly clever , but incurably innocent . “ Yet [you]_255-gerald are so banal as to consider [me]_169-birkin chiefly [a freak]_{5773-a freak} , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin pointedly . “ [A freak]_{5773-a freak} ! ”_[255-gerald] exclaimed [Gerald]_255-gerald , startled . And [his]_255-gerald face opened suddenly , as if lighted with simplicity , as when a flower opens out of the cunning bud . “ No — [I]_255-gerald never consider [you]_255-gerald [a freak]_{5773-a freak} . ”_[255-gerald] And [he]_255-gerald watched [the other man]_{832-the other man} with strange eyes , that [Birkin]_169-birkin could not understand . “ [I]_255-gerald feel , ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald continued , “ that there is always an element of uncertainty about [you]_255-gerald — perhaps [you]_255-gerald are uncertain about [yourself]_255-gerald . But [I]_255-gerald ’m never sure of [you]_255-gerald . [You]_255-gerald can go away and change as easily as if [you]_255-gerald had no soul . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald looked at [Birkin]_169-birkin with penetrating eyes . [Birkin]_169-birkin was amazed . [He]_255-gerald thought [he]_255-gerald had all the soul in [the world]_{541-the world} . [He]_255-gerald stared in amazement . And [Gerald]_255-gerald , watching , saw the amazing attractive goodliness of [his]_255-gerald eyes , a young , spontaneous goodness that attracted [the other man]_{832-the other man} infinitely , yet filled [him]_255-gerald with bitter chagrin , because [he]_255-gerald mistrusted it so much . [He]_255-gerald knew [Birkin]_169-birkin could do without [him]_255-gerald — could forget , and not suffer . This was always present in [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s consciousness , filling [him]_255-gerald with bitter unbelief : this consciousness of [the young , animal - like spontaneity of detachment]_{2400-the young , animal - like spontaneity of detachment} . It seemed almost like hypocrisy and lying , sometimes , oh , often , on [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s part , to talk so deeply and importantly . Quite other things were going through [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s mind . Suddenly [he]_255-gerald saw [himself]_255-gerald confronted with another problem — the problem of love and eternal conjunction between [two men]_{2401-two men} . Of course this was necessary — it had been a necessity inside [himself]_255-gerald all [his]_255-gerald life — to love [a man]_{4648-a man} purely and fully . Of course [he]_255-gerald had been loving [Gerald]_255-gerald all along , and all along denying it . [He]_255-gerald lay in the bed and wondered , whilst [[his]_255-gerald friend]_{4885-his friend} sat beside [him]_255-gerald , lost in brooding . [Each man]_{2404-each man} was gone in [his]_{2404-each man} own thoughts . “ [You]_255-gerald know how [the old German knights]_{5776-the old german knights} used to swear a Blutbruderschaft , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said to [Gerald]_255-gerald , with quite a new happy activity in [his]_255-gerald eyes . “ Make a little wound in [their]_{5776-the old german knights} arms , and rub [each other]_{451-each other} ’s blood into the cut ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Yes — and swear to be true to [each other]_{451-each other} , of one blood , all [their]_{5776-the old german knights} lives . That is what [we]_5779-we ought to do . No wounds , that is obsolete . But [we]_5779-we ought to swear to love [each other]_{451-each other} , [you]_255-gerald and [I]_255-gerald , implicitly , and perfectly , finally , without any possibility of going back on it . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald looked at [Gerald]_255-gerald with clear , happy eyes of discovery . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked down at [him]_255-gerald , attracted , so deeply bondaged in fascinated attraction , that [he]_255-gerald was mistrustful , resenting the bondage , hating the attraction . “ [We]_5779-we will swear to [each other]_{451-each other} , one day , shall [we]_5779-we ? ”_[169-birkin] pleaded [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [We]_5779-we will swear to stand by [each other]_{451-each other} — be true to [each other]_{451-each other} — ultimately — infallibly — given to [each other]_{451-each other} , organically — without possibility of taking back . ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin sought hard to express [himself]_169-birkin . But [Gerald]_255-gerald hardly listened . [His]_255-gerald face shone with a certain luminous pleasure . [He]_255-gerald was pleased . But [he]_255-gerald kept [his]_255-gerald reserve . [He]_255-gerald held [himself]_255-gerald back . “ Shall [we]_5779-we swear to [each other]_{451-each other} , one day ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , putting out [his]_2405-he hand towards [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Gerald]_255-gerald just touched the extended fine , living hand , as if withheld and afraid . “ [We]_5779-we ’ll leave it till [I]_255-gerald understand it better , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , in a voice of excuse . [Birkin]_169-birkin watched [him]_255-gerald . A little sharp disappointment , perhaps a touch of contempt came into [his]_2405-he heart . “ Yes , ”_[2405-he] [he]_2405-he said . “ [You]_169-birkin must tell [me]_2405-he what [you]_169-birkin think , later . [You]_169-birkin know what [I]_2405-he mean ? Not sloppy emotionalism . An impersonal union that leaves [one]_4646-one free . ”_[2405-he] [They]_2406-they lapsed both into silence . [Birkin]_169-birkin was looking at [Gerald]_255-gerald all the time . [He]_2405-he seemed now to see , [not the physical , animal man]_{2407-not the physical , animal man} , which [he]_2405-he usually saw in [Gerald]_255-gerald , and which usually [he]_2405-he liked so much , but [the man]_{4658-the man} [himself]_{4658-the man} , complete , and as if fated , doomed , limited . This strange sense of fatality in [Gerald]_255-gerald , as if [he]_255-gerald were limited to one form of existence , one knowledge , one activity , a sort of fatal halfness , which to [himself]_255-gerald seemed wholeness , always overcame [Birkin]_169-birkin after [their]_2406-they moments of passionate approach , and filled [him]_2405-he with a sort of contempt , or boredom . It was the insistence on the limitation which so bored [Birkin]_169-birkin in [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Gerald]_255-gerald could never fly away from [himself]_255-gerald , in real indifferent gaiety . [He]_255-gerald had a clog , a sort of monomania . There was silence for a time . Then [Birkin]_169-birkin said , in a lighter tone , letting the stress of the contact pass : “ Ca n’t [you]_255-gerald get [a good governess]_{5787-a good governess} for [Winifred?—somebody]_{296-winifred?—somebody} exceptional ? ”_[169-birkin] “ [Hermione Roddice]_168-hermione suggested [we]_2406-they should ask [Gudrun]_294-gudrun to teach [her]_294-gudrun to draw and to model in clay . [You]_255-gerald know [Winnie]_186-winifred is astonishingly clever with that plasticine stuff . [Hermione]_168-hermione declares [she]_294-gudrun is [an artist]_{1059-an artist} . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald spoke in the usual animated , chatty manner , as if nothing unusual had passed . But [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s manner was full of reminder . “ Really ! [I]_169-birkin did n’t know that . Oh well then , if [Gudrun]_294-gudrun would teach [her]_294-gudrun , it would be perfect — couldn’t be anything better — if [Winifred]_186-winifred is [an artist]_{1059-an artist} . Because [Gudrun]_294-gudrun somewhere is one . And [every true artist]_{5790-every true artist} is the salvation of every other . ”_[169-birkin] “ [I]_169-birkin thought [they]_{5790-every true artist} got on so badly , as a rule . ”_[169-birkin] “ Perhaps . But only [artists]_5791-artists produce for each other [the world that is fit to live in]_{5792-the world that is fit to live in} . If [you]_255-gerald can arrange that for [Winifred]_186-winifred , it is perfect . ”_[169-birkin] “ But [you]_169-birkin think [she]_186-winifred would n’t come ? ”_[169-birkin] “ [I]_169-birkin do n’t know . [Gudrun]_294-gudrun is rather self - opinionated . [She]_294-gudrun wo n’t go cheap anywhere . Or if [she]_294-gudrun does , [she]_294-gudrun ’ll pretty soon take [herself]_294-gudrun back . So whether [she]_294-gudrun would condescend to do private teaching , particularly here , in [Beldover]_1-beldover , [I]_169-birkin do n’t know . But it would be just the thing . [Winifred]_186-winifred has got a special nature . And if [you]_255-gerald can put into [her]_186-winifred way the means of being self - sufficient , that is the best thing possible . [She]_186-winifred ’ll never get on with the ordinary life . [You]_255-gerald find it difficult enough [yourself]_255-gerald , and [she]_186-winifred is several skins thinner than [you]_255-gerald are . It is awful to think what [her]_186-winifred life will be like unless [she]_186-winifred does find a means of expression , some way of fulfilment . [You]_255-gerald can see what mere leaving it to fate brings . [You]_255-gerald can see how much marriage is to be trusted to — look at [[your]_255-gerald own mother]_{5793-your own mother} . ”_[169-birkin] “ Do [you]_169-birkin think [mother]_4695-mother is abnormal ? ”_[169-birkin] “ No ! [I]_169-birkin think [she]_4695-mother only wanted something more , or other than the common run of life . And not getting it , [she]_4695-mother has gone wrong perhaps . ”_[169-birkin] “ After producing [a brood of [wrong children]_{5796-wrong children}]_{5795-a brood of wrong children} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald gloomily . “ No more wrong than any of [the rest of [us]_5798-us]_{5797-the rest of us} , ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin replied . “ [The most normal people]_{5799-the most normal people} have the worst subterranean selves , take [them]_{5799-the most normal people} one by one . ”_[169-birkin] “ Sometimes [I]_255-gerald think it is a curse to be alive , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald with sudden impotent anger . “ Well , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ why not ! Let it be a curse sometimes to be alive — at other times it is anything but a curse . [You]_255-gerald ’ve got plenty of zest in it really . ”_[169-birkin] “ Less than [you]_{832-the other man} ’d think , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , revealing a strange poverty in [his]_255-gerald look at [the other man]_{832-the other man} . There was silence , each thinking [his]_{832-the other man} own thoughts . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t see what [she]_4695-mother has to distinguish between teaching at [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school} , and coming to teach [Win]_297-winifred , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ The difference between [a public servant]_{5801-a public servant} and [a private one]_{5802-a private one} . [The only nobleman today]_{5803-the only nobleman today} , [king]_5804-king and [only aristocrat]_{5805-only aristocrat} , is [the public]_{5806-the public} , [the public]_{5806-the public} . [You]_255-gerald are quite willing to serve [the public]_{5806-the public} — but to be [a private tutor]_{5809-a private tutor} — ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t want to serve either — ”_[255-gerald] “ No ! And [Gudrun]_294-gudrun will probably feel the same . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald thought for a few minutes . Then [he]_255-gerald said : “ At all events , [father]_4673-father wo n’t make [her]_294-gudrun feel like [a private servant]_{5811-a private servant} . [He]_4673-father will be fussy and greatful enough . ”_[255-gerald] “ So [he]_4673-father ought . And so ought all of [you]_255-gerald . Do [you]_255-gerald think [you]_255-gerald can hire [a woman like [Gudrun Brangwen]_160-gudrun]_{5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen} with money ? [She]_{5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen} is [your]_255-gerald equal like anything — probably [[your]_255-gerald superior]_{5813-your superior} . ”_[255-gerald] “ Is [she]_{5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen} ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Yes , and if [you]_255-gerald have n’t the guts to know it , [I]_255-gerald hope [she]_{5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen} ’ll leave [you]_255-gerald to [your]_255-gerald own devices . ”_[255-gerald] “ Nevertheless , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “ if [she]_{5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen} is [[my]_255-gerald equal]_{5814-my equal} , [I]_255-gerald wish [she]_{5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen} were n’t [a teacher]_{5815-a teacher} , because [I]_255-gerald do n’t think [teachers as a rule]_{5816-teachers as a rule} are [my]_255-gerald equal . ”_[255-gerald] “ Nor do [I]_255-gerald , damn [them]_{5816-teachers as a rule} . But am [I]_255-gerald a [teacher]_5817-teacher because [I]_255-gerald teach , or [a parson]_{5818-a parson} because [I]_255-gerald preach ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald laughed . [He]_255-gerald was always uneasy on this score . [He]_255-gerald did not want to claim social superiority , yet [he]_255-gerald would not claim intrinsic personal superiority , because [he]_255-gerald would never base [his]_255-gerald standard of values on pure being . So [he]_255-gerald wobbled upon a tacit assumption of social standing . No , [Birkin]_169-birkin wanted [him]_255-gerald to accept the fact of intrinsic difference between [human beings]_{511-human beings} , which [he]_255-gerald did not intend to accept . It was against [his]_255-gerald social honour , [his]_255-gerald principle . [He]_255-gerald rose to go . “ [I]_255-gerald ’ve been neglecting [my]_255-gerald business all this while , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said smiling . “ [I]_169-birkin ought to have reminded [you]_255-gerald before , ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin replied , laughing and mocking . “ [I]_255-gerald knew [you]_169-birkin ’d say something like that , ”_[255-gerald] laughed [Gerald]_255-gerald , rather uneasily . “ Did [you]_169-birkin ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , [Rupert]_169-birkin . It would n’t do for [us]_5819-we all to be like [you]_169-birkin are — [we]_5819-we should soon be in [the cart]_{5820-the cart} . When [I]_169-birkin am above [the world]_{541-the world} , [I]_169-birkin shall ignore all businesses . ”_[169-birkin] “ Of course , [we]_5819-we ’re not in [the cart]_{5820-the cart} now , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , satirically . “ Not as much as [you]_255-gerald make out . At any rate , [we]_5819-we have enough to eat and drink — ”_[169-birkin] “ And be satisfied , ”_[169-birkin] added [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald came near the bed and stood looking down at [Birkin]_169-birkin whose throat was exposed , whose tossed [hair fell attractively on the warm brow , above the eyes that were so unchallenged and still in the satirical face]_{2411-hair fell attractively on the warm brow , above the eyes that were so unchallenged and still in the satirical face} . [Gerald]_255-gerald , full - limbed and turgid with energy , stood unwilling to go , [he]_255-gerald was held by the presence of [the other man]_{832-the other man} . [He]_255-gerald had not the power to go away . “ So , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Good - bye . ”_[169-birkin] And [he]_255-gerald reached out [his]_255-gerald hand from under the bed - clothes , smiling with a glimmering look . “ Good - bye , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , taking the warm hand of [[his]_255-gerald friend]_{4885-his friend} in a firm grasp . “ [I]_255-gerald shall come again . [I]_255-gerald miss [you]_{4885-his friend} down at [the mill]_{5426-the mill} . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_169-birkin ’ll be [there]_629-there in a few days , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . The eyes of [the two men]_{686-the two men} met again . [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s , that were keen as a hawk ’s , were suffused now with warm light and with unadmitted love , [Birkin]_169-birkin looked back as out of a darkness , unsounded and unknown , yet with a kind of warmth , that seemed to flow over [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s brain like a fertile sleep . “ Good - bye then . There ’s nothing [I]_169-birkin can do for [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[169-birkin] “ Nothing , thanks . ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin watched [the black - clothed form of [the other man]_{832-the other man}]_{2415-the black - clothed form of the other man} move out of the door , the bright head was gone , [he]_255-gerald turned over to sleep . In [Beldover]_1-beldover , there was both for [Ursula]_255-gerald and for [Gudrun]_160-gudrun an interval . It seemed to [Ursula]_255-gerald as if [Birkin]_169-birkin had gone out of [her]_2417-her for the time , [he]_255-gerald had lost [his]_255-gerald significance , [he]_255-gerald scarcely mattered in [[her]_2417-her world]_{2418-her world} . [She]_2417-her had [[her]_2417-her own friends]_{2419-her own friends} , [her]_2417-her own activities , [her]_2417-her own life . [She]_2417-her turned back to the old ways with zest , away from [him]_255-gerald . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , after feeling every moment in all [her]_160-gudrun veins conscious of [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald , connected even physically with [him]_255-gerald , was now almost indifferent to the thought of [him]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun was nursing new schemes for going away and trying a new form of life . All the time , there was something in [her]_160-gudrun urging [her]_160-gudrun to avoid the final establishing of a relationship with [Gerald]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun felt it would be wiser and better to have no more than a casual acquaintance with [him]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun had a scheme for going to [St Petersburg]_{2420-st petersburg} , where [she]_160-gudrun had [a friend who was a sculptor like [herself]_160-gudrun , and who lived with [a wealthy Russian whose hobby was jewel - making]_{2422-a wealthy russian whose hobby was jewel - making}]_{2421-a friend who was a sculptor like herself , and who lived with a wealthy russian whose hobby was jewel - making} . The emotional , rather rootless life of [the Russians]_{298-the russians} appealed to [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun did not want to go to [Paris]_42-paris . [Paris]_42-paris was dry , and essentially boring . [She]_160-gudrun would like to go to [Rome]_43-rome , [Munich]_58-munich , [Vienna]_59-vienna , or to [St Petersburg]_{60-st petersburg} or [Moscow]_61-moscow . [She]_160-gudrun had [a friend]_{4722-a friend} in [St Petersburg]_{60-st petersburg} and [a friend in [Munich]_58-munich]_{2424-a friend in munich} . To each of these [she]_160-gudrun wrote , asking about [rooms]_2425-rooms . [She]_160-gudrun had a certain amount of money . [She]_160-gudrun had come [home]_4649-home partly to save , and now [she]_160-gudrun had sold several pieces of work , [she]_160-gudrun had been praised in various shows . [She]_160-gudrun knew [she]_160-gudrun could become quite the “ go ’ if [she]_160-gudrun went to [London]_2-london . But [she]_160-gudrun knew [London]_2-london , [she]_160-gudrun wanted something else . [She]_160-gudrun had seventy pounds , of which [nobody]_912-nobody knew anything . [She]_160-gudrun would move soon , as soon as [she]_160-gudrun heard from [[her]_160-gudrun friends]_{603-her friends} . [Her]_160-gudrun nature , in spite of [her]_160-gudrun apparent placidity and calm , was profoundly restless . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} happened to call in [a cottage in [Willey Green]_{6-willey green}]_{5828-a cottage in willey green} to buy honey . [Mrs Kirk]_{299-mrs kirk} , [a stout , pale , sharp - nosed woman , sly , honied , with something shrewish and cat - like beneath]_{5829-a stout , pale , sharp - nosed woman , sly , honied , with something shrewish and cat - like beneath} , asked [the girls]_{4851-the girls} into [[her]_{299-mrs kirk} too cosy , too tidy kitchen]_{5831-her too cosy , too tidy kitchen} . There was a cat - like comfort and cleanliness everywhere . “_[160-gudrun] Yes , [Miss Brangwen]_{195-miss brangwen} , ” [she]_{299-mrs kirk} said , in [her]_{299-mrs kirk} slightly whining , insinuating voice , “_{[195-miss brangwen]} and how do [you]_{195-miss brangwen} like being back in [the old place]_{2427-the old place} , then ? ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , whom [she]_160-gudrun addressed , hated [her]_160-gudrun at once . “_{[195-miss brangwen]} [I]_0-i do n’t care for it , ” [she]_160-gudrun replied abruptly . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i do n’t ? Ay , well , [I]_0-i suppose [you]_0-i found a difference from [London]_2-london . [You]_0-i like life , and [big , grand places]_{2428-big , grand places} . Some of [us]_2429-us has to be content with [Willey Green]_{6-willey green} and [Beldover]_1-beldover . And what do [you]_0-i think of [[our]_2429-us Grammar School]_{2430-our grammar school} , as there ’s so much talk about ? ” “_[0-i] What do [I]_0-i think of it ? ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked round at [her]_160-gudrun slowly . “_[0-i] Do [you]_0-i mean , do [I]_0-i think it ’s [a good school]_{2431-a good school} ? ” “_[0-i] Yes . What is [your]_0-i opinion of it ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do think it ’s [a good school]_{2431-a good school} . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was very cold and repelling . [She]_160-gudrun knew [the common people]_{1858-the common people} hated [the school]_{549-the school} . “_[0-i] Ay , [you]_0-i do , then ! [I]_0-i ’ve heard so much , one way and the other . It ’s nice to know what [those that ’s in it]_{2433-those that ’s in it} feel . But opinions vary , do n’t [they]_2434-they ? [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} up at [Highclose]_63-highclose is all for it . Ay , [poor man]_{2435-poor man} , [I]_0-i ’m afraid [he]_{2435-poor man} ’s not long for [this world]_{2436-this world} . [He]_{2435-poor man} ’s very poorly . ” “_{[2435-poor man]} Is [he]_{2435-poor man} worse ? ” asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[2435-poor man]} Eh , yes — since [they]_2437-they lost [Miss Diana]_188-diana . [He]_{2435-poor man} ’s gone off to a shadow . [Poor man]_{2435-poor man} , [he]_{2435-poor man} ’s had a world of trouble . ” “_{[2435-poor man]} Has [he]_{2435-poor man} ? ” asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , faintly ironic . “_{[2435-poor man]} [He]_{2435-poor man} has , a world of trouble . And as nice and kind a gentleman as ever [you]_2439-you could wish to meet . [[His]_{2435-poor man} children]_{5559-his children} do n’t take after [him]_{2435-poor man} . ” “_{[5559-his children]} [I]_0-i suppose [they]_{5559-his children} take after [[their]_{5559-his children} mother]_{1821-their mother} ? ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[5559-his children]} In many ways . ” [Mrs Krik]_{301-mrs krik} lowered [her]_{301-mrs krik} voice a little . “_{[5559-his children]} [She]_{1821-their mother} was [a proud haughty lady]_{2442-a proud haughty lady} when [she]_{1821-their mother} came into [these parts]_{2443-these parts} — [my]_0-i word , [she]_{1821-their mother} was that ! [She]_{1821-their mother} must n’t be looked at , and it was worth [your]_2439-you life to speak to [her]_{1821-their mother} . ” [The woman]_{873-the woman} made a dry , sly face . “_{[1821-their mother]} Did [you]_2439-you know [her]_{1821-their mother} when [she]_{1821-their mother} was first married ? ” “_[2439-you] Yes , [I]_0-i knew [her]_{1821-their mother} . [I]_0-i nursed [three of [[her]_{1821-their mother} children]_{2445-her children}]_{2444-three of her children} . And proper little terrors [they]_{2444-three of her children} were , [little fiends]_{2446-little fiends} — that [Gerald]_255-gerald was [a demon]_{4815-a demon} if ever there was one , a proper demon , ay , at six months old . ” A curious malicious , sly tone came into [the woman]_{873-the woman} ’s voice . “_{[2448-that wilful , masterful]} Really , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_{[2448-that wilful , masterful]} [That wilful , masterful]_{2448-that wilful , masterful} — [he’d]_255-gerald mastered [one nurse at six months]_{2449-one nurse at six months} . Kick , and scream , and struggle like a demon . Many ’s the time [I]_0-i ’ve pinched [his]_255-gerald little bottom for [him]_255-gerald , when [he]_255-gerald was [a child in arms]_{2450-a child in arms} . [Ay]_302-ay , and [he]_255-gerald ’d have been better if [he]_255-gerald ’d had it pinched oftener . But [she]_{1821-their mother} would n’t have [them]_2451-them corrected — no - o , would n’t hear of it . [I]_0-i can remember the rows [she]_{1821-their mother} had with [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} , [my]_0-i word . When [he]_255-gerald ’d got worked up , properly worked up till [he]_255-gerald could stand no more , [he]_255-gerald ’d lock the study door and whip [them]_2451-them . But [she]_{1821-their mother} paced up and down all the while like a tiger outside , like a tiger , with very murder in [her]_{1821-their mother} face . [She]_{1821-their mother} had a face that could look death . And when the door was opened , [she]_{1821-their mother} ’d go in with [her]_{1821-their mother} hands lifted—‘What have [you]_2452-you been doing to [[my]_0-i children]_{4721-my children} , [[you]_2452-you coward]_{2454-you coward} . ’ [She]_{1821-their mother} was like one out of [her]_{1821-their mother} mind . [I]_0-i believe [he]_255-gerald was frightened of [her]_{1821-their mother} ; [he]_255-gerald had to be driven mad before [he]_255-gerald ’d lift a finger . Did n’t [the servants]_{5115-the servants} have a life of it ! And did n’t [we]_2456-we used to be thankful when one of [them]_{5115-the servants} caught it . [They]_2457-they were the torment of [your]_2452-you life . ” “_[2457-they] Really ! ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2457-they] In every possible way . If [you]_2452-you would n’t let [them]_{5115-the servants} smash [their]_{5115-the servants} pots on the table , if [you]_2452-you would n’t let [them]_{5115-the servants} drag the kitten about with a string round its neck , if [you]_2452-you would n’t give [them]_{5115-the servants} whatever [they]_{5115-the servants} asked for , every mortal thing — then there was a shine on , and [[their]_{5115-the servants} mother]_{1821-their mother} coming in asking—‘What ’s the matter with [him]_255-gerald ? What have [you]_2452-you done to [him]_255-gerald ? What is it , [Darling]_303-darling ? ’ And then [she]_{1821-their mother} ’d turn on [you]_2452-you as if [she]_{1821-their mother} ’d trample [you]_2452-you under [her]_{1821-their mother} feet . But [she]_{1821-their mother} did n’t trample on [me]_0-i . [I]_0-i was the only one that could do anything with [her]_{1821-their mother} demons — for [she]_{1821-their mother} was n’t going to be bothered with [them]_{5115-the servants} [herself]_{1821-their mother} . No , [she]_{1821-their mother} took no trouble for [them]_{5115-the servants} . But [they]_{5115-the servants} must just have [their]_{5115-the servants} way , [they]_{5115-the servants} must n’t be spoken to . And [Master Gerald]_255-gerald was [the beauty]_{2459-the beauty} . [I]_0-i left when [he]_255-gerald was a year and a half , [I]_0-i could stand no more . But [I]_0-i pinched [his]_255-gerald little bottom for [him]_255-gerald when [he]_255-gerald was in arms , [I]_0-i did , when there was no holding [him]_255-gerald , and [I]_0-i ’m not sorry [I]_0-i did — ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went away in fury and loathing . The phrase , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i pinched [his]_255-gerald little bottom for [him]_255-gerald , ” sent [her]_160-gudrun into a white , stony fury . [She]_160-gudrun could not bear it , [she]_160-gudrun wanted to have [the woman]_{873-the woman} taken out at once and strangled . And yet there the phrase was lodged in [her]_160-gudrun mind for ever , beyond escape . [She]_160-gudrun felt , one day , [she]_160-gudrun would have to tell [him]_255-gerald , to see how [he]_255-gerald took it . And [she]_160-gudrun loathed [herself]_160-gudrun for the thought . But at Shortlands the life - long struggle was coming to a close . [The father]_{646-the father} was ill and was going to die . [He]_{646-the father} had bad internal pains , which took away all [his]_{646-the father} attentive life , and left [him]_{646-the father} with only a vestige of [his]_{646-the father} consciousness . More and more a silence came over [him]_{646-the father} , [he]_{646-the father} was less and less acutely aware of [his]_{646-the father} surroundings . The pain seemed to absorb [his]_{646-the father} activity . [He]_{646-the father} knew it was there , [he]_{646-the father} knew it would come again . It was like something lurking in the darkness within [him]_{646-the father} . And [he]_{646-the father} had not the power , or the will , to seek it out and to know it . There it remained in the darkness , the great pain , tearing [him]_{646-the father} at times , and then being silent . And when it tore [him]_{646-the father} [he]_{646-the father} crouched in silent subjection under it , and when it left [him]_{646-the father} alone again , [he]_{646-the father} refused to know of it . It was within the darkness , let it remain unknown . So [he]_{646-the father} never admitted it , except in a secret corner of [himself]_{646-the father} , where all [his]_{646-the father} never - revealed fears and secrets were accumulated . For the rest , [he]_{646-the father} had a pain , it went away , it made no difference . It even stimulated [him]_{646-the father} , excited [him]_{646-the father} . But it gradually absorbed [his]_{646-the father} life . Gradually it drew away all [his]_{646-the father} potentiality , it bled [him]_{646-the father} into the dark , it weaned [him]_{646-the father} of life and drew [him]_{646-the father} away into the darkness . And in this twilight of [his]_{646-the father} life little remained visible to [him]_{646-the father} . The business , [his]_{646-the father} work , that was gone entirely . [His]_{646-the father} public interests had disappeared as if they had never been . Even [[his]_{646-the father} family]_{5838-his family} had become extraneous to [him]_{646-the father} , [he]_{646-the father} could only remember , in some slight non - essential part of [himself]_{646-the father} , that such and such were [[his]_{646-the father} children]_{5559-his children} . But it was historical fact , not vital to [him]_{646-the father} . [He]_{646-the father} had to make an effort to know [their]_{5559-his children} relation to [him]_{646-the father} . Even [[his]_{646-the father} wife]_{1467-his wife} barely existed . [She]_{1467-his wife} indeed was like the darkness , like the pain within [him]_{646-the father} . By some strange association , the darkness that contained the pain and the darkness that contained [[his]_{646-the father} wife]_{1467-his wife} were identical . All [his]_{646-the father} thoughts and understandings became blurred and fused , and now [[his]_{646-the father} wife]_{1467-his wife} and the consuming pain were the same dark secret power against [him]_{646-the father} , that [he]_{646-the father} never faced . [He]_{646-the father} never drove the dread out of its lair within [him]_{646-the father} . [He]_{646-the father} only knew that there was [a dark place]_{5843-a dark place} , and something inhabiting this darkness which issued from time to time and rent [him]_{646-the father} . But [he]_{646-the father} dared not penetrate and drive the beast into the open . [He]_{646-the father} had rather ignore [its]_{5843-a dark place} existence . Only , in [his]_{646-the father} vague way , the dread was [[his]_{646-the father} wife]_{1467-his wife} , [the destroyer]_{5845-the destroyer} , and it was the pain , the destruction , a darkness which was one and both . [He]_{646-the father} very rarely saw [[his]_{646-the father} wife]_{1467-his wife} . [She]_{1467-his wife} kept [[her]_{1467-his wife} room]_{5117-her room} . Only occasionally [she]_{1467-his wife} came forth , with [her]_{1467-his wife} head stretched forward , and in [her]_{1467-his wife} low , possessed voice , [she]_{1467-his wife} asked [him]_{646-the father} how [he]_{646-the father} was . And [he]_{646-the father} answered [her]_{1467-his wife} , in the habit of more than thirty years : “_[0-i] Well , [I]_0-i do n’t think [I]_0-i ’m any the worse , [dear]_2460-dear . ” But [he]_{646-the father} was frightened of [her]_{1467-his wife} , underneath this safeguard of habit , frightened almost to the verge of death . But all [his]_{646-the father} life , [he]_{646-the father} had been so constant to [his]_{646-the father} lights , [he]_{646-the father} had never broken down . [He]_{646-the father} would die even now without breaking down , without knowing what [his]_{646-the father} feelings were , towards [her]_{1467-his wife} . All [his]_{646-the father} life , [he]_{646-the father} had said : “_[0-i] [Poor Christiana]_{304-poor christiana} , [she]_{304-poor christiana} has such a strong temper . ” With unbroken will , [he]_{646-the father} had stood by this position with regard to [her]_{1467-his wife} , [he]_{646-the father} had substituted pity for all [his]_{646-the father} hostility , pity had been [his]_{646-the father} shield and [his]_{646-the father} safeguard , and [his]_{646-the father} infallible weapon . And still , in [his]_{646-the father} consciousness , [he]_{646-the father} was sorry for [her]_{1467-his wife} , [her]_{1467-his wife} nature was so violent and so impatient . But now [his]_{646-the father} pity , with [his]_{646-the father} life , was wearing thin , and the dread almost amounting to horror , was rising into being . But before the armour of [his]_{646-the father} pity really broke , [he]_{646-the father} would die , as an insect when its shell is cracked . This was [his]_{646-the father} final resource . [Others]_593-others would live on , and know the living death , the ensuing process of hopeless chaos . [He]_{646-the father} would not . [He]_{646-the father} denied death its victory . [He]_{646-the father} had been so constant to [his]_{646-the father} lights , so constant to charity , and to [his]_{646-the father} love for [[his]_{646-the father} neighbour]_{4737-his neighbour} . Perhaps [he]_{646-the father} had loved [[his]_{646-the father} neighbour]_{4737-his neighbour} even better than [himself]_{646-the father} — which is going one further than the commandment . Always , this flame had burned in [his]_{646-the father} heart , sustaining [him]_{646-the father} through everything , the welfare of [the people]_{4677-the people} . [He]_{646-the father} was [a large employer of labour]_{5852-a large employer of labour} , [he]_{646-the father} was [a great mine - owner]_{5853-a great mine - owner} . And [he]_{646-the father} had never lost this from [his]_{646-the father} heart , that in [Christ]_192-christ [he]_{646-the father} was one with [[his]_{646-the father} workmen]_{5854-his workmen} . Nay , [he]_{646-the father} had felt inferior to [them]_{5854-his workmen} , as if [they]_{5854-his workmen} through poverty and labour were nearer to [God]_167-god than [he]_{646-the father} . [He]_{646-the father} had always the unacknowledged belief , that it was [[his]_{646-the father} workmen]_{5854-his workmen} , [the miners]_{5856-the miners} , who held in [their]_{5856-the miners} hands the means of salvation . To move nearer to [God]_167-god , [he]_{646-the father} must move towards [[his]_{646-the father} miners]_{5857-his miners} , [his]_{646-the father} life must gravitate towards [theirs]_{5857-his miners} . [They]_{5857-his miners} were , unconsciously , [[his]_{646-the father} idol]_{5858-his idol} , [[his]_{646-the father} God]_{5859-his god} made manifest . In [them]_{5857-his miners} [he]_{646-the father} worshipped the highest , [the great , sympathetic , mindless Godhead of humanity]_{5860-the great , sympathetic , mindless godhead of humanity} . And all the while , [[his]_{646-the father} wife]_{1467-his wife} had opposed [him]_{646-the father} like one of the great demons of hell . [Strange , like a bird of prey , with the fascinating beauty and abstraction of a hawk]_{5862-strange , like a bird of prey , with the fascinating beauty and abstraction of a hawk} , [she]_{1467-his wife} had beat against the bars of [[his]_{646-the father} philanthropy]_{5863-his philanthropy} , and like a hawk in a cage , [she]_{1467-his wife} had sunk into silence . By force of circumstance , because all [the world]_{541-the world} combined to make the cage unbreakable , [he]_{646-the father} had been too strong for [her]_{1467-his wife} , [he]_{646-the father} had kept [her]_{1467-his wife} prisoner . And because [she]_{1467-his wife} was [[his]_{646-the father} prisoner]_{5865-his prisoner} , [his]_{646-the father} passion for [her]_{1467-his wife} had always remained keen as death . [He]_{646-the father} had always loved [her]_{1467-his wife} , loved [her]_{1467-his wife} with intensity . Within [the cage]_{5866-the cage} , [she]_{1467-his wife} was denied nothing , [she]_{1467-his wife} was given all licence . But [she]_{1467-his wife} had gone almost mad . Of wild and overweening temper , [she]_{1467-his wife} could not bear the humiliation of [[her]_{1467-his wife} husband]_{5204-her husband} ’s soft , half - appealing kindness to [everybody]_{780-everybody} . [He]_{646-the father} was not deceived by [the poor]_{5869-the poor} . [He]_{646-the father} knew [they]_{5869-the poor} came and sponged on [him]_{646-the father} , and whined to [him]_{646-the father} , [the worse sort]_{5870-the worse sort} ; [the majority]_{5871-the majority} , luckily for [him]_{646-the father} , were much too proud to ask for anything , much too independent to come knocking at [his]_{646-the father} door . But in [Beldover]_1-beldover , as everywhere else , there were [the whining , parasitic , foul human beings who come crawling after charity , and feeding on the living body of the public]_{5872-the whining , parasitic , foul human beings who come crawling after charity , and feeding on the living body of the public} like lice . A kind of fire would go over [Christiana Crich]_{305-christiana crich} ’s brain , as [she]_{305-christiana crich} saw [two more pale - faced , creeping women in objectionable black clothes , cringing lugubriously up [the drive]_{5874-the drive} to the door]_{5873-two more pale - faced , creeping women in objectionable black clothes , cringing lugubriously up the drive to the door} . [She]_{305-christiana crich} wanted to set the dogs on [them]_{5873-two more pale - faced , creeping women in objectionable black clothes , cringing lugubriously up the drive to the door} , “_{[304-poor christiana]} [Hi Rip]_{306-hi rip} ! Hi Ring ! [Ranger]_307-ranger ! [At ’em boys]_{2461-at ’em boys} , set ’em off . ” But [Crowther]_184-crowther , [the butler]_{5875-the butler} , with [all the rest of [the servants]_{5115-the servants}]_{5876-all the rest of the servants} , was [[Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} ’s man]_{5878-mr crich ’s man} . Nevertheless , when [[her]_{305-christiana crich} husband]_{5204-her husband} was away , [she]_{305-christiana crich} would come down like [a wolf on the crawling supplicants]_{5880-a wolf on the crawling supplicants} : “_{[2461-at ’em boys]} What do [[you]_2462-you people]_{2463-you people} want ? There is nothing for [you]_2462-you [here]_4650-here . [You]_2462-you have no business on the drive at all . [Simpson]_308-simpson , drive [them]_{2463-you people} away and let no more of [them]_{2463-you people} through the gate . ” [The servants]_{5115-the servants} had to obey [her]_{305-christiana crich} . And [she]_{305-christiana crich} would stand watching with an eye like the eagle ’s , whilst [the groom in clumsy confusion]_{5882-the groom in clumsy confusion} drove [the lugubrious persons]_{5883-the lugubrious persons} down [the drive]_{5874-the drive} , as if [they]_{5883-the lugubrious persons} were rusty fowls , scuttling before [him]_5461-sir . But [they]_{5115-the servants} learned to know , from [the lodge - keeper]_{5885-the lodge - keeper} , when [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} was away , and [they]_{5115-the servants} timed [their]_{5115-the servants} visits . How many times , in the first years , would [Crowther]_184-crowther knock softly at the door : “_{[2465-person]} [Person]_2465-person to see [you]_2462-you , [sir]_5461-sir . ” “_{[2465-person]} What name ? ” “_{[309-grocock]} [Grocock]_309-grocock , [sir]_5461-sir . ” “_{[309-grocock]} What do [they]_{2463-you people} want ? ” The question was half impatient , half gratified . [He]_2462-you liked hearing appeals to [his]_2462-you charity . “_{[2463-you people]} About [a child]_{733-a child} , [sir]_5461-sir . ” “_{[2463-you people]} Show [them]_{2463-you people} into [the library]_{2470-the library} , and tell [them]_{2463-you people} [they]_{2463-you people} should n’t come after eleven o’clock in the morning . ” “_{[2463-you people]} Why do [you]_2462-you get up from dinner?—send [them]_{2463-you people} off , ” [[his]_2462-you wife]_{1467-his wife} would say abruptly . “_[2462-you] Oh , [I]_0-i ca n’t do that . It ’s no trouble just to hear what [they]_{2463-you people} have to say . ” “_{[2463-you people]} How many more have been [here]_4650-here today ? Why do n’t [you]_2462-you establish [open house for [them]_{2463-you people}]_{2472-open house for them} ? [They]_{2463-you people} would soon oust [me]_0-i and [the children]_{4705-the children} . ” “_{[2463-you people]} [You]_2462-you know [dear]_2460-dear , it does n’t hurt [me]_0-i to hear what [they]_{2463-you people} have to say . And if [they]_{2463-you people} really are in trouble — well , it is [my]_0-i duty to help [them]_{2463-you people} out of it . ” “_[0-i] It ’s [your]_2462-you duty to invite [all the rats in [the world]_{541-the world}]_{2475-all the rats in the world} to gnaw at [your]_2462-you bones . ” “_{[2475-all the rats in the world]} Come , [Christiana]_{305-christiana crich} , it is n’t like that . Do n’t be uncharitable . ” But [she]_{305-christiana crich} suddenly swept out of [the room]_{739-the room} , and out to [the study]_{5469-the study} . There sat [the meagre charity - seekers]_{5889-the meagre charity - seekers} , looking as if [they]_{5889-the meagre charity - seekers} were at [the doctor]_{5890-the doctor} ’s . “_{[171-mr crich]} [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} ca n’t see [you]_2462-you . [He]_{171-mr crich} ca n’t see [you]_2462-you at this hour . Do [you]_2462-you think [he]_{171-mr crich} is [[your]_2462-you property]_{2477-your property} , that [you]_2462-you can come whenever [you]_2462-you like ? [You]_2462-you must go away , there is nothing for [you]_2462-you [here]_4650-here . ” [The poor people]_{5891-the poor people} rose in confusion . But [Mr Crich , pale and black - bearded and deprecating]_{171-mr crich} , came behind [her]_2462-you , saying : “_[0-i] Yes , [I]_0-i do n’t like [you]_2462-you coming as late as this . [I]_0-i ’ll hear any of [you]_2462-you in the morning part of the day , but [I]_0-i ca n’t really do with [you]_2462-you after . What ’s amiss then , [Gittens]_310-gittens . How is [[your]_2462-you [Missis]_311-missis]_{5339-your missis} ? ” “_[311-missis] Why , [she]_311-missis ’s sunk very low , [Mester Crich]_{312-mester crich} , [she]_311-missis ’s a’most gone , [she]_311-missis is — ” Sometimes , it seemed to [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} as if [[her]_{165-mrs crich} husband]_{5204-her husband} were some subtle funeral bird , feeding on the miseries of [the people]_{4677-the people} . It seemed to [her]_{165-mrs crich} [he]_{5204-her husband} was never satisfied unless there was some sordid tale being poured out to [him]_{5204-her husband} , which [he]_{5204-her husband} drank in with a sort of mournful , sympathetic satisfaction . [He]_{5204-her husband} would have no raison d’être if there were no lugubrious miseries in [the world]_{541-the world} , as [an undertaker]_{5895-an undertaker} would have no meaning if there were no funerals . [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} recoiled back upon [herself]_{165-mrs crich} , [she]_{165-mrs crich} recoiled away from this world of creeping democracy . A band of tight , baleful exclusion fastened round [her]_{165-mrs crich} heart , [her]_{165-mrs crich} isolation was fierce and hard , [her]_{165-mrs crich} antagonism was passive but terribly pure , like that of [a hawk in a cage]_{5896-a hawk in a cage} . As the years went on , [she]_{165-mrs crich} lost more and more count of [the world]_{541-the world} , [she]_{165-mrs crich} seemed rapt in some glittering abstraction , almost purely unconscious . [She]_{165-mrs crich} would wander about [the house]_{468-the house} and about [the surrounding country]_{5899-the surrounding country} , staring keenly and seeing nothing . [She]_{165-mrs crich} rarely spoke , [she]_{165-mrs crich} had no connection with [the world]_{541-the world} . And [she]_{165-mrs crich} did not even think . [She]_{165-mrs crich} was consumed in a fierce tension of opposition , like the negative pole of a magnet . And [she]_{165-mrs crich} bore [many children]_{5901-many children} . For , as time went on , [she]_{165-mrs crich} never opposed [[her]_{165-mrs crich} husband]_{5204-her husband} in word or deed . [She]_{165-mrs crich} took no notice of [him]_{5204-her husband} , externally . [She]_{165-mrs crich} submitted to [him]_{5204-her husband} , let [him]_{5204-her husband} take what [he]_{5204-her husband} wanted and do as [he]_{5204-her husband} wanted with [her]_{165-mrs crich} . [She]_{165-mrs crich} was like a hawk that sullenly submits to everything . The relation between [her]_{165-mrs crich} and [[her]_{165-mrs crich} husband]_{5204-her husband} was wordless and unknown , but it was deep , awful , a relation of utter inter - destruction . And [he]_{5204-her husband} , who triumphed in [the world]_{541-the world} , [he]_{5204-her husband} became more and more hollow in [his]_{5204-her husband} vitality , the vitality was bled from within [him]_{5204-her husband} , as by some hæmorrhage . [She]_{165-mrs crich} was hulked like a hawk in a cage , but [her]_{165-mrs crich} heart was fierce and undiminished within [her]_{165-mrs crich} , though [her]_{165-mrs crich} mind was destroyed . So to the last [he]_{5204-her husband} would go to [her]_{165-mrs crich} and hold [her]_{165-mrs crich} in [his]_{5204-her husband} arms sometimes , before [his]_{5204-her husband} strength was all gone . The terrible white , destructive light that burned in [her]_{165-mrs crich} eyes only excited and roused [him]_{5204-her husband} . Till [he]_{5204-her husband} was bled to death , and then [he]_{5204-her husband} dreaded [her]_{165-mrs crich} more than anything . But [he]_{5204-her husband} always said to [himself]_{5204-her husband} , how happy [he]_{5204-her husband} had been , how [he]_{5204-her husband} had loved [her]_{165-mrs crich} with a pure and consuming love ever since [he]_{5204-her husband} had known [her]_{165-mrs crich} . And [he]_{5204-her husband} thought of [her]_{165-mrs crich} as pure , chaste ; the white flame which was known to [him]_{5204-her husband} alone , the flame of [her]_{165-mrs crich} sex , was a white flower of snow to [his]_{5204-her husband} mind . [She]_{165-mrs crich} was a wonderful white snow - flower , which [he]_{5204-her husband} had desired infinitely . And now [he]_{5204-her husband} was dying with all [his]_{5204-her husband} ideas and interpretations intact . [They]_5905-they would only collapse when the breath left [his]_{5204-her husband} body . Till then they would be pure truths for [him]_{5204-her husband} . Only death would show the perfect completeness of the lie . Till death , [she]_{165-mrs crich} was [his]_{5204-her husband} white snow - flower . [He]_{5204-her husband} had subdued [her]_{165-mrs crich} , and [her]_{165-mrs crich} subjugation was to [him]_{5204-her husband} an infinite chastity in [her]_{165-mrs crich} , a virginity which [he]_{5204-her husband} could never break , and which dominated [him]_{5204-her husband} as by a spell . [She]_{165-mrs crich} had let go [the outer world]_{5906-the outer world} , but within [herself]_{165-mrs crich} [she]_{165-mrs crich} was unbroken and unimpaired . [She]_{165-mrs crich} only sat in [[her]_{165-mrs crich} room]_{5117-her room} like a moping , dishevelled hawk , motionless , mindless . [[Her]_{165-mrs crich} children]_{2445-her children} , for whom [she]_{165-mrs crich} had been so fierce in [her]_{165-mrs crich} youth , now meant scarcely anything to [her]_{165-mrs crich} . [She]_{165-mrs crich} had lost all that , [she]_{165-mrs crich} was quite by [herself]_{165-mrs crich} . Only [Gerald]_255-gerald , [the gleaming]_{5909-the gleaming} , had some existence for [her]_{165-mrs crich} . But of late years , since [he]_255-gerald had become head of the business , [he]_255-gerald too was forgotten . Whereas [the father]_{646-the father} , now [he]_{646-the father} was dying , turned for compassion to [Gerald]_255-gerald . There had always been opposition between [the two of [them]_{1536-the two of them}]_{1536-the two of them} . [Gerald]_255-gerald had feared and despised [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} , and to a great extent had avoided [him]_{5330-his father} all through boyhood and young manhood . And [the father]_{646-the father} had felt very often a real dislike of [[his]_{646-the father} eldest son]_{5914-his eldest son} , which , never wanting to give way to , [he]_{646-the father} had refused to acknowledge . [He]_{646-the father} had ignored [Gerald]_255-gerald as much as possible , leaving [him]_255-gerald alone . Since , however , [Gerald]_255-gerald had come [home]_4649-home and assumed responsibility in [the firm]_{1794-the firm} , and had proved such [a wonderful director]_{5917-a wonderful director} , [the father]_{646-the father} , tired and weary of all outside concerns , had put all [his]_{646-the father} trust of these things in [[his]_{646-the father} son]_{2195-his son} , implicitly , leaving everything to [him]_255-gerald , and assuming a rather touching dependence on [the young enemy]_{5920-the young enemy} . This immediately roused a poignant pity and allegiance in [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s heart , always shadowed by contempt and by unadmitted enmity . For [Gerald]_255-gerald was in reaction against Charity ; and yet [he]_255-gerald was dominated by it , it assumed supremacy in the inner life , and [he]_255-gerald could not confute it . So [he]_255-gerald was partly subject to that which [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} stood for , but [he]_255-gerald was in reaction against it . Now [he]_255-gerald could not save [himself]_255-gerald . A certain pity and grief and tenderness for [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} overcame [him]_255-gerald , in spite of the deeper , more sullen hostility . [The father]_{646-the father} won shelter from [Gerald]_255-gerald through compassion . But for love [he]_{646-the father} had [Winifred]_297-winifred . [She]_5924-her was [[his]_{646-the father} youngest child]_{5925-his youngest child} , [she]_5924-her was [the only one of [[his]_{646-the father} children whom [he]_{646-the father} had ever closely loved]_{5927-his children whom he had ever closely loved}]_{5926-the only one of his children whom he had ever closely loved} . And [her]_5924-her [he]_{646-the father} loved with all the great , overweening , sheltering love of [a dying man]_{5928-a dying man} . [He]_{646-the father} wanted to shelter [her]_5924-her infinitely , infinitely , to wrap [her]_5924-her in warmth and love and shelter , perfectly . If [he]_{646-the father} could save [her]_5924-her [she]_5924-her should never know one pain , one grief , one hurt . [He]_{646-the father} had been so right all [his]_{646-the father} life , so constant in [his]_{646-the father} kindness and [his]_{646-the father} goodness . And this was [his]_{646-the father} last passionate righteousness , [his]_{646-the father} love for [the child Winifred]_{5929-the child winifred} . Some things troubled [him]_{646-the father} yet . [The world]_{541-the world} had passed away from [him]_{646-the father} , as [his]_{646-the father} strength ebbed . There were [no more poor and injured and humble to protect and succour]_{5931-no more poor and injured and humble to protect and succour} . These were all lost to [him]_{646-the father} . There were [no more [sons]_1169-sons and [daughters]_{5934-daughters}]_{5932-no more sons and daughters} to trouble [him]_{646-the father} , and to weigh on [him]_{646-the father} as an unnatural responsibility . These too had faded out of reality . All these things had fallen out of [his]_{646-the father} hands , and left [him]_{646-the father} free . There remained the covert fear and horror of [[his]_{646-the father} wife]_{1467-his wife} , as [she]_{1467-his wife} sat mindless and strange in [[her]_{1467-his wife} room]_{5117-her room} , or as [she]_{1467-his wife} came forth with slow , prowling step , [her]_{1467-his wife} head bent forward . But this [he]_{646-the father} put away . Even [his]_{646-the father} life - long righteousness , however , would not quite deliver [him]_{646-the father} from the inner horror . Still , [he]_{646-the father} could keep it sufficiently at bay . It would never break forth openly . Death would come first . Then there was [Winifred]_297-winifred ! If only [he]_{646-the father} could be sure about [her]_{1467-his wife} , if only [he]_{646-the father} could be sure . Since the death of [Diana]_188-diana , and the development of [his]_{646-the father} illness , [his]_{646-the father} craving for surety with regard to [Winifred]_297-winifred amounted almost to obsession . It was as if , even dying , [he]_{646-the father} must have some anxiety , some responsibility of love , of Charity , upon [his]_{646-the father} heart . [She]_{1467-his wife} was [an odd , sensitive , inflammable child]_{5937-an odd , sensitive , inflammable child} , having [[her]_{1467-his wife} father]_{583-her father} ’s dark hair and quiet bearing , but being quite detached , momentaneous . [She]_{1467-his wife} was like a changeling indeed , as if [her]_{1467-his wife} feelings did not matter to [her]_{1467-his wife} , really . [She]_{1467-his wife} often seemed to be talking and playing like [the gayest and most childish of children]_{5939-the gayest and most childish of children} , [she]_{1467-his wife} was full of the warmest , most delightful affection for a few things — for [[her]_{1467-his wife} father]_{583-her father} , and for [her]_{1467-his wife} animals in particular . But if [she]_{1467-his wife} heard that [her]_{1467-his wife} beloved kitten [Leo]_313-leo had been run over by [the motor - car]_{5108-the motor - car} [she]_{1467-his wife} put [her]_{1467-his wife} head on one side , and replied , with a faint contraction like resentment on [her]_{1467-his wife} face : “_[2480-he] Has [he]_2480-he ? ” Then [she]_{1467-his wife} took no more notice . [She]_{1467-his wife} only disliked [the servant who would force bad news on [her]_{1467-his wife}]_{5942-the servant who would force bad news on her} , and wanted [her]_{1467-his wife} to be sorry . [She]_{1467-his wife} wished not to know , and that seemed [her]_{1467-his wife} chief motive . [She]_{1467-his wife} avoided [[her]_{1467-his wife} mother]_{770-her mother} , and [most of the members of [[her]_{1467-his wife} family]_{5945-her family}]_{5944-most of the members of her family} . [She]_{1467-his wife} loved [[her]_{1467-his wife} Daddy]_{5946-her daddy} , because [he]_{5946-her daddy} wanted [her]_{1467-his wife} always to be happy , and because [he]_{5946-her daddy} seemed to become young again , and irresponsible in [her]_{1467-his wife} presence . [She]_{1467-his wife} liked [Gerald]_255-gerald , because [he]_255-gerald was so self - contained . [She]_{1467-his wife} loved [people who would make life a game for [her]_{1467-his wife}]_{5947-people who would make life a game for her} . [She]_{1467-his wife} had an amazing instinctive critical faculty , and was [a pure anarchist]_{5948-a pure anarchist} , [a pure aristocrat]_{5949-a pure aristocrat} at once . For [she]_{1467-his wife} accepted [[[her]_{1467-his wife} equals]_{5950-her equals} wherever [she]_{1467-his wife} found [them]_{5950-her equals} , and [she]_{1467-his wife} ignored with blithe indifference [[her]_{1467-his wife} inferiors]_{5952-her inferiors} , whether [they]_{5952-her inferiors} were [[her]_{1467-his wife} brothers]_{5953-her brothers} and [sisters]_5954-sisters , or whether [they]_{5952-her inferiors} were [wealthy guests of [the house]_{468-the house}]_{5955-wealthy guests of the house} , or whether [they]_{5952-her inferiors} were [the common people]_{1858-the common people} or [the servants]_{5115-the servants}]_{5951-her equals wherever she found them , and she ignored with blithe indifference her inferiors , whether they were her brothers and sisters , or whether they were wealthy guests of the house , or whether they were the common people or the servants} . [She]_{1467-his wife} was quite single and by [herself]_{1467-his wife} , deriving from [nobody]_912-nobody . It was as if [she]_{1467-his wife} were cut off from all purpose or continuity , and existed simply moment by moment . [The father]_{646-the father} , as by some strange final illusion , felt as if all [his]_{646-the father} fate depended on [his]_{646-the father} ensuring to Winifred [her]_{1467-his wife} happiness . [She]_{1467-his wife} who could never suffer , because [she]_{1467-his wife} never formed vital connections , [she]_{1467-his wife} who could lose the dearest things of [her]_{1467-his wife} life and be just the same the next day , the whole memory dropped out , as if deliberately , [she]_{1467-his wife} whose will was so strangely and easily free , anarchistic , almost nihilistic , who like a soulless bird flits on its own will , without attachment or responsibility beyond the moment , who in [her]_{1467-his wife} every motion snapped the threads of serious relationship with blithe , free hands , really nihilistic , because never troubled , [she]_{1467-his wife} must be the object of [[her]_{1467-his wife} father]_{583-her father} ’s final passionate solicitude . When [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} heard that [Gudrun Brangwen]_160-gudrun might come to help [Winifred]_297-winifred with [her]_160-gudrun drawing and modelling [he]_{171-mr crich} saw a road to salvation for [[his]_{171-mr crich} child]_{5962-his child} . [He]_{171-mr crich} believed that [Winifred]_297-winifred had talent , [he]_{171-mr crich} had seen [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [he]_{171-mr crich} knew that [she]_160-gudrun was [an exceptional person]_{5963-an exceptional person} . [He]_{171-mr crich} could give [Winifred]_297-winifred into [her]_160-gudrun hands as into the hands of [a right being]_{5964-a right being} . Here was a direction and a positive force to be lent to [[his]_{171-mr crich} child]_{5962-his child} , [he]_{171-mr crich} need not leave [her]_{5962-his child} directionless and defenceless . If [he]_{171-mr crich} could but graft [the girl]_{540-the girl} on to some tree of utterance before [he]_{171-mr crich} died , [he]_{171-mr crich} would have fulfilled [his]_{171-mr crich} responsibility . And here it could be done . [He]_{171-mr crich} did not hesitate to appeal to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . Meanwhile , as [the father]_{646-the father} drifted more and more out of life , [Gerald]_255-gerald experienced more and more a sense of exposure . [[His]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} after all had stood for the living world to [him]_255-gerald . Whilst [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} lived [Gerald]_255-gerald was not responsible for [the world]_{541-the world} . But now [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} was passing away , [Gerald]_255-gerald found [himself]_255-gerald left exposed and unready before the storm of living , like [the mutinous first mate of a ship that has lost [[his]_{171-mr crich} captain]_{5973-his captain} , and who sees only a terrible chaos in front of [him]_255-gerald]_{5972-the mutinous first mate of a ship that has lost his captain , and who sees only a terrible chaos in front of him} . [He]_255-gerald did not inherit an established order and a living idea . The whole unifying idea of [mankind]_1014-mankind seemed to be dying with [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} , the centralising force that had held the whole together seemed to collapse with [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} , the parts were ready to go asunder in terrible disintegration . [Gerald]_255-gerald was as if left on board of [a ship that was going asunder]_{5977-a ship that was going asunder} beneath [his]_255-gerald feet , [he]_255-gerald was in charge of [a vessel whose timbers were all coming apart]_{5978-a vessel whose timbers were all coming apart} . [He]_255-gerald knew that all [his]_255-gerald life [he]_255-gerald had been wrenching at the frame of life to break it apart . And now , with something of the terror of [a destructive child]_{5979-a destructive child} , [he]_255-gerald saw [himself]_255-gerald on the point of inheriting [his]_255-gerald own destruction . And during the last months , under the influence of death , and of [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s talk , and of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s penetrating being , [he]_255-gerald had lost entirely that mechanical certainty that had been [his]_255-gerald triumph . Sometimes spasms of hatred came over [him]_255-gerald , against [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [that whole set]_{5980-that whole set} . [He]_255-gerald wanted to go back to the dullest conservatism , to [the most stupid of [conventional people]_{5982-conventional people}]_{5981-the most stupid of conventional people} . [He]_255-gerald wanted to revert to the strictest Toryism . But the desire did not last long enough to carry [him]_255-gerald into action . During [his]_255-gerald childhood and [his]_255-gerald boyhood [he]_255-gerald had wanted a sort of savagedom . The days of [Homer]_314-homer were [his]_255-gerald ideal , when [a man]_{4648-a man} was [chief of [an army of [heroes]_5986-heroes]_{5985-an army of heroes}]_{5984-chief of an army of heroes} , or spent [his]_{4648-a man} years in wonderful [Odyssey]_64-odyssey . [He]_255-gerald hated remorselessly the circumstances of [his]_255-gerald own life , so much that [he]_255-gerald never really saw [Beldover]_1-beldover and [the colliery valley]_{5987-the colliery valley} . [He]_255-gerald turned [his]_255-gerald face entirely away from [the blackened mining region that stretched away on the right hand of [Shortlands]_7-shortlands]_{5988-the blackened mining region that stretched away on the right hand of shortlands} , [he]_255-gerald turned entirely to [the country]_{4896-the country} and [the woods beyond [Willey Water]_{8-willey water}]_{5990-the woods beyond willey water} . It was true that the panting and rattling of [the coal mines]_{5991-the coal mines} could always be heard at [Shortlands]_7-shortlands . But from [his]_255-gerald earliest childhood , [Gerald]_255-gerald had paid no heed to this . [He]_255-gerald had ignored the whole of the industrial sea which surged in coal - blackened tides against [the grounds of [the house]_{468-the house}]_{1787-the grounds of the house} . [The world]_{541-the world} was really a wilderness where [one hunted and swam and rode]_{5995-one hunted and swam and rode} . [He]_255-gerald rebelled against all authority . Life was a condition of savage freedom . Then [he]_255-gerald had been sent away to [school]_4869-school , which was so much death to [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald refused to go to [Oxford]_14-oxford , choosing [a German university]_{5997-a german university} . [He]_255-gerald had spent a certain time at [Bonn]_66-bonn , at [Berlin]_67-berlin , and at [Frankfurt]_68-frankfurt . [There]_629-there , a curiosity had been aroused in [his]_255-gerald mind . [He]_255-gerald wanted to see and to know , in a curious objective fashion , as if it were an amusement to [him]_255-gerald . Then [he]_255-gerald must try war . Then [he]_255-gerald must travel into [the savage regions that had so attracted [him]_255-gerald]_{5999-the savage regions that had so attracted him} . The result was , [he]_255-gerald found [humanity]_987-humanity very much alike everywhere , and to a mind like [his]_255-gerald , curious and cold , [the savage]_{6001-the savage} was duller , less exciting than [the European]_{69-the european} . So [he]_255-gerald took hold of all kinds of sociological ideas , and ideas of reform . But they never went more than skin - deep , they were never more than a mental amusement . [Their]_987-humanity interest lay chiefly in the reaction against the positive order , the destructive reaction . [He]_255-gerald discovered at last a real adventure in [the coal - mines]_{6002-the coal - mines} . [[His]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} asked [him]_255-gerald to help in [the firm]_{1794-the firm} . [Gerald]_255-gerald had been educated in the science of mining , and it had never interested [him]_255-gerald . Now , suddenly , with a sort of exultation , [he]_255-gerald laid hold of [the world]_{541-the world} . There was impressed photographically on [his]_255-gerald consciousness the great industry . Suddenly , it was real , [he]_255-gerald was part of it . Down [the valley]_{5286-the valley} ran [the colliery railway]_{6007-the colliery railway} , linking mine with [mine]_6008-mine . Down [the railway]_{1339-the railway} ran [the trains]_{6010-the trains} , [short trains of heavily laden trucks]_{6011-short trains of heavily laden trucks} , [long trains of empty wagons]_{6012-long trains of empty wagons} , each one bearing in big white letters the initials : “_[2480-he] C. B. & Co. ” These white letters on [all the wagons [he]_255-gerald had seen since [his]_255-gerald first childhood]_{6013-all the wagons he had seen since his first childhood} , and it was as if [he]_255-gerald had never seen them , they were so familiar , and so ignored . Now at last [he]_255-gerald saw [his]_255-gerald own name written on the wall . Now [he]_255-gerald had a vision of power . So many wagons , bearing [his]_255-gerald initial , running all over [the country]_{4896-the country} . [He]_255-gerald saw [them]_{6010-the trains} as [he]_255-gerald entered [London]_2-london in [the train]_{4874-the train} , [he]_255-gerald saw [them]_{6010-the trains} at [Dover]_70-dover . So far [his]_255-gerald power ramified . [He]_255-gerald looked at [Beldover]_1-beldover , at [Selby]_71-selby , at [Whatmore]_72-whatmore , at [Lethley Bank]_{73-lethley bank} , [the great colliery villages which depended entirely on [[his]_255-gerald mines]_{6017-his mines}]_{6016-the great colliery villages which depended entirely on his mines} . They were hideous and sordid , during [his]_255-gerald childhood they had been sores in [his]_255-gerald consciousness . And now [he]_255-gerald saw [them]_{6010-the trains} with pride . [Four raw new towns]_{6018-four raw new towns} , and [many ugly industrial hamlets]_{6019-many ugly industrial hamlets} were crowded under [his]_255-gerald dependence . [He]_255-gerald saw the stream of [miners]_1438-miners flowing along [the causeways]_{6021-the causeways} from [the mines]_{988-the mines} at the end of the afternoon , [thousands of blackened , slightly distorted human beings with red mouths]_{6023-thousands of blackened , slightly distorted human beings with red mouths} , all moving subjugate to [his]_255-gerald will . [He]_255-gerald pushed slowly in [[his]_255-gerald motor - car]_{6024-his motor - car} through [the little market - top]_{6025-the little market - top} on Friday nights in [Beldover]_1-beldover , through a solid mass of [human beings]_{511-human beings} that were making [their]_{511-human beings} purchases and doing [their]_{511-human beings} weekly spending . [They]_{511-human beings} were all subordinate to [him]_255-gerald . [They]_{511-human beings} were ugly and uncouth , but [they]_{511-human beings} were [his]_255-gerald instruments . [He]_255-gerald was [the God of the machine]_{6027-the god of the machine} . [They]_{511-human beings} made way for [his]_255-gerald [motor - car]_{6028-motor - car} automatically , slowly . [He]_255-gerald did not care whether [they]_{511-human beings} made way with alacrity , or grudgingly . [He]_255-gerald did not care what [they]_{511-human beings} thought of [him]_255-gerald . [His]_255-gerald vision had suddenly crystallised . Suddenly [he]_255-gerald had conceived the pure instrumentality of [mankind]_1014-mankind . There had been so much humanitarianism , so much talk of sufferings and feelings . It was ridiculous . The sufferings and feelings of [individuals]_{6030-individuals} did not matter in the least . They were mere conditions , like the weather . What mattered was the pure instrumentality of [the individual]_{5373-the individual} . As [a man as of a knife]_{6032-a man as of a knife} : does it cut well ? Nothing else mattered . Everything in [the world]_{541-the world} has its function , and is good or not good in so far as it fulfils this function more or less perfectly . Was [a miner]_{1442-a miner} [a good miner]_{6035-a good miner} ? Then [he]_{1442-a miner} was complete . Was [a manager]_{6036-a manager} [a good manager]_{6037-a good manager} ? That was enough . [Gerald]_255-gerald [himself]_255-gerald , who was responsible for all this industry , was [he]_255-gerald [a good director]_{6038-a good director} ? If [he]_255-gerald were , [he]_255-gerald had fulfilled [his]_255-gerald life . The rest was by - play . [The mines]_{988-the mines} were there , they were old . [They]_{988-the mines} were giving out , it did not pay to work the seams . There was talk of closing down two of [them]_{988-the mines} . It was at this point that [Gerald]_255-gerald arrived on the scene . [He]_255-gerald looked around . There lay [the mines]_{988-the mines} . [They]_{988-the mines} were old , obsolete . [They]_{988-the mines} were like old lions , no more good . [He]_255-gerald looked again . Pah ! [the mines]_{988-the mines} were nothing but the clumsy efforts of [impure minds]_{6042-impure minds} . There they lay , abortions of a half - trained mind . Let the idea of them be swept away . [He]_255-gerald cleared [his]_255-gerald brain of [them]_{988-the mines} , and thought only of the coal in [the under earth]_{6043-the under earth} . How much was there ? There was plenty of coal . [The old workings]_{6044-the old workings} could not get at [it]_{988-the mines} , that was all . Then break the neck of [the old workings]_{6044-the old workings} . The coal lay there in its seams , even though the seams were thin . There it lay , inert matter , as it had always lain , since the beginning of time , subject to the will of [man]_1089-man . The will of [man]_1089-man was the determining factor . [Man]_1089-man was [the archgod of earth]_{6049-the archgod of earth} . [His]_1089-man mind was obedient to serve [his]_1089-man will . [Man]_261-man ’s will was the absolute , the only absolute . And it was [his]_1089-man will to subjugate Matter to [his]_1089-man own ends . The subjugation itself was the point , the fight was the be - all , the fruits of victory were mere results . It was not for the sake of money that [Gerald]_255-gerald took over [the mines]_{988-the mines} . [He]_255-gerald did not care about money , fundamentally . [He]_255-gerald was neither ostentatious nor luxurious , neither did [he]_255-gerald care about social position , not finally . What [he]_255-gerald wanted was the pure fulfilment of [his]_255-gerald own will in the struggle with the natural conditions . [His]_255-gerald will was now , to take the coal out of [the earth]_{972-the earth} , profitably . The profit was merely the condition of victory , but the victory itself lay in the feat achieved . [He]_255-gerald vibrated with zest before the challenge . Every day [he]_255-gerald was in [the mines]_{988-the mines} , examining , testing , [he]_255-gerald consulted [experts]_6053-experts , [he]_255-gerald gradually gathered the whole situation into [his]_255-gerald mind , as [a general]_{6054-a general} grasps the plan of [his]_255-gerald campaign . Then there was need for a complete break . [The mines]_{988-the mines} were run on an old system , an obsolete idea . The initial idea had been , to obtain as much money from [the earth]_{972-the earth} as would make [the owners]_{6057-the owners} comfortably rich , would allow [the workmen]_{6058-the workmen} sufficient wages and good conditions , and would increase the wealth of [the country]_{4896-the country} altogether . [[Gerald]_255-gerald ’s father]_{6060-gerald ’s father} , following in [the second generation]_{6061-the second generation} , having a sufficient fortune , had thought only of [the men]_{727-the men} . [The mines]_{988-the mines} , for [him]_255-gerald , were primarily [great fields to produce bread]_{6064-great fields to produce bread} and plenty for all the hundreds of [human beings]_{511-human beings} gathered about [them]_{988-the mines} . [He]_255-gerald had lived and striven with [[his]_255-gerald fellow owners]_{6066-his fellow owners} to benefit [the men]_{727-the men} every time . And [the men]_{727-the men} had been benefited in [their]_{727-the men} fashion . There were [few poor]_{6069-few poor} , and [few needy]_{6070-few needy} . All was plenty , because [the mines]_{988-the mines} were good and easy to work . And [the miners]_{5856-the miners} , in those days , finding [themselves]_{5856-the miners} richer than [they]_{5856-the miners} might have expected , felt glad and triumphant . [They]_{5856-the miners} thought [themselves]_{5856-the miners} well - off , [they]_{5856-the miners} congratulated [themselves]_{5856-the miners} on [their]_{5856-the miners} good - fortune , [they]_{5856-the miners} remembered how [[their]_{5856-the miners} fathers]_{6073-their fathers} had starved and suffered , and [they]_{5856-the miners} felt that better times had come . [They]_{5856-the miners} were grateful to those others , [the pioneers]_{6074-the pioneers} , [the new owners]_{6075-the new owners} , who had opened out [the pits]_{6076-the pits} , and let forth this stream of plenty . But [man]_1089-man is never satisfied , and so [the miners]_{5856-the miners} , from gratitude to [[their]_{5856-the miners} owners]_{6079-their owners} , passed on to murmuring . [Their]_{5856-the miners} sufficiency decreased with knowledge , [they]_{5856-the miners} wanted more . Why should [the master]_{6080-the master} be [so out - of - all - proportion rich]_{6081-so out - of - all - proportion rich} ? There was a crisis when [Gerald]_255-gerald was [a boy]_{764-a boy} , when [[the Masters]_{315-the masters} ’ Federation]_{6083-the masters ’ federation} closed down [the mines]_{988-the mines} because [the men]_{727-the men} would not accept a reduction . This lock - out had forced [home]_4649-home the new conditions to [Thomas Crich]_{164-thomas crich} . Belonging to [the Federation]_{6087-the federation} , [he]_255-gerald had been compelled by [his]_255-gerald honour to close [the pits]_{6076-the pits} against [[his]_255-gerald men]_{6089-his men} . [He]_255-gerald , [the father]_{646-the father} , [the Patriarch]_{6091-the patriarch} , was forced to deny the means of life to [[his]_255-gerald sons]_{6092-his sons} , [[his]_255-gerald people]_{6093-his people} . [He]_255-gerald , [the rich man who would hardly enter [heaven]_619-heaven because of [his]_255-gerald possessions]_{6094-the rich man who would hardly enter heaven because of his possessions} , must now turn upon [the poor]_{5869-the poor} , upon [those who were nearer [Christ]_192-christ than [himself]_255-gerald]_{6097-those who were nearer christ than himself} , [those who were humble and despised and closer to perfection]_{6098-those who were humble and despised and closer to perfection} , [those who were manly and noble in [their]_{6099-those who were manly and noble in their labours} labours]_{6099-those who were manly and noble in their labours} , and must say to [them]_{6092-his sons} : “_[2481-ye] [Ye]_2481-ye shall neither labour nor eat bread . ” It was this recognition of the state of war which really broke [his]_255-gerald heart . [He]_255-gerald wanted [his]_255-gerald industry to be run on love . Oh , [he]_255-gerald wanted love to be the directing power even of [the mines]_{988-the mines} . And now , from under the cloak of love , the sword was cynically drawn , the sword of mechanical necessity . This really broke [his]_255-gerald heart . [He]_255-gerald must have the illusion and now the illusion was destroyed . [The men]_{727-the men} were not against [him]_255-gerald , but [they]_{727-the men} were against [the masters]_{6102-the masters} . It was war , and willy nilly [he]_255-gerald found [himself]_255-gerald on the wrong side , in [his]_255-gerald own conscience . [Seething masses of]_{6103-seething masses of} [miners]_1438-miners met daily , carried away by a new religious impulse . The idea flew through [them]_{6103-seething masses of} : “_[2481-ye] [All men]_{2482-all men} are equal on [earth]_571-earth , ” and [they]_{6103-seething masses of} would carry the idea to its material fulfilment . After all , is it not the teaching of [Christ]_192-christ ? And what is an idea , if not the germ of action in [the material world]_{6105-the material world} . “_{[2482-all men]} [All men]_{2482-all men} are equal in spirit , [they]_{2482-all men} are [all sons of [God]_167-god]_{2485-all sons of god} . Whence then this obvious disquality ? ” It was a religious creed pushed to its material conclusion . [Thomas Crich]_{164-thomas crich} at least had no answer . [He]_{164-thomas crich} could but admit , according to [his]_{164-thomas crich} sincere tenets , that the disquality was wrong . But [he]_{164-thomas crich} could not give up [his]_{164-thomas crich} goods , which were the stuff of disquality . So [the men]_{727-the men} would fight for [their]_{727-the men} rights . The last impulses of the last religious passion left on [earth]_571-earth , the passion for equality , inspired [them]_{727-the men} . [Seething mobs of [men]_848-men]_{6108-seething mobs of men} marched about , [their]_{6108-seething mobs of men} faces lighted up as for holy war , with a smoke of cupidity . How disentangle the passion for equality from the passion of cupidity , when begins the fight for equality of possessions ? But [the God]_{6110-the god} was the machine . [Each man]_{2404-each man} claimed equality in [the Godhead of the great productive machine]_{6112-the godhead of the great productive machine} . [Every man]_{767-every man} equally was part of [this Godhead]_{6114-this godhead} . But somehow , somewhere , [Thomas Crich]_{164-thomas crich} knew this was false . When [the machine]_{6115-the machine} is [the Godhead]_{6116-the godhead} , and production or work is worship , then the most mechanical mind is purest and highest , [the representative of God on [earth]_571-earth]_{6117-the representative of god on earth} . And [the rest]_{6119-the rest} are subordinate , each according to [his]_{767-every man} degree . Riots broke out , Whatmore pit - head was in flames . This was [the pit furthest in [the country]_{4896-the country} , near [the woods]_{5533-the woods}]_{6120-the pit furthest in the country , near the woods} . [Soldiers]_{6123-soldiers} came . From the windows of [Shortlands]_7-shortlands , on that fatal day , could be seen the flare of fire in the sky not far off , and now [the little colliery train]_{6124-the little colliery train} , with [the workmen]_{6058-the workmen} ’s carriages which were used to convey [the miners]_{5856-the miners} to [the distant Whatmore]_72-whatmore , was crossing [the valley full of [soldiers , full of redcoats]_{6128-soldiers , full of redcoats}]_{6127-the valley full of soldiers , full of redcoats} . Then there was the far - off sound of firing , then the later news that [the mob]_{6129-the mob} was dispersed , [one man]_{4736-one man} was shot dead , the fire was put out . [Gerald]_255-gerald , who was [a boy]_{764-a boy} , was filled with the wildest excitement and delight . [He]_255-gerald longed to go with [the soldiers]_{6132-the soldiers} to shoot [the men]_{727-the men} . But [he]_255-gerald was not allowed to go out of the lodge gates . At the gates were stationed [sentries with guns]_{6134-sentries with guns} . [Gerald]_255-gerald stood near [them]_{6134-sentries with guns} in delight , whilst [gangs of [derisive miners]_{6136-derisive miners}]_{6135-gangs of derisive miners} strolled up and down [the lanes]_{6137-the lanes} , calling and jeering : “_{[2482-all men]} Now then , [three ha’porth o ’ coppers]_{2486-three ha’porth o ’ coppers} , let ’s see [thee]_2487-thee shoot [thy]_2487-thee gun . ” Insults were chalked on the walls and the fences , [the servants]_{5115-the servants} left . And all this while [Thomas Crich]_{164-thomas crich} was breaking [his]_{164-thomas crich} heart , and giving away hundreds of pounds in charity . Everywhere there was free food , a surfeit of free food . [Anybody]_744-anybody could have bread for asking , and a loaf cost only three - ha’pence . Every day there was a free tea somewhere , [the children]_{4705-the children} had never had so many treats in [their]_{4705-the children} lives . On Friday afternoon great basketfuls of buns and cakes were taken into [the schools]_{1206-the schools} , and great pitchers of milk , [the schoolchildren]_{6142-the schoolchildren} had what [they]_{6142-the schoolchildren} wanted . [They]_{6142-the schoolchildren} were sick with eating too much cake and milk . And then it came to an end , and [the men]_{727-the men} went back to work . But it was never the same as before . There was a new situation created , a new idea reigned . Even in the machine , there should be equality . [No part]_{6144-no part} should be subordinate to any other part : all should be equal . The instinct for chaos had entered . Mystic equality lies in abstraction , not in having or in doing , which are processes . In function and process , [one man]_{4736-one man} , one part , must of necessity be subordinate to another . It is a condition of being . But the desire for chaos had risen , and the idea of mechanical equality was the weapon of disruption which should execute the will of [man]_1089-man , the will for chaos . [Gerald]_255-gerald was [a boy]_{764-a boy} at the time of the strike , but [he]_255-gerald longed to be [a man]_{4648-a man} , to fight [the colliers]_{4675-the colliers} . [The father]_{646-the father} however was trapped between two half - truths , and broken . [He]_255-gerald wanted to be [a pure Christian]_{6151-a pure christian} , one and equal with [all men]_{2482-all men} . [He]_255-gerald even wanted to give away all [he]_255-gerald had , to [the poor]_{5869-the poor} . Yet [he]_255-gerald was [a great promoter of industry]_{6154-a great promoter of industry} , and [he]_255-gerald knew perfectly that [he]_255-gerald must keep [his]_255-gerald goods and keep [his]_255-gerald authority . This was as divine a necessity in [him]_255-gerald , as the need to give away all [he]_255-gerald possessed — more divine , even , since this was the necessity [he]_255-gerald acted upon . Yet because [he]_255-gerald did not act on the other ideal , it dominated [him]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald was dying of chagrin because [he]_255-gerald must forfeit it . [He]_255-gerald wanted to be [a father of loving kindness and sacrificial benevolence]_{6155-a father of loving kindness and sacrificial benevolence} . [The colliers]_{4675-the colliers} shouted to [him]_255-gerald about [his]_255-gerald thousands a year . [They]_{4675-the colliers} would not be deceived . When [Gerald]_255-gerald grew up in the ways of [the world]_{541-the world} , [he]_255-gerald shifted the position . [He]_255-gerald did not care about the equality . The whole Christian attitude of love and self - sacrifice was old hat . [He]_255-gerald knew that position and authority were the right thing in [the world]_{541-the world} , and it was useless to ca nt about it . [They]_{4675-the colliers} were the right thing , for the simple reason that they were functionally necessary . [They]_{4675-the colliers} were not the be - all and the end - all . It was like being part of a machine . [He]_255-gerald [himself]_255-gerald happened to be [a controlling , central part]_{6159-a controlling , central part} , [the masses of [men]_848-men]_{6160-the masses of men} were the parts variously controlled . This was merely as it happened . As well get excited because a central hub drives a hundred outer wheels or because [the whole universe]_{6162-the whole universe} wheels round the sun . After all , it would be mere silliness to say that the moon and [the earth]_{972-the earth} and [Saturn]_316-saturn and [Jupiter]_317-jupiter and [Venus]_318-venus have just as much right to be the centre of [the universe]_{6164-the universe} , each of [them]_{6164-the universe} separately , as the sun . Such an assertion is made merely in the desire of chaos . Without bothering to think to a conclusion , [Gerald]_255-gerald jumped to a conclusion . [He]_255-gerald abandoned the whole democratic - equality problem as a problem of silliness . What mattered was the great social productive machine . Let that work perfectly , let it produce a sufficiency of everything , let [every man]_{767-every man} be given a rational portion , greater or less according to [his]_{767-every man} functional degree or magnitude , and then , provision made , let [the devil]_{6166-the devil} supervene , let [every man]_{767-every man} look after [his]_{767-every man} own amusements and appetites , so long as [he]_{767-every man} interfered with [nobody]_912-nobody . So [Gerald]_255-gerald set [himself]_255-gerald to work , to put the great industry in order . In [his]_255-gerald travels , and in [his]_255-gerald accompanying readings , [he]_255-gerald had come to the conclusion that the essential secret of life was harmony . [He]_255-gerald did not define to [himself]_255-gerald at all clearly what harmony was . The word pleased [him]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald felt [he]_255-gerald had come to [his]_255-gerald own conclusions . And [he]_255-gerald proceeded to put [his]_255-gerald philosophy into practice by forcing order into [the established world]_{6169-the established world} , translating the mystic word harmony into the practical word organisation . Immediately [he]_255-gerald saw the firm , [he]_255-gerald realised what [he]_255-gerald could do . [He]_255-gerald had a fight to fight with [Matter]_319-matter , with [the earth]_{972-the earth} and the coal it enclosed . This was the sole idea , to turn upon the inanimate matter of [the underground]_{6171-the underground} , and reduce it to [his]_255-gerald will . And for this fight with matter , [one]_4646-one must have perfect instruments in perfect organisation , a mechanism so subtle and harmonious in its workings that it represents the single mind of [man]_1089-man , and by its relentless repetition of given movement , will accomplish a purpose irresistibly , inhumanly . It was this inhuman principle in the mechanism [he]_255-gerald wanted to construct that inspired [Gerald]_255-gerald with an almost religious exaltation . [He]_255-gerald , [the man]_{4658-the man} , could interpose a perfect , changeless , godlike medium between [himself]_255-gerald and [the Matter [he]_255-gerald had to subjugate]_{6175-the matter he had to subjugate} . There were two opposites , [his]_255-gerald will and the resistant Matter of [the earth]_{972-the earth} . And between these [he]_255-gerald could establish the very expression of [his]_255-gerald will , the incarnation of [his]_255-gerald power , a great and perfect machine , a system , an activity of pure order , pure mechanical repetition , repetition ad infinitum , hence eternal and infinite . [He]_255-gerald found [his]_255-gerald eternal and [his]_255-gerald infinite in the pure machine - principle of perfect co - ordination into one pure , complex , infinitely repeated motion , like the spinning of a wheel ; but a productive spinning , as the revolving of [the universe]_{6164-the universe} may be called a productive spinning , a productive repetition through eternity , to infinity . And this is the God - motion , this productive repetition ad infinitum . And [Gerald]_255-gerald was [the God of the machine]_{6027-the god of the machine} , [Deus ex Machina]_{320-deus ex machina} . And the whole productive will of [man]_1089-man was [the Godhead]_{6116-the godhead} . [He]_255-gerald had [his]_255-gerald life - work now , to extend over [the earth]_{972-the earth} a great and perfect system in which the will of [man]_1089-man ran smooth and unthwarted , timeless , a Godhead in process . [He]_255-gerald had to begin with [the mines]_{988-the mines} . The terms were given : first the resistant Matter of [the underground]_{6171-the underground} ; then the instruments of its subjugation , instruments human and metallic ; and finally [his]_255-gerald own pure will , [his]_255-gerald own mind . It would need a marvellous adjustment of myriad instruments , human , animal , metallic , kinetic , dynamic , a marvellous casting of myriad tiny wholes into one great perfect entirety . And then , in this case there was perfection attained , the will of the highest was perfectly fulfilled , the will of mankind was perfectly enacted ; for was not [mankind]_1089-man mystically contra - distinguished against inanimate Matter , was not the history of mankind just the history of the conquest of the one by the other ? [The miners]_{5856-the miners} were overreached . While [they]_{5856-the miners} were still in the toils of divine equality of [man]_1089-man , [Gerald]_255-gerald had passed on , granted essentially [their]_{5856-the miners} case , and proceeded in [his]_255-gerald quality of [human being]_{6187-human being} to fulfil the will of [mankind as a whole]_{6188-mankind as a whole} . [He]_255-gerald merely represented [the miners]_{5856-the miners} in a higher sense when [he]_255-gerald perceived that the only way to fulfil perfectly the will of [man]_1089-man was to establish the perfect , inhuman machine . But [he]_255-gerald represented [them]_{5856-the miners} very essentially , [they]_{5856-the miners} were far behind , out of date , squabbling for [their]_{5856-the miners} material equality . The desire had already transmuted into this new and greater desire , for a perfect intervening mechanism between [man]_1089-man and [Matter]_319-matter , the desire to translate [the Godhead]_{6116-the godhead} into pure mechanism . As soon as [Gerald]_255-gerald entered [the firm]_{1794-the firm} , the convulsion of death ran through the old system . [He]_255-gerald had all [his]_255-gerald life been tortured by a furious and destructive demon , which possessed [him]_255-gerald sometimes like an insanity . This temper now entered like a virus into [the firm]_{1794-the firm} , and there were cruel eruptions . Terrible and inhuman were [his]_255-gerald examinations into every detail ; there was no privacy [he]_255-gerald would spare , no old sentiment but [he]_255-gerald would turn it over . [The old grey managers]_{6195-the old grey managers} , [the old grey clerks]_{6196-the old grey clerks} , [the doddering old pensioners]_{6197-the doddering old pensioners} , [he]_255-gerald looked at [them]_{5856-the miners} , and removed [them]_{5856-the miners} as so much lumber . The whole concern seemed like [a hospital of [invalid employees]_{6199-invalid employees}]_{6198-a hospital of invalid employees} . [He]_255-gerald had no emotional qualms . [He]_255-gerald arranged what pensions were necessary , [he]_255-gerald looked for [efficient substitutes]_{6200-efficient substitutes} , and when these were found , [he]_255-gerald substituted them for [the old hands]_{6201-the old hands} . “_[2487-thee] [I]_0-i ’ve a pitiful letter here from [Letherington]_{321-letherington} , ” [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} would say , in a tone of deprecation and appeal . “_[0-i] Do n’t [you]_0-i think [the poor fellow]_{2488-the poor fellow} might keep on a little longer . [I]_0-i always fancied [he]_{2488-the poor fellow} did very well . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’ve got [a man in [his]_{2488-the poor fellow} place]_{2489-a man in his place} now , [father]_4673-father . [He]_{2488-the poor fellow} ’ll be happier out of it , believe [me]_0-i . [You]_4673-father think [his]_{2488-the poor fellow} allowance is plenty , do n’t [you]_4673-father ? ” “_{[4673-father]} It is not the allowance that [he]_{2488-the poor fellow} wants , [poor man]_{2435-poor man} . [He]_{2488-the poor fellow} feels it very much , that [he]_{2488-the poor fellow} is superannuated . Says [he]_{2488-the poor fellow} thought [he]_{2488-the poor fellow} had twenty more years of work in [him]_{2488-the poor fellow} yet . ” “_{[2488-the poor fellow]} Not of this kind of work [I]_0-i want . [He]_{2488-the poor fellow} does n’t understand . ” [The father]_{646-the father} sighed . [He]_{646-the father} wanted not to know any more . [He]_{646-the father} believed [the pits]_{6076-the pits} would have to be overhauled if [they]_{6076-the pits} were to go on working . And after all , it would be worst in the long run for [everybody]_{780-everybody} , if [they]_{6076-the pits} must close down . So [he]_{646-the father} could make no answer to the appeals of [[his]_{646-the father} old and trusty servants]_{6206-his old and trusty servants} , [he]_{646-the father} could only repeat “_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald says . ” So [the father]_{646-the father} drew more and more out of the light . The whole frame of the real life was broken for [him]_{646-the father} . [He]_{646-the father} had been right according to [his]_{646-the father} lights . And [his]_{646-the father} lights had been those of the great religion . Yet they seemed to have become obsolete , to be superseded in [the world]_{541-the world} . [He]_{646-the father} could not understand . [He]_{646-the father} only withdrew with [his]_{646-the father} lights into [an inner room]_{6209-an inner room} , into the silence . The beautiful candles of belief , that would not do to light [the world]_{541-the world} any more , they would still burn sweetly and sufficiently in [the inner room of [his]_{646-the father} soul]_{6211-the inner room of his soul} , and in the silence of [his]_{646-the father} retirement . [Gerald]_255-gerald rushed into the reform of [the firm]_{1794-the firm} , beginning with [the office]_{6213-the office} . It was needful to economise severely , to make possible the great alterations [he]_255-gerald must introduce . “_[255-gerald] What are [these widows]_{2492-these widows} ’ coals ? ” [he]_{646-the father} asked . “_[2493-we] [We]_2493-we have always allowed [all widows of men who worked for [the firm]_{1794-the firm}]_{2494-all widows of men who worked for the firm} a load of coals every three months . ” “_{[2492-these widows]} [They]_{2492-these widows} must pay cost price henceforward . [The firm]_{1794-the firm} is not [a charity institution]_{2497-a charity institution} , as [everybody]_{780-everybody} seems to think . ” [Widows]_6214-widows , [these stock figures of sentimental humanitarianism]_{6215-these stock figures of sentimental humanitarianism} , [he]_{646-the father} felt a dislike at the thought of [them]_6214-widows . [They]_6214-widows were almost repulsive . Why were [they]_6214-widows not immolated on the pyre of [the husband]_{6216-the husband} , like [the sati in [India]_75-india]_{6217-the sati in india} ? At any rate , let [them]_6214-widows pay the cost of [their]_6214-widows coals . In a thousand ways [he]_{646-the father} cut down the expenditure , in ways so fine as to be hardly noticeable to [the men]_{727-the men} . [The miners]_{5856-the miners} must pay for the cartage of [their]_{5856-the miners} coals , heavy cartage too ; [they]_{5856-the miners} must pay for [their]_{5856-the miners} tools , for the sharpening , for the care of lamps , for the many trifling things that made the bill of charges against [every man]_{767-every man} mount up to a shilling or so in the week . It was not grasped very definitely by [the miners]_{5856-the miners} , though [they]_{5856-the miners} were sore enough . But it saved hundreds of pounds every week for [the firm]_{1794-the firm} . Gradually [Gerald]_255-gerald got hold of everything . And then began the great reform . [Expert engineers]_{6223-expert engineers} were introduced in [every department]_{6224-every department} . [An enormous electric plant]_{6225-an enormous electric plant} was installed , both for lighting and for [haulage underground]_{6226-haulage underground} , and for power . The electricity was carried into [every mine]_{6227-every mine} . New machinery was brought from [America]_50-america , such as [the miners]_{5856-the miners} had never seen before , [great iron men]_{6229-great iron men} , as the cutting machines were called , and unusual appliances . The working of [the pits]_{6076-the pits} was thoroughly changed , all the control was taken out of the hands of [the miners]_{5856-the miners} , the butty system was abolished . Everything was run on the most accurate and delicate scientific method , [educated and expert men]_{6232-educated and expert men} were in control everywhere , [the miners]_{5856-the miners} were reduced to mere mechanical instruments . [They]_{5856-the miners} had to work hard , much harder than before , the work was terrible and heart - breaking in its mechanicalness . But [they]_{5856-the miners} submitted to it all . The joy went out of [their]_{5856-the miners} lives , the hope seemed to perish as [they]_{5856-the miners} became more and more mechanised . And yet [they]_{5856-the miners} accepted the new conditions . [They]_{5856-the miners} even got a further satisfaction out of [them]_{5856-the miners} . At first [they]_{5856-the miners} hated [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald , [they]_{5856-the miners} swore to do something to [him]_255-gerald , to murder [him]_255-gerald . But as time went on , [they]_{5856-the miners} accepted everything with some fatal satisfaction . [Gerald]_255-gerald was [[their]_{5856-the miners} high priest]_{6234-their high priest} , [he]_255-gerald represented the religion [they]_{5856-the miners} really felt . [[His]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} was forgotten already . There was [a new world]_{6236-a new world} , a new order , strict , terrible , inhuman , but satisfying in its very destructiveness . [The men]_{727-the men} were satisfied to belong to the great and wonderful machine , even whilst it destroyed [them]_{727-the men} . It was what [they]_{727-the men} wanted . It was the highest that [man]_1089-man had produced , the most wonderful and superhuman . [They]_{727-the men} were exalted by belonging to this great and superhuman system which was beyond feeling or reason , something really godlike . [Their]_{727-the men} hearts died within [them]_{727-the men} , but [their]_{727-the men} souls were satisfied . It was what [they]_{727-the men} wanted . Otherwise [Gerald]_255-gerald could never have done what [he]_255-gerald did . [He]_255-gerald was just ahead of [them]_{727-the men} in giving [them]_{727-the men} what [they]_{727-the men} wanted , this participation in a great and perfect system that subjected life to pure mathematical principles . This was a sort of freedom , the sort [they]_{727-the men} really wanted . It was the first great step in undoing , the first great phase of chaos , the substitution of the mechanical principle for the organic , the destruction of the organic purpose , the organic unity , and the subordination of every organic unit to the great mechanical purpose . It was pure organic disintegration and pure mechanical organisation . This is the first and finest state of chaos . [Gerald]_255-gerald was satisfied . [He]_255-gerald knew [the colliers]_{4675-the colliers} said [they]_{4675-the colliers} hated [him]_255-gerald . But [he]_255-gerald had long ceased to hate [them]_{4675-the colliers} . When [they]_{4675-the colliers} streamed past [him]_255-gerald at evening , [their]_{4675-the colliers} heavy boots slurring on [the pavement]_{6240-the pavement} wearily , [their]_{4675-the colliers} shoulders slightly distorted , [they]_{4675-the colliers} took no notice of [him]_255-gerald , [they]_{4675-the colliers} gave [him]_255-gerald no greeting whatever , [they]_{4675-the colliers} passed in a grey - black stream of unemotional acceptance . [They]_{4675-the colliers} were not important to [him]_255-gerald , save as instruments , nor [he]_255-gerald to [them]_{4675-the colliers} , save as a supreme instrument of control . As [miners]_1438-miners [they]_{4675-the colliers} had [their]_{4675-the colliers} being , [he]_255-gerald had [his]_255-gerald being as [director]_{6242-director} . [He]_255-gerald admired [their]_{4675-the colliers} qualities . But as [men]_848-men , [personalities]_{6244-personalities} , [they]_{6244-personalities} were just accidents , sporadic little unimportant phenomena . And tacitly , [the men]_{727-the men} agreed to this . For [Gerald]_255-gerald agreed to it in [himself]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald had succeeded . [He]_255-gerald had converted [the industry]_{6246-the industry} into a new and terrible purity . There was a greater output of coal than ever , the wonderful and delicate system ran almost perfectly . [He]_255-gerald had [a set of really clever engineers]_{6247-a set of really clever engineers} , both mining and electrical , and [they]_{6247-a set of really clever engineers} did not cost much . [A highly educated man]_{6248-a highly educated man} cost very little more than [a workman]_{6249-a workman} . [[His]_255-gerald managers]_{6250-his managers} , who were [all rare men]_{6251-all rare men} , were no more expensive than [the old bungling fools of [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} ’s days , who were merely [colliers promoted]_{6254-colliers promoted} . [[His]_255-gerald chief manager]_{6255-his chief manager} , who had twelve hundred a year , saved [the firm]_{1794-the firm} at least five thousand]_{6252-the old bungling fools of his father ’s days , who were merely colliers promoted . his chief manager , who had twelve hundred a year , saved the firm at least five thousand} . The whole system was now so perfect that [Gerald]_255-gerald was hardly necessary any more . It was so perfect that sometimes a strange fear came over [him]_255-gerald , and [he]_255-gerald did not know what to do . [He]_255-gerald went on for some years in a sort of trance of activity . What [he]_255-gerald was doing seemed supreme , [he]_255-gerald was almost like [a divinity]_{6257-a divinity} . [He]_255-gerald was a pure and exalted activity . But now [he]_255-gerald had succeeded — [he]_255-gerald had finally succeeded . And once or twice lately , when [he]_255-gerald was alone in the evening and had nothing to do , [he]_255-gerald had suddenly stood up in terror , not knowing what [he]_255-gerald was . And [he]_255-gerald went to the mirror and looked long and closely at [his]_255-gerald own face , at [his]_255-gerald own eyes , seeking for something . [He]_255-gerald was afraid , in mortal dry fear , but [he]_255-gerald knew not what of . [He]_255-gerald looked at [his]_255-gerald own face . There it was , shapely and healthy and the same as ever , yet somehow , it was not real , it was a mask . [He]_255-gerald dared not touch it , for fear it should prove to be only a composition mask . [His]_255-gerald eyes were blue and keen as ever , and as firm in their sockets . Yet [he]_255-gerald was not sure that they were not blue false bubbles that would burst in a moment and leave clear annihilation . [He]_255-gerald could see the darkness in them , as if they were only bubbles of darkness . [He]_255-gerald was afraid that one day [he]_255-gerald would break down and be a purely meaningless babble lapping round a darkness . But [his]_255-gerald will yet held good , [he]_255-gerald was able to go away and read , and think about things . [He]_255-gerald liked to read books about [the primitive man]_{6258-the primitive man} , books of anthropology , and also works of speculative philosophy . [His]_255-gerald mind was very active . But it was like a bubble floating in the darkness . At any moment it might burst and leave [him]_255-gerald in chaos . [He]_255-gerald would not die . [He]_255-gerald knew that . [He]_255-gerald would go on living , but the meaning would have collapsed out of [him]_255-gerald , [his]_255-gerald divine reason would be gone . In a strangely indifferent , sterile way , [he]_255-gerald was frightened . But [he]_255-gerald could not react even to the fear . It was as if [his]_255-gerald centres of feeling were drying up . [He]_255-gerald remained calm , calculative and healthy , and quite freely deliberate , even whilst [he]_255-gerald felt , with faint , small but final sterile horror , that [his]_255-gerald mystic reason was breaking , giving way now , at this crisis . And it was a strain . [He]_255-gerald knew there was no equilibrium . [He]_255-gerald would have to go in some direction , shortly , to find relief . [Only Birkin]_169-birkin kept the fear definitely off [him]_255-gerald , saved [him]_255-gerald [his]_255-gerald quick sufficiency in life , by the odd mobility and changeableness which seemed to contain the quintessence of faith . But then [Gerald]_255-gerald must always come away from [Birkin]_169-birkin , as from a Church service , back to the outside real world of work and life . There it was , it did not alter , and words were futilities . [He]_255-gerald had to keep [himself]_255-gerald in reckoning with the world of work and material life . And it became more and more difficult , such a strange pressure was upon [him]_255-gerald , as if the very middle of [him]_255-gerald were a vacuum , and outside were an awful tension . [He]_255-gerald had found [his]_255-gerald most satisfactory relief in [women]_453-women . After a debauch with [some desperate woman]_{6260-some desperate woman} , [he]_255-gerald went on quite easy and forgetful . The devil of it was , it was so hard to keep up [his]_255-gerald interest in [women]_453-women nowadays . [He]_255-gerald did n’t care about [them]_453-women any more . [A Pussum]_{6262-a pussum} was all right in [her]_{6262-a pussum} way , but [she]_{6262-a pussum} was [an exceptional case]_{6263-an exceptional case} , and even [she]_{6262-a pussum} mattered extremely little . No , [women]_453-women , in that sense , were useless to [him]_255-gerald any more . [He]_255-gerald felt that [his]_255-gerald mind needed acute stimulation , before [he]_255-gerald could be physically roused . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun knew that it was a critical thing for [her]_160-gudrun to go to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands . [She]_160-gudrun knew it was equivalent to accepting [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald as [a lover]_{6265-a lover} . And though [she]_160-gudrun hung back , disliking the condition , yet [she]_160-gudrun knew [she]_160-gudrun would go on . [She]_160-gudrun equivocated . [She]_160-gudrun said to [herself]_160-gudrun , in torment recalling the blow and the kiss , “_{[780-everybody]} after all , what is it ? What is a kiss ? What even is a blow ? It is an instant , vanished at once . [I]_0-i can go to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands just for a time , before [I]_0-i go away , if only to see what it is like . ” For [she]_160-gudrun had an insatiable curiosity to see and to know everything . [She]_160-gudrun also wanted to know what [Winifred]_297-winifred was really like . Having heard [the child]_{2063-the child} calling from the steamer in the night , [she]_160-gudrun felt some mysterious connection with [her]_160-gudrun . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun talked with [the father]_{646-the father} in [the library]_{2470-the library} . Then [he]_{646-the father} sent for [[his]_{646-the father} daughter]_{6269-his daughter} . [She]_{6269-his daughter} came accompanied by [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} . “_{[297-winifred]} [Winnie]_297-winifred , this is [Miss Brangwen]_{195-miss brangwen} , who will be so kind as to help [you]_297-winifred with [your]_297-winifred drawing and making models of [your]_297-winifred animals , ” said [the father]_{646-the father} . [The child]_{2063-the child} looked at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun for a moment with interest , before [she]_{2063-the child} came forward and with face averted offered [her]_{2063-the child} hand . There was a complete sang - froid and indifference under [Winifred]_297-winifred ’s childish reserve , a certain irresponsible callousness . “_{[195-miss brangwen]} How do [you]_2499-you do ? ” said [the child]_{2063-the child} , not lifting [her]_{2063-the child} face . “_[2499-you] How do [you]_2499-you do ? ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . Then [Winifred]_297-winifred stood aside , and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was introduced to [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} . “_[2499-you] [You]_297-winifred have a fine day for [your]_297-winifred walk , ” said [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} , in a bright manner . “_{[297-winifred]} Quite fine , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Winifred]_297-winifred was watching from [her]_{2063-the child} distance . [She]_{2063-the child} was as if amused , but rather unsure as yet what [this new person]_{6273-this new person} was like . [She]_{2063-the child} saw [so many new persons]_{6274-so many new persons} , and [so few who became real to [her]_{2063-the child}]_{6275-so few who became real to her} . [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} was of no count whatever , [the child]_{2063-the child} merely put up with [her]_{322-mademoiselle} , calmly and easily , accepting [her]_{322-mademoiselle} little authority with faint scorn , compliant out of childish arrogance of indifference . “_{[297-winifred]} Well , [Winifred]_297-winifred , ” said [the father]_{646-the father} , “_{[297-winifred]} are n’t [you]_297-winifred glad [Miss Brangwen]_{195-miss brangwen} has come ? [She]_{195-miss brangwen} makes animals and birds in wood and in clay , that [the people in [London]_2-london]_{2500-the people in london} write about in the papers , praising [them]_{2500-the people in london} to the skies . ” [Winifred]_297-winifred smiled slightly . “_{[195-miss brangwen]} Who told [you]_297-winifred , [Daddie]_323-daddie ? ” [she]_{2063-the child} asked . “_[323-daddie] Who told [me]_0-i ? [Hermione]_168-hermione told [me]_0-i , and [Rupert Birkin]_169-birkin . ” “_[169-birkin] Do [you]_297-winifred know [them]_2501-they ? ” [Winifred]_297-winifred asked of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , turning to [her]_160-gudrun with faint challenge . “_{[297-winifred]} Yes , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Winifred]_297-winifred readjusted [herself]_297-winifred a little . [She]_160-gudrun had been ready to accept [Gudrun]_160-gudrun as [a sort of servant]_{6278-a sort of servant} . Now [she]_160-gudrun saw it was on terms of friendship [they]_2501-they were intended to meet . [She]_160-gudrun was rather glad . [She]_160-gudrun had so many half inferiors , whom [she]_160-gudrun tolerated with perfect good - humour . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was very calm . [She]_160-gudrun also did not take these things very seriously . A new occasion was mostly spectacular to [her]_160-gudrun . However , [Winifred]_297-winifred was [a detached , ironic child]_{6279-a detached , ironic child} , [she]_160-gudrun would never attach [herself]_160-gudrun . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun liked [her]_160-gudrun and was intrigued by [her]_160-gudrun . The first meetings went off with a certain humiliating clumsiness . [Neither Winifred]_297-winifred nor [[her]_160-gudrun instructress]_{6280-her instructress} had any social grace . Soon , however , [they]_2501-they met in a kind of make - belief world . [Winifred]_297-winifred did not notice [human beings]_{511-human beings} unless [they]_{511-human beings} were like [herself]_297-winifred , playful and slightly mocking . [She]_160-gudrun would accept nothing but the world of amusement , and [the serious people of [her]_160-gudrun life]_{6282-the serious people of her life} were the animals [she]_160-gudrun had for pets . On those [she]_160-gudrun lavished , almost ironically , [her]_160-gudrun affection and [her]_160-gudrun companionship . To the rest of the human scheme [she]_160-gudrun submitted with a faint bored indifference . [She]_160-gudrun had a pekinese dog called Looloo , which [she]_160-gudrun loved . “_{[297-winifred]} Let [us]_2502-we draw [Looloo]_324-looloo , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “_[324-looloo] and see if [we]_2502-we can get [his]_324-looloo Looliness , shall [we]_2502-we ? ” “_{[4727-darling]} [Darling]_4727-darling ! ” cried [Winifred]_297-winifred , rushing to the dog , that sat with contemplative sadness on the hearth , and kissing its bulging brow . “_{[4727-darling]} Darling one , will [you]_4727-darling be drawn ? Shall its mummy draw [its]_324-looloo portrait ? ” Then [she]_160-gudrun chuckled gleefully , and turning to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , said : “_{[4727-darling]} Oh let ’s ! ” [They]_2502-we proceeded to get pencils and paper , and were ready . “_{[4727-darling]} Beautifullest , ” cried [Winifred]_297-winifred , hugging the dog , “_{[4727-darling]} sit still while its mummy draws [its]_324-looloo beautiful portrait . ” The dog looked up at [her]_160-gudrun with grievous resignation in [its]_324-looloo large , prominent eyes . [She]_160-gudrun kissed it fervently , and said : “_[0-i] [I]_0-i wonder what [mine]_0-i will be like . It ’s sure to be awful . ” As [she]_160-gudrun sketched [she]_160-gudrun chuckled to [herself]_160-gudrun , and cried out at times : “_[0-i] Oh darling , [you]_4727-darling ’re so beautiful ! ” And again chuckling , [she]_160-gudrun rushed to embrace the dog , in penitence , as if [she]_160-gudrun were doing [him]_4727-darling some subtle injury . [He]_4727-darling sat all the time with the resignation and fretfulness of ages on [his]_4727-darling dark velvety face . [She]_160-gudrun drew slowly , with a wicked concentration in [her]_160-gudrun eyes , [her]_160-gudrun head on one side , an intense stillness over [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun was as if working the spell of some enchantment . Suddenly [she]_160-gudrun had finished . [She]_160-gudrun looked at the dog , and then at [her]_160-gudrun drawing , and then cried , with real grief for the dog , and at the same time with a wicked exultation : “_[2505-they] [[My]_0-i beautiful]_{2504-my beautiful} , why did [they]_2505-they ? ” [She]_160-gudrun took [her]_160-gudrun paper to the dog , and held it under [his]_4727-darling nose . [He]_4727-darling turned [his]_4727-darling head aside as in chagrin and mortification , and [she]_160-gudrun impulsively kissed [his]_4727-darling velvety bulging forehead . “_{[2506-a loolie]} ’s [a Loolie]_{2506-a loolie} , ’s a little [Loozie]_325-loozie ! Look at [his]_2507-he portrait , [darling]_4727-darling , look at [his]_2507-he portrait , that [[his]_2507-he mother]_{4685-his mother} has done of [him]_2507-he . ” [She]_160-gudrun looked at [her]_160-gudrun paper and chuckled . Then , kissing the dog once more , [she]_160-gudrun rose and came gravely to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , offering [her]_160-gudrun the paper . It was a grotesque little diagram of a grotesque little animal , so wicked and so comical , a slow smile came over [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s face , unconsciously . And at [her]_160-gudrun side [Winifred]_297-winifred chuckled with glee , and said : “_{[4685-his mother]} It is n’t like [him]_2507-he , is it ? [He]_2507-he ’s much lovelier than that . [He]_2507-he ’s so beautiful - mmm , [Looloo]_324-looloo , [[my]_0-i sweet darling]_{2510-my sweet darling} . ” And [she]_160-gudrun flew off to embrace the chagrined little dog . [He]_2507-he looked up at [her]_160-gudrun with reproachful , saturnine eyes , vanquished in [his]_2507-he extreme agedness of being . Then [she]_160-gudrun flew back to [her]_160-gudrun drawing , and chuckled with satisfaction . “_[324-looloo] It is n’t like [him]_2507-he , is it ? ” [she]_160-gudrun said to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2507-he] Yes , it ’s very like [him]_2507-he , ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun replied . [The child]_{2063-the child} treasured [her]_160-gudrun drawing , carried it about with [her]_160-gudrun , and showed it , with a silent embarrassment , to [everybody]_{780-everybody} . “_[2507-he] Look , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , thrusting the paper into [[her]_160-gudrun father]_{583-her father} ’s hand . “_[324-looloo] Why that ’s [Looloo]_324-looloo ! ” [he]_2507-he exclaimed . And [he]_2507-he looked down in surprise , hearing the almost inhuman chuckle of [the child]_{2063-the child} at [his]_2507-he side . [Gerald]_255-gerald was away from [home]_4649-home when [Gudrun]_160-gudrun first came to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands . But the first morning [he]_2507-he came back [he]_2507-he watched for [her]_160-gudrun . It was a sunny , soft morning , and [he]_2507-he lingered in [the garden paths]_{6288-the garden paths} , looking at the flowers that had come out during [his]_2507-he absence . [He]_2507-he was clean and fit as ever , shaven , [his]_2507-he fair hair scrupulously parted at the side , bright in the sunshine , [his]_2507-he short , fair moustache closely clipped , [his]_2507-he eyes with their humorous kind twinkle , which was so deceptive . [He]_2507-he was dressed in black , [his]_2507-he clothes sat well on [his]_2507-he well - nourished body . Yet as [he]_2507-he lingered before the flower - beds in the morning sunshine , there was a certain isolation , a fear about [him]_2507-he , as of something wanting . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun came up quickly , unseen . [She]_160-gudrun was dressed in blue , with woollen yellow stockings , like [the Bluecoat boys]_{6289-the bluecoat boys} . [He]_2507-he glanced up in surprise . [Her]_160-gudrun stockings always disconcerted [him]_2507-he , the pale - yellow stockings and the heavy heavy black shoes . [Winifred]_297-winifred , who had been playing about [the garden]_{822-the garden} with [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} and the dogs , came flitting towards [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [The child]_{2063-the child} wore a dress of black - and - white stripes . [Her]_{2063-the child} hair was rather short , cut round and hanging level in [her]_{2063-the child} neck . “_[324-looloo] [We]_2511-we ’re going to do [Bismarck]_327-bismarck , are n’t [we]_2511-we ? ” [she]_{2063-the child} said , linking [her]_{2063-the child} hand through [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s arm . “_[2511-we] Yes , [we]_2511-we ’re going to do [Bismarck]_327-bismarck . Do [you]_2512-you want to ? ” “_[2512-you] Oh yes - oh [I]_0-i do ! [I]_0-i want most awfully to do [Bismarck]_327-bismarck . [He]_327-bismarck looks so splendid this morning , so fierce . [He]_327-bismarck ’s almost as big as a lion . ” And [the child]_{2063-the child} chuckled sardonically at [her]_{2063-the child} own hyperbole . “_{[327-bismarck]} [He]_327-bismarck ’s [a real king]_{2513-a real king} , [he]_327-bismarck really is . ” “_{[327-bismarck]} [Bonjour]_326-bonjour , [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} , ” said [the little French governess]_{6293-the little french governess} , wavering up with a slight bow , a bow of the sort that [Gudrun]_160-gudrun loathed , insolent . “_{[322-mademoiselle]} [Winifred]_297-winifred veut tant faire le portrait de [Bismarck]_327-bismarck — ! Oh , mais toute la matinée—‘We will do [Bismarck]_327-bismarck this morning!’—Bismarck , [Bismarck]_327-bismarck , toujours [Bismarck]_327-bismarck ! C’est un lapin , n’est - ce pas , mademoiselle ? ” “_{[297-winifred]} Oui , c’est un grand lapin blanc et noir . Vous ne l’avez pas vu ? ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun in [her]_160-gudrun good , but rather heavy French . “_{[297-winifred]} Non , mademoiselle , [Winifred]_297-winifred n’a jamais voulu me le faire voir . Tant de fois je le lui ai demandé , ‘ Qu’est ce donc que ce [Bismarck]_327-bismarck , [Winifred]_297-winifred ? ’ Mais elle n’a pas voulu [me]_0-i le dire . [Son Bismarck]_327-bismarck , c’etait un mystère . ” “_{[327-bismarck]} Oui , c’est un mystère , vraiment un mystère ! [Miss Brangwen]_{195-miss brangwen} , say that [Bismarck]_327-bismarck is a mystery , ” cried [Winifred]_297-winifred . “_{[327-bismarck]} [Bismarck]_327-bismarck , is a mystery , [Bismarck]_327-bismarck , c’est un mystère , der Bismarck , er ist [ein Wunder]_{2514-ein wunder} , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in mocking incantation . “_{[2514-ein wunder]} Ja , er ist ein Wunder , ” repeated [Winifred]_297-winifred , with odd seriousness , under which lay a wicked chuckle . “_{[2514-ein wunder]} Ist er auch ein Wunder ? ” came the slightly insolent sneering of [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} . “_{[2514-ein wunder]} Doch ! ” said [Winifred]_297-winifred briefly , indifferent . “_{[2514-ein wunder]} Doch ist er nicht ein König . [Beesmarck]_{328-beesmarck} , [he]_327-bismarck was not [a king]_{2515-a king} , [Winifred]_297-winifred , as [you]_297-winifred have said . [He]_327-bismarck was only — il n’était que chancelier . ” “_{[327-bismarck]} Qu’est ce qu’un chancelier ? ” said [Winifred]_297-winifred , with slightly contemptuous indifference . “_{[2516-a chancelier]} [A chancelier]_{2516-a chancelier} is [a chancellor]_{2517-a chancellor} , and [a chancellor]_{2517-a chancellor} is , [I]_0-i believe , [a sort of judge]_{2519-a sort of judge} , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald coming up and shaking hands with [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_{[2519-a sort of judge]} [You]_297-winifred ’ll have made a song of [Bismarck]_327-bismarck soon , ” said [he]_255-gerald . [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} waited , and discreetly made [her]_{322-mademoiselle} inclination , and [her]_{322-mademoiselle} greeting . “_{[297-winifred]} So [they]_2520-they would n’t let [you]_297-winifred see [Bismarck]_327-bismarck , [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} ? ” [he]_0-i said . “_{[327-bismarck]} Non , [Monsieur]_{2521-monsieur} . ” “_{[2521-monsieur]} Ay , very mean of [them]_2520-they . What are [you]_297-winifred going to do to [him]_327-bismarck , [Miss Brangwen]_{195-miss brangwen} ? [I]_0-i want [him]_327-bismarck sent to [the kitchen]_{1588-the kitchen} and cooked . ” “_[0-i] Oh no , ” cried [Winifred]_297-winifred . “_[0-i] [We]_2523-they ’re going to draw [him]_327-bismarck , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2523-they] Draw [him]_327-bismarck and quarter [him]_327-bismarck and dish [him]_327-bismarck up , ” [he]_0-i said , being purposely fatuous . “_[2523-they] Oh no , ” cried [Winifred]_297-winifred with emphasis , chuckling . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun detected the tang of mockery in [him]_327-bismarck , and [she]_{195-miss brangwen} looked up and smiled into [his]_327-bismarck face . [He]_327-bismarck felt [his]_327-bismarck nerves caressed . [Their]_2523-they eyes met in knowledge . “_[2523-they] How do [you]_{195-miss brangwen} like [Shortlands]_7-shortlands ? ” [he]_327-bismarck asked . “_{[195-miss brangwen]} Oh , very much , ” [she]_{195-miss brangwen} said , with nonchalance . “_{[195-miss brangwen]} Glad [you]_{195-miss brangwen} do . Have [you]_{195-miss brangwen} noticed these flowers ? ” [He]_327-bismarck led [her]_{195-miss brangwen} along [the path]_{671-the path} . [She]_{195-miss brangwen} followed intently . [Winifred]_297-winifred came , and [the governess]_{6295-the governess} lingered in the rear . [They]_2523-they stopped before some veined salpiglossis flowers . “_{[195-miss brangwen]} Are n’t they wonderful ? ” [she]_{195-miss brangwen} cried , looking at them absorbedly . Strange how [her]_{195-miss brangwen} reverential , almost ecstatic admiration of the flowers caressed [his]_327-bismarck nerves . [She]_{195-miss brangwen} stooped down , and touched the trumpets , with infinitely fine and delicate - touching finger - tips . It filled [him]_327-bismarck with ease to see [her]_{195-miss brangwen} . When [she]_{195-miss brangwen} rose , [her]_{195-miss brangwen} eyes , hot with the beauty of the flowers , looked into [his]_327-bismarck . “_{[195-miss brangwen]} What are [they]_2524-they ? ” [she]_{195-miss brangwen} asked . “_[2524-they] Sort of petunia , [I]_0-i suppose , ” [he]_327-bismarck answered . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t really know [them]_2524-they . ” “_[0-i] [They]_2524-they are quite strangers to [me]_0-i , ” [she]_{195-miss brangwen} said . [They]_2523-they stood together in a false intimacy , a nervous contact . And [he]_327-bismarck was in love with [her]_{195-miss brangwen} . [She]_{195-miss brangwen} was aware of [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} standing near , like [a little French beetle]_{6296-a little french beetle} , observant and calculating . [She]_{195-miss brangwen} moved away with [Winifred]_297-winifred , saying [they]_2523-they would go to find [Bismarck]_327-bismarck . [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [them]_2523-they go , looking all the while at the soft , full , still body of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in its silky cashmere . How silky and rich and soft [her]_160-gudrun body must be . An excess of appreciation came over [his]_327-bismarck mind , [she]_160-gudrun was the all - desirable , the all - beautiful . [He]_327-bismarck wanted only to come to [her]_160-gudrun , nothing more . [He]_327-bismarck was only this , this being that should come to [her]_160-gudrun , and be given to [her]_160-gudrun . At the same time [he]_327-bismarck was finely and acutely aware of [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} ’s neat , brittle finality of form . [She]_{322-mademoiselle} was like some elegant beetle with thin ankles , perched on [her]_{322-mademoiselle} high heels , [her]_{322-mademoiselle} glossy black dress perfectly correct , [her]_{322-mademoiselle} dark hair done high and admirably . How repulsive [her]_{322-mademoiselle} completeness and [her]_{322-mademoiselle} finality was ! [He]_327-bismarck loathed [her]_{322-mademoiselle} . Yet [he]_327-bismarck did admire [her]_{322-mademoiselle} . [She]_{322-mademoiselle} was perfectly correct . And it did rather annoy [him]_327-bismarck , that [Gudrun]_160-gudrun came dressed in startling colours , like a macaw , when [the family]_{722-the family} was in mourning . Like [a macaw]_{6298-a macaw} [she]_160-gudrun was ! [He]_327-bismarck watched the lingering way [she]_160-gudrun took [her]_160-gudrun feet from the ground . And [her]_160-gudrun ankles were pale yellow , and [her]_160-gudrun dress a deep blue . Yet it pleased [him]_327-bismarck . It pleased [him]_327-bismarck very much . [He]_327-bismarck felt the challenge in [her]_160-gudrun very attire — [she]_160-gudrun challenged [the whole world]_{6299-the whole world} . And [he]_327-bismarck smiled as to the note of a trumpet . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Winifred]_297-winifred went through [the house]_{468-the house} to the back , where were [the stables]_{5083-the stables} and [the out - buildings]_{6302-the out - buildings} . [Everywhere]_{77-everywhere} was still and deserted . [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} had gone out for a short drive , [the stableman]_{6303-the stableman} had just led round [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s horse . [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} went to the hutch that stood in a corner , and looked at the great black - and - white rabbit . “_[2524-they] Is n’t [he]_2525-he beautiful ! Oh , do look at [him]_2525-he listening ! Does n’t [he]_2525-he look silly ! ” [she]_{473-the two girls} laughed quickly , then added “_[2525-he] Oh , do let ’s do [him]_2525-he listening , do let [us]_2526-we , [he]_2525-he listens with so much of himself;—don’t [you]_2527-you darling [Bismarck]_327-bismarck ? ” “_[2527-you] Can [we]_2526-we take [him]_2525-he out ? ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2526-we] [He]_2525-he ’s very strong . [He]_2525-he really is extremely strong . ” [She]_160-gudrun looked at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [her]_160-gudrun head on one side , in odd calculating mistrust . “_[2525-he] But [we]_2526-we ’ll try , shall [we]_2526-we ? ” “_[2527-you] Yes , if [you]_2527-you like . But [he]_2525-he ’s [a fearful kicker]_{2528-a fearful kicker} ! ” [They]_2526-we took the key to unlock the door . The rabbit exploded in a wild rush round [the hutch]_{6305-the hutch} . “_[2525-he] [He]_2525-he scratches most awfully sometimes , ” cried [Winifred]_297-winifred in excitement . “_[2525-he] Oh do look at [him]_2525-he , is n’t [he]_2525-he wonderful ! ” The rabbit tore round [the hutch]_{6305-the hutch} in a hurry . “_{[327-bismarck]} [Bismarck]_327-bismarck ! ” cried [the child]_{2063-the child} , in rousing excitement . “_{[327-bismarck]} How dreadful [you]_327-bismarck are ! [You]_327-bismarck are beastly . ” [Winifred]_297-winifred looked up at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun with some misgiving in [her]_160-gudrun wild excitement . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun smiled sardonically with [her]_160-gudrun mouth . [Winifred]_297-winifred made a strange crooning noise of unaccountable excitement . “_{[327-bismarck]} Now [he]_2525-he ’s still ! ” [she]_160-gudrun cried , seeing the rabbit settled down in a far corner of the hutch . “_[2525-he] Shall [we]_2529-we take [him]_2525-he now ? ” [she]_160-gudrun whispered excitedly , mysteriously , looking up at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and edging very close . “_[2529-we] Shall [we]_2529-we get [him]_2525-he now ? — ” [she]_160-gudrun chuckled wickedly to [herself]_160-gudrun . [They]_2529-we unlocked the door of [the hutch]_{6305-the hutch} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun thrust in [her]_160-gudrun arm and seized the great , lusty rabbit as it crouched still , [she]_160-gudrun grasped its long ears . [It]_2525-he set its four feet flat , and thrust back . There was a long scraping sound as it was hauled forward , and in another instant it was in mid - air , lunging wildly , its body flying like a spring coiled and released , as it lashed out , suspended from the ears . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun held the black - and - white tempest at arms ’ length , averting [her]_160-gudrun face . But the rabbit was magically strong , it was all [she]_160-gudrun could do to keep [her]_160-gudrun grasp . [She]_160-gudrun almost lost [her]_160-gudrun presence of mind . “_{[327-bismarck]} [Bismarck]_327-bismarck , [Bismarck]_327-bismarck , [you]_327-bismarck are behaving terribly , ” said [Winifred]_297-winifred in a rather frightened voice , “_{[327-bismarck]} Oh , do put [him]_2525-he down , [he]_2525-he ’s beastly . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun stood for a moment astounded by the thunder - storm that had sprung into being in [her]_160-gudrun grip . Then [her]_160-gudrun colour came up , a heavy rage came over [her]_160-gudrun like a cloud . [She]_160-gudrun stood shaken as [a house]_{6309-a house} in a storm , and utterly overcome . [Her]_160-gudrun heart was arrested with fury at the mindlessness and the bestial stupidity of this struggle , [her]_160-gudrun wrists were badly scored by the claws of the beast , a heavy cruelty welled up in [her]_160-gudrun . [Gerald]_255-gerald came round as [she]_160-gudrun was trying to capture the flying rabbit under [her]_160-gudrun arm . [He]_255-gerald saw , with subtle recognition , [her]_160-gudrun sullen passion of cruelty . “_[2525-he] [You]_327-bismarck should let [one of [the men]_{727-the men}]_{2530-one of the men} do that for [you]_327-bismarck , ” [he]_255-gerald said hurrying up . “_{[2530-one of the men]} Oh , [he]_2525-he ’s so horrid ! ” cried [Winifred]_297-winifred , almost frantic . [He]_297-winifred held out [his]_297-winifred nervous , sinewy hand and took the rabbit by the ears , from [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2525-he] It ’s most fearfully strong , ” [she]_160-gudrun cried , in a high voice , like the crying a seagull , strange and vindictive . The rabbit made itself into a ball in the air , and lashed out , flinging itself into a bow . It really seemed demoniacal . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun saw [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s body tighten , saw a sharp blindness come into [his]_255-gerald eyes . “_[2525-he] [I]_0-i know [these beggars of old]_{2532-these beggars of old} , ” [he]_0-i said . The long , demon - like beast lashed out again , spread on the air as if it were flying , looking something like a dragon , then closing up again , inconceivably powerful and explosive . [The man]_{4658-the man} ’s body , strung to its efforts , vibrated strongly . Then a sudden sharp , white - edged wrath came up in [him]_{4658-the man} . Swift as lightning [he]_{4658-the man} drew back and brought [his]_{4658-the man} free hand down like a hawk on the neck of the rabbit . Simultaneously , there came the unearthly abhorrent scream of a rabbit in the fear of death . [It]_2525-he made [one immense]_{6311-one immense} writhe , tore [his]_{4658-the man} wrists and [his]_{4658-the man} sleeves in a final convulsion , all its belly flashed white in a whirlwind of paws , and then [he]_{4658-the man} had slung [it]_2525-he round and had it under [his]_{4658-the man} arm , fast . [It]_2525-he cowered and skulked . [His]_{4658-the man} face was gleaming with a smile . “_[0-i] [You]_2533-you would n’t think there was all that force in a rabbit , ” [he]_{4658-the man} said , looking at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . And [he]_{4658-the man} saw [her]_160-gudrun eyes black as night in [her]_160-gudrun pallid face , [she]_160-gudrun looked almost unearthly . The scream of the rabbit , after the violent tussle , seemed to have torn the veil of [her]_160-gudrun consciousness . [He]_{4658-the man} looked at [her]_160-gudrun , and the whitish , electric gleam in [his]_{4658-the man} face intensified . “_[2533-you] [I]_0-i do n’t really like [him]_2534-he , ” [Winifred]_297-winifred was crooning . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t care for [him]_2534-he as [I]_0-i do for [Loozie]_325-loozie . [He]_2534-he ’s hateful really . ” A smile twisted [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s face , as [she]_160-gudrun recovered . [She]_160-gudrun knew [she]_160-gudrun was revealed . “_[2534-he] Do n’t [they]_2535-they make the most fearful noise when [they]_2535-they scream ? ” [she]_160-gudrun cried , the high note in [her]_160-gudrun voice , like a seagull ’s cry . “_[2535-they] Abominable , ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[2535-they] [He]_2534-he should n’t be so silly when [he]_2534-he has to be taken out , ” [Winifred]_297-winifred was saying , putting out [her]_160-gudrun hand and touching the rabbit tentatively , as it skulked under [his]_255-gerald arm , motionless as if it were dead . “_[2534-he] [He]_2534-he ’s not dead , is [he]_2534-he [Gerald]_255-gerald ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked . “_[255-gerald] No , [he]_2534-he ought to be , ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[2534-he] Yes , [he]_2534-he ought ! ” cried [the child]_{2063-the child} , with a sudden flush of amusement . And [she]_160-gudrun touched the rabbit with more confidence . “_[2534-he] [His]_2534-he heart is beating so fast . Is n’t [he]_2534-he funny ? [He]_2534-he really is . ” “_[2534-he] Where do [you]_2536-you want [him]_2534-he ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[2536-you] In [the little green court]_{2537-the little green court} , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [Gerald]_255-gerald with strange , darkened eyes , strained with underworld knowledge , almost supplicating , like those of a creature which is at [his]_2534-he mercy , yet which is [his]_2534-he ultimate victor . [He]_2534-he did not know what to say to [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_2534-he felt the mutual hellish recognition . And [he]_2534-he felt [he]_2534-he ought to say something , to cover it . [He]_2534-he had the power of lightning in [his]_2534-he nerves , [she]_160-gudrun seemed like a soft recipient of [his]_2534-he magical , hideous white fire . [He]_2534-he was unconfident , [he]_2534-he had qualms of fear . “_[2536-you] Did [he]_2534-he hurt [you]_2538-you ? ” [he]_2534-he asked . “_[2534-he] No , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . “_[2534-he] [He]_2534-he ’s an insensible beast , ” [he]_2534-he said , turning [his]_2534-he face away . [They]_6313-they came to [the little court]_{6314-the little court} , which was shut in by old red walls in whose crevices wall - flowers were growing . The grass was soft and fine and old , a level floor carpeting [the court]_{6315-the court} , the sky was blue overhead . [Gerald]_255-gerald tossed the rabbit down . It crouched still and would not move . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched it with faint horror . “_[2534-he] Why does n’t it move ? ” [she]_160-gudrun cried . “_[2534-he] It ’s skulking , ” [he]_2534-he said . [She]_160-gudrun looked up at [him]_2534-he , and a slight sinister smile contracted [her]_160-gudrun white face . “_[2534-he] Is n’t it [a fool]_{4749-a fool} ! ” [she]_160-gudrun cried . “_{[4749-a fool]} Is n’t it [a sickening fool]_{2540-a sickening fool} ? ” The vindictive mockery in [her]_160-gudrun voice made [his]_2534-he brain quiver . Glancing up at [him]_2534-he , into [his]_2534-he eyes , [she]_160-gudrun revealed again the mocking , white - cruel recognition . There was a league between [them]_6313-they , abhorrent to [[them]_6313-they both]_{6316-them both} . [They]_6313-they were implicated with [each other]_{451-each other} in abhorrent mysteries . “_{[2540-a sickening fool]} How many scratches have [you]_2541-you ? ” [he]_2534-he asked , showing [his]_2534-he hard forearm , white and hard and torn in red gashes . “_[2541-you] How really vile ! ” [she]_160-gudrun cried , flushing with a sinister vision . “_[2541-you] Mine is nothing . ” [She]_160-gudrun lifted [her]_160-gudrun arm and showed a deep red score down the silken white flesh . “_{[5658-a devil]} What [a devil]_{5658-a devil} ! ” [he]_2534-he exclaimed . But it was as if [he]_2534-he had had knowledge of [her]_160-gudrun in the long red rent of [her]_160-gudrun forearm , so silken and soft . [He]_2534-he did not want to touch [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_2534-he would have to make [himself]_2534-he touch [her]_160-gudrun , deliberately . The long , shallow red rip seemed torn across [his]_2534-he own brain , tearing the surface of [his]_2534-he ultimate consciousness , letting through the forever unconscious , unthinkable red ether of the beyond , the obscene beyond . “_{[5658-a devil]} It does n’t hurt [you]_2541-you very much , does it ? ” [he]_2534-he asked , solicitous . “_{[5658-a devil]} Not at all , ” [she]_160-gudrun cried . And suddenly the rabbit , which had been crouching as if it were a flower , so still and soft , suddenly burst into life . Round and round [the court]_{6315-the court} [it]_{6315-the court} went , as if shot from a gun , round and round like a furry meteorite , in a tense hard circle that seemed to bind [their]_6319-their brains . [They]_6319-their all stood in amazement , smiling uncannily , as if the rabbit were obeying some unknown incantation . Round and round it flew , on the grass under the old red walls like a storm . And then quite suddenly it settled down , hobbled among the grass , and sat considering , its nose twitching like a bit of fluff in the wind . After having considered for a few minutes , a soft bunch with a black , open eye , which perhaps was looking at [them]_6319-their , perhaps was not , it hobbled calmly forward and began to nibble the grass with that mean motion of a rabbit ’s quick eating . “_{[5658-a devil]} It ’s mad , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_{[5658-a devil]} It is most decidedly mad . ” [He]_2534-he laughed . “_{[5658-a devil]} The question is , ” [he]_2534-he said , “_{[5658-a devil]} what is madness ? [I]_0-i do n’t suppose it is rabbit - mad . ” “_[0-i] Do n’t [you]_0-i think it is ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked . “_[0-i] No . That ’s what it is to be a rabbit . ” There was a queer , faint , obscene smile over [his]_2534-he face . [She]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_2534-he and saw [him]_2534-he , and knew that [he]_2534-he was initiate as [she]_160-gudrun was initiate . This thwarted [her]_160-gudrun , and contravened [her]_160-gudrun , for the moment . “_[167-god] [God]_167-god be praised [we]_2543-we are n’t rabbits , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , in a high , shrill voice . The smile intensified a little , on [his]_2534-he face . “_[167-god] Not rabbits ? ” [he]_2534-he said , looking at [her]_160-gudrun fixedly . Slowly [her]_160-gudrun face relaxed into a smile of obscene recognition . “_[167-god] Ah [Gerald]_255-gerald , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , in a strong , slow , almost man - like way . “_[167-god] — All that , and more . ” [Her]_160-gudrun eyes looked up at [him]_2534-he with shocking nonchalance . [He]_2534-he felt again as if [she]_160-gudrun had torn [him]_2534-he across the breast , dully , finally . [He]_2534-he turned aside . “_[255-gerald] Eat , eat [[my]_0-i darling]_{2544-my darling} ! ” [Winifred]_297-winifred was softly conjuring the rabbit , and creeping forward to touch [it]_{2544-my darling} . [It]_{2544-my darling} hobbled away from [her]_160-gudrun . “_{[2545-its mother]} Let [[its]_{2544-my darling} mother]_{2545-its mother} stroke [its]_{2544-my darling} fur then , [darling]_4727-darling , because it is so mysterious — ” After [his]_2534-he illness [Birkin]_169-birkin went to [the south of [France]_78-france]_{6320-the south of france} for a time . [He]_2534-he did not write , [nobody]_912-nobody heard anything of [him]_2534-he . [Ursula]_255-gerald , left alone , felt as if everything were lapsing out . There seemed to be no hope in [the world]_{541-the world} . One was a tiny little rock with the tide of nothingness rising higher and higher [She]_6323-she [herself]_6323-she was real , and only [herself]_6323-she — just like a rock in [a wash of flood - water]_{6324-a wash of flood - water} . The rest was all nothingness . [She]_6323-she was hard and indifferent , isolated in [herself]_6323-she . There was nothing for it now , but contemptuous , resistant indifference . All [the world]_{541-the world} was lapsing into a grey wish - wash of nothingness , [she]_6323-she had no contact and no connection anywhere . [She]_6323-she despised and detested the whole show . From the bottom of [her]_6323-she heart , from the bottom of [her]_6323-she soul , [she]_6323-she despised and detested [people]_579-people , [adult people]_{6327-adult people} . [She]_6323-she loved only [children]_{4659-children} and animals : [children]_{4659-children} [she]_6323-she loved passionately , but coldly . [They]_{4659-children} made [her]_6323-she want to hug [them]_{4659-children} , to protect [them]_{4659-children} , to give [them]_{4659-children} life . But this very love , based on pity and despair , was only a bondage and a pain to [her]_6323-she . [She]_6323-she loved best of all the animals , that were single and unsocial as [she]_6323-she [herself]_6323-she was . [She]_6323-she loved the horses and cows in [the field]_{501-the field} . Each was single and to itself , magical . It was not referred away to some detestable social principle . It was incapable of soulfulness and tragedy , which [she]_6323-she detested so profoundly . [She]_6323-she could be very pleasant and flattering , almost subservient , to people [she]_6323-she met . But [no one]_{485-no one} was taken in . Instinctively each felt [her]_6323-she contemptuous mockery of [the human being]_{1305-the human being} in [himself]_6333-himself , or [herself]_6334-herself . [She]_6323-she had a profound grudge against [the human being]_{1305-the human being} . That which the word “_{[6336-human ”]} [human ”]_{6336-human ”} stood for was despicable and repugnant to [her]_6323-she . Mostly [her]_6323-she heart was closed in this hidden , unconscious strain of contemptuous ridicule . [She]_6323-she thought [she]_6323-she loved , [she]_6323-she thought [she]_6323-she was full of love . This was [her]_6323-she idea of [herself]_6323-she . But the strange brightness of [her]_6323-she presence , a marvellous radiance of intrinsic vitality , was a luminousness of supreme repudiation , nothing but repudiation . Yet , at moments , [she]_6323-she yielded and softened , [she]_6323-she wanted pure love , only pure love . This other , this state of constant unfailing repudiation , was a strain , a suffering also . A terrible desire for pure love overcame [her]_6323-she again . [She]_6323-she went out one evening , numbed by this constant essential suffering . [Those who are timed for destruction]_{6337-those who are timed for destruction} must die now . The knowledge of this reached a finality , a finishing in [her]_6323-she . And the finality released [her]_6323-she . If fate would carry off in death or downfall [all those who were timed to go]_{6338-all those who were timed to go} , why need [she]_6323-she trouble , why repudiate any further . [She]_6323-she was free of it all , [she]_6323-she could seek a new union elsewhere . [Ursula]_255-gerald set off to [Willey Green]_{6-willey green} , towards [the mill]_{5426-the mill} . [She]_6323-she came to [Willey Water]_{8-willey water} . It was almost full again , after its period of emptiness . Then [she]_6323-she turned off through [the woods]_{5533-the woods} . The night had fallen , it was dark . But [she]_6323-she forgot to be afraid , [she]_6323-she who had such great sources of fear . Among the trees , far from [any human beings]_{6341-any human beings} , there was a sort of magic peace . The more one could find a pure loneliness , with no taint of [people]_579-people , the better [one]_4646-one felt . [She]_6323-she was in reality terrified , horrified in [her]_6323-she apprehension of [people]_579-people . [She]_6323-she started , noticing something on [her]_6323-she right hand , between the tree trunks . It was like a great presence , watching [her]_6323-she , dodging [her]_6323-she . [She]_6323-she started violently . It was only the moon , risen through the thin trees . But it seemed so mysterious , with its white and deathly smile . And there was no avoiding it . Night or day , [one]_4646-one could not escape the sinister face , triumphant and radiant like this moon , with a high smile . [She]_6323-she hurried on , cowering from [the white planet]_{6346-the white planet} . [She]_6323-she would just see [the pond]_{5290-the pond} at [the mill]_{5426-the mill} before [she]_6323-she went [home]_4649-home . Not wanting to go through [the yard]_{6350-the yard} , because of the dogs , [she]_6323-she turned off along [the hill - side]_{6351-the hill - side} to descend on [the pond]_{5290-the pond} from above . The moon was transcendent over [the bare , open space]_{6353-the bare , open space} , [she]_6323-she suffered from being exposed to it . There was a glimmer of nightly rabbits across the ground . The night was as clear as crystal , and very still . [She]_6323-she could hear a distant coughing of a sheep . So [she]_6323-she swerved down to [the steep , tree - hidden bank above [the pond]_{5290-the pond}]_{6354-the steep , tree - hidden bank above the pond} , where the alders twisted their roots . [She]_6323-she was glad to pass into the shade out of the moon . There [she]_6323-she stood , at the top of [the fallen - away bank]_{6356-the fallen - away bank} , [her]_6323-she hand on the rough trunk of a tree , looking at the water , that was perfect in [its]_{5290-the pond} stillness , floating the moon upon it . But for some reason [she]_6323-she disliked it . It did not give [her]_6323-she anything . [She]_6323-she listened for the hoarse rustle of the sluice . And [she]_6323-she wished for something else out of the night , [she]_6323-she wanted another night , not this moon - brilliant hardness . [She]_6323-she could feel [her]_6323-she soul crying out in [her]_6323-she , lamenting desolately . [She]_6323-she saw a shadow moving by [the water]_{4852-the water} . It would be [Birkin]_169-birkin . [He]_6358-he had come back then , unawares . [She]_6323-she accepted it without remark , nothing mattered to [her]_6323-she . [She]_6323-she sat down among the roots of the alder tree , dim and veiled , hearing the sound of the sluice like dew distilling audibly into the night . [The islands]_{6359-the islands} were dark and half revealed , the reeds were dark also , only some of [them]_{6359-the islands} had a little frail fire of reflection . A fish leaped secretly , revealing the light in [the pond]_{5290-the pond} . This fire of the chill night breaking constantly on to the pure darkness , repelled [her]_6323-she . [She]_6323-she wished it were perfectly dark , perfectly , and noiseless and without motion . [Birkin]_169-birkin , small and dark also , [his]_6358-he hair tinged with moonlight , wandered nearer . [He]_6358-he was quite near , and yet [he]_6358-he did not exist in [her]_6323-she . [He]_6358-he did not know [she]_6323-she was [there]_629-there . Supposing [he]_6358-he did something [he]_6358-he would not wish to be seen doing , thinking [he]_6358-he was quite private ? But there , what did it matter ? What did the small privacies matter ? How could it matter , what [he]_6358-he did ? How can there be any secrets , [we]_6362-we are all the same organisms ? How can there be any secrecy , when everything is known to all of [us]_6362-we ? [He]_6358-he was touching unconsciously the dead husks of flowers as [he]_6358-he passed by , and talking disconnectedly to [himself]_6358-he . “_[2547-you] [You]_2547-you ca n’t go away , ” [he]_6358-he was saying . “_[2547-you] There is no away . [You]_2547-you only withdraw upon [yourself]_2547-you . ” [He]_6358-he threw a dead flower - husk on to [the water]_{4852-the water} . “_[2547-you] An antiphony — [they]_2548-they lie , and [you]_2547-you sing back to [them]_2548-they . There would n’t have to be any truth , if there were n’t any lies . Then [one]_4646-one need n’t assert anything — ” [He]_6358-he stood still , looking at [the water]_{4852-the water} , and throwing upon it the husks of the flowers . “_[330-cybele] [Cybele]_330-cybele — curse [her]_330-cybele ! The accursed Syria [Dea]_79-dea ! Does [one]_4646-one begrudge it [her]_330-cybele ? What else is there — ? ” [Ursula]_255-gerald wanted to laugh loudly and hysterically , hearing [his]_6358-he isolated voice speaking out . It was so ridiculous . [He]_6358-he stood staring at [the water]_{4852-the water} . Then [he]_6358-he stooped and picked up a stone , which [he]_6358-he threw sharply at [the pond]_{5290-the pond} . [Ursula]_255-gerald was aware of the bright moon leaping and swaying , all distorted , in [her]_330-cybele eyes . It seemed to shoot out arms of fire like a cuttle - fish , like a luminous polyp , palpitating strongly before [her]_330-cybele . And [his]_6358-he shadow on [the border of [the pond]_{5290-the pond}]_{6367-the border of the pond} , was watching for a few moments , then [he]_6358-he stooped and groped on the ground . Then again there was a burst of sound , and a burst of brilliant light , the moon had exploded on the water , and was flying asunder in flakes of white and dangerous fire . Rapidly , like white birds , the fires all broken rose across [the pond]_{5290-the pond} , fleeing in clamorous confusion , battling with the flock of dark waves that were forcing [their]_6370-they way in . The furthest waves of light , fleeing out , seemed to be clamouring against [the shore]_{1571-the shore} for escape , the waves of darkness came in heavily , running under towards the centre . But at the centre , the heart of all , was still a vivid , incandescent quivering of a white moon not quite destroyed , a white body of fire writhing and striving and not even now broken open , not yet violated . It seemed to be drawing itself together with strange , violent pangs , in blind effort . It was getting stronger , it was re - asserting itself , the inviolable moon . And the rays were hastening in in thin lines of light , to return to the strengthened moon , that shook upon the water in triumphant reassumption . [Birkin]_169-birkin stood and watched , motionless , till [the pond]_{5290-the pond} was almost calm , the moon was almost serene . Then , satisfied of so much , [he]_6358-he looked for more stones . [She]_330-cybele felt [his]_6358-he invisible tenacity . And in a moment again , the broken lights scattered in explosion over [her]_330-cybele face , dazzling [her]_330-cybele ; and then , almost immediately , came the second shot . The moon leapt up white and burst through the air . Darts of bright light shot asunder , darkness swept over the centre . There was no moon , only a battlefield of broken lights and shadows , running close together . Shadows , dark and heavy , struck again and again across the place where [the heart of the moon had been]_{6373-the heart of the moon had been} , obliterating it altogether . The white fragments pulsed up and down , and could not find where to go , apart and brilliant on the water like the petals of a rose that a wind has blown far and wide . Yet again , [they]_6370-they were flickering [their]_6370-they way to the centre , finding [the path]_{671-the path} blindly , enviously . And again , all was still , as [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald watched . The waters were loud on [the shore]_{1571-the shore} . [He]_6358-he saw the moon regathering itself insidiously , saw the heart of the rose intertwining vigorously and blindly , calling back the scattered fragments , winning home the fragments , in a pulse and in effort of return . And [he]_6358-he was not satisfied . Like a madness , [he]_6358-he must go on . [He]_6358-he got large stones , and threw them , one after the other , at the white - burning centre of the moon , till there was nothing but a rocking of hollow noise , and [a pond]_{6376-a pond} surged up , no moon any more , only a few broken flakes tangled and glittering broadcast in the darkness , without aim or meaning , a darkened confusion , like a black and white kaleidoscope tossed at random . The hollow night was rocking and crashing with noise , and from the sluice came sharp , regular flashes of sound . Flakes of light appeared here and there , glittering tormented among the shadows , far off , in strange places ; among the dripping shadow of the willow on [the island]_{5352-the island} . [Birkin]_169-birkin stood and listened and was satisfied . [Ursula]_255-gerald was dazed , [her]_330-cybele mind was all gone . [She]_330-cybele felt [she]_330-cybele had fallen to the ground and was spilled out , like water on the earth . Motionless and spent [she]_330-cybele remained in the gloom . Though even now [she]_330-cybele was aware , unseeing , that in the darkness was a little tumult of ebbing flakes of light , a cluster dancing secretly in a round , twining and coming steadily together . [They]_6370-they were gathering a heart again , [they]_6370-they were coming once more into being . Gradually the fragments caught together re - united , heaving , rocking , dancing , falling back as in panic , but working their way [home]_4649-home again persistently , making semblance of fleeing away when [they]_6370-they had advanced , but always flickering nearer , a little closer to the mark , the cluster growing mysteriously larger and brighter , as gleam after gleam fell in with the whole , until a ragged rose , a distorted , frayed moon was shaking upon [the waters]_{4854-the waters} again , re - asserted , renewed , trying to recover from its convulsion , to get over the disfigurement and the agitation , to be whole and composed , at peace . [Birkin]_169-birkin lingered vaguely by [the water]_{4852-the water} . [Ursula]_255-gerald was afraid that [he]_2551-you would stone the moon again . [She]_330-cybele slipped from [her]_330-cybele seat and went down to [him]_2551-you , saying : “_[2551-you] [You]_2551-you wo n’t throw stones at it any more , will [you]_2551-you ? ” “_[2551-you] How long have [you]_2551-you been there ? ” “_[2551-you] All the time . [You]_2551-you wo n’t throw any more stones , will [you]_2551-you ? ” “_[2551-you] [I]_0-i wanted to see if [I]_0-i could make it be quite gone off [the pond]_{5290-the pond} , ” [he]_2551-you said . “_[0-i] Yes , it was horrible , really . Why should [you]_2551-you hate the moon ? [It]_2553-it has n’t done [you]_2551-you any harm , has it ? ” “_[2553-it] Was it hate ? ” [he]_2551-you said . And [they]_6381-they were silent for a few minutes . “_[2553-it] When did [you]_2551-you come back ? ” [she]_2551-you said . “_[2553-it] Today . ” “_[2553-it] Why did [you]_2551-you never write ? ” “_[2551-you] [I]_0-i could find nothing to say . ” “_[2551-you] Why was there nothing to say ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know . Why are there no daffodils now ? ” “_[2551-you] No . ” Again there was a space of silence . [Ursula]_255-gerald looked at the moon . It had gathered itself together , and was quivering slightly . “_[2551-you] Was it good for [you]_2551-you , to be alone ? ” [she]_2551-you asked . “_[2551-you] Perhaps . Not that [I]_0-i know much . But [I]_0-i got over a good deal . Did [you]_2551-you do anything important ? ” “_[2551-you] No . [I]_0-i looked at [England]_80-england , and thought [I]_0-i ’d done with it . ” “_[0-i] Why [England]_80-england ? ” [he]_2551-you asked in surprise . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , it came like that . ” “_[0-i] It is n’t a question of nations , ” [he]_2551-you said . “_[0-i] [France]_78-france is far worse . ” “_[0-i] Yes , [I]_0-i know . [I]_0-i felt [I]_0-i ’d done with it all . ” [They]_6382-they went and sat down on the roots of the trees , in the shadow . And being silent , [he]_2551-you remembered the beauty of [her]_2551-you eyes , which were sometimes filled with light , like spring , suffused with wonderful promise . So [he]_2551-you said to [her]_2551-you , slowly , with difficulty : “_[0-i] There is a golden light in [you]_2551-you , which [I]_0-i wish [you]_2551-you would give [me]_0-i . ” It was as if [he]_2551-you had been thinking of this for some time . [She]_2551-you was startled , [she]_2551-you seemed to leap clear of [him]_2551-you . Yet also [she]_2551-you was pleased . “_[2551-you] What kind of a light , ” [she]_2551-you asked . But [he]_2551-you was shy , and did not say any more . So the moment passed for this time . And gradually a feeling of sorrow came over [her]_2551-you . “_[2551-you] [My]_0-i life is unfulfilled , ” [she]_2551-you said . “_[0-i] Yes , ” [he]_2551-you answered briefly , not wanting to hear this . “_[0-i] And [I]_0-i feel as if [nobody]_912-nobody could ever really love [me]_0-i , ” [she]_2551-you said . But [he]_2551-you did not answer . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i think , do n’t [you]_0-i , ” [she]_2551-you said slowly , “_[0-i] that [I]_0-i only want physical things ? It is n’t true . [I]_0-i want [you]_0-i to serve [my]_0-i spirit . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i know [you]_0-i do . [I]_0-i know [you]_0-i do n’t want physical things by [themselves]_{2555-themselves} . But , [I]_0-i want [you]_0-i to give [me]_0-i — to give [your]_0-i spirit to [me]_0-i — that golden light which is [you]_0-i — which [you]_0-i do n’t know — give it [me]_0-i — ” After a moment ’s silence [she]_6383-she replied : “_[0-i] But how can [I]_0-i , [you]_0-i do n’t love [me]_0-i ! [You]_0-i only want [your]_0-i own ends . [You]_0-i do n’t want to serve [me]_0-i , and yet [you]_0-i want [me]_0-i to serve [you]_0-i . It is so one - sided ! ” It was a great effort to [him]_0-i to maintain this conversation , and to press for the thing [he]_0-i wanted from [her]_6384-her , the surrender of [her]_6384-her spirit . “_[0-i] It is different , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] The two kinds of service are so different . [I]_0-i serve [you]_0-i in another way — not through [yourself]_0-i — somewhere else . But [I]_0-i want [us]_2556-us to be together without bothering about [ourselves]_2556-us — to be really together because [we]_2556-us are together , as if it were a phenomenon , not a not a thing [we]_2556-us have to maintain by [our]_2556-us own effort . ” “_[0-i] No , ” [she]_6385-her said , pondering . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i are just egocentric . [You]_0-i never have any enthusiasm , [you]_0-i never come out with any spark towards [me]_0-i . [You]_0-i want [yourself]_0-i , really , and [your]_0-i own affairs . And [you]_0-i want [me]_0-i just to be there , to serve [you]_0-i . ” But this only made [him]_0-i shut off from [her]_6385-her . “_[0-i] Ah well , ” [he]_0-i said , “_[0-i] words make no matter , any way . The thing is between [us]_2556-us , or it is n’t . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i do n’t even love [me]_0-i , ” [she]_6385-her cried . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do , ” [he]_0-i said angrily . “_[0-i] But [I]_0-i want — ” [His]_0-i mind saw again the lovely golden light of spring transfused through [her]_6385-her eyes , as through some wonderful window . And [he]_0-i wanted [her]_6385-her to be with [him]_0-i there , in this world of proud indifference . But what was the good of telling [her]_6385-her [he]_0-i wanted this company in proud indifference . What was the good of talking , any way ? It must happen beyond the sound of words . It was merely ruinous to try to work [her]_6385-her by conviction . This was a paradisal bird that could never be netted , it must fly by itself to the heart . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i always think [I]_0-i am going to be loved — and then [I]_0-i am let down . [You]_0-i do n’t love [me]_0-i , [you]_0-i know . [You]_0-i do n’t want to serve [me]_0-i . [You]_0-i only want [yourself]_0-i . ” A shiver of rage went over [his]_0-i veins , at this repeated : “_[0-i] [You]_0-i do n’t want to serve [me]_0-i . ” All the paradisal disappeared from [him]_0-i . “_[0-i] No , ” [he]_0-i said , irritated , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t want to serve [you]_0-i , because there is nothing there to serve . What [you]_0-i want [me]_0-i to serve , is nothing , mere nothing . It is n’t even [you]_0-i , it is [your]_0-i mere female quality . And [I]_0-i would n’t give a straw for [your]_0-i female ego — it ’s [a rag doll]_{2557-a rag doll} . ” “_{[2557-a rag doll]} Ha ! ” [she]_2558-she laughed in mockery . “_{[2557-a rag doll]} That ’s all [you]_0-i think of [me]_0-i , is it ? And then [you]_0-i have the impudence to say [you]_0-i love [me]_0-i . ” [She]_2558-she rose in anger , to go [home]_4649-home . [You]_0-i want the paradisal unknowing , ”_[2558-she] [she]_2558-she said , turning round on [him]_0-i as [he]_0-i still sat half - visible in the shadow . “ [I]_2558-she know what that means , thank [you]_0-i . [You]_0-i want [me]_2558-she to be [your]_0-i thing , never to criticise [you]_0-i or to have anything to say for [myself]_2558-she . [You]_0-i want [me]_2558-she to be a mere thing for [you]_0-i ! No thank [you]_0-i ! If [you]_0-i want that , there are plenty of [women who will give it]_{6387-women who will give it} to [you]_0-i . There are [plenty of women who will lie down for [you]_0-i to walk over [them]_{6388-plenty of women who will lie down for you to walk over them}]_{6388-plenty of women who will lie down for you to walk over them} — go to [them]_{6388-plenty of women who will lie down for you to walk over them} then , if that ’s what [you]_0-i want — go to [them]_{6388-plenty of women who will lie down for you to walk over them} . ”_[2558-she] “ No , ”_[2559-i] [he]_2559-i said , outspoken with anger . “ [I]_2559-i want [you]_0-i to drop [your]_0-i assertive will , [your]_0-i frightened apprehensive self - insistence , that is what [I]_2559-i want . [I]_2559-i want [you]_0-i to trust [yourself]_0-i so implicitly , that [you]_0-i can let [yourself]_0-i go . ”_[2559-i] “ Let [myself]_2560-her go ! ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her re - echoed in mockery . “ [I]_2560-her can let [myself]_2560-her go , easily enough . It is [you]_0-i who ca n’t let [yourself]_0-i go , it is [you]_0-i who hang on to [yourself]_0-i as if it were [your]_0-i only treasure . [You]_0-i — [you]_0-i are [the Sunday school teacher]_{6389-the sunday school teacher} — [You]_0-i — [you]_0-i preacher . ”_[2560-her] The amount of truth that was in this made [him]_2561-i stiff and unheeding of [her]_2560-her . “ [I]_2561-i do n’t mean let [yourself]_0-i go in the Dionysic ecstatic way , ”_[2561-i] [he]_2561-i said . “ [I]_2561-i know [you]_0-i can do that . But [I]_2561-i hate ecstasy , Dionysic or any other . It ’s like going round in [a squirrel cage]_{6390-a squirrel cage} . [I]_2561-i want [you]_0-i not to care about [yourself]_0-i , just to be there and not to care about [yourself]_0-i , not to insist — be glad and sure and indifferent . ”_[2561-i] “ Who insists ? ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her mocked . “ Who is it that keeps on insisting ? It is n’t [me]_2560-her ! ”_[2560-her] There was a weary , mocking bitterness in [her]_2560-her voice . [He]_2561-i was silent for some time . “ [I]_2561-i know , ”_[2561-i] [he]_2561-i said . “ While ever [either of [us]_2562-we]_{6391-either of us} insists to the other , [we]_2562-we are all wrong . But there [we]_2562-we are , the accord does n’t come . ”_[2561-i] [They]_2562-we sat in stillness under the shadow of the trees by [the bank]_{1564-the bank} . The night was white around [them]_2562-we , [they]_2562-we were in the darkness , barely conscious . Gradually , the stillness and peace came over [them]_2562-we . [She]_2560-her put [her]_2560-her hand tentatively on [his]_2561-i . [Their]_2562-we hands clasped softly and silently , in peace . “ Do [you]_2561-i really love [me]_2560-her ? ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her said . [He]_2561-i laughed . “ [I]_2561-i call that [your]_2560-her war - cry , ”_[2561-i] [he]_2561-i replied , amused . “ Why ! ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her cried , amused and really wondering . “ [Your]_2561-i insistence — [Your]_2561-i war - cry—“A_[2560-her] [Brangwen]_160-gudrun , [A Brangwen”—an old battle - cry]_{6392-a brangwen”—an old battle - cry} . [Yours]_2561-i is , ‘ Do [you]_2561-i love [me]_2561-i ? Yield knave , or die . ’ ”_[2561-i] “ No , ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her said , pleading , “ not like that . Not like that . But [I]_2560-her must know that [you]_2561-i love [me]_2560-her , must n’t [I]_2560-her ? ”_[2560-her] “ Well then , know it and have done with it . ”_[2561-i] “ But do [you]_2561-i ? ”_[2561-i] “ Yes , [I]_2560-her do . [I]_2560-her love [you]_2561-i , and [I]_2560-her know it ’s final . It is final , so why say any more about it . ”_[2560-her] [She]_2560-her was silent for some moments , in delight and doubt . “ Are [you]_2564-he sure ? ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her said , nestling happily near to [him]_2564-he . “ Quite sure — so now have done — accept it and have done . ”_[2560-her] [She]_2560-her was nestled quite close to [him]_2564-he . “ Have done with what ? ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her murmured , happily . “ With bothering , ”_[2564-he] [he]_2564-he said . [She]_2560-her clung nearer to [him]_2564-he . [He]_2564-he held [her]_2560-her close , and kissed [her]_2560-her softly , gently . It was such peace and heavenly freedom , just to fold [her]_2560-her and kiss [her]_2560-her gently , and not to have any thoughts or any desires or any will , just to be still with [her]_2560-her , to be perfectly still and together , in a peace that was not sleep , but content in bliss . To be content in bliss , without desire or insistence anywhere , this was heaven : to be together in happy stillness . For a long time [she]_2560-her nestled to [him]_2564-he , and [he]_2564-he kissed [her]_2560-her softly , [her]_2560-her hair , [her]_2560-her face , [her]_2560-her ears , gently , softly , like dew falling . But this warm breath on [her]_2560-her ears disturbed [her]_2560-her again , kindled the old destructive fires . [She]_2560-her cleaved to [him]_2564-he , and [he]_2564-he could feel [his]_2564-he blood changing like quicksilver . “ But [we]_6393-we ’ll be still , shall [we]_6393-we ? ”_[2564-he] [he]_2564-he said . “ Yes , ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her said , as if submissively . And [she]_2560-her continued to nestle against [him]_2564-he . But in a little while [she]_2560-her drew away and looked at [him]_2564-he . “ [I]_2560-her must be going [home]_4649-home , ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her said . “ Must [you]_2560-her — how sad , ”_[2564-he] [he]_2564-he replied . [She]_2560-her leaned forward and put up [her]_2560-her mouth to be kissed . “ Are [you]_2564-he really sad ? ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her murmured , smiling . “ Yes , ”_[2564-he] [he]_2564-he said , “ [I]_2564-he wish [we]_6395-we could stay as [we]_6395-we were , always . ”_[2564-he] “ Always ! Do [you]_2564-he ? ”_[2560-her] [she]_2560-her murmured , as [he]_2564-he kissed [her]_2560-her . And then , out of a full throat , [she]_2560-her crooned “ Kiss [me]_2560-her ! Kiss [me]_2560-her ! ”_[2560-her] And [she]_2560-her cleaved close to [him]_2564-he . [He]_2564-he kissed [her]_2560-her many times . But [he]_2564-he too had [his]_2564-he idea and [his]_2564-he will . [He]_2564-he wanted only gentle communion , no other , no passion now . So that soon [she]_2560-her drew away , put on [her]_2560-her hat and went [home]_4649-home . The next day however , [he]_2564-he felt wistful and yearning . [He]_2564-he thought [he]_2564-he had been wrong , perhaps . Perhaps [he]_2564-he had been wrong to go to [her]_2560-her with an idea of what [he]_2564-he wanted . Was it really only an idea , or was it the interpretation of a profound yearning ? If the latter , how was it [he]_2564-he was always talking about sensual fulfilment ? [The two]_{2296-the two} did not agree very well . Suddenly [he]_2564-he found [himself]_2564-he face to face with a situation . It was as simple as this : fatally simple . On the one hand , [he]_2564-he knew [he]_2564-he did not want a further sensual experience — something deeper , darker , than ordinary life could give . [He]_2564-he remembered the African fetishes [he]_2564-he had seen at [Halliday]_204-halliday ’s so often . There came back to [him]_2564-he one , a statuette about two feet high , [a tall , slim , elegant figure from [West Africa]_{30-west africa}]_{2567-a tall , slim , elegant figure from west africa} , in dark wood , glossy and suave . [It]_{2567-a tall , slim , elegant figure from west africa} was [a woman , with hair dressed high , like a melon - shaped dome]_{2568-a woman , with hair dressed high , like a melon - shaped dome} . [He]_2564-he remembered [her]_2560-her vividly : [she]_2560-her was [one of [[his]_2564-he soul]_{2570-his soul} ’s intimates]_{2569-one of his soul ’s intimates} . [Her]_2560-her body was long and elegant , [her]_2560-her face was crushed tiny like a beetle ’s , [she]_2560-her had rows of round heavy collars , like a column of quoits , on [her]_2560-her neck . [He]_2564-he remembered [her]_2560-her : [her]_2560-her astonishing cultured elegance , [her]_2560-her diminished , beetle face , the astounding long elegant body , on short , ugly legs , with such protuberant buttocks , so weighty and unexpected below [her]_2560-her slim long loins . [She]_2560-her knew what [he]_2564-he [himself]_2564-he did not know . [She]_2560-her had thousands of years of purely sensual , purely unspiritual knowledge behind [her]_2560-her . It must have been thousands of years since [her]_2560-her race had died , mystically : that is , since the relation between the senses and the outspoken mind had broken , leaving the experience all in one sort , mystically sensual . Thousands of years ago , that which was imminent in [himself]_2564-he must have taken place in [these Africans]_{82-these africans} : the goodness , the holiness , the desire for creation and productive happiness must have lapsed , leaving the single impulse for knowledge in one sort , mindless progressive knowledge through the senses , knowledge arrested and ending in the senses , mystic knowledge in disintegration and dissolution , knowledge such as the beetles have , which live purely within [the world of corruption and cold dissolution]_{2571-the world of corruption and cold dissolution} . This was why [her]_2560-her face looked like a beetle ’s : this was why [the Egyptians]_{2572-the egyptians} worshipped the ball - rolling scarab : because of the principle of knowledge in dissolution and corruption . There is a long way [we]_2573-we can travel , after the death - break : after that point when the soul in intense suffering breaks , breaks away from its organic hold like a leaf that falls . [We]_2573-we fall from the connection with life and hope , [we]_2573-we lapse from pure integral being , from creation and liberty , and [we]_2573-we fall into the long , long African process of purely sensual understanding , knowledge in the mystery of dissolution . [He]_2564-he realised now that this is a long process — thousands of years it takes , after the death of the creative spirit . [He]_2564-he realised that there were great mysteries to be unsealed , sensual , mindless , dreadful mysteries , far beyond the phallic cult . How far , in [their]_{82-these africans} inverted culture , had [these West Africans]_{2574-these west africans} gone beyond phallic knowledge ? Very , very far . [Birkin]_169-birkin recalled again [the female figure]_{2575-the female figure} : the elongated , long , long body , the curious unexpected heavy buttocks , the long , imprisoned neck , the face with tiny features like a beetle ’s . This was far beyond any phallic knowledge , sensual subtle realities far beyond the scope of phallic investigation . There remained this way , this awful African process , to be fulfilled . It would be done differently by [the white races]_{2576-the white races} . [The white races]_{2576-the white races} , having [the arctic north]_{2578-the arctic north} behind [them]_{2576-the white races} , the vast abstraction of ice and snow , would fulfil a mystery of ice - destructive knowledge , snow - abstract annihilation . Whereas [the West Africans]_{2579-the west africans} , controlled by the burning death - abstraction of [the Sahara]_{83-the sahara} , had been fulfilled in sun - destruction , the putrescent mystery of sun - rays . Was this then all that remained ? Was there left now nothing but to break off from [the happy creative being]_{2580-the happy creative being} , was the time up ? Is [our]_2573-we day of creative life finished ? Does there remain to [us]_2573-we only the strange , awful afterwards of the knowledge in dissolution , the African knowledge , but different in [us]_2573-we , who are blond and blue - eyed from [the north]_{2581-the north} ? [Birkin]_169-birkin thought of [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was one of [these strange white wonderful demons from [the north]_{2581-the north}]_{2582-these strange white wonderful demons from the north} , fulfilled in the destructive frost mystery . And was [he]_255-gerald fated to pass away in this knowledge , this one process of frost - knowledge , death by perfect cold ? Was [he]_255-gerald [a messenger]_{2584-a messenger} , an omen of the universal dissolution into whiteness and snow ? [Birkin]_169-birkin was frightened . [He]_2585-he was tired too , when [he]_2585-he had reached this length of speculation . Suddenly [his]_2585-he strange , strained attention gave way , [he]_2585-he could not attend to these mysteries any more . There was another way , the way of freedom . There was the paradisal entry into [pure , single being]_{2586-pure , single being} , [the individual soul]_{2587-the individual soul} taking precedence over love and desire for union , stronger than any pangs of emotion , a lovely state of free proud singleness , which accepted the obligation of the permanent connection with [others]_593-others , and with the other , submits to the yoke and leash of love , but never forfeits its own proud individual singleness , even while it loves and yields . There was the other way , the remaining way . And [he]_2585-he must run to follow it . [He]_2585-he thought of [Ursula]_255-gerald , how sensitive and delicate [she]_2589-her really was , [her]_2589-her skin so over - fine , as if one skin were wanting . [She]_2589-her was really so marvellously gentle and sensitive . Why did [he]_2585-he ever forget it ? [He]_2585-he must go to [her]_2589-her at once . [He]_2585-he must ask [her]_2589-her to marry [him]_2585-he . [They]_2590-they must marry at once , and so make a definite pledge , enter into a definite communion . [He]_2585-he must set out at once and ask [her]_2589-her , this moment . There was no moment to spare . [He]_2585-he drifted on swiftly to [Beldover]_1-beldover , half - unconscious of [his]_2585-he own movement . [He]_2585-he saw [the town]_{4907-the town} on [the slope of the hill]_{2592-the slope of the hill} , not straggling , but as if walled - in with [the straight , final streets of]_{2593-the straight , final streets of} [[miners]_1438-miners ’ dwellings]_{1439-miners ’ dwellings} , making [a great square]_{2596-a great square} , and [it]_{4907-the town} looked like [Jerusalem]_84-jerusalem to [his]_2585-he fancy . [The world]_{541-the world} was all strange and transcendent . [Rosalind]_331-rosalind opened the door to [him]_2585-he . [She]_331-rosalind started slightly , as [a young girl]_{1822-a young girl} will , and said : “ Oh , [I]_331-rosalind ’ll tell [father]_4673-father . ”_{[331-rosalind]} With which [she]_331-rosalind disappeared , leaving [Birkin]_169-birkin in [the hall]_{734-the hall} , looking at some reproductions from [Picasso]_332-picasso , lately introduced by [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [He]_2585-he was admiring the almost wizard , sensuous apprehension of [the earth]_{972-the earth} , when [Will Brangwen]_160-gudrun appeared , rolling down [his]_2585-he shirt sleeves . “ Well , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Brangwen]_160-gudrun , “ [I]_160-gudrun ’ll get a coat . ”_[160-gudrun] And [he]_2585-he too disappeared for a moment . Then [he]_2585-he returned , and opened the door of [the drawing - room]_{5183-the drawing - room} , saying : “ [You]_169-birkin must excuse [me]_2585-he , [I]_2585-he was just doing a bit of work in [the shed]_{6397-the shed} . Come inside , will [you]_169-birkin . ”_[2585-he] [Birkin]_169-birkin entered and sat down . [He]_2585-he looked at the bright , reddish face of [the other man]_{832-the other man} , at the narrow brow and the very bright eyes , and at the rather sensual lips that unrolled wide and expansive under the black cropped moustache . How curious it was that this was [a human being]_{5012-a human being} ! What [Brangwen]_160-gudrun thought [himself]_2585-he to be , how meaningless it was , confronted with the reality of [him]_2585-he . [Birkin]_169-birkin could see only a strange , inexplicable , almost patternless collection of passions and desires and suppressions and traditions and mechanical ideas , all cast unfused and disunited into [this slender , bright - faced man of nearly fifty]_{2604-this slender , bright - faced man of nearly fifty} , who was as unresolved now as [he]_2585-he was at twenty , and as uncreated . How could [he]_2585-he be [the parent of [Ursula]_255-gerald]_{2605-the parent of ursula} , when [he]_2585-he was not created [himself]_2585-he . [He]_2585-he was not [a parent]_{2606-a parent} . A slip of living flesh had been transmitted through [him]_2585-he , but the spirit had not come from [him]_2585-he . The spirit had not come from [any ancestor]_{2607-any ancestor} , it had come out of the unknown . [A child]_{733-a child} is [the child of the mystery]_{2609-the child of the mystery} , or it is uncreated . “ The weather ’s not so bad as it has been , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Brangwen]_160-gudrun , after waiting a moment . There was no connection between [the two men]_{686-the two men} . “ No , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ It was full moon two days ago . ”_[169-birkin] “ Oh ! [You]_169-birkin believe in the moon then , affecting the weather ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ No , [I]_169-birkin do n’t think [I]_169-birkin do . [I]_169-birkin do n’t really know enough about it . ”_[169-birkin] “ [You]_169-birkin know what [they]_6398-they say ? The moon and the weather may change together , but the change of the moon wo n’t change the weather . ”_[169-birkin] “ Is that it ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [I]_169-birkin had n’t heard it . ”_[169-birkin] There was a pause . Then [Birkin]_169-birkin said : “ Am [I]_169-birkin hindering [you]_169-birkin ? [I]_169-birkin called to see [Ursula]_255-gerald , really . Is [she]_6399-she at [home]_4649-home ? ”_[169-birkin] “ [I]_2611-i do n’t believe [she]_6399-she is . [I]_2611-i believe [she]_6399-she ’s gone to [the library]_{2470-the library} . [I]_2611-i ’ll just see . ”_[2611-i] [Birkin]_169-birkin could hear [him]_2611-i enquiring in [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} . “ No , ”_[2611-i] [he]_2611-i said , coming back . “ But [she]_6399-she wo n’t be long . [You]_2611-i wanted to speak to [her]_6399-she ? ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin looked across at [the other man]_{832-the other man} with curious calm , clear eyes . “ As a matter of fact , ”_[2611-i] [he]_2611-i said , “ [I]_2611-i wanted to ask [her]_6399-she to marry [me]_2611-i . ”_[2611-i] A point of light came on the golden - brown eyes of [the elder man]_{1423-the elder man} . “ O - oh ? ”_[2611-i] [he]_2611-i said , looking at [Birkin]_169-birkin , then dropping [his]_2611-i eyes before the calm , steadily watching look of [the other]_{920-the other} : “ Was [she]_6399-she expecting [you]_169-birkin then ? ”_[2611-i] “ No , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ No ? [I]_169-birkin did n’t know anything of this sort was on foot — ”_[169-birkin] [Brangwen]_160-gudrun smiled awkwardly . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked back at [him]_{1423-the elder man} , and said to [himself]_169-birkin : “ [I]_169-birkin wonder why it should be ‘ on foot ’ ! ”_[169-birkin] Aloud [he]_2611-i said : “ No , it ’s perhaps rather sudden . ”_[2611-i] At which , thinking of [his]_2611-i relationship with [Ursula]_255-gerald , [he]_2611-i added—“but [I]_2611-i do n’t know — ”_[2611-i] “ Quite sudden , is it ? Oh ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Brangwen]_160-gudrun , rather baffled and annoyed . “ In one way , ”_[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ — not in another . ”_[169-birkin] There was a moment ’s pause , after which [Brangwen]_160-gudrun said : “ Well , [she]_160-gudrun pleases [herself]_160-gudrun — ”_[160-gudrun] “ Oh yes ! ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , calmly . A vibration came into [Brangwen]_160-gudrun ’s strong voice , as [he]_2611-i replied : “ Though [I]_2611-i should n’t want [her]_160-gudrun to be in too big a hurry , either . It ’s no good looking round afterwards , when it ’s too late . ”_[2611-i] “ Oh , it need never be too late , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ as far as that goes . ”_[169-birkin] “ How do [you]_169-birkin mean ? ”_{[646-the father]} asked [the father]_{646-the father} . “ If [one]_4646-one repents being married , the marriage is at an end , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [You]_169-birkin think so ? ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes . ”_[169-birkin] “ Ay , well that may be [your]_169-birkin way of looking at it . ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin , in silence , thought to [himself]_169-birkin : “ So it may . As for [your]_169-birkin way of looking at it , [William Brangwen]_289-brangwen , it needs a little explaining . ”_[169-birkin] “ [I]_289-brangwen suppose , ”_{[289-brangwen]} said [Brangwen]_289-brangwen , “ [you]_169-birkin know what sort of [people]_579-people [we]_6404-we are ? What sort of a bringing - up [she]_6405-she ’s had ? ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ ‘ [She]_6405-she ’ , ”_[169-birkin] thought [Birkin]_169-birkin to [himself]_169-birkin , remembering [his]_{646-the father} childhood ’s corrections , “ is [[the cat]_{6406-the cat} ’s mother]_{6407-the cat ’s mother} . ”_[169-birkin] “ Do [I]_{646-the father} know what sort of a bringing - up [she]_6405-she ’s had ? ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said aloud . [He]_{646-the father} seemed to annoy [Brangwen]_289-brangwen intentionally . “ Well , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said , “ [she]_6405-she ’s had everything that ’s right for [a girl]_{2057-a girl} to have — as far as possible , as far as [we]_6409-we could give it [her]_6405-she . ”_{[646-the father]} “ [I]_169-birkin ’m sure [she]_6405-she has , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , which caused a perilous full - stop . [The father]_{646-the father} was becoming exasperated . There was something naturally irritant to [him]_{646-the father} in [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s mere presence . “ And [I]_{646-the father} do n’t want to see [her]_6405-she going back on it all , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said , in a clanging voice . “ Why ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . This monosyllable exploded in [Brangwen]_289-brangwen ’s brain like a shot . “ Why ! [I]_169-birkin do n’t believe in [your]_169-birkin new - fangled ways and new - fangled ideas — in and out like a frog in a gallipot . It would never do for [me]_169-birkin . ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin watched [him]_{646-the father} with steady emotionless eyes . The radical antagnoism in [the two men]_{686-the two men} was rousing . “ Yes , but are [my]_169-birkin ways and ideas new - fangled ? ”_[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Are [they]_{686-the two men} ? ”_[169-birkin] [Brangwen]_289-brangwen caught [himself]_289-brangwen up . “ [I]_{646-the father} ’m not speaking of [you]_169-birkin in particular , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said . “ What [I]_{646-the father} mean is that [[my]_{646-the father} children]_{4721-my children} have been brought up to think and do according to the religion [I]_{646-the father} was brought up in [myself]_{646-the father} , and [I]_{646-the father} do n’t want to see [them]_{4721-my children} going away from that . ”_{[646-the father]} There was a dangerous pause . “ And beyond that — ? ”_[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . [The father]_{646-the father} hesitated , [he]_{646-the father} was in a nasty position . “ Eh ? What do [you]_169-birkin mean ? All [I]_{646-the father} want to say is that [[my]_{646-the father} daughter”—he]_{6411-my daughter”—he[646-the father]} tailed off into silence , overcome by futility . [He]_{646-the father} knew that in some way [he]_{646-the father} was off the track . “ Of course , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ [I]_169-birkin do n’t want to hurt [anybody]_744-anybody or influence [anybody]_744-anybody . [Ursula]_255-gerald does exactly as [she]_2620-she pleases . ”_[169-birkin] There was a complete silence , because of the utter failure in mutual understanding . [Birkin]_169-birkin felt bored . [[Her]_2620-she father]_{583-her father} was not [a coherent human being]_{2622-a coherent human being} , [he]_{583-her father} was [a roomful of old echoes]_{2623-a roomful of old echoes} . The eyes of [the younger man]_{1430-the younger man} rested on the face of [the elder]_{1414-the elder} . [Brangwen]_289-brangwen looked up , and saw [Birkin]_169-birkin looking at [him]_{646-the father} . [His]_{646-the father} face was covered with inarticulate anger and humiliation and sense of inferiority in strength . “ And as for beliefs , that ’s one thing , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said . “ But [I]_{646-the father} ’d rather see [[my]_{646-the father} daughters]_{6414-my daughters} dead tomorrow than that [they]_{6414-my daughters} should be at the beck and call of [the first man that likes to come and whistle for [them]_{6414-my daughters}]_{6415-the first man that likes to come and whistle for them} . ”_{[646-the father]} A queer painful light came into [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s eyes . “ As to that , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said , “ [I]_{646-the father} only know that it ’s much more likely that it ’s [I]_{646-the father} who am at the beck and call of [the woman]_{873-the woman} , than [she]_{873-the woman} at [mine]_{646-the father} . ”_{[646-the father]} Again there was a pause . [The father]_{646-the father} was somewhat bewildered . “ [I]_{646-the father} know , ”_{[646-the father]} [he]_{646-the father} said , “ [she]_{873-the woman} ’ll please [herself]_{873-the woman} — [she]_{873-the woman} always has done . [I]_{646-the father} ’ve done [my]_{646-the father} best for [them]_{6414-my daughters} , but that does n’t matter . [They]_{6414-my daughters} ’ve got [themselves]_{6414-my daughters} to please , and if [they]_{6414-my daughters} can help it [they]_{6414-my daughters} ’ll please [[nobody]_912-nobody but [themselves]_{6414-my daughters}]_{6418-nobody but themselves} . But [she]_{873-the woman} ’s a right to consider [[her]_{873-the woman} mother]_{770-her mother} , and [me]_{646-the father} as well — ”_{[646-the father]} [Brangwen]_289-brangwen was thinking [his]_289-brangwen own thoughts . “ And [I]_289-brangwen tell [you]_{646-the father} this much , [I]_289-brangwen would rather bury [them]_{6414-my daughters} , than see [them]_{6414-my daughters} getting into a lot of loose ways such as [you]_{646-the father} see everywhere nowadays . [I]_289-brangwen ’d rather bury [them]_{6414-my daughters} — ”_{[289-brangwen]} “ Yes but , [you]_{646-the father} see , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin slowly , rather wearily , bored again by this new turn , “ [they]_{6414-my daughters} wo n’t give either [you]_{646-the father} or [me]_169-birkin the chance to bury [them]_{6414-my daughters} , because they ’re not to be buried . ”_[169-birkin] [Brangwen]_289-brangwen looked at [him]_2627-he in a sudden flare of impotent anger . “ Now , [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin , ”_[2627-he] [he]_2627-he said , “ [I]_2627-he do n’t know what [you]_169-birkin ’ve come here for , and [I]_2627-he do n’t know what [you]_169-birkin ’re asking for . But [[my]_2627-he daughters]_{6414-my daughters} are [[my]_2627-he daughters]_{6414-my daughters} — and it ’s [my]_2627-he business to look after [them]_{6414-my daughters} while [I]_2627-he can . ”_[2627-he] [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s brows knitted suddenly , [his]_2627-he eyes concentrated in mockery . But [he]_2627-he remained perfectly stiff and still . There was a pause . “ [I]_289-brangwen ’ve nothing against [your]_169-birkin marrying [Ursula]_255-gerald , ”_{[289-brangwen]} [Brangwen]_289-brangwen began at length . “ It ’s got nothing to do with [me]_289-brangwen , [she]_2629-her ’ll do as [she]_2629-her likes , [me]_289-brangwen or no [me]_289-brangwen . ”_{[289-brangwen]} [Birkin]_169-birkin turned away , looking out of the window and letting go [his]_2627-he consciousness . After all , what good was this ? It was hopeless to keep it up . [He]_2627-he would sit on till [Ursula]_255-gerald came [home]_4649-home , then speak to [her]_2629-her , then go away . [He]_2627-he would not accept trouble at the hands of [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} . It was all unnecessary , and [he]_2627-he [himself]_2627-he need not have provoked it . [The two men]_{686-the two men} sat in complete silence , [Birkin]_169-birkin almost unconscious of [his]_2627-he own whereabouts . [He]_2627-he had come to ask [her]_2629-her to marry [him]_2627-he — well then , [he]_2627-he would wait on , and ask [her]_2629-her . As for what [she]_2629-her said , whether [she]_2629-her accepted or not , [he]_2627-he did not think about it . [He]_2627-he would say what [he]_2627-he had come to say , and that was all [he]_2627-he was conscious of . [He]_2627-he accepted the complete insignificance of [this household]_{2632-this household} , for [him]_2627-he . But everything now was as if fated . [He]_2627-he could see one thing ahead , and no more . From the rest , [he]_2627-he was absolved entirely for the time being . It had to be left to fate and chance to resolve the issues . At length [they]_{686-the two men} heard the gate . [They]_{686-the two men} saw [her]_2629-her coming up the steps with a bundle of books under [her]_2629-her arm . [Her]_2629-her face was bright and abstracted as usual , with the abstraction , that look of being not quite there , not quite present to the facts of reality , that galled [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} so much . [She]_2629-her had a maddening faculty of assuming a light of [her]_2629-her own , which excluded the reality , and within which [she]_2629-her looked radiant as if in sunshine . [They]_{686-the two men} heard [her]_2629-her go into [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} , and drop [her]_2629-her armful of books on the table . “ Did [you]_{583-her father} bring [me]_331-rosalind [that Girl]_{6422-that girl} ’s Own ? ”_{[331-rosalind]} cried [Rosalind]_331-rosalind . “ Yes , [I]_331-rosalind brought it . But [I]_331-rosalind forgot which one it was [you]_{583-her father} wanted . ”_{[331-rosalind]} “ [You]_{583-her father} would , ”_{[331-rosalind]} cried [Rosalind]_331-rosalind angrily . “ It ’s right for a wonder . ”_{[331-rosalind]} Then [they]_{686-the two men} heard [her]_2629-her say something in a lowered tone . “ Where ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . Again [[her]_2629-her sister]_{449-her sister} ’s voice was muffled . [Brangwen]_289-brangwen opened the door , and called , in [his]_289-brangwen strong , brazen voice : “ [Ursula]_255-gerald . ”_{[289-brangwen]} [She]_2629-her appeared in a moment , wearing [her]_2629-her hat . “ Oh how do [you]_169-birkin do ! ”_[2629-her] [she]_2629-her cried , seeing [Birkin]_169-birkin , and all dazzled as if taken by surprise . [He]_289-brangwen wondered at [her]_2629-her , knowing [she]_2629-her was aware of [his]_289-brangwen presence . [She]_2629-her had [her]_2629-her queer , radiant , breathless manner , as if confused by the actual world , unreal to it , having a complete bright world of [her]_2629-her self alone . “ Have [I]_2629-her interrupted a conversation ? ”_[2629-her] [she]_2629-her asked . “ No , only a complete silence , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Oh , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , vaguely , absent . [Their]_2636-their presence was not vital to [her]_2629-her , [she]_2629-her was withheld , [she]_2629-her did not take [them]_2636-their in . It was a subtle insult that never failed to exasperate [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} . “ [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin came to speak to [you]_255-gerald , not to [me]_{583-her father} , ”_{[583-her father]} said [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} . “ Oh , did [he]_{583-her father} ! ”_[2629-her] [she]_2629-her exclaimed vaguely , as if it did not concern [her]_2629-her . Then , recollecting [herself]_2629-her , [she]_2629-her turned to [him]_{583-her father} rather radiantly , but still quite superficially , and said : “ Was it anything special ? ”_[2629-her] “ [I]_{583-her father} hope so , ”_{[583-her father]} [he]_{583-her father} said , ironically . “ — To propose to [you]_255-gerald , according to all accounts , ”_{[583-her father]} said [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} . “ Oh , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Oh , ”_[255-gerald] mocked [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} , imitating [her]_2629-her . “ Have [you]_255-gerald nothing more to say ? ”_[2629-her] [She]_2629-her winced as if violated . “ Did [you]_169-birkin really come to propose to [me]_2629-her ? ”_[2629-her] [she]_2629-her asked of [Birkin]_169-birkin , as if it were a joke . “ Yes , ”_{[583-her father]} [he]_{583-her father} said . “ [I]_{583-her father} suppose [I]_{583-her father} came to propose . ”_{[583-her father]} [He]_{583-her father} seemed to fight shy of the last word . “ Did [you]_169-birkin ? ”_[2629-her] [she]_2629-her cried , with [her]_2629-her vague radiance . [He]_{583-her father} might have been saying anything whatsoever . [She]_2629-her seemed pleased . “ Yes , ”_{[583-her father]} [he]_{583-her father} answered . “ [I]_{583-her father} wanted to — [I]_{583-her father} wanted [you]_2629-her to agree to marry [me]_{583-her father} . ”_{[583-her father]} [She]_2629-her looked at [him]_{583-her father} . [His]_{583-her father} eyes were flickering with mixed lights , wanting something of [her]_2629-her , yet not wanting it . [She]_2629-her shrank a little , as if [she]_2629-her were exposed to [his]_{583-her father} eyes , and as if it were a pain to [her]_2629-her . [She]_2629-her darkened , [her]_2629-her soul clouded over , [she]_2629-her turned aside . [She]_2629-her had been driven out of [[her]_2629-her own radiant , single world]_{2641-her own radiant , single world} . And [she]_2629-her dreaded contact , it was almost unnatural to [her]_2629-her at these times . “ Yes , ”_[2629-her] [she]_2629-her said vaguely , in a doubting , absent voice . [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s heart contracted swiftly , in a sudden fire of bitterness . It all meant nothing to [her]_2629-her . [He]_{583-her father} had been mistaken again . [She]_2629-her was in some self - satisfied world of [her]_2629-her own . [He]_{583-her father} and [his]_{583-her father} hopes were accidentals , violations to [her]_2629-her . It drove [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} to a pitch of mad exasperation . [He]_{583-her father} had had to put up with this all [his]_{583-her father} life , from [her]_2629-her . “ Well , what do [you]_2629-her say ? ”_{[583-her father]} [he]_{583-her father} cried . [She]_2629-her winced . Then [she]_2629-her glanced down at [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} , half - frightened , and [she]_2629-her said : “ [I]_2629-her did n’t speak , did [I]_2629-her ? ”_[2629-her] as if [she]_2629-her were afraid [she]_2629-her might have committed [herself]_2629-her . “ No , ”_[2629-her] said [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} , exasperated . “ But [you]_2629-her need n’t look like [an idiot]_{1104-an idiot} . [You]_2629-her ’ve got [your]_2629-her wits , have n’t [you]_2629-her ? ”_[2629-her] [She]_2629-her ebbed away in silent hostility . “ [I]_2629-her ’ve got [my]_2629-her wits , what does that mean ? ”_[2629-her] [she]_2629-her repeated , in a sullen voice of antagonism . “ [You]_2629-her heard what was asked [you]_2629-her , did n’t [you]_2629-her ? ”_{[583-her father]} cried [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} in anger . “ Of course [I]_2629-her heard . ”_[2629-her] “ Well then , ca n’t [you]_2629-her answer ? ”_{[583-her father]} thundered [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} . “ Why should [I]_{583-her father} ? ”_{[583-her father]} At the impertinence of this retort , [he]_{583-her father} went stiff . But [he]_{583-her father} said nothing . “ No , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , to help out the occasion , “ there ’s no need to answer at once . [You]_2629-her can say when [you]_2629-her like . ”_[169-birkin] [Her]_2629-her eyes flashed with a powerful light . “ Why should [I]_2629-her say anything ? ”_[2629-her] [she]_2629-her cried . “ [You]_2629-her do this off [your]_2629-her own bat , it has nothing to do with [me]_2629-her . Why do [you]_2629-her both want to bully [me]_2629-her ? ”_[2629-her] “ Bully [you]_2629-her ! Bully [you]_2629-her ! ”_{[583-her father]} cried [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} , in bitter , rancorous anger . “ Bully [you]_2629-her ! Why , it ’s a pity [you]_2629-her ca n’t be bullied into some sense and decency . Bully [you]_2629-her ! [You]_2629-her ’ll see to that , [you]_2629-her self - willed creature . ”_{[583-her father]} [She]_2629-her stood suspended in the middle of [the room]_{739-the room} , [her]_2629-her face glimmering and dangerous . [She]_2629-her was set in satisfied defiance . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked up at [her]_2629-her . [He]_{583-her father} too was angry . “ But none is bullying [you]_2629-her , ”_{[583-her father]} [he]_{583-her father} said , in a very soft dangerous voice also . “ Oh yes , ”_[2629-her] [she]_2629-her cried . “ [You]_2629-her both want to force [me]_{583-her father} into something . ”_{[583-her father]} “ That is an illusion of [yours]_2629-her , ”_{[583-her father]} [he]_{583-her father} said ironically . “ Illusion ! ”_{[583-her father]} cried [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} . “ [A self - opinionated fool]_{6424-a self - opinionated fool} , that ’s what [she]_2629-her is . ”_{[583-her father]} [Birkin]_169-birkin rose , saying : “ However , [we]_6425-we ’ll leave it for the time being . ”_[169-birkin] And without another word , [he]_{583-her father} walked out of [the house]_{468-the house} . “ [[You]_2629-her fool]_{5322-you fool} ! [[You]_2629-her fool]_{5322-you fool} ! ”_{[583-her father]} [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} cried to [her]_2629-her , with extreme bitterness . [She]_2629-her left [the room]_{739-the room} , and went [upstairs]_467-upstairs , singing to [herself]_2629-her . But [she]_2629-her was terribly fluttered , as after some dreadful fight . From [her]_2629-her window , [she]_2629-her could see [Birkin]_169-birkin going up [the road]_{502-the road} . [He]_{583-her father} went in such a blithe drift of rage , that [her]_2629-her mind wondered over [him]_{583-her father} . [He]_{583-her father} was ridiculous , but [she]_2629-her was afraid of [him]_{583-her father} . [She]_2629-her was as if escaped from some danger . [[Her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} sat below , powerless in humiliation and chagrin . It was as if [he]_{583-her father} were possessed with all the devils , after one of these unaccountable conflicts with [Ursula]_255-gerald . [He]_{583-her father} hated [her]_2629-her as if [his]_{583-her father} only reality were in hating [her]_2629-her to the last degree . [He]_{583-her father} had all hell in [his]_{583-her father} heart . But [he]_{583-her father} went away , to escape [himself]_{583-her father} . [He]_{583-her father} knew [he]_{583-her father} must despair , yield , give in to despair , and have done . [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s face closed , [she]_2629-her completed [herself]_2629-her against [them]_2656-them all . Recoiling upon [herself]_2629-her , [she]_2629-her became hard and self - completed , like a jewel . [She]_2629-her was bright and invulnerable , quite free and happy , perfectly liberated in [her]_2629-her self - possession . [[Her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} had to learn not to see [her]_2629-her blithe obliviousness , or it would have sent [him]_{583-her father} mad . [She]_2629-her was so radiant with all things , in [her]_2629-her possession of perfect hostility . [She]_2629-her would go on now for days like this , in this bright frank state of seemingly pure spontaneity , so essentially oblivious of the existence of anything but [herself]_2629-her , but so ready and facile in [her]_2629-her interest . Ah it was a bitter thing for [a man]_{4648-a man} to be near [her]_2629-her , and [[her]_2629-her father]_{583-her father} cursed [his]_{583-her father} fatherhood . But [he]_{583-her father} must learn not to see [her]_2629-her , not to know . [She]_2629-her was perfectly stable in resistance when [she]_2629-her was in this state : so bright and radiant and attractive in [her]_2629-her pure opposition , so very pure , and yet mistrusted by [everybody]_{780-everybody} , disliked on every hand . It was [her]_2629-her voice , curiously clear and repellent , that gave [her]_2629-her away . Only [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was in accord with [her]_2629-her . It was at these times that the intimacy between [the two sisters]_{463-the two sisters} was most complete , as if [their]_{463-the two sisters} intelligence were one . [They]_{463-the two sisters} felt a strong , bright bond of understanding between [them]_{463-the two sisters} , surpassing everything else . And during all these days of blind bright abstraction and intimacy of [[his]_{583-her father} two daughters]_{2662-his two daughters} , [the father]_{646-the father} seemed to breathe an air of death , as if [he]_{583-her father} were destroyed in [his]_{583-her father} very being . [He]_{583-her father} was irritable to madness , [he]_{583-her father} could not rest , [[his]_{583-her father} daughters]_{2664-his daughters} seemed to be destroying [him]_{583-her father} . But [he]_{583-her father} was inarticulate and helpless against [them]_{2664-his daughters} . [He]_{583-her father} was forced to breathe the air of [his]_{583-her father} own death . [He]_{583-her father} cursed [them]_{2664-his daughters} in [his]_{583-her father} soul , and only wanted , that [they]_{2664-his daughters} should be removed from [him]_{583-her father} . [They]_{2664-his daughters} continued radiant in [their]_{2664-his daughters} easy female transcendancy , beautiful to look at . [They]_{2664-his daughters} exchanged confidences , [they]_{2664-his daughters} were intimate in [their]_{2664-his daughters} revelations to the last degree , giving [each other]_{451-each other} at last every secret . [They]_{2664-his daughters} withheld nothing , [they]_{2664-his daughters} told everything , till [they]_{2664-his daughters} were over the border of evil . And [they]_{2664-his daughters} armed [each other]_{451-each other} with knowledge , [they]_{2664-his daughters} extracted the subtlest flavours from the apple of knowledge . It was curious how [their]_{2664-his daughters} knowledge was complementary , that of [each]_2377-each to that of the other . [Ursula]_255-gerald saw [[her]_2668-she men]_{5207-her men} as [sons]_1169-sons , pitied [their]_{2664-his daughters} yearning and admired [their]_{2664-his daughters} courage , and wondered over [them]_{2664-his daughters} as [a mother]_{2671-a mother} wonders over [[her]_{2671-a mother} child]_{2672-her child} , with a certain delight in [their]_{2664-his daughters} novelty . But to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [they]_{2664-his daughters} were [the opposite camp]_{2673-the opposite camp} . [She]_2668-she feared [them]_{2664-his daughters} and despised [them]_{2664-his daughters} , and respected [their]_{2664-his daughters} activities even overmuch . “ Of course , ”_[2668-she] [she]_2668-she said easily , “ there is a quality of life in [Birkin]_169-birkin which is quite remarkable . There is an extraordinary rich spring of life in [him]_6428-he , really amazing , the way [he]_6428-he can give [himself]_6428-he to things . But there are so many things in life that [he]_6428-he simply does n’t know . Either [he]_6428-he is not aware of [their]_{2664-his daughters} existence at all , or [he]_6428-he dismisses [them]_{2664-his daughters} as merely negligible — things which are vital to [the other person]_{6429-the other person} . In a way , [he]_6428-he is not clever enough , [he]_6428-he is too intense in spots . ”_[2668-she] “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ too much of [a preacher]_{6430-a preacher} . [He]_6428-he is really [a priest]_{6431-a priest} . ”_[255-gerald] “ Exactly ! [He]_6428-he ca n’t hear what [anybody else]_{1074-anybody else} has to say — [he]_6428-he simply can not hear . [His]_6428-he own voice is so loud . ”_[2668-she] “ Yes . [He]_6428-he cries [you]_255-gerald down . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [He]_6428-he cries [you]_255-gerald down , ”_[160-gudrun] repeated [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ And by mere force of violence . And of course it is hopeless . [Nobody]_912-nobody is convinced by violence . It makes talking to [him]_6428-he impossible — and living with [him]_6428-he [I]_160-gudrun should think would be more than impossible . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [You]_0-i do n’t think [one]_4646-one could live with [him]_6428-he ’ asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think it would be too wearing , too exhausting . [One]_172-one would be shouted down every time , and rushed into [his]_172-one way without any choice . [He]_172-one would want to control [you]_2674-you entirely . [He]_172-one can not allow that there is any other mind than [his]_172-one own . And then the real clumsiness of [his]_172-one mind is its lack of self - criticism . No , [I]_0-i think it would be perfectly intolerable . ” “_[0-i] Yes , ” assented [Ursula]_255-gerald vaguely . [She]_2674-you only half agreed with [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] The nuisance is , ” [she]_2674-you said , “_[0-i] that one would find almost [any man]_{2675-any man} intolerable after a fortnight . ” “_[0-i] It ’s perfectly dreadful , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] But [Birkin]_169-birkin — [he]_172-one is too positive . [He]_172-one could n’t bear it if [you]_2674-you called [your]_2674-you soul [your]_2674-you own . Of [him]_172-one that is strictly true . ” “_[172-one] Yes , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[172-one] [You]_2674-you must have [his]_172-one soul . ” “_[2674-you] Exactly ! And what can [you]_2674-you conceive more deadly ? ” This was all so true , that [Ursula]_255-gerald felt jarred to the bottom of [her]_2674-you soul with ugly distaste . [She]_2674-you went on , with the discord jarring and jolting through [her]_2674-you , in the most barren of misery . Then there started a revulsion from [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun finished life off so thoroughly , [she]_160-gudrun made things so ugly and so final . As a matter of fact , even if it were as [Gudrun]_160-gudrun said , about [Birkin]_169-birkin , other things were true as well . But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun would draw two lines under [him]_172-one and cross [him]_172-one out like an account that is settled . There [he]_172-one was , summed up , paid for , settled , done with . And it was such a lie . This finality of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s , this dispatching of [people]_579-people and things in a sentence , it was all such a lie . [Ursula]_255-gerald began to revolt from [[her]_2674-you sister]_{449-her sister} . One day as [they]_6437-they were walking along [the lane]_{1387-the lane} , [they]_6437-they saw a robin sitting on the top twig of a bush , singing shrilly . [The sisters]_{452-the sisters} stood to look at [him]_2676-he . An ironical smile flickered on [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s face . “_[2674-you] Does n’t [he]_2676-he feel important ? ” smiled [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2674-you] Does n’t [he]_2676-he ! ” exclaimed [Ursula]_255-gerald , with a little ironical grimace . “_[2676-he] Is n’t [he]_2676-he [a little Lloyd George of the air]_{2677-a little lloyd george of the air} ! ” “_{[2677-a little lloyd george of the air]} Is n’t [he]_2676-he ! [Little Lloyd George]_{333-little lloyd george} of the air ! That ’s just what [they]_2678-they are , ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun in delight . Then for days , [Ursula]_255-gerald saw the persistent , obtrusive birds as stout , short politicians lifting up [their]_2678-they voices from the platform , [little men who must make [themselves]_2678-they heard at any cost]_{6440-little men who must make themselves heard at any cost} . But even from this there came the revulsion . Some yellowhammers suddenly shot along [the road]_{502-the road} in front of [her]_6442-she . And [they]_2678-they looked to [her]_6442-she so uncanny and inhuman , like flaring yellow barbs shooting through the air on some weird , living errand , that [she]_6442-she said to [herself]_6442-she : “_{[2677-a little lloyd george of the air]} After all , it is impudence to call [them]_2678-they [little Lloyd Georges]_{334-little lloyd georges} . [They]_2678-they are really unknown to [us]_2679-us , [they]_2678-they are [the unknown forces]_{2680-the unknown forces} . It is impudence to look at [them]_2678-they as if [they]_2678-they were the same as [human beings]_{511-human beings} . [They]_2678-they are of [another world]_{4676-another world} . How stupid anthropomorphism is ! [Gudrun]_160-gudrun is really impudent , insolent , making [herself]_160-gudrun the measure of everything , making everything come down to human standards . [Rupert]_169-birkin is quite right , [human beings]_{511-human beings} are boring , painting the universe with [their]_{511-human beings} own image . [The universe]_{6164-the universe} is non - human , thank [God]_167-god . ” It seemed to [her]_6442-she irreverence , destructive of all true life , to make little Lloyd Georges of the birds . It was such a lie towards the robins , and such a defamation . Yet [she]_6442-she had done it [herself]_6442-she . But under [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s influence : so [she]_6442-she exonerated [herself]_6442-she . So [she]_6442-she withdrew away from [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and from that which [she]_6442-she stood for , [she]_6442-she turned in spirit towards [Birkin]_169-birkin again . [She]_6442-she had not seen [him]_6443-he since the fiasco of [his]_6443-he proposal . [She]_6442-she did not want to , because [she]_6442-she did not want the question of [her]_6442-she acceptance thrust upon [her]_6442-she . [She]_6442-she knew what [Birkin]_169-birkin meant when [he]_6443-he asked [her]_6442-she to marry [him]_6443-he ; vaguely , without putting it into speech , [she]_6442-she knew . [She]_6442-she knew what kind of love , what kind of surrender [he]_6443-he wanted . And [she]_6442-she was not at all sure that this was the kind of love that [she]_6442-she [herself]_6442-she wanted . [She]_6442-she was not at all sure that it was this mutual unison in separateness that [she]_6442-she wanted . [She]_6442-she wanted unspeakable intimacies . [She]_6442-she wanted to have [him]_6443-he , utterly , finally to have [him]_6443-he as [her]_6442-she own , oh , so unspeakably , in intimacy . To drink [him]_6443-he down — ah , like a life - draught . [She]_6442-she made great professions , to [herself]_6442-she , of [her]_6442-she willingness to warm [his]_6443-he foot - soles between [her]_6442-she breasts , after the fashion of the nauseous Meredith poem . But only on condition that [he]_6443-he , [[her]_6442-she lover]_{668-her lover} , loved [her]_6442-she absolutely , with complete self - abandon . And subtly enough , [she]_6442-she knew [he]_6443-he would never abandon [himself]_6443-he finally to [her]_6442-she . [He]_6443-he did not believe in final self - abandonment . [He]_6443-he said it openly . It was [his]_6443-he challenge . [She]_6442-she was prepared to fight [him]_6443-he for it . For [she]_6442-she believed in an absolute surrender to love . [She]_6442-she believed that love far surpassed [the individual]_{5373-the individual} . [He]_6443-he said [the individual]_{5373-the individual} was more than love , or than any relationship . For [him]_6443-he , [the bright , single soul]_{6447-the bright , single soul} accepted love as one of its conditions , a condition of its own equilibrium . [She]_6442-she believed that love was everything . [Man]_1089-man must render [himself]_1089-man up to [her]_6442-she . [He]_1089-man must be quaffed to the dregs by [her]_6442-she . Let [him]_6443-he be [[her]_6442-she man]_{2351-her man} utterly , and [she]_6442-she in return would be [[his]_6443-he humble slave]_{6450-his humble slave} — whether [she]_6442-she wanted it or not . After the fiasco of the proposal , [Birkin]_169-birkin had hurried blindly away from [Beldover]_1-beldover , in a whirl of fury . [He]_6443-he felt [he]_6443-he had been [a complete fool]_{6451-a complete fool} , that the whole scene had been a farce of the first water . But that did not trouble [him]_6443-he at all . [He]_6443-he was deeply , mockingly angry that [Ursula]_255-gerald persisted always in this old cry : “_[167-god] Why do [you]_2685-you want to bully [me]_0-i ? ” and in [her]_6442-she bright , insolent abstraction . [He]_6443-he went straight to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands . There [he]_6443-he found [Gerald]_255-gerald standing with [his]_255-gerald back to the fire , in [the library]_{2470-the library} , as motionless as [a man]_{4648-a man} is , who is completely and emptily restless , utterly hollow . [He]_255-gerald had done all the work [he]_255-gerald wanted to do — and now there was nothing . [He]_255-gerald could go out in [the car]_{4987-the car} , [he]_255-gerald could run to [town]_602-town . But [he]_255-gerald did not want to go out in [the car]_{4987-the car} , [he]_255-gerald did not want to run to [town]_602-town , [he]_255-gerald did not want to call on [the Thirlbys]_{335-the thirlbys} . [He]_255-gerald was suspended motionless , in an agony of inertia , like [a machine that is without power]_{6458-a machine that is without power} . This was very bitter to [Gerald]_255-gerald , who had never known what boredom was , who had gone from activity to activity , never at a loss . Now , gradually , everything seemed to be stopping in [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald did not want any more to do the things that offered . Something dead within [him]_255-gerald just refused to respond to any suggestion . [He]_255-gerald cast over in [his]_255-gerald mind , what it would be possible to do , to save [himself]_255-gerald from this misery of nothingness , relieve the stress of this hollowness . And there were only three things left , that would rouse [him]_255-gerald , make [him]_255-gerald live . One was to drink or smoke hashish , the other was to be soothed by [Birkin]_169-birkin , and [the third]_{6459-the third} was [women]_453-women . And there was [no one for the moment to drink with]_{6461-no one for the moment to drink with} . Nor was there [a woman]_{897-a woman} . And [he]_255-gerald knew [Birkin]_169-birkin was out . So there was nothing to do but to bear the stress of [his]_255-gerald own emptiness . When [he]_255-gerald saw [Birkin]_169-birkin [his]_255-gerald face lit up in a sudden , wonderful smile . “_[2685-you] By [God]_167-god , [Rupert]_169-birkin , ” [he]_0-i said , “_[169-birkin] [I]_0-i ’d just come to the conclusion that nothing in [the world]_{541-the world} mattered except [somebody]_{4745-somebody} to take the edge off [one ’s being alone]_{2688-one ’s being alone} : [the right somebody]_{2689-the right somebody} . ” The smile in [his]_255-gerald eyes was very astonishing , as [he]_255-gerald looked at [the other man]_{832-the other man} . It was the pure gleam of relief . [His]_{832-the other man} face was pallid and even haggard . “_{[2689-the right somebody]} [The right woman]_{2690-the right woman} , [I]_0-i suppose [you]_0-i mean , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin spitefully . “_{[2690-the right woman]} Of course , for choice . Failing that , [an amusing man]_{2691-an amusing man} . ” [He]_255-gerald laughed as [he]_255-gerald said it . [Birkin]_169-birkin sat down near the fire . “_{[2691-an amusing man]} What were [you]_0-i doing ? ” [he]_0-i asked . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ? Nothing . [I]_0-i ’m in a bad way just now , everything ’s on edge , and [I]_0-i can neither work nor play . [I]_0-i do n’t know whether it ’s a sign of old age , [I]_0-i ’m sure . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i mean [you]_0-i are bored ? ” “_[336-bored] [Bored]_336-bored , [I]_0-i do n’t know . [I]_0-i ca n’t apply [myself]_0-i . And [I]_0-i feel the devil is either very present inside [me]_0-i , or dead . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin glanced up and looked in [his]_0-i eyes . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i should try hitting something , ” [he]_0-i said . [Gerald]_255-gerald smiled . “_[0-i] Perhaps , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] So long as it was something worth hitting . ” “_[167-god] Quite ! ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , in [his]_0-i soft voice . There was a long pause during which [each]_2377-each could feel the presence of the other . “_[167-god] One has to wait , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[167-god] Ah [God]_167-god ! Waiting ! What are [we]_2692-we waiting for ? ” “_{[2693-some old johnny]} [Some old Johnny]_{2693-some old johnny} says there are three cures for ennui , sleep , drink , and travel , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_{[2693-some old johnny]} All cold eggs , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_{[2693-some old johnny]} In sleep , [you]_2694-you dream , in drink [you]_2694-you curse , and in travel [you]_2694-you yell at [a porter]_{2695-a porter} . No , work and love are the two . When [you]_2694-you ’re not at work [you]_2694-you should be in love . ” “_[2696-they] Be it then , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[2696-they] Give [me]_0-i the object , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[2696-they] The possibilities of love exhaust themselves . ” “_[2696-they] Do [they]_2696-they ? And then what ? ” “_[2696-they] Then [you]_0-i die , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] So [you]_0-i ought , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t see it , ” replied [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald took [his]_255-gerald hands out of [his]_255-gerald trousers pockets , and reached for a cigarette . [He]_255-gerald was tense and nervous . [He]_255-gerald lit the cigarette over a lamp , reaching forward and drawing steadily . [He]_255-gerald was dressed for dinner , as usual in the evening , although [he]_255-gerald was alone . “_[0-i] There ’s a third one even to [[your]_0-i two]_{2697-your two} , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Work , love , and fighting . [You]_0-i forget the fight . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i suppose [I]_0-i do , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Did [you]_0-i ever do any boxing — ? ” “_[0-i] No , [I]_0-i do n’t think [I]_0-i did , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Ay — ” [Gerald]_255-gerald lifted [his]_255-gerald head and blew the smoke slowly into the air . “_[0-i] Why ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Nothing . [I]_0-i thought [we]_2698-we might have a round . It is perhaps true , that [I]_0-i want something to hit . It ’s a suggestion . ” “_[0-i] So [you]_0-i think [you]_0-i might as well hit [me]_0-i ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i ? Well ! Perhaps — ! In a friendly kind of way , of course . ” “_[0-i] Quite ! ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , bitingly . [Gerald]_255-gerald stood leaning back against the mantel - piece . [He]_255-gerald looked down at [Birkin]_169-birkin , and [his]_255-gerald eyes flashed with a sort of terror like the eyes of a stallion , that are bloodshot and overwrought , turned glancing backwards in a stiff terror . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i fell that if [I]_0-i do n’t watch [myself]_0-i , [I]_0-i shall find [myself]_0-i doing something silly , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] Why not do it ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin coldly . [Gerald]_255-gerald listened with quick impatience . [He]_255-gerald kept glancing down at [Birkin]_169-birkin , as if looking for something from [the other man]_{832-the other man} . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i used to do some Japanese wrestling , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [A Jap]_{337-a jap} lived in [the same house]_{2699-the same house} with [me]_0-i in [Heidelberg]_{86-heidelberg} , and [he]_{337-a jap} taught [me]_0-i a little . But [I]_0-i was never much good at it . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i did ! ” exclaimed [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] That ’s one of the things [I]_0-i ’ve never ever seen done . [You]_0-i mean jiu - jitsu , [I]_0-i suppose ? ” “_[0-i] Yes . But [I]_0-i am no good at those things — [they]_2700-they do n’t interest [me]_0-i . ” “_[2700-they] [They]_2700-they do n’t ? [They]_2700-they do [me]_0-i . What ’s the start ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’ll show [you]_0-i what [I]_0-i can , if [you]_0-i like , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i will ? ” A queer , smiling look tightened [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face for a moment , as [he]_255-gerald said , “_[0-i] Well , [I]_0-i ’d like it very much . ” “_[0-i] Then [we]_2701-we ’ll try jiu - jitsu . Only [you]_0-i ca n’t do much in a starched shirt . ” “_[0-i] Then let [us]_2701-we strip , and do it properly . Hold a minute — ” [He]_255-gerald rang the bell , and waited for [the butler]_{5875-the butler} . “_[0-i] Bring a couple of sandwiches and a syphon , ” [he]_255-gerald said to [the man]_{4658-the man} , “_[0-i] and then do n’t trouble [me]_0-i any more tonight — or let [anybody else]_{1074-anybody else} . ” [The man]_{4658-the man} went . [Gerald]_255-gerald turned to [Birkin]_169-birkin with [his]_255-gerald eyes lighted . “_{[1074-anybody else]} And [you]_0-i used to wrestle with [a Jap]_{2703-a jap} ? ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] Did [you]_0-i strip ? ” “_[0-i] Sometimes . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i did ! What was [he]_{2703-a jap} like then , as [a wrestler]_{2704-a wrestler} ? ” “_{[2703-a jap]} Good , [I]_0-i believe . [I]_0-i am [no judge]_{2705-no judge} . [He]_{2703-a jap} was very quick and slippery and full of electric fire . It is a remarkable thing , what a curious sort of fluid force [they]_2706-they seem to have in [them]_2706-they , [those people — not like a human grip — like a polyp]_{2707-those people — not like a human grip — like a polyp} — ” [Gerald]_255-gerald nodded . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i should imagine so , ” [he]_0-i said , “_[0-i] to look at [them]_2706-they . [They]_2706-they repel [me]_0-i , rather . ” “_[2706-they] Repel and attract , both . [They]_2706-they are very repulsive when [they]_2706-they are cold , and [they]_2706-they look grey . But when [they]_2706-they are hot and roused , there is a definite attraction — a curious kind of full electric fluid — like eels . ” “_[0-i] Well — yes — probably . ” [The man]_{4658-the man} brought in the tray and set it down . “_[0-i] Do n’t come in any more , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . The door closed . “_[0-i] Well then , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald ; “_[0-i] shall [we]_2708-we strip and begin ? Will [you]_{2703-a jap} have a drink first ? ” “_{[2703-a jap]} No , [I]_0-i do n’t want one . ” “_[0-i] Neither do [I.]_0-i ” [Gerald]_255-gerald fastened the door and pushed the furniture aside . [The room]_{739-the room} was large , there was plenty of space , [it]_{739-the room} was thickly carpeted . Then [he]_255-gerald quickly threw off [his]_255-gerald clothes , and waited for [Birkin]_169-birkin . [The latter , white and thin]_{6471-the latter , white and thin} , came over to [him]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin was more a presence than a visible object , [Gerald]_255-gerald was aware of [him]_0-i completely , but not really visually . Whereas [Gerald]_255-gerald [himself]_255-gerald was concrete and noticeable , a piece of pure final substance . “_[0-i] Now , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i will show [you]_{2703-a jap} what [I]_0-i learned , and what [I]_0-i remember . [You]_{2703-a jap} let [me]_0-i take [you]_{2703-a jap} so — ” And [his]_0-i hands closed on the naked body of [the other man]_{832-the other man} . In another moment , [he]_0-i had [Gerald]_255-gerald swung over lightly and balanced against [his]_255-gerald knee , head downwards . Relaxed , [Gerald]_255-gerald sprang to [his]_255-gerald feet with eyes glittering . “_{[2703-a jap]} That ’s smart , ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_{[2703-a jap]} Now try again . ” So [the two men]_{686-the two men} began to struggle together . [They]_{686-the two men} were very dissimilar . [Birkin]_169-birkin was tall and narrow , [his]_0-i bones were very thin and fine . [Gerald]_255-gerald was much heavier and more plastic . [His]_255-gerald bones were strong and round , [his]_255-gerald limbs were rounded , all [his]_255-gerald contours were beautifully and fully moulded . [He]_255-gerald seemed to stand with a proper , rich weight on the face of the earth , whilst [Birkin]_169-birkin seemed to have the centre of gravitation in [his]_255-gerald own middle . And [Gerald]_255-gerald had a rich , frictional kind of strength , rather mechanical , but sudden and invincible , whereas [Birkin]_169-birkin was abstract as to be almost intangible . [He]_255-gerald impinged invisibly upon [the other man]_{832-the other man} , scarcely seeming to touch [him]_255-gerald , like a garment , and then suddenly piercing in a tense fine grip that seemed to penetrate into the very quick of [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s being . [They]_{686-the two men} stopped , [they]_{686-the two men} discussed methods , [they]_{686-the two men} practised grips and throws , [they]_{686-the two men} became accustomed to [each other]_{451-each other} , to [each other]_{451-each other} ’s rhythm , [they]_{686-the two men} got a kind of mutual physical understanding . And then again [they]_{686-the two men} had a real struggle . [They]_{686-the two men} seemed to drive [their]_{686-the two men} white flesh deeper and deeper against each other , as if [they]_{686-the two men} would break into a oneness . [Birkin]_169-birkin had a great subtle energy , that would press upon [the other man]_{832-the other man} with an uncanny force , weigh [him]_{832-the other man} like a spell put upon [him]_{832-the other man} . Then it would pass , and [Gerald]_255-gerald would heave free , with white , heaving , dazzling movements . So [the two men]_{686-the two men} entwined and wrestled with [each other]_{451-each other} , working nearer and nearer . Both were white and clear , but [Gerald]_255-gerald flushed smart red where [he]_255-gerald was touched , and [Birkin]_169-birkin remained white and tense . [He]_{832-the other man} seemed to penetrate into [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s more solid , more diffuse bulk , to interfuse [his]_255-gerald body through the body of [the other]_{920-the other} , as if to bring it subtly into subjection , always seizing with some rapid necromantic fore - knowledge every motion of the other flesh , converting and counteracting it , playing upon the limbs and trunk of [Gerald]_255-gerald like some hard wind . It was as if [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s whole physical intelligence interpenetrated into [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s body , as if [his]_255-gerald fine , sublimated energy entered into the flesh of [the fuller man]_{6481-the fuller man} , like some potency , casting a fine net , a prison , through the muscles into the very depths of [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s physical being . So [they]_{686-the two men} wrestled swiftly , rapturously , intent and mindless at last , [two essential white figures]_{6482-two essential white figures} working into a tighter closer oneness of struggle , with a strange , octopus - like knotting and flashing of limbs in the subdued light of [the room]_{739-the room} ; a tense white knot of flesh gripped in silence between the walls of old brown books . Now and again came a sharp gasp of breath , or a sound like a sigh , then the rapid thudding of movement on the thickly - carpeted floor , then the strange sound of flesh escaping under flesh . Often , in the white interlaced knot of [violent living being that swayed silently , there was no head to be seen]_{6484-violent living being that swayed silently , there was no head to be seen} , only the swift , tight limbs , the solid white backs , the physical junction of [two bodies clinched into oneness]_{6485-two bodies clinched into oneness} . Then would appear the gleaming , ruffled head of [Gerald]_255-gerald , as the struggle changed , then for a moment the dun - coloured , shadow - like head of [the other man]_{832-the other man} would lift up from the conflict , the eyes wide and dreadful and sightless . At length [Gerald]_255-gerald lay back inert on the carpet , [his]_255-gerald breast rising in great slow panting , whilst [Birkin]_169-birkin kneeled over [him]_255-gerald , almost unconscious . [Birkin]_169-birkin was much more exhausted . [He]_255-gerald caught little , short breaths , [he]_255-gerald could scarcely breathe any more . [The earth]_{972-the earth} seemed to tilt and sway , and a complete darkness was coming over [his]_255-gerald mind . [He]_255-gerald did not know what happened . [He]_255-gerald slid forward quite unconscious , over [Gerald]_255-gerald , and [Gerald]_255-gerald did not notice . Then [he]_255-gerald was half - conscious again , aware only of the strange tilting and sliding of [the world]_{541-the world} . [The world]_{541-the world} was sliding , everything was sliding off into the darkness . And [he]_255-gerald was sliding , endlessly , endlessly away . [He]_255-gerald came to consciousness again , hearing an immense knocking outside . What could be happening , what was it , the great hammer - stroke resounding through [the house]_{468-the house} ? [He]_255-gerald did not know . And then it came to [him]_255-gerald that it was [his]_255-gerald own heart beating . But that seemed impossible , the noise was outside . No , it was inside [himself]_255-gerald , it was [his]_255-gerald own heart . And the beating was painful , so strained , surcharged . [He]_255-gerald wondered if [Gerald]_255-gerald heard it . [He]_255-gerald did not know whether [he]_255-gerald were standing or lying or falling . When [he]_255-gerald realised that [he]_255-gerald had fallen prostrate upon [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s body [he]_255-gerald wondered , [he]_255-gerald was surprised . But [he]_255-gerald sat up , steadying [himself]_255-gerald with [his]_255-gerald hand and waiting for [his]_255-gerald heart to become stiller and less painful . It hurt very much , and took away [his]_255-gerald consciousness . [Gerald]_255-gerald however was still less conscious than [Birkin]_169-birkin . [They]_6491-they waited dimly , in a sort of not - being , for many uncounted , unknown minutes . “_{[2703-a jap]} Of course — ” panted [Gerald]_255-gerald , “_{[2703-a jap]} [I]_0-i did n’t have to be rough — with [you]_2709-you — [I]_0-i had to keep back — [my]_0-i force — ” [Birkin]_169-birkin heard the sound as if [his]_255-gerald own spirit stood behind [him]_255-gerald , outside [him]_255-gerald , and listened to it . [His]_255-gerald body was in a trance of exhaustion , [his]_255-gerald spirit heard thinly . [His]_255-gerald body could not answer . Only [he]_255-gerald knew [his]_255-gerald heart was getting quieter . [He]_255-gerald was divided entirely between [his]_255-gerald spirit , which stood outside , and knew , and [his]_255-gerald body , that was a plunging , unconscious stroke of blood . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i could have thrown [you]_2709-you — using violence — ” panted [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] But [you]_2709-you beat [me]_0-i right enough . ” “_[2709-you] Yes , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , hardening [his]_255-gerald throat and producing the words in the tension there , “_[2709-you] [you]_2709-you ’re much stronger than [I]_0-i — [you]_2709-you could beat [me]_0-i — easily . ” Then [he]_255-gerald relaxed again to the terrible plunging of [his]_255-gerald heart and [his]_255-gerald blood . “_[2709-you] It surprised [me]_0-i , ” panted [Gerald]_255-gerald , “_[2709-you] what strength [you]_2709-you ’ve got . Almost supernatural . ” “_[2709-you] For a moment , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [He]_255-gerald still heard as if it were [his]_255-gerald own disembodied spirit hearing , standing at some distance behind [him]_255-gerald . It drew nearer however , [his]_255-gerald spirit . And the violent striking of blood in [his]_255-gerald chest was sinking quieter , allowing [his]_255-gerald mind to come back . [He]_255-gerald realised that [he]_255-gerald was leaning with all [his]_255-gerald weight on the soft body of [the other man]_{832-the other man} . It startled [him]_255-gerald , because [he]_255-gerald thought [he]_255-gerald had withdrawn . [He]_255-gerald recovered [himself]_255-gerald , and sat up . But [he]_255-gerald was still vague and unestablished . [He]_255-gerald put out [his]_255-gerald hand to steady [himself]_255-gerald . It touched the hand of [Gerald]_255-gerald , that was lying out on the floor . And [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s hand closed warm and sudden over [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s , [they]_6493-they remained exhausted and breathless , the one hand clasped closely over the other . [It]_6494-it was [Birkin]_169-birkin whose hand , in swift response , had closed in a strong , warm clasp over the hand of [the other]_{920-the other} . [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s clasp had been sudden and momentaneous . The normal consciousness however was returning , ebbing back . [Birkin]_169-birkin could breathe almost naturally again . [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s hand slowly withdrew , [Birkin]_169-birkin slowly , dazedly rose to [his]_255-gerald feet and went towards the table . [He]_255-gerald poured out a whiskey and soda . [Gerald]_255-gerald also came for a drink . “_[2709-you] It was a real set - to , was n’t it ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , looking at [Gerald]_255-gerald with darkened eyes . “_[2709-you] God , yes , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald looked at the delicate body of [the other man]_{832-the other man} , and added : “_[2709-you] It was n’t too much for [you]_2710-you , was it ? ” “_[2709-you] No . [One]_4646-one ought to wrestle and strive and be physically close . [It]_2712-it makes [one sane]_{2713-one sane} . ” “_[2712-it] [You]_2710-you do think so ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do . Do n’t [you]_2710-you ? ” “_[2710-you] Yes , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . There were long spaces of silence between [their]_2714-we words . The wrestling had some deep meaning to [them]_2714-we — an unfinished meaning . “_[2710-you] [We]_2714-we are mentally , spiritually intimate , therefore [we]_2714-we should be more or less physically intimate too — it is more whole . ” “_[2710-you] Certainly it is , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . Then [he]_255-gerald laughed pleasantly , adding : “_[2710-you] It ’s rather wonderful to [me]_0-i . ” [He]_255-gerald stretched out [his]_255-gerald arms handsomely . “_[2710-you] Yes , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[2710-you] [I]_0-i do n’t know why one should have to justify [oneself]_4646-one . ” “_[4646-one] No . ” [The two men]_{686-the two men} began to dress . “_[4646-one] [I]_0-i think also that [you]_0-i are beautiful , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin to [Gerald]_255-gerald , “_[0-i] and that is enjoyable too . [One]_4646-one should enjoy what is given . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i think [I]_0-i am beautiful — how do [you]_0-i mean , physically ? ” asked [Gerald]_255-gerald , [his]_255-gerald eyes glistening . “_[0-i] Yes . [You]_0-i have a northern kind of beauty , like light refracted from snow — and a beautiful , plastic form . Yes , that is there to enjoy as well . [We]_2716-we should enjoy everything . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald laughed in [his]_255-gerald throat , and said : “_[2716-we] That ’s certainly one way of looking at it . [I]_0-i can say this much , [I]_0-i feel better . It has certainly helped [me]_0-i . Is this the Bruderschaft [you]_0-i wanted ? ” “_[0-i] Perhaps . Do [you]_0-i think this pledges anything ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” laughed [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] At any rate , [one]_4646-one feels freer and more open now — and that is what [we]_2716-we want . ” “_[2716-we] Certainly , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . [They]_2716-we drew to the fire , with the decanters and the glasses and the food . “_[2716-we] [I]_0-i always eat a little before [I]_0-i go to bed , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i sleep better . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i should not sleep so well , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] No ? There [you]_0-i are , [we]_2716-we are not alike . [I]_0-i ’ll put a dressing - gown on . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin remained alone , looking at the fire . [His]_0-i mind had reverted to [Ursula]_255-gerald . [She]_6498-she seemed to return again into [his]_0-i consciousness . [Gerald]_255-gerald came down wearing a gown of broad - barred , thick black - and - green silk , brilliant and striking . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i are very fine , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , looking at the full robe . “_[0-i] It was a caftan in [Bokhara]_87-bokhara , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i like it . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i like it too . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin was silent , thinking how scrupulous [Gerald]_255-gerald was in [his]_255-gerald attire , how expensive too . [He]_255-gerald wore silk socks , and studs of fine workmanship , and silk underclothing , and silk braces . Curious ! This was another of the differences between [them]_6499-them . [Birkin]_169-birkin was careless and unimaginative about [his]_0-i own appearance . “_[0-i] Of course [you]_0-i , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , as if [he]_255-gerald had been thinking ; “_[0-i] there ’s something curious about [you]_0-i . [You]_0-i ’re curiously strong . [One]_4646-one does n’t expect it , it is rather surprising . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin laughed . [He]_0-i was looking at the handsome figure of [the other man]_{832-the other man} , blond and comely in the rich robe , and [he]_0-i was half thinking of the difference between it and [himself]_0-i — so different ; as far , perhaps , apart as [man]_1089-man from [woman]_1012-woman , yet in another direction . But really it was [Ursula]_255-gerald , it was the woman who was gaining ascendance over [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s being , at this moment . [Gerald]_255-gerald was becoming dim again , lapsing out of [him]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Do [you]_0-i know , ” [he]_0-i said suddenly , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i went and proposed to [Ursula Brangwen]_255-gerald tonight , that [she]_2719-her should marry [me]_0-i . ” [He]_0-i saw the blank shining wonder come over [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i did ? ” “_[0-i] Yes . Almost formally — speaking first to [[her]_2719-her father]_{583-her father} , as it should be , in [the world]_{541-the world} — though that was accident — or mischief . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald only stared in wonder , as if [he]_255-gerald did not grasp . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i do n’t mean to say that [you]_0-i seriously went and asked [[her]_2719-her father]_{583-her father} to let [you]_0-i marry [her]_2719-her ? ” “_[0-i] Yes , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i did . ” “_[0-i] What , had [you]_0-i spoken to [her]_2719-her before about it , then ? ” “_[0-i] No , not a word . [I]_0-i suddenly thought [I]_0-i would go [there]_629-there and ask [her]_2719-her — and [[her]_2719-her father]_{583-her father} happened to come instead of [her]_2719-her — so [I]_0-i asked [him]_{583-her father} first . ” “_[0-i] If [you]_0-i could have [her]_2719-her ? ” concluded [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[2725-ye] [Ye]_2725-ye - es , that . ” “_[2725-ye] And [you]_0-i did n’t speak to [her]_2719-her ? ” “_[0-i] Yes . [She]_2719-her came in afterwards . So it was put to [her]_2719-her as well . ” “_[2719-her] It was ! And what did [she]_2719-her say then ? [You]_0-i ’re [an engaged man]_{2726-an engaged man} ? ” “_[2719-her] [No,—she]_{2727-no,—she} only said [she]_2719-her did n’t want to be bullied into answering . ” “_[2719-her] [She]_2719-her what ? ” “_[2719-her] Said [she]_2719-her did n’t want to be bullied into answering . ” “_[2719-her] ‘ Said [she]_2719-her did n’t want to be bullied into answering ! ’ Why , what did [she]_2719-her mean by that ? ” [Birkin]_169-birkin raised [his]_0-i shoulders . “_[2719-her] Ca n’t say , ” [he]_0-i answered . “_[2719-her] Did n’t want to be bothered just then , [I]_0-i suppose . ” “_[0-i] But is this really so ? And what did [you]_0-i do then ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i walked out of [the house]_{468-the house} and came [here]_4650-here . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i came straight [here]_4650-here ? ” “_[0-i] Yes . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald stared in amazement and amusement . [He]_255-gerald could not take it in . “_[0-i] But is this really true , as [you]_0-i say it now ? ” “_[0-i] Word for word . ” “_[0-i] It is ? ” [He]_255-gerald leaned back in [his]_255-gerald chair , filled with delight and amusement . “_[0-i] Well , that ’s good , ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[0-i] And so [you]_0-i came here to wrestle with [[your]_0-i good angel]_{2731-your good angel} , did [you]_0-i ? ” “_[0-i] Did [I]_0-i ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Well , it looks like it . Is n’t that what [you]_0-i did ? ” Now [Birkin]_169-birkin could not follow [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s meaning . “_[0-i] And what ’s going to happen ? ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i ’re going to keep open the proposition , so to speak ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i suppose so . [I]_0-i vowed to [myself]_0-i [I]_0-i would see [them]_2732-them all to the devil . But [I]_0-i suppose [I]_0-i shall ask [her]_{2731-your good angel} again , in a little while . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [him]_0-i steadily . “_[0-i] So [you]_0-i ’re fond of [her]_{2731-your good angel} then ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think — [I]_0-i love [her]_{2731-your good angel} , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , [his]_0-i face going very still and fixed . [Gerald]_255-gerald glistened for a moment with pleasure , as if it were something done specially to please [him]_255-gerald . Then [his]_255-gerald face assumed a fitting gravity , and [he]_255-gerald nodded [his]_255-gerald head slowly . “_{[2731-your good angel]} [You]_0-i know , ” [he]_255-gerald said , “_{[2731-your good angel]} [I]_0-i always believed in love — true love . But where does [one]_4646-one find it nowadays ? ” “_[4646-one] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Very rarely , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . Then , after a pause , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’ve never felt it [myself]_0-i — not what [I]_0-i should call love . [I]_0-i ’ve gone after [women]_453-women — and been keen enough over some of [them]_453-women . But [I]_0-i ’ve never felt love . [I]_0-i do n’t believe [I]_0-i ’ve ever felt as much love for [a woman]_{897-a woman} , as [I]_0-i have for [you]_0-i — not love . [You]_0-i understand what [I]_0-i mean ? ” “_[0-i] Yes . [I]_0-i ’m sure [you]_0-i ’ve never loved [a woman]_{897-a woman} . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i feel that , do [you]_0-i ? And do [you]_0-i think [I]_0-i ever shall ? [You]_0-i understand what [I]_0-i mean ? ” [He]_0-i put [his]_0-i hand to [his]_0-i breast , closing [his]_0-i fist there , as if [he]_0-i would draw something out . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i mean that — that [I]_0-i ca n’t express what it is , but [I]_0-i know it . ” “_[0-i] What is it , then ? ” asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i see , [I]_0-i ca n’t put it into words . [I]_0-i mean , at any rate , something abiding , something that ca n’t change — ” [His]_0-i eyes were bright and puzzled . “_[0-i] Now do [you]_0-i think [I]_0-i shall ever feel that for [a woman]_{897-a woman} ? ” [he]_0-i said , anxiously . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked at [him]_0-i , and shook [his]_0-i head . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i could not say . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald had been on the qui vive , as awaiting [his]_255-gerald fate . Now [he]_255-gerald drew back in [his]_255-gerald chair . “_[0-i] No , ” [he]_255-gerald said , “_[0-i] and neither do [I]_0-i , and neither do [I.]_0-i ” “_[0-i] [We]_2738-we are different , [you]_0-i and [I]_0-i , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ca n’t tell [your]_0-i life . ” “_[0-i] No , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “_[0-i] no more can [I.]_0-i But [I]_0-i tell [you]_0-i — [I]_0-i begin to doubt it ! ” “_[0-i] That [you]_0-i will ever love [a woman]_{897-a woman} ? ” “_[0-i] Well — yes — what [you]_0-i would truly call love — ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i doubt it ? ” “_[0-i] Well — [I]_0-i begin to . ” There was a long pause . “_[0-i] Life has all kinds of things , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] There is n’t only [one road]_{2740-one road} . ” “_[0-i] Yes , [I]_0-i believe that too . [I]_0-i believe it . And mind [you]_0-i , [I]_0-i do n’t care how it is with [me]_0-i — [I]_0-i do n’t care how it is — so long as [I]_0-i do n’t feel — ” [he]_0-i paused , and a blank , barren look passed over [his]_0-i face , to express [his]_0-i feeling—“so_[0-i] long as [I]_0-i feel [I]_0-i ’ve lived , somehow — and [I]_0-i do n’t care how it is — but [I]_0-i want to feel that — ” “_[0-i] Fulfilled , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[2741-we] [We]_2741-we - ell , perhaps it is fulfilled ; [I]_0-i do n’t use the same words as [you]_0-i . ” “_[0-i] It is the same . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was away in [London]_2-london , having a little show of [her]_160-gudrun work , with [a friend]_{4722-a friend} , and looking round , preparing for flight from [Beldover]_1-beldover . Come what might [she]_160-gudrun would be on the wing in a very short time . [She]_160-gudrun received a letter from [Winifred Crich]_297-winifred , ornamented with drawings . “_[2741-we] [Father]_185-father also has been to [London]_2-london , to be examined by [the doctors]_{2742-the doctors} . It made [him]_185-father very tired . [They]_{2742-the doctors} say [he]_185-father must rest a very great deal , so [he]_185-father is mostly in bed . [He]_185-father brought [me]_0-i a lovely tropical parrot in faience , of [Dresden]_88-dresden ware , also [a man]_{4648-a man} ploughing , and two mice climbing up a stalk , also in faience . The mice were [Copenhagen]_{89-copenhagen} ware . [They]_2744-they are the best , but mice do n’t shine so much , otherwise [they]_2744-they are very good , [their]_2744-they tails are slim and long . They all shine nearly like glass . Of course it is the glaze , but [I]_0-i do n’t like it . [Gerald]_255-gerald likes [the man]_{4658-the man} ploughing the best , [his]_255-gerald trousers are torn , [he]_255-gerald is ploughing with an ox , being [I]_0-i suppose [a German peasant]_{2746-a german peasant} . [It]_2747-it is all grey and white , white shirt and grey trousers , but very shiny and clean . [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin likes [the girl]_{540-the girl} best , under the hawthorn blossom , with a lamb , and with daffodils painted on [her]_{540-the girl} skirts , in [the drawing room]_{2749-the drawing room} . But that is silly , because the lamb is not a real lamb , and [she]_{540-the girl} is silly too . “ [Dear Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} , are [you]_{338-miss brangwen} coming back soon , [you]_{338-miss brangwen} are very much missed [here]_4650-here . [I]_185-father enclose a drawing of [father]_4673-father sitting up in bed . [He]_4673-father says [he]_4673-father hopes [you]_{338-miss brangwen} are not going to forsake [us]_2750-we . Oh dear [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} , [I]_185-father am sure [you]_{338-miss brangwen} wo n’t . Do come back and draw the ferrets , [they]_6506-they are the most lovely noble darlings in [the world]_{541-the world} . [We]_2750-we might carve them in holly - wood , playing against a background of green leaves . Oh do let [us]_2750-we , for they are most beautiful . “_[185-father] [Father]_185-father says [we]_2750-we might have [a studio]_{2751-a studio} . [Gerald]_255-gerald says [we]_2750-we could easily have [a beautiful one over [the stables]_{5083-the stables}]_{2752-a beautiful one over the stables} , it would only need windows to be put in the slant of the roof , which is a simple matter . Then [you]_2754-you could stay [here]_4650-here all day and work , and [we]_2750-we could live in [the studio]_{2756-the studio} , like [two real artists]_{2757-two real artists} , like [the man in the picture in [the hall]_{734-the hall}]_{2758-the man in the picture in the hall} , with the frying - pan and the walls all covered with drawings . [I]_0-i long to be free , to live the free life of [an artist]_{1059-an artist} . Even [Gerald]_255-gerald told [father]_4673-father that only [an artist]_{1059-an artist} is free , because [he]_{1059-an artist} lives in a creative world of [his]_{1059-an artist} own — ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun caught the drift of [the family]_{722-the family} intentions , in this letter . [Gerald]_255-gerald wanted [her]_160-gudrun to be attached to [the household at [Shortlands]_7-shortlands]_{6509-the household at shortlands} , [he]_255-gerald was using [Winifred]_297-winifred as [his]_255-gerald stalking - horse . [The father]_{646-the father} thought only of [[his]_{646-the father} child]_{5962-his child} , [he]_{646-the father} saw a rock of salvation in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun admired [him]_255-gerald for [his]_255-gerald perspicacity . [The child]_{2063-the child} , moreover , was really exceptional . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was quite content . [She]_160-gudrun was quite willing , given [a studio]_{2751-a studio} , to spend [her]_160-gudrun days at [Shortlands]_7-shortlands . [She]_160-gudrun disliked [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school} already thoroughly , [she]_160-gudrun wanted to be free . If [a studio]_{2751-a studio} were provided , [she]_160-gudrun would be free to go on with [her]_160-gudrun work , [she]_160-gudrun would await the turn of events with complete serenity . And [she]_160-gudrun was really interested in [Winifred]_297-winifred , [she]_160-gudrun would be quite glad to understand [the girl]_{540-the girl} . So there was quite a little festivity on [Winifred]_297-winifred ’s account , the day [Gudrun]_160-gudrun returned to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands . “_[255-gerald] [You]_2763-you should make a bunch of flowers to give to [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} when [she]_{338-miss brangwen} arrives , ” [Gerald]_255-gerald said smiling to [[his]_255-gerald sister]_{783-his sister} . “_[2763-you] Oh no , ” cried [Winifred]_297-winifred , “_[255-gerald] it ’s silly . ” “_[2763-you] Not at all . It is a very charming and ordinary attention . ” “_[255-gerald] Oh , it is silly , ” protested [Winifred]_297-winifred , with all the extreme mauvaise honte of [her]_{540-the girl} years . Nevertheless , the idea appealed to [her]_{540-the girl} . [She]_{540-the girl} wanted very much to carry it out . [She]_{540-the girl} flitted round [the green - houses]_{6518-the green - houses} and [the conservatory]_{6519-the conservatory} looking wistfully at the flowers on [their]_{6518-the green - houses} stems . And the more [she]_{540-the girl} looked , the more [she]_{540-the girl} longed to have a bunch of the blossoms [she]_{540-the girl} saw , the more fascinated [she]_{540-the girl} became with [her]_{540-the girl} little vision of ceremony , and the more consumedly shy and self - conscious [she]_{540-the girl} grew , till [she]_{540-the girl} was almost beside [herself]_{540-the girl} . [She]_{540-the girl} could not get the idea out of [her]_{540-the girl} mind . It was as if some haunting challenge prompted [her]_{540-the girl} , and [she]_{540-the girl} had not enough courage to take it up . So again [she]_{540-the girl} drifted into [the green - houses]_{6518-the green - houses} , looking at the lovely roses in [their]_{6518-the green - houses} pots , and at the virginal cyclamens , and at the mystic white clusters of a creeper . The beauty , oh the beauty of them , and oh the paradisal bliss , if [she]_{540-the girl} should have a perfect bouquet and could give it to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun the next day . [Her]_{540-the girl} passion and [her]_{540-the girl} complete indecision almost made [her]_{540-the girl} ill . At last [she]_{540-the girl} slid to [[her]_{540-the girl} father]_{583-her father} ’s side . “_[323-daddie] [Daddie]_323-daddie — ” [she]_{540-the girl} said . “_[323-daddie] What , [[my]_0-i precious]_{2764-my precious} ? ” But [she]_{540-the girl} hung back , the tears almost coming to [her]_{540-the girl} eyes , in [her]_{540-the girl} sensitive confusion . [[Her]_{540-the girl} father]_{583-her father} looked at [her]_{540-the girl} , and [his]_{583-her father} heart ran hot with tenderness , an anguish of poignant love . “_[323-daddie] What do [you]_{2764-my precious} want to say to [me]_0-i , [[my]_0-i love]_{2765-my love} ? ” “_[323-daddie] [Daddie]_323-daddie — ! ” [her]_{540-the girl} eyes smiled laconically—“isn’t_[323-daddie] it silly if [I]_0-i give [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} some flowers when [she]_{338-miss brangwen} comes ? ” [The sick man]_{2384-the sick man} looked at the bright , knowing eyes of [[his]_{2384-the sick man} child]_{5962-his child} , and [his]_{2384-the sick man} heart burned with love . “_[0-i] No , [darling]_4727-darling , that ’s not silly . It ’s what [they]_2767-they do to [queens]_2768-queens . ” This was not very reassuring to [Winifred]_297-winifred . [She]_{540-the girl} half suspected that [queens]_2768-queens in [themselves]_2768-queens were a silliness . Yet [she]_{540-the girl} so wanted [her]_{540-the girl} little romantic occasion . “_[2767-they] Shall [I]_0-i then ? ” [she]_{540-the girl} asked . “_[0-i] Give [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} some flowers ? Do , [Birdie]_339-birdie . Tell [Wilson]_340-wilson [I]_0-i say [you]_339-birdie are to have what [you]_339-birdie want . ” [The child]_{2063-the child} smiled a small , subtle , unconscious smile to [herself]_{2063-the child} , in anticipation of [her]_{540-the girl} way . “_[0-i] But [I]_0-i wo n’t get them till tomorrow , ” [she]_{540-the girl} said . “_[0-i] Not till tomorrow , [Birdie]_339-birdie . Give [me]_0-i a kiss then — ” [Winifred]_297-winifred silently kissed [the sick man]_{2384-the sick man} , and drifted out of [the room]_{739-the room} . [She]_{540-the girl} again went the round of [the green - houses]_{6518-the green - houses} and [the conservatory]_{6519-the conservatory} , informing [the gardener]_{6531-the gardener} , in [her]_{540-the girl} high , peremptory , simple fashion , of what [she]_{540-the girl} wanted , telling [him]_{6531-the gardener} all the blooms [she]_{540-the girl} had selected . “_[0-i] What do [you]_339-birdie want these for ? ” [Wilson]_340-wilson asked . “_[339-birdie] [I]_0-i want them , ” [she]_{540-the girl} said . [She]_{540-the girl} wished [servants]_{6532-servants} did not ask questions . “_[0-i] Ay , [you]_339-birdie ’ve said as much . But what do [you]_339-birdie want them for , for decoration , or to send away , or what ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i want them for a presentation bouquet . ” “_[0-i] A presentation bouquet ! Who ’s coming then?—the [Duchess of [Portland]_90-portland]_{2769-duchess of portland} ? ” “_{[2769-duchess of portland]} No . ” “_{[2769-duchess of portland]} Oh , not [her]_{2769-duchess of portland} ? Well [you]_339-birdie ’ll have a rare poppy - show if [you]_339-birdie put all the things [you]_339-birdie ’ve mentioned into [your]_339-birdie bouquet . ” “_[339-birdie] Yes , [I]_0-i want a rare poppy - show . ” “_[339-birdie] [You]_339-birdie do ! Then there ’s no more to be said . ” The next day [Winifred]_297-winifred , in a dress of silvery velvet , and holding a gaudy bunch of flowers in [her]_{540-the girl} hand , waited with keen impatience in [the schoolroom]_{6533-the schoolroom} , looking down [the drive]_{5874-the drive} for [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s arrival . It was a wet morning . Under [her]_{540-the girl} nose was the strange fragrance of hot - house flowers , the bunch was like a little fire to [her]_{540-the girl} , [she]_{540-the girl} seemed to have a strange new fire in [her]_{540-the girl} heart . This slight sense of romance stirred [her]_{540-the girl} like an intoxicant . At last [she]_{540-the girl} saw [Gudrun]_160-gudrun coming , and [she]_{540-the girl} ran [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} to warn [[her]_{540-the girl} father]_{583-her father} and [Gerald]_255-gerald . [They]_6537-they , laughing at [her]_{540-the girl} anxiety and gravity , came with [her]_{540-the girl} into [the hall]_{734-the hall} . [The man - servant]_{4994-the man - servant} came hastening to the door , and there [he]_{4994-the man - servant} was , relieving [Gudrun]_160-gudrun of [her]_160-gudrun umbrella , and then of [her]_160-gudrun raincoat . [The welcoming party]_{6540-the welcoming party} hung back till [[their]_6537-they visitor]_{6541-their visitor} entered [the hall]_{734-the hall} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was flushed with the rain , [her]_160-gudrun hair was blown in loose little curls , [she]_160-gudrun was like a flower just opened in the rain , the heart of the blossom just newly visible , seeming to emit a warmth of retained sunshine . [Gerald]_255-gerald winced in spirit , seeing [her]_160-gudrun so beautiful and unknown . [She]_160-gudrun was wearing a soft blue dress , and [her]_160-gudrun stockings were of dark red . [Winifred]_297-winifred advanced with odd , stately formality . “_[2770-we] [We]_2770-we are so glad [you]_2771-you ’ve come back , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . “_[2770-we] These are [your]_2771-you flowers . ” [She]_160-gudrun presented the bouquet . “_[2772-mine] [Mine]_2772-mine ! ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun was suspended for a moment , then a vivid flush went over [her]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun was as if blinded for a moment with a flame of pleasure . Then [her]_160-gudrun eyes , strange and flaming , lifted and looked at [the father]_{646-the father} , and at [Gerald]_255-gerald . And again [Gerald]_255-gerald shrank in spirit , as if it would be more than [he]_255-gerald could bear , as [her]_160-gudrun hot , exposed eyes rested on [him]_255-gerald . There was something so revealed , [she]_160-gudrun was revealed beyond bearing , to [his]_255-gerald eyes . [He]_255-gerald turned [his]_255-gerald face aside . And [he]_255-gerald felt [he]_255-gerald would not be able to avert [her]_160-gudrun . And [he]_255-gerald writhed under the imprisonment . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun put [her]_160-gudrun face into the flowers . “_[2772-mine] But how beautiful they are ! ” [she]_160-gudrun said , in a muffled voice . Then , with a strange , suddenly revealed passion , [she]_160-gudrun stooped and kissed [Winifred]_297-winifred . [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} went forward with [his]_0-i hand held out to [her]_160-gudrun . “_[2772-mine] [I]_0-i was afraid [you]_2773-you were going to run away from [us]_2774-us , ” [he]_0-i said , playfully . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked up at [him]_0-i with a luminous , roguish , unknown face . “_[2773-you] Really ! ” [she]_160-gudrun replied . “_[2773-you] No , [I]_0-i did n’t want to stay in [London]_2-london . ” [Her]_160-gudrun voice seemed to imply that [she]_160-gudrun was glad to get back to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands , [her]_160-gudrun tone was warm and subtly caressing . “_[0-i] That is a good thing , ” smiled [the father]_{646-the father} . “_[2773-you] [You]_2773-you see [you]_2773-you are very welcome here among [us]_2774-us . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun only looked into [his]_0-i face with dark - blue , warm , shy eyes . [She]_160-gudrun was unconsciously carried away by [her]_160-gudrun own power . “_[2773-you] And [you]_2773-you look as if [you]_2773-you came [home]_4649-home in every possible triumph , ” [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} continued , holding [her]_2773-you hand . “_[2773-you] No , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , glowing strangely . “_[2773-you] [I]_0-i have n’t had any triumph till [I]_0-i came here . ” “_[0-i] Ah , come , come ! [We]_2774-us ’re not going to hear any of those tales . Have n’t [we]_2774-us read notices in the newspaper , [Gerald]_255-gerald ? ” “_[255-gerald] [You]_2773-you came off pretty well , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald to [her]_2773-you , shaking hands . “_[2773-you] Did [you]_2773-you sell anything ? ” “_[2773-you] No , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , “_[2773-you] not much . ” “_[2773-you] Just as well , ” [he]_255-gerald said . [She]_160-gudrun wondered what [he]_255-gerald meant . But [she]_160-gudrun was all aglow with [her]_160-gudrun reception , carried away by this little flattering ceremonial on [her]_160-gudrun behalf . “_{[297-winifred]} [Winifred]_297-winifred , ” said [the father]_{646-the father} , “_{[297-winifred]} have [you]_297-winifred a pair of shoes for [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} ? [You]_2773-you had better change at once — ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went out with [her]_160-gudrun bouquet in [her]_160-gudrun hand . “_[2773-you] Quite [a remarkable young woman]_{2776-a remarkable young woman} , ” said [the father]_{646-the father} to [Gerald]_255-gerald , when [she]_160-gudrun had gone . “_{[2776-a remarkable young woman]} Yes , ” replied [Gerald]_255-gerald briefly , as if [he]_255-gerald did not like the observation . [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} liked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun to sit with [him]_255-gerald for half an hour . Usually [he]_255-gerald was ashy and wretched , with all the life gnawed out of [him]_255-gerald . But as soon as [he]_255-gerald rallied , [he]_255-gerald liked to make believe that [he]_255-gerald was just as before , quite well and in the midst of life — not of [the outer world]_{5906-the outer world} , but in the midst of a strong essential life . And to this belief , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun contributed perfectly . With [her]_160-gudrun , [he]_255-gerald could get by stimulation those precious half - hours of strength and exaltation and pure freedom , when [he]_255-gerald seemed to live more than [he]_255-gerald had ever lived . [She]_160-gudrun came to [him]_255-gerald as [he]_255-gerald lay propped up in [the library]_{2470-the library} . [His]_255-gerald face was like yellow wax , [his]_255-gerald eyes darkened , as it were sightless . [His]_255-gerald black beard , now streaked with grey , seemed to spring out of the waxy flesh of a corpse . Yet the atmosphere about [him]_255-gerald was energetic and playful . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun subscribed to this , perfectly . To [her]_160-gudrun fancy , [he]_255-gerald was just [an ordinary man]_{6549-an ordinary man} . Only [his]_255-gerald rather terrible appearance was photographed upon [her]_160-gudrun soul , away beneath [her]_160-gudrun consciousness . [She]_160-gudrun knew that , in spite of [his]_255-gerald playfulness , [his]_255-gerald eyes could not change from [their]_6550-their darkened vacancy , they were the eyes of [a man who is dead]_{6551-a man who is dead} . “_{[2776-a remarkable young woman]} Ah , this is [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} , ” [he]_255-gerald said , suddenly rousing as [she]_160-gudrun entered , announced by [the man - servant]_{4994-the man - servant} . “_{[164-thomas crich]} [Thomas]_{164-thomas crich} , put [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} a chair here — that ’s right . ” [He]_255-gerald looked at [her]_160-gudrun soft , fresh face with pleasure . It gave [him]_255-gerald the illusion of life . “_{[338-miss brangwen]} Now , [you]_{164-thomas crich} will have a glass of sherry and a little piece of cake . [Thomas]_{164-thomas crich} — ” “_{[164-thomas crich]} No thank [you]_{164-thomas crich} , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . And as soon as [she]_160-gudrun had said it , [her]_160-gudrun heart sank horribly . [The sick man]_{2384-the sick man} seemed to fall into a gap of death , at [her]_160-gudrun contradiction . [She]_160-gudrun ought to play up to [him]_{2384-the sick man} , not to contravene [him]_{2384-the sick man} . In an instant [she]_160-gudrun was smiling [her]_160-gudrun rather roguish smile . “_{[164-thomas crich]} [I]_0-i do n’t like sherry very much , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . “_{[164-thomas crich]} But [I]_0-i like almost anything else . ” [The sick man]_{2384-the sick man} caught at this straw instantly . “_[0-i] Not sherry ! No ! Something else ! What then ? What is there , [Thomas]_{164-thomas crich} ? ” “_{[164-thomas crich]} Port wine — curacçao — ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i would love some curaçao — ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , looking at [the sick man]_{2384-the sick man} confidingly . “_{[164-thomas crich]} [You]_{164-thomas crich} would . Well then [Thomas]_{164-thomas crich} , curaçao — and a little cake , or a biscuit ? ” “_{[164-thomas crich]} A biscuit , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun did not want anything , but [she]_160-gudrun was wise . “_{[164-thomas crich]} Yes . ” [He]_{2384-the sick man} waited till [she]_160-gudrun was settled with [her]_160-gudrun little glass and [her]_160-gudrun biscuit . Then [he]_{2384-the sick man} was satisfied . “_{[164-thomas crich]} [You]_0-i have heard the plan , ” [he]_{2384-the sick man} said with some excitement , “_[0-i] for [a studio for [Winifred]_297-winifred]_{2777-a studio for winifred} , over [the stables]_{5083-the stables} ? ” “_[0-i] No ! ” exclaimed [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in mock wonder . “_[0-i] [Oh!—I]_341-oh!—i thought [Winnie]_297-winifred wrote it to [you]_{164-thomas crich} , in [her]_341-oh!—i letter ! ” “_{[297-winifred]} Oh — yes — of course . But [I]_0-i thought perhaps it was only [her]_341-oh!—i own little idea — ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun smiled subtly , indulgently . [The sick man]_{2384-the sick man} smiled also , elated . “_{[341-oh!—i]} Oh no . It is a real project . There is [a good room]_{2779-a good room} under the roof of [the stables]_{5083-the stables} — with sloping rafters . [We]_2781-we had thought of converting [it]_{2779-a good room} into [a studio]_{2751-a studio} . ” “_[2781-we] How very nice that would be ! ” cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , with excited warmth . The thought of the rafters stirred [her]_160-gudrun . “_{[164-thomas crich]} [You]_{164-thomas crich} think it would ? Well , it can be done . ” “_{[164-thomas crich]} But how perfectly splendid for [Winifred]_297-winifred ! Of course , it is just what is needed , if [she]_341-oh!—i is to work at all seriously . [One]_4646-one must have [[one]_4646-one ’s workshop]_{2785-one ’s workshop} , otherwise [one]_4646-one never ceases to be [an amateur]_{2787-an amateur} . ” “_[4646-one] Is that so ? Yes . Of course , [I]_0-i should like [you]_{164-thomas crich} to share it with [Winifred]_297-winifred . ” “_{[297-winifred]} Thank [you]_{164-thomas crich} so much . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun knew all these things already , but [she]_160-gudrun must look shy and very grateful , as if overcome . “_{[164-thomas crich]} Of course , what [I]_0-i should like best , would be if [you]_{164-thomas crich} could give up [your]_{164-thomas crich} work at [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school} , and just avail [yourself]_{164-thomas crich} of [the studio]_{2756-the studio} , and work [there]_629-there — well , as much or as little as [you]_{164-thomas crich} liked — ” [He]_0-i looked at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun with dark , vacant eyes . [She]_160-gudrun looked back at [him]_0-i as if full of gratitude . These phrases of [a dying man]_{5928-a dying man} were so complete and natural , coming like echoes through [his]_0-i dead mouth . “_{[164-thomas crich]} And as to [your]_{164-thomas crich} earnings — [you]_{164-thomas crich} do n’t mind taking from [me]_0-i what [you]_{164-thomas crich} have taken from [the Education Committee]_{2791-the education committee} , do [you]_{164-thomas crich} ? [I]_0-i do n’t want [you]_{164-thomas crich} to be [a loser]_{2792-a loser} . ” “_[0-i] Oh , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “_[0-i] if [I]_0-i can have [the studio]_{2756-the studio} and work [there]_629-there , [I]_0-i can earn money enough , really [I]_0-i can . ” “_[0-i] Well , ” [he]_0-i said , pleased to be [the benefactor]_{6558-the benefactor} , “_[0-i] [we]_2795-we can see about all that . [You]_0-i would n’t mind spending [your]_0-i days [here]_4650-here ? ” “_[0-i] If there were [a studio to work in]_{2797-a studio to work in} , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i could ask for nothing better . ” “_[0-i] Is that so ? ” [He]_2798-he was really very pleased . But already [he]_2798-he was getting tired . [She]_160-gudrun could see the grey , awful semi - consciousness of mere pain and dissolution coming over [him]_2798-he again , the torture coming into the vacancy of [his]_2798-he darkened eyes . It was not over yet , this process of death . [She]_160-gudrun rose softly saying : “_[0-i] Perhaps [you]_2798-he will sleep . [I]_0-i must look for [Winifred]_297-winifred . ” [She]_160-gudrun went out , telling [the nurse]_{6559-the nurse} that [she]_160-gudrun had left [him]_2798-he . Day by day the tissue of [the sick man]_{2384-the sick man} was further and further reduced , nearer and nearer the process came , towards the last knot which held [the human being]_{1305-the human being} in its unity . But this knot was hard and unrelaxed , the will of [the dying man]_{6562-the dying man} never gave way . [He]_2798-he might be dead in nine - tenths , yet the remaining tenth remained unchanged , till it too was torn apart . With [his]_2798-he will [he]_2798-he held the unit of [himself]_2798-he firm , but the circle of [his]_2798-he power was ever and ever reduced , it would be reduced to a point at last , then swept away . To adhere to life , [he]_2798-he must adhere to human relationships , and [he]_2798-he caught at every straw . [Winifred]_297-winifred , [the butler]_{5875-the butler} , [the nurse]_{6559-the nurse} , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , these were [the people who meant all to [him]_2798-he , in these last resources]_{6565-the people who meant all to him , in these last resources} . [Gerald]_255-gerald , in [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} ’s presence , stiffened with repulsion . It was so , to a less degree , with [all [the other children]_{6568-the other children} except [Winifred]_297-winifred]_{6567-all the other children except winifred} . [They]_{6568-the other children} could not see anything but the death , when [they]_{6568-the other children} looked at [[their]_{6568-the other children} father]_{447-their father} . It was as if some subterranean dislike overcame [them]_{6568-the other children} . [They]_{6568-the other children} could not see [the familiar face]_{6570-the familiar face} , hear [the familiar voice]_{6571-the familiar voice} . [They]_{6568-the other children} were overwhelmed by the antipathy of visible and audible death . [Gerald]_255-gerald could not breathe in [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} ’s presence . [He]_255-gerald must get out at once . And so , in the same way , [the father]_{646-the father} could not bear the presence of [[his]_{646-the father} son]_{2195-his son} . It sent a final irritation through the soul of [the dying man]_{6562-the dying man} . [The studio]_{2756-the studio} was made ready , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Winifred]_297-winifred moved in . [They]_{6568-the other children} enjoyed so much the ordering and the appointing of it . And now [they]_{6568-the other children} need hardly be in [the house]_{468-the house} at all . [They]_{6568-the other children} had [their]_{6568-the other children} meals in [the studio]_{2756-the studio} , [they]_{6568-the other children} lived [there]_629-there safely . For [the house]_{468-the house} was becoming dreadful . There were [two nurses in white , flitting silently about , like heralds of death]_{6581-two nurses in white , flitting silently about , like heralds of death} . [The father]_{646-the father} was confined to [his]_{646-the father} bed , there was a come and go of [sotto voce sisters]_{6583-sotto voce sisters} and [brothers]_{6584-brothers} and [children]_{4659-children} . [Winifred]_297-winifred was [[her]_160-gudrun father]_{583-her father} ’s constant visitor . Every morning , after breakfast , [she]_160-gudrun went into [[his]_2799-he room]_{5054-his room} when [he]_2799-he was washed and propped up in bed , to spend half an hour with [him]_2799-he . “_[0-i] Are [you]_2799-he better , [Daddie]_323-daddie ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked [him]_2799-he invariably . And invariably [he]_2799-he answered : “_[323-daddie] Yes , [I]_0-i think [I]_0-i ’m a little better , [pet]_2800-pet . ” [She]_160-gudrun held [his]_2799-he hand in both [her]_160-gudrun own , lovingly and protectively . And this was very dear to [him]_2799-he . [She]_160-gudrun ran in again as a rule at lunch time , to tell [him]_2799-he the course of events , and every evening , when the curtains were drawn , and [[his]_2799-he room]_{5054-his room} was cosy , [she]_160-gudrun spent a long time with [him]_2799-he . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was gone [home]_4649-home , [Winifred]_297-winifred was alone in [the house]_{468-the house} : [she]_160-gudrun liked best to be with [[her]_160-gudrun father]_{583-her father} . [They]_6592-they talked and prattled at random , [he]_2799-he always as if [he]_2799-he were well , just the same as when [he]_2799-he was going about . So that [Winifred]_297-winifred , with [a child]_{733-a child} ’s subtle instinct for avoiding the painful things , behaved as if nothing serious was the matter . Instinctively , [she]_160-gudrun withheld [her]_160-gudrun attention , and was happy . Yet in [her]_160-gudrun remoter soul , [she]_160-gudrun knew as well as [the adults]_{6594-the adults} knew : perhaps better . [[Her]_160-gudrun father]_{583-her father} was quite well in [his]_{583-her father} make - belief with [her]_160-gudrun . But when [she]_160-gudrun went away , [he]_{583-her father} relapsed under the misery of [his]_{583-her father} dissolution . But still there were these bright moments , though as [his]_{583-her father} strength waned , [his]_{583-her father} faculty for attention grew weaker , and [the nurse]_{6559-the nurse} had to send [Winifred]_297-winifred away , to save [him]_{583-her father} from exhaustion . [He]_{583-her father} never admitted that [he]_{583-her father} was going to die . [He]_{583-her father} knew it was so , [he]_{583-her father} knew it was the end . Yet even to [himself]_{583-her father} [he]_{583-her father} did not admit it . [He]_{583-her father} hated the fact , mortally . [His]_{583-her father} will was rigid . [He]_{583-her father} could not bear being overcome by death . For [him]_{583-her father} , there was no death . And yet , at times , [he]_{583-her father} felt a great need to cry out and to wail and complain . [He]_{583-her father} would have liked to cry aloud to [Gerald]_255-gerald , so that [[his]_{583-her father} son]_{2195-his son} should be horrified out of [his]_{2195-his son} composure . [Gerald]_255-gerald was instinctively aware of this , and [he]_255-gerald recoiled , to avoid any such thing . This uncleanness of death repelled [him]_255-gerald too much . [One]_4646-one should die quickly , like [the Romans]_{6599-the romans} , [one]_4646-one should be master of [one]_4646-one ’s fate in dying as in living . [He]_{2195-his son} was convulsed in the clasp of this death of [[his]_{2195-his son} father]_{5330-his father} ’s , as in the coils of the great serpent of [Laocoön]_342-laocoön . The great serpent had got [the father]_{646-the father} , and [the son]_{6604-the son} was dragged into the embrace of horrifying death along with [him]_{6604-the son} . [He]_{6604-the son} resisted always . And in some strange way , [he]_{6604-the son} was [a tower of strength to [[his]_{2195-his son} father]_{5330-his father}]_{6605-a tower of strength to his father} . The last time [the dying man]_{6562-the dying man} asked to see [Gudrun]_160-gudrun [he]_{6562-the dying man} was grey with near death . Yet [he]_{6562-the dying man} must see [someone]_2083-someone , [he]_{6562-the dying man} must , in the intervals of consciousness , catch into connection with the living world , lest [he]_{6562-the dying man} should have to accept [his]_{6562-the dying man} own situation . Fortunately [he]_{6562-the dying man} was most of [his]_{6562-the dying man} time dazed and half gone . And [he]_{6562-the dying man} spent many hours dimly thinking of the past , as it were , dimly re - living [his]_{6562-the dying man} old experiences . But there were times even to the end when [he]_{6562-the dying man} was capable of realising what was happening to [him]_{6562-the dying man} in the present , the death that was on [him]_{6562-the dying man} . And these were the times when [he]_{6562-the dying man} called in outside help , no matter whose . For to realise this death that [he]_{6562-the dying man} was dying was a death beyond death , never to be borne . It was an admission never to be made . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was shocked by [his]_{6562-the dying man} appearance , and by the darkened , almost disintegrated eyes , that still were unconquered and firm . “_[2800-pet] Well , ” [he]_{6562-the dying man} said in [his]_{6562-the dying man} weakened voice , “_[2800-pet] and how are [you]_2801-you and [Winifred]_297-winifred getting on ? ” “_[2801-you] Oh , very well indeed , ” replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . There were slight dead gaps in the conversation , as if the ideas called up were only elusive straws floating on the dark chaos of [the sick man]_{2384-the sick man} ’s dying . “_[2801-you] [The studio]_{2756-the studio} answers all right ? ” [he]_{6562-the dying man} said . “_[2801-you] Splendid . It could n’t be more beautiful and perfect , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun waited for what [he]_{6562-the dying man} would say next . “_[2801-you] And [you]_2801-you think [Winifred]_297-winifred has the makings of [a sculptor]_{2803-a sculptor} ? ” It was strange how hollow the words were , meaningless . “_[2801-you] [I]_0-i ’m sure [she]_2804-she has . [She]_2804-she will do good things one day . ” “_[2804-she] Ah ! Then [her]_2804-she life wo n’t be altogether wasted , [you]_2801-you think ? ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was rather surprised . “_[2801-you] Sure it wo n’t ! ” [she]_160-gudrun exclaimed softly . “_[2801-you] That ’s right . ” Again [Gudrun]_160-gudrun waited for what [he]_{6562-the dying man} would say . “_[2801-you] [You]_2801-you find life pleasant , it is good to live , is n’t it ? ” [he]_{6562-the dying man} asked , with a pitiful faint smile that was almost too much for [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2801-you] Yes , ” [she]_160-gudrun smiled — [she]_160-gudrun would lie at random—“I_[2801-you] get a pretty good time [I]_0-i believe . ” “_[0-i] That ’s right . A happy nature is a great asset . ” Again [Gudrun]_160-gudrun smiled , though [her]_160-gudrun soul was dry with repulsion . Did [one]_4646-one have to die like this — having the life extracted forcibly from [one]_4646-one , whilst [one]_4646-one smiled and made conversation to the end ? Was there no other way ? Must [one]_4646-one go through all the horror of this victory over death , the triumph of the integral will , that would not be broken till it disappeared utterly ? One must , it was the only way . [She]_160-gudrun admired the self - possession and the control of [the dying man]_{6562-the dying man} exceedingly . But [she]_160-gudrun loathed the death itself . [She]_160-gudrun was glad [the everyday world]_{6615-the everyday world} held good , and [she]_160-gudrun need not recognise anything beyond . “_[2801-you] [You]_2801-you are quite all right here?—nothing [we]_2805-we can do for you?—nothing [you]_2801-you find wrong in [your]_2801-you position ? ” “_[2801-you] Except that [you]_2801-you are too good to [me]_0-i , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2801-you] Ah , well , the fault of that lies with [yourself]_2801-you , ” [he]_0-i said , and [he]_0-i felt a little exultation , that [he]_0-i had made this speech . [He]_0-i was still so strong and living ! But the nausea of death began to creep back on [him]_0-i , in reaction . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went away , back to [Winifred]_297-winifred . [Mademoiselle]_{322-mademoiselle} had left , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun stayed a good deal at [Shortlands]_7-shortlands , and [a tutor]_{6616-a tutor} came in to carry on [Winifred]_297-winifred ’s education . But [he]_0-i did not live in [the house]_{468-the house} , [he]_0-i was connected with [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school} . One day , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was to drive with [Winifred]_297-winifred and [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin to [town]_602-town , in [the car]_{4987-the car} . It was a dark , showery day . [Winifred]_297-winifred and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun were ready and waiting at the door . [Winifred]_297-winifred was very quiet , but [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had not noticed . Suddenly [the child]_{2063-the child} asked , in a voice of unconcern : “_[2801-you] Do [you]_2806-you think [[my]_0-i father]_{5349-my father} ’s going to die , [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} ? ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun started . “_[2806-you] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” [she]_{2063-the child} replied . “_[0-i] Do n’t [you]_2806-you truly ? ” “_[2806-you] [Nobody]_912-nobody knows for certain . [He]_{5349-my father} may die , of course . ” [The child]_{2063-the child} pondered a few moments , then [she]_{2063-the child} asked : “_{[5349-my father]} But do [you]_2806-you think [he]_{5349-my father} will die ? ” It was put almost like a question in geography or science , insistent , as if [she]_{2063-the child} would force an admission from [the adult]_{6623-the adult} . [The watchful , slightly triumphant child]_{6624-the watchful , slightly triumphant child} was almost diabolical . “_[2806-you] Do [I]_0-i think [he]_{5349-my father} will die ? ” repeated [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] Yes , [I]_0-i do . ” But [Winifred]_297-winifred ’s large eyes were fixed on [her]_{2063-the child} , and [the girl]_{540-the girl} did not move . “_[0-i] [He]_{5349-my father} is very ill , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . A small smile came over [Winifred]_297-winifred ’s face , subtle and sceptical . “_{[5349-my father]} [I]_0-i do n’t believe [he]_{5349-my father} will , ” [the child]_{2063-the child} asserted , mockingly , and [she]_{2063-the child} moved away into the drive . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [the isolated figure]_{6627-the isolated figure} , and [her]_160-gudrun heart stood still . [Winifred]_297-winifred was playing with a little rivulet of water , absorbedly as if nothing had been said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’ve made a proper dam , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , out of the moist distance . [Gerald]_255-gerald came to the door from out of [the hall]_{734-the hall} behind . “_[0-i] It is just as well [she]_2809-she does n’t choose to believe it , ” [he]_255-gerald said . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald . [Their]_6629-they eyes met ; and [they]_6629-they exchanged a sardonic understanding . “_[2809-she] Just as well , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [He]_255-gerald looked at [her]_160-gudrun again , and a fire flickered up in [his]_255-gerald eyes . “_[2809-she] Best to dance while [Rome]_43-rome burns , since it must burn , do n’t [you]_0-i think ? ” [he]_255-gerald said . [She]_160-gudrun was rather taken aback . But , gathering [herself]_160-gudrun together , [she]_160-gudrun replied : “_[0-i] Oh — better dance than wail , certainly . ” “_[0-i] So [I]_0-i think . ” And [they]_6629-they both felt the subterranean desire to let go , to fling away everything , and lapse into a sheer unrestraint , brutal and licentious . A strange black passion surged up pure in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun felt strong . [She]_160-gudrun felt [her]_160-gudrun hands so strong , as if [she]_160-gudrun could tear [the world]_{541-the world} asunder with [them]_6631-them . [She]_160-gudrun remembered the abandonments of Roman licence , and [her]_160-gudrun heart grew hot . [She]_160-gudrun knew [she]_160-gudrun wanted this [herself]_160-gudrun also — or something , something equivalent . Ah , if that which was unknown and suppressed in [her]_160-gudrun were once let loose , what an orgiastic and satisfying event it would be . And [she]_160-gudrun wanted it , [she]_160-gudrun trembled slightly from the proximity of [the man , who stood just behind [her]_160-gudrun , suggestive of the same black licentiousness that rose in [herself]_160-gudrun]_{6632-the man , who stood just behind her , suggestive of the same black licentiousness that rose in herself} . [She]_160-gudrun wanted it with [him]_{6632-the man , who stood just behind her , suggestive of the same black licentiousness that rose in herself} , this unacknowledged frenzy . For a moment the clear perception of this preoccupied [her]_160-gudrun , distinct and perfect in its final reality . Then [she]_160-gudrun shut it off completely , saying : “_[0-i] [We]_2810-we might as well go down to [the lodge]_{2811-the lodge} after [Winifred]_297-winifred — [we]_2810-we can get in [the car]_{4987-the car} [there]_629-there . ” “_[0-i] So [we]_2810-we can , ” [he]_{6632-the man , who stood just behind her , suggestive of the same black licentiousness that rose in herself} answered , going with [her]_160-gudrun . [They]_2810-we found [Winifred]_297-winifred at [the lodge]_{2811-the lodge} admiring the litter of purebred white puppies . [The girl]_{540-the girl} looked up , and there was a rather ugly , unseeing cast in [her]_{540-the girl} eyes as [she]_{540-the girl} turned to [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_{540-the girl} did not want to see [them]_2810-we . “_[0-i] Look ! ” [she]_{540-the girl} cried . “_[0-i] Three new puppies ! [Marshall]_190-marshall says this one seems perfect . Is n’t it a sweetling ? But it is n’t so nice as [its mother]_{2545-its mother} . ” [She]_{540-the girl} turned to caress [the fine white bull - terrier bitch that stood uneasily near [her]_{540-the girl}]_{6635-the fine white bull - terrier bitch that stood uneasily near her} . “_[0-i] [[My]_0-i dearest]_{2815-my dearest} [Lady Crich]_{343-lady crich} , ” [she]_{540-the girl} said , “_[0-i] [you]_{343-lady crich} are beautiful as an angel on [earth]_571-earth . [Angel]_344-angel — angel — don’t [you]_{343-lady crich} think [she]_2817-she ’s good enough and beautiful enough to go to heaven , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ? [They]_2818-they will be in heaven , wo n’t [they]_2818-they — and especially [[my]_0-i darling [Lady Crich]_{343-lady crich}]_{2819-my darling lady crich} ! [Mrs Marshall]_190-marshall , [I]_0-i say ! ” “_[0-i] Yes , [Miss Winifred]_186-winifred ? ” said [the woman]_{873-the woman} , appearing at the door . “_{[186-winifred]} Oh do call [this one]_{2820-this one} [Lady Winifred]_{345-lady winifred} , if [she]_{2820-this one} turns out perfect , will [you]_186-winifred ? Do tell [Marshall]_190-marshall to call it [Lady Winifred]_{345-lady winifred} . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’ll tell [him]_2821-him — but [I]_0-i ’m afraid that ’s [a gentleman puppy]_{2822-a gentleman puppy} , [Miss Winifred]_186-winifred . ” “_{[2822-a gentleman puppy]} Oh no ! ” There was the sound of [a car]_{6637-a car} . “_{[2822-a gentleman puppy]} There ’s [Rupert]_169-birkin ! ” cried [the child]_{2063-the child} , and [she]_{2063-the child} ran to the gate . [Birkin]_169-birkin , driving [[his]_0-i car]_{6639-his car} , pulled up outside [the lodge gate]_{6640-the lodge gate} . “_[169-birkin] [We]_2823-we ’re ready ! ” cried [Winifred]_186-winifred . “_[169-birkin] [I]_0-i want to sit in front with [you]_169-birkin , [Rupert]_169-birkin . May [I]_0-i ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m afraid [you]_186-winifred ’ll fidget about and fall out , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] No [I]_0-i wo n’t . [I]_0-i do want to sit in front next to [you]_169-birkin . It makes [my]_0-i feet so lovely and warm , from the engines . ” [Birkin]_169-birkin helped [her]_186-winifred up , amused at sending [Gerald]_255-gerald to sit by [Gudrun]_160-gudrun in the body of [the car]_{4987-the car} . “_[0-i] Have [you]_169-birkin any news , [Rupert]_169-birkin ? ” [Gerald]_255-gerald called , as [they]_6642-they rushed along [the lanes]_{6137-the lanes} . “_[169-birkin] News ? ” exclaimed [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Yes , ” [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , who sat by [his]_255-gerald side , and [he]_255-gerald said , [his]_255-gerald eyes narrowly laughing , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i want to know whether [I]_0-i ought to congratulate [him]_2824-him , but [I]_0-i ca n’t get anything definite out of [him]_2824-him . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun flushed deeply . “_[0-i] Congratulate [him]_2824-him on what ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked . “_[2824-him] There was some mention of an engagement — at least , [he]_2824-him said something to [me]_0-i about it . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun flushed darkly . “_[2824-him] [You]_2825-you mean with [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ” [she]_160-gudrun said , in challenge . “_[2824-him] Yes . That is so , is n’t it ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t think there ’s any engagement , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , coldly . “_[0-i] That so ? Still no developments , [Rupert]_169-birkin ? ” [he]_2824-him called . “_[169-birkin] Where ? Matrimonial ? No . ” “_[2825-you] How ’s that ? ” called [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Birkin]_169-birkin glanced quickly round . There was irritation in [his]_2824-him eyes also . “_[2825-you] Why ? ” [he]_2824-him replied . “_[2825-you] What do [you]_2825-you think of it , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ? ” “_[2825-you] Oh , ” [she]_160-gudrun cried , determined to fling [her]_160-gudrun stone also into the pool , since [they]_6644-they had begun , “_[2825-you] [I]_0-i do n’t think [she]_2826-she wants an engagement . Naturally , [she]_2826-she ’s a bird that prefers the bush . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s voice was clear and gong - like . It reminded [Rupert]_169-birkin of [[her]_160-gudrun father]_{583-her father} ’s , so strong and vibrant . “_[2826-she] And [I]_0-i , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin , [his]_0-i face playful but yet determined , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i want a binding contract , and am not keen on love , particularly free love . ” [They]_6644-they were both amused . Why this public avowal ? [Gerald]_255-gerald seemed suspended a moment , in amusement . “_[0-i] Love is n’t good enough for [you]_2825-you ? ” [he]_0-i called . “_[0-i] No ! ” shouted [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Ha , well that ’s being over - refined , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , and [the car]_{4987-the car} ran through the mud . “_[0-i] What ’s the matter , really ? ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , turning to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . This was an assumption of a sort of intimacy that irritated [Gudrun]_160-gudrun almost like an affront . It seemed to [her]_160-gudrun that [Gerald]_255-gerald was deliberately insulting [her]_160-gudrun , and infringing on the decent privacy of [them]_6644-they all . “_[0-i] What is it ? ” [she]_160-gudrun said , in [her]_160-gudrun high , repellent voice . “_[0-i] Do n’t ask [me!—I]_0-i know nothing about ultimate marriage , [I]_0-i assure [you]_0-i : or even penultimate . ” “_[0-i] Only the ordinary unwarrantable brand ! ” replied [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Just so — same here . [I]_0-i am [no expert on marriage , and degrees of ultimateness]_{2827-no expert on marriage , and degrees of ultimateness} . It seems to be a bee that buzzes loudly in [Rupert]_169-birkin ’s bonnet . ” “_[2828-his] Exactly ! But that is [his]_2828-his trouble , exactly ! Instead of wanting [a woman]_{897-a woman} for [herself]_{897-a woman} , [he]_2828-his wants [his]_2828-his ideas fulfilled . Which , when it comes to actual practice , is not good enough . ” “_[2828-his] Oh no . Best go slap for what ’s womanly in [woman]_1012-woman , like a bull at a gate . ” Then [he]_0-i seemed to glimmer in [himself]_0-i . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i think love is the ticket , do [you]_0-i ? ” [he]_0-i asked . “_[0-i] Certainly , while it lasts — [you]_0-i only ca n’t insist on permanency , ” came [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s voice , strident above the noise . “_[0-i] Marriage or no marriage , ultimate or penultimate or just so - so?—take the love as [you]_0-i find it . ” “_[0-i] As [you]_0-i please , or as [you]_0-i do n’t please , ” [she]_160-gudrun echoed . “_[0-i] Marriage is a social arrangement , [I]_0-i take it , and has nothing to do with the question of love . ” [His]_0-i eyes were flickering on [her]_160-gudrun all the time . [She]_160-gudrun felt as is [he]_0-i were kissing [her]_160-gudrun freely and malevolently . It made the colour burn in [her]_160-gudrun cheeks , but [her]_160-gudrun heart was quite firm and unfailing . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i think [Rupert]_169-birkin is off [his]_2831-he head a bit ? ” [Gerald]_255-gerald asked . [Her]_160-gudrun eyes flashed with acknowledgment . “_[169-birkin] As regards [a woman]_{897-a woman} , yes , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do . There is such a thing as [two people]_{4778-two people} being in love for the whole of [their]_{4778-two people} lives — perhaps . But marriage is neither here nor there , even then . If [they]_{4778-two people} are in love , well and good . If not — why break eggs about it ! ” “_[2831-he] Yes , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[2831-he] That ’s how it strikes [me]_0-i . But what about [Rupert]_169-birkin ? ” “_[169-birkin] [I]_0-i ca n’t make out — neither can [he]_2831-he nor [anybody]_744-anybody . [He]_2831-he seems to think that if [you]_2835-you marry [you]_2835-you can get through marriage into a third heaven , or something — all very vague . ” “_[2831-he] Very ! And who wants [a third heaven]_{2836-a third heaven} ? As a matter of fact , [Rupert]_169-birkin has a great yearning to be safe — to tie [himself]_169-birkin to the mast . ” “_[2831-he] Yes . It seems to [me]_0-i [he]_2831-he ’s mistaken there too , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2831-he] [I]_0-i ’m sure [a mistress]_{2837-a mistress} is more likely to be faithful than [a wife]_{2838-a wife} — just because [she]_{2838-a wife} is [[her]_{2838-a wife} own mistress]_{2839-her own mistress} . No — [he]_2831-he says [he]_2831-he believes that [a man]_{4648-a man} and [wife]_2315-wife can go further than [any other two beings]_{2842-any other two beings} — but where , is not explained . [They]_2843-they can know [each other]_{451-each other} , heavenly and hellish , but particularly hellish , so perfectly that [they]_2843-they go beyond heaven and hell — into — there it all breaks down — into nowhere . ” “_[2831-he] Into Paradise , [he]_2831-he says , ” laughed [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun shrugged [her]_160-gudrun shoulders . “_[2831-he] Je m’en fiche of [[your]_2831-he Paradise]_{2845-your paradise} ! ” [she]_160-gudrun said . “_[2831-he] Not being [a Mohammedan]_{2846-a mohammedan} , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin sat motionless , driving [the car]_{4987-the car} , quite unconscious of what [they]_2843-they said . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , sitting immediately behind [him]_2831-he , felt a sort of ironic pleasure in thus exposing [him]_2831-he . “_[2831-he] [He]_2831-he says , ” [she]_160-gudrun added , with a grimace of irony , “_[2831-he] that [you]_2831-he can find an eternal equilibrium in marriage , if [you]_2831-he accept the unison , and still leave [yourself]_2831-he separate , do n’t try to fuse . ” “_[2831-he] Does n’t inspire [me]_0-i , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] That ’s just it , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i believe in love , in a real abandon , if [you]_2831-he ’re capable of it , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] So do [I]_0-i , ” said [she]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] And so does [Rupert]_169-birkin , too — though [he]_2831-he is always shouting . ” “_[2831-he] No , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[2831-he] [He]_2831-he wo n’t abandon [himself]_2831-he to [the other person]_{6429-the other person} . [You]_2831-he ca n’t be sure of [him]_2831-he . That ’s the trouble [I]_0-i think . ” “_[0-i] Yet [he]_2831-he wants marriage ! Marriage — et puis ? ” “_{[2848-le paradis]} [Le paradis]_{2848-le paradis} ! ” mocked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Birkin]_169-birkin , as [he]_2831-he drove , felt a creeping of the spine , as if [somebody]_{4745-somebody} was threatening [his]_2831-he neck . But [he]_2831-he shrugged with indifference . It began to rain . Here was a change . [He]_2831-he stopped [the car]_{4987-the car} and got down to put up the hood . [They]_6650-they came to [the town]_{4907-the town} , and left [Gerald]_255-gerald at [the railway station]_{4873-the railway station} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Winifred]_186-winifred were to come to tea with [Birkin]_169-birkin , who expected [Ursula]_255-gerald also . In the afternoon , however , [the first person to turn up]_{6653-the first person to turn up} was [Hermione]_168-hermione . [Birkin]_169-birkin was out , so [she]_168-hermione went in [the drawing - room]_{5183-the drawing - room} , looking at [his]_2831-he books and papers , and playing on the piano . Then [Ursula]_255-gerald arrived . [She]_168-hermione was surprised , unpleasantly so , to see [Hermione]_168-hermione , of whom [she]_168-hermione had heard nothing for some time . “_{[2848-le paradis]} It is a surprise to see [you]_2849-she , ” [she]_168-hermione said . “_[2849-she] Yes , ” said [Hermione—“I’ve]_{346-hermione—“i’ve[2848-le paradis]} been away at [Aix]_91-aix — ” “_{[2848-le paradis]} Oh , for [your]_2849-she health ? ” “_{[2848-le paradis]} Yes . ” [The two women]_{882-the two women} looked at [each other]_{451-each other} . [Ursula]_255-gerald resented [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s long , grave , downward - looking face . There was something of the stupidity and the unenlightened self - esteem of a horse in it . “_{[2848-le paradis]} [She]_2849-she ’s got a horse - face , ” [Ursula]_255-gerald said to [herself]_255-gerald , “_[2849-she] [she]_2849-she runs between blinkers . ” It did seem as if [Hermione]_168-hermione , like the moon , had only one side to [her]_168-hermione penny . There was no obverse . [She]_168-hermione stared out all the time on the narrow , but to [her]_168-hermione , complete world of the extant consciousness . In the darkness , [she]_168-hermione did not exist . Like the moon , one half of [her]_168-hermione was lost to life . [Her]_168-hermione self was all in [her]_168-hermione head , [she]_168-hermione did not know what it was spontaneously to run or move , like a fish in the water , or a weasel on the grass . [She]_168-hermione must always know . But [Ursula]_255-gerald only suffered from [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s one - sidedness . [She]_168-hermione only felt [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s cool evidence , which seemed to put [her]_168-hermione down as nothing . [Hermione]_168-hermione , who brooded and brooded till [she]_168-hermione was exhausted with the ache of [her]_168-hermione effort at consciousness , spent and ashen in [her]_168-hermione body , who gained so slowly and with such effort [her]_168-hermione final and barren conclusions of knowledge , was apt , in the presence of [other women , whom [she]_168-hermione thought simply female]_{6657-other women , whom she thought simply female} , to wear the conclusions of [her]_168-hermione bitter assurance like jewels which conferred on [her]_168-hermione an unquestionable distinction , established [her]_168-hermione in a higher order of life . [She]_168-hermione was apt , mentally , to condescend to women such as [Ursula]_255-gerald , whom [she]_168-hermione regarded as purely emotional . [Poor Hermione]_168-hermione , it was [her]_168-hermione one possession , this aching certainty of [hers]_168-hermione , it was [her]_168-hermione only justification . [She]_168-hermione must be confident here , for [God]_167-god knows , [she]_168-hermione felt rejected and deficient enough elsewhere . In the life of thought , of the spirit , [she]_168-hermione was one of [the elect]_{6658-the elect} . And [she]_168-hermione wanted to be universal . But there was a devastating cynicism at the bottom of [her]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione did not believe in [her]_168-hermione own universals — they were sham . [She]_168-hermione did not believe in the inner life — it was a trick , not a reality . [She]_168-hermione did not believe in the spiritual world — it was an affectation . In the last resort , [she]_168-hermione believed in [Mammon]_348-mammon , the flesh , and the devil — these at least were not sham . [She]_168-hermione was [a priestess without belief , without conviction]_{6659-a priestess without belief , without conviction} , suckled in a creed outworn , and condemned to the reiteration of mysteries that were not divine to [her]_168-hermione . Yet there was no escape . [She]_168-hermione was a leaf upon a dying tree . What help was there then , but to fight still for the old , withered truths , to die for the old , outworn belief , to be [a sacred and inviolate priestess of desecrated mysteries]_{6660-a sacred and inviolate priestess of desecrated mysteries} ? The old great truths had been true . And [she]_168-hermione was a leaf of the old great tree of knowledge that was withering now . To the old and last truth then [she]_168-hermione must be faithful even though cynicism and mockery took place at the bottom of [her]_168-hermione soul . “_[2849-she] [I]_0-i am so glad to see [you]_2850-you , ” [she]_168-hermione said to [Ursula]_255-gerald , in [her]_168-hermione slow voice , that was like an incantation . “_[0-i] [You]_2850-you and [Rupert]_169-birkin have become quite [friends]_5028-friends ? ” “_{[5028-friends]} Oh yes , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[5028-friends]} [He]_2852-he is always somewhere in the background . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione paused before [she]_168-hermione answered . [She]_168-hermione saw perfectly well [the other woman]_{885-the other woman} ’s vaunt : it seemed truly vulgar . “_[2852-he] Is [he]_2852-he ? ” [she]_168-hermione said slowly , and with perfect equanimity . “_[2852-he] And do [you]_2850-you think [you]_2850-you will marry ? ” The question was so calm and mild , so simple and bare and dispassionate that [Ursula]_255-gerald was somewhat taken aback , rather attracted . It pleased [her]_2850-you almost like a wickedness . There was some delightful naked irony in [Hermione]_168-hermione . “_[2850-you] Well , ” replied [Ursula]_255-gerald , “_[2852-he] [He]_2852-he wants to , awfully , but [I]_0-i ’m not so sure . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione watched [her]_2850-you with slow calm eyes . [She]_168-hermione noted this new expression of vaunting . How [she]_168-hermione envied [Ursula]_255-gerald a certain unconscious positivity ! even [her]_2850-you vulgarity ! “_[0-i] Why are n’t [you]_2850-you sure ? ” [she]_168-hermione asked , in [her]_168-hermione easy sing song . [She]_168-hermione was perfectly at [her]_168-hermione ease , perhaps even rather happy in this conversation . “_[2850-you] [You]_2850-you do n’t really love [him]_2852-he ? ” [Ursula]_255-gerald flushed a little at the mild impertinence of this question . And yet [she]_168-hermione could not definitely take offence . [Hermione]_168-hermione seemed so calmly and sanely candid . After all , it was rather great to be able to be so sane . “_[2852-he] [He]_2852-he says it is n’t love [he]_2852-he wants , ” [she]_168-hermione replied . “_[2852-he] What is it then ? ” [Hermione]_168-hermione was slow and level . “_[2852-he] [He]_2852-he wants [me]_0-i really to accept [him]_2852-he in marriage . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione was silent for some time , watching [Ursula]_255-gerald with slow , pensive eyes . “_[2852-he] Does [he]_2852-he ? ” [she]_168-hermione said at length , without expression . Then , rousing , “_[2852-he] And what is it [you]_2850-you do n’t want ? [You]_2850-you do n’t want marriage ? ” “_[2850-you] No — [I]_0-i don’t — not really . [I]_0-i do n’t want to give the sort of submission [he]_2852-he insists on . [He]_2852-he wants [me]_0-i to give [myself]_0-i up — and [I]_0-i simply do n’t feel that [I]_0-i can do it . ” Again there was a long pause , before [Hermione]_168-hermione replied : “_[2850-you] Not if [you]_2850-you do n’t want to . ” Then again there was silence . [Hermione]_168-hermione shuddered with a strange desire . Ah , if only [he]_2852-he had asked [her]_168-hermione to subserve [him]_2852-he , to be [[his]_2852-he slave]_{6662-his slave} ! [She]_168-hermione shuddered with desire . “_[2850-you] [You]_2850-you see [I]_0-i ca n’t — ” “_[0-i] But exactly in what does — ” [They]_6663-they had both begun at once , [they]_6663-they both stopped . Then , [Hermione]_168-hermione , assuming priority of speech , resumed as if wearily : “_[2852-he] To what does [he]_2852-he want [you]_2850-you to submit ? ” “_[2852-he] [He]_2852-he says [he]_2852-he wants [me]_0-i to accept [him]_2852-he non - emotionally , and finally — [I]_0-i really do n’t know what [he]_2852-he means . [He]_2852-he says [he]_2852-he wants the demon part of [himself]_2852-he to be mated — physically — not [the human being]_{1305-the human being} . [You]_2850-you see [he]_2852-he says one thing one day , and another the next — and [he]_2852-he always contradicts [himself]_2852-he — ” “_[2852-he] And always thinks about [himself]_2852-he , and [his]_2852-he own dissatisfaction , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione slowly . “_[2852-he] Yes , ” cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[2852-he] As if there were [no one]_{485-no one} but [himself]_2852-he concerned . That makes it so impossible . ” But immediately [she]_168-hermione began to retract . “_[2852-he] [He]_2852-he insists on [my]_0-i accepting [God]_167-god knows what in [him]_2852-he , ” [she]_168-hermione resumed . “_[2852-he] [He]_2852-he wants [me]_0-i to accept [him]_2852-he as — as an absolute — But it seems to [me]_0-i [he]_2852-he does n’t want to give anything . [He]_2852-he does n’t want real warm intimacy — [he]_2852-he wo n’t have it — [he]_2852-he rejects it . [He]_2852-he wo n’t let [me]_0-i think , really , and [he]_2852-he wo n’t let [me]_0-i feel — [he]_2852-he hates feelings . ” There was a long pause , bitter for [Hermione]_168-hermione . Ah , if only [he]_2852-he would have made this demand of [her]_168-hermione ? [Her]_168-hermione [he]_2852-he drove into thought , drove inexorably into knowledge — and then execrated [her]_168-hermione for it . “_[2852-he] [He]_2852-he wants [me]_0-i to sink [myself]_0-i , ” [Ursula]_255-gerald resumed , “_[2852-he] not to have any being of [my]_0-i own — ” “_[2852-he] Then why does n’t [he]_2852-he marry [an odalisk]_{2855-an odalisk} ? ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione in [her]_168-hermione mild sing - song , “_[2852-he] if it is that [he]_2852-he wants . ” [Her]_168-hermione long face looked sardonic and amused . “_[2852-he] Yes , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald vaguely . After all , the tiresome thing was , [he]_2852-he did not want [an odalisk]_{2855-an odalisk} , [he]_2852-he did not want [a slave]_{2139-a slave} . [Hermione]_168-hermione would have been [[his]_2852-he slave]_{6662-his slave} — there was in [her]_168-hermione a horrible desire to prostrate [herself]_168-hermione before [a man]_{4648-a man} — a man who worshipped [her]_168-hermione , however , and admitted [her]_168-hermione as the supreme thing . [He]_2852-he did not want [an odalisk]_{2855-an odalisk} . [He]_2852-he wanted [a woman]_{897-a woman} to take something from [him]_2852-he , to give [herself]_{897-a woman} up so much that [she]_{897-a woman} could take the last realities of [him]_2852-he , the last facts , the last physical facts , physical and unbearable . And if [she]_{897-a woman} did , would [he]_2852-he acknowledge [her]_{897-a woman} ? Would [he]_2852-he be able to acknowledge [her]_{897-a woman} through everything , or would [he]_2852-he use [her]_{897-a woman} just as [his]_2852-he instrument , use [her]_{897-a woman} for [his]_2852-he own private satisfaction , not admitting [her]_{897-a woman} ? That was what [the other men]_{6670-the other men} had done . [They]_{6670-the other men} had wanted [their]_{6670-the other men} own show , and [they]_{6670-the other men} would not admit [her]_{897-a woman} , [they]_{6670-the other men} turned all [she]_{897-a woman} was into nothingness . Just as [Hermione]_168-hermione now betrayed [herself]_168-hermione as [a woman]_{897-a woman} . [Hermione]_168-hermione was like [a man]_{4648-a man} , [she]_168-hermione believed only in [men]_848-men ’s things . [She]_168-hermione betrayed [the woman]_{873-the woman} in [herself]_168-hermione . And [Birkin]_169-birkin , would [he]_2856-he acknowledge , or would [he]_2856-he deny [her]_168-hermione ? “_[2852-he] Yes , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione , as [each woman]_{6675-each woman} came out of [her]_168-hermione own separate reverie . “_[2852-he] It would be a mistake — [I]_0-i think it would be a mistake — ” “_[0-i] To marry [him]_2856-he ? ” asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Yes , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione slowly—“I_[2852-he] think [you]_0-i need [a man]_{4648-a man} — soldierly , strong - willed — ” [Hermione]_168-hermione held out [her]_168-hermione hand and clenched it with rhapsodic intensity . “_{[4648-a man]} [You]_0-i should have [a man like [the old heroes]_{2859-the old heroes}]_{2858-a man like the old heroes} — [you]_0-i need to stand behind [him]_2856-he as [he]_2856-he goes into battle , [you]_0-i need to see [his]_2856-he strength , and to hear [his]_2856-he shout—. [You]_0-i need [a man]_{4648-a man} physically strong , and virile in [his]_2856-he will , not [a sensitive man—.]_{2861-a sensitive man—.} ” There was a break , as if [the pythoness]_{6676-the pythoness} had uttered the oracle , and now [the woman]_{873-the woman} went on , in a rhapsody - wearied voice : “_{[2861-a sensitive man—.]} And [you]_0-i see , [Rupert]_169-birkin is n’t this , [he]_2856-he is n’t . [He]_2856-he is frail in health and body , [he]_2856-he needs great , great care . Then [he]_2856-he is so changeable and unsure of [himself]_2856-he — it requires the greatest patience and understanding to help [him]_2856-he . And [I]_0-i do n’t think [you]_0-i are patient . [You]_0-i would have to be prepared to suffer — dreadfully . [I]_0-i ca n’t tell [you]_0-i how much suffering it would take to make [him]_2856-he happy . [He]_2856-he lives an intensely spiritual life , at times — too , too wonderful . And then come the reactions . [I]_0-i ca n’t speak of what [I]_0-i have been through with [him]_2856-he . [We]_2862-we have been together so long , [I]_0-i really do know [him]_2856-he , [I]_0-i do know what [he]_2856-he is . And [I]_0-i feel [I]_0-i must say it ; [I]_0-i feel it would be perfectly disastrous for [you]_0-i to marry [him]_2856-he — for [you]_0-i even more than for [him]_2856-he . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione lapsed into bitter reverie . “_[2856-he] [He]_2856-he is so uncertain , so unstable — [he]_2856-he wearies , and then reacts . [I]_0-i could n’t tell [you]_0-i what [his]_2856-he reactions are . [I]_0-i could n’t tell [you]_0-i the agony of them . That which [he]_2856-he affirms and loves one day — a little latter [he]_2856-he turns on it in a fury of destruction . [He]_2856-he is never constant , always this awful , dreadful reaction . Always the quick change from good to bad , bad to good . And nothing is so devastating , nothing — ” “_[4646-one] Yes , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald humbly , “_[4646-one] [you]_0-i must have suffered . ” An unearthly light came on [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s face . [She]_168-hermione clenched [her]_168-hermione hand like one inspired . “_[0-i] And [one]_4646-one must be willing to suffer — willing to suffer for [him]_2856-he hourly , daily — if [you]_0-i are going to help [him]_2856-he , if [he]_2856-he is to keep true to anything at all — ” “_[0-i] And [I]_0-i do n’t want to suffer hourly and daily , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t , [I]_0-i should be ashamed . [I]_0-i think it is degrading not to be happy . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione stopped and looked at [her]_168-hermione a long time . “_[0-i] Do [you]_0-i ? ” [she]_168-hermione said at last . And this utterance seemed to [her]_168-hermione a mark of [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s far distance from [herself]_255-gerald . For to [Hermione]_168-hermione suffering was the greatest reality , come what might . Yet [she]_168-hermione too had a creed of happiness . “_[0-i] Yes , ” [she]_168-hermione said . “_[0-i] [One]_4646-one should be happy — ” But it was a matter of will . “_[4646-one] Yes , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione , listlessly now , “_[4646-one] [I]_0-i can only feel that it would be disastrous , disastrous — at least , to marry in a hurry . Ca n’t [you]_2865-you be together without marriage ? Ca n’t [you]_2865-you go away and live somewhere without marriage ? [I]_0-i do feel that marriage would be fatal , for [both of [you]_2865-you]_{2866-both of you} . [I]_0-i think for [you]_2865-you even more than for [him]_2867-him — and [I]_0-i think of [his]_2867-him health — ” “_[0-i] Of course , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t care about marriage — it is n’t really important to [me]_0-i — it ’s [he]_2867-him who wants it . ” “_[2867-him] It is [his]_2867-him idea for the moment , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione , with that weary finality , and a sort of si jeunesse savait infallibility . There was a pause . Then [Ursula]_255-gerald broke into faltering challenge . “_[2867-him] [You]_0-i think [I]_0-i ’m merely [a physical woman]_{2868-a physical woman} , do n’t [you]_0-i ? ” “_[0-i] No indeed , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione . “_[0-i] No , indeed ! But [I]_0-i think [you]_2865-you are vital and young — it is n’t a question of years , or even of experience — it is almost a question of race . [Rupert]_169-birkin is race - old , [he]_2867-him comes of an old race — and [you]_2865-you seem to [me]_0-i so young , [you]_2865-you come of [a young , inexperienced race]_{2869-a young , inexperienced race} . ” “_[0-i] Do [I]_0-i ! ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] But [I]_0-i think [he]_2867-him is awfully young , on one side . ” “_[2867-him] Yes , perhaps childish in many respects . Nevertheless — ” [They]_6678-they both lapsed into silence . [Ursula]_255-gerald was filled with deep resentment and a touch of hopelessness . “_[2867-him] It is n’t true , ” [she]_2865-you said to [herself]_2865-you , silently addressing [[her]_2865-you adversary]_{6679-her adversary} . “_[2867-him] It is n’t true . And it is [you]_2865-you who want [a physically strong , bullying man]_{2870-a physically strong , bullying man} , not [I.]_0-i It is [you]_2865-you who want [an unsensitive man]_{2871-an unsensitive man} , not [I.]_0-i [You]_2865-you do n’t know anything about [Rupert]_169-birkin , not really , in spite of the years [you]_2865-you have had with [him]_2867-him . [You]_2865-you do n’t give [him]_2867-him [a woman]_{897-a woman} ’s love , [you]_2865-you give [him]_2867-him an ideal love , and that is why [he]_2867-him reacts away from [you]_2865-you . [You]_2865-you do n’t know . [You]_2865-you only know the dead things . [Any kitchen maid]_{2873-any kitchen maid} would know something about [him]_2867-him , [you]_2865-you do n’t know . What do [you]_2865-you think [your]_2865-you knowledge is but dead understanding , that does n’t mean a thing . [You]_2865-you are so false , and untrue , how could [you]_2865-you know anything ? What is the good of [your]_2865-you talking about love — [you]_2865-you untrue spectre of [a woman]_{897-a woman} ! How can [you]_2865-you know anything , when [you]_2865-you do n’t believe ? [You]_2865-you do n’t believe in [yourself]_2865-you and [your]_2865-you own womanhood , so what good is [your]_2865-you conceited , shallow cleverness — ! ” [The two women]_{882-the two women} sat on in antagonistic silence . [Hermione]_168-hermione felt injured , that all [her]_168-hermione good intention , all [her]_168-hermione offering , only left [the other woman]_{885-the other woman} in vulgar antagonism . But then , [Ursula]_255-gerald could not understand , never would understand , could never be more than [the usual jealous and unreasonable female]_{6682-the usual jealous and unreasonable female} , with a good deal of powerful female emotion , female attraction , and a fair amount of female understanding , but no mind . [Hermione]_168-hermione had decided long ago that where there was no mind , it was useless to appeal for reason — [one]_4646-one had merely to ignore [the ignorant]_{6684-the ignorant} . And [Rupert]_169-birkin — [he]_6685-he had now reacted towards [the strongly female , healthy , selfish woman]_{6686-the strongly female , healthy , selfish woman} — it was [his]_6685-he reaction for the time being — there was no helping it all . It was all a foolish backward and forward , a violent oscillation that would at length be too violent for [his]_6685-he coherency , and [he]_6685-he would smash and be dead . There was no saving [him]_6685-he . This violent and directionless reaction between animalism and spiritual truth would go on in [him]_6685-he till [he]_6685-he tore [himself]_6685-he in two between the opposite directions , and disappeared meaninglessly out of life . It was no good — [he]_6685-he too was without unity , without mind , in the ultimate stages of living ; not quite man enough to make a destiny for [a woman]_{897-a woman} . [They]_6688-they sat on till [Birkin]_169-birkin came in and found [them]_6688-they together . [He]_6685-he felt at once the antagonism in the atmosphere , something radical and insuperable , and [he]_6685-he bit [his]_6685-he lip . But [he]_6685-he affected a bluff manner . “_[2865-you] Hello , [Hermione]_168-hermione , are [you]_168-hermione back again ? How do [you]_168-hermione feel ? ” “_{[168-hermione]} Oh , better . And how are [you]_168-hermione — [you]_168-hermione do n’t look well — ” “_{[168-hermione]} Oh!—I believe [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Winnie Crich]_297-winifred are coming in to tea . At least [they]_2875-they said [they]_2875-they were . [We]_2876-we shall be a tea - party . What train did [you]_168-hermione come by , [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ” It was rather annoying to see [him]_6685-he trying to placate [both women]_{4824-both women} at once . [Both women]_{4824-both women} watched [him]_6685-he , [Hermione]_168-hermione with deep resentment and pity for [him]_6685-he , [Ursula]_255-gerald very impatient . [He]_6685-he was nervous and apparently in quite good spirits , chattering the conventional commonplaces . [Ursula]_255-gerald was amazed and indignant at the way [he]_6685-he made small - talk ; [he]_6685-he was adept as [any fat in [Christendom]_{92-christendom}]_{6691-any fat in christendom} . [She]_168-hermione became quite stiff , [she]_168-hermione would not answer . It all seemed to [her]_168-hermione so false and so belittling . And still [Gudrun]_160-gudrun did not appear . “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i think [I]_0-i shall go to [Florence]_93-florence for the winter , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione at length . “_[0-i] Will [you]_0-i ? ” [he]_6685-he answered . “_[0-i] But it is so cold there . ” “_[0-i] Yes , but [I]_0-i shall stay with [Palestra]_246-palestra . It is quite comfortable . ” “_[0-i] What takes [you]_0-i to [Florence]_93-florence ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione slowly . Then [she]_168-hermione looked at [him]_6685-he with [her]_168-hermione slow , heavy gaze . “_[0-i] [Barnes]_349-barnes is starting [his]_349-barnes school of æsthetics , and [Olandese]_350-olandese is going to give a set of discourses on the Italian national policy — ” “_{[350-olandese]} Both rubbish , ” [he]_6685-he said . “_{[350-olandese]} No , [I]_0-i do n’t think so , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione . “_[0-i] Which do [you]_0-i admire , then ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i admire both . [Barnes]_349-barnes is [a pioneer]_{2877-a pioneer} . And then [I]_0-i am interested in [Italy]_95-italy , in [her]_95-italy coming to national consciousness . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i wish [she]_95-italy ’d come to something different from national consciousness , then , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin ; “_[95-italy] especially as it only means a sort of commercial - industrial consciousness . [I]_0-i hate [Italy]_95-italy and [her]_95-italy national rant . And [I]_0-i think [Barnes]_349-barnes is [an amateur]_{2787-an amateur} . ” [Hermione]_168-hermione was silent for some moments , in a state of hostility . But yet , [she]_168-hermione had got [Birkin]_169-birkin back again into [[her]_168-hermione world]_{2418-her world} ! How subtle [her]_168-hermione influence was , [she]_168-hermione seemed to start [his]_2879-you irritable attention into [her]_168-hermione direction exclusively , in one minute . [He]_2879-you was [[her]_168-hermione creature]_{6693-her creature} . “_[349-barnes] No , ” [she]_168-hermione said , “_[2879-you] [you]_2879-you are wrong . ” Then a sort of tension came over [her]_168-hermione , [she]_168-hermione raised [her]_168-hermione face like the pythoness inspired with oracles , and went on , in rhapsodic manner : “_[2879-you] Il Sandro mi scrive che ha accolto il più grande entusiasmo , tutti [i]_0-i [giovani]_2880-giovani , e fanciulle e ragazzi , sono tutti — ” [She]_168-hermione went on in Italian , as if , in thinking of the Italians [she]_168-hermione thought in [their]_2881-their language . [He]_0-i listened with a shade of distaste to [her]_168-hermione rhapsody , then [he]_0-i said : “_[0-i] For all that , [I]_0-i do n’t like it . [Their]_2881-their nationalism is just industrialism — that and a shallow jealousy [I]_0-i detest so much . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think [you]_2879-you are wrong — [I]_0-i think [you]_2879-you are wrong — ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione . “_[2879-you] It seems to [me]_0-i purely spontaneous and beautiful , the modern Italian ’s passion , for it is a passion , for [Italy]_95-italy , l’Italia — ” “_[2879-you] Do [you]_2879-you know [Italy]_95-italy well ? ” [Ursula]_255-gerald asked of [Hermione]_168-hermione . [Hermione]_168-hermione hated to be broken in upon in this manner . Yet [she]_168-hermione answered mildly : “_[2879-you] Yes , pretty well . [I]_0-i spent several years of [my]_0-i girlhood [there]_629-there , with [[my]_0-i mother]_{2883-my mother} . [[My]_0-i mother]_{2883-my mother} died in [Florence]_93-florence . ” “_{[2883-my mother]} Oh . ” There was a pause , painful to [Ursula]_255-gerald and to [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Hermione]_168-hermione however seemed abstracted and calm . [Birkin]_169-birkin was white , [his]_2879-you eyes glowed as if [he]_2879-you were in a fever , [he]_2879-you was far too over - wrought . How [Ursula]_255-gerald suffered in this tense atmosphere of strained wills ! [Her]_168-hermione head seemed bound round by iron bands . [Birkin]_169-birkin rang the bell for tea . [They]_6694-they could not wait for [Gudrun]_160-gudrun any longer . When the door was opened , the cat walked in . “_[351-micio] [Micio]_351-micio ! [Micio]_351-micio ! ” called [Hermione]_168-hermione , in [her]_168-hermione slow , deliberate sing - song . [The young cat]_{1750-the young cat} turned to look at [her]_168-hermione , then , with [his]_{1750-the young cat} slow and stately walk [he]_{1750-the young cat} advanced to [her]_168-hermione side . “_[352-vieni] [Vieni]_352-vieni — vieni quá , ” [Hermione]_168-hermione was saying , in [her]_168-hermione strange caressive , protective voice , as if [she]_168-hermione were always [the elder]_{1414-the elder} , [the mother superior]_{6697-the mother superior} . “_[352-vieni] Vieni dire Buon ’ Giorno alla zia . [Mi ricordi]_{2885-mi ricordi} , [mi ricordi bene]_{2886-mi ricordi bene} — non è vero , piccolo ? È vero che mi ricordi ? È vero ? ” And slowly [she]_168-hermione rubbed [his]_2887-his head , slowly and with ironic indifference . “_[2887-his] Does [he]_2887-his understand Italian ? ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald , who knew nothing of the language . “_[2887-his] Yes , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione at length . “_[2887-his] [[His]_2887-his mother]_{4685-his mother} was Italian . [She]_{4685-his mother} was born in [my]_0-i waste - paper basket in [Florence]_93-florence , on the morning of [Rupert]_169-birkin ’s birthday . [She]_2889-she was [his]_2887-his birthday present . ” Tea was brought in . [Birkin]_169-birkin poured out for [them]_6698-they . It was strange how inviolable was the intimacy which existed between [him]_2887-his and [Hermione]_168-hermione . [Ursula]_255-gerald felt that [she]_168-hermione was [an outsider]_{4935-an outsider} . The very tea - cups and the old silver was a bond between [Hermione]_168-hermione and [Birkin]_169-birkin . It seemed to belong to [an old , past world which [they]_6698-they had inhabited together]_{6700-an old , past world which they had inhabited together} , and in which [Ursula]_255-gerald was [a foreigner]_{6701-a foreigner} . [She]_168-hermione was almost a parvenue in [[their]_6698-they old cultured milieu]_{6702-their old cultured milieu} . [Her]_168-hermione convention was not [their]_6698-they convention , [their]_6698-they standards were not [her]_168-hermione standards . But theirs were established , [they]_6698-they had the sanction and the grace of age . [He]_2887-his and [she]_168-hermione together , [Hermione]_168-hermione and [Birkin]_169-birkin , were [people of the same old tradition , the same withered deadening culture]_{6703-people of the same old tradition , the same withered deadening culture} . And [she]_168-hermione , [Ursula]_255-gerald , was [an intruder]_{6704-an intruder} . So [they]_6698-they always made [her]_168-hermione feel . [Hermione]_168-hermione poured a little cream into a saucer . The simple way [she]_168-hermione assumed [her]_168-hermione rights in [[Birkin]_169-birkin ’s room]_{6705-birkin ’s room} maddened and discouraged [Ursula]_255-gerald . There was a fatality about it , as if it were bound to be . [Hermione]_168-hermione lifted the cat and put the cream before [him]_2887-his . [He]_2887-his planted [his]_2887-his two paws on the edge of the table and bent [his]_2887-his gracious young head to drink . “_[2889-she] Sicuro che capisce italiano , ” sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , “_[2889-she] non l’avrà dimenticato , la lingua della Mamma . ” [She]_168-hermione lifted the cat ’s head with [her]_168-hermione long , slow , white fingers , not letting [him]_2887-his drink , holding [him]_2887-his in [her]_168-hermione power . It was always the same , this joy in power [she]_168-hermione manifested , peculiarly in power over [any male being]_{6706-any male being} . [He]_2887-his blinked forbearingly , with a male , bored expression , licking [his]_2887-his whiskers . [Hermione]_168-hermione laughed in [her]_168-hermione short , grunting fashion . “_[2889-she] Ecco , [il bravo ragazzo]_{2890-il bravo ragazzo} , [com ’ è superbo]_{2891-com ’ è superbo} , questo ! ” [She]_168-hermione made a vivid picture , so calm and strange with the cat . [She]_168-hermione had a true static impressiveness , [she]_168-hermione was [a social artist]_{6707-a social artist} in some ways . [The cat]_{6406-the cat} refused to look at [her]_168-hermione , indifferently avoided [her]_168-hermione fingers , and began to drink again , [his]_{6406-the cat} nose down to the cream , perfectly balanced , as [he]_{6406-the cat} lapped with [his]_{6406-the cat} odd little click . “_{[2891-com ’ è superbo]} It ’s bad for [him]_2892-him , teaching [him]_2892-him to eat at table , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_{[2891-com ’ è superbo]} Yes , ” said [Hermione]_168-hermione , easily assenting . Then , looking down at the cat , [she]_168-hermione resumed [her]_168-hermione old , mocking , humorous sing - song . “_{[2891-com ’ è superbo]} Ti imparano fare brutte cose , brutte cose — ” [She]_168-hermione lifted the [Mino]_{265-the mino} ’s white chin on [her]_168-hermione forefinger , slowly . [The young cat]_{1750-the young cat} looked round with a supremely forbearing air , avoided seeing anything , withdrew [his]_{6406-the cat} chin , and began to wash [his]_{6406-the cat} face with [his]_{6406-the cat} paw . [Hermione]_168-hermione grunted [her]_168-hermione laughter , pleased . “_{[2891-com ’ è superbo]} Bel giovanotto — ” [she]_168-hermione said . The cat reached forward again and put [his]_{6406-the cat} fine white paw on the edge of the saucer . [Hermione]_168-hermione lifted it down with delicate slowness . This deliberate , delicate carefulness of movement reminded [Ursula]_255-gerald of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_{[2891-com ’ è superbo]} No ! Non è permesso di mettere il zampino nel tondinetto . Non piace al babbo . Un signor gatto così selvatico — ! ” And [she]_168-hermione kept [her]_168-hermione finger on the softly planted paw of the cat , and [her]_168-hermione voice had the same whimsical , humorous note of bullying . [Ursula]_255-gerald had [her]_168-hermione nose out of joint . [She]_168-hermione wanted to go away now . It all seemed no good . [Hermione]_168-hermione was established for ever , [she]_168-hermione [herself]_168-hermione was ephemeral and had not yet even arrived . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i will go now , ” [she]_168-hermione said suddenly . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked at [her]_168-hermione almost in fear — [he]_0-i so dreaded [her]_168-hermione anger . “_[0-i] But there is no need for such hurry , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] Yes , ” [she]_168-hermione answered . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i will go . ” And turning to [Hermione]_168-hermione , before there was time to say any more , [she]_168-hermione held out [her]_168-hermione hand and said “_[0-i] Good - bye . ” “_[0-i] Good - bye — ” sang [Hermione]_168-hermione , detaining the hand . “_[0-i] Must [you]_0-i really go now ? ” “_[0-i] Yes , [I]_0-i think [I]_0-i ’ll go , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald , [her]_168-hermione face set , and averted from [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s eyes . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i think [you]_0-i will — ” But [Ursula]_255-gerald had got [her]_168-hermione hand free . [She]_168-hermione turned to [Birkin]_169-birkin with a quick , almost jeering : “_[0-i] Good - bye , ” and [she]_168-hermione was opening the door before [he]_0-i had time to do it for [her]_168-hermione . When [she]_168-hermione got outside [the house]_{468-the house} [she]_168-hermione ran down [the road]_{502-the road} in fury and agitation . It was strange , the unreasoning rage and violence [Hermione]_168-hermione roused in [her]_168-hermione , by [her]_168-hermione very presence . [Ursula]_255-gerald knew [she]_168-hermione gave [herself]_255-gerald away to [the other woman]_{885-the other woman} , [she]_168-hermione knew [she]_168-hermione looked ill - bred , uncouth , exaggerated . But [she]_168-hermione did not care . [She]_168-hermione only ran up [the road]_{502-the road} , lest [she]_168-hermione should go back and jeer in the faces of [the two [she]_168-hermione had left behind]_{6714-the two she had left behind} . For [they]_{6714-the two she had left behind} outraged [her]_168-hermione . Next day [Birkin]_169-birkin sought [Ursula]_255-gerald out . It happened to be the half - day at [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school} . [He]_6716-he appeared towards the end of the morning , and asked [her]_168-hermione , would [she]_168-hermione drive with [him]_6716-he in the afternoon . [She]_168-hermione consented . But [her]_168-hermione face was closed and unresponding , and [his]_6716-he heart sank . The afternoon was fine and dim . [He]_6716-he was driving [the motor - car]_{5108-the motor - car} , and [she]_168-hermione sat beside [him]_6716-he . But still [her]_168-hermione face was closed against [him]_6716-he , unresponding . When [she]_168-hermione became like this , like a wall against [him]_6716-he , [his]_6716-he heart contracted . [His]_6716-he life now seemed so reduced , that [he]_6716-he hardly cared any more . At moments it seemed to [him]_6716-he [he]_6716-he did not care a straw whether [Ursula]_255-gerald or [Hermione]_168-hermione or [anybody else]_{1074-anybody else} existed or did not exist . Why bother ! Why strive for a coherent , satisfied life ? Why not drift on in a series of accidents — like a picaresque novel ? Why not ? Why bother about human relationships ? Why take [them]_6719-them seriously - male or female ? Why form any serious connections at all ? Why not be casual , drifting along , taking all for what it was worth ? And yet , still , [he]_6716-he was damned and doomed to the old effort at serious living . “_[0-i] Look , ” [he]_6716-he said , “_[0-i] what [I]_0-i bought . ” [The car]_{4987-the car} was running along [a broad white road]_{6721-a broad white road} , between autumn trees . [He]_6716-he gave [her]_168-hermione a little bit of screwed - up paper . [She]_168-hermione took it and opened it . “_[0-i] How lovely , ” [she]_168-hermione cried . [She]_168-hermione examined the gift . “_[0-i] How perfectly lovely ! ” [she]_168-hermione cried again . “_[0-i] But why do [you]_0-i give them [me]_0-i ? ” [She]_168-hermione put the question offensively . [His]_6716-he face flickered with bored irritation . [He]_6716-he shrugged [his]_6716-he shoulders slightly . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i wanted to , ” [he]_6716-he said , coolly . “_[0-i] But why ? Why should [you]_0-i ? ” “_[0-i] Am [I]_0-i called on to find reasons ? ” [he]_6716-he asked . There was a silence , whilst [she]_168-hermione examined the rings that had been screwed up in the paper . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think they are beautiful , ” [she]_168-hermione said , “_[0-i] especially this . This is wonderful — ” It was a round opal , red and fiery , set in a circle of tiny rubies . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i like that best ? ” [he]_6716-he said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think [I]_0-i do . ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i like the sapphire , ” [he]_6716-he said . “_[0-i] This ? ” It was a rose - shaped , beautiful sapphire , with small brilliants . “_[0-i] Yes , ” [she]_168-hermione said , “_[0-i] it is lovely . ” [She]_168-hermione held it in the light . “_[0-i] Yes , perhaps it is the best — ” “_[0-i] The blue — ” [he]_6716-he said . “_[0-i] Yes , wonderful — ” [He]_6716-he suddenly swung [the car]_{4987-the car} out of the way of [a farm - cart]_{6723-a farm - cart} . [It]_{4987-the car} tilted on the bank . [He]_6716-he was [a careless driver]_{6724-a careless driver} , yet very quick . But [Ursula]_255-gerald was frightened . There was always that something regardless in [him]_6716-he which terrified [her]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione suddenly felt [he]_6716-he might kill [her]_168-hermione , by making some dreadful accident with [the motor - car]_{5108-the motor - car} . For a moment [she]_168-hermione was stony with fear . “_[0-i] Is n’t it rather dangerous , the way [you]_0-i drive ? ” [she]_168-hermione asked [him]_6716-he . “_[0-i] No , it is n’t dangerous , ” [he]_6716-he said . And then , after a pause : “_[0-i] Do n’t [you]_0-i like the yellow ring at all ? ” It was a squarish topaz set in a frame of steel , or some other similar mineral , finely wrought . “_[0-i] Yes , ” [she]_168-hermione said , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do like it . But why did [you]_0-i buy these rings ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i wanted them . They are second - hand . ” “_[0-i] [You]_0-i bought them for [yourself]_0-i ? ” “_[0-i] No . Rings look wrong on [my]_0-i hands . ” “_[0-i] Why did [you]_0-i buy them then ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i bought them to give to [you]_0-i . ” “_[0-i] But why ? Surely [you]_0-i ought to give them to [Hermione]_168-hermione ! [You]_0-i belong to [her]_168-hermione . ” [He]_6716-he did not answer . [She]_168-hermione remained with the jewels shut in [her]_168-hermione hand . [She]_168-hermione wanted to try them on [her]_168-hermione fingers , but something in [her]_168-hermione would not let [her]_168-hermione . And moreover , [she]_168-hermione was afraid [her]_168-hermione hands were too large , [she]_168-hermione shrank from the mortification of a failure to put them on any but [her]_168-hermione little finger . [They]_2893-we travelled in silence through [the empty lanes]_{6726-the empty lanes} . Driving in [a motor - car]_{977-a motor - car} excited [her]_168-hermione , [she]_168-hermione forgot [his]_6716-he presence even . “_[0-i] Where are [we]_2893-we ? ” [she]_168-hermione asked suddenly . “_[0-i] Not far from [Worksop]_96-worksop . ” “_[0-i] And where are [we]_2893-we going ? ” “_[0-i] Anywhere . ” It was the answer [she]_168-hermione liked . [She]_168-hermione opened [her]_168-hermione hand to look at the rings . They gave [her]_168-hermione such pleasure , as they lay , the three circles , with their knotted jewels , entangled in [her]_168-hermione palm . [She]_168-hermione would have to try them on . [She]_168-hermione did so secretly , unwilling to let [him]_6716-he see , so that [he]_6716-he should not know [her]_168-hermione finger was too large for them . But [he]_6716-he saw nevertheless . [He]_6716-he always saw , if [she]_168-hermione wanted [him]_6716-he not to . It was another of [his]_6716-he hateful , watchful characteristics . Only the opal , with its thin wire loop , would go on [her]_168-hermione ring finger . And [she]_168-hermione was superstitious . No , there was ill - portent enough , [she]_168-hermione would not accept this ring from [him]_6716-he in pledge . “_[0-i] Look , ” [she]_168-hermione said , putting forward [her]_168-hermione hand , that was half - closed and shrinking . “_[0-i] The others do n’t fit [me]_0-i . ” [He]_6716-he looked at the red - glinting , soft stone , on [her]_168-hermione over - sensitive skin . “_[0-i] Yes , ” [he]_6716-he said . “_[0-i] But opals are unlucky , are n’t [they]_2894-they ? ” [she]_168-hermione said wistfully . “_[2894-they] No . [I]_0-i prefer unlucky things . Luck is vulgar . Who wants what luck would bring ? [I]_0-i do n’t . ” “_[0-i] But why ? ” [she]_168-hermione laughed . And , consumed with a desire to see how the other rings would look on [her]_168-hermione hand , [she]_168-hermione put them on [her]_168-hermione little finger . “_[0-i] They can be made a little bigger , ” [he]_6716-he said . “_[0-i] Yes , ” [she]_168-hermione replied , doubtfully . And [she]_168-hermione sighed . [She]_168-hermione knew that , in accepting the rings , [she]_168-hermione was accepting a pledge . Yet fate seemed more than [herself]_168-hermione . [She]_168-hermione looked again at the jewels . They were very beautiful to [her]_168-hermione eyes — not as ornament , or wealth , but as tiny fragments of loveliness . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m glad [you]_0-i bought them , ” [she]_168-hermione said , putting [her]_168-hermione hand , half unwillingly , gently on [his]_6716-he arm . [He]_6716-he smiled , slightly . [He]_6716-he wanted [her]_168-hermione to come to [him]_6716-he . But [he]_6716-he was angry at the bottom of [his]_6716-he soul , and indifferent . [He]_6716-he knew [she]_168-hermione had a passion for [him]_6716-he , really . But it was not finally interesting . There were depths of passion when one became impersonal and indifferent , unemotional . Whereas [Ursula]_255-gerald was still at the emotional personal level — always so abominably personal . [He]_6716-he had taken [her]_168-hermione as [he]_6716-he had never been taken [himself]_6716-he . [He]_6716-he had taken [her]_168-hermione at the roots of [her]_168-hermione darkness and shame — like a demon , laughing over the fountain of mystic corruption which was one of the sources of [her]_168-hermione being , laughing , shrugging , accepting , accepting finally . As for [her]_168-hermione , when would [she]_168-hermione so much go beyond [herself]_168-hermione as to accept [him]_6716-he at the quick of death ? [She]_168-hermione now became quite happy . [The motor - car]_{5108-the motor - car} ran on , the afternoon was soft and dim . [She]_168-hermione talked with lively interest , analysing [people]_579-people and [their]_579-people motives — [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_6716-he answered vaguely . [He]_6716-he was not very much interested any more in personalities and in [people]_579-people — [people]_579-people were all different , but [they]_579-people were all enclosed nowadays in a definite limitation , [he]_6716-he said ; there were only about two great ideas , two great streams of activity remaining , with various forms of reaction therefrom . The reactions were all varied in [various people]_{6732-various people} , but [they]_579-people followed a few great laws , and intrinsically there was no difference . [They]_579-people acted and reacted involuntarily according to a few great laws , and once the laws , the great principles , were known , [people]_579-people were no longer mystically interesting . [They]_579-people were all essentially alike , the differences were only variations on a theme . None of [them]_579-people transcended the given terms . [Ursula]_255-gerald did not agree — [people]_579-people were still an adventure to [her]_168-hermione — but — perhaps not as much as [she]_168-hermione tried to persuade [herself]_168-hermione . Perhaps there was something mechanical , now , in [her]_168-hermione interest . Perhaps also [her]_168-hermione interest was destructive , [her]_168-hermione analysing was a real tearing to pieces . There was an under - space in [her]_168-hermione where [she]_168-hermione did not care for [people]_579-people and [their]_579-people idiosyncracies , even to destroy [them]_579-people . [She]_168-hermione seemed to touch for a moment this undersilence in [herself]_168-hermione , [she]_168-hermione became still , and [she]_168-hermione turned for a moment purely to [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Wo n’t it be lovely to go [home]_4649-home in the dark ? ” [she]_168-hermione said . “_[2896-we] [We]_2896-we might have tea rather late — shall [we?—and]_{2897-we?—and} have high tea ? Would n’t that be rather nice ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i promised to be at [Shortlands]_7-shortlands for dinner , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] But — it does n’t matter — [you]_0-i can go tomorrow — ” “_[0-i] [Hermione]_168-hermione is there , ” [he]_0-i said , in rather an uneasy voice . “_{[168-hermione]} [She]_168-hermione is going away in two days . [I]_0-i suppose [I]_0-i ought to say good - bye to [her]_168-hermione . [I]_0-i shall never see [her]_168-hermione again . ” [Ursula]_255-gerald drew away , closed in a violent silence . [He]_0-i knitted [his]_0-i brows , and [his]_0-i eyes began to sparkle again in anger . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i do n’t mind , do [you]_0-i ? ” [he]_0-i asked irritably . “_[0-i] No , [I]_0-i do n’t care . Why should [I]_0-i ? Why should [I]_0-i mind ? ” [Her]_168-hermione tone was jeering and offensive . “_[0-i] That ’s what [I]_0-i ask [myself]_0-i , ” [he]_0-i said ; “_[0-i] why should [you]_0-i mind ! But [you]_0-i seem to . ” [His]_0-i brows were tense with violent irritation . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i assure [you]_0-i [I]_0-i do n’t , [I]_0-i do n’t mind in the least . Go where [you]_0-i belong — it ’s what [I]_0-i want [you]_0-i to do . ” “_[0-i] Ah [[you]_0-i fool]_{5322-you fool} ! ” [he]_0-i cried , “_[0-i] with [your]_0-i ‘ go where [you]_0-i belong . ’ It ’s finished between [Hermione]_168-hermione and [me]_0-i . [She]_168-hermione means much more to [you]_0-i , if it comes to that , than [she]_168-hermione does to [me]_0-i . For [you]_0-i can only revolt in pure reaction from [her]_168-hermione — and to be [her]_168-hermione opposite is to be [[her]_168-hermione counterpart]_{2899-her counterpart} . ” “_{[2899-her counterpart]} Ah , opposite ! ” cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[2899-her counterpart]} [I]_0-i know [[your]_0-i dodges]_{2900-your dodges} . [I]_0-i am not taken in by [your]_0-i word - twisting . [You]_0-i belong to [Hermione]_168-hermione and [her]_168-hermione dead show . Well , if [you]_0-i do , [you]_0-i do . [I]_0-i do n’t blame [you]_0-i . But then [you]_0-i ’ve nothing to do with [me]_0-i . In [his]_0-i inflamed , overwrought exasperation , [he]_0-i stopped [the car]_{4987-the car} , and [they]_2902-they sat there , in the middle of [the country lane]_{2903-the country lane} , to have it out . It was a crisis of war between [them]_2902-they , so [they]_2902-they did not see the ridiculousness of [their]_2902-they situation . “ If [you]_0-i were n’t [a fool]_{4749-a fool} , if only [you]_0-i were n’t [a fool]_{4749-a fool} , ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i cried in bitter despair , “ [you]_0-i ’d see that [one]_4646-one could be decent , even when [one]_4646-one has been wrong . [I]_0-i was wrong to go on all those years with [Hermione]_168-hermione — it was a deathly process . But after all , [one]_4646-one can have a little human decency . But no , [you]_0-i would tear [my]_0-i soul out with [your]_0-i jealousy at the very mention of [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s name . ”_[0-i] “ [I]_0-i jealous ! [I]_0-i — jealous ! [You]_0-i are mistaken if [you]_0-i think that . [I]_0-i ’m not jealous in the least of [Hermione]_168-hermione , [she]_168-hermione is nothing to [me]_0-i , not that ! ”_[0-i] And [Ursula]_255-gerald snapped [her]_2904-i fingers . “ No , it ’s [you]_0-i who are [a liar]_{6741-a liar} . It ’s [you]_0-i who must return , like a dog to [his]_6742-his vomit . It is what [Hermione]_168-hermione stands for that [I]_255-gerald hate . [I]_255-gerald hate it . It is lies , it is false , it is death . But [you]_0-i want it , [you]_0-i ca n’t help it , [you]_0-i ca n’t help [yourself]_0-i . [You]_0-i belong to that old , deathly way of living — then go back to it . But do n’t come to [me]_255-gerald , for [I]_255-gerald ’ve nothing to do with it . ”_[255-gerald] And in the stress of [her]_2904-i violent emotion , [she]_2904-i got down from [the car]_{4987-the car} and went to the hedgerow , picking unconsciously some flesh - pink spindleberries , some of which were burst , showing their orange seeds . “ Ah , [you]_2904-i are [a fool]_{4749-a fool} , ”_[2904-i] [he]_2904-i cried , bitterly , with some contempt . “ Yes , [I]_2904-i am . [I]_2904-i am [a fool]_{4749-a fool} . And thank [God]_167-god for it . [I]_2904-i ’m too big [a fool]_{4749-a fool} to swallow [your]_0-i cleverness . [God]_167-god be praised . [You]_0-i go to [[your]_0-i women]_{6746-your women} — go to [them]_{6746-your women} — [they]_{6746-your women} are [[your]_0-i sort]_{6747-your sort} — [you’ve]_0-i always had a string of [them]_{6746-your women} trailing after [you]_0-i — and [you]_0-i always will . Go to [[your]_0-i spiritual brides]_{6748-your spiritual brides} — but do n’t come to [me]_2904-i as well , because [I]_2904-i ’m not having any , thank [you]_0-i . [You]_0-i ’re not satisfied , are [you]_0-i ? [[Your]_0-i spiritual brides]_{6748-your spiritual brides} ca n’t give [you]_0-i what [you]_0-i want , [they]_{6748-your spiritual brides} are n’t common and fleshy enough for [you]_0-i , are n’t [they]_{6748-your spiritual brides} ? So [you]_0-i come to [me]_2904-i , and keep [them]_{6748-your spiritual brides} in the background ! [You]_0-i will marry [me]_2904-i for daily use . But [you]_0-i ’ll keep [yourself]_0-i well provided with [spiritual brides]_{6750-spiritual brides} in the background . [I]_2904-i know [your]_0-i dirty little game . ”_[2904-i] Suddenly a flame ran over [her]_2906-she , and [she]_2906-she stamped [her]_2906-she foot madly on [the road]_{502-the road} , and [he]_2908-he winced , afraid that [she]_2906-she would strike [him]_2908-he . “ And [I]_2906-she , [I]_2906-she ’m not spiritual enough , [I]_2906-she ’m not as spiritual as that Hermione — ! ”_[2906-she] [Her]_2906-she brows knitted , [her]_2906-she eyes blazed like a tiger ’s . “ Then go to [her]_2906-she , that ’s all [I]_2906-she say , go to [her]_2906-she , go . Ha , [she]_2906-she spiritual — spiritual , [she]_2906-she ! [A dirty materialist]_{6751-a dirty materialist} as [she]_2906-she is . [She]_2906-she spiritual ? What does [she]_2906-she care for , what is [her]_2906-she spirituality ? What is it ? ”_[2906-she] [Her]_2906-she fury seemed to blaze out and burn [his]_2908-he face . [He]_2908-he shrank a little . “ [I]_2909-her tell [you]_2906-she it ’s dirt , dirt , and nothing but dirt . And it ’s dirt [you]_2906-she want , [you]_2906-she crave for it . Spiritual ! Is that spiritual , [her]_2906-she bullying , [her]_2906-she conceit , [her]_2906-she sordid materialism ? [She]_2906-she ’s [a fishwife]_{6752-a fishwife} , [a fishwife]_{6752-a fishwife} , [she]_2906-she is such [a materialist]_{6754-a materialist} . And all so sordid . What does [she]_2906-she work out to , in the end , with all [her]_2906-she social passion , as [you]_2906-she call it . Social passion — what social passion has she?—show it [me!—where]_{6755-me!—where} is it ? [She]_2906-she wants petty , immediate power , [she]_2906-she wants the illusion that [she]_2906-she is [a great woman]_{6756-a great woman} , that is all . In [her]_2906-she soul [she]_2906-she ’s [a devilish unbeliever]_{6757-a devilish unbeliever} , common as dirt . That ’s what [she]_2906-she is at the bottom . And all the rest is pretence — but [you]_2906-she love it . [You]_2906-she love the sham spirituality , it ’s [your]_2906-she food . And why ? Because of the dirt underneath . Do [you]_2906-she think [I]_2909-her do n’t know the foulness of [your]_2906-she sex life — and her’s?—I do . And it ’s that foulness [you]_2906-she want , [you]_2906-she liar . Then have it , have it . [You]_2906-she ’re such [a liar]_{6741-a liar} . ”_[2909-her] [She]_2909-her turned away , spasmodically tearing the twigs of spindleberry from the hedge , and fastening them , with vibrating fingers , in the bosom of [her]_2909-her coat . [He]_2910-you stood watching in silence . A wonderful tenderness burned in [him]_2910-you , at the sight of [her]_2909-her quivering , so sensitive fingers : and at the same time [he]_2910-you was full of rage and callousness . “ This is a degrading exhibition , ”_[2910-you] [he]_2910-you said coolly . “ Yes , degrading indeed , ”_[2909-her] [she]_2909-her said . “ But more to [me]_2909-her than to [you]_2910-you . ”_[2909-her] “ Since [you]_2909-her choose to degrade [yourself]_2909-her , ”_[2910-you] [he]_2910-you said . Again the flash came over [her]_2909-her face , the yellow lights concentrated in [her]_2909-her eyes . “ [You]_2910-you ! ”_[2909-her] [she]_2909-her cried . “ [You]_2910-you ! [You]_2910-you truth - lover ! [You]_2910-you purity - monger ! It stinks , [your]_2910-you truth and [your]_2910-you purity . It stinks of the offal [you]_2910-you feed on , [you]_2910-you scavenger dog , [you]_2910-you eater of corpses . [You]_2910-you are foul , foul — and [you]_2910-you must know it . [Your]_2910-you purity , [your]_2910-you candour , [your]_2910-you goodness — yes , thank [you]_2910-you , [we]_6759-we ’ve had some . What [you]_2910-you are is a foul , deathly thing , obscene , that ’s what [you]_2910-you are , obscene and perverse . [You]_2910-you , and love ! [You]_2910-you may well say , [you]_2910-you do n’t want love . No , [you]_2910-you want [yourself]_2910-you , and dirt , and death — that ’s what [you]_2910-you want . [You]_2910-you are so perverse , so death - eating . And then — ”_[2909-her] “ There ’s [a bicycle]_{6760-a bicycle} coming , ”_[2911-he] [he]_2911-he said , writhing under [her]_2912-she loud denunciation . [She]_2912-she glanced down [the road]_{502-the road} . “ [I]_2912-she do n’t care , ”_[2912-she] [she]_2912-she cried . Nevertheless [she]_2912-she was silent . [The cyclist , having heard the voices raised in altercation]_{2914-the cyclist , having heard the voices raised in altercation} , glanced curiously at [the man]_{4658-the man} , and [the woman]_{873-the woman} , and at [the standing motor - car]_{2917-the standing motor - car} as [he]_2911-he passed . “ — Afternoon , ”_[2911-he] [he]_2911-he said , cheerfully . “ Good - afternoon , ”_[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]_169-birkin coldly . [They]_2918-they were silent as [the man]_{4658-the man} passed into the distance . A clearer look had come over [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s face . [He]_2911-he knew [she]_2912-she was in the main right . [He]_2911-he knew [he]_2911-he was perverse , so spiritual on the one hand , and in some strange way , degraded , on the other . But was [she]_2912-she [herself]_2912-she any better ? Was [anybody]_744-anybody any better ? “ It may all be true , lies and stink and all , ”_[2911-he] [he]_2911-he said . “ But [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s spiritual intimacy is no rottener than [your]_6761-you emotional - jealous intimacy . [One]_4646-one can preserve the decencies , even to [one ’s enemies]_{6763-one ’s enemies} : for one ’s own sake . [Hermione]_168-hermione is [[my]_2911-he enemy]_{6764-my enemy} — to [her]_168-hermione last breath ! That ’s why [I]_2911-he must bow [her]_168-hermione off the field . ”_[2911-he] “ [You]_6761-you ! [You]_6761-you and [[your]_6761-you enemies]_{6765-your enemies} and [your]_6761-you bows ! A pretty picture [you]_6761-you make of [yourself]_6761-you . But it takes [nobody]_912-nobody in but [yourself]_6761-you . [I]_2921-i jealous ! [I]_2921-i ! What [I]_2921-i say , ”_[2921-i] [her]_2921-i voice sprang into flame , “ [I]_2921-i say because it is true , do [you]_2922-he see , because [you]_6761-you are [you]_6761-you , [a foul and false liar]_{6767-a foul and false liar} , [a whited sepulchre]_{6768-a whited sepulchre} . That ’s why [I]_2921-i say it . And [you]_2922-he hear it . ”_[2921-i] “ And be grateful , ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he added , with a satirical grimace . “ Yes , ”_[2921-i] [she]_2921-i cried , “ and if [you]_2922-he have a spark of decency in [you]_2922-he , be grateful . ”_[2921-i] “ Not having a spark of decency , however — ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he retorted . “ No , ”_[2921-i] [she]_2921-i cried , “ [you]_2922-he have n’t a spark . And so [you]_2922-he can go [your]_2922-he way , and [I]_2921-i ’ll go [mine]_2921-i . It ’s no good , not the slightest . So [you]_2922-he can leave [me]_2921-i now , [I]_2921-i do n’t want to go any further with [you]_2922-he — leave [me]_2921-i — ”_[2921-i] “ [You]_2921-i do n’t even know where [you]_2921-i are , ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he said . “ Oh , do n’t bother , [I]_2922-he assure [you]_2921-i [I]_2922-he shall be all right . [I]_2922-he ’ve got ten shillings in [my]_2922-he purse , and that will take [me]_2922-he back from anywhere [you]_2922-he have brought [me]_2922-he to . ”_[2922-he] [She]_2923-she hesitated . The rings were still on [her]_2923-she fingers , two on [her]_2923-she little finger , one on [her]_2923-she ring finger . Still [she]_2923-she hesitated . “ Very good , ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he said . “ The only hopeless thing is [a fool]_{4749-a fool} . ”_[2922-he] “ [You]_2922-he are quite right , ”_[2923-she] [she]_2923-she said . Still [she]_2923-she hesitated . Then an ugly , malevolent look came over [her]_2923-she face , [she]_2923-she pulled the rings from [her]_2923-she fingers , and tossed them at [him]_2922-he . One touched [his]_2922-he face , the others hit [his]_2922-he coat , and they scattered into the mud . “ And take [your]_2922-he rings , ”_[2923-she] [she]_2923-she said , “ and go and buy [yourself]_2922-he a female elsewhere — there are plenty to be had , who will be quite glad to share [your]_2922-he spiritual mess,—or to have [your]_2922-he physical mess , and leave [your]_2922-he spiritual mess to [Hermione]_168-hermione . ”_[2923-she] With which [she]_2923-she walked away , desultorily , up [the road]_{502-the road} . [He]_2922-he stood motionless , watching [her]_2923-she sullen , rather ugly walk . [She]_2923-she was sullenly picking and pulling at the twigs of the hedge as [she]_2923-she passed . [She]_2923-she grew smaller , [she]_2923-she seemed to pass out of [his]_2922-he sight . A darkness came over [his]_2922-he mind . Only a small , mechanical speck of consciousness hovered near [him]_2922-he . [He]_2922-he felt tired and weak . Yet also [he]_2922-he was relieved . [He]_2922-he gave up [his]_2922-he old position . [He]_2922-he went and sat on [the bank]_{1564-the bank} . No doubt [Ursula]_255-gerald was right . It was true , really , what [she]_2923-she said . [He]_2922-he knew that [his]_2922-he spirituality was concomitant of a process of depravity , a sort of pleasure in self - destruction . There really was a certain stimulant in self - destruction , for [him]_2922-he — especially when it was translated spiritually . But then [he]_2922-he knew it — [he]_2922-he knew it , and had done . And was not [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s way of emotional intimacy , emotional and physical , was it not just as dangerous as [Hermione]_168-hermione ’s abstract spiritual intimacy ? Fusion , fusion , this horrible fusion of [two beings]_{2926-two beings} , which [every woman]_{1465-every woman} and [most men]_{2928-most men} insisted on , was it not nauseous and horrible anyhow , whether it was a fusion of the spirit or of the emotional body ? [Hermione]_168-hermione saw [herself]_255-gerald as the perfect Idea , to which [all men]_{2482-all men} must come : And [Ursula]_255-gerald was the perfect Womb , the bath of birth , to which [all men]_{2482-all men} must come ! And both were horrible . Why could [they]_{2482-all men} not remain [individuals]_{6030-individuals} , limited by [their]_{2482-all men} own limits ? Why this dreadful all - comprehensiveness , this hateful tyranny ? Why not leave [the other being]_{2932-the other being} , free , why try to absorb , or melt , or merge ? One might abandon [oneself]_2933-oneself utterly to the moments , but not to [any other being]_{2934-any other being} . [He]_2922-he could not bear to see the rings lying in the pale mud of [the road]_{502-the road} . [He]_2922-he picked them up , and wiped them unconsciously on [his]_2922-he hands . They were the little tokens of the reality of beauty , the reality of happiness in warm creation . But [he]_2922-he had made [his]_2922-he hands all dirty and gritty . There was a darkness over [his]_2922-he mind . The terrible knot of consciousness that had persisted there like an obsession was broken , gone , [his]_2922-he life was dissolved in darkness over [his]_2922-he limbs and [his]_2922-he body . But there was a point of anxiety in [his]_2922-he heart now . [He]_2922-he wanted [her]_2936-she to come back . [He]_2922-he breathed lightly and regularly like [an infant , that breathes innocently , beyond the touch of responsibility]_{2937-an infant , that breathes innocently , beyond the touch of responsibility} . [She]_2936-she was coming back . [He]_2922-he saw [her]_2936-she drifting desultorily under the high hedge , advancing towards [him]_2922-he slowly . [He]_2922-he did not move , [he]_2922-he did not look again . [He]_2922-he was as if asleep , at peace , slumbering and utterly relaxed . [She]_2936-she came up and stood before [him]_2922-he , hanging [her]_2936-she head . “ See what a flower [I]_2936-she found [you]_2922-he , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said , wistfully holding a piece of purple - red bell - heather under [his]_2922-he face . [He]_2922-he saw the clump of coloured bells , and the tree - like , tiny branch : also [her]_2936-she hands , with [their]_2938-their over - fine , over - sensitive skin . “ Pretty ! ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he said , looking up at [her]_2936-she with a smile , taking the flower . Everything had become simple again , quite simple , the complexity gone into nowhere . But [he]_2922-he badly wanted to cry : except that [he]_2922-he was weary and bored by emotion . Then a hot passion of tenderness for [her]_2936-she filled [his]_2922-he heart . [He]_2922-he stood up and looked into [her]_2936-she face . It was new and oh , so delicate in its luminous wonder and fear . [He]_2922-he put [his]_2922-he arms round [her]_2936-she , and [she]_2936-she hid [her]_2936-she face on [his]_2922-he shoulder . It was peace , just simple peace , as [he]_2922-he stood folding [her]_2936-she quietly there on [the open lane]_{2939-the open lane} . It was peace at last . The old , detestable world of tension had passed away at last , [his]_2922-he soul was strong and at ease . [She]_2936-she looked up at [him]_2922-he . The wonderful yellow light in [her]_2936-she eyes now was soft and yielded , [they]_2940-they were at peace with each other . [He]_2922-he kissed [her]_2936-she , softly , many , many times . A laugh came into [her]_2936-she eyes . “ Did [I]_2936-she abuse [you]_2922-he ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she asked . [He]_2922-he smiled too , and took [her]_2936-she hand , that was so soft and given . “ Never mind , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said , “ it is all for the good . ”_[2936-she] [He]_2922-he kissed [her]_2936-she again , softly , many times . “ Is n’t it ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said . “ Certainly , ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he replied . “ Wait ! [I]_2936-she shall have [my]_2936-she own back . ”_[2936-she] [She]_2936-she laughed suddenly , with a wild catch in [her]_2936-she voice , and flung [her]_2936-she arms around [him]_2922-he . “ [You]_2922-he are [mine]_2936-she , [[my]_2936-she love]_{2765-my love} , are n’t [you]_2922-he ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she cried straining [him]_2922-he close . “ Yes , ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he said , softly . [His]_2922-he voice was so soft and final , [she]_2936-she went very still , as if under a fate which had taken [her]_2936-she . Yes , [she]_2936-she acquiesced — but it was accomplished without [her]_2936-she acquiescence . [He]_2922-he was kissing [her]_2936-she quietly , repeatedly , with a soft , still happiness that almost made [her]_2936-she heart stop beating . “ [My]_2936-she love ! ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she cried , lifting [her]_2936-she face and looking with frightened , gentle wonder of bliss . Was it all real ? But [his]_2922-he eyes were beautiful and soft and immune from stress or excitement , beautiful and smiling lightly to [her]_2936-she , smiling with [her]_2936-she . [She]_2936-she hid [her]_2936-she face on [his]_2922-he shoulder , hiding before [him]_2922-he , because [he]_2922-he could see [her]_2936-she so completely . [She]_2936-she knew [he]_2922-he loved [her]_2936-she , and [she]_2936-she was afraid , [she]_2936-she was in a strange element , a new heaven round about [her]_2936-she . [She]_2936-she wished [he]_2922-he were passionate , because in passion [she]_2936-she was at [home]_4649-home . But this was so still and frail , as space is more frightening than force . Again , quickly , [she]_2936-she lifted [her]_2936-she head . “ Do [you]_2922-he love [me]_2936-she ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said , quickly , impulsively . “ Yes , ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he replied , not heeding [her]_2936-she motion , only [her]_2936-she stillness . [She]_2936-she knew it was true . [She]_2936-she broke away . “ So [you]_2922-he ought , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said , turning round to look at [the road]_{502-the road} . “ Did [you]_2922-he find the rings ? ”_[2936-she] “ Yes . ”_[2936-she] “ Where are they ? ”_[2936-she] “ In [my]_2936-she pocket . ”_[2936-she] [She]_2936-she put [her]_2936-she hand into [his]_2922-he pocket and took them out . [She]_2936-she was restless . “ Shall [we]_2943-they go ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said . “ Yes , ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he answered . And [they]_2943-they mounted to [the car]_{4987-the car} once more , and left behind [them]_2943-they this memorable battle - field . [They]_2943-they drifted through the wild , late afternoon , in a beautiful motion that was smiling and transcendent . [His]_2922-he mind was sweetly at ease , the life flowed through [him]_2922-he as from some new fountain , [he]_2922-he was as if born out of the cramp of a womb . “ Are [you]_2922-he happy ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she asked [him]_2922-he , in [her]_2936-she strange , delighted way . “ Yes , ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he said . “ So am [I]_2936-she , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she cried in sudden ecstacy , putting [her]_2936-she arm round [him]_2922-he and clutching [him]_2922-he violently against [her]_2936-she , as [he]_2922-he steered [the motor - car]_{5108-the motor - car} . “ Do n’t drive much more , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said . “ [I]_2936-she do n’t want [you]_2922-he to be always doing something . ”_[2936-she] “ No , ”_[2922-he] [he]_2922-he said . “ [We]_6771-we ’ll finish this little trip , and then [we]_6771-we ’ll be free . ”_[2922-he] “ [We]_6771-we will , [[my]_2936-she love]_{2765-my love} , [we]_6771-we will , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she cried in delight , kissing [him]_2922-he as [he]_2922-he turned to [her]_2936-she . [He]_2922-he drove on in a strange new wakefulness , the tension of [his]_2922-he consciousness broken . [He]_2922-he seemed to be conscious all over , all [his]_2922-he body awake with a simple , glimmering awareness , as if [he]_2922-he had just come awake , like a thing that is born , like a bird when it comes out of an egg , into a new universe . [They]_2946-they dropped down [a long hill]_{2947-a long hill} in the dusk , and suddenly [Ursula]_255-gerald recognised on [her]_2936-she right hand , below in [the hollow]_{2948-the hollow} , the form of [Southwell Minster]_{97-southwell minster} . “ Are [we]_2946-they here ! ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she cried with pleasure . [The rigid , sombre , ugly cathedral]_{2949-the rigid , sombre , ugly cathedral} was settling under the gloom of the coming night , as [they]_2946-they entered [the narrow town]_{2950-the narrow town} , the golden lights showed like slabs of revelation , in the shop - windows . “ [Father]_185-father came here with [mother]_4695-mother , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said , “ when [they]_2946-they first knew [each other]_{451-each other} . [He]_185-father loves it — [he]_185-father loves [the Minster]_{98-the minster} . Do [you]_2936-she ? ”_[2936-she] “ Yes . It looks like quartz crystals sticking up out of [the dark hollow]_{6775-the dark hollow} . [We]_2946-they ’ll have [our]_2946-they high tea at [the Saracen ’s Head]_{99-the saracen ’s head} . ”_[2936-she] As [they]_2946-they descended , [they]_2946-they heard the [Minster]_{98-the minster} bells playing a hymn , when the hour had struck six . So , to [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s ear , the tune fell out , drop by drop , from the unseen sky on to [the dusky town]_{2951-the dusky town} . It was like dim , bygone centuries sounding . It was all so far off . [She]_2936-she stood in [the old yard of [the inn]_{2953-the inn}]_{2952-the old yard of the inn} , smelling of straw and [stables]_2954-stables and petrol . Above , [she]_2936-she could see the first stars . What was it all ? This was no actual world , it was the dream - world of [one]_4646-one ’s childhood — a great circumscribed reminiscence . [The world]_{541-the world} had become unreal . [She]_2936-she [herself]_2936-she was a strange , transcendent reality . [They]_2946-they sat together in [a little parlour by the fire]_{2957-a little parlour by the fire} . “ Is it true ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said , wondering . “ What ? ”_[2936-she] “ Everything — is everything true ? ”_[2958-he] “ The best is true , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said , grimacing at [her]_2936-she . “ Is it ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she replied , laughing , but unassured . [She]_2936-she looked at [him]_2958-he . [He]_2958-he seemed still so separate . New eyes were opened in [her]_2936-she soul . [She]_2936-she saw a strange creature from [another world]_{4676-another world} , in [him]_2958-he . It was as if [she]_2936-she were enchanted , and everything were metamorphosed . [She]_2936-she recalled again the old magic of the Book of Genesis , where [the sons of [God]_167-god]_{2960-the sons of god} saw [the daughters of [men]_848-men]_{2961-the daughters of men} , that [they]_{2961-the daughters of men} were fair . And [he]_2958-he was one of these , [one of these strange creatures from the beyond]_{2963-one of these strange creatures from the beyond} , looking down at [her]_2936-she , and seeing [she]_2936-she was fair . [He]_2958-he stood on the hearth - rug looking at [her]_2936-she , at [her]_2936-she face that was upturned exactly like a flower , a fresh , luminous flower , glinting faintly golden with the dew of the first light . And [he]_2958-he was smiling faintly as if there were no speech in [the world]_{541-the world} , save the silent delight of flowers in each other . Smilingly [they]_2965-they delighted in [each other]_{451-each other} ’s presence , pure presence , not to be thought of , even known . But [his]_2958-he eyes had a faintly ironical contraction . And [she]_2936-she was drawn to [him]_2958-he strangely , as in a spell . Kneeling on the hearth - rug before [him]_2958-he , [she]_2936-she put [her]_2936-she arms round [his]_2958-he loins , and put [her]_2936-she face against [his]_2958-he thigh . Riches ! Riches ! [She]_2936-she was overwhelmed with a sense of a heavenful of riches . “ [We]_6776-we love [each other]_{451-each other} , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said in delight . “ More than that , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he answered , looking down at [her]_2936-she with [his]_2958-he glimmering , easy face . Unconsciously , with [her]_2936-she sensitive fingertips , [she]_2936-she was tracing the back of [his]_2958-he thighs , following some mysterious life - flow there . [She]_2936-she had discovered something , something more than wonderful , more wonderful than life itself . It was the strange mystery of [his]_2958-he life - motion , there , at the back of the thighs , down the flanks . It was a strange reality of [his]_2958-he being , the very stuff of being , there in the straight downflow of the thighs . It was here [she]_2936-she discovered [him]_2958-he [one of [the sons of [God]_167-god such as were in the beginning of [the world]_{541-the world}]_{2968-the sons of god such as were in the beginning of the world}]_{2967-one of the sons of god such as were in the beginning of the world} , not [a man]_{4648-a man} , something other , something more . This was release at last . [She]_2936-she had had [lovers]_621-lovers , [she]_2936-she had known passion . But this was neither love nor passion . It was [the daughters of [men]_848-men coming back to [the sons of [God]_167-god]_{2960-the sons of god} , [the strange inhuman sons of [God who are in the beginning]_{2976-god who are in the beginning}]_{2975-the strange inhuman sons of god who are in the beginning}]_{2972-the daughters of men coming back to the sons of god , the strange inhuman sons of god who are in the beginning} . [Her]_2936-she face was now one dazzle of released , golden light , as [she]_2936-she looked up at [him]_2958-he , and laid [her]_2936-she hands full on [his]_2958-he thighs , behind , as [he]_2958-he stood before [her]_2936-she . [He]_2958-he looked down at [her]_2936-she with a rich bright brow like a diadem above [his]_2958-he eyes . [She]_2936-she was beautiful as a new marvellous flower opened at [his]_2958-he knees , a paradisal flower [she]_2936-she was , beyond womanhood , such a flower of luminousness . Yet something was tight and unfree in [him]_2958-he . [He]_2958-he did not like this crouching , this radiance — not altogether . It was all achieved , for [her]_2936-she . [She]_2936-she had found [one of [the sons of [God]_167-god]_{2960-the sons of god} from the Beginning]_{2977-one of the sons of god from the beginning} , and [he]_2958-he had found one of [the first most luminous daughters of men]_{2979-the first most luminous daughters of men} . [She]_2936-she traced with [her]_2936-she hands the line of [his]_2958-he loins and thighs , at the back , and a living fire ran through [her]_2936-she , from [him]_2958-he , darkly . It was a dark flood of electric passion [she]_2936-she released from [him]_2958-he , drew into [herself]_2936-she . [She]_2936-she had established a rich new circuit , a new current of passional electric energy , between [the two of [them]_{1536-the two of them}]_{1536-the two of them} , released from the darkest poles of the body and established in perfect circuit . It was a dark fire of electricity that rushed from [him]_2958-he to [her]_2936-she , and flooded [them]_{1536-the two of them} both with rich peace , satisfaction . “ [My]_2936-she love , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she cried , lifting [her]_2936-she face to [him]_2958-he , [her]_2936-she eyes , [her]_2936-she mouth open in transport . “ [My]_2958-he love , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he answered , bending and kissing [her]_2936-she , always kissing [her]_2936-she . [She]_2936-she closed [her]_2936-she hands over the full , rounded body of [his]_2958-he loins , as [he]_2958-he stooped over [her]_2936-she , [she]_2936-she seemed to touch the quick of the mystery of darkness that was bodily [him]_2958-he . [She]_2936-she seemed to faint beneath , and [he]_2958-he seemed to faint , stooping over [her]_2936-she . It was a perfect passing away for both of [them]_2981-them , and at the same time the most intolerable accession into being , the marvellous fullness of immediate gratification , overwhelming , out - flooding from the source of the deepest life - force , the darkest , deepest , strangest life - source of [the human body]_{2982-the human body} , at the back and base of the loins . After a lapse of stillness , after the rivers of strange dark fluid richness had passed over [her]_2936-she , flooding , carrying away [her]_2936-she mind and flooding down [her]_2936-she spine and down [her]_2936-she knees , past [her]_2936-she feet , a strange flood , sweeping away everything and leaving [her]_2936-she an essential new being , [she]_2936-she was left quite free , [she]_2936-she was free in complete ease , [her]_2936-she complete self . So [she]_2936-she rose , stilly and blithe , smiling at [him]_2958-he . [He]_2958-he stood before [her]_2936-she , glimmering , so awfully real , that [her]_2936-she heart almost stopped beating . [He]_2958-he stood there in [his]_2958-he strange , whole body , that had its marvellous fountains , like the bodies of [the sons of [God who were in the beginning]_{2984-god who were in the beginning}]_{2983-the sons of god who were in the beginning} . There were strange fountains of [his]_2958-he body , more mysterious and potent than any [she]_2936-she had imagined or known , more satisfying , ah , finally , mystically - physically satisfying . [She]_2936-she had thought there was no source deeper than [the phallic source]_{2985-the phallic source} . And now , behold , from the smitten rock of [the man]_{4658-the man} ’s body , from the strange marvellous flanks and thighs , deeper , further in mystery than the phallic source , came the floods of ineffable darkness and ineffable riches . [They]_2987-they were glad , and [they]_2987-they could forget perfectly . [They]_2987-they laughed , and went to the meal provided . There was a venison pasty , of all things , a large broad - faced cut ham , eggs and cresses and red beet - root , and medlars and apple - tart , and tea . “ What good things ! ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she cried with pleasure . “ How noble it looks!—shall [I]_2936-she pour out the tea ? — ”_[2936-she] [She]_2936-she was usually nervous and uncertain at performing these public duties , such as giving tea . But today [she]_2936-she forgot , [she]_2936-she was at [her]_2936-she ease , entirely forgetting to have misgivings . The tea - pot poured beautifully from a proud slender spout . [Her]_2936-she eyes were warm with smiles as [she]_2936-she gave [him]_2958-he [his]_2958-he tea . [She]_2936-she had learned at last to be still and perfect . “ Everything is [ours]_6778-we , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said to [him]_2958-he . “ Everything , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he answered . [She]_2936-she gave a queer little crowing sound of triumph . “ [I]_2936-she ’m so glad ! ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she cried , with unspeakable relief . “ So am [I]_2958-he , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said . “ But [I]_2958-he ’m thinking [we]_6778-we ’d better get out of [our]_6778-we responsibilities as quick as [we]_6778-we can . ”_[2958-he] “ What responsibilities ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she asked , wondering . “ [We]_6778-we must drop [our]_6778-we jobs , like a shot . ”_[2936-she] A new understanding dawned into [her]_2936-she face . “ Of course , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said , “ there ’s that . ”_[2936-she] “ [We]_6778-we must get out , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said . “ There ’s nothing for it but to get out , quick . ”_[2958-he] [She]_2936-she looked at [him]_2958-he doubtfully across the table . “ But where ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said . “ [I]_2958-he do n’t know , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said . “ [We]_6778-we ’ll just wander about for a bit . ”_[2958-he] Again [she]_2936-she looked at [him]_2958-he quizzically . “ [I]_2936-she should be perfectly happy at [the Mill]_{5426-the mill} , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said . “ [It]_{5426-the mill} ’s very near the old thing , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said . “ Let [us]_6778-we wander a bit . ”_[2958-he] [His]_2958-he voice could be so soft and happy - go - lucky , it went through [her]_2936-she veins like an exhilaration . Nevertheless [she]_2936-she dreamed of [a valley]_{2988-a valley} , and [wild gardens]_{2989-wild gardens} , and peace . [She]_2936-she had a desire too for splendour — an aristocratic extravagant splendour . Wandering seemed to [her]_2936-she like restlessness , dissatisfaction . “ Where will [you]_2958-he wander to ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she asked . “ [I]_2936-she do n’t know . [I]_2936-she feel as if [I]_2936-she would just meet [you]_2958-he and [we]_6778-we ’d set off — just towards the distance . ”_[2936-she] “ But where can one go ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she asked anxiously . “ After all , there is only [the world]_{541-the world} , and none of it is very distant . ”_[2936-she] “ Still , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said , “ [I]_2958-he should like to go with [you]_2936-she — nowhere . It would be rather wandering just to nowhere . That ’s the place to get to — nowhere . [One]_4646-one wants to wander away from [the world]_{541-the world} ’s somewheres , into [[our]_6778-we own nowhere]_{6783-our own nowhere} . ”_[2958-he] Still [she]_2936-she meditated . “ [You]_2958-he see , [[my]_2936-she love]_{2765-my love} , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said , “ [I]_2936-she ’m so afraid that while [we]_6778-we are only [people]_579-people , [we]_6778-we ’ve got to take the world that ’s given — because there is n’t any other . ”_[2936-she] “ Yes there is , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said . “ There ’s somewhere where [we]_6778-we can be free — somewhere where one need n’t wear much clothes — none even — where one meets [a few people who have gone through enough , and can take things for granted]_{6786-a few people who have gone through enough , and can take things for granted} — where [you]_6787-you be [yourself]_6787-you , without bothering . There is somewhere — there are [one or two people]_{6788-one or two people} — ”_[2958-he] “ But where — ? ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she sighed . “ Somewhere — anywhere . Let ’s wander off . That ’s the thing to do — let ’s wander off . ”_[2936-she] “ Yes — ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said , thrilled at the thought of travel . But to [her]_2936-she it was only travel . “ To be free , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said . “ To be free , in a free place , with [a few other people]_{6789-a few other people} ! ”_[2958-he] “ Yes , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said wistfully . Those “ [few other people]_{6790-few other people} ”_[2936-she] depressed [her]_2936-she . “ It is n’t really a locality , though , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said . “ It ’s a perfected relation between [you]_2936-she and [me]_2958-he , and [others]_593-others — the perfect relation — so that [we]_6792-we are free together . ”_[2958-he] “ It is , [[my]_2936-she love]_{2765-my love} , is n’t it , ”_[2936-she] [she]_2936-she said . “ It ’s [you]_2958-he and [me]_2936-she . It ’s [you]_2958-he and [me]_2936-she , is n’t it ? ”_[2936-she] [She]_2936-she stretched out [her]_2936-she arms to [him]_2958-he . [He]_2958-he went across and stooped to kiss [her]_2936-she face . [Her]_2936-she arms closed round [him]_2958-he again , [her]_2936-she hands spread upon [his]_2958-he shoulders , moving slowly there , moving slowly on [his]_2958-he back , down [his]_2958-he back slowly , with a strange recurrent , rhythmic motion , yet moving slowly down , pressing mysteriously over [his]_2958-he loins , over [his]_2958-he flanks . The sense of the awfulness of riches that could never be impaired flooded [her]_2936-she mind like a swoon , a death in most marvellous possession , mystic - sure . [She]_2936-she possessed [him]_2958-he so utterly and intolerably , that [she]_2936-she [herself]_2936-she lapsed out . And yet [she]_2936-she was only sitting still in the chair , with [her]_2936-she hands pressed upon [him]_2958-he , and lost . Again [he]_2958-he softly kissed [her]_2936-she . “ [We]_2990-they shall never go apart again , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he murmured quietly . And [she]_2936-she did not speak , but only pressed [her]_2936-she hands firmer down upon the source of darkness in [him]_2958-he . [They]_2990-they decided , when [they]_2990-they woke again from the pure swoon , to write [their]_2990-they resignations from the world of work there and then . [She]_2936-she wanted this . [He]_2958-he rang the bell , and ordered note - paper without a printed address . [The waiter]_{4920-the waiter} cleared the table . “ Now then , ”_[2958-he] [he]_2958-he said , “ [yours]_2936-she first . Put [your]_2936-she home address , and the date — then ‘ Director of Education , [[Town]_602-town Hall]_{6795-town hall} — [Sir]_5461-sir — ’ Now then!—I do n’t know how [one]_4646-one really stands — [I]_2958-he suppose [one]_4646-one could get out of it in less than month — Anyhow ‘ Sir — [I]_2958-he beg to resign [my]_2958-he post as classmistress in [the Willey Green Grammar School]_{6799-the willey green grammar school} . [I]_2958-he should be very grateful if [you]_5461-sir would liberate [me]_2958-he as soon as possible , without waiting for the expiration of the month ’s notice . ’ That ’ll do . Have [you]_5461-sir got it ? Let [me]_2958-he look . ‘ [Ursula Brangwen]_255-gerald . ’ Good ! Now [I]_2958-he ’ll write [mine]_2958-he . [I]_2958-he ought to give [them]_6800-them three months , but [I]_2958-he can plead health . [I]_2958-he can arrange it all right . ”_[2958-he] [He]_2992-he sat and wrote out [his]_2992-he formal resignation . “ Now , ”_[2992-he] [he]_2992-he said , when the envelopes were sealed and addressed , “ shall [we]_6801-we post [them]_6800-them here , both together ? [I]_2992-he know [Jackie]_181-john will say , ‘ Here ’s a coincidence ! ’ when [he]_2992-he receives [them]_6800-them in all [their]_6800-them identity . Shall [we]_6801-we let [him]_2992-he say it , or not ? ”_[2992-he] “ [I]_2993-she do n’t care , ”_[2993-she] [she]_2993-she said . “ No — ? ”_[2992-he] [he]_2992-he said , pondering . “ It does n’t matter , does it ? ”_[2993-she] [she]_2993-she said . “ Yes , ”_[2992-he] [he]_2992-he replied . “ [Their]_6800-them imaginations shall not work on [us]_6801-we . [I]_2992-he ’ll post [yours]_6802-yours here , [mine]_2992-he after . [I]_2992-he can not be implicated in [their]_6800-them imaginings . ”_[2992-he] [He]_2992-he looked at [her]_2993-she with [his]_2992-he strange , non - human singleness . “ Yes , [you]_2992-he are right , ”_[2993-she] [she]_2993-she said . [She]_2993-she lifted [her]_2993-she face to [him]_2992-he , all shining and open . It was as if [he]_2992-he might enter straight into the source of [her]_2993-she radiance . [His]_2992-he face became a little distracted . “ Shall [we]_2994-we go ? ”_[2992-he] [he]_2992-he said . “ As [you]_2992-he like , ”_[2993-she] [she]_2993-she replied . [They]_2994-we were soon out of [the little town]_{2995-the little town} , and running through [the uneven lanes of [the country]_{4896-the country}]_{2996-the uneven lanes of the country} . [Ursula]_255-gerald nestled near [him]_2992-he , into [his]_2992-he constant warmth , and watched the pale - lit revelation racing ahead , the visible night . Sometimes it was [a wide old road]_{2998-a wide old road} , with grass - spaces on either side , flying magic and elfin in the greenish illumination , sometimes it was trees looming overhead , sometimes it was bramble bushes , sometimes the walls of [a crew - yard]_{2999-a crew - yard} and the butt of [a barn]_{3000-a barn} . “ Are [you]_2992-he going to [Shortlands]_7-shortlands to dinner ? ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald asked [him]_2992-he suddenly . [He]_2992-he started . “ [Good God]_167-god ! ”_[2992-he] [he]_2992-he said . “ [Shortlands]_7-shortlands ! Never again . Not that . Besides [we]_3003-we should be too late . ”_[2992-he] “ Where are [we]_3003-we going then — to [the Mill]_{5426-the mill} ? ”_[255-gerald] “ If [you]_2992-he like . Pity to go anywhere on this good dark night . Pity to come out of it , really . Pity [we]_3003-we ca n’t stop in the good darkness . It is better than anything ever would be — [this good immediate darkness]_{6804-this good immediate darkness} . ”_[3001-she] [She]_3001-she sat wondering . [The car]_{4987-the car} lurched and swayed . [She]_3001-she knew there was no leaving [him]_2992-he , the darkness held [them]_3003-we both and contained [them]_3003-we , it was not to be surpassed . Besides [she]_3001-she had a full mystic knowledge of [his]_2992-he suave loins of darkness , dark - clad and suave , and in this knowledge there was some of the inevitability and the beauty of fate , fate which [one]_4646-one asks for , which [one]_4646-one accepts in full . [He]_2992-he sat still like [an Egyptian Pharoah]_{353-an egyptian pharoah} , driving [the car]_{4987-the car} . [He]_2992-he felt as if [he]_2992-he were seated in immemorial potency , like the great carven statues of [real Egypt]_{101-real egypt} , as real and as fulfilled with subtle strength , as these are , with a vague inscrutable smile on the lips . [He]_2992-he knew what it was to have the strange and magical current of force in [his]_2992-he back and loins , and down [his]_2992-he legs , force so perfect that it stayed [him]_2992-he immobile , and left [his]_2992-he face subtly , mindlessly smiling . [He]_2992-he knew what it was to be awake and potent in that other basic mind , the deepest physical mind . And from this source [he]_2992-he had a pure and magic control , magical , mystical , a force in darkness , like electricity . It was very difficult to speak , it was so perfect to sit in this pure living silence , subtle , full of unthinkable knowledge and unthinkable force , upheld immemorially in timeless force , like [the immobile , supremely potent Egyptians]_{3007-the immobile , supremely potent egyptians} , seated forever in [their]_{3007-the immobile , supremely potent egyptians} living , subtle silence . “ [We]_6805-we need not go [home]_4649-home , ”_[2992-he] [he]_2992-he said . “ [This car]_{6807-this car} has seats that let down and make a bed , and [we]_6805-we can lift the hood . ”_[2992-he] [She]_3008-she was glad and frightened . [She]_3008-she cowered near to [him]_2992-he . “ But what about [them]_3009-they at [home]_4649-home ? ”_[3008-she] [she]_3008-she said . “ Send a telegram . ”_[3008-she] Nothing more was said . [They]_3009-they ran on in silence . But with a sort of second consciousness [he]_2992-he steered [the car]_{4987-the car} towards a destination . For [he]_2992-he had the free intelligence to direct [his]_2992-he own ends . [His]_2992-he arms and [his]_2992-he breast and [his]_2992-he head were rounded and living like those of [the Greek]_{3011-the greek} , [he]_2992-he had not the unawakened straight arms of [the Egyptian]_{3012-the egyptian} , nor the sealed , slumbering head . A lambent intelligence played secondarily above [his]_2992-he pure Egyptian concentration in darkness . [They]_3009-they came to [a village]_{3013-a village} that lined along [the road]_{502-the road} . [The car]_{4987-the car} crept slowly along , until [he]_2992-he saw [the post - office]_{3016-the post - office} . Then [he]_2992-he pulled up . “ [I]_2992-he will send a telegram to [[your]_3017-she father]_{5347-your father} , ”_[2992-he] [he]_2992-he said . “ [I]_2992-he will merely say ‘ spending the night in [town]_602-town , ’ shall [I]_2992-he ? ”_[2992-he] “ Yes , ”_[3017-she] [she]_3017-she answered . [She]_3017-she did not want to be disturbed into taking thought . [She]_3017-she watched [him]_2992-he move into [the post - office]_{3016-the post - office} . It was also [a shop]_{3019-a shop} , [she]_3017-she saw . Strange , [he]_2992-he was . Even as [he]_2992-he went into [the lighted , public place]_{3020-the lighted , public place} [he]_2992-he remained dark and magic , the living silence seemed the body of reality in [him]_2992-he , subtle , potent , indiscoverable . There [he]_2992-he was ! In a strange uplift of elation [she]_3017-she saw [him]_2992-he , the being never to be revealed , awful in its potency , mystic and real . This dark , subtle reality of [him]_2992-he , never to be translated , liberated [her]_3017-she into perfection , [her]_3017-she own perfected being . [She]_3017-she too was dark and fulfilled in silence . [He]_2992-he came out , throwing some packages into [the car]_{4987-the car} . “ There is some bread , and cheese , and raisins , and apples , and hard chocolate , ”_[2992-he] [he]_2992-he said , in [his]_2992-he voice that was as if laughing , because of the unblemished stillness and force which was the reality in [him]_2992-he . [She]_3017-she would have to touch [him]_2992-he . To speak , to see , was nothing . It was a travesty to look and to comprehend [the man there]_{3022-the man there} . Darkness and silence must fall perfectly on [her]_3017-she , then [she]_3017-she could know mystically , in unrevealed touch . [She]_3017-she must lightly , mindlessly connect with [him]_2992-he , have the knowledge which is death of knowledge , the reality of surety in not - knowing . Soon [they]_3023-they had run on again into the darkness . [She]_3017-she did not ask where [they]_3023-they were going , [she]_3017-she did not care . [She]_3017-she sat in a fullness and a pure potency that was like apathy , mindless and immobile . [She]_3017-she was next to [him]_2992-he , and hung in a pure rest , as a star is hung , balanced unthinkably . Still there remained a dark lambency of anticipation . [She]_3017-she would touch [him]_2992-he . With perfect fine finger - tips of reality [she]_3017-she would touch the reality in [him]_2992-he , the suave , pure , untranslatable reality of [his]_2992-he loins of darkness . To touch , mindlessly in darkness to come in pure touching upon the living reality of [him]_2992-he , [his]_2992-he suave perfect loins and thighs of darkness , this was [her]_3017-she sustaining anticipation . And [he]_2992-he too waited in the magical steadfastness of suspense , for [her]_3017-she to take this knowledge of [him]_2992-he as [he]_2992-he had taken it of [her]_3017-she . [He]_2992-he knew [her]_3017-she darkly , with the fullness of dark knowledge . Now [she]_3017-she would know [him]_2992-he , and [he]_2992-he too would be liberated . [He]_2992-he would be night - free , like [an Egyptian , steadfast in perfectly suspended equilibrium , pure mystic nodality of physical being]_{3024-an egyptian , steadfast in perfectly suspended equilibrium , pure mystic nodality of physical being} . [They]_3025-they would give [each other]_{451-each other} this star - equilibrium which alone is freedom . [She]_3017-she saw that [they]_3025-they were running among trees — great old trees with dying bracken undergrowth . The palish , gnarled trunks showed ghostly , and like [old priests in the hovering distance]_{3027-old priests in the hovering distance} , the fern rose magical and mysterious . It was a night all darkness , with low cloud . [The motor - car]_{5108-the motor - car} advanced slowly . “ Where are [we]_3025-they ? ”_[3017-she] [she]_3017-she whispered . “ In [Sherwood Forest]_{102-sherwood forest} . ”_[3017-she] It was evident [he]_2992-he knew [the place]_{5125-the place} . [He]_2992-he drove softly , watching . Then [they]_3025-they came to [a green road between the trees]_{3030-a green road between the trees} . [They]_3025-they turned cautiously round , and were advancing between the oaks of [the forest]_{3031-the forest} , down [a green lane]_{3032-a green lane} . [The green lane]_{3033-the green lane} widened into a little circle of grass , where there was a small trickle of water at the bottom of a sloping bank . [The car]_{4987-the car} stopped . “ [We]_3025-they will stay [here]_4650-here , ”_[2992-he] [he]_2992-he said , “ and put out the lights . ”_[2992-he] [He]_2992-he extinguished the lamps at once , and it was pure night , with shadows of trees like realities of other , nightly being . [He]_2992-he threw a rug on to the bracken , and [they]_3025-they sat in stillness and mindless silence . There were faint sounds from the wood , but no disturbance , no possible disturbance , [the world]_{541-the world} was under a strange ban , a new mystery had supervened . [They]_3025-they threw off [their]_3025-they clothes , and [he]_2992-he gathered [her]_3036-her to [him]_2992-he , and found [her]_3036-her , found the pure lambent reality of [her]_3036-her forever invisible flesh . Quenched , inhuman , [his]_2992-he fingers upon [her]_3036-her unrevealed nudity were the fingers of silence upon silence , the body of mysterious night upon the body of mysterious night , the night masculine and feminine , never to be seen with the eye , or known with the mind , only known as a palpable revelation of living otherness . [She]_3036-her had [her]_3036-her desire of [him]_2992-he , [she]_3036-her touched , [she]_3036-her received the maximum of unspeakable communication in touch , dark , subtle , positively silent , a magnificent gift and give again , a perfect acceptance and yielding , a mystery , the reality of that which can never be known , vital , sensual reality that can never be transmuted into mind content , but remains outside , living body of darkness and silence and subtlety , the mystic body of reality . [She]_3036-her had [her]_3036-her desire fulfilled . [He]_2992-he had [his]_2992-he desire fulfilled . For [she]_3036-her was to [him]_2992-he what [he]_2992-he was to [her]_3036-her , the immemorial magnificence of mystic , palpable , real otherness . [They]_3037-they slept the chilly night through under the hood of [the car]_{4987-the car} , a night of unbroken sleep . It was already high day when [he]_2992-he awoke . [They]_3037-they looked at [each other]_{451-each other} and laughed , then looked away , filled with darkness and secrecy . Then [they]_3037-they kissed and remembered the magnificence of the night . It was so magnificent , such an inheritance of [a universe of dark reality]_{3040-a universe of dark reality} , that [they]_3037-they were afraid to seem to remember . [They]_3037-they hid away the remembrance and the knowledge . [Thomas Crich]_{164-thomas crich} died slowly , terribly slowly . It seemed impossible to everybody that the thread of life could be drawn out so thin , and yet not break . [The sick man]_{2384-the sick man} lay unutterably weak and spent , kept alive by morphia and by drinks , which [he]_{2384-the sick man} sipped slowly . [He]_{2384-the sick man} was only half conscious — a thin strand of consciousness linking the darkness of death with the light of day . Yet [his]_{2384-the sick man} will was unbroken , [he]_{2384-the sick man} was integral , complete . Only [he]_{2384-the sick man} must have perfect stillness about [him]_{2384-the sick man} . Any presence but that of [the nurses]_{3042-the nurses} was a strain and an effort to [him]_{2384-the sick man} now . Every morning [Gerald]_255-gerald went into [the room]_{739-the room} , hoping to find [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} passed away at last . Yet always [he]_255-gerald saw the same transparent face , the same dread dark hair on the waxen forehead , and the awful , inchoate dark eyes , which seemed to be decomposing into formless darkness , having only a tiny grain of vision within them . And always , as the dark , inchoate eyes turned to [him]_255-gerald , there passed through [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s bowels a burning stroke of revolt , that seemed to resound through [his]_255-gerald whole being , threatening to break [his]_255-gerald mind with its clangour , and making [him]_255-gerald mad . Every morning , [the son]_{6604-the son} stood there , erect and taut with life , gleaming in [his]_{6604-the son} blondness . The gleaming blondness of [his]_{6604-the son} strange , imminent being put [the father]_{646-the father} into a fever of fretful irritation . [He]_{6604-the son} could not bear to meet the uncanny , downward look of [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s blue eyes . But it was only for a moment . [Each on the brink of departure]_{3047-each on the brink of departure} , [the father]_{646-the father} and [son]_3049-son looked at [each other]_{451-each other} , then parted . For a long time [Gerald]_255-gerald preserved a perfect sang - froid , [he]_255-gerald remained quite collected . But at last , fear undermined [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was afraid of some horrible collapse in [himself]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald had to stay and see this thing through . Some perverse will made [him]_255-gerald watch [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} drawn over the borders of life . And yet , now , every day , the great red - hot stroke of horrified fear through the bowels of [the son]_{6604-the son} struck a further inflammation . [Gerald]_255-gerald went about all day with a tendency to cringe , as if there were the point of a sword of [Damocles]_354-damocles pricking the nape of [his]_255-gerald neck . There was no escape — [he]_255-gerald was bound up with [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} , [he]_255-gerald had to see [him]_{5330-his father} through . And [the father]_{646-the father} ’s will never relaxed or yielded to death . It would have to snap when death at last snapped it,—if it did not persist after a physical death . In the same way , the will of [the son]_{6604-the son} never yielded . [He]_{6604-the son} stood firm and immune , [he]_{6604-the son} was outside this death and this dying . It was a trial by ordeal . Could [he]_{6604-the son} stand and see [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} slowly dissolve and disappear in death , without once yielding [his]_{5330-his father} will , without once relenting before the omnipotence of death . Like [a Red Indian undergoing torture]_{3057-a red indian undergoing torture} , [Gerald]_255-gerald would experience the whole process of slow death without wincing or flinching . [He]_255-gerald even triumphed in it . [He]_255-gerald somehow wanted this death , even forced it . It was as if [he]_255-gerald [himself]_255-gerald were dealing the death , even when [he]_255-gerald most recoiled in horror . Still , [he]_255-gerald would deal it , [he]_255-gerald would triumph through death . But in the stress of this ordeal , [Gerald]_255-gerald too lost [his]_255-gerald hold on the outer , daily life . That which was much to [him]_255-gerald , came to mean nothing . Work , pleasure — it was all left behind . [He]_255-gerald went on more or less mechanically with [his]_255-gerald business , but this activity was all extraneous . The real activity was this ghastly wrestling for death in [his]_255-gerald own soul . And [his]_255-gerald own will should triumph . Come what might , [he]_255-gerald would not bow down or submit or acknowledge [a master]_{3058-a master} . [He]_255-gerald had [no master in death]_{3059-no master in death} . But as the fight went on , and all that [he]_255-gerald had been and was continued to be destroyed , so that life was a hollow shell all round [him]_255-gerald , roaring and clattering like the sound of [the sea]_{2243-the sea} , a noise in which [he]_255-gerald participated externally , and inside this hollow shell was all the darkness and fearful space of death , [he]_255-gerald knew [he]_255-gerald would have to find reinforcements , otherwise [he]_255-gerald would collapse inwards upon [the great dark void which circled at the centre of [his]_255-gerald soul]_{3061-the great dark void which circled at the centre of his soul} . [His]_255-gerald will held [his]_255-gerald outer life , [his]_255-gerald outer mind , [his]_255-gerald outer being unbroken and unchanged . But the pressure was too great . [He]_255-gerald would have to find something to make good the equilibrium . Something must come with [him]_255-gerald into the hollow void of death in [his]_255-gerald soul , fill it up , and so equalise the pressure within to the pressure without . For day by day [he]_255-gerald felt more and more like a bubble filled with darkness , round which whirled the iridescence of [his]_255-gerald consciousness , and upon which the pressure of [the outer world]_{5906-the outer world} , the outer life , roared vastly . In this extremity [his]_255-gerald instinct led [him]_255-gerald to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [He]_255-gerald threw away everything now — [he]_255-gerald only wanted the relation established with [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_255-gerald would follow [her]_160-gudrun to [the studio]_{2756-the studio} , to be near [her]_160-gudrun , to talk to [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_255-gerald would stand about [the room]_{739-the room} , aimlessly picking up the implements , the lumps of clay , the little figures [she]_160-gudrun had cast — they were whimsical and grotesque — looking at them without perceiving them . And [she]_160-gudrun felt [him]_255-gerald following [her]_160-gudrun , dogging [her]_160-gudrun heels like a doom . [She]_160-gudrun held away from [him]_255-gerald , and yet [she]_160-gudrun knew [he]_255-gerald drew always a little nearer , a little nearer . “ [I]_255-gerald say , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said to [her]_160-gudrun one evening , in an odd , unthinking , uncertain way , “ wo n’t [you]_160-gudrun stay to dinner tonight ? [I]_255-gerald wish [you]_160-gudrun would . ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun started slightly . [He]_255-gerald spoke to [her]_160-gudrun like [a man]_{4648-a man} making a request of [another man]_{4776-another man} . “ [They]_6812-they ’ll be expecting [me]_160-gudrun at [home]_4649-home , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ Oh , [they]_6812-they wo n’t mind , will [they]_6812-they ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [I]_255-gerald should be awfully glad if [you]_160-gudrun ’d stay . ”_[255-gerald] [Her]_160-gudrun long silence gave consent at last . “ [I]_255-gerald ’ll tell [Thomas]_{164-thomas crich} , shall [I]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [I]_160-gudrun must go almost immediately after dinner , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . It was a dark , cold evening . There was no fire in [the drawing - room]_{5183-the drawing - room} , [they]_3068-they sat in [the library]_{2470-the library} . [He]_255-gerald was mostly silent , absent , and [Winifred]_297-winifred talked little . But when [Gerald]_255-gerald did rouse [himself]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald smiled and was pleasant and ordinary with [her]_160-gudrun . Then there came over [him]_255-gerald again the long blanks , of which [he]_255-gerald was not aware . [She]_160-gudrun was very much attracted by [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald looked so preoccupied , and [his]_255-gerald strange , blank silences , which [she]_160-gudrun could not read , moved [her]_160-gudrun and made [her]_160-gudrun wonder over [him]_255-gerald , made [her]_160-gudrun feel reverential towards [him]_255-gerald . But [he]_255-gerald was very kind . [He]_255-gerald gave [her]_160-gudrun the best things at the table , [he]_255-gerald had a bottle of slightly sweet , delicious golden wine brought out for dinner , knowing [she]_160-gudrun would prefer it to the burgundy . [She]_160-gudrun felt [herself]_160-gudrun esteemed , needed almost . As [they]_3070-they took coffee in [the library]_{2470-the library} , there was a soft , very soft knocking at the door . [He]_255-gerald started , and called “ Come in . ”_[255-gerald] The timbre of [his]_255-gerald voice , like something vibrating at high pitch , unnerved [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [A nurse in white]_{3072-a nurse in white} entered , half hovering in the doorway like a shadow . [She]_{3072-a nurse in white} was very good - looking , but strangely enough , shy and self - mistrusting . “ [The doctor]_{5890-the doctor} would like to speak to [you]_255-gerald , [Mr Crich]_{171-mr crich} , ”_{[3072-a nurse in white]} [she]_{3072-a nurse in white} said , in [her]_{3072-a nurse in white} low , discreet voice . “ [The doctor]_{5890-the doctor} ! ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , starting up . “ Where is [he]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [He]_255-gerald is in [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} . ”_{[3072-a nurse in white]} “ Tell [him]_255-gerald [I]_255-gerald ’m coming . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald drank up [his]_255-gerald coffee , and followed [the nurse , who had dissolved like a shadow]_{3073-the nurse , who had dissolved like a shadow} . “ [Which nurse]_{6817-which nurse} was that ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [Miss Inglis]_{355-miss inglis} — [I]_297-winifred like [her]_{355-miss inglis} best , ”_{[297-winifred]} replied [Winifred]_297-winifred . After a while [Gerald]_255-gerald came back , looking absorbed by [his]_255-gerald own thoughts , and having some of that tension and abstraction which is seen in [a slightly drunken man]_{3074-a slightly drunken man} . [He]_255-gerald did not say what [the doctor]_{5890-the doctor} had wanted [him]_255-gerald for , but stood before the fire , with [his]_255-gerald hands behind [his]_255-gerald back , and [his]_255-gerald face open and as if rapt . Not that [he]_255-gerald was really thinking — [he]_255-gerald was only arrested in pure suspense inside [himself]_255-gerald , and thoughts wafted through [his]_255-gerald mind without order . “ [I]_297-winifred must go now and see [Mama]_356-mama , ”_{[297-winifred]} said [Winifred]_297-winifred , “ and see [Dadda]_357-dadda before [he]_255-gerald goes to sleep . ”_[3076-she] [She]_3076-she bade [them]_3077-them both good - night . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun also rose to take [her]_3076-she leave . “ [You]_160-gudrun need n’t go yet , need [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , glancing quickly at the clock . “ It is early yet . [I]_255-gerald ’ll walk down with [you]_160-gudrun when [you]_160-gudrun go . Sit down , do n’t hurry away . ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun sat down , as if , absent as [he]_255-gerald was , [his]_255-gerald will had power over [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun felt almost mesmerised . [He]_255-gerald was strange to [her]_160-gudrun , something unknown . What was [he]_255-gerald thinking , what was [he]_255-gerald feeling , as [he]_255-gerald stood there so rapt , saying nothing ? [He]_255-gerald kept [her]_160-gudrun — [she]_160-gudrun could feel that . [He]_255-gerald would not let [her]_160-gudrun go . [She]_160-gudrun watched [him]_255-gerald in humble submissiveness . “ Had [the doctor]_{5890-the doctor} anything new to tell [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked , softly , at length , with that gentle , timid sympathy which touched a keen fibre in [his]_255-gerald heart . [He]_255-gerald lifted [his]_255-gerald eyebrows with a negligent , indifferent expression . “ No — nothing new , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied , as if the question were quite casual , trivial . “ [He]_{5890-the doctor} says the pulse is very weak indeed , very intermittent — but that does n’t necessarily mean much , [you]_255-gerald know . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald looked down at [her]_160-gudrun . [Her]_160-gudrun eyes were dark and soft and unfolded , with a stricken look that roused [him]_255-gerald . “ No , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun murmured at length . “ [I]_160-gudrun do n’t understand anything about these things . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Just as well not , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [I]_255-gerald say , wo n’t [you]_160-gudrun have a cigarette?—do ! ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald quickly fetched the box , and held [her]_160-gudrun a light . Then [he]_255-gerald stood before [her]_160-gudrun on the hearth again . “ No , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ [we]_6819-we ’ve never had much illness in [the house]_{468-the house} , either — not till [father]_4673-father . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald seemed to meditate a while . Then looking down at [her]_160-gudrun , with strangely communicative blue eyes , that filled [her]_160-gudrun with dread , [he]_255-gerald continued : “ It ’s something [you]_160-gudrun do n’t reckon with , [you]_160-gudrun know , till it is there . And then [you]_160-gudrun realise that it was there all the time — it was always there — [you]_160-gudrun understand what [I]_255-gerald mean?—the possibility of this incurable illness , this slow death . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald moved [his]_255-gerald feet uneasily on the marble hearth , and put [his]_255-gerald cigarette to [his]_255-gerald mouth , looking up at the ceiling . “ [I]_255-gerald know , ”_[255-gerald] murmured [Gudrun]_160-gudrun : “ it is dreadful . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald smoked without knowing . Then [he]_255-gerald took the cigarette from [his]_255-gerald lips , bared [his]_255-gerald teeth , and putting the tip of [his]_255-gerald tongue between [his]_255-gerald teeth spat off a grain of tobacco , turning slightly aside , like [a man who is alone , or who is lost in thought]_{3078-a man who is alone , or who is lost in thought} . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t know what the effect actually is , on one , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , and again [he]_255-gerald looked down at [her]_160-gudrun . [Her]_160-gudrun eyes were dark and stricken with knowledge , looking into [his]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald saw [her]_160-gudrun submerged , and [he]_255-gerald turned aside [his]_255-gerald face . “ But [I]_255-gerald absolutely am not the same . There ’s nothing left , if [you]_160-gudrun understand what [I]_255-gerald mean . [You]_160-gudrun seem to be clutching at the void — and at the same time [you]_160-gudrun are void [yourself]_160-gudrun . And so [you]_160-gudrun do n’t know what to do . ”_[255-gerald] “ No , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun murmured . A heavy thrill ran down [her]_160-gudrun nerves , heavy , almost pleasure , almost pain . “ What can be done ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun added . [He]_255-gerald turned , and flipped the ash from [his]_255-gerald cigarette on to the great marble hearth - stones , that lay bare in [the room]_{739-the room} , without fender or bar . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t know , [I]_255-gerald ’m sure , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ But [I]_255-gerald do think [you]_160-gudrun ’ve got to find some way of resolving the situation — not because [you]_160-gudrun want to , but because [you]_160-gudrun ’ve got to , otherwise [you]_160-gudrun ’re done . The whole of everything , and [yourself]_160-gudrun included , is just on the point of caving in , and [you]_160-gudrun are just holding it up with [your]_160-gudrun hands . Well , it ’s a situation that obviously ca n’t continue . [You]_160-gudrun ca n’t stand holding the roof up with [your]_160-gudrun hands , for ever . [You]_160-gudrun know that sooner or later [you]_160-gudrun ’ll have to let go . Do [you]_160-gudrun understand what [I]_255-gerald mean ? And so something ’s got to be done , or there ’s a universal collapse — as far as [you]_160-gudrun [yourself]_160-gudrun are concerned . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald shifted slightly on the hearth , crunching a cinder under [his]_255-gerald heel . [He]_255-gerald looked down at it . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was aware of the beautiful old marble panels of the fireplace , swelling softly carved , round [him]_255-gerald and above [him]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun felt as if [she]_160-gudrun were caught at last by fate , imprisoned in some horrible and fatal trap . “ But what can be done ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun murmured humbly . “ [You]_255-gerald must use [me]_160-gudrun if [I]_160-gudrun can be of any help at all — but how can [I]_160-gudrun ? [I]_160-gudrun do n’t see how [I]_160-gudrun can help [you]_255-gerald . ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_255-gerald looked down at [her]_160-gudrun critically . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t want [you]_160-gudrun to help , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , slightly irritated , “ because there ’s nothing to be done . [I]_255-gerald only want sympathy , do [you]_160-gudrun see : [I]_255-gerald want [somebody]_{4745-somebody} [I]_255-gerald can talk to sympathetically . That eases the strain . And there is [nobody to talk to sympathetically]_{6823-nobody to talk to sympathetically} . That ’s the curious thing . There is [nobody]_912-nobody . There ’s [Rupert Birkin]_169-birkin . But then [he]_6825-he is n’t sympathetic , [he]_6825-he wants to dictate . And that is no use whatsoever . ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun was caught in a strange snare . [She]_160-gudrun looked down at [her]_160-gudrun hands . Then there was the sound of the door softly opening . [Gerald]_255-gerald started . [He]_255-gerald was chagrined . It was [his]_255-gerald starting that really startled [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . Then [he]_255-gerald went forward , with quick , graceful , intentional courtesy . “ Oh , [mother]_4695-mother ! ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ How nice of [you]_4695-mother to come down . How are [you]_4695-mother ? ”_[255-gerald] [The elderly woman]_{3080-the elderly woman} , loosely and bulkily wrapped in a purple gown , came forward silently , slightly hulked , as usual . [[Her]_{3080-the elderly woman} son]_{568-her son} was at [her]_{3080-the elderly woman} side . [He]_255-gerald pushed [her]_{3080-the elderly woman} up a chair , saying “ [You]_4695-mother know [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} , do n’t [you]_4695-mother ? ”_[255-gerald] [The mother]_{565-the mother} glanced at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun indifferently . “ Yes , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said . Then [she]_{565-the mother} turned [her]_{565-the mother} wonderful , forget - [me]_0-i - not blue eyes up to [[her]_{565-the mother} son]_{568-her son} , as [she]_{565-the mother} slowly sat down in the chair [he]_255-gerald had brought [her]_{565-the mother} . “ [I]_{565-the mother} came to ask [you]_{568-her son} about [[your]_{568-her son} father]_{5347-your father} , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said , in [her]_{565-the mother} rapid , scarcely - audible voice . “ [I]_{565-the mother} did n’t know [you]_{568-her son} had [company]_6828-company . ”_{[565-the mother]} “ No ? Did n’t [Winifred]_297-winifred tell [you]_{568-her son} ? [Miss Brangwen]_{338-miss brangwen} stayed to dinner , to make [us]_6829-us a little more lively — ”_{[165-mrs crich]} [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} turned slowly round to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , and looked at [her]_{565-the mother} , but with unseeing eyes . “ [I]_{565-the mother} ’m afraid it would be no treat to [her]_160-gudrun . ”_{[565-the mother]} Then [she]_{565-the mother} turned again to [[her]_{565-the mother} son]_{568-her son} . “ [Winifred]_297-winifred tells [me]_{565-the mother} [the doctor]_{5890-the doctor} had something to say about [[your]_{568-her son} father]_{5347-your father} . What is it ? ”_{[565-the mother]} “ Only that the pulse is very weak — misses altogether a good many times — so that [he]_{5347-your father} might not last the night out , ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald replied . [Mrs Crich]_{165-mrs crich} sat perfectly impassive , as if [she]_{565-the mother} had not heard . [Her]_{565-the mother} bulk seemed hunched in the chair , [her]_{565-the mother} fair hair hung slack over [her]_{565-the mother} ears . But [her]_{565-the mother} skin was clear and fine , [her]_{565-the mother} hands , as [she]_{565-the mother} sat with them forgotten and folded , were quite beautiful , full of potential energy . A great mass of energy seemed decaying up in that silent , hulking form . [She]_{565-the mother} looked up at [[her]_{565-the mother} son]_{568-her son} , as [he]_{568-her son} stood , keen and soldierly , near to [her]_{565-the mother} . [Her]_{565-the mother} eyes were most wonderfully blue , bluer than forget - me - nots . [She]_{565-the mother} seemed to have a certain confidence in [Gerald]_255-gerald , and to feel a certain motherly mistrust of [him]_{568-her son} . “ How are [you]_{568-her son} ? ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} muttered , in [her]_{565-the mother} strangely quiet voice , as if [nobody]_912-nobody should hear but [him]_{568-her son} . “ [You]_{568-her son} ’re not getting into a state , are [you]_{568-her son} ? [You]_{568-her son} ’re not letting it make [you]_{568-her son} hysterical ? ”_{[565-the mother]} The curious challenge in the last words startled [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_{568-her son} do n’t think so , [mother]_4695-mother , ”_{[568-her son]} [he]_{568-her son} answered , rather coldly cheery . “ [Somebody]_{4745-somebody} ’s got to see it through , [you]_4695-mother know . ”_{[568-her son]} “ Have [they]_{4745-somebody} ? Have [they]_{4745-somebody} ? ”_{[4685-his mother]} answered [[his]_{568-her son} mother]_{4685-his mother} rapidly . “ Why should [you]_{568-her son} take it on [yourself]_{568-her son} ? What have [you]_{568-her son} got to do , seeing it through . It will see itself through . [You]_{568-her son} are not needed . ”_{[4685-his mother]} “ No , [I]_{568-her son} do n’t suppose [I]_{568-her son} can do any good , ”_{[568-her son]} [he]_{568-her son} answered . “ It ’s just how it affects [us]_6834-us , [you]_4695-mother see . ”_{[568-her son]} “ [You]_255-gerald like to be affected — don’t [you]_255-gerald ? It ’s quite nuts for [you]_255-gerald ? [You]_255-gerald would have to be important . [You]_255-gerald have no need to stop at [home]_4649-home . Why do n’t [you]_255-gerald go away ! ”_{[4685-his mother]} These sentences , evidently the ripened grain of many dark hours , took [Gerald]_255-gerald by surprise . “ [I]_{568-her son} do n’t think it ’s any good going away now , [mother]_4695-mother , at the last minute , ”_{[568-her son]} [he]_{568-her son} said , coldly . “ [You]_{568-her son} take care , ”_{[4685-his mother]} replied [[his]_{568-her son} mother]_{4685-his mother} . “ [You]_{568-her son} mind [yourself]_{568-her son} — that ’s [your]_{568-her son} business . [You]_{568-her son} take too much on [yourself]_{568-her son} . [You]_{568-her son} mind [yourself]_{568-her son} , or [you]_{568-her son} ’ll find [yourself]_{568-her son} in [Queer Street]_{103-queer street} , that ’s what will happen to [you]_{568-her son} . [You]_{568-her son} ’re hysterical , always were . ”_{[4685-his mother]} “ [I]_{568-her son} ’m all right , [mother]_4695-mother , ”_{[568-her son]} [he]_{568-her son} said . “ There ’s no need to worry about [me]_{568-her son} , [I]_{568-her son} assure [you]_4695-mother . ”_{[568-her son]} “ Let [the dead]_{6838-the dead} bury [their]_{6838-the dead} dead — don’t go and bury [yourself]_{568-her son} along with [them]_{6838-the dead} — that ’s what [I]_{568-her son} tell [you]_4695-mother . [I]_{568-her son} know [you]_4695-mother well enough . ”_{[568-her son]} [He]_{568-her son} did not answer this , not knowing what to say . [The mother]_{565-the mother} sat bunched up in silence , [her]_{565-the mother} beautiful white hands , that had no rings whatsoever , clasping the pommels of [her]_{565-the mother} arm - chair . “ [You]_{568-her son} ca n’t do it , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said , almost bitterly . “ [You]_{568-her son} have n’t the nerve . [You]_{568-her son} ’re as weak as a cat , really — always were . Is [this young woman]_{6839-this young woman} staying [here]_4650-here ? ”_{[565-the mother]} “ No , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [She]_{6839-this young woman} is going [home]_4649-home tonight . ”_[255-gerald] “ Then [she]_{6839-this young woman} ’d better have [the dog - cart]_{6842-the dog - cart} . Does [she]_{6839-this young woman} go far ? ”_{[565-the mother]} “ Only to [Beldover]_1-beldover . ”_{[565-the mother]} “ Ah ! ”_{[3080-the elderly woman]} [The elderly woman]_{3080-the elderly woman} never looked at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , yet [she]_{3080-the elderly woman} seemed to take knowledge of [her]_160-gudrun presence . “ [You]_{568-her son} are inclined to take too much on [yourself]_{568-her son} , [Gerald]_255-gerald , ”_{[565-the mother]} said [the mother]_{565-the mother} , pulling [herself]_{565-the mother} to [her]_{565-the mother} feet , with a little difficulty . “ Will [you]_{565-the mother} go , [mother]_4695-mother ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked , politely . “ Yes , [I]_{565-the mother} ’ll go up again , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} replied . Turning to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [she]_{565-the mother} bade [her]_{565-the mother} “ Good - night . ”_{[565-the mother]} Then [she]_{565-the mother} went slowly to the door , as if [she]_{565-the mother} were unaccustomed to walking . At the door [she]_{565-the mother} lifted [her]_{565-the mother} face to [him]_255-gerald , implicitly . [He]_255-gerald kissed [her]_{565-the mother} . “ Do n’t come any further with [me]_{565-the mother} , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said , in [her]_{565-the mother} barely audible voice . “ [I]_{565-the mother} do n’t want [you]_255-gerald any further . ”_{[565-the mother]} [He]_255-gerald bade [her]_{565-the mother} good - night , watched [her]_{565-the mother} across to the stairs and mount slowly . Then [he]_255-gerald closed the door and came back to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun rose also , to go . “ [A queer being]_{6844-a queer being} , [[my]_255-gerald mother]_{2883-my mother} , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Yes , ”_[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [She]_{2883-my mother} has [her]_{2883-my mother} own thoughts . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Yes , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . Then [they]_3092-they were silent . “ [You]_160-gudrun want to go ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ Half a minute , [I]_255-gerald ’ll just have a horse put in — ”_[255-gerald] “ No , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_160-gudrun want to walk . ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_255-gerald had promised to walk with [her]_{565-the mother} down [the long , lonely mile of drive]_{3093-the long , lonely mile of drive} , and [she]_{565-the mother} wanted this . “ [You]_{565-the mother} might just as well drive , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [I]_{565-the mother} ’d much rather walk , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} asserted , with emphasis . “ [You]_255-gerald would ! Then [I]_{565-the mother} will come along with [you]_255-gerald . [You]_255-gerald know where [your]_255-gerald things are ? [I]_{565-the mother} ’ll put boots on . ”_{[565-the mother]} [He]_255-gerald put on a cap , and an overcoat over [his]_255-gerald evening dress . [They]_3094-they went out into the night . “ Let [us]_3094-they light a cigarette , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , stopping in a sheltered angle of [the porch]_{3095-the porch} . “ [You]_{565-the mother} have one too . ”_[255-gerald] So , with the scent of tobacco on the night air , [they]_3094-they set off down [the dark drive]_{3096-the dark drive} that ran between close - cut hedges through [sloping meadows]_{3097-sloping meadows} . [He]_255-gerald wanted to put [his]_255-gerald arm round [her]_{565-the mother} . If [he]_255-gerald could put [his]_255-gerald arm round [her]_{565-the mother} , and draw [her]_{565-the mother} against [him]_255-gerald as [they]_3094-they walked , [he]_255-gerald would equilibriate [himself]_255-gerald . For now [he]_255-gerald felt like a pair of scales , the half of which tips down and down into an indefinite void . [He]_255-gerald must recover some sort of balance . And here was the hope and the perfect recovery . Blind to [her]_{565-the mother} , thinking only of [himself]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald slipped [his]_255-gerald arm softly round [her]_{565-the mother} waist , and drew [her]_{565-the mother} to [him]_255-gerald . [Her]_{565-the mother} heart fainted , feeling [herself]_{565-the mother} taken . But then , [his]_255-gerald arm was so strong , [she]_{565-the mother} quailed under its powerful close grasp . [She]_{565-the mother} died a little death , and was drawn against [him]_255-gerald as [they]_3094-they walked down the stormy darkness . [He]_255-gerald seemed to balance [her]_{565-the mother} perfectly in opposition to [himself]_255-gerald , in [their]_3094-they dual motion of walking . So , suddenly , [he]_255-gerald was liberated and perfect , strong , heroic . [He]_255-gerald put [his]_255-gerald hand to [his]_255-gerald mouth and threw [his]_255-gerald cigarette away , a gleaming point , into the unseen hedge . Then [he]_255-gerald was quite free to balance [her]_{565-the mother} . “ That ’s better , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , with exultancy . The exultation in [his]_255-gerald voice was like a sweetish , poisonous drug to [her]_{565-the mother} . Did [she]_{565-the mother} then mean so much to [him]_255-gerald ! [She]_{565-the mother} sipped the poison . “ Are [you]_255-gerald happier ? ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} asked , wistfully . “ Much better , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , in the same exultant voice , “ and [I]_255-gerald was rather far gone . ”_[255-gerald] [She]_{565-the mother} nestled against [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald felt [her]_{565-the mother} all soft and warm , [she]_{565-the mother} was the rich , lovely substance of [his]_255-gerald being . The warmth and motion of [her]_{565-the mother} walk suffused through [him]_255-gerald wonderfully . “ [I]_{565-the mother} ’m so glad if [I]_{565-the mother} help [you]_255-gerald , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said . “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald answered . “ There ’s [nobody else]_{6846-nobody else} could do it , if [you]_{565-the mother} would n’t . ”_{[565-the mother]} “ That is true , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said to [herself]_{565-the mother} , with a thrill of strange , fatal elation . As [they]_3098-they walked , [he]_255-gerald seemed to lift [her]_{565-the mother} nearer and nearer to [himself]_255-gerald , till [she]_{565-the mother} moved upon the firm vehicle of [his]_255-gerald body . [He]_255-gerald was so strong , so sustaining , and [he]_255-gerald could not be opposed . [She]_{565-the mother} drifted along in a wonderful interfusion of physical motion , down [the dark , blowy hillside]_{3099-the dark , blowy hillside} . Far across shone the little yellow lights of [Beldover]_1-beldover , many of them , spread in [a thick patch on [another dark hill]_{3101-another dark hill}]_{3100-a thick patch on another dark hill} . But [he]_255-gerald and [she]_{565-the mother} were walking in perfect , isolated darkness , outside [the world]_{541-the world} . “ But how much do [you]_255-gerald care for [me]_{565-the mother} ! ”_{[565-the mother]} came [her]_{565-the mother} voice , almost querulous . “ [You]_255-gerald see , [I]_{565-the mother} do n’t know , [I]_{565-the mother} do n’t understand ! ”_{[565-the mother]} “ How much ! ”_[255-gerald] [His]_255-gerald voice rang with a painful elation . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t know either — but everything . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald was startled by [his]_255-gerald own declaration . It was true . So [he]_255-gerald stripped [himself]_255-gerald of every safeguard , in making this admission to [her]_{565-the mother} . [He]_255-gerald cared everything for [her]_{565-the mother} — [she]_{565-the mother} was everything . “ But [I]_{565-the mother} ca n’t believe it , ”_{[565-the mother]} said [her]_{565-the mother} low voice , amazed , trembling . [She]_{565-the mother} was trembling with doubt and exultance . This was the thing [she]_{565-the mother} wanted to hear , only this . Yet now [she]_{565-the mother} heard it , heard the strange clapping vibration of truth in [his]_255-gerald voice as [he]_255-gerald said it , [she]_{565-the mother} could not believe . [She]_{565-the mother} could not believe — [she]_{565-the mother} did not believe . Yet [she]_{565-the mother} believed , triumphantly , with fatal exultance . “ Why not ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Why do n’t [you]_{565-the mother} believe it ? It ’s true . It is true , as [we]_6847-we stand at this moment — ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald stood still with [her]_{565-the mother} in the wind ; “ [I]_255-gerald care for nothing on [earth]_571-earth , or in [heaven]_619-heaven , outside [this spot where [we]_6847-we are]_{6850-this spot where we are} . And it is n’t [my]_255-gerald own presence [I]_255-gerald care about , it is all [yours]_{565-the mother} . [I]_255-gerald ’d sell [my]_255-gerald soul a hundred times — but [I]_255-gerald could n’t bear not to have [you]_{565-the mother} here . [I]_255-gerald could n’t bear to be alone . [My]_255-gerald brain would burst . It is true . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald drew [her]_{565-the mother} closer to [him]_255-gerald , with definite movement . “ No , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} murmured , afraid . Yet this was what [she]_{565-the mother} wanted . Why did [she]_{565-the mother} so lose courage ? [They]_3103-they resumed [their]_3103-they strange walk . [They]_3103-they were [such strangers]_{3104-such strangers} — and yet [they]_3103-they were so frightfully , unthinkably near . It was like a madness . Yet it was what [she]_{565-the mother} wanted , it was what [she]_{565-the mother} wanted . [They]_3103-they had descended [the hill]_{497-the hill} , and now [they]_3103-they were coming to [the square arch where [the road]_{502-the road} passed under [the colliery railway]_{6007-the colliery railway}]_{3106-the square arch where the road passed under the colliery railway} . [The arch]_{3109-the arch} , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun knew , had walls of squared stone , mossy on one side with water that trickled down , dry on the other side . [She]_160-gudrun had stood under [it]_{3109-the arch} to hear the train rumble thundering over the logs overhead . And [she]_160-gudrun knew that under [this dark and lonely bridge]_{3110-this dark and lonely bridge} [the young colliers]_{3111-the young colliers} stood in the darkness with [[their]_{3111-the young colliers} sweethearts]_{3112-their sweethearts} , in rainy weather . And so [she]_160-gudrun wanted to stand under [the bridge]_{3113-the bridge} with [[her]_160-gudrun sweetheart]_{3114-her sweetheart} , and be kissed under [the bridge]_{3113-the bridge} in the invisible darkness . [Her]_160-gudrun steps dragged as [she]_160-gudrun drew near . So , under [the bridge]_{3113-the bridge} , [they]_{3111-the young colliers} came to a standstill , and [he]_3117-his lifted [her]_160-gudrun upon [his]_3117-his breast . [His]_3117-his body vibrated taut and powerful as [he]_3117-his closed upon [her]_160-gudrun and crushed [her]_160-gudrun , breathless and dazed and destroyed , crushed [her]_160-gudrun upon [his]_3117-his breast . Ah , it was terrible , and perfect . Under [this bridge]_{3118-this bridge} , [the colliers]_{4675-the colliers} pressed [[their]_{4675-the colliers} lovers]_{3120-their lovers} to [their]_{4675-the colliers} breast . And now , under [the bridge]_{3113-the bridge} , [the master of [them]_{4675-the colliers} all]_{3122-the master of them all} pressed [her]_160-gudrun to [himself]_{3122-the master of them all} ! And how much more powerful and terrible was [his]_3117-his embrace than [theirs]_3123-theirs , how much more concentrated and supreme [his]_3117-his love was , than [theirs]_3123-theirs in the same sort ! [She]_160-gudrun felt [she]_160-gudrun would swoon , die , under the vibrating , inhuman tension of [his]_3117-his arms and [his]_3117-his body — [she]_160-gudrun would pass away . Then the unthinkable high vibration slackened and became more undulating . [He]_3117-his slackened and drew [her]_160-gudrun with [him]_3117-his to stand with [his]_3117-his back to the wall . [She]_160-gudrun was almost unconscious . So [[the colliers]_{4675-the colliers} ’ lovers]_{3125-the colliers ’ lovers} would stand with [their]_{3125-the colliers ’ lovers} backs to the walls , holding [[their]_{3125-the colliers ’ lovers} sweethearts]_{3112-their sweethearts} and kissing [them]_{3112-their sweethearts} as [she]_160-gudrun was being kissed . Ah , but would [their]_{3125-the colliers ’ lovers} kisses be fine and powerful as the kisses of [the firm - mouthed master]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} ? Even [the keen , short - cut moustache]_{3128-the keen , short - cut moustache} — [the colliers]_{4675-the colliers} would not have that . And [[the colliers]_{4675-the colliers} ’ sweethearts]_{3131-the colliers ’ sweethearts} would , like [herself]_160-gudrun , hang [their]_{3131-the colliers ’ sweethearts} heads back limp over [their]_{3131-the colliers ’ sweethearts} shoulder , and look out from [the dark archway]_{3132-the dark archway} , at the close patch of yellow lights on [the unseen hill in the distance]_{3133-the unseen hill in the distance} , or at the vague form of trees , and at [the buildings of [the colliery wood - yard]_{3135-the colliery wood - yard}]_{3134-the buildings of the colliery wood - yard} , in the other direction . [His]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} arms were fast around [her]_160-gudrun , [he]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} seemed to be gathering [her]_160-gudrun into [himself]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} , [her]_160-gudrun warmth , [her]_160-gudrun softness , [her]_160-gudrun adorable weight , drinking in the suffusion of [her]_160-gudrun physical being , avidly . [He]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} lifted [her]_160-gudrun , and seemed to pour [her]_160-gudrun into [himself]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} , like wine into a cup . “ This is worth everything , ”_{[3127-the firm - mouthed master]} [he]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} said , in a strange , penetrating voice . So [she]_160-gudrun relaxed , and seemed to melt , to flow into [him]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} , as if [she]_160-gudrun were some infinitely warm and precious suffusion filling into [his]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} veins , like an intoxicant . [Her]_160-gudrun arms were round [his]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} neck , [he]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} kissed [her]_160-gudrun and held [her]_160-gudrun perfectly suspended , [she]_160-gudrun was all slack and flowing into [him]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} , and [he]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} was the firm , strong cup that receives the wine of [her]_160-gudrun life . So [she]_160-gudrun lay cast upon [him]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} , stranded , lifted up against [him]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} , melting and melting under [his]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} kisses , melting into [his]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} limbs and bones , as if [he]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} were soft iron becoming surcharged with [her]_160-gudrun electric life . Till [she]_160-gudrun seemed to swoon , gradually [her]_160-gudrun mind went , and [she]_160-gudrun passed away , everything in [her]_160-gudrun was melted down and fluid , and [she]_160-gudrun lay still , become contained by [him]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} , sleeping in [him]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} as lightning sleeps in a pure , soft stone . So [she]_160-gudrun was passed away and gone in [him]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} , and [he]_{3127-the firm - mouthed master} was perfected . When [she]_160-gudrun opened [her]_160-gudrun eyes again , and saw the patch of lights in the distance , it seemed to [her]_160-gudrun strange that [the world]_{541-the world} still existed , that [she]_160-gudrun was standing under the bridge resting [her]_160-gudrun head on [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s breast . [Gerald]_255-gerald — who was [he]_255-gerald ? [He]_255-gerald was the exquisite adventure , the desirable unknown to [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun looked up , and in the darkness saw [his]_255-gerald face above [her]_160-gudrun , [his]_255-gerald shapely , male face . There seemed a faint , white light emitted from [him]_255-gerald , a white aura , as if [he]_255-gerald were visitor from the unseen . [She]_160-gudrun reached up , like [Eve]_269-eve reaching to the apples on the tree of knowledge , and [she]_160-gudrun kissed [him]_255-gerald , though [her]_160-gudrun passion was a transcendent fear of the thing [he]_255-gerald was , touching [his]_255-gerald face with [her]_160-gudrun infinitely delicate , encroaching wondering fingers . [Her]_160-gudrun fingers went over the mould of [his]_255-gerald face , over [his]_255-gerald features . How perfect and foreign [he]_255-gerald was — ah how dangerous ! [Her]_160-gudrun soul thrilled with complete knowledge . This was the glistening , forbidden apple , this face of [a man]_{4648-a man} . [She]_160-gudrun kissed [him]_255-gerald , putting [her]_160-gudrun fingers over [his]_255-gerald face , [his]_255-gerald eyes , [his]_255-gerald nostrils , over [his]_255-gerald brows and [his]_255-gerald ears , to [his]_255-gerald neck , to know [him]_255-gerald , to gather [him]_255-gerald in by touch . [He]_255-gerald was so firm , and shapely , with such satisfying , inconceivable shapeliness , strange , yet unutterably clear . [He]_255-gerald was such an unutterable enemy , yet glistening with uncanny white fire . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to touch [him]_255-gerald and touch [him]_255-gerald and touch [him]_255-gerald , till [she]_160-gudrun had [him]_255-gerald all in [her]_160-gudrun hands , till [she]_160-gudrun had strained [him]_255-gerald into [her]_160-gudrun knowledge . Ah , if [she]_160-gudrun could have the precious knowledge of [him]_255-gerald , [she]_160-gudrun would be filled , and nothing could deprive [her]_160-gudrun of this . For [he]_255-gerald was so unsure , so risky in the common world of day . “ [You]_255-gerald are so beautiful , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun murmured in [her]_160-gudrun throat . [He]_255-gerald wondered , and was suspended . But [she]_160-gudrun felt [him]_255-gerald quiver , and [she]_160-gudrun came down involuntarily nearer upon [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald could not help [himself]_255-gerald . [Her]_160-gudrun fingers had [him]_255-gerald under [their]_3138-their power . The fathomless , fathomless desire they could evoke in [him]_255-gerald was deeper than death , where [he]_255-gerald had no choice . But [she]_160-gudrun knew now , and it was enough . For the time , [her]_160-gudrun soul was destroyed with the exquisite shock of [his]_255-gerald invisible fluid lightning . [She]_160-gudrun knew . And this knowledge was a death from which [she]_160-gudrun must recover . How much more of [him]_255-gerald was there to know ? Ah much , much , many days harvesting for [her]_160-gudrun large , yet perfectly subtle and intelligent hands upon the field of [his]_255-gerald living , radio - active body . Ah , [her]_160-gudrun hands were eager , greedy for knowledge . But for the present it was enough , enough , as much as [her]_160-gudrun soul could bear . Too much , and [she]_160-gudrun would shatter [herself]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun would fill the fine vial of [her]_160-gudrun soul too quickly , and it would break . Enough now — enough for the time being . There were all the after days when [her]_160-gudrun hands , like birds , could feed upon the fields of [him]_255-gerald mystical plastic form — till then enough . And even [he]_255-gerald was glad to be checked , rebuked , held back . For to desire is better than to possess , the finality of the end was dreaded as deeply as it was desired . [They]_3139-they walked on towards [the town]_{4907-the town} , towards where the lamps threaded singly , at long intervals down [the dark high - road of [the valley]_{5286-the valley}]_{3141-the dark high - road of the valley} . [They]_3139-they came at length to the gate of [the drive]_{5874-the drive} . “ Do n’t come any further , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [You]_160-gudrun ’d rather [I]_255-gerald did n’t ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked , relieved . [He]_255-gerald did not want to go up [the public streets]_{3144-the public streets} with [her]_160-gudrun , [his]_255-gerald soul all naked and alight as it was . “ Much rather — good - night . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun held out [her]_160-gudrun hand . [He]_255-gerald grasped it , then touched the perilous , potent fingers with [his]_255-gerald lips . “ Good - night , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Tomorrow . ”_[255-gerald] And [they]_3139-they parted . [He]_255-gerald went [home]_4649-home full of the strength and the power of living desire . But the next day , [she]_160-gudrun did not come , [she]_160-gudrun sent a note that [she]_160-gudrun was kept [indoors]_1712-indoors by a cold . Here was a torment ! But [he]_255-gerald possessed [his]_255-gerald soul in some sort of patience , writing a brief answer , telling [her]_160-gudrun how sorry [he]_255-gerald was not to see [her]_160-gudrun . The day after this , [he]_255-gerald stayed at [home]_4649-home — it seemed so futile to go down to [the office]_{6213-the office} . [[His]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} could not live the week out . And [he]_255-gerald wanted to be at [home]_4649-home , suspended . [Gerald]_255-gerald sat on a chair by the window in [[[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} ’s room]_{3152-his father ’s room} . [The landscape outside]_{3153-the landscape outside} was black and winter - sodden . [[His]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} lay grey and ashen on the bed , [a nurse]_{3155-a nurse} moved silently in [her]_{3155-a nurse} white dress , neat and elegant , even beautiful . There was a scent of eau - de - Cologne in [the room]_{739-the room} . [The nurse]_{6559-the nurse} went out of [the room]_{739-the room} , [Gerald]_255-gerald was alone with death , facing the winter - black landscape . “ Is there much more water in [Denley]_104-denley ? ”_{[3159-the faint voice]} came [the faint voice]_{3159-the faint voice} , determined and querulous , from the bed . [The dying man]_{6562-the dying man} was asking about a leakage from [Willey Water]_{8-willey water} into [one of [the pits]_{6076-the pits}]_{3161-one of the pits} . “ Some more — [we]_6851-we shall have to run off [the lake]_{4830-the lake} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Will [you]_{6562-the dying man} ? ”_[255-gerald] The faint voice filtered to extinction . There was dead stillness . [The grey - faced , sick man]_{3163-the grey - faced , sick man} lay with eyes closed , more dead than death . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked away . [He]_255-gerald felt [his]_255-gerald heart was seared , it would perish if this went on much longer . Suddenly [he]_255-gerald heard a strange noise . Turning round , [he]_255-gerald saw [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} ’s eyes wide open , strained and rolling in a frenzy of inhuman struggling . [Gerald]_255-gerald started to [his]_255-gerald feet , and stood transfixed in horror . “ Wha - a - ah - h - h — ”_{[5330-his father]} came a horrible choking rattle from [[his]_255-gerald father]_{5330-his father} ’s throat , the fearful , frenzied eye , rolling awfully in its wild fruitless search for help , passed blindly over [Gerald]_255-gerald , then up came the dark blood and mess pumping over the face of [the agonised being]_{3166-the agonised being} . The tense body relaxed , the head fell aside , down the pillow . [Gerald]_255-gerald stood transfixed , [his]_255-gerald soul echoing in horror . [He]_255-gerald would move , but [he]_255-gerald could not . [He]_255-gerald could not move [his]_255-gerald limbs . [His]_255-gerald brain seemed to re - echo , like a pulse . [The nurse in white softly]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} entered . [She]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} glanced at [Gerald]_255-gerald , then at the bed . “ Ah ! ”_{[3167-the nurse in white softly]} came [her]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} soft whimpering cry , and [she]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} hurried forward to [the dead man]_{3168-the dead man} . “ Ah - h ! ”_{[3167-the nurse in white softly]} came the slight sound of [her]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} agitated distress , as [she]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} stood bending over the bedside . Then [she]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} recovered , turned , and came for towel and sponge . [She]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} was wiping [the dead face]_{3169-the dead face} carefully , and murmuring , almost whimpering , very softly : “ [Poor Mr Crich!—Poor Mr Crich]_{358-mr crich} ! Poor [Mr Crich]_{358-mr crich} ! ”_{[3167-the nurse in white softly]} “ Is [he]_{3168-the dead man} dead ? ”_[255-gerald] clanged [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s sharp voice . “ Oh yes , [he]_{3168-the dead man} ’s gone , ”_{[3167-the nurse in white softly]} replied the soft , moaning voice of [the nurse]_{6559-the nurse} , as [she]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} looked up at [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face . [She]_{3167-the nurse in white softly} was young and beautiful and quivering . A strange sort of grin went over [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face , over the horror . And [he]_255-gerald walked out of [the room]_{739-the room} . [He]_255-gerald was going to tell [[his]_255-gerald mother]_{4685-his mother} . On [the landing]_{3173-the landing} [he]_255-gerald met [[his]_255-gerald brother]_{760-his brother} [Basil]_359-basil . “ [He]_255-gerald ’s gone , [Basil]_359-basil , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , scarcely able to subdue [his]_255-gerald voice , not to let an unconscious , frightening exultation sound through . “ What ? ”_[359-basil] cried [Basil]_359-basil , going pale . [Gerald]_255-gerald nodded . Then [he]_255-gerald went on to [[[his]_255-gerald mother]_{4685-his mother} ’s room]_{3176-his mother ’s room} . [She]_{4685-his mother} was sitting in [her]_{4685-his mother} purple gown , sewing , very slowly sewing , putting in a stitch then another stitch . [She]_{4685-his mother} looked up at [Gerald]_255-gerald with [her]_{4685-his mother} blue undaunted eyes . “ [Father]_185-father ’s gone , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [He]_185-father ’s dead ? Who says so ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Oh , [you]_{4685-his mother} know , [mother]_4695-mother , if [you]_{4685-his mother} see [him]_185-father . ”_{[4685-his mother]} [She]_{4685-his mother} put [her]_{4685-his mother} sewing down , and slowly rose . “ Are [you]_{4685-his mother} going to see [him]_185-father ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ Yes , ”_{[4685-his mother]} [she]_{4685-his mother} said By the bedside [the children]_{4705-the children} already stood in a weeping group . “ Oh , [mother]_4695-mother ! ”_{[3178-the daughters]} cried [the daughters]_{3178-the daughters} , almost in hysterics , weeping loudly . But [the mother]_{565-the mother} went forward . [The dead man]_{3168-the dead man} lay in repose , as if gently asleep , so gently , so peacefully , like [a young man sleeping in purity]_{3181-a young man sleeping in purity} . [He]_{3168-the dead man} was still warm . [She]_{565-the mother} stood looking at [him]_{3168-the dead man} in gloomy , heavy silence , for some time . “ Ay , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said bitterly , at length , speaking as if to [the unseen witnesses of the air]_{3182-the unseen witnesses of the air} . “ [You]_{3168-the dead man} ’re dead . ”_{[565-the mother]} [She]_{565-the mother} stood for some minutes in silence , looking down . “ [Beautiful]_{360-beautiful} , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} asserted , “ beautiful as if life had never touched [you]_{3168-the dead man} — never touched [you]_{3168-the dead man} . [God]_167-god send [I]_{565-the mother} look different . [I]_{565-the mother} hope [I]_{565-the mother} shall look [my]_{565-the mother} years , when [I]_{565-the mother} am dead . Beautiful , beautiful , ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} crooned over [him]_{3168-the dead man} . “ [You]_{3168-the dead man} can see [him]_{3168-the dead man} in [his]_{3168-the dead man} teens , with [his]_{3168-the dead man} first beard on [his]_{3168-the dead man} face . [A beautiful soul]_{6855-a beautiful soul} , beautiful — ”_{[565-the mother]} Then there was a tearing in [her]_{565-the mother} voice as [she]_{565-the mother} cried : “ None of [you]_{3168-the dead man} look like this , when [you]_{3168-the dead man} are dead ! Do n’t let it happen again . ”_{[565-the mother]} It was a strange , wild command from out of the unknown . [[Her]_{565-the mother} children]_{2445-her children} moved unconsciously together , in [a nearer group]_{3184-a nearer group} , at the dreadful command in [her]_{565-the mother} voice . The colour was flushed bright in [her]_{565-the mother} cheek , [she]_{565-the mother} looked awful and wonderful . “ Blame [me]_{565-the mother} , blame [me]_{565-the mother} if [you]_{3168-the dead man} like , that [he]_{3168-the dead man} lies there like [a lad in [his]_{3168-the dead man} teens]_{6856-a lad in his teens} , with [his]_{3168-the dead man} first beard on [his]_{3168-the dead man} face . Blame [me]_{565-the mother} if [you]_{3168-the dead man} like . But [you]_{3168-the dead man} none of [you]_{3168-the dead man} know . ”_{[565-the mother]} [She]_{565-the mother} was silent in intense silence . Then there came , in a low , tense voice : “ If [I]_{565-the mother} thought that [the children [I]_{565-the mother} bore]_{6857-the children i bore} would lie looking like that in death , [I]_{565-the mother} ’d strangle [them]_{6857-the children i bore} when [they]_{6857-the children i bore} were [infants]_6858-infants , yes — ”_{[565-the mother]} “ No , [mother]_4695-mother , ”_[255-gerald] came the strange , clarion voice of [Gerald]_255-gerald from the background , “ [we]_6860-we are different , [we]_6860-we do n’t blame [you]_4695-mother . ”_[255-gerald] [She]_{565-the mother} turned and looked full in [his]_255-gerald eyes . Then [she]_{565-the mother} lifted [her]_{565-the mother} hands in a strange half - gesture of mad despair . “ Pray ! ”_{[565-the mother]} [she]_{565-the mother} said strongly . “ Pray for [yourselves]_{1823-her daughters} to [God]_167-god , for there ’s no help for [you]_{1823-her daughters} from [[your]_{1823-her daughters} parents]_{6861-your parents} . ”_{[565-the mother]} “ Oh [mother]_4695-mother ! ”_{[1823-her daughters]} cried [[her]_{565-the mother} daughters]_{1823-her daughters} wildly . But [she]_{565-the mother} had turned and gone , and [they]_{1823-her daughters} all went quickly away from [each other]_{451-each other} . When [Gudrun]_160-gudrun heard that [Mr Crich]_{358-mr crich} was dead , [she]_160-gudrun felt rebuked . [She]_160-gudrun had stayed away lest [Gerald]_255-gerald should think [her]_160-gudrun too easy of winning . And now , [he]_255-gerald was in the midst of trouble , whilst [she]_160-gudrun was cold . The following day [she]_160-gudrun went up as usual to [Winifred]_297-winifred , who was glad to see [her]_160-gudrun , glad to get away into [the studio]_{2756-the studio} . [The girl]_{540-the girl} had wept , and then , too frightened , had turned aside to avoid any more tragic eventuality . [She]_160-gudrun and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun resumed work as usual , in the isolation of [the studio]_{2756-the studio} , and this seemed an immeasurable happiness , [a pure world of freedom]_{3190-a pure world of freedom} , after the aimlessness and misery of [the house]_{468-the house} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun stayed on till evening . [She]_160-gudrun and [Winifred]_297-winifred had dinner brought up to [the studio]_{2756-the studio} , where [they]_3193-they ate in freedom , away from [all the people in [the house]_{468-the house}]_{3194-all the people in the house} . After dinner [Gerald]_255-gerald came up . [The great high studio]_{3196-the great high studio} was full of shadow and a fragrance of coffee . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Winifred]_297-winifred had a little table near the fire at the far end , with a white lamp whose light did not travel far . [They]_3193-they were a tiny world to [themselves]_3193-they , [the two girls]_{473-the two girls} surrounded by lovely shadows , the beams and rafters shadowy over - head , the benches and implements shadowy down [the studio]_{2756-the studio} . “ [You]_{473-the two girls} are cosy enough here , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , going up to [them]_{473-the two girls} . There was a low brick fireplace , full of fire , an old blue Turkish rug , the little oak table with the lamp and the white - and - blue cloth and the dessert , and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun making coffee in [an odd brass coffee - maker]_{3199-an odd brass coffee - maker} , and [Winifred]_297-winifred scalding a little milk in a tiny saucepan . “ Have [you]_{473-the two girls} had coffee ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_255-gerald have , but [I]_255-gerald ’ll have some more with [you]_{473-the two girls} , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ Then [you]_{473-the two girls} must have it in a glass — there are only two cups , ”_{[297-winifred]} said [Winifred]_297-winifred . “ It is the same to [me]_255-gerald , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , taking a chair and coming into [the charmed circle of [the girls]_{4851-the girls}]_{3200-the charmed circle of the girls} . How happy [they]_{4851-the girls} were , how cosy and glamorous it was with [them]_{4851-the girls} , in a world of lofty shadows ! [The outside world]_{3202-the outside world} , in which [he]_255-gerald had been transacting funeral business all the day was completely wiped out . In an instant [he]_255-gerald snuffed glamour and magic . [They]_{4851-the girls} had all [their]_{4851-the girls} things very dainty , two odd and lovely little cups , scarlet and solid gilt , and a little black jug with scarlet discs , and the curious coffee - machine , whose spirit - flame flowed steadily , almost invisibly . There was the effect of rather sinister richness , in which [Gerald]_255-gerald at once escaped [himself]_255-gerald . [They]_{4851-the girls} all sat down , and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun carefully poured out the coffee . “ Will [you]_255-gerald have milk ? ”_[3203-she] [she]_3203-she asked calmly , yet nervously poising the little black jug with its big red dots . [She]_3203-she was always so completely controlled , yet so bitterly nervous . “ No , [I]_255-gerald wo n’t , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . So , with a curious humility , [she]_3203-she placed [him]_255-gerald the little cup of coffee , and [herself]_3203-she took the awkward tumbler . [She]_3203-she seemed to want to serve [him]_255-gerald . “ Why do n’t [you]_3203-she give [me]_255-gerald the glass — it is so clumsy for [you]_3203-she , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . [He]_255-gerald would much rather have had it , and seen [her]_3203-she daintily served . But [she]_3203-she was silent , pleased with the disparity , with [her]_3203-she self - abasement . “ [You]_3203-she are quite en ménage , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Yes . [We]_6863-we are n’t really at [home]_4649-home to [visitors]_{6865-visitors} , ”_{[297-winifred]} said [Winifred]_297-winifred . “ [You]_255-gerald ’re not ? Then [I]_297-winifred ’m [an intruder]_{6704-an intruder} ? ”_{[297-winifred]} For once [he]_255-gerald felt [his]_255-gerald conventional dress was out of place , [he]_255-gerald was [an outsider]_{4935-an outsider} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was very quiet . [She]_3203-she did not feel drawn to talk to [him]_255-gerald . At this stage , silence was best — or mere light words . It was best to leave serious things aside . So [they]_3205-they talked gaily and lightly , till [they]_3205-they heard [the man below]_{3206-the man below} lead out the horse , and call it to “ back - back ! ”_{[3206-the man below]} into the dog - cart that was to take [Gudrun]_160-gudrun [home]_4649-home . So [she]_3203-she put on [her]_3203-she things , and shook hands with [Gerald]_255-gerald , without once meeting [his]_255-gerald eyes . And [she]_3203-she was gone . The funeral was detestable . Afterwards , at the tea - table , [the daughters]_{3178-the daughters} kept saying—“He was [a good father]_{6867-a good father} to [us]_3205-they — [the best father in the]_{6868-the best father in the} world”—or_{[3178-the daughters]} else—“We sha n’t easily find [another man as good as father]_{6869-another man as good as father} was . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald acquiesced in all this . It was the right conventional attitude , and , as far as [the world]_{541-the world} went , [he]_255-gerald believed in the conventions . [He]_255-gerald took it as a matter of course . But [Winifred]_297-winifred hated everything , and hid in [the studio]_{2756-the studio} , and cried [her]_3203-she heart out , and wished [Gudrun]_160-gudrun would come . Luckily [everybody]_{780-everybody} was going away . [The Criches]_{174-the criches} never stayed long at [home]_4649-home . By dinner - time , [Gerald]_255-gerald was left quite alone . Even [Winifred]_297-winifred was carried off to [London]_2-london , for a few days with [[her]_3203-she sister]_{449-her sister} [Laura]_180-laura . But when [Gerald]_255-gerald was really left alone , [he]_255-gerald could not bear it . One day passed by , and another . And all the time [he]_255-gerald was like [a man hung in chains over the edge of an abyss]_{3214-a man hung in chains over the edge of an abyss} . Struggle as [he]_255-gerald might , [he]_255-gerald could not turn [himself]_255-gerald to the solid earth , [he]_255-gerald could not get footing . [He]_255-gerald was suspended on [the edge of a void]_{3215-the edge of a void} , writhing . Whatever [he]_255-gerald thought of , was [the abyss]_{3216-the abyss} — whether it were [friends]_5028-friends or [strangers]_{4698-strangers} , or work or play , it all showed [him]_255-gerald only [the same bottomless void]_{3219-the same bottomless void} , in which [his]_255-gerald heart swung perishing . There was no escape , there was nothing to grasp hold of . [He]_255-gerald must writhe on the edge of the chasm , suspended in chains of invisible physical life . At first [he]_255-gerald was quiet , [he]_255-gerald kept still , expecting the extremity to pass away , expecting to find [himself]_255-gerald released into the world of the living , after this extremity of penance . But it did not pass , and a crisis gained upon [him]_255-gerald . As the evening of the third day came on , [his]_255-gerald heart rang with fear . [He]_255-gerald could not bear another night . Another night was coming on , for another night [he]_255-gerald was to be suspended in chain of physical life , over the bottomless pit of nothingness . And [he]_255-gerald could not bear it . [He]_255-gerald could not bear it . [He]_255-gerald was frightened deeply , and coldly , frightened in [his]_255-gerald soul . [He]_255-gerald did not believe in [his]_255-gerald own strength any more . [He]_255-gerald could not fall into this infinite void , and rise again . If [he]_255-gerald fell , [he]_255-gerald would be gone for ever . [He]_255-gerald must withdraw , [he]_255-gerald must seek reinforcements . [He]_255-gerald did not believe in [his]_255-gerald own single self , any further than this . After dinner , faced with the ultimate experience of [his]_255-gerald own nothingness , [he]_255-gerald turned aside . [He]_255-gerald pulled on [his]_255-gerald boots , put on [his]_255-gerald coat , and set out to walk in the night . It was dark and misty . [He]_255-gerald went through the wood , stumbling and feeling [his]_255-gerald way to [the Mill]_{5426-the mill} . [Birkin]_169-birkin was away . Good — [he]_255-gerald was half glad . [He]_255-gerald turned up [the hill]_{497-the hill} , and stumbled blindly over [the wild slopes]_{3222-the wild slopes} , having lost [the path]_{671-the path} in the complete darkness . It was boring . Where was [he]_255-gerald going ? No matter . [He]_255-gerald stumbled on till [he]_255-gerald came to [a path]_{3224-a path} again . Then [he]_255-gerald went on through [another wood]_{3225-another wood} . [His]_255-gerald mind became dark , [he]_255-gerald went on automatically . Without thought or sensation , [he]_255-gerald stumbled unevenly on , out into the open again , fumbling for stiles , losing [the path]_{671-the path} , and going along the hedges of [the fields]_{520-the fields} till [he]_255-gerald came to [the outlet]_{3228-the outlet} . And at last [he]_255-gerald came to [the high road]_{3229-the high road} . It had distracted [him]_255-gerald to struggle blindly through the maze of darkness . But now , [he]_255-gerald must take a direction . And [he]_255-gerald did not even know where [he]_255-gerald was . But [he]_255-gerald must take a direction now . Nothing would be resolved by merely walking , walking away . [He]_255-gerald had to take a direction . [He]_255-gerald stood still on [the road]_{502-the road} , that was high in the utterly dark night , and [he]_255-gerald did not know where [he]_255-gerald was . It was a strange sensation , [his]_255-gerald heart beating , and ringed round with the utterly unknown darkness . So [he]_255-gerald stood for some time . Then [he]_255-gerald heard footsteps , and saw a small , swinging light . [He]_255-gerald immediately went towards this . It was [a miner]_{1442-a miner} . “ Can [you]_{3232-the miner} tell [me]_255-gerald , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ where [this road]_{6870-this road} goes ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [Road]_6871-road ? Ay , it goes ter [Whatmore]_72-whatmore . ”_{[3232-the miner]} “ [Whatmore]_72-whatmore ! Oh thank [you]_{3232-the miner} , that ’s right . [I]_{3232-the miner} thought [I]_{3232-the miner} was wrong . Good - night . ”_{[3232-the miner]} “ Good - night , ”_{[3232-the miner]} replied the broad voice of [the miner]_{3232-the miner} . [Gerald]_255-gerald guessed where [he]_255-gerald was . At least , when [he]_255-gerald came to [Whatmore]_72-whatmore , [he]_255-gerald would know . [He]_255-gerald was glad to be on [a high road]_{3233-a high road} . [He]_255-gerald walked forward as in a sleep of decision . That was [Whatmore Village]_{105-whatmore village} — ? Yes , [[the King]_{3234-the king} ’s Head]_{106-the king ’s head} — and there the hall gates . [He]_255-gerald descended [the steep hill]_{3235-the steep hill} almost running . Winding through [the hollow]_{2948-the hollow} , [he]_255-gerald passed [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school} , and came to [Willey Green Church]_{107-willey green church} . [The churchyard]_{547-the churchyard} ! [He]_255-gerald halted . Then in another moment [he]_255-gerald had clambered up the wall and was going among [the graves]_{553-the graves} . Even in this darkness [he]_255-gerald could see the heaped pallor of old white flowers at [his]_255-gerald feet . This then was [the grave]_{3240-the grave} . [He]_255-gerald stooped down . The flowers were cold and clammy . There was a raw scent of chrysanthemums and tube - roses , deadened . [He]_255-gerald felt the clay beneath , and shrank , it was so horribly cold and sticky . [He]_255-gerald stood away in revulsion . [Here]_4650-here was one centre then , here in the complete darkness beside [the unseen , raw grave]_{3242-the unseen , raw grave} . But there was nothing for [him]_255-gerald here . No , [he]_255-gerald had nothing to stay [here]_4650-here for . [He]_255-gerald felt as if some of the clay were sticking cold and unclean , on [his]_255-gerald heart . No , enough of this . Where then?—home ? Never ! It was no use going [there]_629-there . That was less than no use . It could not be done . There was [somewhere else to go]_{3245-somewhere else to go} . Where ? A dangerous resolve formed in [his]_255-gerald heart , like a fixed idea . There was [Gudrun]_160-gudrun — [she]_160-gudrun would be safe in [[her]_160-gudrun home]_{469-her home} . But [he]_255-gerald could get at [her]_160-gudrun — [he]_255-gerald would get at [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_255-gerald would not go back tonight till [he]_255-gerald had come to [her]_160-gudrun , if it cost [him]_255-gerald [his]_255-gerald life . [He]_255-gerald staked [his]_255-gerald all on this throw . [He]_255-gerald set off walking straight across [the fields]_{520-the fields} towards [Beldover]_1-beldover . It was so dark , [nobody]_912-nobody could ever see [him]_255-gerald . [His]_255-gerald feet were wet and cold , heavy with clay . But [he]_255-gerald went on persistently , like a wind , straight forward , as if to [his]_255-gerald fate . There were great gaps in [his]_255-gerald consciousness . [He]_255-gerald was conscious that [he]_255-gerald was at [Winthorpe hamlet]_{108-winthorpe hamlet} , but quite unconscious how [he]_255-gerald had got [there]_629-there . And then , as in a dream , [he]_255-gerald was in [the long street of [Beldover]_1-beldover]_{3250-the long street of beldover} , with [its]_{3250-the long street of beldover} street - lamps . There was a noise of voices , and of a door shutting loudly , and being barred , and of [men]_848-men talking in the night . [The “ Lord Nelson ”]_{6872-the “ lord nelson ”[848-men]} had just closed , and [the drinkers]_{4913-the drinkers} were going [home]_4649-home . [He]_255-gerald had better ask one of these where [she]_3254-she lived — for [he]_255-gerald did not know [the side streets]_{3255-the side streets} at all . “ Can [you]_6873-you tell [me]_255-gerald where [Somerset Drive]_{109-somerset drive} is ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked of one of [the uneven men]_{3256-the uneven men} . “ Where what ? ”_{[3257-the tipsy miner]} replied [the tipsy miner]_{3257-the tipsy miner} ’s voice . “ [Somerset Drive]_{109-somerset drive} . ”_{[3257-the tipsy miner]} “ [Somerset Drive!—I’ve]_{110-somerset drive!—i’ve} heard o ’ such [a place]_{6874-a place} , but [I]_{3257-the tipsy miner} could n’t for [my]_{3257-the tipsy miner} life say where it is . Who might [you]_6873-you be wanting ? ”_{[3257-the tipsy miner]} “ [Mr Brangwen]_{361-mr brangwen} — [William Brangwen]_289-brangwen . ”_{[3257-the tipsy miner]} “ [William Brangwen]_289-brangwen — ? — ? ”_{[3257-the tipsy miner]} “ Who teaches at [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school} , at [Willey Green]_{6-willey green} — [[his]_289-brangwen daughter]_{6269-his daughter} teaches [there]_629-there too . ”_{[3257-the tipsy miner]} “ O - o - o - oh , [Brangwen]_289-brangwen ! Now [I]_{3257-the tipsy miner} ’ve got [you]_289-brangwen . Of course , [William Brangwen]_289-brangwen ! Yes , yes , [he]_289-brangwen ’s got [two lasses]_{6878-two lasses} as [teachers]_{6879-teachers} , aside hisself . Ay , that ’s [him]_289-brangwen — that ’s [him]_289-brangwen ! Why certainly [I]_{3257-the tipsy miner} know where [he]_289-brangwen lives , back [your]_289-brangwen life [I]_{3257-the tipsy miner} do ! Yi — what place do [they]_6880-they ca ’ [it]_6881-it ? ”_{[3257-the tipsy miner]} “ [Somerset Drive]_{109-somerset drive} , ”_[255-gerald] repeated [Gerald]_255-gerald patiently . [He]_255-gerald knew [[his]_255-gerald own colliers]_{3258-his own colliers} fairly well . “ [Somerset Drive]_{109-somerset drive} , for certain ! ”_{[983-the collier]} said [the collier]_{983-the collier} , swinging [his]_{983-the collier} arm as if catching something up . “ [Somerset Drive]_{109-somerset drive} — yi ! [I]_255-gerald could n’t for [my]_255-gerald life lay hold o ’ [the lercality o ’ [the place]_{5125-the place}]_{6882-the lercality o ’ the place} . Yis , [I]_255-gerald know [the place]_{5125-the place} , to be sure [I]_255-gerald do — ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald turned unsteadily on [his]_255-gerald feet , and pointed up [the dark , nigh - deserted road]_{3260-the dark , nigh - deserted road} . “ [You]_6885-you go up [theer]_6886-theer — an ’ [you]_6885-you ta’e th ’ first — yi , th ’ first turnin ’ on [your]_6885-you left — o ’ that side — past [Withamses tuffy shop]_{6887-withamses tuffy shop} — ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald know , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Ay ! [You]_6885-you go down a bit , past wheer [th ’ water - man]_{6888-th ’ water - man} lives — and then [Somerset Drive]_{109-somerset drive} , as [they]_6889-they ca ’ [it]_{109-somerset drive} , branches off on ’ t right hand side — an ’ there ’s nowt but [three houses in [it]_{109-somerset drive}]_{6890-three houses in it} , no more than three , [I]_255-gerald believe,—an ’ [I]_255-gerald ’m a’most certain as theirs is [th]_6891-th ’ last — th ’ last o ’ th ’ three — [you]_6885-you see — ”_[255-gerald] “ Thank [you]_255-gerald very much , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Good - night . ”_[255-gerald] And [he]_255-gerald started off , leaving [the tipsy man]_{3261-the tipsy man} there standing rooted . [Gerald]_255-gerald went past [the dark shops and houses]_{3262-the dark shops and houses} , most of [them]_{3262-the dark shops and houses} sleeping now , and twisted round to [the little blind road]_{3263-the little blind road} that ended on [a field of darkness]_{3264-a field of darkness} . [He]_255-gerald slowed down , as [he]_255-gerald neared [his]_255-gerald goal , not knowing how [he]_255-gerald should proceed . What if [the house]_{468-the house} were closed in darkness ? But it was not . [He]_255-gerald saw a big lighted window , and heard voices , then a gate banged . [His]_255-gerald quick ears caught the sound of [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s voice , [his]_255-gerald keen eyes made out [Birkin]_169-birkin , with [Ursula]_255-gerald standing in a pale dress on the step of [the garden path]_{3266-the garden path} . Then [Ursula]_255-gerald stepped down , and came along [the road]_{502-the road} , holding [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s arm . [Gerald]_255-gerald went across into [the darkness]_{3268-the darkness} and [they]_3269-they dawdled past [him]_255-gerald , talking happily , [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s voice low , [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s high and distinct . [Gerald]_255-gerald went quickly to [the house]_{468-the house} . The blinds were drawn before the big , lighted window of [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} . Looking up [the path at the side]_{3272-the path at the side} [he]_255-gerald could see the door left open , shedding a soft , coloured light from the hall lamp . [He]_255-gerald went quickly and silently up [the path]_{671-the path} , and looked up into [the hall]_{734-the hall} . There were pictures on the walls , and the antlers of a stag — and the stairs going up on one side — and just near the foot of the stairs the half opened door of [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} . With heart drawn fine , [Gerald]_255-gerald stepped into [the hall]_{734-the hall} , whose floor was of coloured tiles , went quickly and looked into [the large , pleasant room]_{3277-the large , pleasant room} . In a chair by the fire , [the father]_{646-the father} sat asleep , [his]_{646-the father} head tilted back against the side of the big oak chimney piece , [his]_{646-the father} ruddy face seen foreshortened , the nostrils open , the mouth fallen a little . It would take the merest sound to wake [him]_{646-the father} . [Gerald]_255-gerald stood a second suspended . [He]_255-gerald glanced down [the passage]_{5006-the passage} behind [him]_255-gerald . It was all dark . Again [he]_255-gerald was suspended . Then [he]_255-gerald went swiftly [upstairs]_467-upstairs . [His]_255-gerald senses were so finely , almost supernaturally keen , that [he]_255-gerald seemed to cast [his]_255-gerald own will over [the half - unconscious house]_{3281-the half - unconscious house} . [He]_255-gerald came to [the first landing]_{3282-the first landing} . There [he]_255-gerald stood , scarcely breathing . Again , corresponding to the door below , there was a door again . That would be [[the mother]_{565-the mother} ’s room]_{3284-the mother ’s room} . [He]_255-gerald could hear [her]_{565-the mother} moving about in the candlelight . [She]_{565-the mother} would be expecting [[her]_{565-the mother} husband]_{5204-her husband} to come up . [He]_255-gerald looked along [the dark landing]_{3286-the dark landing} . Then , silently , on infinitely careful feet , [he]_255-gerald went along [the passage]_{5006-the passage} , feeling the wall with the extreme tips of [his]_255-gerald fingers . There was a door . [He]_255-gerald stood and listened . [He]_255-gerald could hear [two people]_{4778-two people} ’s breathing . It was not that . [He]_255-gerald went stealthily forward . There was another door , slightly open . [The room]_{739-the room} was in darkness . Empty . Then there was [the bathroom]_{3290-the bathroom} , [he]_255-gerald could smell the soap and the heat . Then at the end [another bedroom]_{3291-another bedroom} — one soft breathing . This was [she]_{565-the mother} . With an almost occult carefulness [he]_255-gerald turned the door handle , and opened the door an inch . It creaked slightly . Then [he]_255-gerald opened it another inch — then another . [His]_255-gerald heart did not beat , [he]_255-gerald seemed to create a silence about [himself]_255-gerald , an obliviousness . [He]_255-gerald was in [the room]_{739-the room} . Still [the sleeper]_{3293-the sleeper} breathed softly . It was very dark . [He]_255-gerald felt [his]_255-gerald way forward inch by inch , with [his]_255-gerald feet and hands . [He]_255-gerald touched the bed , [he]_255-gerald could hear [the sleeper]_{3293-the sleeper} . [He]_255-gerald drew nearer , bending close as if [his]_255-gerald eyes would disclose whatever there was . And then , very near to [his]_255-gerald face , to [his]_255-gerald fear , [he]_255-gerald saw the round , dark head of [a boy]_{764-a boy} . [He]_255-gerald recovered , turned round , saw the door ajar , a faint light revealed . And [he]_255-gerald retreated swiftly , drew the door to without fastening it , and passed rapidly down [the passage]_{5006-the passage} . At the head of [the stairs]_{5176-the stairs} [he]_255-gerald hesitated . There was still time to flee . But it was unthinkable . [He]_255-gerald would maintain [his]_255-gerald will . [He]_255-gerald turned past the door of [the parental bedroom]_{3298-the parental bedroom} like a shadow , and was climbing [the second flight of stairs]_{3299-the second flight of stairs} . They creaked under [his]_255-gerald weight — it was exasperating . Ah what disaster , if [the mother]_{565-the mother} ’s door opened just beneath [him]_255-gerald , and [she]_{565-the mother} saw [him]_255-gerald ! It would have to be , if it were so . [He]_255-gerald held the control still . [He]_255-gerald was not quite up [these stairs]_{3301-these stairs} when [he]_255-gerald heard a quick running of feet below , the outer door was closed and locked , [he]_255-gerald heard [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s voice , then [the father]_{646-the father} ’s sleepy exclamation . [He]_255-gerald pressed on swiftly to [the upper landing]_{3303-the upper landing} . Again a door was ajar , [a room]_{3304-a room} was empty . Feeling [his]_255-gerald way forward , with the tips of [his]_255-gerald fingers , travelling rapidly , like [a blind man]_{3305-a blind man} , anxious lest [Ursula]_255-gerald should come [upstairs]_467-upstairs , [he]_255-gerald found another door . There , with [his]_255-gerald preternaturally fine sense alert , [he]_255-gerald listened . [He]_255-gerald heard [someone moving in bed]_{3307-someone moving in bed} . This would be [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} . Softly now , like [one who has only one sense , the tactile sense]_{3308-one who has only one sense , the tactile sense} , [he]_255-gerald turned the latch . It clicked . [He]_255-gerald held still . The bed - clothes rustled . [His]_255-gerald heart did not beat . Then again [he]_255-gerald drew the latch back , and very gently pushed the door . It made a sticking noise as it gave . “ [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s voice , frightened . [He]_255-gerald quickly opened the door and pushed it behind [him]_255-gerald . “ Is it [you]_255-gerald , [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] came [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s frightened voice . [He]_255-gerald heard [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} sitting up in bed . In another moment [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} would scream . “ No , it ’s [me]_255-gerald , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , feeling [his]_255-gerald way towards [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} . “ It is [I]_255-gerald , [Gerald]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} sat motionless in [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} bed in sheer astonishment . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} was too astonished , too much taken by surprise , even to be afraid . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald ! ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} echoed , in blank amazement . [He]_255-gerald had found [his]_255-gerald way to the bed , and [his]_255-gerald outstretched hand touched [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} warm breast blindly . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} shrank away . “ Let [me]_{3307-someone moving in bed} make a light , ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} said , springing out . [He]_255-gerald stood perfectly motionless . [He]_255-gerald heard [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} touch the match - box , [he]_255-gerald heard [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} fingers in [their]_3309-their movement . Then [he]_255-gerald saw [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} in the light of a match , which [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} held to the candle . The light rose in [the room]_{739-the room} , then sank to a small dimness , as the flame sank down on the candle , before it mounted again . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} looked at [him]_255-gerald , as [he]_255-gerald stood near the other side of the bed . [His]_255-gerald cap was pulled low over [his]_255-gerald brow , [his]_255-gerald black overcoat was buttoned close up to [his]_255-gerald chin . [His]_255-gerald face was strange and luminous . [He]_255-gerald was inevitable as [a supernatural being]_{3311-a supernatural being} . When [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} had seen [him]_255-gerald , [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} knew . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} knew there was something fatal in the situation , and [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} must accept it . Yet [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} must challenge [him]_255-gerald . “ How did [you]_255-gerald come up ? ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} asked . “ [I]_{3307-someone moving in bed} walked up the stairs — the door was open . ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} looked at [him]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald have n’t closed this door , either , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} walked swiftly across [the room]_{739-the room} , and closed [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} door , softly , and locked it . Then [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} came back . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} was wonderful , with startled eyes and flushed cheeks , and [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} plait of hair rather short and thick down [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} back , and [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} long , fine white night - dress falling to [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} feet . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} saw that [his]_255-gerald boots were all clayey , even [his]_255-gerald trousers were plastered with clay . And [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} wondered if [he]_255-gerald had made footprints all the way up . [He]_255-gerald was a very strange figure , standing in [[her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} bedroom]_{3313-her bedroom} , near the tossed bed . “ Why have [you]_255-gerald come ? ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} asked , almost querulous . “ [I]_255-gerald wanted to , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . And this [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} could see from [his]_255-gerald face . It was fate . “ [You]_255-gerald are so muddy , ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} said , in distaste , but gently . [He]_255-gerald looked down at [his]_255-gerald feet . “ [I]_255-gerald was walking in the dark , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . But [he]_255-gerald felt vividly elated . There was a pause . [He]_255-gerald stood on one side of the tumbled bed , [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} on the other . [He]_255-gerald did not even take [his]_255-gerald cap from [his]_255-gerald brows . “ And what do [you]_255-gerald want of [me]_{3307-someone moving in bed} , ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} challenged . [He]_255-gerald looked aside , and did not answer . Save for the extreme beauty and mystic attractiveness of this distinct , strange face , [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} would have sent [him]_255-gerald away . But [his]_255-gerald face was too wonderful and undiscovered to [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} . It fascinated [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} with the fascination of pure beauty , cast a spell on [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} , like nostalgia , an ache . “ What do [you]_255-gerald want of [me]_{3307-someone moving in bed} ? ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} repeated in an estranged voice . [He]_255-gerald pulled off [his]_255-gerald cap , in a movement of dream - liberation , and went across to [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} . But [he]_255-gerald could not touch [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} , because [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} stood barefoot in [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} night - dress , and [he]_255-gerald was muddy and damp . [Her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} eyes , wide and large and wondering , watched [him]_255-gerald , and asked [him]_255-gerald the ultimate question . “ [I]_255-gerald came — because [I]_255-gerald must , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Why do [you]_255-gerald ask ? ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} looked at [him]_255-gerald in doubt and wonder . “ [I]_{3307-someone moving in bed} must ask , ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} said . [He]_255-gerald shook [his]_255-gerald head slightly . “ There is no answer , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied , with strange vacancy . There was about [him]_255-gerald a curious , and almost godlike air of simplicity and native directness . [He]_255-gerald reminded [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} of [an apparition]_{3314-an apparition} , [the young Hermes]_{362-the young hermes} . “ But why did [you]_255-gerald come to [me]_{3307-someone moving in bed} ? ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} persisted . “ Because — it has to be so . If there were n’t [you]_255-gerald in [the world]_{541-the world} , then [I]_{3307-someone moving in bed} should n’t be in [the world]_{541-the world} , either . ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} stood looking at [him]_255-gerald , with large , wide , wondering , stricken eyes . [His]_255-gerald eyes were looking steadily into [hers]_{3307-someone moving in bed} all the time , and [he]_255-gerald seemed fixed in an odd supernatural steadfastness . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} sighed . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} was lost now . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} had no choice . “ Wo n’t [you]_255-gerald take off [your]_255-gerald boots , ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} said . “ They must be wet . ”_{[3307-someone moving in bed]} [He]_255-gerald dropped [his]_255-gerald cap on a chair , unbuttoned [his]_255-gerald overcoat , lifting up [his]_255-gerald chin to unfasten the throat buttons . [His]_255-gerald short , keen hair was ruffled . [He]_255-gerald was so beautifully blond , like wheat . [He]_255-gerald pulled off [his]_255-gerald overcoat . Quickly [he]_255-gerald pulled off [his]_255-gerald jacket , pulled loose [his]_255-gerald black tie , and was unfastening [his]_255-gerald studs , which were headed each with a pearl . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} listened , watching , hoping [no one]_{485-no one} would hear the starched linen crackle . It seemed to snap like pistol shots . [He]_255-gerald had come for vindication . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} let [him]_255-gerald hold [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} in [his]_255-gerald arms , clasp [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} close against [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald found in [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} an infinite relief . Into [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} [he]_255-gerald poured all [his]_255-gerald pent - up darkness and corrosive death , and [he]_255-gerald was whole again . It was wonderful , marvellous , it was a miracle . This was the ever - recurrent miracle of [his]_255-gerald life , at the knowledge of which [he]_255-gerald was lost in an ecstasy of relief and wonder . And [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} , [subject]_3316-subject , received [him]_255-gerald as a vessel filled with [his]_255-gerald bitter potion of death . [She]_{3307-someone moving in bed} had no power at this crisis to resist . The terrible frictional violence of death filled [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} , and [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} received it in an ecstasy of subjection , in throes of acute , violent sensation . As [he]_255-gerald drew nearer to [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} , [he]_255-gerald plunged deeper into [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} enveloping soft warmth , a wonderful creative heat that penetrated [his]_255-gerald veins and gave [him]_255-gerald life again . [He]_255-gerald felt [himself]_255-gerald dissolving and sinking to rest in the bath of [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} living strength . It seemed as if [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} heart in [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} breast were a second unconquerable sun , into the glow and creative strength of which [he]_255-gerald plunged further and further . All [his]_255-gerald veins , that were murdered and lacerated , healed softly as life came pulsing in , stealing invisibly in to [him]_255-gerald as if it were the all - powerful effluence of the sun . [His]_255-gerald blood , which seemed to have been drawn back into death , came ebbing on the return , surely , beautifully , powerfully . [He]_255-gerald felt [his]_255-gerald limbs growing fuller and flexible with life , [his]_255-gerald body gained an unknown strength . [He]_255-gerald was [a man]_{4648-a man} again , strong and rounded . And [he]_255-gerald was [a child , so soothed and restored and full of gratitude]_{3318-a child , so soothed and restored and full of gratitude} . And [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} , [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} was the great bath of life , [he]_255-gerald worshipped [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} . [Mother]_187-mother and substance of all life [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} was . And [he]_255-gerald , [child]_3319-child and [man]_1089-man , received of [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} and was made whole . [His]_255-gerald pure body was almost killed . But the miraculous , soft effluence of [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} breast suffused over [him]_255-gerald , over [his]_255-gerald seared , damaged brain , like a healing lymph , like a soft , soothing flow of life itself , perfect as if [he]_255-gerald were bathed in the womb again . [His]_255-gerald brain was hurt , seared , the tissue was as if destroyed . [He]_255-gerald had not known how hurt [he]_255-gerald was , how [his]_255-gerald tissue , the very tissue of [his]_255-gerald brain was damaged by the corrosive flood of death . Now , as the healing lymph of [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} effluence flowed through [him]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald knew how destroyed [he]_255-gerald was , like [a plant whose tissue is burst from inwards by a frost]_{3321-a plant whose tissue is burst from inwards by a frost} . [He]_255-gerald buried [his]_255-gerald small , hard head between [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} breasts , and pressed [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} breasts against [him]_255-gerald with [his]_255-gerald hands . And [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} with quivering hands pressed [his]_255-gerald head against [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} , as [he]_255-gerald lay suffused out , and [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} lay fully conscious . The lovely creative warmth flooded through [him]_255-gerald like a sleep of fecundity within the womb . Ah , if only [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} would grant [him]_255-gerald the flow of this living effluence , [he]_255-gerald would be restored , [he]_255-gerald would be complete again . [He]_255-gerald was afraid [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} would deny [him]_255-gerald before it was finished . Like [a child at the breast]_{3322-a child at the breast} , [he]_255-gerald cleaved intensely to [her]_{3307-someone moving in bed} , and [she]_{3307-someone moving in bed} could not put [him]_255-gerald away . And [his]_255-gerald seared , ruined membrane relaxed , softened , that which was seared and stiff and blasted yielded again , became soft and flexible , palpitating with new life . [He]_255-gerald was infinitely grateful , as to [God]_167-god , or as [an infant]_{3323-an infant} is at [its mother]_{2545-its mother} ’s breast . [He]_255-gerald was glad and grateful like a delirium , as [he]_255-gerald felt [his]_255-gerald own wholeness come over [him]_255-gerald again , as [he]_255-gerald felt the full , unutterable sleep coming over [him]_255-gerald , the sleep of complete exhaustion and restoration . But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun lay wide awake , destroyed into perfect consciousness . [She]_160-gudrun lay motionless , with wide eyes staring motionless into the darkness , whilst [he]_255-gerald was sunk away in sleep , [his]_255-gerald arms round [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun seemed to be hearing waves break on [a hidden shore]_{3325-a hidden shore} , long , slow , gloomy waves , breaking with the rhythm of fate , so monotonously that it seemed eternal . This endless breaking of slow , sullen waves of fate held [her]_160-gudrun life a possession , whilst [she]_160-gudrun lay with dark , wide eyes looking into the darkness . [She]_160-gudrun could see so far , as far as eternity — yet [she]_160-gudrun saw nothing . [She]_160-gudrun was suspended in perfect consciousness — and of what was [she]_160-gudrun conscious ? This mood of extremity , when [she]_160-gudrun lay staring into eternity , utterly suspended , and conscious of everything , to the last limits , passed and left [her]_160-gudrun uneasy . [She]_160-gudrun had lain so long motionless . [She]_160-gudrun moved , [she]_160-gudrun became self - conscious . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to look at [him]_255-gerald , to see [him]_255-gerald . But [she]_160-gudrun dared not make a light , because [she]_160-gudrun knew [he]_255-gerald would wake , and [she]_160-gudrun did not want to break [his]_255-gerald perfect sleep , that [she]_160-gudrun knew [he]_255-gerald had got of [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun disengaged [herself]_160-gudrun , softly , and rose up a little to look at [him]_255-gerald . There was a faint light , it seemed to [her]_160-gudrun , in [the room]_{739-the room} . [She]_160-gudrun could just distinguish [his]_255-gerald features , as [he]_255-gerald slept the perfect sleep . In this darkness , [she]_160-gudrun seemed to see [him]_255-gerald so distinctly . But [he]_255-gerald was far off , in [another world]_{4676-another world} . Ah , [she]_160-gudrun could shriek with torment , [he]_255-gerald was so far off , and perfected , in [another world]_{4676-another world} . [She]_160-gudrun seemed to look at [him]_255-gerald as at a pebble far away under [clear dark water]_{3329-clear dark water} . And here was [she]_160-gudrun , left with all the anguish of consciousness , whilst [he]_255-gerald was sunk deep into the other element of mindless , remote , living shadow - gleam . [He]_255-gerald was beautiful , far - off , and perfected . [They]_3330-they would never be together . Ah , this awful , inhuman distance which would always be interposed between [her]_160-gudrun and [the other being]_{2932-the other being} ! There was nothing to do but to lie still and endure . [She]_160-gudrun felt an overwhelming tenderness for [him]_255-gerald , and a dark , under - stirring of jealous hatred , that [he]_255-gerald should lie so perfect and immune , in [an other - world]_{3332-an other - world} , whilst [she]_160-gudrun was tormented with violent wakefulness , cast out in the outer darkness . [She]_160-gudrun lay in intense and vivid consciousness , an exhausting superconsciousness . The church clock struck the hours , it seemed to [her]_160-gudrun , in quick succession . [She]_160-gudrun heard them distinctly in the tension of [her]_160-gudrun vivid consciousness . And [he]_255-gerald slept as if time were one moment , unchanging and unmoving . [She]_160-gudrun was exhausted , wearied . Yet [she]_160-gudrun must continue in this state of violent active superconsciousness . [She]_160-gudrun was conscious of everything — [her]_160-gudrun childhood , [her]_160-gudrun girlhood , all the forgotten incidents , all the unrealised influences and all the happenings [she]_160-gudrun had not understood , pertaining to [herself]_160-gudrun , to [[her]_160-gudrun family]_{5945-her family} , to [[her]_160-gudrun friends]_{603-her friends} , [[her]_160-gudrun lovers]_{3335-her lovers} , [[her]_160-gudrun acquaintances]_{1225-her acquaintances} , [everybody]_{780-everybody} . It was as if [she]_160-gudrun drew a glittering rope of knowledge out of the sea of darkness , drew and drew and drew it out of the fathomless depths of the past , and still it did not come to an end , there was no end to it , [she]_160-gudrun must haul and haul at the rope of glittering consciousness , pull it out phosphorescent from the endless depths of the unconsciousness , till [she]_160-gudrun was weary , aching , exhausted , and fit to break , and yet [she]_160-gudrun had not done . Ah , if only [she]_160-gudrun might wake [him]_3338-he ! [She]_160-gudrun turned uneasily . When could [she]_160-gudrun rouse [him]_3338-he and send [him]_3338-he away ? When could [she]_160-gudrun disturb [him]_3338-he ? And [she]_160-gudrun relapsed into [her]_160-gudrun activity of automatic consciousness , that would never end . But the time was drawing near when [she]_160-gudrun could wake [him]_3338-he . It was like a release . The clock had struck four , outside in the night . Thank [God]_167-god the night had passed almost away . At five [he]_3338-he must go , and [she]_160-gudrun would be released . Then [she]_160-gudrun could relax and fill [[her]_160-gudrun own place]_{3339-her own place} . Now [she]_160-gudrun was driven up against [his]_3338-he perfect sleeping motion like a knife white - hot on a grindstone . There was something monstrous about [him]_3338-he , about [his]_3338-he juxtaposition against [her]_160-gudrun . The last hour was the longest . And yet , at last it passed . [Her]_160-gudrun heart leapt with relief — yes , there was the slow , strong stroke of the church clock — at last , after this night of eternity . [She]_160-gudrun waited to catch each slow , fatal reverberation . “ Three — four — five ! ”_[160-gudrun] There , it was finished . A weight rolled off [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun raised [herself]_160-gudrun , leaned over [him]_3338-he tenderly , and kissed [him]_3338-he . [She]_160-gudrun was sad to wake [him]_3338-he . After a few moments , [she]_160-gudrun kissed [him]_3338-he again . But [he]_3338-he did not stir . [The darling]_{3340-the darling} , [he]_3338-he was so deep in sleep ! What a shame to take [him]_3338-he out of it . [She]_160-gudrun let [him]_3338-he lie a little longer . But [he]_3338-he must go — [he]_3338-he must really go . With full over - tenderness [she]_160-gudrun took [his]_3338-he face between [her]_160-gudrun hands , and kissed [his]_3338-he eyes . The eyes opened , [he]_3338-he remained motionless , looking at [her]_160-gudrun . [Her]_160-gudrun heart stood still . To hide [her]_160-gudrun face from [his]_3338-he dreadful opened eyes , in the darkness , [she]_160-gudrun bent down and kissed [him]_3338-he , whispering : “ [You]_3338-he must go , [[my]_160-gudrun love]_{2765-my love} . ”_[160-gudrun] But [she]_160-gudrun was sick with terror , sick . [He]_3338-he put [his]_3338-he arms round [her]_160-gudrun . [Her]_160-gudrun heart sank . “ But [you]_160-gudrun must go , [[my]_3338-he love]_{2765-my love} . It ’s late . ”_[3338-he] “ What time is it ? ”_[3338-he] [he]_3338-he said . Strange , [[his]_3338-he man]_{3341-his man} ’s voice . [She]_160-gudrun quivered . It was an intolerable oppression to [her]_160-gudrun . “ Past five o’clock , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . But [he]_3338-he only closed [his]_3338-he arms round [her]_160-gudrun again . [Her]_160-gudrun heart cried within [her]_160-gudrun in torture . [She]_160-gudrun disengaged [herself]_160-gudrun firmly . “ [You]_3338-he really must go , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ Not for a minute , ”_[3338-he] [he]_3338-he said . [She]_160-gudrun lay still , nestling against [him]_3338-he , but unyielding . “ Not for a minute , ”_[3338-he] [he]_3338-he repeated , clasping [her]_160-gudrun closer . “ Yes , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , unyielding , “ [I]_160-gudrun ’m afraid if [you]_3338-he stay any longer . ”_[160-gudrun] There was a certain coldness in [her]_160-gudrun voice that made [him]_3338-he release [her]_160-gudrun , and [she]_160-gudrun broke away , rose and lit the candle . That then was the end . [He]_3338-he got up . [He]_3338-he was warm and full of life and desire . Yet [he]_3338-he felt a little bit ashamed , humiliated , putting on [his]_3338-he clothes before [her]_160-gudrun , in the candle - light . For [he]_3338-he felt revealed , exposed to [her]_160-gudrun , at a time when [she]_160-gudrun was in some way against [him]_3338-he . It was all very difficult to understand . [He]_3338-he dressed [himself]_3338-he quickly , without collar or tie . Still [he]_3338-he felt full and complete , perfected . [She]_160-gudrun thought it humiliating to see [a man dressing : the ridiculous shirt , the ridiculous trousers and braces]_{3342-a man dressing : the ridiculous shirt , the ridiculous trousers and braces} . But again an idea saved [her]_160-gudrun . “ It is like [a workman]_{6249-a workman} getting up to go to work , ”_[160-gudrun] thought [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ And [I]_160-gudrun am like [[a workman]_{6249-a workman} ’s wife]_{6898-a workman ’s wife} . ”_[160-gudrun] But an ache like nausea was upon [her]_160-gudrun : a nausea of [him]_3338-he . [He]_3338-he pushed [his]_3338-he collar and tie into [his]_3338-he overcoat pocket . Then [he]_3338-he sat down and pulled on [his]_3338-he boots . They were sodden , as were [his]_3338-he socks and trouser - bottoms . But [he]_3338-he [himself]_3338-he was quick and warm . “ Perhaps [you]_3338-he ought to have put [your]_3338-he boots on [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . At once , without answering , [he]_3338-he pulled them off again , and stood holding them in [his]_3338-he hand . [She]_160-gudrun had thrust [her]_160-gudrun feet into slippers , and flung a loose robe round [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun was ready . [She]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_3338-he as [he]_3338-he stood waiting , [his]_3338-he black coat buttoned to the chin , [his]_3338-he cap pulled down , [his]_3338-he boots in [his]_3338-he hand . And the passionate almost hateful fascination revived in [her]_160-gudrun for a moment . It was not exhausted . [His]_3338-he face was so warm - looking , wide - eyed and full of newness , so perfect . [She]_160-gudrun felt old , old . [She]_160-gudrun went to [him]_3338-he heavily , to be kissed . [He]_3338-he kissed [her]_160-gudrun quickly . [She]_160-gudrun wished [his]_3338-he warm , expressionless beauty did not so fatally put a spell on [her]_160-gudrun , compel [her]_160-gudrun and subjugate [her]_160-gudrun . It was a burden upon [her]_160-gudrun , that [she]_160-gudrun resented , but could not escape . Yet when [she]_160-gudrun looked at [[his]_3338-he straight man]_{3343-his straight man} ’s brows , and at [his]_3338-he rather small , well - shaped nose , and at [his]_3338-he blue , indifferent eyes , [she]_160-gudrun knew [her]_160-gudrun passion for [him]_3338-he was not yet satisfied , perhaps never could be satisfied . Only now [she]_160-gudrun was weary , with an ache like nausea . [She]_160-gudrun wanted [him]_3338-he gone . [They]_3344-they went [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} quickly . It seemed [they]_3344-they made a prodigious noise . [He]_3338-he followed [her]_160-gudrun as , wrapped in [her]_160-gudrun vivid green wrap , [she]_160-gudrun preceded [him]_3338-he with the light . [She]_160-gudrun suffered badly with fear , lest [[her]_160-gudrun people]_{3346-her people} should be roused . [He]_3338-he hardly cared . [He]_3338-he did not care now who knew . And [she]_160-gudrun hated this in [him]_3338-he . [One]_4646-one must be cautious . [One]_4646-one must preserve [oneself]_4646-one . [She]_160-gudrun led the way to [the kitchen]_{1588-the kitchen} . [It]_{1588-the kitchen} was neat and tidy , as [the woman]_{873-the woman} had left [it]_{1588-the kitchen} . [He]_3338-he looked up at the clock — twenty minutes past five Then [he]_3338-he sat down on a chair to put on [his]_3338-he boots . [She]_160-gudrun waited , watching [his]_3338-he every movement . [She]_160-gudrun wanted it to be over , it was a great nervous strain on [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_3338-he stood up — [she]_160-gudrun unbolted the back door , and looked out . A cold , raw night , not yet dawn , with a piece of a moon in the vague sky . [She]_160-gudrun was glad [she]_160-gudrun need not go out . “ Good - bye then , ”_[3338-he] [he]_3338-he murmured . “ [I]_160-gudrun ’ll come to the gate , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . And again [she]_160-gudrun hurried on in front , to warn [him]_3338-he of the steps . And at the gate , once more [she]_160-gudrun stood on the step whilst [he]_3338-he stood below [her]_160-gudrun . “ Good - bye , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun whispered . [He]_3338-he kissed [her]_160-gudrun dutifully , and turned away . [She]_160-gudrun suffered torments hearing [his]_3338-he firm tread going so distinctly down [the road]_{502-the road} . Ah , the insensitiveness of that firm tread ! [She]_160-gudrun closed the gate , and crept quickly and noiselessly back to bed . When [she]_160-gudrun was in [[her]_160-gudrun room]_{5117-her room} , and the door closed , and all safe , [she]_160-gudrun breathed freely , and a great weight fell off [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun nestled down in bed , in the groove [his]_3338-he body had made , in the warmth [he]_3338-he had left . And excited , worn - out , yet still satisfied , [she]_160-gudrun fell soon into a deep , heavy sleep . [Gerald]_255-gerald walked quickly through the raw darkness of the coming dawn . [He]_255-gerald met [nobody]_912-nobody . [His]_255-gerald mind was beautifully still and thoughtless , like a still pool , and [his]_255-gerald body full and warm and rich . [He]_255-gerald went quickly along towards [Shortlands]_7-shortlands , in a grateful self - sufficiency . [The Brangwen family]_{3354-the brangwen family} was going to move from [Beldover]_1-beldover . It was necessary now for [the father]_{646-the father} to be in [town]_602-town . [Birkin]_169-birkin had taken out a marriage licence , yet [Ursula]_255-gerald deferred from day to day . [She]_169-birkin would not fix any definite time — [she]_169-birkin still wavered . [Her]_169-birkin month ’s notice to leave [the Grammar School]_{544-the grammar school} was in its third week . [Christmas]_{363-christmas} was not far off . [Gerald]_255-gerald waited for the [Ursula - Birkin]_364-birkin marriage . It was something crucial to [him]_255-gerald . “ Shall [we]_364-birkin make it a double - barrelled affair ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said to [Birkin]_364-birkin one day . “ Who for the second shot ? ”_[364-birkin] asked [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [me]_255-gerald , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , the venturesome twinkle in [his]_255-gerald eyes . [Birkin]_364-birkin looked at [him]_255-gerald steadily , as if somewhat taken aback . “ Serious — or joking ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ Oh , serious . Shall [I]_255-gerald ? Shall [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [I]_255-gerald rush in along with [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Do by all means , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ [I]_364-birkin did n’t know [you]_255-gerald ’d got that length . ”_[364-birkin] “ What length ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , looking at [the other man]_{832-the other man} , and laughing . “ Oh yes , [we]_6900-we ’ve gone all the lengths . ”_[255-gerald] “ There remains to put it on a broad social basis , and to achieve a high moral purpose , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ Something like that : the length and breadth and height of it , ”_[255-gerald] replied [Gerald]_255-gerald , smiling . “ Oh well , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin , “ it ’s a very admirable step to take , [I]_364-birkin should say . ”_[364-birkin] [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [him]_255-gerald closely . “ Why are n’t [you]_255-gerald enthusiastic ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ [I]_255-gerald thought [you]_255-gerald were such dead nuts on marriage . ”_[255-gerald] [Birkin]_364-birkin lifted [his]_255-gerald shoulders . “ [One]_4646-one might as well be dead nuts on noses . There are all sorts of noses , snub and otherwise — ”_[364-birkin] [Gerald]_255-gerald laughed . “ And all sorts of marriage , also snub and otherwise ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ That ’s it . ”_[255-gerald] “ And [you]_255-gerald think if [I]_255-gerald marry , it will be snub ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald quizzically , [his]_255-gerald head a little on one side . [Birkin]_364-birkin laughed quickly . “ How do [I]_255-gerald know what it will be ! ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Do n’t lambaste [me]_255-gerald with [my]_255-gerald own parallels — ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald pondered a while . “ But [I]_255-gerald should like to know [your]_255-gerald opinion , exactly , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ On [your]_255-gerald marriage?—or marrying ? Why should [you]_255-gerald want [my]_255-gerald opinion ? [I]_255-gerald ’ve got no opinions . [I]_255-gerald ’m not interested in legal marriage , one way or another . It ’s a mere question of convenience . ”_[255-gerald] Still [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [him]_255-gerald closely . “ More than that , [I]_255-gerald think , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said seriously . “ However [you]_255-gerald may be bored by the ethics of marriage , yet really to marry , in one ’s own personal case , is something critical , final — ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_255-gerald mean there is something final in going to the registrar with [a woman]_{897-a woman} ? ”_[255-gerald] “ If [you]_255-gerald ’re coming back with [her]_{897-a woman} , [I]_255-gerald do , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ It is in some way irrevocable . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , [I]_364-birkin agree , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ No matter how [one]_4646-one regards legal marriage , yet to enter into the married state , in [one]_4646-one ’s own personal instance , is final — ”_[364-birkin] “ [I]_364-birkin believe it is , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin , “ somewhere . ”_[364-birkin] “ The question remains then , should [one]_4646-one do it , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_364-birkin watched [him]_255-gerald narrowly , with amused eyes . “ [You]_255-gerald are like [Lord Bacon]_{365-lord bacon} , [Gerald]_255-gerald , ”_[3359-i] [he]_3359-i said . “ [You]_255-gerald argue it like [a lawyer]_{6906-a lawyer} — or like [Hamlet ’s to - be - or - not - to - be]_{6907-hamlet ’s to - be - or - not - to - be} . If [I]_3359-i were [you]_255-gerald [I]_3359-i would not marry : but ask [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , not [me]_3359-i . [You]_255-gerald ’re not marrying [me]_3359-i , are [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[3359-i] [Gerald]_255-gerald did not heed the latter part of this speech . “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ one must consider it coldly . It is something critical . [One]_4646-one comes to the point where one must take a step in one direction or another . And marriage is one direction — ”_[255-gerald] “ And what is the other ? ”_[364-birkin] asked [Birkin]_364-birkin quickly . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked up at [him]_255-gerald with hot , strangely - conscious eyes , that [the other man]_{832-the other man} could not understand . “ [I]_255-gerald ca n’t say , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ If [I]_255-gerald knew that — ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald moved uneasily on [his]_255-gerald feet , and did not finish . “ [You]_255-gerald mean if [you]_255-gerald knew the alternative ? ”_[364-birkin] asked [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ And since [you]_255-gerald do n’t know it , marriage is a pis aller . ”_[364-birkin] [Gerald]_255-gerald looked up at [Birkin]_364-birkin with the same hot , constrained eyes . “ [One]_4646-one does have the feeling that marriage is a pis aller , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald admitted . “ Then do n’t do it , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ [I]_255-gerald tell [you]_364-birkin , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald went on , “ the same as [I]_255-gerald ’ve said before , marriage in the old sense seems to [me]_255-gerald repulsive . Égoïsme à deux is nothing to it . It ’s a sort of tacit hunting in [couples]_2322-couples : [the world]_{541-the world} all in [couples]_2322-couples , each couple in [[its]_2322-couples own little house]_{6913-its own little house} , watching its own little interests , and stewing in [its]_2322-couples own little privacy — it ’s the most repulsive thing on [earth]_571-earth . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald quite agree , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ There ’s something inferior about it . But as [I]_255-gerald say , what ’s the alternative . ”_[255-gerald] “ [One]_4646-one should avoid this home instinct . It ’s not an instinct , it ’s a habit of cowardliness . [One]_4646-one should never have a [home]_4649-home . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald agree really , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ But there ’s no alternative . ”_[255-gerald] “ [We]_6918-we ’ve got to find one . [I]_255-gerald do believe in a permanent union between [a man]_{4648-a man} and [a woman]_{897-a woman} . Chopping about is merely an exhaustive process . But a permanent relation between [a man]_{4648-a man} and [a woman]_{897-a woman} is n’t the last word — it certainly is n’t . ”_[255-gerald] “ Quite , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ In fact , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin , “ because the relation between [man]_1089-man and [woman]_1012-woman is made the supreme and exclusive relationship , that ’s where all the tightness and meanness and insufficiency comes in . ”_[364-birkin] “ Yes , [I]_255-gerald believe [you]_255-gerald , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [You]_255-gerald ’ve got to take down the love - and - marriage ideal from its pedestal . [We]_6918-we want something broader . [I]_255-gerald believe in the additional perfect relationship between [man]_1089-man and [man]_1089-man — additional to marriage . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald can never see how [they]_6927-they can be the same , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Not the same — but equally important , equally creative , equally sacred , if [you]_255-gerald like . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald know , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “ [you]_255-gerald believe something like that . Only [I]_255-gerald ca n’t feel it , [you]_255-gerald see . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald put [his]_255-gerald hand on [Birkin]_364-birkin ’s arm , with a sort of deprecating affection . And [he]_255-gerald smiled as if triumphantly . [He]_255-gerald was ready to be doomed . Marriage was like a doom to [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was willing to condemn [himself]_255-gerald in marriage , to become like [a convict condemned to the mines of the underworld , living no life in the sun , but having a dreadful subterranean activity]_{3361-a convict condemned to the mines of the underworld , living no life in the sun , but having a dreadful subterranean activity} . [He]_255-gerald was willing to accept this . And marriage was the seal of [his]_255-gerald condemnation . [He]_255-gerald was willing to be sealed thus in [the underworld]_{3362-the underworld} , like [a soul damned but living forever in damnation]_{3363-a soul damned but living forever in damnation} . But [he]_255-gerald would not make any pure relationship with [any other soul]_{3364-any other soul} . [He]_255-gerald could not . Marriage was not the committing of [himself]_255-gerald into a relationship with [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . It was a committing of [himself]_255-gerald in acceptance of [the established world]_{6169-the established world} , [he]_255-gerald would accept the established order , in which [he]_255-gerald did not livingly believe , and then [he]_255-gerald would retreat to [the underworld]_{3362-the underworld} for [his]_255-gerald life . This [he]_255-gerald would do . The other way was to accept [Rupert]_169-birkin ’s offer of alliance , to enter into the bond of pure trust and love with [the other man]_{832-the other man} , and then subsequently with [the woman]_{873-the woman} . If [he]_255-gerald pledged [himself]_255-gerald with [the man]_{4658-the man} [he]_255-gerald would later be able to pledge [himself]_255-gerald with [the woman]_{873-the woman} : not merely in legal marriage , but in absolute , mystic marriage . Yet [he]_255-gerald could not accept the offer . There was a numbness upon [him]_255-gerald , a numbness either of unborn , absent volition , or of atrophy . Perhaps it was the absence of volition . For [he]_255-gerald was strangely elated at [Rupert]_169-birkin ’s offer . Yet [he]_255-gerald was still more glad to reject it , not to be committed . There was [a jumble market]_{3371-a jumble market} every Monday afternoon in [the old market - place in [town]_602-town]_{3372-the old market - place in town} . [Ursula]_364-birkin and [Birkin]_169-birkin strayed down [there]_629-there one afternoon . [They]_3375-they had been talking of furniture , and [they]_3375-they wanted to see if there was any fragment [they]_3375-they would like to buy , amid the heaps of rubbish collected on the cobble - stones . [The old market - square]_{3376-the old market - square} was not very large , a mere bare patch of granite setts , usually with [a few fruit - stalls under a wall]_{3377-a few fruit - stalls under a wall} . [It]_{3376-the old market - square} was in [a poor quarter of [the town]_{4907-the town}]_{3378-a poor quarter of the town} . [Meagre houses]_{3380-meagre houses} stood down one side , there was [a hosiery factory]_{3381-a hosiery factory} , [a great blank with myriad oblong windows]_{3382-a great blank with myriad oblong windows} , at the end , [a street of little shops with flagstone pavement]_{3383-a street of little shops with flagstone pavement} down the other side , and , for a crowning monument , [the public baths]_{3384-the public baths} , of new red brick , with [a clock - tower]_{3385-a clock - tower} . [The people who moved about]_{3386-the people who moved about} seemed stumpy and sordid , the air seemed to smell rather dirty , there was a sense of [many mean streets]_{3387-many mean streets} ramifying off into warrens of meanness . Now and again a great chocolate - and - yellow tramcar ground round a difficult bend under [the hosiery factory]_{3388-the hosiery factory} . [Ursula]_364-birkin was superficially thrilled when [she]_364-birkin found [herself]_364-birkin out among [the common people]_{1858-the common people} , in the jumbled place piled with old bedding , heaps of old iron , [shabby crockery in pale lots]_{3390-shabby crockery in pale lots} , muffled lots of unthinkable clothing . [She]_364-birkin and [Birkin]_364-birkin went unwillingly down [the narrow aisle between the rusty wares]_{3391-the narrow aisle between the rusty wares} . [He]_3392-he was looking at the goods , [she]_364-birkin at [the people]_{4677-the people} . [She]_364-birkin excitedly watched [a young woman]_{3394-a young woman} , who was going to have [a baby]_{1080-a baby} , and who was turning over a mattress and making [a young man , down - at - heel and dejected]_{3396-a young man , down - at - heel and dejected} , feel it also . So secretive and active and anxious [the young woman]_{3397-the young woman} seemed , so reluctant , slinking , [the young man]_{676-the young man} . [He]_{676-the young man} was going to marry [her]_{3394-a young woman} because [she]_{3394-a young woman} was having [a child]_{733-a child} . When [they]_3400-they had felt the mattress , [the young woman]_{3397-the young woman} asked [the old man]_{1432-the old man} seated on a stool among [his]_{1432-the old man} wares , how much it was . [He]_{1432-the old man} told [her]_{3397-the young woman} , and [she]_{3397-the young woman} turned to [the young man]_{676-the young man} . [The latter]_{778-the latter} was ashamed , and selfconscious . [He]_{676-the young man} turned [his]_{676-the young man} face away , though [he]_{676-the young man} left [his]_{676-the young man} body standing there , and muttered aside . And again [the woman]_{873-the woman} anxiously and actively fingered the mattress and added up in [her]_{873-the woman} mind and bargained with [the old , unclean man]_{3406-the old , unclean man} . All the while , [the young man]_{676-the young man} stood by , shamefaced and down - at - heel , submitting . “ Look , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin , “ there is a pretty chair . ”_[364-birkin] “ Charming ! ”_[364-birkin] cried [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ Oh , charming . ”_[364-birkin] It was an arm - chair of simple wood , probably birch , but of such fine delicacy of grace , standing there on the sordid stones , it almost brought tears to the eyes . It was square in shape , of the purest , slender lines , and four short lines of wood in the back , that reminded [Ursula]_364-birkin of harpstrings . “ It was once , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin , “ gilded — and it had a cane seat . [Somebody]_{4745-somebody} has nailed this wooden seat in . Look , here is a trifle of the red that underlay the gilt . The rest is all black , except where the wood is worn pure and glossy . It is the fine unity of the lines that is so attractive . Look , how they run and meet and counteract . But of course the wooden seat is wrong — it destroys the perfect lightness and unity in tension the cane gave . [I]_364-birkin like it though — ”_[364-birkin] “ Ah yes , ”_[364-birkin] said [Ursula]_364-birkin , “ so do [I.]_364-birkin ”_[364-birkin] “ How much is it ? ”_[364-birkin] [Birkin]_364-birkin asked [the man]_{4658-the man} . “ Ten shillings . ”_[364-birkin] “ And [you]_{4658-the man} will send [it]_6929-it — ? ”_[364-birkin] It was bought . “ So beautiful , so pure ! ”_[364-birkin] [Birkin]_364-birkin said . “ It almost breaks [my]_364-birkin heart . ”_[364-birkin] [They]_3409-we walked along between the heaps of rubbish . “ [[My]_3409-we beloved country]_{6930-my beloved country} — it had something to express even when it made that chair . ”_[3409-we] “ And has n’t it now ? ”_[364-birkin] asked [Ursula]_364-birkin . [She]_364-birkin was always angry when [he]_{4658-the man} took this tone . “ No , it has n’t . When [I]_{4658-the man} see that clear , beautiful chair , and [I]_{4658-the man} think of [England]_80-england , even [[Jane Austen]_{199-jane austen} ’s [England]_80-england]_{6931-jane austen ’s england} — it had living thoughts to unfold even then , and pure happiness in unfolding them . And now , [we]_3409-we can only fish among the rubbish heaps for the remnants of [their]_6932-their old expression . There is no production in [us]_3409-we now , only sordid and foul mechanicalness . ”_{[4658-the man]} “ It is n’t true , ”_[364-birkin] cried [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ Why must [you]_{4658-the man} always praise the past , at the expense of the present ? Really , [I]_364-birkin do n’t think so much of [Jane Austen]_{199-jane austen} ’s [England]_80-england . It was materialistic enough , if [you]_{4658-the man} like — ”_[364-birkin] “ It could afford to be materialistic , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin , “ because it had the power to be something other — which [we]_3409-we have n’t . [We]_3409-we are materialistic because [we]_3409-we have n’t the power to be anything else — try as [we]_3409-we may , [we]_3409-we ca n’t bring off anything but materialism : mechanism , the very soul of materialism . ”_[364-birkin] [Ursula]_364-birkin was subdued into angry silence . [She]_364-birkin did not heed what [he]_3410-you said . [She]_364-birkin was rebelling against something else . “ And [I]_364-birkin hate [your]_{4658-the man} past . [I]_364-birkin ’m sick of it , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin cried . “ [I]_364-birkin believe [I]_364-birkin even hate that old chair , though it is beautiful . It is n’t [my]_364-birkin sort of beauty . [I]_364-birkin wish it had been smashed up when its day was over , not left to preach the beloved past to [us]_3409-we . [I]_364-birkin ’m sick of the beloved past . ”_[364-birkin] “ Not so sick as [I]_3410-you am of the accursed present , ”_[3410-you] [he]_3410-you said . “ Yes , just the same . [I]_3410-you hate the present — but [I]_3410-you do n’t want the past to take its place — [I]_3410-you do n’t want that old chair . ”_[3410-you] [He]_3410-you was rather angry for a moment . Then [he]_3410-you looked at the sky shining beyond [the tower of [the public baths]_{3384-the public baths}]_{3411-the tower of the public baths} , and [he]_3410-you seemed to get over it all . [He]_3410-you laughed . “ All right , ”_[3410-you] [he]_3410-you said , “ then let [us]_3409-we not have it . [I]_3410-you ’m sick of it all , too . At any rate one ca n’t go on living on the old bones of beauty . ”_[3410-you] “ One ca n’t , ”_[3410-you] [she]_3410-you cried . “ [I]_3410-you do n’t want old things . ”_[3410-you] “ The truth is , [we]_3409-we do n’t want things at all , ”_[3410-you] [he]_3410-you replied . “ The thought of [a house]_{6309-a house} and furniture of [my]_3410-you own is hateful to [me]_3410-you . ”_[3410-you] This startled [her]_3410-you for a moment . Then [she]_3410-you replied : “ So it is to [me]_3410-you . But [one]_4646-one must live somewhere . ”_[3410-you] “ Not somewhere — anywhere , ”_[3410-you] [he]_3410-you said . “ [One]_4646-one should just live anywhere — not have a definite place . [I]_3410-you do n’t want a definite place . As soon as [you]_3410-you get [a room]_{3304-a room} , and [it]_{3304-a room} is complete , [you]_3410-you want to run from [it]_{3304-a room} . Now [[my]_3410-you rooms at [the Mill]_{5426-the mill}]_{6937-my rooms at the mill} are quite complete , [I]_3410-you want them at [the bottom of [the sea]_{2243-the sea}]_{6939-the bottom of the sea} . It is a horrible tyranny of a fixed milieu , where each piece of furniture is a commandment - stone . ”_[3410-you] [She]_3410-you clung to [his]_3410-you arm as [they]_3413-we walked away from [the market]_{1483-the market} . “ But what are [we]_3413-we going to do ? ”_[3410-you] [she]_3410-you said . “ [We]_3413-we must live somehow . And [I]_3410-you do want some beauty in [my]_3410-you surroundings . [I]_3410-you want a sort of natural grandeur even , splendour . ”_[3410-you] “ [You]_3410-you ’ll never get it in [houses]_981-houses and furniture — or even clothes . [Houses]_981-houses and furniture and clothes , they are all terms of an old base world , [a detestable society of [man]_1089-man]_{6943-a detestable society of man} . And if [you]_3410-you have [a Tudor house]_{6945-a tudor house} and old , beautiful furniture , it is only the past perpetuated on top of [you]_3410-you , horrible . And if [you]_3410-you have [a perfect modern house done for [you]_3410-you by [Poiret]_366-poiret]_{6946-a perfect modern house done for you by poiret} , it is something else perpetuated on top of [you]_3410-you . It is all horrible . It is all possessions , possessions , bullying [you]_3410-you and turning [you]_3410-you into a generalisation . [You]_3410-you have to be like [Rodin]_367-rodin , [Michelangelo]_{368-michelangelo} , and leave a piece of raw rock unfinished to [your]_3410-you figure . [You]_3410-you must leave [your]_3410-you surroundings sketchy , unfinished , so that [you]_3410-you are never contained , never confined , never dominated from the outside . ”_[3415-she] [She]_3415-she stood in [the street]_{948-the street} contemplating . “ And [we]_6947-we are never to have [a complete place of [our]_6947-we own]_{6948-a complete place of our own} — never [a home]_{5556-a home} ? ”_[3415-she] [she]_3415-she said . “ Pray [God]_167-god , in [this world]_{2436-this world} , no , ”_[3417-he] [he]_3417-he answered . “ But there ’s only [this world]_{2436-this world} , ”_[3415-she] [she]_3415-she objected . [He]_3417-he spread out [his]_3417-he hands with a gesture of indifference . “ Meanwhile , then , [we]_6947-we ’ll avoid having things of [our]_6947-we own , ”_[3417-he] [he]_3417-he said . “ But [you]_3417-he ’ve just bought a chair , ”_[3415-she] [she]_3415-she said . “ [I]_3417-he can tell [the man]_{4658-the man} [I]_3417-he do n’t want it , ”_[3417-he] [he]_3417-he replied . [She]_3415-she pondered again . Then a queer little movement twitched [her]_3415-she face . “ No , ”_[3415-she] [she]_3415-she said , “ [we]_6947-we do n’t want it . [I]_3415-she ’m sick of old things . ”_[3415-she] “ New ones as well , ”_[3417-he] [he]_3417-he said . [They]_3418-they retraced [their]_3418-they steps . There — in front of some furniture , stood [the young couple]_{3419-the young couple} , [the woman who was going to have [a baby]_{1080-a baby}]_{3420-the woman who was going to have a baby} , and [the narrow - faced youth]_{3422-the narrow - faced youth} . [She]_3415-she was fair , rather short , stout . [He]_3417-he was of medium height , attractively built . [His]_3417-he dark hair fell sideways over [his]_3417-he brow , from under [his]_3417-he cap , [he]_3417-he stood strangely aloof , like [one of the damned]_{1053-one of the damned} . “ Let [us]_3418-they give it to [them]_{3419-the young couple} , ”_[364-birkin] whispered [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ Look [they]_{3419-the young couple} are getting [a home]_{5556-a home} together . ”_[364-birkin] “ [I]_3417-he wo n’t aid abet [them]_{3419-the young couple} in it , ”_[3417-he] [he]_3417-he said petulantly , instantly sympathising with [the aloof , furtive youth]_{3424-the aloof , furtive youth} , against [the active , procreant female]_{3425-the active , procreant female} . “ Oh yes , ”_[364-birkin] cried [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ It ’s right for [them]_{3419-the young couple} — there ’s nothing else for [them]_{3419-the young couple} . ”_[364-birkin] “ Very well , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin , “ [you]_364-birkin offer it to [them]_{3419-the young couple} . [I]_364-birkin ’ll watch . ”_[364-birkin] [Ursula]_364-birkin went rather nervously to [the young couple]_{3419-the young couple} , who were discussing an iron washstand — or rather , [the man]_{4658-the man} was glancing furtively and wonderingly , like [a prisoner]_{3428-a prisoner} , at the abominable article , whilst [the woman]_{873-the woman} was arguing . “ [We]_{3419-the young couple} bought a chair , ”_[364-birkin] said [Ursula]_364-birkin , “ and [we]_{3419-the young couple} do n’t want it . Would [you]_{3419-the young couple} have it ? [We]_{3419-the young couple} should be glad if [you]_{3419-the young couple} would . ”_[364-birkin] [The young couple]_{3419-the young couple} looked round at [her]_364-birkin , not believing that [she]_364-birkin could be addressing [them]_{3419-the young couple} . “ Would [you]_{3419-the young couple} care for it ? ”_[364-birkin] repeated [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ It ’s really very pretty — but — but — ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin smiled rather dazzlingly . [The young couple]_{3419-the young couple} only stared at [her]_364-birkin , and looked significantly at [each other]_{451-each other} , to know what to do . And [the man]_{4658-the man} curiously obliterated [himself]_{4658-the man} , as if [he]_{4658-the man} could make [himself]_{4658-the man} invisible , as a rat can . “ [We]_{3419-the young couple} wanted to give it to [you]_{676-the young man} , ”_[364-birkin] explained [Ursula]_364-birkin , now overcome with confusion and dread of [them]_{3419-the young couple} . [She]_364-birkin was attracted by [the young man]_{676-the young man} . [He]_{676-the young man} was [a still , mindless creature]_{3435-a still , mindless creature} , hardly [a man at all]_{3436-a man at all} , a creature that [the towns]_{3437-the towns} have produced , strangely pure - bred and fine in one sense , furtive , quick , subtle . [His]_{676-the young man} lashes were dark and long and fine over [his]_{676-the young man} eyes , that had no mind in them , only a dreadful kind of subject , inward consciousness , glazed and dark . [His]_{676-the young man} dark brows and all [his]_{676-the young man} lines , were finely drawn . [He]_{676-the young man} would be [a dreadful , but wonderful lover to [a woman]_{897-a woman}]_{3438-a dreadful , but wonderful lover to a woman} , so marvellously contributed . [His]_{676-the young man} legs would be marvellously subtle and alive , under the shapeless , trousers , [he]_{676-the young man} had some of the fineness and stillness and silkiness of a dark - eyed , silent rat . [Ursula]_364-birkin had apprehended [him]_{676-the young man} with a fine frisson of attraction . [The full - built woman]_{3440-the full - built woman} was staring offensively . Again [Ursula]_364-birkin forgot [him]_{676-the young man} . “ Wo n’t [you]_{4658-the man} have the chair ? ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said . [The man]_{4658-the man} looked at [her]_364-birkin with a sideways look of appreciation , yet far - off , almost insolent . [The woman]_{873-the woman} drew [herself]_{873-the woman} up . There was a certain costermonger richness about [her]_{873-the woman} . [She]_{873-the woman} did not know what [Ursula]_364-birkin was after , [she]_{873-the woman} was on [her]_{873-the woman} guard , hostile . [Birkin]_364-birkin approached , smiling wickedly at seeing [Ursula]_364-birkin so nonplussed and frightened . “ What ’s the matter ? ”_{[4658-the man]} [he]_{4658-the man} said , smiling . [His]_{4658-the man} eyelids had dropped slightly , there was about [him]_{4658-the man} the same suggestive , mocking secrecy that was in the bearing of the two city creatures . [The man]_{4658-the man} jerked [his]_{4658-the man} head a little on one side , indicating [Ursula]_364-birkin , and said , with curious amiable , jeering warmth : “ What [she]_364-birkin warnt?—eh ? ”_{[4658-the man]} An odd smile writhed [his]_{4658-the man} lips . [Birkin]_364-birkin looked at [him]_{4658-the man} from under [his]_{4658-the man} slack , ironical eyelids . “ To give [you]_364-birkin a chair — that — with the label on it , ”_{[4658-the man]} [he]_{4658-the man} said , pointing . [The man]_{4658-the man} looked at the object indicated . There was a curious hostility in male , outlawed understanding between [the two men]_{686-the two men} . “ What ’s [she]_364-birkin warnt to give it [us]_{686-the two men} for , [guvnor]_6954-guvnor , ”_{[4658-the man]} [he]_{4658-the man} replied , in a tone of free intimacy that insulted [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ Thought [you]_364-birkin ’d like it — it ’s a pretty chair . [We]_{686-the two men} bought it and do n’t want it . No need for [you]_364-birkin to have it , do n’t be frightened , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin , with a wry smile . [The man]_{4658-the man} glanced up at [him]_{4658-the man} , half inimical , half recognising . “ Why do n’t [you]_{4658-the man} want it for [yourselves]_{4658-the man} , if [you]_{4658-the man} ’ve just bought it ? ”_{[873-the woman]} asked [the woman]_{873-the woman} coolly . “ ’ Taint good enough for [you]_{4658-the man} , now [you]_{4658-the man} ’ve had a look at it . Frightened it ’s got something in it , eh ? ”_[364-birkin] [She]_364-birkin was looking at [Ursula]_364-birkin , admiringly , but with some resentment . “ [I]_364-birkin ’d never thought of that , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ But no , the wood ’s too thin everywhere . ”_[364-birkin] “ [You]_{4658-the man} see , ”_[364-birkin] said [Ursula]_364-birkin , [her]_364-birkin face luminous and pleased . “ [We]_3450-we are just going to get married , and [we]_3450-we thought [we]_3450-we ’d buy things . Then [we]_3450-we decided , just now , that [we]_3450-we would n’t have furniture , [we]_3450-we ’d go abroad . ”_[364-birkin] [The full - built , slightly blowsy city girl]_{3448-the full - built , slightly blowsy city girl} looked at the fine face of [the other woman]_{885-the other woman} , with appreciation . [They]_3450-we appreciated [each other]_{451-each other} . [The youth]_{3452-the youth} stood aside , [his]_{3452-the youth} face expressionless and timeless , the thin line of the black moustache drawn strangely suggestive over [his]_{3452-the youth} rather wide , closed mouth . [He]_{3452-the youth} was impassive , abstract , like some dark suggestive presence , a gutter - presence . “ It ’s all right to be [some folks]_{6955-some folks} , ”_{[3453-the city girl]} said [the city girl]_{3453-the city girl} , turning to [[her]_{3453-the city girl} own young man]_{3454-her own young man} . [He]_{3452-the youth} did not look at [her]_{3453-the city girl} , but [he]_{3452-the youth} smiled with the lower part of [his]_{3452-the youth} face , putting [his]_{3452-the youth} head aside in an odd gesture of assent . [His]_{3452-the youth} eyes were unchanging , glazed with darkness . “ Cawsts something to chynge [your]_{3397-the young woman} mind , ”_{[3452-the youth]} [he]_{3452-the youth} said , in an incredibly low accent . “ Only ten shillings this time , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . [The man]_{4658-the man} looked up at [him]_{4658-the man} with a grimace of a smile , furtive , unsure . “ Cheap at ’ arf a quid , [guvnor]_6954-guvnor , ”_{[3452-the youth]} [he]_{3452-the youth} said . “ Not like getting divawced . ”_{[3452-the youth]} “ [We]_6957-we ’re not married yet , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ No , no more are n’t [we]_6957-we , ”_{[3397-the young woman]} said [the young woman]_{3397-the young woman} loudly . “ But [we]_6957-we shall be , [a Saturday]_{6958-a saturday} . ”_{[3397-the young woman]} Again [she]_{3397-the young woman} looked at [the young man]_{676-the young man} with a determined , protective look , at once overbearing and very gentle . [He]_{3452-the youth} grinned sicklily , turning away [his]_{3452-the youth} head . [She]_{3397-the young woman} had got [his]_{3452-the youth} manhood , but [Lord]_3458-lord , what did [he]_{3452-the youth} care ! [He]_{3452-the youth} had a strange furtive pride and slinking singleness . “ Good luck to [you]_{676-the young man} , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ Same to [you]_{676-the young man} , ”_{[3397-the young woman]} said [the young woman]_{3397-the young woman} . Then , rather tentatively : “ When ’s [yours]_{676-the young man} coming off , then ? ”_[364-birkin] [Birkin]_364-birkin looked round at [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ It ’s for [the lady]_{6959-the lady} to say , ”_{[3452-the youth]} [he]_{3452-the youth} replied . “ [We]_6960-we go to [the registrar]_{6961-the registrar} the moment [she]_{6959-the lady} ’s ready . ”_{[3452-the youth]} [Ursula]_364-birkin laughed , covered with confusion and bewilderment . “ No ’ urry , ”_{[676-the young man]} said [the young man]_{676-the young man} , grinning suggestive . “ Oh , do n’t break [your]_{676-the young man} neck to get there , ”_{[3397-the young woman]} said [the young woman]_{3397-the young woman} . “ ’ Slike when [you]_{676-the young man} ’re dead — [you’re]_{676-the young man} long time married . ”_{[3397-the young woman]} [The young man]_{676-the young man} turned aside as if this hit [him]_{676-the young man} . “ The longer the better , let [us]_6960-we hope , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ That ’s it , [guvnor]_6954-guvnor , ”_{[676-the young man]} said [the young man]_{676-the young man} admiringly . “ Enjoy it while it larsts — niver whip a dead donkey . ”_{[676-the young man]} “ Only when [he]_{3465-her young man} ’s shamming dead , ”_{[3397-the young woman]} said [the young woman]_{3397-the young woman} , looking at [[her]_{3397-the young woman} young man]_{3465-her young man} with caressive tenderness of authority . “ [Aw]_369-aw , there ’s a difference , ”_{[3465-her young man]} [he]_{3465-her young man} said satirically . “ What about the chair ? ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ Yes , all right , ”_{[873-the woman]} said [the woman]_{873-the woman} . [They]_3467-they trailed off to [the dealer]_{3468-the dealer} , [the handsome but abject young fellow]_{3469-the handsome but abject young fellow} hanging a little aside . “ That ’s it , ”_[364-birkin] said [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ Will [you]_{3468-the dealer} take it with [you]_{3468-the dealer} , or have the address altered . ”_[364-birkin] “ Oh , [Fred]_297-winifred can carry it . Make [him]_297-winifred do what [he]_297-winifred can for [the dear old ’ ome]_{6963-the dear old ’ ome} . ”_{[297-winifred]} “ Mike use of ’ [i]_297-winifred m , ”_{[297-winifred]} said [Fred]_297-winifred , grimly humorous , as [he]_297-winifred took the chair from [the dealer]_{3468-the dealer} . [His]_297-winifred movements were graceful , yet curiously abject , slinking . “ ’ [Ere]_{6963-the dear old ’ ome} ’s mother ’s cosy chair , ”_{[297-winifred]} [he]_297-winifred said . “ Warnts a cushion . ”_{[297-winifred]} And [he]_297-winifred stood it down on [the market stones]_{3471-the market stones} . “ Do n’t [you]_297-winifred think it ’s pretty ? ”_[364-birkin] laughed [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ Oh , [I]_{3397-the young woman} do , ”_{[3397-the young woman]} said [the young woman]_{3397-the young woman} . “ ’ Ave a sit in [it]_6964-it , [you]_364-birkin ’ll wish [you]_364-birkin ’d kept it , ”_{[676-the young man]} said [the young man]_{676-the young man} . [Ursula]_364-birkin promptly sat down in the middle of [the market - place]_{1477-the market - place} . “ Awfully comfortable , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said . “ But rather hard . [You]_{676-the young man} try it . ”_[364-birkin] [She]_364-birkin invited [the young man]_{676-the young man} to a seat . But [he]_{676-the young man} turned uncouthly , awkwardly aside , glancing up at [her]_364-birkin with quick bright eyes , oddly suggestive , like a quick , live rat . “ Do n’t spoil [him]_{676-the young man} , ”_{[3397-the young woman]} said [the young woman]_{3397-the young woman} . “ [He]_{676-the young man} ’s not used to arm - chairs , ’ e is n’t . ”_{[3397-the young woman]} [The young man]_{676-the young man} turned away , and said , with averted grin : “ Only warnts legs on ’ is . ”_{[676-the young man]} [The four]_{3478-the four} parted . [The young woman]_{3397-the young woman} thanked [them]_{3478-the four} . “ Thank [you]_{676-the young man} for the chair — it’ll last till it gives way . ”_{[3397-the young woman]} “ Keep it for an ornyment , ”_{[676-the young man]} said [the young man]_{676-the young man} . “ Good afternoon — good afternoon , ”_[364-birkin] said [Ursula]_364-birkin and [Birkin]_364-birkin . “ Goo’-luck to [you]_364-birkin , ”_{[676-the young man]} said [the young man]_{676-the young man} , glancing and avoiding [Birkin]_364-birkin ’s eyes , as [he]_{676-the young man} turned aside [his]_{676-the young man} head . [The two couples]_{3482-the two couples} went asunder , [Ursula]_364-birkin clinging to [Birkin]_364-birkin ’s arm . When [they]_{3482-the two couples} had gone some distance , [she]_364-birkin glanced back and saw [the young man]_{676-the young man} going beside [the full , easy young woman]_{3484-the full , easy young woman} . [His]_{676-the young man} trousers sank over [his]_{676-the young man} heels , [he]_{676-the young man} moved with a sort of slinking evasion , more crushed with odd self - consciousness now [he]_{676-the young man} had the slim old arm - chair to carry , [his]_{676-the young man} arm over the back , the four fine , square tapering legs swaying perilously near the granite setts of [the pavement]_{6240-the pavement} . And yet [he]_{676-the young man} was somewhere indomitable and separate , like a quick , vital rat . [He]_{676-the young man} had a queer , subterranean beauty , repulsive too . “ How strange [they]_{3482-the two couples} are ! ”_[364-birkin] said [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ [Children of]_{6965-children of} [men]_848-men , ”_{[676-the young man]} [he]_{676-the young man} said . “ [They]_{3482-the two couples} remind [me]_{676-the young man} of [Jesus]_247-jesus : ‘ [The meek]_{6967-the meek} shall inherit [the earth]_{972-the earth} . ’ ”_{[676-the young man]} “ But [they]_{3482-the two couples} are n’t [the meek]_{6967-the meek} , ”_[364-birkin] said [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ Yes , [I]_{676-the young man} do n’t know why , but [they]_{3482-the two couples} are , ”_{[676-the young man]} [he]_{676-the young man} replied . [They]_3486-we waited for [the tramcar]_{3487-the tramcar} . [Ursula]_364-birkin sat on top and looked out on [the town]_{4907-the town} . The dusk was just dimming the hollows of [crowded houses]_{3489-crowded houses} . “ And are [they]_{3482-the two couples} going to inherit [the earth]_{972-the earth} ? ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said . “ Yes — [they]_{3482-the two couples} . ”_[364-birkin] “ Then what are [we]_3486-we going to do ? ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin asked . “ [We]_3486-we ’re not like [them]_{3482-the two couples} — are [we]_3486-we ? [We]_3486-we ’re not [the meek]_{6967-the meek} ? ”_[364-birkin] “ No . [We]_3486-we ’ve got to live in [the chinks]_{6972-the chinks} [they]_{3482-the two couples} leave [us]_3486-we . ”_[364-birkin] “ How horrible ! ”_[364-birkin] cried [Ursula]_364-birkin . “ [I]_364-birkin do n’t want to live in chinks . ”_[364-birkin] “ Do n’t worry , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you said . “ [They]_{3482-the two couples} are [the children of [men]_848-men]_{6973-the children of men} , [they]_{3482-the two couples} like [market - places]_{6975-market - places} and [street - corners]_{6976-street - corners} best . That leaves plenty of chinks . ”_[3490-you] “ All [the world]_{541-the world} , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said . “ Ah no — but [some room]_{6978-some room} . ”_[364-birkin] [The tramcar]_{3487-the tramcar} mounted slowly up [the hill]_{497-the hill} , where the ugly winter - grey masses of [houses]_981-houses looked like a vision of [hell that is cold and angular]_{3494-hell that is cold and angular} . [They]_3495-we sat and looked . Away in the distance was an angry redness of sunset . [It]_3496-it was all cold , somehow small , crowded , and like the end of [the world]_{541-the world} . “ [I]_364-birkin do n’t mind it even then , ”_[364-birkin] said [Ursula]_364-birkin , looking at the repulsiveness of it all . “ It does n’t concern [me]_364-birkin . ”_[364-birkin] “ No more it does , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you replied , holding [her]_364-birkin hand . “ [One]_4646-one need n’t see . [One]_4646-one goes [one]_4646-one ’s way . In [[my]_3490-you world]_{6982-my world} it is sunny and spacious — ”_[3490-you] “ It is , [[my]_364-birkin love]_{2765-my love} , is n’t it ? ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin cried , hugging near to [him]_3490-you on the top of [the tramcar]_{3487-the tramcar} , so that [the other passengers]_{3499-the other passengers} stared at [them]_3495-we . “ And [we]_3495-we will wander about on the face of [the earth]_{972-the earth} , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you said , “ and [we]_3495-we ’ll look at [the world]_{541-the world} beyond just this bit . ”_[3490-you] There was a long silence . [Her]_364-birkin face was radiant like gold , as [she]_364-birkin sat thinking . “ [I]_364-birkin do n’t want to inherit [the earth]_{972-the earth} , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said . “ [I]_364-birkin do n’t want to inherit anything . ”_[364-birkin] [He]_3490-you closed [his]_3490-you hand over [hers]_364-birkin . “ Neither do [I.]_364-birkin [I]_3490-you want to be disinherited . ”_[3490-you] [She]_364-birkin clasped [his]_3490-you fingers closely . “ [We]_6987-we wo n’t care about anything , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said . [He]_3490-you sat still , and laughed . “ And [we]_6987-we ’ll be married , and have done with [them]_6988-them , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin added . Again [he]_3490-you laughed . “ It ’s one way of getting rid of everything , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said , “ to get married . ”_[364-birkin] “ And one way of accepting [the whole world]_{6299-the whole world} , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you added . “ [A whole other world]_{6990-a whole other world} , yes , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said happily . “ Perhaps there ’s [Gerald]_255-gerald — and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun — ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you said . “ If there is there is , [you]_3490-you see , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said . “ It ’s no good [our]_6987-we worrying . [We]_6987-we ca n’t really alter [them]_6988-them , can [we]_6987-we ? ”_[364-birkin] “ No , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you said . “ [One]_4646-one has no right to try — not with the best intentions in [the world]_{541-the world} . ”_[3490-you] “ Do [you]_3490-you try to force [them]_6988-them ? ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin asked . “ Perhaps , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you said . “ Why should [I]_3490-you want [him]_3490-you to be free , if it is n’t [his]_3490-you business ? ”_[3490-you] [She]_364-birkin paused for a time . “ [We]_6987-we ca n’t make [him]_3490-you happy , anyhow , ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin said . “ [He]_3490-you ’d have to be it of [himself]_3490-you . ”_[364-birkin] “ [I]_3490-you know , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you said . “ But [we]_6987-we want [other people]_{4665-other people} with [us]_6987-we , do n’t [we]_6987-we ? ”_[3490-you] “ Why should [we]_6987-we ? ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin asked . “ [I]_3490-you do n’t know , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you said uneasily . “ [One]_4646-one has a hankering after a sort of further fellowship . ”_[3490-you] “ But why ? ”_[364-birkin] [she]_364-birkin insisted . “ Why should [you]_3490-you hanker after [other people]_{4665-other people} ? Why should [you]_3490-you need [them]_{4665-other people} ? ”_[364-birkin] This hit [him]_3490-you right on the quick . [His]_3490-you brows knitted . “ Does it end with just [[our]_6987-we two selves]_{6996-our two selves} ? ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you asked , tense . “ Yes — what more do [you]_3490-you want ? If [anybody]_744-anybody likes to come along , let [them]_744-anybody . But why must [you]_3490-you run after [them]_744-anybody ? ”_[3490-you] [His]_3490-you face was tense and unsatisfied . “ [You]_3500-she see , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you said , “ [I]_3490-you always imagine [our]_6987-we being really happy with [some few other people]_{6998-some few other people} — a little freedom with [people]_579-people . ”_[3490-you] [She]_3500-she pondered for a moment . “ Yes , [one]_4646-one does want that . But it must happen . [You]_3490-you ca n’t do anything for it with [your]_3490-you will . [You]_3490-you always seem to think [you]_3490-you can force the flowers to come out . [People]_579-people must love [us]_6987-we because [they]_579-people love [us]_6987-we — [you]_3490-you ca n’t make [them]_579-people . ”_[3500-she] “ [I]_3490-you know , ”_[3490-you] [he]_3490-you said . “ But must [one]_4646-one take no steps at all ? Must one just go as if [one]_4646-one were alone in [the world]_{541-the world} — the only creature in [the world]_{541-the world} ? ”_[3490-you] “ [You]_3490-you ’ve got [me]_3500-she , ”_[3500-she] [she]_3500-she said . “ Why should [you]_3490-you need [others]_593-others ? Why must [you]_3490-you force [people]_579-people to agree with [you]_3490-you ? Why ca n’t [you]_3490-you be single by [yourself]_3490-you , as [you]_3490-you are always saying ? [You]_3490-you try to bully [Gerald]_255-gerald — as [you]_3490-you tried to bully [Hermione]_168-hermione . [You]_3490-you must learn to be alone . And it ’s so horrid of [you]_3490-you . [You]_3490-you ’ve got [me]_3500-she . And yet [you]_3490-you want to force [other people]_{4665-other people} to love [you]_3490-you as well . [You]_3490-you do try to bully [them]_{4665-other people} to love [you]_3490-you . And even then , [you]_3490-you do n’t want [their]_{4665-other people} love . ”_[3500-she] [His]_3501-i face was full of real perplexity . “ Do n’t [I]_3501-i ? ”_[3501-i] [he]_3501-i said . “ It ’s the problem [I]_3501-i ca n’t solve . [I]_3501-i know [I]_3501-i want a perfect and complete relationship with [you]_3502-her : and [we]_7009-we ’ve nearly got it — [we]_7009-we really have . But beyond that . Do [I]_3501-i want a real , ultimate relationship with [Gerald]_255-gerald ? Do [I]_3501-i want a final almost extra - human relationship with [him]_255-gerald — a relationship in the ultimate of [me]_3501-i and [him]_255-gerald — or do n’t [I]_3501-i ? ”_[3501-i] [She]_3502-her looked at [him]_3501-i for a long time , with strange bright eyes , but [she]_3502-her did not answer . That evening [Ursula]_255-gerald returned [home]_4649-home very bright - eyed and wondrous — which irritated [[her]_3502-her people]_{3346-her people} . [[Her]_3502-her father]_{583-her father} came [home]_4649-home at suppertime , tired after the evening class , and the long journey [home]_4649-home . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was reading , [the mother]_{565-the mother} sat in silence . Suddenly [Ursula]_255-gerald said to [the company at large]_{806-the company at large} , in a bright voice , “ [Rupert]_169-birkin and [I]_255-gerald are going to be married tomorrow . ”_[255-gerald] [[Her]_3502-her father]_{583-her father} turned round , stiffly . “ [You]_255-gerald what ? ”_{[583-her father]} [he]_{583-her father} said . “ Tomorrow ! ”_[160-gudrun] echoed [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Indeed ! ”_{[565-the mother]} said [the mother]_{565-the mother} . But [Ursula]_255-gerald only smiled wonderfully , and did not reply . “ Married tomorrow ! ”_{[583-her father]} cried [[her]_3502-her father]_{583-her father} harshly . “ What are [you]_255-gerald talking about . ”_{[583-her father]} “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Why not ? ”_[255-gerald] Those two words , from [her]_3502-her , always drove [him]_{583-her father} mad . “ Everything is all right — [we]_7010-we shall go to [[the registrar]_{6961-the registrar} ’s office]_{7012-the registrar ’s office} — ”_[3502-her] There was a second ’s hush in [the room]_{739-the room} , after [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s blithe vagueness . “ Really , [Ursula]_255-gerald ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Might [we]_7010-we ask why there has been all this secrecy ? ”_{[565-the mother]} demanded [the mother]_{565-the mother} , rather superbly . “ But there has n’t , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [You]_{583-her father} knew . ”_[255-gerald] “ Who knew ? ”_{[646-the father]} now cried [the father]_{646-the father} . “ Who knew ? What do [you]_{583-her father} mean by [your]_{583-her father} ‘ [you]_{583-her father} knew ’ ? ”_{[646-the father]} [He]_{583-her father} was in one of [his]_{583-her father} stupid rages , [she]_3502-her instantly closed against [him]_{583-her father} . “ Of course [you]_{583-her father} knew , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her said coolly . “ [You]_{583-her father} knew [we]_7010-we were going to get married . ”_[3502-her] There was a dangerous pause . “ [We]_7010-we knew [you]_{583-her father} were going to get married , did [we]_7010-we ? Knew ! Why , does [anybody]_744-anybody know anything about [you]_{583-her father} , [[you]_{583-her father} shifty bitch]_{7014-you shifty bitch} ! ”_[3502-her] “ [Father]_185-father ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , flushing deep in violent remonstrance . Then , in a cold , but gentle voice , as if to remind [[her]_3502-her sister]_{449-her sister} to be tractable : “ But is n’t it a fearfully sudden decision , [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her asked . “ No , not really , ”_[255-gerald] replied [Ursula]_255-gerald , with the same maddening cheerfulness . “ [He]_{583-her father} ’s been wanting [me]_255-gerald to agree for weeks — [he]_{583-her father} ’s had the licence ready . Only [I]_255-gerald — [I]_255-gerald was n’t ready in [myself]_255-gerald . Now [I]_255-gerald am ready — is there anything to be disagreeable about ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Certainly not , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , but in a tone of cold reproof . “ [You]_255-gerald are perfectly free to do as [you]_255-gerald like . ”_[160-gudrun] “ ‘ Ready in [yourself’—yourself]_255-gerald , that ’s all that matters , is n’t it ! ‘ [I]_3517-he was n’t ready in [myself]_3517-he , ’ ”_[3517-he] [he]_3517-he mimicked [her]_3502-her phrase offensively . “ [You]_255-gerald and [yourself]_255-gerald , [you]_255-gerald ’re of some importance , are n’t [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[3517-he] [She]_3502-her drew [herself]_3502-her up and set back [her]_3502-her throat , [her]_3502-her eyes shining yellow and dangerous . “ [I]_3502-her am to [myself]_3502-her , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her said , wounded and mortified . “ [I]_3502-her know [I]_3502-her am not to [anybody else]_{1074-anybody else} . [You]_3517-he only wanted to bully [me]_3502-her — [you]_3517-he never cared for [my]_3502-her happiness . ”_[3502-her] [He]_3517-he was leaning forward watching [her]_3502-her , [his]_3517-he face intense like a spark . “ [Ursula]_255-gerald , what are [you]_255-gerald saying ? Keep [your]_255-gerald tongue still , ”_{[770-her mother]} cried [[her]_3502-her mother]_{770-her mother} . [Ursula]_255-gerald swung round , and the lights in [her]_3502-her eyes flashed . “ No , [I]_3502-her wo n’t , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her cried . “ [I]_3502-her wo n’t hold [my]_3502-her tongue and be bullied . What does it matter which day [I]_3502-her get married — what does it matter ! It does n’t affect [anybody]_744-anybody but [myself]_3502-her . ”_[3502-her] [[Her]_3502-her father]_{583-her father} was tense and gathered together like a cat about to spring . “ Does n’t it ? ”_[3517-he] [he]_3517-he cried , coming nearer to [her]_3502-her . [She]_3502-her shrank away . “ No , how can it ? ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her replied , shrinking but stubborn . “ It does n’t matter to [me]_3517-he then , what [you]_3502-her do — what becomes of [you]_3502-her ? ”_[3517-he] [he]_3517-he cried , in a strange voice like a cry . [The mother]_{565-the mother} and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun stood back as if hypnotised . “ No , ”_[255-gerald] stammered [Ursula]_255-gerald . [[Her]_3502-her father]_{583-her father} was very near to [her]_3502-her . “ [You]_3517-he only want to — ”_{[583-her father]} [She]_3502-her knew it was dangerous , and [she]_3502-her stopped . [He]_3517-he was gathered together , every muscle ready . “ What ? ”_[3517-he] [he]_3517-he challenged . “ Bully [me]_3502-her , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her muttered , and even as [her]_3502-her lips were moving , [his]_3517-he hand had caught [her]_3502-her smack at the side of the face and [she]_3502-her was sent up against the door . “ [Father]_4673-father ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun in a high voice , “ it is impossible ! ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_3517-he stood unmoving . [Ursula]_255-gerald recovered , [her]_3502-her hand was on the door handle . [She]_3502-her slowly drew [herself]_3502-her up . [He]_3517-he seemed doubtful now . “ It ’s true , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her declared , with brilliant tears in [her]_3502-her eyes , [her]_3502-her head lifted up in defiance . “ What has [your]_3517-he love meant , what did it ever mean?—bullying , and denial — it did — ”_[3502-her] [He]_3517-he was advancing again with strange , tense movements , and clenched fist , and the face of [a murderer]_{4779-a murderer} . But swift as lightning [she]_3502-her had flashed out of the door , and [they]_3523-they heard [her]_3502-her running [upstairs]_467-upstairs . [He]_3517-he stood for a moment looking at the door . Then , like a defeated animal , [he]_3517-he turned and went back to [his]_3517-he seat by the fire . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was very white . Out of the intense silence , [the mother]_{565-the mother} ’s voice was heard saying , cold and angry : “ Well , [you]_3517-he should n’t take so much notice of [her]_3502-her . ”_{[565-the mother]} Again the silence fell , each followed a separate set of emotions and thoughts . Suddenly the door opened again : [Ursula]_255-gerald , dressed in hat and furs , with a small valise in [her]_3502-her hand : “ Good - bye ! ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her said , in [her]_3502-her maddening , bright , almost mocking tone . “ [I]_3502-her ’m going . ”_[3502-her] And in the next instant the door was closed , [they]_3523-they heard the outer door , then [her]_3502-her quick steps down [the garden path]_{3266-the garden path} , then the gate banged , and [her]_3502-her light footfall was gone . There was a silence like death in [the house]_{468-the house} . [Ursula]_255-gerald went straight to [the station]_{4906-the station} , hastening heedlessly on [winged]_3529-winged feet . There was [no train]_{3530-no train} , [she]_3502-her must walk on to [the junction]_{3531-the junction} . As [she]_3502-her went through the darkness , [she]_3502-her began to cry , and [she]_3502-her wept bitterly , with a dumb , heart - broken , [child]_3319-child ’s anguish , all the way on [the road]_{502-the road} , and in [the train]_{4874-the train} . Time passed unheeded and unknown , [she]_3502-her did not know where [she]_3502-her was , nor what was taking place . Only [she]_3502-her wept from fathomless depths of hopeless , hopeless grief , the terrible grief of [a child]_{733-a child} , that knows no extenuation . Yet [her]_3502-her voice had the same defensive brightness as [she]_3502-her spoke to [[Birkin]_169-birkin ’s landlady]_{3536-birkin ’s landlady} at the door . “ Good evening ! Is [Mr Birkin]_169-birkin in ? Can [I]_3502-her see [him]_3538-he ? ”_[3502-her] “ Yes , [he]_3538-he ’s in . [He]_3538-he ’s in [[his]_3538-he study]_{7018-his study} . ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald slipped past [the woman]_{873-the woman} . [His]_3538-he door opened . [He]_3538-he had heard [her]_3502-her voice . “ Hello ! ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he exclaimed in surprise , seeing [her]_3502-her standing there with the valise in [her]_3502-her hand , and marks of tears on [her]_3502-her face . [She]_3502-her was one who wept without showing many traces , like [a child]_{733-a child} . “ Do [I]_3502-her look a sight ? ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her said , shrinking . “ No — why ? Come in , ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he took the bag from [her]_3502-her hand and [they]_3540-they went into [the study]_{5469-the study} . There — immediately , [her]_3502-her lips began to tremble like those of [a child that remembers again]_{3542-a child that remembers again} , and the tears came rushing up . “ What ’s the matter ? ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he asked , taking [her]_3502-her in [his]_3538-he arms . [She]_3502-her sobbed violently on [his]_3538-he shoulder , whilst [he]_3538-he held [her]_3502-her still , waiting . “ What ’s the matter ? ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he said again , when [she]_3502-her was quieter . But [she]_3502-her only pressed [her]_3502-her face further into [his]_3538-he shoulder , in pain , like [a child that can not tell]_{3543-a child that can not tell} . “ What is it , then ? ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he asked . Suddenly [she]_3502-her broke away , wiped [her]_3502-her eyes , regained [her]_3502-her composure , and went and sat in a chair . “ [Father]_185-father hit [me]_3502-her , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her announced , sitting bunched up , rather like a ruffled bird , [her]_3502-her eyes very bright . “ What for ? ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he said . [She]_3502-her looked away , and would not answer . There was a pitiful redness about [her]_3502-her sensitive nostrils , and [her]_3502-her quivering lips . “ Why ? ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he repeated , in [his]_3538-he strange , soft , penetrating voice . [She]_3502-her looked round at [him]_3538-he , rather defiantly . “ Because [I]_3502-her said [I]_3502-her was going to be married tomorrow , and [he]_185-father bullied [me]_3502-her . ”_[3502-her] “ Why did [he]_185-father bully [you]_3502-her ? ”_[3502-her] [Her]_3502-her mouth dropped again , [she]_3502-her remembered the scene once more , the tears came up . “ Because [I]_3502-her said [he]_185-father did n’t care — and [he]_185-father does n’t , it ’s only [his]_185-father domineeringness that ’s hurt — ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her said , [her]_3502-her mouth pulled awry by [her]_3502-her weeping , all the time [she]_3502-her spoke , so that [he]_3538-he almost smiled , it seemed so childish . Yet it was not childish , it was a mortal conflict , a deep wound . “ It is n’t quite true , ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he said . “ And even so , [you]_3502-her should n’t say it . ”_[3538-he] “ It is true — it is true , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her wept , “ and [I]_3502-her wo n’t be bullied by [his]_185-father pretending it ’s love — when it isn’t — [he]_185-father does n’t care , how can [he]_185-father — no , [he]_185-father ca n’t — ”_[3502-her] [He]_3538-he sat in silence . [She]_3502-her moved [him]_3538-he beyond [himself]_3538-he . “ Then [you]_3502-her should n’t rouse [him]_185-father , if [he]_185-father ca n’t , ”_[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]_169-birkin quietly . “ And [I]_3502-her have loved [him]_185-father , [I]_3502-her have , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her wept . “ [I]_3502-her ’ve loved [him]_185-father always , and [he]_185-father ’s always done this to [me]_3502-her , [he]_185-father has — ”_[3502-her] “ It ’s been a love of opposition , then , ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he said . “ Never mind — it will be all right . It ’s nothing desperate . ”_[3538-he] “ Yes , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her wept , “ it is , it is . ”_[3502-her] “ Why ? ”_[3538-he] “ [I]_3538-he shall never see [him]_185-father again — ”_[3538-he] “ Not immediately . Do n’t cry , [you]_3502-her had to break with [him]_185-father , it had to be — don’t cry . ”_[3538-he] [He]_3538-he went over to [her]_3502-her and kissed [her]_3502-her fine , fragile hair , touching [her]_3502-her wet cheeks gently . “ Do n’t cry , ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he repeated , “ do n’t cry any more . ”_[3538-he] [He]_3538-he held [her]_3502-her head close against [him]_3538-he , very close and quiet . At last [she]_3502-her was still . Then [she]_3502-her looked up , [her]_3502-her eyes wide and frightened . “ Do n’t [you]_3538-he want [me]_3502-her ? ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her asked . “ Want [you]_3538-he ? ”_[3502-her] [His]_3538-he darkened , steady eyes puzzled [her]_3502-her and did not give [her]_3502-her play . “ Do [you]_3538-he wish [I]_3502-her had n’t come ? ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her asked , anxious now again for fear [she]_3502-her might be out of place . “ No , ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he said . “ [I]_3538-he wish there had n’t been the violence — so much ugliness — but perhaps it was inevitable . ”_[3538-he] [She]_3502-her watched [him]_3538-he in silence . [He]_3538-he seemed deadened . “ But where shall [I]_3502-her stay ? ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her asked , feeling humiliated . [He]_3538-he thought for a moment . “ Here , with [me]_3538-he , ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he said . “ [We]_7019-we ’re married as much today as [we]_7019-we shall be tomorrow . ”_[3538-he] “ But — ”_[3538-he] “ [I]_3538-he ’ll tell [Mrs Varley]_{370-mrs varley} , ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he said . “ Never mind now . ”_[3538-he] [He]_3538-he sat looking at [her]_3502-her . [She]_3502-her could feel [his]_3538-he darkened steady eyes looking at [her]_3502-her all the time . It made [her]_3502-her a little bit frightened . [She]_3502-her pushed [her]_3502-her hair off [her]_3502-her forehead nervously . “ Do [I]_3502-her look ugly ? ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her said . And [she]_3502-her blew [her]_3502-her nose again . A small smile came round [his]_3538-he eyes . “ No , ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he said , “ fortunately . ”_[3538-he] And [he]_3538-he went across to [her]_3502-her , and gathered [her]_3502-her like a belonging in [his]_3538-he arms . [She]_3502-her was so tenderly beautiful , [he]_3538-he could not bear to see [her]_3502-her , [he]_3538-he could only bear to hide [her]_3502-her against [himself]_3538-he . Now ; washed all clean by [her]_3502-her tears , [she]_3502-her was new and frail like a flower just unfolded , a flower so new , so tender , so made perfect by inner light , that [he]_3538-he could not bear to look at [her]_3502-her , [he]_3538-he must hide [her]_3502-her against [himself]_3538-he , cover [his]_3538-he eyes against [her]_3502-her . [She]_3502-her had the perfect candour of creation , something translucent and simple , like a radiant , shining flower that moment unfolded in primal blessedness . [She]_3502-her was so new , so wonder - clear , so undimmed . And [he]_3538-he was so old , so steeped in heavy memories . [Her]_3502-her soul was new , undefined and glimmering with the unseen . And [his]_3538-he soul was dark and gloomy , it had only one grain of living hope , like a grain of mustard seed . But this one living grain in [him]_3538-he matched [the perfect youth in [her]_3502-her]_{3544-the perfect youth in her} . “ [I]_3538-he love [you]_3502-her , ”_[3538-he] [he]_3538-he whispered as [he]_3538-he kissed [her]_3502-her , and trembled with pure hope , like [a man who is born again to a wonderful , lively hope far exceeding the bounds of death]_{3545-a man who is born again to a wonderful , lively hope far exceeding the bounds of death} . [She]_3502-her could not know how much it meant to [him]_3538-he , how much [he]_3538-he meant by the few words . Almost childish , [she]_3502-her wanted proof , and statement , even over - statement , for everything seemed still uncertain , unfixed to [her]_3502-her . But the passion of gratitude with which [he]_3538-he received [her]_3502-her into [his]_3538-he soul , the extreme , unthinkable gladness of knowing [himself]_3538-he living and fit to unite with [her]_3502-her , [he]_3538-he , who was so nearly dead , who was so near to being gone with the rest of [[his]_3538-he race]_{3546-his race} down the slope of mechanical death , could never be understood by [her]_3502-her . [He]_3538-he worshipped [her]_3502-her as [age worships youth]_{3547-age worships youth} , [he]_3538-he gloried in [her]_3502-her , because , in [his]_3538-he one grain of faith , [he]_3538-he was young as [she]_3502-her , [he]_3538-he was [[her]_3502-her proper mate]_{3548-her proper mate} . This marriage with [her]_3502-her was [his]_3538-he resurrection and [his]_3538-he life . All this [she]_3502-her could not know . [She]_3502-her wanted to be made much of , to be adored . There were infinite distances of silence between [them]_3549-them . How could [he]_3538-he tell [her]_3502-her of the immanence of [her]_3502-her beauty , that was not form , or weight , or colour , but something like a strange , golden light ! How could [he]_3538-he know [himself]_3538-he what [her]_3502-her beauty lay in , for [him]_3538-he . [He]_3538-he said “ [Your]_3502-her nose is beautiful , [your]_3502-her chin is adorable . ”_[3538-he] But it sounded like lies , and [she]_3502-her was disappointed , hurt . Even when [he]_3538-he said , whispering with truth , “ [I]_3538-he love [you]_3502-her , [I]_3538-he love [you]_3502-her , ”_[3538-he] it was not the real truth . It was something beyond love , such a gladness of having surpassed [oneself]_3550-oneself , of having transcended the old existence . How could [he]_3538-he say ‘ [I]_0-i ’ when [he]_3538-he was something new and unknown , not [himself]_3538-he at all ? This [I]_0-i , this old formula of the age , was a dead letter . In the new , superfine bliss , a peace superseding knowledge , there was no [I]_0-i and [you]_3551-you , there was only the third , unrealised wonder , the wonder of existing not as [oneself]_3550-oneself , but in a consummation of [my]_0-i being and of [her]_3502-her being in a new one , a new , paradisal unit regained from the duality . Nor can [I]_0-i say “ [I]_0-i love [you]_3551-you , ”_[0-i] when [I]_0-i have ceased to be , and [you]_3551-you have ceased to be : [we]_3552-we are both caught up and transcended into a new oneness where everything is silent , because there is nothing to answer , all is perfect and at one . [Speech]_371-speech travels between the separate parts . But in the perfect One there is perfect silence of bliss . [They]_3552-we were married by law on the next day , and [she]_3502-her did as [he]_3538-he bade [her]_3502-her , [she]_3502-her wrote to [[her]_3502-her father]_{583-her father} and [mother]_4695-mother . [[Her]_3502-her mother]_{770-her mother} replied , not [[her]_3502-her father]_{583-her father} . [She]_3502-her did not go back to [school]_4869-school . [She]_3502-her stayed with [Birkin]_169-birkin in [[his]_3538-he rooms]_{3558-his rooms} , or at [the Mill]_{5426-the mill} , moving with [him]_3538-he as [he]_3538-he moved . But [she]_3502-her did not see [anybody]_744-anybody , save [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald . [She]_3502-her was all strange and wondering as yet , but relieved as by dawn . [Gerald]_255-gerald sat talking to [her]_3502-her one afternoon in [the warm study]_{3561-the warm study} down at [the Mill]_{111-the mill} . [Rupert]_169-birkin had not yet come [home]_4649-home . “ [You]_3502-her are happy ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald asked [her]_3502-her , with a smile . “ Very happy ! ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her cried , shrinking a little in [her]_3502-her brightness . “ Yes , [one]_4646-one can see it . ”_[3502-her] “ Can one ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald in surprise . [He]_255-gerald looked up at [her]_3502-her with a communicative smile . “ Oh yes , plainly . ”_[255-gerald] [She]_3502-her was pleased . [She]_3502-her meditated a moment . “ And can [you]_255-gerald see that [Rupert]_169-birkin is happy as well ? ”_[3502-her] [He]_255-gerald lowered [his]_255-gerald eyelids , and looked aside . “ Oh yes , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Really ! ”_[255-gerald] “ Oh yes . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald was very quiet , as if it were something not to be talked about by [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald seemed sad . [She]_3502-her was very sensitive to suggestion . [She]_3502-her asked the question [he]_255-gerald wanted [her]_3502-her to ask . “ Why do n’t [you]_255-gerald be happy as well ? ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her said . “ [You]_255-gerald could be just the same . ”_[3502-her] [He]_255-gerald paused a moment . “ With [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ Yes ! ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her cried , [her]_3502-her eyes glowing . But there was a strange tension , an emphasis , as if [they]_3563-they were asserting [their]_3563-they wishes , against the truth . “ [You]_3502-her think [Gudrun]_160-gudrun would have [me]_255-gerald , and [we]_3563-they should be happy ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Yes , [I]_3502-her ’m sure ! ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her cried . [Her]_3502-her eyes were round with delight . Yet underneath [she]_3502-her was constrained , [she]_3502-her knew [her]_3502-her own insistence . “ Oh , [I]_3502-her ’m so glad , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her added . [He]_255-gerald smiled . “ What makes [you]_3502-her glad ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ For [her]_160-gudrun sake , ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her replied . “ [I]_255-gerald ’m sure [you’d]_255-gerald — [you’re]_255-gerald [the right man for [her]_160-gudrun]_{7021-the right man for her} . ”_[255-gerald] “ [You]_255-gerald are ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ And do [you]_3502-her think [she]_160-gudrun would agree with [you]_3502-her ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Oh yes ! ”_[3502-her] [she]_3502-her exclaimed hastily . Then , upon reconsideration , very uneasy : “ Though [Gudrun]_160-gudrun is n’t so very simple , is [she]_160-gudrun ? [One]_4646-one does n’t know [her]_160-gudrun in five minutes , does [one]_4646-one ? [She]_160-gudrun ’s not like [me]_3502-her in that . ”_[3502-her] [She]_3502-her laughed at [him]_255-gerald with [her]_3502-her strange , open , dazzled face . “ [You]_3502-her think [she]_160-gudrun ’s not much like [you]_3502-her ? ”_[3502-her] [Gerald]_255-gerald asked . [She]_3502-her knitted [her]_3502-her brows . “ Oh , in many ways [she]_160-gudrun is . But [I]_3502-her never know what [she]_160-gudrun will do when anything new comes . ”_[3502-her] “ [You]_3502-her do n’t ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was silent for some moments . Then [he]_255-gerald moved tentatively . “ [I]_255-gerald was going to ask [her]_160-gudrun , in any case , to go away with [me]_255-gerald at Christmas , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , in a very small , cautious voice . “ Go away with [you]_3502-her ? For a time , [you]_3502-her mean ? ”_[255-gerald] “ As long as [she]_160-gudrun likes , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , with a deprecating movement . [They]_3564-they were both silent for some minutes . “ Of course , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald at last , “ [she]_160-gudrun might just be willing to rush into marriage . [You]_255-gerald can see . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] smiled [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald can see . But in case [she]_160-gudrun won’t — do [you]_3502-her think [she]_160-gudrun would go abroad with [me]_255-gerald for a few days — or for a fortnight ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Oh yes , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald ’d ask [her]_160-gudrun . ”_[255-gerald] “ Do [you]_3502-her think [we]_3564-they might all go together ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [All of [us]_3564-they]_{7024-all of us} ? ”_[255-gerald] Again [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s face lighted up . “ It would be rather fun , do n’t [you]_255-gerald think ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Great fun , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ And then [you]_255-gerald could see , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ What ? ”_[255-gerald] “ How things went . [I]_3565-i think it is best to take the honeymoon before the wedding — don’t [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[3565-i] [She]_3565-i was pleased with this mot . [He]_255-gerald laughed . “ In certain cases , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [I]_255-gerald ’d rather it were so in [my]_255-gerald own case . ”_[255-gerald] “ Would [you]_255-gerald ! ”_[255-gerald] exclaimed [Ursula]_255-gerald . Then doubtingly , “ Yes , perhaps [you]_255-gerald ’re right . [One]_4646-one should please [oneself]_4646-one . ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin came in a little later , and [Ursula]_255-gerald told [him]_255-gerald what had been said . “ [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ! ”_[169-birkin] exclaimed [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [She]_160-gudrun ’s [a born mistress]_{7026-a born mistress} , just as [Gerald]_255-gerald is [a born lover]_{7027-a born lover} — amant en titre . If as [somebody]_{4745-somebody} says [all women]_{7029-all women} are either [wives]_1230-wives or [mistresses]_{1229-mistresses} , then [Gudrun]_160-gudrun is [a mistress]_{2837-a mistress} . ”_[169-birkin] “ And [all men]_{2482-all men} either [lovers]_621-lovers or [husbands]_{7035-husbands} , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ But why not both ? ”_[255-gerald] “ [The one]_{7036-the one} excludes [the other]_{920-the other} , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald laughed . “ Then [I]_255-gerald want [a lover]_{6265-a lover} , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ No [you]_255-gerald do n’t , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ But [I]_3566-her do , ”_[3566-her] [she]_3566-her wailed . [He]_255-gerald kissed [her]_3566-her , and laughed . It was two days after this that [Ursula]_255-gerald was to go to fetch [her]_3566-her things from [the house in [Beldover]_1-beldover]_{3567-the house in beldover} . The removal had taken place , [the family]_{722-the family} had gone . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had [rooms in [Willey Green]_{6-willey green}]_{3569-rooms in willey green} . [Ursula]_255-gerald had not seen [[her]_3566-her parents]_{1835-her parents} since [her]_3566-her marriage . [She]_3566-her wept over the rupture , yet what was the good of making it up ! Good or not good , [she]_3566-her could not go to [them]_{1835-her parents} . So [her]_3566-her things had been left behind and [she]_3566-her and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun were to walk over for [them]_{1835-her parents} , in the afternoon . It was a wintry afternoon , with red in the sky , when [they]_{1835-her parents} arrived at [the house]_{468-the house} . The windows were dark and blank , already [the place]_{5125-the place} was frightening . [A stark , void entrance - hall]_{3573-a stark , void entrance - hall} struck a chill to the hearts of [the girls]_{4851-the girls} . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t believe [I]_255-gerald dare have come in alone , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ It frightens [me]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ [Ursula]_255-gerald ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Is n’t it amazing ! Can [you]_255-gerald believe [you]_255-gerald lived in [this place]_{1058-this place} and never felt it ? How [I]_160-gudrun lived [here]_4650-here a day without dying of terror , [I]_160-gudrun can not conceive ! ”_[160-gudrun] [They]_{1835-her parents} looked in [the big dining - room]_{3575-the big dining - room} . [It]_{3575-the big dining - room} was [a good - sized room]_{3576-a good - sized room} , but now [a cell]_{3577-a cell} would have been lovelier . The large bay windows were naked , the floor was stripped , and a border of dark polish went round the tract of pale boarding . In the faded wallpaper were dark patches where furniture had stood , where pictures had hung . The sense of walls , dry , thin , flimsy - seeming walls , and a flimsy flooring , pale with its artificial black edges , was neutralising to the mind . Everything was null to the senses , there was enclosure without substance , for the walls were dry and papery . Where were [they]_{1835-her parents} standing , on earth , or suspended in some cardboard box ? In the hearth was burnt paper , and scraps of half - burnt paper . “ Imagine that [we]_{1835-her parents} passed [our]_{1835-her parents} days [here]_4650-here ! ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_160-gudrun know , ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ It is too appalling . What must [we]_{1835-her parents} be like , if [we]_{1835-her parents} are the contents of this ! ”_[160-gudrun] “ Vile ! ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ It really is . ”_[255-gerald] And [she]_3578-her recognised half - burnt covers of “ Vogue”—half_[160-gudrun] - burnt representations of [women in gowns]_{3579-women in gowns} — lying under the grate . [They]_{1835-her parents} went to [the drawing - room]_{5183-the drawing - room} . Another piece of shut - in air ; without weight or substance , only a sense of intolerable papery imprisonment in nothingness . [The kitchen]_{1588-the kitchen} did look more substantial , because of the red - tiled floor and the stove , but it was cold and horrid . [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} tramped hollowly up [the bare stairs]_{3583-the bare stairs} . Every sound re - echoed under [their]_{473-the two girls} hearts . [They]_{473-the two girls} tramped down [the bare corridor]_{3584-the bare corridor} . Against the wall of [[Ursula]_255-gerald ’s bedroom]_{3585-ursula ’s bedroom} were [her]_3578-her things — a trunk , a work - basket , some books , loose coats , a hat - box , standing desolate in the universal emptiness of the dusk . “ A cheerful sight , are n’t [they]_{473-the two girls} ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , looking down at [her]_3578-her forsaken possessions . “ Very cheerful , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [The two girls]_{473-the two girls} set to , carrying everything down to the front door . Again and again [they]_{473-the two girls} made the hollow , re - echoing transit . [The whole place]_{3587-the whole place} seemed to resound about [them]_{473-the two girls} with a noise of hollow , empty futility . In the distance [the empty , invisible rooms]_{3588-the empty , invisible rooms} sent forth a vibration almost of obscenity . [They]_{473-the two girls} almost fled with the last articles , into the out - of - door . But it was cold . [They]_{473-the two girls} were waiting for [Birkin]_169-birkin , who was coming with [the car]_{4987-the car} . [They]_{473-the two girls} went [indoors]_1712-indoors again , and [upstairs]_467-upstairs to [[[their]_{473-the two girls} parents]_{1834-their parents} ’ front bedroom]_{3593-their parents ’ front bedroom} , whose windows looked down on [the road]_{502-the road} , and across [the country]_{4896-the country} at the black - barred sunset , black and red barred , without light . [They]_{473-the two girls} sat down in the window - seat , to wait . [Both girls]_{3596-both girls} were looking over [the room]_{739-the room} . It was void , with a meaninglessness that was almost dreadful . “ Really , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ [this room]_{5256-this room} could n’t be sacred , could it ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked over [it]_{739-the room} with slow eyes . “ Impossible , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied . “ When [I]_160-gudrun think of [their]_{473-the two girls} lives — [father]_4673-father ’s and [mother]_4695-mother ’s , [their]_{473-the two girls} love , and [their]_{473-the two girls} marriage , and [all of [us]_{473-the two girls} [children]_{4659-children}]_{7045-all of us children} , and [our]_{473-the two girls} bringing - up — would [you]_160-gudrun have such a life , [Prune]_163-prune ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ [I]_255-gerald would n’t , [Ursula]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ It all seems so nothing — [their]_{473-the two girls} two lives — there ’s no meaning in it . Really , if [they]_{473-the two girls} had not met , and not married , and not lived together — it would n’t have mattered , would it ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Of course — [you]_160-gudrun ca n’t tell , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ No . But if [I]_160-gudrun thought [my]_160-gudrun life was going to be like it — [Prune]_163-prune , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun caught [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s arm , “ [I]_160-gudrun should run . ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was silent for a few moments . “ As a matter of fact , one can not contemplate the ordinary life — [one]_4646-one can not contemplate it , ”_[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ With [you]_255-gerald , [Ursula]_255-gerald , it is quite different . [You]_255-gerald will be out of it all , with [Birkin]_169-birkin . [He]_7048-he ’s a special case . But with [the ordinary man]_{7049-the ordinary man} , who has [his]_{7049-the ordinary man} life fixed in one place , marriage is just impossible . There may be , and there are , thousands of [women who want it , and could conceive of nothing else]_{7050-women who want it , and could conceive of nothing else} . But the very thought of it sends [me]_160-gudrun mad . [One]_4646-one must be free , above all , [one]_4646-one must be free . [One]_4646-one may forfeit everything else , but [one]_4646-one must be free — [one]_4646-one must not become 7 , [Pinchbeck Street]_{112-pinchbeck street} — or [Somerset Drive]_{109-somerset drive} — or [Shortlands]_7-shortlands . [No man]_{4775-no man} will be sufficient to make that good — [no man]_{4775-no man} ! To marry , [one]_4646-one must have a free lance , or nothing , [a comrade - in - arms]_{7059-a comrade - in - arms} , a Glücksritter . [A man with a position in [the social world]_{7061-the social world}]_{7060-a man with a position in the social world} — well , it is just impossible , impossible ! ”_[160-gudrun] “ What a lovely word — a Glücksritter ! ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ So much nicer than [a soldier of fortune]_{7062-a soldier of fortune} . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , is n’t it ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_160-gudrun ’d tilt [the world]_{541-the world} with a Glücksritter . But [a home]_{5556-a home} , [an establishment]_{7065-an establishment} ! [Ursula]_255-gerald , what would it mean?—think ! ”_[160-gudrun] “ [I]_255-gerald know , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [We]_3598-they ’ve had [one home]_{7066-one home} — that ’s enough for [me]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ Quite enough , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [The little grey home in [the west]_{7068-the west}]_{7067-the little grey home in the west} , ”_[255-gerald] quoted [Ursula]_255-gerald ironically . “ Does n’t it sound grey , too , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun grimly . [They]_3598-they were interrupted by the sound of [the car]_{4987-the car} . There was [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Ursula]_255-gerald was surprised that [she]_3600-she felt so lit up , that [she]_3600-she became suddenly so free from the problems of [grey homes in [the west]_{7068-the west}]_{3601-grey homes in the west} . [They]_3598-they heard [his]_3603-he heels click on [the hall pavement below]_{3604-the hall pavement below} . “ Hello ! ”_[3603-he] [he]_3603-he called , [his]_3603-he voice echoing alive through [the house]_{468-the house} . [Ursula]_255-gerald smiled to [herself]_255-gerald . [He]_3603-he was frightened of [the place]_{5125-the place} too . “ Hello ! Here [we]_3598-they are , ”_[3600-she] [she]_3600-she called [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} . And [they]_3598-they heard [him]_3603-he quickly running up . “ This is a ghostly situation , ”_[3603-he] [he]_3603-he said . “ [These houses]_{7069-these houses} do n’t have ghosts — they’ve never had any personality , and only a place with personality can have a ghost , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_160-gudrun suppose so . Are [you]_3598-they both weeping over the past ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ [We]_3598-they are , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , grimly . [Ursula]_255-gerald laughed . “ Not weeping that it ’s gone , but weeping that it ever was , ”_[3600-she] [she]_3600-she said . “ Oh , ”_[3603-he] [he]_3603-he replied , relieved . [He]_3603-he sat down for a moment . There was something in [his]_3603-he presence , [Ursula]_255-gerald thought , lambent and alive . It made even the impertinent structure of [this null house]_{3608-this null house} disappear . “ [Gudrun]_160-gudrun says [she]_160-gudrun could not bear to be married and put into [a house]_{6309-a house} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald meaningful — [they]_3598-they knew this referred to [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_3603-he was silent for some moments . “ Well , ”_[3603-he] [he]_3603-he said , “ if [you]_255-gerald know beforehand [you]_255-gerald could n’t stand it , [you]_255-gerald ’re safe . ”_[3603-he] “ Quite ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Why does [every woman]_{1465-every woman} think [her]_{1465-every woman} aim in life is to have [a hubby]_{7072-a hubby} and [a little grey home in [the west]_{7068-the west}]_{7073-a little grey home in the west} ? Why is this the goal of life ? Why should it be ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Il faut avoir le respect de ses bêtises , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ But [you]_255-gerald need n’t have the respect for the bêtise before [you]_255-gerald ’ve committed it , ”_[255-gerald] laughed [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Ah then , des bêtises du papa ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Et de la maman , ”_[160-gudrun] added [Gudrun]_160-gudrun satirically . “ Et des voisins , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . [They]_3598-they all laughed , and rose . It was getting dark . [They]_3598-they carried the things to [the car]_{4987-the car} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun locked the door of [the empty house]_{3610-the empty house} . [Birkin]_169-birkin had lighted the lamps of [the automobile]_{3611-the automobile} . [It]_3612-it all seemed very happy , as if [they]_3598-they were setting out . “ Do [you]_7075-you mind stopping at [Coulsons]_113-coulsons . [I]_160-gudrun have to leave the key there , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Right , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , and [they]_3598-they moved off . [They]_3598-they stopped in [the main street]_{3613-the main street} . [The shops]_{1484-the shops} were just lighted , [the last miners]_{3615-the last miners} were passing [home]_4649-home along [the causeways]_{6021-the causeways} , half - visible shadows in [their]_{3615-the last miners} grey pit - dirt , moving through the blue air . But [their]_{3615-the last miners} feet rang harshly in manifold sound , along [the pavement]_{6240-the pavement} . How pleased [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was to come out of [the shop]_{3619-the shop} , and enter [the car]_{4987-the car} , and be borne swiftly away into the downhill of palpable dusk , with [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin ! What an adventure life seemed at this moment ! How deeply , how suddenly [she]_160-gudrun envied [Ursula]_255-gerald ! Life for [her]_160-gudrun was so quick , and an open door — so reckless as if not only [this world]_{2436-this world} , but the world that was gone and [the world to come]_{3622-the world to come} were nothing to [her]_160-gudrun . Ah , if [she]_160-gudrun could be just like that , it would be perfect . For always , except in [her]_160-gudrun moments of excitement , [she]_160-gudrun felt a want within [herself]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun was unsure . [She]_160-gudrun had felt that now , at last , in [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s strong and violent love , [she]_160-gudrun was living fully and finally . But when [she]_160-gudrun compared [herself]_160-gudrun with [Ursula]_255-gerald , already [her]_160-gudrun soul was jealous , unsatisfied . [She]_160-gudrun was not satisfied — [she]_160-gudrun was never to be satisfied . What was [she]_160-gudrun short of now ? It was marriage — it was the wonderful stability of marriage . [She]_160-gudrun did want it , let [her]_160-gudrun say what [she]_160-gudrun might . [She]_160-gudrun had been lying . The old idea of marriage was right even now — marriage and [the home]_{471-the home} . Yet [her]_160-gudrun mouth gave a little grimace at the words . [She]_160-gudrun thought of [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Shortlands]_7-shortlands — marriage and [the home]_{471-the home} ! Ah well , let it rest ! [He]_255-gerald meant a great deal to [her]_160-gudrun — but — ! Perhaps it was not in [her]_160-gudrun to marry . [She]_160-gudrun was [one of [life ’s outcasts]_{3626-life ’s outcasts}]_{3625-one of life ’s outcasts} , [one of the drifting lives that have no root]_{3627-one of the drifting lives that have no root} . No , no it could not be so . [She]_160-gudrun suddenly conjured up [a rosy room]_{3628-a rosy room} , with [herself]_160-gudrun in a beautiful gown , and [a handsome man in evening dress who held [her]_160-gudrun in [his]_{3629-a handsome man in evening dress who held her in his arms in the firelight , and kissed her} arms in the firelight , and kissed [her]_160-gudrun]_{3629-a handsome man in evening dress who held her in his arms in the firelight , and kissed her} . This picture [she]_160-gudrun entitled “ [Home]_4649-home . ”_[160-gudrun] It would have done for [the Royal Academy]_{3630-the royal academy} . “ Come with [us]_3631-us to tea — do , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , as [they]_3631-us ran nearer to [the cottage of [Willey Green]_{6-willey green}]_{3632-the cottage of willey green} . “ Thanks awfully — but [I]_160-gudrun must go in — ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun wanted very much to go on with [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin . That seemed like life indeed to [her]_160-gudrun . Yet a certain perversity would not let [her]_160-gudrun . “ Do come — yes , it would be so nice , ”_[255-gerald] pleaded [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald ’m awfully sorry — [I]_255-gerald should love to — but [I]_255-gerald can’t — really — ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun descended from [the car]_{4987-the car} in trembling haste . “ Ca n’t [you]_160-gudrun really ! ”_[255-gerald] came [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s regretful voice . “ No , really [I]_160-gudrun ca n’t , ”_[160-gudrun] responded [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s pathetic , chagrined words out of the dusk . “ All right , are [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[169-birkin] called [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Quite ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Good - night ! ”_[160-gudrun] “ Good - night , ”_[3634-they] [they]_3634-they called . “ Come whenever [you]_160-gudrun like , [we]_3634-they shall be glad , ”_[169-birkin] called [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Thank [you]_3635-you very much , ”_[160-gudrun] called [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in the strange , twanging voice of lonely chagrin that was very puzzling to [him]_3635-you . [She]_160-gudrun turned away to [[her]_160-gudrun cottage gate]_{3636-her cottage gate} , and [they]_3634-they drove on . But immediately [she]_160-gudrun stood to watch [them]_3634-they , as [the car]_{4987-the car} ran vague into the distance . And as [she]_160-gudrun went up the path to [[her]_160-gudrun strange house]_{3638-her strange house} , [her]_160-gudrun heart was full of incomprehensible bitterness . In [[her]_160-gudrun parlour]_{3639-her parlour} was a long - case clock , and inserted into its dial was a ruddy , round , slant - eyed , joyous - painted face , that wagged [over with the most ridiculous ogle when the clock ticked , and back again with the same absurd glad - eye at the next tick]_{3640-over with the most ridiculous ogle when the clock ticked , and back again with the same absurd glad - eye at the next tick} . All the time the absurd smooth , brown - ruddy face gave [her]_160-gudrun an obtrusive “ glad - eye . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun stood for minutes , watching it , till a sort of maddened disgust overcame [her]_160-gudrun , and [she]_160-gudrun laughed at [herself]_160-gudrun hollowly . And still it rocked , and gave [her]_160-gudrun the glad - eye from one side , then from the other , from one side , then from the other . Ah , how unhappy [she]_160-gudrun was ! In the midst of [her]_160-gudrun most active happiness , ah , how unhappy [she]_160-gudrun was ! [She]_160-gudrun glanced at the table . Gooseberry jam , and the same home - made cake with too much soda in it ! Still , gooseberry jam was good , and one so rarely got it . All the evening [she]_160-gudrun wanted to go to [the Mill]_{5426-the mill} . But [she]_160-gudrun coldly refused to allow [herself]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun went the next afternoon instead . [She]_160-gudrun was happy to find [Ursula]_255-gerald alone . [It]_3642-it was a lovely , intimate secluded atmosphere . [They]_3643-they talked endlessly and delightedly . “ Are n’t [you]_{449-her sister} fearfully happy [here]_4650-here ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun to [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} glancing at [her]_160-gudrun own bright eyes in the mirror . [She]_160-gudrun always envied , almost with resentment , the strange positive fullness that subsisted in the atmosphere around [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin . How really beautifully [this room]_{5256-this room} is done , ” [she]_160-gudrun said aloud . “_[160-gudrun] This hard plaited matting — what a lovely colour it is , the colour of cool light ! ” And it seemed to [her]_160-gudrun perfect . “_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald , ” [she]_160-gudrun said at length , in a voice of question and detachment , “_[255-gerald] did [you]_255-gerald know that [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald had suggested [our]_3643-they going away all together at Christmas ? ” “_[255-gerald] Yes , [he]_255-gerald ’s spoken to [Rupert]_169-birkin . ” A deep flush dyed [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s cheek . [She]_160-gudrun was silent a moment , as if taken aback , and not knowing what to say . “_[255-gerald] But do n’t [you]_255-gerald think , ” [she]_160-gudrun said at last , “_[255-gerald] it is amazingly cool ! ” [Ursula]_255-gerald laughed . “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i like [him]_255-gerald for it , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was silent . It was evident that , whilst [she]_160-gudrun was almost mortified by [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s taking the liberty of making such a suggestion to [Birkin]_169-birkin , yet the idea itself attracted [her]_160-gudrun strongly . “_[255-gerald] There ’s a rather lovely simplicity about [Gerald]_255-gerald , [I]_0-i think , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “_[0-i] so defiant , somehow ! Oh , [I]_0-i think [he]_255-gerald ’s very lovable . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun did not reply for some moments . [She]_160-gudrun had still to get over the feeling of insult at the liberty taken with [her]_160-gudrun freedom . “_[0-i] What did [Rupert]_169-birkin say — do [you]_255-gerald know ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked . “_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald said it would be most awfully jolly , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . Again [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked down , and was silent . “_[255-gerald] Do n’t [you]_255-gerald think it would ? ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald , tentatively . [She]_160-gudrun was never quite sure how many defences [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was having round [herself]_160-gudrun . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun raised [her]_160-gudrun face with difficulty and held it averted . “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i think it might be awfully jolly , as [you]_255-gerald say , ” [she]_160-gudrun replied . “_[0-i] But do n’t [you]_255-gerald think it was an unpardonable liberty to take — to talk of such things to [Rupert]_169-birkin — who after all — [you]_255-gerald see what [I]_0-i mean , [Ursula]_255-gerald — [they]_3646-they might have been [two men]_{2401-two men} arranging an outing with some little type [they]_3646-they ’d picked up . Oh , [I]_0-i think it ’s unforgivable , quite ! ” [She]_160-gudrun used the French word “_[0-i] type . ” [Her]_160-gudrun eyes flashed , [her]_160-gudrun soft face was flushed and sullen . [Ursula]_255-gerald looked on , rather frightened , frightened most of all because [she]_160-gudrun thought [Gudrun]_160-gudrun seemed rather common , really like a little type . But [she]_160-gudrun had not the courage quite to think this — not right out . “_[0-i] Oh no , ” [she]_160-gudrun cried , stammering . “_[0-i] Oh no — not at all like that — oh no ! No , [I]_0-i think it ’s rather beautiful , the friendship between [Rupert]_169-birkin and [Gerald]_255-gerald . [They]_3646-they just are simple — [they]_3646-they say anything to [each other]_{451-each other} , like [brothers]_{6584-brothers} . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun flushed deeper . [She]_160-gudrun could not bear it that [Gerald]_255-gerald gave [her]_160-gudrun away — even to [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[3646-they] But do [you]_0-i think [even brothers]_{3650-even brothers} have any right to exchange confidences of that sort ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked , with deep anger . “_[0-i] Oh yes , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] There ’s never anything said that is n’t perfectly straightforward . No , the thing that ’s amazed [me]_0-i most in [Gerald]_255-gerald — how perfectly simple and direct [he]_255-gerald can be ! And [you]_0-i know , it takes rather [a big man]_{3651-a big man} . Most of [them]_3646-they must be indirect , [they]_3646-they are [such cowards]_{3652-such cowards} . ” But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was still silent with anger . [She]_160-gudrun wanted the absolute secrecy kept , with regard to [her]_160-gudrun movements . “_{[3652-such cowards]} Wo n’t [you]_0-i go ? ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_{[3652-such cowards]} Do , [we]_3653-we might all be so happy ! There is something [I]_0-i love about [Gerald]_255-gerald — [he]_255-gerald ’s much more lovable than [I]_0-i thought [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald ’s free , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [he]_255-gerald really is . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s mouth was still closed , sullen and ugly . [She]_160-gudrun opened it at length . “_[255-gerald] Do [you]_0-i know where [he]_255-gerald proposes to go ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked . “_[0-i] Yes — to [the Tyrol]_{3654-the tyrol} , where [he]_255-gerald used to go when [he]_255-gerald was in [Germany]_114-germany — [a lovely place where [students]_{3656-students} go , small and rough and lovely , for winter sport]_{3655-a lovely place where students go , small and rough and lovely , for winter sport} ! ” Through [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s mind went the angry thought—“they_[0-i] know everything . ” “_[0-i] Yes , ” [she]_160-gudrun said aloud , “_[0-i] about forty kilometres from [Innsbruck]_{115-innsbruck} , is n’t it ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know exactly where — but it would be lovely , do n’t [you]_0-i think , high in the perfect snow — ? ” “_[0-i] Very lovely ! ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , sarcastically . [Ursula]_255-gerald was put out . “_[0-i] Of course , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think [Gerald]_255-gerald spoke to [Rupert]_169-birkin so that it should n’t seem like an outing with a type — ” “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i know , of course , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “_[0-i] that [he]_255-gerald quite commonly does take up with that sort . ” “_[255-gerald] Does [he]_255-gerald ! ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[255-gerald] Why how do [you]_0-i know ? ” “_[0-i] [I]_0-i know of a model in [Chelsea]_4-chelsea , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun coldly . Now [Ursula]_255-gerald was silent . “_[0-i] Well , ” [she]_160-gudrun said at last , with a doubtful laugh , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i hope [he]_255-gerald has a good time with [her]_3657-her . ” At which [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked more glum . [Christmas]_{363-christmas} drew near , [all four]_{7078-all four} prepared for flight . [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald were busy packing [their]_{7078-all four} few personal things , making [them]_{7078-all four} ready to be sent off , to [whatever country and whatever place [they]_{7078-all four} might choose at last]_{7079-whatever country and whatever place they might choose at last} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was very much excited . [She]_160-gudrun loved to be on the wing . [She]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald , being ready first , set off via [London]_2-london and [Paris]_42-paris to [Innsbruck]_{115-innsbruck} , where [they]_{7078-all four} would meet [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin . In [London]_2-london [they]_{7078-all four} stayed one night . [They]_{7078-all four} went to [the music - hall]_{7080-the music - hall} , and afterwards to [the Pompadour Café]_{7081-the pompadour café} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun hated the Café , yet [she]_160-gudrun always went back to it , as did [most of [the artists of [her]_160-gudrun acquaintance]_{7083-the artists of her acquaintance}]_{7082-most of the artists of her acquaintance} . [She]_160-gudrun loathed its atmosphere of petty vice and petty jealousy and petty art . Yet [she]_160-gudrun always called in again , when [she]_160-gudrun was in [town]_602-town . It was as if [she]_160-gudrun had to return to this small , slow , central whirlpool of disintegration and dissolution : just give it a look . [She]_160-gudrun sat with [Gerald]_255-gerald drinking some sweetish liqueur , and staring with black , sullen looks at [the various groups of people at the tables]_{7085-the various groups of people at the tables} . [She]_160-gudrun would greet [nobody]_912-nobody , but [young men]_{5365-young men} nodded to [her]_160-gudrun frequently , with a kind of sneering familiarity . [She]_160-gudrun cut [them]_{5365-young men} all . And it gave [her]_160-gudrun pleasure to sit there , cheeks flushed , eyes black and sullen , seeing [them]_{5365-young men} all objectively , as put away from [her]_160-gudrun , like creatures in [some menagerie of apish degraded souls]_{7088-some menagerie of apish degraded souls} . [God]_167-god , what [a foul crew]_{7089-a foul crew} [they]_{5365-young men} were ! [Her]_160-gudrun blood beat black and thick in [her]_160-gudrun veins with rage and loathing . Yet [she]_160-gudrun must sit and watch , watch . [One or two people]_{6788-one or two people} came to speak to [her]_160-gudrun . From every side of [the Café]_{116-the café} , eyes turned half furtively , half jeeringly at [her]_160-gudrun , [men]_848-men looking over [their]_848-men shoulders , [women]_453-women under [their]_453-women hats . [The old crowd]_{7093-the old crowd} was there , [Carlyon]_372-carlyon in [his]_372-carlyon corner with [[his]_372-carlyon pupils]_{7094-his pupils} and [[his]_372-carlyon girl]_{7095-his girl} , [Halliday]_204-halliday and [Libidnikov]_{218-libidnikov} and [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} — [they]_{7093-the old crowd} were all there . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [Gerald]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun watched [his]_255-gerald eyes linger a moment on [Halliday]_204-halliday , on [[Halliday]_204-halliday ’s party]_{7097-halliday ’s party} . [These last]_{7098-these last} were on the look - out — [they]_{7098-these last} nodded to [him]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald nodded again . [They]_{7098-these last} giggled and whispered among [themselves]_{7098-these last} . [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [them]_{7098-these last} with the steady twinkle in [his]_255-gerald eyes . [They]_{7098-these last} were urging [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} to something . [She]_160-gudrun at last rose . [She]_160-gudrun was wearing a curious dress of dark silk splashed and spattered with different colours , a curious motley effect . [She]_160-gudrun was thinner , [her]_160-gudrun eyes were perhaps hotter , more disintegrated . Otherwise [she]_160-gudrun was just the same . [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [her]_160-gudrun with the same steady twinkle in [his]_255-gerald eyes as [she]_160-gudrun came across . [She]_160-gudrun held out [her]_160-gudrun thin brown hand to [him]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] How are [you]_3658-you ? ” [she]_160-gudrun said . [He]_255-gerald shook hands with [her]_160-gudrun , but remained seated , and let [her]_160-gudrun stand near [him]_255-gerald , against the table . [She]_160-gudrun nodded blackly to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , whom [she]_160-gudrun did not know to speak to , but well enough by sight and reputation . “_[3658-you] [I]_0-i am very well , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[3658-you] And [you]_3658-you ? ” “_[3658-you] Oh [I]_0-i ’m all wight . What about [Wupert]_212-wupert ? ” “_[212-wupert] [Rupert]_169-birkin ? [He]_212-wupert ’s very well , too . ” “_[212-wupert] Yes , [I]_0-i do n’t mean that . What about [him]_212-wupert being married ? ” “_[212-wupert] Oh — yes , [he]_212-wupert is married . ” [The Pussum]_{211-the pussum} ’s eyes had a hot flash . “_[212-wupert] Oh , [he]_212-wupert ’s [weally]_3659-weally bwought it off then , has [he]_212-wupert ? When was [he]_212-wupert married ? ” “_[212-wupert] A week or two ago . ” “_[212-wupert] Weally ! [He]_212-wupert ’s never written . ” “_[212-wupert] No . ” “_[212-wupert] No . Do n’t [you]_3658-you think it ’s too bad ? ” This last was in a tone of challenge . [The Pussum]_{211-the pussum} let it be known by [her]_3658-you tone , that [she]_3658-you was aware of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s listening . “_[3658-you] [I]_0-i suppose [he]_212-wupert did n’t feel like it , ” replied [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[212-wupert] But why did n’t [he]_212-wupert ? ” pursued [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} . This was received in silence . There was an ugly , mocking persistence in the small , beautiful figure of [the short - haired girl]_{7099-the short - haired girl} , as [she]_{7099-the short - haired girl} stood near [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[212-wupert] Are [you]_0-i staying in [town]_602-town long ? ” [she]_{7099-the short - haired girl} asked . “_[0-i] Tonight only . ” “_[0-i] Oh , only tonight . Are [you]_0-i coming over to speak to [Julius]_209-julius ? ” “_[0-i] Not tonight . ” “_[0-i] Oh very well . [I]_0-i ’ll tell [him]_209-julius then . ” Then came [her]_{7099-the short - haired girl} touch of diablerie . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i ’re looking awf’lly fit . ” “_[0-i] Yes — [I]_0-i feel it . ” [Gerald]_255-gerald was quite calm and easy , a spark of satiric amusement in [his]_255-gerald eye . “_[0-i] Are [you]_0-i having a good time ? ” This was a direct blow for [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , spoken in a level , toneless voice of callous ease . “_[0-i] Yes , ” [he]_255-gerald replied , quite colourlessly . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’m awf’lly sorry [you]_0-i are n’t coming round to [the flat]_{1046-the flat} . [You]_0-i are n’t very faithful to [[your]_0-i fwiends]_{3662-your fwiends} . ” “_[0-i] Not very , ” [he]_255-gerald said . [She]_3663-she nodded [them]_3664-them both “_[0-i] Good - night ’ , and went back slowly to [her]_3663-she own set . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [her]_3663-she curious walk , stiff and jerking at the loins . [They]_3664-them heard [her]_3663-she level , toneless voice distinctly . “ [He]_255-gerald wo n’t come over;—he is otherwise engaged , ”_[3664-them] it said . There was more laughter and lowered voices and mockery at the table . “ Is [she]_3663-she [a friend of yours]_{7100-a friend of yours} ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , looking calmly at [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald ’ve stayed at [[Halliday]_204-halliday ’s flat]_{7101-halliday ’s flat} with [Birkin]_169-birkin , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , meeting [her]_3663-she slow , calm eyes . And [she]_3663-she knew that [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} was [one of [[his]_255-gerald mistresses]_{3666-his mistresses}]_{3665-one of his mistresses} — and [he]_255-gerald knew [she]_3663-she knew . [She]_3663-she looked round , and called for [the waiter]_{4920-the waiter} . [She]_3663-she wanted an iced cocktail , of all things . This amused [Gerald]_255-gerald — [he]_255-gerald wondered what was up . [The Halliday party]_{3668-the halliday party} was tipsy , and malicious . [They]_3669-they were talking out loudly about [Birkin]_169-birkin , ridiculing [him]_255-gerald on every point , particularly on [his]_255-gerald marriage . “ Oh , do n’t make [me]_204-halliday think of [Birkin]_169-birkin , ”_{[204-halliday]} [Halliday]_204-halliday was squealing . “ [He]_255-gerald makes [me]_204-halliday perfectly sick . [He]_255-gerald is as bad as [Jesus]_247-jesus . ‘ [Lord]_7102-lord , what must [I]_204-halliday do to be saved ! ’ ”_{[204-halliday]} [He]_204-halliday giggled to [himself]_204-halliday tipsily . “ Do [you]_7103-you remember , ”_{[221-the russian]} came the quick voice of [the Russian]_{221-the russian} , “ the letters [he]_255-gerald used to send . ‘ Desire is holy — ’ ”_{[221-the russian]} “ Oh yes ! ”_{[204-halliday]} cried [Halliday]_204-halliday . “ Oh , how perfectly splendid . Why , [I]_204-halliday ’ve got one in [my]_204-halliday pocket . [I]_204-halliday ’m sure [I]_204-halliday have . ”_{[204-halliday]} [He]_204-halliday took out various papers from [his]_204-halliday pocket book . “ [I]_204-halliday ’m sure [I’ve]_204-halliday — hic ! Oh dear!—got one . ”_{[204-halliday]} [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun were watching absorbedly . “ Oh yes , how perfectly — hic!—splendid ! Do n’t make [me]_160-gudrun laugh , [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , it gives [me]_160-gudrun the hiccup . Hic ! — ”_[160-gudrun] [They]_3670-they all giggled . “ What did [he]_255-gerald say in that one ? ”_{[4973-the pussum]} [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} asked , leaning forward , [her]_{4973-the pussum} dark , soft hair falling and swinging against [her]_{4973-the pussum} face . There was something curiously indecent , obscene , about [her]_{4973-the pussum} small , longish , dark skull , particularly when the ears showed . “ Wait — oh do wait ! No - o , [I]_215-maxim wo n’t give it to [you]_{211-the pussum} , [I]_215-maxim ’ll read it aloud . [I]_215-maxim ’ll read [you]_{211-the pussum} the choice bits,—hic ! Oh dear ! Do [you]_{211-the pussum} think if [I]_215-maxim drink water it would take off this hiccup ? Hic ! Oh , [I]_215-maxim feel perfectly helpless . ”_[215-maxim] “ Is n’t that the letter about uniting the dark and the light — and the Flux of Corruption ? ”_[215-maxim] asked [Maxim]_215-maxim , in [his]_215-maxim precise , quick voice . “ [I]_{211-the pussum} believe so , ”_{[211-the pussum]} said [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} . “ Oh is it ? [I]_204-halliday ’d forgotten — hic!—it was that one , ”_{[204-halliday]} [Halliday]_204-halliday said , opening the letter . “ Hic ! Oh yes . How perfectly splendid ! This is one of the best . ‘ There is a phase in every race — ’ ”_{[204-halliday]} [he]_204-halliday read in the sing - song , slow , distinct voice of [a clergyman reading the Scriptures]_{3672-a clergyman reading the scriptures} , “ ‘ When the desire for destruction overcomes every other desire . In [the individual]_{5373-the individual} , this desire is ultimately a desire for destruction in the self’—hic ! — ”_{[204-halliday]} [he]_204-halliday paused and looked up . “ [I]_{221-the russian} hope [he]_204-halliday ’s going ahead with the destruction of [himself]_204-halliday , ”_{[221-the russian]} said the quick voice of [the Russian]_{221-the russian} . [Halliday]_204-halliday giggled , and lolled [his]_204-halliday head back , vaguely . “ There ’s not much to destroy in [him]_204-halliday , ”_{[4973-the pussum]} said [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} . “ [He]_204-halliday ’s so thin already , there ’s only a fag - end to start on . ”_{[4973-the pussum]} “ Oh , is n’t it beautiful ! [I]_204-halliday love reading it ! [I]_204-halliday believe it has cured [my]_204-halliday hiccup ! ”_{[204-halliday]} squealed [Halliday]_204-halliday . “ Do let [me]_204-halliday go on . ‘ It is a desire for the reduction process in [oneself]_7105-oneself , a reducing back to the origin , a return along the Flux of Corruption , to the original rudimentary conditions of being — ! ’ Oh , but [I]_204-halliday do think it is wonderful . It almost supersedes the Bible — ”_{[204-halliday]} “ Yes — Flux of Corruption , ”_{[221-the russian]} said [the Russian]_{221-the russian} , “ [I]_{221-the russian} remember that phrase . ”_{[221-the russian]} “ Oh , [he]_204-halliday was always talking about Corruption , ”_{[211-the pussum]} said [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} . “ [He]_204-halliday must be corrupt [himself]_204-halliday , to have it so much on [his]_204-halliday mind . ”_{[211-the pussum]} “ Exactly ! ”_{[221-the russian]} said [the Russian]_{221-the russian} . “ Do let [me]_{221-the russian} go on ! Oh , this is a perfectly wonderful piece ! But do listen to this . ‘ And in the great retrogression , the reducing back of the created body of life , [we]_7106-we get knowledge , and beyond knowledge , the phosphorescent ecstasy of acute sensation . ’ Oh , [I]_{221-the russian} do think these phrases are too absurdly wonderful . Oh but do n’t [you]_7107-you think they are — they’re nearly as good as [Jesus]_247-jesus . ‘ And if , [Julius]_209-julius , [you]_209-julius want this ecstasy of reduction with the Pussum , [you]_209-julius must go on till it is fulfilled . But surely there is in [you]_209-julius also , somewhere , the living desire for positive creation , relationships in ultimate faith , when all this process of active corruption , with all its flowers of mud , is transcended , and more or less finished — ’ [I]_{221-the russian} do wonder what the flowers of mud are . [Pussum]_{211-the pussum} , [you]_{211-the pussum} are a flower of mud . ”_{[221-the russian]} “ Thank [you]_{211-the pussum} — and what are [you]_{211-the pussum} ? ”_{[204-halliday]} “ Oh , [I]_204-halliday ’m another , surely , according to this letter ! [We]_7106-we ’re all flowers of mud — fleurs — hic ! du mal ! It ’s perfectly wonderful , [Birkin]_169-birkin harrowing Hell — harrowing the Pompadour — Hic ! ”_{[204-halliday]} “ Go on — go on , ”_[215-maxim] said [Maxim]_215-maxim . “ What comes next ? It ’s really very interesting . ”_[215-maxim] “ [I]_{4973-the pussum} think it ’s awful cheek to write like that , ”_{[4973-the pussum]} said [the Pussum]_{4973-the pussum} . “ Yes — yes , so do [I]_{5027-the russian} , ”_{[5027-the russian]} said [the Russian]_{5027-the russian} . “ [He]_204-halliday is [a megalomaniac]_{7108-a megalomaniac} , of course , it is a form of religious mania . [He]_204-halliday thinks [he]_204-halliday is [the Saviour of man]_{7109-the saviour of man} — go on reading . ”_{[5027-the russian]} “ Surely , ”_{[204-halliday]} [Halliday]_204-halliday intoned , “ ‘ surely goodness and mercy hath followed [me]_204-halliday all the days of [my]_204-halliday life — ’ ”_{[204-halliday]} [he]_204-halliday broke off and giggled . Then [he]_204-halliday began again , intoning like [a clergyman]_{3676-a clergyman} . “ ‘ Surely there will come an end in [us]_{7110-ourselves} to this desire — for the constant going apart,—this passion for putting asunder — everything — [ourselves]_{7110-ourselves} , reducing [ourselves]_{7110-ourselves} part from part — reacting in intimacy only for destruction,—using sex as a great reducing agent , reducing the two great elements of male and female from [their]_7111-their highly complex unity — reducing the old ideas , going back to the savages for [our]_{7110-ourselves} sensations,—always seeking to lose [ourselves]_{7110-ourselves} in some ultimate black sensation , mindless and infinite — burning only with destructive fires , raging on with the hope of being burnt out utterly — ’ ”_{[204-halliday]} “ [I]_160-gudrun want to go , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun to [Gerald]_255-gerald , as [she]_160-gudrun signalled [the waiter]_{4920-the waiter} . [Her]_160-gudrun eyes were flashing , [her]_160-gudrun cheeks were flushed . The strange effect of [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s letter read aloud in a perfect clerical sing - song , clear and resonant , phrase by phrase , made the blood mount into [her]_160-gudrun head as if [she]_160-gudrun were mad . [She]_160-gudrun rose , whilst [Gerald]_255-gerald was paying the bill , and walked over to [Halliday]_204-halliday ’s table . [They]_3678-they all glanced up at [her]_160-gudrun . “ Excuse [me]_160-gudrun , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ Is that a genuine letter [you]_204-halliday are reading ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Oh yes , ”_{[204-halliday]} said [Halliday]_204-halliday . “ Quite genuine . ”_{[204-halliday]} “ May [I]_204-halliday see ? ”_{[204-halliday]} Smiling foolishly [he]_204-halliday handed it to [her]_160-gudrun , as if hypnotised . “ Thank [you]_204-halliday , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . And [she]_160-gudrun turned and walked out of [the Café]_{4911-the café} with the letter , all down [the brilliant room]_{3680-the brilliant room} , between the tables , in [her]_160-gudrun measured fashion . It was some moments before [anybody]_744-anybody realised what was happening . From [Halliday]_204-halliday ’s table came half articulate cries , then [somebody]_{4745-somebody} booed , then all the far end of [the place]_{5125-the place} began booing after [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s retreating form . [She]_160-gudrun was fashionably dressed in blackish - green and silver , [her]_160-gudrun hat was brilliant green , like the sheen on an insect , but the brim was soft dark green , a falling edge with fine silver , [her]_160-gudrun coat was dark green , lustrous , with a high collar of grey fur , and great fur cuffs , the edge of [her]_160-gudrun dress showed silver and black velvet , [her]_160-gudrun stockings and shoes were silver grey . [She]_160-gudrun moved with slow , fashionable indifference to the door . [The porter]_{3684-the porter} opened obsequiously for [her]_160-gudrun , and , at [her]_160-gudrun nod , hurried to the edge of [the pavement]_{6240-the pavement} and whistled for [a taxi]_{1103-a taxi} . The two lights of [a vehicle]_{3687-a vehicle} almost immediately curved round towards [her]_160-gudrun , like two eyes . [Gerald]_255-gerald had followed in wonder , amid all the booing , not having caught [her]_160-gudrun misdeed . [He]_255-gerald heard [the Pussum]_{211-the pussum} ’s voice saying : “ Go and get it back from [her]_160-gudrun . [I]_{211-the pussum} never heard of such a thing ! Go and get it back from [her]_160-gudrun . Tell [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald — there [he]_255-gerald goes — go and make [him]_255-gerald give it up . ”_{[211-the pussum]} [Gudrun]_160-gudrun stood at the door of [the taxi]_{3688-the taxi} , which [the man]_{4658-the man} held open for [her]_160-gudrun . “ To [the hotel]_{7112-the hotel} ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked , as [Gerald]_255-gerald came out , hurriedly . “ Where [you]_160-gudrun like , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald answered . “ Right ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . Then to [the driver]_{4986-the driver} , “ [Wagstaff’s]_{117-wagstaff’s} — [Barton Street]_{7113-barton street} . ”_{[4986-the driver]} [The driver]_{4986-the driver} bowed [his]_{4986-the driver} head , and put down the flag . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun entered [the taxi]_{3688-the taxi} , with the deliberate cold movement of [a woman who is well - dressed and contemptuous in [her]_{3693-a woman who is well - dressed and contemptuous in her soul} soul]_{3693-a woman who is well - dressed and contemptuous in her soul} . Yet [she]_160-gudrun was frozen with overwrought feelings . [Gerald]_255-gerald followed [her]_160-gudrun . “ [You]_255-gerald ’ve forgotten [the man]_{4658-the man} , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said cooly , with a slight nod of [her]_160-gudrun hat . [Gerald]_255-gerald gave [the porter]_{3684-the porter} a shilling . [The man]_{4658-the man} saluted . [They]_3696-they were in motion . “ What was all the row about ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald , in wondering excitement . “ [I]_160-gudrun walked away with [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s letter , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , and [he]_255-gerald saw the crushed paper in [her]_160-gudrun hand . [His]_255-gerald eyes glittered with satisfaction . “ Ah ! ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Splendid ! A set of jackasses ! ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_160-gudrun could have killed [them]_7115-them ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried in passion . “ [Dogs!—they]_{373-dogs!—they} are dogs ! Why is [Rupert]_169-birkin such [a fool]_{4749-a fool} as to write such letters to [them]_7115-them ? Why does [he]_255-gerald give [himself]_255-gerald away to such canaille ? It ’s a thing that can not be borne . ”_[160-gudrun] [Gerald]_255-gerald wondered over [her]_160-gudrun strange passion . And [she]_160-gudrun could not rest any longer in [London]_2-london . [They]_3697-they must go by [the morning train]_{3698-the morning train} from [Charing Cross]_{118-charing cross} . As [they]_3697-they drew over [the bridge]_{3113-the bridge} , in [the train]_{4874-the train} , having glimpses of the river between the great iron girders , [she]_160-gudrun cried : “ [I]_160-gudrun feel [I]_160-gudrun could never see [this foul town]_{7117-this foul town} again — [I]_160-gudrun could n’t bear to come back to [it]_{7117-this foul town} . ”_[160-gudrun] [Ursula]_255-gerald went on in an unreal suspense , the last weeks before going away . [She]_160-gudrun was not [herself,—she]_160-gudrun was not anything . [She]_160-gudrun was something that is going to be — soon — soon — very soon . But as yet , [she]_160-gudrun was only imminent . [She]_160-gudrun went to see [[her]_160-gudrun parents]_{1835-her parents} . It was a rather stiff , sad meeting , more like a verification of separateness than a reunion . But [they]_{1835-her parents} were all vague and indefinite with [one another]_{1500-one another} , stiffened in the fate that moved [them]_{1835-her parents} apart . [She]_160-gudrun did not really come to until [she]_160-gudrun was on [the ship]_{3703-the ship} crossing from [Dover]_70-dover to [Ostend]_119-ostend . Dimly [she]_160-gudrun had come down to [London]_2-london with [Birkin]_169-birkin , [London]_2-london had been a vagueness , so had the train - journey to [Dover]_70-dover . It was all like a sleep . And now , at last , as [she]_160-gudrun stood in [the stern of [the ship]_{3703-the ship}]_{3704-the stern of the ship} , in a pitch - dark , rather blowy night , feeling the motion of [the sea]_{2243-the sea} , and watching the small , rather desolate little lights that twinkled on [the shores of [England]_80-england]_{3707-the shores of england} , as on [the shores of nowhere]_{3708-the shores of nowhere} , watched [them]_3709-them sinking smaller and smaller on the profound and living darkness , [she]_160-gudrun felt [her]_160-gudrun soul stirring to awake from its anæsthetic sleep . “ Let [us]_3711-they go forward , shall [we]_3711-they ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [He]_3710-he wanted to be at the tip of [their]_3711-they projection . So [they]_3711-they left off looking at the faint sparks that glimmered out of nowhere , in the far distance , called [England]_80-england , and turned [their]_3711-they faces to the unfathomed night in front . [They]_3711-they went right to the bows of [the softly plunging vessel]_{3712-the softly plunging vessel} . In the complete obscurity , [Birkin]_169-birkin found [a comparatively sheltered nook]_{3713-a comparatively sheltered nook} , where a great rope was coiled up . It was quite near the very point of [the ship]_{3703-the ship} , near [the black , unpierced space ahead]_{3715-the black , unpierced space ahead} . There [they]_3711-they sat down , folded together , folded round with the same rug , creeping in nearer and ever nearer to [one another]_{1500-one another} , till it seemed [they]_3711-they had crept right into each other , and become one substance . It was very cold , and the darkness was palpable . [One of [the ship]_{3703-the ship} ’s crew]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} came along [the deck]_{3719-the deck} , dark as the darkness , not really visible . [They]_3711-they then made out the faintest pallor of [his]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} face . [He]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} felt [their]_3711-they presence , and stopped , unsure — then bent forward . When [his]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} face was near [them]_3711-they , [he]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} saw the faint pallor of [their]_3711-they faces . Then [he]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} withdrew like a phantom . And [they]_3711-they watched [him]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} without making any sound . [They]_3711-they seemed to fall away into the profound darkness . There was no sky , [no earth]_{3720-no earth} , only one unbroken darkness , into which , with a soft , sleeping motion , [they]_3711-they seemed to fall like one closed seed of life falling through [dark , fathomless space]_{3721-dark , fathomless space} . [They]_3711-they had forgotten where [they]_3711-they were , forgotten all that was and all that had been , conscious only in [their]_3711-they heart , and there conscious only of this pure trajectory through the surpassing darkness . [The ship]_{3703-the ship} ’s prow cleaved on , with a faint noise of cleavage , into the complete night , without knowing , without seeing , only surging on . In Ursula the sense of [the unrealised world ahead]_{3723-the unrealised world ahead} triumphed over everything . In the midst of this profound darkness , there seemed to glow on [her]_3724-her heart the effulgence of [a paradise unknown and unrealised]_{3725-a paradise unknown and unrealised} . [Her]_3724-her heart was full of the most wonderful light , golden like honey of darkness , sweet like the warmth of day , a light which was not shed on [the world]_{541-the world} , only on [the unknown paradise towards which [she]_3724-her was going]_{3727-the unknown paradise towards which she was going} , a sweetness of habitation , a delight of living quite unknown , but [hers]_3724-her infallibly . In [her]_3724-her transport [she]_3724-her lifted [her]_3724-her face suddenly to [him]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} , and [he]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} touched it with [his]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} lips . So cold , so fresh , so sea - clear [her]_3724-her face was , it was like kissing a flower that grows near [the surf]_{3728-the surf} . But [he]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} did not know the ecstasy of bliss in fore - knowledge that [she]_3724-her knew . To [him]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} , the wonder of this transit was overwhelming . [He]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} was falling through [a gulf of infinite darkness]_{3729-a gulf of infinite darkness} , like a meteorite plunging across [the chasm between the worlds]_{3730-the chasm between the worlds} . [The world]_{541-the world} was torn in two , and [he]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} was plunging like an unlit star through the ineffable rift . What was beyond was not yet for [him]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} . [He]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} was overcome by the trajectory . In a trance [he]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} lay enfolding [Ursula]_255-gerald round about . [His]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} face was against [her]_3724-her fine , fragile hair , [he]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} breathed its fragrance with [the sea]_{2243-the sea} and the profound night . And [his]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} soul was at peace ; yielded , as [he]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} fell into [the unknown]_{3733-the unknown} . This was the first time that an utter and absolute peace had entered [his]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} heart , now , in this final transit out of life . When there came some stir on [the deck]_{3719-the deck} , [they]_3735-they roused . [They]_3735-they stood up . How stiff and cramped [they]_3735-they were , in the night - time ! And yet the paradisal glow on [her]_3724-her heart , and the unutterable peace of darkness in [his]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} , this was the all - in - all . [They]_3735-they stood up and looked ahead . Low lights were seen down the darkness . This was [the world]_{541-the world} again . It was not the bliss of [her]_3724-her heart , nor the peace of [his]_{3717-one of the ship ’s crew} . It was the superficial unreal world of fact . Yet not quite [the old world]_{3737-the old world} . For the peace and the bliss in [their]_3735-they hearts was enduring . Strange , and desolate above all things , like disembarking from [the Styx]_{120-the styx} into [the desolated underworld]_{3738-the desolated underworld} , was this landing at night . There was the raw , half - lighted , covered - in vastness of [the dark place]_{3739-the dark place} , boarded and hollow underfoot , with only desolation everywhere . [Ursula]_255-gerald had caught sight of the big , pallid , mystic letters “ OSTEND , ”_{[780-everybody]} standing in the darkness . [Everybody]_{780-everybody} was hurrying with a blind , insect - like intentness through the dark grey air , [porters]_3741-porters were calling in un - English English , then trotting with heavy bags , [their]_3741-porters colourless blouses looking ghostly as [they]_3741-porters disappeared ; [Ursula]_255-gerald stood at a long , low , zinc - covered barrier , along with hundreds of [other spectral people]_{3742-other spectral people} , and all the way down the vast , raw darkness was this low stretch of open bags and [spectral people]_{3743-spectral people} , whilst , on the other side of the barrier , [pallid officials in peaked caps and moustaches]_{3744-pallid officials in peaked caps and moustaches} were turning the underclothing in the bags , then scrawling a chalk - mark . It was done . [Birkin]_169-birkin snapped the hand bags , off [they]_3735-they went , [the porter]_{3684-the porter} coming behind . [They]_3735-they were through a great doorway , and in the open night again — ah , [a railway platform]_{3746-a railway platform} ! Voices were still calling in inhuman agitation through the dark - grey air , spectres were running along the darkness between [the train]_{4874-the train} . “ Köln — [Berlin]_67-berlin — ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald made out on the boards hung on [the high train]_{3748-the high train} on one side . “ Here [we]_3735-they are , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . And on [her]_169-birkin side [she]_169-birkin saw : “ [Elsass]_121-elsass — [Lothringen]_{122-lothringen} — [Luxembourg]_{123-luxembourg} , [Metz]_124-metz — [Basle]_125-basle . ”_[169-birkin] “ That was it , [Basle]_125-basle ! ”_{[3684-the porter]} [The porter]_{3684-the porter} came up . “ [À Bâle]_{126-à bâle} — deuxième classe?—Voilà ! ”_{[3684-the porter]} And [he]_{3684-the porter} clambered into [the high train]_{3748-the high train} . [They]_3735-they followed . [The compartments]_{3751-the compartments} were already some of [them]_{3751-the compartments} taken . But many were dim and empty . The luggage was stowed , [the porter]_{3684-the porter} was tipped . “ Nous avons encore — ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , looking at [his]_3753-his watch and at [the porter]_{3684-the porter} . “ Encore une demi - heure . ”_[169-birkin] With which , in [his]_{3684-the porter} blue blouse , [he]_{3684-the porter} disappeared . [He]_{3684-the porter} was ugly and insolent . “ Come , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ It is cold . Let [us]_3735-they eat . ”_[169-birkin] There was [a coffee - wagon]_{3755-a coffee - wagon} on [the platform]_{2118-the platform} . [They]_3735-they drank hot , watery coffee , and ate the long rolls , split , with ham between , which were such a wide bite that it almost dislocated [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s jaw ; and [they]_3735-they walked beside [the high trains]_{3757-the high trains} . It was all so strange , so extremely desolate , like the underworld , grey , grey , dirt grey , desolate , forlorn , nowhere — grey , dreary nowhere . At last [they]_3735-they were moving through the night . In the darkness [Ursula]_255-gerald made out [the flat fields]_{3758-the flat fields} , the wet flat dreary darkness of [the Continent]_{127-the continent} . [They]_3735-they pulled up surprisingly soon — [Bruges]_128-bruges ! Then on through the level darkness , with glimpses of [sleeping farms]_{3759-sleeping farms} and thin poplar trees and [deserted high - roads]_{3760-deserted high - roads} . [She]_3761-she sat dismayed , hand in hand with [Birkin]_169-birkin . [He]_{3684-the porter} pale , immobile like [a revenant]_{5187-a revenant} [himself]_{3684-the porter} , looked sometimes out of the window , sometimes closed [his]_{3684-the porter} eyes . Then [his]_{3684-the porter} eyes opened again , dark as the darkness outside . A flash of a few lights on the darkness — [Ghent station]_{129-ghent station} ! [A few more spectres]_{3763-a few more spectres} moving outside on [the platform]_{2118-the platform} — then the bell — then motion again through the level darkness . [Ursula]_255-gerald saw [a man with a lantern come out of [a farm by [the railway]_{1339-the railway}]_{3766-a farm by the railway} , and cross to [the dark farm - buildings]_{3768-the dark farm - buildings}]_{3765-a man with a lantern come out of a farm by the railway , and cross to the dark farm - buildings} . [She]_3761-she thought of [the Marsh]_{130-the marsh} , [the old , intimate farm - life at [Cossethay]_{131-cossethay}]_{3769-the old , intimate farm - life at cossethay} . [[My]_0-i God]_{3770-my god} , how far was [she]_3761-she projected from [her]_3761-she childhood , how far was [she]_3761-she still to go ! In one life - time one travelled through æons . The great chasm of memory from [her]_3761-she childhood in [the intimate country surroundings of [Cossethay]_{131-cossethay}]_{3771-the intimate country surroundings of cossethay} and [the Marsh Farm]_{3772-the marsh farm} — [she]_3761-she remembered [the servant Tilly , who used to give [her]_3761-she bread and butter sprinkled with brown sugar , in [the old living - room]_{3774-the old living - room} where the grandfather clock had two pink roses in a basket painted above the figures on the face]_{3773-the servant tilly , who used to give her bread and butter sprinkled with brown sugar , in the old living - room where the grandfather clock had two pink roses in a basket painted above the figures on the face} — and now when [she]_3761-she was travelling into the unknown with [Birkin]_169-birkin , [an utter stranger]_{3775-an utter stranger} — was so great , that it seemed [she]_3761-she had no identity , that [the child [she]_3761-she had been , playing in [Cossethay churchyard]_{131-cossethay}]_{3776-the child she had been , playing in cossethay churchyard} , was a little creature of history , not really [herself]_3761-she . [They]_3777-they were at [Brussels]_133-brussels — half an hour for breakfast . [They]_3777-they got down . On the great station clock it said six o’clock . [They]_3777-they had coffee and rolls and honey in [the vast desert refreshment room]_{3778-the vast desert refreshment room} , so dreary , always so dreary , dirty , so spacious , such desolation of space . But [she]_3761-she washed [her]_3761-she face and hands in hot water , and combed [her]_3761-she hair — that was a blessing . Soon [they]_3777-they were in [the train]_{4874-the train} again and moving on . The greyness of dawn began . There were [several people in the compartment]_{3780-several people in the compartment} , [large florid Belgian business - men with long brown beards]_{3781-large florid belgian business - men with long brown beards} , talking incessantly in an ugly French [she]_3761-she was too tired to follow . It seemed [the train]_{4874-the train} ran by degrees out of the darkness into a faint light , then beat after beat into the day . Ah , how weary it was ! Faintly , the trees showed , like shadows . Then [a house]_{6309-a house} , white , had a curious distinctness . How was it ? Then [she]_3761-she saw [a village]_{3013-a village} — there were always [houses]_981-houses passing . This was [an old world [she]_3761-she was still journeying through]_{3786-an old world she was still journeying through} , winter - heavy and dreary . There was [plough - land]_{3787-plough - land} and [pasture]_3788-pasture , and copses of bare trees , copses of bushes , and homesteads naked and work - bare . [No new earth]_{3789-no new earth} had come to pass . [She]_3761-she looked at [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s face . It was white and still and eternal , too eternal . [She]_3761-she linked [her]_3761-she fingers imploringly in [his]_3790-his , under the cover of [her]_3761-she rug . [His]_3790-his fingers responded , [his]_3790-his eyes looked back at [her]_3761-she . How dark , like a night , [his]_3790-his eyes were , like another world beyond ! Oh , if [he]_3790-his were [the world]_{541-the world} as well , if only [the world]_{541-the world} were [he]_3790-his ! If only [he]_3790-his could call [a world]_{4850-a world} into being , that should be [[their]_3794-they own world]_{3795-their own world} ! [The Belgians]_{375-the belgians} left , [the train]_{4874-the train} ran on , through [Luxembourg]_{123-luxembourg} , through [Alsace - Lorraine]_{134-alsace - lorraine} , through [Metz]_124-metz . But [she]_3761-she was blind , [she]_3761-she could see no more . [Her]_3761-she soul did not look out . [They]_3794-they came at last to [Basle]_125-basle , to [the hotel]_{7112-the hotel} . It was all a drifting trance , from which [she]_3761-she never came to . [They]_3794-they went out in the morning , before [the train]_{4874-the train} departed . [She]_3761-she saw [the street]_{948-the street} , [the river]_{3800-the river} , [she]_3761-she stood on [the bridge]_{3113-the bridge} . But it all meant nothing . [She]_3761-she remembered [some shops]_{3802-some shops} — one full of pictures , one with orange velvet and ermine . But what did these signify?—nothing . [She]_3761-she was not at ease till [they]_3794-they were in [the train]_{4874-the train} again . Then [she]_3761-she was relieved . So long as [they]_3794-they were moving onwards , [she]_3761-she was satisfied . [They]_3794-they came to [Zürich]_135-zürich , then , before very long , ran under [the mountains]_{3804-the mountains} , that were deep in snow . At last [she]_3761-she was drawing near . This was [the other world]_{3805-the other world} now . [Innsbruck]_{115-innsbruck} was wonderful , deep in snow , and evening . [They]_3794-they drove in [an open sledge]_{3806-an open sledge} over the snow : [the train]_{4874-the train} had been so hot and stifling . And [the hotel]_{7112-the hotel} , with the golden light glowing under [the porch]_{3095-the porch} , seemed like [a home]_{5556-a home} . [They]_3794-they laughed with pleasure when [they]_3794-they were in [the hall]_{734-the hall} . [The place]_{5125-the place} seemed full and busy . “ Do [you]_255-gerald know if [Mr and Mrs Crich]_{376-mrs crich} — English — from [Paris]_42-paris , have arrived ? ”_[169-birkin] [Birkin]_169-birkin asked in German . [The porter]_{3684-the porter} reflected a moment , and was just going to answer , when [Ursula]_255-gerald caught sight of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun sauntering down [the stairs]_{5176-the stairs} , wearing [her]_160-gudrun dark glossy coat , with grey fur . “ [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ! [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun called , waving up the well of [the staircase]_{3815-the staircase} . “ [Shu]_377-shu - hu ! ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked over the rail , and immediately lost [her]_160-gudrun sauntering , diffident air . [Her]_160-gudrun eyes flashed . “ Really — [Ursula]_255-gerald ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried . And [she]_160-gudrun began to move [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} as [Ursula]_255-gerald ran up . [They]_3817-we met at a turn and kissed with laughter and exclamations inarticulate and stirring . “ But ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , mortified . “ [We]_3817-we thought it was tomorrow [you]_255-gerald were coming ! [I]_160-gudrun wanted to come to [the station]_{4906-the station} . ”_[160-gudrun] “ No , [we]_3817-we ’ve come today ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Is n’t it lovely here ! ”_[255-gerald] “ [Adorable]_378-adorable ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s just gone out to get something . [Ursula]_255-gerald , are n’t [you]_255-gerald fearfully tired ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ No , not so very . But [I]_255-gerald look a filthy sight , do n’t [I]_255-gerald ! ”_[255-gerald] “ No , [you]_255-gerald do n’t . [You]_255-gerald look almost perfectly fresh . [I]_3818-i like that fur cap immensely ! ”_[3818-i] [She]_3818-i glanced over [Ursula]_255-gerald , who wore a big soft coat with a collar of deep , soft , blond fur , and a soft blond cap of fur . “ And [you]_255-gerald ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ What do [you]_255-gerald think [you]_255-gerald look like ! ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun assumed an unconcerned , expressionless face . “ Do [you]_255-gerald like it ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ It ’s very fine ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald , perhaps with a touch of satire . “ Go up — or come down , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . For there [the sisters]_{452-the sisters} stood , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun with [her]_160-gudrun hand on [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s arm , on the turn of [the stairs]_{5176-the stairs} half way to [the first landing]_{3282-the first landing} , blocking the way and affording full entertainment to the whole of [the hall below]_{3822-the hall below} , from the door porter to [the plump Jew in black clothes]_{3823-the plump jew in black clothes} . [The two young women]_{3824-the two young women} slowly mounted , followed by [Birkin]_169-birkin and [the waiter]_{4920-the waiter} . “ [First floor]_{7119-first floor} ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , looking back over [her]_160-gudrun shoulder . “ Second Madam — the lift ! ”_{[4920-the waiter]} [the waiter]_{4920-the waiter} replied . And [he]_{4920-the waiter} darted to [the elevator]_{3827-the elevator} to forestall [the two women]_{882-the two women} . But [they]_{882-the two women} ignored [him]_{4920-the waiter} , as , chattering without heed , [they]_{882-the two women} set to mount [the second flight]_{3829-the second flight} . Rather chagrined , [the waiter]_{4920-the waiter} followed . It was curious , the delight of [the sisters]_{452-the sisters} in each other , at this meeting . It was as if [they]_{882-the two women} met in exile , and united [their]_{882-the two women} solitary forces against all [the world]_{541-the world} . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked on with some mistrust and wonder . When [they]_{3824-the two young women} had bathed and changed , [Gerald]_255-gerald came in . [He]_255-gerald looked shining like the sun on frost . “ Go with [Gerald]_255-gerald and smoke , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald to [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [I]_255-gerald want to talk . ”_[255-gerald] Then [the sisters]_{452-the sisters} sat in [[Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s bedroom]_{3834-gudrun ’s bedroom} , and talked clothes , and experiences . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun told [Ursula]_255-gerald the experience of the [Birkin]_169-birkin letter in the café . [Ursula]_255-gerald was shocked and frightened . “ Where is the letter ? ”_[3835-she] [she]_3835-she asked . “ [I]_160-gudrun kept it , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [You]_160-gudrun ’ll give it [me]_3835-she , wo n’t [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[3835-she] [she]_3835-she said . But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was silent for some moments , before [she]_160-gudrun replied : “ Do [you]_160-gudrun really want it , [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ [I]_255-gerald want to read it , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Certainly , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . Even now , [she]_3835-she could not admit , to [Ursula]_255-gerald , that [she]_3835-she wanted to keep it , as a memento , or a symbol . But [Ursula]_255-gerald knew , and was not pleased . So the subject was switched off . “ What did [you]_160-gudrun do in [Paris]_42-paris ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Oh , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun laconically—“the usual things . [We]_7120-we had a fine party one night in [[Fanny Bath]_{379-fanny bath} ’s studio]_{7121-fanny bath ’s studio} . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Did [you]_160-gudrun ? And [you]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald were there ! Who else ? Tell [me]_3835-she about it . ”_[3835-she] “ Well , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ There ’s nothing particular to tell . [You]_160-gudrun know [Fanny]_{379-fanny bath} is frightfully in love with [that painter]_{7122-that painter} , [Billy Macfarlane]_{380-billy macfarlane} . [He]_{380-billy macfarlane} was there — so [Fanny]_{379-fanny bath} spared nothing , [she]_{379-fanny bath} spent very freely . It was really remarkable ! Of course , [everybody]_{780-everybody} got fearfully drunk — but in an interesting way , not like that filthy [London]_2-london crowd . The fact is these were all people that matter , which makes all the difference . There was [a Roumanian]_{7124-a roumanian} , [a fine chap]_{7125-a fine chap} . [He]_{7124-a roumanian} got completely drunk , and climbed to the top of [a high studio ladder]_{7126-a high studio ladder} , and gave the most marvellous address — really , [Ursula]_255-gerald , it was wonderful ! [He]_{7124-a roumanian} began in French — La vie , c’est une affaire d’âmes impériales — in a most beautiful voice — [he]_{7124-a roumanian} was [a fine - looking chap]_{7127-a fine - looking chap} — but [he]_{7124-a roumanian} had got into [Roumanian]_{381-roumanian} before [he]_{7124-a roumanian} had finished , and not a soul understood . But [Donald Gilchrist]_{382-donald gilchrist} was worked to a frenzy . [He]_{382-donald gilchrist} dashed [his]_{382-donald gilchrist} glass to the ground , and declared , by [God]_167-god , [he]_{382-donald gilchrist} was glad [he]_{382-donald gilchrist} had been born , by [God]_167-god , it was a miracle to be alive . And do [you]_255-gerald know , [Ursula]_255-gerald , so it was — ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun laughed rather hollowly . “ But how was [Gerald]_255-gerald among [them]_7128-them all ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald ! Oh , [my]_255-gerald word , [he]_255-gerald came out like a dandelion in the sun ! [He]_255-gerald ’s a whole saturnalia in [himself]_255-gerald , once [he]_255-gerald is roused . [I]_255-gerald should n’t like to say whose waist [his]_255-gerald arm did not go round . Really , [Ursula]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald seems to reap [the women]_{537-the women} like a harvest . There was n’t one that would have resisted [him]_255-gerald . It was too amazing ! Can [you]_160-gudrun understand it ? ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald reflected , and a dancing light came into [her]_3836-her eyes . “ Yes , ”_[3836-her] [she]_3836-her said . “ [I]_3836-her can . [He]_255-gerald is such a whole - hogger . ”_[3836-her] “ [Whole - hogger]_{7130-whole - hogger} ! [I]_160-gudrun should think so ! ”_[160-gudrun] exclaimed [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ But it is true , [Ursula]_255-gerald , [every woman in [the room]_{739-the room}]_{7131-every woman in the room} was ready to surrender to [him]_255-gerald . [Chanticleer]_{383-chanticleer} is n’t in it — even [Fanny Bath]_{379-fanny bath} , who is genuinely in love with [Billy Macfarlane]_{380-billy macfarlane} ! [I]_160-gudrun never was more amazed in [my]_160-gudrun life ! And [you]_160-gudrun know , afterwards — [I]_160-gudrun felt [I]_160-gudrun was [a whole roomful of [women]_453-women]_{7133-a whole roomful of women} . [I]_160-gudrun was no more [myself]_160-gudrun to [him]_255-gerald , than [I]_160-gudrun was [Queen Victoria]_{384-queen victoria} . [I]_160-gudrun was a whole roomful of [women]_453-women at once . It was most astounding ! But [my]_160-gudrun eye , [I]_160-gudrun ’d caught [a Sultan]_{7136-a sultan} that time — ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s eyes were flashing , [her]_160-gudrun cheek was hot , [she]_160-gudrun looked strange , exotic , satiric . [Ursula]_255-gerald was fascinated at once — and yet uneasy . [They]_3837-they had to get ready for dinner . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun came down in a daring gown of vivid green silk and tissue of gold , with green velvet bodice and a strange black - and - white band round [her]_160-gudrun hair . [She]_160-gudrun was really brilliantly beautiful and [everybody]_{780-everybody} noticed [her]_160-gudrun . [Gerald]_255-gerald was in that full - blooded , gleaming state when [he]_255-gerald was most handsome . [Birkin]_169-birkin watched [them]_3837-they with quick , laughing , half - sinister eyes , [Ursula]_255-gerald quite lost [her]_160-gudrun head . There seemed a spell , almost a blinding spell , cast round [their]_3837-they table , as if [they]_3837-they were lighted up more strongly than the rest of [the dining - room]_{774-the dining - room} . “ Do n’t [you]_255-gerald love to be in [this place]_{1058-this place} ? ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Is n’t the snow wonderful ! Do [you]_255-gerald notice how it exalts everything ? It is simply marvellous . [One]_4646-one really does feel übermenschlich — more than human . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [One]_4646-one does , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ But is n’t that partly the being out of [England]_80-england ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Oh , of course , ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [One]_4646-one could never feel like this in [England]_80-england , for the simple reason that the damper is never lifted off one , there . It is quite impossible really to let go , in [England]_80-england , of that [I]_160-gudrun am assured . ”_[160-gudrun] And [she]_160-gudrun turned again to the food [she]_160-gudrun was eating . [She]_160-gudrun was fluttering with vivid intensity . “ It ’s quite true , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “ it never is quite the same in [England]_80-england . But perhaps [we]_7141-we do n’t want it to be — perhaps it ’s like bringing the light a little too near the powder - magazine , to let go altogether , in [England]_80-england . [One]_172-one is afraid what might happen , if [everybody else]_{4773-everybody else} let go . ”_[255-gerald] “ [[My]_160-gudrun God]_{3770-my god} ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ But would n’t it be wonderful , if all [England]_80-england did suddenly go off like a display of fireworks . ”_[160-gudrun] “ It could n’t , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ They are all too damp , the powder is damp in them . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_255-gerald ’m not so sure of that , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Nor [I]_169-birkin , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ When [the English]_{385-the english} really begin to go off , en masse , it ’ll be time to shut [your]_7144-your ears and run . ”_[169-birkin] “ [They]_{385-the english} never will , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [We]_7141-we ’ll see , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ Is n’t it marvellous , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “ how thankful [one]_4646-one can be , to be out of [one ’s country]_{7146-one ’s country} . [I]_160-gudrun can not believe [myself]_160-gudrun , [I]_160-gudrun am so transported , the moment [I]_160-gudrun set foot on [a foreign shore]_{7147-a foreign shore} . [I]_160-gudrun say to [myself]_160-gudrun ‘ Here steps a new creature into life . ’ ”_[160-gudrun] “ Do n’t be too hard on [poor old [England]_80-england]_{7148-poor old england} , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Though [we]_7149-we curse it , [we]_7149-we love it really . ”_[255-gerald] To [Ursula]_255-gerald , there seemed a fund of cynicism in these words . “ [We]_7149-we may , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ But it ’s a damnably uncomfortable love : like a love for [an aged parent who suffers horribly from a complication of diseases , for which there is no hope]_{7150-an aged parent who suffers horribly from a complication of diseases , for which there is no hope} . ”_[169-birkin] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_3840-you with dilated dark eyes . “ [You]_3840-you think there is no hope ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked , in [her]_160-gudrun pertinent fashion . But [Birkin]_169-birkin backed away . [He]_3840-you would not answer such a question . “ Any hope of [England]_80-england ’s becoming real ? God knows . It ’s a great actual unreality now , an aggregation into unreality . It might be real , if there were [no Englishmen]_{7151-no englishmen} . ”_[3840-you] “ [You]_3840-you think [the English]_{385-the english} will have to disappear ? ”_[160-gudrun] persisted [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . It was strange , [her]_160-gudrun pointed interest in [his]_3840-you answer . It might have been [her]_160-gudrun own fate [she]_160-gudrun was inquiring after . [Her]_160-gudrun dark , dilated eyes rested on [Birkin]_169-birkin , as if [she]_160-gudrun could conjure the truth of the future out of [him]_3840-you , as out of some instrument of divination . [He]_3840-you was pale . Then , reluctantly , [he]_3840-you answered : “ Well — what else is in front of [them]_{385-the english} , but disappearance ? [They]_{385-the english} ’ve got to disappear from [their]_{385-the english} own special brand of Englishness , anyhow . ”_[3840-you] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [him]_3840-you as if in a hypnotic state , [her]_160-gudrun eyes wide and fixed on [him]_3840-you . “ But in what way do [you]_3840-you mean , disappear ? — ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun persisted . “ Yes , do [you]_3840-you mean a change of heart ? ”_[255-gerald] put in [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [I]_169-birkin do n’t mean anything , why should [I]_169-birkin ? ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [I]_169-birkin ’m [an Englishman]_{7152-an englishman} , and [I]_169-birkin ’ve paid the price of it . [I]_169-birkin ca n’t talk about [England]_80-england — [I]_169-birkin can only speak for [myself]_169-birkin . ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun slowly , “ [you]_3840-you love [England]_80-england immensely , immensely , [Rupert]_169-birkin . ”_[160-gudrun] “ And leave [her]_80-england , ”_[3840-you] [he]_3840-you replied . “ No , not for good . [You]_3840-you ’ll come back , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , nodding sagely . “ [They]_7153-they say [the lice]_{7154-the lice} crawl off a dying body , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , with a glare of bitterness . “ So [I]_169-birkin leave [England]_80-england . ”_[169-birkin] “ Ah , but [you]_3840-you ’ll come back , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , with a sardonic smile . “ Tant pis pour moi , ”_[3840-you] [he]_3840-you replied . “ Is n’t [he]_3840-you angry with [[his]_3840-you mother country]_{7155-his mother country} ! ”_[255-gerald] laughed [Gerald]_255-gerald , amused . “ Ah , [a patriot]_{7156-a patriot} ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , with something like a sneer . [Birkin]_169-birkin refused to answer any more . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [him]_3840-you still for a few seconds . Then [she]_160-gudrun turned away . It was finished , [her]_160-gudrun spell of divination in [him]_3840-you . [She]_160-gudrun felt already purely cynical . [She]_160-gudrun looked at [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was wonderful like a piece of radium to [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun felt [she]_160-gudrun could consume [herself]_160-gudrun and know all , by means of this fatal , living metal . [She]_160-gudrun smiled to [herself]_160-gudrun at [her]_160-gudrun fancy . And what would [she]_160-gudrun do with [herself]_160-gudrun , when [she]_160-gudrun had destroyed [herself]_160-gudrun ? For if spirit , if integral being is destructible , Matter is indestructible . [He]_255-gerald was looking bright and abstracted , puzzled , for the moment . [She]_160-gudrun stretched out [her]_160-gudrun beautiful arm , with its fluff of green tulle , and touched [his]_255-gerald chin with [her]_160-gudrun subtle , [artist]_3841-artist ’s fingers . “ What are [they]_7157-they then ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked , with a strange , knowing smile . “ What ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied , [his]_255-gerald eyes suddenly dilating with wonder . “ [Your]_160-gudrun thoughts . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald looked like [a man]_{4648-a man} coming awake . “ [I]_255-gerald think [I]_255-gerald had none , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Really ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , with grave laughter in [her]_160-gudrun voice . And to [Birkin]_169-birkin it was as if [she]_160-gudrun killed [Gerald]_255-gerald , with that touch . “ Ah but , ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “ let [us]_7158-us drink to [Britannia]_{136-britannia} — let [us]_7158-us drink to [Britannia]_{136-britannia} . ”_[160-gudrun] It seemed there was wild despair in [her]_160-gudrun voice . [Gerald]_255-gerald laughed , and filled the glasses . “ [I]_255-gerald think [Rupert]_169-birkin means , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , “ that nationally [all Englishmen]_{7159-all englishmen} must die , so that [they]_{7159-all englishmen} can exist individually and — ”_[255-gerald] “ Super - nationally — ”_[160-gudrun] put in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , with a slight ironic grimace , raising [her]_160-gudrun glass . The next day , [they]_3843-they descended at [the tiny railway station of [Hohenhausen]_{137-hohenhausen}]_{3844-the tiny railway station of hohenhausen} , at [the end of [the tiny valley railway]_{3846-the tiny valley railway}]_{3845-the end of the tiny valley railway} . It was snow everywhere , [a white , perfect cradle of snow , new and frozen , sweeping up on either side , black crags , and white sweeps of silver towards the blue pale heavens]_{3847-a white , perfect cradle of snow , new and frozen , sweeping up on either side , black crags , and white sweeps of silver towards the blue pale heavens} . As [they]_3843-they stepped out on [the naked platform]_{3848-the naked platform} , with only snow around and above , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun shrank as if it chilled [her]_160-gudrun heart . “ [[My]_160-gudrun God]_{3770-my god} , [Jerry]_255-gerald , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , turning to [Gerald]_255-gerald with sudden intimacy , “ [you]_255-gerald ’ve done it now . ”_[160-gudrun] “ What ? ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun made a faint gesture , indicating [the world]_{541-the world} on either hand . “ Look at it ! ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun seemed afraid to go on . [He]_255-gerald laughed . [They]_3843-they were in [the heart of [the mountains]_{3804-the mountains}]_{3850-the heart of the mountains} . From high above , on either side , swept down the white fold of snow , so that one seemed small and tiny in [a valley of pure concrete heaven]_{3852-a valley of pure concrete heaven} , all strangely radiant and changeless and silent . “ It makes one feel so small and alone , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , turning to [Birkin]_169-birkin and laying [her]_160-gudrun hand on [his]_255-gerald arm . “ [You]_160-gudrun ’re not sorry [you]_160-gudrun ’ve come , are [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun looked doubtful . [They]_3843-they went out of [the station]_{4906-the station} between [banks of snow]_{3854-banks of snow} . “ Ah , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , sniffing the air in elation , “ this is perfect . There ’s [[our]_3843-they sledge]_{7161-our sledge} . [We]_3843-they ’ll walk a bit — we’ll run up [the road]_{502-the road} . ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , always doubtful , dropped [her]_160-gudrun heavy coat on [the sledge]_{3855-the sledge} , as [he]_255-gerald did [his]_255-gerald , and [they]_3843-they set off . Suddenly [she]_160-gudrun threw up [her]_160-gudrun head and set off scudding along [the road of snow]_{3856-the road of snow} , pulling [her]_160-gudrun cap down over [her]_160-gudrun ears . [Her]_160-gudrun blue , bright dress fluttered in the wind , [her]_160-gudrun thick scarlet stockings were brilliant above the whiteness . [Gerald]_255-gerald watched [her]_160-gudrun : [she]_160-gudrun seemed to be rushing towards [her]_160-gudrun fate , and leaving [him]_255-gerald behind . [He]_255-gerald let [her]_160-gudrun get some distance , then , loosening [his]_255-gerald limbs , [he]_255-gerald went after [her]_160-gudrun . Everywhere was deep and silent snow . Great snow - eaves weighed down [the broad - roofed Tyrolese houses]_{3857-the broad - roofed tyrolese houses} , that were sunk to the window - sashes in snow . [Peasant - women , full - skirted , wearing each a cross - over shawl , and thick snow - boots]_{3858-peasant - women , full - skirted , wearing each a cross - over shawl , and thick snow - boots} , turned in the way to look at [the soft , determined girl]_{3859-the soft , determined girl} running with such heavy fleetness from the man , who was overtaking [her]_160-gudrun , but not gaining any power over [her]_160-gudrun . [They]_3860-they passed [the inn]_{2953-the inn} with [its]_{2953-the inn} painted shutters and [balcony]_3862-balcony , [a few cottages]_{3863-a few cottages} , half buried in the snow ; then [the snow - buried silent sawmill by the roofed bridge]_{3864-the snow - buried silent sawmill by the roofed bridge} , which crossed [the hidden stream]_{3865-the hidden stream} , over which [they]_3860-they ran into the very depth of the untouched sheets of snow . It was a silence and a sheer whiteness exhilarating to madness . But the perfect silence was most terrifying , isolating the soul , surrounding the heart with frozen air . “ [It]_7163-it ’s [a marvellous place]_{7164-a marvellous place} , for all that , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , looking into [his]_255-gerald eyes with a strange , meaning look . [His]_255-gerald soul leapt . “ Good , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . A fierce electric energy seemed to flow over all [his]_255-gerald limbs , [his]_255-gerald muscles were surcharged , [his]_255-gerald hands felt hard with strength . [They]_3860-they walked along rapidly up [the snow - road]_{3866-the snow - road} , that was marked by withered branches of trees stuck in at intervals . [He]_255-gerald and [she]_3867-she were separate , like opposite poles of one fierce energy . But [they]_3860-they felt powerful enough to leap over the confines of life into [the forbidden places]_{3868-the forbidden places} , and back again . [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald were running along also , over the snow . [He]_255-gerald had disposed of the luggage , and [they]_3860-they had a little start of the sledges . [Ursula]_255-gerald was excited and happy , but [she]_3867-she kept turning suddenly to catch hold of [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s arm , to make sure of [him]_255-gerald . “ This is something [I]_3867-she never expected , ”_[3867-she] [she]_3867-she said . “ It is [a different world]_{7165-a different world} , here . ”_[3867-she] [They]_3860-they went on into [a snow meadow]_{3869-a snow meadow} . There [they]_3860-they were overtaken by the sledge , that came tinkling through the silence . It was another mile before [they]_3860-they came upon [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald on the steep up - climb , beside [the pink , half - buried shrine]_{3870-the pink , half - buried shrine} . Then [they]_3860-they passed into [a gulley]_{3871-a gulley} , where were walls of black rock and [a river filled with snow]_{3872-a river filled with snow} , and a still blue sky above . Through [a covered bridge]_{3873-a covered bridge} [they]_3860-they went , drumming roughly over the boards , crossing [the snow - bed]_{3874-the snow - bed} once more , then slowly up and up , the horses walking swiftly , [the driver]_{4986-the driver} cracking [his]_{4986-the driver} long whip as [he]_{4986-the driver} walked beside , and calling [his]_{4986-the driver} strange wild hue - hue ! , the walls of rock passing slowly by , till [they]_3860-they emerged again between slopes and masses of snow . Up and up , gradually [they]_3860-they went , through the cold shadow - radiance of the afternoon , silenced by the imminence of [the mountains]_{3804-the mountains} , the luminous , dazing sides of snow that rose above [them]_3860-they and fell away beneath . [They]_3860-they came forth at last in [a little high table - land of snow , where stood the last peaks of snow like the heart petals of an open rose]_{3877-a little high table - land of snow , where stood the last peaks of snow like the heart petals of an open rose} . In the midst of [the last deserted valleys of heaven]_{3878-the last deserted valleys of heaven} stood [a lonely building]_{3879-a lonely building} with brown wooden walls and white heavy roof , deep and deserted in [the waste of snow]_{3880-the waste of snow} , like a dream . [It]_{3879-a lonely building} stood like a rock that had rolled down from [the last steep slopes]_{3881-the last steep slopes} , a rock that had taken the form of [a house]_{6309-a house} , and was now half - buried . It was unbelievable that [one]_4646-one could live there uncrushed by all this terrible waste of whiteness and silence and clear , upper , ringing cold . Yet the sledges ran up in fine style , [people]_579-people came to the door laughing and excited , the floor of [the hostel]_{3885-the hostel} rang hollow , [the passage]_{5006-the passage} was wet with snow , it was [a real , warm interior]_{3887-a real , warm interior} . [The newcomers]_{5111-the newcomers} tramped up [the bare wooden stairs]_{3889-the bare wooden stairs} , following [the serving woman]_{3890-the serving woman} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald took [the first bedroom]_{3891-the first bedroom} . In a moment [they]_3860-they found [themselves]_3860-they alone in [a bare , smallish , close - shut room]_{3892-a bare , smallish , close - shut room} that was all of golden - coloured wood , floor , walls , ceiling , door , all of the same warm gold panelling of oiled pine . There was a window opposite the door , but low down , because the roof sloped . Under the slope of the ceiling were the table with wash - hand bowl and jug , and across , another table with mirror . On either side the door were two beds piled high with an enormous blue - checked overbolster , enormous . This was all — [no cupboard]_{3893-no cupboard} , none of the amenities of life . Here [they]_3860-they were shut up together in [this cell of golden - coloured wood]_{3894-this cell of golden - coloured wood} , with two blue checked beds . [They]_3860-they looked at [each other]_{451-each other} and laughed , frightened by this naked nearness of isolation . [A man]_{4648-a man} knocked and came in with the luggage . [He]_{4648-a man} was [a sturdy fellow with flattish cheek - bones , rather pale , and with coarse fair moustache]_{3897-a sturdy fellow with flattish cheek - bones , rather pale , and with coarse fair moustache} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [him]_{4648-a man} put down the bags , in silence , then tramp heavily out . “ It is n’t too rough , is it ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald asked . [The bedroom]_{3898-the bedroom} was not very warm , and [she]_{3890-the serving woman} shivered slightly . “ It is wonderful , ”_{[3890-the serving woman]} [she]_{3890-the serving woman} equivocated . “ Look at the colour of this panelling — it ’s wonderful , like being inside a nut . ”_{[3890-the serving woman]} [He]_255-gerald was standing watching [her]_{3890-the serving woman} , feeling [his]_255-gerald short - cut moustache , leaning back slightly and watching [her]_{3890-the serving woman} with [his]_255-gerald keen , undaunted eyes , dominated by the constant passion , that was like a doom upon [him]_255-gerald . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} went and crouched down in front of the window , curious . “ Oh , but this — ! ”_{[3890-the serving woman]} [she]_{3890-the serving woman} cried involuntarily , almost in pain . In front was [a valley]_{2988-a valley} shut in under the sky , [the last huge slopes of snow and black rock]_{3900-the last huge slopes of snow and black rock} , and at the end , like the navel of [the earth]_{972-the earth} , a white - folded wall , and two peaks glimmering in the late light . Straight in front ran [the cradle of silent snow]_{3902-the cradle of silent snow} , between the great slopes that were fringed with a little roughness of pine - trees , like hair , round the base . But the cradle of snow ran on to the eternal closing - in , where the walls of snow and rock rose impenetrable , and the mountain peaks above were in [heaven immediate]_{3903-heaven immediate} . This was the centre , the knot , the navel of [the world]_{541-the world} , where [the earth]_{972-the earth} belonged to the skies , pure , unapproachable , impassable . It filled [Gudrun]_160-gudrun with a strange rapture . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} crouched in front of the window , clenching [her]_{3890-the serving woman} face in [her]_{3890-the serving woman} hands , in a sort of trance . At last [she]_{3890-the serving woman} had arrived , [she]_{3890-the serving woman} had reached [[her]_{3890-the serving woman} place]_{3906-her place} . Here at last [she]_{3890-the serving woman} folded [her]_{3890-the serving woman} venture and settled down like a crystal in [the navel of snow]_{3907-the navel of snow} , and was gone . [Gerald]_255-gerald bent above [her]_{3890-the serving woman} and was looking out over [her]_{3890-the serving woman} shoulder . Already [he]_255-gerald felt [he]_255-gerald was alone . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} was gone . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} was completely gone , and there was icy vapour round [his]_255-gerald heart . [He]_255-gerald saw [the blind valley]_{3908-the blind valley} , [the great cul - de - sac of snow and mountain peaks]_{3909-the great cul - de - sac of snow and mountain peaks} , under [the heaven]_{3910-the heaven} . And there was no way out . The terrible silence and cold and the glamorous whiteness of the dusk wrapped [him]_255-gerald round , and [she]_{3890-the serving woman} remained crouching before the window , as at [a shrine]_{3911-a shrine} , a shadow . “ Do [you]_255-gerald like it ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked , in a voice that sounded detached and foreign . At least [she]_{3890-the serving woman} might acknowledge [he]_255-gerald was with [her]_{3890-the serving woman} . But [she]_{3890-the serving woman} only averted [her]_{3890-the serving woman} soft , mute face a little from [his]_255-gerald gaze . And [he]_255-gerald knew that there were tears in [her]_{3890-the serving woman} eyes , [her]_{3890-the serving woman} own tears , tears of [her]_{3890-the serving woman} strange religion , that put [him]_255-gerald to nought . Quite suddenly , [he]_255-gerald put [his]_255-gerald hand under [her]_{3890-the serving woman} chin and lifted up [her]_{3890-the serving woman} face to [him]_255-gerald . [Her]_{3890-the serving woman} dark blue eyes , in their wetness of tears , dilated as if [she]_{3890-the serving woman} was startled in [her]_{3890-the serving woman} very soul . [They]_3912-their looked at [him]_255-gerald through [their]_3912-their tears in terror and a little horror . [His]_255-gerald light blue eyes were keen , small - pupilled and unnatural in [their]_3912-their vision . [Her]_{3890-the serving woman} lips parted , as [she]_{3890-the serving woman} breathed with difficulty . The passion came up in [him]_255-gerald , stroke after stroke , like the ringing of a bronze bell , so strong and unflawed and indomitable . [His]_255-gerald knees tightened to bronze as [he]_255-gerald hung above [her]_{3890-the serving woman} soft face , whose lips parted and whose eyes dilated in a strange violation . In the grasp of [his]_255-gerald hand [her]_{3890-the serving woman} chin was unutterably soft and silken . [He]_255-gerald felt strong as winter , [his]_255-gerald hands were living metal , invincible and not to be turned aside . [His]_255-gerald heart rang like a bell clanging inside [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald took [her]_{3890-the serving woman} up in [his]_255-gerald arms . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} was soft and inert , motionless . All the while [her]_{3890-the serving woman} eyes , in which the tears had not yet dried , were dilated as if in a kind of swoon of fascination and helplessness . [He]_255-gerald was superhumanly strong , and unflawed , as if invested with supernatural force . [He]_255-gerald lifted [her]_{3890-the serving woman} close and folded [her]_{3890-the serving woman} against [him]_255-gerald . [Her]_{3890-the serving woman} softness , [her]_{3890-the serving woman} inert , relaxed weight lay against [his]_255-gerald own surcharged , bronze - like limbs in a heaviness of desirability that would destroy [him]_255-gerald , if [he]_255-gerald were not fulfilled . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} moved convulsively , recoiling away from [him]_255-gerald . [His]_255-gerald heart went up like a flame of ice , [he]_255-gerald closed over [her]_{3890-the serving woman} like steel . [He]_255-gerald would destroy [her]_{3890-the serving woman} rather than be denied . But the overweening power of [his]_255-gerald body was too much for [her]_{3890-the serving woman} . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} relaxed again , and lay loose and soft , panting in a little delirium . And to [him]_255-gerald , [she]_{3890-the serving woman} was so sweet , [she]_{3890-the serving woman} was such bliss of release , that [he]_255-gerald would have suffered a whole eternity of torture rather than forego one second of this pang of unsurpassable bliss . “ [[My]_255-gerald God]_{3770-my god} , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said to [her]_{3890-the serving woman} , [his]_255-gerald face drawn and strange , transfigured , “ what next ? ”_[255-gerald] [She]_{3890-the serving woman} lay perfectly still , with [a still , child - like face and dark eyes]_{3913-a still , child - like face and dark eyes} , looking at [him]_255-gerald . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} was lost , fallen right away . “ [I]_255-gerald shall always love [you]_{3890-the serving woman} , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , looking at [her]_{3890-the serving woman} . But [she]_{3890-the serving woman} did not hear . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} lay , looking at [him]_255-gerald as at something [she]_{3890-the serving woman} could never understand , never : as [a child]_{733-a child} looks at [a grown - up person]_{3915-a grown - up person} , without hope of understanding , only submitting . [He]_255-gerald kissed [her]_{3890-the serving woman} , kissed [her]_{3890-the serving woman} eyes shut , so that [she]_{3890-the serving woman} could not look any more . [He]_255-gerald wanted something now , some recognition , some sign , some admission . But [she]_{3890-the serving woman} only lay silent and child - like and remote , like [a child that is overcome and can not understand]_{3916-a child that is overcome and can not understand} , only feels lost . [He]_255-gerald kissed [her]_{3890-the serving woman} again , giving up . “ Shall [we]_7167-we go down and have coffee and [Kuchen]_386-kuchen ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . The twilight was falling slate - blue at the window . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} closed [her]_{3890-the serving woman} eyes , closed away the monotonous level of dead wonder , and opened them again to [the every - day world]_{3917-the every - day world} . “ Yes , ”_{[3890-the serving woman]} [she]_{3890-the serving woman} said briefly , regaining [her]_{3890-the serving woman} will with a click . [She]_{3890-the serving woman} went again to the window . Blue evening had fallen over [the cradle of snow]_{3918-the cradle of snow} and over [the great pallid slopes]_{3919-the great pallid slopes} . But in the heaven the peaks of snow were rosy , glistening like transcendent , radiant spikes of blossom in [the heavenly upper - world]_{3920-the heavenly upper - world} , so lovely and beyond . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun saw all [their]_3921-they loveliness , [she]_160-gudrun knew how immortally beautiful [they]_3921-they were , great pistils of rose - coloured , snow - fed fire in the blue twilight of [the heaven]_{3910-the heaven} . [She]_160-gudrun could see it , [she]_160-gudrun knew it , but [she]_160-gudrun was not of it . [She]_160-gudrun was divorced , debarred , [a soul shut out]_{3923-a soul shut out} . With a last look of remorse , [she]_160-gudrun turned away , and was doing [her]_160-gudrun hair . [He]_3924-he had unstrapped the luggage , and was waiting , watching [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun knew [he]_3924-he was watching [her]_160-gudrun . It made [her]_160-gudrun a little hasty and feverish in [her]_160-gudrun precipitation . [They]_3921-they went [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} , both with a strange other - world look on [their]_3921-they faces , and with a glow in [their]_3921-they eyes . [They]_3921-they saw [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald sitting at the long table in a corner , waiting for [them]_3921-they . “ How good and simple [they]_3921-they look together , ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun thought , jealously . [She]_160-gudrun envied [them]_3921-they some spontaneity , a childish sufficiency to which [she]_160-gudrun [herself]_160-gudrun could never approach . [They]_3921-they seemed such children to [her]_160-gudrun . “ Such good [Kranzkuchen]_{387-kranzkuchen} ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald greedily . “ So good ! ”_[255-gerald] “ Right , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Can [we]_7168-we have [Kaffee mit Kranzkuchen]_{387-kranzkuchen} ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun added to [the waiter]_{4920-the waiter} . And [she]_160-gudrun seated [herself]_160-gudrun on the bench beside [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Birkin]_169-birkin , looking at [them]_3921-they , felt a pain of tenderness for [them]_3921-they . “ [I]_255-gerald think [the place]_{5125-the place} is really wonderful , [Gerald]_255-gerald , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said ; “ prachtvoll and wunderbar and wunderschön and unbeschreiblich and all the other German adjectives . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald broke into a slight smile . “ [I]_255-gerald like it , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . The tables , of white scrubbed wood , were placed round three sides of [the room]_{739-the room} , as in a [Gasthaus]_138-gasthaus . [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald sat with [their]_3921-they backs to the wall , which was of oiled wood , and [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun sat in the corner next [them]_3921-they , near to the stove . [It]_{739-the room} was [a fairly large place , with a tiny bar , just like [a country inn]_{3929-a country inn} , but quite simple and bare , and all of oiled wood , ceilings and walls and floor]_{3928-a fairly large place , with a tiny bar , just like a country inn , but quite simple and bare , and all of oiled wood , ceilings and walls and floor} , the only furniture being the tables and benches going round three sides , the great green stove , and the bar and the doors on the fourth side . The windows were double , and quite uncurtained . It was early evening . The coffee came — hot and good — and a whole ring of cake . “ [A whole Kuchen]_{7170-a whole kuchen} ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [They]_7171-they give [you]_7172-you more than [us]_7173-us ! [I]_255-gerald want some of [yours]_7172-you . ”_[255-gerald] There were [other people in [the place]_{5125-the place}]_{3930-other people in the place} , ten altogether , so [Birkin]_169-birkin had found out : [two artists]_{3932-two artists} , [three students]_{3933-three students} , [a man]_{4648-a man} and [wife]_2315-wife , and [a Professor]_{3936-a professor} and [two daughters]_{3937-two daughters} — [all Germans]_{3938-all germans} . [The four English people]_{3939-the four english people} , being [newcomers]_{3940-newcomers} , sat in [their]_{3939-the four english people} coign of vantage to watch . [The Germans]_{252-the germans} peeped in at the door , called a word to [the waiter]_{4920-the waiter} , and went away again . It was not meal - time , so [they]_{3939-the four english people} did not come into [this dining - room]_{3942-this dining - room} , but betook [themselves]_{3939-the four english people} , when [their]_{3939-the four english people} boots were changed , to [the Reunionsaal]_{3943-the reunionsaal} . [The English visitors]_{3944-the english visitors} could hear the occasional twanging of a zither , the strumming of a piano , snatches of laughter and shouting and singing , a faint vibration of voices . [The whole building]_{3945-the whole building} being of wood , it seemed to carry every sound , like a drum , but instead of increasing each particular noise , it decreased it , so that the sound of the zither seemed tiny , as if a diminutive zither were playing somewhere , and it seemed the piano must be a small one , like a little spinet . [The host]_{3946-the host} came when the coffee was finished . [He]_{3946-the host} was a Tyrolese , broad , rather flat - cheeked , with a pale , pock - marked skin and flourishing moustaches . “ Would [you]_{3947-these english people} like to go to [the Reunionsaal]_{139-the reunionsaal} to be introduced to [the other ladies and gentlemen]_{7174-the other ladies and gentlemen} ? ”_{[3946-the host]} [he]_{3946-the host} asked , bending forward and smiling , showing [his]_{3946-the host} large , strong teeth . [His]_{3946-the host} blue eyes went quickly from one to the other — [he]_{3946-the host} was not quite sure of [his]_{3946-the host} ground with [these English people]_{3947-these english people} . [He]_{3946-the host} was unhappy too because [he]_{3946-the host} spoke no English and [he]_{3946-the host} was not sure whether to try [his]_{3946-the host} French . “ Shall [we]_{3950-the four strangers} go to [the Reunionsaal]_{139-the reunionsaal} , and be introduced to [the other people]_{751-the other people} ? ”_[255-gerald] repeated [Gerald]_255-gerald , laughing . There was a moment ’s hesitation . “ [I]_169-birkin suppose [we]_{3950-the four strangers} ’d better — better break the ice , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [The women]_{537-the women} rose , rather flushed . And [the Wirt ’s black , beetle - like , broad - shouldered figure]_{3949-the wirt ’s black , beetle - like , broad - shouldered figure} went on ignominiously in front , towards the noise . [He]_{3946-the host} opened the door and ushered [the four strangers]_{3950-the four strangers} into [the play - room]_{3951-the play - room} . Instantly a silence fell , a slight embarrassment came over [the company]_{746-the company} . [The newcomers]_{5111-the newcomers} had a sense of many blond faces looking [their]_{5111-the newcomers} way . Then , [the host]_{3946-the host} was bowing to [a short , energetic - looking man with large moustaches , and saying in a low voice]_{3955-a short , energetic - looking man with large moustaches , and saying in a low voice} : “ [Herr Professor]_{388-herr professor} , darf ich vorstellen — ”_{[3955-a short , energetic - looking man with large moustaches , and saying in a low voice]} [The Herr Professor]_{3956-the herr professor} was prompt and energetic . [He]_{3956-the herr professor} bowed low to [the English people]_{3957-the english people} , smiling , and began to be [a comrade]_{3958-a comrade} at once . “ Nehmen die Herrschaften teil an unserer Unterhaltung ? ”_{[3956-the herr professor]} [he]_{3956-the herr professor} said , with a vigorous suavity , [his]_{3956-the herr professor} voice curling up in the question . [The four English people]_{3939-the four english people} smiled , lounging with an attentive uneasiness in the middle of [the room]_{739-the room} . [Gerald]_255-gerald , who was [spokesman]_{3961-spokesman} , said that [they]_{3939-the four english people} would willingly take part in the entertainment . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald , laughing , excited , felt the eyes of [all the men upon [them]_{3939-the four english people}]_{3962-all the men upon them} , and [they]_{3939-the four english people} lifted [their]_{3939-the four english people} heads and looked nowhere , and felt royal . [The Professor]_{3963-the professor} announced the names of [those present]_{1678-those present} , sans cérémonie . There was a bowing to [the wrong people]_{3965-the wrong people} and to [the right people]_{3966-the right people} . [Everybody]_{780-everybody} was there , except [the man]_{4658-the man} and [wife]_2315-wife . [The two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of [the professor]_{3963-the professor} , with [their]_{3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes} plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , [their]_{3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes} rather long , strong necks , [their]_{3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes} clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and [their]_{3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes} blushes]_{3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes} , bowed and stood back ; [the three students]_{3972-the three students} bowed very low , in the humble hope of making an impression of extreme good - breeding ; then there was [a thin , dark - skinned man with full eyes]_{3973-a thin , dark - skinned man with full eyes} , an odd creature , like [a child]_{733-a child} , and like a troll , quick , detached ; [he]_{3973-a thin , dark - skinned man with full eyes} bowed slightly ; [[his]_{3973-a thin , dark - skinned man with full eyes} companion]_{3975-his companion} , [a large fair young man]_{3976-a large fair young man} , stylishly dressed , blushed to the eyes and bowed very low . It was over . “ [Herr Loerke]_389-loerke was giving [us]_{3972-the three students} a recitation in the [Cologne]_140-cologne dialect , ”_{[3963-the professor]} said [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} . “ [He]_389-loerke must forgive [us]_{3972-the three students} for interrupting [him]_389-loerke , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “ [we]_{3972-the three students} should like very much to hear it . ”_[255-gerald] There was instantly a bowing and an offering of seats . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald , [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin sat in the deep sofas against the wall . [The room]_{739-the room} was of naked oiled panelling , like [the rest of [the house]_{468-the house}]_{3979-the rest of the house} . [It]_{739-the room} had a piano , sofas and chairs , and a couple of tables with books and magazines . In its complete absence of decoration , save for the big , blue stove , it was cosy and pleasant . [Herr Loerke]_389-loerke was [the little man with the boyish figure , and the round , full , sensitive - looking head , and the quick , full eyes , like a mouse ’s]_{3981-the little man with the boyish figure , and the round , full , sensitive - looking head , and the quick , full eyes , like a mouse ’s} . [He]_389-loerke glanced swiftly from one to the other of [the strangers]_{3982-the strangers} , and held [himself]_389-loerke aloof . “ Please go on with the recitation , ”_{[3963-the professor]} said [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} , suavely , with [his]_{3963-the professor} slight authority . [Loerke]_389-loerke , who was sitting hunched on the piano stool , blinked and did not answer . “ It would be a great pleasure , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , who had been getting the sentence ready , in German , for some minutes . Then , suddenly , [the small , unresponding man]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} swung aside , towards [[his]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} previous audience]_{3985-his previous audience} and broke forth , exactly as [he]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} had broken off ; in a controlled , mocking voice , giving an imitation of a quarrel between [an old Cologne woman]_{3986-an old cologne woman} and [a railway guard]_{3987-a railway guard} . [His]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} body was slight and unformed , like [a boy]_{764-a boy} ’s , but [his]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} voice was mature , sardonic , its movement had the flexibility of essential energy , and of a mocking penetrating understanding . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun could not understand a word of [his]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} monologue , but [she]_160-gudrun was spell - bound , watching [him]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} . [He]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} must be [an artist]_{1059-an artist} , [nobody else could have such fine adjustment and singleness]_{3990-nobody else could have such fine adjustment and singleness} . [The Germans]_{252-the germans} were doubled up with laughter , hearing [his]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} strange droll words , [his]_{3984-the small , unresponding man} droll phrases of dialect . And in the midst of [their]_{252-the germans} paroxysms , [they]_{252-the germans} glanced with deference at [the four English strangers]_{3991-the four english strangers} , [the elect]_{6658-the elect} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald were forced to laugh . [The room]_{739-the room} rang with shouts of laughter . The blue eyes of [[the Professor]_{3963-the professor} ’s daughters]_{3995-the professor ’s daughters} were swimming over with laughter - tears , [their]_{3995-the professor ’s daughters} clear cheeks were flushed crimson with mirth , [[their]_{3995-the professor ’s daughters} father]_{447-their father} broke out in the most astonishing peals of hilarity , [the students]_{3997-the students} bowed [their]_{3997-the students} heads on [their]_{3997-the students} knees in excess of joy . [Ursula]_255-gerald looked round amazed , the laughter was bubbling out of [her]_3998-her involuntarily . [She]_3998-her looked at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [her]_3998-her , and [the two sisters]_{463-the two sisters} burst out laughing , carried away . [Loerke]_389-loerke glanced at [them]_{3995-the professor ’s daughters} swiftly , with [his]_389-loerke full eyes . [Birkin]_169-birkin was sniggering involuntarily . [Gerald Crich]_255-gerald sat erect , with a glistening look of amusement on [his]_255-gerald face . And the laughter crashed out again , in wild paroxysms , [[the Professor]_{3963-the professor} ’s daughters]_{3995-the professor ’s daughters} were reduced to shaking helplessness , the veins of [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} ’s neck were swollen , [his]_255-gerald face was purple , [he]_255-gerald was strangled in ultimate , silent spasms of laughter . [The students]_{3997-the students} were shouting half - articulated words that tailed off in helpless explosions . Then suddenly the rapid patter of [the artist]_{4004-the artist} ceased , there were little whoops of subsiding mirth , [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun were wiping [their]_{463-the two sisters} eyes , and [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} was crying loudly . “ Das war ausgezeichnet , das war famos — ”_{[3963-the professor]} “ Wirklich famos , ”_{[3963-the professor]} echoed [[his]_{3963-the professor} exhausted daughters]_{4006-his exhausted daughters} , faintly . “ And [we]_{3997-the students} could n’t understand it , ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Oh leider , leider ! ”_{[3963-the professor]} cried [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} . “ [You]_{3997-the students} could n’t understand it ? ”_{[3997-the students]} cried [the Students]_{3997-the students} , let loose at last in speech with [the newcomers]_{5111-the newcomers} . “ Ja , das ist wirklich schade , das ist schade , gnädige Frau . [Wissen Sie]_{390-wissen sie} — ”_{[5111-the newcomers]} The mixture was made , [the newcomers]_{5111-the newcomers} were stirred into the party , like new ingredients , [the whole room]_{4011-the whole room} was alive . [Gerald]_255-gerald was in [his]_255-gerald element , [he]_255-gerald talked freely and excitedly , [his]_255-gerald face glistened with a strange amusement . Perhaps even [Birkin]_169-birkin , in the end , would break forth . [He]_255-gerald was shy and withheld , though full of attention . [Ursula]_255-gerald was prevailed upon to sing “ [Annie Lowrie]_{391-annie lowrie} , ”_[255-gerald] as [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} called it . There was a hush of extreme deference . [She]_4013-she had never been so flattered in [her]_4013-she life . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun accompanied [her]_4013-she on the piano , playing from memory . [Ursula]_255-gerald had a beautiful ringing voice , but usually no confidence , [she]_4013-she spoiled everything . This evening [she]_4013-she felt conceited and untrammelled . [Birkin]_169-birkin was well in the background , [she]_169-birkin shone almost in reaction , [the Germans]_{252-the germans} made [her]_169-birkin feel fine and infallible , [she]_4013-she was liberated into overweening self - confidence . [She]_4013-she felt like a bird flying in the air , as [her]_4013-she voice soared out , enjoying [herself]_4013-she extremely in the balance and flight of the song , like the motion of a bird ’s wings that is up in the wind , sliding and playing on the air , [she]_4013-she played with sentimentality , supported by rapturous attention . [She]_4013-she was very happy , singing that song by [herself]_4013-she , full of a conceit of emotion and power , working upon [all those people]_{4680-all those people} , and upon [herself]_4013-she , exerting [herself]_4013-she with gratification , giving immeasurable gratification to [the Germans]_{252-the germans} . At the end , [the Germans]_{4015-the germans} were all touched with admiring , delicious melancholy , [they]_{4015-the germans} praised [her]_4013-she in soft , reverent voices , [they]_{4015-the germans} could not say too much . “ Wie schön , wie rührend ! Ach , die Schottischen Lieder , sie haben so viel Stimmung ! Aber die gnädige Frau hat eine wunderbare Stimme ; die gnädige Frau ist wirklich eine Künstlerin , aber wirklich ! ”_{[4015-the germans]} [She]_4013-she was dilated and brilliant , like a flower in the morning sun . [She]_4013-she felt [Birkin]_169-birkin looking at [her]_4013-she , as if [he]_4016-he were jealous of [her]_4013-she , and [her]_4013-she breasts thrilled , [her]_4013-she veins were all golden . [She]_4013-she was as happy as the sun that has just opened above clouds . And [everybody]_{780-everybody} seemed so admiring and radiant , it was perfect . After dinner [she]_4013-she wanted to go out for a minute , to look at [the world]_{541-the world} . [The company]_{746-the company} tried to dissuade [her]_4013-she — it was so terribly cold . But just to look , [she]_4013-she said . [They]_{4015-the germans} all four wrapped up warmly , and found [themselves]_{4015-the germans} in a vague , unsubstantial outdoors of dim snow and ghosts of [an upper - world]_{4020-an upper - world} , that made strange shadows before the stars . It was indeed cold , bruisingly , frighteningly , unnaturally cold . [Ursula]_255-gerald could not believe the air in [her]_4013-she nostrils . It seemed conscious , malevolent , purposive in its intense murderous coldness . Yet it was wonderful , an intoxication , a silence of dim , unrealised snow , of the invisible intervening between [her]_4013-she and the visible , between [her]_4013-she and the flashing stars . [She]_4013-she could see [Orion]_392-orion sloping up . How wonderful [he]_392-orion was , wonderful enough to make one cry aloud . And all around was this cradle of snow , and there was firm snow underfoot , that struck with heavy cold through [her]_4013-she boot - soles . It was night , and silence . [She]_4013-she imagined [she]_4013-she could hear the stars . [She]_4013-she imagined distinctly [she]_4013-she could hear the celestial , musical motion of the stars , quite near at hand . [She]_4013-she seemed like a bird flying amongst their harmonious motion . And [she]_4013-she clung close to [Birkin]_169-birkin . Suddenly [she]_4013-she realised [she]_4013-she did not know what [he]_392-orion was thinking . [She]_4013-she did not know where [he]_392-orion was ranging . “ [My]_4013-she love ! ”_[4013-she] [she]_4013-she said , stopping to look at [him]_392-orion . [His]_392-orion face was pale , [his]_392-orion eyes dark , there was a faint spark of starlight on them . And [he]_392-orion saw [her]_4013-she face soft and upturned to [him]_392-orion , very near . [He]_392-orion kissed [her]_4013-she softly . “ What then ? ”_[392-orion] [he]_392-orion asked . “ Do [you]_392-orion love [me]_4013-she ? ”_[4013-she] [she]_4013-she asked . “ Too much , ”_[392-orion] [he]_392-orion answered quietly . [She]_4013-she clung a little closer . “ Not too much , ”_[4013-she] [she]_4013-she pleaded . “ Far too much , ”_[392-orion] [he]_392-orion said , almost sadly . “ And does it make [you]_392-orion sad , that [I]_4013-she am everything to [you]_392-orion ? ”_[4013-she] [she]_4013-she asked , wistful . [He]_392-orion held [her]_4013-she close to [him]_392-orion , kissing [her]_4013-she , and saying , scarcely audible : “ No , but [I]_392-orion feel like [a beggar]_{7176-a beggar} — [I]_392-orion feel poor . ”_[392-orion] [She]_4013-she was silent , looking at the stars now . Then [she]_4013-she kissed [him]_392-orion . “ Do n’t be [a beggar]_{7176-a beggar} , ”_[4013-she] [she]_4013-she pleaded , wistfully . “ It is n’t ignominious that [you]_392-orion love [me]_4013-she . ”_[4013-she] “ It is ignominious to feel poor , is n’t it ? ”_[392-orion] [he]_392-orion replied . “ Why ? Why should it be ? ”_[4013-she] [she]_4013-she asked . [He]_392-orion only stood still , in the terribly cold air that moved invisibly over [the mountain tops]_{4021-the mountain tops} , folding [her]_4013-she round with [his]_392-orion arms . “ [I]_392-orion could n’t bear this cold , eternal place without [you]_4013-she , ”_[392-orion] [he]_392-orion said . “ [I]_392-orion could n’t bear it , it would kill the quick of [my]_392-orion life . ”_[392-orion] [She]_4013-she kissed [him]_392-orion again , suddenly . “ Do [you]_392-orion hate it ? ”_[4013-she] [she]_4013-she asked , puzzled , wondering . “ If [I]_392-orion could n’t come near to [you]_4013-she , if [you]_4013-she were n’t [here]_4650-here , [I]_392-orion should hate it . [I]_392-orion could n’t bear it , ”_[392-orion] [he]_392-orion answered . “ But [the people]_{4677-the people} are nice , ”_[4013-she] [she]_4013-she said . “ [I]_392-orion mean the stillness , the cold , the frozen eternality , ”_[392-orion] [he]_392-orion said . [She]_4013-she wondered . Then [her]_4013-she spirit came home to [him]_392-orion , nestling unconscious in [him]_392-orion . “ Yes , it is good [we]_4022-they are warm and together , ”_[4013-she] [she]_4013-she said . And [they]_4022-they turned [home]_4649-home again . [They]_4022-they saw the golden lights of [the hotel]_{7112-the hotel} glowing out in the night of snow - silence , small in [the hollow]_{2948-the hollow} , like a cluster of yellow berries . It seemed like a bunch of sun - sparks , tiny and orange in the midst of the snow - darkness . Behind , was a high shadow of a peak , blotting out the stars , like a ghost . [They]_4022-they drew near to [[their]_4022-they home]_{4026-their home} . [They]_4022-they saw [a man]_{4648-a man} come from [the dark building]_{4028-the dark building} , with a lighted lantern which swung golden , and made that [his]_{4648-a man} dark feet walked in a halo of snow . [He]_{4648-a man} was a small , dark figure in the darkened snow . [He]_{4648-a man} unlatched the door of [an outhouse]_{4029-an outhouse} . A smell of cows , hot , animal , almost like beef , came out on the heavily cold air . There was a glimpse of two cattle in [their]_4030-their dark stalls , then the door was shut again , and not a chink of light showed . It had reminded [Ursula]_255-gerald again of [home]_4649-home , of [the Marsh]_{130-the marsh} , of [her]_4013-she childhood , and of the journey to [Brussels]_133-brussels , and , strangely , of [Anton Skrebensky]_{272-skrebensky} . Oh , [God]_167-god , could [one bear it]_{4032-one bear it} , this past which was gone down [the abyss]_{3216-the abyss} ? Could [she]_4013-she bear , that it ever had been ! [She]_4013-she looked round this silent , upper world of snow and stars and powerful cold . There was [another world]_{4676-another world} , like views on a magic lantern ; [The Marsh]_{130-the marsh} , [Cossethay]_{131-cossethay} , [Ilkeston]_141-ilkeston , lit up with a common , unreal light . There was a shadowy unreal [Ursula]_255-gerald , a whole shadow - play of an unreal life . It was as unreal , and circumscribed , as a magic - lantern show . [She]_4013-she wished the slides could all be broken . [She]_4013-she wished it could be gone for ever , like a lantern - slide which was broken . [She]_4013-she wanted to have no past . [She]_4013-she wanted to have come down from [the slopes of heaven]_{4035-the slopes of heaven} to [this place]_{1058-this place} , with [Birkin]_169-birkin , not to have toiled out of the murk of [her]_4013-she childhood and [her]_4013-she upbringing , slowly , all soiled . [She]_4013-she felt that memory was a dirty trick played upon [her]_4013-she . What was this decree , that [she]_4013-she should ‘ remember ’ ! Why not a bath of pure oblivion , a new birth , without any recollections or blemish of a past life . [She]_4013-she was with [Birkin]_169-birkin , [she]_4013-she had just come into life , here in [the high snow]_{4037-the high snow} , against the stars . What had [she]_4013-she to do with [parents]_4038-parents and antecedents ? [She]_4013-she knew [herself]_4013-she new and unbegotten , [she]_4013-she had [no father]_{4039-no father} , [no mother]_{4040-no mother} , no anterior connections , [she]_4013-she was [herself]_4013-she , pure and silvery , [she]_4013-she belonged only to the oneness with [Birkin]_169-birkin , a oneness that struck deeper notes , sounding into [the heart of [the universe]_{6164-the universe}]_{4041-the heart of the universe} , the heart of reality , where [she]_4013-she had never existed before . Even [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was [a separate unit]_{4043-a separate unit} , separate , separate , having nothing to do with [this self]_{4044-this self} , this [Ursula]_255-gerald , in [[her]_4013-she new world of reality]_{4045-her new world of reality} . That old shadow - world , the actuality of the past — ah , let it go ! [She]_160-gudrun rose free on the wings of [her]_160-gudrun new condition . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald had not come in . [They]_4046-they had walked up [the valley]_{5286-the valley} straight in front of [the house]_{468-the house} , not like [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin , on to [the little hill at the right]_{4049-the little hill at the right} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was driven by a strange desire . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to plunge on and on , till [she]_160-gudrun came to the end of [the valley of snow]_{4050-the valley of snow} . Then [she]_160-gudrun wanted to climb the wall of white finality , climb over , into the peaks that sprang up like sharp petals in the heart of [the frozen , mysterious navel of [the world]_{541-the world}]_{4051-the frozen , mysterious navel of the world} . [She]_160-gudrun felt that there , over [the strange blind , terrible wall of rocky snow]_{4053-the strange blind , terrible wall of rocky snow} , there in the navel of [the mystic world]_{4054-the mystic world} , among [the final cluster of peaks]_{4055-the final cluster of peaks} , there , in [the infolded navel of it all]_{4056-the infolded navel of it all} , was [her]_160-gudrun consummation . If [she]_160-gudrun could but come there , alone , and pass into [the infolded navel of eternal snow]_{4057-the infolded navel of eternal snow} and of [uprising , immortal peaks of snow and rock]_{4058-uprising , immortal peaks of snow and rock} , [she]_160-gudrun would be a oneness with all , [she]_160-gudrun would be [herself]_160-gudrun the eternal , infinite silence , the sleeping , timeless , frozen centre of [the All]_{142-the all} . [They]_4059-they went back to [the house]_{468-the house} , to [the Reunionsaal]_{139-the reunionsaal} . [She]_160-gudrun was curious to see what was going on . [The men there]_{4061-the men there} made [her]_160-gudrun alert , roused [her]_160-gudrun curiosity . It was a new taste of life for [her]_160-gudrun , [they]_{4061-the men there} were so prostrate before [her]_160-gudrun , yet so full of life . [The party]_{701-the party} was boisterous ; [they]_4059-they were dancing all together , dancing the Schuhplatteln , the Tyrolese dance of the clapping hands and tossing [the partner]_{4063-the partner} in the air at the crisis . [The Germans]_{4015-the germans} were all proficient — [they]_{4015-the germans} were from [Munich]_58-munich chiefly . [Gerald]_255-gerald also was quite passable . There were three zithers twanging away in a corner . It was a scene of great animation and confusion . [The Professor]_{3963-the professor} was initiating [Ursula]_255-gerald into the dance , stamping , clapping , and swinging [her]_4066-her high , with amazing force and zest . When the crisis came even [Birkin]_169-birkin was behaving manfully with [one of [[the Professor]_{3963-the professor} ’s fresh , strong daughters]_{4069-the professor ’s fresh , strong daughters} , who was exceedingly happy]_{4067-one of the professor ’s fresh , strong daughters , who was exceedingly happy} . [Everybody]_{780-everybody} was dancing , there was the most boisterous turmoil . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked on with delight . The solid wooden floor resounded to the knocking heels of [the men]_{727-the men} , the air quivered with the clapping hands and the zither music , there was a golden dust about the hanging lamps . Suddenly the dance finished , [Loerke]_389-loerke and [the students]_{3997-the students} rushed out to bring in drinks . There was an excited clamour of voices , a clinking of mug - lids , a great crying of “ Prosit — Prosit ! ”_[389-loerke] [Loerke]_389-loerke was everywhere at once , like [a gnome]_{4073-a gnome} , suggesting drinks for [the women]_{537-the women} , making an obscure , slightly risky joke with [the men]_{727-the men} , confusing and mystifying [the waiter]_{4920-the waiter} . [He]_389-loerke wanted very much to dance with [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . From the first moment [he]_389-loerke had seen [her]_160-gudrun , [he]_389-loerke wanted to make a connection with [her]_160-gudrun . Instinctively [she]_160-gudrun felt this , and [she]_160-gudrun waited for [him]_389-loerke to come up . But a kind of sulkiness kept [him]_389-loerke away from [her]_160-gudrun , so [she]_160-gudrun thought [he]_389-loerke disliked [her]_160-gudrun . “ Will [you]_160-gudrun schuhplätteln , [gnädige Frau]_393-frau ? ”_{[4077-the large , fair youth]} said [the large , fair youth]_{4077-the large , fair youth} , [[Loerke]_389-loerke ’s companion]_{4078-loerke ’s companion} . [He]_389-loerke was too soft , too humble for [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s taste . But [she]_160-gudrun wanted to dance , and [the fair youth]_{4079-the fair youth} , who was called [Leitner]_394-leitner , was handsome enough in [his]_{4079-the fair youth} uneasy , slightly abject fashion , a humility that covered a certain fear . [She]_160-gudrun accepted [him]_{4079-the fair youth} as [a partner]_{4080-a partner} . [The zithers]_{4081-the zithers} sounded out again , the dance began . [Gerald]_255-gerald led [them]_4082-them , laughing , with [one of [[the Professor]_{3963-the professor} ’s daughters]_{3995-the professor ’s daughters}]_{4083-one of the professor ’s daughters} . [Ursula]_255-gerald danced with [one of [the students]_{3997-the students}]_{4086-one of the students} , [Birkin]_169-birkin with [the other daughter of [the Professor]_{3963-the professor}]_{4088-the other daughter of the professor} , [the Professor with [Frau Kramer]_393-frau]_{4090-the professor with frau kramer} , and [the rest of [the men]_{727-the men}]_{4091-the rest of the men} danced together , with quite as much zest as if [they]_{4091-the rest of the men} had had [women partners]_{4093-women partners} . Because [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had danced with [the well - built , soft youth]_{4094-the well - built , soft youth} , [[his]_{3963-the professor} companion]_{3975-his companion} , [Loerke]_389-loerke , was more pettish and exasperated than ever , and would not even notice [her]_{3975-his companion} existence in [the room]_{739-the room} . This piqued [her]_{3975-his companion} , but [she]_{3975-his companion} made up to [herself]_{3975-his companion} by dancing with [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} , who was strong as [a mature , well - seasoned bull , and as full of coarse energy]_{4098-a mature , well - seasoned bull , and as full of coarse energy} . [She]_{3975-his companion} could not bear [him]_{3963-the professor} , critically , and yet [she]_{3975-his companion} enjoyed being rushed through the dance , and tossed up into the air , on [his]_{3963-the professor} coarse , powerful impetus . [The Professor]_{3963-the professor} enjoyed it too , [he]_{3963-the professor} eyed [her]_{3975-his companion} with strange , large blue eyes , full of galvanic fire . [She]_{3975-his companion} hated [him]_{3963-the professor} for the seasoned , semi - paternal animalism with which [he]_{3963-the professor} regarded [her]_{3975-his companion} , but [she]_{3975-his companion} admired [his]_{3963-the professor} weight of strength . [The room]_{739-the room} was charged with excitement and strong , animal emotion . [Loerke]_389-loerke was kept away from [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , to whom [he]_389-loerke wanted to speak , as by a hedge of thorns , and [he]_389-loerke felt a sardonic ruthless hatred for [this young love - companion]_{4101-this young love - companion} , [Leitner]_394-leitner , who was [[his]_389-loerke penniless dependent]_{4102-his penniless dependent} . [He]_389-loerke mocked [the youth]_{3452-the youth} , with an acid ridicule , that made [Leitner]_394-leitner red in the face and impotent with resentment . [Gerald]_255-gerald , who had now got the dance perfectly , was dancing again with [the younger of [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} ’s daughters]_{4104-the younger of the professor ’s daughters} , who was almost dying of virgin excitement , because [she]_{3975-his companion} thought [Gerald]_255-gerald so handsome , so superb . [He]_255-gerald had [her]_{3975-his companion} in [his]_255-gerald power , as if [she]_{3975-his companion} were a palpitating bird , [a fluttering , flushing , bewildered creature]_{4106-a fluttering , flushing , bewildered creature} . And it made [him]_255-gerald smile , as [she]_{3975-his companion} shrank convulsively between [his]_255-gerald hands , violently , when [he]_255-gerald must throw [her]_{3975-his companion} into the air . At the end , [she]_{3975-his companion} was so overcome with prostrate love for [him]_255-gerald , that [she]_{3975-his companion} could scarcely speak sensibly at all . [Birkin]_169-birkin was dancing with [Ursula]_255-gerald . There were odd little fires playing in [his]_255-gerald eyes , [he]_255-gerald seemed to have turned into something wicked and flickering , mocking , suggestive , quite impossible . [Ursula]_255-gerald was frightened of [him]_255-gerald , and fascinated . Clear , before [her]_{3975-his companion} eyes , as in a vision , [she]_{3975-his companion} could see the sardonic , licentious mockery of [his]_255-gerald eyes , [he]_255-gerald moved towards [her]_{3975-his companion} with subtle , animal , indifferent approach . The strangeness of [his]_255-gerald hands , which came quick and cunning , inevitably to the vital place beneath [her]_{3975-his companion} breasts , and , lifting with mocking , suggestive impulse , carried [her]_{3975-his companion} through the air as if without strength , through blackmagic , made [her]_{3975-his companion} swoon with fear . For a moment [she]_{3975-his companion} revolted , it was horrible . [She]_{3975-his companion} would break the spell . But before the resolution had formed [she]_{3975-his companion} had submitted again , yielded to [her]_{3975-his companion} fear . [He]_255-gerald knew all the time what [he]_255-gerald was doing , [she]_{3975-his companion} could see it in [his]_255-gerald smiling , concentrated eyes . It was [his]_255-gerald responsibility , [she]_{3975-his companion} would leave it to [him]_255-gerald . When [they]_4107-they were alone in the darkness , [she]_{3975-his companion} felt the strange , licentiousness of [him]_255-gerald hovering upon [her]_{3975-his companion} . [She]_{3975-his companion} was troubled and repelled . Why should [he]_255-gerald turn like this ? “ What is it ? ”_{[3975-his companion]} [she]_{3975-his companion} asked in dread . But [his]_255-gerald face only glistened on [her]_{3975-his companion} , unknown , horrible . And yet [she]_{3975-his companion} was fascinated . [Her]_{3975-his companion} impulse was to repel [him]_255-gerald violently , break from this spell of mocking brutishness . But [she]_{3975-his companion} was too fascinated , [she]_{3975-his companion} wanted to submit , [she]_{3975-his companion} wanted to know . What would [he]_255-gerald do to [her]_{3975-his companion} ? [He]_255-gerald was so attractive , and so repulsive at one . The sardonic suggestivity that flickered over [his]_255-gerald face and looked from [his]_255-gerald narrowed eyes , made [her]_{3975-his companion} want to hide , to hide [herself]_{3975-his companion} away from [him]_255-gerald and watch [him]_255-gerald from somewhere unseen . “ Why are [you]_255-gerald like this ? ”_{[3975-his companion]} [she]_{3975-his companion} demanded again , rousing against [him]_255-gerald with sudden force and animosity . The flickering fires in [his]_255-gerald eyes concentrated as [he]_255-gerald looked into [her]_{3975-his companion} eyes . Then the lids drooped with a faint motion of satiric contempt . Then they rose again to the same remorseless suggestivity . And [she]_{3975-his companion} gave way , [he]_255-gerald might do as [he]_255-gerald would . [His]_255-gerald licentiousness was repulsively attractive . But [he]_255-gerald was self - responsible , [she]_{3975-his companion} would see what it was . [They]_4108-they might do as [they]_4108-they liked — this [she]_{3975-his companion} realised as [she]_{3975-his companion} went to sleep . How could anything that gave one satisfaction be excluded ? What was degrading ? Who cared ? Degrading things were real , with a different reality . And [he]_255-gerald was so unabashed and unrestrained . Was n’t it rather horrible , [a man who could be so soulful and spiritual , now to be so]_{4109-a man who could be so soulful and spiritual , now to be so} — [she]_{3975-his companion} balked at [her]_{3975-his companion} own thoughts and memories : then [she]_{3975-his companion} added — so bestial ? So bestial , [they]_4108-they two!—so degraded ! [She]_{3975-his companion} winced . But after all , why not ? [She]_{3975-his companion} exulted as well . Why not be bestial , and go the whole round of experience ? [She]_{3975-his companion} exulted in it . [She]_{3975-his companion} was bestial . How good it was to be really shameful ! There would be no shameful thing [she]_{3975-his companion} had not experienced . Yet [she]_{3975-his companion} was unabashed , [she]_{3975-his companion} was [herself]_{3975-his companion} . Why not ? [She]_{3975-his companion} was free , when [she]_{3975-his companion} knew everything , and no dark shameful things were denied [her]_{3975-his companion} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , who had been watching [Gerald]_255-gerald in the Reunionsaal , suddenly thought : “ [He]_255-gerald should have [all [the women]_{537-the women} [he]_255-gerald can]_{7180-all the women he can} — it is [his]_255-gerald nature . It is absurd to call [him]_255-gerald monogamous — [he]_255-gerald is naturally promiscuous . That is [his]_255-gerald nature . ”_[160-gudrun] The thought came to [her]_160-gudrun involuntarily . It shocked [her]_160-gudrun somewhat . It was as if [she]_160-gudrun had seen [some new Mene]_{4110-some new mene} ! [Mene]_395-mene ! upon the wall . Yet it was merely true . A voice seemed to have spoken it to [her]_160-gudrun so clearly , that for the moment [she]_160-gudrun believed in inspiration . “ It is really true , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said to [herself]_160-gudrun again . [She]_160-gudrun knew quite well [she]_160-gudrun had believed it all along . [She]_160-gudrun knew it implicitly . But [she]_160-gudrun must keep it dark — almost from [herself]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun must keep it completely secret . It was knowledge for [her]_160-gudrun alone , and scarcely even to be admitted to [herself]_160-gudrun . The deep resolve formed in [her]_160-gudrun , to combat [him]_4111-him . One of [them]_4112-them must triumph over [the other]_{920-the other} . Which should it be ? [Her]_160-gudrun soul steeled itself with strength . Almost [she]_160-gudrun laughed within [herself]_160-gudrun , at [her]_160-gudrun confidence . It woke a certain keen , half contemptuous pity , tenderness for [him]_4111-him : [she]_160-gudrun was so ruthless . [Everybody]_{780-everybody} retired early . [The Professor]_{3963-the professor} and [Loerke]_389-loerke went into [a small lounge]_{4116-a small lounge} to drink . [They]_4117-they both watched [Gudrun]_160-gudrun go along [the landing by the railing upstairs]_{4118-the landing by the railing upstairs} . “ [Ein schönes Frauenzimmer]_{396-ein schönes frauenzimmer} , ”_{[3963-the professor]} said [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} . “ Ja ! ”_{[3963-the professor]} asserted [Loerke]_389-loerke , shortly . [Gerald]_255-gerald walked with [his]_255-gerald queer , long wolf - steps across [the bedroom]_{3898-the bedroom} to the window , stooped and looked out , then rose again , and turned to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [his]_255-gerald eyes sharp with an abstract smile . [He]_255-gerald seemed very tall to [her]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun saw the glisten of [his]_255-gerald whitish eyebrows , that met between [his]_255-gerald brows . “ How do [you]_160-gudrun like it ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . [He]_255-gerald seemed to be laughing inside [himself]_255-gerald , quite unconsciously . [She]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was a phenomenon to [her]_160-gudrun , not [a human being]_{5012-a human being} : [a sort of creature]_{4122-a sort of creature} , greedy . “ [I]_160-gudrun like it very much , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied . “ Who do [you]_160-gudrun like best [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked , standing tall and glistening above [her]_160-gudrun , with [his]_255-gerald glistening stiff hair erect . “ Who do [I]_160-gudrun like best ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun repeated , wanting to answer [his]_255-gerald question , and finding it difficult to collect [herself]_160-gudrun . “ Why [I]_160-gudrun do n’t know , [I]_160-gudrun do n’t know enough about [them]_7183-them yet , to be able to say . Who do [you]_160-gudrun like best ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Oh , [I]_255-gerald do n’t care — [I]_255-gerald do n’t like or dislike any of [them]_7183-them . It does n’t matter about [me]_255-gerald . [I]_255-gerald wanted to know about [you]_160-gudrun . ”_[255-gerald] “ But why ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked , going rather pale . The abstract , unconscious smile in [his]_255-gerald eyes was intensified . “ [I]_255-gerald wanted to know , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . [She]_160-gudrun turned aside , breaking the spell . In some strange way , [she]_160-gudrun felt [he]_255-gerald was getting power over [her]_160-gudrun . “ Well , [I]_160-gudrun ca n’t tell [you]_255-gerald already , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . [She]_160-gudrun went to the mirror to take out the hairpins from [her]_160-gudrun hair . [She]_160-gudrun stood before the mirror every night for some minutes , brushing [her]_160-gudrun fine dark hair . It was part of the inevitable ritual of [her]_160-gudrun life . [He]_255-gerald followed [her]_160-gudrun , and stood behind [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun was busy with bent head , taking out the pins and shaking [her]_160-gudrun warm hair loose . When [she]_160-gudrun looked up , [she]_160-gudrun saw [him]_255-gerald in the glass standing behind [her]_160-gudrun , watching unconsciously , not consciously seeing [her]_160-gudrun , and yet watching , with finepupilled eyes that seemed to smile , and which were not really smiling . [She]_160-gudrun started . It took all [her]_160-gudrun courage for [her]_160-gudrun to continue brushing [her]_160-gudrun hair , as usual , for [her]_160-gudrun to pretend [she]_160-gudrun was at [her]_160-gudrun ease . [She]_160-gudrun was far , far from being at [her]_160-gudrun ease with [him]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun beat [her]_160-gudrun brains wildly for something to say to [him]_255-gerald . “ What are [your]_255-gerald plans for tomorrow ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked nonchalantly , whilst [her]_160-gudrun heart was beating so furiously , [her]_160-gudrun eyes were so bright with strange nervousness , [she]_160-gudrun felt [he]_255-gerald could not but observe . But [she]_160-gudrun knew also that [he]_255-gerald was completely blind , blind as a wolf looking at [her]_160-gudrun . It was a strange battle between [her]_160-gudrun ordinary consciousness and [his]_255-gerald uncanny , black - art consciousness . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t know , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied , “ what would [you]_160-gudrun like to do ? ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald spoke emptily , [his]_255-gerald mind was sunk away . “ Oh , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , with easy protestation , “ [I]_160-gudrun ’m ready for anything — anything will be fine for [me]_160-gudrun , [I]_160-gudrun ’m sure . ”_[160-gudrun] And to [herself]_160-gudrun [she]_160-gudrun was saying : “ [God]_167-god , why am [I]_160-gudrun so nervous — why are [you]_255-gerald so nervous , [[you]_255-gerald fool]_{5322-you fool} . If [he]_255-gerald sees it [I]_160-gudrun ’m done for forever — [you]_255-gerald know [you]_255-gerald ’re done for forever , if [he]_255-gerald sees the absurd state [you]_255-gerald ’re in . ”_[160-gudrun] And [she]_160-gudrun smiled to [herself]_160-gudrun as if it were all [child]_3319-child ’s play . Meanwhile [her]_160-gudrun heart was plunging , [she]_160-gudrun was almost fainting . [She]_160-gudrun could see [him]_4124-he , in the mirror , as [he]_4124-he stood there behind [her]_160-gudrun , tall and over - arching — blond and terribly frightening . [She]_160-gudrun glanced at [his]_4124-he reflection with furtive eyes , willing to give anything to save [him]_4124-he from knowing [she]_160-gudrun could see [him]_4124-he . [He]_4124-he did not know [she]_160-gudrun could see [his]_4124-he reflection . [He]_4124-he was looking unconsciously , glisteningly down at [her]_160-gudrun head , from which the hair fell loose , as [she]_160-gudrun brushed it with wild , nervous hand . [She]_160-gudrun held [her]_160-gudrun head aside and brushed and brushed [her]_160-gudrun hair madly . For [her]_160-gudrun life , [she]_160-gudrun could not turn round and face [him]_4124-he . For [her]_160-gudrun life , [she]_160-gudrun could not . And the knowledge made [her]_160-gudrun almost sink to the ground in a faint , helpless , spent . [She]_160-gudrun was aware of [his]_4124-he frightening , impending figure standing close behind [her]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun was aware of [his]_4124-he hard , strong , unyielding chest , close upon [her]_160-gudrun back . And [she]_160-gudrun felt [she]_160-gudrun could not bear it any more , in a few minutes [she]_160-gudrun would fall down at [his]_4124-he feet , grovelling at [his]_4124-he feet , and letting [him]_4124-he destroy [her]_160-gudrun . The thought pricked up all [her]_160-gudrun sharp intelligence and presence of mind . [She]_160-gudrun dared not turn round to [him]_4124-he — and there [he]_4124-he stood motionless , unbroken . Summoning all [her]_160-gudrun strength , [she]_160-gudrun said , in a full , resonant , nonchalant voice , that was forced out with all [her]_160-gudrun remaining self - control : “ Oh , would [you]_4124-he mind looking in that bag behind there and giving [me]_160-gudrun [my]_160-gudrun — ”_[160-gudrun] Here [her]_160-gudrun power fell inert . “ [My]_160-gudrun what — [my]_160-gudrun what — ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun screamed in silence to [herself]_160-gudrun . But [he]_4124-he had started round , surprised and startled that [she]_160-gudrun should ask [him]_4124-he to look in [her]_160-gudrun bag , which [she]_160-gudrun always kept so very private to [herself]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun turned now , [her]_160-gudrun face white , [her]_160-gudrun dark eyes blazing with uncanny , overwrought excitement . [She]_160-gudrun saw [him]_4124-he stooping to the bag , undoing the loosely buckled strap , unattentive . “ [Your]_160-gudrun what ? ”_[4124-he] [he]_4124-he asked . “ Oh , a little enamel box — yellow — with a design of a cormorant plucking [her]_160-gudrun breast — ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun went towards [him]_4124-he , stooping [her]_160-gudrun beautiful , bare arm , and deftly turned some of [her]_160-gudrun things , disclosing the box , which was exquisitely painted . “ That is it , see , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , taking it from under [his]_4124-he eyes . And [he]_4124-he was baffled now . [He]_4124-he was left to fasten up the bag , whilst [she]_160-gudrun swiftly did up [her]_160-gudrun hair for the night , and sat down to unfasten [her]_160-gudrun shoes . [She]_160-gudrun would not turn [her]_160-gudrun back to [him]_4124-he any more . [He]_4124-he was baffled , frustrated , but unconscious . [She]_160-gudrun had the whip hand over [him]_4124-he now . [She]_160-gudrun knew [he]_4124-he had not realised [her]_160-gudrun terrible panic . [Her]_160-gudrun heart was beating heavily still . [Fool]_4125-fool , fool that [she]_160-gudrun was , to get into such a state ! How [she]_160-gudrun thanked [God]_167-god for [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s obtuse blindness . Thank [God]_167-god [he]_4124-he could see nothing . [She]_160-gudrun sat slowly unlacing [her]_160-gudrun shoes , and [he]_4124-he too commenced to undress . Thank [God]_167-god that crisis was over . [She]_160-gudrun felt almost fond of [him]_4124-he now , almost in love with [him]_4124-he . “ Ah , [Gerald]_255-gerald , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun laughed , caressively , teasingly , “ Ah , what a fine game [you]_255-gerald played with [[the Professor]_{3963-the professor} ’s daughter]_{7186-the professor ’s daughter} — didn’t [you]_255-gerald now ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ What game ? ”_[4124-he] [he]_4124-he asked , looking round . “ Is n’t [she]_{7186-the professor ’s daughter} in love with [you]_255-gerald — oh dear , is n’t [she]_{7186-the professor ’s daughter} in love with [you]_255-gerald ! ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in [her]_160-gudrun gayest , most attractive mood . “ [I]_4124-he should n’t think so , ”_[4124-he] [he]_4124-he said . “ Should n’t think so ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun teased . “ Why [the poor girl]_{7187-the poor girl} is lying at this moment overwhelmed , dying with love for [you]_255-gerald . [She]_{7187-the poor girl} thinks [you]_255-gerald ’re wonderful — oh marvellous , beyond what [man]_1089-man has ever been . really , is n’t it funny ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Why funny , what is funny ? ”_[4124-he] [he]_4124-he asked . “ Why to see [you]_255-gerald working it on [her]_{7187-the poor girl} , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , with a half reproach that confused [the male conceit in [him]_4124-he]_{4126-the male conceit in him} . “ Really [Gerald]_255-gerald , [the poor girl]_{7187-the poor girl} — ! ”_[160-gudrun] “ [I]_4124-he did nothing to [her]_{7187-the poor girl} , ”_[4124-he] [he]_4124-he said . “ Oh , it was too shameful , the way [you]_255-gerald simply swept [her]_{7187-the poor girl} off [her]_{7187-the poor girl} feet . ”_[4124-he] “ That was Schuhplatteln , ”_[4124-he] [he]_4124-he replied , with a bright grin . “ Ha — ha — ha ! ”_[160-gudrun] laughed [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Her]_160-gudrun mockery quivered through [his]_4124-he muscles with curious re - echoes . When [he]_4124-he slept [he]_4124-he seemed to crouch down in the bed , lapped up in [his]_4124-he own strength , that yet was hollow . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun slept strongly , a victorious sleep . Suddenly , [she]_160-gudrun was almost fiercely awake . [The small timber room]_{4127-the small timber room} glowed with the dawn , that came upwards from the low window . [She]_160-gudrun could see down [the valley]_{5286-the valley} when [she]_160-gudrun lifted [her]_160-gudrun head : the snow with a pinkish , half - revealed magic , the fringe of pine - trees at the bottom of [the slope]_{4129-the slope} . And one tiny figure moved over [the vaguely - illuminated space]_{4130-the vaguely - illuminated space} . [She]_160-gudrun glanced at [his]_4124-he watch ; it was seven o’clock . [He]_4124-he was still completely asleep . And [she]_160-gudrun was so hard awake , it was almost frightening — a hard , metallic wakefulness . [She]_160-gudrun lay looking at [him]_4124-he . [He]_4124-he slept in the subjection of [his]_4124-he own health and defeat . [She]_160-gudrun was overcome by a sincere regard for [him]_4124-he . Till now , [she]_160-gudrun was afraid before [him]_4124-he . [She]_160-gudrun lay and thought about [him]_4124-he , what [he]_4124-he was , what [he]_4124-he represented in [the world]_{541-the world} . A fine , independent will , [he]_4124-he had . [She]_160-gudrun thought of the revolution [he]_4124-he had worked in [the mines]_{988-the mines} , in so short a time . [She]_160-gudrun knew that , if [he]_4124-he were confronted with any problem , any hard actual difficulty , [he]_4124-he would overcome it . If [he]_4124-he laid hold of any idea , [he]_4124-he would carry it through . [He]_4124-he had the faculty of making order out of confusion . Only let [him]_4124-he grip hold of a situation , and [he]_4124-he would bring to pass an inevitable conclusion . For a few moments [she]_160-gudrun was borne away on the wild wings of ambition . [Gerald]_255-gerald , with [his]_4124-he force of will and [his]_4124-he power for comprehending [the actual world]_{4133-the actual world} , should be set to solve the problems of the day , the problem of industrialism in [the modern world]_{4134-the modern world} . [She]_160-gudrun knew [he]_4124-he would , in the course of time , effect the changes [he]_4124-he desired , [he]_4124-he could re - organise the industrial system . [She]_160-gudrun knew [he]_4124-he could do it . As an instrument , in these things , [he]_4124-he was marvellous , [she]_160-gudrun had never seen [any man]_{2675-any man} with [his]_4124-he potentiality . [He]_4124-he was unaware of it , but [she]_160-gudrun knew . [He]_4124-he only needed to be hitched on , [he]_4124-he needed that [his]_4124-he hand should be set to the task , because [he]_4124-he was so unconscious . And this [she]_160-gudrun could do . [She]_160-gudrun would marry [him]_4124-he , [he]_4124-he would go into Parliament in the Conservative interest , [he]_4124-he would clear up the great muddle of labour and industry . [He]_4124-he was so superbly fearless , masterful , [he]_4124-he knew that every problem could be worked out , in life as in geometry . And [he]_4124-he would care neither about [himself]_4124-he nor about anything but the pure working out of the problem . [He]_4124-he was very pure , really . [Her]_160-gudrun heart beat fast , [she]_160-gudrun flew away on wings of elation , imagining a future . [He]_4124-he would be [a Napoleon of peace]_{4136-a napoleon of peace} , or [a Bismarck]_{4137-a bismarck} — and [she]_160-gudrun [the woman behind [him]_4124-he]_{4138-the woman behind him} . [She]_160-gudrun had read [Bismarck]_327-bismarck ’s letters , and had been deeply moved by them . And [Gerald]_255-gerald would be freer , more dauntless than [Bismarck]_327-bismarck . But even as [she]_160-gudrun lay in fictitious transport , bathed in the strange , false sunshine of hope in life , something seemed to snap in [her]_160-gudrun , and a terrible cynicism began to gain upon [her]_160-gudrun , blowing in like a wind . Everything turned to irony with [her]_160-gudrun : the last flavour of everything was ironical . When [she]_160-gudrun felt [her]_160-gudrun pang of undeniable reality , this was when [she]_160-gudrun knew the hard irony of hopes and ideas . [She]_160-gudrun lay and looked at [him]_4124-he , as [he]_4124-he slept . [He]_4124-he was sheerly beautiful , [he]_4124-he was a perfect instrument . To [her]_160-gudrun mind , [he]_4124-he was [a pure , inhuman , almost superhuman instrument]_{4139-a pure , inhuman , almost superhuman instrument} . [His]_4124-he instrumentality appealed so strongly to [her]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun wished [she]_160-gudrun were [God]_167-god , to use [him]_4124-he as a tool . And at the same instant , came the ironical question : “ What for ? ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun thought of [[the colliers]_{4675-the colliers} ’ wives]_{4141-the colliers ’ wives} , with [their]_{4141-the colliers ’ wives} linoleum and [their]_{4141-the colliers ’ wives} lace curtains and [[their]_{4141-the colliers ’ wives} little girls]_{4142-their little girls} in high - laced boots . [She]_160-gudrun thought of [the wives and daughters of [the pit - managers]_{4144-the pit - managers}]_{4143-the wives and daughters of the pit - managers} , [their]_{4141-the colliers ’ wives} tennis - parties , and [their]_{4141-the colliers ’ wives} terrible struggles to be superior each to the other , in the social scale . There was [Shortlands]_7-shortlands with its meaningless distinction , the meaningless crowd of the Criches . There was [London]_2-london , [the House of Commons]_{5142-the house of commons} , [the extant social world]_{4146-the extant social world} . [[My]_0-i God]_{3770-my god} ! Young as [she]_160-gudrun was , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had touched the whole pulse of social [England]_80-england . [She]_160-gudrun had no ideas of rising in [the world]_{541-the world} . [She]_160-gudrun knew , with the perfect cynicism of [cruel youth]_{4149-cruel youth} , that to rise in [the world]_{541-the world} meant to have one outside show instead of another , the advance was like having a spurious half - crown instead of a spurious penny . The whole coinage of valuation was spurious . Yet of course , [her]_160-gudrun cynicism knew well enough that , in a world where spurious coin was current , [a bad sovereign]_{4151-a bad sovereign} was better than a bad farthing . But rich and poor , [she]_160-gudrun despised [both alike]_{4152-both alike} . Already [she]_160-gudrun mocked at [herself]_160-gudrun for [her]_160-gudrun dreams . They could be fulfilled easily enough . But [she]_160-gudrun recognised too well , in [her]_160-gudrun spirit , the mockery of [her]_160-gudrun own impulses . What did [she]_160-gudrun care , that [Gerald]_255-gerald had created a richly - paying industry out of an old worn - out concern ? What did [she]_160-gudrun care ? The worn - out concern and the rapid , splendidly organised industry , they were bad money . Yet of course , [she]_160-gudrun cared a great deal , outwardly — and outwardly was all that mattered , for inwardly was a bad joke . Everything was intrinsically a piece of irony to [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun leaned over [Gerald]_255-gerald and said in [her]_160-gudrun heart , with compassion : “ Oh , [[my]_160-gudrun dear]_{1126-my dear} , [[my]_160-gudrun dear]_{1126-my dear} , the game is n’t worth even [you]_255-gerald . [You]_255-gerald are a fine thing really — why should [you]_255-gerald be used on such a poor show ! ”_[160-gudrun] [Her]_160-gudrun heart was breaking with pity and grief for [him]_255-gerald . And at the same moment , a grimace came over [her]_160-gudrun mouth , of mocking irony at [her]_160-gudrun own unspoken tirade . Ah , what a farce it was ! [She]_160-gudrun thought of [Parnell]_397-parnell and [Katherine O’Shea]_{398-katherine o’shea} . [Parnell]_397-parnell ! After all , who can take the nationalisation of [Ireland]_144-ireland seriously ? Who can take political [Ireland]_144-ireland really seriously , whatever it does ? And who can take political [England]_80-england seriously ? [Who]_4153-who can ? Who can care a straw , really , how [the old patched - up Constitution]_{4154-the old patched - up constitution} is tinkered at any more ? Who cares a button for [our]_4155-our national ideas , any more than for [our]_4155-our national bowler hat ? Aha , it is all old hat , it is all old bowler hat ! That ’s all it is , [Gerald]_255-gerald , [[my]_0-i young hero]_{4156-my young hero} . At any rate [we]_4155-our ’ll spare [ourselves]_4155-our the nausea of stirring the old broth any more . [You]_255-gerald be beautiful , [[my]_0-i [Gerald]_255-gerald]_{4157-my gerald} , and reckless . There are perfect moments . Wake up , [Gerald]_255-gerald , wake up , convince [me]_0-i of the perfect moments . Oh , convince [me]_0-i , [I]_0-i need it . [He]_255-gerald opened [his]_255-gerald eyes , and looked at [her]_4158-her . [She]_4158-her greeted [him]_255-gerald with a mocking , enigmatic smile in which was a poignant gaiety . Over [his]_255-gerald face went the reflection of the smile , [he]_255-gerald smiled , too , purely unconsciously . That filled [her]_4158-her with extraordinary delight , to see the smile cross [his]_255-gerald face , reflected from [her]_4158-her face . [She]_4158-her remembered that was how [a baby]_{1080-a baby} smiled . It filled [her]_4158-her with extraordinary radiant delight . “ [You]_255-gerald ’ve done it , ”_[4158-her] [she]_4158-her said . “ What ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked , dazed . “ Convinced [me]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] And [she]_4158-her bent down , kissing [him]_255-gerald passionately , passionately , so that [he]_255-gerald was bewildered . [He]_255-gerald did not ask [her]_4158-her of what [he]_255-gerald had convinced [her]_4158-her , though [he]_255-gerald meant to . [He]_255-gerald was glad [she]_4158-her was kissing [him]_255-gerald . [She]_4158-her seemed to be feeling for [his]_255-gerald very heart to touch the quick of [him]_255-gerald . And [he]_255-gerald wanted [her]_4158-her to touch the quick of [his]_255-gerald being , [he]_255-gerald wanted that most of all . Outside , [somebody]_{4745-somebody} was singing , in a manly , reckless handsome voice : [Gudrun]_160-gudrun knew that that song would sound through [her]_160-gudrun eternity , sung in a manly , reckless , mocking voice . It marked one of [her]_160-gudrun supreme moments , the supreme pangs of [her]_160-gudrun nervous gratification . There it was , fixed in eternity for [her]_160-gudrun . The day came fine and bluish . There was a light wind blowing among [the mountain tops]_{4021-the mountain tops} , keen as a rapier where it touched , carrying with it a fine dust of snow - powder . [Gerald]_255-gerald went out with the fine , blind face of [a man who is in [his]_{4162-a man who is in his state of fulfilment} state of fulfilment]_{4162-a man who is in his state of fulfilment} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [he]_255-gerald were in perfect static unity this morning , but unseeing and unwitting . [They]_4163-they went out with a toboggan , leaving [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin to follow . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was all scarlet and royal blue — a scarlet jersey and cap , and a royal blue skirt and stockings . [She]_160-gudrun went gaily over the white snow , with [Gerald]_255-gerald beside [her]_160-gudrun , in white and grey , pulling the little toboggan . [They]_4163-they grew small in the distance of snow , climbing [the steep slope]_{4164-the steep slope} . For [Gudrun]_160-gudrun [herself]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun seemed to pass altogether into the whiteness of the snow , [she]_160-gudrun became a pure , thoughtless crystal . When [she]_160-gudrun reached the top of [the slope]_{4129-the slope} , in the wind , [she]_160-gudrun looked round , and saw peak beyond peak of rock and snow , bluish , transcendent in heaven . And it seemed to [her]_160-gudrun like [a garden]_{1590-a garden} , with the peaks for pure flowers , and [her]_160-gudrun heart gathering them . [She]_160-gudrun had no separate consciousness for [Gerald]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun held on to [him]_255-gerald as [they]_4163-they went sheering down over [the keen slope]_{4167-the keen slope} . [She]_160-gudrun felt as if [her]_160-gudrun senses were being whetted on some fine grindstone , that was keen as flame . The snow sprinted on either side , like sparks from a blade that is being sharpened , the whiteness round about ran swifter , swifter , in pure flame [the white slope]_{4168-the white slope} flew against [her]_160-gudrun , and [she]_160-gudrun fused like one molten , dancing globule , rushed through a white intensity . Then there was a great swerve at the bottom , when [they]_4163-they swung as it were in a fall to earth , in the diminishing motion . [They]_4163-they came to rest . But when [she]_160-gudrun rose to [her]_160-gudrun feet , [she]_160-gudrun could not stand . [She]_160-gudrun gave a strange cry , turned and clung to [him]_255-gerald , sinking [her]_160-gudrun face on [his]_255-gerald breast , fainting in [him]_255-gerald . Utter oblivion came over [her]_160-gudrun , as [she]_160-gudrun lay for a few moments abandoned against [him]_255-gerald . “ What is it ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald was saying . “ Was it too much for [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[255-gerald] But [she]_160-gudrun heard nothing . When [she]_160-gudrun came to , [she]_160-gudrun stood up and looked round , astonished . [Her]_160-gudrun face was white , [her]_160-gudrun eyes brilliant and large . “ What is it ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald repeated . “ Did it upset [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald with [her]_160-gudrun brilliant eyes that seemed to have undergone some transfiguration , and [she]_160-gudrun laughed , with a terrible merriment . “ No , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried , with triumphant joy . “ It was the complete moment of [my]_160-gudrun life . ”_[160-gudrun] And [she]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald with [her]_160-gudrun dazzling , overweening laughter , like [one possessed]_{4169-one possessed} . A fine blade seemed to enter [his]_255-gerald heart , but [he]_255-gerald did not care , or take any notice . But [they]_4170-they climbed up [the slope]_{4129-the slope} again , and [they]_4170-they flew down through the white flame again , splendidly , splendidly . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was laughing and flashing , powdered with snow - crystals , [Gerald]_255-gerald worked perfectly . [He]_255-gerald felt [he]_255-gerald could guide the toboggan to a hair - breadth , almost [he]_255-gerald could make it pierce into the air and right into the very heart of the sky . It seemed to [him]_255-gerald [the flying sledge]_{4172-the flying sledge} was but [his]_255-gerald strength spread out , [he]_255-gerald had but to move [his]_255-gerald arms , the motion was [his]_255-gerald own . [They]_4170-they explored [the great slopes]_{4173-the great slopes} , to find another slide . [He]_255-gerald felt there must be something better than [they]_4170-they had known . And [he]_255-gerald found what [he]_255-gerald desired , a perfect long , fierce sweep , sheering past the foot of a rock and into the trees at the base . It was dangerous , [he]_255-gerald knew . But then [he]_255-gerald knew also [he]_255-gerald would direct the sledge between [his]_255-gerald fingers . The first days passed in an ecstasy of physical motion , sleighing , skiing , skating , moving in an intensity of speed and white light that surpassed life itself , and carried the souls of [the human beings]_{828-the human beings} beyond into an inhuman abstraction of velocity and weight and eternal , frozen snow . [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s eyes became hard and strange , and as [he]_255-gerald went by on [his]_255-gerald skis [he]_255-gerald was more like some powerful , fateful sigh than [a man]_{4648-a man} , [his]_255-gerald muscles elastic in a perfect , soaring trajectory , [his]_255-gerald body projected in pure flight , mindless , soulless , whirling along one perfect line of force . Luckily there came a day of snow , when [they]_4170-they must all stay indoors : otherwise [Birkin]_169-birkin said , [they]_4170-they would all lose [their]_4170-they faculties , and begin to utter [themselves]_4170-they in cries and shrieks , like [some strange , unknown species of snow - creatures]_{4176-some strange , unknown species of snow - creatures} . It happened in the afternoon that [Ursula]_255-gerald sat in [the Reunionsaal]_{3943-the reunionsaal} talking to [Loerke]_389-loerke . [The latter]_{778-the latter} had seemed unhappy lately . [He]_{778-the latter} was lively and full of mischievous humour , as usual . But [Ursula]_255-gerald had thought [he]_{778-the latter} was sulky about something . [[His]_{778-the latter} partner]_{4179-his partner} , too , [the big , fair , good - looking youth]_{4180-the big , fair , good - looking youth} , was ill at ease , going about as if [he]_{778-the latter} belonged to nowhere , and was kept in some sort of subjection , against which [he]_{778-the latter} was rebelling . [Loerke]_389-loerke had hardly talked to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [[His]_{778-the latter} associate]_{4181-his associate} , on the other hand , had paid [her]_{778-the latter} constantly a soft , over - deferential attention . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun wanted to talk to [Loerke]_389-loerke . [He]_{778-the latter} was [a sculptor]_{2803-a sculptor} , and [she]_{778-the latter} wanted to hear [his]_{778-the latter} view of [his]_{778-the latter} art . And [his]_{778-the latter} figure attracted [her]_{778-the latter} . There was the look of a little wastrel about [him]_{778-the latter} , that intrigued [her]_{778-the latter} , and [an old man]_{4183-an old man} ’s look , that interested [her]_{778-the latter} , and then , beside this , an uncanny singleness , a quality of being by [himself]_{778-the latter} , not in contact with [anybody else]_{1074-anybody else} , that marked out [an artist to [her]_{778-the latter}]_{4185-an artist to her} . [He]_{778-the latter} was [a chatterer]_{4186-a chatterer} , [a magpie , a maker of mischievous word - jokes , that were sometimes very clever , but which often were not]_{4187-a magpie , a maker of mischievous word - jokes , that were sometimes very clever , but which often were not} . And [she]_{778-the latter} could see in [his]_{778-the latter} brown , [gnome]_4188-gnome ’s eyes , the black look of inorganic misery , which lay behind all [his]_{778-the latter} small buffoonery . [His]_{778-the latter} figure interested [her]_{778-the latter} — the figure of [a boy]_{764-a boy} , almost [a street arab]_{4190-a street arab} . [He]_{778-the latter} made no attempt to conceal it . [He]_{778-the latter} always wore a simple loden suit , with knee breeches . [His]_{778-the latter} legs were thin , and [he]_{778-the latter} made no attempt to disguise the fact : which was of itself remarkable , in a [German]_145-german . And [he]_{778-the latter} never ingratiated [himself]_{778-the latter} anywhere , not in the slightest , but kept to [himself]_{778-the latter} , for all [his]_{778-the latter} apparent playfulness . [Leitner]_394-leitner , [[his]_{778-the latter} companion]_{3975-his companion} , was [a great sportsman]_{4192-a great sportsman} , very handsome with [his]_394-leitner big limbs and [his]_394-leitner blue eyes . [Loerke]_389-loerke would go toboganning or skating , in little snatches , but [he]_389-loerke was indifferent . And [his]_389-loerke fine , thin nostrils , the nostrils of [a pure - bred street arab]_{4193-a pure - bred street arab} , would quiver with contempt at [Leitner]_394-leitner ’s splothering gymnastic displays . It was evident that [the two men who had travelled and lived together , sharing [the same bedroom]_{4195-the same bedroom}]_{4194-the two men who had travelled and lived together , sharing the same bedroom} , had now reached the stage of loathing . [Leitner]_394-leitner hated [Loerke]_389-loerke with an injured , writhing , impotent hatred , and [Loerke]_389-loerke treated [Leitner]_394-leitner with a fine - quivering contempt and sarcasm . Soon [the two]_{2296-the two} would have to go apart . Already [they]_{2296-the two} were rarely together . [Leitner]_394-leitner ran attaching [himself]_394-leitner to [somebody or other]_{4197-somebody or other} , always deferring , [Loerke]_389-loerke was a good deal alone . Out of doors [he]_389-loerke wore a Westphalian cap , a close brown - velvet head with big brown velvet flaps down over [his]_389-loerke ears , so that [he]_389-loerke looked like a lop - eared rabbit , or a troll . [His]_389-loerke face was brown - red , with a dry , bright skin , that seemed to crinkle with [his]_389-loerke mobile expressions . [His]_389-loerke eyes were arresting — brown , full , like a rabbit ’s , or like a troll ’s , or like the eyes of a lost being , having a strange , dumb , depraved look of knowledge , and a quick spark of uncanny fire . Whenever [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had tried to talk to [him]_389-loerke [he]_389-loerke had shied away unresponsive , looking at [her]_4198-her with [his]_389-loerke watchful dark eyes , but entering into no relation with [her]_4198-her . [He]_389-loerke had made [her]_4198-her feel that [her]_4198-her slow French and [her]_4198-her slower German , were hateful to [him]_389-loerke . As for [his]_389-loerke own inadequate English , [he]_389-loerke was much too awkward to try it at all . But [he]_389-loerke understood a good deal of what was said , nevertheless . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , piqued , left [him]_389-loerke alone . This afternoon , however , [she]_4198-her came into [the lounge]_{4199-the lounge} as [he]_389-loerke was talking to [Ursula]_255-gerald . [His]_389-loerke fine , black hair somehow reminded [her]_4198-her of a bat , thin as it was on [his]_389-loerke full , sensitive - looking head , and worn away at the temples . [He]_389-loerke sat hunched up , as if [his]_389-loerke spirit were bat - like . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun could see [he]_389-loerke was making some slow confidence to [Ursula]_255-gerald , unwilling , a slow , grudging , scanty self - revelation . [She]_4198-her went and sat by [[her]_4198-her sister]_{449-her sister} . [He]_389-loerke looked at [her]_4198-her , then looked away again , as if [he]_389-loerke took no notice of [her]_4198-her . But as a matter of fact , [she]_4198-her interested [him]_389-loerke deeply . “ Is n’t it interesting , [Prune]_163-prune , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , turning to [[her]_4198-her sister]_{449-her sister} , “ [Herr Loerke]_389-loerke is doing a great frieze for [a factory in [Cologne]_140-cologne]_{7192-a factory in cologne} , for the outside , [the street]_{948-the street} . ”_[255-gerald] [She]_4198-her looked at [him]_389-loerke , at [his]_389-loerke thin , brown , nervous hands , that were prehensile , and somehow like talons , like “ [griffes , ”_[4198-her] inhuman]_{7194-griffes , ” inhuman} . “ What in ? ”_[4198-her] [she]_4198-her asked . “ Aus was ? ”_[255-gerald] repeated [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [Granit]_399-granit , ”_[389-loerke] [he]_389-loerke replied . It had become immediately a laconic series of question and answer between [fellow craftsmen]_{4202-fellow craftsmen} . “ What is the relief ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ [Alto relievo]_{7195-alto relievo} . ”_[160-gudrun] “ And at what height ? ”_[160-gudrun] It was very interesting to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun to think of [his]_389-loerke making the great granite frieze for [a great granite factory in [Cologne]_140-cologne]_{4203-a great granite factory in cologne} . [She]_4198-her got from [him]_389-loerke some notion of the design . It was a representation of a fair , with [peasants]_{4204-peasants} and [artisans]_{4205-artisans} in an orgy of enjoyment , drunk and absurd in [their]_4206-their modern dress , whirling ridiculously in roundabouts , gaping at shows , kissing and staggering and rolling in knots , swinging in [swing - boats]_{4207-swing - boats} , and firing down [shooting galleries]_{4208-shooting galleries} , a frenzy of chaotic motion . There was a swift discussion of technicalities . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was very much impressed . “ But how wonderful , to have such [a factory]_{7196-a factory} ! ”_[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Is [the whole building]_{3945-the whole building} fine ? ”_[255-gerald] “ Oh yes , ”_[389-loerke] [he]_389-loerke replied . “ The frieze is part of the whole architecture . Yes , it is a colossal thing . ”_[389-loerke] Then [he]_389-loerke seemed to stiffen , shrugged [his]_389-loerke shoulders , and went on : “ Sculpture and architecture must go together . The day for irrelevant statues , as for wall pictures , is over . As a matter of fact sculpture is always part of an architectural conception . And since [churches]_{7198-churches} are all museum stuff , since industry is [our]_7199-our business , now , then let [us]_7199-our make [[our]_7199-our places of industry [our]_7199-our art]_{7200-our places of industry our art} — [[our]_7199-our factory]_{7201-our factory} - area [our]_7199-our Parthenon , ecco ! ”_[389-loerke] [Ursula]_255-gerald pondered . “ [I]_4209-you suppose , ”_[4209-you] [she]_4209-you said , “ there is no need for [our]_7199-our great works to be so hideous . ”_[4209-you] Instantly [he]_389-loerke broke into motion . “ There [you]_4209-you are ! ”_[389-loerke] [he]_389-loerke cried , “ there [you]_4209-you are ! There is not only no need for [our]_7199-our places of work to be ugly , but [their]_7202-their ugliness ruins the work , in the end . [Men]_848-men will not go on submitting to such intolerable ugliness . In the end it will hurt too much , and [they]_848-men will wither because of it . And this will wither the work as well . [They]_848-men will think the work itself is ugly : the machines , the very act of labour . Whereas the machinery and the acts of labour are extremely , maddeningly beautiful . But this will be the end of [our]_7199-our civilisation , when [people]_579-people will not work because work has become so intolerable to [their]_579-people senses , it nauseates [them]_579-people too much , [they]_579-people would rather starve . Then [we]_7199-our shall see the hammer used only for smashing , then [we]_7199-our shall see it . Yet here [we]_7199-our are — [we]_7199-our have the opportunity to make [beautiful factories]_{7205-beautiful factories} , [beautiful machine - houses]_{7206-beautiful machine - houses} — [we]_7199-our have the opportunity — ”_[389-loerke] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun could only partly understand . [She]_160-gudrun could have cried with vexation . “ What does [he]_4210-he say ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . And [Ursula]_255-gerald translated , stammering and brief . [Loerke]_389-loerke watched [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s face , to see [her]_160-gudrun judgment . “ And do [you]_255-gerald think then , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “ that art should serve industry ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Art should interpret industry , as art once interpreted religion , ”_[4210-he] [he]_4210-he said . “ But does [your]_4210-he fair interpret industry ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked [him]_4210-he . “ Certainly . What is [man]_1089-man doing , when [he]_1089-man is at a fair like this ? [He]_1089-man is fulfilling the counterpart of labour — the machine works [him]_1089-man , instead of [he]_1089-man the machine . [He]_1089-man enjoys the mechanical motion , in [his]_1089-man own body . ”_[4210-he] “ But is there nothing but work — mechanical work ? ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Nothing but work ! ”_[4210-he] [he]_4210-he repeated , leaning forward , [his]_4210-he eyes two darknesses , with needle - points of light . “ No , it is nothing but this , serving a machine , or enjoying the motion of a machine — motion , that is all . [You]_160-gudrun have never worked for hunger , or [you]_160-gudrun would know what god governs [us]_7208-us . ”_[4210-he] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun quivered and flushed . For some reason [she]_160-gudrun was almost in tears . “ No , [I]_160-gudrun have not worked for hunger , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied , “ but [I]_160-gudrun have worked ! ”_[160-gudrun] “ Travaillé — lavorato ? ”_[4210-he] [he]_4210-he asked . “ E che lavoro — che lavoro ? Quel travail est - ce que vous avez fait ? ”_[4210-he] [He]_4210-he broke into a mixture of Italian and French , instinctively using a foreign language when [he]_4210-he spoke to [her]_160-gudrun . “ [You]_160-gudrun have never worked as [the world]_{541-the world} works , ”_[4210-he] [he]_4210-he said to [her]_160-gudrun , with sarcasm . “ Yes , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [I]_160-gudrun have . And [I]_160-gudrun do — [I]_160-gudrun work now for [my]_160-gudrun daily bread . ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_4210-he paused , looked at [her]_160-gudrun steadily , then dropped the subject entirely . [She]_160-gudrun seemed to [him]_4210-he to be trifling . “ But have [you]_4210-he ever worked as [the world]_{541-the world} works ? ”_[160-gudrun] [Ursula]_255-gerald asked [him]_4210-he . [He]_4210-he looked at [her]_160-gudrun untrustful . “ Yes , ”_[4210-he] [he]_4210-he replied , with a surly bark . “ [I]_4210-he have known what it was to lie in bed for three days , because [I]_4210-he had nothing to eat . ”_[4210-he] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was looking at [him]_4210-he with large , grave eyes , that seemed to draw the confession from [him]_4210-he as the marrow from [his]_4210-he bones . All [his]_4210-he nature held [him]_4210-he back from confessing . And yet [her]_160-gudrun large , grave eyes upon [him]_4210-he seemed to open some valve in [his]_4210-he veins , and involuntarily [he]_4210-he was telling . “ [[My]_4210-he father]_{5349-my father} was [a man who did not like work]_{7212-a man who did not like work} , and [we]_7213-we had [no mother]_{4040-no mother} . [We]_7213-we lived in [Austria]_146-austria , [Polish Austria]_{147-polish austria} . How did [we]_7213-we live ? Ha!—somehow ! Mostly in [a room with [three other families]_{7216-three other families}]_{7215-a room with three other families} — one set in each corner — and [the W.C.]_{7217-the w.c.} in the middle of [the room]_{739-the room} — a pan with a plank on it — ha ! [I]_4210-he had [two brothers]_{7219-two brothers} and [a sister]_{7220-a sister} — and there might be [a woman with [[my]_4210-he father]_{5349-my father}]_{7221-a woman with my father} . [He]_{5349-my father} was [a free being]_{7223-a free being} , in [his]_{5349-my father} way — would fight with [any man in [the town]_{4907-the town}]_{7224-any man in the town} — [a garrison town]_{7226-a garrison town} — and was [a little man]_{7227-a little man} too . But [he]_{5349-my father} would n’t work for [anybody]_744-anybody — set [his]_{5349-my father} heart against it , and would n’t . ”_[4210-he] “ And how did [you]_4211-i live then ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . [He]_4211-i looked at [her]_4212-her — then , suddenly , at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Do [you]_4212-her understand ? ”_[4211-i] [he]_4211-i asked . “ Enough , ”_[4212-her] [she]_4212-her replied . [Their]_4213-their eyes met for a moment . Then [he]_4211-i looked away . [He]_4211-i would say no more . “ And how did [you]_4211-i become [a sculptor]_{2803-a sculptor} ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ How did [I]_4211-i become [a sculptor]_{2803-a sculptor} — ”_[4211-i] [he]_4211-i paused . “ [Dunque]_400-dunque — ”_[4211-i] [he]_4211-i resumed , in a changed manner , and beginning to speak [French—“I]_{401-french—“i} became old enough — [I]_4211-i used to steal from [the market - place]_{1477-the market - place} . Later [I]_4211-i went to work — imprinted the stamp on clay bottles , before they were baked . It was [an earthenware - bottle factory]_{7232-an earthenware - bottle factory} . [There]_629-there [I]_4211-i began making [models]_1036-models . One day , [I]_4211-i had had enough . [I]_4211-i lay in the sun and did not go to work . Then [I]_4211-i walked to [Munich]_58-munich — then [I]_4211-i walked to [Italy]_95-italy — begging , begging everything . ”_[4211-i] “ [The Italians]_{7235-the italians} were very good to [me]_4211-i — [they]_{7235-the italians} were good and honourable to [me]_4211-i . From [Bozen]_148-bozen to [Rome]_43-rome , almost every night [I]_4211-i had a meal and a bed , perhaps of straw , with [some peasant]_{7236-some peasant} . [I]_4211-i love [the Italian people]_{7237-the italian people} , with all [my]_4211-i heart . “_[4211-i] Dunque , adesso — maintenant — [I]_0-i earn a thousand pounds in a year , or [I]_0-i earn two thousand — ” [He]_0-i looked down at [the ground]_{7238-the ground} , [his]_0-i voice tailing off into silence . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [his]_0-i fine , thin , shiny skin , reddish - brown from the sun , drawn tight over [his]_0-i full temples ; and at [his]_0-i thin hair — and at the thick , coarse , brush - like moustache , cut short about [his]_0-i mobile , rather shapeless mouth . “_[4211-i] How old are [you]_0-i ? ” [she]_4214-she asked . [He]_0-i looked up at [her]_4214-she with [his]_0-i full , elfin eyes startled . “_[0-i] Wie alt ? ” [he]_0-i repeated . And [he]_0-i hesitated . It was evidently one of [his]_0-i reticencies . “_[0-i] How old are [you]_4214-she ? ” [he]_0-i replied , without answering . “_[4214-she] [I]_0-i am twenty - six , ” [she]_4214-she answered . “_[0-i] Twenty - six , ” [he]_0-i repeated , looking into [her]_4214-she eyes . [He]_0-i paused . Then [he]_0-i said : “_[0-i] Und Ihr [Herr Gemahl]_{402-herr gemahl} , wie alt ist er ? ” “_{[402-herr gemahl]} Who ? ” asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_{[4215-your husband]} [[Your]_4214-she husband]_{4215-your husband} , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald , with a certain irony . “_[4214-she] [I]_0-i have n’t got [a husband]_{4216-a husband} , ” said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun in English . In German [she]_4214-she answered , “_{[4215-your husband]} [He]_{4215-your husband} is thirty - one . ” But [Loerke]_389-loerke was watching closely , with [his]_{4215-your husband} uncanny , full , suspicious eyes . Something in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun seemed to accord with [him]_{4215-your husband} . [He]_{4215-your husband} was really like one of [the “_{[4215-your husband]} little people ’ who have no soul]_{7239-the “ little people ’ who have no soul} , who has found [[his]_{4215-your husband} mate]_{4217-his mate} in [a human being]_{5012-a human being} . But [he]_{4215-your husband} suffered in [his]_{4215-your husband} discovery . [She]_4219-her too was fascinated by [him]_{4215-your husband} , fascinated , as if some strange creature , a rabbit or a bat , or a brown seal , had begun to talk to [her]_4219-her . But also , [she]_4219-her knew what [he]_{4215-your husband} was unconscious of , [his]_{4215-your husband} tremendous power of understanding , of apprehending [her]_4219-her living motion . [He]_{4215-your husband} did not know [his]_{4215-your husband} own power . [He]_{4215-your husband} did not know how , with [his]_{4215-your husband} full , submerged , watchful eyes , [he]_{4215-your husband} could look into [her]_4219-her and see [her]_4219-her , what [she]_4219-her was , see [her]_4219-her secrets . [He]_{4215-your husband} would only want [her]_4219-her to be [herself]_4219-her — [he]_{4215-your husband} knew [her]_4219-her verily , with a subconscious , sinister knowledge , devoid of illusions and hopes . To [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , there was in [Loerke]_389-loerke [the rock - bottom of all life]_{4220-the rock - bottom of all life} . [Everybody else]_{4773-everybody else} had [their]_{4773-everybody else} illusion , must have [their]_{4773-everybody else} illusion , [their]_{4773-everybody else} before and after . But [he]_{4215-your husband} , with a perfect stoicism , did without any before and after , dispensed with all illusion . [He]_{4215-your husband} did not deceive [himself]_{4215-your husband} in the last issue . In the last issue [he]_{4215-your husband} cared about nothing , [he]_{4215-your husband} was troubled about nothing , [he]_{4215-your husband} made not the slightest attempt to be at one with anything . [He]_{4215-your husband} existed a pure , unconnected will , stoical and momentaneous . There was only [his]_{4215-your husband} work . It was curious too , how [his]_{4215-your husband} poverty , the degradation of [his]_{4215-your husband} earlier life , attracted [her]_160-gudrun . There was something insipid and tasteless to [her]_160-gudrun , in the idea of [a gentleman]_{4992-a gentleman} , [a man who had gone the usual course through school and university]_{4223-a man who had gone the usual course through school and university} . A certain violent sympathy , however , came up in [her]_160-gudrun for [this mud - child]_{4224-this mud - child} . [He]_{4215-your husband} seemed to be the very stuff of the underworld of life . There was no going beyond [him]_{4215-your husband} . [Ursula]_255-gerald too was attracted by [Loerke]_389-loerke . In both sisters [he]_{4215-your husband} commanded a certain homage . But there were moments when to [Ursula]_255-gerald [he]_{4215-your husband} seemed indescribably inferior , false , a vulgarism . Both [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Gerald]_255-gerald disliked [him]_{4215-your husband} , [Gerald]_255-gerald ignoring [him]_{4215-your husband} with some contempt , [Birkin]_169-birkin exasperated . “ What do [the women]_{537-the women} find so impressive in [that little brat]_{7241-that little brat} ? ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald asked . “ [God]_167-god alone knows , ”_[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]_169-birkin , “ unless it ’s some sort of appeal [he]_{4215-your husband} makes to [them]_{537-the women} , which flatters [them]_{537-the women} and has such a power over [them]_{537-the women} . ”_[169-birkin] [Gerald]_255-gerald looked up in surprise . “ Does [he]_{4215-your husband} make an appeal to [them]_{537-the women} ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ Oh yes , ”_[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ [He]_{4215-your husband} is [the perfectly subjected being]_{7242-the perfectly subjected being} , existing almost like [a criminal]_{7243-a criminal} . And [the women]_{537-the women} rush towards that , like a current of air towards a vacuum . ”_[169-birkin] “ Funny [they]_{537-the women} should rush to that , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Makes one mad , too , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ But [he]_{4215-your husband} has the fascination of pity and repulsion for [them]_{537-the women} , a little obscene monster of the darkness that [he]_{4215-your husband} is . ”_[169-birkin] [Gerald]_255-gerald stood still , suspended in thought . “ What do [women]_453-women want , at the bottom ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . [Birkin]_169-birkin shrugged [his]_255-gerald shoulders . “ God knows , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ Some satisfaction in basic repulsion , it seems to [me]_255-gerald . [They]_453-women seem to creep down [some ghastly tunnel of darkness]_{7246-some ghastly tunnel of darkness} , and will never be satisfied till [they]_453-women ’ve come to the end . ”_[255-gerald] [Gerald]_255-gerald looked out into the mist of fine snow that was blowing by . [Everywhere]_{77-everywhere} was blind today , horribly blind . “ And what is the end ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . [Birkin]_169-birkin shook [his]_255-gerald head . “ [I]_169-birkin ’ve not got there yet , so [I]_169-birkin do n’t know . [Ask Loerke]_389-loerke , [he]_7247-he ’s pretty near . [He]_7247-he is a good many stages further than either [you]_169-birkin or [I]_169-birkin can go . ”_[169-birkin] “ Yes , but stages further in what ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Gerald]_255-gerald , irritated . [Birkin]_169-birkin sighed , and gathered [his]_255-gerald brows into a knot of anger . “ Stages further in social hatred , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ [He]_7247-he lives like a rat , in [the river of corruption]_{7248-the river of corruption} , just where it falls over into [the bottomless pit]_{7249-the bottomless pit} . [He]_7247-he ’s further on than [we]_7250-we are . [He]_7247-he hates the ideal more acutely . [He]_7247-he hates the ideal utterly , yet it still dominates [him]_7247-he . [I]_255-gerald expect [he]_7247-he is [a Jew]_{1093-a jew} — or [part Jewish]_{7252-part jewish} . ”_[255-gerald] “ Probably , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [He]_7247-he is a gnawing little negation , gnawing at the roots of life . ”_[255-gerald] “ But why does [anybody]_744-anybody care about [him]_7247-he ? ”_[255-gerald] cried [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Because [they]_744-anybody hate the ideal also , in [their]_744-anybody souls . [They]_744-anybody want to explore [the sewers]_{7254-the sewers} , and [he]_7247-he ’s the wizard rat that swims ahead . ”_[255-gerald] Still [Gerald]_255-gerald stood and stared at the blind haze of snow outside . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t understand [your]_255-gerald terms , really , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , in a flat , doomed voice . “ But it sounds a rum sort of desire . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_169-birkin suppose [we]_{727-the men} want the same , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “ Only [we]_{727-the men} want to take a quick jump downwards , in a sort of ecstasy — and [he]_7247-he ebbs with the stream , [the sewer stream]_{7255-the sewer stream} . ”_[169-birkin] Meanwhile [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Ursula]_255-gerald waited for the next opportunity to talk to [Loerke]_389-loerke . It was no use beginning when [the men]_{727-the men} were [there]_629-there . Then [they]_{727-the men} could get into no touch with [the isolated little sculptor]_{4227-the isolated little sculptor} . [He]_389-loerke had to be alone with [them]_{727-the men} . And [he]_389-loerke preferred [Ursula]_255-gerald to be [there]_629-there , as a sort of transmitter to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Do [you]_389-loerke do nothing but architectural sculpture ? ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun asked [him]_389-loerke one evening . “ Not now , ”_[389-loerke] [he]_389-loerke replied . “ [I]_389-loerke have done all sorts — except portraits — [I]_389-loerke never did portraits . But other things — ”_[389-loerke] “ What kind of things ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [He]_389-loerke paused a moment , then rose , and went out of [the room]_{739-the room} . [He]_389-loerke returned almost immediately with a little roll of paper , which [he]_389-loerke handed to [her]_4230-her . [She]_4230-her unrolled it . It was a photogravure reproduction of a statuette , signed [F. Loerke]_404-loerke . “ That is quite an early thing — not mechanical , ”_[389-loerke] [he]_389-loerke said , “ more popular . ”_[389-loerke] The statuette was of [a naked girl]_{4231-a naked girl} , small , finely made , sitting on a great naked horse . [The girl]_{540-the girl} was young and tender , [a mere bud]_{4233-a mere bud} . [She]_{540-the girl} was sitting sideways on the horse , [her]_{540-the girl} face in [her]_{540-the girl} hands , as if in shame and grief , in a little abandon . [Her]_{540-the girl} hair , which was short and must be flaxen , fell forward , divided , half covering [her]_{540-the girl} hands . [Her]_{540-the girl} limbs were young and tender . [Her]_{540-the girl} legs , scarcely formed yet , the legs of [a maiden]_{4234-a maiden} just passing towards cruel womanhood , dangled childishly over the side of the powerful horse , pathetically , the small feet folded one over the other , as if to hide . But there was no hiding . There [she]_{540-the girl} was exposed naked on the naked flank of the horse . The horse stood stock still , stretched in a kind of start . It was a massive , magnificent stallion , rigid with pent - up power . [Its]_4235-its neck was arched and terrible , like a sickle , its flanks were pressed back , rigid with power . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went pale , and a darkness came over [her]_4230-her eyes , like shame , [she]_4230-her looked up with a certain supplication , almost slave - like . [He]_389-loerke glanced at [her]_4230-her , and jerked [his]_389-loerke head a little . “ How big is it ? ”_[4230-her] [she]_4230-her asked , in a toneless voice , persisting in appearing casual and unaffected . “ How big ? ”_[389-loerke] [he]_389-loerke replied , glancing again at [her]_4230-her . “ Without pedestal — so high — ”_[389-loerke] [he]_389-loerke measured with [his]_389-loerke hand—“with pedestal , so — ”_[389-loerke] [He]_389-loerke looked at [her]_4230-her steadily . There was a little brusque , turgid contempt for [her]_4230-her in [his]_389-loerke swift gesture , and [she]_4230-her seemed to cringe a little . “ And what is it done in ? ”_[4230-her] [she]_4230-her asked , throwing back [her]_4230-her head and looking at [him]_389-loerke with affected coldness . [He]_389-loerke still gazed at [her]_4230-her steadily , and [his]_389-loerke dominance was not shaken . “ Bronze — green bronze . ”_[389-loerke] “ Green bronze ! ”_[160-gudrun] repeated [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , coldly accepting [his]_389-loerke challenge . [She]_4230-her was thinking of the slender , immature , tender limbs of [the girl]_{540-the girl} , smooth and cold in green bronze . “ Yes , beautiful , ”_[4230-her] [she]_4230-her murmured , looking up at [him]_389-loerke with a certain dark homage . [He]_389-loerke closed [his]_389-loerke eyes and looked aside , triumphant . “ Why , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ did [you]_389-loerke make the horse so stiff ? It is as stiff as a block . ”_[255-gerald] “ Stiff ? ”_[389-loerke] [he]_389-loerke repeated , in arms at once . “ Yes . Look how stock and stupid and brutal it is . [Horses]_7256-horses are sensitive , quite delicate and sensitive , really . ”_[389-loerke] [He]_389-loerke raised [his]_389-loerke shoulders , spread [his]_389-loerke hands in a shrug of slow indifference , as much as to inform [her]_4230-her [she]_4230-her was [an amateur]_{2787-an amateur} and [an impertinent nobody]_{4238-an impertinent nobody} . “ [Wissen Sie]_{390-wissen sie} , ”_[389-loerke] [he]_389-loerke said , with an insulting patience and condescension in [his]_389-loerke voice , “ that horse is a certain form , part of a whole form . It is part of a work of art , a piece of form . It is not a picture of a friendly horse to which [you]_{390-wissen sie} give a lump of sugar , do [you]_{390-wissen sie} see — it is part of a work of art , it has no relation to anything outside that work of art . ”_[389-loerke] [Ursula]_255-gerald , angry at being treated quite so insultingly de haut en bas , from the height of esoteric art to the depth of general exoteric amateurism , replied , hotly , flushing and lifting [her]_4230-her face . “ But it is a picture of a horse , nevertheless . ”_[389-loerke] [He]_389-loerke lifted [his]_389-loerke shoulders in another shrug . “ As [you]_255-gerald like — it is not a picture of a cow , certainly . ”_[389-loerke] Here [Gudrun]_160-gudrun broke in , flushed and brilliant , anxious to avoid any more of this , any more of [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s foolish persistence in giving [herself]_255-gerald away . “ What do [you]_160-gudrun mean by ‘ it is a picture of a horse ? ’ ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried at [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} . “ What do [you]_160-gudrun mean by a horse ? [You]_160-gudrun mean an idea [you]_{390-wissen sie} have in [your]_{390-wissen sie} head , and which [you]_{390-wissen sie} want to see represented . There is another idea altogether , quite another idea . Call it a horse if [you]_{390-wissen sie} like , or say it is not a horse . [I]_160-gudrun have just as much right to say that [your]_{390-wissen sie} horse is n’t a horse , that it is a falsity of [your]_{390-wissen sie} own make - up . ”_[160-gudrun] [Ursula]_255-gerald wavered , baffled . Then [her]_160-gudrun words came . “ But why does [he]_404-loerke have this idea of a horse ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [I]_160-gudrun know it is [his]_404-loerke idea . [I]_160-gudrun know it is a picture of [himself]_404-loerke , really — ”_[160-gudrun] [Loerke]_404-loerke snorted with rage . “ A picture of [myself]_404-loerke ! ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke repeated , in derision . “ Wissen sie , gnädige Frau , that is a Kunstwerk , a work of art . It is a work of art , it is a picture of nothing , of absolutely nothing . It has nothing to do with anything but itself , it has no relation with the everyday world of this and other , there is no connection between [them]_7257-them , absolutely none , they are two different and distinct planes of existence , and to translate one into the other is worse than foolish , it is a darkening of all counsel , a making confusion everywhere . Do [you]_{390-wissen sie} see , [you]_{390-wissen sie} must not confuse the relative work of action , with the absolute world of art . That [you]_{390-wissen sie} must not do . ”_[404-loerke] “ That is quite true , ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , let loose in a sort of rhapsody . “ The two things are quite and permanently apart , they have nothing to do with one another . [I]_160-gudrun and [my]_160-gudrun art , [they]_7257-them have nothing to do with [each other]_{451-each other} . [My]_160-gudrun art stands in [another world]_{4676-another world} , [I]_160-gudrun am in [this world]_{2436-this world} . ”_[160-gudrun] [Her]_4240-her face was flushed and transfigured . [Loerke]_404-loerke who was sitting with [his]_404-loerke head ducked , like some creature at bay , looked up at [her]_4240-her , swiftly , almost furtively , and murmured , “ Ja — so ist es , so ist es . ”_[404-loerke] [Ursula]_255-gerald was silent after this outburst . [She]_4240-her was furious . [She]_4240-her wanted to poke a hole into [them]_4241-them both . “ It is n’t a word of it true , of all this harangue [you]_404-loerke have made [me]_4240-her , ”_[4240-her] [she]_4240-her replied flatly . “ The horse is a picture of [your]_404-loerke own stock , stupid brutality , and [the girl]_{540-the girl} was [a girl [you]_404-loerke loved and tortured and then ignored]_{7262-a girl you loved and tortured and then ignored} . ”_[4240-her] [He]_404-loerke looked up at [her]_4240-her with a small smile of contempt in [his]_404-loerke eyes . [He]_404-loerke would not trouble to answer this last charge . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun too was silent in exasperated contempt . [Ursula]_255-gerald was such [an insufferable outsider]_{4242-an insufferable outsider} , rushing in where [angels would fear to tread]_{4243-angels would fear to tread} . But then — [fools]_4244-fools must be suffered , if not gladly . But [Ursula]_255-gerald was persistent too . “ As for [your]_404-loerke world of art and [your]_404-loerke world of reality , ”_[4240-her] [she]_4240-her replied , “ [you]_404-loerke have to separate [the two]_{2296-the two} , because [you]_404-loerke ca n’t bear to know what [you]_404-loerke are . [You]_404-loerke ca n’t bear to realise what a stock , stiff , hide - bound brutality [you]_404-loerke are really , so [you]_404-loerke say ‘ it ’s the world of art . ’ The world of art is only the truth about [the real world]_{4679-the real world} , that ’s all — but [you]_404-loerke are too far gone to see it . ”_[4240-her] [She]_4240-her was white and trembling , intent . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Loerke]_404-loerke sat in stiff dislike of [her]_4240-her . [Gerald]_255-gerald too , who had come up in the beginning of the speech , stood looking at [her]_4240-her in complete disapproval and opposition . [He]_255-gerald felt [she]_4240-her was undignified , [she]_4240-her put a sort of vulgarity over the esotericism which gave [man]_1089-man [his]_1089-man last distinction . [He]_255-gerald joined [his]_255-gerald forces with [the other two]_{4921-the other two} . [[They]_{4921-the other two} all three]_{4247-they all three} wanted [her]_4240-her to go away . But [she]_4240-her sat on in silence , [her]_4240-her soul weeping , throbbing violently , [her]_4240-her fingers twisting [her]_4240-her handkerchief . [The others]_{809-the others} maintained a dead silence , letting the display of [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s obtrusiveness pass by . Then [Gudrun]_160-gudrun asked , in a voice that was quite cool and casual , as if resuming a casual conversation : “ Was [the girl]_{540-the girl} [a model]_{7266-a model} ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ [Nein]_405-nein , sie war kein Modell . Sie war eine kleine Malschülerin . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [An art - student]_{7267-an art - student} ! ”_[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . And how the situation revealed itself to [her]_160-gudrun ! [She]_160-gudrun saw [the girl]_{540-the girl} [art - student , unformed and of pernicious recklessness]_{4250-art - student , unformed and of pernicious recklessness} , too young , [her]_4240-her straight flaxen hair cut short , hanging just into [her]_4240-her neck , curving inwards slightly , because it was rather thick ; and [Loerke]_404-loerke , [the well - known master - sculptor]_{4251-the well - known master - sculptor} , and [the girl , probably well - brought - up]_{4252-the girl , probably well - brought - up} , and of [good family]_{4253-good family} , thinking [herself]_4240-her so great to be [[his]_404-loerke mistress]_{4254-his mistress} . Oh how well [she]_160-gudrun knew the common callousness of it all . [Dresden]_88-dresden , [Paris]_42-paris , or [London]_2-london , what did it matter ? [She]_160-gudrun knew it . “ Where is [she]_4240-her now ? ”_[255-gerald] [Ursula]_255-gerald asked . [Loerke]_404-loerke raised [his]_404-loerke shoulders , to convey [his]_404-loerke complete ignorance and indifference . “ That is already six years ago , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said ; “ [she]_4240-her will be twenty - three years old , no more good . ”_[404-loerke] [Gerald]_255-gerald had picked up the picture and was looking at it . It attracted [him]_255-gerald also . [He]_255-gerald saw on the pedestal , that the piece was called “ [Lady Godiva]_{406-lady godiva} . ”_[255-gerald] “ But this is n’t [Lady Godiva]_{406-lady godiva} , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , smiling good - humouredly . “ [She]_{406-lady godiva} was [the middle - aged wife of [some Earl]_{7269-some earl} or other , who covered [herself]_{406-lady godiva} with [her]_{406-lady godiva} long hair]_{7268-the middle - aged wife of some earl or other , who covered herself with her long hair} . ”_[255-gerald] “ À la [Maud Allan]_{407-maud allan} , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun with a mocking grimace . “ Why [Maud Allan]_{407-maud allan} ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ Is n’t it so ? [I]_255-gerald always thought the legend was that . ”_[255-gerald] “ Yes , [[Gerald]_255-gerald dear]_{7270-gerald dear} , [I]_4255-she ’m quite sure [you]_255-gerald ’ve got the legend perfectly . ”_[4255-she] [She]_4255-she was laughing at [him]_255-gerald , with a little , mock - caressive contempt . “ To be sure , [I]_255-gerald ’d rather see [the woman]_{873-the woman} than the hair , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald laughed in return . “ Would n’t [you]_255-gerald just ! ”_[160-gudrun] mocked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [Ursula]_255-gerald rose and went away , leaving [the three]_{4256-the three} together . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun took the picture again from [Gerald]_255-gerald , and sat looking at it closely . “ Of course , ”_[4255-she] [she]_4255-she said , turning to tease [Loerke]_404-loerke now , “ [you]_255-gerald understood [your]_255-gerald little Malschülerin . ”_[4255-she] [He]_255-gerald raised [his]_255-gerald eyebrows and [his]_255-gerald shoulders in a complacent shrug . “ [The little girl]_{2288-the little girl} ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald , pointing to the figure . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was sitting with the picture in [her]_160-gudrun lap . [She]_160-gudrun looked up at [Gerald]_255-gerald , full into [his]_255-gerald eyes , so that [he]_255-gerald seemed to be blinded . “ Did n’t [he]_255-gerald understand [her]_{2288-the little girl} ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said to [Gerald]_255-gerald , in a slightly mocking , humorous playfulness . “ [You]_255-gerald ’ve only to look at the feet — aren’t they darling , so pretty and tender — oh , they ’re really wonderful , they are really — ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun lifted [her]_160-gudrun eyes slowly , with a hot , flaming look into [Loerke]_404-loerke ’s eyes . [His]_255-gerald soul was filled with [her]_160-gudrun burning recognition , [he]_255-gerald seemed to grow more uppish and lordly . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at the small , sculptured feet . [They]_4257-they were turned together , half covering each other in pathetic shyness and fear . [He]_255-gerald looked at [them]_4257-they a long time , fascinated . Then , in some pain , [he]_255-gerald put the picture away from [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald felt full of barrenness . “ What was [her]_{2288-the little girl} name ? ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun asked [Loerke]_404-loerke . “ [Annette von Weck]_{408-annette von weck} , ”_[404-loerke] [Loerke]_404-loerke replied reminiscent . “ [Ja]_409-ja , sie war hübsch . [She]_{2288-the little girl} was pretty — but [she]_{2288-the little girl} was tiresome . [She]_{2288-the little girl} was [a nuisance,—not]_{7273-a nuisance,—not} for a minute would [she]_{2288-the little girl} keep still — not until [I]_255-gerald ’d slapped [her]_{2288-the little girl} hard and made [her]_{2288-the little girl} cry — then [she]_{2288-the little girl} ’d sit for five minutes . ”_[255-gerald] [He]_255-gerald was thinking over the work , [his]_255-gerald work , the all important to [him]_255-gerald . “ Did [you]_255-gerald really slap [her]_{2288-the little girl} ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , coolly . [He]_255-gerald glanced back at [her]_160-gudrun , reading [her]_160-gudrun challenge . “ Yes , [I]_255-gerald did , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said , nonchalant , “ harder than [I]_255-gerald have ever beat anything in [my]_255-gerald life . [I]_255-gerald had to , [I]_255-gerald had to . It was the only way [I]_255-gerald got the work done . ”_[255-gerald] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [him]_255-gerald with large , dark - filled eyes , for some moments . [She]_160-gudrun seemed to be considering [his]_255-gerald very soul . Then [she]_160-gudrun looked down , in silence . “ Why did [you]_404-loerke have such a young [Godiva]_{406-lady godiva} then ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [She]_{406-lady godiva} is so small , besides , on the horse — not big enough for it — such [a child]_{733-a child} . ”_[255-gerald] A queer spasm went over [Loerke]_404-loerke ’s face . “ Yes , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . “ [I]_404-loerke do n’t like [them]_7275-them any bigger , any older . Then [they]_7275-them are beautiful , at sixteen , seventeen , eighteen — after that , they are no use to [me]_404-loerke . ”_[404-loerke] There was a moment ’s pause . “ Why not ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Loerke]_404-loerke shrugged [his]_404-loerke shoulders . “ [I]_404-loerke do n’t find them interesting — or beautiful — they are no good to [me]_404-loerke , for [my]_404-loerke work . ”_[404-loerke] “ Do [you]_404-loerke mean to say [a woman]_{897-a woman} is n’t beautiful after [she]_{897-a woman} is twenty ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ For [me]_255-gerald , no . Before twenty , [she]_{897-a woman} is small and fresh and tender and slight . After that — let [her]_{897-a woman} be what [she]_{897-a woman} likes , [she]_{897-a woman} has nothing for [me]_255-gerald . [The Venus of [Milo]_410-milo]_{7277-the venus of milo} is [a bourgeoise]_{7278-a bourgeoise} — so are [they]_7279-they all . ”_[255-gerald] “ And [you]_404-loerke do n’t care for [women]_453-women at all after twenty ? ”_[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ [They]_453-women are no good to [me]_404-loerke , [they]_453-women are of no use in [my]_404-loerke art , ”_[404-loerke] [Loerke]_404-loerke repeated impatiently . “ [I]_404-loerke do n’t find [them]_453-women beautiful . ”_[404-loerke] “ [You]_404-loerke are an epicure , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , with a slight sarcastic laugh . “ And what about [men]_848-men ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun suddenly . “ Yes , [they]_848-men are good at all ages , ”_[404-loerke] replied [Loerke]_404-loerke . “ [A man]_{4648-a man} should be big and powerful — whether [he]_{4648-a man} is old or young is of no account , so [he]_{4648-a man} has the size , something of massiveness and — and stupid form . ”_[404-loerke] [Ursula]_255-gerald went out alone into [the world of pure , new snow]_{4258-the world of pure , new snow} . But the dazzling whiteness seemed to beat upon [her]_4259-she till it hurt [her]_4259-she , [she]_4259-she felt the cold was slowly strangling [her]_4259-she soul . [Her]_4259-she head felt dazed and numb . Suddenly [she]_4259-she wanted to go away . It occurred to [her]_4259-she , like a miracle , that [she]_4259-she might go away into [another world]_{4676-another world} . [She]_4259-she had felt so doomed up here in [the eternal snow]_{4261-the eternal snow} , as if there were no beyond . Now suddenly , as by a miracle [she]_4259-she remembered that away beyond , below [her]_4259-she , lay [the dark fruitful earth]_{4262-the dark fruitful earth} , that towards the south there were stretches of land dark with orange trees and cypress , grey with olives , that ilex trees lifted wonderful plumy tufts in shadow against a blue sky . Miracle of miracles!—this utterly silent , frozen world of [the mountain - tops]_{4263-the mountain - tops} was not universal ! [One]_4646-one might leave it and have done with it . [One]_4646-one might go away . [She]_4259-she wanted to realise the miracle at once . [She]_4259-she wanted at this instant to have done with [the snow - world]_{4266-the snow - world} , [the terrible , static ice - built mountain tops]_{4267-the terrible , static ice - built mountain tops} . [She]_4259-she wanted to see [the dark earth]_{4268-the dark earth} , to smell its earthy fecundity , to see [the patient wintry vegetation]_{4269-the patient wintry vegetation} , to feel the sunshine touch a response in the buds . [She]_4259-she went back gladly to [the house]_{468-the house} , full of hope . [Birkin]_169-birkin was reading , lying in bed . “ [Rupert]_169-birkin , ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she said , bursting in on [him]_4271-he . “ [I]_4259-she want to go away . ”_[4259-she] [He]_4271-he looked up at [her]_4259-she slowly . “ Do [you]_4259-she ? ”_[4271-he] [he]_4271-he replied mildly . [She]_4259-she sat by [him]_4271-he und put [her]_4259-she arms round [his]_4271-he neck . It surprised [her]_4259-she that [he]_4271-he was so little surprised . “ Do n’t [you]_4271-he ? ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she asked troubled . “ [I]_4271-he had n’t thought about it , ”_[4271-he] [he]_4271-he said . “ But [I]_4271-he ’m sure [I]_4271-he do . ”_[4271-he] [She]_4259-she sat up , suddenly erect . “ [I]_4259-she hate it , ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she said . “ [I]_4259-she hate the snow , and the unnaturalness of it , the unnatural light it throws on [everybody]_{780-everybody} , the ghastly glamour , the unnatural feelings it makes [everybody]_{780-everybody} have . ”_[4259-she] [He]_4271-he lay still and laughed , meditating . “ Well , ”_[4271-he] [he]_4271-he said , “ [we]_7285-we can go away — [we]_7285-we can go tomorrow . [We]_7285-we ’ll go tomorrow to [Verona]_149-verona , and find [Romeo]_411-romeo and [Juliet]_412-juliet , and sit in the amphitheatre — shall [we]_7285-we ? ”_[4271-he] Suddenly [she]_4259-she hid [her]_4259-she face against [his]_4271-he shoulder with perplexity and shyness . [He]_4271-he lay so untrammelled . “ Yes , ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she said softly , filled with relief . [She]_4259-she felt [her]_4259-she soul had new wings , now [he]_4271-he was so uncaring . “ [I]_4259-she shall love to be [Romeo]_411-romeo and [Juliet]_412-juliet , ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she said . “ [My]_4259-she love ! ”_[4259-she] “ Though a fearfully cold wind blows in [Verona]_149-verona , ”_[4271-he] [he]_4271-he said , “ from out of [the Alps]_{150-the alps} . [We]_7286-we shall have the smell of the snow in [our]_7286-we noses . ”_[4271-he] [She]_4259-she sat up and looked at [him]_4271-he . “ Are [you]_4271-he glad to go ? ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she asked , troubled . [His]_4271-he eyes were inscrutable and laughing . [She]_4259-she hid [her]_4259-she face against [his]_4271-he neck , clinging close to [him]_4271-he , pleading : “ Do n’t laugh at [me]_4259-she — don’t laugh at [me]_4259-she . ”_[4259-she] “ Why how ’s that ? ”_[4271-he] [he]_4271-he laughed , putting [his]_4271-he arms round [her]_4259-she . “ Because [I]_4259-she do n’t want to be laughed at , ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she whispered . [He]_4271-he laughed more , as [he]_4271-he kissed [her]_4259-she delicate , finely perfumed hair . “ Do [you]_4271-he love [me]_4259-she ? ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she whispered , in wild seriousness . “ Yes , ”_[4271-he] [he]_4271-he answered , laughing . Suddenly [she]_4259-she lifted [her]_4259-she mouth to be kissed . [Her]_4259-she lips were taut and quivering and strenuous , [his]_4271-he were soft , deep and delicate . [He]_4271-he waited a few moments in the kiss . Then a shade of sadness went over [his]_4271-he soul . “ [Your]_4259-she mouth is so hard , ”_[4271-he] [he]_4271-he said , in faint reproach . “ And [yours]_4271-he is so soft and nice , ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she said gladly . “ But why do [you]_4259-she always grip [your]_4259-she lips ? ”_[4271-he] [he]_4271-he asked , regretful . “ Never mind , ”_[4259-she] [she]_4259-she said swiftly . “ It is [my]_4259-she way . ”_[4259-she] [She]_4259-she knew [he]_4271-he loved [her]_4259-she ; [she]_4259-she was sure of [him]_4271-he . Yet [she]_4259-she could not let go a certain hold over [herself]_4259-she , [she]_4259-she could not bear [him]_4271-he to question [her]_4259-she . [She]_4259-she gave [herself]_4259-she up in delight to being loved by [him]_4271-he . [She]_4259-she knew that , in spite of [his]_4271-he joy when [she]_4259-she abandoned [herself]_4259-she , [he]_4271-he was a little bit saddened too . [She]_4259-she could give [herself]_4259-she up to [his]_4271-he activity . But [she]_4259-she could not be [herself]_4259-she , [she]_4259-she dared not come forth quite nakedly to [his]_4271-he nakedness , abandoning all adjustment , lapsing in pure faith with [him]_4271-he . [She]_4259-she abandoned [herself]_4259-she to [him]_4271-he , or [she]_4259-she took hold of [him]_4271-he and gathered [her]_4259-she joy of [him]_4271-he . And [she]_4259-she enjoyed [him]_4271-he fully . But [they]_4272-they were never quite together , at the same moment , [one]_4646-one was always a little left out . Nevertheless [she]_4259-she was glad in hope , glorious and free , full of life and liberty . And [he]_4271-he was still and soft and patient , for the time . [They]_4272-they made [their]_4272-they preparations to leave the next day . First [they]_4272-they went to [[Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s room]_{4274-gudrun ’s room} , where [she]_4259-she and [Gerald]_255-gerald were just dressed ready for the evening indoors . “ [Prune]_163-prune , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “ [I]_255-gerald think [we]_4272-they shall go away tomorrow . [I]_255-gerald ca n’t stand the snow any more . It hurts [my]_255-gerald skin and [my]_255-gerald soul . ”_[255-gerald] “ Does it really hurt [your]_255-gerald soul , [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , in some surprise . “ [I]_160-gudrun can believe quite it hurts [your]_255-gerald skin — it is terrible . But [I]_160-gudrun thought it was admirable for the soul . ”_[160-gudrun] “ No , not for [mine]_255-gerald . It just injures it , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ Really ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . There was a silence in [the room]_{739-the room} . And [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin could feel that [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald were relieved by [their]_4276-their going . “ [You]_255-gerald will go [south]_7287-south ? ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , a little ring of uneasiness in [his]_255-gerald voice . “ Yes , ”_[169-birkin] said [Birkin]_169-birkin , turning away . There was a queer , indefinable hostility between [the two men]_{686-the two men} , lately . [Birkin]_169-birkin was on the whole dim and indifferent , drifting along in a dim , easy flow , unnoticing and patient , since [he]_255-gerald came abroad , whilst [Gerald]_255-gerald on the other hand , was intense and gripped into white light , agonistes . [The two men]_{686-the two men} revoked [one another]_{1500-one another} . [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun were very kind to [the two who were departing]_{4280-the two who were departing} , solicitous for [their]_{4280-the two who were departing} welfare as if [they]_{4280-the two who were departing} were [two children]_{4281-two children} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun came to [[Ursula]_255-gerald ’s bedroom]_{3585-ursula ’s bedroom} with three pairs of the coloured stockings for which [she]_160-gudrun was notorious , and [she]_160-gudrun threw them on the bed . But these were thick silk stockings , vermilion , cornflower blue , and grey , bought in [Paris]_42-paris . The grey ones were knitted , seamless and heavy . [Ursula]_255-gerald was in raptures . [She]_160-gudrun knew [Gudrun]_160-gudrun must be feeling very loving , to give away such treasures . “ [I]_160-gudrun ca n’t take them from [you]_160-gudrun , [Prune]_163-prune , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried . “ [I]_160-gudrun ca n’t possibly deprive [you]_160-gudrun of them — the jewels . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Are n’t they jewels ! ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , eyeing [her]_160-gudrun gifts with an envious eye . “ Are n’t [they]_7288-they [real lambs]_{7289-real lambs} ! ”_[160-gudrun] “ Yes , [you]_160-gudrun must keep them , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [I]_255-gerald do n’t want them , [I]_255-gerald ’ve got three more pairs . [I]_255-gerald want [you]_160-gudrun to keep them — [I]_255-gerald want [you]_160-gudrun to have them . They ’re [yours]_7290-yours , there — ”_[255-gerald] And with trembling , excited hands [she]_160-gudrun put the coveted stockings under [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s pillow . “ [One]_4646-one gets the greatest joy of all out of really lovely stockings , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “ [One]_4646-one does , ”_[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ; “ the greatest joy of all . ”_[160-gudrun] And [she]_160-gudrun sat down in the chair . It was evident [she]_160-gudrun had come for a last talk . [Ursula]_255-gerald , not knowing what [she]_160-gudrun wanted , waited in silence . “ Do [you]_255-gerald feel , [Ursula]_255-gerald , ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun began , rather sceptically , that [you]_255-gerald are going - away - for - ever , never - to - return , sort of thing ? ” “_[160-gudrun] Oh , [we]_4283-we shall come back , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald . “_[160-gudrun] It is n’t a question of train - journeys . ” “_[0-i] Yes , [I]_0-i know . But spiritually , so to speak , [you]_255-gerald are going away from [us]_4283-we all ? ” [Ursula]_255-gerald quivered . “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i do n’t know a bit what is going to happen , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i only know [we]_4283-we are going somewhere . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun waited . “_[0-i] And [you]_255-gerald are glad ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked . [Ursula]_255-gerald meditated for a moment . “_[255-gerald] [I]_0-i believe [I]_0-i am very glad , ” [she]_160-gudrun replied . But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun read the unconscious brightness on [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} ’s face , rather than the uncertain tones of [her]_160-gudrun speech . “_[0-i] But do n’t [you]_255-gerald think [you]_255-gerald ’ll want the old connection with [the world]_{541-the world} — [father]_4673-father and the rest of [us]_4283-we , and all that it means , [England]_80-england and [the world of thought]_{4286-the world of thought} — don’t [you]_255-gerald think [you]_255-gerald ’ll need that , really to make [a world]_{4850-a world} ? ” [Ursula]_255-gerald was silent , trying to imagine . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i think , ” [she]_160-gudrun said at length , involuntarily , “_[169-birkin] that [Rupert]_169-birkin is right — [one]_4646-one wants a new space to be in , and [one]_4646-one falls away from the old . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} with impassive face and steady eyes . “_[4646-one] [One]_4646-one wants a new space to be in , [I]_0-i quite agree , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . “_[0-i] But [I]_0-i think that [a new world]_{6236-a new world} is a development from [this world]_{2436-this world} , and that to isolate [oneself]_4646-one with [one other person]_{4293-one other person} , is n’t to find [a new world]_{6236-a new world} at all , but only to secure [oneself]_4646-one in one ’s illusions . ” [Ursula]_255-gerald looked out of the window . In [her]_160-gudrun soul [she]_160-gudrun began to wrestle , and [she]_160-gudrun was frightened . [She]_160-gudrun was always frightened of words , because [she]_160-gudrun knew that mere word - force could always make [her]_160-gudrun believe what [she]_160-gudrun did not believe . “_[0-i] Perhaps , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , full of mistrust , of [herself]_160-gudrun and [everybody]_{780-everybody} . “_[0-i] But , ” [she]_160-gudrun added , “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do think that one ca n’t have anything new whilst [one]_4646-one cares for the old — do [you]_4296-you know what [I]_0-i mean?—even fighting [the old]_{4297-the old} is belonging to it . [I]_0-i know , [one]_4646-one is tempted to stop with [the world]_{541-the world} , just to fight it . But then it is n’t worth it . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun considered [herself]_160-gudrun . “_[4296-you] Yes , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . “_[4296-you] In a way , one is of [the world]_{541-the world} if [one]_4646-one lives in [it]_{541-the world} . But is n’t it really an illusion to think [you]_4296-you can get out of it ? After all , [a cottage in [the Abruzzi]_{151-the abruzzi}]_{4302-a cottage in the abruzzi} , or wherever [it]_{4302-a cottage in the abruzzi} may be , is n’t [a new world]_{6236-a new world} . No , the only thing to do with [the world]_{541-the world} , is to see it through . ” [Ursula]_255-gerald looked away . [She]_4296-you was so frightened of argument . “_[4646-one] But there can be something else , ca n’t there ? ” [she]_4296-you said . “_[4646-one] [One]_4646-one can see it through in [one]_4646-one ’s soul , long enough before it sees itself through in actuality . And then , when [one]_4646-one has seen one ’s soul , one is something else . ” “_[4646-one] Can [one]_4646-one see it through in one ’s soul ? ” asked [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “_[4646-one] If [you]_4296-you mean that [you]_4296-you can see to the end of what will happen , [I]_0-i do n’t agree . [I]_0-i really ca n’t agree . And anyhow , [you]_4296-you ca n’t suddenly fly off on to [a new planet]_{4309-a new planet} , because [you]_4296-you think [you]_4296-you can see to the end of this . ” [Ursula]_255-gerald suddenly straightened [herself]_255-gerald . “_[4296-you] Yes , ” [she]_4296-you said . “_[4296-you] Yes — [one]_4646-one knows . [One]_4646-one has no more connections here . [One]_4646-one has a sort of other self , that belongs to [a new planet]_{4309-a new planet} , not to this . [You]_4296-you ’ve got to hop off . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun reflected for a few moments . Then a smile of ridicule , almost of contempt , came over [her]_4296-you face . “_[4296-you] And what will happen when [you]_4296-you find [yourself]_4296-you in space ? ” [she]_4296-you cried in derision . “_[4296-you] After all , the great ideas of [the world]_{541-the world} are the same there . [[You]_4296-you above [everybody]_{780-everybody}]_{4315-you above everybody} ca n’t get away from the fact that love , for instance , is the supreme thing , in space as well as on [earth]_571-earth . ” “_[4296-you] No , ” said [Ursula]_255-gerald , “_[4296-you] it is n’t . Love is too human and little . [I]_0-i believe in something inhuman , of which love is only a little part . [I]_0-i believe what [we]_4318-we must fulfil comes out of the unknown to [us]_4318-we , and it is something infinitely more than love . It is n’t so merely human . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked at [Ursula]_255-gerald with steady , balancing eyes . [She]_160-gudrun admired and despised [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} so much , both ! Then , suddenly [she]_4296-you averted [her]_4296-you face , saying coldly , uglily : “_[0-i] Well , [I]_0-i ’ve got no further than love , yet . ” Over [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s mind flashed the thought : “_[0-i] Because [you]_4296-you never have loved , [you]_4296-you ca n’t get beyond it . ” [Gudrun]_160-gudrun rose , came over to [Ursula]_255-gerald and put [her]_160-gudrun arm round [her]_{449-her sister} neck . “_[4296-you] Go and find [[your]_4296-you new world]_{4319-your new world} , [dear]_2460-dear , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , [her]_160-gudrun voice clanging with false benignity . “_[2460-dear] After all , the happiest voyage is the quest of [[Rupert]_169-birkin ’s Blessed [Isles]_152-isles]_{4321-rupert ’s blessed isles} . ” [Her]_160-gudrun arm rested round [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s neck , [her]_160-gudrun fingers on [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s cheek for a few moments . [Ursula]_255-gerald was supremely uncomfortable meanwhile . There was an insult in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s protective patronage that was really too hurting . Feeling [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} ’s resistance , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun drew awkwardly away , turned over the pillow , and disclosed the stockings again . “_[169-birkin] Ha — ha ! ” [she]_160-gudrun laughed , rather hollowly . “_[169-birkin] How [we]_4322-we do talk indeed — [new worlds]_{4323-new worlds} and old — ! ” And [they]_4322-we passed to [the familiar worldly subjects]_{7298-the familiar worldly subjects} . [Gerald]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin had walked on ahead , waiting for [the sledge]_{3855-the sledge} to overtake [them]_4322-we , conveying [the departing guests]_{7300-the departing guests} . “_[169-birkin] How much longer will [you]_4324-you stay [here]_4650-here ? ” asked [Birkin]_169-birkin , glancing up at [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s very red , almost blank face . “_[4324-you] Oh , [I]_0-i ca n’t say , ” [Gerald]_255-gerald replied . “_[0-i] Till [we]_4322-we get tired of it . ” “_[0-i] [You]_4324-you ’re not afraid of the snow melting first ? ” asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald laughed . “_[0-i] Does it melt ? ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[0-i] Things are all right with [you]_4324-you then ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald screwed up [his]_255-gerald eyes a little . “_[4324-you] All right ? ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i never know what those common words mean . All right and all wrong , do n’t they become synonymous , somewhere ? ” “_[0-i] Yes , [I]_0-i suppose . How about going back ? ” asked [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] Oh , [I]_0-i do n’t know . [We]_4322-we may never get back . [I]_0-i do n’t look before and after , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Nor pine for what is not , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked into the distance , with the small - pupilled , abstract eyes of a hawk . “_[0-i] No . There ’s something final about this . And [Gudrun]_160-gudrun seems like the end , to [me]_0-i . [I]_0-i do n’t know — but [she]_160-gudrun seems so soft , [her]_160-gudrun skin like silk , [her]_160-gudrun arms heavy and soft . And it withers [my]_0-i consciousness , somehow , it burns the pith of [my]_0-i mind . ” [He]_255-gerald went on a few paces , staring ahead , [his]_255-gerald eyes fixed , looking like a mask used in ghastly religions of [the barbarians]_{7301-the barbarians} . “_[160-gudrun] It blasts [your]_4326-you soul ’s eye , ” [he]_255-gerald said , “_[160-gudrun] and leaves [you]_4326-you sightless . Yet [you]_4326-you want to be sightless , [you]_4326-you want to be blasted , [you]_4326-you do n’t want it any different . ” [He]_255-gerald was speaking as if in a trance , verbal and blank . Then suddenly [he]_255-gerald braced [himself]_255-gerald up with a kind of rhapsody , and looked at [Birkin]_169-birkin with vindictive , cowed eyes , saying : “_[4326-you] Do [you]_4326-you know what it is to suffer when [you]_4326-you are with [a woman]_{897-a woman} ? [She]_{897-a woman} ’s so beautiful , so perfect , [you]_4326-you find [her]_{897-a woman} so good , it tears [you]_4326-you like a silk , and every stroke and bit cuts hot — ha , that perfection , when [you]_4326-you blast [yourself]_4326-you , [you]_4326-you blast [yourself]_4326-you ! And then — ” [he]_255-gerald stopped on the snow and suddenly opened [his]_255-gerald clenched hands—“it_[0-i] ’s nothing — [your]_4326-you brain might have gone charred as rags — and — ” [he]_255-gerald looked round into the air with a queer histrionic movement “_[0-i] it ’s blasting — [you]_4326-you understand what [I]_0-i mean — it is a great experience , something final — and then — [you’re]_4326-you shrivelled as if struck by electricity . ” [He]_255-gerald walked on in silence . It seemed like bragging , but like [a man in extremity]_{7302-a man in extremity} bragging truthfully . “_[4326-you] Of course , ” [he]_255-gerald resumed , “_[4326-you] [I]_0-i would n’t not have had it ! It ’s a complete experience . And [she]_{897-a woman} ’s [a wonderful woman]_{4328-a wonderful woman} . But — how [I]_0-i hate [her]_{897-a woman} somewhere ! It ’s curious — ” [Birkin]_169-birkin looked at [him]_255-gerald , at [his]_255-gerald strange , scarcely conscious face . [Gerald]_255-gerald seemed blank before [his]_255-gerald own words . “_{[897-a woman]} But [you]_0-i ’ve had enough now ? ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i have had [your]_0-i experience . Why work on an old wound ? ” “_{[897-a woman]} Oh , ” said [Gerald]_255-gerald , “_{[897-a woman]} [I]_0-i do n’t know . It ’s not finished — ” And [the two]_{2296-the two} walked on . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i ’ve loved [you]_0-i , as well as [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , do n’t forget , ” said [Birkin]_169-birkin bitterly . [Gerald]_255-gerald looked at [him]_0-i strangely , abstractedly . “_[0-i] Have [you]_0-i ? ” [he]_255-gerald said , with icy scepticism . “_[0-i] Or do [you]_0-i think [you]_0-i have ? ” [He]_255-gerald was hardly responsible for what [he]_255-gerald said . [The sledge]_{3855-the sledge} came . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun dismounted and [they]_{2296-the two} all made [their]_{2296-the two} farewell . [They]_{2296-the two} wanted to go apart , all of [them]_{2296-the two} . [Birkin]_169-birkin took [his]_255-gerald place , and [the sledge]_{3855-the sledge} drove away leaving [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Gerald]_255-gerald standing on the snow , waving . Something froze [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s heart , seeing [them]_{2296-the two} standing there in the isolation of the snow , growing smaller and more isolated . When [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin were gone , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun felt [herself]_160-gudrun free in [her]_160-gudrun contest with [Gerald]_255-gerald . As [they]_{2296-the two} grew more used to each other , [he]_255-gerald seemed to press upon [her]_160-gudrun more and more . At first [she]_160-gudrun could manage [him]_255-gerald , so that [her]_160-gudrun own will was always left free . But very soon , [he]_255-gerald began to ignore [her]_160-gudrun female tactics , [he]_255-gerald dropped [his]_255-gerald respect for [her]_160-gudrun whims and [her]_160-gudrun privacies , [he]_255-gerald began to exert [his]_255-gerald own will blindly , without submitting to [hers]_160-gudrun . Already a vital conflict had set in , which frightened [them]_{2296-the two} both . But [he]_255-gerald was alone , whilst already [she]_160-gudrun had begun to cast round for external resource . When [Ursula]_255-gerald had gone , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun felt [her]_160-gudrun own existence had become stark and elemental . [She]_160-gudrun went and crouched alone in [[her]_160-gudrun bedroom]_{3313-her bedroom} , looking out of the window at the big , flashing stars . In front was the faint shadow of the mountain - knot . That was the pivot . [She]_160-gudrun felt strange and inevitable , as if [she]_160-gudrun were centred upon the pivot of all existence , there was no further reality . Presently [Gerald]_255-gerald opened the door . [She]_160-gudrun knew [he]_255-gerald would not be long before [he]_255-gerald came . [She]_160-gudrun was rarely alone , [he]_255-gerald pressed upon [her]_160-gudrun like a frost , deadening [her]_160-gudrun . “_[0-i] Are [you]_4329-you alone in the dark ? ” [he]_255-gerald said . And [she]_160-gudrun could tell by [his]_255-gerald tone [he]_255-gerald resented it , [he]_255-gerald resented this isolation [she]_160-gudrun had drawn round [herself]_160-gudrun . Yet , feeling static and inevitable , [she]_160-gudrun was kind towards [him]_255-gerald . “_[0-i] Would [you]_4330-you like to light the candle ? ” [she]_160-gudrun asked . [He]_255-gerald did not answer , but came and stood behind [her]_160-gudrun , in the darkness . “_[4330-you] Look , ” [she]_160-gudrun said , “_[4330-you] at that lovely star up there . Do [you]_4330-you know its name ? ” [He]_255-gerald crouched beside [her]_160-gudrun , to look through the low window . “_[4330-you] No , ” [he]_255-gerald said . “_[4330-you] It is very fine . ” “_[4330-you] Is n’t it beautiful ! Do [you]_4330-you notice how it darts different coloured fires — it flashes really superbly — ” [They]_7307-they remained in silence . With a mute , heavy gesture [she]_160-gudrun put [her]_160-gudrun hand on [his]_255-gerald knee , and took [his]_255-gerald hand . “_[4330-you] Are [you]_4330-you regretting [Ursula]_255-gerald ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked . “_[4330-you] No , not at all , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . Then , in a slow mood , [she]_160-gudrun asked : “_[4330-you] How much do [you]_4330-you love [me]_0-i ? ” [He]_255-gerald stiffened [himself]_255-gerald further against [her]_160-gudrun . “_[4330-you] How much do [you]_4330-you think [I]_0-i do ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked . “_[4330-you] [I]_0-i do n’t know , ” [she]_160-gudrun replied . “_[0-i] But what is [your]_4330-you opinion ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked . There was a pause . At length , in the darkness , came [her]_160-gudrun voice , hard and indifferent : “_[4330-you] Very little indeed , ” [she]_160-gudrun said coldly , almost flippant . [His]_255-gerald heart went icy at the sound of [her]_160-gudrun voice . “_[4330-you] Why do n’t [I]_0-i love [you]_4330-you ? ” [he]_255-gerald asked , as if admitting the truth of [her]_160-gudrun accusation , yet hating [her]_4330-you for it . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t know why [you]_4330-you don’t — [I’ve]_0-i been good to [you]_4330-you . [You]_4330-you were in a fearful state when [you]_4330-you came to [me]_0-i . ” [Her]_4330-you heart was beating to suffocate [her]_4330-you , yet [she]_4330-you was strong and unrelenting . “_[4330-you] When was [I]_0-i in a fearful state ? ” [he]_0-i asked . “_[0-i] When [you]_4330-you first came to [me]_0-i . [I]_0-i had to take pity on [you]_4330-you . But it was never love . ” It was that statement “_[0-i] It was never love , ” which sounded in [his]_0-i ears with madness . “_[0-i] Why must [you]_4330-you repeat it so often , that there is no love ? ” [he]_0-i said in a voice strangled with rage . “_[4330-you] Well [you]_0-i do n’t think [you]_0-i love , do [you]_0-i ? ” [she]_4330-you asked . [He]_0-i was silent with cold passion of anger . “_[0-i] [You]_0-i do n’t think [you]_0-i can love [me]_0-i , do [you]_0-i ? ” [she]_4330-you repeated almost with a sneer . “_[0-i] No , ” [he]_0-i said . “_[0-i] [You]_4330-you know [you]_4330-you never have loved [me]_0-i , do n’t [you]_4330-you ? ” “_[4330-you] [I]_0-i do n’t know what [you]_4330-you mean by the word “ love , ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i replied . “ Yes , [you]_0-i do . [You]_0-i know all right that [you]_0-i have never loved [me]_0-i . Have [you]_0-i , do [you]_0-i think ? ”_[0-i] “ No , ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i said , prompted by some barren spirit of truthfulness and obstinacy . “ And [you]_0-i never will love [me]_4330-you , ”_[4330-you] [she]_4330-you said finally , “ will [you]_0-i ? ”_[4330-you] There was a diabolic coldness in [her]_4330-you , too much to bear . “ No , ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i said . “ Then , ”_[4330-you] [she]_4330-you replied , “ what have [you]_0-i against [me]_4330-you ! ”_[4330-you] [He]_0-i was silent in cold , frightened rage and despair . “ If only [I]_0-i could kill [her]_4330-you , ”_[0-i] [his]_0-i heart was whispering repeatedly . “ If only [I]_0-i could kill [her]_4330-you — [I]_0-i should be free . ”_[0-i] It seemed to [him]_0-i that death was the only severing of this Gordian knot . “ Why do [you]_4330-you torture [me]_0-i ? ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i said . [She]_4330-you flung [her]_4330-you arms round [his]_0-i neck . “ Ah , [I]_4330-you do n’t want to torture [you]_0-i , ”_[4330-you] [she]_4330-you said pityingly , as if [she]_4330-you were comforting [a child]_{733-a child} . The impertinence made [his]_0-i veins go cold , [he]_0-i was insensible . [She]_4330-you held [her]_4330-you arms round [his]_0-i neck , in a triumph of pity . And [her]_4330-you pity for [him]_0-i was as cold as stone , its deepest motive was hate of [him]_0-i , and fear of [his]_0-i power over [her]_4330-you , which [she]_4330-you must always counterfoil . “ Say [you]_0-i love [me]_4330-you , ”_[4330-you] [she]_4330-you pleaded . “ Say [you]_0-i will love [me]_4330-you for ever — won’t [you]_0-i — won’t [you]_0-i ? ”_[4330-you] But it was [her]_4330-you voice only that coaxed [him]_0-i . [Her]_4330-you senses were entirely apart from [him]_0-i , cold and destructive of [him]_0-i . It was [her]_4330-you overbearing will that insisted . “ Wo n’t [you]_0-i say [you]_0-i ’ll love [me]_4330-you always ? ”_[4330-you] [she]_4330-you coaxed . “ Say it , even if it is n’t true — say it [Gerald]_255-gerald , do . ”_[4330-you] “ [I]_0-i will love [you]_4330-you always , ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i repeated , in real agony , forcing the words out . [She]_4330-you gave [him]_0-i a quick kiss . “ Fancy [your]_0-i actually having said it , ”_[4330-you] [she]_4330-you said with a touch of raillery . [He]_0-i stood as if [he]_0-i had been beaten . “ Try to love [me]_4330-you a little more , and to want [me]_4330-you a little less , ”_[4330-you] [she]_4330-you said , in a half contemptuous , half coaxing tone . The darkness seemed to be swaying in waves across [his]_0-i mind , great waves of darkness plunging across [his]_0-i mind . It seemed to [him]_0-i [he]_0-i was degraded at the very quick , made of no account . “ [You]_4330-you mean [you]_4330-you do n’t want [me]_0-i ? ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i said . “ [You]_4330-you are so insistent , and there is so little grace in [you]_4330-you , so little fineness . [You]_4330-you are so crude . [You]_4330-you break [me]_0-i — [you]_4330-you only waste [me]_0-i — it is horrible to [me]_0-i . ”_[0-i] “ Horrible to [you]_4330-you ? ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i repeated . “ Yes . Do n’t [you]_4330-you think [I]_0-i might have [a room to [myself]_0-i]_{7308-a room to myself} , now [Ursula]_255-gerald has gone ? [You]_4330-you can say [you]_4330-you want [a dressing room]_{7309-a dressing room} . ”_[0-i] “ [You]_4330-you do as [you]_4330-you like — [you]_4330-you can leave altogether if [you]_4330-you like , ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i managed to articulate . “ Yes , [I]_4332-her know that , ”_[4332-her] [she]_4332-her replied . “ So can [you]_0-i . [You]_0-i can leave [me]_4332-her whenever [you]_0-i like — without notice even . ”_[4332-her] The great tides of darkness were swinging across [his]_0-i mind , [he]_0-i could hardly stand upright . A terrible weariness overcame [him]_0-i , [he]_0-i felt [he]_0-i must lie on the floor . Dropping off [his]_0-i clothes , [he]_0-i got into bed , and lay like [a man suddenly overcome by drunkenness]_{4333-a man suddenly overcome by drunkenness} , the darkness lifting and plunging as if [he]_0-i were lying upon [a black , giddy sea]_{4334-a black , giddy sea} . [He]_0-i lay still in this strange , horrific reeling for some time , purely unconscious . At length [she]_4332-her slipped from [her]_4332-her own bed and came over to [him]_0-i . [He]_0-i remained rigid , [his]_0-i back to [her]_4332-her . [He]_0-i was all but unconscious . [She]_4332-her put [her]_4332-her arms round [his]_0-i terrifying , insentient body , and laid [her]_4332-her cheek against [his]_0-i hard shoulder . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald , ”_[4332-her] [she]_4332-her whispered . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald . ”_[4332-her] There was no change in [him]_0-i . [She]_4332-her caught [him]_0-i against [her]_4332-her . [She]_4332-her pressed [her]_4332-her breasts against [his]_0-i shoulders , [she]_4332-her kissed [his]_0-i shoulder , through the sleeping jacket . [Her]_4332-her mind wondered , over [his]_0-i rigid , unliving body . [She]_4332-her was bewildered , and insistent , only [her]_4332-her will was set for [him]_0-i to speak to [her]_4332-her . “ [Gerald]_255-gerald , [[my]_4332-her dear]_{1126-my dear} ! ”_[4332-her] [she]_4332-her whispered , bending over [him]_0-i , kissing [his]_0-i ear . [Her]_4332-her warm breath playing , flying rhythmically over [his]_0-i ear , seemed to relax the tension . [She]_4332-her could feel [his]_0-i body gradually relaxing a little , losing its terrifying , unnatural rigidity . [Her]_4332-her hands clutched [his]_0-i limbs , [his]_0-i muscles , going over [him]_0-i spasmodically . The hot blood began to flow again through [his]_0-i veins , [his]_0-i limbs relaxed . “ Turn round to [me]_4332-her , ”_[4332-her] [she]_4332-her whispered , forlorn with insistence and triumph . So at last [he]_0-i was given again , warm and flexible . [He]_0-i turned and gathered [her]_4332-her in [his]_0-i arms . And feeling [her]_4332-her soft against [him]_0-i , so perfectly and wondrously soft and recipient , [his]_0-i arms tightened on [her]_4332-her . [She]_4332-her was as if crushed , powerless in [him]_0-i . [His]_0-i brain seemed hard and invincible now like a jewel , there was no resisting [him]_0-i . [His]_0-i passion was awful to [her]_4332-her , tense and ghastly , and impersonal , like a destruction , ultimate . [She]_4332-her felt it would kill [her]_4332-her . [She]_4332-her was being killed . “ [[My]_4332-her God]_{3770-my god} , [[my]_4332-her God]_{3770-my god} , ”_[4332-her] [she]_4332-her cried , in anguish , in [his]_0-i embrace , feeling [her]_4332-her life being killed within [her]_4332-her . And when [he]_0-i was kissing [her]_4332-her , soothing [her]_4332-her , [her]_4332-her breath came slowly , as if [she]_4332-her were really spent , dying . “ Shall [I]_4332-her die , shall [I]_4332-her die ? ”_[4332-her] [she]_4332-her repeated to [herself]_4332-her . And in the night , and in [him]_0-i , there was no answer to the question . And yet , next day , the fragment of [her]_4332-her which was not destroyed remained intact and hostile , [she]_4332-her did not go away , [she]_4332-her remained to finish the holiday , admitting nothing . [He]_0-i scarcely ever left [her]_4332-her alone , but followed [her]_4332-her like a shadow , [he]_0-i was like a doom upon [her]_4332-her , a continual “ [thou]_7313-thou shalt , ”_[0-i] “ [thou]_7313-thou shalt not . ”_[0-i] Sometimes it was [he]_0-i who seemed strongest , whist [she]_4332-her was almost gone , creeping near [the earth]_{972-the earth} like a spent wind ; sometimes it was the reverse . But always it was this eternal see - saw , one destroyed that the other might exist , one ratified because the other was nulled . “ In the end , ”_[4332-her] [she]_4332-her said to [herself]_4332-her , “ [I]_4332-her shall go away from [him]_0-i . ”_[4332-her] “ [I]_0-i can be free of [her]_4332-her , ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i said to [himself]_0-i in [his]_0-i paroxysms of suffering . And [he]_0-i set [himself]_0-i to be free . [He]_0-i even prepared to go away , to leave [her]_4332-her in the lurch . But for the first time there was a flaw in [his]_0-i will . “ Where shall [I]_0-i go ? ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i asked [himself]_0-i . “ Ca n’t [you]_160-gudrun be self - sufficient ? ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i replied to [himself]_0-i , putting [himself]_0-i upon [his]_0-i pride . “ Self - sufficient ! ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i repeated . It seemed to [him]_0-i that [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was sufficient unto [herself]_160-gudrun , closed round and completed , like a thing in a case . In the calm , static reason of [his]_0-i soul , [he]_0-i recognised this , and admitted it was [her]_4332-her right , to be closed round upon [herself]_4332-her , self - complete , without desire . [He]_0-i realised it , [he]_0-i admitted it , it only needed one last effort on [his]_0-i own part , to win for [himself]_0-i the same completeness . [He]_0-i knew that it only needed one convulsion of [his]_0-i will for [him]_0-i to be able to turn upon [himself]_0-i also , to close upon [himself]_0-i as a stone fixes upon itself , and is impervious , self - completed , a thing isolated . This knowledge threw [him]_0-i into a terrible chaos . Because , however much [he]_0-i might mentally will to be immune and self - complete , the desire for this state was lacking , and [he]_0-i could not create it . [He]_0-i could see that , to exist at all , [he]_0-i must be perfectly free of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , leave [her]_160-gudrun if [she]_160-gudrun wanted to be left , demand nothing of [her]_160-gudrun , have no claim upon [her]_160-gudrun . But then , to have no claim upon [her]_160-gudrun , [he]_0-i must stand by [himself]_0-i , in sheer nothingness . And [his]_0-i brain turned to nought at the idea . It was a state of nothingness . On the other hand , [he]_0-i might give in , and fawn to [her]_160-gudrun . Or , finally , [he]_0-i might kill [her]_160-gudrun . Or [he]_0-i might become just indifferent , purposeless , dissipated , momentaneous . But [his]_0-i nature was too serious , not gay enough or subtle enough for mocking licentiousness . A strange rent had been torn in [him]_0-i ; like a victim that is torn open and given to the heavens , so [he]_0-i had been torn apart and given to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . How should [he]_0-i close again ? This wound , this strange , infinitely - sensitive opening of [his]_0-i soul , where [he]_0-i was exposed , like an open flower , to all [the universe]_{6164-the universe} , and in which [he]_0-i was given to [[his]_0-i complement]_{4337-his complement} , the other , the unknown , this wound , this disclosure , this unfolding of [his]_0-i own covering , leaving [him]_0-i incomplete , limited , unfinished , like an open flower under the sky , this was [his]_0-i cruellest joy . Why then should [he]_0-i forego it ? Why should [he]_0-i close up and become impervious , immune , like a partial thing in a sheath , when [he]_0-i had broken forth , like a seed that has germinated , to issue forth in being , embracing the unrealised heavens . [He]_0-i would keep the unfinished bliss of [his]_0-i own yearning even through the torture [she]_160-gudrun inflicted upon [him]_0-i . A strange obstinacy possessed [him]_0-i . [He]_0-i would not go away from [her]_160-gudrun whatever [she]_160-gudrun said or did . A strange , deathly yearning carried [him]_0-i along with [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun was the determinating influence of [his]_0-i very being , though [she]_160-gudrun treated [him]_0-i with contempt , repeated rebuffs , and denials , still [he]_0-i would never be gone , since in being near [her]_160-gudrun , even , [he]_0-i felt the quickening , the going forth in [him]_0-i , the release , the knowledge of [his]_0-i own limitation and the magic of the promise , as well as the mystery of [his]_0-i own destruction and annihilation . [She]_160-gudrun tortured the open heart of [him]_0-i even as [he]_0-i turned to [her]_160-gudrun . And [she]_160-gudrun was tortured [herself]_160-gudrun . It may have been [her]_160-gudrun will was stronger . [She]_160-gudrun felt , with horror , as if [he]_0-i tore at the bud of [her]_160-gudrun heart , tore it open , like [an irreverent persistent being]_{4338-an irreverent persistent being} . Like [a boy who pulls off a fly]_{4339-a boy who pulls off a fly} ’s wings , or tears open a bud to see what is in the flower , [he]_0-i tore at [her]_160-gudrun privacy , at [her]_160-gudrun very life , [he]_0-i would destroy [her]_160-gudrun as an immature bud , torn open , is destroyed . [She]_160-gudrun might open towards [him]_0-i , a long while hence , in [her]_160-gudrun dreams , when [she]_160-gudrun was a pure spirit . But now [she]_160-gudrun was not to be violated and ruined . [She]_160-gudrun closed against [him]_0-i fiercely . [They]_4340-they climbed together , at evening , up [the high slope]_{4341-the high slope} , to see the sunset . In the finely breathing , keen wind [they]_4340-they stood and watched the yellow sun sink in crimson and disappear . Then in the east the peaks and ridges glowed with living rose , incandescent like immortal flowers against a brown - purple sky , a miracle , whilst down below [the world]_{541-the world} was a bluish shadow , and above , like an annunciation , hovered a rosy transport in mid - air . To [her]_160-gudrun it was so beautiful , it was a delirium , [she]_160-gudrun wanted to gather the glowing , eternal peaks to [her]_160-gudrun breast , and die . [He]_0-i saw them , saw they were beautiful . But there arose no clamour in [his]_0-i breast , only a bitterness that was visionary in itself . [He]_0-i wished [the peaks]_{4343-the peaks} were grey and unbeautiful , so that [she]_160-gudrun should not get [her]_160-gudrun support from [them]_{4343-the peaks} . Why did [she]_160-gudrun betray [the two of [them]_4340-they]_{1536-the two of them} so terribly , in embracing the glow of the evening ? Why did [she]_160-gudrun leave [him]_0-i standing there , with the ice - wind blowing through [his]_0-i heart , like death , to gratify [herself]_160-gudrun among the rosy snow - tips ? “ What does the twilight matter ? ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i said . “ Why do [you]_160-gudrun grovel before it ? Is it so important to [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[0-i] [She]_160-gudrun winced in violation and in fury . “ Go away , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried , “ and leave [me]_160-gudrun to it . It is beautiful , beautiful , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun sang in strange , rhapsodic tones . “ It is the most beautiful thing [I]_160-gudrun have ever seen in [my]_160-gudrun life . Do n’t try to come between it and [me]_160-gudrun . Take [yourself]_160-gudrun away , [you]_160-gudrun are out of place — ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_0-i stood back a little , and left [her]_160-gudrun standing there , statue - like , transported into [the mystic glowing east]_{4345-the mystic glowing east} . Already the rose was fading , large white stars were flashing out . [He]_0-i waited . [He]_0-i would forego everything but the yearning . “ That was the most perfect thing [I]_160-gudrun have ever seen , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said in cold , brutal tones , when at last [she]_160-gudrun turned round to [him]_0-i . “ It amazes [me]_160-gudrun that [you]_0-i should want to destroy it . If [you]_0-i ca n’t see it [yourself]_0-i , why try to debar [me]_160-gudrun ? ”_[160-gudrun] But in reality , [he]_0-i had destroyed it for [her]_160-gudrun , [she]_160-gudrun was straining after a dead effect . “ One day , ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i said , softly , looking up at [her]_160-gudrun , “ [I]_0-i shall destroy [you]_160-gudrun , as [you]_160-gudrun stand looking at the sunset ; because [you]_160-gudrun are such [a liar]_{6741-a liar} . ”_[0-i] There was a soft , voluptuous promise to [himself]_0-i in the words . [She]_160-gudrun was chilled but arrogant . “ Ha ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [I]_160-gudrun am not afraid of [your]_0-i threats ! ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun denied [herself]_160-gudrun to [him]_0-i , [she]_160-gudrun kept [[her]_160-gudrun room]_{5117-her room} rigidly private to [herself]_160-gudrun . But [he]_0-i waited on , in a curious patience , belonging to [his]_0-i yearning for [her]_160-gudrun . “ In the end , ”_[0-i] [he]_0-i said to [himself]_0-i with real voluptuous promise , “ when it reaches that point , [I]_0-i shall do away with [her]_160-gudrun . ”_[0-i] And [he]_0-i trembled delicately in every limb , in anticipation , as [he]_0-i trembled in [his]_0-i most violent accesses of passionate approach to [her]_160-gudrun , trembling with too much desire . [She]_160-gudrun had a curious sort of allegiance with [Loerke]_404-loerke , all the while , now , something insidious and traitorous . [Gerald]_255-gerald knew of it . But in the unnatural state of patience , and the unwillingness to harden [himself]_0-i against [her]_160-gudrun , in which [he]_0-i found [himself]_0-i , [he]_0-i took no notice , although [her]_160-gudrun soft kindliness to [the other man]_{832-the other man} , whom [he]_0-i hated as a noxious insect , made [him]_0-i shiver again with an access of the strange shuddering that came over [him]_0-i repeatedly . [He]_0-i left [her]_160-gudrun alone only when [he]_0-i went skiing , a sport [he]_0-i loved , and which [she]_160-gudrun did not practise . Then [he]_0-i seemed to sweep out of life , to be a projectile into the beyond . And often , when [he]_0-i went away , [she]_160-gudrun talked to [the little German sculptor]_{4348-the little german sculptor} . [They]_4349-they had an invariable topic , in [their]_4349-they art . [They]_4349-they were almost of the same ideas . [He]_0-i hated [Mestrovic]_{413-mestrovic} , was not satisfied with [the Futurists]_{4350-the futurists} , [he]_0-i liked the West African wooden figures , the Aztec art , Mexican and [Central American]_{153-central american} . [He]_0-i saw the grotesque , and a curious sort of mechanical motion intoxicated [him]_0-i , a confusion in nature . [They]_4349-they had a curious game with [each other]_{451-each other} , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun and [Loerke]_404-loerke , of infinite suggestivity , strange and leering , as if [they]_4349-they had some esoteric understanding of life , that [they]_4349-they alone were initiated into the fearful central secrets , that [the world]_{541-the world} dared not know . [Their]_4349-they whole correspondence was in a strange , barely comprehensible suggestivity , [they]_4349-they kindled [themselves]_4349-they at the subtle lust of [the Egyptians]_{414-the egyptians} or [the Mexicans]_{4353-the mexicans} . The whole game was one of subtle inter - suggestivity , and [they]_4349-they wanted to keep it on the plane of suggestion . From [their]_4349-they verbal and physical nuances [they]_4349-they got the highest satisfaction in the nerves , from a queer interchange of half - suggested ideas , looks , expressions and gestures , which were quite intolerable , though incomprehensible , to [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald had no terms in which to think of [their]_4349-they commerce , [his]_255-gerald terms were much too gross . The suggestion of primitive art was [their]_4349-they refuge , and the inner mysteries of sensation [their]_4349-they object of worship . Art and Life were to [them]_4349-they the Reality and the Unreality . “ Of course , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “ life does n’t really matter — it is one ’s art which is central . What [one]_4646-one does in one ’s life has peu de rapport , it does n’t signify much . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Yes , that is so , exactly , ”_{[4354-the sculptor]} replied [the sculptor]_{4354-the sculptor} . “ What [one]_4646-one does in [one]_4646-one ’s art , that is the breath of one ’s being . What [one]_4646-one does in [one]_4646-one ’s life , that is a bagatelle for [the outsiders]_{7320-the outsiders} to fuss about . ”_{[4354-the sculptor]} It was curious what a sense of elation and freedom [Gudrun]_160-gudrun found in this communication . [She]_160-gudrun felt established for ever . Of course [Gerald]_255-gerald was bagatelle . Love was one of the temporal things in [her]_160-gudrun life , except in so far as [she]_160-gudrun was [an artist]_{1059-an artist} . [She]_160-gudrun thought of [Cleopatra]_{415-cleopatra} — [Cleopatra]_{415-cleopatra} must have been [an artist]_{1059-an artist} ; [she]_{415-cleopatra} reaped the essential from [a man]_{4648-a man} , [she]_{415-cleopatra} harvested the ultimate sensation , and threw away the husk ; and [Mary Stuart]_{416-mary stuart} , and [the great Rachel]_{417-the great rachel} , panting with [[her]_{415-cleopatra} lovers]_{3335-her lovers} after [the theatre]_{1043-the theatre} , these were [the exoteric exponents of love]_{4360-the exoteric exponents of love} . After all , what was [the lover]_{4361-the lover} but fuel for the transport of this subtle knowledge , for a female art , the art of pure , perfect knowledge in sensuous understanding . One evening [Gerald]_255-gerald was arguing with [Loerke]_404-loerke about [Italy]_95-italy and [Tripoli]_418-tripoli . [The Englishman]_{4362-the englishman} was in a strange , inflammable state , [the German]_{4363-the german} was excited . It was a contest of words , but it meant a conflict of spirit between [the two men]_{686-the two men} . And all the while [Gudrun]_160-gudrun could see in [Gerald]_255-gerald an arrogant English contempt for [a foreigner]_{6701-a foreigner} . Although [Gerald]_255-gerald was quivering , [his]_255-gerald eyes flashing , [his]_255-gerald face flushed , in [his]_255-gerald argument there was a brusqueness , a savage contempt in [his]_255-gerald manner , that made [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s blood flare up , and made [Loerke]_404-loerke keen and mortified . For [Gerald]_255-gerald came down like a sledge - hammer with [his]_255-gerald assertions , anything [the little German]_{4366-the little german} said was merely contemptible rubbish . At last [Loerke]_404-loerke turned to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , raising [his]_404-loerke hands in helpless irony , a shrug of ironical dismissal , something appealing and child - like . “ Sehen sie , gnädige [Frau]_393-frau — ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke began . “ Bitte sagen Sie nicht immer , gnädige [Frau]_393-frau , ”_[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [her]_160-gudrun eyes flashing , [her]_160-gudrun cheeks burning . [She]_160-gudrun looked like [a vivid Medusa]_{4367-a vivid medusa} . [Her]_160-gudrun voice was loud and clamorous , [the other people in the room]_{4368-the other people in the room} were startled . “ Please do n’t call [me]_160-gudrun [Mrs Crich]_{376-mrs crich} , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried aloud . The name , in [Loerke]_404-loerke ’s mouth particularly , had been an intolerable humiliation and constraint upon [her]_160-gudrun , these many days . [The two men]_{686-the two men} looked at [her]_160-gudrun in amazement . [Gerald]_255-gerald went white at the cheek - bones . “ What shall [I]_404-loerke say , then ? ”_[404-loerke] asked [Loerke]_404-loerke , with soft , mocking insinuation . “ Sagen Sie nur nicht das , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun muttered , [her]_160-gudrun cheeks flushed crimson . “ Not that , at least . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun saw , by the dawning look on [Loerke]_404-loerke ’s face , that [he]_255-gerald had understood . [She]_160-gudrun was not [Mrs Crich]_{376-mrs crich} ! So - o- , that explained a great deal . “ Soll ich Fräulein sagen ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked , malevolently . “ [I]_160-gudrun am not married , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , with some hauteur . [Her]_160-gudrun heart was fluttering now , beating like a bewildered bird . [She]_160-gudrun knew [she]_160-gudrun had dealt a cruel wound , and [she]_160-gudrun could not bear it . [Gerald]_255-gerald sat erect , perfectly still , [his]_255-gerald face pale and calm , like the face of a statue . [He]_255-gerald was unaware of [her]_160-gudrun , or of [Loerke]_404-loerke or [anybody]_744-anybody . [He]_255-gerald sat perfectly still , in an unalterable calm . [Loerke]_404-loerke , meanwhile , was crouching and glancing up from under [his]_404-loerke ducked head . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was tortured for something to say , to relieve the suspense . [She]_160-gudrun twisted [her]_160-gudrun face in a smile , and glanced knowingly , almost sneering , at [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Truth is best , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said to [him]_255-gerald , with a grimace . But now again [she]_160-gudrun was under [his]_255-gerald domination ; now , because [she]_160-gudrun had dealt [him]_255-gerald this blow ; because [she]_160-gudrun had destroyed [him]_255-gerald , and [she]_160-gudrun did not know how [he]_255-gerald had taken it . [She]_160-gudrun watched [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was interesting to [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun had lost [her]_160-gudrun interest in [Loerke]_404-loerke . [Gerald]_255-gerald rose at length , and went over in a leisurely still movement , to [the Professor]_{3963-the professor} . [The two]_{2296-the two} began a conversation on [Goethe]_419-goethe . [She]_160-gudrun was rather piqued by the simplicity of [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s demeanour this evening . [He]_255-gerald did not seem angry or disgusted , only [he]_255-gerald looked curiously innocent and pure , really beautiful . Sometimes it came upon [him]_255-gerald , this look of clear distance , and it always fascinated [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun waited , troubled , throughout the evening . [She]_160-gudrun thought [he]_255-gerald would avoid [her]_160-gudrun , or give some sign . But [he]_255-gerald spoke to [her]_160-gudrun simply and unemotionally , as [he]_255-gerald would to [anyone else in [the room]_{739-the room}]_{4373-anyone else in the room} . A certain peace , an abstraction possessed [his]_255-gerald soul . [She]_160-gudrun went to [[his]_255-gerald room]_{5054-his room} , hotly , violently in love with [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was so beautiful and inaccessible . [He]_255-gerald kissed [her]_160-gudrun , [he]_255-gerald was [a lover to [her]_160-gudrun]_{4376-a lover to her} . And [she]_160-gudrun had extreme pleasure of [him]_255-gerald . But [he]_255-gerald did not come to , [he]_255-gerald remained remote and candid , unconscious . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to speak to [him]_255-gerald . But this innocent , beautiful state of unconsciousness that had come upon [him]_255-gerald prevented [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun felt tormented and dark . In the morning , however , [he]_255-gerald looked at [her]_160-gudrun with a little aversion , some horror and some hatred darkening into [his]_255-gerald eyes . [She]_160-gudrun withdrew on to [her]_160-gudrun old ground . But still [he]_255-gerald would not gather [himself]_255-gerald together , against [her]_160-gudrun . [Loerke]_404-loerke was waiting for [her]_160-gudrun now . [The little artist]_{4377-the little artist} , isolated in [his]_{4377-the little artist} own complete envelope , felt that here at last was [a woman from whom [he]_{4377-the little artist} could get something]_{4378-a woman from whom he could get something} . [He]_255-gerald was uneasy all the while , waiting to talk with [her]_160-gudrun , subtly contriving to be near [her]_160-gudrun . [Her]_160-gudrun presence filled [him]_255-gerald with keenness and excitement , [he]_255-gerald gravitated cunningly towards [her]_160-gudrun , as if [she]_160-gudrun had some unseen force of attraction . [He]_255-gerald was not in the least doubtful of [himself]_255-gerald , as regards [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Gerald]_255-gerald was [one of [the outsiders]_{7320-the outsiders}]_{4379-one of the outsiders} . [Loerke]_404-loerke only hated [him]_255-gerald for being rich and proud and of fine appearance . All these things , however , riches , pride of social standing , handsome physique , were externals . When it came to the relation with [a woman such as [Gudrun]_160-gudrun]_{4381-a woman such as gudrun} , [he]_255-gerald , [Loerke]_404-loerke , had an approach and a power that [Gerald]_255-gerald never dreamed of . How should [Gerald]_255-gerald hope to satisfy [a woman of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s calibre]_{4382-a woman of gudrun ’s calibre} ? Did [he]_255-gerald think that pride or masterful will or physical strength would help [him]_255-gerald ? [Loerke]_404-loerke knew a secret beyond these things . The greatest power is the one that is subtle and adjusts itself , not one which blindly attacks . And [he]_404-loerke , [Loerke]_404-loerke , had understanding where [Gerald]_255-gerald was [a calf]_{4383-a calf} . [He]_404-loerke , [Loerke]_404-loerke , could penetrate into depths far out of [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s knowledge . [Gerald]_255-gerald was left behind like a postulant in [the ante - room of [this temple of mysteries]_{4385-this temple of mysteries}]_{4384-the ante - room of this temple of mysteries} , [this woman]_{4386-this woman} . But [he]_255-gerald [Loerke]_404-loerke , could [he]_255-gerald not penetrate into the inner darkness , find the spirit of [the woman]_{873-the woman} in its inner recess , and wrestle with it there , the central serpent that is coiled at the core of life . What was it , after all , that [a woman]_{897-a woman} wanted ? Was it mere social effect , fulfilment of ambition in [the social world]_{7061-the social world} , in [the community of [mankind]_1014-mankind]_{4390-the community of mankind} ? Was it even a union in love and goodness ? Did [she]_{873-the woman} want “ goodness ”_{[873-the woman]} ? Who but [a fool]_{4749-a fool} would accept this of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ? This was but the street view of [her]_{873-the woman} wants . Cross the threshold , and [you]_4393-you found [her]_{873-the woman} completely , completely cynical about the social world and its advantages . Once inside [the house of [her]_{873-the woman} soul]_{4394-the house of her soul} and there was a pungent atmosphere of corrosion , an inflamed darkness of sensation , and a vivid , subtle , critical consciousness , that saw [the world]_{541-the world} distorted , horrific . What then , what next ? Was it sheer blind force of passion that would satisfy [her]_{873-the woman} now ? Not this , but the subtle thrills of extreme sensation in reduction . It was an unbroken will reacting against [her]_{873-the woman} unbroken will in a myriad subtle thrills of reduction , the last subtle activities of analysis and breaking down , carried out in the darkness of [her]_{873-the woman} , whilst the outside form , [the individual]_{5373-the individual} , was utterly unchanged , even sentimental in its poses . But between [two particular people]_{4397-two particular people} , [any two people]_{4398-any two people} on [earth]_571-earth , the range of pure sensational experience is limited . The climax of sensual reaction , once reached in any direction , is reached finally , there is no going on . There is only repetition possible , or the going apart of [the two protagonists]_{4400-the two protagonists} , or the subjugating of the one will to the other , or death . [Gerald]_255-gerald had penetrated [all the outer places of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s soul]_{4401-all the outer places of gudrun ’s soul} . [He]_255-gerald was to [her]_160-gudrun the most crucial instance of [the existing world]_{4402-the existing world} , the ne plus ultra of [the world of [man]_1089-man]_{4403-the world of man} as it existed for [her]_160-gudrun . In [him]_255-gerald [she]_160-gudrun knew [the world]_{541-the world} , and had done with it . Knowing [him]_255-gerald finally [she]_160-gudrun was the Alexander seeking [new worlds]_{4323-new worlds} . But there were [no new worlds]_{4407-no new worlds} , there were [no more men]_{4408-no more men} , there were only creatures , little , ultimate creatures like [Loerke]_404-loerke . [The world]_{541-the world} was finished now , for [her]_160-gudrun . There was only the inner , individual darkness , sensation within the ego , the obscene religious mystery of ultimate reduction , the mystic frictional activities of diabolic reducing down , disintegrating the vital organic body of life . All this [Gudrun]_160-gudrun knew in [her]_160-gudrun subconsciousness , not in [her]_160-gudrun mind . [She]_160-gudrun knew [her]_160-gudrun next step — [she]_160-gudrun knew what [she]_160-gudrun should move on to , when [she]_160-gudrun left [Gerald]_255-gerald . [She]_160-gudrun was afraid of [Gerald]_255-gerald , that [he]_255-gerald might kill [her]_160-gudrun . But [she]_160-gudrun did not intend to be killed . A fine thread still united [her]_160-gudrun to [him]_255-gerald . It should not be [her]_160-gudrun death which broke it . [She]_160-gudrun had further to go , a further , slow exquisite experience to reap , unthinkable subtleties of sensation to know , before [she]_160-gudrun was finished . Of the last series of subtleties , [Gerald]_255-gerald was not capable . [He]_255-gerald could not touch the quick of [her]_160-gudrun . But where [his]_255-gerald ruder blows could not penetrate , the fine , insinuating blade of [Loerke]_404-loerke ’s insect - like comprehension could . At least , it was time for [her]_160-gudrun now to pass over to the other , [the creature]_{4410-the creature} , [the final craftsman]_{4411-the final craftsman} . [She]_160-gudrun knew that [Loerke]_404-loerke , in [his]_404-loerke innermost soul , was detached from everything , for [him]_404-loerke there was neither heaven nor [earth]_571-earth nor hell . [He]_404-loerke admitted no allegiance , [he]_404-loerke gave no adherence anywhere . [He]_404-loerke was single and , by abstraction from the rest , absolute in [himself]_404-loerke . Whereas in [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s soul there still lingered some attachment to the rest , to the whole . And this was [his]_404-loerke limitation . [He]_404-loerke was limited , borné , subject to [his]_404-loerke necessity , in the last issue , for goodness , for righteousness , for oneness with the ultimate purpose . That the ultimate purpose might be the perfect and subtle experience of the process of death , the will being kept unimpaired , that was not allowed in [him]_404-loerke . And this was [his]_404-loerke limitation . There was a hovering triumph in [Loerke]_404-loerke , since [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had denied [her]_160-gudrun marriage with [Gerald]_255-gerald . [The artist]_{4004-the artist} seemed to hover like a creature on the wing , waiting to settle . [He]_404-loerke did not approach [Gudrun]_160-gudrun violently , [he]_404-loerke was never ill - timed . But carried on by a sure instinct in the complete darkness of [his]_404-loerke soul , [he]_404-loerke corresponded mystically with [her]_160-gudrun , imperceptibly , but palpably . For two days , [he]_404-loerke talked to [her]_160-gudrun , continued the discussions of art , of life , in which [they]_4414-they both found such pleasure . [They]_4414-they praised the by - gone things , [they]_4414-they took a sentimental , childish delight in the achieved perfections of the past . Particularly [they]_4414-they liked the late eighteenth century , the period of [Goethe]_419-goethe and of [Shelley]_420-shelley , and [Mozart]_421-mozart . [They]_4414-they played with the past , and with [the great figures of the past]_{4415-the great figures of the past} , a sort of little game of chess , or marionettes , all to please [themselves]_4414-they . [They]_4414-they had [all the great men]_{4416-all the great men} for [[their]_4414-they marionettes]_{4417-their marionettes} , and [they]_4418-they two were [the God of the show]_{4419-the god of the show} , working it all . As for the future , that [they]_4414-they never mentioned except [one]_4646-one laughed out some mocking dream of the destruction of [the world]_{541-the world} by a ridiculous catastrophe of [man]_1089-man ’s invention : [a man]_{4648-a man} invented such a perfect explosive that it blew [the earth]_{972-the earth} in two , and the two halves set off in different directions through space , to the dismay of [the inhabitants]_{1447-the inhabitants} : or else [the people of [the world]_{541-the world}]_{4426-the people of the world} divided into two halves , and [each half]_{4428-each half} decided it was perfect and right , the other half was wrong and must be destroyed ; so another end of [the world]_{541-the world} . Or else , [Loerke]_404-loerke ’s dream of fear , [the world]_{541-the world} went cold , and snow fell everywhere , and only white creatures , polar - bears , white foxes , and men like awful white snow - birds , persisted in ice cruelty . Apart from these stories , [they]_4414-they never talked of the future . [They]_4414-they delighted most either in mocking imaginations of destruction , or in sentimental , fine marionette - shows of the past . It was a sentimental delight to reconstruct the world of [Goethe]_419-goethe at [Weimar]_154-weimar , or of [Schiller]_422-schiller and poverty and faithful love , or to see again [Jean Jacques]_{423-jean jacques} in [his]_{423-jean jacques} quakings , or [Voltaire]_424-voltaire at [Ferney]_155-ferney , or [Frederick the Great]_{425-frederick the great} reading [his]_{423-jean jacques} own poetry . [They]_4414-they talked together for hours , of literature and sculpture and painting , amusing [themselves]_4414-they with [Flaxman]_426-flaxman and [Blake]_427-blake and [Fuseli]_428-fuseli , with tenderness , and with [Feuerbach]_{429-feuerbach} and [Böcklin]_430-böcklin . It would take [them]_4414-they a life - time , [they]_4414-they felt to live again , in petto , the lives of [the great artists]_{4431-the great artists} . But [they]_4414-they preferred to stay in the eighteenth and the nineteenth centuries . [They]_4414-they talked in a mixture of languages . The ground - work was French , in either case . But [he]_4432-he ended most of [his]_4432-he sentences in a stumble of English and a conclusion of German , [she]_4433-she skilfully wove [herself]_4433-she to [her]_4433-she end in whatever phrase came to [her]_4433-she . [She]_4433-she took a peculiar delight in this conversation . It was full of odd , fantastic expression , of double meanings , of evasions , of suggestive vagueness . It was a real physical pleasure to [her]_4433-she to make this thread of conversation out of the different - coloured strands of three languages . And all the while [they]_4414-they two were hovering , hesitating round the flame of some invisible declaration . [He]_4432-he wanted it , but was held back by some inevitable reluctance . [She]_4433-she wanted it also , but [she]_4433-she wanted to put it off , to put it off indefinitely , [she]_4433-she still had some pity for [Gerald]_255-gerald , some connection with [him]_255-gerald . And the most fatal of all , [she]_4433-she had the reminiscent sentimental compassion for [herself]_4433-she in connection with [him]_255-gerald . Because of what had been , [she]_4433-she felt [herself]_4433-she held to [him]_255-gerald by immortal , invisible threads — because of what had been , because of [his]_255-gerald coming to [her]_4433-she that first night , into [[her]_4433-she own house]_{4434-her own house} , in [his]_255-gerald extremity , because — [Gerald]_255-gerald was gradually overcome with a revulsion of loathing for [Loerke]_404-loerke . [He]_255-gerald did not take [the man]_{4658-the man} seriously , [he]_255-gerald despised [him]_{4658-the man} merely , except as [he]_255-gerald felt in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s veins the influence of [the little creature]_{4436-the little creature} . It was this that drove [Gerald]_255-gerald wild , the feeling in [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s veins of [Loerke]_404-loerke ’s presence , [Loerke]_404-loerke ’s being , flowing dominant through [her]_4433-she . “ What makes [you]_160-gudrun so smitten with that little vermin ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked , really puzzled . For [he]_255-gerald , [man]_1089-man - like , could not see anything attractive or important at all in [Loerke]_404-loerke . [Gerald]_255-gerald expected to find some handsomeness or nobleness , to account for [a woman]_{897-a woman} ’s subjection . But [he]_255-gerald saw none here , only an insect - like repulsiveness . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun flushed deeply . It was these attacks [she]_160-gudrun would never forgive . “ What do [you]_255-gerald mean ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied . “ [[My]_160-gudrun God]_{3770-my god} , what a mercy [I]_160-gudrun am not married to [you]_255-gerald ! ”_[160-gudrun] [Her]_160-gudrun voice of flouting and contempt scotched [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald was brought up short . But [he]_255-gerald recovered [himself]_255-gerald . “ Tell [me]_255-gerald , only tell [me]_255-gerald , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald reiterated in a dangerous narrowed voice—“tell [me]_255-gerald what it is that fascinates [you]_160-gudrun in [him]_255-gerald . ”_[255-gerald] “ [I]_160-gudrun am not fascinated , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , with cold repelling innocence . “ Yes , [you]_255-gerald are . [You]_255-gerald are fascinated by that little dry snake , like a bird gaping ready to fall down its throat . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald with black fury . “ [I]_160-gudrun do n’t choose to be discussed by [you]_255-gerald , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ It does n’t matter whether [you]_160-gudrun choose or not , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied , “ that does n’t alter the fact that [you]_160-gudrun are ready to fall down and kiss the feet of that little insect . And [I]_255-gerald do n’t want to prevent [you]_160-gudrun — do it , fall down and kiss [his]_255-gerald feet . But [I]_255-gerald want to know , what it is that fascinates [you]_160-gudrun — what is it ? ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun was silent , suffused with black rage . “ How dare [you]_255-gerald come brow - beating [me]_160-gudrun , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried , “ how dare [you]_255-gerald , [[you]_255-gerald little squire]_{7322-you little squire} , [you]_255-gerald bully . What right have [you]_255-gerald over [me]_160-gudrun , do [you]_255-gerald think ? ”_[160-gudrun] [His]_255-gerald face was white and gleaming , [she]_160-gudrun knew by the light in [his]_255-gerald eyes that [she]_160-gudrun was in [his]_255-gerald power — the wolf . And because [she]_160-gudrun was in [his]_255-gerald power , [she]_160-gudrun hated [him]_255-gerald with a power that [she]_160-gudrun wondered did not kill [him]_255-gerald . In [her]_160-gudrun will [she]_160-gudrun killed [him]_255-gerald as [he]_255-gerald stood , effaced [him]_255-gerald . “ It is not a question of right , ”_[255-gerald] said [Gerald]_255-gerald , sitting down on a chair . [She]_160-gudrun watched the change in [his]_255-gerald body . [She]_160-gudrun saw [his]_255-gerald clenched , mechanical body moving there like an obsession . [Her]_160-gudrun hatred of [him]_255-gerald was tinged with fatal contempt . “ It ’s not a question of [my]_160-gudrun right over [you]_255-gerald — though [I]_160-gudrun have some right , remember . [I]_160-gudrun want to know , [I]_160-gudrun only want to know what it is that subjugates [you]_255-gerald to [that little scum of [a sculptor downstairs]_{7324-a sculptor downstairs}]_{7323-that little scum of a sculptor downstairs} , what it is that brings [you]_255-gerald down like a humble maggot , in worship of [him]_255-gerald . [I]_160-gudrun want to know what [you]_255-gerald creep after . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun stood over against the window , listening . Then [she]_160-gudrun turned round . “ Do [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , in [her]_160-gudrun most easy , most cutting voice . “ Do [you]_255-gerald want to know what it is in [him]_255-gerald ? It ’s because [he]_255-gerald has some understanding of [a woman]_{897-a woman} , because [he]_255-gerald is not stupid . That ’s why it is . ”_[160-gudrun] A queer , sinister , animal - like smile came over [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s face . “ But what understanding is it ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . “ The understanding of a flea , a hopping flea with a proboscis . Why should [you]_160-gudrun crawl abject before the understanding of a flea ? ”_[255-gerald] There passed through [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s mind [Blake]_427-blake ’s representation of the soul of a flea . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to fit it to [Loerke]_404-loerke . [Blake]_427-blake was [a clown]_{4439-a clown} too . But it was necessary to answer [Gerald]_255-gerald . “ Do n’t [you]_255-gerald think the understanding of a flea is more interesting than the understanding of [a fool]_{4749-a fool} ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked . “ [A fool]_{4749-a fool} ! ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald repeated . “ [A fool]_{4749-a fool} , [a conceited fool]_{7329-a conceited fool} — [a Dummkopf]_{7330-a dummkopf} , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied , adding the German word . “ Do [you]_160-gudrun call [me]_255-gerald [a fool]_{4749-a fool} ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald replied . “ Well , would n’t [I]_255-gerald rather be [the fool]_{5321-the fool} [I]_255-gerald am , than that flea [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} ? ”_[255-gerald] [She]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_255-gerald . A certain blunt , blind stupidity in [him]_255-gerald palled on [her]_160-gudrun soul , limiting [her]_160-gudrun . “ [You]_255-gerald give [yourself]_255-gerald away by that last , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . [He]_255-gerald sat and wondered . “ [I]_255-gerald shall go away soon , ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald said . [She]_160-gudrun turned on [him]_255-gerald . “ Remember , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , “ [I]_160-gudrun am completely independent of [you]_255-gerald — completely . [You]_255-gerald make [your]_255-gerald arrangements , [I]_160-gudrun make [mine]_160-gudrun . ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_255-gerald pondered this . “ [You]_160-gudrun mean [we]_7334-we are [strangers]_{4698-strangers} from this minute ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . [She]_160-gudrun halted and flushed . [He]_255-gerald was putting [her]_160-gudrun in a trap , forcing [her]_160-gudrun hand . [She]_160-gudrun turned round on [him]_255-gerald . “ [Strangers]_{4698-strangers} , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , “ [we]_7334-we can never be . But if [you]_255-gerald want to make any movement apart from [me]_160-gudrun , then [I]_160-gudrun wish [you]_255-gerald to know [you]_255-gerald are perfectly free to do so . Do not consider [me]_160-gudrun in the slightest . ”_[160-gudrun] Even so slight an implication that [she]_160-gudrun needed [him]_255-gerald and was depending on [him]_255-gerald still was sufficient to rouse [his]_255-gerald passion . As [he]_255-gerald sat a change came over [his]_255-gerald body , the hot , molten stream mounted involuntarily through [his]_255-gerald veins . [He]_255-gerald groaned inwardly , under its bondage , but [he]_255-gerald loved it . [He]_255-gerald looked at [her]_160-gudrun with clear eyes , waiting for [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun knew at once , and was shaken with cold revulsion . How could [he]_255-gerald look at [her]_160-gudrun with those clear , warm , waiting eyes , waiting for [her]_160-gudrun , even now ? What had been said between [them]_4440-them , was it not enough to put [them]_4440-them worlds asunder , to freeze [them]_4440-them forever apart ! And yet [he]_255-gerald was all transfused and roused , waiting for [her]_160-gudrun . It confused [her]_160-gudrun . Turning [her]_160-gudrun head aside , [she]_160-gudrun said : “ [I]_160-gudrun shall always tell [you]_255-gerald , whenever [I]_160-gudrun am going to make any change — ”_[160-gudrun] And with this [she]_160-gudrun moved out of [the room]_{739-the room} . [He]_255-gerald sat suspended in a fine recoil of disappointment , that seemed gradually to be destroying [his]_255-gerald understanding . But the unconscious state of patience persisted in [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald remained motionless , without thought or knowledge , for a long time . Then [he]_255-gerald rose , and went [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} , to play at chess with [one of [the students]_{3997-the students}]_{4086-one of the students} . [His]_255-gerald face was open and clear , with [a certain innocent laisser - aller that troubled [Gudrun]_160-gudrun most]_{4445-a certain innocent laisser - aller that troubled gudrun most} , made [her]_160-gudrun almost afraid of [him]_255-gerald , whilst [she]_160-gudrun disliked [him]_255-gerald deeply for it . It was after this that [Loerke]_404-loerke , who had never yet spoken to [her]_160-gudrun personally , began to ask [her]_160-gudrun of [her]_160-gudrun state . “ [You]_160-gudrun are not married at all , are [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke asked . [She]_160-gudrun looked full at [him]_255-gerald . “ Not in the least , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied , in [her]_160-gudrun measured way . [Loerke]_404-loerke laughed , wrinkling up [his]_255-gerald face oddly . There was a thin wisp of [his]_255-gerald hair straying on [his]_255-gerald forehead , [she]_160-gudrun noticed that [his]_255-gerald skin was of a clear brown colour , [his]_255-gerald hands , [his]_255-gerald wrists . And [his]_255-gerald hands seemed closely prehensile . [He]_255-gerald seemed like topaz , so strangely brownish and pellucid . “ Good , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . Still it needed some courage for [him]_404-loerke to go on . “ Was [Mrs Birkin]_169-birkin [[your]_160-gudrun sister]_{4794-your sister} ? ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke asked . “ Yes . ”_[404-loerke] “ And was [she]_169-birkin married ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ [She]_169-birkin was married . ”_[404-loerke] “ Have [[you]_160-gudrun [parents]_4038-parents]_{7338-you parents} , then ? ”_[404-loerke] “ Yes , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , “ [we]_7340-we have [parents]_4038-parents . ”_[160-gudrun] And [she]_160-gudrun told [him]_404-loerke , briefly , laconically , [her]_160-gudrun position . [He]_404-loerke watched [her]_160-gudrun closely , curiously all the while . “ So ! ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke exclaimed , with some surprise . “ And [the Herr Crich]_{432-the herr crich} , is [he]_{432-the herr crich} rich ? ”_[404-loerke] “ Yes , [he]_{432-the herr crich} is rich , [a coal owner]_{7342-a coal owner} . ”_[160-gudrun] “ How long has [your]_160-gudrun friendship with [him]_{432-the herr crich} lasted ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Some months . ”_[404-loerke] There was a pause . “ Yes , [I]_404-loerke am surprised , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said at length . “ The English , [I]_404-loerke thought [they]_7343-they were so — cold . And what do [you]_160-gudrun think to do when [you]_160-gudrun leave [here]_4650-here ? ”_[404-loerke] “ What do [I]_160-gudrun think to do ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun repeated . “ Yes . [You]_160-gudrun can not go back to the teaching . No — ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke shrugged [his]_404-loerke shoulders—“that is impossible . Leave that to the canaille who can do nothing else . [You]_160-gudrun , for [your]_160-gudrun part — [you]_160-gudrun know , [you]_160-gudrun are [a remarkable woman]_{7345-a remarkable woman} , [eine seltsame Frau]_393-frau . Why deny it — why make any question of it ? [You]_160-gudrun are [an extraordinary woman]_{7346-an extraordinary woman} , why should [you]_160-gudrun follow the ordinary course , the ordinary life ? ”_[404-loerke] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun sat looking at [her]_160-gudrun hands , flushed . [She]_160-gudrun was pleased that [he]_404-loerke said , so simply , that [she]_160-gudrun was [a remarkable woman]_{7345-a remarkable woman} . [He]_404-loerke would not say that to flatter [her]_160-gudrun — [he]_404-loerke was far too self - opinionated and objective by nature . [He]_404-loerke said it as [he]_404-loerke would say a piece of sculpture was remarkable , because [he]_404-loerke knew it was so . And it gratified [her]_160-gudrun to hear it from [him]_404-loerke . [Other people]_{4665-other people} had such a passion to make everything of one degree , of one pattern . In [England]_80-england it was chic to be perfectly ordinary . And it was a relief to [her]_160-gudrun to be acknowledged extraordinary . Then [she]_160-gudrun need not fret about the common standards . “ [You]_404-loerke see , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , “ [I]_160-gudrun have no money whatsoever . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Ach , money ! ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke cried , lifting [his]_404-loerke shoulders . “ When [one]_4646-one is grown up , money is lying about at [one]_4646-one ’s service . It is only when [one]_4646-one is young that it is rare . Take no thought for money — that always lies to hand . ”_[404-loerke] “ Does it ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , laughing . “ Always . [The Gerald]_{7350-the gerald} will give [you]_404-loerke a sum , if [you]_404-loerke ask [him]_{7350-the gerald} for it — ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun flushed deeply . “ [I]_160-gudrun will ask [anybody else]_{1074-anybody else} , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , with some difficulty—“but not [him]_{7350-the gerald} . ”_[160-gudrun] [Loerke]_404-loerke looked closely at [her]_160-gudrun . “ Good , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . “ Then let it be [somebody else]_{4755-somebody else} . Only do n’t go back to [that England]_{7353-that england} , [that school]_{7354-that school} . No , that is stupid . ”_[404-loerke] Again there was a pause . [He]_404-loerke was afraid to ask [her]_160-gudrun outright to go with [him]_404-loerke , [he]_404-loerke was not even quite sure [he]_404-loerke wanted [her]_160-gudrun ; and [she]_160-gudrun was afraid to be asked . [He]_404-loerke begrudged [his]_404-loerke own isolation , was very chary of sharing [his]_404-loerke life , even for a day . “ [The only other place [I]_160-gudrun know]_{7355-the only other place i know} is [Paris]_42-paris , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , “ and [I]_160-gudrun ca n’t stand that . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun looked with [her]_160-gudrun wide , steady eyes full at [Loerke]_404-loerke . [He]_404-loerke lowered [his]_404-loerke head and averted [his]_404-loerke face . “ [Paris]_42-paris , no ! ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . “ Between the réligion d’amour , and the latest ’ ism , and the new turning to [Jesus]_247-jesus , [one]_4646-one had better ride on [a carrousel]_{7357-a carrousel} all day . But come to [Dresden]_88-dresden . [I]_404-loerke have [a studio]_{2751-a studio} [there]_629-there — [I]_404-loerke can give [you]_160-gudrun work,—oh , that would be easy enough . [I]_404-loerke have n’t seen any of [your]_160-gudrun things , but [I]_404-loerke believe in [you]_160-gudrun . Come to [Dresden]_88-dresden — that is [a fine town to be in]_{7360-a fine town to be in} , and as good a life as [you]_160-gudrun can expect of [a town]_{7361-a town} . [You]_160-gudrun have everything there , without the foolishness of [Paris]_42-paris or the beer of [Munich]_58-munich . ”_[404-loerke] [He]_4448-he sat and looked at [her]_4449-her , coldly . What [she]_4449-her liked about [him]_4448-he was that [he]_4448-he spoke to [her]_4449-her simple and flat , as to [himself]_4448-he . [He]_4448-he was [a fellow craftsman]_{4450-a fellow craftsman} , [a fellow being to [her]_4449-her]_{4451-a fellow being to her} , first . “ No — [Paris]_42-paris , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he resumed , “ it makes [me]_4448-he sick . Pah — l’amour . [I]_4448-he detest it . [L’amour]_{156-l’amour} , l’amore , die Liebe — [I]_4448-he detest it in every language . [Women]_453-women and love , there is no greater tedium , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he cried . [She]_4449-her was slightly offended . And yet , this was [her]_4449-her own basic feeling . [Men]_848-men , and love — there was no greater tedium . “ [I]_4449-her think the same , ”_[4449-her] [she]_4449-her said . “ A bore , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he repeated . “ What does it matter whether [I]_4448-he wear this hat or another . So love . [I]_4448-he need n’t wear a hat at all , only for convenience . Neither need [I]_4448-he love except for convenience . [I]_4448-he tell [you]_4449-her what , gnädige [Frau]_393-frau — ”_[4448-he] and [he]_4448-he leaned towards [her]_4449-her — then [he]_4448-he made a quick , odd gesture , as of striking something aside—“gnädige Fräulein , never mind — [I]_4448-he tell [you]_4449-her what , [I]_4448-he would give everything , everything , all [your]_4449-her love , for a little companionship in intelligence — ”_[4448-he] [his]_4448-he eyes flickered darkly , evilly at [her]_4449-her . “ [You]_4449-her understand ? ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he asked , with a faint smile . “ It would n’t matter if [she]_4449-her were a hundred years old , a thousand — it would be all the same to [me]_4448-he , so that [she]_4449-her can understand . ”_[4448-he] [He]_4448-he shut [his]_4448-he eyes with a little snap . Again [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was rather offended . Did [he]_4448-he not think [her]_4449-her good looking , then ? Suddenly [she]_4449-her laughed . “ [I]_4449-her shall have to wait about eighty years to suit [you]_4448-he , at that ! ”_[4449-her] [she]_4449-her said . “ [I]_4449-her am ugly enough , are n’t [I]_4449-her ? ”_[4449-her] [He]_4448-he looked at [her]_4449-her with [an artist]_{1059-an artist} ’s sudden , critical , estimating eye . “ [You]_4449-her are beautiful , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he said , “ and [I]_4448-he am glad of it . But it is n’t that — it is n’t that , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he cried , with emphasis that flattered [her]_4449-her . “ It is that [you]_4449-her have a certain wit , it is the kind of understanding . For [me]_4448-he , [I]_4448-he am little , chétif , insignificant . Good ! Do not ask [me]_4448-he to be strong and handsome , then . But it is the [me]_4448-he — ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he put [his]_4448-he fingers to [his]_4448-he mouth , oddly—“it is the [me]_4448-he that is looking for [a mistress]_{2837-a mistress} , and [[my]_4448-he me]_{7364-my me} is waiting for the thee of [the mistress]_{7365-the mistress} , for the match to [my]_4448-he particular intelligence . [You]_4449-her understand ? ”_[4448-he] “ Yes , ”_[4449-her] [she]_4449-her said , “ [I]_4449-her understand . ”_[4449-her] “ As for the other , this amour — ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he made a gesture , dashing [his]_4448-he hand aside , as if to dash away something troublesome—“it is unimportant , unimportant . Does it matter , whether [I]_4448-he drink white wine this evening , or whether [I]_4448-he drink nothing ? It does not matter , it does not matter . So this love , this amour , this baiser . Yes or no , soit ou soit pas , today , tomorrow , or never , it is all the same , it does not matter — no more than the white wine . ”_[4448-he] [He]_4448-he ended with an odd dropping of the head in a desperate negation . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun watched [him]_4448-he steadily . [She]_160-gudrun had gone pale . Suddenly [she]_160-gudrun stretched over and seized [his]_4448-he hand in [her]_160-gudrun own . “ That is true , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , in rather a high , vehement voice , “ that is true for [me]_160-gudrun too . It is the understanding that matters . ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_4448-he looked up at [her]_160-gudrun almost frightened , furtive . Then [he]_4448-he nodded , a little sullenly . [She]_4449-her let go [his]_4448-he hand : [he]_4448-he had made not the lightest response . And [they]_4454-they sat in silence . “ Do [you]_160-gudrun know , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he said , suddenly looking at [her]_160-gudrun with dark , self - important , prophetic eyes , “ [your]_160-gudrun fate and [mine]_7366-mine , [they]_4454-they will run together , till — ”_[4448-he] and [he]_4448-he broke off in a little grimace . “ Till when ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked , blanched , [her]_160-gudrun lips going white . [She]_160-gudrun was terribly susceptible to these evil prognostications , but [he]_4448-he only shook [his]_4448-he head . “ [I]_4448-he do n’t know , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he said , “ [I]_4448-he do n’t know . ”_[4448-he] [Gerald]_255-gerald did not come in from [his]_4448-he skiing until nightfall , [he]_4448-he missed the coffee and cake that [she]_160-gudrun took at four o’clock . The snow was in perfect condition , [he]_4448-he had travelled a long way , by [himself]_4448-he , among [the snow ridges]_{4455-the snow ridges} , on [his]_4448-he skis , [he]_4448-he had climbed high , so high that [he]_4448-he could see over the top of [the pass]_{4456-the pass} , five miles distant , could see [the Marienhütte]_{157-the marienhütte} , [the hostel on the crest of [the pass]_{4456-the pass}]_{4457-the hostel on the crest of the pass} , half buried in snow , and over into [the deep valley beyond , to the dusk of the pine trees]_{4459-the deep valley beyond , to the dusk of the pine trees} . [One]_4646-one could go that way [home]_4649-home ; but [he]_4448-he shuddered with nausea at the thought of home;—one could travel on skis down there , and come to [the old imperial road]_{4462-the old imperial road} , below [the pass]_{4456-the pass} . But why come to [any road]_{4464-any road} ? [He]_4448-he revolted at the thought of finding [himself]_4448-he in [the world]_{541-the world} again . [He]_4448-he must stay up [there]_629-there in [the snow]_{4467-the snow} forever . [He]_4448-he had been happy by [himself]_4448-he , high up there alone , travelling swiftly on skis , taking far flights , and skimming past the dark rocks veined with brilliant snow . But [he]_4448-he felt something icy gathering at [his]_4448-he heart . This strange mood of patience and innocence which had persisted in [him]_4448-he for some days , was passing away , [he]_4448-he would be left again a prey to the horrible passions and tortures . So [he]_4448-he came down reluctantly , snow - burned , snow - estranged , to [the house in [the hollow]_{2948-the hollow}]_{4468-the house in the hollow} , between [the knuckles of [the mountain tops]_{4021-the mountain tops}]_{4470-the knuckles of the mountain tops} . [He]_4448-he saw [its]_{4468-the house in the hollow} lights shining yellow , and [he]_4448-he held back , wishing [he]_4448-he need not go in , to confront [those people]_{4472-those people} , to hear the turmoil of voices and to feel the confusion of other presences . [He]_4448-he was isolated as if there were a vacuum round [his]_4448-he heart , or a sheath of pure ice . The moment [he]_4448-he saw [Gudrun]_160-gudrun something jolted in [his]_4448-he soul . [She]_160-gudrun was looking rather lofty and superb , smiling slowly and graciously to [the Germans]_{252-the germans} . A sudden desire leapt in [his]_4448-he heart , to kill [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_4448-he thought , what a perfect voluptuous fulfilment it would be , to kill [her]_160-gudrun . [His]_4448-he mind was absent all the evening , estranged by the snow and [his]_4448-he passion . But [he]_4448-he kept the idea constant within [him]_4448-he , what a perfect voluptuous consummation it would be to strangle [her]_160-gudrun , to strangle every spark of life out of [her]_160-gudrun , till [she]_160-gudrun lay completely inert , soft , relaxed for ever , a soft heap lying dead between [his]_4448-he hands , utterly dead . Then [he]_4448-he would have had [her]_160-gudrun finally and for ever ; there would be such a perfect voluptuous finality . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was unaware of what [he]_4448-he was feeling , [he]_4448-he seemed so quiet and amiable , as usual . [His]_4448-he amiability even made [her]_160-gudrun feel brutal towards [him]_4448-he . [She]_160-gudrun went into [[his]_4448-he room]_{5054-his room} when [he]_4448-he was partially undressed . [She]_160-gudrun did not notice the curious , glad gleam of pure hatred , with which [he]_4448-he looked at [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun stood near the door , with [her]_160-gudrun hand behind [her]_160-gudrun . “ [I]_160-gudrun have been thinking , [Gerald]_255-gerald , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , with an insulting nonchalance , “ that [I]_160-gudrun shall not go back to [England]_80-england . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Oh , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he said , “ where will [you]_160-gudrun go then ? ”_[4448-he] But [she]_160-gudrun ignored [his]_4448-he question . [She]_160-gudrun had [her]_160-gudrun own logical statement to make , and it must be made as [she]_160-gudrun had thought it . “ [I]_160-gudrun ca n’t see the use of going back , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun continued . “ It is over between [me]_160-gudrun and [you]_4448-he — ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun paused for [him]_4448-he to speak . But [he]_4448-he said nothing . [He]_4448-he was only talking to [himself]_4448-he , saying “ Over , is it ? [I]_4448-he believe it is over . But it is n’t finished . Remember , it is n’t finished . [We]_7367-we must put some sort of a finish on it . There must be a conclusion , there must be finality . ”_[4448-he] So [he]_4448-he talked to [himself]_4448-he , but aloud [he]_4448-he said nothing whatever . “ What has been , has been , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun continued . “ There is nothing that [I]_160-gudrun regret . [I]_160-gudrun hope [you]_4448-he regret nothing — ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun waited for [him]_4448-he to speak . “ Oh , [I]_4448-he regret nothing , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he said , accommodatingly . “ Good then , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun answered , “ good then . Then neither of [us]_7368-our cherishes any regrets , which is as it should be . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Quite as it should be , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he said aimlessly . [She]_160-gudrun paused to gather up [her]_160-gudrun thread again . “ [Our]_7368-our attempt has been a failure , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ But [we]_7368-our can try again , elsewhere . ”_[160-gudrun] A little flicker of rage ran through [his]_4448-he blood . It was as if [she]_160-gudrun were rousing [him]_4448-he , goading [him]_4448-he . Why must [she]_160-gudrun do it ? “ Attempt at what ? ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he asked . “ At being [lovers]_621-lovers , [I]_160-gudrun suppose , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , a little baffled , yet so trivial [she]_160-gudrun made it all seem . “ [Our]_7368-our attempt at being [lovers]_621-lovers has been a failure ? ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he repeated aloud . To [himself]_4448-he [he]_4448-he was saying , “ [I]_4448-he ought to kill [her]_160-gudrun here . There is only this left , for [me]_4448-he to kill [her]_160-gudrun . ”_[4448-he] A heavy , overcharged desire to bring about [her]_160-gudrun death possessed [him]_4448-he . [She]_160-gudrun was unaware . “ Has n’t it ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked . “ Do [you]_4448-he think it has been a success ? ”_[160-gudrun] Again the insult of the flippant question ran through [his]_4448-he blood like a current of fire . “ It had some of the elements of success , [our]_7371-our relationship , ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he replied . “ It — might have come off . ”_[4448-he] But [he]_4448-he paused before concluding the last phrase . Even as [he]_4448-he began the sentence , [he]_4448-he did not believe in what [he]_4448-he was going to say . [He]_4448-he knew it never could have been a success . “ No , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied . “ [You]_4448-he can not love . ”_[160-gudrun] “ And [you]_160-gudrun ? ”_[4448-he] [he]_4448-he asked . [Her]_160-gudrun wide , dark - filled eyes were fixed on [him]_4448-he , like two moons of darkness . “ [I]_160-gudrun could n’t love [you]_4448-he , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , with stark cold truth . A blinding flash went over [his]_4448-he brain , [his]_4448-he body jolted . [His]_4448-he heart had burst into flame . [His]_4448-he consciousness was gone into [his]_4448-he wrists , into [his]_4448-he hands . [He]_4448-he was one blind , incontinent desire , to kill [her]_160-gudrun . [His]_4448-he wrists were bursting , there would be no satisfaction till [his]_4448-he hands had closed on [her]_160-gudrun . But even before [his]_4448-he body swerved forward on [her]_160-gudrun , a sudden , cunning comprehension was expressed on [her]_160-gudrun face , and in a flash [she]_160-gudrun was out of the door . [She]_160-gudrun ran in one flash to [[her]_160-gudrun room]_{5117-her room} and locked [herself]_160-gudrun in . [She]_160-gudrun was afraid , but confident . [She]_160-gudrun knew [her]_160-gudrun life trembled on the edge of [an abyss]_{4475-an abyss} . But [she]_160-gudrun was curiously sure of [her]_160-gudrun footing . [She]_160-gudrun knew [her]_160-gudrun cunning could outwit [him]_4448-he . [She]_160-gudrun trembled , as [she]_160-gudrun stood in [[her]_160-gudrun room]_{5117-her room} , with excitement and awful exhilaration . [She]_160-gudrun knew [she]_160-gudrun could outwit [him]_4448-he . [She]_160-gudrun could depend on [her]_160-gudrun presence of mind , and on [her]_160-gudrun wits . But it was a fight to the death , [she]_160-gudrun knew it now . One slip , and [she]_160-gudrun was lost . [She]_160-gudrun had a strange , tense , exhilarated sickness in [her]_160-gudrun body , as [one who is in peril of falling from a great height , but who does not look down , does not admit the fear]_{4477-one who is in peril of falling from a great height , but who does not look down , does not admit the fear} . “ [I]_160-gudrun will go away the day after tomorrow , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . [She]_160-gudrun only did not want [Gerald]_255-gerald to think that [she]_160-gudrun was afraid of [him]_4448-he , that [she]_160-gudrun was running away because [she]_160-gudrun was afraid of [him]_4448-he . [She]_160-gudrun was not afraid of [him]_4448-he , fundamentally . [She]_160-gudrun knew it was [her]_160-gudrun safeguard to avoid [his]_4448-he physical violence . But even physically [she]_160-gudrun was not afraid of [him]_4448-he . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to prove it to [him]_4448-he . When [she]_160-gudrun had proved it , that , whatever [he]_4448-he was , [she]_160-gudrun was not afraid of [him]_4448-he ; when [she]_160-gudrun had proved that , [she]_160-gudrun could leave [him]_4448-he forever . But meanwhile the fight between [them]_4478-them , terrible as [she]_160-gudrun knew it to be , was inconclusive . And [she]_160-gudrun wanted to be confident in [herself]_160-gudrun . However many terrors [she]_160-gudrun might have , [she]_160-gudrun would be unafraid , uncowed by [him]_4448-he . [He]_4448-he could never cow [her]_160-gudrun , nor dominate [her]_160-gudrun , nor have any right over [her]_160-gudrun ; this [she]_160-gudrun would maintain until [she]_160-gudrun had proved it . Once it was proved , [she]_160-gudrun was free of [him]_4448-he forever . But [she]_160-gudrun had not proved it yet , neither to [him]_4448-he nor to [herself]_160-gudrun . And this was what still bound [her]_160-gudrun to [him]_4448-he . [She]_160-gudrun was bound to [him]_4448-he , [she]_160-gudrun could not live beyond [him]_4448-he . [She]_160-gudrun sat up in bed , closely wrapped up , for many hours , thinking endlessly to [herself]_160-gudrun . It was as if [she]_160-gudrun would never have done weaving the great provision of [her]_160-gudrun thoughts . “ It is n’t as if [he]_4448-he really loved [me]_160-gudrun , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said to [herself]_160-gudrun . “ [He]_4448-he does n’t . [Every woman [he]_4448-he comes across]_{7372-every woman he comes across} [he]_4448-he wants to make [her]_{7372-every woman he comes across} in love with [him]_4448-he . [He]_4448-he does n’t even know that [he]_4448-he is doing it . But there [he]_4448-he is , before [every woman]_{1465-every woman} [he]_4448-he unfurls [his]_4448-he male attractiveness , displays [his]_4448-he great desirability , [he]_4448-he tries to make [every woman]_{1465-every woman} think how wonderful it would be to have [him]_4448-he for [a lover]_{6265-a lover} . [His]_4448-he very ignoring of [the women]_{537-the women} is part of the game . [He]_4448-he is never unconscious of [them]_{537-the women} . [He]_4448-he should have been [a cockerel]_{7377-a cockerel} , so [he]_4448-he could strut before [fifty females]_{7378-fifty females} , [all [his]_4448-he subjects]_{7379-all his subjects} . But really , [his]_4448-he Don Juan does not interest [me]_160-gudrun . [I]_160-gudrun could play [Dona Juanita]_{433-dona juanita} a million times better than [he]_4448-he plays [Juan]_434-juan . [He]_4448-he bores [me]_160-gudrun , [you]_7380-you know . [[His]_4448-he maleness]_{7381-his maleness} bores [me]_160-gudrun . Nothing is so boring , so inherently stupid and stupidly conceited . Really , [the fathomless conceit of [these men]_{589-these men}]_{7382-the fathomless conceit of these men} , it is ridiculous — [the little strutters]_{7384-the little strutters} . “_[160-gudrun] [They]_4479-they are [all alike]_{4480-all alike} . Look at [Birkin]_169-birkin . Built out of the limitation of conceit [they]_4479-they are , and nothing else . Really , nothing but [their]_4479-they ridiculous limitation and intrinsic insignificance could make [them]_4479-they so conceited . “ As for [Loerke]_404-loerke , there is a thousand times more in [him]_404-loerke than in a [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Gerald]_255-gerald is so limited , there is a dead end to [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald would grind on at [the old mills]_{7385-the old mills} forever . And really , there is no corn between the millstones any more . [They]_4479-they grind on and on , when there is nothing to grind — saying the same things , believing the same things , acting the same things . Oh , [[my]_0-i God]_{3770-my god} , it would wear out the patience of a stone . “_[0-i] [I]_0-i do n’t worship [Loerke]_404-loerke , but at any rate , [he]_404-loerke is [a free individual]_{4481-a free individual} . [He]_404-loerke is not stiff with conceit of [his]_404-loerke own maleness . [He]_404-loerke is not grinding dutifully at [the old mills]_{7385-the old mills} . [Oh God]_167-god , when [I]_0-i think of [Gerald]_255-gerald , and [his]_255-gerald work — [those offices at [Beldover]_1-beldover]_{4483-those offices at beldover} , and [the mines]_{988-the mines} — it makes [my]_0-i heart sick . What have [I]_0-i to do with it — and [him]_255-gerald thinking [he]_255-gerald can be [a lover]_{6265-a lover} to [a woman]_{897-a woman} ! [One]_4646-one might as well ask it of a self - satisfied lamp - post . [These men]_{589-these men} , with [their]_{589-these men} eternal jobs — and [[their]_{589-these men} eternal mills of [God]_167-god]_{4489-their eternal mills of god} that keep on grinding at nothing ! It is too boring , just boring . However did [I]_0-i come to take [him]_255-gerald seriously at all ! “ At least in [Dresden]_88-dresden , [one]_4646-one will have [one]_4646-one ’s back to it all . And there will be amusing things to do . It will be amusing to go to these eurythmic displays , and the German opera , [the German theatre]_{7389-the german theatre} . It will be amusing to take part in German Bohemian life . And [Loerke]_404-loerke is [an artist]_{1059-an artist} , [he]_404-loerke is [a free individual]_{4481-a free individual} . [One]_4646-one will escape from so much , that is the chief thing , escape so much hideous boring repetition of vulgar actions , vulgar phrases , vulgar postures . [I]_0-i do n’t delude [myself]_0-i that [I]_0-i shall find an elixir of life in [Dresden]_88-dresden . [I]_0-i know [I]_0-i sha n’t . But [I]_0-i shall get away from [people who have [[their]_{7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that} own homes]_{7394-their own homes} and [[their]_{7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that} own children]_{7395-their own children} and [[their]_{7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that} own acquaintances]_{7396-their own acquaintances} and [their]_{7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that} own this and [their]_{7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that} own that]_{7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that} . [I]_0-i shall be among [people who do n’t own things]_{7397-people who do n’t own things} and who have n’t got [a home]_{5556-a home} and [a domestic servant in the background]_{7399-a domestic servant in the background} , [who have n’t got a standing and a status and a degree]_{7400-who have n’t got a standing and a status and a degree} and [a circle of [friends of the same]_{7402-friends of the same}]_{7401-a circle of friends of the same} . Oh God , the wheels within wheels of [people]_579-people , it makes [one]_4646-one ’s head tick like a clock , with a very madness of dead mechanical monotony and meaninglessness . How [I]_0-i hate life , how [I]_0-i hate it . How [I]_0-i hate [the Geralds]_{435-the geralds} , that [they]_{435-the geralds} can offer one nothing else . “_[0-i] Shortlands!—Heavens ! Think of living [there]_629-there , one week , then the next , and then the third — “ No , [I]_4491-she wo n’t think of it — it is too much — ”_[4491-she] And [she]_4491-she broke off , really terrified , really unable to bear any more . The thought of the mechanical succession of day following day , day following day , ad infintum , was one of the things that made [her]_4491-she heart palpitate with a real approach of madness . The terrible bondage of this tick - tack of time , this twitching of the hands of the clock , this eternal repetition of hours and days — oh God , it was too awful to contemplate . And there was no escape from it , no escape . [She]_4491-she almost wished [Gerald]_255-gerald were with [her]_4491-she to save [her]_4491-she from the terror of [her]_4491-she own thoughts . Oh , how [she]_4491-she suffered , lying there alone , confronted by the terrible clock , with its eternal tick - tack . All life , all life resolved itself into this : tick - tack , tick - tack , tick - tack ; then the striking of the hour ; then the tick - tack , tick - tack , and the twitching of the clock - fingers . [Gerald]_255-gerald could not save [her]_4491-she from it . [He]_255-gerald , [his]_255-gerald body , [his]_255-gerald motion , [his]_255-gerald life — it was the same ticking , the same twitching across the dial , a horrible mechanical twitching forward over the face of the hours . What were [his]_255-gerald kisses , [his]_255-gerald embraces . [She]_4491-she could hear [their]_4492-their tick - tack , tick - tack . Ha — ha — [she]_4491-she laughed to [herself]_4491-she , so frightened that [she]_4491-she was trying to laugh it off — ha — ha , how maddening it was , to be sure , to be sure ! Then , with a fleeting self - conscious motion , [she]_4491-she wondered if [she]_4491-she would be very much surprised , on rising in the morning , to realise that [her]_4491-she hair had turned white . [She]_4491-she had felt it turning white so often , under the intolerable burden of [her]_4491-she thoughts , und [her]_4491-she sensations . Yet there it remained , brown as ever , and there [she]_4491-she was [herself]_4491-she , looking a picture of health . Perhaps [she]_4491-she was healthy . Perhaps it was only [her]_4491-she unabateable health that left [her]_4491-she so exposed to the truth . If [she]_4491-she were sickly [she]_4491-she would have [her]_4491-she illusions , imaginations . As it was , there was no escape . [She]_4491-she must always see and know and never escape . [She]_4491-she could never escape . There [she]_4491-she was , placed before the clock - face of life . And if [she]_4491-she turned round as in [a railway station]_{4493-a railway station} , to look at the bookstall , still [she]_4491-she could see , with [her]_4491-she very spine , [she]_4491-she could see the clock , always the great white clock - face . In vain [she]_4491-she fluttered the leaves of books , or made statuettes in clay . [She]_4491-she knew [she]_4491-she was not really reading . [She]_4491-she was not really working . [She]_4491-she was watching the fingers twitch across the eternal , mechanical , monotonous clock - face of time . [She]_4491-she never really lived , [she]_4491-she only watched . Indeed , [she]_4491-she was like a little , twelve - hour clock , vis - à - vis with the enormous clock of eternity — there [she]_4491-she was , like Dignity and Impudence , or Impudence and Dignity . The picture pleased [her]_4491-she . Did n’t [her]_4491-she face really look like a clock dial — rather roundish and often pale , and impassive . [She]_4491-she would have got up to look , in the mirror , but the thought of the sight of [her]_4491-she own face , that was like a twelve - hour clock - dial , filled [her]_4491-she with such deep terror , that [she]_4491-she hastened to think of something else . Oh , why was n’t somebody kind to [her]_4491-she ? Why was n’t there somebody who would take [her]_4491-she in [their]_4494-their arms , and hold [her]_4491-she to [their]_4494-their breast , and give [her]_4491-she rest , pure , deep , healing rest . Oh , why was n’t there somebody to take [her]_4491-she in [their]_4494-their arms and fold [her]_4491-she safe and perfect , for sleep . [She]_4491-she wanted so much this perfect enfolded sleep . [She]_4491-she lay always so unsheathed in sleep . [She]_4491-she would lie always unsheathed in sleep , unrelieved , unsaved . Oh , how could [she]_4491-she bear it , this endless unrelief , this eternal unrelief . [Gerald]_255-gerald ! Could [he]_255-gerald fold [her]_4491-she in [his]_255-gerald arms and sheathe [her]_4491-she in sleep ? Ha ! [He]_255-gerald needed putting to sleep [himself]_255-gerald — poor [Gerald]_255-gerald . That was all [he]_255-gerald needed . What did [he]_255-gerald do , [he]_255-gerald made the burden for [her]_4491-she greater , the burden of [her]_4491-she sleep was the more intolerable , when [he]_255-gerald was there . [He]_255-gerald was an added weariness upon [her]_4491-she unripening nights , [her]_4491-she unfruitful slumbers . Perhaps [he]_255-gerald got some repose from [her]_4491-she . Perhaps [he]_255-gerald did . Perhaps this was what [he]_255-gerald was always dogging [her]_4491-she for , like [a child that is famished , crying for the breast]_{4495-a child that is famished , crying for the breast} . Perhaps this was the secret of [his]_255-gerald passion , [his]_255-gerald forever unquenched desire for [her]_4491-she — that [he]_255-gerald needed [her]_4491-she to put [him]_255-gerald to sleep , to give [him]_255-gerald repose . What then ! Was [she]_4491-she [[his]_255-gerald mother]_{4685-his mother} ? Had [she]_4491-she asked for [a child]_{733-a child} , whom [she]_4491-she must nurse through the nights , for [[her]_4491-she lover]_{668-her lover} . [She]_4491-she despised [him]_255-gerald , [she]_4491-she despised [him]_255-gerald , [she]_4491-she hardened [her]_4491-she heart . [An infant crying in the night]_{4499-an infant crying in the night} , [this Don Juan]_{4500-this don juan} . Ooh , but how [she]_4491-she hated [the infant]_{4501-the infant} crying in the night . [She]_4491-she would murder it gladly . [She]_4491-she would stifle it and bury it , as [Hetty Sorrell]_{436-hetty sorrell} did . No doubt [[Hetty Sorrell]_{436-hetty sorrell} ’s infant]_{4502-hetty sorrell ’s infant} cried in the night — no doubt [[Arthur Donnithorne]_{437-arthur donnithorne} ’s infant]_{4503-arthur donnithorne ’s infant} would . Ha — [the Arthur Donnithornes]_{438-the arthur donnithornes} , [the Geralds of [this world]_{2436-this world}]_{4504-the geralds of this world} . So manly by day , yet all the while , such a crying of [infants]_6858-infants in the night . Let [them]_6858-infants turn into mechanisms , let [them]_6858-infants . Let [them]_6858-infants become instruments , pure machines , pure wills , that work like clock - work , in perpetual repetition . Let [them]_6858-infants be this , let [them]_6858-infants be taken up entirely in [their]_6858-infants work , let [them]_6858-infants be perfect parts of a great machine , having a slumber of constant repetition . Let [Gerald]_255-gerald manage [[his]_255-gerald firm]_{4507-his firm} . There [he]_255-gerald would be satisfied , as satisfied as a wheelbarrow that goes backwards and forwards along a plank all day — [she]_4508-she had seen it . The wheel - barrow — the one humble wheel — the unit of [the firm]_{1794-the firm} . Then [the cart]_{5820-the cart} , with two wheels ; then [the truck]_{4511-the truck} , with four ; then the donkey - engine , with eight , then the winding - engine , with sixteen , and so on , till it came to [the miner]_{3232-the miner} , with a thousand wheels , and then [the electrician , with three thousand]_{4513-the electrician , with three thousand} , and [the underground manager]_{4514-the underground manager} , with twenty thousand , and [the general manager with a hundred thousand little wheels working away to complete [his]_255-gerald make - up]_{4515-the general manager with a hundred thousand little wheels working away to complete his make - up} , and then [Gerald]_255-gerald , with a million wheels and cogs and axles . [Poor Gerald]_255-gerald , such a lot of little wheels to [his]_255-gerald make - up ! [He]_255-gerald was more intricate than a chronometer - watch . But oh heavens , what weariness ! What weariness , [God]_167-god above ! A chronometer - watch — a beetle — [her]_4508-she soul fainted with utter ennui , from the thought . So many wheels to count and consider and calculate ! Enough , enough — there was an end to [man]_1089-man ’s capacity for complications , even . Or perhaps there was no end . Meanwhile [Gerald]_255-gerald sat in [[his]_255-gerald room]_{5054-his room} , reading . When [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was gone , [he]_255-gerald was left stupefied with arrested desire . [He]_255-gerald sat on the side of the bed for an hour , stupefied , little strands of consciousness appearing and reappearing . But [he]_255-gerald did not move , for a long time [he]_255-gerald remained inert , [his]_255-gerald head dropped on [his]_255-gerald breast . Then [he]_255-gerald looked up and realised that [he]_255-gerald was going to bed . [He]_255-gerald was cold . Soon [he]_255-gerald was lying down in the dark . But what [he]_255-gerald could not bear was the darkness . The solid darkness confronting [him]_255-gerald drove [him]_255-gerald mad . So [he]_255-gerald rose , and made a light . [He]_255-gerald remained seated for a while , staring in front . [He]_255-gerald did not think of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , [he]_255-gerald did not think of anything . Then suddenly [he]_255-gerald went [downstairs]_{1690-downstairs} for a book . [He]_255-gerald had all [his]_255-gerald life been in terror of the nights that should come , when [he]_255-gerald could not sleep . [He]_255-gerald knew that this would be too much for [him]_255-gerald , to have to face nights of sleeplessness and of horrified watching the hours . So [he]_255-gerald sat for hours in bed , like a statue , reading . [His]_255-gerald mind , hard and acute , read on rapidly , [his]_255-gerald body understood nothing . In a state of rigid unconsciousness , [he]_255-gerald read on through the night , till morning , when , weary and disgusted in spirit , disgusted most of all with [himself]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald slept for two hours . Then [he]_255-gerald got up , hard and full of energy . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun scarcely spoke to [him]_255-gerald , except at coffee when [she]_160-gudrun said : “ [I]_160-gudrun shall be leaving tomorrow . ”_[160-gudrun] “ [We]_7405-we will go together as far as [Innsbruck]_{115-innsbruck} , for appearance ’s sake ? ”_[255-gerald] [he]_255-gerald asked . “ Perhaps , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . [She]_160-gudrun said ‘ Perhaps ’ between the sips of [her]_160-gudrun coffee . And the sound of [her]_160-gudrun taking [her]_160-gudrun breath in the word , was nauseous to [him]_255-gerald . [He]_255-gerald rose quickly to be away from [her]_160-gudrun . [He]_255-gerald went and made arrangements for the departure on the morrow . Then , taking some food , [he]_255-gerald set out for the day on the skis . Perhaps , [he]_255-gerald said to [the Wirt]_{440-the wirt} , [he]_255-gerald would go up to [the Marienhütte]_{4519-the marienhütte} , perhaps to [the village below]_{4520-the village below} . To [Gudrun]_160-gudrun this day was full of a promise like spring . [She]_160-gudrun felt an approaching release , a new fountain of life rising up in [her]_160-gudrun . It gave [her]_160-gudrun pleasure to dawdle through [her]_160-gudrun packing , it gave [her]_160-gudrun pleasure to dip into books , to try on [her]_160-gudrun different garments , to look at [herself]_160-gudrun in the glass . [She]_160-gudrun felt a new lease of life was come upon [her]_160-gudrun , and [she]_160-gudrun was happy like [a child]_{733-a child} , very attractive and beautiful to [everybody]_{780-everybody} , with [her]_160-gudrun soft , luxuriant figure , and [her]_160-gudrun happiness . Yet underneath was death itself . In the afternoon [she]_160-gudrun had to go out with [Loerke]_404-loerke . [Her]_160-gudrun tomorrow was perfectly vague before [her]_160-gudrun . This was what gave [her]_160-gudrun pleasure . [She]_160-gudrun might be going to [England]_80-england with [Gerald]_255-gerald , [she]_160-gudrun might be going to [Dresden]_88-dresden with [Loerke]_404-loerke , [she]_160-gudrun might be going to [Munich]_58-munich , to [a girl - friend [she]_160-gudrun had there]_{4523-a girl - friend she had there} . Anything might come to pass on the morrow . And today was the white , snowy iridescent threshold of all possibility . All possibility — that was the charm to [her]_160-gudrun , the lovely , iridescent , indefinite charm,—pure illusion . All possibility — because death was inevitable , and nothing was possible but death . [She]_160-gudrun did not want things to materialise , to take any definite shape . [She]_160-gudrun wanted , suddenly , at one moment of the journey tomorrow , to be wafted into an utterly new course , by some utterly unforeseen event , or motion . So that , although [she]_160-gudrun wanted to go out with [Loerke]_404-loerke for the last time into [the snow]_{4467-the snow} , [she]_160-gudrun did not want to be serious or businesslike . And [Loerke]_404-loerke was not [a serious figure]_{4525-a serious figure} . In [his]_404-loerke brown velvet cap , that made [his]_404-loerke head as round as a chestnut , with the brown - velvet flaps loose and wild over [his]_404-loerke ears , and a wisp of elf - like , thin black hair blowing above [his]_404-loerke full , elf - like dark eyes , the shiny , transparent brown skin crinkling up into odd grimaces on [his]_404-loerke small - featured face , [he]_404-loerke looked [an odd little boy - man]_{4526-an odd little boy - man} , a bat . But in [his]_404-loerke figure , in the greeny loden suit , [he]_404-loerke looked chétif and puny , still strangely different from the rest . [He]_404-loerke had taken a little toboggan , for [the two of [them]_{1536-the two of them}]_{1536-the two of them} , and [they]_{1536-the two of them} trudged between the blinding slopes of snow , that burned [their]_{1536-the two of them} now hardening faces , laughing in an endless sequence of quips and jests and polyglot fancies . The fancies were the reality to both of [them]_{1536-the two of them} , [they]_{1536-the two of them} were both so happy , tossing about the little coloured balls of verbal humour and whimsicality . [Their]_{1536-the two of them} natures seemed to sparkle in full interplay , [they]_{1536-the two of them} were enjoying a pure game . And [they]_{1536-the two of them} wanted to keep it on the level of a game , [their]_{1536-the two of them} relationship : such a fine game . [Loerke]_404-loerke did not take the toboganning very seriously . [He]_404-loerke put no fire and intensity into it , as [Gerald]_255-gerald did . Which pleased [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun was weary , oh so weary of [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s gripped intensity of physical motion . [Loerke]_404-loerke let the sledge go wildly , and gaily , like a flying leaf , and when , at a bend , [he]_404-loerke pitched both [her]_160-gudrun and [him]_404-loerke out into the snow , [he]_404-loerke only waited for [them]_{1536-the two of them} both to pick [themselves]_{1536-the two of them} up unhurt off [the keen white ground]_{4528-the keen white ground} , to be laughing and pert as [a pixie]_{4529-a pixie} . [She]_160-gudrun knew [he]_404-loerke would be making ironical , playful remarks as [he]_404-loerke wandered in hell — if [he]_404-loerke were in the humour . And that pleased [her]_160-gudrun immensely . It seemed like a rising above the dreariness of actuality , the monotony of contingencies . [They]_{1536-the two of them} played till the sun went down , in pure amusement , careless and timeless . Then , as the little sledge twirled riskily to rest at the bottom of the slope , “ Wait ! ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said suddenly , and [he]_404-loerke produced from somewhere a large thermos flask , a packet of Keks , and a bottle of Schnapps . “ Oh [Loerke]_404-loerke , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried . “ What an inspiration ! What a comble de joie indeed ! What is the Schnapps ? ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_404-loerke looked at it , and laughed . “ Heidelbeer ! ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . “ No ! From the bilberries under the snow . Does n’t it look as if it were distilled from snow . Can [you]_404-loerke — ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun sniffed , and sniffed at the bottle—“can [you]_404-loerke smell bilberries ? Is n’t it wonderful ? It is exactly as if one could smell them through the snow . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun stamped [her]_160-gudrun foot lightly on the ground . [He]_404-loerke kneeled down and whistled , and put [his]_404-loerke ear to the snow . As [he]_404-loerke did so [his]_404-loerke black eyes twinkled up . “ Ha ! Ha ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun laughed , warmed by the whimsical way in which [he]_404-loerke mocked at [her]_160-gudrun verbal extravagances . [He]_404-loerke was always teasing [her]_160-gudrun , mocking [her]_160-gudrun ways . But as [he]_404-loerke in [his]_404-loerke mockery was even more absurd than [she]_160-gudrun in [her]_160-gudrun extravagances , what could one do but laugh and feel liberated . [She]_160-gudrun could feel [their]_4530-their voices , [hers]_160-gudrun and [his]_404-loerke , ringing silvery like bells in the frozen , motionless air of the first twilight . How perfect it was , how very perfect it was , this silvery isolation and interplay . [She]_160-gudrun sipped the hot coffee , whose fragrance flew around [them]_4530-their like bees murmuring around flowers , in the snowy air , [she]_160-gudrun drank tiny sips of the Heidelbeerwasser , [she]_160-gudrun ate the cold , sweet , creamy wafers . How good everything was ! How perfect everything tasted and smelled and sounded , here in this utter stillness of snow and falling twilight . “ [You]_160-gudrun are going away tomorrow ? ”_[404-loerke] [his]_404-loerke voice came at last . “ Yes . ”_[404-loerke] There was a pause , when the evening seemed to rise in its silent , ringing pallor infinitely high , to the infinite which was near at hand . “ Wohin ? ”_[404-loerke] That was the question — wohin ? Whither ? [Wohin]_441-wohin ? What a lovely word ! [She]_160-gudrun never wanted it answered . Let it chime for ever . “ [I]_160-gudrun do n’t know , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , smiling at [him]_404-loerke . [He]_404-loerke caught the smile from [her]_160-gudrun . “ [One]_4646-one never does , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . “ [One]_4646-one never does , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun repeated . There was a silence , wherein [he]_404-loerke ate biscuits rapidly , as a rabbit eats leaves . “ But , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke laughed , “ where will [you]_160-gudrun take a ticket to ? ”_[404-loerke] “ Oh heaven ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried . “ [One]_4646-one must take a ticket . ”_[160-gudrun] Here was a blow . [She]_160-gudrun saw [herself]_160-gudrun at the wicket , at [the railway station]_{4873-the railway station} . Then a relieving thought came to [her]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun breathed freely . “ But [one]_4646-one need n’t go , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried . “ Certainly not , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . “ [I]_404-loerke mean one need n’t go where [one]_4646-one ’s ticket says . ”_[404-loerke] That struck [him]_404-loerke . [One]_4646-one might take a ticket , so as not to travel to the destination [it]_4646-one indicated . [One]_172-one might break off , and avoid the destination . [A point located]_{4533-a point located} . That was an idea ! “ Then take a ticket to [London]_2-london , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . “ [One]_4646-one should never go [there]_629-there . ”_[404-loerke] “ Right , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun answered . [He]_404-loerke poured a little coffee into a tin can . “ [You]_160-gudrun wo n’t tell [me]_404-loerke where [you]_160-gudrun will go ? ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke asked . “ Really and truly , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , “ [I]_160-gudrun do n’t know . It depends which way the wind blows . ”_[160-gudrun] [He]_404-loerke looked at [her]_160-gudrun quizzically , then [he]_404-loerke pursed up [his]_404-loerke lips , like [Zephyrus]_442-zephyrus , blowing across the snow . “ It goes towards [Germany]_114-germany , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . “ [I]_160-gudrun believe so , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun laughed . Suddenly , [they]_4534-they were aware of a vague white figure near [them]_4534-they . It was [Gerald]_255-gerald . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ’s heart leapt in sudden terror , profound terror . [She]_160-gudrun rose to [her]_160-gudrun feet . “ [They]_4534-they told [me]_255-gerald where [you]_160-gudrun were , ”_[255-gerald] came [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s voice , like a judgment in the whitish air of twilight . “ [Maria]_443-maria ! [You]_443-maria come like a ghost , ”_[404-loerke] exclaimed [Loerke]_404-loerke . [Gerald]_255-gerald did not answer . [His]_255-gerald presence was unnatural and ghostly to [them]_4534-they . [Loerke]_404-loerke shook the flask — then [he]_404-loerke held it inverted over the snow . Only a few brown drops trickled out . “ All gone ! ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . To [Gerald]_255-gerald , [the smallish , odd figure of the German]_{4535-the smallish , odd figure of the german} was distinct and objective , as if seen through field glasses . And [he]_255-gerald disliked the small figure exceedingly , [he]_255-gerald wanted it removed . Then [Loerke]_404-loerke rattled the box which held the biscuits . “ Biscuits there are still , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . And reaching from [his]_404-loerke seated posture in the sledge , [he]_404-loerke handed them to [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun fumbled , and took one . [He]_404-loerke would have held them to [Gerald]_255-gerald , but [Gerald]_255-gerald so definitely did not want to be offered a biscuit , that [Loerke]_404-loerke , rather vaguely , put the box aside . Then [he]_404-loerke took up the small bottle , and held it to the light . “ Also there is some Schnapps , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said to [himself]_404-loerke . Then suddenly , [he]_404-loerke elevated the battle gallantly in the air , a strange , grotesque figure leaning towards [Gudrun]_160-gudrun , and said : “ Gnädiges Fräulein , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said , “ wohl — ”_[404-loerke] There was a crack , the bottle was flying , [Loerke]_404-loerke had started back , [the three]_{4256-the three} stood quivering in violent emotion . [Loerke]_404-loerke turned to [Gerald]_255-gerald , a devilish leer on [his]_255-gerald bright - skinned face . “ Well done ! ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said , in a satirical demoniac frenzy . “ C’est le sport , sans doute . ”_[404-loerke] The next instant [he]_404-loerke was sitting ludicrously in the snow , [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s fist having rung against the side of [his]_404-loerke head . But [Loerke]_404-loerke pulled [himself]_404-loerke together , rose , quivering , looking full at [Gerald]_255-gerald , [his]_255-gerald body weak and furtive , but [his]_255-gerald eyes demoniacal with satire . “ Vive le héros , vive — ”_[255-gerald] But [he]_404-loerke flinched , as , in a black flash [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s fist came upon [him]_404-loerke , banged into the other side of [his]_404-loerke head , and sent [him]_404-loerke aside like a broken straw . But [Gudrun]_160-gudrun moved forward . [She]_160-gudrun raised [her]_160-gudrun clenched hand high , and brought it down , with a great downward stroke on to the face and on to the breast of [Gerald]_255-gerald . A great astonishment burst upon [him]_404-loerke , as if the air had broken . Wide , wide [his]_404-loerke soul opened , in wonder , feeling the pain . Then it laughed , turning , with strong hands outstretched , at last to take the apple of [his]_404-loerke desire . At last [he]_404-loerke could finish [his]_404-loerke desire . [He]_404-loerke took the throat of [Gudrun]_160-gudrun between [his]_404-loerke hands , that were hard and indomitably powerful . And [her]_160-gudrun throat was beautifully , so beautifully soft , save that , within , [he]_404-loerke could feel the slippery chords of [her]_160-gudrun life . And this [he]_404-loerke crushed , this [he]_404-loerke could crush . What bliss ! Oh what bliss , at last , what satisfaction , at last ! The pure zest of satisfaction filled [his]_404-loerke soul . [He]_404-loerke was watching the unconsciousness come unto [her]_160-gudrun swollen face , watching the eyes roll back . How ugly [she]_160-gudrun was ! What a fulfilment , what a satisfaction ! How good this was , oh how good it was , what a God - given gratification , at last ! [He]_404-loerke was unconscious of [her]_160-gudrun fighting and struggling . The struggling was [her]_160-gudrun reciprocal lustful passion in this embrace , the more violent it became , the greater the frenzy of delight , till the zenith was reached , the crisis , the struggle was overborne , [her]_160-gudrun movement became softer , appeased . [Loerke]_404-loerke roused [himself]_404-loerke on the snow , too dazed and hurt to get up . Only [his]_404-loerke eyes were conscious . “ [Monsieur]_{7413-monsieur} ! ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said , in [his]_404-loerke thin , roused voice : “ Quand vous aurez fini — ”_[404-loerke] A revulsion of contempt and disgust came over [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s soul . The disgust went to the very bottom of [him]_404-loerke , a nausea . Ah , what was [he]_404-loerke doing , to what depths was [he]_404-loerke letting [himself]_404-loerke go ! As if [he]_404-loerke cared about [her]_160-gudrun enough to kill [her]_160-gudrun , to have [her]_160-gudrun life on [his]_404-loerke hands ! A weakness ran over [his]_404-loerke body , a terrible relaxing , a thaw , a decay of strength . Without knowing , [he]_404-loerke had let go [his]_404-loerke grip , and [Gudrun]_160-gudrun had fallen to [her]_160-gudrun knees . Must [he]_404-loerke see , must [he]_404-loerke know ? A fearful weakness possessed [him]_404-loerke , [his]_404-loerke joints were turned to water . [He]_404-loerke drifted , as on a wind , veered , and went drifting away . “ [I]_404-loerke did n’t want it , really , ”_[404-loerke] was the last confession of disgust in [his]_404-loerke soul , as [he]_404-loerke drifted up the slope , weak , finished , only sheering off unconsciously from any further contact . “ [I]_404-loerke ’ve had enough — [I]_404-loerke want to go to sleep . [I]_404-loerke ’ve had enough . ”_[404-loerke] [He]_404-loerke was sunk under a sense of nausea . [He]_404-loerke was weak , but [he]_404-loerke did not want to rest , [he]_404-loerke wanted to go on and on , to the end . Never again to stay , till [he]_404-loerke came to the end , that was all the desire that remained to [him]_404-loerke . So [he]_404-loerke drifted on and on , unconscious and weak , not thinking of anything , so long as [he]_404-loerke could keep in action . The twilight spread a weird , unearthly light overhead , bluish - rose in colour , the cold blue night sank on the snow . In [the valley below]_{4537-the valley below} , behind , in the great bed of snow , were [two small figures]_{4538-two small figures} : [Gudrun]_160-gudrun dropped on [her]_160-gudrun knees , like [one executed]_{4539-one executed} , and [Loerke]_404-loerke sitting propped up near [her]_160-gudrun . That was all . [Gerald]_255-gerald stumbled on up [the slope of snow]_{4540-the slope of snow} , in the bluish darkness , always climbing , always unconsciously climbing , weary though [he]_404-loerke was . On [his]_404-loerke left was a steep slope with black rocks and fallen masses of rock and veins of snow slashing in and about the blackness of rock , veins of snow slashing vaguely in and about the blackness of rock . Yet there was no sound , all this made no noise . To add to [his]_404-loerke difficulty , a small bright moon shone brilliantly just ahead , on the right , a painful brilliant thing that was always there , unremitting , from which there was no escape . [He]_404-loerke wanted so to come to the end — [he]_404-loerke had had enough . Yet [he]_404-loerke did not sleep . [He]_404-loerke surged painfully up , sometimes having to cross [a slope of black rock]_{4541-a slope of black rock} , that was blown bare of snow . Here [he]_404-loerke was afraid of falling , very much afraid of falling . And high up here , on the crest , moved a wind that almost overpowered [him]_404-loerke with a sleep - heavy iciness . Only it was not here , the end , and [he]_404-loerke must still go on . [His]_404-loerke indefinite nausea would not let [him]_404-loerke stay . Having gained one ridge , [he]_404-loerke saw the vague shadow of something higher in front . Always higher , always higher . [He]_404-loerke knew [he]_404-loerke was following the track towards [the summit of [the slopes]_{4543-the slopes}]_{4542-the summit of the slopes} , where was [the Marienhütte]_{4519-the marienhütte} , and the descent on the other side . But [he]_404-loerke was not really conscious . [He]_404-loerke only wanted to go on , to go on whilst [he]_404-loerke could , to move , to keep going , that was all , to keep going , until it was finished . [He]_404-loerke had lost all [his]_404-loerke sense of place . And yet in the remaining instinct of life , [his]_404-loerke feet sought the track where the skis had gone . [He]_404-loerke slithered down [a sheer snow slope]_{4545-a sheer snow slope} . That frightened [him]_404-loerke . [He]_404-loerke had no alpenstock , nothing . But having come safely to rest , [he]_404-loerke began to walk on , in the illuminated darkness . It was as cold as sleep . [He]_404-loerke was between two ridges , in a hollow . So [he]_404-loerke swerved . Should [he]_404-loerke climb the other ridge , or wander along [the hollow]_{2948-the hollow} ? How frail the thread of [his]_404-loerke being was stretched ! [He]_404-loerke would perhaps climb [the ridge]_{4547-the ridge} . The snow was firm and simple . [He]_404-loerke went along . There was something standing out of the snow . [He]_404-loerke approached , with dimmest curiosity . It was a half - buried Crucifix , [a little Christ under a little sloping hood]_{4548-a little christ under a little sloping hood} , at the top of a pole . [He]_404-loerke sheered away . [Somebody]_{4745-somebody} was going to murder [him]_404-loerke . [He]_404-loerke had a great dread of being murdered . But it was a dread which stood outside [him]_404-loerke , like [his]_404-loerke own ghost . Yet why be afraid ? It was bound to happen . To be murdered ! [He]_404-loerke looked round in terror at the snow , [the rocking , pale , shadowy slopes of the upper world]_{4550-the rocking , pale , shadowy slopes of the upper world} . [He]_404-loerke was bound to be murdered , [he]_404-loerke could see it . This was the moment when the death was uplifted , and there was no escape . [Lord Jesus]_247-jesus , was it then bound to be — [Lord Jesus]_247-jesus ! [He]_404-loerke could feel the blow descending , [he]_404-loerke knew [he]_404-loerke was murdered . [Vaguely]_444-vaguely wandering forward , [his]_404-loerke hands lifted as if to feel what would happen , [he]_404-loerke was waiting for the moment when [he]_404-loerke would stop , when it would cease . It was not over yet . [He]_404-loerke had come to [the hollow basin of snow]_{4551-the hollow basin of snow} , surrounded by [sheer slopes]_{4552-sheer slopes} and precipices , out of which rose a track that brought one to [the top of [the mountain]_{1160-the mountain}]_{4553-the top of the mountain} . But [he]_404-loerke wandered unconsciously , till [he]_404-loerke slipped and fell down , and as [he]_404-loerke fell something broke in [his]_404-loerke soul , and immediately [he]_404-loerke went to sleep . When [they]_4555-they brought the body [home]_4649-home , the next morning , [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was shut up in [[her]_160-gudrun room]_{5117-her room} . From [her]_160-gudrun window [she]_160-gudrun saw [men]_848-men coming along with a burden , over the snow . [She]_160-gudrun sat still and let the minutes go by . There came a tap at [her]_160-gudrun door . [She]_160-gudrun opened . There stood [a woman]_{897-a woman} , saying softly , oh , far too reverently : “ [They]_4555-they have found [him]_7414-him , [madam]_1177-madam ! ”_{[897-a woman]} “ [Il est mort]_{7416-il est mort} ? ”_{[897-a woman]} “ Yes — hours ago . ”_{[897-a woman]} [Gudrun]_160-gudrun did not know what to say . What should [she]_160-gudrun say ? What should [she]_160-gudrun feel ? What should [she]_160-gudrun do ? What did [they]_4555-they expect of [her]_160-gudrun ? [She]_160-gudrun was coldly at a loss . “ Thank [you]_{873-the woman} , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said , and [she]_160-gudrun shut the door of [[her]_160-gudrun room]_{5117-her room} . [The woman]_{873-the woman} went away mortified . Not a word , not a tear — ha ! [Gudrun]_160-gudrun was cold , [a cold woman]_{4562-a cold woman} . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun sat on in [[her]_160-gudrun room]_{5117-her room} , [her]_160-gudrun face pale and impassive . What was [she]_160-gudrun to do ? [She]_160-gudrun could not weep and make a scene . [She]_160-gudrun could not alter [herself]_160-gudrun . [She]_160-gudrun sat motionless , hiding from [people]_579-people . [Her]_160-gudrun one motive was to avoid actual contact with events . [She]_160-gudrun only wrote out a long telegram to [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin . In the afternoon , however , [she]_160-gudrun rose suddenly to look for [Loerke]_404-loerke . [She]_160-gudrun glanced with apprehension at the door of [the room that had been [Gerald]_255-gerald ’s]_{4565-the room that had been gerald ’s} . Not for worlds would [she]_160-gudrun enter [there]_629-there . [She]_160-gudrun found [Loerke]_404-loerke sitting alone in [the lounge]_{4199-the lounge} . [She]_160-gudrun went straight up to [him]_404-loerke . “ It is n’t true , is it ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . [He]_404-loerke looked up at [her]_160-gudrun . A small smile of misery twisted [his]_404-loerke face . [He]_404-loerke shrugged [his]_404-loerke shoulders . “ True ? ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke echoed . “ [We]_7417-we have n’t killed [him]_404-loerke ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked . [He]_404-loerke disliked [her]_160-gudrun coming to [him]_404-loerke in such a manner . [He]_404-loerke raised [his]_404-loerke shoulders wearily . “ It has happened , ”_[404-loerke] [he]_404-loerke said . [She]_160-gudrun looked at [him]_404-loerke . [He]_404-loerke sat crushed and frustrated for the time being , quite as emotionless and barren as [herself]_160-gudrun . [[My]_0-i God]_{3770-my god} ! this was a barren tragedy , barren , barren . [She]_160-gudrun returned to [[her]_160-gudrun room]_{5117-her room} to wait for [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin . [She]_160-gudrun wanted to get away , only to get away . [She]_160-gudrun could not think or feel until [she]_160-gudrun had got away , till [she]_160-gudrun was loosed from this position . The day passed , the next day came . [She]_160-gudrun heard the sledge , saw [Ursula]_255-gerald and [Birkin]_169-birkin alight , and [she]_160-gudrun shrank from these also . [Ursula]_255-gerald came straight up to [her]_160-gudrun . “ [Gudrun]_160-gudrun ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun cried , the tears running down [her]_160-gudrun cheeks . And [she]_160-gudrun took [[her]_160-gudrun sister]_{449-her sister} in [her]_160-gudrun arms . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun hid [her]_160-gudrun face on [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s shoulder , but still [she]_160-gudrun could not escape the cold devil of irony that froze [her]_160-gudrun soul . “ Ha , ha ! ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun thought , “ this is the right behaviour . ”_[160-gudrun] But [she]_160-gudrun could not weep , and the sight of [her]_160-gudrun cold , pale , impassive face soon stopped the fountain of [Ursula]_255-gerald ’s tears . In a few moments , [the sisters]_{452-the sisters} had nothing to say to [each other]_{451-each other} . “ Was it very vile to be dragged back here again ? ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun asked at length . [Ursula]_255-gerald looked up in some bewilderment . “ [I]_160-gudrun never thought of it , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [I]_160-gudrun felt a beast , fetching [you]_255-gerald , ”_[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ But [I]_160-gudrun simply could n’t see [people]_579-people . That is too much for [me]_160-gudrun . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Yes , ”_[255-gerald] said [Ursula]_255-gerald , chilled . [Birkin]_169-birkin tapped and entered . [His]_4573-he face was white and expressionless . [She]_160-gudrun knew [he]_4573-he knew . [He]_4573-he gave [her]_160-gudrun [his]_4573-he hand , saying : “ The end of this trip , at any rate . ”_[4573-he] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun glanced at [him]_4573-he , afraid . There was silence between [the three of them]_{4574-the three of them} , nothing to be said . At length [Ursula]_255-gerald asked in a small voice : “ Have [you]_4573-he seen [him]_4573-he ? ”_[255-gerald] [He]_4573-he looked back at [Ursula]_255-gerald with a hard , cold look , and did not trouble to answer . “ Have [you]_4573-he seen [him]_4573-he ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun repeated . “ [I]_4573-he have , ”_[4573-he] [he]_4573-he said , coldly . Then [he]_4573-he looked at [Gudrun]_160-gudrun . “ Have [you]_160-gudrun done anything ? ”_[4573-he] [he]_4573-he said . “ Nothing , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun replied , “ nothing . ”_[160-gudrun] [She]_160-gudrun shrank in cold disgust from making any statement . “ [Loerke]_404-loerke says that [Gerald]_255-gerald came to [you]_160-gudrun , when [you]_160-gudrun were sitting on the sledge at [the bottom of [the Rudelbahn]_{158-the rudelbahn}]_{7419-the bottom of the rudelbahn} , that [you]_160-gudrun had words , and [Gerald]_255-gerald walked away . What were the words about ? [I]_160-gudrun had better know , so that [I]_160-gudrun can satisfy [the authorities]_{7420-the authorities} , if necessary . ”_[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]_160-gudrun looked up at [him]_4573-he , white , childlike , mute with trouble . “ There were n’t even any words , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [He]_255-gerald knocked [Loerke]_404-loerke down and stunned [him]_255-gerald , [he]_255-gerald half strangled [me]_160-gudrun , then [he]_255-gerald went away . ”_[160-gudrun] To [herself]_160-gudrun [she]_160-gudrun was saying : “ A pretty little sample of the eternal triangle ! ”_[160-gudrun] And [she]_160-gudrun turned ironically away , because [she]_160-gudrun knew that the fight had been between [Gerald]_255-gerald and [herself]_160-gudrun and that the presence of [the third party]_{4575-the third party} was a mere contingency — an inevitable contingency perhaps , but a contingency none the less . But let [them]_4576-them have it as an example of the eternal triangle , the trinity of hate . It would be simpler for [them]_4576-them . [Birkin]_169-birkin went away , [his]_4573-he manner cold and abstracted . But [she]_160-gudrun knew [he]_4573-he would do things for [her]_160-gudrun , nevertheless , [he]_4573-he would see [her]_160-gudrun through . [She]_160-gudrun smiled slightly to [herself]_160-gudrun , with contempt . Let [him]_4573-he do the work , since [he]_4573-he was so extremely good at looking after [other people]_{4665-other people} . [Birkin]_169-birkin went again to [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_4573-he had loved [him]_255-gerald . And yet [he]_4573-he felt chiefly disgust at the inert body lying there . It was so inert , so coldly dead , a carcase , [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s bowels seemed to turn to ice . [He]_4573-he had to stand and look at the frozen dead body that had been [Gerald]_255-gerald . It was the frozen carcase of [a dead male]_{4578-a dead male} . [Birkin]_169-birkin remembered a rabbit which [he]_4573-he had once found frozen like a board on the snow . It had been rigid like a dried board when [he]_4573-he picked it up . And now this was [Gerald]_255-gerald , stiff as a board , curled up as if for sleep , yet with the horrible hardness somehow evident . It filled [him]_4573-he with horror . [The room]_{739-the room} must be made warm , the body must be thawed . The limbs would break like glass or like wood if they had to be straightened . [He]_4573-he reached and touched the dead face . And the sharp , heavy bruise of ice bruised [his]_4573-he living bowels . [He]_4573-he wondered if [he]_4573-he [himself]_4573-he were freezing too , freezing from the inside . In the short blond moustache the life - breath was frozen into a block of ice , beneath the silent nostrils . And this was [Gerald]_255-gerald ! Again [he]_4573-he touched the sharp , almost glittering fair hair of the frozen body . It was icy - cold , hair icy - cold , almost venomous . [Birkin]_169-birkin ’s heart began to freeze . [He]_4573-he had loved [Gerald]_255-gerald . Now [he]_4573-he looked at the shapely , strange - coloured face , with the small , fine , pinched nose and the manly cheeks , saw it frozen like an ice - pebble — yet [he]_4573-he had loved it . What was one to think or feel ? [His]_4573-he brain was beginning to freeze , [his]_4573-he blood was turning to ice - water . So cold , so cold , a heavy , bruising cold pressing on [his]_4573-he arms from outside , and a heavier cold congealing within [him]_4573-he , in [his]_4573-he heart and in [his]_4573-he bowels . [He]_4573-he went over [the snow slopes]_{4580-the snow slopes} , to see where the death had been . At last [he]_4573-he came to [the great shallow among the precipices and slopes]_{4581-the great shallow among the precipices and slopes} , near [the summit of [the pass]_{4456-the pass}]_{4582-the summit of the pass} . It was a grey day , the third day of greyness and stillness . All was white , icy , pallid , save for the scoring of black rocks that jutted like roots sometimes , and sometimes were in naked faces . In the distance a slope sheered down from a peak , with many black rock - slides . It was like a shallow pot lying among the stone and snow of [the upper world]_{4584-the upper world} . In this pot [Gerald]_255-gerald had gone to sleep . At the far end , [the guides]_{4585-the guides} had driven iron stakes deep into the snow - wall , so that , by means of the great rope attached , [they]_{4585-the guides} could haul [themselves]_{4585-the guides} up the massive snow - front , out on to [the jagged summit of [the pass]_{4456-the pass}]_{4586-the jagged summit of the pass} , naked to heaven , where [the Marienhütte]_{4519-the marienhütte} hid among the naked rocks . Round about , spiked , slashed [snow - peaks]_{4589-snow - peaks} pricked the heaven . [Gerald]_255-gerald might have found this rope . [He]_255-gerald might have hauled [himself]_255-gerald up to [the crest]_{4590-the crest} . [He]_255-gerald might have heard the dogs in [the Marienhütte]_{4519-the marienhütte} , and found shelter . [He]_255-gerald might have gone on , down [the steep , steep fall of [the south - side]_{4593-the south - side}]_{4592-the steep , steep fall of the south - side} , down into [the dark valley]_{4594-the dark valley} with its pines , on to [the great Imperial road leading south to [Italy]_95-italy]_{4595-the great imperial road leading south to italy} . [He]_255-gerald might ! And what then ? [The Imperial road]_{4596-the imperial road} ! The south ? [Italy]_95-italy ? What then ? Was it a way out ? It was only a way in again . [Birkin]_169-birkin stood high in the painful air , looking at [the peaks]_{4343-the peaks} , and the way south . Was it any good going south , to [Italy]_95-italy ? Down [the old , old Imperial road]_{4598-the old , old imperial road} ? [He]_4599-he turned away . Either the heart would break , or cease to care . Best cease to care . Whatever the mystery which has brought forth man and [the universe]_{6164-the universe} , it is a non - human mystery , it has its own great ends , man is not the criterion . Best leave it all to the vast , creative , non - human mystery . Best strive with [oneself]_4601-oneself only , not with [the universe]_{6164-the universe} . “ [God]_167-god can not do without [man]_1089-man . ”_{[4603-some great french religious teacher]} It was a saying of [some great French religious teacher]_{4603-some great french religious teacher} . But surely this is false . [God]_167-god can do without [man]_1089-man . [God]_167-god could do without the ichthyosauri and the mastodon . These monsters failed creatively to develop , so [God]_167-god , the creative mystery , dispensed with [them]_4605-them . In the same way the mystery could dispense with [man]_1089-man , should [he]_1089-man too fail creatively to change and develop . The eternal creative mystery could dispose of [man]_1089-man , and replace [him]_1089-man with [a finer created being]_{4608-a finer created being} . Just as the horse has taken the place of the mastodon . It was very consoling to [Birkin]_169-birkin , to think this . If humanity ran into [a cul de sac]_{4609-a cul de sac} and expended [itself]_4610-itself , the timeless creative mystery would bring forth some other being , finer , more wonderful , some new , more lovely race , to carry on the embodiment of creation . The game was never up . The mystery of creation was fathomless , infallible , inexhaustible , forever . Races came and went , species passed away , but ever new species arose , more lovely , or equally lovely , always surpassing wonder . The fountain - head was incorruptible and unsearchable . It had no limits . [It]_4611-it could bring forth miracles , create utter new races and new species , in its own hour , new forms of consciousness , new forms of body , new units of being . To be [man]_1089-man was as nothing compared to the possibilities of the creative mystery . To have [one]_4646-one ’s pulse beating direct from the mystery , this was perfection , unutterable satisfaction . Human or inhuman mattered nothing . The perfect pulse throbbed with indescribable being , miraculous unborn species . [Birkin]_169-birkin went [home]_4649-home again to [Gerald]_255-gerald . [He]_4615-he went into [the room]_{739-the room} , and sat down on the bed . Dead , dead and cold ! There was no response from that which had been [Gerald]_255-gerald . Strange , congealed , icy substance — no more . No more ! Terribly weary , [Birkin]_169-birkin went away , about the day ’s business . [He]_4615-he did it all quietly , without bother . To rant , to rave , to be tragic , to make situations — it was all too late . Best be quiet , and bear [one]_4646-one ’s soul in patience and in fullness . But when [he]_4615-he went in again , at evening , to look at [Gerald]_255-gerald between the candles , because of [his]_4615-he heart ’s hunger , suddenly [his]_4615-he heart contracted , [his]_4615-he own candle all but fell from [his]_4615-he hand , as , with a strange whimpering cry , the tears broke out . [He]_4615-he sat down in a chair , shaken by a sudden access . [Ursula]_255-gerald who had followed [him]_4615-he , recoiled aghast from [him]_4615-he , as [he]_4615-he sat with sunken head and body convulsively shaken , making a strange , horrible sound of tears . “ [I]_4615-he did n’t want it to be like this — [I]_4615-he did n’t want it to be like this , ”_[4615-he] [he]_4615-he cried to [himself]_4615-he . [Ursula]_255-gerald could but think of [the Kaiser]_{445-the kaiser} ’s : “ Ich habe es nicht gewollt . ”_[4618-she] [She]_4618-she looked almost with horror on [Birkin]_169-birkin . Suddenly [he]_4615-he was silent . But [he]_4615-he sat with [his]_4615-he head dropped , to hide [his]_4615-he face . Then furtively [he]_4615-he wiped [his]_4615-he face with [his]_4615-he fingers . Then suddenly [he]_4615-he lifted [his]_4615-he head , and looked straight at [Ursula]_255-gerald , with dark , almost vengeful eyes . “ [He]_255-gerald should have loved [me]_4615-he , ”_[4615-he] [he]_4615-he said . “ [I]_4615-he offered [him]_255-gerald . ”_[4615-he] [She]_4618-she , afraid , white , with mute lips answered : “ What difference would it have made ! ”_[4618-she] “ It would ! ”_[4615-he] [he]_4615-he said . “ It would . ”_[4615-he] [He]_4615-he forgot [her]_4618-she , and turned to look at [Gerald]_255-gerald . With head oddly lifted , like [a man who draws [his]_{4619-a man who draws his head back from an insult} head back from an insult]_{4619-a man who draws his head back from an insult} , half haughtily , [he]_4615-he watched the cold , mute , material face . [It]_4620-it had a bluish cast . It sent a shaft like ice through the heart of [the living man]_{4621-the living man} . [Cold , mute , material]_{4622-cold , mute , material} ! [Birkin]_169-birkin remembered how once [Gerald]_255-gerald had clutched [his]_255-gerald hand , with a warm , momentaneous grip of final love . For one second — then let go again , let go for ever . If [he]_4615-he had kept true to that clasp , death would not have mattered . [Those who die , and dying still can love]_{4623-those who die , and dying still can love} , still believe , do not die . [They]_{4623-those who die , and dying still can love} live still in the beloved . [Gerald]_255-gerald might still have been living in the spirit with [Birkin]_169-birkin , even after death . [He]_255-gerald might have lived with [[his]_255-gerald friend]_{4885-his friend} , a further life . But now [he]_255-gerald was dead , like clay , like bluish , corruptible ice . [Birkin]_169-birkin looked at the pale fingers , the inert mass . [He]_4615-he remembered a dead stallion [he]_4615-he had seen : a dead mass of maleness , repugnant . [He]_4615-he remembered also the beautiful face of [one whom [he]_4615-he had loved]_{4625-one whom he had loved} , and [who had died still having the faith to yield to the mystery]_{4626-who had died still having the faith to yield to the mystery} . That dead face was beautiful , [no one could call it cold , mute , material]_{4627-no one could call it cold , mute , material} . [No one]_{485-no one} could remember it without gaining faith in the mystery , without the soul ’s warming with new , deep life - trust . And [Gerald]_255-gerald ! [The denier]_{4629-the denier} ! [He]_4615-he left the heart cold , frozen , hardly able to beat . [[Gerald]_255-gerald ’s father]_{6060-gerald ’s father} had looked wistful , to break the heart : but not this last terrible look of cold , mute Matter . [Birkin]_169-birkin watched and watched . [Ursula]_255-gerald stood aside watching [the living man]_{4621-the living man} stare at the frozen face of [the dead man]_{3168-the dead man} . [Both faces]_{4633-both faces} were unmoved and unmoving . The candle - flames flickered in the frozen air , in the intense silence . “ Have n’t [you]_4615-he seen enough ? ”_[4634-she] [she]_4634-she said . [He]_4615-he got up . “ It ’s a bitter thing to [me]_4615-he , ”_[4615-he] [he]_4615-he said . “ What — that [he]_{3168-the dead man} ’s dead ? ”_[4634-she] [she]_4634-she said . [His]_4615-he eyes just met [hers]_4634-she . [He]_4615-he did not answer . “ [You]_4615-he ’ve got [me]_4634-she , ”_[4634-she] [she]_4634-she said . [He]_4615-he smiled and kissed [her]_4634-she . “ If [I]_4615-he die , ”_[4615-he] [he]_4615-he said , “ [you]_4634-she ’ll know [I]_4615-he have n’t left [you]_4634-she . ”_[4615-he] “ And [me]_4634-she ? ”_[4634-she] [she]_4634-she cried . “ And [you]_4634-she wo n’t have left [me]_4615-he , ”_[4615-he] [he]_4615-he said . “ [We]_4635-we sha n’t have any need to despair , in death . ”_[4615-he] [She]_4634-she took hold of [his]_4615-he hand . “ But need [you]_4615-he despair over [Gerald]_255-gerald ? ”_[4634-she] [she]_4634-she said . “ Yes , ”_[4615-he] [he]_4615-he answered . [They]_4635-we went away . [Gerald]_255-gerald was taken to [England]_80-england , to be buried . [Birkin]_169-birkin and [Ursula]_255-gerald accompanied the body , along with [one of [[Gerald]_255-gerald ’s brothers]_{4637-gerald ’s brothers}]_{4636-one of gerald ’s brothers} . It was [the Crich brothers]_{432-the herr crich} and [sisters]_5954-sisters who insisted on the burial in [England]_80-england . [Birkin]_169-birkin wanted to leave [the dead man]_{3168-the dead man} in [the Alps]_{150-the alps} , near [the snow]_{4467-the snow} . But [the family]_{722-the family} was strident , loudly insistent . [Gudrun]_160-gudrun went to [Dresden]_88-dresden . [She]_160-gudrun wrote no particulars of [herself]_160-gudrun . [Ursula]_255-gerald stayed at [the Mill]_{5426-the mill} with [Birkin]_169-birkin for a week or two . [They]_4643-they were both very quiet . “ Did [you]_{3168-the dead man} need [Gerald]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked one evening . “ Yes , ”_{[3168-the dead man]} [he]_{3168-the dead man} said . “ Are n’t [I]_160-gudrun enough for [you]_{3168-the dead man} ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun asked . “ No , ”_{[3168-the dead man]} [he]_{3168-the dead man} said . “ [You]_255-gerald are enough for [me]_{3168-the dead man} , as far as [a woman]_{897-a woman} is concerned . [You]_255-gerald are [all women]_{7029-all women} to [me]_{3168-the dead man} . But [I]_{3168-the dead man} wanted [a man friend]_{7424-a man friend} , as eternal as [you]_255-gerald and [I]_{3168-the dead man} are eternal . ”_{[3168-the dead man]} “ Why are n’t [I]_160-gudrun enough ? ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ [You]_255-gerald are enough for [me]_160-gudrun . [I]_160-gudrun do n’t want [anybody else]_{1074-anybody else} but [you]_255-gerald . Why is n’t it the same with [you]_255-gerald ? ”_[160-gudrun] “ Having [you]_255-gerald , [I]_4644-he can live all [my]_4644-he life without [anybody else]_{1074-anybody else} , any other sheer intimacy . But to make it complete , really happy , [I]_4644-he wanted eternal union with [a man]_{4648-a man} too : another kind of love , ”_[4644-he] [he]_4644-he said . “ [I]_160-gudrun do n’t believe it , ”_[160-gudrun] [she]_160-gudrun said . “ It ’s an obstinacy , a theory , a perversity . ”_[160-gudrun] “ Well — ”_[4644-he] [he]_4644-he said . “ [You]_160-gudrun ca n’t have two kinds of love . Why should [you]_160-gudrun ! ”_[4644-he] It seems as if [I]_0-i ca n’t , ” [he]_4644-he said . “_[0-i] Yet [I]_0-i wanted it . ” “_[160-gudrun] [You]_4644-he ca n’t have it , because it ’s false , impossible , ” [she]_160-gudrun said . “_[4644-he] [I]_0-i do n’t believe that , ” [he]_4644-he answered .