Named characters
5292 Gerald (903)/Ursula (684)/Gerald Crich (17)/Ursula Brangwen (2)/Ursula of Gerald (1)/Mr Gerald (1)/Master Gerald (1)/Jerry (1)/Poor Gerald (1)
3754 Gudrun (736)/Brangwen (10)/Gudrun Brangwen (4)/Immediately Gudrun (1)/The Brangwen (1)/Will Brangwen (1)
1784 [NARRATOR]
1558 Hermione (274)/Hermione Roddice (8)/Roddice (1)/poor Hermione (1)/Poor Hermione (1)
1038 Birkin (635)/Rupert (68)/Mr Birkin (11)/Rupert Birkin (8)/Hallo Birkin (1)/Only Birkin (1)/Mrs Birkin (1)
354 Loerke (68)/F. Loerke (1)
223 Pussum (22)/the Pussum (19)/The Pussum (8)/Hallo Pussum (1)
149 Birkin (38)/Ursula (33)/Ursula - Birkin (1)
148 Halliday (66)
124 Winifred (88)/Winnie (2)/Fred (2)/Win (1)/Neither Winifred (1)/Winifred Crich (1)/Winnie Crich (1)
111 Loerke (21)/Herr Loerke (3)/Ask Loerke (1)
98 Mrs Crich (11)/Mrs Colliery - Manager Crich (1)
90 Mr Crich (17)/Mr Colliery - Manager Crich (1)/Mr Crich , pale and black - bearded and deprecating (1)
78 Brangwen (10)/Billy (7)/William Brangwen (4)
77 Mrs Brangwen (10)/Brangwen (3)
53 Bismarck (12)/Son Bismarck (1)
48 God (44)/Good God (3)/Oh God (1)
45 Julius (10)
43 Father (8)
43 Winifred (9)/Winnie (5)/Miss Winifred (2)
40 The Mino (4)/the Mino (3)/Mino (3)
39 Orion (1)
32 Thomas Crich (6)/Thomas (5)
30 Alexander (14)/Alexander Roddice (1)
28 Miss Brangwen (6)/Miss Art - Teacher Brangwen (2)
26 Palmer (3)
25 Mademoiselle (12)
22 Gudrun (6)/Poor Gudrun (1)
21 Diana (5)/Miss Diana (2)/Di (1)
21 Marshall (8)/Mrs Marshall (1)
21 Maxim (12)
19 One (6)
19 Laura (9)/Laura Crich (4)
18 Sir Joshua (10)/Joshua (1)
17 Miss Brangwen (10)/Dear Miss Brangwen (1)
16 Orpah (4)
15 Cybele (1)
14 Miss Bradley (10)
13 Wissen Sie (2)
12 Wupert (3)
12 the Russian (2)/The suave young Russian (1)
12 Birdie (2)
11 Lupton (4)
11 the Contessa (7)/the Italian (2)/the little Contessa (1)/The little Italian Contessa (1)
11 Leitner (8)
10 the Russian (4)/the Russian golden (1)
10 Fräulein (8)/a Fräulein März (1)/Fräulein März (1)
10 Diana Crich (2)/Diana (2)
9 Christiana Crich (1)/Christiana (1)
9 Rosalind (3)
8 Salsie (3)
8 Joshua Mattheson (2)/Joshua (2)/Mattheson (1)
8 the Germans (4)/The Germans (2)
7 Prune (7)
7 Jesus (5)/Lord Jesus (2)
7 Dora (4)/Silly Dora (1)/silly Dora (1)
7 Looloo (3)
7 Lady Godiva (2)/Godiva (1)
6 the English (2)
6 Frau (3)/gnädige Frau (1)/Frau Kramer (1)/eine seltsame Frau (1)
5 Mother (4)
5 Christ (5)
5 Libidnikov (5)
5 Naomi (5)
5 Fanny Bath (2)/Fanny (2)
5 Donald Gilchrist (1)
5 Cleopatra (2)
5 the Herr Crich (1)/the Crich brothers (1)
4 Mr So (1)
4 Cain (4)
4 Bazarov (2)
4 Ruth (4)
4 Man (2)
4 Mrs Salmon (4)
4 Eve (2)
4 Aphrodite (3)
4 Mrs Kirk (1)
4 Missis (1)
4 Daddie (4)
4 Oh!—I (1)
4 Lady Crich (2)
4 Barnes (3)
4 Carlyon (1)
3 the Brangwens (2)/The Brangwens (1)
3 the Criches (2)/The Criches (1)
3 Crowther (3)
3 Charming Jersey (1)
3 Jane Austen (3)
3 Humanity (3)
3 Breadalby (3)
3 the Pussums (2)
3 Fabre (1)
3 Adam (1)
3 Mrs Daykin (2)
3 Mr Crich (2)/Poor Mr Crich!—Poor Mr Crich (1)
3 Basil (3)
3 Mrs Crich (2)/Mr and Mrs Crich (1)
3 Billy Macfarlane (2)
3 Goethe (3)
3 Jean Jacques (1)
3 Blake (3)
2 Helen (1)
2 John (1)/Jackie (1)
2 Catkins (1)
2 Miss Darrington (2)
2 Hasan (1)
2 The Hindu (1)
2 Mr Roddice (1)
2 Miss Roddice (1)
2 Palestra (2)
2 Cæsarina (2)
2 Paul et Virginie (1)/Virginie (1)
2 the Horse Marines (1)
2 Mars (1)
2 Skrebensky (1)/Anton Skrebensky (1)
2 Daddy (2)
2 Sappho (2)
2 the Magna Mater (2)
2 A Mater Dolorosa (1)/the Mater Dolorosa (1)
2 Mrs Krik (1)
2 Poor Christiana (1)
2 Matter (2)
2 Loozie (2)
2 Shortlands (2)
2 A Jap (1)
2 Wilson (2)
2 Lady Winifred (2)
2 Micio (2)
2 Miss Inglis (1)
2 Christmas (2)
2 Kranzkuchen (1)/Kaffee mit Kranzkuchen (1)
2 Parnell (2)
2 Maud Allan (2)
2 Romeo (2)
2 Juliet (2)
2 the Geralds (1)
2 Hetty Sorrell (2)
2 Maria (1)
Major entities (proper, common)
FAC
8 Willey Green
7 Somerset Drive
2 the Reunionsaal
1 Willey Green Grammar School
1 the Pompadour
1 Piccadilly Circus
1 Lady Snellgrove ’s
1 the Madonna
1 Westminster Bridge
1 Lethley Bank
67 home/Home
51 the room/The room
50 the house/the House/The house
38 the road
31 here/Here
30 there/There
16 the church
14 the mines/The mines
13 her room
12 the Mill/the mill
GPE
37 London
28 Beldover
26 England
24 Shortlands
12 Paris
9 Italy
8 Bismarck
8 Dresden
6 Breadalby
6 Munich
13 town/Town
10 the town
5 the district
4 the country
4 there/There
3 the place
3 this place
2 the Midlands
2 a nation
2 a village
LOC
9 Willey Water
3 the Marsh/The Marsh
2 the Nile
2 the Alps
1 Brocken mist
1 the Amazon
1 South America
1 the Derwent Valley
1 the Pacific
1 Trop de monde
109 the world/The world
43 the water/The water
26 the lake/The lake
23 the earth/The earth
20 the pond/The pond
17 the hill
12 earth
11 another world
11 the bank
9 the country
PER
1611 Gerald/Ursula/Gerald Crich/Ursula Brangwen/Ursula of Gerald/Mr Gerald/Master Gerald/Jerry/Poor Gerald
753 Gudrun/Brangwen/Gudrun Brangwen/Immediately Gudrun/The Brangwen/Will Brangwen
725 Birkin/Rupert/Mr Birkin/Rupert Birkin/Hallo Birkin/Only Birkin/Mrs Birkin
285 Hermione/Hermione Roddice/Roddice/poor Hermione/Poor Hermione
96 Winifred/Winnie/Fred/Win/Neither Winifred/Winifred Crich/Winnie Crich
72 Birkin/Ursula/Ursula - Birkin
69 Loerke/F. Loerke
66 Halliday
50 Pussum/the Pussum/The Pussum/Hallo Pussum
48 God/Good God/Oh God
211 one/One
57 people/People
50 man/Man
49 a man/A man
49 the man/The man
48 each other
48 her father/Her father
43 the father/The father
43 a woman/A woman
40 everybody/Everybody
ORG
1 the Ritz
1 the Cabinet
8 the firm/The firm
2 the Grammar School
1 the old school
1 another house of business
1 a satellite of Mars
1 a German university
1 the Godhead of the great productive machine
1 a charity institution
1 the industry
1 a machine that is without power
VEH
28 the car/The car
25 the boat/The boat
18 the train/The train
7 the motor - car/The motor - car
7 the canoe/The canoe
6 the carriage/The carriage
6 a boat
6 the boats/The boats
5 the trucks/The trucks
4 the ship/The ship
Text
[Ursula]255-gerald and [Gudrun Brangwen]160-gudrun sat one morning in the window - bay of [[[their]446-their father]447-their father ’s house in [Beldover]1-beldover]448-their father ’s house in beldover , working and talking . [Ursula]255-gerald was stitching a piece of brightly - coloured embroidery , and [Gudrun]160-gudrun was drawing upon a board which [she]160-gudrun held on [her]160-gudrun knee . [They]446-their were mostly silent , talking as [their]446-their thoughts strayed through [their]446-their minds . “ [Ursula]255-gerald , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “ do n’t [you]255-gerald really want to get married ? ”[160-gudrun] [Ursula]255-gerald laid [her]160-gudrun embroidery in [her]160-gudrun lap and looked up . [Her]160-gudrun face was calm and considerate . “ [I]160-gudrun do n’t know , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied . “ It depends how [you]160-gudrun mean . ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun was slightly taken aback . [She]160-gudrun watched [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister for some moments . “ Well , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , ironically , “ it usually means one thing ! But do n’t [you]160-gudrun think anyhow , [you]160-gudrun ’d be — ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun darkened slightly—“in a better position than [you]160-gudrun are in now . ”[160-gudrun] A shadow came over [Ursula]255-gerald ’s face . “ [I]160-gudrun might , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ But [I]160-gudrun ’m not sure . ”[160-gudrun] Again [Gudrun]160-gudrun paused , slightly irritated . [She]160-gudrun wanted to be quite definite . “ [You]160-gudrun do n’t think one needs the experience of having been married ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked . “ Do [you]160-gudrun think it need be an experience ? ”[255-gerald] replied [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Bound to be , in some way or other , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , coolly . “ Possibly undesirable , but bound to be an experience of some sort . ”[160-gudrun] “ Not really , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ More likely to be the end of experience . ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun sat very still , to attend to this . “ Of course , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , “ there ’s that to consider . ”[160-gudrun] This brought the conversation to a close . [Gudrun]160-gudrun , almost angrily , took up [her]160-gudrun rubber and began to rub out part of [her]160-gudrun drawing . [Ursula]255-gerald stitched absorbedly . “ [You]160-gudrun would n’t consider a good offer ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]255-gerald think [I]255-gerald ’ve rejected several , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Really ! ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun flushed dark—“But anything really worth while ? Have [you]160-gudrun really ? ”[160-gudrun] “ A thousand a year , and [an awfully nice man]4645-an awfully nice man . [I]255-gerald liked [him]4645-an awfully nice man awfully , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Really ! But were n’t [you]160-gudrun fearfully tempted ? ”[255-gerald] “ In the abstract but not in the concrete , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ When it comes to the point , [one]4646-one is n’t even tempted — oh , if [I]255-gerald were tempted , [I]255-gerald ’d marry like a shot . [I]255-gerald ’m only tempted not to . ”[255-gerald] The faces of [both sisters]450-both sisters suddenly lit up with amusement . “ Is n’t it an amazing thing , ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “ how strong the temptation is , not to ! ”[160-gudrun] [They]450-both sisters both laughed , looking at [each other]451-each other . In [their]450-both sisters hearts [they]450-both sisters were frightened . There was a long pause , whilst [Ursula]255-gerald stitched and [Gudrun]160-gudrun went on with [her]160-gudrun sketch . [The sisters]452-the sisters were [women]453-women , [Ursula]255-gerald twenty - six , and [Gudrun]160-gudrun twenty - five . But [both]454-both had the remote , virgin look of [modern girls]455-modern girls , [sisters of [Artemis]161-artemis rather than of [Hebe]162-hebe]456-sisters of artemis rather than of hebe . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was very beautiful , passive , soft - skinned , soft - limbed . [She]160-gudrun wore a dress of dark - blue silky stuff , with ruches of blue and green linen lace in the neck and sleeves ; and [she]160-gudrun had emerald - green stockings . [Her]160-gudrun look of confidence and diffidence contrasted with [Ursula]255-gerald ’s sensitive expectancy . [The provincial people]457-the provincial people , intimidated by [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s perfect sang - froid and exclusive bareness of manner , said of [her]160-gudrun : “ [She]160-gudrun is [a smart woman]4647-a smart woman . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun had just come back from [London]2-london , where [she]160-gudrun had spent several years , working at [an art - school]458-an art - school , as [a student]459-a student , and living a studio life . “ [I]160-gudrun was hoping now for [a man]4648-a man to come along , ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun said , suddenly catching [her]160-gudrun underlip between [her]160-gudrun teeth , and making a strange grimace , half sly smiling , half anguish . [Ursula]255-gerald was afraid . “ So [you]160-gudrun have come [home]4649-home , expecting [him]4648-a man [here]4650-here ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun laughed . “ Oh [my]160-gudrun dear , ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , strident , “ [I]160-gudrun would n’t go out of [my]160-gudrun way to look for [him]4648-a man . But if there did happen to come along [a highly attractive individual of sufficient means]4651-a highly attractive individual of sufficient means — well — ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun tailed off ironically . Then [she]160-gudrun looked searchingly at [Ursula]255-gerald , as if to probe [her]160-gudrun . “ Do n’t [you]255-gerald find [yourself]255-gerald getting bored ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked of [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister . “ Do n’t [you]255-gerald find , that things fail to materialize ? Nothing materializes ! Everything withers in the bud . ”[160-gudrun] “ What withers in the bud ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Oh , everything — oneself — things in general . ”[255-gerald] There was a pause , whilst [each sister]461-each sister vaguely considered [her]461-each sister fate . “ It does frighten [one]4646-one , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , and again there was a pause . “ But do [you]255-gerald hope to get anywhere by just marrying ? ”[255-gerald] “ It seems to be the inevitable next step , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Ursula]255-gerald pondered this , with a little bitterness . [She]160-gudrun was a class mistress [herself]160-gudrun , in [Willey Green Grammar School]3-willey green grammar school , as [she]160-gudrun had been for some years . “ [I]160-gudrun know , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , “ it seems like that when [one]4646-one thinks in the abstract . But really imagine it : imagine [any man one]4654-any man one knows , imagine [him]4654-any man one coming [home]4649-home to [one]4646-one every evening , and saying ‘ Hello , ’ and giving [one]4646-one a kiss — ”[160-gudrun] There was a blank pause . “ Yes , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in a narrowed voice . “ It ’s just impossible . [The man]4658-the man makes it impossible . ”[160-gudrun] “ Of course there ’s [children]4659-children — ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald doubtfully . [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s face hardened . “ Do [you]255-gerald really want [children]4659-children , [Ursula]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked coldly . A dazzled , baffled look came on [Ursula]255-gerald ’s face . “ [One]4646-one feels it is still beyond one , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ Do [you]255-gerald feel like that ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]160-gudrun get no feeling whatever from the thought of bearing [children]4659-children . ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [Ursula]255-gerald with a masklike , expressionless face . [Ursula]255-gerald knitted [her]160-gudrun brows . “ Perhaps it is n’t genuine , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun faltered . “ Perhaps [one]4646-one does n’t really want [them]4659-children , in [one]4646-one ’s soul — only superficially . ”[160-gudrun] A hardness came over [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s face . [She]160-gudrun did not want to be too definite . “ When one thinks of [[other people]4665-other people ’s [children]4659-children]4666-other people ’s children — ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . Again [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister , almost hostile . “ Exactly , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , to close the conversation . [The two sisters]463-the two sisters worked on in silence , [Ursula]255-gerald having always that strange brightness of an essential flame that is caught , meshed , contravened . [She]160-gudrun lived a good deal by [herself]160-gudrun , to [herself]160-gudrun , working , passing on from day to day , and always thinking , trying to lay hold on life , to grasp it in [her]160-gudrun own understanding . [Her]160-gudrun active living was suspended , but underneath , in the darkness , something was coming to pass . If only [she]160-gudrun could break through the last integuments ! [She]160-gudrun seemed to try and put [her]160-gudrun hands out , like [an infant in the womb]464-an infant in the womb , and [she]160-gudrun could not , not yet . Still [she]160-gudrun had a strange prescience , an intimation of something yet to come . [She]160-gudrun laid down [her]160-gudrun work and looked at [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister . [She]160-gudrun thought [Gudrun]160-gudrun so charming , so infinitely charming , in [her]160-gudrun softness and [her]160-gudrun fine , exquisite richness of texture and delicacy of line . There was a certain playfulness about [her]160-gudrun too , such a piquancy or ironic suggestion , such an untouched reserve . [Ursula]255-gerald admired [her]160-gudrun with all [her]160-gudrun soul . “ Why did [you]160-gudrun come [home]4649-home , [Prune]163-prune ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked . [Gudrun]160-gudrun knew [she]160-gudrun was being admired . [She]160-gudrun sat back from [her]160-gudrun drawing and looked at [Ursula]255-gerald , from under [her]160-gudrun finely - curved lashes . “ Why did [I]160-gudrun come back , [Ursula]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun repeated . “ [I]160-gudrun have asked [myself]160-gudrun a thousand times . ”[160-gudrun] “ And do n’t [you]160-gudrun know ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Yes , [I]160-gudrun think [I]160-gudrun do . [I]160-gudrun think [my]160-gudrun coming back [home]4649-home was just reculer pour mieux sauter . ”[160-gudrun] And [she]160-gudrun looked with a long , slow look of knowledge at [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald know ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , looking slightly dazzled and falsified , and as if [she]160-gudrun did not know . “ But where can one jump to ? ”[255-gerald] “ Oh , it does n’t matter , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , somewhat superbly . “ If [one]4646-one jumps over the edge , [one]4646-one is bound to land somewhere . ”[160-gudrun] “ But is n’t it very risky ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . A slow mocking smile dawned on [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s face . “ Ah ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said laughing . “ What is it all but words ! ”[160-gudrun] And so again [she]160-gudrun closed the conversation . But [Ursula]255-gerald was still brooding . “ And how do [you]160-gudrun find [home]4649-home , now [you]160-gudrun have come back to it ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked . [Gudrun]160-gudrun paused for some moments , coldly , before answering . Then , in a cold truthful voice , [she]160-gudrun said : “ [I]160-gudrun find [myself]160-gudrun completely out of it . ”[160-gudrun] “ And [father]4673-father ? ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [Ursula]255-gerald , almost with resentment , as if brought to bay . “ [I]160-gudrun have n’t thought about [him]4673-father : [I]160-gudrun ’ve refrained , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said coldly . “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] wavered [Ursula]255-gerald ; and the conversation was really at an end . [The sisters]452-the sisters found [themselves]452-the sisters confronted by a void , a terrifying chasm , as if [they]452-the sisters had looked over the edge . [They]452-the sisters worked on in silence for some time , [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s cheek was flushed with repressed emotion . [She]160-gudrun resented its having been called into being . “ Shall [we]452-the sisters go out and look at that wedding ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked at length , in a voice that was too casual . “ Yes ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , too eagerly , throwing aside [her]160-gudrun sewing and leaping up , as if to escape something , thus betraying the tension of the situation and causing a friction of dislike to go over [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s nerves . As [she]160-gudrun went [upstairs]467-upstairs , [Ursula]255-gerald was aware of [the house]468-the house , of [[her]160-gudrun home]469-her home round about [her]160-gudrun . And [she]160-gudrun loathed [it]468-the house , [the sordid , too - familiar place]470-the sordid , too - familiar place ! [She]160-gudrun was afraid at the depth of [her]160-gudrun feeling against [the home]471-the home , the milieu , the whole atmosphere and condition of [this obsolete life]472-this obsolete life . [Her]160-gudrun feeling frightened [her]160-gudrun . [The two girls]473-the two girls were soon walking swiftly down [the main road of [Beldover]1-beldover]474-the main road of beldover , [a wide street]475-a wide street , part [shops]476-shops , [part dwelling - houses]477-part dwelling - houses , utterly formless and sordid , without poverty . [Gudrun]160-gudrun , new from [her]160-gudrun life in [Chelsea]4-chelsea and [Sussex]5-sussex , shrank cruelly from this amorphous ugliness of [a small colliery town in the Midlands]478-a small colliery town in the midlands . Yet forward [she]160-gudrun went , through the whole sordid gamut of pettiness , [the long amorphous , gritty street]479-the long amorphous , gritty street . [She]160-gudrun was exposed to every stare , [she]160-gudrun passed on through a stretch of torment . It was strange that [she]160-gudrun should have chosen to come back and test the full effect of this shapeless , barren ugliness upon [herself]160-gudrun . Why had [she]160-gudrun wanted to submit [herself]160-gudrun to it , did [she]160-gudrun still want to submit [herself]160-gudrun to it , the insufferable torture of [these ugly , meaningless people]480-these ugly , meaningless people , [this defaced countryside]481-this defaced countryside ? [She]160-gudrun felt like a beetle toiling in the dust . [She]160-gudrun was filled with repulsion . [They]482-they turned off [the main road]483-the main road , past [a black patch of common - garden]484-a black patch of common - garden , where sooty cabbage stumps stood shameless . [No one]485-no one thought to be ashamed . [No one]485-no one was ashamed of it all . “ It is like [a country in an underworld]4674-a country in an underworld , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [The colliers]4675-the colliers bring it above - ground with [them]4675-the colliers , shovel it up . [Ursula]255-gerald , it ’s marvellous , it ’s really marvellous — it ’s really wonderful , [another world]4676-another world . [The people]4677-the people are [all ghouls]4678-all ghouls , and everything is ghostly . Everything is a ghoulish replica of [the real world]4679-the real world , a replica , a ghoul , all soiled , everything sordid . It ’s like being mad , [Ursula]255-gerald . ”[160-gudrun] [The sisters]452-the sisters were crossing [a black path]488-a black path through [a dark , soiled field]489-a dark , soiled field . On the left was [a large landscape]490-a large landscape , [a valley with [collieries]492-collieries]491-a valley with collieries , and [opposite hills with cornfields and woods]493-opposite hills with cornfields and woods , all blackened with distance , as if seen through a veil of crape . White and black smoke rose up in steady columns , magic within the dark air . Near at hand came the long rows of [dwellings]494-dwellings , approaching curved up [the hill - slope]495-the hill - slope , in straight lines along [the brow of [the hill]497-the hill]496-the brow of the hill . [They]498-they were of darkened red brick , brittle , with dark slate roofs . The path on which [the sisters]452-the sisters walked was black , trodden - in by the feet of [the recurrent colliers]500-the recurrent colliers , and bounded from [the field]501-the field by iron fences ; the stile that led again into [the road]502-the road was rubbed shiny by the moleskins of [the passing miners]503-the passing miners . Now [the two girls]473-the two girls were going between some rows of [dwellings]494-dwellings , of the poorer sort . [Women]453-women , [their]453-women arms folded over [their]453-women coarse aprons , standing gossiping at the end of [[their]453-women block]507-their block , stared after [the Brangwen sisters]508-the brangwen sisters with that long , unwearying stare of [aborigines]509-aborigines ; [children]4659-children called out names . [Gudrun]160-gudrun went on [her]160-gudrun way half dazed . If this were human life , if these were [human beings]511-human beings , living in [a complete world]512-a complete world , then what was [[her]160-gudrun own world]513-her own world , outside ? [She]160-gudrun was aware of [her]160-gudrun grass - green stockings , [her]160-gudrun large grass - green velour hat , [her]160-gudrun full soft coat , of a strong blue colour . And [she]160-gudrun felt as if [she]160-gudrun were treading in the air , quite unstable , [her]160-gudrun heart was contracted , as if at any minute [she]160-gudrun might be precipitated to the ground . [She]160-gudrun was afraid . [She]160-gudrun clung to [Ursula]255-gerald , who , through long usage was inured to this violation of [a dark , uncreated , hostile world]514-a dark , uncreated , hostile world . But all the time [her]160-gudrun heart was crying , as if in the midst of some ordeal : “ [I]160-gudrun want to go back , [I]160-gudrun want to go away , [I]160-gudrun want not to know it , not to know that this exists . ”[160-gudrun] Yet [she]160-gudrun must go forward . [Ursula]255-gerald could feel [her]160-gudrun suffering . “ [You]160-gudrun hate this , do n’t [you]160-gudrun ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked . “ It bewilders [me]160-gudrun , ”[160-gudrun] stammered [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [You]160-gudrun wo n’t stay long , ”[255-gerald] replied [Ursula]255-gerald . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun went along , grasping at release . [They]515-they drew away from [the colliery region]516-the colliery region , over [the curve of [the hill]497-the hill]517-the curve of the hill , into [the purer country of the other side]519-the purer country of the other side , towards [Willey Green]6-willey green . Still the faint glamour of blackness persisted over [the fields]520-the fields and [the wooded hills]521-the wooded hills , and seemed darkly to gleam in the air . It was a spring day , chill , with snatches of sunshine . Yellow celandines showed out from the hedge - bottoms , and in [the cottage gardens of [Willey Green]6-willey green]522-the cottage gardens of willey green , currant - bushes were breaking into leaf , and little flowers were coming white on the grey alyssum that hung over the stone walls . Turning , [they]515-they passed down [the high - road]523-the high - road , that went between high banks towards [the church]524-the church . There , in the lowest bend of [the road]502-the road , low under the trees , stood [a little group of expectant people , waiting to see the wedding]526-a little group of expectant people , waiting to see the wedding . [The daughter of [the chief mine - owner of [the district]529-the district]528-the chief mine - owner of the district]527-the daughter of the chief mine - owner of the district , [Thomas Crich]164-thomas crich , was getting married to [a naval officer]530-a naval officer . “ Let [us]515-they go back , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , swerving away . “ There are [all those people]4680-all those people . ”[160-gudrun] And [she]527-the daughter of the chief mine - owner of the district hung wavering in [the road]502-the road . “ Never mind [them]4680-all those people , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ [they]4680-all those people ’re all right . [They]4680-all those people all know [me]255-gerald , [they]4680-all those people do n’t matter . ”[255-gerald] “ But must [we]515-they go through [them]4680-all those people ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [They]4680-all those people ’re quite all right , really , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , going forward . And together [the two sisters]463-the two sisters approached [the group of uneasy , watchful common people]533-the group of uneasy , watchful common people . [They]463-the two sisters were [chiefly women]534-chiefly women , [colliers ’ wives of the more shiftless sort]535-colliers ’ wives of the more shiftless sort . [They]463-the two sisters had watchful , underworld faces . [The two sisters]463-the two sisters held [themselves]463-the two sisters tense , and went straight towards the gate . [The women]537-the women made way for [them]463-the two sisters , but barely sufficient , as if grudging to yield ground . [The sisters]452-the sisters passed in silence through the stone gateway and up the steps , on the red carpet , [a policeman]539-a policeman estimating [their]452-the sisters progress . “ What price the stockings ! ”[539-a policeman] said a voice at the back of [Gudrun]160-gudrun . A sudden fierce anger swept over [the girl]540-the girl , violent and murderous . [She]540-the girl would have liked [them]452-the sisters all annihilated , cleared away , so that [the world]541-the world was left clear for [her]540-the girl . How [she]540-the girl hated walking up [the churchyard path]542-the churchyard path , along the red carpet , continuing in motion , in [their]452-the sisters sight . “ [I]540-the girl wo n’t go into [the church]524-the church , ”[540-the girl] [she]540-the girl said suddenly , with such final decision that [Ursula]255-gerald immediately halted , turned round , and branched off up a small side path which led to [the little private gate of [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school , whose grounds adjoined those of [the church]524-the church]543-the little private gate of the grammar school , whose grounds adjoined those of the church . Just inside the gate of [the school shrubbery]546-the school shrubbery , outside [the churchyard]547-the churchyard , [Ursula]255-gerald sat down for a moment on the low stone wall under the laurel bushes , to rest . Behind [her]540-the girl , [the large red building of [the school]549-the school]548-the large red building of the school rose up peacefully , the windows all open for the holiday . Over the shrubs , before [her]540-the girl , were the pale roofs and tower of [the old church]550-the old church . [The sisters]452-the sisters were hidden by the foliage . [Gudrun]160-gudrun sat down in silence . [Her]160-gudrun mouth was shut close , [her]160-gudrun face averted . [She]160-gudrun was regretting bitterly that [she]160-gudrun had ever come back . [Ursula]255-gerald looked at [her]160-gudrun , and thought how amazingly beautiful [she]160-gudrun was , flushed with discomfiture . But [she]160-gudrun caused a constraint over [Ursula]255-gerald ’s nature , a certain weariness . [Ursula]255-gerald wished to be alone , freed from the tightness , the enclosure of [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s presence . “ Are [we]4682-we going to stay here ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]255-gerald was only resting a minute , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , getting up as if rebuked . “ [We]4682-we will stand in the corner by [the fives - court]4683-the fives - court , [we]4682-we shall see everything from there . ”[255-gerald] For the moment , the sunshine fell brightly into [the churchyard]547-the churchyard , there was a vague scent of sap and of spring , perhaps of violets from off [the graves]553-the graves . Some white daisies were out , bright as angels . In the air , the unfolding leaves of a copper - beech were blood - red . Punctually at eleven o’clock , [the carriages]554-the carriages began to arrive . There was a stir in [the crowd at the gate]555-the crowd at the gate , a concentration as [a carriage]556-a carriage drove up , [wedding guests]557-wedding guests were mounting up the steps and passing along the red carpet to [the church]524-the church . [They]557-wedding guests were all gay and excited because the sun was shining . [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [them]557-wedding guests closely , with objective curiosity . [She]160-gudrun saw [each one]559-each one as a complete figure , like [a character in a book]560-a character in a book , or [a subject in a picture]561-a subject in a picture , or a marionette in [a theatre]562-a theatre , a finished creation . [She]160-gudrun loved to recognise [their]557-wedding guests various characteristics , to place [them]557-wedding guests in [their]557-wedding guests true light , give [them]557-wedding guests [their]557-wedding guests own surroundings , settle [them]557-wedding guests for ever as [they]557-wedding guests passed before [her]160-gudrun along the path to [the church]524-the church . [She]160-gudrun knew [them]557-wedding guests , they were finished , sealed and stamped and finished with , for [her]160-gudrun . There was none that had anything unknown , unresolved , until [the Criches themselves]564-the criches themselves began to appear . Then [her]160-gudrun interest was piqued . Here was something not quite so preconcluded . There came [the mother]565-the mother , [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich , with [[her]565-the mother eldest son]566-her eldest son [Gerald]255-gerald . [She]565-the mother was a queer unkempt figure , in spite of the attempts that had obviously been made to bring [her]565-the mother into line for the day . [Her]565-the mother face was pale , yellowish , with a clear , transparent skin , [she]565-the mother leaned forward rather , [her]565-the mother features were strongly marked , handsome , with a tense , unseeing , predative look . [Her]565-the mother colourless hair was untidy , wisps floating down on to [her]565-the mother sac coat of dark blue silk , from under [her]565-the mother blue silk hat . [She]160-gudrun looked like [a woman with a monomania , furtive almost , but heavily proud]567-a woman with a monomania , furtive almost , but heavily proud . [[Her]160-gudrun son]568-her son was of a fair , sun - tanned type , rather above middle height , well - made , and almost exaggeratedly well - dressed . But about [him]568-her son also was the strange , guarded look , the unconscious glisten , as if [he]568-her son did not belong to the same creation as [the people about [him]568-her son]569-the people about him . [Gudrun]160-gudrun lighted on [him]568-her son at once . There was something northern about [him]568-her son that magnetised [her]160-gudrun . In [his]568-her son clear northern flesh and [his]568-her son fair hair was a glisten like sunshine refracted through crystals of ice . And [he]568-her son looked so new , unbroached , pure as an arctic thing . Perhaps [he]568-her son was thirty years old , perhaps more . [His]568-her son gleaming beauty , maleness , like [a young , good - humoured , smiling wolf]570-a young , good - humoured , smiling wolf , did not blind [her]160-gudrun to the significant , sinister stillness in [his]568-her son bearing , the lurking danger of [his]568-her son unsubdued temper . “ [[His]568-her son totem]4684-his totem is the wolf , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun repeated to [herself]160-gudrun . “ [[His]568-her son mother]4685-his mother is [an old , unbroken wolf]4686-an old , unbroken wolf . ”[160-gudrun] And then [she]160-gudrun experienced a keen paroxyism , a transport , as if [she]160-gudrun had made some incredible discovery , known to nobody else on [earth]571-earth . A strange transport took possession of [her]160-gudrun , all [her]160-gudrun veins were in a paroxysm of violent sensation . “ [Good God]167-god ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun exclaimed to [herself]160-gudrun , “ what is this ? ”[160-gudrun] And then , a moment after , [she]160-gudrun was saying assuredly , “ [I]160-gudrun shall know more of [that man]4687-that man . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun was tortured with desire to see [him]568-her son again , a nostalgia , a necessity to see [him]568-her son again , to make sure it was not all a mistake , that [she]160-gudrun was not deluding [herself]160-gudrun , that [she]160-gudrun really felt this strange and overwhelming sensation on [his]568-her son account , this knowledge of [him]568-her son in [her]160-gudrun essence , this powerful apprehension of [him]568-her son . “ Am [I]160-gudrun really singled out for [him]568-her son in some way , is there really some pale gold , arctic light that envelopes only [us]4688-us two ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked [herself]160-gudrun . And [she]160-gudrun could not believe it , [she]160-gudrun remained in a muse , scarcely conscious of what was going on around . [The bridesmaids]572-the bridesmaids were here , and yet [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom had not come . [Ursula]255-gerald wondered if something was amiss , and if the wedding would yet all go wrong . [She]160-gudrun felt troubled , as if it rested upon [her]160-gudrun . [The chief bridesmaids]574-the chief bridesmaids had arrived . [Ursula]255-gerald watched [them]574-the chief bridesmaids come up the steps . [One of [them]574-the chief bridesmaids [she]160-gudrun knew]575-one of them she knew , [a tall , slow , reluctant woman with a weight of fair hair and a pale , long face]576-a tall , slow , reluctant woman with a weight of fair hair and a pale , long face . This was [Hermione Roddice]168-hermione , [a friend of the Criches]577-a friend of the criches . Now [she]168-hermione came along , with [her]168-hermione head held up , balancing an enormous flat hat of pale yellow velvet , on which were streaks of ostrich feathers , natural and grey . [She]168-hermione drifted forward as if scarcely conscious , [her]168-hermione long blanched face lifted up , not to see [the world]541-the world . [She]168-hermione was rich . [She]168-hermione wore a dress of silky , frail velvet , of pale yellow colour , and [she]168-hermione carried a lot of small rose - coloured cyclamens . [Her]168-hermione shoes and stockings were of brownish grey , like the feathers on [her]168-hermione hat , [her]168-hermione hair was heavy , [she]168-hermione drifted along with a peculiar fixity of the hips , a strange unwilling motion . [She]168-hermione was impressive , in [her]168-hermione lovely pale - yellow and brownish - rose , yet macabre , something repulsive . [People]579-people were silent when [she]168-hermione passed , impressed , roused , wanting to jeer , yet for some reason silenced . [Her]168-hermione long , pale face , that [she]168-hermione carried lifted up , somewhat in the Rossetti fashion , seemed almost drugged , as if a strange mass of thoughts coiled in the darkness within [her]168-hermione , and [she]168-hermione was never allowed to escape . [Ursula]255-gerald watched [her]168-hermione with fascination . [She]580-she knew [her]168-hermione a little . [She]168-hermione was [the most remarkable woman in [the Midlands]582-the midlands]581-the most remarkable woman in the midlands . [[Her]168-hermione father]583-her father was [a Derbyshire Baronet of [the old school]585-the old school]584-a derbyshire baronet of the old school , [she]168-hermione was [a woman of the new school , full of intellectuality , and heavy , nerve - worn with consciousness]586-a woman of the new school , full of intellectuality , and heavy , nerve - worn with consciousness . [She]168-hermione was passionately interested in reform , [her]168-hermione soul was given up to the public cause . But [she]168-hermione was [a man ’s woman]587-a man ’s woman , it was the manly world that held [her]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione had various intimacies of mind and soul with [various men of capacity]588-various men of capacity . [Ursula]255-gerald knew , among [these men]589-these men , only [Rupert Birkin]169-birkin , who was [one of [the school - inspectors of [the county]592-the county]591-the school - inspectors of the county]590-one of the school - inspectors of the county . But [Gudrun]160-gudrun had met [others]593-others , in [London]2-london . Moving with [[her]160-gudrun artist friends]594-her artist friends in different kinds of society , [Gudrun]160-gudrun had already come to know [a good many people of repute and standing]595-a good many people of repute and standing . [She]168-hermione had met [Hermione]168-hermione twice , but [they]596-they did not take to [each other]451-each other . It would be queer to meet again down here in [the Midlands]582-the midlands , where [their]596-they social standing was so diverse , after [they]596-they had known [each other]451-each other on terms of equality in [the houses of [sundry acquaintances in [town]602-town]601-sundry acquaintances in town]600-the houses of sundry acquaintances in town . For [Gudrun]160-gudrun had been a social success , and had [[her]160-gudrun friends]603-her friends among [the slack aristocracy that keeps touch with the arts]604-the slack aristocracy that keeps touch with the arts . [Hermione]168-hermione knew [herself]168-hermione to be well - dressed ; [she]168-hermione knew [herself]168-hermione to be the social equal , if not far the superior , of [anyone [she]168-hermione was likely to meet in [Willey Green]6-willey green]605-anyone she was likely to meet in willey green . [She]168-hermione knew [she]168-hermione was accepted in [the world of culture]606-the world of culture and of intellect . [She]168-hermione was [a Kulturträger , a medium for the culture of ideas]607-a kulturträger , a medium for the culture of ideas . With all that was highest , whether in society or in thought or in public action , or even in art , [she]168-hermione was at one , [she]168-hermione moved among [the foremost]608-the foremost , at [home]4649-home with [them]608-the foremost . [No one]485-no one could put [her]168-hermione down , [no one]485-no one could make mock of [her]168-hermione , because [she]168-hermione stood among the first , and [those that were against [her]168-hermione]612-those that were against her were below [her]168-hermione , either in rank , or in wealth , or in high association of thought and progress and understanding . So , [she]168-hermione was invulnerable . All [her]168-hermione life , [she]168-hermione had sought to make [herself]168-hermione invulnerable , unassailable , beyond reach of [the world]541-the world ’s judgment . And yet [her]168-hermione soul was tortured , exposed . Even walking up the path to [the church]524-the church , confident as [she]168-hermione was that in every respect [she]168-hermione stood beyond all vulgar judgment , knowing perfectly that [her]168-hermione appearance was complete and perfect , according to the first standards , yet [she]168-hermione suffered a torture , under [her]168-hermione confidence and [her]168-hermione pride , feeling [herself]168-hermione exposed to wounds and to mockery and to despite . [She]168-hermione always felt vulnerable , vulnerable , there was always a secret chink in [her]168-hermione armour . [She]168-hermione did not know [herself]168-hermione what it was . It was a lack of robust self , [she]168-hermione had no natural sufficiency , there was a terrible void , a lack , a deficiency of being within [her]168-hermione . And [she]168-hermione wanted [someone to close up this deficiency , to close it up for ever]615-someone to close up this deficiency , to close it up for ever . [She]168-hermione craved for [Rupert Birkin]169-birkin . When [he]616-he was there , [she]168-hermione felt complete , [she]168-hermione was sufficient , whole . For the rest of time [she]168-hermione was established on the sand , built over a chasm , and , in spite of all [her]168-hermione vanity and securities , [any common maid - servant of positive , robust temper]617-any common maid - servant of positive , robust temper could fling [her]168-hermione down this bottomless pit of insufficiency , by the slightest movement of jeering or contempt . And all the while [the pensive , tortured woman]618-the pensive , tortured woman piled up [her]618-the pensive , tortured woman own defences of æsthetic knowledge , and culture , and world - visions , and disinterestedness . Yet [she]168-hermione could never stop up the terrible gap of insufficiency . If only [Birkin]169-birkin would form a close and abiding connection with [her]168-hermione , [she]168-hermione would be safe during this fretful voyage of life . [He]616-he could make [her]168-hermione sound and triumphant , triumphant over the very angels of [heaven]619-heaven . If only [he]616-he would do it ! But [she]168-hermione was tortured with fear , with misgiving . [She]168-hermione made [herself]168-hermione beautiful , [she]168-hermione strove so hard to come to that degree of beauty and advantage , when [he]616-he should be convinced . But always there was a deficiency . [He]616-he was perverse too . [He]616-he fought [her]168-hermione off , [he]616-he always fought [her]168-hermione off . The more [she]168-hermione strove to bring [him]616-he to [her]168-hermione , the more [he]616-he battled [her]168-hermione back . And [they]620-they had been [lovers]621-lovers now , for years . Oh , it was so wearying , so aching ; [she]168-hermione was so tired . But still [she]168-hermione believed in [herself]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione knew [he]616-he was trying to leave [her]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione knew [he]616-he was trying to break away from [her]168-hermione finally , to be free . But still [she]168-hermione believed in [her]168-hermione strength to keep [him]616-he , [she]168-hermione believed in [her]168-hermione own higher knowledge . [His]616-he own knowledge was high , [she]168-hermione was the central touchstone of truth . [She]168-hermione only needed [his]616-he conjunction with [her]168-hermione . And this , this conjunction with [her]168-hermione , which was [his]616-he highest fulfilment also , with the perverseness of [a wilful child [he]616-he wanted to deny]622-a wilful child he wanted to deny . With the wilfulness of [an obstinate child]623-an obstinate child , [he]616-he wanted to break the holy connection that was between [them]624-them . [He]616-he would be at this wedding ; [he]616-he was to be [[groom]625-groom ’s man]626-groom ’s man . [He]616-he would be in [the church]524-the church , waiting . [He]616-he would know when [she]168-hermione came . [She]168-hermione shuddered with nervous apprehension and desire as [she]168-hermione went through [the church]524-the church - door . [He]616-he would be [there]629-there , surely [he]616-he would see how beautiful [her]168-hermione dress was , surely [he]616-he would see how [she]168-hermione had made [herself]168-hermione beautiful for [him]616-he . [He]616-he would understand , [he]616-he would be able to see how [she]168-hermione was made for [him]616-he , the first , how [she]168-hermione was , for [him]616-he , the highest . Surely at last [he]616-he would be able to accept [his]616-he highest fate , [he]616-he would not deny [her]168-hermione . In a little convulsion of too - tired yearning , [she]168-hermione entered [the church]524-the church and looked slowly along [her]168-hermione cheeks for [him]616-he , [her]168-hermione slender body convulsed with agitation . As [best man]631-best man , [he]616-he would be standing beside the altar . [She]168-hermione looked slowly , deferring in [her]168-hermione certainty . And then , [he]616-he was not [there]629-there . A terrible storm came over [her]168-hermione , as if [she]168-hermione were drowning . [She]168-hermione was possessed by a devastating hopelessness . And [she]168-hermione approached mechanically to the altar . Never had [she]168-hermione known such a pang of utter and final hopelessness . It was beyond death , so utterly null , desert . [The bridegroom]573-the bridegroom and [[the groom]634-the groom ’s man]635-the groom ’s man had not yet come . There was a growing consternation outside . [Ursula]255-gerald felt almost responsible . [She]168-hermione could not bear it that [the bride]636-the bride should arrive , and [no groom]637-no groom . The wedding must not be a fiasco , it must not . But here was [[the bride]636-the bride ’s carriage]639-the bride ’s carriage , adorned with ribbons and cockades . Gaily the grey horses curvetted to [their]640-their destination at [the church]524-the church - gate , a laughter in the whole movement . Here was the quick of all laughter and pleasure . The door of [the carriage]642-the carriage was thrown open , to let out the very blossom of the day . [The people on [the roadway]644-the roadway]643-the people on the roadway murmured faintly with the discontented murmuring of [a crowd]645-a crowd . [The father]646-the father stepped out first into the air of the morning , like a shadow . [He]646-the father was [a tall , thin , careworn man , with a thin black beard that was touched with grey]647-a tall , thin , careworn man , with a thin black beard that was touched with grey . [He]646-the father waited at the door of [the carriage]642-the carriage patiently , self - obliterated . In the opening of the doorway was a shower of fine foliage and flowers , a whiteness of satin and lace , and a sound of a gay voice saying : “ How do [I]649-the expectant people get out ? ”[649-the expectant people] A ripple of satisfaction ran through [the expectant people]649-the expectant people . [They]649-the expectant people pressed near to receive [her]636-the bride , looking with zest at the stooping blond head with its flower buds , and at the delicate , white , tentative foot that was reaching down to the step of [the carriage]642-the carriage . There was a sudden foaming rush , and [the bride]636-the bride like a sudden surf - rush , floating all white beside [[her]636-the bride father]583-her father in the morning shadow of trees , [her]636-the bride veil flowing with laughter . “ That ’s done it ! ”[636-the bride] [she]636-the bride said . [She]636-the bride put [her]636-the bride hand on the arm of [[her]636-the bride care - worn , sallow father]653-her care - worn , sallow father , and frothing [her]636-the bride light draperies , proceeded over the eternal red carpet . [[Her]636-the bride father]583-her father , mute and yellowish , [his]646-the father black beard making [him]646-the father look more careworn , mounted the steps stiffly , as if [his]646-the father spirit were absent ; but the laughing mist of [the bride]636-the bride went along with [him]646-the father undiminished . And [no bridegroom]656-no bridegroom had arrived ! It was intolerable for [her]636-the bride . [Ursula]255-gerald , [her]636-the bride heart strained with anxiety , was watching [the hill beyond]657-the hill beyond ; [the white , descending road]658-the white , descending road , that should give sight of [him]646-the father . There was [a carriage]556-a carriage . [It]556-a carriage was running . It had just come into sight . Yes , it was [he]646-the father . [Ursula]255-gerald turned towards [the bride]636-the bride and [the people]4677-the people , and , from [her]636-the bride place of vantage , gave an inarticulate cry . [She]636-the bride wanted to warn [them]4677-the people that [he]646-the father was coming . But [her]636-the bride cry was inarticulate and inaudible , and [she]636-the bride flushed deeply , between [her]636-the bride desire and [her]636-the bride wincing confusion . [The carriage]642-the carriage rattled down [the hill]497-the hill , and drew near . There was a shout from [the people]4677-the people . [The bride , who had just reached the top of the steps]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps , turned round gaily to see what was the commotion . [She]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps saw a confusion among [the people]4677-the people , [a cab pulling up]667-a cab pulling up , and [[her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps lover]668-her lover dropping out of [the carriage]642-the carriage , and dodging among the horses and into [the crowd]670-the crowd . “ Tibs ! [Tibs]170-tibs ! ”[665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps] [she]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps cried in [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps sudden , mocking excitement , standing high on [the path]671-the path in the sunlight and waving [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps bouquet . [He]668-her lover , dodging with [his]668-her lover hat in [his]668-her lover hand , had not heard . “ Tibs ! ”[665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps] [she]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps cried again , looking down to [him]668-her lover . [He]668-her lover glanced up , unaware , and saw [the bride]636-the bride and [[her]636-the bride father]583-her father standing on the path above [him]668-her lover . A queer , startled look went over [his]668-her lover face . [He]668-her lover hesitated for a moment . Then [he]668-her lover gathered [himself]668-her lover together for a leap , to overtake [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps . “ Ah - h - h ! ”[665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps] came [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps strange , intaken cry , as , on the reflex , [she]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps started , turned and fled , scudding with an unthinkable swift beating of [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps white feet and fraying of [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps white garments , towards [the church]524-the church . Like [a hound]675-a hound [the young man]676-the young man was after [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps , leaping the steps and swinging past [[her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps father]583-her father , [his]668-her lover supple haunches working like those of a hound that bears down on [the quarry]678-the quarry . “ Ay , after [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps ! ”[679-the vulgar women below] cried [the vulgar women below]679-the vulgar women below , carried suddenly into the sport . [She]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps , [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps flowers shaken from [her]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps like froth , was steadying [herself]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps to turn the angle of [the church]524-the church . [She]665-the bride , who had just reached the top of the steps glanced behind , and with a wild cry of laughter and challenge , veered , poised , and was gone beyond the grey stone buttress . In another instant [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom , bent forward as [he]573-the bridegroom ran , had caught the angle of the silent stone with [his]573-the bridegroom hand , and had swung [himself]573-the bridegroom out of sight , [his]573-the bridegroom supple , strong loins vanishing in pursuit . Instantly cries and exclamations of excitement burst from [the crowd at the gate]555-the crowd at the gate . And then [Ursula]255-gerald noticed again the dark , rather stooping figure of [Mr Crich]171-mr crich , waiting suspended on [the path]671-the path , watching with expressionless face the flight to [the church]524-the church . It was over , and [he]171-mr crich turned round to look behind [him]171-mr crich , at the figure of [Rupert Birkin]169-birkin , who at once came forward and joined [him]171-mr crich . “ [We]686-the two men ’ll bring up the rear , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , a faint smile on [his]171-mr crich face . “ Ay ! ”[646-the father] replied [the father]646-the father laconically . And [the two men]686-the two men turned together up [the path]671-the path . [Birkin]169-birkin was as thin as [Mr Crich]171-mr crich , pale and ill - looking . [His]171-mr crich figure was narrow but nicely made . [He]171-mr crich went with a slight trail of one foot , which came only from self - consciousness . Although [he]171-mr crich was dressed correctly for [his]171-mr crich part , yet there was an innate incongruity which caused a slight ridiculousness in [his]171-mr crich appearance . [His]171-mr crich nature was clever and separate , [he]171-mr crich did not fit at all in the conventional occasion . Yet [he]171-mr crich subordinated [himself]171-mr crich to the common idea , travestied [himself]171-mr crich . [He]171-mr crich affected to be quite ordinary , perfectly and marvellously commonplace . And [he]171-mr crich did it so well , taking the tone of [his]171-mr crich surroundings , adjusting [himself]171-mr crich quickly to [[his]171-mr crich interlocutor]688-his interlocutor and [his]171-mr crich circumstance , that [he]171-mr crich achieved a verisimilitude of ordinary commonplaceness that usually propitiated [[his]171-mr crich onlookers]689-his onlookers for the moment , disarmed [them]689-his onlookers from attacking [his]171-mr crich singleness . Now [he]171-mr crich spoke quite easily and pleasantly to [Mr Crich]171-mr crich , as [they]690-we walked along [the path]671-the path ; [he]171-mr crich played with situations like [a man on a tight - rope : but always on a tight - rope]692-a man on a tight - rope : but always on a tight - rope , pretending nothing but ease . “ [I]171-mr crich ’m sorry [we]690-we are so late , ”[171-mr crich] [he]171-mr crich was saying . “ [We]690-we could n’t find a button - hook , so it took [us]690-we a long time to button [our]690-we boots . But [you]171-mr crich were to the moment . ”[171-mr crich] “ [We]690-we are usually to time , ”[171-mr crich] said [Mr Crich]171-mr crich . “ And [I]169-birkin ’m always late , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ But today [I]169-birkin was really punctual , only accidentally not so . [I]169-birkin ’m sorry . ”[169-birkin] [The two men]686-the two men were gone , there was nothing more to see , for the time . [Ursula]255-gerald was left thinking about [Birkin]169-birkin . [He]171-mr crich piqued [her]694-her , attracted [her]694-her , and annoyed [her]694-her . [She]694-her wanted to know [him]171-mr crich more . [She]694-her had spoken with [him]171-mr crich once or twice , but only in [his]171-mr crich official capacity as [inspector]695-inspector . [She]694-her thought [he]171-mr crich seemed to acknowledge some kinship between [her]694-her and [him]171-mr crich , a natural , tacit understanding , a using of the same language . But there had been no time for the understanding to develop . And something kept [her]694-her from [him]171-mr crich , as well as attracted [her]694-her to [him]171-mr crich . There was a certain hostility , a hidden ultimate reserve in [him]171-mr crich , cold and inaccessible . Yet [she]694-her wanted to know [him]171-mr crich . “ What do [you]160-gudrun think of [Rupert Birkin]169-birkin ? ”[694-her] [she]694-her asked , a little reluctantly , of [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]694-her did not want to discuss [him]171-mr crich . “ What do [I]160-gudrun think of [Rupert Birkin]169-birkin ? ”[160-gudrun] repeated [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]160-gudrun think [he]171-mr crich ’s attractive — decidedly attractive . What [I]160-gudrun ca n’t stand about [him]171-mr crich is [his]171-mr crich way with [other people]4665-other people — [his]171-mr crich way of treating [any little fool]4690-any little fool as if [she]4690-any little fool were [his]171-mr crich greatest consideration . [One]172-one feels so awfully sold , oneself . ”[160-gudrun] “ Why does [he]171-mr crich do it ? ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Because [he]171-mr crich has no real critical faculty — of [people]579-people , at all events , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]160-gudrun tell [you]255-gerald , [he]171-mr crich treats [any little fool]4690-any little fool as [he]171-mr crich treats [me]160-gudrun or [you]255-gerald — and it ’s such an insult . ”[160-gudrun] “ Oh , it is , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [One]4646-one must discriminate . ”[255-gerald] “ One must discriminate , ”[160-gudrun] repeated [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ But [he]171-mr crich ’s [a wonderful chap]4694-a wonderful chap , in other respects — a marvellous personality . But [you]255-gerald ca n’t trust [him]171-mr crich . ”[160-gudrun] “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald vaguely . [She]696-she was always forced to assent to [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s pronouncements , even when [she]696-she was not in accord altogether . [The sisters]452-the sisters sat silent , waiting for the wedding party to come out . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was impatient of talk . [She]160-gudrun wanted to think about [Gerald Crich]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun wanted to see if the strong feeling [she]160-gudrun had got from [him]255-gerald was real . [She]160-gudrun wanted to have [herself]160-gudrun ready . Inside [the church]524-the church , the wedding was going on . [Hermione Roddice]168-hermione was thinking only of [Birkin]169-birkin . [He]255-gerald stood near [her]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione seemed to gravitate physically towards [him]255-gerald . [She]168-hermione wanted to stand touching [him]255-gerald . [She]168-hermione could hardly be sure [he]255-gerald was near [her]168-hermione , if [she]168-hermione did not touch [him]255-gerald . Yet [she]168-hermione stood subjected through the wedding service . [She]168-hermione had suffered so bitterly when [he]255-gerald did not come , that still [she]168-hermione was dazed . Still [she]168-hermione was gnawed as by a neuralgia , tormented by [his]255-gerald potential absence from [her]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione had awaited [him]255-gerald in a faint delirium of nervous torture . As [she]168-hermione stood bearing [herself]168-hermione pensively , the rapt look on [her]168-hermione face , that seemed spiritual , like the angels , but which came from torture , gave [her]168-hermione a certain poignancy that tore [his]255-gerald heart with pity . [He]255-gerald saw [her]168-hermione bowed head , [her]168-hermione rapt face , the face of an almost demoniacal ecstatic . Feeling [him]255-gerald looking , [she]168-hermione lifted [her]168-hermione face and sought [his]255-gerald eyes , [her]168-hermione own beautiful grey eyes flaring [him]255-gerald a great signal . But [he]255-gerald avoided [her]168-hermione look , [she]168-hermione sank [her]168-hermione head in torment and shame , the gnawing at [her]168-hermione heart going on . And [he]255-gerald too was tortured with shame , and ultimate dislike , and with acute pity for [her]168-hermione , because [he]255-gerald did not want to meet [her]168-hermione eyes , [he]255-gerald did not want to receive [her]168-hermione flare of recognition . [The bride]636-the bride and [bridegroom]700-bridegroom were married , [the party]701-the party went into [the vestry]702-the vestry . [Hermione]168-hermione crowded involuntarily up against [Birkin]169-birkin , to touch [him]255-gerald . And [he]255-gerald endured it . Outside , [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald listened for [[their]703-their father]447-their father ’s playing on the organ . [He]447-their father would enjoy playing a wedding march . Now [the married pair]705-the married pair were coming ! The bells were ringing , making the air shake . [Ursula]255-gerald wondered if the trees and the flowers could feel the vibration , and what [they]703-their thought of it , this strange motion in the air . [The bride]636-the bride was quite demure on the arm of [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom , who stared up into the sky before [him]573-the bridegroom , shutting and opening [his]573-the bridegroom eyes unconsciously , as if [he]573-the bridegroom were neither here nor there . [He]573-the bridegroom looked rather comical , blinking and trying to be in the scene , when emotionally [he]573-the bridegroom was violated by [his]573-the bridegroom exposure to [a crowd]645-a crowd . [He]573-the bridegroom looked [a typical naval officer]709-a typical naval officer , manly , and up to [his]573-the bridegroom duty . [Birkin]169-birkin came with [Hermione]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione had a rapt , triumphant look , like the fallen angels restored , yet still subtly demoniacal , now [she]168-hermione held [Birkin]169-birkin by the arm . And [he]573-the bridegroom was expressionless , neutralised , possessed by [her]168-hermione as if it were [his]573-the bridegroom fate , without question . [Gerald Crich]255-gerald came , fair , good - looking , healthy , with a great reserve of energy . [He]255-gerald was erect and complete , there was a strange stealth glistening through [his]255-gerald amiable , almost happy appearance . [Gudrun]160-gudrun rose sharply and went away . [She]160-gudrun could not bear it . [She]160-gudrun wanted to be alone , to know this strange , sharp inoculation that had changed the whole temper of [her]160-gudrun blood . [The Brangwens]173-the brangwens went [home]4649-home to [Beldover]1-beldover , [the wedding - party]711-the wedding - party gathered at [Shortlands]7-shortlands , [[the Criches]174-the criches ’ home]712-the criches ’ home . It was [a long , low old house , a sort of manor farm , that spread along the top of a slope just beyond [the narrow little lake of [Willey Water]8-willey water]714-the narrow little lake of willey water]713-a long , low old house , a sort of manor farm , that spread along the top of a slope just beyond the narrow little lake of willey water . Shortlands looked across [a sloping meadow]715-a sloping meadow that might be [a park]716-a park , because of the large , solitary trees that stood here and there , across [the water of [the narrow lake]718-the narrow lake]717-the water of the narrow lake , at [the wooded hill that successfully hid [the colliery valley beyond]720-the colliery valley beyond]719-the wooded hill that successfully hid the colliery valley beyond , but did not quite hide the rising smoke . Nevertheless , the scene was rural and picturesque , very peaceful , and [the house]468-the house had a charm of [its]468-the house own . [It]468-the house was crowded now with [the family]722-the family and [the wedding guests]723-the wedding guests . [The father]646-the father , who was not well , withdrew to rest . [Gerald]255-gerald was [host]725-host . [He]255-gerald stood in [the homely entrance hall]726-the homely entrance hall , friendly and easy , attending to [the men]727-the men . [He]255-gerald seemed to take pleasure in [his]255-gerald social functions , [he]255-gerald smiled , and was abundant in hospitality . [The women]537-the women wandered about in a little confusion , chased hither and thither by [the three married daughters of [the house]468-the house]729-the three married daughters of the house . All the while there could be heard the characteristic , imperious voice of [one Crich woman]731-one crich woman or another calling “ [Helen]175-helen , come here a minute , ”[731-one crich woman] “ [Marjory]176-marjory , [I]731-one crich woman want [you]175-helen — here . ”[731-one crich woman] “ Oh , [I]731-one crich woman say , [Mrs Witham—.]177-mrs witham—. ”[731-one crich woman] There was a great rustling of skirts , swift glimpses of [smartly - dressed women]732-smartly - dressed women , [a child]733-a child danced through [the hall]734-the hall and back again , [a maidservant]735-a maidservant came and went hurriedly . Meanwhile [the men]727-the men stood in calm little groups , chatting , smoking , pretending to pay no heed to the rustling animation of [the women]537-the women ’s world . But [they]727-the men could not really talk , because of the glassy ravel of [women]453-women ’s excited , cold laughter and running voices . [They]727-the men waited , uneasy , suspended , rather bored . But [Gerald]255-gerald remained as if genial and happy , unaware that [he]255-gerald was waiting or unoccupied , knowing [himself]255-gerald the very pivot of the occasion . Suddenly [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich came noiselessly into [the room]739-the room , peering about with [her]165-mrs crich strong , clear face . [She]165-mrs crich was still wearing [her]165-mrs crich hat , and [her]165-mrs crich sac coat of blue silk . “ What is it , [mother]4695-mother ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Nothing , nothing ! ”[165-mrs crich] [she]165-mrs crich answered vaguely . And [she]165-mrs crich went straight towards [Birkin]169-birkin , who was talking to [a Crich brother - in - law]740-a crich brother - in - law . “ How do [you]169-birkin do , [Mr Birkin]169-birkin , ”[165-mrs crich] [she]165-mrs crich said , in [her]165-mrs crich low voice , that seemed to take no count of [[her]165-mrs crich guests]741-her guests . [She]165-mrs crich held out [her]165-mrs crich hand to [him]740-a crich brother - in - law . “ Oh [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich , ”[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]169-birkin , in [his]740-a crich brother - in - law readily - changing voice , “ [I]740-a crich brother - in - law could n’t come to [you]165-mrs crich before . ”[740-a crich brother - in - law] “ [I]165-mrs crich do n’t know [half the people]4696-half the people [here]4650-here , ”[165-mrs crich] [she]165-mrs crich said , in [her]165-mrs crich low voice . [[Her]165-mrs crich son - in - law]742-her son - in - law moved uneasily away . “ And [you]165-mrs crich do n’t like [strangers]4698-strangers ? ”[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [I]169-birkin [myself]169-birkin can never see why [one]4646-one should take account of [people]579-people , just because [they]579-people happen to be in [the room]739-the room with [one]4646-one : why should [I]169-birkin know [they]579-people are there ? ”[169-birkin] “ Why indeed , why indeed ! ”[165-mrs crich] said [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich , in [her]165-mrs crich low , tense voice . “ Except that [they]579-people are there . [I]165-mrs crich do n’t know [people whom [I]165-mrs crich find in [the house]468-the house]4703-people whom i find in the house . [The children]4705-the children introduce [them]579-people to [me—‘Mother]4706-me—‘mother , this is [Mr So - and - so]4707-mr so - and - so . ’ [I]165-mrs crich am no further . What has [Mr So]179-mr so - and - so to do with [his]179-mr so own name?—and what have [I]165-mrs crich to do with either [him]179-mr so or [his]179-mr so name ? ”[165-mrs crich] [She]165-mrs crich looked up at [Birkin]169-birkin . [She]165-mrs crich startled [him]743-he . [He]743-he was flattered too that [she]165-mrs crich came to talk to [him]743-he , for [she]165-mrs crich took hardly any notice of [anybody]744-anybody . [He]743-he looked down at [her]165-mrs crich tense clear face , with its heavy features , but [he]743-he was afraid to look into [her]165-mrs crich heavy - seeing blue eyes . [He]743-he noticed instead how [her]165-mrs crich hair looped in slack , slovenly strands over [her]165-mrs crich rather beautiful ears , which were not quite clean . Neither was [her]165-mrs crich neck perfectly clean . Even in that [he]743-he seemed to belong to [her]165-mrs crich , rather than to [the rest of [the company]746-the company]745-the rest of the company ; though , [he]743-he thought to [himself]743-he , [he]743-he was always well washed , at any rate at the neck and ears . [He]743-he smiled faintly , thinking these things . Yet [he]743-he was tense , feeling that [he]743-he and [the elderly , estranged woman]747-the elderly , estranged woman were conferring together like [traitors]748-traitors , like [enemies within [the camp of [the other people]751-the other people]750-the camp of the other people]749-enemies within the camp of the other people . [He]743-he resembled a deer , that throws one ear back upon the trail behind , and one ear forward , to know what is ahead . “ [People]579-people do n’t really matter , ”[743-he] [he]743-he said , rather unwilling to continue . [The mother]565-the mother looked up at [him]743-he with sudden , dark interrogation , as if doubting [his]743-he sincerity . “ How do [you]743-he mean , matter ? ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother asked sharply . “ [Not many people]4709-not many people are anything at all , ”[743-he] [he]743-he answered , forced to go deeper than [he]743-he wanted to . “ [They]4709-not many people jingle and giggle . It would be much better if [they]4709-not many people were just wiped out . Essentially , [they]4709-not many people do n’t exist , [they]4709-not many people are n’t there . ”[565-the mother] [She]565-the mother watched [him]743-he steadily while [he]743-he spoke . “ But [we]4710-we did n’t imagine [them]4709-not many people , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said sharply . “ There ’s nothing to imagine , that ’s why [they]4709-not many people do n’t exist . ”[565-the mother] “ Well , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said , “ [I]565-the mother would hardly go as far as that . There [they]4709-not many people are , whether [they]4709-not many people exist or no . It does n’t rest with [me]565-the mother to decide on [their]4709-not many people existence . [I]565-the mother only know that [I]565-the mother ca n’t be expected to take count of [them]4709-not many people all . [You]4711-you ca n’t expect [me]565-the mother to know [them]4709-not many people , just because [they]4709-not many people happen to be there . As far as [I]565-the mother go [they]4709-not many people might as well not be there . ”[565-the mother] “ Exactly , ”[743-he] [he]743-he replied . “ Might n’t [they]4709-not many people ? ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother asked again . “ Just as well , ”[743-he] [he]743-he repeated . And there was a little pause . “ Except that [they]4709-not many people are there , and that ’s a nuisance , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said . “ There are [[my]565-the mother sons - in - law]4712-my sons - in - law , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother went on , in a sort of monologue . “ Now [Laura]180-laura ’s got married , there ’s another . And [I]565-the mother really do n’t know [John]181-john from [James]182-james yet . [They]4709-not many people come up to [me]565-the mother and call [me]565-the mother [mother]4695-mother . [I]565-the mother know what [they]4709-not many people will say—‘how are [you]565-the mother , [mother]4695-mother ? ’ [I]565-the mother ought to say , ‘ [I]565-the mother am not [[your]565-the mother mother]4715-your mother , in any sense . ’ But what is the use ? There [they]4709-not many people are . [I]565-the mother have had [[children]4659-children of [my]565-the mother own]4717-children of my own . [I]565-the mother suppose [I]565-the mother know [them]4709-not many people from [[another woman]4718-another woman ’s children]4719-another woman ’s children . ”[565-the mother] “ [One]4646-one would suppose so , ”[753-he] [he]753-he said . [She]754-she looked at [him]753-he , somewhat surprised , forgetting perhaps that [she]754-she was talking to [him]753-he . And [she]754-she lost [her]754-she thread . [She]754-she looked round [the room]739-the room , vaguely . [Birkin]169-birkin could not guess what [she]754-she was looking for , nor what [she]754-she was thinking . Evidently [she]754-she noticed [[her]754-she sons]756-her sons . “ Are [[my]754-she children]4721-my children all there ? ”[754-she] [she]754-she asked [him]753-he abruptly . [He]753-he laughed , startled , afraid perhaps . “ [I]753-he scarcely know [them]4721-my children , except [Gerald]255-gerald , ”[753-he] [he]753-he replied . “ [Gerald]255-gerald ! ”[754-she] [she]754-she exclaimed . “ [He]255-gerald ’s the most wanting of [them]4721-my children all . [You]169-birkin ’d never think it , to look at [him]255-gerald now , would [you]169-birkin ? ”[754-she] “ No , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . [The mother]565-the mother looked across at [[her]565-the mother eldest son]566-her eldest son , stared at [him]566-her eldest son heavily for some time . “ Ay , ”[754-she] [she]754-she said , in an incomprehensible monosyllable , that sounded profoundly cynical . [Birkin]169-birkin felt afraid , as if [he]753-he dared not realise . And [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich moved away , forgetting [him]566-her eldest son . But [she]754-she returned on [her]754-she traces . “ [I]754-she should like [him]566-her eldest son to have [a friend]4722-a friend , ”[754-she] [she]754-she said . “ [He]566-her eldest son has never had [a friend]4722-a friend . ”[754-she] [Birkin]169-birkin looked down into [her]754-she eyes , which were blue , and watching heavily . [He]566-her eldest son could not understand them . “ Am [I]566-her eldest son [[[my]566-her eldest son brother]4724-my brother ’s keeper]4725-my brother ’s keeper ? ”[566-her eldest son] [he]566-her eldest son said to [himself]566-her eldest son , almost flippantly . Then [he]566-her eldest son remembered , with a slight shock , that that was [Cain]183-cain ’s cry . And [Gerald]255-gerald was [Cain]183-cain , if [anybody]744-anybody . Not that [he]255-gerald was [Cain]183-cain , either , although [he]255-gerald had slain [[his]255-gerald brother]760-his brother . There was such a thing as pure accident , and the consequences did not attach to one , even though [one]4646-one had killed [[one]4646-one ’s brother]763-one ’s brother in such wise . [Gerald]255-gerald as [a boy]764-a boy had accidentally killed [[his]255-gerald brother]760-his brother . What then ? Why seek to draw a brand and a curse across the life that had caused the accident ? [A man]4648-a man can live by accident , and die by accident . Or can [he]4648-a man not ? Is [every man]767-every man ’s life subject to pure accident , is it only the race , the genus , the species , that has a universal reference ? Or is this not true , is there no such thing as pure accident ? Has everything that happens a universal significance ? Has it ? [Birkin]169-birkin , pondering as [he]255-gerald stood there , had forgotten [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich , as [she]165-mrs crich had forgotten [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald did not believe that there was any such thing as accident . It all hung together , in the deepest sense . Just as [he]255-gerald had decided this , [one of [the Crich daughters]769-the crich daughters]768-one of the crich daughters came up , saying : “ Wo n’t [you]255-gerald come and take [your]255-gerald hat off , [mother dear]4726-mother dear ? [We]771-we shall be sitting down to eat in a minute , and it ’s a formal occasion , [darling]4727-darling , is n’t it ? ”[768-one of the crich daughters] [She]768-one of the crich daughters drew [her]768-one of the crich daughters arm through [[her]768-one of the crich daughters mother]770-her mother ’s , and [they]771-we went away . [Birkin]169-birkin immediately went to talk to [the nearest man]772-the nearest man . The gong sounded for the luncheon . [The men]727-the men looked up , but no move was made to [the dining - room]774-the dining - room . [The women of [the house]468-the house]775-the women of the house seemed not to feel that the sound had meaning for [them]775-the women of the house . Five minutes passed by . [The elderly manservant]777-the elderly manservant , [Crowther]184-crowther , appeared in the doorway exasperatedly . [He]777-the elderly manservant looked with appeal at [Gerald]255-gerald . [The latter]778-the latter took up a large , curved conch shell , that lay on a shelf , and without reference to [anybody]744-anybody , blew a shattering blast . It was a strange rousing noise , that made the heart beat . The summons was almost magical . [Everybody]780-everybody came running , as if at a signal . And then [the crowd in one impulse]781-the crowd in one impulse moved to [the dining - room]774-the dining - room . [Gerald]255-gerald waited a moment , for [[his]255-gerald sister]783-his sister to play [hostess]784-hostess . [He]255-gerald knew [[his]255-gerald mother]4685-his mother would pay no attention to [her]4685-his mother duties . But [[his]255-gerald sister]783-his sister merely crowded to [her]783-his sister seat . Therefore [the young man]676-the young man , slightly too dictatorial , directed [the guests]788-the guests to [their]788-the guests places . There was a moment ’s lull , as [everybody]780-everybody looked at the hors d’oeuvres that were being handed round . And out of this lull , [a girl of thirteen or fourteen]790-a girl of thirteen or fourteen , with [her]790-a girl of thirteen or fourteen long hair down [her]790-a girl of thirteen or fourteen back , said in a calm , self - possessed voice : “ [Gerald]255-gerald , [you]255-gerald forget [father]4673-father , when [you]255-gerald make that unearthly noise . ”[790-a girl of thirteen or fourteen] “ Do [I]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald answered . And then , to [the company]746-the company , “ [Father]185-father is lying down , [he]185-father is not quite well . ”[793-the girl with the hair down her back] “ How is [he]185-father , really ? ”[792-the married daughters] called one of [the married daughters]792-the married daughters , peeping round the immense wedding cake that towered up in the middle of the table shedding its artificial flowers . “ [He]185-father has no pain , but [he]185-father feels tired , ”[186-winifred] replied [Winifred]186-winifred , [the girl with the hair down [her]186-winifred back]793-the girl with the hair down her back . The wine was filled , and [everybody]780-everybody was talking boisterously . At the far end of the table sat [the mother]565-the mother , with [her]565-the mother loosely - looped hair . [She]565-the mother had [Birkin]169-birkin for [a neighbour]796-a neighbour . Sometimes [she]565-the mother glanced fiercely down [the rows of faces]797-the rows of faces , bending forwards and staring unceremoniously . And [she]565-the mother would say in a low voice to [Birkin]169-birkin : “ Who is [that young man]4729-that young man ? ”[565-the mother] “ [I]565-the mother do n’t know , ”[565-the mother] [Birkin]169-birkin answered discreetly . “ Have [I]565-the mother seen [him]4729-that young man before ? ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother asked . “ [I]798-i do n’t think so . [I]798-i have n’t , ”[798-i] [he]798-i replied . And [she]565-the mother was satisfied . [Her]565-the mother eyes closed wearily , a peace came over [her]565-the mother face , [she]565-the mother looked like [a queen in repose]799-a queen in repose . Then [she]565-the mother started , a little social smile came on [her]565-the mother face , for a moment [she]565-the mother looked [the pleasant hostess]800-the pleasant hostess . For a moment [she]565-the mother bent graciously , as if [everyone]801-everyone were welcome and delightful . And then immediately the shadow came back , a sullen , eagle look was on [her]565-the mother face , [she]565-the mother glanced from under [her]565-the mother brows like a sinister creature at bay , hating [them]802-them all . “ [Mother]187-mother , ”[188-diana] called [Diana]188-diana , [a handsome girl a little older than [Winifred]186-winifred]803-a handsome girl a little older than winifred , “ [I]188-diana may have wine , may n’t [I]188-diana ? ”[188-diana] “ Yes , [you]188-diana may have wine , ”[565-the mother] replied [the mother]565-the mother automatically , for [she]565-the mother was perfectly indifferent to the question . And [Diana]188-diana beckoned to [the footman]805-the footman to fill [her]188-diana glass . “ [Gerald]255-gerald should n’t forbid [me]188-diana , ”[188-diana] [she]188-diana said calmly , to [the company at large]806-the company at large . “ All right , [Di]188-diana , ”[807-her brother] said [[her]188-diana brother]807-her brother amiably . And [she]188-diana glanced challenge at [him]807-her brother as [she]188-diana drank from [her]188-diana glass . There was a strange freedom , that almost amounted to anarchy , in [the house]468-the house . It was rather a resistance to authority , than liberty . [Gerald]255-gerald had some command , by mere force of personality , not because of any granted position . There was a quality in [his]255-gerald voice , amiable but dominant , that cowed [the others]809-the others , who were all younger than [he]255-gerald . [Hermione]168-hermione was having a discussion with [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom about nationality . “ No , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , “ [I]168-hermione think that the appeal to patriotism is a mistake . It is like one house of business rivalling [another house of business]4730-another house of business . ”[168-hermione] “ Well [you]573-the bridegroom can hardly say that , can [you]573-the bridegroom ? ”[255-gerald] exclaimed [Gerald]255-gerald , who had a real passion for discussion . “ [You]573-the bridegroom could n’t call a race a business concern , could you?—and nationality roughly corresponds to race , [I]255-gerald think . [I]255-gerald think it is meant to . ”[255-gerald] There was a moment ’s pause . [Gerald]255-gerald and [Hermione]168-hermione were always strangely but politely and evenly inimical . “ Do [you]255-gerald think race corresponds with nationality ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione asked musingly , with expressionless indecision . [Birkin]169-birkin knew [she]168-hermione was waiting for [him]255-gerald to participate . And dutifully [he]255-gerald spoke up . “ [I]255-gerald think [Gerald]255-gerald is right — race is the essential element in nationality , in [Europe]9-europe at least , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . Again [Hermione]168-hermione paused , as if to allow this statement to cool . Then [she]168-hermione said with strange assumption of authority : “ Yes , but even so , is the patriotic appeal an appeal to the racial instinct ? Is it not rather an appeal to the proprietory instinct , the commercial instinct ? And is n’t this what [we]4731-we mean by nationality ? ”[168-hermione] “ Probably , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , who felt that such a discussion was out of place and out of time . But [Gerald]255-gerald was now on the scent of argument . “ A race may have its commercial aspect , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ In fact it must . It is like [a family]4732-a family . [You]4733-you must make provision . And to make provision [you]4733-you have got to strive against [other families]4734-other families , [other nations]4735-other nations . [I]255-gerald do n’t see why [you]4733-you should n’t . ”[255-gerald] Again [Hermione]168-hermione made a pause , domineering and cold , before [she]168-hermione replied : “ Yes , [I]168-hermione think it is always wrong to provoke a spirit of rivalry . It makes bad blood . And bad blood accumulates . ”[168-hermione] “ But [you]168-hermione ca n’t do away with the spirit of emulation altogether ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ It is one of the necessary incentives to production and improvement . ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] came [Hermione]168-hermione ’s sauntering response . “ [I]168-hermione think [you]168-hermione can do away with it . ”[168-hermione] “ [I]169-birkin must say , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ [I]169-birkin detest the spirit of emulation . ”[169-birkin] [Hermione]168-hermione was biting a piece of bread , pulling it from between [her]168-hermione teeth with [her]168-hermione fingers , in a slow , slightly derisive movement . [She]168-hermione turned to [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [You]169-birkin do hate it , yes , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , intimate and gratified . “ Detest it , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald repeated . “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione murmured , assured and satisfied . “ But , ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald insisted , “ [you]168-hermione do n’t allow [one man]4736-one man to take away [[his]4736-one man neighbour]4737-his neighbour ’s living , so why should [you]168-hermione allow [one nation]4738-one nation to take away the living from [another nation]4739-another nation ? ”[255-gerald] There was a long slow murmur from [Hermione]168-hermione before [she]168-hermione broke into speech , saying with a laconic indifference : “ It is not always a question of possessions , is it ? It is not all a question of goods ? ”[168-hermione] [Gerald]255-gerald was nettled by this implication of vulgar materialism . “ Yes , more or less , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald retorted . “ If [I]255-gerald go and take [a man]4648-a man ’s hat from off [his]4648-a man head , that hat becomes a symbol of [that man]4687-that man ’s liberty . When [he]4648-a man fights [me]255-gerald for [his]4648-a man hat , [he]4648-a man is fighting [me]255-gerald for [his]4648-a man liberty . ”[255-gerald] [Hermione]168-hermione was nonplussed . “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , irritated . “ But that way of arguing by imaginary instances is not supposed to be genuine , is it ? [A man]4648-a man does not come and take [my]168-hermione hat from off [my]168-hermione head , does [he]4648-a man ? ”[168-hermione] “ Only because the law prevents [him]4648-a man , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Not only , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [Ninety - nine men out of a hundred]4743-ninety - nine men out of a hundred do n’t want [my]169-birkin hat . ”[169-birkin] “ That ’s a matter of opinion , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Or the hat , ”[573-the bridegroom] laughed [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom . “ And if [he]4648-a man does want [my]169-birkin hat , such as it is , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ why , surely it is open to [me]169-birkin to decide , which is a greater loss to [me]169-birkin , [my]169-birkin hat , or [my]169-birkin liberty as [a free and indifferent man]4744-a free and indifferent man . If [I]169-birkin am compelled to offer fight , [I]169-birkin lose the latter . It is a question which is worth more to [me]169-birkin , [my]169-birkin pleasant liberty of conduct , or [my]169-birkin hat . ”[169-birkin] “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , watching [Birkin]169-birkin strangely . “ Yes . ”[169-birkin] “ But would [you]169-birkin let [somebody]4745-somebody come and snatch [your]169-birkin hat off [your]169-birkin head ? ”[636-the bride] [the bride]636-the bride asked of [Hermione]168-hermione . The face of [the tall straight woman]813-the tall straight woman turned slowly and as if drugged to [this new speaker]814-this new speaker . “ No , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione replied , in a low inhuman tone , that seemed to contain a chuckle . “ No , [I]168-hermione should n’t let [anybody]744-anybody take [my]168-hermione hat off [my]168-hermione head . ”[168-hermione] “ How would [you]168-hermione prevent it ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [I]168-hermione do n’t know , ”[168-hermione] replied [Hermione]168-hermione slowly . “ Probably [I]168-hermione should kill [him]814-this new speaker . ”[168-hermione] There was a strange chuckle in [her]168-hermione tone , a dangerous and convincing humour in [her]168-hermione bearing . “ Of course , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , “ [I]255-gerald can see [Rupert]169-birkin ’s point . It is a question to [him]814-this new speaker whether [his]814-this new speaker hat or [his]814-this new speaker peace of mind is more important . ”[255-gerald] “ Peace of body , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Well , as [you]168-hermione like there , ”[255-gerald] replied [Gerald]255-gerald . “ But how are [you]168-hermione going to decide this for [a nation]4747-a nation ? ”[255-gerald] “ Heaven preserve [me]169-birkin , ”[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Yes , but suppose [you]168-hermione have to ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald persisted . “ Then it is the same . If the national crown - piece is an old hat , then [the thieving gent]4748-the thieving gent may have it . ”[255-gerald] “ But can the national or racial hat be an old hat ? ”[255-gerald] insisted [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Pretty well bound to be , [I]169-birkin believe , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [I]255-gerald ’m not so sure , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [I]168-hermione do n’t agree , [Rupert]169-birkin , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione . “ All right , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [I]255-gerald ’m all for the old national hat , ”[255-gerald] laughed [Gerald]255-gerald . “ And [a fool]4749-a fool [you]255-gerald look in it , ”[188-diana] cried [Diana]188-diana , [[his]255-gerald pert sister who was just in [her]188-diana teens]815-his pert sister who was just in her teens . “ Oh , [we]4750-we ’re quite out of [our]4750-we depths with these old hats , ”[188-diana] cried [Laura Crich]180-laura . “ Dry up now , [Gerald]255-gerald . [We]4750-we ’re going to drink toasts . Let [us]4750-we drink toasts . Toasts — glasses , glasses — now then , toasts ! Speech ! Speech ! ”[180-laura] [Birkin]169-birkin , thinking about race or national death , watched [his]255-gerald glass being filled with champagne . The bubbles broke at the rim , [the man]4658-the man withdrew , and feeling a sudden thirst at the sight of the fresh wine , [Birkin]169-birkin drank up [his]255-gerald glass . A queer little tension in [the room]739-the room roused [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald felt a sharp constraint . “ Did [I]255-gerald do it by accident , or on purpose ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked [himself]255-gerald . And [he]255-gerald decided that , according to the vulgar phrase , [he]255-gerald had done it “ accidentally on purpose . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald looked round at [the hired footman]818-the hired footman . And [the hired footman]818-the hired footman came , with a silent step of cold servant - like disapprobation . [Birkin]169-birkin decided that [he]255-gerald detested toasts , and [footmen]820-footmen , and assemblies , and mankind altogether , in most of its aspects . Then [he]255-gerald rose to make a speech . But [he]255-gerald was somehow disgusted . At length it was over , the meal . [Several men]821-several men strolled out into [the garden]822-the garden . There was [a lawn]823-a lawn , and flower - beds , and at the boundary an iron fence shutting off [the little field or park]824-the little field or park . The view was pleasant ; a highroad curving round [the edge of [a low lake]826-a low lake]825-the edge of a low lake , under the trees . In the spring air , the water gleamed and [the opposite woods]827-the opposite woods were purplish with new life . [Charming Jersey]189-charming jersey cattle came to the fence , breathing hoarsely from [their]189-charming jersey velvet muzzles at [the human beings]828-the human beings , expecting perhaps a crust . [Birkin]169-birkin leaned on the fence . [A cow]829-a cow was breathing wet hotness on [his]255-gerald hand . “ Pretty cattle , very pretty , ”[190-marshall] said [Marshall]190-marshall , [one of [the brothers - in - law]831-the brothers - in - law]830-one of the brothers - in - law . “ [They]189-charming jersey give the best milk [you]169-birkin can have . ”[190-marshall] “ Yes , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Eh , [my]190-marshall little beauty , eh , [my]190-marshall beauty ! ”[190-marshall] said [Marshall]190-marshall , in a queer high falsetto voice , that caused [the other man]832-the other man to have convulsions of laughter in [his]832-the other man stomach . “ Who won the race , [Lupton]191-lupton ? ”[832-the other man] [he]832-the other man called to [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom , to hide the fact that [he]832-the other man was laughing . [The bridegroom]573-the bridegroom took [his]573-the bridegroom cigar from [his]573-the bridegroom mouth . “ The race ? ”[573-the bridegroom] [he]573-the bridegroom exclaimed . Then a rather thin smile came over [his]573-the bridegroom face . [He]573-the bridegroom did not want to say anything about the flight to [the church]524-the church door . “ [We]4751-we got [there]629-there together . At least [she]573-the bridegroom touched first , but [I]573-the bridegroom had [my]573-the bridegroom hand on [her]573-the bridegroom shoulder . ”[573-the bridegroom] “ What ’s this ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin told [him]255-gerald about the race of [the bride]636-the bride and [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom . “ H’m ! ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , in disapproval . “ What made [you]190-marshall late then ? ”[255-gerald] “ [Lupton]191-lupton would talk about the immortality of the soul , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ and then [he]191-lupton had n’t got a button - hook . ”[169-birkin] “ Oh God ! ”[190-marshall] cried [Marshall]190-marshall . “ The immortality of the soul on [your]190-marshall wedding day ! Had n’t [you]190-marshall got anything better to occupy [your]190-marshall mind ? ”[190-marshall] “ What ’s wrong with it ? ”[573-the bridegroom] asked [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom , [a clean - shaven naval man]839-a clean - shaven naval man , flushing sensitively . “ Sounds as if [you]190-marshall were going to be executed instead of married . The immortality of the soul ! ”[840-the brother - in - law] repeated [the brother - in - law]840-the brother - in - law , with most killing emphasis . But [he]840-the brother - in - law fell quite flat . “ And what did [you]190-marshall decide ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald , at once pricking up [his]255-gerald ears at the thought of a metaphysical discussion . “ [You]190-marshall do n’t want a soul today , [[my]190-marshall boy]4753-my boy , ”[190-marshall] said [Marshall]190-marshall . “ It ’d be in [[your]190-marshall road]4754-your road . ”[190-marshall] “ [Christ]192-christ ! [Marshall]190-marshall , go and talk to [somebody else]4755-somebody else , ”[255-gerald] cried [Gerald]255-gerald , with sudden impatience . “ By [God]167-god , [I]190-marshall ’m willing , ”[190-marshall] said [Marshall]190-marshall , in a temper . “ Too much bloody soul and talk altogether — ”[841-he] [He]841-he withdrew in a dudgeon , [Gerald]255-gerald staring after [him]841-he with angry eyes , that grew gradually calm and amiable as the stoutly - built form of [the other man]832-the other man passed into the distance . “ There ’s one thing , [Lupton]191-lupton , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , turning suddenly to [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom . “ [Laura]180-laura wo n’t have brought such [a fool]4749-a fool into [the family]722-the family as [Lottie]193-lottie did . ”[255-gerald] “ Comfort [yourself]191-lupton with that , ”[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [I]573-the bridegroom take no notice of [them]4758-them , ”[573-the bridegroom] laughed [the bridegroom]573-the bridegroom . “ What about [this race]4759-this race then — who began it ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald asked . “ [We]4760-we were late . [Laura]180-laura was at the top of [the churchyard steps]4761-the churchyard steps when [[our]4760-we cab]4762-our cab came up . [She]180-laura saw [Lupton]191-lupton bolting towards [her]180-laura . And [she]180-laura fled . But why do [you]191-lupton look so cross ? Does it hurt [your]191-lupton sense of the family dignity ? ”[255-gerald] “ It does , rather , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ If [you]191-lupton ’re doing a thing , do it properly , and if [you]191-lupton ’re not going to do it properly , leave it alone . ”[255-gerald] “ Very nice aphorism , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Do n’t [you]169-birkin agree ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Quite , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Only it bores [me]169-birkin rather , when [you]191-lupton become aphoristic . ”[169-birkin] “ Damn [you]169-birkin , [Rupert]169-birkin , [you]169-birkin want all the aphorisms [your]169-birkin own way , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ No . [I]255-gerald want them out of the way , and [you]169-birkin ’re always shoving [them]4763-them in it . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald smiled grimly at this humorism . Then [he]255-gerald made a little gesture of dismissal , with [his]255-gerald eyebrows . “ [You]169-birkin do n’t believe in having any standard of behaviour at all , do [you]169-birkin ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald challenged [Birkin]169-birkin , censoriously . “ Standard — no . [I]255-gerald hate standards . But they ’re necessary for the common ruck . [Anybody who is anything]4764-anybody who is anything can just be [himself]4764-anybody who is anything and do as [he]4764-anybody who is anything likes . ”[255-gerald] “ But what do [you]169-birkin mean by being [himself]4764-anybody who is anything ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Is that an aphorism or a cliché ? ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald mean just doing what [you]169-birkin want to do . [I]255-gerald think it was perfect good form in [Laura]180-laura to bolt from [Lupton]191-lupton to [the church]524-the church door . It was almost a masterpiece in good form . It ’s the hardest thing in [the world]541-the world to act spontaneously on [one]4646-one ’s impulses — and it ’s the only really gentlemanly thing to do — provided [you]169-birkin ’re fit to do it . ”[255-gerald] “ [You]169-birkin do n’t expect [me]255-gerald to take [you]169-birkin seriously , do [you]169-birkin ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Yes , [Gerald]255-gerald , [you]255-gerald ’re one of [the very few people [I]255-gerald do expect that of]4768-the very few people i do expect that of . ”[255-gerald] “ Then [I]255-gerald ’m afraid [I]255-gerald ca n’t come up to [your]169-birkin expectations here , at any rate . [You]169-birkin think [people]579-people should just do as [they]579-people like . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald think [they]579-people always do . But [I]255-gerald should like [them]579-people to like the purely individual thing in [themselves]579-people , which makes [them]579-people act in singleness . And [they]579-people only like to do the collective thing . ”[255-gerald] “ And [I]255-gerald , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald grimly , “ should n’t like to be in a world of [people who acted individually and spontaneously]4770-people who acted individually and spontaneously , as [you]169-birkin call it . [We]4771-we should have [everybody]780-everybody cutting [everybody else]4773-everybody else ’s throat in five minutes . ”[255-gerald] “ That means [you]169-birkin would like to be cutting [everybody]780-everybody ’s throat , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ How does that follow ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald crossly . “ [No man]4775-no man , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ cuts [another man]4776-another man ’s throat unless [he]4775-no man wants to cut it , and unless [the other man]832-the other man wants it cutting . This is a complete truth . It takes [two people]4778-two people to make a murder : [a murderer]4779-a murderer and [a murderee]4780-a murderee . And [a murderee]4780-a murderee is [a man who is murderable]4782-a man who is murderable . And [a man who is murderable]4782-a man who is murderable is [a man who in a profound if hidden lust desires to be murdered]4784-a man who in a profound if hidden lust desires to be murdered . ”[169-birkin] “ Sometimes [you]169-birkin talk pure nonsense , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald to [Birkin]169-birkin . “ As a matter of fact , [none of [us]4786-us]4785-none of us wants [our]4786-us throat cut , and [most other people]4787-most other people would like to cut it for [us]4786-us — some time or other — ”[255-gerald] “ It ’s a nasty view of things , [Gerald]255-gerald , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ and no wonder [you]255-gerald are afraid of [yourself]255-gerald and [your]255-gerald own unhappiness . ”[169-birkin] “ How am [I]255-gerald afraid of [myself]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald ; “ and [I]255-gerald do n’t think [I]255-gerald am unhappy . ”[255-gerald] “ [You]255-gerald seem to have a lurking desire to have [your]255-gerald gizzard slit , and imagine [every man]767-every man has [his]767-every man knife up [his]767-every man sleeve for [you]255-gerald , ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin said . “ How do [you]169-birkin make that out ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ From [you]255-gerald , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . There was a pause of strange enmity between [the two men , that was very near to love]845-the two men , that was very near to love . It was always the same between [them]846-they ; always [their]846-they talk brought [them]846-they into a deadly nearness of contact , a strange , perilous intimacy which was either hate or love , or both . [They]846-they parted with apparent unconcern , as if [their]846-they going apart were a trivial occurrence . And [they]846-they really kept it to the level of trivial occurrence . Yet the heart of each burned from the other . [They]846-they burned with [each other]451-each other , inwardly . This [they]846-they would never admit . [They]846-they intended to keep [their]846-they relationship a casual free - and - easy friendship , [they]846-they were not going to be so unmanly and unnatural as to allow any heart - burning between [them]846-they . [They]846-they had not the faintest belief in deep relationship between [men]848-men and [men]848-men , and [their]846-they disbelief prevented any development of [their]846-they powerful but suppressed friendliness . A school - day was drawing to a close . In [the class - room]850-the class - room the last lesson was in progress , peaceful and still . It was elementary botany . The desks were littered with catkins , hazel and willow , which [the children]4705-the children had been sketching . But the sky had come overdark , as the end of the afternoon approached : there was scarcely light to draw any more . [Ursula]255-gerald stood in front of [the class]852-the class , leading [the children]4705-the children by questions to understand the structure and the meaning of the catkins . A heavy , copper - coloured beam of light came in at the west window , gilding the outlines of [the children]4705-the children ’s heads with red gold , and falling on the wall opposite in a rich , ruddy illumination . [Ursula]255-gerald , however , was scarcely conscious of it . [She]855-her was busy , the end of the day was here , the work went on as a peaceful tide that is at flood , hushed to retire . This day had gone by like so many more , in an activity that was like a trance . At the end there was a little haste , to finish what was in hand . [She]855-her was pressing [the children]4705-the children with questions , so that [they]4705-the children should know all [they]4705-the children were to know , by the time the gong went . [She]855-her stood in shadow in front of [the class]852-the class , with catkins in [her]855-her hand , and [she]855-her leaned towards [the children]4705-the children , absorbed in the passion of instruction . [She]855-her heard , but did not notice the click of the door . Suddenly [she]855-her started . [She]855-her saw , in the shaft of ruddy , copper - coloured light near [her]855-her , the face of [a man]4648-a man . It was gleaming like fire , watching [her]855-her , waiting for [her]855-her to be aware . It startled [her]855-her terribly . [She]855-her thought [she]855-her was going to faint . All [her]855-her suppressed , subconscious fear sprang into being , with anguish . “ Did [I]169-birkin startle [you]855-her ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , shaking hands with [her]855-her . “ [I]169-birkin thought [you]855-her had heard [me]169-birkin come in . ”[169-birkin] “ No , ”[855-her] [she]855-her faltered , scarcely able to speak . [He]4648-a man laughed , saying [he]4648-a man was sorry . [She]855-her wondered why it amused [him]4648-a man . “ It is so dark , ”[4648-a man] [he]4648-a man said . “ Shall [we]4789-we have the light ? ”[4648-a man] And moving aside , [he]4648-a man switched on the strong electric lights . [The class - room]850-the class - room was distinct and hard , a strange place after the soft dim magic that filled [it]850-the class - room before [he]4648-a man came . [Birkin]169-birkin turned curiously to look at [Ursula]255-gerald . [Her]855-her eyes were round and wondering , bewildered , [her]855-her mouth quivered slightly . [She]855-her looked like [one who is suddenly wakened . There was a living , tender beauty]861-one who is suddenly wakened . there was a living , tender beauty , like a tender light of dawn shining from [her]855-her face . [He]4648-a man looked at [her]855-her with a new pleasure , feeling gay in [his]4648-a man heart , irresponsible . “ [You]255-gerald are doing catkins ? ”[4648-a man] [he]4648-a man asked , picking up a piece of hazel from [a scholar]862-a scholar ’s desk in front of [him]4648-a man . “ Are they as far out as this ? [I]4648-a man had n’t noticed them this year . ”[4648-a man] [He]4648-a man looked absorbedly at the tassel of hazel in [his]4648-a man hand . “ The red ones too ! ”[4648-a man] [he]4648-a man said , looking at the flickers of crimson that came from the female bud . Then [he]4648-a man went in among the desks , to see [the scholars]863-the scholars ’ books . [Ursula]255-gerald watched [his]4648-a man intent progress . There was a stillness in [his]4648-a man motion that hushed the activities of [her]855-her heart . [She]855-her seemed to be standing aside in arrested silence , watching [him]4648-a man move in another , concentrated world . [His]4648-a man presence was so quiet , almost like a vacancy in the corporate air . Suddenly [he]4648-a man lifted [his]4648-a man face to [her]855-her , and [her]855-her heart quickened at the flicker of [his]4648-a man voice . “ Give [them]863-the scholars some crayons , wo n’t [you]855-her ? ”[4648-a man] [he]4648-a man said , “ so that [they]863-the scholars can make the gynaecious flowers red , and the androgynous yellow . [I]4648-a man ’d chalk them in plain , chalk in nothing else , merely the red and the yellow . [Outline]194-outline scarcely matters in this case . There is just the one fact to emphasise . ”[4648-a man] “ [I]255-gerald have n’t any crayons , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ There will be some somewhere — red and yellow , that ’s all [you]169-birkin want . ”[4648-a man] [Ursula]255-gerald sent out [a boy]764-a boy on a quest . “ It will make the books untidy , ”[855-her] [she]855-her said to [Birkin]169-birkin , flushing deeply . “ Not very , ”[4648-a man] [he]4648-a man said . “ [You]855-her must mark in these things obviously . It ’s the fact [you]855-her want to emphasise , not the subjective impression to record . What ’s the fact?—red little spiky stigmas of the female flower , dangling yellow male catkin , yellow pollen flying from one to the other . Make a pictorial record of the fact , as [a child]733-a child does when drawing a face — two eyes , one nose , mouth with teeth — so — ”[4648-a man] And [he]4648-a man drew [a figure on the blackboard]865-a figure on the blackboard . At that moment another vision was seen through the glass panels of the door . It was [Hermione Roddice]168-hermione . [Birkin]169-birkin went and opened to [her]168-hermione . “ [I]855-her saw [[your]4648-a man car]4791-your car , ”[855-her] [she]855-her said to [him]4648-a man . “ Do [you]4648-a man mind [my]855-her coming to find [you]4648-a man ? [I]855-her wanted to see [you]4648-a man when [you]4648-a man were on duty . ”[855-her] [She]855-her looked at [him]4648-a man for a long time , intimate and playful , then [she]855-her gave a short little laugh . And then only [she]855-her turned to [Ursula]255-gerald , who , with all the class , had been watching the little scene between [the lovers]866-the lovers . “ How do [you]4648-a man do , [Miss Brangwen]195-miss brangwen , ”[168-hermione] sang [Hermione]168-hermione , in [her]168-hermione low , odd , singing fashion , that sounded almost as if [she]168-hermione were poking fun . “ Do [you]4648-a man mind [my]168-hermione coming in ? ”[168-hermione] [Her]855-her grey , almost sardonic eyes rested all the while on [Ursula]255-gerald , as if summing [her]855-her up . “ Oh no , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Are [you]4648-a man sure ? ”[255-gerald] repeated [Hermione]168-hermione , with complete sang - froid , and an odd , half - bullying effrontery . “ Oh no , [I]255-gerald like it awfully , ”[255-gerald] laughed [Ursula]255-gerald , a little bit excited and bewildered , because [Hermione]168-hermione seemed to be compelling [her]855-her , coming very close to [her]855-her , as if intimate with [her]855-her ; and yet , how could [she]168-hermione be intimate ? This was the answer [Hermione]168-hermione wanted . [She]168-hermione turned satisfied to [Birkin]169-birkin . “ What are [you]169-birkin doing ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione sang , in [her]168-hermione casual , inquisitive fashion . “ [Catkins]196-catkins , ”[867-he] [he]867-he replied . “ Really ! ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said . “ And what do [you]169-birkin learn about [them]196-catkins ? ”[168-hermione] [She]168-hermione spoke all the while in a mocking , half teasing fashion , as if making game of the whole business . [She]168-hermione picked up a twig of the catkin , piqued by [Birkin]169-birkin ’s attention to it . [She]168-hermione was a strange figure in [the class - room]850-the class - room , wearing a large , old cloak of greenish cloth , on which was a raised pattern of dull gold . The high collar , and the inside of the cloak , was lined with dark fur . Beneath [she]168-hermione had a dress of fine lavender - coloured cloth , trimmed with fur , and [her]168-hermione hat was close - fitting , made of fur and of the dull , green - and - gold figured stuff . [She]168-hermione was tall and strange , [she]168-hermione looked as if [she]168-hermione had come out of some new , bizarre picture . “ Do [you]168-hermione know the little red ovary flowers , that produce the nuts ? Have [you]168-hermione ever noticed them ? ”[867-he] [he]867-he asked [her]168-hermione . And [he]867-he came close and pointed them out to [her]168-hermione , on the sprig [she]168-hermione held . “ No , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione replied . “ What are they ? ”[168-hermione] “ Those are the little seed - producing flowers , and the long catkins , they only produce pollen , to fertilise them . ”[867-he] “ Do they , do [they]4792-they ! ”[168-hermione] repeated [Hermione]168-hermione , looking closely . “ From those little red bits , the nuts come ; if they receive pollen from [the long danglers]4793-the long danglers . ”[168-hermione] “ Little red flames , little red flames , ”[168-hermione] murmured [Hermione]168-hermione to [herself]168-hermione . And [she]168-hermione remained for some moments looking only at the small buds out of which the red flickers of the stigma issued . “ Are n’t they beautiful ? [I]168-hermione think they ’re so beautiful , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , moving close to [Birkin]169-birkin , and pointing to the red filaments with [her]168-hermione long , white finger . “ Had [you]168-hermione never noticed them before ? ”[867-he] [he]867-he asked . “ No , never before , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione replied . “ And now [you]168-hermione will always see them , ”[867-he] [he]867-he said . “ Now [I]168-hermione shall always see them , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione repeated . “ Thank [you]867-he so much for showing [me]168-hermione . [I]168-hermione think they ’re so beautiful — little red flames — ”[168-hermione] [Her]168-hermione absorption was strange , almost rhapsodic . Both [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald were suspended . The little red pistillate flowers had some strange , almost mystic - passionate attraction for [her]168-hermione . The lesson was finished , the books were put away , at last the class was dismissed . And still [Hermione]168-hermione sat at the table , with [her]168-hermione chin in [her]168-hermione hand , [her]168-hermione elbow on the table , [her]168-hermione long white face pushed up , not attending to anything . [Birkin]169-birkin had gone to the window , and was looking from [the brilliantly - lighted room]869-the brilliantly - lighted room on to the grey , colourless outside , where rain was noiselessly falling . [Ursula]255-gerald put away [her]168-hermione things in the cupboard . At length [Hermione]168-hermione rose and came near to [her]168-hermione . “ [[Your]255-gerald sister]4794-your sister has come [home]4649-home ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said . “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ And does [she]4794-your sister like being back in [Beldover]1-beldover ? ”[168-hermione] “ No , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ No , [I]255-gerald wonder [she]4794-your sister can bear it . It takes all [my]255-gerald strength , to bear the ugliness of [this district]4796-this district , when [I]255-gerald stay [here]4650-here . Wo n’t [you]255-gerald come and see [me]255-gerald ? Wo n’t [you]255-gerald come with [[your]255-gerald sister]4794-your sister to stay at [Breadalby]11-breadalby for a few days?—do — ”[255-gerald] “ Thank [you]255-gerald very much , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Then [I]168-hermione will write to [you]255-gerald , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione . “ [You]255-gerald think [[your]255-gerald sister]4794-your sister will come ? [I]168-hermione should be so glad . [I]168-hermione think [she]4794-your sister is wonderful . [I]168-hermione think some of [her]4794-your sister work is really wonderful . [I]168-hermione have two water - wagtails , carved in wood , and painted — perhaps [you]255-gerald have seen it ? ”[168-hermione] “ No , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald think it is perfectly wonderful — like a flash of instinct . ”[255-gerald] “ [Her]4794-your sister little carvings are strange , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Perfectly beautiful — full of primitive passion — ”[255-gerald] “ Is n’t it queer that [she]4794-your sister always likes little things?—she must always work small things , that [one]4646-one can put between one ’s hands , birds and tiny animals . [She]4794-your sister likes to look through the wrong end of the opera glasses , and see [the world]541-the world that way — why is it , do [you]255-gerald think ? ”[168-hermione] [Hermione]168-hermione looked down at [Ursula]255-gerald with that long , detached scrutinising gaze that excited [the younger woman]870-the younger woman . “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione at length . “ It is curious . The little things seem to be more subtle to [her]4794-your sister — ”[168-hermione] “ But they are n’t , are [they]4802-they ? A mouse is n’t any more subtle than a lion , is it ? ”[168-hermione] Again [Hermione]168-hermione looked down at [Ursula]255-gerald with that long scrutiny , as if [she]870-the younger woman were following some train of thought of [her]870-the younger woman own , and barely attending to the other ’s speech . “ [I]870-the younger woman do n’t know , ”[870-the younger woman] [she]870-the younger woman replied . “ [Rupert]169-birkin , [Rupert]169-birkin , ”[870-the younger woman] [she]870-the younger woman sang mildly , calling [him]871-him to [her]870-the younger woman . [He]871-him approached in silence . “ Are little things more subtle than big things ? ”[870-the younger woman] [she]870-the younger woman asked , with the odd grunt of laughter in [her]870-the younger woman voice , as if [she]870-the younger woman were making game of [him]871-him in the question . “ Dunno , ”[871-him] [he]871-him said . “ [I]255-gerald hate subtleties , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . [Hermione]168-hermione looked at [her]870-the younger woman slowly . “ Do [you]870-the younger woman ? ”[870-the younger woman] [she]870-the younger woman said . “ [I]255-gerald always think they are a sign of weakness , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , up in arms , as if [her]870-the younger woman prestige were threatened . [Hermione]168-hermione took no notice . Suddenly [her]870-the younger woman face puckered , [her]870-the younger woman brow was knit with thought , [she]870-the younger woman seemed twisted in troublesome effort for utterance . “ Do [you]872-you really think , [Rupert]169-birkin , ”[870-the younger woman] [she]870-the younger woman asked , as if [Ursula]255-gerald were not present , “ do [you]872-you really think it is worth while ? Do [you]872-you really think [the children]4705-the children are better for being roused to consciousness ? ”[870-the younger woman] A dark flash went over [his]872-you face , a silent fury . [He]872-you was hollow - cheeked and pale , almost unearthly . And [the woman]873-the woman , with [her]873-the woman serious , conscience - harrowing question tortured [him]872-you on the quick . “ [They]4705-the children are not roused to consciousness , ”[872-you] [he]872-you said . “ Consciousness comes to [them]4705-the children , willy - nilly . ”[873-the woman] “ But do [you]872-you think [they]4705-the children are better for having it quickened , stimulated ? Is n’t it better that [they]4705-the children should remain unconscious of the hazel , is n’t it better that [they]4705-the children should see as a whole , without all this pulling to pieces , all this knowledge ? ”[873-the woman] “ Would [you]872-you rather , for [yourself]872-you , know or not know , that the little red flowers are there , putting out for the pollen ? ”[872-you] [he]872-you asked harshly . [His]872-you voice was brutal , scornful , cruel . [Hermione]168-hermione remained with [her]168-hermione face lifted up , abstracted . [He]872-you hung silent in irritation . “ [I]168-hermione do n’t know , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione replied , balancing mildly . “ [I]168-hermione do n’t know . ”[168-hermione] “ But knowing is everything to [you]872-you , it is all [your]872-you life , ”[872-you] [he]872-you broke out . [She]168-hermione slowly looked at [him]872-you . “ Is it ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said . “ To know , that is [your]872-you all , that is [your]872-you life — [you]872-you have only this , this knowledge , ”[872-you] [he]872-you cried . “ There is only one tree , there is only one fruit , in [your]872-you mouth . ”[872-you] Again [she]168-hermione was some time silent . “ Is there ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said at last , with the same untouched calm . And then in a tone of whimsical inquisitiveness : “ What fruit , [Rupert]169-birkin ? ”[168-hermione] “ The eternal apple , ”[872-you] [he]872-you replied in exasperation , hating [his]872-you own metaphors . “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said . There was a look of exhaustion about [her]168-hermione . For some moments there was silence . Then , pulling [herself]168-hermione together with a convulsed movement , [Hermione]168-hermione resumed , in a sing - song , casual voice : “ But leaving [me]168-hermione apart , [Rupert]169-birkin ; do [you]169-birkin think [the children]4705-the children are better , richer , happier , for all this knowledge ; do [you]169-birkin really think [they]4705-the children are ? Or is it better to leave [them]4705-the children untouched , spontaneous . Had n’t [they]4705-the children better be animals , simple animals , crude , violent , anything , rather than this self - consciousness , this incapacity to be spontaneous . ”[168-hermione] [They]874-they thought [she]168-hermione had finished . But with a queer rumbling in [her]168-hermione throat [she]168-hermione resumed , “ Had n’t [they]4705-the children better be anything than grow up crippled , crippled in [their]4705-the children souls , crippled in [their]4705-the children feelings — so thrown back — so turned back on [themselves]4705-the children — incapable — ”[168-hermione] [Hermione]168-hermione clenched [her]168-hermione fist like one in a trance—“of any spontaneous action , always deliberate , always burdened with choice , never carried away . ”[168-hermione] Again [they]874-they thought [she]168-hermione had finished . But just as [he]875-he was going to reply , [she]168-hermione resumed [her]168-hermione queer rhapsody—“never carried away , out of [themselves]4705-the children , always conscious , always self - conscious , always aware of [themselves]4705-the children . Is n’t anything better than this ? Better be [animals]4805-animals , [mere animals with no mind at all]4806-mere animals with no mind at all , than this , this nothingness — ”[168-hermione] “ But do [you]168-hermione think it is knowledge that makes [us]4807-us unliving and self - conscious ? ”[875-he] [he]875-he asked irritably . [She]168-hermione opened [her]168-hermione eyes and looked at [him]875-he slowly . “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said . [She]168-hermione paused , watching [him]875-he all the while , [her]168-hermione eyes vague . Then [she]168-hermione wiped [her]168-hermione fingers across [her]168-hermione brow , with a vague weariness . It irritated [him]875-he bitterly . “ It is the mind , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , “ and that is death . ”[168-hermione] [She]168-hermione raised [her]168-hermione eyes slowly to [him]875-he : “ Is n’t the mind — ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , with the convulsed movement of [her]168-hermione body , “ is n’t it [our]4808-we death ? Does n’t it destroy all [our]4808-we spontaneity , all [our]4808-we instincts ? Are not [the young people growing up today]4809-the young people growing up today , really dead before [they]4809-the young people growing up today have a chance to live ? ”[168-hermione] “ Not because [they]4809-the young people growing up today have too much mind , but too little , ”[875-he] [he]875-he said brutally . “ Are [you]875-he sure ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione cried . “ It seems to [me]168-hermione the reverse . [They]4809-the young people growing up today are over - conscious , burdened to death with consciousness . ”[168-hermione] “ Imprisoned within a limited , false set of concepts , ”[875-he] [he]875-he cried . But [she]168-hermione took no notice of this , only went on with [her]168-hermione own rhapsodic interrogation . “ When [we]4808-we have knowledge , do n’t [we]4808-we lose everything but knowledge ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione asked pathetically . “ If [I]168-hermione know about the flower , do n’t [I]168-hermione lose the flower and have only the knowledge ? Are n’t [we]4808-we exchanging the substance for the shadow , are n’t [we]4808-we forfeiting life for this dead quality of knowledge ? And what does it mean to [me]168-hermione , after all ? What does all this knowing mean to [me]168-hermione ? It means nothing . ”[168-hermione] “ [You]168-hermione are merely making words , ”[875-he] [he]875-he said ; “ knowledge means everything to [you]168-hermione . Even [your]168-hermione animalism , [you]168-hermione want it in [your]168-hermione head . [You]168-hermione do n’t want to be [an animal]4810-an animal , [you]168-hermione want to observe [your]168-hermione own animal functions , to get a mental thrill out of them . It is all purely secondary — and more decadent than the most hide - bound intellectualism . What is it but the worst and last form of intellectualism , this love of [yours]168-hermione for passion and the animal instincts ? Passion and the instincts — [you]168-hermione want them hard enough , but through [your]168-hermione head , in [your]168-hermione consciousness . It all takes place in [your]168-hermione head , under that skull of [yours]168-hermione . Only [you]168-hermione wo n’t be conscious of what actually is : [you]168-hermione want the lie that will match the rest of [your]168-hermione furniture . ”[875-he] [Hermione]168-hermione set hard and poisonous against this attack . [Ursula]255-gerald stood covered with wonder and shame . It frightened [her]168-hermione , to see how [they]876-they hated [each other]451-each other . “ It ’s [all that Lady of [Shalott]12-shalott business]4811-all that lady of shalott business , ”[878-he] [he]878-he said , in [his]878-he strong abstract voice . [He]878-he seemed to be charging [her]168-hermione before the unseeing air . “ [You]168-hermione ’ve got that mirror , [your]168-hermione own fixed will , [your]168-hermione immortal understanding , [your]168-hermione own tight conscious world , and there is nothing beyond it . There , in the mirror , [you]168-hermione must have everything . But now [you]168-hermione have come to all [your]168-hermione conclusions , [you]168-hermione want to go back and be like [a savage , without knowledge]4812-a savage , without knowledge . [You]168-hermione want a life of pure sensation and ‘ passion . ’ ”[878-he] [He]878-he quoted the last word satirically against [her]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione sat convulsed with fury and violation , speechless , like [a stricken pythoness of the Greek oracle]879-a stricken pythoness of the greek oracle . “ But [your]168-hermione passion is a lie , ”[878-he] [he]878-he went on violently . “ It is n’t passion at all , it is [your]168-hermione will . It ’s [your]168-hermione bullying will . [You]168-hermione want to clutch things and have them in [your]168-hermione power . [You]168-hermione want to have things in [your]168-hermione power . And why ? Because [you]168-hermione have n’t got any real body , any dark sensual body of life . [You]168-hermione have no sensuality . [You]168-hermione have only [your]168-hermione will and [your]168-hermione conceit of consciousness , and [your]168-hermione lust for power , to know . ”[878-he] [He]878-he looked at [her]168-hermione in mingled hate and contempt , also in pain because [she]168-hermione suffered , and in shame because [he]878-he knew [he]878-he tortured [her]168-hermione . [He]878-he had an impulse to kneel and plead for forgiveness . But a bitterer red anger burned up to fury in [him]878-he . [He]878-he became unconscious of [her]168-hermione , [he]878-he was only a passionate voice speaking . “ [Spontaneous]197-spontaneous ! ”[878-he] [he]878-he cried . “ [You]168-hermione and spontaneity ! [You]168-hermione , the most deliberate thing that ever walked or crawled ! [You]168-hermione ’d be verily deliberately spontaneous — that ’s [you]168-hermione . Because [you]168-hermione want to have everything in [your]168-hermione own volition , [your]168-hermione deliberate voluntary consciousness . [You]168-hermione want it all in that loathsome little skull of [yours]168-hermione , that ought to be cracked like a nut . For [you]168-hermione ’ll be the same till it is cracked , like an insect in its skin . If one cracked [your]168-hermione skull perhaps [one]4646-one might get [a spontaneous , passionate woman]4814-a spontaneous , passionate woman out of [you]168-hermione , with real sensuality . As it is , what [you]168-hermione want is pornography — looking at [yourself]168-hermione in mirrors , watching [your]168-hermione naked animal actions in mirrors , so that [you]168-hermione can have it all in [your]168-hermione consciousness , make it all mental . ”[878-he] There was a sense of violation in the air , as if too much was said , the unforgivable . Yet [Ursula]255-gerald was concerned now only with solving [her]880-she own problems , in the light of [his]881-he words . [She]880-she was pale and abstracted . “ But do [you]881-he really want sensuality ? ”[880-she] [she]880-she asked , puzzled . [Birkin]169-birkin looked at [her]880-she , and became intent in [his]881-he explanation . “ Yes , ”[881-he] [he]881-he said , “ that and nothing else , at this point . It is a fulfilment — the great dark knowledge [you]168-hermione ca n’t have in [your]168-hermione head — the dark involuntary being . It is death to one ’s self — but it is the coming into being of another . ”[881-he] “ But how ? How can [you]881-he have knowledge not in [your]881-he head ? ”[880-she] [she]880-she asked , quite unable to interpret [his]881-he phrases . “ In the blood , ”[881-he] [he]881-he answered ; “ when the mind and the known world is drowned in darkness everything must go — there must be the deluge . Then [you]168-hermione find [yourself]168-hermione a palpable body of darkness , [a demon]4815-a demon — ”[881-he] “ But why should [I]880-she be [a demon]4815-a demon — ? ”[880-she] [she]880-she asked . “ ‘ Woman wailing for [[her]168-hermione demon lover]4817-her demon lover ’ — ”[881-he] [he]881-he quoted—“why , [I]880-she do n’t know . ”[880-she] [Hermione]168-hermione roused [herself]168-hermione as from a death — annihilation . “ [He]881-he is such [a dreadful satanist]4818-a dreadful satanist , is n’t [he]881-he ? ”[880-she] [she]880-she drawled to [Ursula]255-gerald , in a queer resonant voice , that ended on a shrill little laugh of pure ridicule . [The two women]882-the two women were jeering at [him]881-he , jeering [him]881-he into nothingness . The laugh of [the shrill , triumphant female]883-the shrill , triumphant female sounded from [Hermione]168-hermione , jeering [him]881-he as if [he]881-he were [a neuter]884-a neuter . “ No , ”[881-he] [he]881-he said . “ [You]168-hermione are the real devil who wo n’t let life exist . ”[881-he] [She]168-hermione looked at [him]881-he with a long , slow look , malevolent , supercilious . “ [You]881-he know all about it , do n’t [you]881-he ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , with slow , cold , cunning mockery . “ Enough , ”[881-he] [he]881-he replied , [his]881-he face fixing fine and clear like steel . A horrible despair , and at the same time a sense of release , liberation , came over [Hermione]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione turned with a pleasant intimacy to [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [You]255-gerald are sure [you]255-gerald will come to [Breadalby]11-breadalby ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , urging . “ Yes , [I]255-gerald should like to very much , ”[255-gerald] replied [Ursula]255-gerald . [Hermione]168-hermione looked down at [her]168-hermione , gratified , reflecting , and strangely absent , as if possessed , as if not quite there . “ [I]168-hermione ’m so glad , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , pulling [herself]168-hermione together . “ Some time in about a fortnight . Yes ? [I]168-hermione will write to [you]255-gerald here , at [the school]549-the school , shall [I]168-hermione ? Yes . And [you]255-gerald ’ll be sure to come ? Yes . [I]168-hermione shall be so glad . Good - bye ! Good - bye ! ”[168-hermione] [Hermione]168-hermione held out [her]168-hermione hand and looked into the eyes of [the other woman]885-the other woman . [She]168-hermione knew [Ursula]255-gerald as [an immediate rival]886-an immediate rival , and the knowledge strangely exhilarated [her]168-hermione . Also [she]168-hermione was taking leave . It always gave [her]168-hermione a sense of strength , advantage , to be departing and leaving the other behind . Moreover [she]168-hermione was taking [the man]4658-the man with [her]168-hermione , if only in hate . [Birkin]169-birkin stood aside , fixed and unreal . But now , when it was [his]4658-the man turn to bid good - bye , [he]4658-the man began to speak again . “ There ’s the whole difference in [the world]541-the world , ”[4658-the man] [he]4658-the man said , “ between the actual sensual being , and the vicious mental - deliberate profligacy [our]4821-our lot goes in for . In [our]4821-our night - time , there ’s always the electricity switched on , [we]4821-our watch [ourselves]4821-our , [we]4821-our get it all in the head , really . [You]4822-you ’ve got to lapse out before [you]4822-you can know what sensual reality is , lapse into unknowingness , and give up [your]4822-you volition . [You]4822-you ’ve got to do it . [You]4822-you ’ve got to learn not - to - be , before [you]4822-you can come into being . “[4658-the man] But [we]888-we have got such a conceit of [ourselves]888-we — that ’s where it is . [We]888-we are so conceited , and so unproud . [We]888-we ’ve got no pride , [we]888-we ’re all conceit , so conceited in [our]888-we own papier - maché realised selves . [We]888-we ’d rather die than give up [our]888-we little self - righteous self - opinionated self - will . ” There was silence in [the room]739-the room . [Both women]4824-both women were hostile and resentful . [He]4825-his sounded as if [he]4825-his were addressing a meeting . [Hermione]168-hermione merely paid no attention , stood with [her]168-hermione shoulders tight in a shrug of dislike . [Ursula]255-gerald was watching [him]4825-his as if furtively , not really aware of what [she]168-hermione was seeing . There was a great physical attractiveness in [him]4825-his — a curious hidden richness , that came through [his]4825-his thinness and [his]4825-his pallor like another voice , conveying another knowledge of [him]4825-his . It was in the curves of [his]4825-his brows and [his]4825-his chin , rich , fine , exquisite curves , the powerful beauty of life itself . [She]168-hermione could not say what it was . But there was a sense of richness and of liberty . “[888-we] But [we]888-we are sensual enough , without making [ourselves]888-we so , are n’t [we]888-we ? ” [she]168-hermione asked , turning to [him]4825-his with a certain golden laughter flickering under [her]168-hermione greenish eyes , like a challenge . And immediately the queer , careless , terribly attractive smile came over [his]4825-his eyes and brows , though [his]4825-his mouth did not relax . “[888-we] No , ” [he]4825-his said , “[888-we] [we]888-we are n’t . [We]888-we ’re too full of [ourselves]888-we . ” “[888-we] Surely it is n’t a matter of conceit , ” [she]168-hermione cried . “[888-we] That and nothing else . ” [She]168-hermione was frankly puzzled . “[888-we] Do n’t [you]889-you think that [people]579-people are most conceited of all about [their]579-people sensual powers ? ” [she]168-hermione asked . “[889-you] That ’s why [they]579-people are n’t sensual — only sensuous — which is another matter . [They]579-people ’re always aware of [themselves]579-people — and [they]579-people ’re so conceited , that rather than release [themselves]579-people , and live in [another world]4676-another world , from another centre , [they]579-people ’d — ” “[579-people] [You]889-you want [your]889-you tea , do n’t [you]889-you , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione , turning to [Ursula]255-gerald with a gracious kindliness . “[889-you] [You]889-you ’ve worked all day — ” [Birkin]169-birkin stopped short . A spasm of anger and chagrin went over [Ursula]255-gerald . [His]889-you face set . And [he]889-you bade good - bye , as if [he]889-you had ceased to notice [her]168-hermione . [They]4826-they were gone . [Ursula]255-gerald stood looking at the door for some moments . Then [she]168-hermione put out the lights . And having done so , [she]168-hermione sat down again in [her]168-hermione chair , absorbed and lost . And then [she]168-hermione began to cry , bitterly , bitterly weeping : but whether for misery or joy , [she]168-hermione never knew . The week passed away . On the Saturday it rained , a soft drizzling rain that held off at times . In one of the intervals [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald set out for a walk , going towards [Willey Water]8-willey water . The atmosphere was grey and translucent , the birds sang sharply on the young twigs , the earth would be quickening and hastening in growth . [The two girls]473-the two girls walked swiftly , gladly , because of the soft , subtle rush of morning that filled the wet haze . By [the road]502-the road the black - thorn was in blossom , white and wet , its tiny amber grains burning faintly in the white smoke of blossom . Purple twigs were darkly luminous in the grey air , high hedges glowed like living shadows , hovering nearer , coming into creation . The morning was full of a new creation . When [the sisters]452-the sisters came to [Willey Water]8-willey water , [the lake]4830-the lake lay all grey and visionary , stretching into [the moist , translucent vista of trees and meadow]4831-the moist , translucent vista of trees and meadow . Fine electric activity in sound came from the dumbles below [the road]502-the road , the birds piping one against the other , and water mysteriously plashing , issuing from [the lake]4830-the lake . [The two girls]473-the two girls drifted swiftly along . In front of [them]473-the two girls , at [the corner of [the lake]4830-the lake]4835-the corner of the lake , near [the road]502-the road , was [a mossy boat - house under a walnut tree]4838-a mossy boat - house under a walnut tree , and a little landing - stage where [a boat]4839-a boat was moored , wavering like a shadow on [the still grey water]4840-the still grey water , below the green , decayed poles . All was shadowy with coming summer . Suddenly , from [the boat - house]4841-the boat - house , a white figure ran out , frightening in its swift sharp transit , across [the old landing - stage]4842-the old landing - stage . It launched in a white arc through the air , there was a bursting of the water , and among the smooth ripples [a swimmer]4843-a swimmer was making out to space , in a centre of faintly heaving motion . [The whole otherworld]4844-the whole otherworld , wet and remote , [he]892-he had to [himself]892-he . [He]892-he could move into the pure translucency of the grey , uncreated water . [Gudrun]160-gudrun stood by the stone wall , watching . “[889-you] How [I]0-i envy [him]892-he , ” [she]160-gudrun said , in low , desirous tones . “[0-i] Ugh ! ” shivered [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] So cold ! ” “[0-i] Yes , but how good , how really fine , to swim out there ! ” [The sisters]452-the sisters stood watching [the swimmer]4846-the swimmer move further into [the grey , moist , full space of the water]4847-the grey , moist , full space of the water , pulsing with [his]4846-the swimmer own small , invading motion , and arched over with mist and [dim woods]4848-dim woods . “[889-you] Do n’t [you]0-i wish it were [you]0-i ? ” asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun , looking at [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i do , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] But [I]0-i ’m not sure — it ’s so wet . ” “[889-you] No , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , reluctantly . [She]160-gudrun stood watching the motion on the bosom of the water , as if fascinated . [He]892-he , having swum a certain distance , turned round and was swimming on [his]892-he back , looking along the water at [the two girls by the wall]4849-the two girls by the wall . In the faint wash of motion , [they]4849-the two girls by the wall could see [his]892-he ruddy face , and could feel [him]892-he watching [them]4849-the two girls by the wall . “[889-you] It is [Gerald Crich]255-gerald , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i know , ” replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun . And [she]160-gudrun stood motionless gazing over the water at the face which washed up and down on the flood , as [he]892-he swam steadily . From [his]892-he separate element [he]892-he saw [them]4849-the two girls by the wall and [he]892-he exulted to [himself]892-he because of [his]892-he own advantage , [his]892-he possession of [a world]4850-a world to [himself]892-he . [He]892-he was immune and perfect . [He]892-he loved [his]892-he own vigorous , thrusting motion , and the violent impulse of the very cold water against [his]892-he limbs , buoying [him]892-he up . [He]892-he could see [the girls]4851-the girls watching [him]892-he a way off , outside , and that pleased [him]892-he . [He]893-he lifted [his]893-he arm from [the water]4852-the water , in a sign to [them]4851-the girls . “[893-he] [He]893-he is waving , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[893-he] Yes , ” replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [They]4851-the girls watched [him]892-he . [He]892-he waved again , with a strange movement of recognition across the difference . “[893-he] Like [a Nibelung]894-a nibelung , ” laughed [Ursula]255-gerald . [Gudrun]160-gudrun said nothing , only stood still looking over [the water]4852-the water . [Gerald]255-gerald suddenly turned , and was swimming away swiftly , with a side stroke . [He]255-gerald was alone now , alone and immune in the middle of [the waters]4854-the waters , which [he]255-gerald had all to [himself]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald exulted in [his]255-gerald isolation in the new element , unquestioned and unconditioned . [He]255-gerald was happy , thrusting with [his]255-gerald legs and all [his]255-gerald body , without bond or connection anywhere , just [himself]255-gerald in [the watery world]4855-the watery world . [Gudrun]160-gudrun envied [him]255-gerald almost painfully . Even this momentary possession of pure isolation and fluidity seemed to [her]160-gudrun so terribly desirable that [she]160-gudrun felt [herself]160-gudrun as if damned , out there on [the high - road]523-the high - road . “[893-he] [God]167-god , what it is to be [a man]4648-a man ! ” [she]160-gudrun cried . “[167-god] What ? ” exclaimed [Ursula]255-gerald in surprise . “[167-god] The freedom , the liberty , the mobility ! ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , strangely flushed and brilliant . “[167-god] [You]4648-a man ’re [a man]4648-a man , [you]4648-a man want to do a thing , [you]4648-a man do it . [You]4648-a man have n’t the thousand obstacles [a woman]897-a woman has in front of [her]897-a woman . ” [Ursula]255-gerald wondered what was in [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s mind , to occasion this outburst . [She]160-gudrun could not understand . “[4648-a man] What do [you]4648-a man want to do ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked . “[4648-a man] Nothing , ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in swift refutation . “[4648-a man] But supposing [I]0-i did . Supposing [I]0-i want to swim up [that water]898-that water . It is impossible , it is one of the impossibilities of life , for [me]0-i to take [my]0-i clothes off now and jump in . But is n’t it ridiculous , does n’t it simply prevent [our]899-our living ! ” [She]160-gudrun was so hot , so flushed , so furious , that [Ursula]255-gerald was puzzled . [The two sisters]463-the two sisters went on , up [the road]502-the road . [They]463-the two sisters were passing between the trees just below [Shortlands]7-shortlands . [They]463-the two sisters looked up at [the long , low house]4859-the long , low house , dim and glamorous in the wet morning , [its]4859-the long , low house cedar trees slanting before the windows . [Gudrun]160-gudrun seemed to be studying [it]4859-the long , low house closely . “[900-you] Do n’t [you]900-you think it ’s attractive , [Ursula]255-gerald ? ” asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[255-gerald] Very , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[255-gerald] Very peaceful and charming . ” “[255-gerald] It has form , too — it has a period . ” “[255-gerald] What period ? ” “[255-gerald] Oh , eighteenth century , for certain ; [Dorothy Wordsworth]198-dorothy wordsworth and [Jane Austen]199-jane austen , do n’t [you]900-you think ? ” [Ursula]255-gerald laughed . “[900-you] Do n’t [you]900-you think so ? ” repeated [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[900-you] Perhaps . But [I]0-i do n’t think the Criches fit the period . [I]0-i know [Gerald]255-gerald is putting in [a private electric plant]901-a private electric plant , for lighting [the house]468-the house , and is making all kinds of latest improvements . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun shrugged [her]160-gudrun shoulders swiftly . “[255-gerald] Of course , ” [she]160-gudrun said , “[255-gerald] that ’s quite inevitable . ” “[255-gerald] Quite , ” laughed [Ursula]255-gerald . “[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald is several generations of youngness at one go . [They]903-them hate [him]255-gerald for it . [He]255-gerald takes [them]903-them all by the scruff of the neck , and fairly flings [them]903-them along . [He]255-gerald ’ll have to die soon , when [he]255-gerald ’s made every possible improvement , and there will be nothing more to improve . [He]255-gerald ’s got go , anyhow . ” “[255-gerald] Certainly , [he]255-gerald ’s got go , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[255-gerald] In fact [I]0-i ’ve never seen [a man that showed signs of so much]904-a man that showed signs of so much . The unfortunate thing is , where does [his]255-gerald go go to , what becomes of it ? ” “[0-i] Oh [I]0-i know , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] It goes in applying the latest appliances ! ” “[0-i] Exactly , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] [You]0-i know [he]255-gerald shot [[his]255-gerald brother]760-his brother ? ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[255-gerald] Shot [[his]255-gerald brother]760-his brother ? ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , frowning as if in disapprobation . “[255-gerald] Did n’t [you]0-i know ? Oh yes!—I thought [you]0-i knew . [He]255-gerald and [[his]255-gerald brother]760-his brother were playing together with a gun . [He]255-gerald told [[his]255-gerald brother]760-his brother to look down the gun , and it was loaded , and blew the top of [his]255-gerald head off . Is n’t it a horrible story ? ” “[255-gerald] How fearful ! ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[255-gerald] But it is long ago ? ” “[255-gerald] Oh yes , [they]909-they were [quite boys]910-quite boys , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i think it is one of the most horrible stories [I]0-i know . ” “[255-gerald] And [he]255-gerald of course did not know that the gun was loaded ? ” “[255-gerald] Yes . [You]0-i see it was an old thing that had been lying in [the stable]911-the stable for years . [Nobody]912-nobody dreamed it would ever go off , and of course , [no one]485-no one imagined it was loaded . But is n’t it dreadful , that it should happen ? ” “[255-gerald] Frightful ! ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[255-gerald] And is n’t it horrible too to think of such a thing happening to [one]4646-one , when [one]4646-one was [a child]733-a child , and having to carry the responsibility of it all through [one]4646-one ’s life . Imagine it , [two boys]918-two boys playing together — then this comes upon [them]918-two boys , for no reason whatever — out of the air . [Ursula]255-gerald , it ’s very frightening ! Oh , it ’s one of the things [I]0-i ca n’t bear . Murder , that is thinkable , because there ’s a will behind it . But a thing like that to happen to one — ” “[0-i] Perhaps there was an unconscious will behind it , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] This playing at killing has some primitive desire for killing in it , do n’t [you]0-i think ? ” “[0-i] Desire ! ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , coldly , stiffening a little . “[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t see that [they]918-two boys were even playing at killing . [I]0-i suppose [one boy]919-one boy said to [the other]920-the other , ‘ [You]920-the other look down the barrel while [I]0-i pull the trigger , and see what happens . ’ It seems to [me]0-i the purest form of accident . ” “[919-one boy] No , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[919-one boy] [I]0-i could n’t pull the trigger of the emptiest gun in [the world]541-the world , not if [some - one]922-some - one were looking down the barrel . One instinctively does n’t do it — one ca n’t . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun was silent for some moments , in sharp disagreement . “[4646-one] Of course , ” [she]160-gudrun said coldly . “[4646-one] If [one]4646-one is [a woman]897-a woman , and grown up , [one]4646-one ’s instinct prevents [one]4646-one . But [I]0-i can not see how that applies to [a couple of [boys]928-boys playing together]927-a couple of boys playing together . ” [Her]160-gudrun voice was cold and angry . “[928-boys] Yes , ” persisted [Ursula]255-gerald . At that moment [they]927-a couple of boys playing together heard [a woman]897-a woman ’s voice a few yards off say loudly : “[928-boys] Oh damn the thing ! ” [They]927-a couple of boys playing together went forward and saw [Laura Crich]180-laura and [Hermione Roddice]168-hermione in [the field on the other side of the hedge]4861-the field on the other side of the hedge , and [Laura Crich]180-laura struggling with the gate , to get out . [Ursula]255-gerald at once hurried up and helped to lift the gate . “[928-boys] Thanks so much , ” said [Laura]180-laura , looking up flushed and amazon - like , yet rather confused . “[928-boys] It is n’t right on the hinges . ” “[928-boys] No , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[928-boys] And they ’re so heavy . ” “[928-boys] Surprising ! ” cried [Laura]180-laura . “[928-boys] How do [you]929-you do , ” sang [Hermione]168-hermione , from out of [the field]501-the field , the moment [she]168-hermione could make [her]168-hermione voice heard . “[929-you] It ’s nice now . Are [you]929-you going for a walk ? Yes . Is n’t [the young green beautiful]930-the young green beautiful ? So beautiful — quite burning . Good morning — good morning — [you’ll]929-you come and see me?—thank [you]929-you so much — next week — yes — good - bye , g - o - o - d b - y - e. ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald stood and watched [her]168-hermione slowly waving [her]168-hermione head up and down , and waving [her]168-hermione hand slowly in dismissal , smiling a strange affected smile , making a tall queer , frightening figure , with [her]168-hermione heavy fair hair slipping to [her]168-hermione eyes . Then [they]4863-they moved off , as if [they]4863-they had been dismissed like [inferiors]4864-inferiors . [The four women]4865-the four women parted . As soon as [they]4863-they had gone far enough , [Ursula]255-gerald said , [her]168-hermione cheeks burning , “[0-i] [I]0-i do think [she]931-she ’s impudent . ” “[931-she] Who , [Hermione Roddice]168-hermione ? ” asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[168-hermione] Why ? ” “[931-she] The way [she]931-she treats one — impudence ! ” “[931-she] Why , [Ursula]255-gerald , what did [you]255-gerald notice that was so impudent ? ” asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun rather coldly . “[931-she] [Her]931-she whole manner . Oh , it ’s impossible , the way [she]931-she tries to bully [one]4646-one . Pure bullying . [She]931-she ’s [an impudent woman]933-an impudent woman . ‘ [You]255-gerald ’ll come and see [me]0-i , ’ as if [we]934-we should be falling over [ourselves]934-we for the privilege . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t understand , [Ursula]255-gerald , what [you]255-gerald are so much put out about , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in some exasperation . “[255-gerald] [One]4646-one knows [those women]936-those women are impudent — [these free women who have emancipated [themselves]937-these free women who have emancipated themselves from the aristocracy from [the aristocracy]938-the aristocracy]937-these free women who have emancipated themselves from the aristocracy . ” “[937-these free women who have emancipated themselves from the aristocracy] But it is so unnecessary — so vulgar , ” cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “[937-these free women who have emancipated themselves from the aristocracy] No , [I]0-i do n’t see it . And if [I]0-i did — pour moi , elle n’existe pas . [I]0-i do n’t grant [her]931-she the power to be impudent to [me]0-i . ” “[0-i] Do [you]255-gerald think [she]931-she likes [you]255-gerald ? ” asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “[255-gerald] Well , no , [I]0-i should n’t think [she]931-she did . ” “[931-she] Then why does [she]931-she ask [you]255-gerald to go to [Breadalby]11-breadalby and stay with [her]931-she ? ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun lifted [her]160-gudrun shoulders in a low shrug . “[931-she] After all , [she]931-she ’s got the sense to know [we]939-we ’re not just the ordinary run , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[931-she] Whatever [she]931-she is , [she]931-she ’s not [a fool]4749-a fool . And [I]0-i ’d rather have [[somebody]4745-somebody [I]0-i detested]942-somebody i detested , than [the ordinary woman who keeps to [her]943-the ordinary woman who keeps to her own set own set]943-the ordinary woman who keeps to her own set . [Hermione Roddice]168-hermione does risk [herself]168-hermione in some respects . ” [Ursula]255-gerald pondered this for a time . “[168-hermione] [I]0-i doubt it , ” [she]168-hermione replied . “[0-i] Really [she]168-hermione risks nothing . [I]0-i suppose [we]939-we ought to admire [her]168-hermione for knowing [she]168-hermione can invite [us]939-we — [school teachers]944-school teachers — and risk nothing . ” “[168-hermione] Precisely ! ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[168-hermione] Think of the myriads of women that dare n’t do it . [She]168-hermione makes the most of [her]168-hermione privileges — that ’s something . [I]0-i suppose , really , [we]939-we should do the same , in [her]168-hermione place . ” “[0-i] No , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] No . It would bore [me]0-i . [I]0-i could n’t spend [my]0-i time playing [her]168-hermione games . It ’s infra dig . ” [The two sisters]463-the two sisters were like a pair of scissors , snipping off everything that came athwart [them]463-the two sisters ; or like a knife and a whetstone , the one sharpened against the other . “[168-hermione] Of course , ” cried [Ursula]255-gerald suddenly , “[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione ought to thank [her]168-hermione stars if [we]939-we will go and see [her]168-hermione . [You]945-you are perfectly beautiful , a thousand times more beautiful than ever [she]168-hermione is or was , and to [my]0-i thinking , a thousand times more beautifully dressed , for [she]168-hermione never looks fresh and natural , like a flower , always old , thought - out ; and [we]939-we are more intelligent than [most people]946-most people . ” “[0-i] Undoubtedly ! ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] And it ought to be admitted , simply , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] Certainly it ought , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] But [you]945-you ’ll find that the really chic thing is to be so absolutely ordinary , so perfectly commonplace and like [the person in [the street]948-the street]947-the person in the street , that [you]945-you really are a masterpiece of humanity , not [the person in [the street]948-the street]947-the person in the street actually , but the artistic creation of [her]168-hermione — ” “[168-hermione] How awful ! ” cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “[255-gerald] Yes , [Ursula]255-gerald , it is awful , in most respects . [You]945-you dare n’t be anything that is n’t amazingly à terre , so much à terre that it is the artistic creation of ordinariness . ” “[168-hermione] It ’s very dull to create [oneself]951-oneself into nothing better , ” laughed [Ursula]255-gerald . “[168-hermione] Very dull ! ” retorted [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[255-gerald] Really [Ursula]255-gerald , it is dull , that ’s just the word . [One]4646-one longs to be high - flown , and make speeches like [Corneille]200-corneille , after it . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun was becoming flushed and excited over [her]160-gudrun own cleverness . “[200-corneille] Strut , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[200-corneille] [One]4646-one wants to strut , to be a swan among geese . ” “[4646-one] Exactly , ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “[4646-one] a swan among geese . ” “[4646-one] [They]954-they are all so busy playing [the ugly duckling]955-the ugly duckling , ” cried [Ursula]255-gerald , with mocking laughter . “[954-they] And [I]0-i do n’t feel a bit like a humble and pathetic ugly duckling . [I]0-i do feel like a swan among geese — [I]0-i ca n’t help it . [They]954-they make [one]4646-one feel so . And [I]0-i do n’t care what [they]954-they think of [me]0-i . Je m’en fiche . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked up at [Ursula]255-gerald with a queer , uncertain envy and dislike . “[0-i] Of course , the only thing to do is to despise [them]954-they all — just all , ” [she]160-gudrun said . [The sisters]452-the sisters went [home]4649-home again , to read and talk and work , and wait for Monday , for [school]4869-school . [Ursula]255-gerald often wondered what else [she]160-gudrun waited for , besides the beginning and end of the school week , and the beginning and end of the holidays . This was a whole life ! Sometimes [she]160-gudrun had periods of tight horror , when it seemed to [her]160-gudrun that [her]160-gudrun life would pass away , and be gone , without having been more than this . But [she]160-gudrun never really accepted it . [Her]160-gudrun spirit was active , [her]160-gudrun life like a shoot that is growing steadily , but which has not yet come above ground . One day at this time [Birkin]169-birkin was called to [London]2-london . [He]0-i was not very fixed in [[his]0-i abode]4870-his abode . [He]0-i had rooms in [Nottingham]13-nottingham , because [his]0-i work lay chiefly in [that town]4871-that town . But often [he]0-i was in [London]2-london , or in [Oxford]14-oxford . [He]0-i moved about a great deal , [his]0-i life seemed uncertain , without any definite rhythm , any organic meaning . On [the platform of [the railway station]4873-the railway station]4872-the platform of the railway station [he]0-i saw [Gerald Crich]255-gerald , reading a newspaper , and evidently waiting for [the train]4874-the train . [Birkin]169-birkin stood some distance off , among [the people]4677-the people . It was against [his]0-i instinct to approach [anybody]744-anybody . From time to time , in a manner characteristic of [him]0-i , [Gerald]255-gerald lifted [his]255-gerald head and looked round . Even though [he]255-gerald was reading the newspaper closely , [he]255-gerald must keep a watchful eye on [his]255-gerald external surroundings . There seemed to be a dual consciousness running in [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was thinking vigorously of something [he]255-gerald read in the newspaper , and at the same time [his]255-gerald eye ran over the surfaces of the life round [him]255-gerald , and [he]255-gerald missed nothing . [Birkin]169-birkin , who was watching [him]255-gerald , was irritated by [his]255-gerald duality . [He]255-gerald noticed too , that [Gerald]255-gerald seemed always to be at bay against [everybody]780-everybody , in spite of [his]255-gerald queer , genial , social manner when roused . Now [Birkin]169-birkin started violently at seeing this genial look flash on to [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face , at seeing [Gerald]255-gerald approaching with hand outstretched . “[954-they] [Hallo]15-hallo , [Rupert]169-birkin , where are [you]169-birkin going ? ” “[169-birkin] [London]2-london . So are [you]169-birkin , [I]0-i suppose . ” “[169-birkin] Yes — ” [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes went over [Birkin]169-birkin ’s face in curiosity . “[169-birkin] [We]957-we ’ll travel together if [you]169-birkin like , ” [he]0-i said . “[957-we] Do n’t [you]169-birkin usually go first ? ” asked [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t stand [the crowd]670-the crowd , ” replied [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] But third’ll be all right . There ’s [a restaurant car]959-a restaurant car , [we]957-we can have some tea . ” [The two men]686-the two men looked at the station clock , having nothing further to say . “[957-we] What were [you]169-birkin reading in the paper ? ” [Birkin]169-birkin asked . [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [him]255-gerald quickly . “[169-birkin] Is n’t it funny , what [they]960-they do put in the newspapers , ” [he]255-gerald said . “[960-they] Here are [two leaders]961-two leaders — ” [he]255-gerald held out [his]255-gerald Daily Telegraph , “[961-two leaders] full of the ordinary newspaper ca nt — ” [he]255-gerald scanned the columns down—“and[961-two leaders] then there ’s this little — [I]0-i dunno what [you]169-birkin ’d call it , essay , almost — appearing with [the leaders]962-the leaders , and saying there must arise [a man who will give new values to things]963-a man who will give new values to things , give [us]957-we new truths , a new attitude to life , or else [we]957-we shall be a crumbling nothingness in a few years , [a country]964-a country in ruin — ” “[0-i] [I]0-i suppose that ’s a bit of newspaper ca nt , as well , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] It sounds as if [the man]4658-the man meant it , and quite genuinely , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[4658-the man] Give it to [me]0-i , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , holding out [his]0-i hand for the paper . [The train]4874-the train came , and [they]957-we went on board , sitting on either side a little table , by the window , in [the restaurant car]4880-the restaurant car . [Birkin]169-birkin glanced over [his]0-i paper , then looked up at [Gerald]255-gerald , who was waiting for [him]0-i . “[4658-the man] [I]0-i believe [the man]4658-the man means it , ” [he]0-i said , “[4658-the man] as far as [he]4658-the man means anything . ” “[4658-the man] And do [you]0-i think it ’s true ? Do [you]0-i think [we]967-we really want a new gospel ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin shrugged [his]0-i shoulders . “[0-i] [I]0-i think [the people who say [they]968-the people who say they want a new religion want a new religion]968-the people who say they want a new religion are the last to accept anything new . [They]968-the people who say they want a new religion want novelty right enough . But to stare straight at this life that [we]967-we ’ve brought upon [ourselves]967-we , and reject it , absolutely smash up the old idols of [ourselves]967-we , that [we]967-we sh’ll never do . [You]0-i ’ve got very badly to want to get rid of the old , before anything new will appear — even in the self . ” [Gerald]255-gerald watched [him]0-i closely . “[0-i] [You]0-i think [we]967-we ought to break up this life , just start and let fly ? ” [he]255-gerald asked . “[0-i] This life . Yes [I]0-i do . [We]967-we ’ve got to bust it completely , or shrivel inside it , as in a tight skin . For it wo n’t expand any more . ” There was a queer little smile in [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes , a look of amusement , calm and curious . “[0-i] And how do [you]0-i propose to begin ? [I]0-i suppose [you]0-i mean , reform the whole order of [society]969-society ? ” [he]255-gerald asked . [Birkin]169-birkin had a slight , tense frown between the brows . [He]0-i too was impatient of the conversation . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t propose at all , ” [he]0-i replied . “[0-i] When [we]967-we really want to go for something better , [we]967-we shall smash the old . Until then , any sort of proposal , or making proposals , is no more than a tiresome game for [self - important people]970-self - important people . ” The little smile began to die out of [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes , and [he]255-gerald said , looking with a cool stare at [Birkin]169-birkin : “[0-i] So [you]0-i really think things are very bad ? ” “[0-i] Completely bad . ” The smile appeared again . “[0-i] In what way ? ” “[0-i] Every way , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[967-we] [We]967-we are [such dreary liars]971-such dreary liars . [Our]967-we one idea is to lie to [ourselves]967-we . [We]967-we have an ideal of a perfect world , clean and straight and sufficient . So [we]967-we cover [the earth]972-the earth with foulness ; life is a blotch of labour , like insects scurrying in filth , so that [[your]973-your collier]974-your collier can have a pianoforte in [[his]974-your collier parlour]975-his parlour , and [you]973-your can have [a butler]976-a butler and [a motor - car]977-a motor - car in [[your]973-your up - to - date house]978-your up - to - date house , and as [a nation]4747-a nation [we]967-we can sport [the Ritz]17-the ritz , or the Empire , [Gaby Deslys]201-gaby deslys and the Sunday newspapers . It is very dreary . ” [Gerald]255-gerald took a little time to re - adjust [himself]255-gerald after this tirade . “[980-you] Would [you]980-you have [us]967-we live without [houses]981-houses — return to nature ? ” [he]255-gerald asked . “[980-you] [I]0-i would have nothing at all . [People]579-people only do what [they]579-people want to do — and what [they]579-people are capable of doing . If [they]579-people were capable of anything else , there would be something else . ” Again [Gerald]255-gerald pondered . [He]255-gerald was not going to take offence at [Birkin]169-birkin . “[980-you] Do n’t [you]980-you think [the collier]983-the collier ’s pianoforte , as [you]980-you call it , is a symbol for something very real , a real desire for something higher , in [the collier]983-the collier ’s life ? ” “[980-you] Higher ! ” cried [Birkin]169-birkin . “[980-you] Yes . Amazing heights of upright grandeur . It makes [him]0-i so much higher in [his]0-i neighbouring collier ’s eyes . [He]0-i sees [himself]0-i reflected in the neighbouring opinion , like in a [Brocken mist]18-brocken mist , several feet taller on the strength of the pianoforte , and [he]0-i is satisfied . [He]0-i lives for the sake of that [Brocken spectre]18-brocken mist , the reflection of [himself]0-i in [the human opinion]985-the human opinion . [You]986-you do the same . If [you]986-you are of high importance to [humanity]987-humanity [you]986-you are of high importance to [yourself]986-you . That is why [you]986-you work so hard at [the mines]988-the mines . If [you]986-you can produce coal to cook five thousand dinners a day , [you]986-you are five thousand times more important than if [you]986-you cooked only [your]986-you own dinner . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i suppose [I]0-i am , ” laughed [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Ca n’t [you]0-i see , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , “[0-i] that to help [[my]0-i neighbour]989-my neighbour to eat is no more than eating [myself]0-i . ‘ [I]0-i eat , [thou]990-thou eatest , [he]989-my neighbour eats , [we]991-we eat , [you]986-you eat , [they]989-my neighbour eat’—and what then ? Why should [every man]767-every man decline the whole verb . First person singular is enough for [me]0-i . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i ’ve got to start with material things , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . Which statement [Birkin]169-birkin ignored . “[0-i] And [we]991-we ’ve got to live for something , [we]991-we ’re not just cattle that can graze and have done with it , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Tell [me]0-i , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] What do [you]0-i live for ? ” [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face went baffled . “[0-i] What do [I]0-i live for ? ” [he]0-i repeated . “[0-i] [I]0-i suppose [I]0-i live to work , to produce something , in so far as [I]0-i am [a purposive being]993-a purposive being . Apart from that , [I]0-i live because [I]0-i am living . ” “[0-i] And what ’s [your]0-i work ? Getting so many more thousands of tons of coal out of [the earth]972-the earth every day . And when [we]991-we ’ve got all the coal [we]991-we want , and all the plush furniture , and pianofortes , and the rabbits are all stewed and eaten , and [we]991-we ’re all warm and [our]991-we bellies are filled and [we]991-we ’re listening to [the young lady performing on the pianoforte]995-the young lady performing on the pianoforte — what then ? What then , when [you]0-i ’ve made a real fair start with [your]0-i material things ? ” [Gerald]255-gerald sat laughing at the words and the mocking humour of [the other man]832-the other man . But [he]255-gerald was cogitating too . “[991-we] [We]991-we have n’t got [there]629-there yet , ” [he]255-gerald replied . “[991-we] [A good many people]997-a good many people are still waiting for the rabbit and the fire to cook it . ” “[997-a good many people] So while [you]0-i get the coal [I]0-i must chase the rabbit ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , mocking at [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Something like that , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin watched [him]255-gerald narrowly . [He]0-i saw the perfect good - humoured callousness , even strange , glistening malice , in [Gerald]255-gerald , glistening through the plausible ethics of productivity . “[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald , ” [he]0-i said , “[255-gerald] [I]0-i rather hate [you]255-gerald . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i know [you]0-i do , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Why do [you]255-gerald ? ” [Birkin]169-birkin mused inscrutably for some minutes . “[255-gerald] [I]0-i should like to know if [you]255-gerald are conscious of hating [me]0-i , ” [he]0-i said at last . “[255-gerald] Do [you]255-gerald ever consciously detest [me]0-i — hate [me]0-i with mystic hate ? There are odd moments when [I]0-i hate [you]255-gerald starrily . ” [Gerald]255-gerald was rather taken aback , even a little disconcerted . [He]255-gerald did not quite know what to say . “[255-gerald] [I]0-i may , of course , hate [you]255-gerald sometimes , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] But [I]0-i ’m not aware of it — never acutely aware of it , that is . ” “[0-i] So much the worse , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald watched [him]255-gerald with curious eyes . [He]255-gerald could not quite make [him]255-gerald out . “[0-i] So much the worse , is it ? ” [he]0-i repeated . There was a silence between [the two men]686-the two men for some time , as [the train]4874-the train ran on . In [Birkin]169-birkin ’s face was a little irritable tension , a sharp knitting of the brows , keen and difficult . [Gerald]255-gerald watched [him]255-gerald warily , carefully , rather calculatingly , for [he]255-gerald could not decide what [he]255-gerald was after . Suddenly [Birkin]169-birkin ’s eyes looked straight and overpowering into those of [the other man]832-the other man . “[255-gerald] What do [you]255-gerald think is the aim and object of [your]255-gerald life , [Gerald]255-gerald ? ” [he]0-i asked . Again [Gerald]255-gerald was taken aback . [He]255-gerald could not think what [[his]255-gerald friend]4885-his friend was getting at . Was [he]0-i poking fun , or not ? “[255-gerald] At this moment , [I]0-i could n’t say off - hand , ” [he]0-i replied , with faintly ironic humour . “[0-i] Do [you]255-gerald think love is the be - all and the end - all of life ? ” [Birkin]169-birkin asked , with direct , attentive seriousness . “[255-gerald] Of [my]0-i own life ? ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[255-gerald] Yes . ” There was a really puzzled pause . “[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t say , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] It has n’t been , so far . ” “[0-i] What has [your]255-gerald life been , so far ? ” “[0-i] Oh — finding out things for [myself]0-i — and getting experiences — and making things go . ” [Birkin]169-birkin knitted [his]0-i brows like sharply moulded steel . “[0-i] [I]0-i find , ” [he]0-i said , “[0-i] that one needs [some one really pure single activity]998-some one really pure single activity — [I]0-i should call love a single pure activity . But [I]0-i do n’t really love [anybody]744-anybody — not now . ” “[0-i] Have [you]255-gerald ever really loved [anybody]744-anybody ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Yes and no , ” replied [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Not finally ? ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Finally — finally — no , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Nor [I]0-i , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] And do [you]0-i want to ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald looked with a long , twinkling , almost sardonic look into the eyes of [the other man]832-the other man . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] [I]0-i do — [I]0-i want to love , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [You]0-i do ? ” “[0-i] Yes . [I]0-i want the finality of love . ” “[0-i] The finality of love , ” repeated [Gerald]255-gerald . And [he]255-gerald waited for a moment . “[1001-one woman] Just [one woman]1001-one woman ? ” [he]0-i added . The evening light , flooding yellow along [the fields]520-the fields , lit up [Birkin]169-birkin ’s face with a tense , abstract steadfastness . [Gerald]255-gerald still could not make it out . “[1001-one woman] Yes , [one woman]1001-one woman , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . But to [Gerald]255-gerald it sounded as if [he]255-gerald were insistent rather than confident . “[1001-one woman] [I]0-i do n’t believe [a woman]897-a woman , and nothing but [a woman]897-a woman , will ever make [my]0-i life , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[1001-one woman] Not the centre and core of it — the love between [you]0-i and [a woman]897-a woman ? ” asked [Birkin]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes narrowed with a queer dangerous smile as [he]255-gerald watched [the other man]832-the other man . “[0-i] [I]0-i never quite feel it that way , ” [he]255-gerald said . “[0-i] [You]0-i do n’t ? Then wherein does life centre , for [you]0-i ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know — that ’s what [I]0-i want [somebody]4745-somebody to tell [me]0-i . As far as [I]0-i can make out , it does n’t centre at all . It is artificially held together by the social mechanism . ” [Birkin]169-birkin pondered as if [he]0-i would crack something . “[0-i] [I]0-i know , ” [he]0-i said , “[0-i] it just does n’t centre . The old ideals are dead as nails — nothing there . It seems to [me]0-i there remains only this perfect union with [a woman]897-a woman — sort of ultimate marriage — and there is n’t anything else . ” “[0-i] And [you]0-i mean if there is n’t [the woman]873-the woman , there ’s nothing ? ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Pretty well that — seeing there ’s no [God]167-god . ” “[0-i] Then [we]1009-we ’re hard put to it , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . And [he]255-gerald turned to look out of the window at the flying , golden landscape . [Birkin]169-birkin could not help seeing how beautiful and soldierly [his]255-gerald face was , with a certain courage to be indifferent . “[0-i] [You]0-i think its heavy odds against [us]1009-we ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] If [we]1009-we ’ve got to make [our]1009-we life up out of [a woman]897-a woman , [one woman]1001-one woman , [woman]1012-woman only , yes , [I]0-i do , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t believe [I]0-i shall ever make up [my]0-i life , at that rate . ” [Birkin]169-birkin watched [him]255-gerald almost angrily . “[0-i] [You]0-i are [a born unbeliever]1013-a born unbeliever , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] [I]0-i only feel what [I]0-i feel , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . And [he]255-gerald looked again at [Birkin]169-birkin almost sardonically , with [his]0-i blue , manly , sharp - lighted eyes . [Birkin]169-birkin ’s eyes were at the moment full of anger . But swiftly they became troubled , doubtful , then full of a warm , rich affectionateness and laughter . “[0-i] It troubles [me]0-i very much , [Gerald]255-gerald , ” [he]0-i said , wrinkling [his]0-i brows . “[255-gerald] [I]0-i can see it does , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , uncovering [his]255-gerald mouth in a manly , quick , soldierly laugh . [Gerald]255-gerald was held unconsciously by [the other man]832-the other man . [He]255-gerald wanted to be near [him]832-the other man , [he]255-gerald wanted to be within [his]255-gerald sphere of influence . There was something very congenial to [him]255-gerald in [Birkin]169-birkin . But yet , beyond this , [he]255-gerald did not take much notice . [He]255-gerald felt that [he]255-gerald , [himself]255-gerald , [Gerald]255-gerald , had harder and more durable truths than any [the other man]832-the other man knew . [He]255-gerald felt [himself]255-gerald older , more knowing . It was the quick - changing warmth and venality and brilliant warm utterance [he]255-gerald loved in [[his]255-gerald friend]4885-his friend . It was the rich play of words and quick interchange of feelings [he]255-gerald enjoyed . The real content of the words [he]255-gerald never really considered : [he]255-gerald [himself]255-gerald knew better . [Birkin]169-birkin knew this . [He]255-gerald knew that [Gerald]255-gerald wanted to be fond of [him]255-gerald without taking [him]255-gerald seriously . And this made [him]255-gerald go hard and cold . As [the train]4874-the train ran on , [he]255-gerald sat looking at [the land]4893-the land , and [Gerald]255-gerald fell away , became as nothing to [him]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin looked at [the land]4893-the land , at the evening , and was thinking : “[0-i] Well , if [mankind]1014-mankind is destroyed , if [[our]1015-our race]1016-our race is destroyed like [Sodom]19-sodom , and there is this beautiful evening with [the luminous land]1017-the luminous land and trees , [I]0-i am satisfied . That which informs it all is there , and can never be lost . After all , what is mankind but just one expression of the incomprehensible . And if [mankind]1014-mankind passes away , it will only mean that this particular expression is completed and done . That which is expressed , and that which is to be expressed , can not be diminished . There it is , in the shining evening . Let [mankind]1014-mankind pass away — time it did . The creative utterances will not cease , they will only be there . Humanity does n’t embody the utterance of the incomprehensible any more . [Humanity]203-humanity is a dead letter . There will be a new embodiment , in a new way . Let humanity disappear as quick as possible . ” [Gerald]255-gerald interrupted [him]0-i by asking , “[0-i] Where are [you]0-i staying in [London]2-london ? ” [Birkin]169-birkin looked up . “[0-i] With [a man in [Soho]20-soho]1020-a man in soho . [I]0-i pay part of the rent of [a flat]1021-a flat , and stop there when [I]0-i like . ” “[0-i] Good idea — have [a place more or less [your]0-i own]1022-a place more or less your own , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Yes . But [I]0-i do n’t care for it much . [I]0-i ’m tired of [the people [I]0-i am bound to find [there]629-there]1023-the people i am bound to find there . ” “[579-people] What kind of [people]579-people ? ” “[579-people] Art — music — [London Bohemia]21-london bohemia — [the most pettifogging calculating [Bohemia]22-bohemia that ever reckoned its pennies]1026-the most pettifogging calculating bohemia that ever reckoned its pennies . But there are [a few decent people]1027-a few decent people , decent in some respects . [They]1027-a few decent people are really [very thorough rejecters of [the world]541-the world]1028-very thorough rejecters of the world — perhaps [they]1027-a few decent people live only in the gesture of rejection and negation — but negatively something , at any rate . ” “[1031-musicians] What are [they?—painters]1030-they?—painters , [musicians]1031-musicians ? ” “[1032-painters] [Painters]1032-painters , [musicians]1031-musicians , [writers]1034-writers — [hangers - on]1035-hangers - on , [models]1036-models , [advanced young people]1037-advanced young people , [anybody who is openly at outs with the conventions]1038-anybody who is openly at outs with the conventions , and belongs to nowhere particularly . [They]1027-a few decent people are often [young fellows down from [the University]1040-the university , and girls who are living [their]1039-young fellows down from the university , and girls who are living their own lives own lives]1039-young fellows down from the university , and girls who are living their own lives , as [they]1027-a few decent people say . ” “[1027-a few decent people] All loose ? ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin could see [his]255-gerald curiosity roused . “[1027-a few decent people] In one way . Most bound , in another . For all [their]1027-a few decent people shockingness , all on one note . ” [He]255-gerald looked at [Gerald]255-gerald , and saw how [his]255-gerald blue eyes were lit up with a little flame of curious desire . [He]255-gerald saw too how good - looking [he]255-gerald was . [Gerald]255-gerald was attractive , [his]255-gerald blood seemed fluid and electric . [His]255-gerald blue eyes burned with a keen , yet cold light , there was a certain beauty , a beautiful passivity in all [his]255-gerald body , [his]255-gerald moulding . “[1041-we] [We]1041-we might see something of [each other]451-each other — [I]0-i am in [London]2-london for two or three days , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Yes , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t want to go to [the theatre]1043-the theatre , or [the music hall]1044-the music hall — [you’d]1045-you better come round to [the flat]1046-the flat , and see what [you]1045-you can make of [Halliday]204-halliday and [[his]204-halliday crowd]1047-his crowd . ” “[1045-you] Thanks — [I]0-i should like to , ” laughed [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] What are [you]0-i doing tonight ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i promised to meet [Halliday]204-halliday at [the Pompadour]23-the pompadour . It ’s a bad place , but there is nowhere else . ” “[0-i] Where is it ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] [Piccadilly Circus]24-piccadilly circus . ” “[0-i] Oh yes — well , shall [I]0-i come round there ? ” “[0-i] By all means , it might amuse [you]1045-you . ” The evening was falling . [They]4895-they had passed [Bedford]25-bedford . [Birkin]169-birkin watched [the country]4896-the country , and was filled with a sort of hopelessness . [He]0-i always felt this , on approaching [London]2-london . [His]0-i dislike of [mankind]1014-mankind , of the mass of [mankind]1014-mankind , amounted almost to an illness . [he]0-i was murmuring to [himself]0-i , like [a man condemned to death]4899-a man condemned to death . [Gerald]255-gerald , who was very subtly alert , wary in all [his]255-gerald senses , leaned forward and asked smilingly : “[0-i] What were [you]0-i saying ? ” [Birkin]169-birkin glanced at [him]0-i , laughed , and repeated : [Gerald]255-gerald also looked now at [the country]4896-the country . And [Birkin]169-birkin , who , for some reason was now tired and dispirited , said to [him]0-i : “[0-i] [I]0-i always feel doomed when [the train]4874-the train is running into [London]2-london . [I]0-i feel such a despair , so hopeless , as if it were the end of [the world]541-the world . ” “[0-i] Really ! ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] And does the end of [the world]541-the world frighten [you]0-i ? ” [Birkin]169-birkin lifted [his]0-i shoulders in a slow shrug . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” [he]0-i said . “[1051-it] [It]1051-it does while it hangs imminent and does n’t fall . But [people]579-people give [me]0-i a bad feeling — very bad . ” There was a roused glad smile in [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes . “[579-people] Do [they]579-people ? ” [he]0-i said . And [he]0-i watched [the other man]832-the other man critically . In a few minutes [the train]4874-the train was running through [the disgrace of outspread [London]2-london]4903-the disgrace of outspread london . [Everybody in]4904-everybody in [the carriage]642-the carriage was on the alert , waiting to escape . At last [they]579-people were under the huge arch of [the station]4906-the station , in the tremendous shadow of [the town]4907-the town . [Birkin]169-birkin shut [himself]169-birkin together — [he]0-i was in now . [The two men]686-the two men went together in [a taxi - cab]4909-a taxi - cab . “[579-people] Do n’t [you]0-i feel like [one of the damned]1053-one of the damned ? ” asked [Birkin]169-birkin , as [they]579-people sat in a little , swiftly - running enclosure , and watched [the hideous great street]4910-the hideous great street . “[1053-one of the damned] No , ” laughed [Gerald]255-gerald . “[1053-one of the damned] It is real death , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . [They]579-people met again in [the café]4911-the café several hours later . [Gerald]255-gerald went through the push doors into [the large , lofty room where the faces and heads of [the drinkers]4913-the drinkers]4912-the large , lofty room where the faces and heads of the drinkers showed dimly through the haze of smoke , reflected more dimly , and repeated ad infinitum in the great mirrors on the walls , so that [one]4646-one seemed to enter a vague , dim world of [shadowy drinkers humming within an atmosphere of blue tobacco smoke]4915-shadowy drinkers humming within an atmosphere of blue tobacco smoke . There was , however , the red plush of the seats to give substance within the bubble of pleasure . [Gerald]255-gerald moved in [his]255-gerald slow , observant , glistening - attentive motion down between the tables and [the people whose shadowy faces looked up]4916-the people whose shadowy faces looked up as [he]255-gerald passed . [He]255-gerald seemed to be entering in some strange element , passing into [an illuminated new region]4917-an illuminated new region , among a host of [licentious souls]4918-licentious souls . [He]255-gerald was pleased , and entertained . [He]255-gerald looked over all the dim , evanescent , strangely illuminated faces that bent across the tables . Then [he]255-gerald saw [Birkin]169-birkin rise and signal to [him]255-gerald . At [Birkin]169-birkin ’s table was [a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the Egyptian princess]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess ’s . [She]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess was small and delicately made , with warm colouring and large , dark hostile eyes . There was a delicacy , almost a beauty in all [her]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess form , and at the same time a certain attractive grossness of spirit , that made a little spark leap instantly alight in [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes . [Birkin]169-birkin , who looked muted , unreal , [his]255-gerald presence left out , introduced [her]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess as [Miss Darrington]205-miss darrington . [She]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess gave [her]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess hand with a sudden , unwilling movement , looking all the while at [Gerald]255-gerald with a dark , exposed stare . A glow came over [him]255-gerald as [he]255-gerald sat down . [The waiter]4920-the waiter appeared . [Gerald]255-gerald glanced at the glasses of [the other two]4921-the other two . [Birkin]169-birkin was drinking something green , [Miss Darrington]205-miss darrington had a small liqueur glass that was empty save for a tiny drop . “[1053-one of the damned] Wo n’t [you]1054-you have some more — ? ” “[1054-you] Brandy , ” [she]169-birkin said , sipping [her]169-birkin last drop and putting down the glass . [The waiter]4920-the waiter disappeared . “[1054-you] No , ” [she]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess said to [Birkin]169-birkin . “[1055-he] [He]1055-he does n’t know [I]0-i ’m back . [He]1055-he ’ll be terrified when [he]1055-he sees [me]0-i here . ” [She]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess spoke [her]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess r ’s like w ’s , lisping with a slightly babyish pronunciation which was at once affected and true to [her]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess character . [Her]4919-a girl with dark , soft , fluffy hair cut short in the artist fashion , hanging level and full almost like the egyptian princess voice was dull and toneless . “[1055-he] Where is [he]1055-he then ? ” asked [Birkin]169-birkin . “[1055-he] [He]1055-he ’s doing a private show at [Lady Snellgrove ’s]26-lady snellgrove ’s , ” said [the girl]540-the girl . “[1055-he] [Warens]206-warens is there too . ” There was a pause . “[206-warens] Well , then , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , in a dispassionate protective manner , “[1055-he] what do [you]0-i intend to do ? ” [The girl]540-the girl paused sullenly . [She]540-the girl hated the question . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t intend to do anything , ” [she]540-the girl replied . “[0-i] [I]0-i shall look for some sittings tomorrow . ” “[0-i] Who shall [you]0-i go to ? ” asked [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [I]0-i shall go to [Bentley]207-bentley ’s first . But [I]0-i believe [he]1055-he ’s angwy with [me]0-i for running away . ” “[1055-he] That is from [the Madonna]27-the madonna ? ” “[1055-he] Yes . And then if [he]1055-he does n’t want [me]0-i , [I]0-i know [I]0-i can get work with [Carmarthen]28-carmarthen . ” “[0-i] [Carmarthen]28-carmarthen ? ” “[0-i] [Lord Carmarthen]208-lord carmarthen — [he]1055-he does photographs . ” “[1055-he] Chiffon and shoulders — ” “[1055-he] Yes . But [he]1055-he ’s awfully decent . ” There was a pause . “[1055-he] And what are [you]0-i going to do about [Julius]209-julius ? ” [he]1055-he asked . “[0-i] Nothing , ” [she]169-birkin said . “[1055-he] [I]0-i shall just ignore [him]1055-he . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i ’ve done with [him]1055-he altogether ? ” But [she]169-birkin turned aside [her]169-birkin face sullenly , and did not answer the question . [Another young man]4925-another young man came hurrying up to the table . “[0-i] [Hallo Birkin]169-birkin ! [Hallo Pussum]211-the pussum , when did [you]0-i come back ? ” [he]0-i said eagerly . “[0-i] Today . ” “[0-i] Does [Halliday]204-halliday know ? ” “[204-halliday] [I]0-i do n’t know . [I]0-i do n’t care either . ” “[0-i] Ha - ha ! The wind still sits in [that quarter]1056-that quarter , does it ? Do [you]0-i mind if [I]0-i come over to this table ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m talking to [Wupert]212-wupert , do [you]0-i mind ? ” [she]169-birkin replied , coolly and yet appealingly , like [a child]733-a child . “[0-i] Open confession — good for the soul , eh ? ” said [the young man]676-the young man . “[0-i] Well , so long . ” And giving a sharp look at [Birkin]169-birkin and at [Gerald]255-gerald , [the young man]676-the young man moved off , with a swing of [his]676-the young man coat skirts . All this time [Gerald]255-gerald had been completely ignored . And yet [he]255-gerald felt that [the girl]540-the girl was physically aware of [his]255-gerald proximity . [He]255-gerald waited , listened , and tried to piece together the conversation . “[0-i] Are [you]0-i staying at [the flat]1046-the flat ? ” [the girl]540-the girl asked , of [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] For three days , ” replied [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] And [you]0-i ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know yet . [I]0-i can always go to [Bertha]213-bertha ’s . ” There was a silence . Suddenly [the girl]540-the girl turned to [Gerald]255-gerald , and said , in a rather formal , polite voice , with the distant manner of [a woman who accepts [her]4932-a woman who accepts her position as a social inferior position as [a social inferior]4933-a social inferior]4932-a woman who accepts her position as a social inferior , yet assumes intimate camaraderie with [the male [she]540-the girl addresses]4934-the male she addresses : “[213-bertha] Do [you]0-i know [London]2-london well ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i can hardly say , ” [he]255-gerald laughed . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’ve been up a good many times , but [I]0-i was never in [this place]1058-this place before . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i ’re not [an artist]1059-an artist , then ? ” [she]540-the girl said , in a tone that placed [him]0-i [an outsider]4935-an outsider . “[1059-an artist] No , ” [he]255-gerald replied . “[1059-an artist] [He]0-i ’s [a soldier]1060-a soldier , and [an explorer]1061-an explorer , and [a Napoleon of industry]1062-a napoleon of industry , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , giving [Gerald]255-gerald [his]255-gerald credentials for [Bohemia]22-bohemia . “[0-i] Are [you]0-i [a soldier]1060-a soldier ? ” asked [the girl]540-the girl , with a cold yet lively curiosity . “[1060-a soldier] No , [I]0-i resigned [my]0-i commission , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , “[0-i] some years ago . ” “[0-i] [He]0-i was in the last war , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Were [you]0-i really ? ” said [the girl]540-the girl . “[0-i] And then [he]0-i explored [the Amazon]29-the amazon , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , “[0-i] and now [he]0-i is ruling over [coal - mines]1064-coal - mines . ” [The girl]540-the girl looked at [Gerald]255-gerald with steady , calm curiosity . [He]255-gerald laughed , hearing [himself]255-gerald described . [He]255-gerald felt proud too , full of male strength . [His]255-gerald blue , keen eyes were lit up with laughter , [his]255-gerald ruddy face , with its sharp fair hair , was full of satisfaction , and glowing with life . [He]255-gerald piqued [her]540-the girl . “[0-i] How long are [you]0-i staying ? ” [she]540-the girl asked [him]255-gerald . “[0-i] A day or two , ” [he]255-gerald replied . “[0-i] But there is no particular hurry . ” Still [she]540-the girl stared into [his]255-gerald face with that slow , full gaze which was so curious and so exciting to [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was acutely and delightfully conscious of [himself]255-gerald , of [his]255-gerald own attractiveness . [He]255-gerald felt full of strength , able to give off a sort of electric power . And [he]255-gerald was aware of [her]540-the girl dark , hot - looking eyes upon [him]255-gerald . [She]540-the girl had beautiful eyes , dark , fully - opened , hot , naked in [their]4939-their looking at [him]255-gerald . And on them there seemed to float a film of disintegration , a sort of misery and sullenness , like oil on water . [She]540-the girl wore no hat in the heated café , [her]540-the girl loose , simple jumper was strung on a string round [her]540-the girl neck . But it was made of rich peach - coloured crêpe - de - chine , that hung heavily and softly from [her]540-the girl young throat and [her]540-the girl slender wrists . [Her]540-the girl appearance was simple and complete , really beautiful , because of [her]540-the girl regularity and form , [her]540-the girl soft dark hair falling full and level on either side of [her]540-the girl head , [her]540-the girl straight , small , softened features , Egyptian in the slight fulness of [their]4940-their curves , [her]540-the girl slender neck and the simple , rich - coloured smock hanging on [her]540-the girl slender shoulders . [She]540-the girl was very still , almost null , in [her]540-the girl manner , apart and watchful . [She]540-the girl appealed to [Gerald]255-gerald strongly . [He]255-gerald felt an awful , enjoyable power over [her]540-the girl , an instinctive cherishing very near to cruelty . For [she]540-the girl was [a victim]4941-a victim . [He]255-gerald felt that [she]540-the girl was in [his]255-gerald power , and [he]255-gerald was generous . The electricity was turgid and voluptuously rich , in [his]255-gerald limbs . [He]255-gerald would be able to destroy [her]540-the girl utterly in the strength of [his]255-gerald discharge . But [she]540-the girl was waiting in [[her]540-the girl separation]4942-her separation , given . [They]4943-they talked banalities for some time . Suddenly [Birkin]169-birkin said : “[209-julius] There ’s [Julius]209-julius ! ” and [he]255-gerald half rose to [his]255-gerald feet , motioning to [the newcomer]4944-the newcomer . [The girl , with a curious , almost evil motion]4945-the girl , with a curious , almost evil motion , looked round over [her]540-the girl shoulder without moving [her]540-the girl body . [Gerald]255-gerald watched [her]540-the girl dark , soft hair swing over [her]540-the girl ears . [He]255-gerald felt [her]540-the girl watching intensely [the man who was approaching]4946-the man who was approaching , so [he]255-gerald looked too . [He]255-gerald saw [a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under [his]4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room black hat , moving cumbrously down [the room]739-the room]4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room , [his]4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room face lit up with a smile at once naive and warm , and vapid . [He]4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room approached towards [Birkin]169-birkin , with a haste of welcome . It was not till [he]4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room was quite close that [he]4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room perceived [the girl]540-the girl . [He]4947-a pale , full - built young man with rather long , solid fair hair hanging from under his black hat , moving cumbrously down the room recoiled , went pale , and said , in a high squealing voice : “[209-julius] [Pussum]211-the pussum , what are [you]211-the pussum doing here ? ” [The café]4911-the café looked up like animals when [they]4911-the café hear a cry . [Halliday]204-halliday hung motionless , an almost imbecile smile flickering palely on [his]204-halliday face . [The girl]540-the girl only stared at [him]204-halliday with a black look in which flared an unfathomable hell of knowledge , and a certain impotence . [She]540-the girl was limited by [him]204-halliday . “[211-the pussum] Why have [you]211-the pussum come back ? ” repeated [Halliday]204-halliday , in the same high , hysterical voice . “[0-i] [I]0-i told [you]211-the pussum not to come back . ” [The girl]540-the girl did not answer , only stared in the same viscous , heavy fashion , straight at [him]204-halliday , as [he]204-halliday stood recoiled , as if for safety , against the next table . “[0-i] [You]211-the pussum know [you]211-the pussum wanted [her]211-the pussum to come back — come and sit down , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin to [him]204-halliday . “[211-the pussum] No [I]0-i did n’t want [her]211-the pussum to come back , and [I]0-i told [her]211-the pussum not to come back . What have [you]211-the pussum come for , [Pussum]211-the pussum ? ” “[211-the pussum] For nothing from [you]211-the pussum , ” [she]211-the pussum said in a heavy voice of resentment . “[211-the pussum] Then why have [you]211-the pussum come back at all ? ” cried [Halliday]204-halliday , [his]204-halliday voice rising to a kind of squeal . “[211-the pussum] [She]211-the pussum comes as [she]211-the pussum likes , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[211-the pussum] Are [you]211-the pussum going to sit down , or are [you]211-the pussum not ? ” “[211-the pussum] No , [I]0-i wo n’t sit down with [Pussum]211-the pussum , ” cried [Halliday]204-halliday . “[0-i] [I]0-i wo n’t hurt [you]211-the pussum , [you]211-the pussum need n’t be afraid , ” [she]211-the pussum said to [him]204-halliday , very curtly , and yet with a sort of protectiveness towards [him]204-halliday , in [her]211-the pussum voice . [Halliday]204-halliday came and sat at the table , putting [his]204-halliday hand on [his]204-halliday heart , and crying : “[0-i] Oh , it ’s given [me]0-i such a turn ! [Pussum]211-the pussum , [I]0-i wish [you]211-the pussum would n’t do these things . Why did [you]211-the pussum come back ? ” “[211-the pussum] Not for anything from [you]211-the pussum , ” [she]211-the pussum repeated . “[0-i] [You]0-i ’ve said that before , ” [he]204-halliday cried in a high voice . [She]211-the pussum turned completely away from [him]204-halliday , to [Gerald Crich]255-gerald , whose eyes were shining with a subtle amusement . “[0-i] Were [you]211-the pussum ever vewy much afwaid of [the savages]1065-the savages ? ” [she]211-the pussum asked in [her]211-the pussum calm , dull childish voice . “[211-the pussum] No — never very much afraid . On the whole [they]1065-the savages ’re harmless — [they’re]1065-the savages not born yet , [you]211-the pussum ca n’t feel really afraid of [them]1065-the savages . [You]211-the pussum know [you]211-the pussum can manage [them]1065-the savages . ” “[211-the pussum] Do [you]211-the pussum weally ? Are n’t [they]1065-the savages very fierce ? ” “[1065-the savages] Not very . There are n’t many fierce things , as a matter of fact . There are n’t many things , [neither people]1066-neither people nor animals , that have it in them to be really dangerous . ” “[1065-the savages] Except in herds , ” interrupted [Birkin]169-birkin . “[1065-the savages] Are n’t there really ? ” [she]211-the pussum said . “[1065-the savages] Oh , [I]0-i thought [savages]1067-savages were all so dangerous , [they]1067-savages ’d have [your]211-the pussum life before [you]211-the pussum could look round . ” “[211-the pussum] Did [you]211-the pussum ? ” [he]0-i laughed . “[211-the pussum] [They]1067-savages are over - rated , [savages]1067-savages . [They]1067-savages ’re too much like [other people]4665-other people , not exciting , after the first acquaintance . ” “[1067-savages] Oh , it ’s not so very wonderfully brave then , to be [an explorer]1061-an explorer ? ” “[1067-savages] No . It ’s more a question of hardships than of terrors . ” “[211-the pussum] Oh ! And were n’t [you]211-the pussum ever afraid ? ” “[211-the pussum] In [my]0-i life ? [I]0-i do n’t know . Yes , [I]0-i ’m afraid of some things — of being shut up , locked up anywhere — or being fastened . [I]0-i ’m afraid of being bound hand and foot . ” [She]211-the pussum looked at [him]0-i steadily with [her]211-the pussum dark eyes , that rested on [him]0-i and roused [him]0-i so deeply , that it left [his]0-i upper self quite calm . It was rather delicious , to feel [her]211-the pussum drawing [his]0-i self - revelations from [him]0-i , as from the very innermost dark marrow of [his]0-i body . [She]211-the pussum wanted to know . And [her]211-the pussum dark eyes seemed to be looking through into [his]0-i naked organism . [He]0-i felt , [she]211-the pussum was compelled to [him]0-i , [she]211-the pussum was fated to come into contact with [him]0-i , must have the seeing [him]0-i and knowing [him]0-i . And this roused a curious exultance . Also [he]0-i felt , [she]211-the pussum must relinquish [herself]211-the pussum into [his]0-i hands , and be subject to [him]0-i . [She]211-the pussum was so profane , slave - like , watching [him]0-i , absorbed by [him]0-i . It was not that [she]211-the pussum was interested in what [he]0-i said ; [she]211-the pussum was absorbed by [his]0-i self - revelation , by [him]0-i , [she]211-the pussum wanted the secret of [him]0-i , the experience of [his]0-i male being . [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face was lit up with an uncanny smile , full of light and rousedness , yet unconscious . [He]255-gerald sat with [his]255-gerald arms on the table , [his]255-gerald sunbrowned , rather sinister hands , that were animal and yet very shapely and attractive , pushed forward towards [her]211-the pussum . And they fascinated [her]211-the pussum . And [she]211-the pussum knew , [she]211-the pussum watched [her]211-the pussum own fascination . [Other men]4953-other men had come to the table , to talk with [Birkin]169-birkin and [Halliday]204-halliday . [Gerald]255-gerald said in a low voice , apart , to [Pussum]211-the pussum : “[0-i] Where have [you]1071-you come back from ? ” “[1071-you] From [the country]4896-the country , ” replied [Pussum]211-the pussum , in a very low , yet fully resonant voice . [Her]211-the pussum face closed hard . Continually [she]211-the pussum glanced at [Halliday]204-halliday , and then a black flare came over [her]211-the pussum eyes . [The heavy , fair young man]4954-the heavy , fair young man ignored [her]211-the pussum completely ; [he]4954-the heavy , fair young man was really afraid of [her]211-the pussum . For some moments [she]211-the pussum would be unaware of [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald had not conquered [her]211-the pussum yet . “[1071-you] And what has [Halliday]204-halliday to do with it ? ” [he]255-gerald asked , [his]255-gerald voice still muted . [She]211-the pussum would not answer for some seconds . Then [she]211-the pussum said , unwillingly : “[1073-he] [He]1073-he made [me]0-i go and live with [him]1073-he , and now [he]1073-he wants to throw [me]0-i over . And yet [he]1073-he wo n’t let [me]0-i go to [anybody else]1074-anybody else . [He]1073-he wants [me]0-i to live hidden in [the country]4896-the country . And then [he]1073-he says [I]0-i persecute [him]1073-he , that [he]1073-he ca n’t get rid of [me]0-i . ” “[1073-he] Does n’t know [his]1073-he own mind , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[1073-he] [He]1073-he has n’t any mind , so [he]1073-he ca n’t know it , ” [she]4955-she said . “[1073-he] [He]1073-he waits for what [somebody]4745-somebody tells [him]1073-he to do . [He]1073-he never does anything [he]1073-he wants to do [himself]1073-he — because [he]1073-he does n’t know what [he]1073-he wants . [He]1077-he ’s [a perfect baby]1078-a perfect baby . ” [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [Halliday]204-halliday for some moments , watching the soft , rather degenerate face of [the young man]676-the young man . Its very softness was an attraction ; it was a soft , warm , corrupt nature , into which [one]4646-one might plunge with gratification . “[1078-a perfect baby] But [he]1073-he has no hold over [you]1079-you , has [he]1073-he ? ” [Gerald]255-gerald asked . “[1073-he] [You]1079-you see [he]1073-he made [me]0-i go and live with [him]1073-he , when [I]0-i did n’t want to , ” [she]1079-you replied . “[1073-he] [He]1073-he came and cried to [me]0-i , tears , [you]1079-you never saw so many , saying [he]1073-he could n’t bear it unless [I]0-i went back to [him]1073-he . And [he]1073-he would n’t go away , [he]1073-he would have stayed for ever . [He]1073-he made [me]0-i go back . Then every time [he]1073-he behaves in this fashion . And now [I]0-i ’m going to have [a baby]1080-a baby , [he]1073-he wants to give [me]0-i a hundred pounds and send [me]0-i into [the country]4896-the country , so that [he]1073-he would never see [me]0-i nor hear of [me]0-i again . But [I]0-i ’m not going to do it , after — ” A queer look came over [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face . “[1073-he] Are [you]0-i going to have [a child]733-a child ? ” [he]255-gerald asked incredulous . It seemed , to look at [her]733-a child , impossible , [she]733-a child was so young and so far in spirit from any childbearing . [She]733-a child looked full into [his]255-gerald face , and [her]733-a child dark , inchoate eyes had now a furtive look , and a look of a knowledge of evil , dark and indomitable . A flame ran secretly to [his]255-gerald heart . “[1073-he] Yes , ” [she]733-a child said . “[1073-he] Is n’t it beastly ? ” “[1073-he] Do n’t [you]0-i want it ? ” [he]255-gerald asked . “[1073-he] [I]0-i do n’t , ” [she]733-a child replied emphatically . “[0-i] But — ” [he]255-gerald said , “[0-i] how long have [you]0-i known ? ” “[0-i] Ten weeks , ” [she]733-a child said . All the time [she]733-a child kept [her]733-a child dark , inchoate eyes full upon [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald remained silent , thinking . Then , switching off and becoming cold , [he]255-gerald asked , in a voice full of considerate kindness : “[0-i] Is there anything [we]1083-we can eat here ? Is there anything [you]0-i would like ? ” “[0-i] Yes , ” [she]733-a child said , “[0-i] [I]0-i should adore some oysters . ” “[0-i] All right , ” [he]255-gerald said . “[0-i] [We]1083-we ’ll have oysters . ” And [he]255-gerald beckoned to [the waiter]4920-the waiter . [Halliday]204-halliday took no notice , until the little plate was set before [her]733-a child . Then suddenly [he]255-gerald cried : “[1083-we] [Pussum]211-the pussum , [you]211-the pussum ca n’t eat oysters when [you]211-the pussum ’re drinking brandy . ” “[211-the pussum] What has it go to do with [you]211-the pussum ? ” [she]733-a child asked . “[1083-we] Nothing , nothing , ” [he]255-gerald cried . “[1083-we] But [you]211-the pussum ca n’t eat oysters when [you]211-the pussum ’re drinking brandy . ” “[211-the pussum] [I]0-i ’m not drinking brandy , ” [she]733-a child replied , and [she]733-a child sprinkled the last drops of [her]733-a child liqueur over [his]255-gerald face . [He]255-gerald gave an odd squeal . [She]733-a child sat looking at [him]255-gerald , as if indifferent . “[0-i] [Pussum]211-the pussum , why do [you]211-the pussum do that ? ” [he]255-gerald cried in panic . [He]255-gerald gave [Gerald]255-gerald the impression that [he]255-gerald was terrified of [her]733-a child , and that [he]255-gerald loved [his]255-gerald terror . [He]255-gerald seemed to relish [his]255-gerald own horror and hatred of [her]733-a child , turn it over and extract every flavour from it , in real panic . [Gerald]255-gerald thought [him]255-gerald [a strange fool]4959-a strange fool , and yet piquant . “[211-the pussum] But [Pussum]211-the pussum , ” said [another man]4776-another man , in a very small , quick Eton voice , “[211-the pussum] [you]211-the pussum promised not to hurt [him]1084-him . ” “[211-the pussum] [I]0-i have n’t hurt [him]1084-him , ” [she]733-a child answered . “[0-i] What will [you]211-the pussum drink ? ” [the young man]676-the young man asked . [He]676-the young man was dark , and smooth - skinned , and full of a stealthy vigour . “[211-the pussum] [I]0-i do n’t like [porter]1085-porter , [Maxim]215-maxim , ” [she]733-a child replied . “[215-maxim] [You]211-the pussum must ask for champagne , ” came the whispering , gentlemanly voice of the other . [Gerald]255-gerald suddenly realised that this was a hint to [him]255-gerald . “[211-the pussum] Shall [we]1086-we have champagne ? ” [he]255-gerald asked , laughing . “[215-maxim] Yes please , dwy , ” [she]733-a child lisped childishly . [Gerald]255-gerald watched [her]733-a child eating the oysters . [She]733-a child was delicate and finicking in [her]733-a child eating , [her]733-a child fingers were fine and seemed very sensitive in the tips , so [she]733-a child put [her]733-a child food apart with fine , small motions , [she]733-a child ate carefully , delicately . It pleased [him]255-gerald very much to see [her]733-a child , and it irritated [Birkin]169-birkin . [They]1086-we were all drinking champagne . [Maxim]215-maxim , [the prim young Russian with the smooth , warm - coloured face and black , oiled hair]4962-the prim young russian with the smooth , warm - coloured face and black , oiled hair was [the only one who seemed to be perfectly calm and sober]4963-the only one who seemed to be perfectly calm and sober . [Birkin]169-birkin was white and abstract , unnatural , [Gerald]255-gerald was smiling with a constant bright , amused , cold light in [his]255-gerald eyes , leaning a little protectively towards the Pussum , who was very handsome , and soft , unfolded like some red lotus in dreadful flowering nakedness , vainglorious now , flushed with wine and with the excitement of [men]848-men . [Halliday]204-halliday looked foolish . One glass of wine was enough to make [him]204-halliday drunk and giggling . Yet there was always a pleasant , warm naïveté about [him]204-halliday , that made [him]204-halliday attractive . “[215-maxim] [I]0-i ’m not afwaid of anything except black - beetles , ” said [the Pussum]211-the pussum , looking up suddenly and staring with [her]211-the pussum black eyes , on which there seemed an unseeing film of flame , fully upon [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald laughed dangerously , from the blood . [Her]211-the pussum childish speech caressed [his]255-gerald nerves , and [her]211-the pussum burning , filmed eyes , turned now full upon [him]255-gerald , oblivious of all [her]211-the pussum antecedents , gave [him]255-gerald a sort of licence . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m not , ” [she]211-the pussum protested . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m not afraid of other things . But black - beetles — ugh ! ” [she]211-the pussum shuddered convulsively , as if the very thought were too much to bear . “[0-i] Do [you]0-i mean , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , with the punctiliousness of [a man who has been drinking]4965-a man who has been drinking , “[0-i] that [you]0-i are afraid of the sight of a black - beetle , or [you]0-i are afraid of a black - beetle biting [you]0-i , or doing [you]0-i some harm ? ” “[1087-they] Do [they]1087-they bite ? ” cried [the girl]540-the girl . “[1087-they] How perfectly loathsome ! ” exclaimed [Halliday]204-halliday . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” replied [Gerald]255-gerald , looking round the table . “[0-i] Do black - beetles bite ? But that is n’t the point . Are [you]0-i afraid of [their]1087-they biting , or is it a metaphysical antipathy ? ” [The girl]540-the girl was looking full upon [him]255-gerald all the time with inchoate eyes . “[0-i] Oh , [I]0-i think [they]1087-they ’re beastly , [they]1087-they ’re horrid , ” [she]540-the girl cried . “[1087-they] If [I]0-i see one , it gives [me]0-i the creeps all over . If one were to crawl on [me]0-i , [I]0-i ’m sure [I]0-i should die — [I’m]0-i sure [I]0-i should . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i hope not , ” whispered [the young Russian]4968-the young russian . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m sure [I]0-i should , [Maxim]215-maxim , ” [she]540-the girl asseverated . “[215-maxim] Then one wo n’t crawl on [you]0-i , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , smiling and knowing . In some strange way [he]255-gerald understood [her]540-the girl . “[215-maxim] It ’s metaphysical , as [Gerald]255-gerald says , ” [Birkin]169-birkin stated . There was a little pause of uneasiness . “[255-gerald] And are [you]0-i afraid of nothing else , [Pussum]211-the pussum ? ” asked [the young Russian]4968-the young russian , in [his]4968-the young russian quick , hushed , elegant manner . “[0-i] Not weally , ” [she]540-the girl said . “[0-i] [I]0-i am afwaid of some things , but not weally the same . [I]0-i ’m not afwaid of blood . ” “[0-i] Not afwaid of blood ! ” exclaimed [a young man with a thick , pale , jeering face]4970-a young man with a thick , pale , jeering face , who had just come to the table and was drinking whisky . [The Pussum]211-the pussum turned on [him]0-i a sulky look of dislike , low and ugly . “[0-i] Are n’t [you]0-i really afraid of blud ? ” [the other]920-the other persisted , a sneer all over [his]920-the other face . “[0-i] No , [I]0-i ’m not , ” [she]540-the girl retorted . “[0-i] Why , have [you]0-i ever seen blood , except in [a dentist]1088-a dentist ’s spittoon ? ” jeered [the young man]676-the young man . “[1088-a dentist] [I]0-i was n’t speaking to [you]0-i , ” [she]540-the girl replied rather superbly . “[0-i] [You]0-i can answer [me]0-i , ca n’t [you]0-i ? ” [he]676-the young man said . For reply , [she]540-the girl suddenly jabbed a knife across [his]676-the young man thick , pale hand . [He]676-the young man started up with a vulgar curse . “[0-i] Show ’s what [you]0-i are , ” said [the Pussum]4973-the pussum in contempt . “[0-i] Curse [you]0-i , ” said [the young man]676-the young man , standing by the table and looking down at [her]540-the girl with acrid malevolence . “[0-i] Stop that , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , in quick , instinctive command . [The young man]676-the young man stood looking down at [her]540-the girl with sardonic contempt , a cowed , self - conscious look on [his]676-the young man thick , pale face . The blood began to flow from [his]676-the young man hand . “[0-i] Oh , how horrible , take it away ! ” squealed [Halliday]204-halliday , turning green and averting [his]204-halliday face . “[0-i] [D’you]0-i feel ill ? ” asked [the sardonic young man]4976-the sardonic young man , in some concern . “[0-i] Do [you]0-i feel ill , [Julius]209-julius ? [Garn]216-garn , it ’s nothing , [man]1089-man , do n’t give [her]1090-her the pleasure of letting [her]1090-her think [she]1090-her ’s performed a feat — don’t give [her]1090-her the satisfaction , [man]1089-man — it ’s just what [she]1090-her wants . ” “[1090-her] Oh ! ” squealed [Halliday]204-halliday . “[1090-her] [He]209-julius ’s going to cat , [Maxim]215-maxim , ” said [the Pussum]4973-the pussum warningly . [The suave young Russian]217-the russian rose and took [Halliday]204-halliday by the arm , leading [him]204-halliday away . [Birkin]169-birkin , white and diminished , looked on as if [he]204-halliday were displeased . [The wounded , sardonic young man]4978-the wounded , sardonic young man moved away , ignoring [his]4978-the wounded , sardonic young man bleeding hand in the most conspicuous fashion . “[215-maxim] [He]209-julius ’s [an awful coward]1092-an awful coward , really , ” said [the Pussum]211-the pussum to [Gerald]255-gerald . “[209-julius] [He]209-julius ’s got such an influence over [Julius]209-julius . ” “[209-julius] Who is [he]209-julius ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “[209-julius] [He]209-julius ’s [a Jew]1093-a jew , really . [I]0-i ca n’t bear [him]209-julius . ” “[0-i] Well , [he]209-julius ’s quite unimportant . But what ’s wrong with [Halliday]204-halliday ? ” “[209-julius] [Julius]209-julius ’s [the most awful coward [you]0-i ’ve ever seen]1094-the most awful coward you ’ve ever seen , ” [she]4979-she cried . “[209-julius] [He]209-julius always faints if [I]0-i lift a knife — [he]209-julius ’s tewwified of [me]0-i . ” “[209-julius] H’m ! ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[1095-they] [They]1095-they ’re all afwaid of [me]0-i , ” [she]4979-she said . “[1095-they] Only [the Jew]1096-the jew thinks [he]209-julius ’s going to show [his]209-julius courage . But [he]209-julius ’s [the biggest coward of [them]1095-they all]1097-the biggest coward of them all , really , because [he]209-julius ’s afwaid what [people]579-people will think about [him]209-julius — and [Julius]209-julius does n’t care about that . ” “[209-julius] [They]1095-they ’ve a lot of valour between [them]1095-they , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald good - humouredly . [The Pussum]211-the pussum looked at [him]255-gerald with a slow , slow smile . [She]211-the pussum was very handsome , flushed , and confident in dreadful knowledge . Two little points of light glinted on [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes . “[1095-they] Why do [they]1095-they call [you]0-i [Pussum]211-the pussum , because [you]0-i ’re like a cat ? ” [he]255-gerald asked [her]211-the pussum . “[1095-they] [I]0-i expect so , ” [she]211-the pussum said . The smile grew more intense on [his]255-gerald face . “[1095-they] [You]0-i are , rather ; or [a young , female panther]1099-a young , female panther . ” “[0-i] Oh God , [Gerald]255-gerald ! ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , in some disgust . [They]1095-they both looked uneasily at [Birkin]169-birkin . “[255-gerald] [You]0-i ’re silent tonight , [Wupert]212-wupert , ” [she]211-the pussum said to [him]0-i , with a slight insolence , being safe with [the other man]832-the other man . [Halliday]204-halliday was coming back , looking forlorn and sick . “[0-i] [Pussum]211-the pussum , ” [he]0-i said , “[211-the pussum] [I]0-i wish [you]211-the pussum would n’t do these things — Oh ! ” [He]0-i sank in [his]0-i chair with a groan . “[211-the pussum] [You]0-i ’d better go [home]4649-home , ” [she]211-the pussum said to [him]0-i . “[0-i] [I]0-i will go [home]4649-home , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] But wo n’t [you]211-the pussum all come along . Wo n’t [you]211-the pussum come round to [the flat]1046-the flat ? ” [he]0-i said to [Gerald]255-gerald . “[211-the pussum] [I]0-i should be so glad if [you]211-the pussum would . Do — that’ll be splendid . [I]0-i say ? ” [He]0-i looked round for [a waiter]4981-a waiter . “[0-i] Get [me]0-i [a taxi]1103-a taxi . ” Then [he]0-i groaned again . “[0-i] Oh [I]0-i do feel — perfectly ghastly ! [Pussum]211-the pussum , [you]211-the pussum see what [you]211-the pussum do to [me]0-i . ” “[211-the pussum] Then why are [you]0-i such [an idiot]1104-an idiot ? ” [she]211-the pussum said with sullen calm . “[0-i] But [I]0-i ’m not [an idiot]1104-an idiot ! Oh , how awful ! Do come , [everybody]780-everybody , it will be so splendid . [Pussum]211-the pussum , [you]0-i are coming . What ? Oh but [you]0-i must come , yes , [you]0-i must . What ? Oh , [[my]0-i dear girl]1107-my dear girl , do n’t make a fuss now , [I]0-i feel perfectly — Oh , it ’s so ghastly — [Ho!—er]1108-ho!—er ! Oh ! ” “[0-i] [You]0-i know [you]0-i ca n’t drink , ” [she]1107-my dear girl said to [him]0-i , coldly . “[0-i] [I]0-i tell [you]0-i it is n’t drink — it ’s [your]0-i disgusting behaviour , [Pussum]211-the pussum , it ’s nothing else . Oh , how awful ! [Libidnikov]218-libidnikov , do let [us]1109-they go . ” “[1110-he] [He]1110-he ’s only drunk one glass — only one glass , ” came the rapid , hushed voice of [the young Russian]4968-the young russian . [They]1109-they all moved off to the door . [The girl]540-the girl kept near to [Gerald]255-gerald , and seemed to be at one in [her]540-the girl motion with [him]0-i . [He]0-i was aware of this , and filled with demon - satisfaction that [his]0-i motion held good for two . [He]0-i held [her]540-the girl in the hollow of [his]0-i will , and [she]540-the girl was soft , secret , invisible in [her]540-the girl stirring there . [They]1109-they crowded five of [them]1109-they into [the taxi - cab]4984-the taxi - cab . [Halliday]204-halliday lurched in first , and dropped into [his]204-halliday seat against the other window . Then [the Pussum]211-the pussum took [her]540-the girl place , and [Gerald]255-gerald sat next to [her]540-the girl . [They]1109-they heard [the young Russian]4968-the young russian giving orders to [the driver]4986-the driver , then [they]1109-they were all seated in the dark , crowded close together , [Halliday]204-halliday groaning and leaning out of the window . [They]1109-they felt the swift , muffled motion of [the car]4987-the car . [The Pussum]211-the pussum sat near to [Gerald]255-gerald , and [she]211-the pussum seemed to become soft , subtly to infuse [herself]211-the pussum into [his]255-gerald bones , as if [she]211-the pussum were passing into [him]255-gerald in a black , electric flow . [Her]211-the pussum being suffused into [his]255-gerald veins like a magnetic darkness , and concentrated at the base of [his]255-gerald spine like a fearful source of power . Meanwhile [her]211-the pussum voice sounded out reedy and nonchalant , as [she]211-the pussum talked indifferently with [Birkin]169-birkin and with [Maxim]215-maxim . Between [her]211-the pussum and [Gerald]255-gerald was this silence and this black , electric comprehension in the darkness . Then [she]211-the pussum found [his]255-gerald hand , and grasped it in [her]211-the pussum own firm , small clasp . It was so utterly dark , and yet such a naked statement , that rapid vibrations ran through [his]255-gerald blood and over [his]255-gerald brain , [he]255-gerald was no longer responsible . Still [her]211-the pussum voice rang on like a bell , tinged with a tone of mockery . And as [she]211-the pussum swung [her]211-the pussum head , [her]211-the pussum fine mane of hair just swept [his]255-gerald face , and all [his]255-gerald nerves were on fire , as with a subtle friction of electricity . But the great centre of [his]255-gerald force held steady , a magnificent pride to [him]255-gerald , at the base of [his]255-gerald spine . [They]4988-they arrived at [a large block of buildings]4989-a large block of buildings , went up in [a lift]4990-a lift , and presently a door was being opened for [them]4988-they by [a Hindu]4991-a hindu . [Gerald]255-gerald looked in surprise , wondering if [he]255-gerald were [a gentleman]4992-a gentleman , one of [the Hindus down from [Oxford]14-oxford]4993-the hindus down from oxford , perhaps . But no , [he]255-gerald was [the man - servant]4994-the man - servant . “[1110-he] Make tea , [Hasan]219-hasan , ” said [Halliday]204-halliday . “[219-hasan] There is [a room for [me]0-i]1111-a room for me ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . To both of which questions [the man]4658-the man grinned , and murmured . [He]4658-the man made [Gerald]255-gerald uncertain , because , being tall and slender and reticent , [he]4658-the man looked like [a gentleman]4992-a gentleman . “[219-hasan] Who is [[your]219-hasan servant]1112-your servant ? ” [he]255-gerald asked of [Halliday]204-halliday . “[1112-your servant] [He]1112-your servant looks [a swell]1113-a swell . ” “[1113-a swell] Oh yes — that ’s because [he]1112-your servant ’s dressed in [another man]4776-another man ’s clothes . [He]1112-your servant ’s anything but [a swell]1113-a swell , really . [We]1116-we found [him]1112-your servant in [the road]502-the road , starving . So [I]0-i took [him]1112-your servant [here]4650-here , and [another man]4776-another man gave [him]1112-your servant clothes . [He]1112-your servant ’s anything but what [he]1112-your servant seems to be — [his]1112-your servant only advantage is that [he]1112-your servant ca n’t speak English and ca n’t understand it , so [he]1112-your servant ’s perfectly safe . ” “[1112-your servant] [He]1112-your servant ’s very dirty , ” said [the young Russian]4968-the young russian swiftly and silently . Directly , [the man]4658-the man appeared in the doorway . “[1112-your servant] What is it ? ” said [Halliday]204-halliday . [The Hindu]4999-the hindu grinned , and murmured shyly : “[1112-your servant] Want to speak to [master]1120-master . ” [Gerald]255-gerald watched curiously . [The fellow in the doorway]5000-the fellow in the doorway was goodlooking and clean - limbed , [his]5000-the fellow in the doorway bearing was calm , [he]5000-the fellow in the doorway looked elegant , aristocratic . Yet [he]5000-the fellow in the doorway was half [a savage]5001-a savage , grinning foolishly . [Halliday]204-halliday went out into [the corridor]5002-the corridor to speak with [him]5000-the fellow in the doorway . “[1120-master] What ? ” [they]5003-they heard [his]5000-the fellow in the doorway voice . “[1120-master] What ? What do [you]1121-you say ? Tell [me]0-i again . What ? Want money ? Want more money ? But what do [you]1121-you want money for ? ” There was the confused sound of [the Hindu]4999-the hindu ’s talking , then [Halliday]204-halliday appeared in [the room]739-the room , smiling also foolishly , and saying : “[1122-he] [He]1122-he says [he]1122-he wants money to buy underclothing . Can [anybody]744-anybody lend [me]0-i a shilling ? Oh thanks , a shilling will do to buy all the underclothes [he]1122-he wants . ” [He]204-halliday took the money from [Gerald]255-gerald and went out into [the passage]5006-the passage again , where [they]5003-they heard [him]5000-the fellow in the doorway saying , “[1121-you] [You]1121-you ca n’t want more money , [you]1121-you had three and six yesterday . [You]1121-you must n’t ask for any more . Bring the tea in quickly . ” [Gerald]255-gerald looked round [the room]739-the room . [It]739-the room was [an ordinary [London]2-london sitting - room]5008-an ordinary london sitting - room in [a flat]1021-a flat , evidently taken furnished , rather common and ugly . But there were [several negro statues]5010-several negro statues , wood - carvings from [West Africa]30-west africa , strange and disturbing , [the carved negroes]5011-the carved negroes looked almost like the fœtus of [a human being]5012-a human being . [One]4646-one was [a woman sitting naked in a strange posture]5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture , and looking tortured , [her]5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture abdomen stuck out . [The young Russian]4968-the young russian explained that [she]5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture was sitting in child - birth , clutching the ends of the band that hung from [her]5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture neck , one in each hand , so that [she]5014-a woman sitting naked in a strange posture could bear down , and help labour . The strange , transfixed , rudimentary face of [the woman]873-the woman again reminded [Gerald]255-gerald of a fœtus , it was also rather wonderful , conveying the suggestion of the extreme of physical sensation , beyond the limits of mental consciousness . “[744-anybody] Are n’t they rather obscene ? ” [he]255-gerald asked , disapproving . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” murmured [the other rapidly]5017-the other rapidly . “[0-i] [I]0-i have never defined the obscene . [I]0-i think they are very good . ” [Gerald]255-gerald turned away . There were one or two new pictures in [the room]739-the room , in the Futurist manner ; there was a large piano . And these , with some ordinary [London]2-london lodging - house furniture of the better sort , completed the whole . [The Pussum]211-the pussum had taken off [her]211-the pussum hat and coat , and was seated on the sofa . [She]211-the pussum was evidently quite at [home]4649-home in [the house]468-the house , but uncertain , suspended . [She]211-the pussum did not quite know [her]211-the pussum position . [Her]211-the pussum alliance for the time being was with [Gerald]255-gerald , and [she]211-the pussum did not know how far this was admitted by [any of [the men]727-the men]5021-any of the men . [She]211-the pussum was considering how [she]211-the pussum should carry off the situation . [She]211-the pussum was determined to have [her]211-the pussum experience . Now , at this eleventh hour , [she]211-the pussum was not to be baulked . [Her]211-the pussum face was flushed as with battle , [her]211-the pussum eye was brooding but inevitable . [The man]4658-the man came in with tea and a bottle of Kümmel . [He]4658-the man set the tray on a little table before the couch . “[211-the pussum] [Pussum]211-the pussum , ” said [Halliday]204-halliday , “[211-the pussum] pour out the tea . ” [She]211-the pussum did not move . “[211-the pussum] Wo n’t [you]211-the pussum do it ? ” [Halliday]204-halliday repeated , in a state of nervous apprehension . “[211-the pussum] [I]0-i ’ve not come back [here]4650-here as it was before , ” [she]211-the pussum said . “[0-i] [I]0-i only came because [the others]809-the others wanted [me]0-i to , not for [your]211-the pussum sake . ” “[809-the others] [[My]0-i dear]1126-my dear [Pussum]211-the pussum , [you]211-the pussum know [you]211-the pussum are [[your]211-the pussum own mistress]1127-your own mistress . [I]0-i do n’t want [you]211-the pussum to do anything but use [the flat]1046-the flat for [your]211-the pussum own convenience — [you]211-the pussum know it , [I]0-i ’ve told [you]211-the pussum so many times . ” [She]211-the pussum did not reply , but silently , reservedly reached for the tea - pot . [They]5024-they all sat round and drank tea . [Gerald]255-gerald could feel the electric connection between [him]255-gerald and [her]211-the pussum so strongly , as [she]211-the pussum sat there quiet and withheld , that another set of conditions altogether had come to pass . [Her]211-the pussum silence and [her]211-the pussum immutability perplexed [him]255-gerald . How was [he]255-gerald going to come to [her]211-the pussum ? And yet [he]255-gerald felt it quite inevitable . [He]255-gerald trusted completely to the current that held [them]5024-they . [His]255-gerald perplexity was only superficial , new conditions reigned , the old were surpassed ; here [one]4646-one did as [one]4646-one was possessed to do , no matter what it was . [Birkin]169-birkin rose . It was nearly one o’clock . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m going to bed , ” [he]0-i said . “[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald , [I]0-i ’ll ring [you]255-gerald up in the morning at [[your]255-gerald place]1129-your place or [you]255-gerald ring [me]0-i up here . ” “[255-gerald] Right , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , and [Birkin]169-birkin went out . When [he]0-i was well gone , [Halliday]204-halliday said in a stimulated voice , to [Gerald]255-gerald : “[0-i] [I]0-i say , wo n’t [you]255-gerald stay here — oh do ! ” “[0-i] [You]255-gerald ca n’t put [everybody]780-everybody up , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[255-gerald] Oh but [I]0-i can , perfectly — there are [three more beds besides [mine]0-i]1131-three more beds besides mine — do stay , wo n’t [you]255-gerald . Everything is quite ready — there is always [somebody]4745-somebody here — [I]0-i always put [people]579-people up — [I]0-i love having [the house]468-the house crowded . ” “[0-i] But there are only [two rooms]1135-two rooms , ” said [the Pussum]211-the pussum , in a cold , hostile voice , “[169-birkin] now [Rupert]169-birkin ’s [here]4650-here . ” “[169-birkin] [I]0-i know there are only [two rooms]1135-two rooms , ” said [Halliday]204-halliday , in [his]204-halliday odd , high way of speaking . “[0-i] But what does that matter ? ” [He]204-halliday was smiling rather foolishly , and [he]204-halliday spoke eagerly , with an insinuating determination . “[209-julius] [Julius]209-julius and [I]0-i will share [one room]1138-one room , ” said [the Russian]5027-the russian in [his]0-i discreet , precise voice . [Halliday]204-halliday and [he]0-i were [friends]5028-friends since [Eton]220-eton . “[0-i] It ’s very simple , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , rising and pressing back [his]255-gerald arms , stretching [himself]255-gerald . Then [he]255-gerald went again to look at one of the pictures . Every one of [his]255-gerald limbs was turgid with electric force , and [his]255-gerald back was tense like a tiger ’s , with slumbering fire . [He]255-gerald was very proud . [The Pussum]211-the pussum rose . [She]211-the pussum gave a black look at [Halliday]204-halliday , black and deadly , which brought the rather foolishly pleased smile to [that young man]4729-that young man ’s face . Then [she]211-the pussum went out of [the room]739-the room , with a cold good - night to [them]5031-them all generally . There was a brief interval , [they]5031-them heard a door close , then [Maxim]215-maxim said , in [his]215-maxim refined voice : “[0-i] That ’s all right . ” [He]215-maxim looked significantly at [Gerald]255-gerald , and said again , with a silent nod : “[0-i] That ’s all right — [you’re]1139-you’re all right . ” [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [the smooth , ruddy , comely face]5032-the smooth , ruddy , comely face , and at the strange , significant eyes , and it seemed as if the voice of [the young Russian , so small and perfect]5033-the young russian , so small and perfect , sounded in the blood rather than in the air . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m all right then , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Yes ! Yes ! [You]0-i ’re all right , ” said [the Russian]217-the russian . [Halliday]204-halliday continued to smile , and to say nothing . Suddenly [the Pussum]211-the pussum appeared again in the door , [her]211-the pussum small , childish face looking sullen and vindictive . “[0-i] [I]0-i know [you]0-i want to catch [me]0-i out , ” came [her]211-the pussum cold , rather resonant voice . “[0-i] But [I]0-i do n’t care , [I]0-i do n’t care how much [you]0-i catch [me]0-i out . ” [She]211-the pussum turned and was gone again . [She]211-the pussum had been wearing a loose dressing - gown of purple silk , tied round [her]211-the pussum waist . [She]211-the pussum looked so small and childish and vulnerable , almost pitiful . And yet the black looks of [her]211-the pussum eyes made [Gerald]255-gerald feel drowned in some potent darkness that almost frightened [him]255-gerald . [The men]727-the men lit another cigarette and talked casually . In the morning [Gerald]255-gerald woke late . [He]255-gerald had slept heavily . [Pussum]211-the pussum was still asleep , sleeping childishly and pathetically . There was something small and curled up and defenceless about [her]211-the pussum , that roused an unsatisfied flame of passion in [the young man]676-the young man ’s blood , a devouring avid pity . [He]255-gerald looked at [her]211-the pussum again . But it would be too cruel to wake [her]211-the pussum . [He]255-gerald subdued [himself]255-gerald , and went away . Hearing voices coming from [the sitting - room]5036-the sitting - room , [Halliday]204-halliday talking to [Libidnikov]218-libidnikov , [he]255-gerald went to the door and glanced in . [He]255-gerald had on a silk wrap of a beautiful bluish colour , with an amethyst hem . To [his]255-gerald surprise [he]255-gerald saw [the two young men by the fire]5037-the two young men by the fire , stark naked . [Halliday]204-halliday looked up , rather pleased . “[0-i] Good - morning , ” [he]204-halliday said . “[0-i] Oh — did [you]1140-you want towels ? ” And stark naked [he]204-halliday went out into [the hall]734-the hall , striding a strange , white figure between the unliving furniture . [He]204-halliday came back with the towels , and took [his]204-halliday former position , crouching seated before the fire on the fender . “[1140-you] Do n’t [you]1140-you love to feel the fire on [your]1140-you skin ? ” [he]204-halliday said . “[1140-you] It is rather pleasant , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[1140-you] How perfectly splendid it must be to be in a climate where one could do without clothing altogether , ” said [Halliday]204-halliday . “[1140-you] Yes , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , “[1140-you] if there were n’t so many things that sting and bite . ” “[1140-you] That ’s a disadvantage , ” murmured [Maxim]215-maxim . [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [him]215-maxim , and with a slight revulsion saw the human animal , golden skinned and bare , somehow humiliating . [Halliday]204-halliday was different . [He]204-halliday had a rather heavy , slack , broken beauty , white and firm . [He]204-halliday was like [a Christ in a Pietà]5039-a christ in a pietà . The animal was not there at all , only the heavy , broken beauty . And [Gerald]255-gerald realised how [Halliday]204-halliday ’s eyes were beautiful too , so blue and warm and confused , broken also in [their]5040-their expression . The fireglow fell on [his]204-halliday heavy , rather bowed shoulders , [he]204-halliday sat slackly crouched on the fender , [his]204-halliday face was uplifted , weak , perhaps slightly disintegrate , and yet with a moving beauty of its own . “[1140-you] Of course , ” said [Maxim]215-maxim , “[1140-you] [you]1140-you ’ve been in [hot countries where [the people]4677-the people go about naked]1141-hot countries where the people go about naked . ” “[4677-the people] Oh really ! ” exclaimed [Halliday]204-halliday . “[4677-the people] Where ? ” “[4677-the people] [South America]31-south america — [Amazon]29-the amazon , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[4677-the people] Oh but how perfectly splendid ! It ’s one of the things [I]0-i want most to do — to live from day to day without ever putting on any sort of clothing whatever . If [I]0-i could do that , [I]0-i should feel [I]0-i had lived . ” “[0-i] But why ? ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t see that it makes so much difference . ” “[0-i] Oh , [I]0-i think it would be perfectly splendid . [I]0-i ’m sure life would be entirely another thing — entirely different , and perfectly wonderful . ” “[0-i] But why ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Why should it ? ” “[0-i] Oh — [one]4646-one would feel things instead of merely looking at them . [I]0-i should feel the air move against [me]0-i , and feel the things [I]0-i touched , instead of having only to look at them . [I]0-i ’m sure life is all wrong because it has become much too visual — [we]1144-we can neither hear nor feel nor understand , [we]1144-we can only see . [I]0-i ’m sure that is entirely wrong . ” “[0-i] Yes , that is true , that is true , ” said [the Russian]217-the russian . [Gerald]255-gerald glanced at [him]217-the russian , and saw [him]217-the russian , [his]217-the russian suave , golden coloured body with the black hair growing fine and freely , like tendrils , and [his]217-the russian limbs like smooth plant - stems . [He]217-the russian was so healthy and well - made , why did [he]217-the russian make [one]4646-one ashamed , why did [one]4646-one feel repelled ? Why should [Gerald]255-gerald even dislike it , why did it seem to [him]255-gerald to detract from [his]255-gerald own dignity . Was that [all a human being]5043-all a human being amounted to ? So uninspired ! thought [Gerald]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin suddenly appeared in the doorway , in white pyjamas and wet hair , and a towel over [his]217-the russian arm . [He]217-the russian was aloof and white , and somehow evanescent . “[0-i] [There]629-there ’s [the bath - room]1146-the bath - room now , if [you]1147-you want it , ” [he]217-the russian said generally , and was going away again , when [Gerald]255-gerald called : “[0-i] [I]0-i say , [Rupert]169-birkin ! ” “[0-i] What ? ” [The single white figure]5044-the single white figure appeared again , a presence in [the room]739-the room . “[0-i] What do [you]169-birkin think of that figure there ? [I]0-i want to know , ” [Gerald]255-gerald asked . [Birkin]169-birkin , white and strangely ghostly , went over to the carved figure of [the negro woman in labour]5046-the negro woman in labour . [Her]169-birkin nude , protuberant body crouched in a strange , clutching posture , [her]169-birkin hands gripping the ends of the band , above [her]169-birkin breast . “[0-i] It is art , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Very beautiful , it ’s very beautiful , ” said [the Russian]5027-the russian . [They]5048-they all drew near to look . [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [the group of men]5049-the group of men , [the Russian golden]221-the russian and like a water - plant , [Halliday]204-halliday tall and heavily , brokenly beautiful , [Birkin]169-birkin very white and indefinite , not to be assigned , as [he]255-gerald looked closely at [the carven woman]5050-the carven woman . Strangely elated , [Gerald]255-gerald also lifted [his]255-gerald eyes to the face of [the wooden figure]5051-the wooden figure . And [his]255-gerald heart contracted . [He]255-gerald saw vividly with [his]255-gerald spirit the grey , forward - stretching face of [the negro woman , African and tense , abstracted in utter physical stress]5052-the negro woman , african and tense , abstracted in utter physical stress . [It]5053-it was a terrible face , void , peaked , abstracted almost into meaninglessness by the weight of sensation beneath . [He]255-gerald saw the Pussum in it . As in a dream , [he]255-gerald knew [her]5050-the carven woman . “[0-i] Why is it art ? ” [Gerald]255-gerald asked , shocked , resentful . “[0-i] It conveys a complete truth , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] It contains the whole truth of that state , whatever [you]1148-you feel about it . ” “[0-i] But [you]1149-you ca n’t call it high art , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[1149-you] High ! There are centuries and hundreds of centuries of development in a straight line , behind that carving ; it is an awful pitch of culture , of a definite sort . ” “[0-i] What culture ? ” [Gerald]255-gerald asked , in opposition . [He]255-gerald hated the sheer African thing . “[0-i] Pure culture in sensation , culture in the physical consciousness , really ultimate physical consciousness , mindless , utterly sensual . It is so sensual as to be final , supreme . ” But [Gerald]255-gerald resented it . [He]255-gerald wanted to keep certain illusions , certain ideas like clothing . “[1148-you] [You]1148-you like the wrong things , [Rupert]169-birkin , ” [he]255-gerald said , “[169-birkin] things against [yourself]1148-you . ” “[1148-you] Oh , [I]0-i know , this is n’t everything , ” [Birkin]169-birkin replied , moving away . When [Gerald]255-gerald went back to [[his]255-gerald room]5054-his room from [the bath]5055-the bath , [he]255-gerald also carried [his]255-gerald clothes . [He]255-gerald was so conventional at [home]4649-home , that when [he]255-gerald was really away , and on the loose , as now , [he]255-gerald enjoyed nothing so much as full outrageousness . So [he]255-gerald strode with [his]255-gerald blue silk wrap over [his]255-gerald arm and felt defiant . [The Pussum]211-the pussum lay in [her]211-the pussum bed , motionless , [her]211-the pussum round , dark eyes like black , unhappy pools . [He]255-gerald could only see the black , bottomless pools of [her]211-the pussum eyes . Perhaps [she]211-the pussum suffered . The sensation of [her]211-the pussum inchoate suffering roused the old sharp flame in [him]255-gerald , a mordant pity , a passion almost of cruelty . “[0-i] [You]1150-you are awake now , ” [he]255-gerald said to [her]211-the pussum . “[1150-you] What time is it ? ” came [her]211-the pussum muted voice . [She]211-the pussum seemed to flow back , almost like liquid , from [his]255-gerald approach , to sink helplessly away from [him]255-gerald . [Her]211-the pussum inchoate look of [a violated slave]5057-a violated slave , whose fulfilment lies in [her]211-the pussum further and further violation , made [his]255-gerald nerves quiver with acutely desirable sensation . After all , [his]255-gerald was the only will , [she]211-the pussum was the passive substance of [his]255-gerald will . [He]255-gerald tingled with the subtle , biting sensation . And then [he]255-gerald knew , [he]255-gerald must go away from [her]211-the pussum , there must be pure separation between [them]5058-them . It was a quiet and ordinary breakfast , [the four men]5059-the four men all looking very clean and bathed . [Gerald]255-gerald and [the Russian]5027-the russian were both correct and comme il faut in appearance and manner , [Birkin]169-birkin was gaunt and sick , and looked a failure in [his]255-gerald attempt to be [a properly dressed man]5061-a properly dressed man , like [Gerald]255-gerald and [Maxim]215-maxim . [Halliday]204-halliday wore tweeds and a green flannel shirt , and a rag of a tie , which was just right for [him]204-halliday . [The Hindu]222-the hindu brought in a great deal of soft toast , and looked exactly the same as [he]222-the hindu had looked the night before , statically the same . At the end of the breakfast [the Pussum]211-the pussum appeared , in a purple silk wrap with a shimmering sash . [She]211-the pussum had recovered [herself]211-the pussum somewhat , but was mute and lifeless still . It was a torment to [her]211-the pussum when [anybody]744-anybody spoke to [her]211-the pussum . [Her]211-the pussum face was like a small , fine mask , sinister too , masked with unwilling suffering . It was almost midday . [Gerald]255-gerald rose and went away to [[his]255-gerald business]5063-his business , glad to get out . But [he]255-gerald had not finished . [He]255-gerald was coming back again at evening , [they]5064-they were all dining together , and [he]255-gerald had booked seats for the party , excepting [Birkin]169-birkin , at [a music - hall]5065-a music - hall . At night [they]5064-they came back to [the flat]1046-the flat very late again , again flushed with drink . Again [the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night]5067-the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night — came in silently and inscrutably with tea , bending in a slow , strange , leopard - like fashion to put the tray softly on the table . [His]5067-the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night face was immutable , aristocratic - looking , tinged slightly with grey under the skin ; [he]5067-the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night was young and good - looking . But [Birkin]169-birkin felt a slight sickness , looking at [him]5067-the man - servant — who invariably disappeared between the hours of ten and twelve at night , and feeling the slight greyness as an ash or a corruption , in the aristocratic inscrutability of expression a nauseating , bestial stupidity . Again [they]5064-they talked cordially and rousedly together . But already a certain friability was coming over the party , [Birkin]169-birkin was mad with irritation , [Halliday]204-halliday was turning in an insane hatred against [Gerald]255-gerald , [the Pussum]211-the pussum was becoming hard and cold , like a flint knife , and [Halliday]204-halliday was laying [himself]204-halliday out to [her]211-the pussum . And [her]211-the pussum intention , ultimately , was to capture [Halliday]204-halliday , to have complete power over [him]204-halliday . In the morning [they]5064-they all stalked and lounged about again . But [Gerald]255-gerald could feel a strange hostility to [himself]255-gerald , in the air . It roused [his]255-gerald obstinacy , and [he]255-gerald stood up against it . [He]255-gerald hung on for two more days . The result was a nasty and insane scene with [Halliday]204-halliday on the fourth evening . [Halliday]204-halliday turned with absurd animosity upon [Gerald]255-gerald , in the café . There was a row . [Gerald]255-gerald was on the point of knocking - in [Halliday]204-halliday ’s face ; when [he]255-gerald was filled with sudden disgust and indifference , and [he]255-gerald went away , leaving [Halliday]204-halliday in a foolish state of gloating triumph , [the Pussum]211-the pussum hard and established , and [Maxim]215-maxim standing clear . [Birkin]169-birkin was absent , [he]204-halliday had gone out of [town]602-town again . [Gerald]255-gerald was piqued because [he]255-gerald had left without giving [the Pussum]211-the pussum money . It was true , [she]5069-she did not care whether [he]255-gerald gave [her]5069-she money or not , and [he]255-gerald knew it . But [she]5069-she would have been glad of ten pounds , and [he]255-gerald would have been very glad to give them to [her]5069-she . Now [he]255-gerald felt in a false position . [He]255-gerald went away chewing [his]255-gerald lips to get at the ends of [his]255-gerald short clipped moustache . [He]255-gerald knew [the Pussum]4973-the pussum was merely glad to be rid of [him]255-gerald . [She]5069-she had got [her]5069-she Halliday whom [she]5069-she wanted . [She]5069-she wanted [him]255-gerald completely in [her]5069-she power . Then [she]5069-she would marry [him]255-gerald . [She]5069-she wanted to marry [him]255-gerald . [She]5069-she had set [her]5069-she will on marrying [Halliday]204-halliday . [She]5069-she never wanted to hear of [Gerald]255-gerald again ; unless , perhaps , [she]5069-she were in difficulty ; because after all , [Gerald]255-gerald was what [she]5069-she called [a man]4648-a man , and [these others]5072-these others , [Halliday]204-halliday , [Libidnikov]218-libidnikov , [Birkin]169-birkin , [the whole Bohemian set]5073-the whole bohemian set , [they]5072-these others were only [half men]5074-half men . But it was [half men [she]5069-she could deal with]5075-half men she could deal with . [She]5069-she felt sure of [herself]5069-she with [them]5072-these others . [The real men]5076-the real men , like [Gerald]255-gerald , put [her]5069-she in [her]5069-she place too much . Still , [she]5069-she respected [Gerald]255-gerald , [she]5069-she really respected [him]255-gerald . [She]5069-she had managed to get [his]255-gerald address , so that [she]5069-she could appeal to [him]255-gerald in time of distress . [She]5069-she knew [he]255-gerald wanted to give [her]5069-she money . [She]5069-she would perhaps write to [him]255-gerald on that inevitable rainy day . [Breadalby]11-breadalby was [a Georgian house with Corinthian pillars]5077-a georgian house with corinthian pillars , standing among [the softer , greener hills of [Derbyshire]33-derbyshire]5078-the softer , greener hills of derbyshire , [not far from [Cromford]34-cromford]5079-not far from cromford . In front , [it]11-breadalby looked over [a lawn]823-a lawn , over a few trees , down to a string of fish - ponds in [the hollow of [the silent park]5082-the silent park]5081-the hollow of the silent park . At the back were trees , among which were to be found [the stables]5083-the stables , and [the big kitchen garden , behind which was a wood]5084-the big kitchen garden , behind which was a wood . It was [a very quiet place , some miles from [the high - road]523-the high - road , back from [the Derwent Valley]35-the derwent valley , outside the show scenery]5085-a very quiet place , some miles from the high - road , back from the derwent valley , outside the show scenery . Silent and forsaken , the golden stucco showed between the trees , [the house - front]5087-the house - front looked down [the park]5088-the park , unchanged and unchanging . Of late , however , [Hermione]168-hermione had lived a good deal at [the house]468-the house . [She]168-hermione had turned away from [London]2-london , away from [Oxford]14-oxford , towards the silence of [the country]4896-the country . [[Her]168-hermione father]583-her father was mostly absent , abroad , [she]168-hermione was either alone in [the house]468-the house , with [[her]168-hermione visitors]5093-her visitors , of whom there were always several , or [she]168-hermione had with [[her]168-hermione [her]168-hermione brother]5094-her her brother , [a bachelor]5095-a bachelor , and [a Liberal member of Parliament]5096-a liberal member of parliament . [He]583-her father always came down when [the House]468-the house was not sitting , seemed always to be present in [Breadalby]11-breadalby , although [he]583-her father was most conscientious in [his]583-her father attendance to duty . The summer was just coming in when [Ursula]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun went to stay the second time with [Hermione]168-hermione . Coming along in [the car]4987-the car , after [they]5099-they had entered [the park]5088-the park , [they]5099-they looked across [the dip]5101-the dip , where [the fish - ponds]5102-the fish - ponds lay in silence , at the pillared front of [the house]468-the house , sunny and small like an English drawing of [the old school]585-the old school , on [the brow of [the green hill]5106-the green hill]5105-the brow of the green hill , against the trees . There were small figures on the green lawn , [women in lavender and yellow moving to the shade of the enormous , beautifully balanced cedar tree]5107-women in lavender and yellow moving to the shade of the enormous , beautifully balanced cedar tree . “[0-i] Is n’t it complete ! ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] It is as final as an old aquatint . ” [She]168-hermione spoke with some resentment in [her]168-hermione voice , as if [she]168-hermione were captivated unwillingly , as if [she]168-hermione must admire against [her]168-hermione will . “[0-i] Do [you]1151-you love it ? ” asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “[1151-you] [I]0-i do n’t love it , but in its way , [I]0-i think it is quite complete . ” [The motor - car]5108-the motor - car ran down [the hill]497-the hill and up again in one breath , and [they]5108-the motor - car were curving to the side door . [A parlour - maid]5110-a parlour - maid appeared , and then [Hermione]168-hermione , coming forward with [her]168-hermione pale face lifted , and [her]168-hermione hands outstretched , advancing straight to [the newcomers]5111-the newcomers , [her]168-hermione voice singing : “[0-i] Here [you]1151-you are — [I’m]0-i so glad to see [you]1151-you — ” [she]168-hermione kissed [Gudrun—“so]224-gudrun—“so[0-i] glad to see [you]1151-you — ” [she]168-hermione kissed [Ursula]255-gerald and remained with [her]168-hermione arm round [her]1151-you . “[1151-you] Are [you]1151-you very tired ? ” “[1151-you] Not at all tired , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[1151-you] Are [you]1151-you tired , [Gudrun]160-gudrun ? ” “[160-gudrun] Not at all , thanks , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[160-gudrun] No — ” drawled [Hermione]168-hermione . And [she]168-hermione stood and looked at [them]5111-the newcomers . [The two girls]473-the two girls were embarrassed because [she]168-hermione would not move into [the house]468-the house , but must have [her]168-hermione little scene of welcome there on [the path]671-the path . [The servants]5115-the servants waited . “[160-gudrun] Come in , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione at last , having fully taken in [the pair of [them]5111-the newcomers]5116-the pair of them . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was the more beautiful and attractive , [she]168-hermione had decided again , [Ursula]255-gerald was more physical , more womanly . [She]168-hermione admired [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s dress more . It was of green poplin , with a loose coat above it , of broad , dark - green and dark - brown stripes . The hat was of a pale , greenish straw , the colour of new hay , and it had a plaited ribbon of black and orange , the stockings were dark green , the shoes black . It was a good get - up , at once fashionable and individual . [Ursula]255-gerald , in dark blue , was more ordinary , though [she]168-hermione also looked well . [Hermione]168-hermione [herself]168-hermione wore a dress of prune - coloured silk , with coral beads and coral coloured stockings . But [her]168-hermione dress was both shabby and soiled , even rather dirty . “[160-gudrun] [You]1152-you would like to see [[your]1152-you rooms]1153-your rooms now , would n’t [you]1152-you ! Yes . [We]1154-we will go up now , shall [we]1154-we ? ” [Ursula]255-gerald was glad when [she]168-hermione could be left alone in [[her]168-hermione room]5117-her room . [Hermione]168-hermione lingered so long , made such a stress on one . [She]168-hermione stood so near to one , pressing [herself]168-hermione near upon one , in a way that was most embarrassing and oppressive . [She]168-hermione seemed to hinder [one]4646-one ’s workings . Lunch was served on [the lawn]5119-the lawn , under the great tree , whose thick , blackish boughs came down close to the grass . There were present [a young Italian woman , slight and fashionable]5120-a young italian woman , slight and fashionable , [a young , athletic - looking [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley]5121-a young , athletic - looking miss bradley , [a learned , dry Baronet of fifty , who was always making witticisms and laughing at them heartily in a harsh , horse - laugh]5122-a learned , dry baronet of fifty , who was always making witticisms and laughing at them heartily in a harsh , horse - laugh , there was [Rupert Birkin]169-birkin , and then [a woman secretary]5123-a woman secretary , [a Fräulein März]226-fräulein , young and slim and pretty . The food was very good , that was one thing . [Gudrun]160-gudrun , critical of everything , gave it [her]160-gudrun full approval . [Ursula]255-gerald loved the situation , the white table by the cedar tree , the scent of new sunshine , the little vision of [the leafy park]5124-the leafy park , with far - off deer feeding peacefully . There seemed a magic circle drawn about [the place]5125-the place , shutting out the present , enclosing the delightful , precious past , trees and deer and silence , like a dream . But in spirit [she]168-hermione was unhappy . The talk went on like a rattle of small artillery , always slightly sententious , with a sententiousness that was only emphasised by the continual crackling of a witticism , the continual spatter of verbal jest , designed to give a tone of flippancy to a stream of conversation that was all critical and general , a canal of conversation rather than a stream . The attitude was mental and very wearying . Only [the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient]5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient , seemed to be thoroughly happy . [Birkin]169-birkin was down in the mouth . [Hermione]168-hermione appeared , with amazing persistence , to wish to ridicule [him]5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient and make [him]5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient look ignominious in the eyes of [everybody]780-everybody . And it was surprising how [she]168-hermione seemed to succeed , how helpless [he]5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient seemed against [her]168-hermione . [He]5126-the elderly sociologist , whose mental fibre was so tough as to be insentient looked completely insignificant . [Ursula]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun , both very unused , were mostly silent , listening to the slow , rhapsodic sing - song of [Hermione]168-hermione , or the verbal sallies of [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua , or the prattle of [Fräulein]226-fräulein , or the responses of [the other two women]5128-the other two women . Luncheon was over , coffee was brought out on [the grass]5129-the grass , [the party]701-the party left the table and sat about in lounge chairs , in the shade or in the sunshine as [they]701-the party wished . [Fräulein]226-fräulein departed into [the house]468-the house , [Hermione]168-hermione took up [her]168-hermione embroidery , [the little Contessa]228-the contessa took a book , [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley was weaving a basket out of fine grass , and there [they]701-the party all were on [the lawn]5119-the lawn in the early summer afternoon , working leisurely and spattering with half - intellectual , deliberate talk . Suddenly there was the sound of the brakes and the shutting off of [a motor - car]977-a motor - car . “[229-salsie] There ’s [Salsie]229-salsie ! ” sang [Hermione]168-hermione , in [her]168-hermione slow , amusing sing - song . And laying down [her]168-hermione work , [she]168-hermione rose slowly , and slowly passed over [the lawn]5119-the lawn , round the bushes , out of sight . “[229-salsie] Who is it ? ” asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[230-mr roddice] [Mr Roddice]230-mr roddice — [[Miss Roddice]231-miss roddice ’s brother]1155-miss roddice ’s brother — at least , [I]0-i suppose it ’s [he]230-mr roddice , ” said [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua . “[230-mr roddice] [Salsie]229-salsie , yes , it is [[her]231-miss roddice brother]807-her brother , ” said [the little Contessa]5135-the little contessa , lifting [her]5135-the little contessa head for a moment from [her]5135-the little contessa book , and speaking as if to give information , in [her]5135-the little contessa slightly deepened , guttural English . [They]5136-they all waited . And then round the bushes came the tall form of [Alexander Roddice]232-alexander , striding romantically like [a Meredith hero who remembers [Disraeli]233-disraeli]5137-a meredith hero who remembers disraeli . [He]232-alexander was cordial with [everybody]780-everybody , [he]232-alexander was at once [a host]5139-a host , with an easy , offhand hospitality that [he]232-alexander had learned for [[Hermione]168-hermione ’s friends]5140-hermione ’s friends . [He]232-alexander had just come down from [London]2-london , from [the House]468-the house . At once the atmosphere of [the House of Commons]5142-the house of commons made itself felt over [the lawn]5119-the lawn : [the Home Secretary]5144-the home secretary had said such and such a thing , and [he]5144-the home secretary , [Roddice]168-hermione , on the other hand , thought such and such a thing , and had said so - and - so to [the PM]5145-the pm . Now [Hermione]168-hermione came round the bushes with [Gerald Crich]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald had come along with [Alexander]232-alexander . [Gerald]255-gerald was presented to [everybody]780-everybody , was kept by [Hermione]168-hermione for a few moments in full view , then [he]255-gerald was led away , still by [Hermione]168-hermione . [He]255-gerald was evidently [[her]168-hermione guest]5147-her guest of the moment . There had been a split in [the Cabinet]36-the cabinet ; [the minister for Education]5148-the minister for education had resigned owing to adverse criticism . This started a conversation on education . “[229-salsie] Of course , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione , lifting [her]168-hermione face like [a rhapsodist]5149-a rhapsodist , “[229-salsie] there can be no reason , no excuse for education , except the joy and beauty of knowledge in itself . ” [She]168-hermione seemed to rumble and ruminate with subterranean thoughts for a minute , then [she]168-hermione proceeded : “[229-salsie] Vocational education is n’t education , it is the close of education . ” [Gerald]255-gerald , on the brink of discussion , sniffed the air with delight and prepared for action . “[229-salsie] Not necessarily , ” [he]255-gerald said . “[229-salsie] But is n’t education really like gymnastics , is n’t the end of education the production of [a well - trained , vigorous , energetic mind]1157-a well - trained , vigorous , energetic mind ? ” “[1157-a well - trained , vigorous , energetic mind] Just as athletics produce a healthy body , ready for anything , ” cried [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley , in hearty accord . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [her]225-miss bradley in silent loathing . “[229-salsie] Well — ” rumbled [Hermione]168-hermione , “[229-salsie] [I]0-i do n’t know . To [me]0-i the pleasure of knowing is so great , so wonderful — nothing has meant so much to [me]0-i in all life , as certain knowledge — no , [I]0-i am sure — nothing . ” “[0-i] What knowledge , for example , [Hermione]168-hermione ? ” asked [Alexander]232-alexander . [Hermione]168-hermione lifted [her]168-hermione face and rumbled — “[168-hermione] M — m — m — [I]0-i do n’t know . . . But one thing was the stars , when [I]0-i really understood something about the stars . [One]4646-one feels so uplifted , so unbounded . . . ” [Birkin]169-birkin looked at [her]168-hermione in a white fury . “[4646-one] What do [you]168-hermione want to feel unbounded for ? ” [he]5150-he said sarcastically . “[168-hermione] [You]168-hermione do n’t want to be unbounded . ” [Hermione]168-hermione recoiled in offence . “[4646-one] Yes , but [one]4646-one does have that limitless feeling , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[4646-one] It ’s like getting on top of [the mountain]1160-the mountain and seeing [the Pacific]37-the pacific . ” “[4646-one] Silent upon [a peak in [Dariayn]38-dariayn]1161-a peak in dariayn , ” murmured [the Italian]5151-the italian , lifting [her]5151-the italian face for a moment from [her]5151-the italian book . “[4646-one] Not necessarily in [Dariayn]38-dariayn , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , while [Ursula]255-gerald began to laugh . [Hermione]168-hermione waited for the dust to settle , and then [she]168-hermione said , untouched : “[4646-one] Yes , it is the greatest thing in life — to know . It is really to be happy , to be free . ” “[4646-one] Knowledge is , of course , liberty , ” said [Mattheson]234-joshua mattheson . “[4646-one] In compressed tabloids , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , looking at the dry , stiff little body of [the Baronet]235-the baronet . [Immediately Gudrun]160-gudrun saw [the famous sociologist]5152-the famous sociologist as a flat bottle , containing tabloids of compressed liberty . That pleased [her]168-hermione . [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua was labelled and placed forever in [her]168-hermione mind . “[4646-one] What does that mean , [Rupert]169-birkin ? ” sang [Hermione]168-hermione , in a calm snub . “[169-birkin] [You]1162-you can only have knowledge , strictly , ” [he]227-sir joshua replied , “[169-birkin] of things concluded , in the past . It ’s like bottling the liberty of last summer in the bottled gooseberries . ” “[4646-one] Can [one]4646-one have knowledge only of the past ? ” asked [the Baronet]5153-the baronet , pointedly . “[4646-one] Could [we]1164-we call [our]1164-we knowledge of the laws of gravitation for instance , knowledge of the past ? ” “[4646-one] Yes , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[4646-one] There is a most beautiful thing in [my]0-i book , ” suddenly piped [the little Italian woman]5154-the little italian woman . “[4658-the man] It says [the man]4658-the man came to the door and threw [his]4658-the man eyes down [the street]948-the street . ” There was a general laugh in [the company]746-the company . [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley went and looked over the shoulder of [the Contessa]228-the contessa . “[4658-the man] See ! ” said [the Contessa]228-the contessa . “[236-bazarov] [Bazarov]236-bazarov came to the door and threw [his]236-bazarov eyes hurriedly down [the street]948-the street , ” [she]5154-the little italian woman read . Again there was a loud laugh , the most startling of which was [the Baronet]5153-the baronet ’s , which rattled out like a clatter of falling stones . “[236-bazarov] What is the book ? ” asked [Alexander]232-alexander , promptly . “[1168-fathers] [Fathers]1168-fathers and [Sons]1169-sons , by [Turgenev]237-turgenev , ” said [the little foreigner]5157-the little foreigner , pronouncing every syllable distinctly . [She]5154-the little italian woman looked at the cover , to verify [herself]5154-the little italian woman . “[237-turgenev] An old American edition , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[237-turgenev] Ha!—of course — translated from the French , ” said [Alexander]232-alexander , with a fine declamatory voice . “[236-bazarov] [Bazarov]236-bazarov ouvra la porte et jeta les yeux dans la rue . ” [He]236-bazarov looked brightly round [the company]746-the company . “[0-i] [I]0-i wonder what the ‘ hurriedly ’ was , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . [They]746-the company all began to guess . And then , to the amazement of [everybody]780-everybody , [the maid]5160-the maid came hurrying with a large tea - tray . The afternoon had passed so swiftly . After tea , [they]746-the company were all gathered for a walk . “[236-bazarov] Would [you]1170-you like to come for a walk ? ” said [Hermione]168-hermione to each of [them]746-the company , one by one . And [they]746-the company all said yes , feeling somehow like [prisoners marshalled for exercise]5161-prisoners marshalled for exercise . [Birkin]169-birkin only refused . “[1170-you] Will [you]1170-you come for a walk , [Rupert]169-birkin ? ” “[1170-you] No , [Hermione]168-hermione . ” “[168-hermione] But are [you]1170-you sure ? ” “[1170-you] Quite sure . ” There was a second ’s hesitation . “[1170-you] And why not ? ” sang [Hermione]168-hermione ’s question . It made [her]168-hermione blood run sharp , to be thwarted in even so trifling a matter . [She]168-hermione intended [them]746-the company all to walk with [her]168-hermione in [the park]5088-the park . “[1170-you] Because [I]0-i do n’t like trooping off in a gang , ” [he]0-i said . [Her]168-hermione voice rumbled in [her]168-hermione throat for a moment . Then [she]168-hermione said , with a curious stray calm : “[0-i] Then [we]1171-they ’ll leave [a little boy]1172-a little boy behind , if [he]1172-a little boy ’s sulky . ” And [she]168-hermione looked really gay , while [she]168-hermione insulted [him]0-i . But it merely made [him]0-i stiff . [She]168-hermione trailed off to [the rest of [the company]746-the company]745-the rest of the company , only turning to wave [her]168-hermione handkerchief to [him]0-i , and to chuckle with laughter , singing out : “[1172-a little boy] Good - bye , good - bye , [little boy]1173-little boy . ” “[1173-little boy] Good - bye , impudent hag , ” [he]0-i said to [himself]0-i . [They]1171-they all went through [the park]5088-the park . [Hermione]168-hermione wanted to show [them]1171-they the wild daffodils on a little slope . “[1173-little boy] This way , this way , ” sang [her]168-hermione leisurely voice at intervals . And [they]1171-they had all to come this way . The daffodils were pretty , but who could see [them]1171-they ? [Ursula]255-gerald was stiff all over with resentment by this time , resentment of the whole atmosphere . [Gudrun]160-gudrun , mocking and objective , watched and registered everything . [They]1171-they looked at [the shy deer]5166-the shy deer , and [Hermione]168-hermione talked to the stag , as if [he]0-i too were [a boy [she]168-hermione wanted to wheedle and fondle]5167-a boy she wanted to wheedle and fondle . [He]0-i was male , so [she]168-hermione must exert some kind of power over [him]0-i . [They]1171-they trailed [home]4649-home by [the fish - ponds]5102-the fish - ponds , and [Hermione]168-hermione told [them]1171-they about the quarrel of [two male swans , who had striven for the love of [the one lady]5171-the one lady]5170-two male swans , who had striven for the love of the one lady . [She]168-hermione chuckled and laughed as [she]168-hermione told how [the ousted lover]5172-the ousted lover had sat with [his]5172-the ousted lover head buried under [his]5172-the ousted lover wing , on the gravel . When [they]1171-they arrived back at [the house]468-the house , [Hermione]168-hermione stood on [the lawn]5119-the lawn and sang out , in a strange , small , high voice that carried very far : “[169-birkin] [Rupert]169-birkin ! [Rupert]169-birkin ! ” The first syllable was high and slow , the second dropped down . “[169-birkin] [Roo - o - opert]1174-roo - o - opert . ” But there was no answer . [A maid]5175-a maid appeared . “[1174-roo - o - opert] Where is [Mr Birkin]169-birkin , [Alice]238-alice ? ” asked the mild straying voice of [Hermione]168-hermione . But under the straying voice , what a persistent , almost insane will ! “[238-alice] [I]0-i think [he]1175-he ’s in [[his]1175-he room]5054-his room , [madam]1177-madam . ” “[1175-he] Is [he]1175-he ? ” [Hermione]168-hermione went slowly up [the stairs]5176-the stairs , along [the corridor]5002-the corridor , singing out in [her]168-hermione high , small call : “[1175-he] Ru - oo - pert ! [Ru - oo pert]239-ru - oo pert ! ” [She]168-hermione came to [his]1175-he door , and tapped , still crying : “[239-ru - oo pert] Roo - pert . ” “[239-ru - oo pert] Yes , ” sounded [his]1175-he voice at last . “[0-i] What are [you]0-i doing ? ” The question was mild and curious . There was no answer . Then [he]1175-he opened the door . “[0-i] [We]1178-we ’ve come back , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione . “[1178-we] The daffodils are so beautiful . ” “[1178-we] Yes , ” [he]1175-he said , “[1178-we] [I]0-i ’ve seen them . ” [She]168-hermione looked at [him]1175-he with [her]168-hermione long , slow , impassive look , along [her]168-hermione cheeks . “[1175-he] Have [you]1175-he ? ” [she]168-hermione echoed . And [she]168-hermione remained looking at [him]1175-he . [She]168-hermione was stimulated above all things by this conflict with [him]1175-he , when [he]1175-he was like [a sulky boy]5178-a sulky boy , helpless , and [she]168-hermione had [him]1175-he safe at [Breadalby]11-breadalby . But underneath [she]168-hermione knew the split was coming , and [her]168-hermione hatred of [him]1175-he was subconscious and intense . “[1175-he] What were [you]1175-he doing ? ” [she]168-hermione reiterated , in [her]168-hermione mild , indifferent tone . [He]1175-he did not answer , and [she]168-hermione made [her]168-hermione way , almost unconsciously into [[his]1175-he room]5054-his room . [He]1175-he had taken a Chinese drawing of geese from [the boudoir]5180-the boudoir , and was copying it , with much skill and vividness . “[1175-he] [You]1175-he are copying the drawing , ” [she]168-hermione said , standing near the table , and looking down at [his]1175-he work . “[1175-he] Yes . How beautifully [you]1175-he do it ! [You]1175-he like it very much , do n’t [you]1175-he ? ” “[1175-he] It ’s a marvellous drawing , ” [he]1175-he said . “[1175-he] Is it ? [I]0-i ’m so glad [you]1175-he like it , because [I]0-i ’ve always been fond of it . [The Chinese Ambassador]1179-the chinese ambassador gave it [me]0-i . ” “[1179-the chinese ambassador] [I]0-i know , ” [he]1175-he said . “[1179-the chinese ambassador] But why do [you]1175-he copy it ? ” [she]168-hermione asked , casual and sing - song . “[1175-he] Why not do something original ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i want to know it , ” [he]1175-he replied . “[0-i] [One]4646-one gets more of [China]39-china , copying this picture , than reading all the books . ” “[4646-one] And what do [you]1175-he get ? ” [She]168-hermione was at once roused , [she]168-hermione laid as it were violent hands on [him]1175-he , to extract [his]1175-he secrets from [him]1175-he . [She]168-hermione must know . It was a dreadful tyranny , an obsession in [her]168-hermione , to know all [he]1175-he knew . For some time [he]1175-he was silent , hating to answer [her]168-hermione . Then , compelled , [he]1175-he began : “[1175-he] [I]0-i know what centres [they]1181-they live from — what [they]1181-they perceive and feel — the hot , stinging centrality of a goose in the flux of cold water and mud — the curious bitter stinging heat of a goose ’s blood , entering [their]1181-they own blood like an inoculation of corruptive fire — fire of the cold - burning mud — the lotus mystery . ” [Hermione]168-hermione looked at [him]1175-he along [her]168-hermione narrow , pallid cheeks . [Her]168-hermione eyes were strange and drugged , heavy under their heavy , drooping lids . [Her]168-hermione thin bosom shrugged convulsively . [He]1175-he stared back at [her]168-hermione , devilish and unchanging . With another strange , sick convulsion , [she]168-hermione turned away , as if [she]168-hermione were sick , could feel dissolution setting - in in [her]168-hermione body . For with [her]168-hermione mind [she]168-hermione was unable to attend to [his]1175-he words , [he]1175-he caught [her]168-hermione , as it were , beneath all [her]168-hermione defences , and destroyed [her]168-hermione with some insidious occult potency . “[4745-somebody] Yes , ” [she]168-hermione said , as if [she]168-hermione did not know what [she]168-hermione were saying . “[4745-somebody] Yes , ” and [she]168-hermione swallowed , and tried to regain [her]168-hermione mind . But [she]168-hermione could not , [she]168-hermione was witless , decentralised . Use all [her]168-hermione will as [she]168-hermione might , [she]168-hermione could not recover . [She]168-hermione suffered the ghastliness of dissolution , broken and gone in a horrible corruption . And [he]1175-he stood and looked at [her]168-hermione unmoved . [She]168-hermione strayed out , pallid and preyed - upon like a ghost , like one attacked by the tomb - influences which dog [us]5181-us . And [she]168-hermione was gone like [a corpse , that has no presence , no connection]5182-a corpse , that has no presence , no connection . [He]1175-he remained hard and vindictive . [Hermione]168-hermione came down to dinner strange and sepulchral , [her]168-hermione eyes heavy and full of sepulchral darkness , strength . [She]168-hermione had put on a dress of stiff old greenish brocade , that fitted tight and made [her]168-hermione look tall and rather terrible , ghastly . In the gay light of [the drawing - room]5183-the drawing - room [she]168-hermione was uncanny and oppressive . But seated in the half - light of [the dining - room]774-the dining - room , sitting stiffly before the shaded candles on the table , [she]168-hermione seemed a power , a presence . [She]168-hermione listened and attended with a drugged attention . The party was gay and extravagant in appearance , [everybody]780-everybody had put on evening dress except [Birkin]169-birkin and [Joshua Mattheson]234-joshua mattheson . [The little Italian Contessa]228-the contessa wore a dress of tissue , of orange and gold and black velvet in soft wide stripes , [Gudrun]160-gudrun was emerald green with strange net - work , [Ursula]255-gerald was in yellow with dull silver veiling , [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley was of grey , crimson and jet , [Fräulein März]226-fräulein wore pale blue . It gave [Hermione]168-hermione a sudden convulsive sensation of pleasure , to see these rich colours under the candle - light . [She]168-hermione was aware of the talk going on , ceaselessly , [Joshua]234-joshua mattheson ’s voice dominating ; of the ceaseless pitter - patter of [women]453-women ’s light laughter and responses ; of the brilliant colours and the white table and the shadow above and below ; and [she]168-hermione seemed in a swoon of gratification , convulsed with pleasure and yet sick , like [a revenant]5187-a revenant . [She]168-hermione took very little part in the conversation , yet [she]168-hermione heard it all , it was all [hers]168-hermione . [They]780-everybody all went together into [the drawing - room]5183-the drawing - room , as if [they]780-everybody were [one family]5189-one family , easily , without any attention to ceremony . [Fräulein]226-fräulein handed the coffee , [everybody]780-everybody smoked cigarettes , or else long warden pipes of white clay , of which a sheaf was provided . “[4745-somebody] Will [you]1182-you smoke?—cigarettes or pipe ? ” asked [Fräulein]226-fräulein prettily . There was a circle of [people]579-people , [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua with [his]234-joshua mattheson eighteenth - century appearance , [Gerald]255-gerald [the amused , handsome young Englishman]5192-the amused , handsome young englishman , [Alexander]232-alexander tall and [the handsome politician , democratic and lucid]5193-the handsome politician , democratic and lucid , [Hermione]168-hermione strange like [a long Cassandra]5194-a long cassandra , and [the women lurid with colour]5195-the women lurid with colour , all dutifully smoking [their]780-everybody long white pipes , and sitting in a half - moon in [the comfortable , soft - lighted drawing - room]5196-the comfortable , soft - lighted drawing - room , round the logs that flickered on the marble hearth . The talk was very often political or sociological , and interesting , curiously anarchistic . There was an accumulation of powerful force in [the room]739-the room , powerful and destructive . Everything seemed to be thrown into the melting pot , and it seemed to [Ursula]255-gerald [they]5198-they were [all witches]5199-all witches , helping the pot to bubble . There was an elation and a satisfaction in it all , but it was cruelly exhausting for [the newcomers]5111-the newcomers , this ruthless mental pressure , this powerful , consuming , destructive mentality that emanated from [Joshua]227-sir joshua and [Hermione]168-hermione and [Birkin]169-birkin and dominated the rest . But a sickness , a fearful nausea gathered possession of [Hermione]168-hermione . There was a lull in the talk , as it was arrested by [her]168-hermione unconscious but all - powerful will . “[1182-you] [Salsie]229-salsie , wo n’t [you]229-salsie play something ? ” said [Hermione]168-hermione , breaking off completely . “[229-salsie] Wo n’t [somebody]4745-somebody dance ? [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [you]229-salsie will dance , wo n’t [you]229-salsie ? [I]0-i wish [you]229-salsie would . Anche tu , Palestra , ballerai?—sì , per piacere . [You]229-salsie too , [Ursula]255-gerald . ” [Hermione]168-hermione rose and slowly pulled the gold - embroidered band that hung by the mantel , clinging to it for a moment , then releasing it suddenly . Like [a priestess]5201-a priestess [she]168-hermione looked , unconscious , sunk in a heavy half - trance . [A servant]5202-a servant came , and soon reappeared with armfuls of silk robes and shawls and scarves , mostly oriental , things that [Hermione]168-hermione , with [her]168-hermione love for beautiful extravagant dress , had collected gradually . “[255-gerald] [The three women]1184-the three women will dance together , ” [she]168-hermione said . “[1184-the three women] What shall it be ? ” asked [Alexander]232-alexander , rising briskly . “[240-vergini delle rocchette] [Vergini Delle Rocchette]240-vergini delle rocchette , ” said [the Contessa]228-the contessa at once . “[240-vergini delle rocchette] [They]1184-the three women are so languid , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[1184-the three women] [The three witches from [Macbeth]40-macbeth]1185-the three witches from macbeth , ” suggested [Fräulein]226-fräulein usefully . It was finally decided to do [Naomi]241-naomi and [Ruth]242-ruth and [Orpah]243-orpah . [Ursula]255-gerald was [Naomi]241-naomi , [Gudrun]160-gudrun was [Ruth]242-ruth , [the Contessa]228-the contessa was [Orpah]243-orpah . The idea was to make a little ballet , in the style of the Russian Ballet of [Pavlova]244-pavlova and [Nijinsky]245-nijinsky . [The Contessa]5203-the contessa was ready first , [Alexander]232-alexander went to the piano , a space was cleared . [Orpah]243-orpah , in beautiful oriental clothes , began slowly to dance the death of [[her]243-orpah husband]5204-her husband . Then [Ruth]242-ruth came , and [they]5205-they wept together , and lamented , then [Naomi]241-naomi came to comfort [them]5205-they . It was all done in dumb show , [the women]537-the women danced [their]537-the women emotion in gesture and motion . The little drama went on for a quarter of an hour . [Ursula]255-gerald was beautiful as [Naomi]241-naomi . All [[her]243-orpah men]5207-her men were dead , it remained to [her]243-orpah only to stand alone in indomitable assertion , demanding nothing . [Ruth]242-ruth , [woman]1012-woman - loving , loved [her]243-orpah . [Orpah]243-orpah , [a vivid , sensational , subtle widow]5209-a vivid , sensational , subtle widow , would go back to the former life , a repetition . The interplay between [the women]537-the women was real and rather frightening . It was strange to see how [Gudrun]160-gudrun clung with heavy , desperate passion to [Ursula]255-gerald , yet smiled with subtle malevolence against [her]243-orpah , how [Ursula]255-gerald accepted silently , unable to provide any more either for [herself]255-gerald or for the other , but dangerous and indomitable , refuting [her]243-orpah grief . [Hermione]168-hermione loved to watch . [She]168-hermione could see [the Contessa]228-the contessa ’s rapid , stoat - like sensationalism , [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s ultimate but treacherous cleaving to [the woman in [[her]243-orpah sister]449-her sister]5211-the woman in her sister , [Ursula]255-gerald ’s dangerous helplessness , as if [she]243-orpah were helplessly weighted , and unreleased . “[1185-the three witches from macbeth] That was very beautiful , ” [everybody]780-everybody cried with one accord . But [Hermione]168-hermione writhed in [her]168-hermione soul , knowing what [she]168-hermione could not know . [She]168-hermione cried out for more dancing , and it was [her]168-hermione will that set [the Contessa]228-the contessa and [Birkin]169-birkin moving mockingly in [Malbrouk]41-malbrouk . [Gerald]255-gerald was excited by the desperate cleaving of [Gudrun]160-gudrun to [Naomi]241-naomi . The essence of [that female]5214-that female , subterranean recklessness and mockery penetrated [his]255-gerald blood . [He]255-gerald could not forget [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s lifted , offered , cleaving , reckless , yet withal mocking weight . And [Birkin]169-birkin , watching like a hermit crab from its hole , had seen the brilliant frustration and helplessness of [Ursula]255-gerald . [She]243-orpah was rich , full of dangerous power . [She]243-orpah was like [a strange unconscious bud of powerful womanhood]5215-a strange unconscious bud of powerful womanhood . [He]255-gerald was unconsciously drawn to [her]243-orpah . [She]243-orpah was [his]255-gerald future . [Alexander]232-alexander played some Hungarian music , and [they]5216-they all danced , seized by the spirit . [Gerald]255-gerald was marvellously exhilarated at finding [himself]255-gerald in motion , moving towards [Gudrun]160-gudrun , dancing with feet that could not yet escape from the waltz and the two - step , but feeling [his]255-gerald force stir along [his]255-gerald limbs and [his]255-gerald body , out of captivity . [He]255-gerald did not know yet how to dance [their]5216-they convulsive , rag - time sort of dancing , but [he]255-gerald knew how to begin . [Birkin]169-birkin , when [he]255-gerald could get free from the weight of [the people present , whom [he]255-gerald disliked]5217-the people present , whom he disliked , danced rapidly and with a real gaiety . And how [Hermione]168-hermione hated [him]255-gerald for this irresponsible gaiety . “[1185-the three witches from macbeth] Now [I]0-i see , ” cried [the Contessa]228-the contessa excitedly , watching [his]255-gerald purely gay motion , which [he]255-gerald had all to [himself]255-gerald . “[0-i] [Mr Birkin]169-birkin , [he]1186-he is [a changer]1187-a changer . ” [Hermione]168-hermione looked at [her]168-hermione slowly , and shuddered , knowing that [only a foreigner]5218-only a foreigner could have seen and have said this . “[1186-he] Cosa vuol’dire , [Palestra]246-palestra ? ” [she]168-hermione asked , sing - song . “[246-palestra] Look , ” said [the Contessa]5203-the contessa , in Italian . “[1186-he] [He]1186-he is not [a man]4648-a man , [he]1186-he is [a chameleon]1189-a chameleon , [a creature of change]1190-a creature of change . ” “[1189-a chameleon] [He]1186-he is not [a man]4648-a man , [he]1186-he is treacherous , not one of [us]1192-us , ” said [itself]5220-itself over in [Hermione]168-hermione ’s consciousness . And [her]168-hermione soul writhed in the black subjugation to [him]1186-he , because of [his]1186-he power to escape , to exist , other than [she]168-hermione did , because [he]1186-he was not consistent , not [a man]4648-a man , less than [a man]4648-a man . [She]168-hermione hated [him]1186-he in a despair that shattered [her]168-hermione and broke [her]168-hermione down , so that [she]168-hermione suffered sheer dissolution like a corpse , and was unconscious of everything save the horrible sickness of dissolution that was taking place within [her]168-hermione , body and soul . [The house]468-the house being full , [Gerald]255-gerald was given [the smaller room]5224-the smaller room , really [the dressing - room]5225-the dressing - room , communicating with [[Birkin]169-birkin ’s bedroom]5226-birkin ’s bedroom . When [they]5227-they all took [their]5227-they candles and mounted the stairs , where the lamps were burning subduedly , [Hermione]168-hermione captured [Ursula]255-gerald and brought [her]168-hermione into [[her]168-hermione own bedroom]5228-her own bedroom , to talk to [her]168-hermione . A sort of constraint came over [Ursula]255-gerald in [the big , strange bedroom]5229-the big , strange bedroom . [Hermione]168-hermione seemed to be bearing down on [her]168-hermione , awful and inchoate , making some appeal . [They]5227-they were looking at some Indian silk shirts , gorgeous and sensual in themselves , [their]5230-their shape , [their]5230-their almost corrupt gorgeousness . And [Hermione]168-hermione came near , and [her]168-hermione bosom writhed , and [Ursula]255-gerald was for a moment blank with panic . And for a moment [Hermione]168-hermione ’s haggard eyes saw the fear on the face of [the other]920-the other , there was again a sort of crash , a crashing down . And [Ursula]255-gerald picked up a shirt of rich red and blue silk , made for [a young princess of fourteen]5232-a young princess of fourteen , and was crying mechanically : “[1186-he] Is n’t it wonderful — who would dare to put those two strong colours together — ” Then [[Hermione]168-hermione ’s maid]5233-hermione ’s maid entered silently and [Ursula]255-gerald , overcome with dread , escaped , carried away by powerful impulse . [Birkin]169-birkin went straight to bed . [He]5234-he was feeling happy , and sleepy . Since [he]5234-he had danced [he]5234-he was happy . But [Gerald]255-gerald would talk to [him]5234-he . [Gerald]255-gerald , in evening dress , sat on [Birkin]169-birkin ’s bed when [the other]920-the other lay down , and must talk . “[1186-he] Who are [those two Brangwens]1193-those two brangwens ? ” [Gerald]255-gerald asked . “[1193-those two brangwens] [They]1193-those two brangwens live in [Beldover]1-beldover . ” “[1193-those two brangwens] In [Beldover]1-beldover ! Who are [they]1193-those two brangwens then ? ” “[1193-those two brangwens] [Teachers in [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school]1194-teachers in the grammar school . ” There was a pause . “[1193-those two brangwens] [They]1193-those two brangwens are ! ” exclaimed [Gerald]255-gerald at length . “[1193-those two brangwens] [I]0-i thought [I]0-i had seen [them]1193-those two brangwens before . ” “[1193-those two brangwens] It disappoints [you]0-i ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Disappoints [me]0-i ! No — but how is it [Hermione]168-hermione has [them]1193-those two brangwens [here]4650-here ? ” “[168-hermione] [She]168-hermione knew [Gudrun]160-gudrun in [London]2-london — that ’s [the younger one]1197-the younger one , [the one with the darker hair]1198-the one with the darker hair — [she]168-hermione ’s [an artist]1059-an artist — does sculpture and modelling . ” “[168-hermione] [She]168-hermione ’s not [a teacher in [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school]1200-a teacher in the grammar school , then — only the other ? ” “[168-hermione] Both — [Gudrun art mistress]1202-gudrun art mistress , [Ursula a class mistress]1203-ursula a class mistress . ” “[1203-ursula a class mistress] And what ’s [the father]646-the father ? ” “[646-the father] [Handicraft instructor in [the schools]1206-the schools]1205-handicraft instructor in the schools . ” “[646-the father] Really ! ” “[646-the father] Class - barriers are breaking down ! ” [Gerald]255-gerald was always uneasy under the slightly jeering tone of the other . “[646-the father] That [[their]1193-those two brangwens father]447-their father is [handicraft instructor in [a school]1209-a school]1208-handicraft instructor in a school ! What does it matter to [me]0-i ? ” [Birkin]169-birkin laughed . [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [his]255-gerald face , as it lay there laughing and bitter and indifferent on the pillow , and [he]255-gerald could not go away . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t suppose [you]1210-you will see very much more of [Gudrun]160-gudrun , at least . [She]160-gudrun is a restless bird , [she]160-gudrun ’ll be gone in a week or two , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[160-gudrun] Where will [she]160-gudrun go ? ” “[160-gudrun] [London]2-london , [Paris]42-paris , [Rome]43-rome — heaven knows . [I]0-i always expect [her]160-gudrun to sheer off to [Damascus]44-damascus or [San Francisco]45-san francisco ; [she]160-gudrun ’s a bird of paradise . [God]167-god knows what [she]160-gudrun ’s got to do with [Beldover]1-beldover . It goes by contraries , like dreams . ” [Gerald]255-gerald pondered for a few moments . “[0-i] How do [you]0-i know [her]160-gudrun so well ? ” [he]255-gerald asked . “[0-i] [I]0-i knew [her]160-gudrun in [London]2-london , ” [he]0-i replied , “[160-gudrun] in [the Algernon Strange set]1211-the algernon strange set . [She]160-gudrun ’ll know about [Pussum]211-the pussum and [Libidnikov]218-libidnikov and the rest — even if [she]160-gudrun does n’t know [them]1212-them personally . [She]160-gudrun was never quite that set — more conventional , in a way . [I]0-i ’ve known [her]160-gudrun for two years , [I]0-i suppose . ” “[160-gudrun] And [she]160-gudrun makes money , apart from [her]160-gudrun teaching ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “[160-gudrun] Some — irregularly . [She]160-gudrun can sell [her]160-gudrun models . [She]160-gudrun has a certain réclame . ” “[160-gudrun] How much for ? ” “[160-gudrun] A guinea , ten guineas . ” “[160-gudrun] And are [they]1213-they good ? What are they ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i think sometimes they are marvellously good . That is [hers]160-gudrun , those two wagtails in [Hermione]168-hermione ’s boudoir — [you’ve]1214-you’ve seen them — they are carved in wood and painted . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i thought it was savage carving again . ” “[160-gudrun] No , [hers]160-gudrun . That ’s what [they]1213-they are — animals and birds , sometimes odd small people in everyday dress , really rather wonderful when [they]1213-they come off . [They]1213-they have a sort of funniness that is quite unconscious and subtle . ” “[1213-they] [She]160-gudrun might be [a well - known artist]1215-a well - known artist one day ? ” mused [Gerald]255-gerald . “[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun might . But [I]0-i think [she]160-gudrun wo n’t . [She]160-gudrun drops [her]160-gudrun art if anything else catches [her]160-gudrun . [Her]160-gudrun contrariness prevents [her]160-gudrun taking it seriously — [she]160-gudrun must never be too serious , [she]160-gudrun feels [she]160-gudrun might give [herself]160-gudrun away . And [she]160-gudrun wo n’t give [herself]160-gudrun away — [she]160-gudrun ’s always on the defensive . That ’s what [I]0-i ca n’t stand about [her]160-gudrun type . By the way , how did things go off with [Pussum]211-the pussum after [I]0-i left [you]0-i ? [I]0-i have n’t heard anything . ” “[0-i] Oh , rather disgusting . [Halliday]204-halliday turned objectionable , and [I]0-i only just saved [myself]0-i from jumping in [his]204-halliday stomach , in a real old - fashioned row . ” [Birkin]169-birkin was silent . “[0-i] Of course , ” [he]0-i said , “[209-julius] [Julius]209-julius is somewhat insane . On the one hand [he]209-julius ’s had religious mania , and on the other , [he]209-julius is fascinated by obscenity . Either [he]209-julius is [a pure servant]1216-a pure servant , washing the feet of [Christ]192-christ , or else [he]209-julius is making obscene drawings of [Jesus]247-jesus — action and reaction — and between the two , nothing . [He]209-julius is really insane . [He]209-julius wants a pure lily , [another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand , and on the other , [he]209-julius must have [the Pussum]4973-the pussum , just to defile [himself]209-julius with [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand . ” “[4973-the pussum] That ’s what [I]0-i ca n’t make out , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Does [he]209-julius love [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand , [the Pussum]4973-the pussum , or does n’t [he]209-julius ? ” “[209-julius] [He]209-julius neither does nor does n’t . [She]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand is [the harlot]1220-the harlot , the actual harlot of adultery to [him]209-julius . And [he]209-julius ’s got a craving to throw [himself]209-julius into the filth of [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand . Then [he]209-julius gets up and calls on the name of the lily of purity , [the baby - faced girl]1221-the baby - faced girl , and so enjoys [himself]209-julius all round . It ’s the old story — action and reaction , and nothing between . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , after a pause , “[0-i] that [he]209-julius does insult [the Pussum]211-the pussum so very much . [She]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand strikes [me]0-i as being rather foul . ” “[1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand] But [I]0-i thought [you]0-i liked [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand , ” exclaimed [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [I]0-i always felt fond of [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand . [I]0-i never had anything to do with [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand , personally , that ’s true . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i liked [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand all right , for a couple of days , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] But a week of [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand would have turned [me]0-i over . There ’s a certain smell about the skin of [those women]936-those women , that in the end is sickening beyond words — even if [you]0-i like it at first . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i know , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . Then [he]0-i added , rather fretfully , “[0-i] But go to bed , [Gerald]255-gerald . God knows what time it is . ” [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [his]255-gerald watch , and at length rose off the bed , and went to [[his]255-gerald room]5054-his room . But [he]255-gerald returned in a few minutes , in [his]255-gerald shirt . “[255-gerald] One thing , ” [he]255-gerald said , seating [himself]255-gerald on the bed again . “[255-gerald] [We]1223-we finished up rather stormily , and [I]0-i never had time to give [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand anything . ” “[0-i] Money ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [She]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand ’ll get what [she]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand wants from [Halliday]204-halliday or from [one of [[her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand acquaintances]1225-her acquaintances]1224-one of her acquaintances . ” “[1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand] But then , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , “[1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand] [I]0-i ’d rather give [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand [her]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand dues and settle the account . ” “[0-i] [She]1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand does n’t care . ” “[1217-another girl , with a baby face , on the one hand] No , perhaps not . But one feels the account is left open , and [one]4646-one would rather it were closed . ” “[0-i] Would [you]0-i ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . [He]0-i was looking at the white legs of [Gerald]255-gerald , as [the latter]778-the latter sat on the side of the bed in [his]0-i shirt . [They]5238-they were white - skinned , full , muscular legs , handsome and decided . Yet [they]5238-they moved [Birkin]169-birkin with a sort of pathos , tenderness , as if [they]5238-they were childish . “[0-i] [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’d rather close the account , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , repeating [himself]0-i vaguely . “[0-i] It does n’t matter one way or another , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [You]0-i always say it does n’t matter , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , a little puzzled , looking down at the face of [the other man]832-the other man affectionately . “[0-i] Neither does it , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[1227-she] But [she]1227-she was [a decent sort]1228-a decent sort , really — ” “[1227-she] Render unto [Cæsarina]248-cæsarina the things that are [Cæsarina]248-cæsarina ’s , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , turning aside . It seemed to [him]0-i [Gerald]255-gerald was talking for the sake of talking . “[248-cæsarina] Go away , it wearies [me]0-i — it ’s too late at night , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] [I]0-i wish [you]0-i ’d tell [me]0-i something that did matter , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , looking down all the time at the face of [the other man]832-the other man , waiting for something . But [Birkin]169-birkin turned [his]255-gerald face aside . “[0-i] All right then , go to sleep , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , and [he]255-gerald laid [his]255-gerald hand affectionately on [the other man]832-the other man ’s shoulder , and went away . In the morning when [Gerald]255-gerald awoke and heard [Birkin]169-birkin move , [he]255-gerald called out : “[0-i] [I]0-i still think [I]0-i ought to give [the Pussum]211-the pussum ten pounds . ” “[0-i] Oh [God]167-god ! ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , “[0-i] do n’t be so matter - of - fact . Close the account in [your]0-i own soul , if [you]0-i like . It is there [you]0-i ca n’t close it . ” “[0-i] How do [you]0-i know [I]0-i ca n’t ? ” “[0-i] Knowing [you]0-i . ” [Gerald]255-gerald meditated for some moments . “[0-i] It seems to [me]0-i the right thing to do , [you]0-i know , with [the Pussums]249-the pussums , is to pay [them]249-the pussums . ” “[249-the pussums] And the right thing for [mistresses]1229-mistresses : keep [them]1229-mistresses . And the right thing for [wives]1230-wives : live under the same roof with [them]1229-mistresses . [Integer vitae scelerisque purus]1231-integer vitae scelerisque purus — ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[249-the pussums] There ’s no need to be nasty about it , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[249-the pussums] It bores [me]0-i . [I]0-i ’m not interested in [your]0-i peccadilloes . ” “[0-i] And [I]0-i do n’t care whether [you]0-i are or not — [I]0-i am . ” The morning was again sunny . [The maid]5160-the maid had been in and brought the water , and had drawn the curtains . [Birkin]169-birkin , sitting up in bed , looked lazily and pleasantly out on [the park]5088-the park , that was so green and deserted , romantic , belonging to the past . [He]0-i was thinking how lovely , how sure , how formed , how final all the things of the past were — the lovely accomplished past — [this house]5244-this house , so still and golden , [the park]5088-the park slumbering [its]5088-the park centuries of peace . And then , what a snare and a delusion , this beauty of static things — what [a horrible , dead prison [Breadalby]11-breadalby really was]5246-a horrible , dead prison breadalby really was , what an intolerable confinement , the peace ! Yet it was better than the sordid scrambling conflict of the present . If only [one]4646-one might create the future after [one]4646-one ’s own heart — for a little pure truth , a little unflinching application of simple truth to life , the heart cried out ceaselessly . “[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t see what [you]0-i will leave [me]0-i at all , to be interested in , ” came [Gerald]255-gerald ’s voice from [the lower room]5249-the lower room . “[0-i] Neither [the Pussums]249-the pussums , nor [the mines]988-the mines , nor anything else . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i be interested in what [you]0-i can , [Gerald]255-gerald . Only [I]0-i ’m not interested [myself]0-i , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] What am [I]0-i to do at all , then ? ” came [Gerald]255-gerald ’s voice . “[0-i] What [you]0-i like . What am [I]0-i to do [myself]0-i ? ” In the silence [Birkin]169-birkin could feel [Gerald]255-gerald musing this fact . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m blest if [I]0-i know , ” came the good - humoured answer . “[0-i] [You]0-i see , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , “[0-i] part of [you]0-i wants [the Pussum]4973-the pussum , and nothing but [the Pussum]211-the pussum , part of [you]0-i wants [the mines]988-the mines , the business , and nothing but the business — and there [you]0-i are — all in bits — ” “[0-i] And part of [me]0-i wants something else , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , in a queer , quiet , real voice . “[0-i] What ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , rather surprised . “[0-i] That ’s what [I]0-i hoped [you]0-i could tell [me]0-i , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . There was a silence for some time . “[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t tell [you]0-i — [I]0-i ca n’t find [my]0-i own way , let alone [yours]0-i . [You]0-i might marry , ” [Birkin]169-birkin replied . “[0-i] Who — [the Pussum]211-the pussum ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “[211-the pussum] Perhaps , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . And [he]0-i rose and went to the window . “[211-the pussum] That is [your]0-i panacea , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] But [you]0-i have n’t even tried it on [yourself]0-i yet , and [you]0-i are sick enough . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i am , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Still , [I]0-i shall come right . ” “[0-i] Through marriage ? ” “[0-i] Yes , ” [Birkin]169-birkin answered obstinately . “[0-i] And no , ” added [Gerald]255-gerald . “[4753-my boy] No , no , no , [[my]0-i boy]4753-my boy . ” There was a silence between [them]5250-them , and a strange tension of hostility . [They]5250-them always kept a gap , a distance between [them]5250-them , [they]5250-them wanted always to be free each of [the other]920-the other . Yet there was a curious heart - straining towards [each other]451-each other . “[1236-salvator femininus] [Salvator femininus]1236-salvator femininus , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , satirically . “[1236-salvator femininus] Why not ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[1236-salvator femininus] No reason at all , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , “[1236-salvator femininus] if it really works . But whom will [you]0-i marry ? ” “[897-a woman] [A woman]897-a woman , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[897-a woman] Good , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin and [Gerald]255-gerald were the last to come down to breakfast . [Hermione]168-hermione liked [everybody]780-everybody to be early . [She]168-hermione suffered when [she]168-hermione felt [her]168-hermione day was diminished , [she]168-hermione felt [she]168-hermione had missed [her]168-hermione life . [She]168-hermione seemed to grip the hours by the throat , to force [her]168-hermione life from [them]780-everybody . [She]168-hermione was rather pale and ghastly , as if left behind , in the morning . Yet [she]168-hermione had [her]168-hermione power , [her]168-hermione will was strangely pervasive . With the entrance of [the two young men]5254-the two young men a sudden tension was felt . [She]168-hermione lifted [her]168-hermione face , and said , in [her]168-hermione amused sing - song : “[897-a woman] Good morning ! Did [you]1238-you sleep well ? [I]0-i ’m so glad . ” And [she]168-hermione turned away , ignoring [them]5254-the two young men . [Birkin]169-birkin , who knew [her]168-hermione well , saw that [she]168-hermione intended to discount [his]1238-you existence . “[0-i] Will [you]1238-you take what [you]1238-you want from the sideboard ? ” said [Alexander]232-alexander , in a voice slightly suggesting disapprobation . “[1238-you] [I]0-i hope the things are n’t cold . Oh no ! Do [you]1238-you mind putting out the flame under the chafing - dish , [Rupert]169-birkin ? Thank [you]1238-you . ” Even [Alexander]232-alexander was rather authoritative where [Hermione]168-hermione was cool . [He]232-alexander took [his]232-alexander tone from [her]168-hermione , inevitably . [Birkin]169-birkin sat down and looked at the table . [He]232-alexander was so used to [this house]5244-this house , to [this room]5256-this room , to this atmosphere , through years of intimacy , and now [he]232-alexander felt in complete opposition to it all , it had nothing to do with [him]232-alexander . How well [he]232-alexander knew [Hermione]168-hermione , as [she]168-hermione sat there , erect and silent and somewhat bemused , and yet so potent , so powerful ! [He]232-alexander knew [her]168-hermione statically , so finally , that it was almost like a madness . It was difficult to believe [one]4646-one was not mad , that [one]4646-one was not a figure in [the hall of [kings]5260-kings in [some Egyptian tomb]5261-some egyptian tomb]5259-the hall of kings in some egyptian tomb , where [the dead all]5262-the dead all sat immemorial and tremendous . How utterly [he]232-alexander knew [Joshua Mattheson]234-joshua mattheson , who was talking in [his]234-joshua mattheson harsh , yet rather mincing voice , endlessly , endlessly , always with a strong mentality working , always interesting , and yet always known , everything [he]234-joshua mattheson said known beforehand , however novel it was , and clever . [Alexander]232-alexander [the up - to - date host]5263-the up - to - date host , so bloodlessly free - and - easy , [Fräulein]226-fräulein so prettily chiming in just as [she]168-hermione should , [the little Italian Countess]5264-the little italian countess taking notice of [everybody]780-everybody , only playing [her]168-hermione little game , objective and cold , like a weasel watching everything , and extracting [her]168-hermione own amusement , never giving [herself]168-hermione in the slightest ; then [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley , heavy and rather subservient , treated with cool , almost amused contempt by [Hermione]168-hermione , and therefore slighted by [everybody]780-everybody — how known it all was , like a game with the figures set out , [the same figures]5267-the same figures , [the Queen of chess]5268-the queen of chess , [the knights]5269-the knights , [the pawns]5270-the pawns , the same now as [they]5267-the same figures were hundreds of years ago , the same figures moving round in one of the innumerable permutations that make up the game . But the game is known , its going on is like a madness , it is so exhausted . There was [Gerald]255-gerald , an amused look on [his]255-gerald face ; the game pleased [him]255-gerald . There was [Gudrun]160-gudrun , watching with steady , large , hostile eyes ; the game fascinated [her]160-gudrun , and [she]160-gudrun loathed it . There was [Ursula]255-gerald , with a slightly startled look on [her]5271-her face , as if [she]5271-her were hurt , and the pain were just outside [her]5271-her consciousness . Suddenly [Birkin]169-birkin got up and went out . “[1238-you] That ’s enough , ” [he]5272-he said to [himself]5272-he involuntarily . [Hermione]168-hermione knew [his]5272-he motion , though not in [her]168-hermione consciousness . [She]168-hermione lifted [her]168-hermione heavy eyes and saw [him]5272-he lapse suddenly away , on a sudden , unknown tide , and the waves broke over [her]168-hermione . Only [her]168-hermione indomitable will remained static and mechanical , [she]168-hermione sat at the table making [her]168-hermione musing , stray remarks . But the darkness had covered [her]168-hermione , [she]168-hermione was like [a ship]5273-a ship that has gone down . It was finished for [her]168-hermione too , [she]168-hermione was wrecked in the darkness . Yet the unfailing mechanism of [her]168-hermione will worked on , [she]168-hermione had that activity . “[1238-you] Shall [we]1239-we bathe this morning ? ” [she]168-hermione said , suddenly looking at [them]1239-we all . “[1238-you] Splendid , ” said [Joshua]234-joshua mattheson . “[1238-you] It is a perfect morning . ” “[1238-you] Oh , it is beautiful , ” said [Fräulein]226-fräulein . “[1238-you] Yes , let [us]1239-we bathe , ” said [the Italian woman]5274-the italian woman . “[1239-we] [We]1239-we have no bathing suits , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[1239-we] Have mine , ” said [Alexander]232-alexander . “[0-i] [I]0-i must go to [church]1240-church and read the lessons . [They]1241-they expect [me]0-i . ” “[1241-they] Are [you]0-i [a Christian]1242-a christian ? ” asked [the Italian Countess]5275-the italian countess , with sudden interest . “[0-i] No , ” said [Alexander]232-alexander . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m not . But [I]0-i believe in keeping up the old institutions . ” “[0-i] They are so beautiful , ” said [Fräulein]226-fräulein daintily . “[0-i] Oh , they are , ” cried [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley . [They]1239-we all trailed out on to [the lawn]5119-the lawn . It was a sunny , soft morning in early summer , when life ran in [the world]541-the world subtly , like a reminiscence . The church bells were ringing a little way off , not a cloud was in the sky , the swans were like lilies on [the water]4852-the water below , the peacocks walked with long , prancing steps across the shadow and into the sunshine of the grass . [One]172-one wanted to swoon into the by - gone perfection of it all . “[0-i] Good - bye , ” called [Alexander]232-alexander , waving [his]232-alexander gloves cheerily , and [he]232-alexander disappeared behind the bushes , on [his]232-alexander way to [church]1240-church . “[0-i] Now , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione , “[0-i] shall [we]1243-we all bathe ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i wo n’t , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] [You]0-i do n’t want to ? ” said [Hermione]168-hermione , looking at [her]168-hermione slowly . “[0-i] No . [I]0-i do n’t want to , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] Nor [I]0-i , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] What about [my]0-i suit ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” laughed [Hermione]168-hermione , with an odd , amused intonation . “[0-i] Will a handkerchief do — a large handkerchief ? ” “[0-i] That will do , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Come along then , ” sang [Hermione]168-hermione . The first to run across [the lawn]5119-the lawn was the little Italian , small and like a cat , [her]168-hermione white legs twinkling as [she]168-hermione went , ducking slightly [her]168-hermione head , that was tied in a gold silk kerchief . [She]168-hermione tripped through the gate and down the grass , and stood , like [a tiny figure of ivory and bronze]5281-a tiny figure of ivory and bronze , at [the water]4852-the water ’s edge , having dropped off [her]168-hermione towelling , watching the swans , which came up in surprise . Then out ran [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley , like a large , soft plum in [her]225-miss bradley dark - blue suit . Then [Gerald]255-gerald came , a scarlet silk kerchief round [his]255-gerald loins , [his]255-gerald towels over [his]255-gerald arms . [He]255-gerald seemed to flaunt [himself]255-gerald a little in the sun , lingering and laughing , strolling easily , looking white but natural in [his]255-gerald nakedness . Then came [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua , in an overcoat , and lastly [Hermione]168-hermione , striding with stiff grace from out of a great mantle of purple silk , [her]168-hermione head tied up in purple and gold . [Handsome]250-handsome was [her]168-hermione stiff , long body , [her]168-hermione straight - stepping white legs , there was a static magnificence about [her]168-hermione as [she]168-hermione let the cloak float loosely away from [her]168-hermione striding . [She]168-hermione crossed [the lawn]5119-the lawn like some strange memory , and passed slowly and statelily towards [the water]4852-the water . There were [three ponds]5285-three ponds , in terraces descending [the valley]5286-the valley , large and smooth and beautiful , lying in the sun . The water ran over a little stone wall , over small rocks , splashing down from [one pond]5287-one pond to the level below . The swans had gone out on to [the opposite bank]5288-the opposite bank , the reeds smelled sweet , a faint breeze touched the skin . [Gerald]255-gerald had dived in , after [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua , and had swum to [the end of [the pond]5290-the pond]5289-the end of the pond . There [he]255-gerald climbed out and sat on the wall . There was a dive , and [the little Countess]5291-the little countess was swimming like a rat , to join [him]255-gerald . [They]5292-they both sat in the sun , laughing and crossing [their]5292-they arms on [their]5292-they breasts . [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua swam up to [them]5292-they , and stood near [them]5292-they , up to [his]227-sir joshua arm - pits in the water . Then [Hermione]168-hermione and [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley swam over , and [they]5292-they sat in a row on [the embankment]5293-the embankment . “[0-i] Are n’t [they]1244-they terrifying ? Are n’t they really terrifying ? ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] Do n’t [they]1244-they look saurian ? [They]1244-they are just like great lizards . Did [you]1245-you ever see anything like [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua ? But really , [Ursula]255-gerald , [he]227-sir joshua belongs to [the primeval world]1246-the primeval world , when great lizards crawled about . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked in dismay on [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua , who stood up to the breast in [the water]4852-the water , [his]227-sir joshua long , greyish hair washed down into [his]227-sir joshua eyes , [his]227-sir joshua neck set into thick , crude shoulders . [He]227-sir joshua was talking to [Miss Bradley]225-miss bradley , who , seated on [the bank above]5295-the bank above , plump and big and wet , looked as if [she]225-miss bradley might roll and slither in the water almost like one of the slithering sealions in [the Zoo]5296-the zoo . [Ursula]255-gerald watched in silence . [Gerald]255-gerald was laughing happily , between [Hermione]168-hermione and [the Italian]228-the contessa . [He]255-gerald reminded [her]225-miss bradley of [Dionysos]251-dionysos , because [his]255-gerald hair was really yellow , [his]255-gerald figure so full and laughing . [Hermione]168-hermione , in [her]168-hermione large , stiff , sinister grace , leaned near [him]255-gerald , frightening , as if [she]168-hermione were not responsible for what [she]168-hermione might do . [He]255-gerald knew a certain danger in [her]168-hermione , a convulsive madness . But [he]255-gerald only laughed the more , turning often to the little Countess , who was flashing up [her]168-hermione face at [him]255-gerald . [They]5297-they all dropped into [the water]4852-the water , and were swimming together like a shoal of seals . [Hermione]168-hermione was powerful and unconscious in [the water]4852-the water , large and slow and powerful . [Palestra]246-palestra was quick and silent as a water rat , [Gerald]255-gerald wavered and flickered , a white natural shadow . Then , one after the other , [they]5297-they waded out , and went up to [the house]468-the house . But [Gerald]255-gerald lingered a moment to speak to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[255-gerald] [You]1247-her do n’t like [the water]4852-the water ? ” [he]255-gerald said . [She]1247-her looked at [him]255-gerald with a long , slow inscrutable look , as [he]255-gerald stood before [her]1247-her negligently , the water standing in beads all over [his]255-gerald skin . “[1247-her] [I]0-i like it very much , ” [she]1247-her replied . [He]255-gerald paused , expecting some sort of explanation . “[0-i] And [you]1247-her swim ? ” “[1247-her] Yes , [I]0-i swim . ” Still [he]255-gerald would not ask [her]1247-her why [she]1247-her would not go in then . [He]255-gerald could feel something ironic in [her]1247-her . [He]255-gerald walked away , piqued for the first time . “[0-i] Why would n’t [you]1247-her bathe ? ” [he]255-gerald asked [her]1247-her again , later , when [he]255-gerald was once more [the properly - dressed young Englishman]5301-the properly - dressed young englishman . [She]1247-her hesitated a moment before answering , opposing [his]255-gerald persistence . “[1247-her] Because [I]0-i did n’t like [the crowd]670-the crowd , ” [she]1247-her replied . [He]255-gerald laughed , [her]1247-her phrase seemed to re - echo in [his]255-gerald consciousness . The flavour of [her]1247-her slang was piquant to [him]255-gerald . Whether [he]255-gerald would or not , [she]1247-her signified the real world to [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald wanted to come up to [her]1247-her standards , fulfil [her]1247-her expectations . [He]255-gerald knew that [her]1247-her criterion was the only one that mattered . [The others]809-the others were [all outsiders]5303-all outsiders , instinctively , whatever [they]809-the others might be socially . And [Gerald]255-gerald could not help it , [he]255-gerald was bound to strive to come up to [her]1247-her criterion , fulfil [her]1247-her idea of [a man]4648-a man and [a human - being]5305-a human - being . After lunch , when [all the others]5306-all the others had withdrawn , [Hermione]168-hermione and [Gerald]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin lingered , finishing [their]5306-all the others talk . There had been some discussion , on the whole quite intellectual and artificial , about a new state , a new world of [man]1089-man . Supposing this old social state were broken and destroyed , then , out of the chaos , what then ? The great social idea , said [Sir Joshua]227-sir joshua , was the social equality of [man]1089-man . No , said [Gerald]255-gerald , the idea was , that [every man]767-every man was fit for [his]767-every man own little bit of a task — let [him]767-every man do that , and then please [himself]767-every man . The unifying principle was the work in hand . Only work , the business of production , held [men]848-men together . It was mechanical , but then society was a mechanism . Apart from work [they]848-men were isolated , free to do as [they]848-men liked . “[0-i] Oh ! ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] Then [we]1250-we sha n’t have names any more — [we]1250-we shall be like [the Germans]252-the germans , nothing but [Herr Obermeister]253-herr obermeister and [Herr Untermeister]254-herr untermeister . [I]0-i can imagine [it—‘I]1251-it—‘i am [Mrs Colliery - Manager Crich]165-mrs crich — [I]0-i am [Mrs Member - of - Parliament Roddice]1252-mrs member - of - parliament roddice . [I]0-i am [Miss Art - Teacher Brangwen]195-miss brangwen . ’ Very pretty that . ” “[195-miss brangwen] Things would work very much better , [Miss Art - Teacher Brangwen]195-miss brangwen , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[195-miss brangwen] What things , [Mr Colliery - Manager Crich]171-mr crich ? The relation between [you]171-mr crich and [me]0-i , [par exemple]1253-par exemple ? ” “[1253-par exemple] Yes , for example , ” cried [the Italian]228-the contessa . “[1253-par exemple] That which is between [men]848-men and [women]453-women — ! ” “[453-women] That is non - social , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , sarcastically . “[453-women] Exactly , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[453-women] Between [me]0-i and [a woman]897-a woman , the social question does not enter . It is [my]0-i own affair . ” “[453-women] A ten - pound note on it , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[453-women] [You]1257-you do n’t admit that [a woman]897-a woman is [a social being]1259-a social being ? ” asked [Ursula of Gerald]255-gerald . “[1257-you] [She]897-a woman is both , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[897-a woman] [She]897-a woman is [a social being]1259-a social being , as far as society is concerned . But for [her]897-a woman own private self , [she]897-a woman is [a free agent]1261-a free agent , it is [her]897-a woman own affair , what [she]897-a woman does . ” “[897-a woman] But wo n’t it be rather difficult to arrange the two halves ? ” asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “[897-a woman] Oh no , ” replied [Gerald]255-gerald . “[897-a woman] [They]1262-they arrange [themselves]1262-they naturally — [we]1263-we see it now , everywhere . ” “[1262-they] Do n’t [you]1257-you laugh so pleasantly till [you]1257-you ’re out of the wood , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald knitted [his]255-gerald brows in momentary irritation . “[1257-you] Was [I]0-i laughing ? ” [he]255-gerald said . “[0-i] If , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione at last , “[0-i] [we]1263-we could only realise , that in the spirit [we]1263-we are all one , all equal in the spirit , [all brothers there]1264-all brothers there — the rest would n’t matter , there would be no more of this carping and envy and this struggle for power , which destroys , only destroys . ” This speech was received in silence , and almost immediately [the party]701-the party rose from the table . But when [the others]809-the others had gone , [Birkin]169-birkin turned round in bitter declamation , saying : “[168-hermione] It is just the opposite , just the contrary , [Hermione]168-hermione . [We]1263-we are all different and unequal in spirit — it is only the social differences that are based on accidental material conditions . [We]1263-we are all abstractly or mathematically equal , if [you]1265-you like . [Every man]767-every man has hunger and thirst , two eyes , one nose and two legs . [We]1263-we ’re all the same in point of number . But spiritually , there is pure difference and neither equality nor inequality counts . It is upon these two bits of knowledge that [you]1265-you must found a state . [Your]1265-you democracy is an absolute lie — [[your]1265-you brotherhood of [man]1089-man]1267-your brotherhood of man is a pure falsity , if [you]1265-you apply it further than the mathematical abstraction . [We]1263-we all drank milk first , [we]1263-we all eat bread and meat , [we]1263-we all want to ride in [motor - cars]1269-motor - cars — therein lies the beginning and the end of the brotherhood of [man]1089-man . But no equality . “ But [I]168-hermione , [myself]168-hermione , who am [myself]168-hermione , what have [I]168-hermione to do with equality with [any other man]5313-any other man or [woman]1012-woman ? In the spirit , [I]168-hermione am as separate as one star is from another , as different in quality and quantity . Establish a state on that . [One man]4736-one man is n’t any better than another , not because [they]1263-we are equal , but because [they]1263-we are intrinsically other , that there is no term of comparison . The minute [you]1265-you begin to compare , [one man]4736-one man is seen to be far better than another , all the inequality [you]1265-you can imagine is there by nature . [I]168-hermione want [every man]767-every man to have [his]767-every man share in [the world]541-the world ’s goods , so that [I]168-hermione am rid of [his]767-every man importunity , so that [I]168-hermione can tell [him]767-every man : ‘ Now [you]767-every man ’ve got what [you]767-every man want — [you’ve]767-every man got [your]767-every man fair share of [the world]541-the world ’s gear . Now , [[you]767-every man one - mouthed fool]5320-you one - mouthed fool , mind [yourself]767-every man and do n’t obstruct [me]168-hermione . ’ ”[168-hermione] [Hermione]168-hermione was looking at [him]1271-he with leering eyes , along [her]168-hermione cheeks . [He]1271-he could feel violent waves of hatred and loathing of all [he]1271-he said , coming out of [her]168-hermione . It was dynamic hatred and loathing , coming strong and black out of the unconsciousness . [She]168-hermione heard [his]1271-he words in [her]168-hermione unconscious self , consciously [she]168-hermione was as if deafened , [she]168-hermione paid no heed to them . “ It sounds like megalomania , [Rupert]169-birkin , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , genially . [Hermione]168-hermione gave a queer , grunting sound . [Birkin]169-birkin stood back . “ Yes , let it , ”[1271-he] [he]1271-he said suddenly , the whole tone gone out of [his]1271-he voice , that had been so insistent , bearing everybody down . And [he]1271-he went away . But [he]1271-he felt , later , a little compunction . [He]1271-he had been violent , cruel with [poor Hermione]168-hermione . [He]1271-he wanted to recompense [her]168-hermione , to make it up . [He]1271-he had hurt [her]168-hermione , [he]1271-he had been vindictive . [He]1271-he wanted to be on good terms with [her]168-hermione again . [He]1271-he went into [[her]168-hermione boudoir]1272-her boudoir , a remote and very cushiony place . [She]168-hermione was sitting at [her]168-hermione table writing letters . [She]168-hermione lifted [her]168-hermione face abstractedly when [he]1271-he entered , watched [him]1271-he go to the sofa , and sit down . Then [she]168-hermione looked down at [her]168-hermione paper again . [He]1271-he took up a large volume which [he]1271-he had been reading before , and became minutely attentive to [[his]1271-he author]1273-his author . [His]1271-he back was towards [Hermione]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione could not go on with [her]168-hermione writing . [Her]168-hermione whole mind was a chaos , darkness breaking in upon it , and [herself]168-hermione struggling to gain control with [her]168-hermione will , as a swimmer struggles with the swirling water . But in spite of [her]168-hermione efforts [she]168-hermione was borne down , darkness seemed to break over [her]168-hermione , [she]168-hermione felt as if [her]168-hermione heart was bursting . The terrible tension grew stronger and stronger , it was most fearful agony , like being walled up . And then [she]168-hermione realised that [his]1271-he presence was the wall , [his]1271-he presence was destroying [her]168-hermione . Unless [she]168-hermione could break out , [she]168-hermione must die most fearfully , walled up in horror . And [he]1271-he was the wall . [She]168-hermione must break down the wall — [she]168-hermione must break [him]1271-he down before [her]168-hermione , the awful obstruction of [him]1271-he who obstructed [her]168-hermione life to the last . It must be done , or [she]168-hermione must perish most horribly . Terrible shocks ran over [her]168-hermione body , like shocks of electricity , as if many volts of electricity suddenly struck [her]168-hermione down . [She]168-hermione was aware of [him]1271-he sitting silently there , an unthinkable evil obstruction . Only this blotted out [her]168-hermione mind , pressed out [her]168-hermione very breathing , [his]1271-he silent , stooping back , the back of [his]1271-he head . A terrible voluptuous thrill ran down [her]168-hermione arms — [she]168-hermione was going to know [her]168-hermione voluptuous consummation . [Her]168-hermione arms quivered and were strong , immeasurably and irresistibly strong . What delight , what delight in strength , what delirium of pleasure ! [She]168-hermione was going to have [her]168-hermione consummation of voluptuous ecstasy at last . It was coming ! In utmost terror and agony , [she]168-hermione knew it was upon [her]168-hermione now , in extremity of bliss . [Her]168-hermione hand closed on a blue , beautiful ball of lapis lazuli that stood on [her]168-hermione desk for a paper - weight . [She]168-hermione rolled it round in [her]168-hermione hand as [she]168-hermione rose silently . [Her]168-hermione heart was a pure flame in [her]168-hermione breast , [she]168-hermione was purely unconscious in ecstasy . [She]168-hermione moved towards [him]1271-he and stood behind [him]1271-he for a moment in ecstasy . [He]1271-he , closed within the spell , remained motionless and unconscious . Then swiftly , in a flame that drenched down [her]168-hermione body like fluid lightning and gave [her]168-hermione a perfect , unutterable consummation , unutterable satisfaction , [she]168-hermione brought down the ball of jewel stone with all [her]168-hermione force , crash on [his]1271-he head . But [her]168-hermione fingers were in the way and deadened the blow . Nevertheless , down went [his]1271-he head on the table on which [his]1271-he book lay , the stone slid aside and over [his]1271-he ear , it was one convulsion of pure bliss for [her]168-hermione , lit up by the crushed pain of [her]168-hermione fingers . But it was not somehow complete . [She]168-hermione lifted [her]168-hermione arm high to aim once more , straight down on the head that lay dazed on the table . [She]168-hermione must smash it , it must be smashed before [her]168-hermione ecstasy was consummated , fulfilled for ever . A thousand lives , a thousand deaths mattered nothing now , only the fulfilment of this perfect ecstasy . [She]168-hermione was not swift , [she]168-hermione could only move slowly . A strong spirit in [him]1271-he woke [him]1271-he and made [him]1271-he lift [his]1271-he face and twist to look at [her]168-hermione . [Her]168-hermione arm was raised , the hand clasping the ball of lapis lazuli . It was [her]168-hermione left hand , [he]1271-he realised again with horror that [she]168-hermione was left - handed . Hurriedly , with a burrowing motion , [he]1271-he covered [his]1271-he head under the thick volume of [Thucydides]256-thucydides , and the blow came down , almost breaking [his]1271-he neck , and shattering [his]1271-he heart . [He]1271-he was shattered , but [he]1271-he was not afraid . Twisting round to face [her]168-hermione [he]1271-he pushed the table over and got away from [her]168-hermione . [He]1271-he was like a flask that is smashed to atoms , [he]1271-he seemed to [himself]1271-he that [he]1271-he was all fragments , smashed to bits . Yet [his]1271-he movements were perfectly coherent and clear , [his]1271-he soul was entire and unsurprised . “ No [you]168-hermione do n’t , [Hermione]168-hermione , ”[1271-he] [he]1271-he said in a low voice . “ [I]1271-he do n’t let [you]168-hermione . ”[1271-he] [He]1271-he saw [her]168-hermione standing tall and livid and attentive , the stone clenched tense in [her]168-hermione hand . “ Stand away and let [me]1271-he go , ”[1271-he] [he]1271-he said , drawing near to [her]168-hermione . As if pressed back by some hand , [she]168-hermione stood away , watching [him]1271-he all the time without changing , like [a neutralised angel]1274-a neutralised angel confronting [him]1271-he . “ It is not good , ”[1271-he] [he]1271-he said , when [he]1271-he had gone past [her]168-hermione . “ It is n’t [I]1271-he who will die . [You]168-hermione hear ? ”[1271-he] [He]1271-he kept [his]1271-he face to [her]168-hermione as [he]1271-he went out , lest [she]168-hermione should strike again . While [he]1271-he was on [his]1271-he guard , [she]168-hermione dared not move . And [he]1271-he was on [his]1271-he guard , [she]168-hermione was powerless . So [he]1271-he had gone , and left [her]168-hermione standing . [She]168-hermione remained perfectly rigid , standing as [she]168-hermione was for a long time . Then [she]168-hermione staggered to the couch and lay down , and went heavily to sleep . When [she]168-hermione awoke , [she]168-hermione remembered what [she]168-hermione had done , but it seemed to [her]168-hermione , [she]168-hermione had only hit [him]1271-he , as [any woman]1275-any woman might do , because [he]1271-he tortured [her]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione was perfectly right . [She]168-hermione knew that , spiritually , [she]168-hermione was right . In [her]168-hermione own infallible purity , [she]168-hermione had done what must be done . [She]168-hermione was right , [she]168-hermione was pure . A drugged , almost sinister religious expression became permanent on [her]168-hermione face . [Birkin]169-birkin , barely conscious , and yet perfectly direct in [his]1271-he motion , went out of [the house]468-the house and straight across [the park]5088-the park , to [the open country]1278-the open country , to [the hills]1279-the hills . The brilliant day had become overcast , spots of rain were falling . [He]1271-he wandered on to [a wild valley - side , where were thickets of hazel]1280-a wild valley - side , where were thickets of hazel , many flowers , tufts of heather , and little clumps of young fir - trees , budding with soft paws . It was rather wet everywhere , there was a stream running down at [the bottom of [the valley]5286-the valley]1281-the bottom of the valley , which was gloomy , or seemed gloomy . [He]1271-he was aware that [he]1271-he could not regain [his]1271-he consciousness , that [he]1271-he was moving in a sort of darkness . Yet [he]1271-he wanted something . [He]1271-he was happy in [the wet hillside]1283-the wet hillside , that was overgrown and obscure with bushes and flowers . [He]1271-he wanted to touch them all , to saturate [himself]1271-he with the touch of [them]1284-them all . [He]1271-he took off [his]1271-he clothes , and sat down naked among the primroses , moving [his]1271-he feet softly among the primroses , [his]1271-he legs , [his]1271-he knees , [his]1271-he arms right up to the arm - pits , lying down and letting them touch [his]1271-he belly , [his]1271-he breasts . It was such a fine , cool , subtle touch all over [him]1271-he , [he]1271-he seemed to saturate [himself]1271-he with their contact . But they were too soft . [He]1271-he went through the long grass to a clump of young fir - trees , that were no higher than [a man]4648-a man . The soft sharp boughs beat upon [him]1271-he , as [he]1271-he moved in keen pangs against them , threw little cold showers of drops on [his]1271-he belly , and beat [his]1271-he loins with their clusters of soft - sharp needles . There was a thistle which pricked [him]1271-he vividly , but not too much , because all [his]1271-he movements were too discriminate and soft . To lie down and roll in [the sticky , cool young hyacinths]1286-the sticky , cool young hyacinths , to lie on one ’s belly and cover [one]4646-one ’s back with handfuls of fine wet grass , soft as a breath , soft and more delicate and more beautiful than the touch of [any woman]1275-any woman ; and then to sting one ’s thigh against the living dark bristles of the fir - boughs ; and then to feel the light whip of the hazel on one ’s shoulders , stinging , and then to clasp the silvery birch - trunk against one ’s breast , its smoothness , its hardness , its vital knots and ridges — this was good , this was all very good , very satisfying . Nothing else would do , nothing else would satisfy , except this coolness and subtlety of vegetation travelling into one ’s blood . How fortunate [he]1271-he was , that there was this lovely , subtle , responsive vegetation , waiting for [him]1271-he , as [he]1271-he waited for it ; how fulfilled [he]1271-he was , how happy ! As [he]1271-he dried [himself]1271-he a little with [his]1271-he handkerchief , [he]1271-he thought about [Hermione]168-hermione and the blow . [He]1271-he could feel a pain on the side of [his]1271-he head . But after all , what did it matter ? What did [Hermione]168-hermione matter , what did [people]579-people matter altogether ? There was this perfect cool loneliness , so lovely and fresh and unexplored . Really , what a mistake [he]1271-he had made , thinking [he]1271-he wanted [people]579-people , thinking [he]1271-he wanted [a woman]897-a woman . [He]1271-he did not want [a woman]897-a woman — not in the least . The leaves and the primroses and the trees , they were really lovely and cool and desirable , they really came into the blood and were added on to [him]1271-he . [He]1271-he was enrichened now immeasurably , and so glad . It was quite right of [Hermione]168-hermione to want to kill [him]1271-he . What had [he]1271-he to do with [her]168-hermione ? Why should [he]1271-he pretend to have anything to do with [human beings]511-human beings at all ? Here was [[his]1271-he world]1294-his world , [he]1271-he wanted [nobody]912-nobody and nothing but the lovely , subtle , responsive vegetation , and [himself]1271-he , [his]1271-he own living self . It was necessary to go back into [the world]541-the world . That was true . But that did not matter , so [one]4646-one knew where [one]4646-one belonged . [He]1271-he knew now where [he]1271-he belonged . This was [his]1271-he place , [[his]1271-he marriage place]1299-his marriage place . [The world]541-the world was extraneous . [He]1271-he climbed out of [the valley]5286-the valley , wondering if [he]1271-he were mad . But if so , [he]1271-he preferred [his]1271-he own madness , to the regular sanity . [He]1271-he rejoiced in [his]1271-he own madness , [he]1271-he was free . [He]1271-he did not want that old sanity of [the world]541-the world , which was become so repulsive . [He]1271-he rejoiced in the new - found world of [his]1271-he madness . It was so fresh and delicate and so satisfying . As for the certain grief [he]1271-he felt at the same time , in [his]1271-he soul , that was only the remains of an old ethic , that bade [a human being]5012-a human being adhere to [humanity]987-humanity . But [he]1271-he was weary of the old ethic , of [the human being]1305-the human being , and of [humanity]987-humanity . [He]1271-he loved now the soft , delicate vegetation , that was so cool and perfect . [He]1271-he would overlook the old grief , [he]1271-he would put away the old ethic , [he]1271-he would be free in [his]1271-he new state . [He]1271-he was aware of the pain in [his]1271-he head becoming more and more difficult every minute . [He]1271-he was walking now along [the road]502-the road to [the nearest station]1308-the nearest station . It was raining and [he]1271-he had no hat . But then plenty of cranks went out nowadays without hats , in the rain . [He]1271-he wondered again how much of [his]1271-he heaviness of heart , a certain depression , was due to fear , fear lest [anybody]744-anybody should have seen [him]1271-he naked lying against the vegetation . What a dread [he]1271-he had of [mankind]1014-mankind , of [other people]4665-other people ! It amounted almost to horror , to a sort of dream terror — [his]1271-he horror of being observed by [some other people]1312-some other people . If [he]1271-he were on [an island]1313-an island , like [Alexander Selkirk]46-alexander selkirk , with only the creatures and the trees , [he]1271-he would be free and glad , there would be none of this heaviness , this misgiving . [He]1271-he could love [the vegetation]1314-the vegetation and be quite happy and unquestioned , by [himself]1271-he . [He]1271-he had better send a note to [Hermione]168-hermione : [she]168-hermione might trouble about [him]1271-he , and [he]1271-he did not want the onus of this . So at [the station]4906-the station , [he]1271-he wrote saying : [I]0-i will go on to [town]602-town — [I]0-i do n’t want to come back to [Breadalby]11-breadalby for the present . But it is quite all right — [I]0-i do n’t want [you]1317-you to mind having biffed [me]0-i , in the least . Tell [the others]809-the others it is just one of [my]0-i moods . [You]1317-you were quite right , to biff [me]0-i — because [I]0-i know [you]1317-you wanted to . So there ’s the end of it . In [the train]4874-the train , however , [he]1271-he felt ill . Every motion was insufferable pain , and [he]1271-he was sick . [He]1271-he dragged [himself]1271-he from [the station]4906-the station into [a cab]1321-a cab , feeling [his]1271-he way step by step , like [a blind man , and held up only by a dim will]1322-a blind man , and held up only by a dim will . For a week or two [he]1271-he was ill , but [he]1271-he did not let [Hermione]168-hermione know , and [she]168-hermione thought [he]1271-he was sulking ; there was a complete estrangement between [them]1323-them . [She]168-hermione became rapt , abstracted in [her]168-hermione conviction of exclusive righteousness . [She]168-hermione lived in and by [her]168-hermione own self - esteem , conviction of [her]168-hermione own rightness of spirit . Going [home]4649-home from [school]4869-school in the afternoon , [the Brangwen girls]1326-the brangwen girls descended [the hill between [the picturesque cottages of Willey Green]1328-the picturesque cottages of willey green]1327-the hill between the picturesque cottages of willey green till [they]1326-the brangwen girls came to [the railway crossing]1329-the railway crossing . There [they]1326-the brangwen girls found the gate shut , because [the colliery train]1330-the colliery train was rumbling nearer . [They]1326-the brangwen girls could hear [the small locomotive]1331-the small locomotive panting hoarsely as it advanced with caution between the embankments . [The one - legged man in [the little signal - hut by [the road]502-the road]1333-the little signal - hut by the road]1332-the one - legged man in the little signal - hut by the road stared out from [his]1332-the one - legged man in the little signal - hut by the road security , like a crab from a snail - shell . Whilst [the two girls]473-the two girls waited , [Gerald Crich]255-gerald trotted up on [a red Arab mare]1336-a red arab mare . [He]255-gerald rode well and softly , pleased with the delicate quivering of the creature between [his]255-gerald knees . And [he]255-gerald was very picturesque , at least in [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s eyes , sitting soft and close on the slender red mare , whose long tail flowed on the air . [He]255-gerald saluted [the two girls]473-the two girls , and drew up at [the crossing]1338-the crossing to wait for the gate , looking down [the railway]1339-the railway for [the approaching train]1340-the approaching train . In spite of [her]160-gudrun ironic smile at [his]255-gerald picturesqueness , [Gudrun]160-gudrun liked to look at [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was well - set and easy , [his]255-gerald face with its warm tan showed up [his]255-gerald whitish , coarse moustache , and [his]255-gerald blue eyes were full of sharp light as [he]255-gerald watched the distance . [The locomotive]1341-the locomotive chuffed slowly between [the banks]1342-the banks , hidden . [The mare]1343-the mare did not like it . [She]1343-the mare began to wince away , as if hurt by the unknown noise . But [Gerald]255-gerald pulled [her]1343-the mare back and held [her]1343-the mare head to the gate . The sharp blasts of the chuffing engine broke with more and more force on [her]1343-the mare . The repeated sharp blows of unknown , terrifying noise struck through [her]1343-the mare till [she]1343-the mare was rocking with terror . [She]1343-the mare recoiled like a spring let go . But a glistening , half - smiling look came into [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face . [He]255-gerald brought [her]1343-the mare back again , inevitably . The noise was released , the little locomotive with [her]1343-the mare clanking steel connecting - rod emerged on the highroad , clanking sharply . The mare rebounded like a drop of water from hot iron . [Ursula]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun pressed back into the hedge , in fear . But [Gerald]255-gerald was heavy on the mare , and forced [her]1343-the mare back . It seemed as if [he]255-gerald sank into [her]1343-the mare magnetically , and could thrust [her]1343-the mare back against [herself]1343-the mare . “ [The fool]5321-the fool ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald loudly . “ Why does n’t [he]255-gerald ride away till it ’s gone by ? ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun was looking at [him]255-gerald with black - dilated , spellbound eyes . But [he]255-gerald sat glistening and obstinate , forcing the wheeling mare , which spun and swerved like a wind , and yet could not get out of the grasp of [his]255-gerald will , nor escape from the mad clamour of terror that resounded through [her]1343-the mare , as [the trucks]1344-the trucks thumped slowly , heavily , horrifying , one after the other , one pursuing the other , over the rails of [the crossing]1338-the crossing . [The locomotive]1341-the locomotive , as if wanting to see what could be done , put on the brakes , and back came the trucks rebounding on the iron buffers , striking like horrible cymbals , clashing nearer and nearer in frightful strident concussions . The mare opened [her]1343-the mare mouth and rose slowly , as if lifted up on a wind of terror . Then suddenly [her]1343-the mare fore feet struck out , as [she]1343-the mare convulsed [herself]1343-the mare utterly away from the horror . Back [she]1343-the mare went , and [the two girls]473-the two girls clung to [each other]451-each other , feeling [she]1343-the mare must fall backwards on top of [him]255-gerald . But [he]255-gerald leaned forward , [his]255-gerald face shining with fixed amusement , and at last [he]255-gerald brought [her]1343-the mare down , sank [her]1343-the mare down , and was bearing [her]1343-the mare back to the mark . But as strong as the pressure of [his]255-gerald compulsion was the repulsion of [her]1343-the mare utter terror , throwing [her]1343-the mare back away from the railway , so that [she]1343-the mare spun round and round , on two legs , as if [she]1343-the mare were in the centre of some whirlwind . It made [Gudrun]160-gudrun faint with poignant dizziness , which seemed to penetrate to [her]160-gudrun heart . “ No — ! No — ! Let [her]1343-the mare go ! Let [her]1343-the mare go , [[you]160-gudrun fool]5322-you fool , [[you]160-gudrun fool]5322-you fool — ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald at the top of [her]1349-her voice , completely outside [herself]1349-her . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun hated [her]1349-her bitterly for being outside [herself]1349-her . It was unendurable that [Ursula]255-gerald ’s voice was so powerful and naked . A sharpened look came on [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face . [He]255-gerald bit [himself]255-gerald down on the mare like a keen edge biting home , and forced [her]1343-the mare round . [She]1343-the mare roared as [she]1343-the mare breathed , [her]1343-the mare nostrils were two wide , hot holes , [her]1343-the mare mouth was apart , [her]1343-the mare eyes frenzied . It was a repulsive sight . But [he]255-gerald held on [her]1343-the mare unrelaxed , with an almost mechanical relentlessness , keen as a sword pressing in to [her]1343-the mare . [Both man]1350-both man and horse were sweating with violence . Yet [he]255-gerald seemed calm as a ray of cold sunshine . Meanwhile the eternal trucks were rumbling on , very slowly , treading one after the other , one after the other , like a disgusting dream that has no end . The connecting chains were grinding and squeaking as the tension varied , the mare pawed and struck away mechanically now , [her]1343-the mare terror fulfilled in [her]1343-the mare , for now [the man]4658-the man encompassed [her]1343-the mare ; [her]1343-the mare paws were blind and pathetic as [she]1343-the mare beat the air , [the man]4658-the man closed round [her]1343-the mare , and brought [her]1343-the mare down , almost as if [she]1343-the mare were part of [his]4658-the man own physique . “ And [she]1343-the mare ’s bleeding ! [She]1343-the mare ’s bleeding ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , frantic with opposition and hatred of [Gerald]255-gerald . [She]1343-the mare alone understood [him]255-gerald perfectly , in pure opposition . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked and saw the trickles of blood on the sides of the mare , and [she]160-gudrun turned white . And then on the very wound the bright spurs came down , pressing relentlessly . [The world]541-the world reeled and passed into nothingness for [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun could not know any more . When [she]160-gudrun recovered , [her]160-gudrun soul was calm and cold , without feeling . [The trucks]1344-the trucks were still rumbling by , and [the man]4658-the man and [the mare]1343-the mare were still fighting . But [she]160-gudrun [herself]160-gudrun was cold and separate , [she]160-gudrun had no more feeling for [them]1357-them . [She]160-gudrun was quite hard and cold and indifferent . [They]1357-them could see the top of [the hooded guard’s - van]1358-the hooded guard’s - van approaching , the sound of [the trucks]1344-the trucks was diminishing , there was hope of relief from the intolerable noise . The heavy panting of [the half - stunned mare]1360-the half - stunned mare sounded automatically , [the man]4658-the man seemed to be relaxing confidently , [his]4658-the man will bright and unstained . [The guard’s - van]1362-the guard’s - van came up , and passed slowly , [the guard]1363-the guard staring out in [his]1363-the guard transition on the spectacle in [the road]502-the road . And , through [the man in the closed wagon]1365-the man in the closed wagon , [Gudrun]160-gudrun could see the whole scene spectacularly , isolated and momentary , like a vision isolated in eternity . Lovely , grateful silence seemed to trail behind [the receding train]1366-the receding train . How sweet the silence is ! [Ursula]255-gerald looked with hatred on the buffers of [the diminishing wagon]1367-the diminishing wagon . [The gatekeeper]1368-the gatekeeper stood ready at the door of [[his]1368-the gatekeeper hut]1369-his hut , to proceed to open the gate . But [Gudrun]160-gudrun sprang suddenly forward , in front of the struggling horse , threw off the latch and flung the gates asunder , throwing one - half to [the keeper]1370-the keeper , and running with [the other half]1371-the other half , forwards . [Gerald]255-gerald suddenly let go the horse and leaped forwards , almost on to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun was not afraid . As [he]255-gerald jerked aside [the mare]1343-the mare ’s head , [Gudrun]160-gudrun cried , in a strange , high voice , like a gull , or like a witch screaming out from the side of [the road]502-the road : “ [I]160-gudrun should think [you]4658-the man ’re proud . ”[160-gudrun] The words were distinct and formed . [The man]4658-the man , twisting aside on [his]4658-the man dancing horse , looked at [her]160-gudrun in some surprise , some wondering interest . Then the mare ’s hoofs had danced three times on the drum - like sleepers of [the crossing]1338-the crossing , and [man]1089-man and horse were bounding springily , unequally up [the road]502-the road . [The two girls]473-the two girls watched [them]1379-them go . [The gate - keeper]1380-the gate - keeper hobbled thudding over the logs of [the crossing]1338-the crossing , with [his]1380-the gate - keeper wooden leg . [He]1380-the gate - keeper had fastened the gate . Then [he]1380-the gate - keeper also turned , and called to [the girls]4851-the girls : “ [A masterful young jockey]5324-a masterful young jockey , that ; ’ll have [[his]4658-the man own road]5325-his own road , if ever [anybody]744-anybody would . ”[1380-the gate - keeper] “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , in [her]160-gudrun hot , overbearing voice . “ Why could n’t [he]1089-man take the horse away , till [the trucks]1344-the trucks had gone by ? [He]1089-man ’s [a fool]4749-a fool , and [a bully]5329-a bully . Does [he]1089-man think it ’s manly , to torture a horse ? It ’s a living thing , why should [he]1089-man bully it and torture it ? ”[160-gudrun] There was a pause , then [the gate - keeper]1380-the gate - keeper shook [his]1380-the gate - keeper head , and replied : “ Yes , it ’s as nice a little mare as [you]4851-the girls could set eyes on — beautiful little thing , beautiful . Now [you]4851-the girls could n’t see [[his]1089-man father]5330-his father treat any animal like that — not [you]4851-the girls . [They]5331-they ’re as different as [they]5331-they welly can be , [Gerald Crich]255-gerald and [[his]1089-man father]5330-his father — [two different men]5333-two different men , different made . ”[1380-the gate - keeper] Then there was a pause . “ But why does [he]1089-man do it ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , “ why does [he]1089-man ? Does [he]1089-man think [he]1089-man ’s grand , when [he]1089-man ’s bullied [a sensitive creature]5334-a sensitive creature , ten times as sensitive as [himself]1089-man ? ”[255-gerald] Again there was a cautious pause . Then again [the man]4658-the man shook [his]4658-the man head , as if [he]4658-the man would say nothing , but would think the more . “ [I]4658-the man expect [he]1089-man ’s got to train the mare to stand to anything , ”[4658-the man] [he]4658-the man replied . “ [A pure - bred Harab]5335-a pure - bred harab — not the sort of breed as is used to round here — different sort from [our]5336-our sort altogether . [They]5337-they say as [he]1089-man got [her]5334-a sensitive creature from [Constantinople]257-constantinople . ”[4658-the man] “ [He]1089-man would ! ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [He]1089-man ’d better have left [her]5334-a sensitive creature to [the Turks]5338-the turks , [I]255-gerald ’m sure [they]5338-the turks would have had more decency towards [her]5334-a sensitive creature . ”[255-gerald] [The man]4658-the man went in to drink [his]4658-the man can of tea , [the girls]4851-the girls went on down [the lane]1387-the lane , that was deep in soft black dust . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was as if numbed in [her]160-gudrun mind by the sense of indomitable soft weight of [the man]4658-the man , bearing down into the living body of the horse : the strong , indomitable thighs of [the blond man]1389-the blond man clenching the palpitating body of the mare into pure control ; a sort of soft white magnetic domination from the loins and thighs and calves , enclosing and encompassing the mare heavily into unutterable subordination , soft blood - subordination , terrible . On the left , as [the girls]4851-the girls walked silently , [the coal - mine]1391-the coal - mine lifted [its]1391-the coal - mine great mounds and its patterned head - stocks , [the black railway with [the trucks]1344-the trucks at rest]1392-the black railway with the trucks at rest looked like [a harbour just below]1394-a harbour just below , a large bay of [railroad with anchored wagons]1395-railroad with anchored wagons . Near [the second level - crossing , that went over many bright rails]1396-the second level - crossing , that went over many bright rails , was [a farm]1397-a farm belonging to [the collieries]1398-the collieries , and a great round globe of iron , a disused boiler , huge and rusty and perfectly round , stood silently in a paddock by [the road]502-the road . The hens were pecking round [it]1400-it , some chickens were balanced on the drinking trough , wagtails flew away in among [trucks]1401-trucks , from the water . On the other side of [the wide crossing]1402-the wide crossing , by [the road]502-the road - side , was a heap of pale - grey stones for mending [the roads]1404-the roads , and a cart standing , and [a middle - aged man with whiskers round [his]1405-a middle - aged man with whiskers round his face face]1405-a middle - aged man with whiskers round his face was leaning on [his]1405-a middle - aged man with whiskers round his face shovel , talking to [a young man in gaiters , who stood by the horse ’s head]1406-a young man in gaiters , who stood by the horse ’s head . [Both men]1407-both men were facing the crossing . [They]1407-both men saw [the two girls]473-the two girls appear , small , brilliant figures in the near distance , in the strong light of the late afternoon . [Both]454-both wore light , gay summer dresses , [Ursula]255-gerald had an orange - coloured knitted coat , [Gudrun]160-gudrun a pale yellow , [Ursula]255-gerald wore canary yellow stockings , [Gudrun]160-gudrun bright rose , the figures of [the two women]882-the two women seemed to glitter in progress over [the wide bay of [the railway crossing]1329-the railway crossing]1411-the wide bay of the railway crossing , white and orange and yellow and rose glittering in motion across a hot world silted with coal - dust . [The two men]686-the two men stood quite still in the heat , watching . [The elder]1414-the elder was [a short , hard - faced energetic man of middle age]1415-a short , hard - faced energetic man of middle age , [the younger]1416-the younger [a labourer of twenty - three or so]1417-a labourer of twenty - three or so . [They]686-the two men stood in silence watching the advance of [the sisters]452-the sisters . [They]1407-both men watched whilst [the girls]4851-the girls drew near , and whilst [they]1407-both men passed , and whilst [they]1407-both men receded down [the dusty road]1420-the dusty road , that had [dwellings]494-dwellings on one side , and [dusty young corn]1422-dusty young corn on the other . Then [the elder man]1423-the elder man , with the whiskers round [his]1423-the elder man face , said in a prurient manner to [the young man]676-the young man : “ What price that , eh ? [She]676-the young man ’ll do , wo n’t [she]676-the young man ? ”[1423-the elder man] “ Which ? ”[676-the young man] asked [the young man]676-the young man , eagerly , with a laugh . “ [Her]676-the young man with the red stockings . What [d’you]676-the young man say ? [I]676-the young man ’d give [my]676-the young man week ’s wages for five minutes ; what!—just for five minutes . ”[676-the young man] Again [the young man]676-the young man laughed . “ [[Your]676-the young man missis]5339-your missis ’ ud have summat to say to [you]676-the young man , ”[676-the young man] [he]676-the young man replied . [Gudrun]160-gudrun had turned round and looked at [the two men]686-the two men . [They]686-the two men were to [her]160-gudrun sinister creatures , standing watching after [her]160-gudrun , by the heap of pale grey slag . [She]160-gudrun loathed [the man]4658-the man with whiskers round [his]4658-the man face . “ [You]160-gudrun ’re [first class]5340-first class , [you]160-gudrun are , ”[4658-the man] [the man]4658-the man said to [her]160-gudrun , and to the distance . “ Do [you]160-gudrun think it would be worth a week ’s wages ? ”[1430-the younger man] said [the younger man]1430-the younger man , musing . “ Do [I]1430-the younger man ? [I]1430-the younger man ’d put [’em]5341-’em bloody - well down this second — ”[1430-the younger man] [The younger man]1430-the younger man looked after [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald objectively , as if [he]1430-the younger man wished to calculate what there might be , that was worth [his]1430-the younger man week ’s wages . [He]1430-the younger man shook [his]1430-the younger man head with fatal misgiving . “ No , ”[1430-the younger man] [he]1430-the younger man said . “ It ’s not worth that to [me]1430-the younger man . ”[1430-the younger man] “ Is n’t ? ”[1432-the old man] said [the old man]1432-the old man . “ By [God]167-god , if it is n’t to [me]1432-the old man ! ”[1432-the old man] And [he]1432-the old man went on shovelling [his]1432-the old man stones . [The girls]4851-the girls descended between [the houses]1434-the houses with slate roofs and blackish brick walls . The heavy gold glamour of approaching sunset lay over all [the colliery district]1435-the colliery district , and the ugliness overlaid with beauty was like a narcotic to the senses . On [the roads]1404-the roads silted with black dust , the rich light fell more warmly , more heavily , over all the amorphous squalor a kind of magic was cast , from the glowing close of day . “ [It]1435-the colliery district has a foul kind of beauty , [this place]1058-this place , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , evidently suffering from fascination . “ Ca n’t [you]1438-miners feel in some way , a thick , hot attraction in it ? [I]160-gudrun can . And it quite stupifies [me]160-gudrun . ”[160-gudrun] [They]4851-the girls were passing between [blocks of [[miners]1438-miners ’ dwellings]1439-miners ’ dwellings]1437-blocks of miners ’ dwellings . In [the back yards of [several dwellings]1441-several dwellings]1440-the back yards of several dwellings , [a miner]1442-a miner could be seen washing [himself]1442-a miner in the open on this hot evening , naked down to the loins , [his]1442-a miner great trousers of moleskin slipping almost away . [Miners already cleaned]1443-miners already cleaned were sitting on [their]1443-miners already cleaned heels , with [their]1443-miners already cleaned backs near the walls , talking and silent in pure physical well - being , tired , and taking physical rest . [Their]1438-miners voices sounded out with strong intonation , and the broad dialect was curiously caressing to the blood . It seemed to envelop [Gudrun]160-gudrun in [a labourer]1444-a labourer ’s caress , there was in the whole atmosphere a resonance of [physical men]1445-physical men , a glamorous thickness of labour and maleness , surcharged in the air . But it was universal in [the district]529-the district , and therefore unnoticed by [the inhabitants]1447-the inhabitants . To [Gudrun]160-gudrun , however , it was potent and half - repulsive . [She]160-gudrun could never tell why [Beldover]1-beldover was so utterly different from [London]2-london and [the south]1448-the south , why [one]4646-one ’s whole feelings were different , why [one]4646-one seemed to live in another sphere . Now [she]160-gudrun realised that this was the world of [powerful , underworld men who spent most of [their]1451-powerful , underworld men who spent most of their time in the darkness time in the darkness]1451-powerful , underworld men who spent most of their time in the darkness . In [their]1438-miners voices [she]160-gudrun could hear the voluptuous resonance of darkness , [the strong , dangerous underworld]1452-the strong , dangerous underworld , mindless , inhuman . [They]1438-miners sounded also like strange machines , heavy , oiled . The voluptuousness was like that of machinery , cold and iron . It was the same every evening when [she]160-gudrun came [home]4649-home , [she]160-gudrun seemed to move through a wave of disruptive force , that was given off from the presence of thousands of [vigorous , underworld , half - automatised colliers]1454-vigorous , underworld , half - automatised colliers , and which went to the brain and the heart , awaking a fatal desire , and a fatal callousness . There came over [her]160-gudrun a nostalgia for [the place]5125-the place . [She]160-gudrun hated it , [she]160-gudrun knew how utterly cut off [it]5125-the place was , how hideous and how sickeningly mindless . Sometimes [she]160-gudrun beat [her]160-gudrun wings like a new Daphne , turning not into a tree but a machine . And yet , [she]160-gudrun was overcome by the nostalgia . [She]160-gudrun struggled to get more and more into accord with the atmosphere of [the place]5125-the place , [she]160-gudrun craved to get [her]160-gudrun satisfaction of it . [She]160-gudrun felt [herself]160-gudrun drawn out at evening into [the main street of [the town]4907-the town]1457-the main street of the town , that was uncreated and ugly , and yet surcharged with this same potent atmosphere of intense , dark callousness . There were always [miners about]1459-miners about . [They]1459-miners about moved with [their]1459-miners about strange , distorted dignity , a certain beauty , and unnatural stillness in [their]1459-miners about bearing , a look of abstraction and half resignation in [their]1459-miners about pale , often gaunt faces . [They]1459-miners about belonged to [another world]4676-another world , [they]1459-miners about had a strange glamour , [their]1459-miners about voices were full of an intolerable deep resonance , like a machine ’s burring , a music more maddening than the siren ’s long ago . [She]160-gudrun found [herself]160-gudrun , with [the rest of [the common women]1462-the common women]1461-the rest of the common women , drawn out on Friday evenings to [the little market]1463-the little market . Friday was pay - day for [the colliers]4675-the colliers , and Friday night was market night . [Every woman]1465-every woman was abroad , [every man]767-every man was out , shopping with [[his]767-every man wife]1467-his wife , or gathering with [[his]767-every man pals]1468-his pals . [The pavements]1469-the pavements were dark for miles around with [people]579-people coming in , [the little market - place]1471-the little market - place on [the crown of [the hill]497-the hill]1472-the crown of the hill , and [the main street of [Beldover]1-beldover]1474-the main street of beldover were black with [thickly - crowded men]1475-thickly - crowded men and [women]453-women . It was dark , [the market - place]1477-the market - place was hot with kerosene flares , which threw a ruddy light on the grave faces of [the purchasing wives]1478-the purchasing wives , and on the pale abstract faces of [the men]727-the men . The air was full of the sound of criers and of [people]579-people talking , thick streams of [people]579-people moved on the pavements towards [the solid crowd of [the market]1483-the market]1482-the solid crowd of the market . [The shops]1484-the shops were blazing and packed with [women]453-women , in [the streets]1486-the streets were [men]848-men , mostly [men]848-men , [miners of all ages]1489-miners of all ages . Money was spent with almost lavish freedom . The carts that came could not pass through . [They]1490-they had to wait , [the driver]4986-the driver calling and shouting , till [the dense crowd]1492-the dense crowd would make way . Everywhere , [young fellows from [the outlying districts]1494-the outlying districts]1493-young fellows from the outlying districts were making conversation with [the girls]4851-the girls , standing in [the road]502-the road and at the corners . The doors of [the public - houses]1497-the public - houses were open and full of light , [men]848-men passed in and out in a continual stream , everywhere [men]848-men were calling out to [one another]1500-one another , or crossing to meet [one another]1500-one another , or standing in little gangs and circles , discussing , endlessly discussing . The sense of talk , buzzing , jarring , half - secret , the endless mining and political wrangling , vibrated in the air like discordant machinery . And it was [their]848-men voices which affected [Gudrun]160-gudrun almost to swooning . [They]848-men aroused a strange , nostalgic ache of desire , something almost demoniacal , never to be fulfilled . Like [any other common girl of [the district]529-the district]1502-any other common girl of the district , [Gudrun]160-gudrun strolled up and down , up and down the length of the brilliant two - hundred paces of [the pavement nearest [the market - place]1477-the market - place]1504-the pavement nearest the market - place . [She]160-gudrun knew it was a vulgar thing to do ; [[her]160-gudrun father]583-her father and [mother]4695-mother could not bear it ; but the nostalgia came over [her]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun must be among [the people]4677-the people . Sometimes [she]160-gudrun sat among the louts in [the cinema]1509-the cinema : rakish - looking , unattractive louts [they]1510-they were . Yet [she]160-gudrun must be among [them]1510-they . And , like [any other common lass]1511-any other common lass , [she]160-gudrun found [[her]160-gudrun ‘ boy]1512-her ‘ boy . ’ It was [an electrician]1513-an electrician , [one of [the electricians introduced according to [Gerald]255-gerald ’s new scheme]1515-the electricians introduced according to gerald ’s new scheme]1514-one of the electricians introduced according to gerald ’s new scheme . [He]1513-an electrician was [an earnest , clever man]1516-an earnest , clever man , [a scientist with a passion for sociology]1517-a scientist with a passion for sociology . [He]1513-an electrician lived alone in [a cottage]1518-a cottage , in [lodgings]1519-lodgings , in [Willey Green]6-willey green . [He]1513-an electrician was [a gentleman]4992-a gentleman , and sufficiently well - to - do . [[His]1513-an electrician landlady]1521-his landlady spread the reports about [him]1513-an electrician ; [he]1513-an electrician would have a large wooden tub in [[his]1513-an electrician bedroom]1522-his bedroom , and every time [he]1513-an electrician came in from work , [he]1513-an electrician would have pails and pails of water brought up , to bathe in , then [he]1513-an electrician put on clean shirt and under - clothing every day , and clean silk socks ; fastidious and exacting [he]1513-an electrician was in these respects , but in every other way , most ordinary and unassuming . [Gudrun]160-gudrun knew all these things . [[The Brangwen]160-gudrun ’s house]1523-the brangwen ’s house was one to which the gossip came naturally and inevitably . [Palmer]258-palmer was in the first place [a friend of [Ursula]255-gerald ’s]1524-a friend of ursula ’s . But in [his]258-palmer pale , elegant , serious face there showed the same nostalgia that [Gudrun]160-gudrun felt . [He]258-palmer too must walk up and down [the street]948-the street on Friday evening . So [he]258-palmer walked with [Gudrun]160-gudrun , and a friendship was struck up between [them]1526-them . But [he]258-palmer was not in love with [Gudrun]160-gudrun ; [he]258-palmer really wanted [Ursula]255-gerald , but for some strange reason , nothing could happen between [her]1527-her and [him]258-palmer . [He]258-palmer liked to have [Gudrun]160-gudrun about , as [a fellow - mind]1528-a fellow - mind — but that was all . And [she]160-gudrun had no real feeling for [him]258-palmer . [He]258-palmer was [a scientist]1529-a scientist , [he]258-palmer had to have [a woman]897-a woman to back [him]258-palmer . But [he]258-palmer was really impersonal , [he]258-palmer had the fineness of an elegant piece of machinery . [He]258-palmer was too cold , too destructive to care really for [women]453-women , too great [an egoist]1532-an egoist . [He]258-palmer was polarised by [the men]727-the men . Individually [he]258-palmer detested and despised [them]727-the men . In the mass [they]727-the men fascinated [him]258-palmer , as machinery fascinated [him]258-palmer . [They]727-the men were a new sort of machinery to [him]258-palmer — but incalculable , incalculable . So [Gudrun]160-gudrun strolled [the streets]1486-the streets with [Palmer]258-palmer , or went to [the cinema]1509-the cinema with [him]258-palmer . And [his]258-palmer long , pale , rather elegant face flickered as [he]258-palmer made [his]258-palmer sarcastic remarks . There [they]727-the men were , [the two of [them]727-the men]1536-the two of them : two elegants in one sense : in the other sense , two units , absolutely adhering to [the people]4677-the people , teeming with [the distorted colliers]1538-the distorted colliers . The same secret seemed to be working in the souls of all alike , [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [Palmer]258-palmer , [the rakish young bloods]1539-the rakish young bloods , [the gaunt , middle - aged men]1540-the gaunt , middle - aged men . [All]1541-all had a secret sense of power , and of inexpressible destructiveness , and of fatal half - heartedness , a sort of rottenness in the will . Sometimes [Gudrun]160-gudrun would start aside , see it all , see how [she]160-gudrun was sinking in . And then [she]160-gudrun was filled with a fury of contempt and anger . [She]160-gudrun felt [she]160-gudrun was sinking into one mass with the rest — all so close and intermingled and breathless . It was horrible . [She]160-gudrun stifled . [She]160-gudrun prepared for flight , feverishly [she]160-gudrun flew to [her]160-gudrun work . But soon [she]160-gudrun let go . [She]160-gudrun started off into [the country]4896-the country — [the darkish , glamorous country]1543-the darkish , glamorous country . The spell was beginning to work again . One morning [the sisters]452-the sisters were sketching by [the side of [Willey Water]8-willey water]1545-the side of willey water , at [the remote end of [the lake]4830-the lake]1546-the remote end of the lake . [Gudrun]160-gudrun had waded out to a gravelly shoal , and was seated like [a Buddhist]1548-a buddhist , staring fixedly at the water - plants that rose succulent from the mud of [the low shores]1549-the low shores . What [she]160-gudrun could see was mud , soft , oozy , watery mud , and from its festering chill , water - plants rose up , thick and cool and fleshy , very straight and turgid , thrusting out their leaves at right angles , and having dark lurid colours , dark green and blotches of black - purple and bronze . But [she]160-gudrun could feel [their]452-the sisters turgid fleshy structure as in a sensuous vision , [she]160-gudrun knew how [they]452-the sisters rose out of the mud , [she]160-gudrun knew how [they]452-the sisters thrust out from [themselves]452-the sisters , how [they]452-the sisters stood stiff and succulent against the air . [Ursula]255-gerald was watching the butterflies , of which there were dozens near the water , little blue ones suddenly snapping out of nothingness into a jewel - life , a large black - and - red one standing upon a flower and breathing with [his]1550-his soft wings , intoxicatingly , breathing pure , ethereal sunshine ; two white ones wrestling in the low air ; there was a halo round them ; ah , when [they]452-the sisters came tumbling nearer [they]452-the sisters were orangetips , and it was the orange that had made the halo . [Ursula]255-gerald rose and drifted away , unconscious like the butterflies . [Gudrun]160-gudrun , absorbed in a stupor of apprehension of surging water - plants , sat crouched on the shoal , drawing , not looking up for a long time , and then staring unconsciously , absorbedly at the rigid , naked , succulent stems . [Her]160-gudrun feet were bare , [her]160-gudrun hat lay on the bank opposite . [She]160-gudrun started out of [her]160-gudrun trance , hearing the knocking of oars . [She]160-gudrun looked round . There was [a boat with a gaudy Japanese parasol]1551-a boat with a gaudy japanese parasol , and [a man in white]1552-a man in white , rowing . [The woman]873-the woman was [Hermione]168-hermione , and [the man]4658-the man was [Gerald]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun knew it instantly . And instantly [she]160-gudrun perished in the keen frisson of anticipation , an electric vibration in [her]160-gudrun veins , intense , much more intense than that which was always humming low in the atmosphere of [Beldover]1-beldover . [Gerald]255-gerald was [her]160-gudrun escape from the heavy slough of [the pale , underworld , automatic colliers]1555-the pale , underworld , automatic colliers . [He]255-gerald started out of [the mud]1556-the mud . [He]255-gerald was [master]1120-master . [She]160-gudrun saw [his]255-gerald back , the movement of [his]255-gerald white loins . But not that — it was the whiteness [he]255-gerald seemed to enclose as [he]255-gerald bent forwards , rowing . [He]255-gerald seemed to stoop to something . [His]255-gerald glistening , whitish hair seemed like the electricity of the sky . “ There ’s [Gudrun]160-gudrun , ”[168-hermione] came [Hermione]168-hermione ’s voice floating distinct over [the water]4852-the water . “ [We]5343-we will go and speak to [her]1559-the girl standing by the water . Do [you]255-gerald mind ? ”[168-hermione] [Gerald]255-gerald looked round and saw [the girl standing by the water]1559-the girl standing by the water ’s edge , looking at [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald pulled [the boat]1560-the boat towards [her]1559-the girl standing by the water , magnetically , without thinking of [her]1559-the girl standing by the water . In [[his]255-gerald world]1294-his world , [his]255-gerald conscious world , [she]1559-the girl standing by the water was still [nobody]912-nobody . [He]255-gerald knew that [Hermione]168-hermione had a curious pleasure in treading down all the social differences , at least apparently , and [he]255-gerald left it to [her]168-hermione . “ How do [you]255-gerald do , [Gudrun]160-gudrun ? ”[168-hermione] sang [Hermione]168-hermione , using the Christian name in the fashionable manner . “ What are [you]255-gerald doing ? ”[168-hermione] “ How do [you]255-gerald do , [Hermione]168-hermione ? [I]168-hermione was sketching . ”[168-hermione] “ Were [you]255-gerald ? ”[168-hermione] [The boat]1560-the boat drifted nearer , till the keel ground on [the bank]1564-the bank . “ May [we]5344-we see ? [I]168-hermione should like to so much . ”[168-hermione] It was no use resisting [Hermione]168-hermione ’s deliberate intention . “ Well — ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun reluctantly , for [she]160-gudrun always hated to have [her]160-gudrun unfinished work exposed—“there ’s nothing in the least interesting . ”[160-gudrun] “ Is n’t there ? But let [me]160-gudrun see , will [you]160-gudrun ? ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun reached out the sketch - book , [Gerald]255-gerald stretched from [the boat]1560-the boat to take it . And as [he]255-gerald did so , [he]255-gerald remembered [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s last words to [him]255-gerald , and [her]160-gudrun face lifted up to [him]255-gerald as [he]255-gerald sat on [the swerving horse]1566-the swerving horse . An intensification of pride went over [his]255-gerald nerves , because [he]255-gerald felt , in some way [she]160-gudrun was compelled by [him]255-gerald . The exchange of feeling between [them]1567-them was strong and apart from [their]1567-them consciousness . And as if in a spell , [Gudrun]160-gudrun was aware of [his]255-gerald body , stretching and surging like the marsh - fire , stretching towards [her]160-gudrun , [his]255-gerald hand coming straight forward like a stem . [Her]160-gudrun voluptuous , acute apprehension of [him]255-gerald made the blood faint in [her]160-gudrun veins , [her]160-gudrun mind went dim and unconscious . And [he]255-gerald rocked on [the water]4852-the water perfectly , like the rocking of phosphorescence . [He]255-gerald looked round at [the boat]1560-the boat . It was drifting off a little . [He]255-gerald lifted the oar to bring it back . And the exquisite pleasure of slowly arresting [the boat]1560-the boat , in the heavy - soft water , was complete as a swoon . “ That ’s what [you]255-gerald have done , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , looking searchingly at the plants on [the shore]1571-the shore , and comparing with [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s drawing . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked round in the direction of [Hermione]168-hermione ’s long , pointing finger . “ That is it , is n’t it ? ”[160-gudrun] repeated [Hermione]168-hermione , needing confirmation . “ Yes , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun automatically , taking no real heed . “ Let [me]255-gerald look , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , reaching forward for the book . But [Hermione]168-hermione ignored [him]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald must not presume , before [she]160-gudrun had finished . But [he]255-gerald , [his]255-gerald will as unthwarted and as unflinching as [hers]160-gudrun , stretched forward till [he]255-gerald touched the book . A little shock , a storm of revulsion against [him]255-gerald , shook [Hermione]168-hermione unconsciously . [She]160-gudrun released the book when [he]255-gerald had not properly got it , and it tumbled against the side of [the boat]1560-the boat and bounced into the water . “ There ! ”[168-hermione] sang [Hermione]168-hermione , with a strange ring of malevolent victory . “ [I]168-hermione ’m so sorry , so awfully sorry . Ca n’t [you]255-gerald get it , [Gerald]255-gerald ? ”[168-hermione] This last was said in a note of anxious sneering that made [Gerald]255-gerald ’s veins tingle with fine hate for [her]160-gudrun . [He]255-gerald leaned far out of [the boat]1560-the boat , reaching down into [the water]4852-the water . [He]255-gerald could feel [his]255-gerald position was ridiculous , [his]255-gerald loins exposed behind [him]255-gerald . “ It is of no importance , ”[160-gudrun] came the strong , clanging voice of [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun seemed to touch [him]255-gerald . But [he]255-gerald reached further , [the boat]1560-the boat swayed violently . [Hermione]168-hermione , however , remained unperturbed . [He]255-gerald grasped the book , under the water , and brought it up , dripping . “ [I]168-hermione ’m so dreadfully sorry — dreadfully sorry , ”[168-hermione] repeated [Hermione]168-hermione . “ [I]168-hermione ’m afraid it was all [my]168-hermione fault . ”[168-hermione] “ It ’s of no importance — really , [I]160-gudrun assure [you]255-gerald — it does n’t matter in the least , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun loudly , with emphasis , [her]160-gudrun face flushed scarlet . And [she]160-gudrun held out [her]160-gudrun hand impatiently for the wet book , to have done with the scene . [Gerald]255-gerald gave it to [her]160-gudrun . [He]255-gerald was not quite [himself]255-gerald . “ [I]168-hermione ’m so dreadfully sorry , ”[168-hermione] repeated [Hermione]168-hermione , till both [Gerald]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun were exasperated . “ Is there nothing that can be done ? ”[160-gudrun] “ In what way ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun , with cool irony . “ Ca n’t [we]5345-we save the drawings ? ”[160-gudrun] There was a moment ’s pause , wherein [Gudrun]160-gudrun made evident all [her]160-gudrun refutation of [Hermione]168-hermione ’s persistence . “ [I]160-gudrun assure [you]255-gerald , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , with cutting distinctness , “ the drawings are quite as good as ever they were , for [my]160-gudrun purpose . [I]160-gudrun want them only for reference . ”[160-gudrun] “ But ca n’t [I]160-gudrun give [you]255-gerald a new book ? [I]160-gudrun wish [you]255-gerald ’d let [me]160-gudrun do that . [I]160-gudrun feel so truly sorry . [I]160-gudrun feel it was all [my]160-gudrun fault . ”[160-gudrun] “ As far as [I]160-gudrun saw , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “ it was n’t [your]255-gerald fault at all . If there was any fault , it was [Mr Crich]171-mr crich ’s . But the whole thing is entirely trivial , and it really is ridiculous to take any notice of it . ”[160-gudrun] [Gerald]255-gerald watched [Gudrun]160-gudrun closely , whilst [she]160-gudrun repulsed [Hermione]168-hermione . There was a body of cold power in [her]160-gudrun . [He]255-gerald watched [her]160-gudrun with an insight that amounted to clairvoyance . [He]255-gerald saw [her]160-gudrun a dangerous , hostile spirit , that could stand undiminished and unabated . It was so finished , and of such perfect gesture , moreover . “ [I]255-gerald ’m awfully glad if it does n’t matter , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said ; “ if there ’s no real harm done . ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun looked back at [him]255-gerald , with [her]160-gudrun fine blue eyes , and signalled full into [his]255-gerald spirit , as [she]160-gudrun said , [her]160-gudrun voice ringing with intimacy almost caressive now it was addressed to [him]255-gerald : “ Of course , it does n’t matter in the least . ”[160-gudrun] The bond was established between [them]1576-they , in that look , in [her]160-gudrun tone . In [her]160-gudrun tone , [she]160-gudrun made the understanding clear — [they]1576-they were of the same kind , [he]255-gerald and [she]160-gudrun , a sort of diabolic freemasonry subsisted between [them]1576-they . Henceforward , [she]160-gudrun knew , [she]160-gudrun had [her]160-gudrun power over [him]255-gerald . Wherever [they]1576-they met , [they]1576-they would be secretly associated . And [he]255-gerald would be helpless in the association with [her]160-gudrun . [Her]160-gudrun soul exulted . “ Good - bye ! [I]160-gudrun ’m so glad [you]255-gerald forgive [me]160-gudrun . Gooood - bye ! ”[160-gudrun] [Hermione]168-hermione sang [her]168-hermione farewell , and waved [her]168-hermione hand . [Gerald]255-gerald automatically took the oar and pushed off . But [he]255-gerald was looking all the time , with a glimmering , subtly - smiling admiration in [his]255-gerald eyes , at [Gudrun]160-gudrun , who stood on the shoal shaking the wet book in [her]160-gudrun hand . [She]160-gudrun turned away and ignored [the receding boat]1577-the receding boat . But [Gerald]255-gerald looked back as [he]255-gerald rowed , beholding [her]160-gudrun , forgetting what [he]255-gerald was doing . “ Are n’t [we]5346-we going too much to the left ? ”[168-hermione] sang [Hermione]168-hermione , as [she]168-hermione sat ignored under [her]168-hermione coloured parasol . [Gerald]255-gerald looked round without replying , the oars balanced and glancing in the sun . “ [I]255-gerald think it ’s all right , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said good - humouredly , beginning to row again without thinking of what [he]255-gerald was doing . And [Hermione]168-hermione disliked [him]255-gerald extremely for [his]255-gerald good - humoured obliviousness , [she]168-hermione was nullified , [she]168-hermione could not regain ascendancy . Meanwhile [Ursula]255-gerald had wandered on from [Willey Water]8-willey water along [the course of [the bright little stream]1579-the bright little stream]1578-the course of the bright little stream . The afternoon was full of [larks]1580-larks ’ singing . On [the bright hill - sides]1581-the bright hill - sides was a subdued smoulder of gorse . A few forget - me - nots flowered by [the water]4852-the water . There was a rousedness and a glancing everywhere . [She]168-hermione strayed absorbedly on , over [the brooks]1583-the brooks . [She]168-hermione wanted to go to the [mill - pond above]1584-mill - pond above . [The big mill - house]1585-the big mill - house was deserted , save for [a labourer]1444-a labourer and [[his]1444-a labourer wife who lived in [the kitchen]1588-the kitchen]1587-his wife who lived in the kitchen . So [she]168-hermione passed through [the empty farm - yard]1589-the empty farm - yard and through the wilderness of [a garden]1590-a garden , and mounted the bank by the sluice . When [she]168-hermione got to the top , to see [the old , velvety surface of [the pond]5290-the pond before [her]168-hermione]1591-the old , velvety surface of the pond before her , [she]168-hermione noticed [a man on the bank]1593-a man on the bank , tinkering with [a punt]1594-a punt . It was [Birkin]169-birkin sawing and hammering away . [She]168-hermione stood at the head of the sluice , looking at [him]1593-a man on the bank . [He]1593-a man on the bank was unaware of [anybody]744-anybody ’s presence . [He]1593-a man on the bank looked very busy , like a wild animal , active and intent . [She]168-hermione felt [she]168-hermione ought to go away , [he]1593-a man on the bank would not want [her]168-hermione . [He]1593-a man on the bank seemed to be so much occupied . But [she]168-hermione did not want to go away . Therefore [she]168-hermione moved along [the bank]1564-the bank till [he]1593-a man on the bank would look up . Which [he]1593-a man on the bank soon did . The moment [he]1593-a man on the bank saw [her]168-hermione , [he]1593-a man on the bank dropped [his]1593-a man on the bank tools and came forward , saying : “ How do [you]168-hermione do ? [I]1593-a man on the bank ’m making the punt water - tight . Tell [me]1593-a man on the bank if [you]168-hermione think it is right . ”[1593-a man on the bank] [She]168-hermione went along with [him]1593-a man on the bank . “ [You]168-hermione are [[[your]168-hermione father]5347-your father ’s daughter]5348-your father ’s daughter , so [you]168-hermione can tell [me]1593-a man on the bank if it will do , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank said . [She]168-hermione bent to look at the patched punt . “ [I]168-hermione am sure [I]168-hermione am [[[my]168-hermione father]5349-my father ’s daughter]5350-my father ’s daughter , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , fearful of having to judge . “ But [I]168-hermione do n’t know anything about carpentry . It looks right , do n’t [you]1593-a man on the bank think ? ”[168-hermione] “ Yes , [I]1597-i think . [I]1597-i hope it wo n’t let [me]1597-i to the bottom , that ’s all . Though even so , it is n’t a great matter , [I]1597-i should come up again . Help [me]1597-i to get it into [the water]4852-the water , will [you]1593-a man on the bank ? ”[1597-i] With combined efforts [they]1597-i turned over the heavy punt and set it afloat . “ Now , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank said , “ [I]1593-a man on the bank ’ll try it and [you]168-hermione can watch what happens . Then if it carries , [I]1593-a man on the bank ’ll take [you]168-hermione over to [the island]5352-the island . ”[1593-a man on the bank] “ Do , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione cried , watching anxiously . [The pond]5290-the pond was large , and had that perfect stillness and the dark lustre of very deep water . There were two small islands overgrown with bushes and a few trees , towards the middle . [Birkin]169-birkin pushed [himself]169-birkin off , and veered clumsily in [the pond]5290-the pond . Luckily the punt drifted so that [he]1593-a man on the bank could catch hold of a willow bough , and pull it to [the island]5352-the island . “ Rather overgrown , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank said , looking into [the interior]1601-the interior , “ but very nice . [I]1593-a man on the bank ’ll come and fetch [you]168-hermione . [The boat]1560-the boat leaks a little . ”[1593-a man on the bank] In a moment [he]1593-a man on the bank was with [her]168-hermione again , and [she]168-hermione stepped into [the wet punt]1602-the wet punt . “ It ’ll float [us]1604-us all right , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank said , and manœuvred again to [the island]5352-the island . [They]1604-us landed under a willow tree . [She]168-hermione shrank from the little jungle of rank plants before [her]168-hermione , evil - smelling figwort and hemlock . But [he]1593-a man on the bank explored into [it]5290-the pond . “ [I]1593-a man on the bank shall mow this down , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank said , “ and then it will be romantic — like [Paul et Virginie]259-paul et virginie . ”[1593-a man on the bank] “ Yes , one could have lovely Watteau picnics here , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald with enthusiasm . [His]1593-a man on the bank face darkened . “ [I]1593-a man on the bank do n’t want Watteau picnics here , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank said . “ Only [[your]1593-a man on the bank Virginie]5354-your virginie , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione laughed . “ [Virginie]259-paul et virginie enough , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank smiled wryly . “ No , [I]1593-a man on the bank do n’t want [her]5354-your virginie either . ”[1593-a man on the bank] [Ursula]255-gerald looked at [him]1593-a man on the bank closely . [She]168-hermione had not seen [him]1593-a man on the bank since [Breadalby]11-breadalby . [He]1593-a man on the bank was very thin and hollow , with a ghastly look in [his]1593-a man on the bank face . “ [You]1593-a man on the bank have been ill ; have n’t [you]1593-a man on the bank ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione asked , rather repulsed . “ Yes , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank replied coldly . [They]1605-they had sat down under the willow tree , and were looking at [the pond]5290-the pond , from [[their]1605-they retreat on [the island]5352-the island]1607-their retreat on the island . “ Has it made [you]1593-a man on the bank frightened ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione asked . “ What of ? ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank asked , turning [his]1593-a man on the bank eyes to look at [her]168-hermione . Something in [him]1593-a man on the bank , inhuman and unmitigated , disturbed [her]168-hermione , and shook [her]168-hermione out of [her]168-hermione ordinary self . “ It is frightening to be very ill , is n’t it ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said . “ It is n’t pleasant , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank said . “ Whether [one]4646-one is really afraid of death , or not , [I]1593-a man on the bank have never decided . In one mood , not a bit , in another , very much . ”[1593-a man on the bank] “ But does n’t it make [you]168-hermione feel ashamed ? [I]1593-a man on the bank think it makes [one]4646-one so ashamed , to be ill — illness is so terribly humiliating , do n’t [you]168-hermione think ? ”[1593-a man on the bank] [He]1593-a man on the bank considered for some minutes . “ Maybe , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank said . “ Though one knows all the time [one]4646-one ’s life is n’t really right , at the source . That ’s the humiliation . [I]1593-a man on the bank do n’t see that the illness counts so much , after that . [One]4646-one is ill because [one]4646-one does n’t live properly — can’t . It ’s the failure to live that makes [one]4646-one ill , and humiliates [one]4646-one . ”[1593-a man on the bank] “ But do [you]1593-a man on the bank fail to live ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione asked , almost jeering . “ Why yes — [I]168-hermione do n’t make much of a success of [my]168-hermione days . [One]4646-one seems always to be bumping [one]4646-one ’s nose against the blank wall ahead . ”[168-hermione] [Ursula]255-gerald laughed . [She]168-hermione was frightened , and when [she]168-hermione was frightened [she]168-hermione always laughed and pretended to be jaunty . “ [Your]1593-a man on the bank poor nose ! ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , looking at that feature of [his]1593-a man on the bank face . “ No wonder it ’s ugly , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank replied . [She]168-hermione was silent for some minutes , struggling with [her]168-hermione own self - deception . It was an instinct in [her]168-hermione , to deceive [herself]168-hermione . “ But [I]168-hermione ’m happy — [I]168-hermione think life is awfully jolly , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said . “ Good , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank answered , with a certain cold indifference . [She]168-hermione reached for a bit of paper which had wrapped a small piece of chocolate [she]168-hermione had found in [her]168-hermione pocket , and began making a boat . [He]1593-a man on the bank watched [her]168-hermione without heeding [her]168-hermione . There was something strangely pathetic and tender in [her]168-hermione moving , unconscious finger - tips , that were agitated and hurt , really . “ [I]168-hermione do enjoy things — don’t [you]1593-a man on the bank ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione asked . “ Oh yes ! But it infuriates [me]168-hermione that [I]168-hermione ca n’t get right , at the really growing part of [me]168-hermione . [I]168-hermione feel all tangled and messed up , and [I]168-hermione ca n’t get straight anyhow . [I]168-hermione do n’t know what really to do . [One]172-one must do something somewhere . ”[168-hermione] “ Why should [you]1593-a man on the bank always be doing ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione retorted . “ It is so plebeian . [I]168-hermione think it is much better to be really patrician , and to do nothing but just be [oneself]172-one , like a walking flower . ”[168-hermione] “ [I]1593-a man on the bank quite agree , ”[1593-a man on the bank] [he]1593-a man on the bank said , “ if one has burst into blossom . But [I]1593-a man on the bank ca n’t get [my]1593-a man on the bank flower to blossom anyhow . Either it is blighted in the bud , or has got the smother - fly , or it is n’t nourished . Curse it , it is n’t even a bud . It is a contravened knot . ”[1593-a man on the bank] Again [she]168-hermione laughed . [He]1593-a man on the bank was so very fretful and exasperated . But [she]168-hermione was anxious and puzzled . How was one to get out , anyhow . There must be a way out somewhere . There was a silence , wherein [she]168-hermione wanted to cry . [She]168-hermione reached for another bit of chocolate paper , and began to fold another boat . “ And why is it , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione asked at length , “ that there is no flowering , no dignity of human life now ? ”[168-hermione] “ The whole idea is dead . Humanity itself is dry - rotten , really . There are myriads of [human beings hanging on the bush]5363-human beings hanging on the bush — and [they]5363-human beings hanging on the bush look very nice and rosy , [[your]1593-a man on the bank healthy [young men]5365-young men and [women]453-women]5364-your healthy young men and women . But [they]5363-human beings hanging on the bush are apples of [Sodom]19-sodom , as a matter of fact , Dead Sea Fruit , gall - apples . It is n’t true that they have any significance — [their]5363-human beings hanging on the bush insides are full of bitter , corrupt ash . ”[168-hermione] “ But there are [good people]5367-good people , ”[255-gerald] protested [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Good enough for the life of today . But [mankind]1014-mankind is a dead tree , covered with fine brilliant galls of [people]579-people . ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald could not help stiffening [herself]255-gerald against this , it was too picturesque and final . But neither could [she]168-hermione help making [him]1609-you go on . “ And if it is so , why is it ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione asked , hostile . [They]1610-they were rousing each other to a fine passion of opposition . “ Why , why are [people all balls of bitter dust]5370-people all balls of bitter dust ? Because [they]5370-people all balls of bitter dust wo n’t fall off the tree when [they]5370-people all balls of bitter dust ’re ripe . [They]5370-people all balls of bitter dust hang on to [their]5370-people all balls of bitter dust old positions when the position is over - past , till [they]5370-people all balls of bitter dust become infested with little worms and dry - rot . ”[1610-they] There was a long pause . [His]1609-you voice had become hot and very sarcastic . [Ursula]255-gerald was troubled and bewildered , [they]1610-they were both oblivious of everything but [their]1610-they own immersion . “ But even if [everybody]780-everybody is wrong — where are [you]1609-you right ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione cried , “ where are [you]1609-you any better ? ”[168-hermione] “ I?—I’m not right , ”[1609-you] [he]1609-you cried back . “ At least [my]168-hermione only rightness lies in the fact that [I]168-hermione know it . [I]168-hermione detest what [I]168-hermione am , outwardly . [I]168-hermione loathe [myself]168-hermione as [a human being]5012-a human being . [Humanity]203-humanity is a huge aggregate lie , and a huge lie is less than a small truth . [Humanity]203-humanity is less , far less than [the individual]5373-the individual , because [the individual]5373-the individual may sometimes be capable of truth , and humanity is a tree of lies . And [they]1610-they say that love is the greatest thing ; [they]1610-they persist in saying this , [the foul liars]5375-the foul liars , and just look at what [they]1610-they do ! Look at [all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest]5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest — and see what [they]5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest are doing all the time . By [their]5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest works [ye]5377-ye shall know [them]5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest , for [dirty liars]5378-dirty liars and cowards , who dare n’t stand by [their]5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest own actions , much less by [their]5376-all the millions of people who repeat every minute that love is the greatest , and charity is the greatest own words . ”[168-hermione] “ But , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald sadly , “ that does n’t alter the fact that love is the greatest , does it ? What [they]1610-they do does n’t alter the truth of what [they]1610-they say , does it ? ”[255-gerald] “ Completely , because if what [they]1610-they say were true , then [they]1610-they could n’t help fulfilling it . But [they]1610-they maintain a lie , and so [they]1610-they run amok at last . It ’s a lie to say that love is the greatest . [You]5377-ye might as well say that hate is the greatest , since the opposite of everything balances . What [people]579-people want is hate — hate and nothing but hate . And in the name of righteousness and love , [they]579-people get it . [They]579-people distil [themselves]579-people with nitroglycerine , all the lot of [them]579-people , out of very love . It ’s the lie that kills . If [we]5380-us want hate , let [us]5380-us have it — death , murder , torture , violent destruction — let [us]5380-us have it : but not in the name of love . But [I]168-hermione abhor humanity , [I]168-hermione wish it was swept away . It could go , and there would be no absolute loss , if [every human being]5381-every human being perished tomorrow . The reality would be untouched . Nay , it would be better . The real tree of life would then be rid of the most ghastly , heavy crop of Dead Sea Fruit , the intolerable burden of myriad simulacra of [people]579-people , an infinite weight of mortal lies . ”[168-hermione] “ So [you]1611-you ’d like everybody in [the world]541-the world destroyed ? ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald should indeed . ”[255-gerald] “ And [the world]541-the world empty of [people]579-people ? ”[1611-you] “ Yes truly . [You]1611-you [yourself]1611-you , do n’t [you]1611-you find it a beautiful clean thought , a world empty of [people]579-people , just uninterrupted grass , and a hare sitting up ? ”[1611-you] The pleasant sincerity of [his]1611-you voice made [Ursula]255-gerald pause to consider [her]1612-her own proposition . And really it was attractive : [a clean , lovely , humanless world]1613-a clean , lovely , humanless world . It was the really desirable . [Her]1612-her heart hesitated , and exulted . But still , [she]1612-her was dissatisfied with [him]1611-you . “ But , ”[1612-her] [she]1612-her objected , “ [you]1611-you ’d be dead [yourself]1611-you , so what good would it do [you]1611-you ? ”[1612-her] “ [I]1611-you would die like a shot , to know that [the earth]972-the earth would really be cleaned of [all the people]5388-all the people . It is the most beautiful and freeing thought . Then there would never be [another foul humanity created]5389-another foul humanity created , for a universal defilement . ”[1611-you] “ No , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ there would be nothing . ”[255-gerald] “ What ! Nothing ? Just because humanity was wiped out ? [You]1611-you flatter [yourself]1611-you . There ’d be everything . ”[1611-you] “ But how , if there were [no people]5390-no people ? ”[1611-you] “ Do [you]1611-you think that creation depends on [man]1089-man ! It merely does n’t . There are the trees and the grass and birds . [I]255-gerald much prefer to think of the lark rising up in the morning upon [a humanless world]5392-a humanless world . [Man]1089-man is a mistake , [he]1089-man must go . There is the grass , and hares and [adders]5394-adders , and the unseen hosts , actual angels that go about freely when a dirty humanity does n’t interrupt [them]5395-them — and good pure - tissued demons : very nice . ”[255-gerald] It pleased [Ursula]255-gerald , what [he]255-gerald said , pleased [her]1614-she very much , as a phantasy . Of course it was only a pleasant fancy . [She]1614-she [herself]1614-she knew too well the actuality of [humanity]987-humanity , its hideous actuality . [She]1614-she knew it could not disappear so cleanly and conveniently . It had a long way to go yet , a long and hideous way . [Her]1614-she subtle , feminine , demoniacal soul knew it well . “ If only [man]1089-man was swept off the face of [the earth]972-the earth , creation would go on so marvellously , with a new start , non - human . [Man]261-man is one of the mistakes of creation — like the ichthyosauri . If only [he]261-man were gone again , think what lovely things would come out of the liberated days;—things straight out of the fire . ”[1614-she] “ But [man]1089-man will never be gone , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she said , with insidious , diabolical knowledge of the horrors of persistence . “ [The world]541-the world will go with [him]261-man . ”[1614-she] “ Ah no , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald answered , “ not so . [I]255-gerald believe in [the proud angels]5400-the proud angels and the demons that are [[our]5401-we fore - runners]5402-our fore - runners . [They]5403-they will destroy [us]5401-we , because [we]5401-we are not proud enough . [The ichthyosauri]5404-the ichthyosauri were not proud : [they]5404-the ichthyosauri crawled and floundered as [we]5401-we do . And besides , look at elder - flowers and bluebells — they are a sign that pure creation takes place — even the butterfly . But humanity never gets beyond the caterpillar stage — it rots in the chrysalis , it never will have wings . [It]5405-it is anti - creation , like monkeys and baboons . ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald watched [him]255-gerald as [he]255-gerald talked . There seemed a certain impatient fury in [him]255-gerald , all the while , and at the same time a great amusement in everything , and a final tolerance . And it was this tolerance [she]1614-she mistrusted , not the fury . [She]1614-she saw that , all the while , in spite of [himself]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald would have to be trying to save [the world]541-the world . And this knowledge , whilst it comforted [her]1614-she heart somewhere with a little self - satisfaction , stability , yet filled [her]1614-she with a certain sharp contempt and hate of [him]255-gerald . [She]1614-she wanted [him]255-gerald to [herself]1614-she , [she]1614-she hated [the Salvator Mundi]262-the salvator mundi touch . It was something diffuse and generalised about [him]255-gerald , which [she]1614-she could not stand . [He]255-gerald would behave in the same way , say the same things , give [himself]255-gerald as completely to [anybody who came along]1617-anybody who came along , [anybody]744-anybody and [everybody who liked to appeal to [him]255-gerald]1619-everybody who liked to appeal to him . It was despicable , a very insidious form of prostitution . “ But , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she said , “ [you]255-gerald believe in individual love , even if [you]255-gerald do n’t believe in loving humanity — ? ”[1614-she] “ [I]1614-she do n’t believe in love at all — that is , any more than [I]1614-she believe in hate , or in grief . Love is one of the emotions like all the others — and so it is all right whilst [you]255-gerald feel it . But [I]1614-she ca n’t see how it becomes an absolute . It is just part of human relationships , no more . And it is only part of any human relationship . And why [one]4646-one should be required always to feel it , any more than [one]4646-one always feels sorrow or distant joy , [I]1614-she can not conceive . Love is n’t a desideratum — it is an emotion [you]255-gerald feel or [you]255-gerald do n’t feel , according to circumstance . ”[1614-she] “ Then why do [you]1620-he care about [people]579-people at all ? ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she asked , “ if [you]1620-he do n’t believe in love ? Why do [you]1620-he bother about humanity ? ”[1614-she] “ Why do [I]1614-she ? Because [I]1614-she ca n’t get away from it . ”[1614-she] “ Because [you]1620-he love it , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she persisted . It irritated [him]1620-he . “ If [I]1620-he do love it , ”[1620-he] [he]1620-he said , “ it is [my]1620-he disease . ”[1620-he] “ But it is a disease [you]1620-he do n’t want to be cured of , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she said , with some cold sneering . [He]1620-he was silent now , feeling [she]1614-she wanted to insult [him]1620-he . “ And if [you]1620-he do n’t believe in love , what do [you]1620-he believe in ? ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she asked mocking . “ Simply in the end of [the world]541-the world , and grass ? ”[1614-she] [He]1620-he was beginning to feel [a fool]4749-a fool . “ [I]1620-he believe in [the unseen hosts]5410-the unseen hosts , ”[1620-he] [he]1620-he said . “ And nothing else ? [You]1620-he believe in nothing visible , except grass and birds ? [[Your]1620-he world]5411-your world is a poor show . ”[1620-he] “ Perhaps it is , ”[1620-he] [he]1620-he said , cool and superior now [he]1620-he was offended , assuming a certain insufferable aloof superiority , and withdrawing into [his]1620-he distance . [Ursula]255-gerald disliked [him]1620-he . But also [she]1614-she felt [she]1614-she had lost something . [She]1614-she looked at [him]1620-he as [he]1620-he sat crouched on [the bank]1564-the bank . There was a certain priggish Sunday - school stiffness over [him]1620-he , priggish and detestable . And yet , at the same time , the moulding of [him]1620-he was so quick and attractive , it gave such a great sense of freedom : the moulding of [his]1620-he brows , [his]1620-he chin , [his]1620-he whole physique , something so alive , somewhere , in spite of the look of sickness . And it was this duality in feeling which [he]1620-he created in [her]1614-she , that made a fine hate of [him]1620-he quicken in [her]1614-she bowels . There was [his]1620-he wonderful , desirable life - rapidity , the rare quality of [an utterly desirable man]1623-an utterly desirable man : and there was at the same time this ridiculous , mean effacement into [a Salvator Mundi]1624-a salvator mundi and [a Sunday - school teacher]1625-a sunday - school teacher , [a prig of the stiffest type]1626-a prig of the stiffest type . [He]1620-he looked up at [her]1614-she . [He]1620-he saw [her]1614-she face strangely enkindled , as if suffused from within by a powerful sweet fire . [His]1620-he soul was arrested in wonder . [She]1614-she was enkindled in [her]1614-she own living fire . Arrested in wonder and in pure , perfect attraction , [he]1620-he moved towards [her]1614-she . [She]1614-she sat like [a strange queen]1627-a strange queen , almost supernatural in [her]1614-she glowing smiling richness . “ The point about love , ”[1620-he] [he]1620-he said , [his]1620-he consciousness quickly adjusting itself , “ is that [we]1628-we hate the word because [we]1628-we have vulgarised it . It ought to be prescribed , tabooed from utterance , for many years , till [we]1628-we get a new , better idea . ”[1620-he] There was a beam of understanding between [them]1628-we . “ But it always means the same thing , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she said . “ Ah God , no , let it not mean that any more , ”[1620-he] [he]1620-he cried . “ Let the old meanings go . ”[1620-he] “ But still it is love , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she persisted . A strange , wicked yellow light shone at [him]1620-he in [her]1614-she eyes . [He]1620-he hesitated , baffled , withdrawing . “ No , ”[1620-he] [he]1620-he said , “ it is n’t . Spoken like that , never in [the world]541-the world . [You]1614-she ’ve no business to utter the word . ”[1620-he] “ [I]1614-she must leave it to [you]1620-he , to take it out of [the Ark of the Covenant]5413-the ark of the covenant at the right moment , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she mocked . Again [they]1628-we looked at [each other]451-each other . [She]1614-she suddenly sprang up , turned [her]1614-she back to [him]1620-he , and walked away . [He]1620-he too rose slowly and went to [the water]4852-the water ’s edge , where , crouching , [he]1620-he began to amuse [himself]1620-he unconsciously . Picking a daisy [he]1620-he dropped it on [the pond]5290-the pond , so that the stem was a keel , the flower floated like a little water lily , staring with its open face up to the sky . [It]1632-it turned slowly round , in a slow , slow Dervish dance , as it veered away . [He]1620-he watched it , then dropped another daisy into the water , and after that another , and sat watching [them]1633-them with bright , absolved eyes , crouching near on [the bank]1564-the bank . [Ursula]255-gerald turned to look . A strange feeling possessed [her]1614-she , as if something were taking place . But it was all intangible . And some sort of control was being put on [her]1614-she . [She]1614-she could not know . [She]1614-she could only watch the brilliant little discs of the daisies veering slowly in travel on [the dark , lustrous water]1635-the dark , lustrous water . [The little flotilla]1636-the little flotilla was drifting into the light , a company of white specks in the distance . “ Do let [us]5414-us go to [the shore]1571-the shore , to follow [them]1633-them , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she said , afraid of being any longer imprisoned on [the island]5352-the island . And [they]1633-them pushed off in the punt . [She]1614-she was glad to be on [the free land]1638-the free land again . [She]1614-she went along [the bank]1564-the bank towards [the sluice]1640-the sluice . The daisies were scattered broadcast on [the pond]5290-the pond , tiny radiant things , like an exaltation , points of exaltation here and there . Why did they move [her]1614-she so strongly and mystically ? “ Look , ”[1614-she] [he]1614-she said , “ [[your]1614-she boat of purple paper]5416-your boat of purple paper is escorting [them]1633-them , and [they]1633-them are a convoy of [rafts]5417-rafts . ”[1614-she] Some of the daisies came slowly towards [her]1614-she , hesitating , making a shy bright little cotillion on the dark clear water . [Their]1633-them gay bright candour moved [her]1614-she so much as [they]1633-them came near , that [she]1614-she was almost in tears . “ Why are they so lovely , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she cried . “ Why do [I]1614-she think them so lovely ? ”[1614-she] “ They are nice flowers , ”[1614-she] [he]1614-she said , [her]1614-she emotional tones putting a constraint on [him]1614-she . “ [You]1614-she know that a daisy is a company of florets , [a concourse]5418-a concourse , become [individual]5419-individual . Do n’t [the botanists]5420-the botanists put it highest in the line of development ? [I]1614-she believe [they]5420-the botanists do . ”[1614-she] “ [The compositæ]5421-the compositæ , yes , [I]255-gerald think so , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , who was never very sure of anything . Things [she]1614-she knew perfectly well , at one moment , seemed to become doubtful the next . “ Explain it so , then , ”[1614-she] [he]1614-she said . “ The daisy is a perfect little democracy , so it ’s the highest of flowers , hence its charm . ”[1614-she] “ No , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she cried , “ no — never . It is n’t democratic . ”[1614-she] “ No , ”[1614-she] [he]1614-she admitted . “ It ’s [the golden mob of [the proletariat]5423-the proletariat]5422-the golden mob of the proletariat , surrounded by a showy white fence of [the idle rich]5424-the idle rich . ”[1614-she] “ How hateful — [your]1614-she hateful social orders ! ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she cried . “ Quite ! It ’s a daisy — [we’ll]1642-they leave it alone . ”[1614-she] “ Do . Let [it]5425-it be a dark horse for once , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she said : “ if anything can be a dark horse to [you]1614-she , ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she added satirically . [They]1642-they stood aside , forgetful . As if a little stunned , [they]1642-they both were motionless , barely conscious . The little conflict into which [they]1642-they had fallen had torn [their]1642-they consciousness and left [them]1642-they like [two impersonal forces]1643-two impersonal forces , there in contact . [He]1614-she became aware of the lapse . [He]1614-she wanted to say something , to get on to a new more ordinary footing . “ [You]1614-she know , ”[1614-she] [he]1614-she said , “ that [I]1614-she am having rooms here at [the mill]5426-the mill ? Do n’t [you]1614-she think [we]1642-they can have some good times ? ”[1614-she] “ Oh are [you]1614-she ? ”[1614-she] [she]1614-she said , ignoring all [his]1614-she implication of admitted intimacy . [He]1614-she adjusted [himself]1614-she at once , became normally distant . “ If [I]1614-she find [I]1614-she can live sufficiently by [myself]1614-she , ”[1614-she] [he]1614-she continued , “ [I]1614-she shall give up [my]1614-she work altogether . [It]5427-it has become dead to [me]1614-she . [I]1614-she do n’t believe in the humanity [I]1614-she pretend to be part of , [I]1614-she do n’t care a straw for the social ideals [I]1614-she live by , [I]1614-she hate the dying organic form of [social mankind]5428-social mankind — so it ca n’t be anything but trumpery , to work at education . [I]1614-she shall drop it as soon as [I]1614-she am clear enough — tomorrow perhaps — and be by [myself]1614-she . ”[1614-she] “ Have [you]1614-she enough to live on ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Yes — [I’ve]1614-she about four hundred a year . That makes it easy for [me]1614-she . ”[1614-she] There was a pause . “ And what about [Hermione]168-hermione ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “ That ’s over , finally — a pure failure , and never could have been anything else . ”[255-gerald] “ But [you]1614-she still know [each other]451-each other ? ”[1614-she] “ [We]451-each other could hardly pretend to be [strangers]4698-strangers , could [we]451-each other ? ”[255-gerald] There was a stubborn pause . “ But is n’t that a half - measure ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald at length . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t think so , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [You]255-gerald ’ll be able to tell [me]255-gerald if it is . ”[255-gerald] Again there was a pause of some minutes ’ duration . [He]255-gerald was thinking . “ [One]4646-one must throw everything away , everything — let everything go , to get the one last thing [one]4646-one wants , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ What thing ? ”[1644-she] [she]1644-she asked in challenge . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t know — freedom together , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . [She]1644-she had wanted [him]255-gerald to say ‘ love . ’ There was heard a loud barking of the dogs below . [He]255-gerald seemed disturbed by it . [She]1644-she did not notice . Only [she]1644-she thought [he]255-gerald seemed uneasy . “ As a matter of fact , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , in rather a small voice , “ [I]255-gerald believe that is [Hermione]168-hermione come now , with [Gerald Crich]255-gerald . [She]168-hermione wanted to see [the rooms]5433-the rooms before [they]5433-the rooms are furnished . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald know , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [She]168-hermione will superintend the furnishing for [you]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ Probably . Does it matter ? ”[255-gerald] “ Oh no , [I]255-gerald should think not , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Though personally , [I]255-gerald ca n’t bear [her]168-hermione . [I]255-gerald think [she]168-hermione is a lie , if [you]255-gerald like , [you]255-gerald who are always talking about lies . ”[255-gerald] Then [she]1645-i ruminated for a moment , when [she]1645-i broke out : “ Yes , and [I]1645-i do mind if [she]168-hermione furnishes [[your]1646-i rooms]1153-your rooms — [I]1645-i do mind . [I]1645-i mind that [you]1646-i keep [her]168-hermione hanging on at all . ”[1645-i] [He]1646-i was silent now , frowning . “ Perhaps , ”[1646-i] [he]1646-i said . “ [I]1646-i do n’t want [her]168-hermione to furnish [the rooms]5433-the rooms here — and [I]1646-i do n’t keep [her]168-hermione hanging on . Only , [I]1646-i need n’t be churlish to [her]168-hermione , need [I]1646-i ? At any rate , [I]1646-i shall have to go down and see [them]5433-the rooms now . [You]1646-i ’ll come , wo n’t [you]1646-i ? ”[1646-i] “ [I]1647-she do n’t think so , ”[1647-she] [she]1647-she said coldly and irresolutely . “ Wo n’t [you]1646-i ? Yes do . Come and see [the rooms]5433-the rooms as well . Do come . ”[1647-she] [He]1646-i set off down [the bank]1564-the bank , and [she]1647-she went unwillingly with [him]1646-i . Yet [she]1647-she would not have stayed away , either . “ [We]5437-we know [each other]451-each other well , [you]1647-she and [I]1646-i , already , ”[1646-i] [he]1646-i said . [She]1647-she did not answer . In [the large darkish kitchen of [the mill]5426-the mill]1649-the large darkish kitchen of the mill , [[the labourer]1651-the labourer ’s wife]1652-the labourer ’s wife was talking shrilly to [Hermione]168-hermione and [Gerald]255-gerald , who stood , [he]1646-i in white and [she]1647-she in a glistening bluish foulard , strangely luminous in the dusk of [the room]739-the room ; whilst from the cages on the walls , [a dozen or more canaries]1654-a dozen or more canaries sang at the top of [their]1654-a dozen or more canaries voices . [The cages]1655-the cages were all placed round a small square window at the back , where the sunshine came in , a beautiful beam , filtering through green leaves of a tree . The voice of [Mrs Salmon]263-mrs salmon shrilled against the noise of the birds , which rose ever more wild and triumphant , and [the woman]873-the woman ’s voice went up and up against [them]1655-the cages , and the birds replied with wild animation . “ Here ’s [Rupert]169-birkin ! ”[255-gerald] shouted [Gerald]255-gerald in the midst of the din . [He]255-gerald was suffering badly , being very sensitive in the ear . “ O - o - h them birds , [they]1655-the cages wo n’t let [you]255-gerald speak — ! ”[1651-the labourer] shrilled [[the labourer]1651-the labourer ’s wife]1652-the labourer ’s wife in disgust . “ [I]1651-the labourer ’ll cover [them]1655-the cages up . ”[1651-the labourer] And [she]1652-the labourer ’s wife darted here and there , throwing a duster , an apron , a towel , a table - cloth over the cages of the birds . “ Now will [you]255-gerald stop it , and let [a body]5439-a body speak for [your]255-gerald row , ”[1652-the labourer ’s wife] [she]1652-the labourer ’s wife said , still in a voice that was too high . [The party]701-the party watched [her]1652-the labourer ’s wife . Soon the cages were covered , they had a strange funereal look . But from under the towels odd defiant trills and bubblings still shook out . “ Oh , [they]1655-the cages wo n’t go on , ”[263-mrs salmon] said [Mrs Salmon]263-mrs salmon reassuringly . “ [They]1655-the cages ’ll go to sleep now . ”[263-mrs salmon] “ Really , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , politely . “ [They]1655-the cages will , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [They]1655-the cages will go to sleep automatically , now the impression of evening is produced . ”[255-gerald] “ Are [they]1655-the cages so easily deceived ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Oh , yes , ”[255-gerald] replied [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Do n’t [you]255-gerald know the story of [Fabre]264-fabre , who , when [he]5440-he was [a boy]764-a boy , put a hen ’s head under [her]264-fabre wing , and [she]264-fabre straight away went to sleep ? It ’s quite true . ”[255-gerald] “ And did that make [him]5440-he [a naturalist]5442-a naturalist ? ”[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Probably , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . Meanwhile [Ursula]255-gerald was peeping under one of the cloths . There sat the canary in a corner , bunched and fluffed up for sleep . “ How ridiculous ! ”[1660-she] [she]1660-she cried . “ [It]5443-it really thinks the night has come ! How absurd ! Really , how can one have any respect for a creature that is so easily taken in ! ”[1660-she] “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] sang [Hermione]168-hermione , coming also to look . [She]168-hermione put [her]168-hermione hand on [Ursula]255-gerald ’s arm and chuckled a low laugh . “ Yes , does n’t [he]5440-he look comical ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione chuckled . “ Like [a stupid husband]5444-a stupid husband . ”[168-hermione] Then , with [her]168-hermione hand still on [Ursula]255-gerald ’s arm , [she]168-hermione drew [her]1660-she away , saying , in [her]168-hermione mild sing - song : “ How did [you]1660-she come [here]4650-here ? [We]5446-we saw [Gudrun]160-gudrun too . ”[168-hermione] “ [I]255-gerald came to look at [the pond]5290-the pond , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ and [I]168-hermione found [Mr Birkin]169-birkin [there]629-there . ”[168-hermione] “ Did [you]169-birkin ? This is quite [a Brangwen land]5449-a brangwen land , is n’t it ! ”[168-hermione] “ [I]255-gerald ’m afraid [I]255-gerald hoped so , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald ran [here]4650-here for refuge , when [I]255-gerald saw [you]169-birkin down [the lake]4830-the lake , just putting off . ”[255-gerald] “ Did [you]169-birkin ! And now [we]5452-we ’ve run [you]169-birkin to [earth]571-earth . ”[168-hermione] [Hermione]168-hermione ’s eyelids lifted with an uncanny movement , amused but overwrought . [She]168-hermione had always [her]168-hermione strange , rapt look , unnatural and irresponsible . “ [I]255-gerald was going on , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [Mr Birkin]169-birkin wanted [me]255-gerald to see [the rooms]5433-the rooms . Is n’t it delightful to live [here]4650-here ? [It]4650-here is perfect . ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , abstractedly . Then [she]168-hermione turned right away from [Ursula]255-gerald , ceased to know [her]168-hermione existence . “ How do [you]1661-you feel , [Rupert]169-birkin ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione sang in a new , affectionate tone , to [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Very well , ”[1661-you] [he]1661-you replied . “ Were [you]168-hermione quite comfortable ? ”[1661-you] The curious , sinister , rapt look was on [Hermione]168-hermione ’s face , [she]168-hermione shrugged [her]168-hermione bosom in a convulsed movement , and seemed like one half in a trance . “ Quite comfortable , ”[1661-you] [he]1661-you replied . There was a long pause , whilst [Hermione]168-hermione looked at [him]1661-you for a long time , from under [her]168-hermione heavy , drugged eyelids . “ And [you]1661-you think [you]1661-you ’ll be happy [here]4650-here ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said at last . “ [I]168-hermione ’m sure [I]168-hermione shall . ”[168-hermione] “ [I]1651-the labourer ’m sure [I]1651-the labourer shall do anything for [him]1661-you as [I]1651-the labourer can , ”[1651-the labourer] said [[the labourer]1651-the labourer ’s wife]1652-the labourer ’s wife . “ And [I]1651-the labourer ’m sure [[our]5457-our master]5458-our master will ; so [I]1651-the labourer hope [he]1661-you ’ll find [himself]1661-you comfortable . ”[1651-the labourer] [Hermione]168-hermione turned and looked at [her]168-hermione slowly . “ Thank [you]168-hermione so much , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , and then [she]168-hermione turned completely away again . [She]168-hermione recovered [her]168-hermione position , and lifting [her]168-hermione face towards [him]1651-the labourer , and addressing [him]1651-the labourer exclusively , [she]168-hermione said : “ Have [you]1651-the labourer measured [the rooms]5433-the rooms ? ”[168-hermione] “ No , ”[1651-the labourer] [he]1651-the labourer said , “ [I]1651-the labourer ’ve been mending the punt . ”[1651-the labourer] “ Shall [we]5460-we do it now ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said slowly , balanced and dispassionate . “ Have [you]873-the woman got a tape measure , [Mrs Salmon]263-mrs salmon ? ”[1651-the labourer] [he]1651-the labourer said , turning to [the woman]873-the woman . “ Yes [sir]5461-sir , [I]873-the woman think [I]873-the woman can find one , ”[873-the woman] replied [the woman]873-the woman , bustling immediately to a basket . “ This is the only one [I]873-the woman ’ve got , if it will do . ”[873-the woman] [Hermione]168-hermione took it , though it was offered to [him]1651-the labourer . “ Thank [you]5461-sir so much , ”[873-the woman] [she]873-the woman said . “ It will do very nicely . Thank [you]5461-sir so much . ”[873-the woman] Then [she]873-the woman turned to [Birkin]169-birkin , saying with a little gay movement : “ Shall [we]5462-we do it now , [Rupert]169-birkin ? ”[873-the woman] “ What about [the others]809-the others , [they]809-the others ’ll be bored , ”[1651-the labourer] [he]1651-the labourer said reluctantly . “ Do [you]169-birkin mind ? ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , turning to [Ursula]255-gerald and [Gerald]255-gerald vaguely . “ Not in the least , ”[1666-they] [they]1666-they replied . “ [Which room]5464-which room shall [we]5462-we do first ? ”[873-the woman] [she]873-the woman said , turning again to [Birkin]169-birkin , with the same gaiety , now [she]873-the woman was going to do something with [him]1651-the labourer . “ [We]5462-we ’ll take [them]809-the others as [they]809-the others come , ”[1651-the labourer] [he]1651-the labourer said . “ Should [I]1652-the labourer ’s wife be getting [your]169-birkin teas ready , while [you]169-birkin do that ? ”[1652-the labourer ’s wife] said [[the labourer]1651-the labourer ’s wife]1652-the labourer ’s wife , also gay because [she]1652-the labourer ’s wife had something to do . “ Would [you]169-birkin ? ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , turning to [her]1652-the labourer ’s wife with the curious motion of intimacy that seemed to envelop [the woman]873-the woman , draw [her]873-the woman almost to [Hermione]168-hermione ’s breast , and which left [the others]809-the others standing apart . “ [I]873-the woman should be so glad . Where shall [we]5465-we have it ? ”[873-the woman] “ Where would [you]169-birkin like it ? Shall it be in here , or out on the grass ? ”[168-hermione] “ Where shall [we]5465-we have tea ? ”[168-hermione] sang [Hermione]168-hermione to [the company at large]806-the company at large . “ On [the bank by [the pond]5290-the pond]5466-the bank by the pond . And [we]5465-we ’ll carry the things up , if [you]1672-the pleased woman ’ll just get them ready , [Mrs Salmon]263-mrs salmon , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ All right , ”[1672-the pleased woman] said [the pleased woman]1672-the pleased woman . [The party]701-the party moved down [the passage]5006-the passage into [the front room]1675-the front room . [It]1675-the front room was empty , but clean and sunny . There was a window looking on to [the tangled front garden]1676-the tangled front garden . “ This is [the dining - room]774-the dining - room , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione . “ [We]5465-we ’ll measure it this way , [Rupert]169-birkin — [you]169-birkin go down there — ”[168-hermione] “ Ca n’t [I]255-gerald do it for [you]168-hermione , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , coming to take the end of the tape . “ No , thank [you]169-birkin , ”[168-hermione] cried [Hermione]168-hermione , stooping to the ground in [her]168-hermione bluish , brilliant foulard . It was a great joy to [her]168-hermione to do things , and to have the ordering of the job , with [Birkin]169-birkin . [He]255-gerald obeyed [her]168-hermione subduedly . [Ursula]255-gerald and [Gerald]255-gerald looked on . It was a peculiarity of [Hermione]168-hermione ’s , that at every moment , [she]168-hermione had [one intimate]1677-one intimate , and turned all the rest of [those present]1678-those present into [onlookers]1679-onlookers . This raised [her]168-hermione into a state of triumph . [They]1680-they measured and discussed in [the dining - room]774-the dining - room , and [Hermione]168-hermione decided what the floor coverings must be . It sent [her]168-hermione into a strange , convulsed anger , to be thwarted . [Birkin]169-birkin always let [her]168-hermione have [her]168-hermione way , for the moment . Then [they]1680-they moved across , through [the hall]734-the hall , to [the other front room]1683-the other front room , that was a little smaller than the first . “ This is [the study]5469-the study , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione . “ [Rupert]169-birkin , [I]168-hermione have a rug that [I]168-hermione want [you]169-birkin to have for [here]4650-here . Will [you]169-birkin let [me]168-hermione give it to [you]169-birkin ? Do — [I]168-hermione want to give it [you]169-birkin . ”[168-hermione] “ What is it like ? ”[1684-he] [he]1684-he asked ungraciously . “ [You]169-birkin have n’t seen it . It is chiefly rose red , then blue , a metallic , mid - blue , and a very soft dark blue . [I]1684-he think [you]169-birkin would like it . Do [you]169-birkin think [you]169-birkin would ? ”[1684-he] “ It sounds very nice , ”[1684-he] [he]1684-he replied . “ What is it ? Oriental ? With a pile ? ”[1684-he] “ Yes . Persian ! It is made of camel ’s hair , silky . [I]1684-he think it is called [Bergamos]47-bergamos — twelve feet by seven—. Do [you]169-birkin think it will do ? ”[1684-he] “ It would do , ”[1684-he] [he]1684-he said . “ But why should [you]1685-she give [me]1684-he an expensive rug ? [I]1684-he can manage perfectly well with [my]1684-he old Oxford Turkish . ”[1684-he] “ But may [I]1684-he give it to [you]169-birkin ? Do let [me]1684-he . ”[1684-he] “ How much did it cost ? ”[1685-she] [She]1685-she looked at [him]1684-he , and said : “ [I]1685-she do n’t remember . It was quite cheap . ”[1685-she] [He]1684-he looked at [her]1685-she , [his]1684-he face set . “ [I]1684-he do n’t want to take it , [Hermione]168-hermione , ”[1684-he] [he]1684-he said . “ Do let [me]1685-she give it to [the rooms]5433-the rooms , ”[1685-she] [she]1685-she said , going up to [him]1684-he and putting [her]1685-she hand on [his]1684-he arm lightly , pleadingly . “ [I]1685-she shall be so disappointed . ”[1685-she] “ [You]1685-she know [I]1684-he do n’t want [you]1685-she to give [me]1684-he things , ”[1684-he] [he]1684-he repeated helplessly . “ [I]1685-she do n’t want to give [you]1684-he things , ”[1685-she] [she]1685-she said teasingly . “ But will [you]1684-he have this ? ”[1685-she] “ All right , ”[1684-he] [he]1684-he said , defeated , and [she]1685-she triumphed . [They]1686-they went [upstairs]467-upstairs . There were [two bedrooms]1688-two bedrooms to correspond with [the rooms]5433-the rooms [downstairs]1690-downstairs . [One of [them]1688-two bedrooms]1691-one of them was half furnished , and [Birkin]169-birkin had evidently slept [there]629-there . [Hermione]168-hermione went round [the room]739-the room carefully , taking in every detail , as if absorbing the evidence of [his]1684-he presence , in all the inanimate things . [She]168-hermione felt the bed and examined the coverings . “ Are [you]1684-he sure [you]1684-he were quite comfortable ? ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , pressing the pillow . “ Perfectly , ”[1684-he] [he]1684-he replied coldly . “ And were [you]168-hermione warm ? There is no down quilt . [I]168-hermione am sure [you]168-hermione need one . [You]168-hermione must n’t have a great pressure of clothes . ”[168-hermione] “ [I]1684-he ’ve got one , ”[1684-he] [he]1684-he said . “ It is coming down . ”[1684-he] [They]1694-they measured [the rooms]5433-the rooms , and lingered over every consideration . [Ursula]255-gerald stood at the window and watched [the woman]873-the woman carrying the tea up [the bank]1564-the bank to [the pond]5290-the pond . [She]873-the woman hated the palaver [Hermione]168-hermione made , [she]873-the woman wanted to drink tea , [she]873-the woman wanted anything but this fuss and business . At last [they]1694-they all mounted [the grassy bank]1699-the grassy bank , to the picnic . [Hermione]168-hermione poured out tea . [She]168-hermione ignored now [Ursula]255-gerald ’s presence . And [Ursula]255-gerald , recovering from [her]873-the woman ill - humour , turned to [Gerald]255-gerald saying : “ Oh , [I]255-gerald hated [you]255-gerald so much the other day , [Mr Crich]171-mr crich , ”[255-gerald] “ What for ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , wincing slightly away . “ For treating [your]168-hermione horse so badly . Oh , [I]255-gerald hated [you]168-hermione so much ! ”[255-gerald] “ What did [he]171-mr crich do ? ”[168-hermione] sang [Hermione]168-hermione . “ [He]171-mr crich made [his]171-mr crich lovely sensitive Arab horse stand with [him]171-mr crich at [the railway - crossing]5472-the railway - crossing whilst a horrible lot of trucks went by ; and the poor thing , [she]5473-she was in a perfect frenzy , a perfect agony . It was the most horrible sight [you]255-gerald can imagine . ”[168-hermione] “ Why did [you]255-gerald do it , [Gerald]255-gerald ? ”[168-hermione] asked [Hermione]168-hermione , calm and interrogative . “ [She]5473-she must learn to stand — what use is [she]5473-she to [me]168-hermione in [this country]5474-this country , if [she]5473-she shies and goes off every time an engine whistles . ”[168-hermione] “ But why inflict unnecessary torture ? ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Why make [her]5473-she stand all that time at [the crossing]1338-the crossing ? [You]255-gerald might just as well have ridden back up [the road]502-the road , and saved all that horror . [Her]5473-she sides were bleeding where [you]255-gerald had spurred [her]5473-she . It was too horrible — ! ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald stiffened . “ [I]255-gerald have to use [her]5473-she , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ And if [I]255-gerald ’m going to be sure of [her]5473-she at all , [she]5473-she ’ll have to learn to stand noises . ”[255-gerald] “ Why should [she]5473-she ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald in a passion . “ [She]5473-she is [a living creature]5477-a living creature , why should [she]5473-she stand anything , just because [you]255-gerald choose to make [her]5473-she ? [She]5473-she has as much right to [her]5473-she own being , as [you]255-gerald have to [yours]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ There [I]255-gerald disagree , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald consider that mare is there for [my]255-gerald use . Not because [I]255-gerald bought [her]5473-she , but because that is the natural order . It is more natural for [a man]4648-a man to take a horse and use [it]5473-she as [he]4648-a man likes , than for [him]4648-a man to go down on [his]4648-a man knees to it , begging it to do as it wishes , and to fulfil its own marvellous nature . ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald was just breaking out , when [Hermione]168-hermione lifted [her]168-hermione face and began , in [her]168-hermione musing sing - song : “ [I]168-hermione do think — [I]168-hermione do really think [we]5479-we must have the courage to use the lower animal life for [our]5479-we needs . [I]168-hermione do think there is something wrong , when [we]5479-we look on every living creature as if it were [ourselves]5479-we . [I]168-hermione do feel , that it is false to project [our]5479-we own feelings on [every animate creature]5480-every animate creature . It is a lack of discrimination , a lack of criticism . ”[168-hermione] “ Quite , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin sharply . “ Nothing is so detestable as the maudlin attributing of human feelings and consciousness to animals . ”[169-birkin] “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , wearily , “ [we]5479-we must really take a position . Either [we]5479-we are going to use the animals , or [they]5480-every animate creature will use [us]5479-we . ”[168-hermione] “ That ’s a fact , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [A horse]5481-a horse has got a will like [a man]4648-a man , though it has no mind strictly . And if [your]5481-a horse will is n’t [master]1120-master , then the horse is [master of [you]5481-a horse]5484-master of you . And this is a thing [I]255-gerald ca n’t help . [I]255-gerald ca n’t help being [master of the horse]5485-master of the horse . ”[255-gerald] “ If only [we]5479-we could learn how to use [our]5479-we will , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , “ [we]5479-we could do anything . The will can cure anything , and put anything right . That [I]168-hermione am convinced of — if only [we]5479-we use the will properly , intelligibly . ”[168-hermione] “ What do [you]168-hermione mean by using the will properly ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [A very great doctor]5486-a very great doctor taught [me]168-hermione , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said , addressing [Ursula]255-gerald and [Gerald]255-gerald vaguely . “ [He]5486-a very great doctor told [me]168-hermione for instance , that to cure [oneself]5487-oneself of a bad habit , [one]4646-one should force [oneself]5487-oneself to do it , when [one]4646-one would not do it — make [oneself]5487-oneself do it — and then the habit would disappear . ”[168-hermione] “ How do [you]168-hermione mean ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ If [you]168-hermione bite [your]168-hermione nails , for example . Then , when [you]168-hermione do n’t want to bite [your]168-hermione nails , bite them , make [yourself]168-hermione bite them . And [you]168-hermione would find the habit was broken . ”[255-gerald] “ Is that so ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Yes . And in so many things , [I]255-gerald have made [myself]255-gerald well . [I]255-gerald was [a very queer and nervous girl]5490-a very queer and nervous girl . And by learning to use [my]255-gerald will , simply by using [my]255-gerald will , [I]255-gerald made [myself]255-gerald right . ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald looked all the while at [Hermione]168-hermione , as [she]168-hermione spoke in [her]168-hermione slow , dispassionate , and yet strangely tense voice . A curious thrill went over [the younger woman]870-the younger woman . Some strange , dark , convulsive power was in [Hermione]168-hermione , fascinating and repelling . “ It is fatal to use the will like that , ”[169-birkin] cried [Birkin]169-birkin harshly , “ disgusting . Such a will is an obscenity . ”[169-birkin] [Hermione]168-hermione looked at [him]1701-he for a long time , with [her]168-hermione shadowed , heavy eyes . [Her]168-hermione face was soft and pale and thin , almost phosphorescent , [her]168-hermione jaw was lean . “ [I]168-hermione ’m sure it is n’t , ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione said at length . There always seemed an interval , a strange split between what [she]168-hermione seemed to feel and experience , and what [she]168-hermione actually said and thought . [She]168-hermione seemed to catch [her]168-hermione thoughts at length from off the surface of a maelstrom of chaotic black emotions and reactions , and [Birkin]169-birkin was always filled with repulsion , [she]168-hermione caught so infallibly , [her]168-hermione will never failed [her]168-hermione . [Her]168-hermione voice was always dispassionate and tense , and perfectly confident . Yet [she]168-hermione shuddered with a sense of nausea , a sort of seasickness that always threatened to overwhelm [her]168-hermione mind . But [her]168-hermione mind remained unbroken , [her]168-hermione will was still perfect . It almost sent [Birkin]169-birkin mad . But [he]1701-he would never , never dare to break [her]168-hermione will , and let loose the maelstrom of [her]168-hermione subconsciousness , and see [her]168-hermione in [her]168-hermione ultimate madness . Yet [he]1701-he was always striking at [her]168-hermione . “ And of course , ”[1701-he] [he]1701-he said to [Gerald]255-gerald , “ horses have n’t got a complete will , like [human beings]511-human beings . A horse has [no one]485-no one will . Every horse , strictly , has two wills . With one will , it wants to put itself in the human power completely — and with the other , it wants to be free , wild . The two wills sometimes lock — [you]255-gerald know that , if ever [you]255-gerald ’ve felt a horse bolt , while [you]255-gerald ’ve been driving it . ”[1701-he] “ [I]255-gerald have felt a horse bolt while [I]255-gerald was driving it , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , “ but it did n’t make [me]255-gerald know it had two wills . [I]255-gerald only knew it was frightened . ”[255-gerald] [Hermione]168-hermione had ceased to listen . [She]168-hermione simply became oblivious when [these subjects]1702-these subjects were started . “ Why should a horse want to put itself in the human power ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “ That is quite incomprehensible to [me]255-gerald . [I]255-gerald do n’t believe [it]5493-it ever wanted it . ”[255-gerald] “ Yes it did . It ’s the last , perhaps highest , love - impulse : resign [your]255-gerald will to [the higher being]5494-the higher being , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ What curious notions [you]169-birkin have of love , ”[169-birkin] jeered [Ursula]255-gerald . “ And [woman]1012-woman is the same as horses : two wills act in opposition inside [her]1012-woman . With one will , [she]1012-woman wants to subject [herself]1012-woman utterly . With the other [she]1012-woman wants to bolt , and pitch [[her]1012-woman rider]5496-her rider to perdition . ”[169-birkin] “ Then [I]255-gerald ’m [a bolter]5497-a bolter , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , with a burst of laughter . “ It ’s a dangerous thing to domesticate even horses , let alone [women]453-women , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ The dominant principle has some rare antagonists . ”[169-birkin] “ Good thing too , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Quite , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , with a faint smile . “ There ’s more fun . ”[255-gerald] [Hermione]168-hermione could bear no more . [She]168-hermione rose , saying in [her]168-hermione easy sing - song : “ Is n’t the evening beautiful ! [I]168-hermione get filled sometimes with such a great sense of beauty , that [I]168-hermione feel [I]168-hermione can hardly bear it . ”[168-hermione] [Ursula]255-gerald , to whom [she]168-hermione had appealed , rose with [her]168-hermione , moved to the last impersonal depths . And [Birkin]169-birkin seemed to [her]168-hermione almost [a monster of hateful arrogance]1703-a monster of hateful arrogance . [She]169-birkin went with [Hermione]168-hermione along [the bank of [the pond]5290-the pond]1704-the bank of the pond , talking of beautiful , soothing things , picking the gentle cowslips . “ Would n’t [you]168-hermione like a dress , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald to [Hermione]168-hermione , “ of this yellow spotted with orange — a cotton dress ? ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , stopping and looking at the flower , letting the thought come home to [her]168-hermione and soothe [her]168-hermione . “ Would n’t it be pretty ? [I]255-gerald should love it . ”[255-gerald] And [she]168-hermione turned smiling to [Ursula]255-gerald , in a feeling of real affection . But [Gerald]255-gerald remained with [Birkin]169-birkin , wanting to probe [him]255-gerald to the bottom , to know what [he]255-gerald meant by the dual will in horses . A flicker of excitement danced on [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face . [Hermione]168-hermione and [Ursula]255-gerald strayed on together , united in a sudden bond of deep affection and closeness . “ [I]168-hermione really do not want to be forced into all this criticism and analysis of life . [I]168-hermione really do want to see things in [their]5499-their entirety , with [their]5499-their beauty left to [them]5499-their , and [their]5499-their wholeness , [their]5499-their natural holiness . Do n’t [you]255-gerald feel it , do n’t [you]255-gerald feel [you]255-gerald ca n’t be tortured into any more knowledge ? ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , stopping in front of [Ursula]255-gerald , and turning to [her]168-hermione with clenched fists thrust downwards . “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald do . [I]255-gerald am sick of all this poking and prying . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]168-hermione ’m so glad [you]255-gerald are . Sometimes , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , again stopping arrested in [her]168-hermione progress and turning to [Ursula]255-gerald , “ sometimes [I]168-hermione wonder if [I]168-hermione ought to submit to all this realisation , if [I]168-hermione am not being weak in rejecting it . But [I]168-hermione feel [I]168-hermione can’t — [I]168-hermione ca n’t . It seems to destroy everything . All the beauty and the — and the true holiness is destroyed — and [I]168-hermione feel [I]168-hermione ca n’t live without [them]5500-them . ”[168-hermione] “ And it would be simply wrong to live without [them]5500-them , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ No , it is so irreverent to think that everything must be realised in the head . Really , something must be left to [the Lord]5501-the lord , there always is and always will be . ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione , reassured like [a child]733-a child , “ it should , should n’t it ? And [Rupert]169-birkin — ”[168-hermione] [she]168-hermione lifted [her]168-hermione face to the sky , in a muse—“he can only tear things to pieces . [He]5502-he really is like a boy who must pull everything to pieces to see how it is made . And [I]255-gerald ca n’t think it is right — it does seem so irreverent , as [you]255-gerald say . ”[255-gerald] “ Like tearing open a bud to see what the flower will be like , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Yes . And that kills everything , does n’t it ? It does n’t allow any possibility of flowering . ”[255-gerald] “ Of course not , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ It is purely destructive . ”[255-gerald] “ It is , is n’t it ! ”[168-hermione] [Hermione]168-hermione looked long and slow at [Ursula]255-gerald , seeming to accept confirmation from [her]168-hermione . Then [the two women]882-the two women were silent . As soon as [they]882-the two women were in accord , [they]882-the two women began mutually to mistrust [each other]451-each other . In spite of [herself]255-gerald , [Ursula]255-gerald felt [herself]255-gerald recoiling from [Hermione]168-hermione . It was all [she]168-hermione could do to restrain [her]168-hermione revulsion . [They]882-the two women returned to [the men]727-the men , like [two conspirators who have withdrawn to come to an agreement]1710-two conspirators who have withdrawn to come to an agreement . [Birkin]169-birkin looked up at [them]882-the two women . [Ursula]255-gerald hated [him]1711-him for [his]1711-him cold watchfulness . But [he]1711-him said nothing . “ Shall [we]882-the two women be going ? ”[168-hermione] said [Hermione]168-hermione . “ [Rupert]169-birkin , [you]169-birkin are coming to [Shortlands]7-shortlands to dinner ? Will [you]169-birkin come at once , will [you]169-birkin come now , with [us]882-the two women ? ”[168-hermione] “ [I]169-birkin ’m not dressed , ”[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]169-birkin . “ And [you]255-gerald know [Gerald]255-gerald stickles for convention . ”[169-birkin] “ [I]255-gerald do n’t stickle for it , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ But if [you]255-gerald ’d got as sick as [I]255-gerald have of rowdy go - as - [you]255-gerald - please in [the house]468-the house , [you]255-gerald ’d prefer it if [people]579-people were peaceful and conventional , at least at meals . ”[255-gerald] “ All right , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ But ca n’t [we]5505-we wait for [you]255-gerald while [you]255-gerald dress ? ”[169-birkin] persisted [Hermione]168-hermione . “ If [you]255-gerald like . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald rose to go [indoors]1712-indoors . [Ursula]255-gerald said [she]1713-i would take [her]1713-i leave . “ Only , ”[1713-i] [she]1713-i said , turning to [Gerald]255-gerald , “ [I]1713-i must say that , however [man]1089-man is [lord of the beast and the fowl]5507-lord of the beast and the fowl , [I]1713-i still do n’t think [he]1089-man has any right to violate the feelings of [the inferior creation]5508-the inferior creation . [I]1713-i still think it would have been much more sensible and nice of [you]255-gerald if [you]255-gerald ’d trotted back up [the road]502-the road while [the train]4874-the train went by , and been considerate . ”[1713-i] “ [I]255-gerald see , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , smiling , but somewhat annoyed . “ [I]255-gerald must remember another time . ”[255-gerald] “ [They]1715-they all think [I]255-gerald ’m [an interfering female]5511-an interfering female , ”[255-gerald] thought [Ursula]255-gerald to [herself]255-gerald , as [she]1714-she went away . But [she]1714-she was in arms against [them]1715-they . [She]1714-she ran [home]4649-home plunged in thought . [She]1714-she had been very much moved by [Hermione]168-hermione , [she]1714-she had really come into contact with [her]168-hermione , so that there was a sort of league between [the two women]882-the two women . And yet [she]1714-she could not bear [her]168-hermione . But [she]1714-she put the thought away . “ [She]168-hermione ’s really good , ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she said to [herself]1714-she . “ [She]168-hermione really wants what is right . ”[1714-she] And [she]1714-she tried to feel at one with [Hermione]168-hermione , and to shut off from [Birkin]169-birkin . [She]1714-she was strictly hostile to [him]1718-he . But [she]1714-she was held to [him]1718-he by some bond , some deep principle . This at once irritated [her]1714-she and saved [her]1714-she . Only now and again , violent little shudders would come over [her]1714-she , out of [her]1714-she subconsciousness , and [she]1714-she knew it was the fact that [she]1714-she had stated [her]1714-she challenge to [Birkin]169-birkin , and [he]1718-he had , consciously or unconsciously , accepted . It was a fight to the death between [them]1719-them — or to new life : though in what the conflict lay , [no one]485-no one could say . The days went by , and [she]1714-she received no sign . Was [he]1718-he going to ignore [her]1714-she , was [he]1718-he going to take no further notice of [her]1714-she secret ? A dreary weight of anxiety and acrid bitterness settled on [her]1714-she . And yet [Ursula]255-gerald knew [she]1714-she was only deceiving [herself]1714-she , and that [he]1718-he would proceed . [She]1714-she said no word to [anybody]744-anybody . Then , sure enough , there came a note from [him]1718-he , asking if [she]1714-she would come to tea with [Gudrun]160-gudrun , to [[his]1718-he rooms in [town]602-town]1722-his rooms in town . “ Why does [he]1718-he ask [Gudrun]160-gudrun as well ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she asked [herself]1714-she at once . “ Does [he]1718-he want to protect [himself]1718-he , or does [he]1718-he think [I]1714-she would not go alone ? ”[1714-she] [She]1714-she was tormented by the thought that [he]1718-he wanted to protect [himself]1718-he . But at the end of all , [she]1714-she only said to [herself]1714-she : “ [I]1714-she do n’t want [Gudrun]160-gudrun to be [there]629-there , because [I]1714-she want [him]1718-he to say something more to [me]1714-she . So [I]1714-she sha n’t tell [Gudrun]160-gudrun anything about it , and [I]1714-she shall go alone . Then [I]1714-she shall know . ”[1714-she] [She]1714-she found [herself]1714-she sitting on [the tram - car]1724-the tram - car , mounting up [the hill]497-the hill going out of [the town]4907-the town , to [the place where [he]1718-he had [[his]1718-he lodging]1728-his lodging]1727-the place where he had his lodging . [She]1714-she seemed to have passed into [a kind of dream world]1729-a kind of dream world , absolved from the conditions of actuality . [She]1714-she watched [the sordid streets of [the town]4907-the town]1730-the sordid streets of the town go by beneath [her]1714-she , as if [she]1714-she were a spirit disconnected from [the material universe]1732-the material universe . What had it all to do with [her]1714-she ? [She]1714-she was palpitating and formless within the flux of the ghost life . [She]1714-she could not consider any more , what [anybody]744-anybody would say of [her]1714-she or think about [her]1714-she . [People]579-people had passed out of [her]1714-she range , [she]1714-she was absolved . [She]1714-she had fallen strange and dim , out of the sheath of the material life , as a berry falls from the only world it has ever known , down out of the sheath on to the real unknown . [Birkin]169-birkin was standing in the middle of [the room]739-the room , when [she]1714-she was shown in by [the landlady]1736-the landlady . [He]1737-you too was moved outside [himself]1737-you . [She]1714-she saw [him]1737-you agitated and shaken , a frail , unsubstantial body silent like the node of some violent force , that came out from [him]1737-you and shook [her]1714-she almost into a swoon . “ [You]1714-she are alone ? ”[1737-you] [he]1737-you said . “ Yes — [Gudrun]160-gudrun could not come . ”[1737-you] [He]1737-you instantly guessed why . And [they]1738-they were both seated in silence , in the terrible tension of [the room]739-the room . [She]1714-she was aware that [it]739-the room was [a pleasant room]1740-a pleasant room , full of light and very restful in [its]739-the room form — aware also of a fuchsia tree , with dangling scarlet and purple flowers . “ How nice the fuchsias are ! ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she said , to break the silence . “ Are n’t [they]5513-they ! Did [you]1737-you think [I]1714-she had forgotten what [I]1714-she said ? ”[1714-she] A swoon went over [Ursula]255-gerald ’s mind . “ [I]1714-she do n’t want [you]1737-you to remember it — if [you]1737-you do n’t want to , ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she struggled to say , through the dark mist that covered [her]1714-she . There was silence for some moments . “ No , ”[1737-you] [he]1737-you said . “ It is n’t that . Only — if [we]5514-we are going to know [each other]451-each other , [we]5514-we must pledge [ourselves]5514-we for ever . If [we]5514-we are going to make a relationship , even of friendship , there must be something final and infallible about it . ”[1737-you] There was a clang of mistrust and almost anger in [his]1737-you voice . [She]1714-she did not answer . [Her]1714-she heart was too much contracted . [She]1714-she could not have spoken . Seeing [she]1714-she was not going to reply , [he]1737-you continued , almost bitterly , giving [himself]1737-you away : “ [I]1737-you ca n’t say it is love [I]1737-you have to offer — and it is n’t love [I]1737-you want . It is something much more impersonal and harder — and rarer . ”[1737-you] There was a silence , out of which [she]1714-she said : “ [You]1737-you mean [you]1737-you do n’t love [me]1714-she ? ”[1714-she] [She]1714-she suffered furiously , saying that . “ Yes , if [you]1737-you like to put it like that . Though perhaps that is n’t true . [I]1714-she do n’t know . At any rate , [I]1714-she do n’t feel the emotion of love for [you]1737-you — no , and [I]1714-she do n’t want to . Because it gives out in the last issues . ”[1714-she] “ Love gives out in the last issues ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she asked , feeling numb to the lips . “ Yes , it does . At the very last , [one]4646-one is alone , beyond the influence of love . There is a real impersonal [me]1714-she , that is beyond love , beyond any emotional relationship . So it is with [you]1737-you . But [we]5517-we want to delude [ourselves]5517-we that love is the root . It is n’t . It is only the branches . The root is beyond love , a naked kind of isolation , an isolated [me]1714-she , that does not meet and mingle , and never can . ”[1714-she] [She]1714-she watched [him]1741-him with wide , troubled eyes . [His]1741-him face was incandescent in its abstract earnestness . “ And [you]1737-you mean [you]1737-you ca n’t love ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she asked , in trepidation . “ Yes , if [you]1737-you like . [I]1714-she have loved . But there is a beyond , where there is not love . ”[1714-she] [She]1714-she could not submit to this . [She]1714-she felt it swooning over [her]1714-she . But [she]1714-she could not submit . “ But how do [you]1737-you know — if [you]1737-you have never really loved ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she asked . “ It is true , what [I]1714-she say ; there is a beyond , in [you]1737-you , in [me]1714-she , which is further than love , beyond the scope , as stars are beyond the scope of vision , some of them . ”[1714-she] “ Then there is no love , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Ultimately , no , there is something else . But , ultimately , there is no love . ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald was given over to this statement for some moments . Then [she]1714-she half rose from [her]1714-she chair , saying , in a final , repellent voice : “ Then let [me]1714-she go [home]4649-home — what am [I]1714-she doing here ? ”[1714-she] “ There is the door , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [You]255-gerald are [a free agent]1261-a free agent . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald was suspended finely and perfectly in this extremity . [She]1714-she hung motionless for some seconds , then [she]1714-she sat down again . “ If there is no love , what is there ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she cried , almost jeering . “ Something , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , looking at [her]1714-she , battling with [his]255-gerald soul , with all [his]255-gerald might . “ What ? ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald was silent for a long time , unable to be in communication with [her]1714-she while [she]1714-she was in this state of opposition . “ There is , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , in a voice of pure abstraction ; “ a final me which is stark and impersonal and beyond responsibility . So there is a final [you]255-gerald . And it is there [I]255-gerald would want to meet [you]255-gerald — not in [the emotional , loving plane]5520-the emotional , loving plane — but there beyond , where there is no speech and no terms of agreement . There [we]5521-we are [two stark , unknown beings]5522-two stark , unknown beings , [two utterly strange creatures]5523-two utterly strange creatures , [I]255-gerald would want to approach [you]255-gerald , and [you]255-gerald [me]255-gerald . And there could be no obligation , because there is no standard for action there , because no understanding has been reaped from that plane . It is quite inhuman,—so there can be no calling to book , in any form whatsoever — because [one]4646-one is outside the pale of all that is accepted , and nothing known applies . [One]4646-one can only follow the impulse , taking that which lies in front , and responsible for nothing , asked for nothing , giving nothing , only each taking according to the primal desire . ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald listened to this speech , [her]1714-she mind dumb and almost senseless , what [he]255-gerald said was so unexpected and so untoward . “ It is just purely selfish , ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she said . “ If it is pure , yes . But it is n’t selfish at all . Because [I]1714-she do n’t know what [I]1714-she want of [you]255-gerald . [I]1714-she deliver [myself]1714-she over to the unknown , in coming to [you]255-gerald , [I]1714-she am without reserves or defences , stripped entirely , into the unknown . Only there needs the pledge between [us]5526-us , that [we]5526-us will both cast off everything , cast off [ourselves]5526-us even , and cease to be , so that that which is perfectly [ourselves]5526-us can take place in [us]5526-us . ”[1714-she] [She]1714-she pondered along [her]1714-she own line of thought . “ But it is because [you]255-gerald love [me]1714-she , that [you]255-gerald want [me]1714-she ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she persisted . “ No it is n’t . It is because [I]1714-she believe in [you]255-gerald — if [I]1714-she do believe in [you]255-gerald . ”[1714-she] “ Are n’t [you]255-gerald sure ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she laughed , suddenly hurt . [He]1742-i was looking at [her]1714-she steadfastly , scarcely heeding what [she]1714-she said . “ Yes , [I]1742-i must believe in [you]1714-she , or else [I]1742-i should n’t be here saying this , ”[1742-i] [he]1742-i replied . “ But that is all the proof [I]1742-i have . [I]1742-i do n’t feel any very strong belief at this particular moment . ”[1742-i] [She]1714-she disliked [him]1742-i for this sudden relapse into weariness and faithlessness . “ But do n’t [you]1742-i think [me]1714-she good - looking ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she persisted , in a mocking voice . [He]1742-i looked at [her]1714-she , to see if [he]1742-i felt that [she]1714-she was good - looking . “ [I]1742-i do n’t feel that [you]1714-she ’re good - looking , ”[1742-i] [he]1742-i said . “ Not even attractive ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she mocked , bitingly . [He]1742-i knitted [his]1742-i brows in sudden exasperation . “ Do n’t [you]1714-she see that it ’s not a question of visual appreciation in the least , ”[1742-i] [he]1742-i cried . “ [I]1742-i do n’t want to see [you]1714-she . [I]1742-i ’ve seen plenty of [women]453-women , [I]1742-i ’m sick and weary of seeing [them]453-women . [I]1742-i want [a woman]897-a woman [I]1742-i do n’t see . ”[1742-i] “ [I]1714-she ’m sorry [I]1714-she ca n’t oblige [you]1742-i by being invisible , ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she laughed . “ Yes , ”[1742-i] [he]1742-i said , “ [you]1714-she are invisible to [me]1742-i , if [you]1714-she do n’t force [me]1742-i to be visually aware of [you]1714-she . But [I]1742-i do n’t want to see [you]1714-she or hear [you]1714-she . ”[1742-i] “ What did [you]1742-i ask [me]1714-she to tea for , then ? ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she mocked . But [he]1742-i would take no notice of [her]1714-she . [He]1742-i was talking to [himself]1742-i . “ [I]1742-i want to find [you]1714-she , where [you]1714-she do n’t know [your]1714-she own existence , the [you]1714-she that [[your]1714-she common self]5529-your common self denies utterly . But [I]1742-i do n’t want [your]1714-she good looks , and [I]1742-i do n’t want [your]1714-she womanly feelings , and [I]1742-i do n’t want [your]1714-she thoughts nor opinions nor [your]1714-she ideas — they are all bagatelles to [me]1742-i . ”[1742-i] “ [You]1742-i are very conceited , [Monsieur]5530-monsieur , ”[1714-she] [she]1714-she mocked . “ How do [you]1742-i know what [my]1714-she womanly feelings are , or [my]1714-she thoughts or [my]1714-she ideas ? [You]1742-i do n’t even know what [I]1714-she think of [you]1742-i now . ”[1714-she] “ Nor do [I]1742-i care in the slightest . ”[1742-i] “ [I]1742-i think [you]1742-i are very silly . [I]1742-i think [you]1742-i want to tell [me]1742-i [you]1742-i love [me]1742-i , and [you]1742-i go all this way round to do it . ”[1742-i] “ All right , ”[1743-he] [he]1743-he said , looking up with sudden exasperation . “ Now go away then , and leave [me]1743-he alone . [I]1743-he do n’t want any more of [your]1742-i meretricious persiflage . ”[1743-he] “ Is it really persiflage ? ”[1744-her] [she]1744-her mocked , [her]1744-her face really relaxing into laughter . [She]1744-her interpreted it , that [he]1743-he had made a deep confession of love to [her]1744-her . But [he]1743-he was so absurd in [his]1743-he words , also . [They]1745-they were silent for many minutes , [she]1744-her was pleased and elated like [a child]733-a child . [His]1743-he concentration broke , [he]1743-he began to look at [her]1744-her simply and naturally . “ What [I]1743-he want is a strange conjunction with [you]1744-her — ”[1743-he] [he]1743-he said quietly ; “ not meeting and mingling — [you]1744-her are quite right — but an equilibrium , a pure balance of [two single beings]5531-two single beings — as the stars balance each other . ”[1743-he] [She]1744-her looked at [him]1743-he . [He]1743-he was very earnest , and earnestness was always rather ridiculous , commonplace , to [her]1744-her . It made [her]1744-her feel unfree and uncomfortable . Yet [she]1744-her liked [him]1743-he so much . But why drag in the stars . “ Is n’t this rather sudden ? ”[1744-her] [she]1744-her mocked . [He]1743-he began to laugh . “ Best to read the terms of the contract , before [we]5532-we sign , ”[1743-he] [he]1743-he said . [A young grey cat that had been sleeping on the sofa]1747-a young grey cat that had been sleeping on the sofa jumped down and stretched , rising on its long legs , and arching its slim back . Then it sat considering for a moment , erect and kingly . And then , like a dart , it had shot out of [the room]739-the room , through the open window - doors , and into [the garden]822-the garden . “ What ’s [he]1750-the young cat after ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , rising . [The young cat]1750-the young cat trotted lordly down [the path]671-the path , waving [his]1750-the young cat tail . [He]1750-the young cat was [an ordinary tabby with white paws]1752-an ordinary tabby with white paws , [a slender young gentleman]1753-a slender young gentleman . A crouching , fluffy , brownish - grey cat was stealing up the side of the fence . [The Mino]265-the mino walked statelily up to [her]1744-her , with manly nonchalance . [She]1744-her crouched before [him]265-the mino and pressed [herself]1744-her on the ground in humility , a fluffy soft outcast , looking up at [him]265-the mino with wild eyes that were green and lovely as great jewels . [He]1743-he looked casually down on [her]1744-her . So [she]1744-her crept a few inches further , proceeding on [her]1744-her way to the back door , crouching in a wonderful , soft , self - obliterating manner , and moving like a shadow . [He]1743-he , going statelily on [his]1743-he slim legs , walked after [her]1744-her , then suddenly , for pure excess , [he]1743-he gave [her]1744-her a light cuff with [his]1743-he paw on the side of [her]1744-her face . [She]1744-her ran off a few steps , like a blown leaf along the ground , then crouched unobtrusively , in submissive , wild patience . [The Mino]265-the mino pretended to take no notice of [her]1744-her . [He]265-the mino blinked [his]265-the mino eyes superbly at [the landscape]1754-the landscape . In a minute [she]1744-her drew [herself]1744-her together and moved softly , a fleecy brown - grey shadow , a few paces forward . [She]1744-her began to quicken [her]1744-her pace , in a moment [she]1744-her would be gone like a dream , when [the young grey lord]1755-the young grey lord sprang before [her]1744-her , and gave [her]1744-her a light handsome cuff . [She]1744-her subsided at once , submissively . “ [She]1744-her is a wild cat , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [She]1744-her has come in from [the woods]5533-the woods . ”[169-birkin] The eyes of the stray cat flared round for a moment , like great green fires staring at [Birkin]169-birkin . Then [she]1744-her had rushed in a soft swift rush , half way down [the garden]822-the garden . There [she]1744-her paused to look round . [The Mino]265-the mino turned [his]265-the mino face in pure superiority to [[his]265-the mino master]1757-his master , and slowly closed [his]265-the mino eyes , standing in statuesque young perfection . The wild cat ’s round , green , wondering eyes were staring all the while like uncanny fires . Then again , like a shadow , [she]1744-her slid towards [the kitchen]1588-the kitchen . In a lovely springing leap , like a wind , [the Mino]1759-the mino was upon [her]1744-her , and had boxed [her]1744-her twice , very definitely , with a white , delicate fist . [She]1744-her sank and slid back , unquestioning . [He]1759-the mino walked after [her]1744-her , and cuffed [her]1744-her once or twice , leisurely , with sudden little blows of [his]1759-the mino magic white paws . “ Now why does [he]1759-the mino do that ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald in indignation . “ [They]5534-they are on intimate terms , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ And is that why [he]1759-the mino hits [her]1744-her ? ”[169-birkin] “ Yes , ”[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]169-birkin , “ [I]169-birkin think [he]1759-the mino wants to make it quite obvious to [her]1744-her . ”[169-birkin] “ Is n’t it horrid of [him]1759-the mino ! ”[1744-her] [she]1744-her cried ; and going out into [the garden]822-the garden [she]1744-her called to [the Mino]265-the mino : “ Stop it , do n’t [bully]5535-bully . Stop hitting [her]1744-her . ”[1744-her] [The stray cat]1761-the stray cat vanished like a swift , invisible shadow . [The Mino]265-the mino glanced at [Ursula]255-gerald , then looked from [her]1744-her disdainfully to [[his]265-the mino master]1757-his master . “ Are [you]265-the mino [a bully]5329-a bully , [Mino]265-the mino ? ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin asked . [The young slim cat]1763-the young slim cat looked at [him]1757-his master , and slowly narrowed its eyes . Then it glanced away at [the landscape]1754-the landscape , looking into the distance as if completely oblivious of [the two human beings]1765-the two human beings . “ [Mino]265-the mino , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ [I]255-gerald do n’t like [you]265-the mino . [You]265-the mino are a bully like [all males]5537-all males . ”[255-gerald] “ No , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ [he]265-the mino is justified . [He]265-the mino is not [a bully]5329-a bully . [He]265-the mino is only insisting to [the poor stray]5539-the poor stray that [she]5539-the poor stray shall acknowledge [him]265-the mino as a sort of fate , [her]5539-the poor stray own fate : because [you]265-the mino can see [she]5539-the poor stray is fluffy and promiscuous as the wind . [I]169-birkin am with [him]265-the mino entirely . [He]265-the mino wants superfine stability . ”[169-birkin] “ Yes , [I]255-gerald know ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [He]265-the mino wants [his]265-the mino own way — [I]255-gerald know what [your]265-the mino fine words work down to — bossiness , [I]255-gerald call it , bossiness . ”[255-gerald] [The young cat]1750-the young cat again glanced at [Birkin]169-birkin in disdain of [the noisy woman]1767-the noisy woman . “ [I]169-birkin quite agree with [you]1750-the young cat , [Miciotto]266-miciotto , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin to the cat . “ Keep [your]1750-the young cat male dignity , and [your]1750-the young cat higher understanding . ”[169-birkin] Again [the Mino]265-the mino narrowed [his]265-the mino eyes as if [he]265-the mino were looking at the sun . Then , suddenly affecting to have no connection at all with [the two people]1768-the two people , [he]265-the mino went trotting off , with assumed spontaneity and gaiety , [his]265-the mino tail erect , [his]265-the mino white feet blithe . “ Now [he]265-the mino will find the belle sauvage once more , and entertain [her]1771-her with [his]265-the mino superior wisdom , ”[169-birkin] laughed [Birkin]169-birkin . [Ursula]255-gerald looked at [the man who stood in [the garden]822-the garden with [his]265-the mino hair blowing and [his]265-the mino eyes]1769-the man who stood in the garden with his hair blowing and his eyes smiling ironically , and [she]1771-her cried : “ Oh it makes [me]1771-her so cross , this assumption of male superiority ! And it is such a lie ! [One]4646-one would n’t mind if there were any justification for it . ”[1771-her] “ [The wild cat]5541-the wild cat , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ does n’t mind . [She]5541-the wild cat perceives that it is justified . ”[169-birkin] “ Does [she]5541-the wild cat ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ And tell it to [the Horse Marines]267-the horse marines . ”[255-gerald] “ To [them]267-the horse marines also . ”[169-birkin] “ It is just like [Gerald Crich]255-gerald with [his]255-gerald horse — a lust for bullying — a real Wille zur Macht — so base , so petty . ”[169-birkin] “ [I]255-gerald agree that the Wille zur Macht is a base and petty thing . But with [the Mino]265-the mino , it is the desire to bring [this female cat]5542-this female cat into a pure stable equilibrium , a transcendent and abiding rapport with [the single male]5543-the single male . Whereas without [him]5543-the single male , as [you]5544-you see , [she]5542-this female cat is a mere stray , a fluffy sporadic bit of chaos . It is a volonté de pouvoir , if [you]5544-you like , a will to ability , taking pouvoir as a verb . ”[255-gerald] “ Ah — ! [Sophistries]5545-sophistries ! It ’s [the old Adam]5546-the old adam . ”[169-birkin] “ Oh yes . [Adam]268-adam kept [Eve]269-eve in [the indestructible paradise]5547-the indestructible paradise , when [he]268-adam kept [her]269-eve single with [himself]268-adam , like a star in its orbit . ”[169-birkin] “ Yes — yes — ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , pointing [her]1772-she finger at [him]1773-he . “ There [you]1773-he are — a star in its orbit ! A satellite — [a satellite of [Mars]48-mars]5548-a satellite of mars — that ’s what [she]269-eve is to be ! There — there — [you’ve]1773-he given [yourself]1773-he away ! [You]1773-he want a satellite , [Mars]48-mars and [his]48-mars satellite ! [You]1773-he ’ve said it — [you’ve]1773-he said it — [you’ve]1773-he dished [yourself]1773-he ! ”[1772-she] [He]1773-he stood smiling in frustration and amusement and irritation and admiration and love . [She]1772-she was so quick , and so lambent , like discernible fire , and so vindictive , and so rich in [her]1772-she dangerous flamy sensitiveness . “ [I]1773-he ’ve not said it at all , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he replied , “ if [you]1772-she will give [me]1773-he a chance to speak . ”[1773-he] “ No , no ! ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she cried . “ [I]1772-she wo n’t let [you]1773-he speak . [You]1773-he ’ve said it , a satellite , [you]1773-he ’re not going to wriggle out of it . [You]1773-he ’ve said it . ”[1772-she] “ [You]1772-she ’ll never believe now that [I]1773-he have n’t said it , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he answered . “ [I]1773-he neither implied nor indicated nor mentioned a satellite , nor intended a satellite , never . ”[1773-he] “ [You]1773-he prevaricator ! ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she cried , in real indignation . “ Tea is ready , [sir]5461-sir , ”[1774-the landlady from the doorway] said [the landlady from the doorway]1774-the landlady from the doorway . [They]1775-they both looked at [her]1772-she , very much as the cats had looked at [them]1775-they , a little while before . “ Thank [you]1773-he , [Mrs Daykin]271-mrs daykin . ”[1775-they] An interrupted silence fell over [the two of [them]1536-the two of them]1536-the two of them , a moment of breach . “ Come and have tea , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said . “ Yes , [I]1772-she should love it , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she replied , gathering [herself]1772-she together . [They]1536-the two of them sat facing [each other]451-each other across the tea table . “ [I]1536-the two of them did not say , nor imply , a satellite . [I]1536-the two of them meant two single equal stars balanced in conjunction — ”[1536-the two of them] “ [You]1773-he gave [yourself]1773-he away , [you]1773-he gave away [your]1773-he little game completely , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she cried , beginning at once to eat . [He]1773-he saw that [she]1772-she would take no further heed of [his]1773-he expostulation , so [he]1773-he began to pour the tea . “ What good things to eat ! ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she cried . “ Take [your]1772-she own sugar , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said . [He]1773-he handed [her]1772-she [her]1772-she cup . [He]1773-he had everything so nice , such pretty cups and plates , painted with mauve - lustre and green , also shapely bowls and glass plates , and old spoons , on a woven cloth of pale grey and black and purple . It was very rich and fine . But [Ursula]255-gerald could see [Hermione]168-hermione ’s influence . “ [Your]1773-he things are so lovely ! ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she said , almost angrily . “ [I]1772-she like them . It gives [me]1772-she real pleasure to use things that are attractive in themselves — pleasant things . And [Mrs Daykin]271-mrs daykin is good . [She]271-mrs daykin thinks everything is wonderful , for [my]1772-she sake . ”[1772-she] “ Really , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ [landladies]5550-landladies are better than [wives]1230-wives , nowadays . [They]5550-landladies certainly care a great deal more . It is much more beautiful and complete here now , than if [you]1773-he were married . ”[1772-she] “ But think of the emptiness within , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he laughed . “ No , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she said . “ [I]1772-she am jealous that [men]848-men have [such perfect landladies and such beautiful lodgings]5553-such perfect landladies and such beautiful lodgings . There is nothing left [them]5550-landladies to desire . ”[1772-she] “ In the house - keeping way , [we]5554-we ’ll hope not . It is disgusting , [people]579-people marrying for [a home]5556-a home . ”[1772-she] “ Still , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ [a man]4648-a man has very little need for [a woman]897-a woman now , has [he]4648-a man ? ”[1772-she] “ In outer things , maybe — except to share [his]4648-a man bed and bear [[his]4648-a man children]5559-his children . But essentially , there is just the same need as there ever was . Only [nobody]912-nobody takes the trouble to be essential . ”[1772-she] “ How essential ? ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she said . “ [I]1773-he do think , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said , “ that [the world]541-the world is only held together by the mystic conjunction , the ultimate unison between [people]579-people — a bond . And the immediate bond is between [man]1089-man and [woman]1012-woman . ”[1773-he] “ But it ’s such old hat , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Why should love be a bond ? No , [I]255-gerald ’m not having any . ”[255-gerald] “ If [you]1772-she are walking westward , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said , “ [you]1772-she forfeit the northern and eastward and southern direction . If [you]1772-she admit a unison , [you]1772-she forfeit all the possibilities of chaos . ”[1773-he] “ But love is freedom , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she declared . “ Do n’t ca nt to [me]1773-he , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he replied . “ Love is a direction which excludes all other directions . It ’s a freedom together , if [you]1772-she like . ”[1773-he] “ No , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she said , “ love includes everything . ”[1772-she] “ Sentimental ca nt , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he replied . “ [You]1772-she want the state of chaos , that ’s all . It is ultimate nihilism , this freedom - in - love business , this freedom which is love and love which is freedom . As a matter of fact , if [you]1772-she enter into a pure unison , it is irrevocable , and it is never pure till it is irrevocable . And when it is irrevocable , it is one way , like the path of a star . ”[1773-he] “ Ha ! ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she cried bitterly . “ It is the old dead morality . ”[1772-she] “ No , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said , “ it is the law of creation . [One]4646-one is committed . [One]4646-one must commit [oneself]4646-one to a conjunction with the other — for ever . But it is not selfless — it is a maintaining of the self in mystic balance and integrity — like a star balanced with another star . ”[1773-he] “ [I]1772-she do n’t trust [you]1773-he when [you]1773-he drag in the stars , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she said . “ If [you]1773-he were quite true , it would n’t be necessary to be so far - fetched . ”[1772-she] “ Do n’t trust [me]1773-he then , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said , angry . “ It is enough that [I]1773-he trust [myself]1773-he . ”[1773-he] “ And that is where [you]1773-he make another mistake , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she replied . “ [You]1773-he do n’t trust [yourself]1773-he . [You]1773-he do n’t fully believe [yourself]1773-he what [you]1773-he are saying . [You]1773-he do n’t really want this conjunction , otherwise [you]1773-he would n’t talk so much about it , [you]1773-he ’d get it . ”[1772-she] [He]1773-he was suspended for a moment , arrested . “ How ? ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said . “ By just loving , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she retorted in defiance . [He]1773-he was still a moment , in anger . Then [he]1773-he said : “ [I]1773-he tell [you]1772-she , [I]1773-he do n’t believe in love like that . [I]1773-he tell [you]1772-she , [you]1772-she want love to administer to [your]1772-she egoism , to subserve [you]1772-she . Love is a process of subservience with [you]1772-she — and with [everybody]780-everybody . [I]1773-he hate it . ”[1773-he] “ No , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she cried , pressing back [her]1772-she head like a cobra , [her]1772-she eyes flashing . “ It is a process of pride — [I]1772-she want to be proud — ”[1772-she] “ Proud and subservient , proud and subservient , [I]1773-he know [you]1772-she , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he retorted dryly . “ Proud and subservient , then subservient to [the proud]5568-the proud — [I]1773-he know [you]1772-she and [your]1772-she love . It is a tick - tack , tick - tack , a dance of opposites . ”[1773-he] “ Are [you]1773-he sure ? ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she mocked wickedly , “ what [my]1772-she love is ? ”[1772-she] “ Yes , [I]1773-he am , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he retorted . “ So cocksure ! ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she said . “ How can [anybody]744-anybody ever be right , who is so cocksure ? It shows [you]1773-he are wrong . ”[1772-she] [He]1773-he was silent in chagrin . [They]1778-they had talked and struggled till [they]1778-they were both wearied out . “ Tell [me]1773-he about [yourself]1772-she and [[your]1772-she people]5570-your people , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said . And [she]1772-she told [him]1773-he about [the Brangwens]173-the brangwens , and about [[her]1772-she mother]770-her mother , and about [Skrebensky]272-skrebensky , [her]1772-she first love , and about [her]1772-she later experiences . [He]1773-he sat very still , watching [her]1772-she as [she]1772-she talked . And [he]1773-he seemed to listen with reverence . [Her]1772-she face was beautiful and full of baffled light as [she]1772-she told [him]1773-he all the things that had hurt [her]1772-she or perplexed [her]1772-she so deeply . [He]1773-he seemed to warm and comfort [his]1773-he soul at the beautiful light of [her]1772-she nature . “ If [she]1772-she really could pledge [herself]1772-she , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he thought to [himself]1773-he , with passionate insistence but hardly any hope . Yet a curious little irresponsible laughter appeared in [his]1773-he heart . “ [We]5571-we have all suffered so much , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he mocked , ironically . [She]1772-she looked up at [him]1773-he , and a flash of wild gaiety went over [her]1772-she face , a strange flash of yellow light coming from [her]1772-she eyes . “ Have n’t [we]5571-we ! ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she cried , in a high , reckless cry . “ It is almost absurd , is n’t it ? ”[1772-she] “ Quite absurd , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said . “ Suffering bores [me]1773-he , any more . ”[1773-he] “ So it does [me]1773-he . ”[1773-he] [He]1773-he was almost afraid of the mocking recklessness of [her]1772-she splendid face . Here was one who would go to [the whole lengths of heaven or hell]1780-the whole lengths of heaven or hell , whichever [she]1772-she had to go . And [he]1773-he mistrusted [her]1772-she , [he]1773-he was afraid of [a woman capable of such abandon , such dangerous thoroughness of destructivity]1781-a woman capable of such abandon , such dangerous thoroughness of destructivity . Yet [he]1773-he chuckled within [himself]1773-he also . [She]1772-she came over to [him]1773-he and put [her]1772-she hand on [his]1773-he shoulder , looking down at [him]1773-he with strange golden - lighted eyes , very tender , but with a curious devilish look lurking underneath . “ Say [you]1773-he love [me]1772-she , say ‘ [my]1772-she love ’ to [me]1772-she , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she pleaded . [He]1773-he looked back into [her]1772-she eyes , and saw . [His]1773-he face flickered with sardonic comprehension . “ [I]1773-he love [you]1772-she right enough , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said , grimly . “ But [I]1773-he want it to be something else . ”[1773-he] “ But why ? But why ? ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she insisted , bending [her]1772-she wonderful luminous face to [him]1773-he . “ Why is n’t it enough ? ”[1772-she] “ Because [we]5572-we can go one better , ”[1773-he] [he]1773-he said , putting [his]1773-he arms round [her]1772-she . “ No , [we]5572-we ca n’t , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she said , in a strong , voluptuous voice of yielding . “ [We]5572-we can only love [each other]451-each other . Say ‘ [my]1772-she love ’ to [me]1772-she , say it , say it . ”[1772-she] [She]1772-she put [her]1772-she arms round [his]1773-he neck . [He]1773-he enfolded [her]1772-she , and kissed [her]1772-she subtly , murmuring in a subtle voice of love , and irony , and submission : “ Yes,—my love , yes,—my love . Let love be enough then . [I]1773-he love [you]1772-she then — [I]1773-he love [you]1772-she . [I]1773-he ’m bored by the rest . ”[1773-he] “ Yes , ”[1772-she] [she]1772-she murmured , nestling very sweet and close to [him]1773-he . Every year [Mr Crich]171-mr crich gave [a more or less public water - party on [the lake]4830-the lake]1782-a more or less public water - party on the lake . There was [a little pleasure - launch on [Willey Water]8-willey water]1784-a little pleasure - launch on willey water and [several rowing boats]1785-several rowing boats , and [guests]1786-guests could take tea either in the marquee that was set up in [the grounds of [the house]468-the house]1787-the grounds of the house , or [they]1786-guests could picnic in the shade of the great walnut tree at [the boat - house by [the lake]4830-the lake]1789-the boat - house by the lake . This year [the staff of [the Grammar - School]1792-the grammar - school]1791-the staff of the grammar - school was invited , along with [the chief officials of [the firm]1794-the firm]1793-the chief officials of the firm . [Gerald]255-gerald and [the younger Criches]1795-the younger criches did not care for this party , but it had become customary now , and it pleased [the father]646-the father , as being the only occasion when [he]646-the father could gather [some people of [the district]529-the district]1797-some people of the district together in festivity with [him]646-the father . For [he]646-the father loved to give pleasures to [[his]646-the father dependents]1799-his dependents and to [those poorer than [himself]646-the father]1800-those poorer than himself . But [[his]646-the father children]5559-his children preferred the company of [[their]5559-his children own equals]1802-their own equals in wealth . [They]5559-his children hated [[their]5559-his children inferiors]1803-their inferiors ’ humility or gratitude or awkwardness . Nevertheless [they]5559-his children were willing to attend at this festival , as [they]5559-his children had done almost since [they]5559-his children were [children]4659-children , the more so , as [they]5559-his children all felt a little guilty now , and unwilling to thwart [[their]5559-his children father]447-their father any more , since [he]646-the father was so ill in health . Therefore , quite cheerfully [Laura]180-laura prepared to take [[her]180-laura mother]770-her mother ’s place as [hostess]784-hostess , and [Gerald]255-gerald assumed responsibility for the amusements on [the water]4852-the water . [Birkin]169-birkin had written to [Ursula]255-gerald saying [he]646-the father expected to see [her]770-her mother at the party , and [Gudrun]160-gudrun , although [she]160-gudrun scorned the patronage of [the Criches]174-the criches , would nevertheless accompany [[her]160-gudrun mother]770-her mother and [father]4673-father if the weather were fine . The day came blue and full of sunshine , with little wafts of wind . [The sisters]452-the sisters both wore dresses of white crêpe , and hats of soft grass . But [Gudrun]160-gudrun had a sash of brilliant black and pink and yellow colour wound broadly round [her]160-gudrun waist , and [she]160-gudrun had pink silk stockings , and black and pink and yellow decoration on the brim of [her]160-gudrun hat , weighing it down a little . [She]160-gudrun carried also a yellow silk coat over [her]160-gudrun arm , so that [she]160-gudrun looked remarkable , like a painting from [the Salon]1812-the salon . [Her]160-gudrun appearance was a sore trial to [[her]160-gudrun father]583-her father , who said angrily : “ Do n’t [you]160-gudrun think [you]160-gudrun might as well get [yourself]160-gudrun up for a Christmas cracker , an ’ ha ’ done with it ? ”[583-her father] But [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked handsome and brilliant , and [she]160-gudrun wore [her]160-gudrun clothes in pure defiance . When [people]579-people stared at [her]160-gudrun , and giggled after [her]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun made a point of saying loudly , to [Ursula]255-gerald : “ Regarde , regarde ces gens - là ! Ne sont - ils pas des hiboux incroyables ? ”[160-gudrun] And with the words of French in [her]160-gudrun mouth , [she]160-gudrun would look over [her]160-gudrun shoulder at [the giggling party]1815-the giggling party . “ No , really , it ’s impossible ! ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald would reply distinctly . And so [the two girls]473-the two girls took it out of [[their]473-the two girls universal enemy]1817-their universal enemy . But [[their]473-the two girls father]447-their father became more and more enraged . [Ursula]255-gerald was all snowy white , save that [her]160-gudrun hat was pink , and entirely without trimming , and [her]160-gudrun shoes were dark red , and [she]160-gudrun carried an orange - coloured coat . And in this guise [they]473-the two girls were walking all the way to [Shortlands]7-shortlands , [[their]473-the two girls father]447-their father and [mother]4695-mother going in front . [They]473-the two girls were laughing at [[their]473-the two girls mother]1821-their mother , who , dressed in a summer material of black and purple stripes , and wearing a hat of purple straw , was setting forth with much more of the shyness and trepidation of [a young girl]1822-a young girl than [[her]4695-mother daughters]1823-her daughters ever felt , walking demurely beside [[her]4695-mother husband]5204-her husband , who , as usual , looked rather crumpled in [his]5204-her husband best suit , as if [he]5204-her husband were [the father of [a young family]1826-a young family]1825-the father of a young family and had been holding [the baby]1827-the baby whilst [[his]5204-her husband wife]1467-his wife got dressed . “ Look at [the young couple in front]5574-the young couple in front , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun calmly . [Ursula]255-gerald looked at [[her]4695-mother mother]770-her mother and [father]4673-father , and was suddenly seized with uncontrollable laughter . [The two girls]473-the two girls stood in [the road]502-the road and laughed till the tears ran down [their]473-the two girls faces , as [they]473-the two girls caught sight again of [the shy , unworldly couple of [[their]473-the two girls parents]1834-their parents going on ahead]1833-the shy , unworldly couple of their parents going on ahead . “ [We]5574-the young couple in front are roaring at [you]273-mrs brangwen , [mother]4695-mother , ”[255-gerald] called [Ursula]255-gerald , helplessly following after [[her]4695-mother parents]1835-her parents . [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen turned round with a slightly puzzled , exasperated look . “ Oh indeed ! ”[273-mrs brangwen] [she]273-mrs brangwen said . “ What is there so very funny about [me]273-mrs brangwen , [I]273-mrs brangwen should like to know ? ”[273-mrs brangwen] [She]273-mrs brangwen could not understand that there could be anything amiss with [her]273-mrs brangwen appearance . [She]273-mrs brangwen had a perfect calm sufficiency , an easy indifference to any criticism whatsoever , as if [she]273-mrs brangwen were beyond it . [Her]273-mrs brangwen clothes were always rather odd , and as a rule slip - shod , yet [she]273-mrs brangwen wore them with a perfect ease and satisfaction . Whatever [she]273-mrs brangwen had on , so long as [she]273-mrs brangwen was barely tidy , [she]273-mrs brangwen was right , beyond remark ; such [an aristocrat]1836-an aristocrat [she]273-mrs brangwen was by instinct . “ [You]255-gerald look so stately , like [a country Baroness]5576-a country baroness , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , laughing with a little tenderness at [[her]4695-mother mother]770-her mother ’s naive puzzled air . “ Just like [a country Baroness]5576-a country baroness ! ”[160-gudrun] chimed in [Gudrun]160-gudrun . Now [the mother]565-the mother ’s natural hauteur became self - conscious , and [the girls]4851-the girls shrieked again . “ Go [home]4649-home , [[you]4851-the girls pair of idiots]5579-you pair of idiots , [great giggling idiots]5580-great giggling idiots ! ”[646-the father] cried [the father]646-the father inflamed with irritation . “ Mm - m - er ! ”[255-gerald] booed [Ursula]255-gerald , pulling a face at [his]646-the father crossness . The yellow lights danced in [his]646-the father eyes , [he]646-the father leaned forward in real rage . “ Do n’t be so silly as to take any notice of the great gabies , ”[273-mrs brangwen] said [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen , turning on [her]273-mrs brangwen way . “ [I]646-the father ’ll see if [I]646-the father ’m going to be followed by [a pair of giggling yelling jackanapes]5581-a pair of giggling yelling jackanapes — ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father cried vengefully . [The girls]4851-the girls stood still , laughing helplessly at [his]646-the father fury , upon the path beside the hedge . “ Why [you]646-the father ’re as silly as [they]5581-a pair of giggling yelling jackanapes are , to take any notice , ”[273-mrs brangwen] said [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen also becoming angry now [he]646-the father was really enraged . “ There are [some people]5582-some people coming , [father]4673-father , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , with mocking warning . [He]646-the father glanced round quickly , and went on to join [[his]646-the father wife]1467-his wife , walking stiff with rage . And [the girls]4851-the girls followed , weak with laughter . When [the people]4677-the people had passed by , [Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen cried in a loud , stupid voice : “ [I]273-mrs brangwen ’m going back [home]4649-home if there ’s any more of this . [I]273-mrs brangwen ’m damned if [I]273-mrs brangwen ’m going to be made [a fool of]5585-a fool of in this fashion , in [the public road]5586-the public road . ”[273-mrs brangwen] [He]646-the father was really out of temper . At the sound of [his]646-the father blind , vindictive voice , the laughter suddenly left [the girls]4851-the girls , and [their]4851-the girls hearts contracted with contempt . [They]4851-the girls hated [his]646-the father words “ in [the public road]5586-the public road . ”[4851-the girls] What did [they]4851-the girls care for [the public road]5586-the public road ? But [Gudrun]160-gudrun was conciliatory . “ But [we]4851-the girls were n’t laughing to hurt [you]160-gudrun , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried , with an uncouth gentleness which made [[her]160-gudrun parents]1835-her parents uncomfortable . “ [We]4851-the girls were laughing because [we]4851-the girls ’re fond of [you]160-gudrun . ”[160-gudrun] “ [We]4851-the girls ’ll walk on in front , if [they]1835-her parents are so touchy , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , angry . And in this wise [they]4851-the girls arrived at [Willey Water]8-willey water . [The lake]4830-the lake was blue and fair , [the meadows]1849-the meadows sloped down in sunshine on one side , [the thick dark woods]1850-the thick dark woods dropped steeply on the other . [The little pleasure - launch]1851-the little pleasure - launch was fussing out from [the shore]1571-the shore , twanging its music , crowded with [people]579-people , flapping its paddles . Near [the boat - house]4841-the boat - house was [a throng of gaily - dressed persons]1855-a throng of gaily - dressed persons , small in the distance . And on [the high - road]523-the high - road , [some of [the common people]1858-the common people]1857-some of the common people were standing along the hedge , looking at the festivity beyond , enviously , like [souls not admitted to paradise]1859-souls not admitted to paradise . “ [My]160-gudrun eye ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , sotto voce , looking at [the motley of [guests]1786-guests]1860-the motley of guests , “ there ’s [a pretty crowd]5588-a pretty crowd if [you]1863-she like ! Imagine [yourself]1863-she in the midst of that , [[my]160-gudrun dear]1126-my dear . ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s apprehensive horror of [people in the mass]1862-people in the mass unnerved [Ursula]255-gerald . “ It looks rather awful , ”[1863-she] [she]1863-she said anxiously . “ And imagine what [they]1862-people in the mass ’ll be like — imagine ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , still in that unnerving , subdued voice . Yet [she]1863-she advanced determinedly . “ [I]255-gerald suppose [we]5590-we can get away from [them]1862-people in the mass , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald anxiously . “ [We]5590-we ’re in a pretty fix if [we]5590-we ca n’t , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Her]1863-she extreme ironic loathing and apprehension was very trying to [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [We]5590-we need n’t stay , ”[1863-she] [she]1863-she said . “ [I]160-gudrun certainly sha n’t stay five minutes among that little lot , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [They]1864-they advanced nearer , till [they]1864-they saw [policemen]1865-policemen at the gates . “ [Policemen]1865-policemen to keep [you]255-gerald in , too ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [My]160-gudrun word , this is a beautiful affair . ”[160-gudrun] “ [We]5590-we ’d better look after [father]4673-father and [mother]4695-mother , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald anxiously . “ [Mother]187-mother ’s perfectly capable of getting through this little celebration , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun with some contempt . But [Ursula]255-gerald knew that [[her]1863-she father]583-her father felt uncouth and angry and unhappy , so [she]1863-she was far from [her]1863-she ease . [They]1864-they waited outside the gate till [[their]1864-they parents]1834-their parents came up . [The tall , thin man in [his]1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes crumpled clothes]1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes was unnerved and irritable as [a boy]764-a boy , finding [himself]1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes on the brink of this social function . [He]1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes did not feel [a gentleman]4992-a gentleman , [he]1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes did not feel anything except pure exasperation . [Ursula]255-gerald took [her]1863-she place at [his]1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes side , [they]1864-they gave [their]1864-they tickets to [the policeman]1871-the policeman , and passed in on to the grass , four abreast ; [the tall , hot , ruddy - dark man with [his]1868-the tall , thin man in his crumpled clothes narrow boyish brow drawn with irritation]1872-the tall , hot , ruddy - dark man with his narrow boyish brow drawn with irritation , [the fresh - faced , easy woman]1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman , perfectly collected though [her]1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman hair was slipping on one side , then [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [her]1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman eyes round and dark and staring , [her]1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman full soft face impassive , almost sulky , so that [she]1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman seemed to be backing away in antagonism even whilst [she]1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman was advancing ; and then [Ursula]255-gerald , with the odd , brilliant , dazzled look on [her]1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman face , that always came when [she]1873-the fresh - faced , easy woman was in some false situation . [Birkin]169-birkin was [the good angel]1874-the good angel . [He]1874-the good angel came smiling to [them]1864-they with [his]1874-the good angel affected social grace , that somehow was never quite right . But [he]1874-the good angel took off [his]1874-the good angel hat and smiled at [them]1864-they with a real smile in [his]1874-the good angel eyes , so that [Brangwen]160-gudrun cried out heartily in relief : “ How do [you]1874-the good angel do ? [You]1874-the good angel ’re better , are [you]1874-the good angel ? ”[1874-the good angel] “ Yes , [I]1874-the good angel ’m better . How do [you]1874-the good angel do , [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen ? [I]1874-the good angel know [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald very well . ”[1874-the good angel] [His]1874-the good angel eyes smiled full of natural warmth . [He]1874-the good angel had a soft , flattering manner with [women]453-women , particularly with [women who were not young]1876-women who were not young . “ Yes , ”[273-mrs brangwen] said [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen , cool but yet gratified . “ [I]1874-the good angel have heard [them]579-people speak of [you]160-gudrun often enough . ”[1874-the good angel] [He]1874-the good angel laughed . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked aside , feeling [she]160-gudrun was being belittled . [People]579-people were standing about in groups , [some women]1878-some women were sitting in the shade of the walnut tree , with cups of tea in [their]1878-some women hands , [a waiter in evening dress]1879-a waiter in evening dress was hurrying round , [some girls]1880-some girls were simpering with parasols , [some young men , who had just come in from rowing]1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing , were sitting cross - legged on the grass , coatless , [their]1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing shirt - sleeves rolled up in manly fashion , [their]1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing hands resting on [their]1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing white flannel trousers , [their]1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing gaudy ties floating about , as [they]1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing laughed and tried to be witty with [the young damsels]1882-the young damsels . “ Why , ”[160-gudrun] thought [Gudrun]160-gudrun churlishly , “ do n’t [they]1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing have the manners to put [their]1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing coats on , and not to assume such intimacy in [their]1881-some young men , who had just come in from rowing appearance . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun abhorred [the ordinary young man]1883-the ordinary young man , with [his]1883-the ordinary young man hair plastered back , and [his]1883-the ordinary young man easy - going chumminess . [Hermione Roddice]168-hermione came up , in a handsome gown of white lace , trailing an enormous silk shawl blotched with great embroidered flowers , and balancing an enormous plain hat on [her]168-hermione head . [She]168-hermione looked striking , astonishing , almost macabre , so tall , with the fringe of [her]168-hermione great cream - coloured vividly - blotched shawl trailing on the ground after [her]168-hermione , [her]168-hermione thick hair coming low over [her]168-hermione eyes , [her]168-hermione face strange and long and pale , and the blotches of brilliant colour drawn round [her]168-hermione . “ Does n’t [she]168-hermione look weird ! ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun heard [some girls]1880-some girls titter behind [her]160-gudrun . And [she]160-gudrun could have killed [them]1880-some girls . “ How do [you]160-gudrun do ! ”[168-hermione] sang [Hermione]168-hermione , coming up very kindly , and glancing slowly over [[Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s father]1885-gudrun ’s father and [mother]4695-mother . It was a trying moment , exasperating for [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Hermione]168-hermione was really so strongly entrenched in [her]168-hermione class superiority , [she]168-hermione could come up and know [people]579-people out of simple curiosity , as if [they]579-people were creatures on exhibition . [Gudrun]160-gudrun would do the same [herself]160-gudrun . But [she]168-hermione resented being in the position when [somebody]4745-somebody might do it to [her]168-hermione . [Hermione]168-hermione , very remarkable , and distinguishing [the Brangwens]173-the brangwens very much , led [them]579-people along to where [Laura Crich]180-laura stood receiving [the guests]788-the guests . “ This is [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen , ”[168-hermione] sang [Hermione]168-hermione , and [Laura]180-laura , who wore a stiff embroidered linen dress , shook hands and said [she]180-laura was glad to see [her]180-laura . Then [Gerald]255-gerald came up , dressed in white , with a black and brown blazer , and looking handsome . [He]255-gerald too was introduced to [the Brangwen parents]1890-the brangwen parents , and immediately [he]255-gerald spoke to [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen as if [she]273-mrs brangwen were [a lady]1891-a lady , and to [Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen as if [he]255-gerald were not [a gentleman]4992-a gentleman . [Gerald]255-gerald was so obvious in [his]255-gerald demeanour . [He]255-gerald had to shake hands with [his]255-gerald left hand , because [he]255-gerald had hurt [his]255-gerald right , and carried it , bandaged up , in the pocket of [his]255-gerald jacket . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was very thankful that [none of [[her]160-gudrun party]1894-her party]1893-none of her party asked [him]255-gerald what was the matter with the hand . [The steam launch]1895-the steam launch was fussing in , all its music jingling , [people]579-people calling excitedly from on board . [Gerald]255-gerald went to see to the debarkation , [Birkin]169-birkin was getting tea for [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen , [Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen had joined [a Grammar - School group]1897-a grammar - school group , [Hermione]168-hermione was sitting down by [[their]1898-their mother]1821-their mother , [the girls]4851-the girls went to the landing - stage to watch the launch come in . [She]1821-their mother hooted and tooted gaily , then [her]1821-their mother paddles were silent , the ropes were thrown ashore , [she]1821-their mother drifted in with a little bump . Immediately [the passengers]1901-the passengers crowded excitedly to come [ashore]1902-ashore . “ Wait a minute , wait a minute , ”[255-gerald] shouted [Gerald]255-gerald in sharp command . [They]1901-the passengers must wait till [the boat]1560-the boat was tight on the ropes , till the small gangway was put out . Then [they]1901-the passengers streamed ashore , clamouring as if [they]1901-the passengers had come from [America]50-america . “ Oh it ’s so nice ! ”[1901-the passengers] [the young girls]1904-the young girls were crying . “ It ’s quite lovely . ”[1901-the passengers] [The waiters from on board]1905-the waiters from on board ran out to [the boat - house]4841-the boat - house with baskets , [the captain]1907-the captain lounged on [the little bridge]1908-the little bridge . Seeing all safe , [Gerald]255-gerald came to [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [You]160-gudrun would n’t care to go on board for the next trip , and have tea [there]629-there ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ No thanks , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun coldly . “ [You]160-gudrun do n’t care for [the water]4852-the water ? ”[160-gudrun] “ For [the water]4852-the water ? Yes , [I]255-gerald like it very much . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald looked at [her]160-gudrun , [his]255-gerald eyes searching . “ [You]160-gudrun do n’t care for going on a launch , then ? ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun was slow in answering , and then [she]160-gudrun spoke slowly . “ No , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [I]160-gudrun ca n’t say that [I]160-gudrun do . ”[160-gudrun] [Her]160-gudrun colour was high , [she]160-gudrun seemed angry about something . “ Un peu trop de monde , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , explaining . “ Eh ? [Trop de monde]51-trop de monde ! ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald laughed shortly . “ Yes there ’s a fair number of ’em . ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun turned on [him]255-gerald brilliantly . “ Have [you]255-gerald ever been from [Westminster Bridge]52-westminster bridge to [Richmond]53-richmond on [one of [the Thames steamers]5598-the thames steamers]5597-one of the thames steamers ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried . “ No , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ [I]255-gerald ca n’t say [I]255-gerald have . ”[255-gerald] “ Well , it ’s one of the most vile experiences [I]160-gudrun ’ve ever had . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun spoke rapidly and excitedly , the colour high in [her]160-gudrun cheeks . “ There was absolutely nowhere to sit down , nowhere , [a man just above sang ‘ Rocked in [the Cradle of the Deep ’]5600-the cradle of the deep ’]5599-a man just above sang ‘ rocked in the cradle of the deep ’ the whole way ; [he]5599-a man just above sang ‘ rocked in the cradle of the deep ’ was blind and [he]5599-a man just above sang ‘ rocked in the cradle of the deep ’ had a small organ , one of those portable organs , and [he]5599-a man just above sang ‘ rocked in the cradle of the deep ’ expected money ; so [you]5601-you can imagine what that was like ; there came a constant smell of luncheon from below , and puffs of hot oily machinery ; the journey took hours and hours and hours ; and for miles , literally for miles , [dreadful boys]5602-dreadful boys ran with [us]5603-us on [the shore]1571-the shore , in that awful [Thames mud]5605-thames mud , going in up to the waist — [they]5602-dreadful boys had [their]5602-dreadful boys trousers turned back , and [they]5602-dreadful boys went up to [their]5602-dreadful boys hips in that indescribable [Thames]54-thames mud , [their]5602-dreadful boys faces always turned to [us]5603-us , and screaming , exactly like carrion creatures , screaming ‘ ’ Ere y’are sir , ’ ere y’are sir , ’ ere y’are sir , ’ exactly like some foul carrion objects , perfectly obscene ; and [paterfamilias on board]5606-paterfamilias on board , laughing when [the boys]5607-the boys went right down in that awful mud , occasionally throwing [them]5607-the boys a ha’penny . And if [you]5601-you ’d seen the intent look on the faces of [these boys]5608-these boys , and the way [they]5602-dreadful boys darted in the filth when a coin was flung — really , [no vulture or jackal]5609-no vulture or jackal could dream of approaching [them]5602-dreadful boys , for foulness . [I]160-gudrun never would go on [a pleasure boat]5610-a pleasure boat again — never . ”[160-gudrun] [Gerald]255-gerald watched [her]1909-she all the time [she]1909-she spoke , [his]255-gerald eyes glittering with faint rousedness . It was not so much what [she]1909-she said ; it was [she]1909-she [herself]1909-she who roused [him]255-gerald , roused [him]255-gerald with a small , vivid pricking . “ Of course , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ [every civilised body]5611-every civilised body is bound to have its vermin . ”[255-gerald] “ Why ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t have vermin . ”[255-gerald] “ And it ’s not that — it ’s the quality of the whole thing — paterfamilias laughing and thinking it sport , and throwing the ha’pennies , and materfamilias spreading [her]1909-she fat little knees and eating , continually eating — ”[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ It is n’t [the boys]5607-the boys so much who are [vermin]5613-vermin ; it ’s [the people]4677-the people [themselves]4677-the people , [the whole body politic]5615-the whole body politic , as [you]255-gerald call it . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald laughed . “ Never mind , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [You]255-gerald sha n’t go on the launch . ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun flushed quickly at [his]255-gerald rebuke . There were a few moments of silence . [Gerald]255-gerald , like [a sentinel]1910-a sentinel , was watching [the people who were going on to]1911-the people who were going on to [the boat]1560-the boat . [He]255-gerald was very good - looking and self - contained , but [his]255-gerald air of soldierly alertness was rather irritating . “ Will [you]255-gerald have tea here then , or go across to [the house]468-the house , where there ’s [a tent on [the lawn]5119-the lawn]5617-a tent on the lawn ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ Ca n’t [we]5619-we have [a rowing boat]5620-a rowing boat , and get out ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald , who was always rushing in too fast . “ To get out ? ”[255-gerald] smiled [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [You]255-gerald see , ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , flushing at [Ursula]255-gerald ’s outspoken rudeness , “ [we]5619-we do n’t know [the people]4677-the people , [we]5619-we are almost complete strangers here . ”[160-gudrun] “ Oh , [I]255-gerald can soon set [you]255-gerald up with [a few acquaintances]5622-a few acquaintances , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said easily . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald , to see if it were ill - meant . Then [she]160-gudrun smiled at [him]255-gerald . “ Ah , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , “ [you]255-gerald know what [we]5619-we mean . Ca n’t [we]5619-we go up there , and explore [that coast]5623-that coast ? ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun pointed to a grove on [the hillock of [the meadow - side]1914-the meadow - side]1913-the hillock of the meadow - side , near [the shore half way down [the lake]4830-the lake]1915-the shore half way down the lake . “ That looks perfectly lovely . [We]5619-we might even bathe . Is n’t [it]5624-it beautiful in this light . Really , it ’s like one of [the reaches of [the Nile]55-the nile]5625-the reaches of the nile — as one imagines [the Nile]55-the nile . ”[160-gudrun] [Gerald]255-gerald smiled at [her]160-gudrun factitious enthusiasm for [the distant spot]1917-the distant spot . “ [You]160-gudrun ’re sure it ’s far enough off ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked ironically , adding at once : “ Yes , [you]160-gudrun might go there , if [we]5619-we could get [a boat]4839-a boat . [They]1919-the rowing boats seem to be all out . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald looked round [the lake]4830-the lake and counted [the rowing boats]1919-the rowing boats on [its]4830-the lake surface . “ How lovely it would be ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald wistfully . “ And do n’t [you]160-gudrun want tea ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Oh , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “ [we]5619-we could just drink a cup , and be off . ”[160-gudrun] [He]255-gerald looked from one to the other , smiling . [He]255-gerald was somewhat offended — yet sporting . “ Can [you]160-gudrun manage [a boat]4839-a boat pretty well ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ Yes , ”[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun , coldly , “ pretty well . ”[160-gudrun] “ Oh yes , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [We]5619-we can both of [us]5619-we row like water - spiders . ”[255-gerald] “ [You]160-gudrun can ? There ’s [a light little canoe of [mine]255-gerald]5628-a light little canoe of mine , that [I]160-gudrun did n’t take out for fear [somebody]4745-somebody should drown [themselves]4745-somebody . Do [you]160-gudrun think [you]160-gudrun ’d be safe in that ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Oh perfectly , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ What [an angel]5630-an angel ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Do n’t , for [my]255-gerald sake , have an accident — because [I]255-gerald ’m responsible for [the water]4852-the water . ”[255-gerald] “ Sure , ”[160-gudrun] pledged [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Besides , [we]5632-we can both swim quite well , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Well — then [I]255-gerald ’ll get [them]4745-somebody to put [you]160-gudrun up a tea - basket , and [you]160-gudrun can picnic all to yourselves,—that ’s the idea , is n’t it ? ”[255-gerald] “ How fearfully good ! How frightfully nice if [you]255-gerald could ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun warmly , [her]160-gudrun colour flushing up again . It made the blood stir in [his]1920-his veins , the subtle way [she]160-gudrun turned to [him]1920-his and infused [her]160-gudrun gratitude into [his]1920-his body . “ Where ’s [Birkin]169-birkin ? ”[1920-his] [he]1920-his said , [his]1920-his eyes twinkling . “ [He]1920-his might help [me]1920-his to get it down . ”[1920-his] “ But what about [your]160-gudrun hand ? Is n’t it hurt ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun , rather muted , as if avoiding the intimacy . This was the first time the hurt had been mentioned . The curious way [she]160-gudrun skirted round the subject sent a new , subtle caress through [his]1920-his veins . [He]1920-his took [his]1920-his hand out of [his]1920-his pocket . It was bandaged . [He]1920-his looked at it , then put it in [his]1920-his pocket again . [Gudrun]160-gudrun quivered at the sight of the wrapped up paw . “ Oh [I]1920-his can manage with one hand . [The canoe]5633-the canoe is as light as a feather , ”[1920-his] [he]1920-his said . “ There ’s [Rupert!—Rupert]274-rupert!—rupert ! ”[1920-his] [Birkin]169-birkin turned from [his]1920-his social duties and came towards [them]1921-them . “ What have [you]1920-his done to it ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald , who had been aching to put the question for the last half hour . “ To [my]255-gerald hand ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald trapped it in some machinery . ”[255-gerald] “ Ugh ! ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ And did it hurt much ? ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”[1920-his] [he]1920-his said . “ It did at the time . It ’s getting better now . It crushed the fingers . ”[1920-his] “ Oh , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , as if in pain , “ [I]255-gerald hate people who hurt [themselves]5634-themselves . [I]255-gerald can feel it . ”[255-gerald] And [she]1920-his shook [her]1920-his hand . “ What do [you]1920-his want ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . [The two men]686-the two men carried down [the slim brown boat]1923-the slim brown boat , and set it on [the water]4852-the water . “ [You]1920-his ’re quite sure [you]1920-his ’ll be safe in [it]1923-the slim brown boat ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald asked . “ Quite sure , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]160-gudrun would n’t be so mean as to take it , if there was the slightest doubt . But [I]160-gudrun ’ve had [a canoe]5635-a canoe at [Arundel]56-arundel , and [I]160-gudrun assure [you]686-the two men [I]160-gudrun ’m perfectly safe . ”[160-gudrun] So saying , having given [her]160-gudrun word like [a man]4648-a man , [she]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald entered [the frail craft]1926-the frail craft , and pushed gently off . [The two men]686-the two men stood watching [them]686-the two men . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was paddling . [She]160-gudrun knew [the men]727-the men were watching [her]160-gudrun , and it made [her]160-gudrun slow and rather clumsy . The colour flew in [her]160-gudrun face like a flag . “ Thanks awfully , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun called back to [him]727-the men , from [the water]4852-the water , as [the boat]1560-the boat slid away . “ It ’s lovely — like sitting in a leaf . ”[727-the men] [He]727-the men laughed at the fancy . [Her]160-gudrun voice was shrill and strange , calling from the distance . [He]727-the men watched [her]160-gudrun as [she]160-gudrun paddled away . There was something childlike about [her]160-gudrun , trustful and deferential , like [a child]733-a child . [He]727-the men watched [her]160-gudrun all the while , as [she]160-gudrun rowed . And to [Gudrun]160-gudrun it was a real delight , in make - belief , to be [the childlike , clinging woman to [the man who stood there on [the quay]1934-the quay , so good - looking and efficient in [his]727-the men white clothes]1933-the man who stood there on the quay , so good - looking and efficient in his white clothes , and moreover [the most important man [she]160-gudrun knew at the moment]1935-the most important man she knew at the moment]1932-the childlike , clinging woman to the man who stood there on the quay , so good - looking and efficient in his white clothes , and moreover the most important man she knew at the moment . [She]160-gudrun did not take any notice of [the wavering , indistinct , lambent Birkin , who stood at [his]727-the men side]1936-the wavering , indistinct , lambent birkin , who stood at his side . One figure at a time occupied the field of [her]160-gudrun attention . [The boat]1560-the boat rustled lightly along [the water]4852-the water . [They]1939-they passed [the bathers whose striped tents stood between [the willows of [the meadow ’s edge]1942-the meadow ’s edge]1941-the willows of the meadow ’s edge]1940-the bathers whose striped tents stood between the willows of the meadow ’s edge , and drew along the open shore , past the meadows that sloped golden in the light of the already late afternoon . [Other boats]1943-other boats were stealing under the wooded shore opposite , [they]1939-they could hear [people]579-people ’s laughter and voices . But [Gudrun]160-gudrun rowed on towards the clump of trees that balanced perfect in the distance , in the golden light . [The sisters]452-the sisters found a little place where [a tiny stream]1946-a tiny stream flowed into [the lake]4830-the lake , with reeds and flowery marsh of pink willow herb , and [a gravelly bank to the side]1948-a gravelly bank to the side . Here [they]1939-they ran delicately [ashore]1902-ashore , with [[their]1939-they frail boat]1950-their frail boat , [the two girls]473-the two girls took off [their]473-the two girls shoes and stockings and went through [the water]4852-the water ’s edge to the grass . The tiny ripples of [the lake]4830-the lake were warm and clear , [they]1939-they lifted [[their]1939-they boat]1954-their boat on to [the bank]1564-the bank , and looked round with joy . [They]1939-they were quite alone in [a forsaken little stream - mouth]1956-a forsaken little stream - mouth , and on [the knoll just behind]1957-the knoll just behind was the clump of trees . “ [We]1939-they will bathe just for a moment , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ and then [we]1939-they ’ll have tea . ”[255-gerald] [They]1939-they looked round . [Nobody]912-nobody could notice [them]1939-they , or could come up in time to see [them]1939-they . In less than a minute [Ursula]255-gerald had thrown off [her]1959-her clothes and had slipped naked into [the water]4852-the water , and was swimming out . Quickly , [Gudrun]160-gudrun joined [her]1959-her . [They]1939-they swam silently and blissfully for a few minutes , circling round [[their]1939-they little stream - mouth]1961-their little stream - mouth . Then [they]1939-they slipped ashore and ran into [the grove]1962-the grove again , like nymphs . “ How lovely it is to be free , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , running swiftly here and there between the tree trunks , quite naked , [her]1959-her hair blowing loose . [The grove]1962-the grove was of beech - trees , big and splendid , a steel - grey scaffolding of trunks and boughs , with level sprays of strong green here and there , whilst through the northern side the distance glimmered open as through a window . When [they]1939-they had run and danced [themselves]1939-they dry , [the girls]4851-the girls quickly dressed and sat down to the fragrant tea . [They]4851-the girls sat on [the northern side of [the grove]1962-the grove]1965-the northern side of the grove , in the yellow sunshine facing [the slope of [the grassy hill]1968-the grassy hill]1967-the slope of the grassy hill , alone in a little wild world of [their]4851-the girls own . The tea was hot and aromatic , there were delicious little sandwiches of cucumber and of caviare , and winy cakes . “ Are [you]449-her sister happy , [Prune]163-prune ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald in delight , looking at [[her]1959-her sister]449-her sister . “ [Ursula]255-gerald , [I]160-gudrun ’m perfectly happy , ”[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun gravely , looking at the westering sun . “ So am [I.]160-gudrun ”[160-gudrun] When [they]1939-they were together , doing the things [they]1939-they enjoyed , [the two sisters]463-the two sisters were quite complete in a perfect world of [their]463-the two sisters own . And this was one of the perfect moments of freedom and delight , such as [children]4659-children alone know , when all seems a perfect and blissful adventure . When [they]1939-they had finished tea , [the two girls]473-the two girls sat on , silent and serene . Then [Ursula]255-gerald , who had a beautiful strong voice , began to sing to [herself]255-gerald , softly : “ Ännchen von Tharau . ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun listened , as [she]449-her sister sat beneath the trees , and the yearning came into [her]160-gudrun heart . [Ursula]255-gerald seemed so peaceful and sufficient unto [herself]255-gerald , sitting there unconsciously crooning [her]449-her sister song , strong and unquestioned at the centre of [[her]449-her sister own universe]1973-her own universe . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun felt [herself]160-gudrun outside . Always this desolating , agonised feeling , that [she]160-gudrun was outside of life , [an onlooker]1974-an onlooker , whilst [Ursula]255-gerald was [a partaker]1975-a partaker , caused [Gudrun]160-gudrun to suffer from a sense of [her]160-gudrun own negation , and made [her]160-gudrun , that [she]160-gudrun must always demand [the other]920-the other to be aware of [her]160-gudrun , to be in connection with [her]160-gudrun . “ Do [you]160-gudrun mind if [I]160-gudrun do Dalcroze to that tune , [Hurtler]275-hurtler ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked in a curious muted tone , scarce moving [her]160-gudrun lips . “ What did [you]160-gudrun say ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald , looking up in peaceful surprise . “ Will [you]255-gerald sing while [I]160-gudrun do [Dalcroze]276-dalcroze ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , suffering at having to repeat [herself]160-gudrun . [Ursula]255-gerald thought a moment , gathering [her]160-gudrun straying wits together . “ While [you]160-gudrun do — ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked vaguely . “ Dalcroze movements , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , suffering tortures of self - consciousness , even because of [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister . “ Oh Dalcroze ! [I]255-gerald could n’t catch the name . Do — [I]255-gerald should love to see [you]160-gudrun , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , with childish surprised brightness . “ What shall [I]255-gerald sing ? ”[255-gerald] “ Sing anything [you]160-gudrun like , and [I]160-gudrun ’ll take the rhythm from it . ”[160-gudrun] But [Ursula]255-gerald could not for [her]160-gudrun life think of anything to sing . However , [she]160-gudrun suddenly began , in a laughing , teasing voice : “ [My]160-gudrun love — is [a high - born lady]5636-a high - born lady — ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun , looking as if some invisible chain weighed on [her]160-gudrun hands and feet , began slowly to dance in the eurythmic manner , pulsing and fluttering rhythmically with [her]160-gudrun feet , making slower , regular gestures with [her]160-gudrun hands and arms , now spreading [her]160-gudrun arms wide , now raising them above [her]160-gudrun head , now flinging them softly apart , and lifting [her]160-gudrun face , [her]160-gudrun feet all the time beating and running to the measure of the song , as if it were some strange incantation , [her]160-gudrun white , rapt form drifting here and there in a strange impulsive rhapsody , seeming to be lifted on a breeze of incantation , shuddering with strange little runs . [Ursula]255-gerald sat on the grass , [her]160-gudrun mouth open in [her]160-gudrun singing , [her]160-gudrun eyes laughing as if [she]160-gudrun thought it was a great joke , but a yellow light flashing up in them , as [she]160-gudrun caught some of the unconscious ritualistic suggestion of the complex shuddering and waving and drifting of [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister ’s white form , that was clutched in pure , mindless , tossing rhythm , and a will set powerful in a kind of hypnotic influence . “ [My]255-gerald love is [a high - born lady]5636-a high - born lady — [She]5636-a high - born lady is - s - s — rather dark than shady — ”[255-gerald] rang out [Ursula]255-gerald ’s laughing , satiric song , and quicker , fiercer went [Gudrun]160-gudrun in the dance , stamping as if [she]160-gudrun were trying to throw off some bond , flinging [her]160-gudrun hands suddenly and stamping again , then rushing with face uplifted and throat full and beautiful , and eyes half closed , sightless . The sun was low and yellow , sinking down , and in the sky floated a thin , ineffectual moon . [Ursula]255-gerald was quite absorbed in [her]160-gudrun song , when suddenly [Gudrun]160-gudrun stopped and said mildly , ironically : “ [Ursula]255-gerald ! ”[160-gudrun] “ Yes ? ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , opening [her]160-gudrun eyes out of the trance . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was standing still and pointing , a mocking smile on [her]160-gudrun face , towards the side . “ Ugh ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald in sudden panic , starting to [her]160-gudrun feet . “ [They]5638-they ’re quite all right , ”[160-gudrun] rang out [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s sardonic voice . On the left stood a little cluster of Highland cattle , vividly coloured and fleecy in the evening light , [their]1979-their horns branching into the sky , pushing forward [their]1979-their muzzles inquisitively , to know what it was all about . [Their]1979-their eyes glittered through [their]1979-their tangle of hair , [their]1979-their naked nostrils were full of shadow . “ Wo n’t [they]5638-they do anything ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald in fear . [Gudrun]160-gudrun , who was usually frightened of cattle , now shook [her]160-gudrun head in a queer , half - doubtful , half - sardonic motion , a faint smile round [her]160-gudrun mouth . “ Do n’t [they]5638-they look charming , [Ursula]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in a high , strident voice , something like the scream of a seagull . “ Charming , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald in trepidation . “ But wo n’t [they]5638-they do anything to [us]5639-us ? ”[255-gerald] Again [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked back at [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister with an enigmatic smile , and shook [her]160-gudrun head . “ [I]160-gudrun ’m sure [they]5638-they wo n’t , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , as if [she]160-gudrun had to convince [herself]160-gudrun also , and yet , as if [she]160-gudrun were confident of some secret power in [herself]160-gudrun , and had to put it to the test . “ Sit down and sing again , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun called in [her]160-gudrun high , strident voice . “ [I]255-gerald ’m frightened , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , in a pathetic voice , watching the group of sturdy short cattle , that stood with [their]1981-them knees planted , and watched with [their]1981-them dark , wicked eyes , through the matted fringe of [their]1981-them hair . Nevertheless , [she]160-gudrun sank down again , in [her]160-gudrun former posture . “ [They]1981-them are quite safe , ”[160-gudrun] came [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s high call . “ Sing something , [you]255-gerald ’ve only to sing something . ”[160-gudrun] It was evident [she]160-gudrun had a strange passion to dance before the sturdy , handsome cattle . [Ursula]255-gerald began to sing , in a false quavering voice : “ Way down in [Tennessee]57-tennessee — ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun sounded purely anxious . Nevertheless , [Gudrun]160-gudrun , with [her]160-gudrun arms outspread and [her]160-gudrun face uplifted , went in a strange palpitating dance towards the cattle , lifting [her]160-gudrun body towards [them]1981-them as if in a spell , [her]160-gudrun feet pulsing as if in some little frenzy of unconscious sensation , [her]160-gudrun arms , [her]160-gudrun wrists , [her]160-gudrun hands stretching and heaving and falling and reaching and reaching and falling , [her]160-gudrun breasts lifted and shaken towards the cattle , [her]160-gudrun throat exposed as in some voluptuous ecstasy towards [them]1981-them , whilst [she]160-gudrun drifted imperceptibly nearer , an uncanny white figure , towards [them]1981-them , carried away in its own rapt trance , ebbing in strange fluctuations upon the cattle , that waited , and ducked [their]1981-them heads a little in sudden contraction from [her]160-gudrun , watching all the time as if hypnotised , [their]1981-them bare horns branching in the clear light , as the white figure of [the woman]873-the woman ebbed upon [them]1981-them , in the slow , hypnotising convulsion of the dance . [She]160-gudrun could feel [them]1981-them just in front of [her]160-gudrun , it was as if [she]160-gudrun had the electric pulse from [their]1981-them breasts running into [her]160-gudrun hands . Soon [she]160-gudrun would touch [them]1981-them , actually touch [them]1981-them . A terrible shiver of fear and pleasure went through [her]160-gudrun . And all the while , [Ursula]255-gerald , spell - bound , kept up [her]1983-her high - pitched thin , irrelevant song , which pierced the fading evening like an incantation . [Gudrun]160-gudrun could hear the cattle breathing heavily with helpless fear and fascination . Oh , [they]1981-them were brave little beasts , these wild Scotch bullocks , wild and fleecy . Suddenly one of [them]1981-them snorted , ducked its head , and backed . “ [Hue]277-hue ! Hi - eee ! ”[1981-them] came a sudden loud shout from the edge of [the grove]1962-the grove . The cattle broke and fell back quite spontaneously , went running up [the hill]497-the hill , [their]1981-them fleece waving like fire to [their]1981-them motion . [Gudrun]160-gudrun stood suspended out on the grass , [Ursula]255-gerald rose to [her]1983-her feet . It was [Gerald]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin come to find [them]1981-them , and [Gerald]255-gerald had cried out to frighten off the cattle . “ What do [you]160-gudrun think [you]160-gudrun ’re doing ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald now called , in a high , wondering vexed tone . “ Why have [you]160-gudrun come ? ”[160-gudrun] came back [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s strident cry of anger . “ What do [you]160-gudrun think [you]160-gudrun were doing ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald repeated , automatically . “ [We]1981-them were doing eurythmics , ”[255-gerald] laughed [Ursula]255-gerald , in a shaken voice . [Gudrun]160-gudrun stood aloof looking at [them]1981-them with large dark eyes of resentment , suspended for a few moments . Then [she]160-gudrun walked away up [the hill]497-the hill , after the cattle , which had gathered in a little , spell - bound cluster higher up . “ Where are [you]160-gudrun going ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald called after [her]160-gudrun . And [he]255-gerald followed [her]160-gudrun up [the hill]497-the hill - side . The sun had gone behind [the hill]497-the hill , and shadows were clinging to the earth , the sky above was full of travelling light . “ A poor song for a dance , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin to [Ursula]255-gerald , standing before [her]160-gudrun with a sardonic , flickering laugh on [his]255-gerald face . And in another second , [he]255-gerald was singing softly to [himself]255-gerald , and dancing a grotesque step - dance in front of [her]160-gudrun , [his]255-gerald limbs and body shaking loose , [his]255-gerald face flickering palely , a constant thing , whilst [his]255-gerald feet beat a rapid mocking tattoo , and [his]255-gerald body seemed to hang all loose and quaking in between , like a shadow . “ [I]160-gudrun think [we]5640-we ’ve all gone mad , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , laughing rather frightened . “ Pity [we]5640-we are n’t madder , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald answered , as [he]255-gerald kept up the incessant shaking dance . Then suddenly [he]255-gerald leaned up to [her]160-gudrun and kissed [her]160-gudrun fingers lightly , putting [his]255-gerald face to [hers]160-gudrun and looking into [her]160-gudrun eyes with a pale grin . [She]160-gudrun stepped back , affronted . “ Offended — ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked ironically , suddenly going quite still and reserved again . “ [I]255-gerald thought [you]160-gudrun liked the light fantastic . ”[255-gerald] “ Not like that , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , confused and bewildered , almost affronted . Yet somewhere inside [her]160-gudrun [she]160-gudrun was fascinated by the sight of [his]255-gerald loose , vibrating body , perfectly abandoned to its own dropping and swinging , and by the pallid , sardonic - smiling face above . Yet automatically [she]160-gudrun stiffened [herself]160-gudrun away , and disapproved . It seemed almost an obscenity , in a man who talked as a rule so very seriously . “ Why not like that ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald mocked . And immediately [he]255-gerald dropped again into the incredibly rapid , slack - waggling dance , watching [her]160-gudrun malevolently . And moving in the rapid , stationary dance , [he]255-gerald came a little nearer , and reached forward with an incredibly mocking , satiric gleam on [his]255-gerald face , and would have kissed [her]160-gudrun again , had [she]160-gudrun not started back . “ No , do n’t ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried , really afraid . “ [Cordelia]278-cordelia after all , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said satirically . [She]160-gudrun was stung , as if this were an insult . [She]160-gudrun knew [he]255-gerald intended it as such , and it bewildered [her]160-gudrun . “ And [you]255-gerald , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried in retort , “ why do [you]255-gerald always take [your]255-gerald soul in [your]255-gerald mouth , so frightfully full ? ”[160-gudrun] “ So that [I]255-gerald can spit it out the more readily , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , pleased by [his]255-gerald own retort . [Gerald Crich]255-gerald , [his]255-gerald face narrowing to an intent gleam , followed up [the hill]497-the hill with quick strides , straight after [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [The cattle]1990-the cattle stood with [their]1990-the cattle noses together on the brow of a slope , watching the scene below , [the men in white hovering about the white forms of [the women]537-the women , watching above all [Gudrun]160-gudrun , who was advancing slowly towards [them]1990-the cattle]1991-the men in white hovering about the white forms of the women , watching above all gudrun , who was advancing slowly towards them . [She]160-gudrun stood a moment , glancing back at [Gerald]255-gerald , and then at the cattle . Then in a sudden motion , [she]160-gudrun lifted [her]160-gudrun arms and rushed sheer upon the long - horned bullocks , in shuddering irregular runs , pausing for a second and looking at [them]1990-the cattle , then lifting [her]160-gudrun hands and running forward with a flash , till [they]1990-the cattle ceased pawing the ground , and gave way , snorting with terror , lifting [their]1990-the cattle heads from the ground and flinging [themselves]1990-the cattle away , galloping off into the evening , becoming tiny in the distance , and still not stopping . [Gudrun]160-gudrun remained staring after [them]1990-the cattle , with a mask - like defiant face . “ Why do [you]160-gudrun want to drive [them]1990-the cattle mad ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald , coming up with [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun took no notice of [him]255-gerald , only averted [her]160-gudrun face from [him]255-gerald . “ It ’s not safe , [you]160-gudrun know , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald persisted . “ [They]1990-the cattle ’re nasty , when [they]1990-the cattle do turn . ”[255-gerald] “ Turn where ? Turn away ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun mocked loudly . “ No , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ turn against [you]160-gudrun . ”[255-gerald] “ Turn against [me]160-gudrun ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun mocked . [He]255-gerald could make nothing of this . “ Anyway , [they]1990-the cattle gored one of [the farmer]5641-the farmer ’s cows to death , the other day , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ What do [I]160-gudrun care ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [I]255-gerald cared though , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied , “ seeing that [they]1990-the cattle ’re [my]255-gerald cattle . ”[255-gerald] “ How are [they]1990-the cattle [yours]5642-yours ! [You]255-gerald have n’t swallowed [them]1990-the cattle . Give [me]160-gudrun one of them now , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , holding out [her]160-gudrun hand . “ [You]160-gudrun know where [they]1990-the cattle are , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , pointing over [the hill]497-the hill . “ [You]160-gudrun can have one if [you]160-gudrun ’d like it sent to [you]160-gudrun later on . ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald inscrutably . “ [You]255-gerald think [I]160-gudrun ’m afraid of [you]255-gerald and [[your]255-gerald cattle]5643-your cattle , do n’t [you]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked . [His]255-gerald eyes narrowed dangerously . There was a faint domineering smile on [his]255-gerald face . “ Why should [I]255-gerald think that ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . [She]160-gudrun was watching [him]255-gerald all the time with [her]160-gudrun dark , dilated , inchoate eyes . [She]160-gudrun leaned forward and swung round [her]160-gudrun arm , catching [him]255-gerald a light blow on the face with the back of [her]160-gudrun hand . “ That ’s why , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , mocking . And [she]160-gudrun felt in [her]160-gudrun soul an unconquerable desire for deep violence against [him]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun shut off the fear and dismay that filled [her]160-gudrun conscious mind . [She]160-gudrun wanted to do as [she]160-gudrun did , [she]160-gudrun was not going to be afraid . [He]255-gerald recoiled from the slight blow on [his]255-gerald face . [He]255-gerald became deadly pale , and a dangerous flame darkened [his]255-gerald eyes . For some seconds [he]255-gerald could not speak , [his]255-gerald lungs were so suffused with blood , [his]255-gerald heart stretched almost to bursting with a great gush of ungovernable emotion . It was as if some reservoir of black emotion had burst within [him]255-gerald , and swamped [him]255-gerald . “ [You]160-gudrun have struck the first blow , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said at last , forcing the words from [his]255-gerald lungs , in a voice so soft and low , it sounded like a dream within [her]160-gudrun , not spoken in the outer air . “ And [I]160-gudrun shall strike the last , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun retorted involuntarily , with confident assurance . [He]255-gerald was silent , [he]255-gerald did not contradict [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun stood negligently , staring away from [him]255-gerald , into the distance . On the edge of [her]160-gudrun consciousness the question was asking itself , automatically : “ Why are [you]255-gerald behaving in this impossible and ridiculous fashion . ”[160-gudrun] But [she]160-gudrun was sullen , [she]160-gudrun half shoved the question out of [herself]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun could not get it clean away , so [she]160-gudrun felt self - conscious . [Gerald]255-gerald , very pale , was watching [her]160-gudrun closely . [His]255-gerald eyes were lit up with intent lights , absorbed and gleaming . [She]160-gudrun turned suddenly on [him]255-gerald . “ It ’s [you]255-gerald who make [me]160-gudrun behave like this , [you]255-gerald know , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , almost suggestive . “ [I]255-gerald ? How ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . But [she]160-gudrun turned away , and set off towards [the lake]4830-the lake . Below , on [the water]4852-the water , lanterns were coming alight , faint ghosts of warm flame floating in the pallor of the first twilight . [The earth]972-the earth was spread with darkness , like lacquer , overhead was a pale sky , all primrose , and [the lake]4830-the lake was pale as milk in one part . Away at [the landing stage]1998-the landing stage , tiniest points of coloured rays were stringing themselves in the dusk . [The launch]1999-the launch was being illuminated . All round , shadow was gathering from the trees . [Gerald]255-gerald , white like a presence in [his]255-gerald summer clothes , was following down [the open grassy slope]2000-the open grassy slope . [Gudrun]160-gudrun waited for [him]255-gerald to come up . Then [she]160-gudrun softly put out [her]160-gudrun hand and touched [him]255-gerald , saying softly : “ Do n’t be angry with [me]160-gudrun . ”[160-gudrun] A flame flew over [him]255-gerald , and [he]255-gerald was unconscious . Yet [he]255-gerald stammered : “ [I]255-gerald ’m not angry with [you]160-gudrun . [I]255-gerald ’m in love with [you]160-gudrun . ”[255-gerald] [His]255-gerald mind was gone , [he]255-gerald grasped for sufficient mechanical control , to save [himself]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun laughed a silvery little mockery , yet intolerably caressive . “ That ’s one way of putting it , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . The terrible swooning burden on [his]255-gerald mind , the awful swooning , the loss of all [his]255-gerald control , was too much for [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald grasped [her]160-gudrun arm in [his]255-gerald one hand , as if [his]255-gerald hand were iron . “ It ’s all right , then , is it ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , holding [her]160-gudrun arrested . [She]160-gudrun looked at the face with the fixed eyes , set before [her]160-gudrun , and [her]160-gudrun blood ran cold . “ Yes , it ’s all right , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said softly , as if drugged , [her]160-gudrun voice crooning and witch - like . [He]255-gerald walked on beside [her]160-gudrun , a striding , mindless body . But [he]255-gerald recovered a little as [he]255-gerald went . [He]255-gerald suffered badly . [He]255-gerald had killed [[his]255-gerald brother]760-his brother when [a boy]764-a boy , and was set apart , like [Cain]183-cain . [They]2003-we found [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald sitting together by [the boats]2004-the boats , talking and laughing . [Birkin]169-birkin had been teasing [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Do [you]255-gerald smell this little marsh ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , sniffing the air . [He]255-gerald was very sensitive to scents , and quick in understanding them . “ It ’s rather nice , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ No , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied , “ alarming . ”[255-gerald] “ Why alarming ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun laughed . “ It seethes and seethes , [a river of darkness]5644-a river of darkness , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ putting forth lilies and snakes , and the ignis fatuus , and rolling all the time onward . That ’s what [we]2003-we never take into count — that it rolls onwards . ”[255-gerald] “ What does ? ”[255-gerald] “ [The other river]5645-the other river , [the black river]5646-the black river . [We]2003-we always consider [the silver river of life]5647-the silver river of life , rolling on and quickening [all the world]5648-all the world to a brightness , on and on to [heaven]619-heaven , flowing into [a bright eternal sea]5650-a bright eternal sea , [a heaven of [angels thronging]5652-angels thronging]5651-a heaven of angels thronging . But the other is [our]2003-we real reality — ”[255-gerald] “ But what other ? [I]255-gerald do n’t see any other , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ It is [your]255-gerald reality , nevertheless , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said ; “ that dark river of dissolution . [You]255-gerald see it rolls in [us]2003-we just as the other rolls — the black river of corruption . And [our]2003-we flowers are of this — [our]2003-we sea - born [Aphrodite]279-aphrodite , all [our]2003-we white phosphorescent flowers of sensuous perfection , all [our]2003-we reality , nowadays . ”[255-gerald] “ [You]255-gerald mean that [Aphrodite]279-aphrodite is really deathly ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald mean [she]279-aphrodite is the flowering mystery of the death - process , yes , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ When the stream of synthetic creation lapses , [we]2003-we find [ourselves]2003-we part of the inverse process , the blood of destructive creation . [Aphrodite]279-aphrodite is born in the first spasm of universal dissolution — then the snakes and swans and lotus — marsh - flowers — and [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald — born in the process of destructive creation . ”[255-gerald] “ And [you]255-gerald and [me]2005-she — ? ”[2005-she] [she]2005-she asked . “ Probably , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ In part , certainly . Whether [we]2003-we are that , in toto , [I]255-gerald do n’t yet know . ”[255-gerald] “ [You]255-gerald mean [we]2003-we are flowers of dissolution — fleurs du mal ? [I]2005-she do n’t feel as if [I]2005-she were , ”[2005-she] [she]2005-she protested . [He]255-gerald was silent for a time . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t feel as if [we]2003-we were , altogether , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ [Some people]5582-some people are pure flowers of dark corruption — lilies . But there ought to be some roses , warm and flamy . [You]255-gerald know [Herakleitos]280-herakleitos says ‘ a dry soul is best . ’ [I]255-gerald know so well what that means . Do [you]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald ’m not sure , ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald replied . “ But what if [people]579-people are all flowers of dissolution — when [they]579-people ’re flowers at all — what difference does it make ? ”[255-gerald] “ No difference — and all the difference . Dissolution rolls on , just as production does , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ It is a progressive process — and it ends in universal nothing — the end of [the world]541-the world , if [you]255-gerald like . But why is n’t the end of [the world]541-the world as good as the beginning ? ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald suppose it is n’t , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , rather angry . “ Oh yes , ultimately , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ It means a new cycle of creation after — but not for [us]2003-we . If it is the end , then [we]2003-we are of the end — fleurs du mal if [you]255-gerald like . If [we]2003-we are [fleurs du mal]5657-fleurs du mal , [we]2003-we are not roses of happiness , and there [you]255-gerald are . ”[255-gerald] “ But [I]255-gerald think [I]255-gerald am , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald think [I]255-gerald am a rose of happiness . ”[255-gerald] “ Ready - made ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked ironically . “ No — real , ”[2006-her] [she]2006-her said , hurt . “ If [we]2003-we are the end , [we]2003-we are not the beginning , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Yes [we]2003-we are , ”[2006-her] [she]2006-her said . “ The beginning comes out of the end . ”[255-gerald] “ After it , not out of it . After [us]2003-we , not out of [us]2003-we . ”[255-gerald] “ [You]255-gerald are [a devil]5658-a devil , [you]255-gerald know , really , ”[2006-her] [she]2006-her said . “ [You]255-gerald want to destroy [our]2003-we hope . [You]255-gerald want [us]2003-we to be deathly . ”[2006-her] “ No , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ [I]255-gerald only want [us]2003-we to know what [we]2003-we are . ”[255-gerald] “ Ha ! ”[2006-her] [she]2006-her cried in anger . “ [You]255-gerald only want [us]2003-we to know death . ”[2006-her] “ [You]255-gerald ’re quite right , ”[255-gerald] said the soft voice of [Gerald]255-gerald , out of the dusk behind . [Birkin]169-birkin rose . [Gerald]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun came up . [They]2007-they all began to smoke , in the moments of silence . One after another , [Birkin]169-birkin lighted [their]2007-they cigarettes . The match flickered in the twilight , and [they]2007-they were all smoking peacefully by the water - side . [The lake]4830-the lake was dim , the light dying from off [it]4830-the lake , in the midst of [the dark land]2009-the dark land . The air all round was intangible , neither here nor there , and there was an unreal noise of banjoes , or suchlike music . As the golden swim of light overhead died out , the moon gained brightness , and seemed to begin to smile forth [her]2006-her ascendancy . [The dark woods]2010-the dark woods on [the opposite shore]2011-the opposite shore melted into universal shadow . And amid this universal under - shadow , there was a scattered intrusion of lights . Far down [the lake]4830-the lake were fantastic pale strings of colour , like beads of wan fire , green and red and yellow . The music came out in a little puff , as the launch , all illuminated , veered into the great shadow , stirring [her]2006-her outlines of half - living lights , puffing out [her]2006-her music in little drifts . All were lighting up . Here and there , close against [the faint water]2013-the faint water , and at [the far end of [the lake]4830-the lake]2014-the far end of the lake , where [the water]4852-the water lay milky in the last whiteness of the sky , and there was no shadow , solitary , frail flames of lanterns floated from [the unseen boats]2017-the unseen boats . There was a sound of oars , and [a boat]4839-a boat passed from the pallor into the darkness under the wood , where [her]2006-her lanterns seemed to kindle into fire , hanging in ruddy lovely globes . And again , in [the lake]4830-the lake , shadowy red gleams hovered in reflection about [the boat]1560-the boat . Everywhere were these noiseless ruddy creatures of fire drifting near the surface of [the water]4852-the water , caught at by the rarest , scarce visible reflections . [Birkin]169-birkin brought the lanterns from [the bigger boat]2022-the bigger boat , and [the four shadowy white figures]2023-the four shadowy white figures gathered round , to light [them]2023-the four shadowy white figures . [Ursula]255-gerald held up the first , [Birkin]169-birkin lowered the light from the rosy , glowing cup of [his]2006-her hands , into the depths of the lantern . It was kindled , and [they]2023-the four shadowy white figures all stood back to look at the great blue moon of light that hung from [Ursula]255-gerald ’s hand , casting a strange gleam on [her]2006-her face . It flickered , and [Birkin]169-birkin went bending over the well of light . [His]2006-her face shone out like an apparition , so unconscious , and again , something demoniacal . [Ursula]255-gerald was dim and veiled , looming over [him]2006-her . “ That is all right , ”[2006-her] said [his]2006-her voice softly . [She]169-birkin held up the lantern . It had a flight of storks streaming through a turquoise sky of light , over [a dark earth]2024-a dark earth . “ This is beautiful , ”[169-birkin] [she]169-birkin said . “ Lovely , ”[169-birkin] echoed [Gudrun]160-gudrun , who wanted to hold [one also , and lift it up full of beauty]2025-one also , and lift it up full of beauty . “ Light one for [me]169-birkin , ”[169-birkin] [she]169-birkin said . [Gerald]255-gerald stood by [her]169-birkin , incapacitated . [Birkin]169-birkin lit the lantern [she]169-birkin held up . [Her]169-birkin heart beat with anxiety , to see how beautiful it would be . It was primrose yellow , with tall straight flowers growing darkly from their dark leaves , lifting their heads into the primrose day , while butterflies hovered about them , in the pure clear light . [Gudrun]160-gudrun gave a little cry of excitement , as if pierced with delight . “ Is n’t it beautiful , oh , is n’t it beautiful ! ”[160-gudrun] [Her]169-birkin soul was really pierced with beauty , [she]169-birkin was translated beyond [herself]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald leaned near to [her]169-birkin , into [her]169-birkin zone of light , as if to see . [He]255-gerald came close to [her]169-birkin , and stood touching [her]169-birkin , looking with [her]169-birkin at the primrose - shining globe . And [she]169-birkin turned [her]169-birkin face to [his]255-gerald , that was faintly bright in the light of the lantern , and [they]2026-they stood together in [one luminous union , close together and ringed round with light]2027-one luminous union , close together and ringed round with light , all the rest excluded . [Birkin]169-birkin looked away , and went to light [Ursula]255-gerald ’s second lantern . [It]2028-it had [a pale ruddy sea - bottom]2029-a pale ruddy sea - bottom , with black crabs and sea - weed moving sinuously under [a transparent sea]2030-a transparent sea , that passed into flamy ruddiness above . “ [You]169-birkin ’ve got [the heavens above]5659-the heavens above , and [the waters under [the earth]972-the earth]5660-the waters under the earth , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin to [her]169-birkin . “ Anything but [the earth]972-the earth itself , ”[169-birkin] [she]169-birkin laughed , watching [his]255-gerald live hands that hovered to attend to the light . “ [I]160-gudrun ’m dying to see what [my]160-gudrun second one is , ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in a vibrating rather strident voice , that seemed to repel the others from [her]160-gudrun . [Birkin]169-birkin went and kindled [it]2028-it . It was of a lovely deep blue colour , with a red floor , and a great white cuttle - fish flowing in white soft streams all over it . The cuttle - fish had a face that stared straight from the heart of the light , very fixed and coldly intent . “ How truly terrifying ! ”[160-gudrun] exclaimed [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in a voice of horror . [Gerald]255-gerald , at [her]160-gudrun side , gave a low laugh . “ But is n’t it really fearful ! ”[169-birkin] [she]169-birkin cried in dismay . Again [he]255-gerald laughed , and said : “ Change it with [Ursula]255-gerald , for the crabs . ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun was silent for a moment . “ [Ursula]255-gerald , ”[169-birkin] [she]169-birkin said , “ could [you]255-gerald bear to have this fearful thing ? ”[169-birkin] “ [I]255-gerald think the colouring is lovely , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ So do [I]160-gudrun , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ But could [you]255-gerald bear to have it swinging to [[your]255-gerald boat]5663-your boat ? Do n’t [you]255-gerald want to destroy it at once ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Oh no , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t want to destroy it . ”[255-gerald] “ Well do [you]160-gudrun mind having it instead of the crabs ? Are [you]160-gudrun sure [you]160-gudrun do n’t mind ? ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun came forward to exchange lanterns . “ No , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , yielding up the crabs and receiving the cuttle - fish . Yet [she]169-birkin could not help feeling rather resentful at the way in which [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald should assume a right over [her]169-birkin , a precedence . “ Come then , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [I]255-gerald ’ll put them on [the boats]2004-the boats . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald and [Ursula]255-gerald were moving away to [the big boat]2031-the big boat . “ [I]255-gerald suppose [you]160-gudrun ’ll row [me]255-gerald back , [Rupert]169-birkin , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , out of the pale shadow of the evening . “ Wo n’t [you]160-gudrun go with [Gudrun]160-gudrun in [the canoe]5633-the canoe ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ It ’ll be more interesting . ”[169-birkin] There was a moment ’s pause . [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald stood dimly , with [their]2032-their swinging lanterns , by [the water]4852-the water ’s edge . [The world]541-the world was all illusive . “ Is that all right ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun to [him]255-gerald . “ It ’ll suit [me]255-gerald very well , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ But what about [you]160-gudrun , and the rowing ? [I]255-gerald do n’t see why [you]160-gudrun should pull [me]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ Why not ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [I]160-gudrun can pull [you]255-gerald as well as [I]160-gudrun could pull [Ursula]255-gerald . ”[160-gudrun] By [her]160-gudrun tone [he]255-gerald could tell [she]160-gudrun wanted to have [him]255-gerald in [the boat]1560-the boat to [herself]160-gudrun , and that [she]160-gudrun was subtly gratified that [she]160-gudrun should have power over [them]2036-them both . [He]255-gerald gave [himself]255-gerald , in a strange , electric submission . [She]160-gudrun handed [him]255-gerald the lanterns , whilst [she]160-gudrun went to fix the cane at the end of [the canoe]5633-the canoe . [He]255-gerald followed after [her]160-gudrun , and stood with the lanterns dangling against [his]255-gerald white - flannelled thighs , emphasising the shadow around . “ Kiss [me]255-gerald before [we]5666-we go , ”[255-gerald] came [his]255-gerald voice softly from out of the shadow above . [She]160-gudrun stopped [her]160-gudrun work in real , momentary astonishment . “ But why ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun exclaimed , in pure surprise . “ Why ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald echoed , ironically . And [she]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald fixedly for some moments . Then [she]160-gudrun leaned forward and kissed [him]255-gerald , with a slow , luxurious kiss , lingering on the mouth . And then [she]160-gudrun took the lanterns from [him]255-gerald , while [he]255-gerald stood swooning with the perfect fire that burned in all [his]255-gerald joints . [They]2038-they lifted [the canoe]5633-the canoe into the water , [Gudrun]160-gudrun took [her]160-gudrun place , and [Gerald]255-gerald pushed off . “ Are [you]255-gerald sure [you]255-gerald do n’t hurt [your]255-gerald hand , doing that ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked , solicitous . “ Because [I]160-gudrun could have done it perfectly . ”[160-gudrun] “ [I]255-gerald do n’t hurt [myself]255-gerald , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said in a low , soft voice , that caressed [her]160-gudrun with inexpressible beauty . And [she]160-gudrun watched [him]255-gerald as [he]255-gerald sat near [her]160-gudrun , very near to [her]160-gudrun , in the stern of [the canoe]5633-the canoe , [his]255-gerald legs coming towards [hers]160-gudrun , [his]255-gerald feet touching [hers]160-gudrun . And [she]160-gudrun paddled softly , lingeringly , longing for [him]255-gerald to say something meaningful to [her]160-gudrun . But [he]255-gerald remained silent . “ [You]160-gudrun like this , do [you]160-gudrun ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , in a gentle , solicitous voice . [He]255-gerald laughed shortly . “ There is a space between [us]2041-we , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , in the same low , unconscious voice , as if something were speaking out of [him]255-gerald . And [she]160-gudrun was as if magically aware of [their]2041-we being balanced in separation , in [the boat]1560-the boat . [She]160-gudrun swooned with acute comprehension and pleasure . “ But [I]160-gudrun ’m very near , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said caressively , gaily . “ Yet distant , distant , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . Again [she]160-gudrun was silent with pleasure , before [she]160-gudrun answered , speaking with a reedy , thrilled voice : “ Yet [we]2041-we can not very well change , whilst [we]2041-we are on [the water]4852-the water . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun caressed [him]255-gerald subtly and strangely , having [him]255-gerald completely at [her]160-gudrun mercy . [A dozen or more boats]2043-a dozen or more boats on [the lake]4830-the lake swung their rosy and moon - like lanterns low on the water , that reflected as from a fire . In the distance , [the steamer]2045-the steamer twanged and thrummed and washed with [her]160-gudrun faintly - splashing paddles , trailing [her]160-gudrun strings of coloured lights , and occasionally lighting up the whole scene luridly with an effusion of fireworks , Roman candles and sheafs of stars and other simple effects , illuminating the surface of [the water]4852-the water , and showing [the boats]2004-the boats creeping round , low down . Then the lovely darkness fell again , the lanterns and the little threaded lights glimmered softly , there was a muffled knocking of oars and a waving of music . [Gudrun]160-gudrun paddled almost imperceptibly . [Gerald]255-gerald could see , not far ahead , the rich blue and the rose globes of [Ursula]255-gerald ’s lanterns swaying softly cheek to cheek as [Birkin]169-birkin rowed , and iridescent , evanescent gleams chasing in the wake . [He]255-gerald was aware , too , of [his]255-gerald own delicately coloured lights casting their softness behind [him]255-gerald . [Gudrun]160-gudrun rested [her]160-gudrun paddle and looked round . [The canoe]5633-the canoe lifted with the lightest ebbing of the water . [Gerald]255-gerald ’s white knees were very near to [her]160-gudrun . “ Is n’t it beautiful ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said softly , as if reverently . [She]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald , as [he]255-gerald leaned back against the faint crystal of the lantern - light . [She]160-gudrun could see [his]255-gerald face , although it was a pure shadow . But it was a piece of twilight . And [her]160-gudrun breast was keen with passion for [him]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald was so beautiful in [his]255-gerald male stillness and mystery . It was a certain pure effluence of maleness , like an aroma from [his]255-gerald softly , firmly moulded contours , a certain rich perfection of [his]255-gerald presence , that touched [her]160-gudrun with an ecstasy , a thrill of pure intoxication . [She]160-gudrun loved to look at [him]255-gerald . For the present [she]160-gudrun did not want to touch [him]255-gerald , to know the further , satisfying substance of [his]255-gerald living body . [He]255-gerald was purely intangible , yet so near . [Her]160-gudrun hands lay on the paddle like slumber , [she]160-gudrun only wanted to see [him]255-gerald , like a crystal shadow , to feel [his]255-gerald essential presence . “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said vaguely . “ It is very beautiful . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald was listening to the faint near sounds , the dropping of water - drops from the oar - blades , the slight drumming of the lanterns behind [him]255-gerald , as they rubbed against [one another]1500-one another , the occasional rustling of [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s full skirt , an alien land noise . [His]255-gerald mind was almost submerged , [he]255-gerald was almost transfused , lapsed out for the first time in [his]255-gerald life , into the things about [him]255-gerald . For [he]255-gerald always kept such a keen attentiveness , concentrated and unyielding in [himself]255-gerald . Now [he]255-gerald had let go , imperceptibly [he]255-gerald was melting into oneness with the whole . It was like pure , perfect sleep , [his]255-gerald first great sleep of life . [He]255-gerald had been so insistent , so guarded , all [his]255-gerald life . But here was sleep , and peace , and perfect lapsing out . “ Shall [I]160-gudrun row to the landing - stage ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun wistfully . “ Anywhere , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald answered . “ Let it drift . ”[255-gerald] “ Tell [me]160-gudrun then , if [we]5668-we are running into anything , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied , in that very quiet , toneless voice of sheer intimacy . “ The lights will show , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . So they drifted almost motionless , in silence . [He]255-gerald wanted silence , pure and whole . But [she]160-gudrun was uneasy yet for some word , for some assurance . “ [Nobody]912-nobody will miss [you]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked , anxious for some communication . “ Miss [me]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald echoed . “ No ! Why ? ”[160-gudrun] “ [I]160-gudrun wondered if [anybody]744-anybody would be looking for [you]255-gerald . ”[160-gudrun] “ Why should [they]744-anybody look for [me]160-gudrun ? ”[160-gudrun] And then [he]255-gerald remembered [his]255-gerald manners . “ But perhaps [you]160-gudrun want to get back , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , in a changed voice . “ No , [I]160-gudrun do n’t want to get back , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied . “ No , [I]255-gerald assure [you]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ [You]255-gerald ’re quite sure it ’s all right for [you]255-gerald ? ”[4745-somebody] “ Perfectly all right . ”[4745-somebody] And again [they]2050-they were still . The launch twanged and hooted , [somebody]4745-somebody was singing . Then as if the night smashed , suddenly there was a great shout , a confusion of shouting , warring on the water , then the horrid noise of paddles reversed and churned violently . [Gerald]255-gerald sat up , and [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald in fear . “ [Somebody in the water]5671-somebody in the water , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , angrily , and desperately , looking keenly across the dusk . “ Can [you]160-gudrun row up ? ”[255-gerald] “ Where , to the launch ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in nervous panic . “ Yes . ”[160-gudrun] “ [You]255-gerald ’ll tell [me]160-gudrun if [I]160-gudrun do n’t steer straight , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , in nervous apprehension . “ [You]160-gudrun keep pretty level , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , and [the canoe]5633-the canoe hastened forward . The shouting and the noise continued , sounding horrid through the dusk , over the surface of [the water]4852-the water . “ Was n’t this bound to happen ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , with heavy hateful irony . But [he]255-gerald hardly heard , and [she]160-gudrun glanced over [her]160-gudrun shoulder to see [her]160-gudrun way . [The half - dark waters]2054-the half - dark waters were sprinkled with lovely bubbles of swaying lights , [the launch]1999-the launch did not look far off . [She]160-gudrun was rocking [her]160-gudrun lights in the early night . [Gudrun]160-gudrun rowed as hard as [she]160-gudrun could . But now that it was a serious matter , [she]160-gudrun seemed uncertain and clumsy in [her]160-gudrun stroke , it was difficult to paddle swiftly . [She]160-gudrun glanced at [his]255-gerald face . [He]255-gerald was looking fixedly into the darkness , very keen and alert and single in [himself]255-gerald , instrumental . [Her]160-gudrun heart sank , [she]160-gudrun seemed to die a death . “ Of course , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said to [herself]160-gudrun , “ [nobody]912-nobody will be drowned . Of course [they]912-nobody wo n’t . It would be too extravagant and sensational . ”[160-gudrun] But [her]160-gudrun heart was cold , because of [his]255-gerald sharp impersonal face . It was as if [he]255-gerald belonged naturally to dread and catastrophe , as if [he]255-gerald were [himself]255-gerald again . Then there came [a child]733-a child ’s voice , [a girl]2057-a girl ’s high , piercing shriek : “ Di — Di — Di — Di — Oh Di — Oh Di — Oh Di ! ”[733-a child] The blood ran cold in [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s veins . “ It ’s [Diana]188-diana , is it , ”[255-gerald] muttered [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [The young monkey]5673-the young monkey , [she]188-diana ’d have to be up to some of [her]188-diana tricks . ”[255-gerald] And [he]255-gerald glanced again at the paddle , [the boat]1560-the boat was not going quickly enough for [him]255-gerald . It made [Gudrun]160-gudrun almost helpless at the rowing , this nervous stress . [She]160-gudrun kept up with all [her]160-gudrun might . Still the voices were calling and answering . “ Where , where ? There [you]160-gudrun are — that ’s it . Which ? No — No - o - o. Damn it all , here , here — ”[2059-boats] [Boats]2059-boats were hurrying from all directions to the scene , coloured lanterns could be seen waving close to the surface of [the lake]4830-the lake , reflections swaying after [them]2059-boats in uneven haste . [The steamer]2045-the steamer hooted again , for some unknown reason . [[Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s boat]2062-gudrun ’s boat was travelling quickly , the lanterns were swinging behind [Gerald]255-gerald . And then again came [the child]2063-the child ’s high , screaming voice , with a note of weeping and impatience in it now : “ Di — Oh Di — Oh Di — Di — ! ”[2063-the child] It was a terrible sound , coming through the obscure air of the evening . “ [You]160-gudrun ’d be better if [you]160-gudrun were in bed , [Winnie]186-winifred , ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald muttered to [himself]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was stooping unlacing [his]255-gerald shoes , pushing them off with the foot . Then [he]255-gerald threw [his]255-gerald soft hat into the bottom of [the boat]1560-the boat . “ [You]160-gudrun ca n’t go into the water with [your]160-gudrun hurt hand , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , panting , in a low voice of horror . “ What ? It wo n’t hurt . ”[160-gudrun] [He]255-gerald had struggled out of [his]255-gerald jacket , and had dropped it between [his]255-gerald feet . [He]255-gerald sat bare - headed , all in white now . [He]255-gerald felt the belt at [his]255-gerald waist . [They]2065-they were nearing the launch , which stood still big above [them]2065-they , [her]160-gudrun myriad lamps making lovely darts , and sinuous running tongues of ugly red and green and yellow light on the lustrous dark water , under the shadow . “ Oh get [her]160-gudrun out ! Oh Di , [darling]4727-darling ! Oh get [her]160-gudrun out ! Oh [Daddy]281-daddy , Oh [Daddy]281-daddy ! ”[2063-the child] moaned [the child]2063-the child ’s voice , in distraction . [Somebody]4745-somebody was in [the water]4852-the water , with a life belt . [Two boats]2069-two boats paddled near , [their]2069-two boats lanterns swinging ineffectually , [the boats]2004-the boats nosing round . “ Hi there — Rockley!—hi there ! ”[2063-the child] “ [Mr Gerald]255-gerald ! ”[1907-the captain] came [the captain]1907-the captain ’s terrified voice . “ [Miss Diana]188-diana ’s in [the water]4852-the water . ”[1907-the captain] “ [Anybody]744-anybody gone in for [her]160-gudrun ? ”[255-gerald] came [Gerald]255-gerald ’s sharp voice . “ [Young Doctor Brindell]283-young doctor brindell , [sir]5461-sir . ”[255-gerald] “ Where ? ”[1907-the captain] “ Ca n’t see no signs of [them]2069-two boats , [sir]5461-sir . [Everybody]780-everybody ’s looking , but there ’s nothing so far . ”[255-gerald] There was a moment ’s ominous pause . “ Where did [she]160-gudrun go in ? ”[1907-the captain] “ [I]1907-the captain think — about where [that boat]5680-that boat is , ”[1907-the captain] came the uncertain answer , “ that one with red and green lights . ”[1907-the captain] “ Row there , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald quietly to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Get [her]160-gudrun out , [Gerald]255-gerald , oh get [her]160-gudrun out , ”[2063-the child] [the child]2063-the child ’s voice was crying anxiously . [He]255-gerald took no heed . “ Lean back that way , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald to [Gudrun]160-gudrun , as [he]255-gerald stood up in [the frail boat]2073-the frail boat . “ [She]160-gudrun wo n’t upset . ”[255-gerald] In another moment , [he]255-gerald had dropped clean down , soft and plumb , into [the water]4852-the water . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was swaying violently in [[her]160-gudrun boat]2075-her boat , the agitated water shook with transient lights , [she]160-gudrun realised that it was faintly moonlight , and that [he]255-gerald was gone . So it was possible to be gone . A terrible sense of fatality robbed [her]160-gudrun of all feeling and thought . [She]160-gudrun knew [he]255-gerald was gone out of [the world]541-the world , there was merely [the same world]2077-the same world , and absence , [his]255-gerald absence . The night seemed large and vacuous . [Lanterns]284-lanterns swayed here and there , [people]579-people were talking in an undertone on [the launch]1999-the launch and in [the boats]2004-the boats . [She]160-gudrun could hear [Winifred]186-winifred moaning : “ Oh do find [her]186-winifred [Gerald]255-gerald , do find [her]186-winifred , ”[186-winifred] and someone trying to comfort [the child]2063-the child . [Gudrun]160-gudrun paddled aimlessly here and there . The terrible , massive , cold , boundless surface of the water terrified [her]160-gudrun beyond words . Would [he]255-gerald never come back ? [She]160-gudrun felt [she]160-gudrun must jump into [the water]4852-the water too , to know the horror also . [She]160-gudrun started , hearing [someone]2083-someone say : “ There [he]255-gerald is . ”[2083-someone] [She]160-gudrun saw the movement of [his]255-gerald swimming , like a water - rat . And [she]160-gudrun rowed involuntarily to [him]255-gerald . But [he]255-gerald was near [another boat]2084-another boat , a bigger one . Still [she]160-gudrun rowed towards [him]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun must be very near . [She]160-gudrun saw [him]255-gerald — [he]255-gerald looked like a seal . [He]255-gerald looked like a seal as [he]255-gerald took hold of the side of [the boat]1560-the boat . [His]255-gerald fair hair was washed down on [his]255-gerald round head , [his]255-gerald face seemed to glisten suavely . [She]160-gudrun could hear [him]255-gerald panting . Then [he]255-gerald clambered into [the boat]1560-the boat . Oh , and the beauty of the subjection of [his]255-gerald loins , white and dimly luminous as [he]255-gerald climbed over the side of [the boat]1560-the boat , made [her]160-gudrun want to die , to die . The beauty of [his]255-gerald dim and luminous loins as [he]255-gerald climbed into [the boat]1560-the boat , [his]255-gerald back rounded and soft — ah , this was too much for [her]160-gudrun , too final a vision . [She]160-gudrun knew it , and it was fatal . The terrible hopelessness of fate , and of beauty , such beauty ! [He]255-gerald was not like [a man]4648-a man to [her]160-gudrun , [he]255-gerald was [an incarnation , a great phase of life]2090-an incarnation , a great phase of life . [She]160-gudrun saw [him]255-gerald press the water out of [his]255-gerald face , and look at the bandage on [his]255-gerald hand . And [she]160-gudrun knew it was all no good , and that [she]160-gudrun would never go beyond [him]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald was the final approximation of life to [her]160-gudrun . “ Put the lights out , [we]5681-we shall see better , ”[255-gerald] came [his]255-gerald voice , sudden and mechanical and belonging to the world of [man]1089-man . [She]160-gudrun could scarcely believe there was a world of [man]1089-man . [She]160-gudrun leaned round and blew out [her]160-gudrun lanterns . They were difficult to blow out . Everywhere the lights were gone save the coloured points on the sides of [the launch]1999-the launch . The bluey - grey , early night spread level around , the moon was overhead , there were shadows of [boats]2059-boats here and there . Again there was a splash , and [he]255-gerald was gone under . [Gudrun]160-gudrun sat , sick at heart , frightened of [the great , level surface of the water]2095-the great , level surface of the water , so heavy and deadly . [She]160-gudrun was so alone , with the level , unliving field of the water stretching beneath [her]160-gudrun . It was not a good isolation , it was a terrible , cold separation of suspense . [She]160-gudrun was suspended upon the surface of the insidious reality until such time as [she]160-gudrun also should disappear beneath it . Then [she]160-gudrun knew , by a stirring of voices , that [he]255-gerald had climbed out again , into [a boat]4839-a boat . [She]160-gudrun sat wanting connection with [him]255-gerald . Strenuously [she]160-gudrun claimed [her]160-gudrun connection with [him]255-gerald , across [the invisible space of the water]2097-the invisible space of the water . But round [her]160-gudrun heart was an isolation unbearable , through which nothing would penetrate . “ Take the launch in . It ’s no use keeping [her]160-gudrun [there]629-there . Get lines for the dragging , ”[160-gudrun] came the decisive , instrumental voice , that was full of the sound of [the world]541-the world . The launch began gradually to beat [the waters]4854-the waters . “ [Gerald]255-gerald ! [Gerald]255-gerald ! ”[186-winifred] came the wild crying voice of [Winifred]186-winifred . [He]255-gerald did not answer . Slowly [the launch]1999-the launch drifted round in a pathetic , clumsy circle , and slunk away to [the land]4893-the land , retreating into the dimness . The wash of [her]160-gudrun paddles grew duller . [Gudrun]160-gudrun rocked in [[her]160-gudrun light boat]2102-her light boat , and dipped the paddle automatically to steady [herself]160-gudrun . “ [Gudrun]160-gudrun ? ”[255-gerald] called [Ursula]255-gerald ’s voice . “ [Ursula]255-gerald ! ”[255-gerald] [The boats of [the two sisters]463-the two sisters]2103-the boats of the two sisters pulled together . “ Where is [Gerald]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [He]255-gerald ’s dived again , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald plaintively . “ And [I]255-gerald know [he]255-gerald ought not , with [his]255-gerald hurt hand and everything . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]169-birkin ’ll take [him]255-gerald in [home]4649-home this time , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . [The boats]2004-the boats swayed again from the wash of [steamer]2106-steamer . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald kept a look - out for [Gerald]255-gerald . “ There [he]255-gerald is ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , who had the sharpest eyes . [He]255-gerald had not been long under . [Birkin]169-birkin pulled towards [him]255-gerald , [Gudrun]160-gudrun following . [He]255-gerald swam slowly , and caught hold of [the boat]1560-the boat with [his]255-gerald wounded hand . [It]1560-the boat slipped , and [he]255-gerald sank back . “ Why do n’t [you]255-gerald help [him]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald sharply . [He]255-gerald came again , and [Birkin]169-birkin leaned to help [him]255-gerald in to [the boat]1560-the boat . [Gudrun]160-gudrun again watched [Gerald]255-gerald climb out of the water , but this time slowly , heavily , with the blind clambering motions of an amphibious beast , clumsy . Again the moon shone with faint luminosity on [his]255-gerald white wet figure , on the stooping back and the rounded loins . But it looked defeated now , [his]255-gerald body , it clambered and fell with slow clumsiness . [He]255-gerald was breathing hoarsely too , like an animal that is suffering . [He]255-gerald sat slack and motionless in [the boat]1560-the boat , [his]255-gerald head blunt and blind like a seal ’s , [his]255-gerald whole appearance inhuman , unknowing . [Gudrun]160-gudrun shuddered as [she]160-gudrun mechanically followed [[his]255-gerald boat]2110-his boat . [Birkin]169-birkin rowed without speaking to the landing - stage . “ Where are [you]255-gerald going ? ”[169-birkin] [Gerald]255-gerald asked suddenly , as if just waking up . “ [Home]4649-home , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Oh no ! ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald imperiously . “ [We]5685-we ca n’t go [home]4649-home while [they]5687-they ’re in [the water]4852-the water . Turn back again , [I]255-gerald ’m going to find [them]5687-they . ”[255-gerald] [The women]537-the women were frightened , [his]255-gerald voice was so imperative and dangerous , almost mad , not to be opposed . “ No ! ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [You]255-gerald ca n’t . ”[169-birkin] There was a strange fluid compulsion in [his]255-gerald voice . [Gerald]255-gerald was silent in a battle of wills . It was as if [he]255-gerald would kill [the other man]832-the other man . But [Birkin]169-birkin rowed evenly and unswerving , with an inhuman inevitability . “ Why should [you]169-birkin interfere ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , in hate . [Birkin]169-birkin did not answer . [He]255-gerald rowed towards [the land]4893-the land . And [Gerald]255-gerald sat mute , like a dumb beast , panting , [his]255-gerald teeth chattering , [his]255-gerald arms inert , [his]255-gerald head like [a seal]2114-a seal ’s head . [They]2115-they came to the landing - stage . Wet and naked - looking , [Gerald]255-gerald climbed up the few steps . There stood [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father , in the night . “ [Father]185-father ! ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Yes [[my]255-gerald boy]4753-my boy ? Go [home]4649-home and get those things off . ”[255-gerald] “ [We]2115-they sha n’t save [them]2115-they , [father]4673-father , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ There ’s hope yet , [[my]255-gerald boy]4753-my boy . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald ’m afraid not . There ’s no knowing where [they]2115-they are . [You]185-father ca n’t find [them]2115-they . And there ’s a current , as cold as hell . ”[255-gerald] “ [We]2115-they ’ll let the water out , ”[646-the father] said [the father]646-the father . “ Go [home]4649-home [you]185-father and look to [yourself]185-father . See that [he]4753-my boy ’s looked after , [Rupert]169-birkin , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father added in a neutral voice . “ Well [father]4673-father , [I]646-the father ’m sorry . [I]646-the father ’m sorry . [I]646-the father ’m afraid it ’s [my]646-the father fault . But it ca n’t be helped ; [I]646-the father ’ve done what [I]646-the father could for the moment . [I]646-the father could go on diving , of course — not much , though — and not much use — ”[646-the father] [He]646-the father moved away barefoot , on the planks of [the platform]2118-the platform . Then [he]646-the father trod on something sharp . “ Of course , [you]646-the father ’ve got no shoes on , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [His]646-the father shoes are here ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun from below . [She]160-gudrun was making fast [[her]160-gudrun boat]2075-her boat . [Gerald]255-gerald waited for [them]2120-them to be brought to [him]255-gerald . [Gudrun]160-gudrun came with [them]2120-them . [He]646-the father pulled [them]2120-them on [his]646-the father feet . “ If [you]160-gudrun once die , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said , “ then when it ’s over , it ’s finished . Why come to life again ? There ’s room under that water there for [thousands]5695-thousands . ”[646-the father] “ Two is enough , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said murmuring . [He]646-the father dragged on [his]646-the father second shoe . [He]646-the father was shivering violently , and [his]646-the father jaw shook as [he]646-the father spoke . “ That ’s true , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said , “ maybe . But it ’s curious how much room there seems , [a whole universe under there]5696-a whole universe under there ; and as cold as hell , [you]160-gudrun ’re as helpless as if [your]160-gudrun head was cut off . ”[646-the father] [He]646-the father could scarcely speak , [he]646-the father shook so violently . “ There ’s one thing about [[our]2121-i family]5697-our family , [you]160-gudrun know , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father continued . “ Once anything goes wrong , it can never be put right again — not with [us]2121-i . [I]646-the father ’ve noticed it all [my]646-the father life — [you]160-gudrun ca n’t put a thing right , once it has gone wrong . ”[646-the father] [They]2121-i were walking across [the high - road]523-the high - road to [the house]468-the house . “ And do [you]160-gudrun know , when [you]160-gudrun are down there , it is so cold , actually , and so endless , so different really from what it is on top , so endless — [you]160-gudrun wonder how it is so many are alive , why [we]2121-i ’re up here . Are [you]160-gudrun going ? [I]2121-i shall see [you]160-gudrun again , sha n’t [I]2121-i ? Good - night , and thank [you]160-gudrun . Thank [you]160-gudrun very much ! ”[2121-i] [The two girls]473-the two girls waited a while , to see if there were any hope . The moon shone clearly overhead , with almost impertinent brightness , the small dark boats clustered on the water , there were voices and subdued shouts . But it was all to no purpose . [Gudrun]160-gudrun went [home]4649-home when [Birkin]169-birkin returned . [He]2126-he was commissioned to open the sluice that let out the water from [the lake]4830-the lake , which was pierced at one end , near [the high - road]523-the high - road , thus serving as a reservoir to supply with water [the distant mines]2129-the distant mines , in case of necessity . “ Come with [me]2126-he , ”[2126-he] [he]2126-he said to [Ursula]255-gerald , “ and then [I]2126-he will walk [home]4649-home with [you]255-gerald , when [I]2126-he ’ve done this . ”[2126-he] [He]2126-he called at [[the water - keeper]2130-the water - keeper ’s cottage]2131-the water - keeper ’s cottage and took the key of the sluice . [They]473-the two girls went through a little gate from [the high - road]523-the high - road , to [the head of [the water]4852-the water]2133-the head of the water , where was [a great stone basin which received the overflow]2135-a great stone basin which received the overflow , and a flight of stone steps descended into [the depths of the water itself]2136-the depths of the water itself . At the head of [the steps]2137-the steps was the lock of the sluice - gate . The night was silver - grey and perfect , save for the scattered restless sound of voices . The grey sheen of the moonlight caught the stretch of water , [dark boats]2138-dark boats plashed and moved . But [Ursula]255-gerald ’s mind ceased to be receptive , everything was unimportant and unreal . [Birkin]169-birkin fixed the iron handle of the sluice , and turned it with a wrench . The cogs began slowly to rise . [He]2126-he turned and turned , like [a slave]2139-a slave , [his]2126-he white figure became distinct . [Ursula]255-gerald looked away . [She]2140-she could not bear to see [him]2126-he winding heavily and laboriously , bending and rising mechanically like [a slave , turning the handle]2141-a slave , turning the handle . Then , a real shock to [her]2140-she , there came a loud splashing of water from out of [the dark , tree - filled hollow beyond [the road]502-the road]2142-the dark , tree - filled hollow beyond the road , a splashing that deepened rapidly to a harsh roar , and then became a heavy , booming noise of a great body of water falling solidly all the time . It occupied the whole of the night , this great steady booming of water , everything was drowned within it , drowned and lost . [Ursula]255-gerald seemed to have to struggle for [her]2140-she life . [She]2140-she put [her]2140-she hands over [her]2140-she ears , and looked at the high bland moon . “ Ca n’t [we]5699-we go now ? ”[2140-she] [she]2140-she cried to [Birkin]169-birkin , who was watching the water on the steps , to see if it would get any lower . It seemed to fascinate [him]2126-he . [He]2126-he looked at [her]2140-she and nodded . [The little dark boats]2144-the little dark boats had moved nearer , [people]579-people were crowding curiously along the hedge by [the high - road]523-the high - road , to see what was to be seen . [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald went to [the cottage]2147-the cottage with the key , then turned [their]2148-they backs on [the lake]4830-the lake . [She]2140-she was in great haste . [She]2140-she could not bear the terrible crushing boom of the escaping water . “ Do [you]2126-he think [they]2148-they are dead ? ”[2140-she] [she]2140-she cried in a high voice , to make [herself]2140-she heard . “ Yes , ”[2126-he] [he]2126-he replied . “ Is n’t it horrible ! ”[2126-he] [He]2126-he paid no heed . [They]2148-they walked up [the hill]497-the hill , further and further away from the noise . “ Do [you]2126-he mind very much ? ”[2140-she] [she]2140-she asked [him]2126-he . “ [I]2126-he do n’t mind about the dead , ”[2126-he] [he]2126-he said , “ once [they]2148-they are dead . The worst of it is , [they]2148-they cling on to the living , and wo n’t let go . ”[2126-he] [She]2140-she pondered for a time . “ Yes , ”[2140-she] [she]2140-she said . “ The fact of death does n’t really seem to matter much , does it ? ”[2140-she] “ No , ”[2126-he] [he]2126-he said . “ What does it matter if [Diana Crich]285-diana crich is alive or dead ? ”[2126-he] “ Does n’t it ? ”[2140-she] [she]2140-she said , shocked . “ No , why should it ? Better [she]285-diana crich were dead — she’ll be much more real . [She]285-diana crich ’ll be positive in death . In life [she]285-diana crich was [a fretting , negated thing]5700-a fretting , negated thing . ”[2140-she] “ [You]2126-he are rather horrible , ”[255-gerald] murmured [Ursula]255-gerald . “ No ! [I]255-gerald ’d rather [Diana Crich]285-diana crich were dead . [Her]285-diana crich living somehow , was all wrong . As for [the young man]676-the young man , [poor devil]5702-poor devil — [he’ll]676-the young man find [his]676-the young man way out quickly instead of slowly . Death is all right — nothing better . ”[255-gerald] “ Yet [you]2126-he do n’t want to die , ”[2140-she] [she]2140-she challenged [him]2126-he . [He]2126-he was silent for a time . Then [he]2126-he said , in a voice that was frightening to [her]2140-she in its change : “ [I]2126-he should like to be through with it — [I]2126-he should like to be through with the death process . ”[2126-he] “ And are n’t [you]2126-he ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald nervously . [They]2151-they walked on for some way in silence , under the trees . Then [he]2126-he said , slowly , as if afraid : “ There is life which belongs to death , and there is life which is n’t death . [One]4646-one is tired of the life that belongs to death — [our]2151-they kind of life . But whether it is finished , God knows . [I]2126-he want love that is like sleep , like being born again , vulnerable as [a baby that just comes into]5704-a baby that just comes into [the world]541-the world . ”[2126-he] [Ursula]255-gerald listened , half attentive , half avoiding what [he]2126-he said . [She]2140-she seemed to catch the drift of [his]2126-he statement , and then [she]2140-she drew away . [She]2140-she wanted to hear , but [she]2140-she did not want to be implicated . [She]2140-she was reluctant to yield there , where [he]2126-he wanted [her]2140-she , to yield as it were [her]2140-she very identity . “ Why should love be like sleep ? ”[2140-she] [she]2140-she asked sadly . “ [I]2140-she do n’t know . So that it is like death — [I]2140-she do want to die from this life — and yet it is more than life itself . [One]4646-one is delivered over like [a naked infant from the womb]5707-a naked infant from the womb , all the old defences and [the old body]5708-the old body gone , and new air around one , that has never been breathed before . ”[2140-she] [She]2140-she listened , making out what [he]2126-he said . [She]2140-she knew , as well as [he]2126-he knew , that words themselves do not convey meaning , that they are but a gesture [we]2152-we make , a dumb show like any other . And [she]2140-she seemed to feel [his]2126-he gesture through [her]2140-she blood , and [she]2140-she drew back , even though [her]2140-she desire sent [her]2140-she forward . “ But , ”[2140-she] [she]2140-she said gravely , “ did n’t [you]2126-he say [you]2126-he wanted something that was not love — something beyond love ? ”[2140-she] [He]2126-he turned in confusion . There was always confusion in speech . Yet it must be spoken . Whichever way [one]4646-one moved , if [one]4646-one were to move forwards , [one]4646-one must break a way through . And to know , to give utterance , was to break a way through the walls of [the prison]2156-the prison as [the infant in labour]2157-the infant in labour strives through the walls of [the womb]2158-the womb . There is no new movement now , without the breaking through of the old body , deliberately , in knowledge , in the struggle to get out . “ [I]2126-he do n’t want love , ”[2126-he] [he]2126-he said . “ [I]2126-he do n’t want to know [you]2140-she . [I]2126-he want to be gone out of [myself]2126-he , and [you]2140-she to be lost to [yourself]2140-she , so [we]5709-we are found different . [One]4646-one should n’t talk when [one]4646-one is tired and wretched . One Hamletises , and it seems a lie . Only believe [me]2126-he when [I]2126-he show [you]2140-she a bit of healthy pride and insouciance . [I]2126-he hate [myself]2126-he serious . ”[2126-he] “ Why should n’t [you]2126-he be serious ? ”[2159-she] [she]2159-she said . [He]2126-he thought for a minute , then [he]2126-he said , sulkily : “ [I]2126-he do n’t know . ”[2126-he] Then [they]2160-we walked on in silence , at outs . [He]2126-he was vague and lost . “ Is n’t it strange , ”[2159-she] [she]2159-she said , suddenly putting [her]2159-she hand on [his]2126-he arm , with a loving impulse , “ how [we]2160-we always talk like this ! [I]2159-she suppose [we]2160-we do love [each other]451-each other , in some way . ”[2159-she] “ Oh yes , ”[2126-he] [he]2126-he said ; “ too much . ”[2126-he] [She]2159-she laughed almost gaily . “ [You]2126-he ’d have to have it [your]2126-he own way , would n’t [you]2126-he ? ”[2159-she] [she]2159-she teased . “ [You]2126-he could never take it on trust . ”[2159-she] [He]2126-he changed , laughed softly , and turned and took [her]2159-she in [his]2126-he arms , in the middle of [the road]502-the road . “ Yes , ”[2126-he] [he]2126-he said softly . And [he]2126-he kissed [her]2159-she face and brow , slowly , gently , with a sort of delicate happiness which surprised [her]2159-she extremely , and to which [she]2159-she could not respond . [They]2162-they were soft , blind kisses , perfect in their stillness . Yet [she]2159-she held back from [them]2162-they . It was like strange moths , very soft and silent , settling on [her]2159-she from the darkness of [her]2159-she soul . [She]2159-she was uneasy . [She]2159-she drew away . “ Is n’t [somebody]4745-somebody coming ? ”[2159-she] [she]2159-she said . So [they]2163-they looked down [the dark road]2164-the dark road , then set off again walking towards [Beldover]1-beldover . Then suddenly , to show [him]2126-he [she]2159-she was [no shallow prude]2165-no shallow prude , [she]2159-she stopped and held [him]2126-he tight , hard against [her]2159-she , and covered [his]2126-he face with hard , fierce kisses of passion . In spite of [his]2126-he otherness , the old blood beat up in [him]2126-he . “ Not this , not this , ”[2126-he] [he]2126-he whimpered to [himself]2126-he , as the first perfect mood of softness and sleep - loveliness ebbed back away from the rushing of passion that came up to [his]2126-he limbs and over [his]2126-he face as [she]2159-she drew [him]2126-he . And soon [he]2126-he was a perfect hard flame of passionate desire for [her]2159-she . Yet in the small core of the flame was an unyielding anguish of another thing . But this also was lost ; [he]2126-he only wanted [her]2159-she , with an extreme desire that seemed inevitable as death , beyond question . Then , satisfied and shattered , fulfilled and destroyed , [he]2126-he went home away from [her]2159-she , drifting vaguely through the darkness , lapsed into the old fire of burning passion . Far away , far away , there seemed to be a small lament in the darkness . But what did it matter ? What did it matter , what did anything matter save this ultimate and triumphant experience of physical passion , that had blazed up anew like a new spell of life . “ [I]2126-he was becoming quite dead - alive , nothing but a word - bag , ”[2126-he] [he]2126-he said in triumph , scorning [[his]2126-he other self]2166-his other self . Yet somewhere far off and small , the other hovered . [The men]727-the men were still dragging [the lake]4830-the lake when [he]2126-he got back . [He]2126-he stood on [the bank]1564-the bank and heard [Gerald]255-gerald ’s voice . The water was still booming in the night , the moon was fair , [the hills beyond]2170-the hills beyond were elusive . [The lake]4830-the lake was sinking . There came the raw smell of [the banks]1342-the banks , in the night air . Up at Shortlands there were lights in the windows , as if [nobody]912-nobody had gone to bed . On the landing - stage was [the old doctor]2174-the old doctor , [the father of [the young man who was lost]2176-the young man who was lost]2175-the father of the young man who was lost . [He]2174-the old doctor stood quite silent , waiting . [Birkin]169-birkin also stood and watched , [Gerald]255-gerald came up in [a boat]4839-a boat . “ [You]2126-he still here , [Rupert]169-birkin ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [We]727-the men ca n’t get [them]5714-them . The bottom slopes , [you]169-birkin know , very steep . [The water]4852-the water lies between [two very sharp slopes]5716-two very sharp slopes , with [little branch valleys]5717-little branch valleys , and [God]167-god knows where the drift will take [you]169-birkin . [It]4852-the water is n’t as if it was [a level bottom]5718-a level bottom . [You]169-birkin never know where [you]169-birkin are , with the dragging . ”[255-gerald] “ Is there any need for [you]169-birkin to be working ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Would n’t it be much better if [you]169-birkin went to bed ? ”[169-birkin] “ To bed ! [Good God]167-god , do [you]169-birkin think [I]255-gerald should sleep ? [We]5719-we ’ll find [’em]5720-’em , before [I]255-gerald go away from [here]4650-here . ”[255-gerald] “ But [the men]727-the men would find [them]5720-’em just the same without [you]169-birkin — why should [you]169-birkin insist ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald looked up at [him]255-gerald . Then [he]255-gerald put [his]255-gerald hand affectionately on [Birkin]169-birkin ’s shoulder , saying : “ Do n’t [you]169-birkin bother about [me]255-gerald , [Rupert]169-birkin . If there ’s [anybody]744-anybody ’s health to think about , it ’s [yours]169-birkin , not [mine]255-gerald . How do [you]169-birkin feel [yourself]169-birkin ? ”[255-gerald] “ Very well . But [you]169-birkin , [you]169-birkin spoil [your]169-birkin own chance of life — [you]169-birkin waste [your]169-birkin best self . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald was silent for a moment . Then [he]255-gerald said : “ Waste it ? What else is there to do with it ? ”[255-gerald] “ But leave this , wo n’t [you]169-birkin ? [You]169-birkin force [yourself]169-birkin into horrors , and put a mill - stone of beastly memories round [your]169-birkin neck . Come away now . ”[255-gerald] “ A mill - stone of beastly memories ! ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald repeated . Then [he]255-gerald put [his]255-gerald hand again affectionately on [Birkin]169-birkin ’s shoulder . “ [God]167-god , [you]169-birkin ’ve got such a telling way of putting things , [Rupert]169-birkin , [you]169-birkin have . ”[255-gerald] [Birkin]169-birkin ’s heart sank . [He]2178-he was irritated and weary of having a telling way of putting things . “ Wo n’t [you]169-birkin leave it ? Come over to [[my]2178-he place”—he]5724-my place”—he[2178-he] urged as one urges [a drunken man]2179-a drunken man . “ No , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald coaxingly , [his]255-gerald arm across [the other man]832-the other man ’s shoulder . “ Thanks very much , [Rupert]169-birkin — [I]255-gerald shall be glad to come tomorrow , if that ’ll do . [You]169-birkin understand , do n’t [you]169-birkin ? [I]255-gerald want to see this job through . But [I]255-gerald ’ll come tomorrow , right enough . Oh , [I]255-gerald ’d rather come and have a chat with [you]169-birkin than — than do anything else , [I]255-gerald verily believe . Yes , [I]255-gerald would . [You]169-birkin mean a lot to [me]255-gerald , [Rupert]169-birkin , more than [you]169-birkin know . ”[255-gerald] “ What do [I]169-birkin mean , more than [I]169-birkin know ? ”[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]169-birkin irritably . [He]2181-he was acutely aware of [Gerald]255-gerald ’s hand on [his]2181-he shoulder . And [he]2181-he did not want this altercation . [He]2181-he wanted [the other man]832-the other man to come out of the ugly misery . “ [I]255-gerald ’ll tell [you]169-birkin another time , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald coaxingly . “ Come along with [me]169-birkin now — [I]169-birkin want [you]169-birkin to come , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . There was a pause , intense and real . [Birkin]169-birkin wondered why [his]2181-he own heart beat so heavily . Then [Gerald]255-gerald ’s fingers gripped hard and communicative into [Birkin]169-birkin ’s shoulder , as [he]255-gerald said : “ No , [I]255-gerald ’ll see this job through , [Rupert]169-birkin . Thank [you]169-birkin — [I]255-gerald know what [you]169-birkin mean . [We]5725-we ’re all right , [you]169-birkin know , [you]169-birkin and [me]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]169-birkin may be all right , but [I]169-birkin ’m sure [you]169-birkin ’re not , mucking about here , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . And [he]255-gerald went away . The bodies of the dead were not recovered till towards dawn . [Diana]285-diana crich had [her]285-diana crich arms tight round the neck of [the young man]676-the young man , choking [him]676-the young man . “ [She]285-diana crich killed [him]676-the young man , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . The moon sloped down the sky and sank at last . [The lake]4830-the lake was sunk to quarter size , [it]4830-the lake had horrible raw banks of clay , that smelled of raw rottenish water . Dawn roused faintly behind [the eastern hill]2185-the eastern hill . The water still boomed through the sluice . As the birds were whistling for the first morning , and [the hills at the back of [the desolate lake]2187-the desolate lake]2186-the hills at the back of the desolate lake stood radiant with the new mists , there was a straggling procession up to [Shortlands]7-shortlands , [men bearing the bodies on a stretcher]2188-men bearing the bodies on a stretcher , [Gerald]255-gerald going beside [them]2188-men bearing the bodies on a stretcher , [the two grey - bearded fathers]2189-the two grey - bearded fathers following in silence . [Indoors]286-indoors [the family]722-the family was all sitting up , waiting . [Somebody]4745-somebody must go to tell [the mother]565-the mother , in [[her]565-the mother room]5117-her room . [The doctor in secret]2194-the doctor in secret struggled to bring back [[his]2194-the doctor in secret son]2195-his son , till [he]2194-the doctor in secret [himself]2194-the doctor in secret was exhausted . Over all [the outlying district]2196-the outlying district was a hush of dreadful excitement on that Sunday morning . [The colliery people]2197-the colliery people felt as if this catastrophe had happened directly to [themselves]2197-the colliery people , indeed [they]2197-the colliery people were more shocked and frightened than if [[their]2197-the colliery people own men]2198-their own men had been killed . Such a tragedy in [Shortlands]7-shortlands , [the high home of [the district]529-the district]2199-the high home of the district ! [One of [the young mistresses]2202-the young mistresses , persisting in dancing on [the cabin roof of [the launch]1999-the launch]2203-the cabin roof of the launch]2201-one of the young mistresses , persisting in dancing on the cabin roof of the launch , [wilful young madam]2205-wilful young madam , drowned in the midst of the festival , with [the young doctor]2206-the young doctor ! Everywhere on the Sunday morning , [the colliers]4675-the colliers wandered about , discussing the calamity . At all the Sunday dinners of [the people]4677-the people , there seemed a strange presence . It was as if [the angel of death]2209-the angel of death were very near , there was a sense of the supernatural in the air . [The men]727-the men had excited , startled faces , [the women]537-the women looked solemn , some of [them]537-the women had been crying . [The children]4705-the children enjoyed the excitement at first . There was an intensity in the air , almost magical . Did all enjoy it ? Did [all]1541-all enjoy the thrill ? [Gudrun]160-gudrun had wild ideas of rushing to comfort [Gerald]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun was thinking all the time of the perfect comforting , reassuring thing to say to [him]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun was shocked and frightened , but [she]160-gudrun put that away , thinking of how [she]160-gudrun should deport [herself]160-gudrun with [Gerald]255-gerald : act [her]160-gudrun part . That was the real thrill : how [she]160-gudrun should act [her]160-gudrun part . [Ursula]255-gerald was deeply and passionately in love with [Birkin]169-birkin , and [she]160-gudrun was capable of nothing . [She]160-gudrun was perfectly callous about all the talk of the accident , but [her]160-gudrun estranged air looked like trouble . [She]160-gudrun merely sat by [herself]160-gudrun , whenever [she]160-gudrun could , and longed to see [him]255-gerald again . [She]160-gudrun wanted [him]255-gerald to come to [the house,—she]2214-the house,—she would not have it otherwise , [he]255-gerald must come at once . [She]160-gudrun was waiting for [him]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun stayed [indoors]1712-indoors all day , waiting for [him]255-gerald to knock at the door . Every minute , [she]160-gudrun glanced automatically at the window . [He]255-gerald would be [there]629-there . As the day wore on , the life - blood seemed to ebb away from [Ursula]255-gerald , and within the emptiness a heavy despair gathered . [Her]160-gudrun passion seemed to bleed to death , and there was nothing . [She]160-gudrun sat suspended in a state of complete nullity , harder to bear than death . “ Unless something happens , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said to [herself]160-gudrun , in the perfect lucidity of final suffering , “ [I]160-gudrun shall die . [I]160-gudrun am at the end of [my]160-gudrun line of life . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun sat crushed and obliterated in a darkness that was the border of death . [She]160-gudrun realised how all [her]160-gudrun life [she]160-gudrun had been drawing nearer and nearer to [this brink]2217-this brink , where there was no beyond , from which one had to leap like [Sappho]287-sappho into the unknown . The knowledge of the imminence of death was like a drug . [Darkly]288-darkly , without thinking at all , [she]160-gudrun knew that [she]160-gudrun was near to death . [She]160-gudrun had travelled all [her]160-gudrun life along the line of fulfilment , and it was nearly concluded . [She]160-gudrun knew all [she]160-gudrun had to know , [she]160-gudrun had experienced all [she]160-gudrun had to experience , [she]160-gudrun was fulfilled in a kind of bitter ripeness , there remained only to fall from the tree into death . And [one]4646-one must fulfil [one]4646-one ’s development to the end , must carry the adventure to its conclusion . And the next step was over the border into death . So it was then ! There was a certain peace in the knowledge . After all , when [one]4646-one was fulfilled , [one]4646-one was happiest in falling into death , as a bitter fruit plunges in its ripeness downwards . Death is a great consummation , a consummating experience . It is a development from life . That [we]2222-we know , while [we]2222-we are yet living . What then need [we]2222-we think for further ? [One]4646-one can never see beyond the consummation . It is enough that death is a great and conclusive experience . Why should [we]2222-we ask what comes after the experience , when the experience is still unknown to [us]2222-we ? Let [us]2222-we die , since the great experience is the one that follows now upon all the rest , death , which is the next great crisis in front of which [we]2222-we have arrived . If [we]2222-we wait , if [we]2222-we baulk the issue , [we]2222-we do but hang about the gates in undignified uneasiness . There it is , in front of [us]2222-we , as in front of [Sappho]287-sappho , [the illimitable space]2223-the illimitable space . Thereinto goes the journey . Have [we]2222-we not the courage to go on with [our]2222-we journey , must [we]2222-we cry ‘ [I]0-i dare n’t ’ ? On ahead [we]2222-we will go , into death , and whatever death may mean . If [a man]4648-a man can see the next step to be taken , why should [he]4648-a man fear [the next but one]2225-the next but one ? Why ask about [the next but one]2225-the next but one ? Of the next step [we]2222-we are certain . It is the step into death . “ [I]255-gerald shall die — [I]255-gerald shall quickly die , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald to [herself]255-gerald , clear as if in a trance , clear , calm , and certain beyond human certainty . But somewhere behind , in the twilight , there was a bitter weeping and a hopelessness . That must not be attended to . [One]4646-one must go where the unfaltering spirit goes , there must be no baulking the issue , because of fear . No baulking the issue , no listening to the lesser voices . If the deepest desire be now , to go on into the unknown of death , shall one forfeit the deepest truth for one more shallow ? “ Then let it end , ”[2228-she] [she]2228-she said to [herself]2228-she . It was a decision . It was not a question of taking [one]4646-one ’s life — [she]4646-one would never kill [herself]4646-one , that was repulsive and violent . It was a question of knowing the nextcstep . And the next step led into the space of death . Did it?—or was there — ? [Her]2228-she thoughts drifted into unconsciousness , [she]2228-she sat as if asleep beside the fire . And then the thought came back . The space of death ! Could [she]2228-she give [herself]2228-she to it ? Ah yes — it was a sleep . [She]2228-she had had enough . So long [she]2228-she had held out ; and resisted . Now was the time to relinquish , not to resist any more . In a kind of spiritual trance , [she]2228-she yielded , [she]2228-she gave way , and all was dark . [She]2228-she could feel , within the darkness , the terrible assertion of [her]2228-she body , the unutterable anguish of dissolution , the only anguish that is too much , the far - off , awful nausea of dissolution set in within the body . “ Does the body correspond so immediately with the spirit ? ”[2228-she] [she]2228-she asked [herself]2228-she . And [she]2228-she knew , with the clarity of ultimate knowledge , that the body is only one of the manifestations of the spirit , the transmutation of the integral spirit is the transmutation of the physical body as well . Unless [I]0-i set [my]0-i will , unless [I]0-i absolve [myself]0-i from the rhythm of life , fix [myself]0-i and remain static , cut off from living , absolved within [my]0-i own will . But better die than live mechanically a life that is a repetition of repetitions . To die is to move on with the invisible . To die is also a joy , a joy of submitting to that which is greater than the known , namely , the pure unknown . That is a joy . But to live mechanised and cut off within the motion of the will , to live as [an entity absolved from the unknown]2230-an entity absolved from the unknown , that is shameful and ignominious . There is no ignominy in death . There is complete ignominy in an unreplenished , mechanised life . Life indeed may be ignominious , shameful to the soul . But death is never a shame . Death itself , like the illimitable space , is beyond [our]2231-our sullying . Tomorrow was Monday . Monday , the beginning of another school - week ! Another shameful , barren school - week , mere routine and mechanical activity . Was not the adventure of death infinitely preferable ? Was not death infinitely more lovely and noble than such a life ? A life of barren routine , without inner meaning , without any real significance . How sordid life was , how it was a terrible shame to the soul , to live now ! How much cleaner and more dignified to be dead ! One could not bear any more of this shame of sordid routine and mechanical nullity . One might come to fruit in death . [She]2228-she had had enough . For where was life to be found ? No flowers grow upon [busy machinery]2232-busy machinery , there is no sky to a routine , there is no space to a rotary motion . And all life was a rotary motion , mechanised , cut off from reality . There was nothing to look for from life — it was the same in [all countries]2233-all countries and [all peoples]2234-all peoples . The only window was death . [One]4646-one could look out on to [the great dark sky of death]2236-the great dark sky of death with elation , as [one]4646-one had looked out of the classroom window as [a child]733-a child , and seen perfect freedom in the outside . Now [one]4646-one was not [a child]733-a child , and [one]4646-one knew that the soul was a prisoner within this sordid vast edifice of life , and there was no escape , save in death . But what a joy ! What a gladness to think that whatever [humanity]987-humanity did , it could not seize hold of the kingdom of death , to nullify that . [The sea]2243-the sea [they]2244-they turned into [a murderous alley]2245-a murderous alley and [a soiled road of commerce]2246-a soiled road of commerce , disputed like [the dirty land of [a city]2248-a city every inch of [it]2243-the sea]2247-the dirty land of a city every inch of it . The air [they]2244-they claimed too , shared it up , parcelled it out to [certain owners]2249-certain owners , [they]2244-they trespassed in the air to fight for it . Everything was gone , walled in , with spikes on top of the walls , and [one]4646-one must ignominiously creep between the spiky walls through a labyrinth of life . But [the great , dark , illimitable kingdom of death]2251-the great , dark , illimitable kingdom of death , there [humanity]987-humanity was put to scorn . So much [they]987-humanity could do upon [earth]571-earth , [the multifarious little gods that [they]987-humanity were]2254-the multifarious little gods that they were . But [the kingdom of death]2255-the kingdom of death put [them]987-humanity all to scorn , [they]987-humanity dwindled into [their]987-humanity true vulgar silliness in face of it . How beautiful , how grand and perfect death was , how good to look forward to . There one would wash off all the lies and ignominy and dirt that had been put upon one here , a perfect bath of cleanness and glad refreshment , and go unknown , unquestioned , unabased . After all , [one]4646-one was rich , if only in the promise of perfect death . It was a gladness above all , that this remained to look forward to , the pure inhuman otherness of death . Whatever life might be , it could not take away death , the inhuman transcendent death . Oh , let [us]2257-we ask no question of it , what it is or is not . To know is human , and in death [we]2257-we do not know , [we]2257-we are not human . And the joy of this compensates for all the bitterness of knowledge and the sordidness of [our]2257-we humanity . In death [we]2257-we shall not be human , and [we]2257-we shall not know . The promise of this is [our]2257-we heritage , [we]2257-we look forward like [heirs]2258-heirs to [[their]987-humanity majority]2259-their majority . [Ursula]255-gerald sat quite still and quite forgotten , alone by the fire in [the drawing - room]5183-the drawing - room . [The children]4705-the children were playing in [the kitchen]1588-the kitchen , [all the others]5306-all the others were gone to [church]1240-church . And [she]2265-she was gone into the ultimate darkness of [her]2265-she own soul . [She]2265-she was startled by hearing the bell ring , away in [the kitchen]1588-the kitchen , [the children]4705-the children came scudding along [the passage]5006-the passage in delicious alarm . “ [Ursula]255-gerald , there ’s [somebody]4745-somebody . ”[4705-the children] “ [I]2265-she know . Do n’t be silly , ”[2265-she] [she]2265-she replied . [She]2265-she too was startled , almost frightened . [She]2265-she dared hardly go to the door . [Birkin]169-birkin stood on the threshold , [his]2269-he rain - coat turned up to [his]2269-he ears . [He]2269-he had come now , now [she]2265-she was gone far away . [She]2265-she was aware of the rainy night behind [him]2269-he . “ Oh is it [you]2269-he ? ”[2265-she] [she]2265-she said . “ [I]2269-he am glad [you]2265-she are at [home]4649-home , ”[2269-he] [he]2269-he said in a low voice , entering [the house]468-the house . “ [They]4705-the children are all gone to [church]1240-church . ”[2269-he] [He]2269-he took off [his]2269-he coat and hung it up . [The children]4705-the children were peeping at [him]2269-he round the corner . “ Go and get undressed now , [Billy]289-brangwen and [Dora]290-dora , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [Mother]187-mother will be back soon , and [she]187-mother ’ll be disappointed if [you]2269-he ’re not in bed . ”[4705-the children] [The children]4705-the children , in a sudden angelic mood , retired without a word . [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald went into [the drawing - room]5183-the drawing - room . The fire burned low . [He]2269-he looked at [her]2274-her and wondered at the luminous delicacy of [her]2274-her beauty , and the wide shining of [her]2274-her eyes . [He]2269-he watched from a distance , with wonder in [his]2269-he heart , [she]2274-her seemed transfigured with light . “ What have [you]2274-her been doing all day ? ”[2269-he] [he]2269-he asked [her]2274-her . “ Only sitting about , ”[2274-her] [she]2274-her said . [He]2269-he looked at [her]2274-her . There was a change in [her]2274-her . But [she]2274-her was separate from [him]2269-he . [She]2274-her remained apart , in a kind of brightness . [They]2275-they both sat silent in the soft light of the lamp . [He]2269-he felt [he]2269-he ought to go away again , [he]2269-he ought not to have come . Still [he]2269-he did not gather enough resolution to move . But [he]2269-he was de trop , [her]2274-her mood was absent and separate . Then there came the voices of [the two children]2276-the two children calling shyly outside the door , softly , with self - excited timidity : “ [Ursula]255-gerald ! [Ursula]255-gerald ! ”[2276-the two children] [She]2274-her rose and opened the door . On the threshold stood [the two children]2276-the two children in [their]2276-the two children long nightgowns , with wide - eyed , angelic faces . [They]2276-the two children were being very good for the moment , playing the rôle perfectly of [two obedient children]2278-two obedient children . “ Shall [you]2274-her take [us]2276-the two children to bed ! ”[289-brangwen] said [Billy]289-brangwen , in a loud whisper . “ Why [you]2269-he are [angels]5729-angels tonight , ”[2274-her] [she]2274-her said softly . “ Wo n’t [you]2269-he come and say good - night to [Mr Birkin]169-birkin ? ”[2274-her] [The children]4705-the children merged shyly into [the room]739-the room , on bare feet . [Billy]289-brangwen ’s face was wide and grinning , but there was a great solemnity of being good in [his]289-brangwen round blue eyes . [Dora]290-dora , peeping from the floss of [her]290-dora fair hair , hung back like some tiny Dryad , that has no soul . “ Will [you]2269-he say good - night to [me]169-birkin ? ”[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]169-birkin , in a voice that was strangely soft and smooth . [Dora]290-dora drifted away at once , like a leaf lifted on a breath of wind . But [Billy]289-brangwen went softly forward , slow and willing , lifting [his]289-brangwen pinched - up mouth implicitly to be kissed . [Ursula]255-gerald watched the full , gathered lips of [the man]4658-the man gently touch those of [the boy]2282-the boy , so gently . Then [Birkin]169-birkin lifted [his]4658-the man fingers and touched [the boy]2282-the boy ’s round , confiding cheek , with a faint touch of love . [Neither]2284-neither spoke . [Billy]289-brangwen seemed angelic like [a cherub boy]2285-a cherub boy , or like [an acolyte]2286-an acolyte , [Birkin]169-birkin was [a tall , grave angel]2287-a tall , grave angel looking down to [him]289-brangwen . “ Are [you]289-brangwen going to be kissed ? ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald broke in , speaking to [the little girl]2288-the little girl . But [Dora]290-dora edged away like [a tiny Dryad that will not be touched]2289-a tiny dryad that will not be touched . “ Wo n’t [you]289-brangwen say good - night to [Mr Birkin]169-birkin ? Go , [he]289-brangwen ’s waiting for [you]289-brangwen , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . But [the girl - child]2290-the girl - child only made a little motion away from [him]289-brangwen . “ [Silly Dora]290-dora , [silly Dora]290-dora ! ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin felt some mistrust and antagonism in [the small child]2291-the small child . [He]289-brangwen could not understand it . “ Come then , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Let [us]5730-us go before [mother]4695-mother comes . ”[255-gerald] “ Who ’ll hear [us]5730-us say [our]5730-us prayers ? ”[289-brangwen] asked [Billy]289-brangwen anxiously . “ Whom [you]255-gerald like . ”[289-brangwen] “ Wo n’t [you]289-brangwen ? ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , [I]255-gerald will . ”[255-gerald] “ [Ursula]255-gerald ? ”[289-brangwen] “ Well [Billy]289-brangwen ? ”[255-gerald] “ Is it whom [you]289-brangwen like ? ”[255-gerald] “ That ’s it . ”[289-brangwen] “ Well what is whom ? ”[255-gerald] “ It ’s the accusative of who . ”[255-gerald] There was a moment ’s contemplative silence , then the confiding : “ Is it ? ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin smiled to [himself]169-birkin as [he]289-brangwen sat by the fire . When [Ursula]255-gerald came down [he]289-brangwen sat motionless , with [his]289-brangwen arms on [his]289-brangwen knees . [She]2292-you saw [him]289-brangwen , how [he]289-brangwen was motionless and ageless , like [some crouching idol , some image of a deathly religion]2293-some crouching idol , some image of a deathly religion . [He]289-brangwen looked round at [her]2292-you , and [his]289-brangwen face , very pale and unreal , seemed to gleam with a whiteness almost phosphorescent . “ Do n’t [you]289-brangwen feel well ? ”[2292-you] [she]2292-you asked , in indefinable repulsion . “ [I]2292-you had n’t thought about it . ”[2292-you] “ But do n’t [you]2292-you know without thinking about it ? ”[289-brangwen] [He]289-brangwen looked at [her]2292-you , [his]289-brangwen eyes dark and swift , and [he]289-brangwen saw [her]2292-you revulsion . [He]289-brangwen did not answer [her]2292-you question . “ Do n’t [you]289-brangwen know whether [you]289-brangwen are unwell or not , without thinking about it ? ”[2292-you] [she]2292-you persisted . “ Not always , ”[289-brangwen] [he]289-brangwen said coldly . “ But do n’t [you]2292-you think that ’s very wicked ? ”[289-brangwen] “ Wicked ? ”[289-brangwen] “ Yes . [I]289-brangwen think it ’s criminal to have so little connection with [your]289-brangwen own body that [you]289-brangwen do n’t even know when [you]289-brangwen are ill . ”[289-brangwen] [He]289-brangwen looked at [her]2292-you darkly . “ Yes , ”[289-brangwen] [he]289-brangwen said . “ Why do n’t [you]2292-you stay in bed when [you]2292-you are seedy ? [You]2292-you look perfectly ghastly . ”[289-brangwen] “ Offensively so ? ”[289-brangwen] [he]289-brangwen asked ironically . “ Yes , quite offensive . Quite repelling . ”[289-brangwen] “ Ah ! ! Well that ’s unfortunate . ”[289-brangwen] “ And it ’s raining , and it ’s a horrible night . Really , [you]2292-you should n’t be forgiven for treating [your]2292-you body like it — [you]2292-you ought to suffer , [a man who takes as little notice of [his]5732-a man who takes as little notice of his body as that body as that]5732-a man who takes as little notice of his body as that . ”[289-brangwen] “ — takes as little notice of [his]5732-a man who takes as little notice of his body as that body as that , ”[289-brangwen] [he]289-brangwen echoed mechanically . This cut [her]2292-you short , and there was silence . [The others]809-the others came in from [church]1240-church , and [the two]2296-the two had [the girls]4851-the girls to face , then [the mother]565-the mother and [Gudrun]160-gudrun , and then [the father]646-the father and [the boy]2282-the boy . “ Good - evening , ”[160-gudrun] said [Brangwen]160-gudrun , faintly surprised . “ Came to see [me]160-gudrun , did [you]289-brangwen ? ”[160-gudrun] “ No , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ not about anything , in particular , that is . The day was dismal , and [I]169-birkin thought [you]289-brangwen would n’t mind if [I]169-birkin called in . ”[169-birkin] “ It has been a depressing day , ”[273-mrs brangwen] said [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen sympathetically . At that moment the voices of [the children]4705-the children were heard calling from [upstairs]467-upstairs : “ [Mother]4695-mother ! [Mother]4695-mother ! ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun lifted [her]160-gudrun face and answered mildly into the distance : “ [I]160-gudrun shall come up to [you]169-birkin in a minute , [Doysie]291-doysie . ”[160-gudrun] Then to [Birkin]169-birkin : “ There is nothing fresh at [Shortlands]7-shortlands , [I]160-gudrun suppose ? Ah , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun sighed , “ no , poor things , [I]160-gudrun should think not . ”[160-gudrun] “ [You]646-the father ’ve been over [there]629-there today , [I]646-the father suppose ? ”[646-the father] asked [the father]646-the father . “ [Gerald]255-gerald came round to tea with [me]160-gudrun , and [I]160-gudrun walked back with [him]255-gerald . [The house]468-the house is overexcited and unwholesome , [I]160-gudrun thought . ”[160-gudrun] “ [I]160-gudrun should think [they]5737-they were people who had n’t much restraint , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Or too much , ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin answered . “ Oh yes , [I]160-gudrun ’m sure , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , almost vindictively , “ one or the other . ”[160-gudrun] “ [They]5737-they all feel [they]5737-they ought to behave in some unnatural fashion , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ When [people]579-people are in grief , [they]579-people would do better to cover [their]579-people faces and keep in retirement , as in the old days . ”[169-birkin] “ Certainly ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , flushed and inflammable . “ What can be worse than this public grief — what is more horrible , more false ! If grief is not private , and hidden , what is ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Exactly , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said . “ [I]646-the father felt ashamed when [I]646-the father was there and [they]5737-they were all going about in a lugubrious false way , feeling [they]5737-they must not be natural or ordinary . ”[646-the father] “ Well — ”[273-mrs brangwen] said [Mrs Brangwen]273-mrs brangwen , offended at this criticism , “ it is n’t so easy to bear a trouble like that . ”[273-mrs brangwen] And [she]273-mrs brangwen went [upstairs]467-upstairs to [the children]4705-the children . [He]646-the father remained only a few minutes longer , then took [his]646-the father leave . When [he]646-the father was gone [Ursula]255-gerald felt such a poignant hatred of [him]646-the father , that all [her]273-mrs brangwen brain seemed turned into a sharp crystal of fine hatred . [Her]273-mrs brangwen whole nature seemed sharpened and intensified into a pure dart of hate . [She]273-mrs brangwen could not imagine what it was . It merely took hold of [her]273-mrs brangwen , the most poignant and ultimate hatred , pure and clear and beyond thought . [She]273-mrs brangwen could not think of it at all , [she]273-mrs brangwen was translated beyond [herself]273-mrs brangwen . It was like a possession . [She]273-mrs brangwen felt [she]273-mrs brangwen was possessed . And for several days [she]273-mrs brangwen went about possessed by this exquisite force of hatred against [him]646-the father . It surpassed anything [she]273-mrs brangwen had ever known before , it seemed to throw [her]273-mrs brangwen out of [the world]541-the world into [some terrible region where nothing of [her]273-mrs brangwen old life]2307-some terrible region where nothing of her old life held good . [She]273-mrs brangwen was quite lost and dazed , really dead to [her]273-mrs brangwen own life . It was so completely incomprehensible and irrational . [She]273-mrs brangwen did not know why [she]273-mrs brangwen hated [him]646-the father , [her]273-mrs brangwen hate was quite abstract . [She]273-mrs brangwen had only realised with a shock that stunned [her]273-mrs brangwen , that [she]273-mrs brangwen was overcome by this pure transportation . [He]646-the father was [the enemy]2308-the enemy , fine as a diamond , and as hard and jewel - like , the quintessence of all that was inimical . [She]273-mrs brangwen thought of [his]646-the father face , white and purely wrought , and of [his]646-the father eyes that had such a dark , constant will of assertion , and [she]273-mrs brangwen touched [her]273-mrs brangwen own forehead , to feel if [she]273-mrs brangwen were mad , [she]273-mrs brangwen was so transfigured in white flame of essential hate . It was not temporal , [her]273-mrs brangwen hatred , [she]273-mrs brangwen did not hate [him]646-the father for this or for that ; [she]273-mrs brangwen did not want to do anything to [him]646-the father , to have any connection with [him]646-the father . [Her]273-mrs brangwen relation was ultimate and utterly beyond words , the hate was so pure and gemlike . It was as if [he]646-the father were a beam of essential enmity , a beam of light that did not only destroy [her]273-mrs brangwen , but denied [her]273-mrs brangwen altogether , revoked [[her]273-mrs brangwen whole world]2309-her whole world . [She]273-mrs brangwen saw [him]646-the father as a clear stroke of uttermost contradiction , a strange gem - like being whose existence defined [her]273-mrs brangwen own non - existence . When [she]273-mrs brangwen heard [he]646-the father was ill again , [her]273-mrs brangwen hatred only intensified itself a few degrees , if that were possible . It stunned [her]273-mrs brangwen and annihilated [her]273-mrs brangwen , but [she]273-mrs brangwen could not escape it . [She]273-mrs brangwen could not escape this transfiguration of hatred that had come upon [her]273-mrs brangwen . [He]646-the father lay sick and unmoved , in pure opposition to everything . [He]646-the father knew how near to breaking was the vessel that held [his]646-the father life . [He]646-the father knew also how strong and durable it was . And [he]646-the father did not care . Better a thousand times take [one]4646-one ’s chance with death , than accept a life [one]4646-one did not want . But best of all to persist and persist and persist for ever , till [one were satisfied in life]2312-one were satisfied in life . [He]646-the father knew that [Ursula]255-gerald was referred back to [him]646-the father . [He]646-the father knew [his]646-the father life rested with [her]273-mrs brangwen . But [he]646-the father would rather not live than accept the love [she]273-mrs brangwen proffered . The old way of love seemed a dreadful bondage , a sort of conscription . What it was in [him]646-the father [he]646-the father did not know , but the thought of love , marriage , and [children]4659-children , and a life lived together , in the horrible privacy of domestic and connubial satisfaction , was repulsive . [He]646-the father wanted something clearer , more open , cooler , as it were . The hot narrow intimacy between [man]1089-man and [wife]2315-wife was abhorrent . The way [they]2316-their shut [their]2316-their doors , [these married people]2317-these married people , and shut [themselves]2316-their in to [their]2316-their own exclusive alliance with [each other]451-each other , even in love , disgusted [him]646-the father . It was a whole community of [mistrustful couples]2319-mistrustful couples insulated in [private houses]2320-private houses or [private rooms]2321-private rooms , always in [couples]2322-couples , and no further life , no further immediate , no disinterested relationship admitted : a kaleidoscope of [couples]2322-couples , [disjoined , separatist , meaningless entities of [married couples]2325-married couples]2324-disjoined , separatist , meaningless entities of married couples . True , [he]646-the father hated promiscuity even worse than marriage , and a liaison was only another kind of coupling , reactionary from the legal marriage . Reaction was a greater bore than action . On the whole , [he]646-the father hated sex , it was such a limitation . It was sex that turned [a man]4648-a man into a broken half of [a couple]2327-a couple , [the woman]873-the woman into the other broken half . And [he]646-the father wanted to be single in [himself]646-the father , [the woman single in [herself]873-the woman]2329-the woman single in herself . [He]646-the father wanted sex to revert to the level of the other appetites , to be regarded as a functional process , not as a fulfilment . [He]646-the father believed in sex marriage . But beyond this , [he]646-the father wanted a further conjunction , where [man]1089-man had being and [woman]1012-woman had being , [two pure beings]2332-two pure beings , each constituting the freedom of the other , balancing [each other like two poles of one force]2333-each other like two poles of one force , like [two angels]2334-two angels , or two demons . [He]646-the father wanted so much to be free , not under the compulsion of any need for unification , or tortured by unsatisfied desire . Desire and aspiration should find [their]2335-their object without all this torture , as now , in [a world of plenty of water]2336-a world of plenty of water , simple thirst is inconsiderable , satisfied almost unconsciously . And [he]646-the father wanted to be with [Ursula]255-gerald as free as with [himself]646-the father , single and clear and cool , yet balanced , polarised with [her]873-the woman . The merging , the clutching , the mingling of love was become madly abhorrent to [him]646-the father . But it seemed to [him]646-the father , [woman]1012-woman was always so horrible and clutching , [she]1012-woman had such a lust for possession , a greed of self - importance in love . [She]1012-woman wanted to have , to own , to control , to be dominant . Everything must be referred back to [her]1012-woman , to [Woman]1012-woman , [the Great Mother of everything]2339-the great mother of everything , out of whom proceeded everything and to whom everything must finally be rendered up . It filled [him]646-the father with almost insane fury , this calm assumption of [the Magna Mater]292-the magna mater , that all was [hers]1012-woman , because [she]1012-woman had borne it . [Man]1089-man was [hers]1012-woman because [she]1012-woman had borne [him]1089-man . [A Mater Dolorosa]293-a mater dolorosa , [she]1012-woman had borne [him]1089-man , [a Magna Mater]2341-a magna mater , [she]1012-woman now claimed [him]1089-man again , soul and body , sex , meaning , and all . [He]646-the father had a horror of [the Magna Mater]292-the magna mater , [she]1012-woman was detestable . [She]1012-woman was on a very high horse again , was [woman]1012-woman , [the Great Mother]2343-the great mother . Did [he]646-the father not know it in [Hermione]168-hermione . [Hermione]168-hermione , [the humble]2344-the humble , the subservient , what was [she]168-hermione all the while but [the Mater Dolorosa]293-a mater dolorosa , in [her]168-hermione subservience , claiming with horrible , insidious arrogance and female tyranny , [her]168-hermione own again , claiming back [the man [she]168-hermione had borne in suffering]2345-the man she had borne in suffering . By [her]1012-woman very suffering and humility [she]1012-woman bound [[her]1012-woman son]568-her son with chains , [she]1012-woman held [him]568-her son [[her]1012-woman everlasting prisoner]2347-her everlasting prisoner . And [Ursula]255-gerald , [Ursula]255-gerald was the same — or the inverse . [She]168-hermione too was [the awful , arrogant queen of life]2348-the awful , arrogant queen of life , as if [she]168-hermione were [a queen bee on whom all the rest depended]2349-a queen bee on whom all the rest depended . [He]2345-the man she had borne in suffering saw the yellow flare in [her]168-hermione eyes , [he]2345-the man she had borne in suffering knew the unthinkable overweening assumption of primacy in [her]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione was unconscious of it [herself]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione was only too ready to knock [her]168-hermione head on the ground before [a man]4648-a man . But this was only when [she]168-hermione was so certain of [[her]168-hermione man]2351-her man , that [she]168-hermione could worship [him]4648-a man as [a woman]897-a woman worships [[her]897-a woman own infant]2353-her own infant , with a worship of perfect possession . It was intolerable , this possession at the hands of [woman]1012-woman . Always [a man]4648-a man must be considered as the broken off fragment of [a woman]897-a woman , and the sex was the still aching scar of the laceration . [Man]1089-man must be added on to [a woman]897-a woman , before [he]1089-man had any real place or wholeness . And why ? Why should [we]2359-we consider [ourselves]2359-we , [men]848-men and [women]453-women , as broken fragments of [one whole]2362-one whole ? It is not true . [We]2359-we are not broken fragments of one whole . Rather [we]2359-we are the singling away into purity and clear being , of things that were mixed . Rather the sex is that which remains in [us]2359-we of the mixed , the unresolved . And passion is the further separating of this mixture , that which is manly being taken into the being of [the man]4658-the man , that which is womanly passing to [the woman]873-the woman , till [the two are clear and whole as angels]2365-the two are clear and whole as angels , the admixture of sex in the highest sense surpassed , leaving [two single beings constellated together like two stars]2366-two single beings constellated together like two stars . In the old age , before sex was , [we]2359-we were mixed , each one a mixture . The process of singling into individuality resulted into the great polarisation of sex . [The womanly]2367-the womanly drew to one side , [the manly]2368-the manly to the other . But the separation was imperfect even [them]2369-them . And so [our]2359-we world - cycle passes . There is now to come the new day , when [we]2359-we are [beings each of [us]2359-we]2370-beings each of us , fulfilled in difference . [The man]4658-the man is [pure man]2372-pure man , [the woman pure woman]2373-the woman pure woman , they are perfectly polarised . But there is no longer any of the horrible merging , mingling self - abnegation of love . There is only the pure duality of polarisation , each one free from any contamination of the other . In each , [the individual]5373-the individual is primal , sex is subordinate , but perfectly polarised . Each has a single , separate being , with its own laws . [The man]4658-the man has [his]4658-the man pure freedom , [the woman]873-the woman [hers]873-the woman . [Each]2377-each acknowledges the perfection of the polarised sex - circuit . Each admits the different nature in the other . So [Birkin]169-birkin meditated whilst [he]2378-he was ill . [He]2378-he liked sometimes to be ill enough to take to [his]2378-he bed . For then [he]2378-he got better very quickly , and things came to [him]2378-he clear and sure . Whilst [he]2378-he was laid up , [Gerald]255-gerald came to see [him]2378-he . [The two men]686-the two men had a deep , uneasy feeling for [each other]451-each other . [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes were quick and restless , [his]255-gerald whole manner tense and impatient , [he]255-gerald seemed strung up to some activity . According to conventionality , [he]255-gerald wore black clothes , [he]255-gerald looked formal , handsome and comme il faut . [His]255-gerald hair was fair almost to whiteness , sharp like splinters of light , [his]255-gerald face was keen and ruddy , [his]255-gerald body seemed full of northern energy . [Gerald]255-gerald really loved [Birkin]169-birkin , though [he]255-gerald never quite believed in [him]2378-he . [Birkin]169-birkin was too unreal;—clever , whimsical , wonderful , but not practical enough . [Gerald]255-gerald felt that [his]255-gerald own understanding was much sounder and safer . [Birkin]169-birkin was delightful , [a wonderful spirit]2381-a wonderful spirit , but after all , not to be taken seriously , not quite to be counted as [a man among [men]848-men]2382-a man among men . “ Why are [you]169-birkin laid up again ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked kindly , taking [the sick man]2384-the sick man ’s hand . It was always [Gerald]255-gerald who was protective , offering the warm shelter of [his]255-gerald physical strength . “ For [my]169-birkin sins , [I]169-birkin suppose , ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin said , smiling a little ironically . “ For [your]169-birkin sins ? Yes , probably that is so . [You]169-birkin should sin less , and keep better in health ? ”[169-birkin] “ [You]169-birkin ’d better teach [me]2384-the sick man . ”[2384-the sick man] [He]2384-the sick man looked at [Gerald]255-gerald with ironic eyes . “ How are things with [you]169-birkin ? ”[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]169-birkin . “ With [me]169-birkin ? ”[169-birkin] [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [Birkin]169-birkin , saw [he]2384-the sick man was serious , and a warm light came into [his]2384-the sick man eyes . “ [I]2384-the sick man do n’t know that they ’re any different . [I]2384-the sick man do n’t see how [they]5739-they could be . There ’s nothing to change . ”[2384-the sick man] “ [I]169-birkin suppose [you]169-birkin are conducting the business as successfully as ever , and ignoring the demand of the soul . ”[169-birkin] “ That ’s it , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ At least as far as the business is concerned . [I]255-gerald could n’t say about the soul , [I’am]255-gerald sure . ”[255-gerald] “ No . ”[169-birkin] “ Surely [you]169-birkin do n’t expect [me]255-gerald to ? ”[255-gerald] laughed [Gerald]255-gerald . “ No . How are the rest of [your]169-birkin affairs progressing , apart from the business ? ”[255-gerald] “ The rest of [my]169-birkin affairs ? What are those ? [I]169-birkin could n’t say ; [I]169-birkin do n’t know what [you]169-birkin refer to . ”[169-birkin] “ Yes , [you]169-birkin do , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Are [you]169-birkin gloomy or cheerful ? And what about [Gudrun Brangwen]160-gudrun ? ”[169-birkin] “ What about [her]160-gudrun ? ”[255-gerald] A confused look came over [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Well , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald added , “ [I]255-gerald do n’t know . [I]255-gerald can only tell [you]169-birkin [she]160-gudrun gave [me]255-gerald a hit over the face last time [I]255-gerald saw [her]160-gudrun . ”[255-gerald] “ A hit over the face ! What for ? ”[169-birkin] “ That [I]169-birkin could n’t tell [you]169-birkin , either . ”[169-birkin] “ Really ! But when ? ”[255-gerald] “ The night of the party — when [Diana]285-diana crich was drowned . [She]160-gudrun was driving the cattle up [the hill]497-the hill , and [I]169-birkin went after [her]160-gudrun — [you]169-birkin remember . ”[169-birkin] “ Yes , [I]169-birkin remember . But what made [her]160-gudrun do that ? [You]169-birkin did n’t definitely ask [her]160-gudrun for it , [I]169-birkin suppose ? ”[169-birkin] “ [I]169-birkin ? No , not that [I]169-birkin know of . [I]169-birkin merely said to [her]160-gudrun , that it was dangerous to drive [those Highland bullocks]5741-those highland bullocks — as it is . [She]160-gudrun turned in such a way , and [said—‘I]169-birkin suppose [you]169-birkin think [I]169-birkin ’m afraid of [you]169-birkin and [your]169-birkin cattle , do n’t [you]169-birkin ? ’ So [I]169-birkin asked [her]160-gudrun ‘ why , ’ and for answer [she]160-gudrun flung [me]169-birkin a back - hander across the face . ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin laughed quickly , as if it pleased [him]2385-him . [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [him]2385-him , wondering , and began to laugh as well , saying : “ [I]255-gerald did n’t laugh at the time , [I]255-gerald assure [you]169-birkin . [I]255-gerald was never so taken aback in [my]255-gerald life . ”[255-gerald] “ And were n’t [you]169-birkin furious ? ”[169-birkin] “ Furious ? [I]169-birkin should think [I]169-birkin was . [I]169-birkin ’d have murdered [her]160-gudrun for two pins . ”[169-birkin] “ H’m ! ”[169-birkin] ejaculated [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [Poor Gudrun]294-gudrun , would n’t [she]160-gudrun suffer afterwards for having given [herself]160-gudrun away ! ”[2385-him] [He]2385-him was hugely delighted . “ Would [she]160-gudrun suffer ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald , also amused now . [Both men]1407-both men smiled in malice and amusement . “ Badly , [I]1407-both men should think ; seeing how self - conscious [she]160-gudrun is . ”[1407-both men] “ [She]160-gudrun is self - conscious , is [she]160-gudrun ? Then what made [her]160-gudrun do it ? For [I]2385-him certainly think it was quite uncalled - for , and quite unjustified . ”[2385-him] “ [I]1407-both men suppose it was a sudden impulse . ”[1407-both men] “ Yes , but how do [you]169-birkin account for [her]160-gudrun having such an impulse ? [I]169-birkin ’d done [her]160-gudrun no harm . ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin shook [his]2385-him head . “ [The Amazon]29-the amazon suddenly came up in [her]160-gudrun , [I]2385-him suppose , ”[2385-him] [he]2385-him said . “ Well , ”[255-gerald] replied [Gerald]255-gerald , “ [I]255-gerald ’d rather it had been [the Orinoco]5742-the orinoco . ”[255-gerald] [They]2387-we both laughed at the poor joke . [Gerald]255-gerald was thinking how [Gudrun]294-gudrun had said [she]294-gudrun would strike the last blow too . But some reserve made [him]255-gerald keep this back from [Birkin]169-birkin . “ And [you]169-birkin resent it ? ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin asked . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t resent it . [I]255-gerald do n’t care [a tinker]5743-a tinker ’s curse about it . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald was silent a moment , then [he]255-gerald added , laughing . “ No , [I]255-gerald ’ll see it through , that ’s all . [She]294-gudrun seemed sorry afterwards . ”[255-gerald] “ Did [she]294-gudrun ? [You]255-gerald ’ve not met since that night ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face clouded . “ No , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [We]2387-we ’ve been — [you]255-gerald can imagine how it ’s been , since the accident . ”[255-gerald] “ Yes . Is it calming down ? ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald do n’t know . It ’s a shock , of course . But [I]255-gerald do n’t believe [mother]4695-mother minds . [I]255-gerald really do n’t believe [she]294-gudrun takes any notice . And what ’s so funny , [she]294-gudrun used to be all for [the children]4705-the children — nothing mattered , nothing whatever mattered but [the children]4705-the children . And now , [she]294-gudrun does n’t take any more notice than if it was one of [the servants]5115-the servants . ”[255-gerald] “ No ? Did it upset [you]255-gerald very much ? ”[255-gerald] “ It ’s a shock . But [I]255-gerald do n’t feel it very much , really . [I]255-gerald do n’t feel any different . [We]2387-we ’ve all got to die , and it does n’t seem to make any great difference , anyhow , whether [you]255-gerald die or not . [I]255-gerald ca n’t feel any grief , [you]255-gerald know . It leaves [me]255-gerald cold . [I]255-gerald ca n’t quite account for it . ”[255-gerald] “ [You]169-birkin do n’t care if [you]169-birkin die or not ? ”[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [him]2388-him with eyes blue as the blue - fibred steel of a weapon . [He]255-gerald felt awkward , but indifferent . As a matter of fact , [he]255-gerald did care terribly , with a great fear . “ Oh , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ [I]255-gerald do n’t want to die , why should [I]255-gerald ? But [I]255-gerald never trouble . The question does n’t seem to be on the carpet for [me]255-gerald at all . It does n’t interest [me]255-gerald , [you]255-gerald know . ”[255-gerald] “ Timor mortis conturbat [me]169-birkin , ”[169-birkin] quoted [Birkin]169-birkin , adding—“No , death does n’t really seem the point any more . It curiously does n’t concern [one]4646-one . It ’s like an ordinary tomorrow . ”[169-birkin] [Gerald]255-gerald looked closely at [[his]255-gerald friend]4885-his friend . The eyes of [the two men]686-the two men met , and an unspoken understanding was exchanged . [Gerald]255-gerald narrowed [his]255-gerald eyes , [his]255-gerald face was cool and unscrupulous as [he]255-gerald looked at [Birkin]169-birkin , impersonally , with a vision that ended in a point in space , strangely keen - eyed and yet blind . “ If death is n’t the point , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , in a strangely abstract , cold , fine voice—“what is ? ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald sounded as if [he]255-gerald had been found out . “ What is ? ”[255-gerald] re - echoed [Birkin]169-birkin . And there was a mocking silence . “ There ’s long way to go , after the point of intrinsic death , before [we]5749-we disappear , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ There is , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ But what sort of way ? ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald seemed to press [the other man]832-the other man for knowledge which [he]255-gerald [himself]255-gerald knew far better than [Birkin]169-birkin did . “ Right down the slopes of degeneration — mystic , universal degeneration . There are many stages of pure degradation to go through : agelong . [We]5749-we live on long after [our]5749-we death , and progressively , in progressive devolution . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald listened with a faint , fine smile on [his]255-gerald face , all the time , as if , somewhere , [he]255-gerald knew so much better than [Birkin]169-birkin , all about this : as if [his]255-gerald own knowledge were direct and personal , whereas [Birkin]169-birkin ’s was a matter of observation and inference , not quite hitting the nail on the head:—though aiming near enough at it . But [he]255-gerald was not going to give [himself]255-gerald away . If [Birkin]169-birkin could get at the secrets , let [him]255-gerald . [Gerald]255-gerald would never help [him]255-gerald . [Gerald]255-gerald would be [a dark horse to the end]2392-a dark horse to the end . “ Of course , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , with a startling change of conversation , “ it is [father]4673-father who really feels it . [It]5751-it will finish [him]4673-father . For [him]4673-father [the world]541-the world collapses . All [his]4673-father care now is for [Winnie]186-winifred — [he]4673-father must save [Winnie]186-winifred . [He]4673-father says [she]186-winifred ought to be sent away to [school]4869-school , but [she]186-winifred wo n’t hear of it , and [he]4673-father ’ll never do it . Of course [she]186-winifred is in rather a queer way . [We]5754-we ’re all of [us]5754-we curiously bad at living . [We]5754-we can do things — but [we]5754-we ca n’t get on with life at all . It ’s curious — a family failing . ”[255-gerald] “ [She]186-winifred ought n’t to be sent away to [school]4869-school , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , who was considering a new proposition . “ [She]186-winifred ought n’t . Why ? ”[169-birkin] “ [She]186-winifred ’s [a queer child]5756-a queer child — [a special child]5757-a special child , more special even than [you]5758-you . And in [my]255-gerald opinion [special children]5759-special children should never be sent away to [school]4869-school . Only [moderately ordinary children]5761-moderately ordinary children should be sent to [school]4869-school — so it seems to [me]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald ’m inclined to think just the opposite . [I]255-gerald think it would probably make [her]186-winifred more normal if [she]186-winifred went away and mixed with [other children]5763-other children . ”[255-gerald] “ [She]186-winifred would n’t mix , [you]5758-you see . [You]5758-you never really mixed , did [you]5758-you ? And [she]186-winifred would n’t be willing even to pretend to . [She]186-winifred ’s proud , and solitary , and naturally apart . If [she]186-winifred has a single nature , why do [you]5758-you want to make [her]186-winifred gregarious ? ”[169-birkin] “ No , [I]255-gerald do n’t want to make [her]186-winifred anything . But [I]255-gerald think [school]4869-school would be good for [her]186-winifred . ”[255-gerald] “ Was it good for [you]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes narrowed uglily . [School]4869-school had been torture to [him]255-gerald . Yet [he]255-gerald had not questioned whether [one]4646-one should go through this torture . [He]255-gerald seemed to believe in education through subjection and torment . “ [I]255-gerald hated it at the time , but [I]255-gerald can see it was necessary , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ It brought [me]255-gerald into line a bit — and [you]255-gerald ca n’t live unless [you]255-gerald do come into line somewhere . ”[255-gerald] “ Well , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ [I]169-birkin begin to think that [you]255-gerald ca n’t live unless [you]255-gerald keep entirely out of the line . It ’s no good trying to toe the line , when [your]255-gerald one impulse is to smash up the line . [Winnie]186-winifred is a special nature , and for special natures [you]255-gerald must give [a special world]5765-a special world . ”[169-birkin] “ Yes , but where ’s [[your]255-gerald special world]5766-your special world ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Make it . Instead of chopping [yourself]255-gerald down to fit [the world]541-the world , chop [the world]541-the world down to fit [yourself]255-gerald . As a matter of fact , [two exceptional people]5769-two exceptional people make [another world]4676-another world . [You]255-gerald and [I]255-gerald , [we]5769-two exceptional people make [another , separate world]5771-another , separate world . [You]255-gerald do n’t want a world same as [[your]255-gerald brothers - in - law]5772-your brothers - in - law . It ’s just the special quality [you]255-gerald value . Do [you]255-gerald want to be normal or ordinary ! It ’s a lie . [You]255-gerald want to be free and extraordinary , in an extraordinary world of liberty . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [Birkin]169-birkin with subtle eyes of knowledge . But [he]255-gerald would never openly admit what [he]255-gerald felt . [He]255-gerald knew more than [Birkin]169-birkin , in one direction — much more . And this gave [him]255-gerald [his]255-gerald gentle love for [the other man]832-the other man , as if [Birkin]169-birkin were in some way young , innocent , [child - like]2396-child - like : so amazingly clever , but incurably innocent . “ Yet [you]255-gerald are so banal as to consider [me]169-birkin chiefly [a freak]5773-a freak , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin pointedly . “ [A freak]5773-a freak ! ”[255-gerald] exclaimed [Gerald]255-gerald , startled . And [his]255-gerald face opened suddenly , as if lighted with simplicity , as when a flower opens out of the cunning bud . “ No — [I]255-gerald never consider [you]255-gerald [a freak]5773-a freak . ”[255-gerald] And [he]255-gerald watched [the other man]832-the other man with strange eyes , that [Birkin]169-birkin could not understand . “ [I]255-gerald feel , ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald continued , “ that there is always an element of uncertainty about [you]255-gerald — perhaps [you]255-gerald are uncertain about [yourself]255-gerald . But [I]255-gerald ’m never sure of [you]255-gerald . [You]255-gerald can go away and change as easily as if [you]255-gerald had no soul . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald looked at [Birkin]169-birkin with penetrating eyes . [Birkin]169-birkin was amazed . [He]255-gerald thought [he]255-gerald had all the soul in [the world]541-the world . [He]255-gerald stared in amazement . And [Gerald]255-gerald , watching , saw the amazing attractive goodliness of [his]255-gerald eyes , a young , spontaneous goodness that attracted [the other man]832-the other man infinitely , yet filled [him]255-gerald with bitter chagrin , because [he]255-gerald mistrusted it so much . [He]255-gerald knew [Birkin]169-birkin could do without [him]255-gerald — could forget , and not suffer . This was always present in [Gerald]255-gerald ’s consciousness , filling [him]255-gerald with bitter unbelief : this consciousness of [the young , animal - like spontaneity of detachment]2400-the young , animal - like spontaneity of detachment . It seemed almost like hypocrisy and lying , sometimes , oh , often , on [Birkin]169-birkin ’s part , to talk so deeply and importantly . Quite other things were going through [Birkin]169-birkin ’s mind . Suddenly [he]255-gerald saw [himself]255-gerald confronted with another problem — the problem of love and eternal conjunction between [two men]2401-two men . Of course this was necessary — it had been a necessity inside [himself]255-gerald all [his]255-gerald life — to love [a man]4648-a man purely and fully . Of course [he]255-gerald had been loving [Gerald]255-gerald all along , and all along denying it . [He]255-gerald lay in the bed and wondered , whilst [[his]255-gerald friend]4885-his friend sat beside [him]255-gerald , lost in brooding . [Each man]2404-each man was gone in [his]2404-each man own thoughts . “ [You]255-gerald know how [the old German knights]5776-the old german knights used to swear a Blutbruderschaft , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said to [Gerald]255-gerald , with quite a new happy activity in [his]255-gerald eyes . “ Make a little wound in [their]5776-the old german knights arms , and rub [each other]451-each other ’s blood into the cut ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Yes — and swear to be true to [each other]451-each other , of one blood , all [their]5776-the old german knights lives . That is what [we]5779-we ought to do . No wounds , that is obsolete . But [we]5779-we ought to swear to love [each other]451-each other , [you]255-gerald and [I]255-gerald , implicitly , and perfectly , finally , without any possibility of going back on it . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald looked at [Gerald]255-gerald with clear , happy eyes of discovery . [Gerald]255-gerald looked down at [him]255-gerald , attracted , so deeply bondaged in fascinated attraction , that [he]255-gerald was mistrustful , resenting the bondage , hating the attraction . “ [We]5779-we will swear to [each other]451-each other , one day , shall [we]5779-we ? ”[169-birkin] pleaded [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [We]5779-we will swear to stand by [each other]451-each other — be true to [each other]451-each other — ultimately — infallibly — given to [each other]451-each other , organically — without possibility of taking back . ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin sought hard to express [himself]169-birkin . But [Gerald]255-gerald hardly listened . [His]255-gerald face shone with a certain luminous pleasure . [He]255-gerald was pleased . But [he]255-gerald kept [his]255-gerald reserve . [He]255-gerald held [himself]255-gerald back . “ Shall [we]5779-we swear to [each other]451-each other , one day ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , putting out [his]2405-he hand towards [Gerald]255-gerald . [Gerald]255-gerald just touched the extended fine , living hand , as if withheld and afraid . “ [We]5779-we ’ll leave it till [I]255-gerald understand it better , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , in a voice of excuse . [Birkin]169-birkin watched [him]255-gerald . A little sharp disappointment , perhaps a touch of contempt came into [his]2405-he heart . “ Yes , ”[2405-he] [he]2405-he said . “ [You]169-birkin must tell [me]2405-he what [you]169-birkin think , later . [You]169-birkin know what [I]2405-he mean ? Not sloppy emotionalism . An impersonal union that leaves [one]4646-one free . ”[2405-he] [They]2406-they lapsed both into silence . [Birkin]169-birkin was looking at [Gerald]255-gerald all the time . [He]2405-he seemed now to see , [not the physical , animal man]2407-not the physical , animal man , which [he]2405-he usually saw in [Gerald]255-gerald , and which usually [he]2405-he liked so much , but [the man]4658-the man [himself]4658-the man , complete , and as if fated , doomed , limited . This strange sense of fatality in [Gerald]255-gerald , as if [he]255-gerald were limited to one form of existence , one knowledge , one activity , a sort of fatal halfness , which to [himself]255-gerald seemed wholeness , always overcame [Birkin]169-birkin after [their]2406-they moments of passionate approach , and filled [him]2405-he with a sort of contempt , or boredom . It was the insistence on the limitation which so bored [Birkin]169-birkin in [Gerald]255-gerald . [Gerald]255-gerald could never fly away from [himself]255-gerald , in real indifferent gaiety . [He]255-gerald had a clog , a sort of monomania . There was silence for a time . Then [Birkin]169-birkin said , in a lighter tone , letting the stress of the contact pass : “ Ca n’t [you]255-gerald get [a good governess]5787-a good governess for [Winifred?—somebody]296-winifred?—somebody exceptional ? ”[169-birkin] “ [Hermione Roddice]168-hermione suggested [we]2406-they should ask [Gudrun]294-gudrun to teach [her]294-gudrun to draw and to model in clay . [You]255-gerald know [Winnie]186-winifred is astonishingly clever with that plasticine stuff . [Hermione]168-hermione declares [she]294-gudrun is [an artist]1059-an artist . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald spoke in the usual animated , chatty manner , as if nothing unusual had passed . But [Birkin]169-birkin ’s manner was full of reminder . “ Really ! [I]169-birkin did n’t know that . Oh well then , if [Gudrun]294-gudrun would teach [her]294-gudrun , it would be perfect — couldn’t be anything better — if [Winifred]186-winifred is [an artist]1059-an artist . Because [Gudrun]294-gudrun somewhere is one . And [every true artist]5790-every true artist is the salvation of every other . ”[169-birkin] “ [I]169-birkin thought [they]5790-every true artist got on so badly , as a rule . ”[169-birkin] “ Perhaps . But only [artists]5791-artists produce for each other [the world that is fit to live in]5792-the world that is fit to live in . If [you]255-gerald can arrange that for [Winifred]186-winifred , it is perfect . ”[169-birkin] “ But [you]169-birkin think [she]186-winifred would n’t come ? ”[169-birkin] “ [I]169-birkin do n’t know . [Gudrun]294-gudrun is rather self - opinionated . [She]294-gudrun wo n’t go cheap anywhere . Or if [she]294-gudrun does , [she]294-gudrun ’ll pretty soon take [herself]294-gudrun back . So whether [she]294-gudrun would condescend to do private teaching , particularly here , in [Beldover]1-beldover , [I]169-birkin do n’t know . But it would be just the thing . [Winifred]186-winifred has got a special nature . And if [you]255-gerald can put into [her]186-winifred way the means of being self - sufficient , that is the best thing possible . [She]186-winifred ’ll never get on with the ordinary life . [You]255-gerald find it difficult enough [yourself]255-gerald , and [she]186-winifred is several skins thinner than [you]255-gerald are . It is awful to think what [her]186-winifred life will be like unless [she]186-winifred does find a means of expression , some way of fulfilment . [You]255-gerald can see what mere leaving it to fate brings . [You]255-gerald can see how much marriage is to be trusted to — look at [[your]255-gerald own mother]5793-your own mother . ”[169-birkin] “ Do [you]169-birkin think [mother]4695-mother is abnormal ? ”[169-birkin] “ No ! [I]169-birkin think [she]4695-mother only wanted something more , or other than the common run of life . And not getting it , [she]4695-mother has gone wrong perhaps . ”[169-birkin] “ After producing [a brood of [wrong children]5796-wrong children]5795-a brood of wrong children , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald gloomily . “ No more wrong than any of [the rest of [us]5798-us]5797-the rest of us , ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin replied . “ [The most normal people]5799-the most normal people have the worst subterranean selves , take [them]5799-the most normal people one by one . ”[169-birkin] “ Sometimes [I]255-gerald think it is a curse to be alive , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald with sudden impotent anger . “ Well , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ why not ! Let it be a curse sometimes to be alive — at other times it is anything but a curse . [You]255-gerald ’ve got plenty of zest in it really . ”[169-birkin] “ Less than [you]832-the other man ’d think , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , revealing a strange poverty in [his]255-gerald look at [the other man]832-the other man . There was silence , each thinking [his]832-the other man own thoughts . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t see what [she]4695-mother has to distinguish between teaching at [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school , and coming to teach [Win]297-winifred , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ The difference between [a public servant]5801-a public servant and [a private one]5802-a private one . [The only nobleman today]5803-the only nobleman today , [king]5804-king and [only aristocrat]5805-only aristocrat , is [the public]5806-the public , [the public]5806-the public . [You]255-gerald are quite willing to serve [the public]5806-the public — but to be [a private tutor]5809-a private tutor — ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald do n’t want to serve either — ”[255-gerald] “ No ! And [Gudrun]294-gudrun will probably feel the same . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald thought for a few minutes . Then [he]255-gerald said : “ At all events , [father]4673-father wo n’t make [her]294-gudrun feel like [a private servant]5811-a private servant . [He]4673-father will be fussy and greatful enough . ”[255-gerald] “ So [he]4673-father ought . And so ought all of [you]255-gerald . Do [you]255-gerald think [you]255-gerald can hire [a woman like [Gudrun Brangwen]160-gudrun]5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen with money ? [She]5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen is [your]255-gerald equal like anything — probably [[your]255-gerald superior]5813-your superior . ”[255-gerald] “ Is [she]5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Yes , and if [you]255-gerald have n’t the guts to know it , [I]255-gerald hope [she]5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen ’ll leave [you]255-gerald to [your]255-gerald own devices . ”[255-gerald] “ Nevertheless , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , “ if [she]5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen is [[my]255-gerald equal]5814-my equal , [I]255-gerald wish [she]5812-a woman like gudrun brangwen were n’t [a teacher]5815-a teacher , because [I]255-gerald do n’t think [teachers as a rule]5816-teachers as a rule are [my]255-gerald equal . ”[255-gerald] “ Nor do [I]255-gerald , damn [them]5816-teachers as a rule . But am [I]255-gerald a [teacher]5817-teacher because [I]255-gerald teach , or [a parson]5818-a parson because [I]255-gerald preach ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald laughed . [He]255-gerald was always uneasy on this score . [He]255-gerald did not want to claim social superiority , yet [he]255-gerald would not claim intrinsic personal superiority , because [he]255-gerald would never base [his]255-gerald standard of values on pure being . So [he]255-gerald wobbled upon a tacit assumption of social standing . No , [Birkin]169-birkin wanted [him]255-gerald to accept the fact of intrinsic difference between [human beings]511-human beings , which [he]255-gerald did not intend to accept . It was against [his]255-gerald social honour , [his]255-gerald principle . [He]255-gerald rose to go . “ [I]255-gerald ’ve been neglecting [my]255-gerald business all this while , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said smiling . “ [I]169-birkin ought to have reminded [you]255-gerald before , ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin replied , laughing and mocking . “ [I]255-gerald knew [you]169-birkin ’d say something like that , ”[255-gerald] laughed [Gerald]255-gerald , rather uneasily . “ Did [you]169-birkin ? ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , [Rupert]169-birkin . It would n’t do for [us]5819-we all to be like [you]169-birkin are — [we]5819-we should soon be in [the cart]5820-the cart . When [I]169-birkin am above [the world]541-the world , [I]169-birkin shall ignore all businesses . ”[169-birkin] “ Of course , [we]5819-we ’re not in [the cart]5820-the cart now , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , satirically . “ Not as much as [you]255-gerald make out . At any rate , [we]5819-we have enough to eat and drink — ”[169-birkin] “ And be satisfied , ”[169-birkin] added [Birkin]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald came near the bed and stood looking down at [Birkin]169-birkin whose throat was exposed , whose tossed [hair fell attractively on the warm brow , above the eyes that were so unchallenged and still in the satirical face]2411-hair fell attractively on the warm brow , above the eyes that were so unchallenged and still in the satirical face . [Gerald]255-gerald , full - limbed and turgid with energy , stood unwilling to go , [he]255-gerald was held by the presence of [the other man]832-the other man . [He]255-gerald had not the power to go away . “ So , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Good - bye . ”[169-birkin] And [he]255-gerald reached out [his]255-gerald hand from under the bed - clothes , smiling with a glimmering look . “ Good - bye , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , taking the warm hand of [[his]255-gerald friend]4885-his friend in a firm grasp . “ [I]255-gerald shall come again . [I]255-gerald miss [you]4885-his friend down at [the mill]5426-the mill . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]169-birkin ’ll be [there]629-there in a few days , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . The eyes of [the two men]686-the two men met again . [Gerald]255-gerald ’s , that were keen as a hawk ’s , were suffused now with warm light and with unadmitted love , [Birkin]169-birkin looked back as out of a darkness , unsounded and unknown , yet with a kind of warmth , that seemed to flow over [Gerald]255-gerald ’s brain like a fertile sleep . “ Good - bye then . There ’s nothing [I]169-birkin can do for [you]255-gerald ? ”[169-birkin] “ Nothing , thanks . ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin watched [the black - clothed form of [the other man]832-the other man]2415-the black - clothed form of the other man move out of the door , the bright head was gone , [he]255-gerald turned over to sleep . In [Beldover]1-beldover , there was both for [Ursula]255-gerald and for [Gudrun]160-gudrun an interval . It seemed to [Ursula]255-gerald as if [Birkin]169-birkin had gone out of [her]2417-her for the time , [he]255-gerald had lost [his]255-gerald significance , [he]255-gerald scarcely mattered in [[her]2417-her world]2418-her world . [She]2417-her had [[her]2417-her own friends]2419-her own friends , [her]2417-her own activities , [her]2417-her own life . [She]2417-her turned back to the old ways with zest , away from [him]255-gerald . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun , after feeling every moment in all [her]160-gudrun veins conscious of [Gerald Crich]255-gerald , connected even physically with [him]255-gerald , was now almost indifferent to the thought of [him]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun was nursing new schemes for going away and trying a new form of life . All the time , there was something in [her]160-gudrun urging [her]160-gudrun to avoid the final establishing of a relationship with [Gerald]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun felt it would be wiser and better to have no more than a casual acquaintance with [him]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun had a scheme for going to [St Petersburg]2420-st petersburg , where [she]160-gudrun had [a friend who was a sculptor like [herself]160-gudrun , and who lived with [a wealthy Russian whose hobby was jewel - making]2422-a wealthy russian whose hobby was jewel - making]2421-a friend who was a sculptor like herself , and who lived with a wealthy russian whose hobby was jewel - making . The emotional , rather rootless life of [the Russians]298-the russians appealed to [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun did not want to go to [Paris]42-paris . [Paris]42-paris was dry , and essentially boring . [She]160-gudrun would like to go to [Rome]43-rome , [Munich]58-munich , [Vienna]59-vienna , or to [St Petersburg]60-st petersburg or [Moscow]61-moscow . [She]160-gudrun had [a friend]4722-a friend in [St Petersburg]60-st petersburg and [a friend in [Munich]58-munich]2424-a friend in munich . To each of these [she]160-gudrun wrote , asking about [rooms]2425-rooms . [She]160-gudrun had a certain amount of money . [She]160-gudrun had come [home]4649-home partly to save , and now [she]160-gudrun had sold several pieces of work , [she]160-gudrun had been praised in various shows . [She]160-gudrun knew [she]160-gudrun could become quite the “ go ’ if [she]160-gudrun went to [London]2-london . But [she]160-gudrun knew [London]2-london , [she]160-gudrun wanted something else . [She]160-gudrun had seventy pounds , of which [nobody]912-nobody knew anything . [She]160-gudrun would move soon , as soon as [she]160-gudrun heard from [[her]160-gudrun friends]603-her friends . [Her]160-gudrun nature , in spite of [her]160-gudrun apparent placidity and calm , was profoundly restless . [The sisters]452-the sisters happened to call in [a cottage in [Willey Green]6-willey green]5828-a cottage in willey green to buy honey . [Mrs Kirk]299-mrs kirk , [a stout , pale , sharp - nosed woman , sly , honied , with something shrewish and cat - like beneath]5829-a stout , pale , sharp - nosed woman , sly , honied , with something shrewish and cat - like beneath , asked [the girls]4851-the girls into [[her]299-mrs kirk too cosy , too tidy kitchen]5831-her too cosy , too tidy kitchen . There was a cat - like comfort and cleanliness everywhere . “[160-gudrun] Yes , [Miss Brangwen]195-miss brangwen , ” [she]299-mrs kirk said , in [her]299-mrs kirk slightly whining , insinuating voice , “[195-miss brangwen] and how do [you]195-miss brangwen like being back in [the old place]2427-the old place , then ? ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun , whom [she]160-gudrun addressed , hated [her]160-gudrun at once . “[195-miss brangwen] [I]0-i do n’t care for it , ” [she]160-gudrun replied abruptly . “[0-i] [You]0-i do n’t ? Ay , well , [I]0-i suppose [you]0-i found a difference from [London]2-london . [You]0-i like life , and [big , grand places]2428-big , grand places . Some of [us]2429-us has to be content with [Willey Green]6-willey green and [Beldover]1-beldover . And what do [you]0-i think of [[our]2429-us Grammar School]2430-our grammar school , as there ’s so much talk about ? ” “[0-i] What do [I]0-i think of it ? ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked round at [her]160-gudrun slowly . “[0-i] Do [you]0-i mean , do [I]0-i think it ’s [a good school]2431-a good school ? ” “[0-i] Yes . What is [your]0-i opinion of it ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do think it ’s [a good school]2431-a good school . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun was very cold and repelling . [She]160-gudrun knew [the common people]1858-the common people hated [the school]549-the school . “[0-i] Ay , [you]0-i do , then ! [I]0-i ’ve heard so much , one way and the other . It ’s nice to know what [those that ’s in it]2433-those that ’s in it feel . But opinions vary , do n’t [they]2434-they ? [Mr Crich]171-mr crich up at [Highclose]63-highclose is all for it . Ay , [poor man]2435-poor man , [I]0-i ’m afraid [he]2435-poor man ’s not long for [this world]2436-this world . [He]2435-poor man ’s very poorly . ” “[2435-poor man] Is [he]2435-poor man worse ? ” asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “[2435-poor man] Eh , yes — since [they]2437-they lost [Miss Diana]188-diana . [He]2435-poor man ’s gone off to a shadow . [Poor man]2435-poor man , [he]2435-poor man ’s had a world of trouble . ” “[2435-poor man] Has [he]2435-poor man ? ” asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun , faintly ironic . “[2435-poor man] [He]2435-poor man has , a world of trouble . And as nice and kind a gentleman as ever [you]2439-you could wish to meet . [[His]2435-poor man children]5559-his children do n’t take after [him]2435-poor man . ” “[5559-his children] [I]0-i suppose [they]5559-his children take after [[their]5559-his children mother]1821-their mother ? ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[5559-his children] In many ways . ” [Mrs Krik]301-mrs krik lowered [her]301-mrs krik voice a little . “[5559-his children] [She]1821-their mother was [a proud haughty lady]2442-a proud haughty lady when [she]1821-their mother came into [these parts]2443-these parts — [my]0-i word , [she]1821-their mother was that ! [She]1821-their mother must n’t be looked at , and it was worth [your]2439-you life to speak to [her]1821-their mother . ” [The woman]873-the woman made a dry , sly face . “[1821-their mother] Did [you]2439-you know [her]1821-their mother when [she]1821-their mother was first married ? ” “[2439-you] Yes , [I]0-i knew [her]1821-their mother . [I]0-i nursed [three of [[her]1821-their mother children]2445-her children]2444-three of her children . And proper little terrors [they]2444-three of her children were , [little fiends]2446-little fiends — that [Gerald]255-gerald was [a demon]4815-a demon if ever there was one , a proper demon , ay , at six months old . ” A curious malicious , sly tone came into [the woman]873-the woman ’s voice . “[2448-that wilful , masterful] Really , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2448-that wilful , masterful] [That wilful , masterful]2448-that wilful , masterful — [he’d]255-gerald mastered [one nurse at six months]2449-one nurse at six months . Kick , and scream , and struggle like a demon . Many ’s the time [I]0-i ’ve pinched [his]255-gerald little bottom for [him]255-gerald , when [he]255-gerald was [a child in arms]2450-a child in arms . [Ay]302-ay , and [he]255-gerald ’d have been better if [he]255-gerald ’d had it pinched oftener . But [she]1821-their mother would n’t have [them]2451-them corrected — no - o , would n’t hear of it . [I]0-i can remember the rows [she]1821-their mother had with [Mr Crich]171-mr crich , [my]0-i word . When [he]255-gerald ’d got worked up , properly worked up till [he]255-gerald could stand no more , [he]255-gerald ’d lock the study door and whip [them]2451-them . But [she]1821-their mother paced up and down all the while like a tiger outside , like a tiger , with very murder in [her]1821-their mother face . [She]1821-their mother had a face that could look death . And when the door was opened , [she]1821-their mother ’d go in with [her]1821-their mother hands lifted—‘What have [you]2452-you been doing to [[my]0-i children]4721-my children , [[you]2452-you coward]2454-you coward . ’ [She]1821-their mother was like one out of [her]1821-their mother mind . [I]0-i believe [he]255-gerald was frightened of [her]1821-their mother ; [he]255-gerald had to be driven mad before [he]255-gerald ’d lift a finger . Did n’t [the servants]5115-the servants have a life of it ! And did n’t [we]2456-we used to be thankful when one of [them]5115-the servants caught it . [They]2457-they were the torment of [your]2452-you life . ” “[2457-they] Really ! ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2457-they] In every possible way . If [you]2452-you would n’t let [them]5115-the servants smash [their]5115-the servants pots on the table , if [you]2452-you would n’t let [them]5115-the servants drag the kitten about with a string round its neck , if [you]2452-you would n’t give [them]5115-the servants whatever [they]5115-the servants asked for , every mortal thing — then there was a shine on , and [[their]5115-the servants mother]1821-their mother coming in asking—‘What ’s the matter with [him]255-gerald ? What have [you]2452-you done to [him]255-gerald ? What is it , [Darling]303-darling ? ’ And then [she]1821-their mother ’d turn on [you]2452-you as if [she]1821-their mother ’d trample [you]2452-you under [her]1821-their mother feet . But [she]1821-their mother did n’t trample on [me]0-i . [I]0-i was the only one that could do anything with [her]1821-their mother demons — for [she]1821-their mother was n’t going to be bothered with [them]5115-the servants [herself]1821-their mother . No , [she]1821-their mother took no trouble for [them]5115-the servants . But [they]5115-the servants must just have [their]5115-the servants way , [they]5115-the servants must n’t be spoken to . And [Master Gerald]255-gerald was [the beauty]2459-the beauty . [I]0-i left when [he]255-gerald was a year and a half , [I]0-i could stand no more . But [I]0-i pinched [his]255-gerald little bottom for [him]255-gerald when [he]255-gerald was in arms , [I]0-i did , when there was no holding [him]255-gerald , and [I]0-i ’m not sorry [I]0-i did — ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun went away in fury and loathing . The phrase , “[0-i] [I]0-i pinched [his]255-gerald little bottom for [him]255-gerald , ” sent [her]160-gudrun into a white , stony fury . [She]160-gudrun could not bear it , [she]160-gudrun wanted to have [the woman]873-the woman taken out at once and strangled . And yet there the phrase was lodged in [her]160-gudrun mind for ever , beyond escape . [She]160-gudrun felt , one day , [she]160-gudrun would have to tell [him]255-gerald , to see how [he]255-gerald took it . And [she]160-gudrun loathed [herself]160-gudrun for the thought . But at Shortlands the life - long struggle was coming to a close . [The father]646-the father was ill and was going to die . [He]646-the father had bad internal pains , which took away all [his]646-the father attentive life , and left [him]646-the father with only a vestige of [his]646-the father consciousness . More and more a silence came over [him]646-the father , [he]646-the father was less and less acutely aware of [his]646-the father surroundings . The pain seemed to absorb [his]646-the father activity . [He]646-the father knew it was there , [he]646-the father knew it would come again . It was like something lurking in the darkness within [him]646-the father . And [he]646-the father had not the power , or the will , to seek it out and to know it . There it remained in the darkness , the great pain , tearing [him]646-the father at times , and then being silent . And when it tore [him]646-the father [he]646-the father crouched in silent subjection under it , and when it left [him]646-the father alone again , [he]646-the father refused to know of it . It was within the darkness , let it remain unknown . So [he]646-the father never admitted it , except in a secret corner of [himself]646-the father , where all [his]646-the father never - revealed fears and secrets were accumulated . For the rest , [he]646-the father had a pain , it went away , it made no difference . It even stimulated [him]646-the father , excited [him]646-the father . But it gradually absorbed [his]646-the father life . Gradually it drew away all [his]646-the father potentiality , it bled [him]646-the father into the dark , it weaned [him]646-the father of life and drew [him]646-the father away into the darkness . And in this twilight of [his]646-the father life little remained visible to [him]646-the father . The business , [his]646-the father work , that was gone entirely . [His]646-the father public interests had disappeared as if they had never been . Even [[his]646-the father family]5838-his family had become extraneous to [him]646-the father , [he]646-the father could only remember , in some slight non - essential part of [himself]646-the father , that such and such were [[his]646-the father children]5559-his children . But it was historical fact , not vital to [him]646-the father . [He]646-the father had to make an effort to know [their]5559-his children relation to [him]646-the father . Even [[his]646-the father wife]1467-his wife barely existed . [She]1467-his wife indeed was like the darkness , like the pain within [him]646-the father . By some strange association , the darkness that contained the pain and the darkness that contained [[his]646-the father wife]1467-his wife were identical . All [his]646-the father thoughts and understandings became blurred and fused , and now [[his]646-the father wife]1467-his wife and the consuming pain were the same dark secret power against [him]646-the father , that [he]646-the father never faced . [He]646-the father never drove the dread out of its lair within [him]646-the father . [He]646-the father only knew that there was [a dark place]5843-a dark place , and something inhabiting this darkness which issued from time to time and rent [him]646-the father . But [he]646-the father dared not penetrate and drive the beast into the open . [He]646-the father had rather ignore [its]5843-a dark place existence . Only , in [his]646-the father vague way , the dread was [[his]646-the father wife]1467-his wife , [the destroyer]5845-the destroyer , and it was the pain , the destruction , a darkness which was one and both . [He]646-the father very rarely saw [[his]646-the father wife]1467-his wife . [She]1467-his wife kept [[her]1467-his wife room]5117-her room . Only occasionally [she]1467-his wife came forth , with [her]1467-his wife head stretched forward , and in [her]1467-his wife low , possessed voice , [she]1467-his wife asked [him]646-the father how [he]646-the father was . And [he]646-the father answered [her]1467-his wife , in the habit of more than thirty years : “[0-i] Well , [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i ’m any the worse , [dear]2460-dear . ” But [he]646-the father was frightened of [her]1467-his wife , underneath this safeguard of habit , frightened almost to the verge of death . But all [his]646-the father life , [he]646-the father had been so constant to [his]646-the father lights , [he]646-the father had never broken down . [He]646-the father would die even now without breaking down , without knowing what [his]646-the father feelings were , towards [her]1467-his wife . All [his]646-the father life , [he]646-the father had said : “[0-i] [Poor Christiana]304-poor christiana , [she]304-poor christiana has such a strong temper . ” With unbroken will , [he]646-the father had stood by this position with regard to [her]1467-his wife , [he]646-the father had substituted pity for all [his]646-the father hostility , pity had been [his]646-the father shield and [his]646-the father safeguard , and [his]646-the father infallible weapon . And still , in [his]646-the father consciousness , [he]646-the father was sorry for [her]1467-his wife , [her]1467-his wife nature was so violent and so impatient . But now [his]646-the father pity , with [his]646-the father life , was wearing thin , and the dread almost amounting to horror , was rising into being . But before the armour of [his]646-the father pity really broke , [he]646-the father would die , as an insect when its shell is cracked . This was [his]646-the father final resource . [Others]593-others would live on , and know the living death , the ensuing process of hopeless chaos . [He]646-the father would not . [He]646-the father denied death its victory . [He]646-the father had been so constant to [his]646-the father lights , so constant to charity , and to [his]646-the father love for [[his]646-the father neighbour]4737-his neighbour . Perhaps [he]646-the father had loved [[his]646-the father neighbour]4737-his neighbour even better than [himself]646-the father — which is going one further than the commandment . Always , this flame had burned in [his]646-the father heart , sustaining [him]646-the father through everything , the welfare of [the people]4677-the people . [He]646-the father was [a large employer of labour]5852-a large employer of labour , [he]646-the father was [a great mine - owner]5853-a great mine - owner . And [he]646-the father had never lost this from [his]646-the father heart , that in [Christ]192-christ [he]646-the father was one with [[his]646-the father workmen]5854-his workmen . Nay , [he]646-the father had felt inferior to [them]5854-his workmen , as if [they]5854-his workmen through poverty and labour were nearer to [God]167-god than [he]646-the father . [He]646-the father had always the unacknowledged belief , that it was [[his]646-the father workmen]5854-his workmen , [the miners]5856-the miners , who held in [their]5856-the miners hands the means of salvation . To move nearer to [God]167-god , [he]646-the father must move towards [[his]646-the father miners]5857-his miners , [his]646-the father life must gravitate towards [theirs]5857-his miners . [They]5857-his miners were , unconsciously , [[his]646-the father idol]5858-his idol , [[his]646-the father God]5859-his god made manifest . In [them]5857-his miners [he]646-the father worshipped the highest , [the great , sympathetic , mindless Godhead of humanity]5860-the great , sympathetic , mindless godhead of humanity . And all the while , [[his]646-the father wife]1467-his wife had opposed [him]646-the father like one of the great demons of hell . [Strange , like a bird of prey , with the fascinating beauty and abstraction of a hawk]5862-strange , like a bird of prey , with the fascinating beauty and abstraction of a hawk , [she]1467-his wife had beat against the bars of [[his]646-the father philanthropy]5863-his philanthropy , and like a hawk in a cage , [she]1467-his wife had sunk into silence . By force of circumstance , because all [the world]541-the world combined to make the cage unbreakable , [he]646-the father had been too strong for [her]1467-his wife , [he]646-the father had kept [her]1467-his wife prisoner . And because [she]1467-his wife was [[his]646-the father prisoner]5865-his prisoner , [his]646-the father passion for [her]1467-his wife had always remained keen as death . [He]646-the father had always loved [her]1467-his wife , loved [her]1467-his wife with intensity . Within [the cage]5866-the cage , [she]1467-his wife was denied nothing , [she]1467-his wife was given all licence . But [she]1467-his wife had gone almost mad . Of wild and overweening temper , [she]1467-his wife could not bear the humiliation of [[her]1467-his wife husband]5204-her husband ’s soft , half - appealing kindness to [everybody]780-everybody . [He]646-the father was not deceived by [the poor]5869-the poor . [He]646-the father knew [they]5869-the poor came and sponged on [him]646-the father , and whined to [him]646-the father , [the worse sort]5870-the worse sort ; [the majority]5871-the majority , luckily for [him]646-the father , were much too proud to ask for anything , much too independent to come knocking at [his]646-the father door . But in [Beldover]1-beldover , as everywhere else , there were [the whining , parasitic , foul human beings who come crawling after charity , and feeding on the living body of the public]5872-the whining , parasitic , foul human beings who come crawling after charity , and feeding on the living body of the public like lice . A kind of fire would go over [Christiana Crich]305-christiana crich ’s brain , as [she]305-christiana crich saw [two more pale - faced , creeping women in objectionable black clothes , cringing lugubriously up [the drive]5874-the drive to the door]5873-two more pale - faced , creeping women in objectionable black clothes , cringing lugubriously up the drive to the door . [She]305-christiana crich wanted to set the dogs on [them]5873-two more pale - faced , creeping women in objectionable black clothes , cringing lugubriously up the drive to the door , “[304-poor christiana] [Hi Rip]306-hi rip ! Hi Ring ! [Ranger]307-ranger ! [At ’em boys]2461-at ’em boys , set ’em off . ” But [Crowther]184-crowther , [the butler]5875-the butler , with [all the rest of [the servants]5115-the servants]5876-all the rest of the servants , was [[Mr Crich]171-mr crich ’s man]5878-mr crich ’s man . Nevertheless , when [[her]305-christiana crich husband]5204-her husband was away , [she]305-christiana crich would come down like [a wolf on the crawling supplicants]5880-a wolf on the crawling supplicants : “[2461-at ’em boys] What do [[you]2462-you people]2463-you people want ? There is nothing for [you]2462-you [here]4650-here . [You]2462-you have no business on the drive at all . [Simpson]308-simpson , drive [them]2463-you people away and let no more of [them]2463-you people through the gate . ” [The servants]5115-the servants had to obey [her]305-christiana crich . And [she]305-christiana crich would stand watching with an eye like the eagle ’s , whilst [the groom in clumsy confusion]5882-the groom in clumsy confusion drove [the lugubrious persons]5883-the lugubrious persons down [the drive]5874-the drive , as if [they]5883-the lugubrious persons were rusty fowls , scuttling before [him]5461-sir . But [they]5115-the servants learned to know , from [the lodge - keeper]5885-the lodge - keeper , when [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich was away , and [they]5115-the servants timed [their]5115-the servants visits . How many times , in the first years , would [Crowther]184-crowther knock softly at the door : “[2465-person] [Person]2465-person to see [you]2462-you , [sir]5461-sir . ” “[2465-person] What name ? ” “[309-grocock] [Grocock]309-grocock , [sir]5461-sir . ” “[309-grocock] What do [they]2463-you people want ? ” The question was half impatient , half gratified . [He]2462-you liked hearing appeals to [his]2462-you charity . “[2463-you people] About [a child]733-a child , [sir]5461-sir . ” “[2463-you people] Show [them]2463-you people into [the library]2470-the library , and tell [them]2463-you people [they]2463-you people should n’t come after eleven o’clock in the morning . ” “[2463-you people] Why do [you]2462-you get up from dinner?—send [them]2463-you people off , ” [[his]2462-you wife]1467-his wife would say abruptly . “[2462-you] Oh , [I]0-i ca n’t do that . It ’s no trouble just to hear what [they]2463-you people have to say . ” “[2463-you people] How many more have been [here]4650-here today ? Why do n’t [you]2462-you establish [open house for [them]2463-you people]2472-open house for them ? [They]2463-you people would soon oust [me]0-i and [the children]4705-the children . ” “[2463-you people] [You]2462-you know [dear]2460-dear , it does n’t hurt [me]0-i to hear what [they]2463-you people have to say . And if [they]2463-you people really are in trouble — well , it is [my]0-i duty to help [them]2463-you people out of it . ” “[0-i] It ’s [your]2462-you duty to invite [all the rats in [the world]541-the world]2475-all the rats in the world to gnaw at [your]2462-you bones . ” “[2475-all the rats in the world] Come , [Christiana]305-christiana crich , it is n’t like that . Do n’t be uncharitable . ” But [she]305-christiana crich suddenly swept out of [the room]739-the room , and out to [the study]5469-the study . There sat [the meagre charity - seekers]5889-the meagre charity - seekers , looking as if [they]5889-the meagre charity - seekers were at [the doctor]5890-the doctor ’s . “[171-mr crich] [Mr Crich]171-mr crich ca n’t see [you]2462-you . [He]171-mr crich ca n’t see [you]2462-you at this hour . Do [you]2462-you think [he]171-mr crich is [[your]2462-you property]2477-your property , that [you]2462-you can come whenever [you]2462-you like ? [You]2462-you must go away , there is nothing for [you]2462-you [here]4650-here . ” [The poor people]5891-the poor people rose in confusion . But [Mr Crich , pale and black - bearded and deprecating]171-mr crich , came behind [her]2462-you , saying : “[0-i] Yes , [I]0-i do n’t like [you]2462-you coming as late as this . [I]0-i ’ll hear any of [you]2462-you in the morning part of the day , but [I]0-i ca n’t really do with [you]2462-you after . What ’s amiss then , [Gittens]310-gittens . How is [[your]2462-you [Missis]311-missis]5339-your missis ? ” “[311-missis] Why , [she]311-missis ’s sunk very low , [Mester Crich]312-mester crich , [she]311-missis ’s a’most gone , [she]311-missis is — ” Sometimes , it seemed to [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich as if [[her]165-mrs crich husband]5204-her husband were some subtle funeral bird , feeding on the miseries of [the people]4677-the people . It seemed to [her]165-mrs crich [he]5204-her husband was never satisfied unless there was some sordid tale being poured out to [him]5204-her husband , which [he]5204-her husband drank in with a sort of mournful , sympathetic satisfaction . [He]5204-her husband would have no raison d’être if there were no lugubrious miseries in [the world]541-the world , as [an undertaker]5895-an undertaker would have no meaning if there were no funerals . [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich recoiled back upon [herself]165-mrs crich , [she]165-mrs crich recoiled away from this world of creeping democracy . A band of tight , baleful exclusion fastened round [her]165-mrs crich heart , [her]165-mrs crich isolation was fierce and hard , [her]165-mrs crich antagonism was passive but terribly pure , like that of [a hawk in a cage]5896-a hawk in a cage . As the years went on , [she]165-mrs crich lost more and more count of [the world]541-the world , [she]165-mrs crich seemed rapt in some glittering abstraction , almost purely unconscious . [She]165-mrs crich would wander about [the house]468-the house and about [the surrounding country]5899-the surrounding country , staring keenly and seeing nothing . [She]165-mrs crich rarely spoke , [she]165-mrs crich had no connection with [the world]541-the world . And [she]165-mrs crich did not even think . [She]165-mrs crich was consumed in a fierce tension of opposition , like the negative pole of a magnet . And [she]165-mrs crich bore [many children]5901-many children . For , as time went on , [she]165-mrs crich never opposed [[her]165-mrs crich husband]5204-her husband in word or deed . [She]165-mrs crich took no notice of [him]5204-her husband , externally . [She]165-mrs crich submitted to [him]5204-her husband , let [him]5204-her husband take what [he]5204-her husband wanted and do as [he]5204-her husband wanted with [her]165-mrs crich . [She]165-mrs crich was like a hawk that sullenly submits to everything . The relation between [her]165-mrs crich and [[her]165-mrs crich husband]5204-her husband was wordless and unknown , but it was deep , awful , a relation of utter inter - destruction . And [he]5204-her husband , who triumphed in [the world]541-the world , [he]5204-her husband became more and more hollow in [his]5204-her husband vitality , the vitality was bled from within [him]5204-her husband , as by some hæmorrhage . [She]165-mrs crich was hulked like a hawk in a cage , but [her]165-mrs crich heart was fierce and undiminished within [her]165-mrs crich , though [her]165-mrs crich mind was destroyed . So to the last [he]5204-her husband would go to [her]165-mrs crich and hold [her]165-mrs crich in [his]5204-her husband arms sometimes , before [his]5204-her husband strength was all gone . The terrible white , destructive light that burned in [her]165-mrs crich eyes only excited and roused [him]5204-her husband . Till [he]5204-her husband was bled to death , and then [he]5204-her husband dreaded [her]165-mrs crich more than anything . But [he]5204-her husband always said to [himself]5204-her husband , how happy [he]5204-her husband had been , how [he]5204-her husband had loved [her]165-mrs crich with a pure and consuming love ever since [he]5204-her husband had known [her]165-mrs crich . And [he]5204-her husband thought of [her]165-mrs crich as pure , chaste ; the white flame which was known to [him]5204-her husband alone , the flame of [her]165-mrs crich sex , was a white flower of snow to [his]5204-her husband mind . [She]165-mrs crich was a wonderful white snow - flower , which [he]5204-her husband had desired infinitely . And now [he]5204-her husband was dying with all [his]5204-her husband ideas and interpretations intact . [They]5905-they would only collapse when the breath left [his]5204-her husband body . Till then they would be pure truths for [him]5204-her husband . Only death would show the perfect completeness of the lie . Till death , [she]165-mrs crich was [his]5204-her husband white snow - flower . [He]5204-her husband had subdued [her]165-mrs crich , and [her]165-mrs crich subjugation was to [him]5204-her husband an infinite chastity in [her]165-mrs crich , a virginity which [he]5204-her husband could never break , and which dominated [him]5204-her husband as by a spell . [She]165-mrs crich had let go [the outer world]5906-the outer world , but within [herself]165-mrs crich [she]165-mrs crich was unbroken and unimpaired . [She]165-mrs crich only sat in [[her]165-mrs crich room]5117-her room like a moping , dishevelled hawk , motionless , mindless . [[Her]165-mrs crich children]2445-her children , for whom [she]165-mrs crich had been so fierce in [her]165-mrs crich youth , now meant scarcely anything to [her]165-mrs crich . [She]165-mrs crich had lost all that , [she]165-mrs crich was quite by [herself]165-mrs crich . Only [Gerald]255-gerald , [the gleaming]5909-the gleaming , had some existence for [her]165-mrs crich . But of late years , since [he]255-gerald had become head of the business , [he]255-gerald too was forgotten . Whereas [the father]646-the father , now [he]646-the father was dying , turned for compassion to [Gerald]255-gerald . There had always been opposition between [the two of [them]1536-the two of them]1536-the two of them . [Gerald]255-gerald had feared and despised [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father , and to a great extent had avoided [him]5330-his father all through boyhood and young manhood . And [the father]646-the father had felt very often a real dislike of [[his]646-the father eldest son]5914-his eldest son , which , never wanting to give way to , [he]646-the father had refused to acknowledge . [He]646-the father had ignored [Gerald]255-gerald as much as possible , leaving [him]255-gerald alone . Since , however , [Gerald]255-gerald had come [home]4649-home and assumed responsibility in [the firm]1794-the firm , and had proved such [a wonderful director]5917-a wonderful director , [the father]646-the father , tired and weary of all outside concerns , had put all [his]646-the father trust of these things in [[his]646-the father son]2195-his son , implicitly , leaving everything to [him]255-gerald , and assuming a rather touching dependence on [the young enemy]5920-the young enemy . This immediately roused a poignant pity and allegiance in [Gerald]255-gerald ’s heart , always shadowed by contempt and by unadmitted enmity . For [Gerald]255-gerald was in reaction against Charity ; and yet [he]255-gerald was dominated by it , it assumed supremacy in the inner life , and [he]255-gerald could not confute it . So [he]255-gerald was partly subject to that which [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father stood for , but [he]255-gerald was in reaction against it . Now [he]255-gerald could not save [himself]255-gerald . A certain pity and grief and tenderness for [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father overcame [him]255-gerald , in spite of the deeper , more sullen hostility . [The father]646-the father won shelter from [Gerald]255-gerald through compassion . But for love [he]646-the father had [Winifred]297-winifred . [She]5924-her was [[his]646-the father youngest child]5925-his youngest child , [she]5924-her was [the only one of [[his]646-the father children whom [he]646-the father had ever closely loved]5927-his children whom he had ever closely loved]5926-the only one of his children whom he had ever closely loved . And [her]5924-her [he]646-the father loved with all the great , overweening , sheltering love of [a dying man]5928-a dying man . [He]646-the father wanted to shelter [her]5924-her infinitely , infinitely , to wrap [her]5924-her in warmth and love and shelter , perfectly . If [he]646-the father could save [her]5924-her [she]5924-her should never know one pain , one grief , one hurt . [He]646-the father had been so right all [his]646-the father life , so constant in [his]646-the father kindness and [his]646-the father goodness . And this was [his]646-the father last passionate righteousness , [his]646-the father love for [the child Winifred]5929-the child winifred . Some things troubled [him]646-the father yet . [The world]541-the world had passed away from [him]646-the father , as [his]646-the father strength ebbed . There were [no more poor and injured and humble to protect and succour]5931-no more poor and injured and humble to protect and succour . These were all lost to [him]646-the father . There were [no more [sons]1169-sons and [daughters]5934-daughters]5932-no more sons and daughters to trouble [him]646-the father , and to weigh on [him]646-the father as an unnatural responsibility . These too had faded out of reality . All these things had fallen out of [his]646-the father hands , and left [him]646-the father free . There remained the covert fear and horror of [[his]646-the father wife]1467-his wife , as [she]1467-his wife sat mindless and strange in [[her]1467-his wife room]5117-her room , or as [she]1467-his wife came forth with slow , prowling step , [her]1467-his wife head bent forward . But this [he]646-the father put away . Even [his]646-the father life - long righteousness , however , would not quite deliver [him]646-the father from the inner horror . Still , [he]646-the father could keep it sufficiently at bay . It would never break forth openly . Death would come first . Then there was [Winifred]297-winifred ! If only [he]646-the father could be sure about [her]1467-his wife , if only [he]646-the father could be sure . Since the death of [Diana]188-diana , and the development of [his]646-the father illness , [his]646-the father craving for surety with regard to [Winifred]297-winifred amounted almost to obsession . It was as if , even dying , [he]646-the father must have some anxiety , some responsibility of love , of Charity , upon [his]646-the father heart . [She]1467-his wife was [an odd , sensitive , inflammable child]5937-an odd , sensitive , inflammable child , having [[her]1467-his wife father]583-her father ’s dark hair and quiet bearing , but being quite detached , momentaneous . [She]1467-his wife was like a changeling indeed , as if [her]1467-his wife feelings did not matter to [her]1467-his wife , really . [She]1467-his wife often seemed to be talking and playing like [the gayest and most childish of children]5939-the gayest and most childish of children , [she]1467-his wife was full of the warmest , most delightful affection for a few things — for [[her]1467-his wife father]583-her father , and for [her]1467-his wife animals in particular . But if [she]1467-his wife heard that [her]1467-his wife beloved kitten [Leo]313-leo had been run over by [the motor - car]5108-the motor - car [she]1467-his wife put [her]1467-his wife head on one side , and replied , with a faint contraction like resentment on [her]1467-his wife face : “[2480-he] Has [he]2480-he ? ” Then [she]1467-his wife took no more notice . [She]1467-his wife only disliked [the servant who would force bad news on [her]1467-his wife]5942-the servant who would force bad news on her , and wanted [her]1467-his wife to be sorry . [She]1467-his wife wished not to know , and that seemed [her]1467-his wife chief motive . [She]1467-his wife avoided [[her]1467-his wife mother]770-her mother , and [most of the members of [[her]1467-his wife family]5945-her family]5944-most of the members of her family . [She]1467-his wife loved [[her]1467-his wife Daddy]5946-her daddy , because [he]5946-her daddy wanted [her]1467-his wife always to be happy , and because [he]5946-her daddy seemed to become young again , and irresponsible in [her]1467-his wife presence . [She]1467-his wife liked [Gerald]255-gerald , because [he]255-gerald was so self - contained . [She]1467-his wife loved [people who would make life a game for [her]1467-his wife]5947-people who would make life a game for her . [She]1467-his wife had an amazing instinctive critical faculty , and was [a pure anarchist]5948-a pure anarchist , [a pure aristocrat]5949-a pure aristocrat at once . For [she]1467-his wife accepted [[[her]1467-his wife equals]5950-her equals wherever [she]1467-his wife found [them]5950-her equals , and [she]1467-his wife ignored with blithe indifference [[her]1467-his wife inferiors]5952-her inferiors , whether [they]5952-her inferiors were [[her]1467-his wife brothers]5953-her brothers and [sisters]5954-sisters , or whether [they]5952-her inferiors were [wealthy guests of [the house]468-the house]5955-wealthy guests of the house , or whether [they]5952-her inferiors were [the common people]1858-the common people or [the servants]5115-the servants]5951-her equals wherever she found them , and she ignored with blithe indifference her inferiors , whether they were her brothers and sisters , or whether they were wealthy guests of the house , or whether they were the common people or the servants . [She]1467-his wife was quite single and by [herself]1467-his wife , deriving from [nobody]912-nobody . It was as if [she]1467-his wife were cut off from all purpose or continuity , and existed simply moment by moment . [The father]646-the father , as by some strange final illusion , felt as if all [his]646-the father fate depended on [his]646-the father ensuring to Winifred [her]1467-his wife happiness . [She]1467-his wife who could never suffer , because [she]1467-his wife never formed vital connections , [she]1467-his wife who could lose the dearest things of [her]1467-his wife life and be just the same the next day , the whole memory dropped out , as if deliberately , [she]1467-his wife whose will was so strangely and easily free , anarchistic , almost nihilistic , who like a soulless bird flits on its own will , without attachment or responsibility beyond the moment , who in [her]1467-his wife every motion snapped the threads of serious relationship with blithe , free hands , really nihilistic , because never troubled , [she]1467-his wife must be the object of [[her]1467-his wife father]583-her father ’s final passionate solicitude . When [Mr Crich]171-mr crich heard that [Gudrun Brangwen]160-gudrun might come to help [Winifred]297-winifred with [her]160-gudrun drawing and modelling [he]171-mr crich saw a road to salvation for [[his]171-mr crich child]5962-his child . [He]171-mr crich believed that [Winifred]297-winifred had talent , [he]171-mr crich had seen [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [he]171-mr crich knew that [she]160-gudrun was [an exceptional person]5963-an exceptional person . [He]171-mr crich could give [Winifred]297-winifred into [her]160-gudrun hands as into the hands of [a right being]5964-a right being . Here was a direction and a positive force to be lent to [[his]171-mr crich child]5962-his child , [he]171-mr crich need not leave [her]5962-his child directionless and defenceless . If [he]171-mr crich could but graft [the girl]540-the girl on to some tree of utterance before [he]171-mr crich died , [he]171-mr crich would have fulfilled [his]171-mr crich responsibility . And here it could be done . [He]171-mr crich did not hesitate to appeal to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . Meanwhile , as [the father]646-the father drifted more and more out of life , [Gerald]255-gerald experienced more and more a sense of exposure . [[His]255-gerald father]5330-his father after all had stood for the living world to [him]255-gerald . Whilst [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father lived [Gerald]255-gerald was not responsible for [the world]541-the world . But now [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father was passing away , [Gerald]255-gerald found [himself]255-gerald left exposed and unready before the storm of living , like [the mutinous first mate of a ship that has lost [[his]171-mr crich captain]5973-his captain , and who sees only a terrible chaos in front of [him]255-gerald]5972-the mutinous first mate of a ship that has lost his captain , and who sees only a terrible chaos in front of him . [He]255-gerald did not inherit an established order and a living idea . The whole unifying idea of [mankind]1014-mankind seemed to be dying with [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father , the centralising force that had held the whole together seemed to collapse with [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father , the parts were ready to go asunder in terrible disintegration . [Gerald]255-gerald was as if left on board of [a ship that was going asunder]5977-a ship that was going asunder beneath [his]255-gerald feet , [he]255-gerald was in charge of [a vessel whose timbers were all coming apart]5978-a vessel whose timbers were all coming apart . [He]255-gerald knew that all [his]255-gerald life [he]255-gerald had been wrenching at the frame of life to break it apart . And now , with something of the terror of [a destructive child]5979-a destructive child , [he]255-gerald saw [himself]255-gerald on the point of inheriting [his]255-gerald own destruction . And during the last months , under the influence of death , and of [Birkin]169-birkin ’s talk , and of [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s penetrating being , [he]255-gerald had lost entirely that mechanical certainty that had been [his]255-gerald triumph . Sometimes spasms of hatred came over [him]255-gerald , against [Birkin]169-birkin and [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [that whole set]5980-that whole set . [He]255-gerald wanted to go back to the dullest conservatism , to [the most stupid of [conventional people]5982-conventional people]5981-the most stupid of conventional people . [He]255-gerald wanted to revert to the strictest Toryism . But the desire did not last long enough to carry [him]255-gerald into action . During [his]255-gerald childhood and [his]255-gerald boyhood [he]255-gerald had wanted a sort of savagedom . The days of [Homer]314-homer were [his]255-gerald ideal , when [a man]4648-a man was [chief of [an army of [heroes]5986-heroes]5985-an army of heroes]5984-chief of an army of heroes , or spent [his]4648-a man years in wonderful [Odyssey]64-odyssey . [He]255-gerald hated remorselessly the circumstances of [his]255-gerald own life , so much that [he]255-gerald never really saw [Beldover]1-beldover and [the colliery valley]5987-the colliery valley . [He]255-gerald turned [his]255-gerald face entirely away from [the blackened mining region that stretched away on the right hand of [Shortlands]7-shortlands]5988-the blackened mining region that stretched away on the right hand of shortlands , [he]255-gerald turned entirely to [the country]4896-the country and [the woods beyond [Willey Water]8-willey water]5990-the woods beyond willey water . It was true that the panting and rattling of [the coal mines]5991-the coal mines could always be heard at [Shortlands]7-shortlands . But from [his]255-gerald earliest childhood , [Gerald]255-gerald had paid no heed to this . [He]255-gerald had ignored the whole of the industrial sea which surged in coal - blackened tides against [the grounds of [the house]468-the house]1787-the grounds of the house . [The world]541-the world was really a wilderness where [one hunted and swam and rode]5995-one hunted and swam and rode . [He]255-gerald rebelled against all authority . Life was a condition of savage freedom . Then [he]255-gerald had been sent away to [school]4869-school , which was so much death to [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald refused to go to [Oxford]14-oxford , choosing [a German university]5997-a german university . [He]255-gerald had spent a certain time at [Bonn]66-bonn , at [Berlin]67-berlin , and at [Frankfurt]68-frankfurt . [There]629-there , a curiosity had been aroused in [his]255-gerald mind . [He]255-gerald wanted to see and to know , in a curious objective fashion , as if it were an amusement to [him]255-gerald . Then [he]255-gerald must try war . Then [he]255-gerald must travel into [the savage regions that had so attracted [him]255-gerald]5999-the savage regions that had so attracted him . The result was , [he]255-gerald found [humanity]987-humanity very much alike everywhere , and to a mind like [his]255-gerald , curious and cold , [the savage]6001-the savage was duller , less exciting than [the European]69-the european . So [he]255-gerald took hold of all kinds of sociological ideas , and ideas of reform . But they never went more than skin - deep , they were never more than a mental amusement . [Their]987-humanity interest lay chiefly in the reaction against the positive order , the destructive reaction . [He]255-gerald discovered at last a real adventure in [the coal - mines]6002-the coal - mines . [[His]255-gerald father]5330-his father asked [him]255-gerald to help in [the firm]1794-the firm . [Gerald]255-gerald had been educated in the science of mining , and it had never interested [him]255-gerald . Now , suddenly , with a sort of exultation , [he]255-gerald laid hold of [the world]541-the world . There was impressed photographically on [his]255-gerald consciousness the great industry . Suddenly , it was real , [he]255-gerald was part of it . Down [the valley]5286-the valley ran [the colliery railway]6007-the colliery railway , linking mine with [mine]6008-mine . Down [the railway]1339-the railway ran [the trains]6010-the trains , [short trains of heavily laden trucks]6011-short trains of heavily laden trucks , [long trains of empty wagons]6012-long trains of empty wagons , each one bearing in big white letters the initials : “[2480-he] C. B. & Co. ” These white letters on [all the wagons [he]255-gerald had seen since [his]255-gerald first childhood]6013-all the wagons he had seen since his first childhood , and it was as if [he]255-gerald had never seen them , they were so familiar , and so ignored . Now at last [he]255-gerald saw [his]255-gerald own name written on the wall . Now [he]255-gerald had a vision of power . So many wagons , bearing [his]255-gerald initial , running all over [the country]4896-the country . [He]255-gerald saw [them]6010-the trains as [he]255-gerald entered [London]2-london in [the train]4874-the train , [he]255-gerald saw [them]6010-the trains at [Dover]70-dover . So far [his]255-gerald power ramified . [He]255-gerald looked at [Beldover]1-beldover , at [Selby]71-selby , at [Whatmore]72-whatmore , at [Lethley Bank]73-lethley bank , [the great colliery villages which depended entirely on [[his]255-gerald mines]6017-his mines]6016-the great colliery villages which depended entirely on his mines . They were hideous and sordid , during [his]255-gerald childhood they had been sores in [his]255-gerald consciousness . And now [he]255-gerald saw [them]6010-the trains with pride . [Four raw new towns]6018-four raw new towns , and [many ugly industrial hamlets]6019-many ugly industrial hamlets were crowded under [his]255-gerald dependence . [He]255-gerald saw the stream of [miners]1438-miners flowing along [the causeways]6021-the causeways from [the mines]988-the mines at the end of the afternoon , [thousands of blackened , slightly distorted human beings with red mouths]6023-thousands of blackened , slightly distorted human beings with red mouths , all moving subjugate to [his]255-gerald will . [He]255-gerald pushed slowly in [[his]255-gerald motor - car]6024-his motor - car through [the little market - top]6025-the little market - top on Friday nights in [Beldover]1-beldover , through a solid mass of [human beings]511-human beings that were making [their]511-human beings purchases and doing [their]511-human beings weekly spending . [They]511-human beings were all subordinate to [him]255-gerald . [They]511-human beings were ugly and uncouth , but [they]511-human beings were [his]255-gerald instruments . [He]255-gerald was [the God of the machine]6027-the god of the machine . [They]511-human beings made way for [his]255-gerald [motor - car]6028-motor - car automatically , slowly . [He]255-gerald did not care whether [they]511-human beings made way with alacrity , or grudgingly . [He]255-gerald did not care what [they]511-human beings thought of [him]255-gerald . [His]255-gerald vision had suddenly crystallised . Suddenly [he]255-gerald had conceived the pure instrumentality of [mankind]1014-mankind . There had been so much humanitarianism , so much talk of sufferings and feelings . It was ridiculous . The sufferings and feelings of [individuals]6030-individuals did not matter in the least . They were mere conditions , like the weather . What mattered was the pure instrumentality of [the individual]5373-the individual . As [a man as of a knife]6032-a man as of a knife : does it cut well ? Nothing else mattered . Everything in [the world]541-the world has its function , and is good or not good in so far as it fulfils this function more or less perfectly . Was [a miner]1442-a miner [a good miner]6035-a good miner ? Then [he]1442-a miner was complete . Was [a manager]6036-a manager [a good manager]6037-a good manager ? That was enough . [Gerald]255-gerald [himself]255-gerald , who was responsible for all this industry , was [he]255-gerald [a good director]6038-a good director ? If [he]255-gerald were , [he]255-gerald had fulfilled [his]255-gerald life . The rest was by - play . [The mines]988-the mines were there , they were old . [They]988-the mines were giving out , it did not pay to work the seams . There was talk of closing down two of [them]988-the mines . It was at this point that [Gerald]255-gerald arrived on the scene . [He]255-gerald looked around . There lay [the mines]988-the mines . [They]988-the mines were old , obsolete . [They]988-the mines were like old lions , no more good . [He]255-gerald looked again . Pah ! [the mines]988-the mines were nothing but the clumsy efforts of [impure minds]6042-impure minds . There they lay , abortions of a half - trained mind . Let the idea of them be swept away . [He]255-gerald cleared [his]255-gerald brain of [them]988-the mines , and thought only of the coal in [the under earth]6043-the under earth . How much was there ? There was plenty of coal . [The old workings]6044-the old workings could not get at [it]988-the mines , that was all . Then break the neck of [the old workings]6044-the old workings . The coal lay there in its seams , even though the seams were thin . There it lay , inert matter , as it had always lain , since the beginning of time , subject to the will of [man]1089-man . The will of [man]1089-man was the determining factor . [Man]1089-man was [the archgod of earth]6049-the archgod of earth . [His]1089-man mind was obedient to serve [his]1089-man will . [Man]261-man ’s will was the absolute , the only absolute . And it was [his]1089-man will to subjugate Matter to [his]1089-man own ends . The subjugation itself was the point , the fight was the be - all , the fruits of victory were mere results . It was not for the sake of money that [Gerald]255-gerald took over [the mines]988-the mines . [He]255-gerald did not care about money , fundamentally . [He]255-gerald was neither ostentatious nor luxurious , neither did [he]255-gerald care about social position , not finally . What [he]255-gerald wanted was the pure fulfilment of [his]255-gerald own will in the struggle with the natural conditions . [His]255-gerald will was now , to take the coal out of [the earth]972-the earth , profitably . The profit was merely the condition of victory , but the victory itself lay in the feat achieved . [He]255-gerald vibrated with zest before the challenge . Every day [he]255-gerald was in [the mines]988-the mines , examining , testing , [he]255-gerald consulted [experts]6053-experts , [he]255-gerald gradually gathered the whole situation into [his]255-gerald mind , as [a general]6054-a general grasps the plan of [his]255-gerald campaign . Then there was need for a complete break . [The mines]988-the mines were run on an old system , an obsolete idea . The initial idea had been , to obtain as much money from [the earth]972-the earth as would make [the owners]6057-the owners comfortably rich , would allow [the workmen]6058-the workmen sufficient wages and good conditions , and would increase the wealth of [the country]4896-the country altogether . [[Gerald]255-gerald ’s father]6060-gerald ’s father , following in [the second generation]6061-the second generation , having a sufficient fortune , had thought only of [the men]727-the men . [The mines]988-the mines , for [him]255-gerald , were primarily [great fields to produce bread]6064-great fields to produce bread and plenty for all the hundreds of [human beings]511-human beings gathered about [them]988-the mines . [He]255-gerald had lived and striven with [[his]255-gerald fellow owners]6066-his fellow owners to benefit [the men]727-the men every time . And [the men]727-the men had been benefited in [their]727-the men fashion . There were [few poor]6069-few poor , and [few needy]6070-few needy . All was plenty , because [the mines]988-the mines were good and easy to work . And [the miners]5856-the miners , in those days , finding [themselves]5856-the miners richer than [they]5856-the miners might have expected , felt glad and triumphant . [They]5856-the miners thought [themselves]5856-the miners well - off , [they]5856-the miners congratulated [themselves]5856-the miners on [their]5856-the miners good - fortune , [they]5856-the miners remembered how [[their]5856-the miners fathers]6073-their fathers had starved and suffered , and [they]5856-the miners felt that better times had come . [They]5856-the miners were grateful to those others , [the pioneers]6074-the pioneers , [the new owners]6075-the new owners , who had opened out [the pits]6076-the pits , and let forth this stream of plenty . But [man]1089-man is never satisfied , and so [the miners]5856-the miners , from gratitude to [[their]5856-the miners owners]6079-their owners , passed on to murmuring . [Their]5856-the miners sufficiency decreased with knowledge , [they]5856-the miners wanted more . Why should [the master]6080-the master be [so out - of - all - proportion rich]6081-so out - of - all - proportion rich ? There was a crisis when [Gerald]255-gerald was [a boy]764-a boy , when [[the Masters]315-the masters ’ Federation]6083-the masters ’ federation closed down [the mines]988-the mines because [the men]727-the men would not accept a reduction . This lock - out had forced [home]4649-home the new conditions to [Thomas Crich]164-thomas crich . Belonging to [the Federation]6087-the federation , [he]255-gerald had been compelled by [his]255-gerald honour to close [the pits]6076-the pits against [[his]255-gerald men]6089-his men . [He]255-gerald , [the father]646-the father , [the Patriarch]6091-the patriarch , was forced to deny the means of life to [[his]255-gerald sons]6092-his sons , [[his]255-gerald people]6093-his people . [He]255-gerald , [the rich man who would hardly enter [heaven]619-heaven because of [his]255-gerald possessions]6094-the rich man who would hardly enter heaven because of his possessions , must now turn upon [the poor]5869-the poor , upon [those who were nearer [Christ]192-christ than [himself]255-gerald]6097-those who were nearer christ than himself , [those who were humble and despised and closer to perfection]6098-those who were humble and despised and closer to perfection , [those who were manly and noble in [their]6099-those who were manly and noble in their labours labours]6099-those who were manly and noble in their labours , and must say to [them]6092-his sons : “[2481-ye] [Ye]2481-ye shall neither labour nor eat bread . ” It was this recognition of the state of war which really broke [his]255-gerald heart . [He]255-gerald wanted [his]255-gerald industry to be run on love . Oh , [he]255-gerald wanted love to be the directing power even of [the mines]988-the mines . And now , from under the cloak of love , the sword was cynically drawn , the sword of mechanical necessity . This really broke [his]255-gerald heart . [He]255-gerald must have the illusion and now the illusion was destroyed . [The men]727-the men were not against [him]255-gerald , but [they]727-the men were against [the masters]6102-the masters . It was war , and willy nilly [he]255-gerald found [himself]255-gerald on the wrong side , in [his]255-gerald own conscience . [Seething masses of]6103-seething masses of [miners]1438-miners met daily , carried away by a new religious impulse . The idea flew through [them]6103-seething masses of : “[2481-ye] [All men]2482-all men are equal on [earth]571-earth , ” and [they]6103-seething masses of would carry the idea to its material fulfilment . After all , is it not the teaching of [Christ]192-christ ? And what is an idea , if not the germ of action in [the material world]6105-the material world . “[2482-all men] [All men]2482-all men are equal in spirit , [they]2482-all men are [all sons of [God]167-god]2485-all sons of god . Whence then this obvious disquality ? ” It was a religious creed pushed to its material conclusion . [Thomas Crich]164-thomas crich at least had no answer . [He]164-thomas crich could but admit , according to [his]164-thomas crich sincere tenets , that the disquality was wrong . But [he]164-thomas crich could not give up [his]164-thomas crich goods , which were the stuff of disquality . So [the men]727-the men would fight for [their]727-the men rights . The last impulses of the last religious passion left on [earth]571-earth , the passion for equality , inspired [them]727-the men . [Seething mobs of [men]848-men]6108-seething mobs of men marched about , [their]6108-seething mobs of men faces lighted up as for holy war , with a smoke of cupidity . How disentangle the passion for equality from the passion of cupidity , when begins the fight for equality of possessions ? But [the God]6110-the god was the machine . [Each man]2404-each man claimed equality in [the Godhead of the great productive machine]6112-the godhead of the great productive machine . [Every man]767-every man equally was part of [this Godhead]6114-this godhead . But somehow , somewhere , [Thomas Crich]164-thomas crich knew this was false . When [the machine]6115-the machine is [the Godhead]6116-the godhead , and production or work is worship , then the most mechanical mind is purest and highest , [the representative of God on [earth]571-earth]6117-the representative of god on earth . And [the rest]6119-the rest are subordinate , each according to [his]767-every man degree . Riots broke out , Whatmore pit - head was in flames . This was [the pit furthest in [the country]4896-the country , near [the woods]5533-the woods]6120-the pit furthest in the country , near the woods . [Soldiers]6123-soldiers came . From the windows of [Shortlands]7-shortlands , on that fatal day , could be seen the flare of fire in the sky not far off , and now [the little colliery train]6124-the little colliery train , with [the workmen]6058-the workmen ’s carriages which were used to convey [the miners]5856-the miners to [the distant Whatmore]72-whatmore , was crossing [the valley full of [soldiers , full of redcoats]6128-soldiers , full of redcoats]6127-the valley full of soldiers , full of redcoats . Then there was the far - off sound of firing , then the later news that [the mob]6129-the mob was dispersed , [one man]4736-one man was shot dead , the fire was put out . [Gerald]255-gerald , who was [a boy]764-a boy , was filled with the wildest excitement and delight . [He]255-gerald longed to go with [the soldiers]6132-the soldiers to shoot [the men]727-the men . But [he]255-gerald was not allowed to go out of the lodge gates . At the gates were stationed [sentries with guns]6134-sentries with guns . [Gerald]255-gerald stood near [them]6134-sentries with guns in delight , whilst [gangs of [derisive miners]6136-derisive miners]6135-gangs of derisive miners strolled up and down [the lanes]6137-the lanes , calling and jeering : “[2482-all men] Now then , [three ha’porth o ’ coppers]2486-three ha’porth o ’ coppers , let ’s see [thee]2487-thee shoot [thy]2487-thee gun . ” Insults were chalked on the walls and the fences , [the servants]5115-the servants left . And all this while [Thomas Crich]164-thomas crich was breaking [his]164-thomas crich heart , and giving away hundreds of pounds in charity . Everywhere there was free food , a surfeit of free food . [Anybody]744-anybody could have bread for asking , and a loaf cost only three - ha’pence . Every day there was a free tea somewhere , [the children]4705-the children had never had so many treats in [their]4705-the children lives . On Friday afternoon great basketfuls of buns and cakes were taken into [the schools]1206-the schools , and great pitchers of milk , [the schoolchildren]6142-the schoolchildren had what [they]6142-the schoolchildren wanted . [They]6142-the schoolchildren were sick with eating too much cake and milk . And then it came to an end , and [the men]727-the men went back to work . But it was never the same as before . There was a new situation created , a new idea reigned . Even in the machine , there should be equality . [No part]6144-no part should be subordinate to any other part : all should be equal . The instinct for chaos had entered . Mystic equality lies in abstraction , not in having or in doing , which are processes . In function and process , [one man]4736-one man , one part , must of necessity be subordinate to another . It is a condition of being . But the desire for chaos had risen , and the idea of mechanical equality was the weapon of disruption which should execute the will of [man]1089-man , the will for chaos . [Gerald]255-gerald was [a boy]764-a boy at the time of the strike , but [he]255-gerald longed to be [a man]4648-a man , to fight [the colliers]4675-the colliers . [The father]646-the father however was trapped between two half - truths , and broken . [He]255-gerald wanted to be [a pure Christian]6151-a pure christian , one and equal with [all men]2482-all men . [He]255-gerald even wanted to give away all [he]255-gerald had , to [the poor]5869-the poor . Yet [he]255-gerald was [a great promoter of industry]6154-a great promoter of industry , and [he]255-gerald knew perfectly that [he]255-gerald must keep [his]255-gerald goods and keep [his]255-gerald authority . This was as divine a necessity in [him]255-gerald , as the need to give away all [he]255-gerald possessed — more divine , even , since this was the necessity [he]255-gerald acted upon . Yet because [he]255-gerald did not act on the other ideal , it dominated [him]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald was dying of chagrin because [he]255-gerald must forfeit it . [He]255-gerald wanted to be [a father of loving kindness and sacrificial benevolence]6155-a father of loving kindness and sacrificial benevolence . [The colliers]4675-the colliers shouted to [him]255-gerald about [his]255-gerald thousands a year . [They]4675-the colliers would not be deceived . When [Gerald]255-gerald grew up in the ways of [the world]541-the world , [he]255-gerald shifted the position . [He]255-gerald did not care about the equality . The whole Christian attitude of love and self - sacrifice was old hat . [He]255-gerald knew that position and authority were the right thing in [the world]541-the world , and it was useless to ca nt about it . [They]4675-the colliers were the right thing , for the simple reason that they were functionally necessary . [They]4675-the colliers were not the be - all and the end - all . It was like being part of a machine . [He]255-gerald [himself]255-gerald happened to be [a controlling , central part]6159-a controlling , central part , [the masses of [men]848-men]6160-the masses of men were the parts variously controlled . This was merely as it happened . As well get excited because a central hub drives a hundred outer wheels or because [the whole universe]6162-the whole universe wheels round the sun . After all , it would be mere silliness to say that the moon and [the earth]972-the earth and [Saturn]316-saturn and [Jupiter]317-jupiter and [Venus]318-venus have just as much right to be the centre of [the universe]6164-the universe , each of [them]6164-the universe separately , as the sun . Such an assertion is made merely in the desire of chaos . Without bothering to think to a conclusion , [Gerald]255-gerald jumped to a conclusion . [He]255-gerald abandoned the whole democratic - equality problem as a problem of silliness . What mattered was the great social productive machine . Let that work perfectly , let it produce a sufficiency of everything , let [every man]767-every man be given a rational portion , greater or less according to [his]767-every man functional degree or magnitude , and then , provision made , let [the devil]6166-the devil supervene , let [every man]767-every man look after [his]767-every man own amusements and appetites , so long as [he]767-every man interfered with [nobody]912-nobody . So [Gerald]255-gerald set [himself]255-gerald to work , to put the great industry in order . In [his]255-gerald travels , and in [his]255-gerald accompanying readings , [he]255-gerald had come to the conclusion that the essential secret of life was harmony . [He]255-gerald did not define to [himself]255-gerald at all clearly what harmony was . The word pleased [him]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald felt [he]255-gerald had come to [his]255-gerald own conclusions . And [he]255-gerald proceeded to put [his]255-gerald philosophy into practice by forcing order into [the established world]6169-the established world , translating the mystic word harmony into the practical word organisation . Immediately [he]255-gerald saw the firm , [he]255-gerald realised what [he]255-gerald could do . [He]255-gerald had a fight to fight with [Matter]319-matter , with [the earth]972-the earth and the coal it enclosed . This was the sole idea , to turn upon the inanimate matter of [the underground]6171-the underground , and reduce it to [his]255-gerald will . And for this fight with matter , [one]4646-one must have perfect instruments in perfect organisation , a mechanism so subtle and harmonious in its workings that it represents the single mind of [man]1089-man , and by its relentless repetition of given movement , will accomplish a purpose irresistibly , inhumanly . It was this inhuman principle in the mechanism [he]255-gerald wanted to construct that inspired [Gerald]255-gerald with an almost religious exaltation . [He]255-gerald , [the man]4658-the man , could interpose a perfect , changeless , godlike medium between [himself]255-gerald and [the Matter [he]255-gerald had to subjugate]6175-the matter he had to subjugate . There were two opposites , [his]255-gerald will and the resistant Matter of [the earth]972-the earth . And between these [he]255-gerald could establish the very expression of [his]255-gerald will , the incarnation of [his]255-gerald power , a great and perfect machine , a system , an activity of pure order , pure mechanical repetition , repetition ad infinitum , hence eternal and infinite . [He]255-gerald found [his]255-gerald eternal and [his]255-gerald infinite in the pure machine - principle of perfect co - ordination into one pure , complex , infinitely repeated motion , like the spinning of a wheel ; but a productive spinning , as the revolving of [the universe]6164-the universe may be called a productive spinning , a productive repetition through eternity , to infinity . And this is the God - motion , this productive repetition ad infinitum . And [Gerald]255-gerald was [the God of the machine]6027-the god of the machine , [Deus ex Machina]320-deus ex machina . And the whole productive will of [man]1089-man was [the Godhead]6116-the godhead . [He]255-gerald had [his]255-gerald life - work now , to extend over [the earth]972-the earth a great and perfect system in which the will of [man]1089-man ran smooth and unthwarted , timeless , a Godhead in process . [He]255-gerald had to begin with [the mines]988-the mines . The terms were given : first the resistant Matter of [the underground]6171-the underground ; then the instruments of its subjugation , instruments human and metallic ; and finally [his]255-gerald own pure will , [his]255-gerald own mind . It would need a marvellous adjustment of myriad instruments , human , animal , metallic , kinetic , dynamic , a marvellous casting of myriad tiny wholes into one great perfect entirety . And then , in this case there was perfection attained , the will of the highest was perfectly fulfilled , the will of mankind was perfectly enacted ; for was not [mankind]1089-man mystically contra - distinguished against inanimate Matter , was not the history of mankind just the history of the conquest of the one by the other ? [The miners]5856-the miners were overreached . While [they]5856-the miners were still in the toils of divine equality of [man]1089-man , [Gerald]255-gerald had passed on , granted essentially [their]5856-the miners case , and proceeded in [his]255-gerald quality of [human being]6187-human being to fulfil the will of [mankind as a whole]6188-mankind as a whole . [He]255-gerald merely represented [the miners]5856-the miners in a higher sense when [he]255-gerald perceived that the only way to fulfil perfectly the will of [man]1089-man was to establish the perfect , inhuman machine . But [he]255-gerald represented [them]5856-the miners very essentially , [they]5856-the miners were far behind , out of date , squabbling for [their]5856-the miners material equality . The desire had already transmuted into this new and greater desire , for a perfect intervening mechanism between [man]1089-man and [Matter]319-matter , the desire to translate [the Godhead]6116-the godhead into pure mechanism . As soon as [Gerald]255-gerald entered [the firm]1794-the firm , the convulsion of death ran through the old system . [He]255-gerald had all [his]255-gerald life been tortured by a furious and destructive demon , which possessed [him]255-gerald sometimes like an insanity . This temper now entered like a virus into [the firm]1794-the firm , and there were cruel eruptions . Terrible and inhuman were [his]255-gerald examinations into every detail ; there was no privacy [he]255-gerald would spare , no old sentiment but [he]255-gerald would turn it over . [The old grey managers]6195-the old grey managers , [the old grey clerks]6196-the old grey clerks , [the doddering old pensioners]6197-the doddering old pensioners , [he]255-gerald looked at [them]5856-the miners , and removed [them]5856-the miners as so much lumber . The whole concern seemed like [a hospital of [invalid employees]6199-invalid employees]6198-a hospital of invalid employees . [He]255-gerald had no emotional qualms . [He]255-gerald arranged what pensions were necessary , [he]255-gerald looked for [efficient substitutes]6200-efficient substitutes , and when these were found , [he]255-gerald substituted them for [the old hands]6201-the old hands . “[2487-thee] [I]0-i ’ve a pitiful letter here from [Letherington]321-letherington , ” [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father would say , in a tone of deprecation and appeal . “[0-i] Do n’t [you]0-i think [the poor fellow]2488-the poor fellow might keep on a little longer . [I]0-i always fancied [he]2488-the poor fellow did very well . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i ’ve got [a man in [his]2488-the poor fellow place]2489-a man in his place now , [father]4673-father . [He]2488-the poor fellow ’ll be happier out of it , believe [me]0-i . [You]4673-father think [his]2488-the poor fellow allowance is plenty , do n’t [you]4673-father ? ” “[4673-father] It is not the allowance that [he]2488-the poor fellow wants , [poor man]2435-poor man . [He]2488-the poor fellow feels it very much , that [he]2488-the poor fellow is superannuated . Says [he]2488-the poor fellow thought [he]2488-the poor fellow had twenty more years of work in [him]2488-the poor fellow yet . ” “[2488-the poor fellow] Not of this kind of work [I]0-i want . [He]2488-the poor fellow does n’t understand . ” [The father]646-the father sighed . [He]646-the father wanted not to know any more . [He]646-the father believed [the pits]6076-the pits would have to be overhauled if [they]6076-the pits were to go on working . And after all , it would be worst in the long run for [everybody]780-everybody , if [they]6076-the pits must close down . So [he]646-the father could make no answer to the appeals of [[his]646-the father old and trusty servants]6206-his old and trusty servants , [he]646-the father could only repeat “[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald says . ” So [the father]646-the father drew more and more out of the light . The whole frame of the real life was broken for [him]646-the father . [He]646-the father had been right according to [his]646-the father lights . And [his]646-the father lights had been those of the great religion . Yet they seemed to have become obsolete , to be superseded in [the world]541-the world . [He]646-the father could not understand . [He]646-the father only withdrew with [his]646-the father lights into [an inner room]6209-an inner room , into the silence . The beautiful candles of belief , that would not do to light [the world]541-the world any more , they would still burn sweetly and sufficiently in [the inner room of [his]646-the father soul]6211-the inner room of his soul , and in the silence of [his]646-the father retirement . [Gerald]255-gerald rushed into the reform of [the firm]1794-the firm , beginning with [the office]6213-the office . It was needful to economise severely , to make possible the great alterations [he]255-gerald must introduce . “[255-gerald] What are [these widows]2492-these widows ’ coals ? ” [he]646-the father asked . “[2493-we] [We]2493-we have always allowed [all widows of men who worked for [the firm]1794-the firm]2494-all widows of men who worked for the firm a load of coals every three months . ” “[2492-these widows] [They]2492-these widows must pay cost price henceforward . [The firm]1794-the firm is not [a charity institution]2497-a charity institution , as [everybody]780-everybody seems to think . ” [Widows]6214-widows , [these stock figures of sentimental humanitarianism]6215-these stock figures of sentimental humanitarianism , [he]646-the father felt a dislike at the thought of [them]6214-widows . [They]6214-widows were almost repulsive . Why were [they]6214-widows not immolated on the pyre of [the husband]6216-the husband , like [the sati in [India]75-india]6217-the sati in india ? At any rate , let [them]6214-widows pay the cost of [their]6214-widows coals . In a thousand ways [he]646-the father cut down the expenditure , in ways so fine as to be hardly noticeable to [the men]727-the men . [The miners]5856-the miners must pay for the cartage of [their]5856-the miners coals , heavy cartage too ; [they]5856-the miners must pay for [their]5856-the miners tools , for the sharpening , for the care of lamps , for the many trifling things that made the bill of charges against [every man]767-every man mount up to a shilling or so in the week . It was not grasped very definitely by [the miners]5856-the miners , though [they]5856-the miners were sore enough . But it saved hundreds of pounds every week for [the firm]1794-the firm . Gradually [Gerald]255-gerald got hold of everything . And then began the great reform . [Expert engineers]6223-expert engineers were introduced in [every department]6224-every department . [An enormous electric plant]6225-an enormous electric plant was installed , both for lighting and for [haulage underground]6226-haulage underground , and for power . The electricity was carried into [every mine]6227-every mine . New machinery was brought from [America]50-america , such as [the miners]5856-the miners had never seen before , [great iron men]6229-great iron men , as the cutting machines were called , and unusual appliances . The working of [the pits]6076-the pits was thoroughly changed , all the control was taken out of the hands of [the miners]5856-the miners , the butty system was abolished . Everything was run on the most accurate and delicate scientific method , [educated and expert men]6232-educated and expert men were in control everywhere , [the miners]5856-the miners were reduced to mere mechanical instruments . [They]5856-the miners had to work hard , much harder than before , the work was terrible and heart - breaking in its mechanicalness . But [they]5856-the miners submitted to it all . The joy went out of [their]5856-the miners lives , the hope seemed to perish as [they]5856-the miners became more and more mechanised . And yet [they]5856-the miners accepted the new conditions . [They]5856-the miners even got a further satisfaction out of [them]5856-the miners . At first [they]5856-the miners hated [Gerald Crich]255-gerald , [they]5856-the miners swore to do something to [him]255-gerald , to murder [him]255-gerald . But as time went on , [they]5856-the miners accepted everything with some fatal satisfaction . [Gerald]255-gerald was [[their]5856-the miners high priest]6234-their high priest , [he]255-gerald represented the religion [they]5856-the miners really felt . [[His]255-gerald father]5330-his father was forgotten already . There was [a new world]6236-a new world , a new order , strict , terrible , inhuman , but satisfying in its very destructiveness . [The men]727-the men were satisfied to belong to the great and wonderful machine , even whilst it destroyed [them]727-the men . It was what [they]727-the men wanted . It was the highest that [man]1089-man had produced , the most wonderful and superhuman . [They]727-the men were exalted by belonging to this great and superhuman system which was beyond feeling or reason , something really godlike . [Their]727-the men hearts died within [them]727-the men , but [their]727-the men souls were satisfied . It was what [they]727-the men wanted . Otherwise [Gerald]255-gerald could never have done what [he]255-gerald did . [He]255-gerald was just ahead of [them]727-the men in giving [them]727-the men what [they]727-the men wanted , this participation in a great and perfect system that subjected life to pure mathematical principles . This was a sort of freedom , the sort [they]727-the men really wanted . It was the first great step in undoing , the first great phase of chaos , the substitution of the mechanical principle for the organic , the destruction of the organic purpose , the organic unity , and the subordination of every organic unit to the great mechanical purpose . It was pure organic disintegration and pure mechanical organisation . This is the first and finest state of chaos . [Gerald]255-gerald was satisfied . [He]255-gerald knew [the colliers]4675-the colliers said [they]4675-the colliers hated [him]255-gerald . But [he]255-gerald had long ceased to hate [them]4675-the colliers . When [they]4675-the colliers streamed past [him]255-gerald at evening , [their]4675-the colliers heavy boots slurring on [the pavement]6240-the pavement wearily , [their]4675-the colliers shoulders slightly distorted , [they]4675-the colliers took no notice of [him]255-gerald , [they]4675-the colliers gave [him]255-gerald no greeting whatever , [they]4675-the colliers passed in a grey - black stream of unemotional acceptance . [They]4675-the colliers were not important to [him]255-gerald , save as instruments , nor [he]255-gerald to [them]4675-the colliers , save as a supreme instrument of control . As [miners]1438-miners [they]4675-the colliers had [their]4675-the colliers being , [he]255-gerald had [his]255-gerald being as [director]6242-director . [He]255-gerald admired [their]4675-the colliers qualities . But as [men]848-men , [personalities]6244-personalities , [they]6244-personalities were just accidents , sporadic little unimportant phenomena . And tacitly , [the men]727-the men agreed to this . For [Gerald]255-gerald agreed to it in [himself]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald had succeeded . [He]255-gerald had converted [the industry]6246-the industry into a new and terrible purity . There was a greater output of coal than ever , the wonderful and delicate system ran almost perfectly . [He]255-gerald had [a set of really clever engineers]6247-a set of really clever engineers , both mining and electrical , and [they]6247-a set of really clever engineers did not cost much . [A highly educated man]6248-a highly educated man cost very little more than [a workman]6249-a workman . [[His]255-gerald managers]6250-his managers , who were [all rare men]6251-all rare men , were no more expensive than [the old bungling fools of [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father ’s days , who were merely [colliers promoted]6254-colliers promoted . [[His]255-gerald chief manager]6255-his chief manager , who had twelve hundred a year , saved [the firm]1794-the firm at least five thousand]6252-the old bungling fools of his father ’s days , who were merely colliers promoted . his chief manager , who had twelve hundred a year , saved the firm at least five thousand . The whole system was now so perfect that [Gerald]255-gerald was hardly necessary any more . It was so perfect that sometimes a strange fear came over [him]255-gerald , and [he]255-gerald did not know what to do . [He]255-gerald went on for some years in a sort of trance of activity . What [he]255-gerald was doing seemed supreme , [he]255-gerald was almost like [a divinity]6257-a divinity . [He]255-gerald was a pure and exalted activity . But now [he]255-gerald had succeeded — [he]255-gerald had finally succeeded . And once or twice lately , when [he]255-gerald was alone in the evening and had nothing to do , [he]255-gerald had suddenly stood up in terror , not knowing what [he]255-gerald was . And [he]255-gerald went to the mirror and looked long and closely at [his]255-gerald own face , at [his]255-gerald own eyes , seeking for something . [He]255-gerald was afraid , in mortal dry fear , but [he]255-gerald knew not what of . [He]255-gerald looked at [his]255-gerald own face . There it was , shapely and healthy and the same as ever , yet somehow , it was not real , it was a mask . [He]255-gerald dared not touch it , for fear it should prove to be only a composition mask . [His]255-gerald eyes were blue and keen as ever , and as firm in their sockets . Yet [he]255-gerald was not sure that they were not blue false bubbles that would burst in a moment and leave clear annihilation . [He]255-gerald could see the darkness in them , as if they were only bubbles of darkness . [He]255-gerald was afraid that one day [he]255-gerald would break down and be a purely meaningless babble lapping round a darkness . But [his]255-gerald will yet held good , [he]255-gerald was able to go away and read , and think about things . [He]255-gerald liked to read books about [the primitive man]6258-the primitive man , books of anthropology , and also works of speculative philosophy . [His]255-gerald mind was very active . But it was like a bubble floating in the darkness . At any moment it might burst and leave [him]255-gerald in chaos . [He]255-gerald would not die . [He]255-gerald knew that . [He]255-gerald would go on living , but the meaning would have collapsed out of [him]255-gerald , [his]255-gerald divine reason would be gone . In a strangely indifferent , sterile way , [he]255-gerald was frightened . But [he]255-gerald could not react even to the fear . It was as if [his]255-gerald centres of feeling were drying up . [He]255-gerald remained calm , calculative and healthy , and quite freely deliberate , even whilst [he]255-gerald felt , with faint , small but final sterile horror , that [his]255-gerald mystic reason was breaking , giving way now , at this crisis . And it was a strain . [He]255-gerald knew there was no equilibrium . [He]255-gerald would have to go in some direction , shortly , to find relief . [Only Birkin]169-birkin kept the fear definitely off [him]255-gerald , saved [him]255-gerald [his]255-gerald quick sufficiency in life , by the odd mobility and changeableness which seemed to contain the quintessence of faith . But then [Gerald]255-gerald must always come away from [Birkin]169-birkin , as from a Church service , back to the outside real world of work and life . There it was , it did not alter , and words were futilities . [He]255-gerald had to keep [himself]255-gerald in reckoning with the world of work and material life . And it became more and more difficult , such a strange pressure was upon [him]255-gerald , as if the very middle of [him]255-gerald were a vacuum , and outside were an awful tension . [He]255-gerald had found [his]255-gerald most satisfactory relief in [women]453-women . After a debauch with [some desperate woman]6260-some desperate woman , [he]255-gerald went on quite easy and forgetful . The devil of it was , it was so hard to keep up [his]255-gerald interest in [women]453-women nowadays . [He]255-gerald did n’t care about [them]453-women any more . [A Pussum]6262-a pussum was all right in [her]6262-a pussum way , but [she]6262-a pussum was [an exceptional case]6263-an exceptional case , and even [she]6262-a pussum mattered extremely little . No , [women]453-women , in that sense , were useless to [him]255-gerald any more . [He]255-gerald felt that [his]255-gerald mind needed acute stimulation , before [he]255-gerald could be physically roused . [Gudrun]160-gudrun knew that it was a critical thing for [her]160-gudrun to go to [Shortlands]7-shortlands . [She]160-gudrun knew it was equivalent to accepting [Gerald Crich]255-gerald as [a lover]6265-a lover . And though [she]160-gudrun hung back , disliking the condition , yet [she]160-gudrun knew [she]160-gudrun would go on . [She]160-gudrun equivocated . [She]160-gudrun said to [herself]160-gudrun , in torment recalling the blow and the kiss , “[780-everybody] after all , what is it ? What is a kiss ? What even is a blow ? It is an instant , vanished at once . [I]0-i can go to [Shortlands]7-shortlands just for a time , before [I]0-i go away , if only to see what it is like . ” For [she]160-gudrun had an insatiable curiosity to see and to know everything . [She]160-gudrun also wanted to know what [Winifred]297-winifred was really like . Having heard [the child]2063-the child calling from the steamer in the night , [she]160-gudrun felt some mysterious connection with [her]160-gudrun . [Gudrun]160-gudrun talked with [the father]646-the father in [the library]2470-the library . Then [he]646-the father sent for [[his]646-the father daughter]6269-his daughter . [She]6269-his daughter came accompanied by [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle . “[297-winifred] [Winnie]297-winifred , this is [Miss Brangwen]195-miss brangwen , who will be so kind as to help [you]297-winifred with [your]297-winifred drawing and making models of [your]297-winifred animals , ” said [the father]646-the father . [The child]2063-the child looked at [Gudrun]160-gudrun for a moment with interest , before [she]2063-the child came forward and with face averted offered [her]2063-the child hand . There was a complete sang - froid and indifference under [Winifred]297-winifred ’s childish reserve , a certain irresponsible callousness . “[195-miss brangwen] How do [you]2499-you do ? ” said [the child]2063-the child , not lifting [her]2063-the child face . “[2499-you] How do [you]2499-you do ? ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . Then [Winifred]297-winifred stood aside , and [Gudrun]160-gudrun was introduced to [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle . “[2499-you] [You]297-winifred have a fine day for [your]297-winifred walk , ” said [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle , in a bright manner . “[297-winifred] Quite fine , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Winifred]297-winifred was watching from [her]2063-the child distance . [She]2063-the child was as if amused , but rather unsure as yet what [this new person]6273-this new person was like . [She]2063-the child saw [so many new persons]6274-so many new persons , and [so few who became real to [her]2063-the child]6275-so few who became real to her . [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle was of no count whatever , [the child]2063-the child merely put up with [her]322-mademoiselle , calmly and easily , accepting [her]322-mademoiselle little authority with faint scorn , compliant out of childish arrogance of indifference . “[297-winifred] Well , [Winifred]297-winifred , ” said [the father]646-the father , “[297-winifred] are n’t [you]297-winifred glad [Miss Brangwen]195-miss brangwen has come ? [She]195-miss brangwen makes animals and birds in wood and in clay , that [the people in [London]2-london]2500-the people in london write about in the papers , praising [them]2500-the people in london to the skies . ” [Winifred]297-winifred smiled slightly . “[195-miss brangwen] Who told [you]297-winifred , [Daddie]323-daddie ? ” [she]2063-the child asked . “[323-daddie] Who told [me]0-i ? [Hermione]168-hermione told [me]0-i , and [Rupert Birkin]169-birkin . ” “[169-birkin] Do [you]297-winifred know [them]2501-they ? ” [Winifred]297-winifred asked of [Gudrun]160-gudrun , turning to [her]160-gudrun with faint challenge . “[297-winifred] Yes , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Winifred]297-winifred readjusted [herself]297-winifred a little . [She]160-gudrun had been ready to accept [Gudrun]160-gudrun as [a sort of servant]6278-a sort of servant . Now [she]160-gudrun saw it was on terms of friendship [they]2501-they were intended to meet . [She]160-gudrun was rather glad . [She]160-gudrun had so many half inferiors , whom [she]160-gudrun tolerated with perfect good - humour . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was very calm . [She]160-gudrun also did not take these things very seriously . A new occasion was mostly spectacular to [her]160-gudrun . However , [Winifred]297-winifred was [a detached , ironic child]6279-a detached , ironic child , [she]160-gudrun would never attach [herself]160-gudrun . [Gudrun]160-gudrun liked [her]160-gudrun and was intrigued by [her]160-gudrun . The first meetings went off with a certain humiliating clumsiness . [Neither Winifred]297-winifred nor [[her]160-gudrun instructress]6280-her instructress had any social grace . Soon , however , [they]2501-they met in a kind of make - belief world . [Winifred]297-winifred did not notice [human beings]511-human beings unless [they]511-human beings were like [herself]297-winifred , playful and slightly mocking . [She]160-gudrun would accept nothing but the world of amusement , and [the serious people of [her]160-gudrun life]6282-the serious people of her life were the animals [she]160-gudrun had for pets . On those [she]160-gudrun lavished , almost ironically , [her]160-gudrun affection and [her]160-gudrun companionship . To the rest of the human scheme [she]160-gudrun submitted with a faint bored indifference . [She]160-gudrun had a pekinese dog called Looloo , which [she]160-gudrun loved . “[297-winifred] Let [us]2502-we draw [Looloo]324-looloo , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “[324-looloo] and see if [we]2502-we can get [his]324-looloo Looliness , shall [we]2502-we ? ” “[4727-darling] [Darling]4727-darling ! ” cried [Winifred]297-winifred , rushing to the dog , that sat with contemplative sadness on the hearth , and kissing its bulging brow . “[4727-darling] Darling one , will [you]4727-darling be drawn ? Shall its mummy draw [its]324-looloo portrait ? ” Then [she]160-gudrun chuckled gleefully , and turning to [Gudrun]160-gudrun , said : “[4727-darling] Oh let ’s ! ” [They]2502-we proceeded to get pencils and paper , and were ready . “[4727-darling] Beautifullest , ” cried [Winifred]297-winifred , hugging the dog , “[4727-darling] sit still while its mummy draws [its]324-looloo beautiful portrait . ” The dog looked up at [her]160-gudrun with grievous resignation in [its]324-looloo large , prominent eyes . [She]160-gudrun kissed it fervently , and said : “[0-i] [I]0-i wonder what [mine]0-i will be like . It ’s sure to be awful . ” As [she]160-gudrun sketched [she]160-gudrun chuckled to [herself]160-gudrun , and cried out at times : “[0-i] Oh darling , [you]4727-darling ’re so beautiful ! ” And again chuckling , [she]160-gudrun rushed to embrace the dog , in penitence , as if [she]160-gudrun were doing [him]4727-darling some subtle injury . [He]4727-darling sat all the time with the resignation and fretfulness of ages on [his]4727-darling dark velvety face . [She]160-gudrun drew slowly , with a wicked concentration in [her]160-gudrun eyes , [her]160-gudrun head on one side , an intense stillness over [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun was as if working the spell of some enchantment . Suddenly [she]160-gudrun had finished . [She]160-gudrun looked at the dog , and then at [her]160-gudrun drawing , and then cried , with real grief for the dog , and at the same time with a wicked exultation : “[2505-they] [[My]0-i beautiful]2504-my beautiful , why did [they]2505-they ? ” [She]160-gudrun took [her]160-gudrun paper to the dog , and held it under [his]4727-darling nose . [He]4727-darling turned [his]4727-darling head aside as in chagrin and mortification , and [she]160-gudrun impulsively kissed [his]4727-darling velvety bulging forehead . “[2506-a loolie] ’s [a Loolie]2506-a loolie , ’s a little [Loozie]325-loozie ! Look at [his]2507-he portrait , [darling]4727-darling , look at [his]2507-he portrait , that [[his]2507-he mother]4685-his mother has done of [him]2507-he . ” [She]160-gudrun looked at [her]160-gudrun paper and chuckled . Then , kissing the dog once more , [she]160-gudrun rose and came gravely to [Gudrun]160-gudrun , offering [her]160-gudrun the paper . It was a grotesque little diagram of a grotesque little animal , so wicked and so comical , a slow smile came over [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s face , unconsciously . And at [her]160-gudrun side [Winifred]297-winifred chuckled with glee , and said : “[4685-his mother] It is n’t like [him]2507-he , is it ? [He]2507-he ’s much lovelier than that . [He]2507-he ’s so beautiful - mmm , [Looloo]324-looloo , [[my]0-i sweet darling]2510-my sweet darling . ” And [she]160-gudrun flew off to embrace the chagrined little dog . [He]2507-he looked up at [her]160-gudrun with reproachful , saturnine eyes , vanquished in [his]2507-he extreme agedness of being . Then [she]160-gudrun flew back to [her]160-gudrun drawing , and chuckled with satisfaction . “[324-looloo] It is n’t like [him]2507-he , is it ? ” [she]160-gudrun said to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2507-he] Yes , it ’s very like [him]2507-he , ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun replied . [The child]2063-the child treasured [her]160-gudrun drawing , carried it about with [her]160-gudrun , and showed it , with a silent embarrassment , to [everybody]780-everybody . “[2507-he] Look , ” [she]160-gudrun said , thrusting the paper into [[her]160-gudrun father]583-her father ’s hand . “[324-looloo] Why that ’s [Looloo]324-looloo ! ” [he]2507-he exclaimed . And [he]2507-he looked down in surprise , hearing the almost inhuman chuckle of [the child]2063-the child at [his]2507-he side . [Gerald]255-gerald was away from [home]4649-home when [Gudrun]160-gudrun first came to [Shortlands]7-shortlands . But the first morning [he]2507-he came back [he]2507-he watched for [her]160-gudrun . It was a sunny , soft morning , and [he]2507-he lingered in [the garden paths]6288-the garden paths , looking at the flowers that had come out during [his]2507-he absence . [He]2507-he was clean and fit as ever , shaven , [his]2507-he fair hair scrupulously parted at the side , bright in the sunshine , [his]2507-he short , fair moustache closely clipped , [his]2507-he eyes with their humorous kind twinkle , which was so deceptive . [He]2507-he was dressed in black , [his]2507-he clothes sat well on [his]2507-he well - nourished body . Yet as [he]2507-he lingered before the flower - beds in the morning sunshine , there was a certain isolation , a fear about [him]2507-he , as of something wanting . [Gudrun]160-gudrun came up quickly , unseen . [She]160-gudrun was dressed in blue , with woollen yellow stockings , like [the Bluecoat boys]6289-the bluecoat boys . [He]2507-he glanced up in surprise . [Her]160-gudrun stockings always disconcerted [him]2507-he , the pale - yellow stockings and the heavy heavy black shoes . [Winifred]297-winifred , who had been playing about [the garden]822-the garden with [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle and the dogs , came flitting towards [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [The child]2063-the child wore a dress of black - and - white stripes . [Her]2063-the child hair was rather short , cut round and hanging level in [her]2063-the child neck . “[324-looloo] [We]2511-we ’re going to do [Bismarck]327-bismarck , are n’t [we]2511-we ? ” [she]2063-the child said , linking [her]2063-the child hand through [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s arm . “[2511-we] Yes , [we]2511-we ’re going to do [Bismarck]327-bismarck . Do [you]2512-you want to ? ” “[2512-you] Oh yes - oh [I]0-i do ! [I]0-i want most awfully to do [Bismarck]327-bismarck . [He]327-bismarck looks so splendid this morning , so fierce . [He]327-bismarck ’s almost as big as a lion . ” And [the child]2063-the child chuckled sardonically at [her]2063-the child own hyperbole . “[327-bismarck] [He]327-bismarck ’s [a real king]2513-a real king , [he]327-bismarck really is . ” “[327-bismarck] [Bonjour]326-bonjour , [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle , ” said [the little French governess]6293-the little french governess , wavering up with a slight bow , a bow of the sort that [Gudrun]160-gudrun loathed , insolent . “[322-mademoiselle] [Winifred]297-winifred veut tant faire le portrait de [Bismarck]327-bismarck — ! Oh , mais toute la matinée—‘We will do [Bismarck]327-bismarck this morning!’—Bismarck , [Bismarck]327-bismarck , toujours [Bismarck]327-bismarck ! C’est un lapin , n’est - ce pas , mademoiselle ? ” “[297-winifred] Oui , c’est un grand lapin blanc et noir . Vous ne l’avez pas vu ? ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun in [her]160-gudrun good , but rather heavy French . “[297-winifred] Non , mademoiselle , [Winifred]297-winifred n’a jamais voulu me le faire voir . Tant de fois je le lui ai demandé , ‘ Qu’est ce donc que ce [Bismarck]327-bismarck , [Winifred]297-winifred ? ’ Mais elle n’a pas voulu [me]0-i le dire . [Son Bismarck]327-bismarck , c’etait un mystère . ” “[327-bismarck] Oui , c’est un mystère , vraiment un mystère ! [Miss Brangwen]195-miss brangwen , say that [Bismarck]327-bismarck is a mystery , ” cried [Winifred]297-winifred . “[327-bismarck] [Bismarck]327-bismarck , is a mystery , [Bismarck]327-bismarck , c’est un mystère , der Bismarck , er ist [ein Wunder]2514-ein wunder , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in mocking incantation . “[2514-ein wunder] Ja , er ist ein Wunder , ” repeated [Winifred]297-winifred , with odd seriousness , under which lay a wicked chuckle . “[2514-ein wunder] Ist er auch ein Wunder ? ” came the slightly insolent sneering of [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle . “[2514-ein wunder] Doch ! ” said [Winifred]297-winifred briefly , indifferent . “[2514-ein wunder] Doch ist er nicht ein König . [Beesmarck]328-beesmarck , [he]327-bismarck was not [a king]2515-a king , [Winifred]297-winifred , as [you]297-winifred have said . [He]327-bismarck was only — il n’était que chancelier . ” “[327-bismarck] Qu’est ce qu’un chancelier ? ” said [Winifred]297-winifred , with slightly contemptuous indifference . “[2516-a chancelier] [A chancelier]2516-a chancelier is [a chancellor]2517-a chancellor , and [a chancellor]2517-a chancellor is , [I]0-i believe , [a sort of judge]2519-a sort of judge , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald coming up and shaking hands with [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2519-a sort of judge] [You]297-winifred ’ll have made a song of [Bismarck]327-bismarck soon , ” said [he]255-gerald . [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle waited , and discreetly made [her]322-mademoiselle inclination , and [her]322-mademoiselle greeting . “[297-winifred] So [they]2520-they would n’t let [you]297-winifred see [Bismarck]327-bismarck , [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle ? ” [he]0-i said . “[327-bismarck] Non , [Monsieur]2521-monsieur . ” “[2521-monsieur] Ay , very mean of [them]2520-they . What are [you]297-winifred going to do to [him]327-bismarck , [Miss Brangwen]195-miss brangwen ? [I]0-i want [him]327-bismarck sent to [the kitchen]1588-the kitchen and cooked . ” “[0-i] Oh no , ” cried [Winifred]297-winifred . “[0-i] [We]2523-they ’re going to draw [him]327-bismarck , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2523-they] Draw [him]327-bismarck and quarter [him]327-bismarck and dish [him]327-bismarck up , ” [he]0-i said , being purposely fatuous . “[2523-they] Oh no , ” cried [Winifred]297-winifred with emphasis , chuckling . [Gudrun]160-gudrun detected the tang of mockery in [him]327-bismarck , and [she]195-miss brangwen looked up and smiled into [his]327-bismarck face . [He]327-bismarck felt [his]327-bismarck nerves caressed . [Their]2523-they eyes met in knowledge . “[2523-they] How do [you]195-miss brangwen like [Shortlands]7-shortlands ? ” [he]327-bismarck asked . “[195-miss brangwen] Oh , very much , ” [she]195-miss brangwen said , with nonchalance . “[195-miss brangwen] Glad [you]195-miss brangwen do . Have [you]195-miss brangwen noticed these flowers ? ” [He]327-bismarck led [her]195-miss brangwen along [the path]671-the path . [She]195-miss brangwen followed intently . [Winifred]297-winifred came , and [the governess]6295-the governess lingered in the rear . [They]2523-they stopped before some veined salpiglossis flowers . “[195-miss brangwen] Are n’t they wonderful ? ” [she]195-miss brangwen cried , looking at them absorbedly . Strange how [her]195-miss brangwen reverential , almost ecstatic admiration of the flowers caressed [his]327-bismarck nerves . [She]195-miss brangwen stooped down , and touched the trumpets , with infinitely fine and delicate - touching finger - tips . It filled [him]327-bismarck with ease to see [her]195-miss brangwen . When [she]195-miss brangwen rose , [her]195-miss brangwen eyes , hot with the beauty of the flowers , looked into [his]327-bismarck . “[195-miss brangwen] What are [they]2524-they ? ” [she]195-miss brangwen asked . “[2524-they] Sort of petunia , [I]0-i suppose , ” [he]327-bismarck answered . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t really know [them]2524-they . ” “[0-i] [They]2524-they are quite strangers to [me]0-i , ” [she]195-miss brangwen said . [They]2523-they stood together in a false intimacy , a nervous contact . And [he]327-bismarck was in love with [her]195-miss brangwen . [She]195-miss brangwen was aware of [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle standing near , like [a little French beetle]6296-a little french beetle , observant and calculating . [She]195-miss brangwen moved away with [Winifred]297-winifred , saying [they]2523-they would go to find [Bismarck]327-bismarck . [Gerald]255-gerald watched [them]2523-they go , looking all the while at the soft , full , still body of [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in its silky cashmere . How silky and rich and soft [her]160-gudrun body must be . An excess of appreciation came over [his]327-bismarck mind , [she]160-gudrun was the all - desirable , the all - beautiful . [He]327-bismarck wanted only to come to [her]160-gudrun , nothing more . [He]327-bismarck was only this , this being that should come to [her]160-gudrun , and be given to [her]160-gudrun . At the same time [he]327-bismarck was finely and acutely aware of [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle ’s neat , brittle finality of form . [She]322-mademoiselle was like some elegant beetle with thin ankles , perched on [her]322-mademoiselle high heels , [her]322-mademoiselle glossy black dress perfectly correct , [her]322-mademoiselle dark hair done high and admirably . How repulsive [her]322-mademoiselle completeness and [her]322-mademoiselle finality was ! [He]327-bismarck loathed [her]322-mademoiselle . Yet [he]327-bismarck did admire [her]322-mademoiselle . [She]322-mademoiselle was perfectly correct . And it did rather annoy [him]327-bismarck , that [Gudrun]160-gudrun came dressed in startling colours , like a macaw , when [the family]722-the family was in mourning . Like [a macaw]6298-a macaw [she]160-gudrun was ! [He]327-bismarck watched the lingering way [she]160-gudrun took [her]160-gudrun feet from the ground . And [her]160-gudrun ankles were pale yellow , and [her]160-gudrun dress a deep blue . Yet it pleased [him]327-bismarck . It pleased [him]327-bismarck very much . [He]327-bismarck felt the challenge in [her]160-gudrun very attire — [she]160-gudrun challenged [the whole world]6299-the whole world . And [he]327-bismarck smiled as to the note of a trumpet . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Winifred]297-winifred went through [the house]468-the house to the back , where were [the stables]5083-the stables and [the out - buildings]6302-the out - buildings . [Everywhere]77-everywhere was still and deserted . [Mr Crich]171-mr crich had gone out for a short drive , [the stableman]6303-the stableman had just led round [Gerald]255-gerald ’s horse . [The two girls]473-the two girls went to the hutch that stood in a corner , and looked at the great black - and - white rabbit . “[2524-they] Is n’t [he]2525-he beautiful ! Oh , do look at [him]2525-he listening ! Does n’t [he]2525-he look silly ! ” [she]473-the two girls laughed quickly , then added “[2525-he] Oh , do let ’s do [him]2525-he listening , do let [us]2526-we , [he]2525-he listens with so much of himself;—don’t [you]2527-you darling [Bismarck]327-bismarck ? ” “[2527-you] Can [we]2526-we take [him]2525-he out ? ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2526-we] [He]2525-he ’s very strong . [He]2525-he really is extremely strong . ” [She]160-gudrun looked at [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [her]160-gudrun head on one side , in odd calculating mistrust . “[2525-he] But [we]2526-we ’ll try , shall [we]2526-we ? ” “[2527-you] Yes , if [you]2527-you like . But [he]2525-he ’s [a fearful kicker]2528-a fearful kicker ! ” [They]2526-we took the key to unlock the door . The rabbit exploded in a wild rush round [the hutch]6305-the hutch . “[2525-he] [He]2525-he scratches most awfully sometimes , ” cried [Winifred]297-winifred in excitement . “[2525-he] Oh do look at [him]2525-he , is n’t [he]2525-he wonderful ! ” The rabbit tore round [the hutch]6305-the hutch in a hurry . “[327-bismarck] [Bismarck]327-bismarck ! ” cried [the child]2063-the child , in rousing excitement . “[327-bismarck] How dreadful [you]327-bismarck are ! [You]327-bismarck are beastly . ” [Winifred]297-winifred looked up at [Gudrun]160-gudrun with some misgiving in [her]160-gudrun wild excitement . [Gudrun]160-gudrun smiled sardonically with [her]160-gudrun mouth . [Winifred]297-winifred made a strange crooning noise of unaccountable excitement . “[327-bismarck] Now [he]2525-he ’s still ! ” [she]160-gudrun cried , seeing the rabbit settled down in a far corner of the hutch . “[2525-he] Shall [we]2529-we take [him]2525-he now ? ” [she]160-gudrun whispered excitedly , mysteriously , looking up at [Gudrun]160-gudrun and edging very close . “[2529-we] Shall [we]2529-we get [him]2525-he now ? — ” [she]160-gudrun chuckled wickedly to [herself]160-gudrun . [They]2529-we unlocked the door of [the hutch]6305-the hutch . [Gudrun]160-gudrun thrust in [her]160-gudrun arm and seized the great , lusty rabbit as it crouched still , [she]160-gudrun grasped its long ears . [It]2525-he set its four feet flat , and thrust back . There was a long scraping sound as it was hauled forward , and in another instant it was in mid - air , lunging wildly , its body flying like a spring coiled and released , as it lashed out , suspended from the ears . [Gudrun]160-gudrun held the black - and - white tempest at arms ’ length , averting [her]160-gudrun face . But the rabbit was magically strong , it was all [she]160-gudrun could do to keep [her]160-gudrun grasp . [She]160-gudrun almost lost [her]160-gudrun presence of mind . “[327-bismarck] [Bismarck]327-bismarck , [Bismarck]327-bismarck , [you]327-bismarck are behaving terribly , ” said [Winifred]297-winifred in a rather frightened voice , “[327-bismarck] Oh , do put [him]2525-he down , [he]2525-he ’s beastly . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun stood for a moment astounded by the thunder - storm that had sprung into being in [her]160-gudrun grip . Then [her]160-gudrun colour came up , a heavy rage came over [her]160-gudrun like a cloud . [She]160-gudrun stood shaken as [a house]6309-a house in a storm , and utterly overcome . [Her]160-gudrun heart was arrested with fury at the mindlessness and the bestial stupidity of this struggle , [her]160-gudrun wrists were badly scored by the claws of the beast , a heavy cruelty welled up in [her]160-gudrun . [Gerald]255-gerald came round as [she]160-gudrun was trying to capture the flying rabbit under [her]160-gudrun arm . [He]255-gerald saw , with subtle recognition , [her]160-gudrun sullen passion of cruelty . “[2525-he] [You]327-bismarck should let [one of [the men]727-the men]2530-one of the men do that for [you]327-bismarck , ” [he]255-gerald said hurrying up . “[2530-one of the men] Oh , [he]2525-he ’s so horrid ! ” cried [Winifred]297-winifred , almost frantic . [He]297-winifred held out [his]297-winifred nervous , sinewy hand and took the rabbit by the ears , from [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2525-he] It ’s most fearfully strong , ” [she]160-gudrun cried , in a high voice , like the crying a seagull , strange and vindictive . The rabbit made itself into a ball in the air , and lashed out , flinging itself into a bow . It really seemed demoniacal . [Gudrun]160-gudrun saw [Gerald]255-gerald ’s body tighten , saw a sharp blindness come into [his]255-gerald eyes . “[2525-he] [I]0-i know [these beggars of old]2532-these beggars of old , ” [he]0-i said . The long , demon - like beast lashed out again , spread on the air as if it were flying , looking something like a dragon , then closing up again , inconceivably powerful and explosive . [The man]4658-the man ’s body , strung to its efforts , vibrated strongly . Then a sudden sharp , white - edged wrath came up in [him]4658-the man . Swift as lightning [he]4658-the man drew back and brought [his]4658-the man free hand down like a hawk on the neck of the rabbit . Simultaneously , there came the unearthly abhorrent scream of a rabbit in the fear of death . [It]2525-he made [one immense]6311-one immense writhe , tore [his]4658-the man wrists and [his]4658-the man sleeves in a final convulsion , all its belly flashed white in a whirlwind of paws , and then [he]4658-the man had slung [it]2525-he round and had it under [his]4658-the man arm , fast . [It]2525-he cowered and skulked . [His]4658-the man face was gleaming with a smile . “[0-i] [You]2533-you would n’t think there was all that force in a rabbit , ” [he]4658-the man said , looking at [Gudrun]160-gudrun . And [he]4658-the man saw [her]160-gudrun eyes black as night in [her]160-gudrun pallid face , [she]160-gudrun looked almost unearthly . The scream of the rabbit , after the violent tussle , seemed to have torn the veil of [her]160-gudrun consciousness . [He]4658-the man looked at [her]160-gudrun , and the whitish , electric gleam in [his]4658-the man face intensified . “[2533-you] [I]0-i do n’t really like [him]2534-he , ” [Winifred]297-winifred was crooning . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t care for [him]2534-he as [I]0-i do for [Loozie]325-loozie . [He]2534-he ’s hateful really . ” A smile twisted [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s face , as [she]160-gudrun recovered . [She]160-gudrun knew [she]160-gudrun was revealed . “[2534-he] Do n’t [they]2535-they make the most fearful noise when [they]2535-they scream ? ” [she]160-gudrun cried , the high note in [her]160-gudrun voice , like a seagull ’s cry . “[2535-they] Abominable , ” [he]255-gerald said . “[2535-they] [He]2534-he should n’t be so silly when [he]2534-he has to be taken out , ” [Winifred]297-winifred was saying , putting out [her]160-gudrun hand and touching the rabbit tentatively , as it skulked under [his]255-gerald arm , motionless as if it were dead . “[2534-he] [He]2534-he ’s not dead , is [he]2534-he [Gerald]255-gerald ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked . “[255-gerald] No , [he]2534-he ought to be , ” [he]255-gerald said . “[2534-he] Yes , [he]2534-he ought ! ” cried [the child]2063-the child , with a sudden flush of amusement . And [she]160-gudrun touched the rabbit with more confidence . “[2534-he] [His]2534-he heart is beating so fast . Is n’t [he]2534-he funny ? [He]2534-he really is . ” “[2534-he] Where do [you]2536-you want [him]2534-he ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “[2536-you] In [the little green court]2537-the little green court , ” [she]160-gudrun said . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [Gerald]255-gerald with strange , darkened eyes , strained with underworld knowledge , almost supplicating , like those of a creature which is at [his]2534-he mercy , yet which is [his]2534-he ultimate victor . [He]2534-he did not know what to say to [her]160-gudrun . [He]2534-he felt the mutual hellish recognition . And [he]2534-he felt [he]2534-he ought to say something , to cover it . [He]2534-he had the power of lightning in [his]2534-he nerves , [she]160-gudrun seemed like a soft recipient of [his]2534-he magical , hideous white fire . [He]2534-he was unconfident , [he]2534-he had qualms of fear . “[2536-you] Did [he]2534-he hurt [you]2538-you ? ” [he]2534-he asked . “[2534-he] No , ” [she]160-gudrun said . “[2534-he] [He]2534-he ’s an insensible beast , ” [he]2534-he said , turning [his]2534-he face away . [They]6313-they came to [the little court]6314-the little court , which was shut in by old red walls in whose crevices wall - flowers were growing . The grass was soft and fine and old , a level floor carpeting [the court]6315-the court , the sky was blue overhead . [Gerald]255-gerald tossed the rabbit down . It crouched still and would not move . [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched it with faint horror . “[2534-he] Why does n’t it move ? ” [she]160-gudrun cried . “[2534-he] It ’s skulking , ” [he]2534-he said . [She]160-gudrun looked up at [him]2534-he , and a slight sinister smile contracted [her]160-gudrun white face . “[2534-he] Is n’t it [a fool]4749-a fool ! ” [she]160-gudrun cried . “[4749-a fool] Is n’t it [a sickening fool]2540-a sickening fool ? ” The vindictive mockery in [her]160-gudrun voice made [his]2534-he brain quiver . Glancing up at [him]2534-he , into [his]2534-he eyes , [she]160-gudrun revealed again the mocking , white - cruel recognition . There was a league between [them]6313-they , abhorrent to [[them]6313-they both]6316-them both . [They]6313-they were implicated with [each other]451-each other in abhorrent mysteries . “[2540-a sickening fool] How many scratches have [you]2541-you ? ” [he]2534-he asked , showing [his]2534-he hard forearm , white and hard and torn in red gashes . “[2541-you] How really vile ! ” [she]160-gudrun cried , flushing with a sinister vision . “[2541-you] Mine is nothing . ” [She]160-gudrun lifted [her]160-gudrun arm and showed a deep red score down the silken white flesh . “[5658-a devil] What [a devil]5658-a devil ! ” [he]2534-he exclaimed . But it was as if [he]2534-he had had knowledge of [her]160-gudrun in the long red rent of [her]160-gudrun forearm , so silken and soft . [He]2534-he did not want to touch [her]160-gudrun . [He]2534-he would have to make [himself]2534-he touch [her]160-gudrun , deliberately . The long , shallow red rip seemed torn across [his]2534-he own brain , tearing the surface of [his]2534-he ultimate consciousness , letting through the forever unconscious , unthinkable red ether of the beyond , the obscene beyond . “[5658-a devil] It does n’t hurt [you]2541-you very much , does it ? ” [he]2534-he asked , solicitous . “[5658-a devil] Not at all , ” [she]160-gudrun cried . And suddenly the rabbit , which had been crouching as if it were a flower , so still and soft , suddenly burst into life . Round and round [the court]6315-the court [it]6315-the court went , as if shot from a gun , round and round like a furry meteorite , in a tense hard circle that seemed to bind [their]6319-their brains . [They]6319-their all stood in amazement , smiling uncannily , as if the rabbit were obeying some unknown incantation . Round and round it flew , on the grass under the old red walls like a storm . And then quite suddenly it settled down , hobbled among the grass , and sat considering , its nose twitching like a bit of fluff in the wind . After having considered for a few minutes , a soft bunch with a black , open eye , which perhaps was looking at [them]6319-their , perhaps was not , it hobbled calmly forward and began to nibble the grass with that mean motion of a rabbit ’s quick eating . “[5658-a devil] It ’s mad , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[5658-a devil] It is most decidedly mad . ” [He]2534-he laughed . “[5658-a devil] The question is , ” [he]2534-he said , “[5658-a devil] what is madness ? [I]0-i do n’t suppose it is rabbit - mad . ” “[0-i] Do n’t [you]0-i think it is ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked . “[0-i] No . That ’s what it is to be a rabbit . ” There was a queer , faint , obscene smile over [his]2534-he face . [She]160-gudrun looked at [him]2534-he and saw [him]2534-he , and knew that [he]2534-he was initiate as [she]160-gudrun was initiate . This thwarted [her]160-gudrun , and contravened [her]160-gudrun , for the moment . “[167-god] [God]167-god be praised [we]2543-we are n’t rabbits , ” [she]160-gudrun said , in a high , shrill voice . The smile intensified a little , on [his]2534-he face . “[167-god] Not rabbits ? ” [he]2534-he said , looking at [her]160-gudrun fixedly . Slowly [her]160-gudrun face relaxed into a smile of obscene recognition . “[167-god] Ah [Gerald]255-gerald , ” [she]160-gudrun said , in a strong , slow , almost man - like way . “[167-god] — All that , and more . ” [Her]160-gudrun eyes looked up at [him]2534-he with shocking nonchalance . [He]2534-he felt again as if [she]160-gudrun had torn [him]2534-he across the breast , dully , finally . [He]2534-he turned aside . “[255-gerald] Eat , eat [[my]0-i darling]2544-my darling ! ” [Winifred]297-winifred was softly conjuring the rabbit , and creeping forward to touch [it]2544-my darling . [It]2544-my darling hobbled away from [her]160-gudrun . “[2545-its mother] Let [[its]2544-my darling mother]2545-its mother stroke [its]2544-my darling fur then , [darling]4727-darling , because it is so mysterious — ” After [his]2534-he illness [Birkin]169-birkin went to [the south of [France]78-france]6320-the south of france for a time . [He]2534-he did not write , [nobody]912-nobody heard anything of [him]2534-he . [Ursula]255-gerald , left alone , felt as if everything were lapsing out . There seemed to be no hope in [the world]541-the world . One was a tiny little rock with the tide of nothingness rising higher and higher [She]6323-she [herself]6323-she was real , and only [herself]6323-she — just like a rock in [a wash of flood - water]6324-a wash of flood - water . The rest was all nothingness . [She]6323-she was hard and indifferent , isolated in [herself]6323-she . There was nothing for it now , but contemptuous , resistant indifference . All [the world]541-the world was lapsing into a grey wish - wash of nothingness , [she]6323-she had no contact and no connection anywhere . [She]6323-she despised and detested the whole show . From the bottom of [her]6323-she heart , from the bottom of [her]6323-she soul , [she]6323-she despised and detested [people]579-people , [adult people]6327-adult people . [She]6323-she loved only [children]4659-children and animals : [children]4659-children [she]6323-she loved passionately , but coldly . [They]4659-children made [her]6323-she want to hug [them]4659-children , to protect [them]4659-children , to give [them]4659-children life . But this very love , based on pity and despair , was only a bondage and a pain to [her]6323-she . [She]6323-she loved best of all the animals , that were single and unsocial as [she]6323-she [herself]6323-she was . [She]6323-she loved the horses and cows in [the field]501-the field . Each was single and to itself , magical . It was not referred away to some detestable social principle . It was incapable of soulfulness and tragedy , which [she]6323-she detested so profoundly . [She]6323-she could be very pleasant and flattering , almost subservient , to people [she]6323-she met . But [no one]485-no one was taken in . Instinctively each felt [her]6323-she contemptuous mockery of [the human being]1305-the human being in [himself]6333-himself , or [herself]6334-herself . [She]6323-she had a profound grudge against [the human being]1305-the human being . That which the word “[6336-human ”] [human ”]6336-human ” stood for was despicable and repugnant to [her]6323-she . Mostly [her]6323-she heart was closed in this hidden , unconscious strain of contemptuous ridicule . [She]6323-she thought [she]6323-she loved , [she]6323-she thought [she]6323-she was full of love . This was [her]6323-she idea of [herself]6323-she . But the strange brightness of [her]6323-she presence , a marvellous radiance of intrinsic vitality , was a luminousness of supreme repudiation , nothing but repudiation . Yet , at moments , [she]6323-she yielded and softened , [she]6323-she wanted pure love , only pure love . This other , this state of constant unfailing repudiation , was a strain , a suffering also . A terrible desire for pure love overcame [her]6323-she again . [She]6323-she went out one evening , numbed by this constant essential suffering . [Those who are timed for destruction]6337-those who are timed for destruction must die now . The knowledge of this reached a finality , a finishing in [her]6323-she . And the finality released [her]6323-she . If fate would carry off in death or downfall [all those who were timed to go]6338-all those who were timed to go , why need [she]6323-she trouble , why repudiate any further . [She]6323-she was free of it all , [she]6323-she could seek a new union elsewhere . [Ursula]255-gerald set off to [Willey Green]6-willey green , towards [the mill]5426-the mill . [She]6323-she came to [Willey Water]8-willey water . It was almost full again , after its period of emptiness . Then [she]6323-she turned off through [the woods]5533-the woods . The night had fallen , it was dark . But [she]6323-she forgot to be afraid , [she]6323-she who had such great sources of fear . Among the trees , far from [any human beings]6341-any human beings , there was a sort of magic peace . The more one could find a pure loneliness , with no taint of [people]579-people , the better [one]4646-one felt . [She]6323-she was in reality terrified , horrified in [her]6323-she apprehension of [people]579-people . [She]6323-she started , noticing something on [her]6323-she right hand , between the tree trunks . It was like a great presence , watching [her]6323-she , dodging [her]6323-she . [She]6323-she started violently . It was only the moon , risen through the thin trees . But it seemed so mysterious , with its white and deathly smile . And there was no avoiding it . Night or day , [one]4646-one could not escape the sinister face , triumphant and radiant like this moon , with a high smile . [She]6323-she hurried on , cowering from [the white planet]6346-the white planet . [She]6323-she would just see [the pond]5290-the pond at [the mill]5426-the mill before [she]6323-she went [home]4649-home . Not wanting to go through [the yard]6350-the yard , because of the dogs , [she]6323-she turned off along [the hill - side]6351-the hill - side to descend on [the pond]5290-the pond from above . The moon was transcendent over [the bare , open space]6353-the bare , open space , [she]6323-she suffered from being exposed to it . There was a glimmer of nightly rabbits across the ground . The night was as clear as crystal , and very still . [She]6323-she could hear a distant coughing of a sheep . So [she]6323-she swerved down to [the steep , tree - hidden bank above [the pond]5290-the pond]6354-the steep , tree - hidden bank above the pond , where the alders twisted their roots . [She]6323-she was glad to pass into the shade out of the moon . There [she]6323-she stood , at the top of [the fallen - away bank]6356-the fallen - away bank , [her]6323-she hand on the rough trunk of a tree , looking at the water , that was perfect in [its]5290-the pond stillness , floating the moon upon it . But for some reason [she]6323-she disliked it . It did not give [her]6323-she anything . [She]6323-she listened for the hoarse rustle of the sluice . And [she]6323-she wished for something else out of the night , [she]6323-she wanted another night , not this moon - brilliant hardness . [She]6323-she could feel [her]6323-she soul crying out in [her]6323-she , lamenting desolately . [She]6323-she saw a shadow moving by [the water]4852-the water . It would be [Birkin]169-birkin . [He]6358-he had come back then , unawares . [She]6323-she accepted it without remark , nothing mattered to [her]6323-she . [She]6323-she sat down among the roots of the alder tree , dim and veiled , hearing the sound of the sluice like dew distilling audibly into the night . [The islands]6359-the islands were dark and half revealed , the reeds were dark also , only some of [them]6359-the islands had a little frail fire of reflection . A fish leaped secretly , revealing the light in [the pond]5290-the pond . This fire of the chill night breaking constantly on to the pure darkness , repelled [her]6323-she . [She]6323-she wished it were perfectly dark , perfectly , and noiseless and without motion . [Birkin]169-birkin , small and dark also , [his]6358-he hair tinged with moonlight , wandered nearer . [He]6358-he was quite near , and yet [he]6358-he did not exist in [her]6323-she . [He]6358-he did not know [she]6323-she was [there]629-there . Supposing [he]6358-he did something [he]6358-he would not wish to be seen doing , thinking [he]6358-he was quite private ? But there , what did it matter ? What did the small privacies matter ? How could it matter , what [he]6358-he did ? How can there be any secrets , [we]6362-we are all the same organisms ? How can there be any secrecy , when everything is known to all of [us]6362-we ? [He]6358-he was touching unconsciously the dead husks of flowers as [he]6358-he passed by , and talking disconnectedly to [himself]6358-he . “[2547-you] [You]2547-you ca n’t go away , ” [he]6358-he was saying . “[2547-you] There is no away . [You]2547-you only withdraw upon [yourself]2547-you . ” [He]6358-he threw a dead flower - husk on to [the water]4852-the water . “[2547-you] An antiphony — [they]2548-they lie , and [you]2547-you sing back to [them]2548-they . There would n’t have to be any truth , if there were n’t any lies . Then [one]4646-one need n’t assert anything — ” [He]6358-he stood still , looking at [the water]4852-the water , and throwing upon it the husks of the flowers . “[330-cybele] [Cybele]330-cybele — curse [her]330-cybele ! The accursed Syria [Dea]79-dea ! Does [one]4646-one begrudge it [her]330-cybele ? What else is there — ? ” [Ursula]255-gerald wanted to laugh loudly and hysterically , hearing [his]6358-he isolated voice speaking out . It was so ridiculous . [He]6358-he stood staring at [the water]4852-the water . Then [he]6358-he stooped and picked up a stone , which [he]6358-he threw sharply at [the pond]5290-the pond . [Ursula]255-gerald was aware of the bright moon leaping and swaying , all distorted , in [her]330-cybele eyes . It seemed to shoot out arms of fire like a cuttle - fish , like a luminous polyp , palpitating strongly before [her]330-cybele . And [his]6358-he shadow on [the border of [the pond]5290-the pond]6367-the border of the pond , was watching for a few moments , then [he]6358-he stooped and groped on the ground . Then again there was a burst of sound , and a burst of brilliant light , the moon had exploded on the water , and was flying asunder in flakes of white and dangerous fire . Rapidly , like white birds , the fires all broken rose across [the pond]5290-the pond , fleeing in clamorous confusion , battling with the flock of dark waves that were forcing [their]6370-they way in . The furthest waves of light , fleeing out , seemed to be clamouring against [the shore]1571-the shore for escape , the waves of darkness came in heavily , running under towards the centre . But at the centre , the heart of all , was still a vivid , incandescent quivering of a white moon not quite destroyed , a white body of fire writhing and striving and not even now broken open , not yet violated . It seemed to be drawing itself together with strange , violent pangs , in blind effort . It was getting stronger , it was re - asserting itself , the inviolable moon . And the rays were hastening in in thin lines of light , to return to the strengthened moon , that shook upon the water in triumphant reassumption . [Birkin]169-birkin stood and watched , motionless , till [the pond]5290-the pond was almost calm , the moon was almost serene . Then , satisfied of so much , [he]6358-he looked for more stones . [She]330-cybele felt [his]6358-he invisible tenacity . And in a moment again , the broken lights scattered in explosion over [her]330-cybele face , dazzling [her]330-cybele ; and then , almost immediately , came the second shot . The moon leapt up white and burst through the air . Darts of bright light shot asunder , darkness swept over the centre . There was no moon , only a battlefield of broken lights and shadows , running close together . Shadows , dark and heavy , struck again and again across the place where [the heart of the moon had been]6373-the heart of the moon had been , obliterating it altogether . The white fragments pulsed up and down , and could not find where to go , apart and brilliant on the water like the petals of a rose that a wind has blown far and wide . Yet again , [they]6370-they were flickering [their]6370-they way to the centre , finding [the path]671-the path blindly , enviously . And again , all was still , as [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald watched . The waters were loud on [the shore]1571-the shore . [He]6358-he saw the moon regathering itself insidiously , saw the heart of the rose intertwining vigorously and blindly , calling back the scattered fragments , winning home the fragments , in a pulse and in effort of return . And [he]6358-he was not satisfied . Like a madness , [he]6358-he must go on . [He]6358-he got large stones , and threw them , one after the other , at the white - burning centre of the moon , till there was nothing but a rocking of hollow noise , and [a pond]6376-a pond surged up , no moon any more , only a few broken flakes tangled and glittering broadcast in the darkness , without aim or meaning , a darkened confusion , like a black and white kaleidoscope tossed at random . The hollow night was rocking and crashing with noise , and from the sluice came sharp , regular flashes of sound . Flakes of light appeared here and there , glittering tormented among the shadows , far off , in strange places ; among the dripping shadow of the willow on [the island]5352-the island . [Birkin]169-birkin stood and listened and was satisfied . [Ursula]255-gerald was dazed , [her]330-cybele mind was all gone . [She]330-cybele felt [she]330-cybele had fallen to the ground and was spilled out , like water on the earth . Motionless and spent [she]330-cybele remained in the gloom . Though even now [she]330-cybele was aware , unseeing , that in the darkness was a little tumult of ebbing flakes of light , a cluster dancing secretly in a round , twining and coming steadily together . [They]6370-they were gathering a heart again , [they]6370-they were coming once more into being . Gradually the fragments caught together re - united , heaving , rocking , dancing , falling back as in panic , but working their way [home]4649-home again persistently , making semblance of fleeing away when [they]6370-they had advanced , but always flickering nearer , a little closer to the mark , the cluster growing mysteriously larger and brighter , as gleam after gleam fell in with the whole , until a ragged rose , a distorted , frayed moon was shaking upon [the waters]4854-the waters again , re - asserted , renewed , trying to recover from its convulsion , to get over the disfigurement and the agitation , to be whole and composed , at peace . [Birkin]169-birkin lingered vaguely by [the water]4852-the water . [Ursula]255-gerald was afraid that [he]2551-you would stone the moon again . [She]330-cybele slipped from [her]330-cybele seat and went down to [him]2551-you , saying : “[2551-you] [You]2551-you wo n’t throw stones at it any more , will [you]2551-you ? ” “[2551-you] How long have [you]2551-you been there ? ” “[2551-you] All the time . [You]2551-you wo n’t throw any more stones , will [you]2551-you ? ” “[2551-you] [I]0-i wanted to see if [I]0-i could make it be quite gone off [the pond]5290-the pond , ” [he]2551-you said . “[0-i] Yes , it was horrible , really . Why should [you]2551-you hate the moon ? [It]2553-it has n’t done [you]2551-you any harm , has it ? ” “[2553-it] Was it hate ? ” [he]2551-you said . And [they]6381-they were silent for a few minutes . “[2553-it] When did [you]2551-you come back ? ” [she]2551-you said . “[2553-it] Today . ” “[2553-it] Why did [you]2551-you never write ? ” “[2551-you] [I]0-i could find nothing to say . ” “[2551-you] Why was there nothing to say ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know . Why are there no daffodils now ? ” “[2551-you] No . ” Again there was a space of silence . [Ursula]255-gerald looked at the moon . It had gathered itself together , and was quivering slightly . “[2551-you] Was it good for [you]2551-you , to be alone ? ” [she]2551-you asked . “[2551-you] Perhaps . Not that [I]0-i know much . But [I]0-i got over a good deal . Did [you]2551-you do anything important ? ” “[2551-you] No . [I]0-i looked at [England]80-england , and thought [I]0-i ’d done with it . ” “[0-i] Why [England]80-england ? ” [he]2551-you asked in surprise . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , it came like that . ” “[0-i] It is n’t a question of nations , ” [he]2551-you said . “[0-i] [France]78-france is far worse . ” “[0-i] Yes , [I]0-i know . [I]0-i felt [I]0-i ’d done with it all . ” [They]6382-they went and sat down on the roots of the trees , in the shadow . And being silent , [he]2551-you remembered the beauty of [her]2551-you eyes , which were sometimes filled with light , like spring , suffused with wonderful promise . So [he]2551-you said to [her]2551-you , slowly , with difficulty : “[0-i] There is a golden light in [you]2551-you , which [I]0-i wish [you]2551-you would give [me]0-i . ” It was as if [he]2551-you had been thinking of this for some time . [She]2551-you was startled , [she]2551-you seemed to leap clear of [him]2551-you . Yet also [she]2551-you was pleased . “[2551-you] What kind of a light , ” [she]2551-you asked . But [he]2551-you was shy , and did not say any more . So the moment passed for this time . And gradually a feeling of sorrow came over [her]2551-you . “[2551-you] [My]0-i life is unfulfilled , ” [she]2551-you said . “[0-i] Yes , ” [he]2551-you answered briefly , not wanting to hear this . “[0-i] And [I]0-i feel as if [nobody]912-nobody could ever really love [me]0-i , ” [she]2551-you said . But [he]2551-you did not answer . “[0-i] [You]0-i think , do n’t [you]0-i , ” [she]2551-you said slowly , “[0-i] that [I]0-i only want physical things ? It is n’t true . [I]0-i want [you]0-i to serve [my]0-i spirit . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i know [you]0-i do . [I]0-i know [you]0-i do n’t want physical things by [themselves]2555-themselves . But , [I]0-i want [you]0-i to give [me]0-i — to give [your]0-i spirit to [me]0-i — that golden light which is [you]0-i — which [you]0-i do n’t know — give it [me]0-i — ” After a moment ’s silence [she]6383-she replied : “[0-i] But how can [I]0-i , [you]0-i do n’t love [me]0-i ! [You]0-i only want [your]0-i own ends . [You]0-i do n’t want to serve [me]0-i , and yet [you]0-i want [me]0-i to serve [you]0-i . It is so one - sided ! ” It was a great effort to [him]0-i to maintain this conversation , and to press for the thing [he]0-i wanted from [her]6384-her , the surrender of [her]6384-her spirit . “[0-i] It is different , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] The two kinds of service are so different . [I]0-i serve [you]0-i in another way — not through [yourself]0-i — somewhere else . But [I]0-i want [us]2556-us to be together without bothering about [ourselves]2556-us — to be really together because [we]2556-us are together , as if it were a phenomenon , not a not a thing [we]2556-us have to maintain by [our]2556-us own effort . ” “[0-i] No , ” [she]6385-her said , pondering . “[0-i] [You]0-i are just egocentric . [You]0-i never have any enthusiasm , [you]0-i never come out with any spark towards [me]0-i . [You]0-i want [yourself]0-i , really , and [your]0-i own affairs . And [you]0-i want [me]0-i just to be there , to serve [you]0-i . ” But this only made [him]0-i shut off from [her]6385-her . “[0-i] Ah well , ” [he]0-i said , “[0-i] words make no matter , any way . The thing is between [us]2556-us , or it is n’t . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i do n’t even love [me]0-i , ” [she]6385-her cried . “[0-i] [I]0-i do , ” [he]0-i said angrily . “[0-i] But [I]0-i want — ” [His]0-i mind saw again the lovely golden light of spring transfused through [her]6385-her eyes , as through some wonderful window . And [he]0-i wanted [her]6385-her to be with [him]0-i there , in this world of proud indifference . But what was the good of telling [her]6385-her [he]0-i wanted this company in proud indifference . What was the good of talking , any way ? It must happen beyond the sound of words . It was merely ruinous to try to work [her]6385-her by conviction . This was a paradisal bird that could never be netted , it must fly by itself to the heart . “[0-i] [I]0-i always think [I]0-i am going to be loved — and then [I]0-i am let down . [You]0-i do n’t love [me]0-i , [you]0-i know . [You]0-i do n’t want to serve [me]0-i . [You]0-i only want [yourself]0-i . ” A shiver of rage went over [his]0-i veins , at this repeated : “[0-i] [You]0-i do n’t want to serve [me]0-i . ” All the paradisal disappeared from [him]0-i . “[0-i] No , ” [he]0-i said , irritated , “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t want to serve [you]0-i , because there is nothing there to serve . What [you]0-i want [me]0-i to serve , is nothing , mere nothing . It is n’t even [you]0-i , it is [your]0-i mere female quality . And [I]0-i would n’t give a straw for [your]0-i female ego — it ’s [a rag doll]2557-a rag doll . ” “[2557-a rag doll] Ha ! ” [she]2558-she laughed in mockery . “[2557-a rag doll] That ’s all [you]0-i think of [me]0-i , is it ? And then [you]0-i have the impudence to say [you]0-i love [me]0-i . ” [She]2558-she rose in anger , to go [home]4649-home . [You]0-i want the paradisal unknowing , ”[2558-she] [she]2558-she said , turning round on [him]0-i as [he]0-i still sat half - visible in the shadow . “ [I]2558-she know what that means , thank [you]0-i . [You]0-i want [me]2558-she to be [your]0-i thing , never to criticise [you]0-i or to have anything to say for [myself]2558-she . [You]0-i want [me]2558-she to be a mere thing for [you]0-i ! No thank [you]0-i ! If [you]0-i want that , there are plenty of [women who will give it]6387-women who will give it to [you]0-i . There are [plenty of women who will lie down for [you]0-i to walk over [them]6388-plenty of women who will lie down for you to walk over them]6388-plenty of women who will lie down for you to walk over them — go to [them]6388-plenty of women who will lie down for you to walk over them then , if that ’s what [you]0-i want — go to [them]6388-plenty of women who will lie down for you to walk over them . ”[2558-she] “ No , ”[2559-i] [he]2559-i said , outspoken with anger . “ [I]2559-i want [you]0-i to drop [your]0-i assertive will , [your]0-i frightened apprehensive self - insistence , that is what [I]2559-i want . [I]2559-i want [you]0-i to trust [yourself]0-i so implicitly , that [you]0-i can let [yourself]0-i go . ”[2559-i] “ Let [myself]2560-her go ! ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her re - echoed in mockery . “ [I]2560-her can let [myself]2560-her go , easily enough . It is [you]0-i who ca n’t let [yourself]0-i go , it is [you]0-i who hang on to [yourself]0-i as if it were [your]0-i only treasure . [You]0-i — [you]0-i are [the Sunday school teacher]6389-the sunday school teacher — [You]0-i — [you]0-i preacher . ”[2560-her] The amount of truth that was in this made [him]2561-i stiff and unheeding of [her]2560-her . “ [I]2561-i do n’t mean let [yourself]0-i go in the Dionysic ecstatic way , ”[2561-i] [he]2561-i said . “ [I]2561-i know [you]0-i can do that . But [I]2561-i hate ecstasy , Dionysic or any other . It ’s like going round in [a squirrel cage]6390-a squirrel cage . [I]2561-i want [you]0-i not to care about [yourself]0-i , just to be there and not to care about [yourself]0-i , not to insist — be glad and sure and indifferent . ”[2561-i] “ Who insists ? ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her mocked . “ Who is it that keeps on insisting ? It is n’t [me]2560-her ! ”[2560-her] There was a weary , mocking bitterness in [her]2560-her voice . [He]2561-i was silent for some time . “ [I]2561-i know , ”[2561-i] [he]2561-i said . “ While ever [either of [us]2562-we]6391-either of us insists to the other , [we]2562-we are all wrong . But there [we]2562-we are , the accord does n’t come . ”[2561-i] [They]2562-we sat in stillness under the shadow of the trees by [the bank]1564-the bank . The night was white around [them]2562-we , [they]2562-we were in the darkness , barely conscious . Gradually , the stillness and peace came over [them]2562-we . [She]2560-her put [her]2560-her hand tentatively on [his]2561-i . [Their]2562-we hands clasped softly and silently , in peace . “ Do [you]2561-i really love [me]2560-her ? ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her said . [He]2561-i laughed . “ [I]2561-i call that [your]2560-her war - cry , ”[2561-i] [he]2561-i replied , amused . “ Why ! ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her cried , amused and really wondering . “ [Your]2561-i insistence — [Your]2561-i war - cry—“A[2560-her] [Brangwen]160-gudrun , [A Brangwen”—an old battle - cry]6392-a brangwen”—an old battle - cry . [Yours]2561-i is , ‘ Do [you]2561-i love [me]2561-i ? Yield knave , or die . ’ ”[2561-i] “ No , ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her said , pleading , “ not like that . Not like that . But [I]2560-her must know that [you]2561-i love [me]2560-her , must n’t [I]2560-her ? ”[2560-her] “ Well then , know it and have done with it . ”[2561-i] “ But do [you]2561-i ? ”[2561-i] “ Yes , [I]2560-her do . [I]2560-her love [you]2561-i , and [I]2560-her know it ’s final . It is final , so why say any more about it . ”[2560-her] [She]2560-her was silent for some moments , in delight and doubt . “ Are [you]2564-he sure ? ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her said , nestling happily near to [him]2564-he . “ Quite sure — so now have done — accept it and have done . ”[2560-her] [She]2560-her was nestled quite close to [him]2564-he . “ Have done with what ? ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her murmured , happily . “ With bothering , ”[2564-he] [he]2564-he said . [She]2560-her clung nearer to [him]2564-he . [He]2564-he held [her]2560-her close , and kissed [her]2560-her softly , gently . It was such peace and heavenly freedom , just to fold [her]2560-her and kiss [her]2560-her gently , and not to have any thoughts or any desires or any will , just to be still with [her]2560-her , to be perfectly still and together , in a peace that was not sleep , but content in bliss . To be content in bliss , without desire or insistence anywhere , this was heaven : to be together in happy stillness . For a long time [she]2560-her nestled to [him]2564-he , and [he]2564-he kissed [her]2560-her softly , [her]2560-her hair , [her]2560-her face , [her]2560-her ears , gently , softly , like dew falling . But this warm breath on [her]2560-her ears disturbed [her]2560-her again , kindled the old destructive fires . [She]2560-her cleaved to [him]2564-he , and [he]2564-he could feel [his]2564-he blood changing like quicksilver . “ But [we]6393-we ’ll be still , shall [we]6393-we ? ”[2564-he] [he]2564-he said . “ Yes , ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her said , as if submissively . And [she]2560-her continued to nestle against [him]2564-he . But in a little while [she]2560-her drew away and looked at [him]2564-he . “ [I]2560-her must be going [home]4649-home , ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her said . “ Must [you]2560-her — how sad , ”[2564-he] [he]2564-he replied . [She]2560-her leaned forward and put up [her]2560-her mouth to be kissed . “ Are [you]2564-he really sad ? ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her murmured , smiling . “ Yes , ”[2564-he] [he]2564-he said , “ [I]2564-he wish [we]6395-we could stay as [we]6395-we were , always . ”[2564-he] “ Always ! Do [you]2564-he ? ”[2560-her] [she]2560-her murmured , as [he]2564-he kissed [her]2560-her . And then , out of a full throat , [she]2560-her crooned “ Kiss [me]2560-her ! Kiss [me]2560-her ! ”[2560-her] And [she]2560-her cleaved close to [him]2564-he . [He]2564-he kissed [her]2560-her many times . But [he]2564-he too had [his]2564-he idea and [his]2564-he will . [He]2564-he wanted only gentle communion , no other , no passion now . So that soon [she]2560-her drew away , put on [her]2560-her hat and went [home]4649-home . The next day however , [he]2564-he felt wistful and yearning . [He]2564-he thought [he]2564-he had been wrong , perhaps . Perhaps [he]2564-he had been wrong to go to [her]2560-her with an idea of what [he]2564-he wanted . Was it really only an idea , or was it the interpretation of a profound yearning ? If the latter , how was it [he]2564-he was always talking about sensual fulfilment ? [The two]2296-the two did not agree very well . Suddenly [he]2564-he found [himself]2564-he face to face with a situation . It was as simple as this : fatally simple . On the one hand , [he]2564-he knew [he]2564-he did not want a further sensual experience — something deeper , darker , than ordinary life could give . [He]2564-he remembered the African fetishes [he]2564-he had seen at [Halliday]204-halliday ’s so often . There came back to [him]2564-he one , a statuette about two feet high , [a tall , slim , elegant figure from [West Africa]30-west africa]2567-a tall , slim , elegant figure from west africa , in dark wood , glossy and suave . [It]2567-a tall , slim , elegant figure from west africa was [a woman , with hair dressed high , like a melon - shaped dome]2568-a woman , with hair dressed high , like a melon - shaped dome . [He]2564-he remembered [her]2560-her vividly : [she]2560-her was [one of [[his]2564-he soul]2570-his soul ’s intimates]2569-one of his soul ’s intimates . [Her]2560-her body was long and elegant , [her]2560-her face was crushed tiny like a beetle ’s , [she]2560-her had rows of round heavy collars , like a column of quoits , on [her]2560-her neck . [He]2564-he remembered [her]2560-her : [her]2560-her astonishing cultured elegance , [her]2560-her diminished , beetle face , the astounding long elegant body , on short , ugly legs , with such protuberant buttocks , so weighty and unexpected below [her]2560-her slim long loins . [She]2560-her knew what [he]2564-he [himself]2564-he did not know . [She]2560-her had thousands of years of purely sensual , purely unspiritual knowledge behind [her]2560-her . It must have been thousands of years since [her]2560-her race had died , mystically : that is , since the relation between the senses and the outspoken mind had broken , leaving the experience all in one sort , mystically sensual . Thousands of years ago , that which was imminent in [himself]2564-he must have taken place in [these Africans]82-these africans : the goodness , the holiness , the desire for creation and productive happiness must have lapsed , leaving the single impulse for knowledge in one sort , mindless progressive knowledge through the senses , knowledge arrested and ending in the senses , mystic knowledge in disintegration and dissolution , knowledge such as the beetles have , which live purely within [the world of corruption and cold dissolution]2571-the world of corruption and cold dissolution . This was why [her]2560-her face looked like a beetle ’s : this was why [the Egyptians]2572-the egyptians worshipped the ball - rolling scarab : because of the principle of knowledge in dissolution and corruption . There is a long way [we]2573-we can travel , after the death - break : after that point when the soul in intense suffering breaks , breaks away from its organic hold like a leaf that falls . [We]2573-we fall from the connection with life and hope , [we]2573-we lapse from pure integral being , from creation and liberty , and [we]2573-we fall into the long , long African process of purely sensual understanding , knowledge in the mystery of dissolution . [He]2564-he realised now that this is a long process — thousands of years it takes , after the death of the creative spirit . [He]2564-he realised that there were great mysteries to be unsealed , sensual , mindless , dreadful mysteries , far beyond the phallic cult . How far , in [their]82-these africans inverted culture , had [these West Africans]2574-these west africans gone beyond phallic knowledge ? Very , very far . [Birkin]169-birkin recalled again [the female figure]2575-the female figure : the elongated , long , long body , the curious unexpected heavy buttocks , the long , imprisoned neck , the face with tiny features like a beetle ’s . This was far beyond any phallic knowledge , sensual subtle realities far beyond the scope of phallic investigation . There remained this way , this awful African process , to be fulfilled . It would be done differently by [the white races]2576-the white races . [The white races]2576-the white races , having [the arctic north]2578-the arctic north behind [them]2576-the white races , the vast abstraction of ice and snow , would fulfil a mystery of ice - destructive knowledge , snow - abstract annihilation . Whereas [the West Africans]2579-the west africans , controlled by the burning death - abstraction of [the Sahara]83-the sahara , had been fulfilled in sun - destruction , the putrescent mystery of sun - rays . Was this then all that remained ? Was there left now nothing but to break off from [the happy creative being]2580-the happy creative being , was the time up ? Is [our]2573-we day of creative life finished ? Does there remain to [us]2573-we only the strange , awful afterwards of the knowledge in dissolution , the African knowledge , but different in [us]2573-we , who are blond and blue - eyed from [the north]2581-the north ? [Birkin]169-birkin thought of [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was one of [these strange white wonderful demons from [the north]2581-the north]2582-these strange white wonderful demons from the north , fulfilled in the destructive frost mystery . And was [he]255-gerald fated to pass away in this knowledge , this one process of frost - knowledge , death by perfect cold ? Was [he]255-gerald [a messenger]2584-a messenger , an omen of the universal dissolution into whiteness and snow ? [Birkin]169-birkin was frightened . [He]2585-he was tired too , when [he]2585-he had reached this length of speculation . Suddenly [his]2585-he strange , strained attention gave way , [he]2585-he could not attend to these mysteries any more . There was another way , the way of freedom . There was the paradisal entry into [pure , single being]2586-pure , single being , [the individual soul]2587-the individual soul taking precedence over love and desire for union , stronger than any pangs of emotion , a lovely state of free proud singleness , which accepted the obligation of the permanent connection with [others]593-others , and with the other , submits to the yoke and leash of love , but never forfeits its own proud individual singleness , even while it loves and yields . There was the other way , the remaining way . And [he]2585-he must run to follow it . [He]2585-he thought of [Ursula]255-gerald , how sensitive and delicate [she]2589-her really was , [her]2589-her skin so over - fine , as if one skin were wanting . [She]2589-her was really so marvellously gentle and sensitive . Why did [he]2585-he ever forget it ? [He]2585-he must go to [her]2589-her at once . [He]2585-he must ask [her]2589-her to marry [him]2585-he . [They]2590-they must marry at once , and so make a definite pledge , enter into a definite communion . [He]2585-he must set out at once and ask [her]2589-her , this moment . There was no moment to spare . [He]2585-he drifted on swiftly to [Beldover]1-beldover , half - unconscious of [his]2585-he own movement . [He]2585-he saw [the town]4907-the town on [the slope of the hill]2592-the slope of the hill , not straggling , but as if walled - in with [the straight , final streets of]2593-the straight , final streets of [[miners]1438-miners ’ dwellings]1439-miners ’ dwellings , making [a great square]2596-a great square , and [it]4907-the town looked like [Jerusalem]84-jerusalem to [his]2585-he fancy . [The world]541-the world was all strange and transcendent . [Rosalind]331-rosalind opened the door to [him]2585-he . [She]331-rosalind started slightly , as [a young girl]1822-a young girl will , and said : “ Oh , [I]331-rosalind ’ll tell [father]4673-father . ”[331-rosalind] With which [she]331-rosalind disappeared , leaving [Birkin]169-birkin in [the hall]734-the hall , looking at some reproductions from [Picasso]332-picasso , lately introduced by [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [He]2585-he was admiring the almost wizard , sensuous apprehension of [the earth]972-the earth , when [Will Brangwen]160-gudrun appeared , rolling down [his]2585-he shirt sleeves . “ Well , ”[160-gudrun] said [Brangwen]160-gudrun , “ [I]160-gudrun ’ll get a coat . ”[160-gudrun] And [he]2585-he too disappeared for a moment . Then [he]2585-he returned , and opened the door of [the drawing - room]5183-the drawing - room , saying : “ [You]169-birkin must excuse [me]2585-he , [I]2585-he was just doing a bit of work in [the shed]6397-the shed . Come inside , will [you]169-birkin . ”[2585-he] [Birkin]169-birkin entered and sat down . [He]2585-he looked at the bright , reddish face of [the other man]832-the other man , at the narrow brow and the very bright eyes , and at the rather sensual lips that unrolled wide and expansive under the black cropped moustache . How curious it was that this was [a human being]5012-a human being ! What [Brangwen]160-gudrun thought [himself]2585-he to be , how meaningless it was , confronted with the reality of [him]2585-he . [Birkin]169-birkin could see only a strange , inexplicable , almost patternless collection of passions and desires and suppressions and traditions and mechanical ideas , all cast unfused and disunited into [this slender , bright - faced man of nearly fifty]2604-this slender , bright - faced man of nearly fifty , who was as unresolved now as [he]2585-he was at twenty , and as uncreated . How could [he]2585-he be [the parent of [Ursula]255-gerald]2605-the parent of ursula , when [he]2585-he was not created [himself]2585-he . [He]2585-he was not [a parent]2606-a parent . A slip of living flesh had been transmitted through [him]2585-he , but the spirit had not come from [him]2585-he . The spirit had not come from [any ancestor]2607-any ancestor , it had come out of the unknown . [A child]733-a child is [the child of the mystery]2609-the child of the mystery , or it is uncreated . “ The weather ’s not so bad as it has been , ”[160-gudrun] said [Brangwen]160-gudrun , after waiting a moment . There was no connection between [the two men]686-the two men . “ No , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ It was full moon two days ago . ”[169-birkin] “ Oh ! [You]169-birkin believe in the moon then , affecting the weather ? ”[160-gudrun] “ No , [I]169-birkin do n’t think [I]169-birkin do . [I]169-birkin do n’t really know enough about it . ”[169-birkin] “ [You]169-birkin know what [they]6398-they say ? The moon and the weather may change together , but the change of the moon wo n’t change the weather . ”[169-birkin] “ Is that it ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [I]169-birkin had n’t heard it . ”[169-birkin] There was a pause . Then [Birkin]169-birkin said : “ Am [I]169-birkin hindering [you]169-birkin ? [I]169-birkin called to see [Ursula]255-gerald , really . Is [she]6399-she at [home]4649-home ? ”[169-birkin] “ [I]2611-i do n’t believe [she]6399-she is . [I]2611-i believe [she]6399-she ’s gone to [the library]2470-the library . [I]2611-i ’ll just see . ”[2611-i] [Birkin]169-birkin could hear [him]2611-i enquiring in [the dining - room]774-the dining - room . “ No , ”[2611-i] [he]2611-i said , coming back . “ But [she]6399-she wo n’t be long . [You]2611-i wanted to speak to [her]6399-she ? ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin looked across at [the other man]832-the other man with curious calm , clear eyes . “ As a matter of fact , ”[2611-i] [he]2611-i said , “ [I]2611-i wanted to ask [her]6399-she to marry [me]2611-i . ”[2611-i] A point of light came on the golden - brown eyes of [the elder man]1423-the elder man . “ O - oh ? ”[2611-i] [he]2611-i said , looking at [Birkin]169-birkin , then dropping [his]2611-i eyes before the calm , steadily watching look of [the other]920-the other : “ Was [she]6399-she expecting [you]169-birkin then ? ”[2611-i] “ No , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ No ? [I]169-birkin did n’t know anything of this sort was on foot — ”[169-birkin] [Brangwen]160-gudrun smiled awkwardly . [Birkin]169-birkin looked back at [him]1423-the elder man , and said to [himself]169-birkin : “ [I]169-birkin wonder why it should be ‘ on foot ’ ! ”[169-birkin] Aloud [he]2611-i said : “ No , it ’s perhaps rather sudden . ”[2611-i] At which , thinking of [his]2611-i relationship with [Ursula]255-gerald , [he]2611-i added—“but [I]2611-i do n’t know — ”[2611-i] “ Quite sudden , is it ? Oh ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Brangwen]160-gudrun , rather baffled and annoyed . “ In one way , ”[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]169-birkin , “ — not in another . ”[169-birkin] There was a moment ’s pause , after which [Brangwen]160-gudrun said : “ Well , [she]160-gudrun pleases [herself]160-gudrun — ”[160-gudrun] “ Oh yes ! ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , calmly . A vibration came into [Brangwen]160-gudrun ’s strong voice , as [he]2611-i replied : “ Though [I]2611-i should n’t want [her]160-gudrun to be in too big a hurry , either . It ’s no good looking round afterwards , when it ’s too late . ”[2611-i] “ Oh , it need never be too late , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ as far as that goes . ”[169-birkin] “ How do [you]169-birkin mean ? ”[646-the father] asked [the father]646-the father . “ If [one]4646-one repents being married , the marriage is at an end , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [You]169-birkin think so ? ”[169-birkin] “ Yes . ”[169-birkin] “ Ay , well that may be [your]169-birkin way of looking at it . ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin , in silence , thought to [himself]169-birkin : “ So it may . As for [your]169-birkin way of looking at it , [William Brangwen]289-brangwen , it needs a little explaining . ”[169-birkin] “ [I]289-brangwen suppose , ”[289-brangwen] said [Brangwen]289-brangwen , “ [you]169-birkin know what sort of [people]579-people [we]6404-we are ? What sort of a bringing - up [she]6405-she ’s had ? ”[289-brangwen] “ ‘ [She]6405-she ’ , ”[169-birkin] thought [Birkin]169-birkin to [himself]169-birkin , remembering [his]646-the father childhood ’s corrections , “ is [[the cat]6406-the cat ’s mother]6407-the cat ’s mother . ”[169-birkin] “ Do [I]646-the father know what sort of a bringing - up [she]6405-she ’s had ? ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said aloud . [He]646-the father seemed to annoy [Brangwen]289-brangwen intentionally . “ Well , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said , “ [she]6405-she ’s had everything that ’s right for [a girl]2057-a girl to have — as far as possible , as far as [we]6409-we could give it [her]6405-she . ”[646-the father] “ [I]169-birkin ’m sure [she]6405-she has , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , which caused a perilous full - stop . [The father]646-the father was becoming exasperated . There was something naturally irritant to [him]646-the father in [Birkin]169-birkin ’s mere presence . “ And [I]646-the father do n’t want to see [her]6405-she going back on it all , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said , in a clanging voice . “ Why ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . This monosyllable exploded in [Brangwen]289-brangwen ’s brain like a shot . “ Why ! [I]169-birkin do n’t believe in [your]169-birkin new - fangled ways and new - fangled ideas — in and out like a frog in a gallipot . It would never do for [me]169-birkin . ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin watched [him]646-the father with steady emotionless eyes . The radical antagnoism in [the two men]686-the two men was rousing . “ Yes , but are [my]169-birkin ways and ideas new - fangled ? ”[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Are [they]686-the two men ? ”[169-birkin] [Brangwen]289-brangwen caught [himself]289-brangwen up . “ [I]646-the father ’m not speaking of [you]169-birkin in particular , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said . “ What [I]646-the father mean is that [[my]646-the father children]4721-my children have been brought up to think and do according to the religion [I]646-the father was brought up in [myself]646-the father , and [I]646-the father do n’t want to see [them]4721-my children going away from that . ”[646-the father] There was a dangerous pause . “ And beyond that — ? ”[169-birkin] asked [Birkin]169-birkin . [The father]646-the father hesitated , [he]646-the father was in a nasty position . “ Eh ? What do [you]169-birkin mean ? All [I]646-the father want to say is that [[my]646-the father daughter”—he]6411-my daughter”—he[646-the father] tailed off into silence , overcome by futility . [He]646-the father knew that in some way [he]646-the father was off the track . “ Of course , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , “ [I]169-birkin do n’t want to hurt [anybody]744-anybody or influence [anybody]744-anybody . [Ursula]255-gerald does exactly as [she]2620-she pleases . ”[169-birkin] There was a complete silence , because of the utter failure in mutual understanding . [Birkin]169-birkin felt bored . [[Her]2620-she father]583-her father was not [a coherent human being]2622-a coherent human being , [he]583-her father was [a roomful of old echoes]2623-a roomful of old echoes . The eyes of [the younger man]1430-the younger man rested on the face of [the elder]1414-the elder . [Brangwen]289-brangwen looked up , and saw [Birkin]169-birkin looking at [him]646-the father . [His]646-the father face was covered with inarticulate anger and humiliation and sense of inferiority in strength . “ And as for beliefs , that ’s one thing , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said . “ But [I]646-the father ’d rather see [[my]646-the father daughters]6414-my daughters dead tomorrow than that [they]6414-my daughters should be at the beck and call of [the first man that likes to come and whistle for [them]6414-my daughters]6415-the first man that likes to come and whistle for them . ”[646-the father] A queer painful light came into [Birkin]169-birkin ’s eyes . “ As to that , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said , “ [I]646-the father only know that it ’s much more likely that it ’s [I]646-the father who am at the beck and call of [the woman]873-the woman , than [she]873-the woman at [mine]646-the father . ”[646-the father] Again there was a pause . [The father]646-the father was somewhat bewildered . “ [I]646-the father know , ”[646-the father] [he]646-the father said , “ [she]873-the woman ’ll please [herself]873-the woman — [she]873-the woman always has done . [I]646-the father ’ve done [my]646-the father best for [them]6414-my daughters , but that does n’t matter . [They]6414-my daughters ’ve got [themselves]6414-my daughters to please , and if [they]6414-my daughters can help it [they]6414-my daughters ’ll please [[nobody]912-nobody but [themselves]6414-my daughters]6418-nobody but themselves . But [she]873-the woman ’s a right to consider [[her]873-the woman mother]770-her mother , and [me]646-the father as well — ”[646-the father] [Brangwen]289-brangwen was thinking [his]289-brangwen own thoughts . “ And [I]289-brangwen tell [you]646-the father this much , [I]289-brangwen would rather bury [them]6414-my daughters , than see [them]6414-my daughters getting into a lot of loose ways such as [you]646-the father see everywhere nowadays . [I]289-brangwen ’d rather bury [them]6414-my daughters — ”[289-brangwen] “ Yes but , [you]646-the father see , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin slowly , rather wearily , bored again by this new turn , “ [they]6414-my daughters wo n’t give either [you]646-the father or [me]169-birkin the chance to bury [them]6414-my daughters , because they ’re not to be buried . ”[169-birkin] [Brangwen]289-brangwen looked at [him]2627-he in a sudden flare of impotent anger . “ Now , [Mr Birkin]169-birkin , ”[2627-he] [he]2627-he said , “ [I]2627-he do n’t know what [you]169-birkin ’ve come here for , and [I]2627-he do n’t know what [you]169-birkin ’re asking for . But [[my]2627-he daughters]6414-my daughters are [[my]2627-he daughters]6414-my daughters — and it ’s [my]2627-he business to look after [them]6414-my daughters while [I]2627-he can . ”[2627-he] [Birkin]169-birkin ’s brows knitted suddenly , [his]2627-he eyes concentrated in mockery . But [he]2627-he remained perfectly stiff and still . There was a pause . “ [I]289-brangwen ’ve nothing against [your]169-birkin marrying [Ursula]255-gerald , ”[289-brangwen] [Brangwen]289-brangwen began at length . “ It ’s got nothing to do with [me]289-brangwen , [she]2629-her ’ll do as [she]2629-her likes , [me]289-brangwen or no [me]289-brangwen . ”[289-brangwen] [Birkin]169-birkin turned away , looking out of the window and letting go [his]2627-he consciousness . After all , what good was this ? It was hopeless to keep it up . [He]2627-he would sit on till [Ursula]255-gerald came [home]4649-home , then speak to [her]2629-her , then go away . [He]2627-he would not accept trouble at the hands of [[her]2629-her father]583-her father . It was all unnecessary , and [he]2627-he [himself]2627-he need not have provoked it . [The two men]686-the two men sat in complete silence , [Birkin]169-birkin almost unconscious of [his]2627-he own whereabouts . [He]2627-he had come to ask [her]2629-her to marry [him]2627-he — well then , [he]2627-he would wait on , and ask [her]2629-her . As for what [she]2629-her said , whether [she]2629-her accepted or not , [he]2627-he did not think about it . [He]2627-he would say what [he]2627-he had come to say , and that was all [he]2627-he was conscious of . [He]2627-he accepted the complete insignificance of [this household]2632-this household , for [him]2627-he . But everything now was as if fated . [He]2627-he could see one thing ahead , and no more . From the rest , [he]2627-he was absolved entirely for the time being . It had to be left to fate and chance to resolve the issues . At length [they]686-the two men heard the gate . [They]686-the two men saw [her]2629-her coming up the steps with a bundle of books under [her]2629-her arm . [Her]2629-her face was bright and abstracted as usual , with the abstraction , that look of being not quite there , not quite present to the facts of reality , that galled [[her]2629-her father]583-her father so much . [She]2629-her had a maddening faculty of assuming a light of [her]2629-her own , which excluded the reality , and within which [she]2629-her looked radiant as if in sunshine . [They]686-the two men heard [her]2629-her go into [the dining - room]774-the dining - room , and drop [her]2629-her armful of books on the table . “ Did [you]583-her father bring [me]331-rosalind [that Girl]6422-that girl ’s Own ? ”[331-rosalind] cried [Rosalind]331-rosalind . “ Yes , [I]331-rosalind brought it . But [I]331-rosalind forgot which one it was [you]583-her father wanted . ”[331-rosalind] “ [You]583-her father would , ”[331-rosalind] cried [Rosalind]331-rosalind angrily . “ It ’s right for a wonder . ”[331-rosalind] Then [they]686-the two men heard [her]2629-her say something in a lowered tone . “ Where ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . Again [[her]2629-her sister]449-her sister ’s voice was muffled . [Brangwen]289-brangwen opened the door , and called , in [his]289-brangwen strong , brazen voice : “ [Ursula]255-gerald . ”[289-brangwen] [She]2629-her appeared in a moment , wearing [her]2629-her hat . “ Oh how do [you]169-birkin do ! ”[2629-her] [she]2629-her cried , seeing [Birkin]169-birkin , and all dazzled as if taken by surprise . [He]289-brangwen wondered at [her]2629-her , knowing [she]2629-her was aware of [his]289-brangwen presence . [She]2629-her had [her]2629-her queer , radiant , breathless manner , as if confused by the actual world , unreal to it , having a complete bright world of [her]2629-her self alone . “ Have [I]2629-her interrupted a conversation ? ”[2629-her] [she]2629-her asked . “ No , only a complete silence , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Oh , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , vaguely , absent . [Their]2636-their presence was not vital to [her]2629-her , [she]2629-her was withheld , [she]2629-her did not take [them]2636-their in . It was a subtle insult that never failed to exasperate [[her]2629-her father]583-her father . “ [Mr Birkin]169-birkin came to speak to [you]255-gerald , not to [me]583-her father , ”[583-her father] said [[her]2629-her father]583-her father . “ Oh , did [he]583-her father ! ”[2629-her] [she]2629-her exclaimed vaguely , as if it did not concern [her]2629-her . Then , recollecting [herself]2629-her , [she]2629-her turned to [him]583-her father rather radiantly , but still quite superficially , and said : “ Was it anything special ? ”[2629-her] “ [I]583-her father hope so , ”[583-her father] [he]583-her father said , ironically . “ — To propose to [you]255-gerald , according to all accounts , ”[583-her father] said [[her]2629-her father]583-her father . “ Oh , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Oh , ”[255-gerald] mocked [[her]2629-her father]583-her father , imitating [her]2629-her . “ Have [you]255-gerald nothing more to say ? ”[2629-her] [She]2629-her winced as if violated . “ Did [you]169-birkin really come to propose to [me]2629-her ? ”[2629-her] [she]2629-her asked of [Birkin]169-birkin , as if it were a joke . “ Yes , ”[583-her father] [he]583-her father said . “ [I]583-her father suppose [I]583-her father came to propose . ”[583-her father] [He]583-her father seemed to fight shy of the last word . “ Did [you]169-birkin ? ”[2629-her] [she]2629-her cried , with [her]2629-her vague radiance . [He]583-her father might have been saying anything whatsoever . [She]2629-her seemed pleased . “ Yes , ”[583-her father] [he]583-her father answered . “ [I]583-her father wanted to — [I]583-her father wanted [you]2629-her to agree to marry [me]583-her father . ”[583-her father] [She]2629-her looked at [him]583-her father . [His]583-her father eyes were flickering with mixed lights , wanting something of [her]2629-her , yet not wanting it . [She]2629-her shrank a little , as if [she]2629-her were exposed to [his]583-her father eyes , and as if it were a pain to [her]2629-her . [She]2629-her darkened , [her]2629-her soul clouded over , [she]2629-her turned aside . [She]2629-her had been driven out of [[her]2629-her own radiant , single world]2641-her own radiant , single world . And [she]2629-her dreaded contact , it was almost unnatural to [her]2629-her at these times . “ Yes , ”[2629-her] [she]2629-her said vaguely , in a doubting , absent voice . [Birkin]169-birkin ’s heart contracted swiftly , in a sudden fire of bitterness . It all meant nothing to [her]2629-her . [He]583-her father had been mistaken again . [She]2629-her was in some self - satisfied world of [her]2629-her own . [He]583-her father and [his]583-her father hopes were accidentals , violations to [her]2629-her . It drove [[her]2629-her father]583-her father to a pitch of mad exasperation . [He]583-her father had had to put up with this all [his]583-her father life , from [her]2629-her . “ Well , what do [you]2629-her say ? ”[583-her father] [he]583-her father cried . [She]2629-her winced . Then [she]2629-her glanced down at [[her]2629-her father]583-her father , half - frightened , and [she]2629-her said : “ [I]2629-her did n’t speak , did [I]2629-her ? ”[2629-her] as if [she]2629-her were afraid [she]2629-her might have committed [herself]2629-her . “ No , ”[2629-her] said [[her]2629-her father]583-her father , exasperated . “ But [you]2629-her need n’t look like [an idiot]1104-an idiot . [You]2629-her ’ve got [your]2629-her wits , have n’t [you]2629-her ? ”[2629-her] [She]2629-her ebbed away in silent hostility . “ [I]2629-her ’ve got [my]2629-her wits , what does that mean ? ”[2629-her] [she]2629-her repeated , in a sullen voice of antagonism . “ [You]2629-her heard what was asked [you]2629-her , did n’t [you]2629-her ? ”[583-her father] cried [[her]2629-her father]583-her father in anger . “ Of course [I]2629-her heard . ”[2629-her] “ Well then , ca n’t [you]2629-her answer ? ”[583-her father] thundered [[her]2629-her father]583-her father . “ Why should [I]583-her father ? ”[583-her father] At the impertinence of this retort , [he]583-her father went stiff . But [he]583-her father said nothing . “ No , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , to help out the occasion , “ there ’s no need to answer at once . [You]2629-her can say when [you]2629-her like . ”[169-birkin] [Her]2629-her eyes flashed with a powerful light . “ Why should [I]2629-her say anything ? ”[2629-her] [she]2629-her cried . “ [You]2629-her do this off [your]2629-her own bat , it has nothing to do with [me]2629-her . Why do [you]2629-her both want to bully [me]2629-her ? ”[2629-her] “ Bully [you]2629-her ! Bully [you]2629-her ! ”[583-her father] cried [[her]2629-her father]583-her father , in bitter , rancorous anger . “ Bully [you]2629-her ! Why , it ’s a pity [you]2629-her ca n’t be bullied into some sense and decency . Bully [you]2629-her ! [You]2629-her ’ll see to that , [you]2629-her self - willed creature . ”[583-her father] [She]2629-her stood suspended in the middle of [the room]739-the room , [her]2629-her face glimmering and dangerous . [She]2629-her was set in satisfied defiance . [Birkin]169-birkin looked up at [her]2629-her . [He]583-her father too was angry . “ But none is bullying [you]2629-her , ”[583-her father] [he]583-her father said , in a very soft dangerous voice also . “ Oh yes , ”[2629-her] [she]2629-her cried . “ [You]2629-her both want to force [me]583-her father into something . ”[583-her father] “ That is an illusion of [yours]2629-her , ”[583-her father] [he]583-her father said ironically . “ Illusion ! ”[583-her father] cried [[her]2629-her father]583-her father . “ [A self - opinionated fool]6424-a self - opinionated fool , that ’s what [she]2629-her is . ”[583-her father] [Birkin]169-birkin rose , saying : “ However , [we]6425-we ’ll leave it for the time being . ”[169-birkin] And without another word , [he]583-her father walked out of [the house]468-the house . “ [[You]2629-her fool]5322-you fool ! [[You]2629-her fool]5322-you fool ! ”[583-her father] [[her]2629-her father]583-her father cried to [her]2629-her , with extreme bitterness . [She]2629-her left [the room]739-the room , and went [upstairs]467-upstairs , singing to [herself]2629-her . But [she]2629-her was terribly fluttered , as after some dreadful fight . From [her]2629-her window , [she]2629-her could see [Birkin]169-birkin going up [the road]502-the road . [He]583-her father went in such a blithe drift of rage , that [her]2629-her mind wondered over [him]583-her father . [He]583-her father was ridiculous , but [she]2629-her was afraid of [him]583-her father . [She]2629-her was as if escaped from some danger . [[Her]2629-her father]583-her father sat below , powerless in humiliation and chagrin . It was as if [he]583-her father were possessed with all the devils , after one of these unaccountable conflicts with [Ursula]255-gerald . [He]583-her father hated [her]2629-her as if [his]583-her father only reality were in hating [her]2629-her to the last degree . [He]583-her father had all hell in [his]583-her father heart . But [he]583-her father went away , to escape [himself]583-her father . [He]583-her father knew [he]583-her father must despair , yield , give in to despair , and have done . [Ursula]255-gerald ’s face closed , [she]2629-her completed [herself]2629-her against [them]2656-them all . Recoiling upon [herself]2629-her , [she]2629-her became hard and self - completed , like a jewel . [She]2629-her was bright and invulnerable , quite free and happy , perfectly liberated in [her]2629-her self - possession . [[Her]2629-her father]583-her father had to learn not to see [her]2629-her blithe obliviousness , or it would have sent [him]583-her father mad . [She]2629-her was so radiant with all things , in [her]2629-her possession of perfect hostility . [She]2629-her would go on now for days like this , in this bright frank state of seemingly pure spontaneity , so essentially oblivious of the existence of anything but [herself]2629-her , but so ready and facile in [her]2629-her interest . Ah it was a bitter thing for [a man]4648-a man to be near [her]2629-her , and [[her]2629-her father]583-her father cursed [his]583-her father fatherhood . But [he]583-her father must learn not to see [her]2629-her , not to know . [She]2629-her was perfectly stable in resistance when [she]2629-her was in this state : so bright and radiant and attractive in [her]2629-her pure opposition , so very pure , and yet mistrusted by [everybody]780-everybody , disliked on every hand . It was [her]2629-her voice , curiously clear and repellent , that gave [her]2629-her away . Only [Gudrun]160-gudrun was in accord with [her]2629-her . It was at these times that the intimacy between [the two sisters]463-the two sisters was most complete , as if [their]463-the two sisters intelligence were one . [They]463-the two sisters felt a strong , bright bond of understanding between [them]463-the two sisters , surpassing everything else . And during all these days of blind bright abstraction and intimacy of [[his]583-her father two daughters]2662-his two daughters , [the father]646-the father seemed to breathe an air of death , as if [he]583-her father were destroyed in [his]583-her father very being . [He]583-her father was irritable to madness , [he]583-her father could not rest , [[his]583-her father daughters]2664-his daughters seemed to be destroying [him]583-her father . But [he]583-her father was inarticulate and helpless against [them]2664-his daughters . [He]583-her father was forced to breathe the air of [his]583-her father own death . [He]583-her father cursed [them]2664-his daughters in [his]583-her father soul , and only wanted , that [they]2664-his daughters should be removed from [him]583-her father . [They]2664-his daughters continued radiant in [their]2664-his daughters easy female transcendancy , beautiful to look at . [They]2664-his daughters exchanged confidences , [they]2664-his daughters were intimate in [their]2664-his daughters revelations to the last degree , giving [each other]451-each other at last every secret . [They]2664-his daughters withheld nothing , [they]2664-his daughters told everything , till [they]2664-his daughters were over the border of evil . And [they]2664-his daughters armed [each other]451-each other with knowledge , [they]2664-his daughters extracted the subtlest flavours from the apple of knowledge . It was curious how [their]2664-his daughters knowledge was complementary , that of [each]2377-each to that of the other . [Ursula]255-gerald saw [[her]2668-she men]5207-her men as [sons]1169-sons , pitied [their]2664-his daughters yearning and admired [their]2664-his daughters courage , and wondered over [them]2664-his daughters as [a mother]2671-a mother wonders over [[her]2671-a mother child]2672-her child , with a certain delight in [their]2664-his daughters novelty . But to [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [they]2664-his daughters were [the opposite camp]2673-the opposite camp . [She]2668-she feared [them]2664-his daughters and despised [them]2664-his daughters , and respected [their]2664-his daughters activities even overmuch . “ Of course , ”[2668-she] [she]2668-she said easily , “ there is a quality of life in [Birkin]169-birkin which is quite remarkable . There is an extraordinary rich spring of life in [him]6428-he , really amazing , the way [he]6428-he can give [himself]6428-he to things . But there are so many things in life that [he]6428-he simply does n’t know . Either [he]6428-he is not aware of [their]2664-his daughters existence at all , or [he]6428-he dismisses [them]2664-his daughters as merely negligible — things which are vital to [the other person]6429-the other person . In a way , [he]6428-he is not clever enough , [he]6428-he is too intense in spots . ”[2668-she] “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , “ too much of [a preacher]6430-a preacher . [He]6428-he is really [a priest]6431-a priest . ”[255-gerald] “ Exactly ! [He]6428-he ca n’t hear what [anybody else]1074-anybody else has to say — [he]6428-he simply can not hear . [His]6428-he own voice is so loud . ”[2668-she] “ Yes . [He]6428-he cries [you]255-gerald down . ”[160-gudrun] “ [He]6428-he cries [you]255-gerald down , ”[160-gudrun] repeated [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ And by mere force of violence . And of course it is hopeless . [Nobody]912-nobody is convinced by violence . It makes talking to [him]6428-he impossible — and living with [him]6428-he [I]160-gudrun should think would be more than impossible . ”[160-gudrun] “ [You]0-i do n’t think [one]4646-one could live with [him]6428-he ’ asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i think it would be too wearing , too exhausting . [One]172-one would be shouted down every time , and rushed into [his]172-one way without any choice . [He]172-one would want to control [you]2674-you entirely . [He]172-one can not allow that there is any other mind than [his]172-one own . And then the real clumsiness of [his]172-one mind is its lack of self - criticism . No , [I]0-i think it would be perfectly intolerable . ” “[0-i] Yes , ” assented [Ursula]255-gerald vaguely . [She]2674-you only half agreed with [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] The nuisance is , ” [she]2674-you said , “[0-i] that one would find almost [any man]2675-any man intolerable after a fortnight . ” “[0-i] It ’s perfectly dreadful , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] But [Birkin]169-birkin — [he]172-one is too positive . [He]172-one could n’t bear it if [you]2674-you called [your]2674-you soul [your]2674-you own . Of [him]172-one that is strictly true . ” “[172-one] Yes , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[172-one] [You]2674-you must have [his]172-one soul . ” “[2674-you] Exactly ! And what can [you]2674-you conceive more deadly ? ” This was all so true , that [Ursula]255-gerald felt jarred to the bottom of [her]2674-you soul with ugly distaste . [She]2674-you went on , with the discord jarring and jolting through [her]2674-you , in the most barren of misery . Then there started a revulsion from [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun finished life off so thoroughly , [she]160-gudrun made things so ugly and so final . As a matter of fact , even if it were as [Gudrun]160-gudrun said , about [Birkin]169-birkin , other things were true as well . But [Gudrun]160-gudrun would draw two lines under [him]172-one and cross [him]172-one out like an account that is settled . There [he]172-one was , summed up , paid for , settled , done with . And it was such a lie . This finality of [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s , this dispatching of [people]579-people and things in a sentence , it was all such a lie . [Ursula]255-gerald began to revolt from [[her]2674-you sister]449-her sister . One day as [they]6437-they were walking along [the lane]1387-the lane , [they]6437-they saw a robin sitting on the top twig of a bush , singing shrilly . [The sisters]452-the sisters stood to look at [him]2676-he . An ironical smile flickered on [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s face . “[2674-you] Does n’t [he]2676-he feel important ? ” smiled [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2674-you] Does n’t [he]2676-he ! ” exclaimed [Ursula]255-gerald , with a little ironical grimace . “[2676-he] Is n’t [he]2676-he [a little Lloyd George of the air]2677-a little lloyd george of the air ! ” “[2677-a little lloyd george of the air] Is n’t [he]2676-he ! [Little Lloyd George]333-little lloyd george of the air ! That ’s just what [they]2678-they are , ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun in delight . Then for days , [Ursula]255-gerald saw the persistent , obtrusive birds as stout , short politicians lifting up [their]2678-they voices from the platform , [little men who must make [themselves]2678-they heard at any cost]6440-little men who must make themselves heard at any cost . But even from this there came the revulsion . Some yellowhammers suddenly shot along [the road]502-the road in front of [her]6442-she . And [they]2678-they looked to [her]6442-she so uncanny and inhuman , like flaring yellow barbs shooting through the air on some weird , living errand , that [she]6442-she said to [herself]6442-she : “[2677-a little lloyd george of the air] After all , it is impudence to call [them]2678-they [little Lloyd Georges]334-little lloyd georges . [They]2678-they are really unknown to [us]2679-us , [they]2678-they are [the unknown forces]2680-the unknown forces . It is impudence to look at [them]2678-they as if [they]2678-they were the same as [human beings]511-human beings . [They]2678-they are of [another world]4676-another world . How stupid anthropomorphism is ! [Gudrun]160-gudrun is really impudent , insolent , making [herself]160-gudrun the measure of everything , making everything come down to human standards . [Rupert]169-birkin is quite right , [human beings]511-human beings are boring , painting the universe with [their]511-human beings own image . [The universe]6164-the universe is non - human , thank [God]167-god . ” It seemed to [her]6442-she irreverence , destructive of all true life , to make little Lloyd Georges of the birds . It was such a lie towards the robins , and such a defamation . Yet [she]6442-she had done it [herself]6442-she . But under [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s influence : so [she]6442-she exonerated [herself]6442-she . So [she]6442-she withdrew away from [Gudrun]160-gudrun and from that which [she]6442-she stood for , [she]6442-she turned in spirit towards [Birkin]169-birkin again . [She]6442-she had not seen [him]6443-he since the fiasco of [his]6443-he proposal . [She]6442-she did not want to , because [she]6442-she did not want the question of [her]6442-she acceptance thrust upon [her]6442-she . [She]6442-she knew what [Birkin]169-birkin meant when [he]6443-he asked [her]6442-she to marry [him]6443-he ; vaguely , without putting it into speech , [she]6442-she knew . [She]6442-she knew what kind of love , what kind of surrender [he]6443-he wanted . And [she]6442-she was not at all sure that this was the kind of love that [she]6442-she [herself]6442-she wanted . [She]6442-she was not at all sure that it was this mutual unison in separateness that [she]6442-she wanted . [She]6442-she wanted unspeakable intimacies . [She]6442-she wanted to have [him]6443-he , utterly , finally to have [him]6443-he as [her]6442-she own , oh , so unspeakably , in intimacy . To drink [him]6443-he down — ah , like a life - draught . [She]6442-she made great professions , to [herself]6442-she , of [her]6442-she willingness to warm [his]6443-he foot - soles between [her]6442-she breasts , after the fashion of the nauseous Meredith poem . But only on condition that [he]6443-he , [[her]6442-she lover]668-her lover , loved [her]6442-she absolutely , with complete self - abandon . And subtly enough , [she]6442-she knew [he]6443-he would never abandon [himself]6443-he finally to [her]6442-she . [He]6443-he did not believe in final self - abandonment . [He]6443-he said it openly . It was [his]6443-he challenge . [She]6442-she was prepared to fight [him]6443-he for it . For [she]6442-she believed in an absolute surrender to love . [She]6442-she believed that love far surpassed [the individual]5373-the individual . [He]6443-he said [the individual]5373-the individual was more than love , or than any relationship . For [him]6443-he , [the bright , single soul]6447-the bright , single soul accepted love as one of its conditions , a condition of its own equilibrium . [She]6442-she believed that love was everything . [Man]1089-man must render [himself]1089-man up to [her]6442-she . [He]1089-man must be quaffed to the dregs by [her]6442-she . Let [him]6443-he be [[her]6442-she man]2351-her man utterly , and [she]6442-she in return would be [[his]6443-he humble slave]6450-his humble slave — whether [she]6442-she wanted it or not . After the fiasco of the proposal , [Birkin]169-birkin had hurried blindly away from [Beldover]1-beldover , in a whirl of fury . [He]6443-he felt [he]6443-he had been [a complete fool]6451-a complete fool , that the whole scene had been a farce of the first water . But that did not trouble [him]6443-he at all . [He]6443-he was deeply , mockingly angry that [Ursula]255-gerald persisted always in this old cry : “[167-god] Why do [you]2685-you want to bully [me]0-i ? ” and in [her]6442-she bright , insolent abstraction . [He]6443-he went straight to [Shortlands]7-shortlands . There [he]6443-he found [Gerald]255-gerald standing with [his]255-gerald back to the fire , in [the library]2470-the library , as motionless as [a man]4648-a man is , who is completely and emptily restless , utterly hollow . [He]255-gerald had done all the work [he]255-gerald wanted to do — and now there was nothing . [He]255-gerald could go out in [the car]4987-the car , [he]255-gerald could run to [town]602-town . But [he]255-gerald did not want to go out in [the car]4987-the car , [he]255-gerald did not want to run to [town]602-town , [he]255-gerald did not want to call on [the Thirlbys]335-the thirlbys . [He]255-gerald was suspended motionless , in an agony of inertia , like [a machine that is without power]6458-a machine that is without power . This was very bitter to [Gerald]255-gerald , who had never known what boredom was , who had gone from activity to activity , never at a loss . Now , gradually , everything seemed to be stopping in [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald did not want any more to do the things that offered . Something dead within [him]255-gerald just refused to respond to any suggestion . [He]255-gerald cast over in [his]255-gerald mind , what it would be possible to do , to save [himself]255-gerald from this misery of nothingness , relieve the stress of this hollowness . And there were only three things left , that would rouse [him]255-gerald , make [him]255-gerald live . One was to drink or smoke hashish , the other was to be soothed by [Birkin]169-birkin , and [the third]6459-the third was [women]453-women . And there was [no one for the moment to drink with]6461-no one for the moment to drink with . Nor was there [a woman]897-a woman . And [he]255-gerald knew [Birkin]169-birkin was out . So there was nothing to do but to bear the stress of [his]255-gerald own emptiness . When [he]255-gerald saw [Birkin]169-birkin [his]255-gerald face lit up in a sudden , wonderful smile . “[2685-you] By [God]167-god , [Rupert]169-birkin , ” [he]0-i said , “[169-birkin] [I]0-i ’d just come to the conclusion that nothing in [the world]541-the world mattered except [somebody]4745-somebody to take the edge off [one ’s being alone]2688-one ’s being alone : [the right somebody]2689-the right somebody . ” The smile in [his]255-gerald eyes was very astonishing , as [he]255-gerald looked at [the other man]832-the other man . It was the pure gleam of relief . [His]832-the other man face was pallid and even haggard . “[2689-the right somebody] [The right woman]2690-the right woman , [I]0-i suppose [you]0-i mean , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin spitefully . “[2690-the right woman] Of course , for choice . Failing that , [an amusing man]2691-an amusing man . ” [He]255-gerald laughed as [he]255-gerald said it . [Birkin]169-birkin sat down near the fire . “[2691-an amusing man] What were [you]0-i doing ? ” [he]0-i asked . “[0-i] [I]0-i ? Nothing . [I]0-i ’m in a bad way just now , everything ’s on edge , and [I]0-i can neither work nor play . [I]0-i do n’t know whether it ’s a sign of old age , [I]0-i ’m sure . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i mean [you]0-i are bored ? ” “[336-bored] [Bored]336-bored , [I]0-i do n’t know . [I]0-i ca n’t apply [myself]0-i . And [I]0-i feel the devil is either very present inside [me]0-i , or dead . ” [Birkin]169-birkin glanced up and looked in [his]0-i eyes . “[0-i] [You]0-i should try hitting something , ” [he]0-i said . [Gerald]255-gerald smiled . “[0-i] Perhaps , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] So long as it was something worth hitting . ” “[167-god] Quite ! ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , in [his]0-i soft voice . There was a long pause during which [each]2377-each could feel the presence of the other . “[167-god] One has to wait , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[167-god] Ah [God]167-god ! Waiting ! What are [we]2692-we waiting for ? ” “[2693-some old johnny] [Some old Johnny]2693-some old johnny says there are three cures for ennui , sleep , drink , and travel , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[2693-some old johnny] All cold eggs , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[2693-some old johnny] In sleep , [you]2694-you dream , in drink [you]2694-you curse , and in travel [you]2694-you yell at [a porter]2695-a porter . No , work and love are the two . When [you]2694-you ’re not at work [you]2694-you should be in love . ” “[2696-they] Be it then , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[2696-they] Give [me]0-i the object , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[2696-they] The possibilities of love exhaust themselves . ” “[2696-they] Do [they]2696-they ? And then what ? ” “[2696-they] Then [you]0-i die , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] So [you]0-i ought , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t see it , ” replied [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald took [his]255-gerald hands out of [his]255-gerald trousers pockets , and reached for a cigarette . [He]255-gerald was tense and nervous . [He]255-gerald lit the cigarette over a lamp , reaching forward and drawing steadily . [He]255-gerald was dressed for dinner , as usual in the evening , although [he]255-gerald was alone . “[0-i] There ’s a third one even to [[your]0-i two]2697-your two , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Work , love , and fighting . [You]0-i forget the fight . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i suppose [I]0-i do , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Did [you]0-i ever do any boxing — ? ” “[0-i] No , [I]0-i do n’t think [I]0-i did , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Ay — ” [Gerald]255-gerald lifted [his]255-gerald head and blew the smoke slowly into the air . “[0-i] Why ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Nothing . [I]0-i thought [we]2698-we might have a round . It is perhaps true , that [I]0-i want something to hit . It ’s a suggestion . ” “[0-i] So [you]0-i think [you]0-i might as well hit [me]0-i ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [You]0-i ? Well ! Perhaps — ! In a friendly kind of way , of course . ” “[0-i] Quite ! ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , bitingly . [Gerald]255-gerald stood leaning back against the mantel - piece . [He]255-gerald looked down at [Birkin]169-birkin , and [his]255-gerald eyes flashed with a sort of terror like the eyes of a stallion , that are bloodshot and overwrought , turned glancing backwards in a stiff terror . “[0-i] [I]0-i fell that if [I]0-i do n’t watch [myself]0-i , [I]0-i shall find [myself]0-i doing something silly , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] Why not do it ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin coldly . [Gerald]255-gerald listened with quick impatience . [He]255-gerald kept glancing down at [Birkin]169-birkin , as if looking for something from [the other man]832-the other man . “[0-i] [I]0-i used to do some Japanese wrestling , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [A Jap]337-a jap lived in [the same house]2699-the same house with [me]0-i in [Heidelberg]86-heidelberg , and [he]337-a jap taught [me]0-i a little . But [I]0-i was never much good at it . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i did ! ” exclaimed [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] That ’s one of the things [I]0-i ’ve never ever seen done . [You]0-i mean jiu - jitsu , [I]0-i suppose ? ” “[0-i] Yes . But [I]0-i am no good at those things — [they]2700-they do n’t interest [me]0-i . ” “[2700-they] [They]2700-they do n’t ? [They]2700-they do [me]0-i . What ’s the start ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i ’ll show [you]0-i what [I]0-i can , if [you]0-i like , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [You]0-i will ? ” A queer , smiling look tightened [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face for a moment , as [he]255-gerald said , “[0-i] Well , [I]0-i ’d like it very much . ” “[0-i] Then [we]2701-we ’ll try jiu - jitsu . Only [you]0-i ca n’t do much in a starched shirt . ” “[0-i] Then let [us]2701-we strip , and do it properly . Hold a minute — ” [He]255-gerald rang the bell , and waited for [the butler]5875-the butler . “[0-i] Bring a couple of sandwiches and a syphon , ” [he]255-gerald said to [the man]4658-the man , “[0-i] and then do n’t trouble [me]0-i any more tonight — or let [anybody else]1074-anybody else . ” [The man]4658-the man went . [Gerald]255-gerald turned to [Birkin]169-birkin with [his]255-gerald eyes lighted . “[1074-anybody else] And [you]0-i used to wrestle with [a Jap]2703-a jap ? ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] Did [you]0-i strip ? ” “[0-i] Sometimes . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i did ! What was [he]2703-a jap like then , as [a wrestler]2704-a wrestler ? ” “[2703-a jap] Good , [I]0-i believe . [I]0-i am [no judge]2705-no judge . [He]2703-a jap was very quick and slippery and full of electric fire . It is a remarkable thing , what a curious sort of fluid force [they]2706-they seem to have in [them]2706-they , [those people — not like a human grip — like a polyp]2707-those people — not like a human grip — like a polyp — ” [Gerald]255-gerald nodded . “[0-i] [I]0-i should imagine so , ” [he]0-i said , “[0-i] to look at [them]2706-they . [They]2706-they repel [me]0-i , rather . ” “[2706-they] Repel and attract , both . [They]2706-they are very repulsive when [they]2706-they are cold , and [they]2706-they look grey . But when [they]2706-they are hot and roused , there is a definite attraction — a curious kind of full electric fluid — like eels . ” “[0-i] Well — yes — probably . ” [The man]4658-the man brought in the tray and set it down . “[0-i] Do n’t come in any more , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . The door closed . “[0-i] Well then , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald ; “[0-i] shall [we]2708-we strip and begin ? Will [you]2703-a jap have a drink first ? ” “[2703-a jap] No , [I]0-i do n’t want one . ” “[0-i] Neither do [I.]0-i ” [Gerald]255-gerald fastened the door and pushed the furniture aside . [The room]739-the room was large , there was plenty of space , [it]739-the room was thickly carpeted . Then [he]255-gerald quickly threw off [his]255-gerald clothes , and waited for [Birkin]169-birkin . [The latter , white and thin]6471-the latter , white and thin , came over to [him]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin was more a presence than a visible object , [Gerald]255-gerald was aware of [him]0-i completely , but not really visually . Whereas [Gerald]255-gerald [himself]255-gerald was concrete and noticeable , a piece of pure final substance . “[0-i] Now , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , “[0-i] [I]0-i will show [you]2703-a jap what [I]0-i learned , and what [I]0-i remember . [You]2703-a jap let [me]0-i take [you]2703-a jap so — ” And [his]0-i hands closed on the naked body of [the other man]832-the other man . In another moment , [he]0-i had [Gerald]255-gerald swung over lightly and balanced against [his]255-gerald knee , head downwards . Relaxed , [Gerald]255-gerald sprang to [his]255-gerald feet with eyes glittering . “[2703-a jap] That ’s smart , ” [he]255-gerald said . “[2703-a jap] Now try again . ” So [the two men]686-the two men began to struggle together . [They]686-the two men were very dissimilar . [Birkin]169-birkin was tall and narrow , [his]0-i bones were very thin and fine . [Gerald]255-gerald was much heavier and more plastic . [His]255-gerald bones were strong and round , [his]255-gerald limbs were rounded , all [his]255-gerald contours were beautifully and fully moulded . [He]255-gerald seemed to stand with a proper , rich weight on the face of the earth , whilst [Birkin]169-birkin seemed to have the centre of gravitation in [his]255-gerald own middle . And [Gerald]255-gerald had a rich , frictional kind of strength , rather mechanical , but sudden and invincible , whereas [Birkin]169-birkin was abstract as to be almost intangible . [He]255-gerald impinged invisibly upon [the other man]832-the other man , scarcely seeming to touch [him]255-gerald , like a garment , and then suddenly piercing in a tense fine grip that seemed to penetrate into the very quick of [Gerald]255-gerald ’s being . [They]686-the two men stopped , [they]686-the two men discussed methods , [they]686-the two men practised grips and throws , [they]686-the two men became accustomed to [each other]451-each other , to [each other]451-each other ’s rhythm , [they]686-the two men got a kind of mutual physical understanding . And then again [they]686-the two men had a real struggle . [They]686-the two men seemed to drive [their]686-the two men white flesh deeper and deeper against each other , as if [they]686-the two men would break into a oneness . [Birkin]169-birkin had a great subtle energy , that would press upon [the other man]832-the other man with an uncanny force , weigh [him]832-the other man like a spell put upon [him]832-the other man . Then it would pass , and [Gerald]255-gerald would heave free , with white , heaving , dazzling movements . So [the two men]686-the two men entwined and wrestled with [each other]451-each other , working nearer and nearer . Both were white and clear , but [Gerald]255-gerald flushed smart red where [he]255-gerald was touched , and [Birkin]169-birkin remained white and tense . [He]832-the other man seemed to penetrate into [Gerald]255-gerald ’s more solid , more diffuse bulk , to interfuse [his]255-gerald body through the body of [the other]920-the other , as if to bring it subtly into subjection , always seizing with some rapid necromantic fore - knowledge every motion of the other flesh , converting and counteracting it , playing upon the limbs and trunk of [Gerald]255-gerald like some hard wind . It was as if [Birkin]169-birkin ’s whole physical intelligence interpenetrated into [Gerald]255-gerald ’s body , as if [his]255-gerald fine , sublimated energy entered into the flesh of [the fuller man]6481-the fuller man , like some potency , casting a fine net , a prison , through the muscles into the very depths of [Gerald]255-gerald ’s physical being . So [they]686-the two men wrestled swiftly , rapturously , intent and mindless at last , [two essential white figures]6482-two essential white figures working into a tighter closer oneness of struggle , with a strange , octopus - like knotting and flashing of limbs in the subdued light of [the room]739-the room ; a tense white knot of flesh gripped in silence between the walls of old brown books . Now and again came a sharp gasp of breath , or a sound like a sigh , then the rapid thudding of movement on the thickly - carpeted floor , then the strange sound of flesh escaping under flesh . Often , in the white interlaced knot of [violent living being that swayed silently , there was no head to be seen]6484-violent living being that swayed silently , there was no head to be seen , only the swift , tight limbs , the solid white backs , the physical junction of [two bodies clinched into oneness]6485-two bodies clinched into oneness . Then would appear the gleaming , ruffled head of [Gerald]255-gerald , as the struggle changed , then for a moment the dun - coloured , shadow - like head of [the other man]832-the other man would lift up from the conflict , the eyes wide and dreadful and sightless . At length [Gerald]255-gerald lay back inert on the carpet , [his]255-gerald breast rising in great slow panting , whilst [Birkin]169-birkin kneeled over [him]255-gerald , almost unconscious . [Birkin]169-birkin was much more exhausted . [He]255-gerald caught little , short breaths , [he]255-gerald could scarcely breathe any more . [The earth]972-the earth seemed to tilt and sway , and a complete darkness was coming over [his]255-gerald mind . [He]255-gerald did not know what happened . [He]255-gerald slid forward quite unconscious , over [Gerald]255-gerald , and [Gerald]255-gerald did not notice . Then [he]255-gerald was half - conscious again , aware only of the strange tilting and sliding of [the world]541-the world . [The world]541-the world was sliding , everything was sliding off into the darkness . And [he]255-gerald was sliding , endlessly , endlessly away . [He]255-gerald came to consciousness again , hearing an immense knocking outside . What could be happening , what was it , the great hammer - stroke resounding through [the house]468-the house ? [He]255-gerald did not know . And then it came to [him]255-gerald that it was [his]255-gerald own heart beating . But that seemed impossible , the noise was outside . No , it was inside [himself]255-gerald , it was [his]255-gerald own heart . And the beating was painful , so strained , surcharged . [He]255-gerald wondered if [Gerald]255-gerald heard it . [He]255-gerald did not know whether [he]255-gerald were standing or lying or falling . When [he]255-gerald realised that [he]255-gerald had fallen prostrate upon [Gerald]255-gerald ’s body [he]255-gerald wondered , [he]255-gerald was surprised . But [he]255-gerald sat up , steadying [himself]255-gerald with [his]255-gerald hand and waiting for [his]255-gerald heart to become stiller and less painful . It hurt very much , and took away [his]255-gerald consciousness . [Gerald]255-gerald however was still less conscious than [Birkin]169-birkin . [They]6491-they waited dimly , in a sort of not - being , for many uncounted , unknown minutes . “[2703-a jap] Of course — ” panted [Gerald]255-gerald , “[2703-a jap] [I]0-i did n’t have to be rough — with [you]2709-you — [I]0-i had to keep back — [my]0-i force — ” [Birkin]169-birkin heard the sound as if [his]255-gerald own spirit stood behind [him]255-gerald , outside [him]255-gerald , and listened to it . [His]255-gerald body was in a trance of exhaustion , [his]255-gerald spirit heard thinly . [His]255-gerald body could not answer . Only [he]255-gerald knew [his]255-gerald heart was getting quieter . [He]255-gerald was divided entirely between [his]255-gerald spirit , which stood outside , and knew , and [his]255-gerald body , that was a plunging , unconscious stroke of blood . “[0-i] [I]0-i could have thrown [you]2709-you — using violence — ” panted [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] But [you]2709-you beat [me]0-i right enough . ” “[2709-you] Yes , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , hardening [his]255-gerald throat and producing the words in the tension there , “[2709-you] [you]2709-you ’re much stronger than [I]0-i — [you]2709-you could beat [me]0-i — easily . ” Then [he]255-gerald relaxed again to the terrible plunging of [his]255-gerald heart and [his]255-gerald blood . “[2709-you] It surprised [me]0-i , ” panted [Gerald]255-gerald , “[2709-you] what strength [you]2709-you ’ve got . Almost supernatural . ” “[2709-you] For a moment , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . [He]255-gerald still heard as if it were [his]255-gerald own disembodied spirit hearing , standing at some distance behind [him]255-gerald . It drew nearer however , [his]255-gerald spirit . And the violent striking of blood in [his]255-gerald chest was sinking quieter , allowing [his]255-gerald mind to come back . [He]255-gerald realised that [he]255-gerald was leaning with all [his]255-gerald weight on the soft body of [the other man]832-the other man . It startled [him]255-gerald , because [he]255-gerald thought [he]255-gerald had withdrawn . [He]255-gerald recovered [himself]255-gerald , and sat up . But [he]255-gerald was still vague and unestablished . [He]255-gerald put out [his]255-gerald hand to steady [himself]255-gerald . It touched the hand of [Gerald]255-gerald , that was lying out on the floor . And [Gerald]255-gerald ’s hand closed warm and sudden over [Birkin]169-birkin ’s , [they]6493-they remained exhausted and breathless , the one hand clasped closely over the other . [It]6494-it was [Birkin]169-birkin whose hand , in swift response , had closed in a strong , warm clasp over the hand of [the other]920-the other . [Gerald]255-gerald ’s clasp had been sudden and momentaneous . The normal consciousness however was returning , ebbing back . [Birkin]169-birkin could breathe almost naturally again . [Gerald]255-gerald ’s hand slowly withdrew , [Birkin]169-birkin slowly , dazedly rose to [his]255-gerald feet and went towards the table . [He]255-gerald poured out a whiskey and soda . [Gerald]255-gerald also came for a drink . “[2709-you] It was a real set - to , was n’t it ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , looking at [Gerald]255-gerald with darkened eyes . “[2709-you] God , yes , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald looked at the delicate body of [the other man]832-the other man , and added : “[2709-you] It was n’t too much for [you]2710-you , was it ? ” “[2709-you] No . [One]4646-one ought to wrestle and strive and be physically close . [It]2712-it makes [one sane]2713-one sane . ” “[2712-it] [You]2710-you do think so ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do . Do n’t [you]2710-you ? ” “[2710-you] Yes , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . There were long spaces of silence between [their]2714-we words . The wrestling had some deep meaning to [them]2714-we — an unfinished meaning . “[2710-you] [We]2714-we are mentally , spiritually intimate , therefore [we]2714-we should be more or less physically intimate too — it is more whole . ” “[2710-you] Certainly it is , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . Then [he]255-gerald laughed pleasantly , adding : “[2710-you] It ’s rather wonderful to [me]0-i . ” [He]255-gerald stretched out [his]255-gerald arms handsomely . “[2710-you] Yes , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[2710-you] [I]0-i do n’t know why one should have to justify [oneself]4646-one . ” “[4646-one] No . ” [The two men]686-the two men began to dress . “[4646-one] [I]0-i think also that [you]0-i are beautiful , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin to [Gerald]255-gerald , “[0-i] and that is enjoyable too . [One]4646-one should enjoy what is given . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i think [I]0-i am beautiful — how do [you]0-i mean , physically ? ” asked [Gerald]255-gerald , [his]255-gerald eyes glistening . “[0-i] Yes . [You]0-i have a northern kind of beauty , like light refracted from snow — and a beautiful , plastic form . Yes , that is there to enjoy as well . [We]2716-we should enjoy everything . ” [Gerald]255-gerald laughed in [his]255-gerald throat , and said : “[2716-we] That ’s certainly one way of looking at it . [I]0-i can say this much , [I]0-i feel better . It has certainly helped [me]0-i . Is this the Bruderschaft [you]0-i wanted ? ” “[0-i] Perhaps . Do [you]0-i think this pledges anything ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” laughed [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] At any rate , [one]4646-one feels freer and more open now — and that is what [we]2716-we want . ” “[2716-we] Certainly , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . [They]2716-we drew to the fire , with the decanters and the glasses and the food . “[2716-we] [I]0-i always eat a little before [I]0-i go to bed , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i sleep better . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i should not sleep so well , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] No ? There [you]0-i are , [we]2716-we are not alike . [I]0-i ’ll put a dressing - gown on . ” [Birkin]169-birkin remained alone , looking at the fire . [His]0-i mind had reverted to [Ursula]255-gerald . [She]6498-she seemed to return again into [his]0-i consciousness . [Gerald]255-gerald came down wearing a gown of broad - barred , thick black - and - green silk , brilliant and striking . “[0-i] [You]0-i are very fine , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , looking at the full robe . “[0-i] It was a caftan in [Bokhara]87-bokhara , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i like it . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i like it too . ” [Birkin]169-birkin was silent , thinking how scrupulous [Gerald]255-gerald was in [his]255-gerald attire , how expensive too . [He]255-gerald wore silk socks , and studs of fine workmanship , and silk underclothing , and silk braces . Curious ! This was another of the differences between [them]6499-them . [Birkin]169-birkin was careless and unimaginative about [his]0-i own appearance . “[0-i] Of course [you]0-i , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , as if [he]255-gerald had been thinking ; “[0-i] there ’s something curious about [you]0-i . [You]0-i ’re curiously strong . [One]4646-one does n’t expect it , it is rather surprising . ” [Birkin]169-birkin laughed . [He]0-i was looking at the handsome figure of [the other man]832-the other man , blond and comely in the rich robe , and [he]0-i was half thinking of the difference between it and [himself]0-i — so different ; as far , perhaps , apart as [man]1089-man from [woman]1012-woman , yet in another direction . But really it was [Ursula]255-gerald , it was the woman who was gaining ascendance over [Birkin]169-birkin ’s being , at this moment . [Gerald]255-gerald was becoming dim again , lapsing out of [him]255-gerald . “[0-i] Do [you]0-i know , ” [he]0-i said suddenly , “[0-i] [I]0-i went and proposed to [Ursula Brangwen]255-gerald tonight , that [she]2719-her should marry [me]0-i . ” [He]0-i saw the blank shining wonder come over [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face . “[0-i] [You]0-i did ? ” “[0-i] Yes . Almost formally — speaking first to [[her]2719-her father]583-her father , as it should be , in [the world]541-the world — though that was accident — or mischief . ” [Gerald]255-gerald only stared in wonder , as if [he]255-gerald did not grasp . “[0-i] [You]0-i do n’t mean to say that [you]0-i seriously went and asked [[her]2719-her father]583-her father to let [you]0-i marry [her]2719-her ? ” “[0-i] Yes , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , “[0-i] [I]0-i did . ” “[0-i] What , had [you]0-i spoken to [her]2719-her before about it , then ? ” “[0-i] No , not a word . [I]0-i suddenly thought [I]0-i would go [there]629-there and ask [her]2719-her — and [[her]2719-her father]583-her father happened to come instead of [her]2719-her — so [I]0-i asked [him]583-her father first . ” “[0-i] If [you]0-i could have [her]2719-her ? ” concluded [Gerald]255-gerald . “[2725-ye] [Ye]2725-ye - es , that . ” “[2725-ye] And [you]0-i did n’t speak to [her]2719-her ? ” “[0-i] Yes . [She]2719-her came in afterwards . So it was put to [her]2719-her as well . ” “[2719-her] It was ! And what did [she]2719-her say then ? [You]0-i ’re [an engaged man]2726-an engaged man ? ” “[2719-her] [No,—she]2727-no,—she only said [she]2719-her did n’t want to be bullied into answering . ” “[2719-her] [She]2719-her what ? ” “[2719-her] Said [she]2719-her did n’t want to be bullied into answering . ” “[2719-her] ‘ Said [she]2719-her did n’t want to be bullied into answering ! ’ Why , what did [she]2719-her mean by that ? ” [Birkin]169-birkin raised [his]0-i shoulders . “[2719-her] Ca n’t say , ” [he]0-i answered . “[2719-her] Did n’t want to be bothered just then , [I]0-i suppose . ” “[0-i] But is this really so ? And what did [you]0-i do then ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i walked out of [the house]468-the house and came [here]4650-here . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i came straight [here]4650-here ? ” “[0-i] Yes . ” [Gerald]255-gerald stared in amazement and amusement . [He]255-gerald could not take it in . “[0-i] But is this really true , as [you]0-i say it now ? ” “[0-i] Word for word . ” “[0-i] It is ? ” [He]255-gerald leaned back in [his]255-gerald chair , filled with delight and amusement . “[0-i] Well , that ’s good , ” [he]255-gerald said . “[0-i] And so [you]0-i came here to wrestle with [[your]0-i good angel]2731-your good angel , did [you]0-i ? ” “[0-i] Did [I]0-i ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Well , it looks like it . Is n’t that what [you]0-i did ? ” Now [Birkin]169-birkin could not follow [Gerald]255-gerald ’s meaning . “[0-i] And what ’s going to happen ? ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] [You]0-i ’re going to keep open the proposition , so to speak ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i suppose so . [I]0-i vowed to [myself]0-i [I]0-i would see [them]2732-them all to the devil . But [I]0-i suppose [I]0-i shall ask [her]2731-your good angel again , in a little while . ” [Gerald]255-gerald watched [him]0-i steadily . “[0-i] So [you]0-i ’re fond of [her]2731-your good angel then ? ” [he]255-gerald asked . “[0-i] [I]0-i think — [I]0-i love [her]2731-your good angel , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , [his]0-i face going very still and fixed . [Gerald]255-gerald glistened for a moment with pleasure , as if it were something done specially to please [him]255-gerald . Then [his]255-gerald face assumed a fitting gravity , and [he]255-gerald nodded [his]255-gerald head slowly . “[2731-your good angel] [You]0-i know , ” [he]255-gerald said , “[2731-your good angel] [I]0-i always believed in love — true love . But where does [one]4646-one find it nowadays ? ” “[4646-one] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Very rarely , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . Then , after a pause , “[0-i] [I]0-i ’ve never felt it [myself]0-i — not what [I]0-i should call love . [I]0-i ’ve gone after [women]453-women — and been keen enough over some of [them]453-women . But [I]0-i ’ve never felt love . [I]0-i do n’t believe [I]0-i ’ve ever felt as much love for [a woman]897-a woman , as [I]0-i have for [you]0-i — not love . [You]0-i understand what [I]0-i mean ? ” “[0-i] Yes . [I]0-i ’m sure [you]0-i ’ve never loved [a woman]897-a woman . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i feel that , do [you]0-i ? And do [you]0-i think [I]0-i ever shall ? [You]0-i understand what [I]0-i mean ? ” [He]0-i put [his]0-i hand to [his]0-i breast , closing [his]0-i fist there , as if [he]0-i would draw something out . “[0-i] [I]0-i mean that — that [I]0-i ca n’t express what it is , but [I]0-i know it . ” “[0-i] What is it , then ? ” asked [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [You]0-i see , [I]0-i ca n’t put it into words . [I]0-i mean , at any rate , something abiding , something that ca n’t change — ” [His]0-i eyes were bright and puzzled . “[0-i] Now do [you]0-i think [I]0-i shall ever feel that for [a woman]897-a woman ? ” [he]0-i said , anxiously . [Birkin]169-birkin looked at [him]0-i , and shook [his]0-i head . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] [I]0-i could not say . ” [Gerald]255-gerald had been on the qui vive , as awaiting [his]255-gerald fate . Now [he]255-gerald drew back in [his]255-gerald chair . “[0-i] No , ” [he]255-gerald said , “[0-i] and neither do [I]0-i , and neither do [I.]0-i ” “[0-i] [We]2738-we are different , [you]0-i and [I]0-i , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [I]0-i ca n’t tell [your]0-i life . ” “[0-i] No , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , “[0-i] no more can [I.]0-i But [I]0-i tell [you]0-i — [I]0-i begin to doubt it ! ” “[0-i] That [you]0-i will ever love [a woman]897-a woman ? ” “[0-i] Well — yes — what [you]0-i would truly call love — ” “[0-i] [You]0-i doubt it ? ” “[0-i] Well — [I]0-i begin to . ” There was a long pause . “[0-i] Life has all kinds of things , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] There is n’t only [one road]2740-one road . ” “[0-i] Yes , [I]0-i believe that too . [I]0-i believe it . And mind [you]0-i , [I]0-i do n’t care how it is with [me]0-i — [I]0-i do n’t care how it is — so long as [I]0-i do n’t feel — ” [he]0-i paused , and a blank , barren look passed over [his]0-i face , to express [his]0-i feeling—“so[0-i] long as [I]0-i feel [I]0-i ’ve lived , somehow — and [I]0-i do n’t care how it is — but [I]0-i want to feel that — ” “[0-i] Fulfilled , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[2741-we] [We]2741-we - ell , perhaps it is fulfilled ; [I]0-i do n’t use the same words as [you]0-i . ” “[0-i] It is the same . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun was away in [London]2-london , having a little show of [her]160-gudrun work , with [a friend]4722-a friend , and looking round , preparing for flight from [Beldover]1-beldover . Come what might [she]160-gudrun would be on the wing in a very short time . [She]160-gudrun received a letter from [Winifred Crich]297-winifred , ornamented with drawings . “[2741-we] [Father]185-father also has been to [London]2-london , to be examined by [the doctors]2742-the doctors . It made [him]185-father very tired . [They]2742-the doctors say [he]185-father must rest a very great deal , so [he]185-father is mostly in bed . [He]185-father brought [me]0-i a lovely tropical parrot in faience , of [Dresden]88-dresden ware , also [a man]4648-a man ploughing , and two mice climbing up a stalk , also in faience . The mice were [Copenhagen]89-copenhagen ware . [They]2744-they are the best , but mice do n’t shine so much , otherwise [they]2744-they are very good , [their]2744-they tails are slim and long . They all shine nearly like glass . Of course it is the glaze , but [I]0-i do n’t like it . [Gerald]255-gerald likes [the man]4658-the man ploughing the best , [his]255-gerald trousers are torn , [he]255-gerald is ploughing with an ox , being [I]0-i suppose [a German peasant]2746-a german peasant . [It]2747-it is all grey and white , white shirt and grey trousers , but very shiny and clean . [Mr Birkin]169-birkin likes [the girl]540-the girl best , under the hawthorn blossom , with a lamb , and with daffodils painted on [her]540-the girl skirts , in [the drawing room]2749-the drawing room . But that is silly , because the lamb is not a real lamb , and [she]540-the girl is silly too . “ [Dear Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen , are [you]338-miss brangwen coming back soon , [you]338-miss brangwen are very much missed [here]4650-here . [I]185-father enclose a drawing of [father]4673-father sitting up in bed . [He]4673-father says [he]4673-father hopes [you]338-miss brangwen are not going to forsake [us]2750-we . Oh dear [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen , [I]185-father am sure [you]338-miss brangwen wo n’t . Do come back and draw the ferrets , [they]6506-they are the most lovely noble darlings in [the world]541-the world . [We]2750-we might carve them in holly - wood , playing against a background of green leaves . Oh do let [us]2750-we , for they are most beautiful . “[185-father] [Father]185-father says [we]2750-we might have [a studio]2751-a studio . [Gerald]255-gerald says [we]2750-we could easily have [a beautiful one over [the stables]5083-the stables]2752-a beautiful one over the stables , it would only need windows to be put in the slant of the roof , which is a simple matter . Then [you]2754-you could stay [here]4650-here all day and work , and [we]2750-we could live in [the studio]2756-the studio , like [two real artists]2757-two real artists , like [the man in the picture in [the hall]734-the hall]2758-the man in the picture in the hall , with the frying - pan and the walls all covered with drawings . [I]0-i long to be free , to live the free life of [an artist]1059-an artist . Even [Gerald]255-gerald told [father]4673-father that only [an artist]1059-an artist is free , because [he]1059-an artist lives in a creative world of [his]1059-an artist own — ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun caught the drift of [the family]722-the family intentions , in this letter . [Gerald]255-gerald wanted [her]160-gudrun to be attached to [the household at [Shortlands]7-shortlands]6509-the household at shortlands , [he]255-gerald was using [Winifred]297-winifred as [his]255-gerald stalking - horse . [The father]646-the father thought only of [[his]646-the father child]5962-his child , [he]646-the father saw a rock of salvation in [Gudrun]160-gudrun . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun admired [him]255-gerald for [his]255-gerald perspicacity . [The child]2063-the child , moreover , was really exceptional . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was quite content . [She]160-gudrun was quite willing , given [a studio]2751-a studio , to spend [her]160-gudrun days at [Shortlands]7-shortlands . [She]160-gudrun disliked [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school already thoroughly , [she]160-gudrun wanted to be free . If [a studio]2751-a studio were provided , [she]160-gudrun would be free to go on with [her]160-gudrun work , [she]160-gudrun would await the turn of events with complete serenity . And [she]160-gudrun was really interested in [Winifred]297-winifred , [she]160-gudrun would be quite glad to understand [the girl]540-the girl . So there was quite a little festivity on [Winifred]297-winifred ’s account , the day [Gudrun]160-gudrun returned to [Shortlands]7-shortlands . “[255-gerald] [You]2763-you should make a bunch of flowers to give to [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen when [she]338-miss brangwen arrives , ” [Gerald]255-gerald said smiling to [[his]255-gerald sister]783-his sister . “[2763-you] Oh no , ” cried [Winifred]297-winifred , “[255-gerald] it ’s silly . ” “[2763-you] Not at all . It is a very charming and ordinary attention . ” “[255-gerald] Oh , it is silly , ” protested [Winifred]297-winifred , with all the extreme mauvaise honte of [her]540-the girl years . Nevertheless , the idea appealed to [her]540-the girl . [She]540-the girl wanted very much to carry it out . [She]540-the girl flitted round [the green - houses]6518-the green - houses and [the conservatory]6519-the conservatory looking wistfully at the flowers on [their]6518-the green - houses stems . And the more [she]540-the girl looked , the more [she]540-the girl longed to have a bunch of the blossoms [she]540-the girl saw , the more fascinated [she]540-the girl became with [her]540-the girl little vision of ceremony , and the more consumedly shy and self - conscious [she]540-the girl grew , till [she]540-the girl was almost beside [herself]540-the girl . [She]540-the girl could not get the idea out of [her]540-the girl mind . It was as if some haunting challenge prompted [her]540-the girl , and [she]540-the girl had not enough courage to take it up . So again [she]540-the girl drifted into [the green - houses]6518-the green - houses , looking at the lovely roses in [their]6518-the green - houses pots , and at the virginal cyclamens , and at the mystic white clusters of a creeper . The beauty , oh the beauty of them , and oh the paradisal bliss , if [she]540-the girl should have a perfect bouquet and could give it to [Gudrun]160-gudrun the next day . [Her]540-the girl passion and [her]540-the girl complete indecision almost made [her]540-the girl ill . At last [she]540-the girl slid to [[her]540-the girl father]583-her father ’s side . “[323-daddie] [Daddie]323-daddie — ” [she]540-the girl said . “[323-daddie] What , [[my]0-i precious]2764-my precious ? ” But [she]540-the girl hung back , the tears almost coming to [her]540-the girl eyes , in [her]540-the girl sensitive confusion . [[Her]540-the girl father]583-her father looked at [her]540-the girl , and [his]583-her father heart ran hot with tenderness , an anguish of poignant love . “[323-daddie] What do [you]2764-my precious want to say to [me]0-i , [[my]0-i love]2765-my love ? ” “[323-daddie] [Daddie]323-daddie — ! ” [her]540-the girl eyes smiled laconically—“isn’t[323-daddie] it silly if [I]0-i give [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen some flowers when [she]338-miss brangwen comes ? ” [The sick man]2384-the sick man looked at the bright , knowing eyes of [[his]2384-the sick man child]5962-his child , and [his]2384-the sick man heart burned with love . “[0-i] No , [darling]4727-darling , that ’s not silly . It ’s what [they]2767-they do to [queens]2768-queens . ” This was not very reassuring to [Winifred]297-winifred . [She]540-the girl half suspected that [queens]2768-queens in [themselves]2768-queens were a silliness . Yet [she]540-the girl so wanted [her]540-the girl little romantic occasion . “[2767-they] Shall [I]0-i then ? ” [she]540-the girl asked . “[0-i] Give [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen some flowers ? Do , [Birdie]339-birdie . Tell [Wilson]340-wilson [I]0-i say [you]339-birdie are to have what [you]339-birdie want . ” [The child]2063-the child smiled a small , subtle , unconscious smile to [herself]2063-the child , in anticipation of [her]540-the girl way . “[0-i] But [I]0-i wo n’t get them till tomorrow , ” [she]540-the girl said . “[0-i] Not till tomorrow , [Birdie]339-birdie . Give [me]0-i a kiss then — ” [Winifred]297-winifred silently kissed [the sick man]2384-the sick man , and drifted out of [the room]739-the room . [She]540-the girl again went the round of [the green - houses]6518-the green - houses and [the conservatory]6519-the conservatory , informing [the gardener]6531-the gardener , in [her]540-the girl high , peremptory , simple fashion , of what [she]540-the girl wanted , telling [him]6531-the gardener all the blooms [she]540-the girl had selected . “[0-i] What do [you]339-birdie want these for ? ” [Wilson]340-wilson asked . “[339-birdie] [I]0-i want them , ” [she]540-the girl said . [She]540-the girl wished [servants]6532-servants did not ask questions . “[0-i] Ay , [you]339-birdie ’ve said as much . But what do [you]339-birdie want them for , for decoration , or to send away , or what ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i want them for a presentation bouquet . ” “[0-i] A presentation bouquet ! Who ’s coming then?—the [Duchess of [Portland]90-portland]2769-duchess of portland ? ” “[2769-duchess of portland] No . ” “[2769-duchess of portland] Oh , not [her]2769-duchess of portland ? Well [you]339-birdie ’ll have a rare poppy - show if [you]339-birdie put all the things [you]339-birdie ’ve mentioned into [your]339-birdie bouquet . ” “[339-birdie] Yes , [I]0-i want a rare poppy - show . ” “[339-birdie] [You]339-birdie do ! Then there ’s no more to be said . ” The next day [Winifred]297-winifred , in a dress of silvery velvet , and holding a gaudy bunch of flowers in [her]540-the girl hand , waited with keen impatience in [the schoolroom]6533-the schoolroom , looking down [the drive]5874-the drive for [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s arrival . It was a wet morning . Under [her]540-the girl nose was the strange fragrance of hot - house flowers , the bunch was like a little fire to [her]540-the girl , [she]540-the girl seemed to have a strange new fire in [her]540-the girl heart . This slight sense of romance stirred [her]540-the girl like an intoxicant . At last [she]540-the girl saw [Gudrun]160-gudrun coming , and [she]540-the girl ran [downstairs]1690-downstairs to warn [[her]540-the girl father]583-her father and [Gerald]255-gerald . [They]6537-they , laughing at [her]540-the girl anxiety and gravity , came with [her]540-the girl into [the hall]734-the hall . [The man - servant]4994-the man - servant came hastening to the door , and there [he]4994-the man - servant was , relieving [Gudrun]160-gudrun of [her]160-gudrun umbrella , and then of [her]160-gudrun raincoat . [The welcoming party]6540-the welcoming party hung back till [[their]6537-they visitor]6541-their visitor entered [the hall]734-the hall . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was flushed with the rain , [her]160-gudrun hair was blown in loose little curls , [she]160-gudrun was like a flower just opened in the rain , the heart of the blossom just newly visible , seeming to emit a warmth of retained sunshine . [Gerald]255-gerald winced in spirit , seeing [her]160-gudrun so beautiful and unknown . [She]160-gudrun was wearing a soft blue dress , and [her]160-gudrun stockings were of dark red . [Winifred]297-winifred advanced with odd , stately formality . “[2770-we] [We]2770-we are so glad [you]2771-you ’ve come back , ” [she]160-gudrun said . “[2770-we] These are [your]2771-you flowers . ” [She]160-gudrun presented the bouquet . “[2772-mine] [Mine]2772-mine ! ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun was suspended for a moment , then a vivid flush went over [her]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun was as if blinded for a moment with a flame of pleasure . Then [her]160-gudrun eyes , strange and flaming , lifted and looked at [the father]646-the father , and at [Gerald]255-gerald . And again [Gerald]255-gerald shrank in spirit , as if it would be more than [he]255-gerald could bear , as [her]160-gudrun hot , exposed eyes rested on [him]255-gerald . There was something so revealed , [she]160-gudrun was revealed beyond bearing , to [his]255-gerald eyes . [He]255-gerald turned [his]255-gerald face aside . And [he]255-gerald felt [he]255-gerald would not be able to avert [her]160-gudrun . And [he]255-gerald writhed under the imprisonment . [Gudrun]160-gudrun put [her]160-gudrun face into the flowers . “[2772-mine] But how beautiful they are ! ” [she]160-gudrun said , in a muffled voice . Then , with a strange , suddenly revealed passion , [she]160-gudrun stooped and kissed [Winifred]297-winifred . [Mr Crich]171-mr crich went forward with [his]0-i hand held out to [her]160-gudrun . “[2772-mine] [I]0-i was afraid [you]2773-you were going to run away from [us]2774-us , ” [he]0-i said , playfully . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked up at [him]0-i with a luminous , roguish , unknown face . “[2773-you] Really ! ” [she]160-gudrun replied . “[2773-you] No , [I]0-i did n’t want to stay in [London]2-london . ” [Her]160-gudrun voice seemed to imply that [she]160-gudrun was glad to get back to [Shortlands]7-shortlands , [her]160-gudrun tone was warm and subtly caressing . “[0-i] That is a good thing , ” smiled [the father]646-the father . “[2773-you] [You]2773-you see [you]2773-you are very welcome here among [us]2774-us . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun only looked into [his]0-i face with dark - blue , warm , shy eyes . [She]160-gudrun was unconsciously carried away by [her]160-gudrun own power . “[2773-you] And [you]2773-you look as if [you]2773-you came [home]4649-home in every possible triumph , ” [Mr Crich]171-mr crich continued , holding [her]2773-you hand . “[2773-you] No , ” [she]160-gudrun said , glowing strangely . “[2773-you] [I]0-i have n’t had any triumph till [I]0-i came here . ” “[0-i] Ah , come , come ! [We]2774-us ’re not going to hear any of those tales . Have n’t [we]2774-us read notices in the newspaper , [Gerald]255-gerald ? ” “[255-gerald] [You]2773-you came off pretty well , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald to [her]2773-you , shaking hands . “[2773-you] Did [you]2773-you sell anything ? ” “[2773-you] No , ” [she]160-gudrun said , “[2773-you] not much . ” “[2773-you] Just as well , ” [he]255-gerald said . [She]160-gudrun wondered what [he]255-gerald meant . But [she]160-gudrun was all aglow with [her]160-gudrun reception , carried away by this little flattering ceremonial on [her]160-gudrun behalf . “[297-winifred] [Winifred]297-winifred , ” said [the father]646-the father , “[297-winifred] have [you]297-winifred a pair of shoes for [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen ? [You]2773-you had better change at once — ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun went out with [her]160-gudrun bouquet in [her]160-gudrun hand . “[2773-you] Quite [a remarkable young woman]2776-a remarkable young woman , ” said [the father]646-the father to [Gerald]255-gerald , when [she]160-gudrun had gone . “[2776-a remarkable young woman] Yes , ” replied [Gerald]255-gerald briefly , as if [he]255-gerald did not like the observation . [Mr Crich]171-mr crich liked [Gudrun]160-gudrun to sit with [him]255-gerald for half an hour . Usually [he]255-gerald was ashy and wretched , with all the life gnawed out of [him]255-gerald . But as soon as [he]255-gerald rallied , [he]255-gerald liked to make believe that [he]255-gerald was just as before , quite well and in the midst of life — not of [the outer world]5906-the outer world , but in the midst of a strong essential life . And to this belief , [Gudrun]160-gudrun contributed perfectly . With [her]160-gudrun , [he]255-gerald could get by stimulation those precious half - hours of strength and exaltation and pure freedom , when [he]255-gerald seemed to live more than [he]255-gerald had ever lived . [She]160-gudrun came to [him]255-gerald as [he]255-gerald lay propped up in [the library]2470-the library . [His]255-gerald face was like yellow wax , [his]255-gerald eyes darkened , as it were sightless . [His]255-gerald black beard , now streaked with grey , seemed to spring out of the waxy flesh of a corpse . Yet the atmosphere about [him]255-gerald was energetic and playful . [Gudrun]160-gudrun subscribed to this , perfectly . To [her]160-gudrun fancy , [he]255-gerald was just [an ordinary man]6549-an ordinary man . Only [his]255-gerald rather terrible appearance was photographed upon [her]160-gudrun soul , away beneath [her]160-gudrun consciousness . [She]160-gudrun knew that , in spite of [his]255-gerald playfulness , [his]255-gerald eyes could not change from [their]6550-their darkened vacancy , they were the eyes of [a man who is dead]6551-a man who is dead . “[2776-a remarkable young woman] Ah , this is [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen , ” [he]255-gerald said , suddenly rousing as [she]160-gudrun entered , announced by [the man - servant]4994-the man - servant . “[164-thomas crich] [Thomas]164-thomas crich , put [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen a chair here — that ’s right . ” [He]255-gerald looked at [her]160-gudrun soft , fresh face with pleasure . It gave [him]255-gerald the illusion of life . “[338-miss brangwen] Now , [you]164-thomas crich will have a glass of sherry and a little piece of cake . [Thomas]164-thomas crich — ” “[164-thomas crich] No thank [you]164-thomas crich , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . And as soon as [she]160-gudrun had said it , [her]160-gudrun heart sank horribly . [The sick man]2384-the sick man seemed to fall into a gap of death , at [her]160-gudrun contradiction . [She]160-gudrun ought to play up to [him]2384-the sick man , not to contravene [him]2384-the sick man . In an instant [she]160-gudrun was smiling [her]160-gudrun rather roguish smile . “[164-thomas crich] [I]0-i do n’t like sherry very much , ” [she]160-gudrun said . “[164-thomas crich] But [I]0-i like almost anything else . ” [The sick man]2384-the sick man caught at this straw instantly . “[0-i] Not sherry ! No ! Something else ! What then ? What is there , [Thomas]164-thomas crich ? ” “[164-thomas crich] Port wine — curacçao — ” “[0-i] [I]0-i would love some curaçao — ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , looking at [the sick man]2384-the sick man confidingly . “[164-thomas crich] [You]164-thomas crich would . Well then [Thomas]164-thomas crich , curaçao — and a little cake , or a biscuit ? ” “[164-thomas crich] A biscuit , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun did not want anything , but [she]160-gudrun was wise . “[164-thomas crich] Yes . ” [He]2384-the sick man waited till [she]160-gudrun was settled with [her]160-gudrun little glass and [her]160-gudrun biscuit . Then [he]2384-the sick man was satisfied . “[164-thomas crich] [You]0-i have heard the plan , ” [he]2384-the sick man said with some excitement , “[0-i] for [a studio for [Winifred]297-winifred]2777-a studio for winifred , over [the stables]5083-the stables ? ” “[0-i] No ! ” exclaimed [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in mock wonder . “[0-i] [Oh!—I]341-oh!—i thought [Winnie]297-winifred wrote it to [you]164-thomas crich , in [her]341-oh!—i letter ! ” “[297-winifred] Oh — yes — of course . But [I]0-i thought perhaps it was only [her]341-oh!—i own little idea — ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun smiled subtly , indulgently . [The sick man]2384-the sick man smiled also , elated . “[341-oh!—i] Oh no . It is a real project . There is [a good room]2779-a good room under the roof of [the stables]5083-the stables — with sloping rafters . [We]2781-we had thought of converting [it]2779-a good room into [a studio]2751-a studio . ” “[2781-we] How very nice that would be ! ” cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , with excited warmth . The thought of the rafters stirred [her]160-gudrun . “[164-thomas crich] [You]164-thomas crich think it would ? Well , it can be done . ” “[164-thomas crich] But how perfectly splendid for [Winifred]297-winifred ! Of course , it is just what is needed , if [she]341-oh!—i is to work at all seriously . [One]4646-one must have [[one]4646-one ’s workshop]2785-one ’s workshop , otherwise [one]4646-one never ceases to be [an amateur]2787-an amateur . ” “[4646-one] Is that so ? Yes . Of course , [I]0-i should like [you]164-thomas crich to share it with [Winifred]297-winifred . ” “[297-winifred] Thank [you]164-thomas crich so much . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun knew all these things already , but [she]160-gudrun must look shy and very grateful , as if overcome . “[164-thomas crich] Of course , what [I]0-i should like best , would be if [you]164-thomas crich could give up [your]164-thomas crich work at [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school , and just avail [yourself]164-thomas crich of [the studio]2756-the studio , and work [there]629-there — well , as much or as little as [you]164-thomas crich liked — ” [He]0-i looked at [Gudrun]160-gudrun with dark , vacant eyes . [She]160-gudrun looked back at [him]0-i as if full of gratitude . These phrases of [a dying man]5928-a dying man were so complete and natural , coming like echoes through [his]0-i dead mouth . “[164-thomas crich] And as to [your]164-thomas crich earnings — [you]164-thomas crich do n’t mind taking from [me]0-i what [you]164-thomas crich have taken from [the Education Committee]2791-the education committee , do [you]164-thomas crich ? [I]0-i do n’t want [you]164-thomas crich to be [a loser]2792-a loser . ” “[0-i] Oh , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “[0-i] if [I]0-i can have [the studio]2756-the studio and work [there]629-there , [I]0-i can earn money enough , really [I]0-i can . ” “[0-i] Well , ” [he]0-i said , pleased to be [the benefactor]6558-the benefactor , “[0-i] [we]2795-we can see about all that . [You]0-i would n’t mind spending [your]0-i days [here]4650-here ? ” “[0-i] If there were [a studio to work in]2797-a studio to work in , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “[0-i] [I]0-i could ask for nothing better . ” “[0-i] Is that so ? ” [He]2798-he was really very pleased . But already [he]2798-he was getting tired . [She]160-gudrun could see the grey , awful semi - consciousness of mere pain and dissolution coming over [him]2798-he again , the torture coming into the vacancy of [his]2798-he darkened eyes . It was not over yet , this process of death . [She]160-gudrun rose softly saying : “[0-i] Perhaps [you]2798-he will sleep . [I]0-i must look for [Winifred]297-winifred . ” [She]160-gudrun went out , telling [the nurse]6559-the nurse that [she]160-gudrun had left [him]2798-he . Day by day the tissue of [the sick man]2384-the sick man was further and further reduced , nearer and nearer the process came , towards the last knot which held [the human being]1305-the human being in its unity . But this knot was hard and unrelaxed , the will of [the dying man]6562-the dying man never gave way . [He]2798-he might be dead in nine - tenths , yet the remaining tenth remained unchanged , till it too was torn apart . With [his]2798-he will [he]2798-he held the unit of [himself]2798-he firm , but the circle of [his]2798-he power was ever and ever reduced , it would be reduced to a point at last , then swept away . To adhere to life , [he]2798-he must adhere to human relationships , and [he]2798-he caught at every straw . [Winifred]297-winifred , [the butler]5875-the butler , [the nurse]6559-the nurse , [Gudrun]160-gudrun , these were [the people who meant all to [him]2798-he , in these last resources]6565-the people who meant all to him , in these last resources . [Gerald]255-gerald , in [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father ’s presence , stiffened with repulsion . It was so , to a less degree , with [all [the other children]6568-the other children except [Winifred]297-winifred]6567-all the other children except winifred . [They]6568-the other children could not see anything but the death , when [they]6568-the other children looked at [[their]6568-the other children father]447-their father . It was as if some subterranean dislike overcame [them]6568-the other children . [They]6568-the other children could not see [the familiar face]6570-the familiar face , hear [the familiar voice]6571-the familiar voice . [They]6568-the other children were overwhelmed by the antipathy of visible and audible death . [Gerald]255-gerald could not breathe in [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father ’s presence . [He]255-gerald must get out at once . And so , in the same way , [the father]646-the father could not bear the presence of [[his]646-the father son]2195-his son . It sent a final irritation through the soul of [the dying man]6562-the dying man . [The studio]2756-the studio was made ready , [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Winifred]297-winifred moved in . [They]6568-the other children enjoyed so much the ordering and the appointing of it . And now [they]6568-the other children need hardly be in [the house]468-the house at all . [They]6568-the other children had [their]6568-the other children meals in [the studio]2756-the studio , [they]6568-the other children lived [there]629-there safely . For [the house]468-the house was becoming dreadful . There were [two nurses in white , flitting silently about , like heralds of death]6581-two nurses in white , flitting silently about , like heralds of death . [The father]646-the father was confined to [his]646-the father bed , there was a come and go of [sotto voce sisters]6583-sotto voce sisters and [brothers]6584-brothers and [children]4659-children . [Winifred]297-winifred was [[her]160-gudrun father]583-her father ’s constant visitor . Every morning , after breakfast , [she]160-gudrun went into [[his]2799-he room]5054-his room when [he]2799-he was washed and propped up in bed , to spend half an hour with [him]2799-he . “[0-i] Are [you]2799-he better , [Daddie]323-daddie ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked [him]2799-he invariably . And invariably [he]2799-he answered : “[323-daddie] Yes , [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’m a little better , [pet]2800-pet . ” [She]160-gudrun held [his]2799-he hand in both [her]160-gudrun own , lovingly and protectively . And this was very dear to [him]2799-he . [She]160-gudrun ran in again as a rule at lunch time , to tell [him]2799-he the course of events , and every evening , when the curtains were drawn , and [[his]2799-he room]5054-his room was cosy , [she]160-gudrun spent a long time with [him]2799-he . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was gone [home]4649-home , [Winifred]297-winifred was alone in [the house]468-the house : [she]160-gudrun liked best to be with [[her]160-gudrun father]583-her father . [They]6592-they talked and prattled at random , [he]2799-he always as if [he]2799-he were well , just the same as when [he]2799-he was going about . So that [Winifred]297-winifred , with [a child]733-a child ’s subtle instinct for avoiding the painful things , behaved as if nothing serious was the matter . Instinctively , [she]160-gudrun withheld [her]160-gudrun attention , and was happy . Yet in [her]160-gudrun remoter soul , [she]160-gudrun knew as well as [the adults]6594-the adults knew : perhaps better . [[Her]160-gudrun father]583-her father was quite well in [his]583-her father make - belief with [her]160-gudrun . But when [she]160-gudrun went away , [he]583-her father relapsed under the misery of [his]583-her father dissolution . But still there were these bright moments , though as [his]583-her father strength waned , [his]583-her father faculty for attention grew weaker , and [the nurse]6559-the nurse had to send [Winifred]297-winifred away , to save [him]583-her father from exhaustion . [He]583-her father never admitted that [he]583-her father was going to die . [He]583-her father knew it was so , [he]583-her father knew it was the end . Yet even to [himself]583-her father [he]583-her father did not admit it . [He]583-her father hated the fact , mortally . [His]583-her father will was rigid . [He]583-her father could not bear being overcome by death . For [him]583-her father , there was no death . And yet , at times , [he]583-her father felt a great need to cry out and to wail and complain . [He]583-her father would have liked to cry aloud to [Gerald]255-gerald , so that [[his]583-her father son]2195-his son should be horrified out of [his]2195-his son composure . [Gerald]255-gerald was instinctively aware of this , and [he]255-gerald recoiled , to avoid any such thing . This uncleanness of death repelled [him]255-gerald too much . [One]4646-one should die quickly , like [the Romans]6599-the romans , [one]4646-one should be master of [one]4646-one ’s fate in dying as in living . [He]2195-his son was convulsed in the clasp of this death of [[his]2195-his son father]5330-his father ’s , as in the coils of the great serpent of [Laocoön]342-laocoön . The great serpent had got [the father]646-the father , and [the son]6604-the son was dragged into the embrace of horrifying death along with [him]6604-the son . [He]6604-the son resisted always . And in some strange way , [he]6604-the son was [a tower of strength to [[his]2195-his son father]5330-his father]6605-a tower of strength to his father . The last time [the dying man]6562-the dying man asked to see [Gudrun]160-gudrun [he]6562-the dying man was grey with near death . Yet [he]6562-the dying man must see [someone]2083-someone , [he]6562-the dying man must , in the intervals of consciousness , catch into connection with the living world , lest [he]6562-the dying man should have to accept [his]6562-the dying man own situation . Fortunately [he]6562-the dying man was most of [his]6562-the dying man time dazed and half gone . And [he]6562-the dying man spent many hours dimly thinking of the past , as it were , dimly re - living [his]6562-the dying man old experiences . But there were times even to the end when [he]6562-the dying man was capable of realising what was happening to [him]6562-the dying man in the present , the death that was on [him]6562-the dying man . And these were the times when [he]6562-the dying man called in outside help , no matter whose . For to realise this death that [he]6562-the dying man was dying was a death beyond death , never to be borne . It was an admission never to be made . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was shocked by [his]6562-the dying man appearance , and by the darkened , almost disintegrated eyes , that still were unconquered and firm . “[2800-pet] Well , ” [he]6562-the dying man said in [his]6562-the dying man weakened voice , “[2800-pet] and how are [you]2801-you and [Winifred]297-winifred getting on ? ” “[2801-you] Oh , very well indeed , ” replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun . There were slight dead gaps in the conversation , as if the ideas called up were only elusive straws floating on the dark chaos of [the sick man]2384-the sick man ’s dying . “[2801-you] [The studio]2756-the studio answers all right ? ” [he]6562-the dying man said . “[2801-you] Splendid . It could n’t be more beautiful and perfect , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun waited for what [he]6562-the dying man would say next . “[2801-you] And [you]2801-you think [Winifred]297-winifred has the makings of [a sculptor]2803-a sculptor ? ” It was strange how hollow the words were , meaningless . “[2801-you] [I]0-i ’m sure [she]2804-she has . [She]2804-she will do good things one day . ” “[2804-she] Ah ! Then [her]2804-she life wo n’t be altogether wasted , [you]2801-you think ? ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun was rather surprised . “[2801-you] Sure it wo n’t ! ” [she]160-gudrun exclaimed softly . “[2801-you] That ’s right . ” Again [Gudrun]160-gudrun waited for what [he]6562-the dying man would say . “[2801-you] [You]2801-you find life pleasant , it is good to live , is n’t it ? ” [he]6562-the dying man asked , with a pitiful faint smile that was almost too much for [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2801-you] Yes , ” [she]160-gudrun smiled — [she]160-gudrun would lie at random—“I[2801-you] get a pretty good time [I]0-i believe . ” “[0-i] That ’s right . A happy nature is a great asset . ” Again [Gudrun]160-gudrun smiled , though [her]160-gudrun soul was dry with repulsion . Did [one]4646-one have to die like this — having the life extracted forcibly from [one]4646-one , whilst [one]4646-one smiled and made conversation to the end ? Was there no other way ? Must [one]4646-one go through all the horror of this victory over death , the triumph of the integral will , that would not be broken till it disappeared utterly ? One must , it was the only way . [She]160-gudrun admired the self - possession and the control of [the dying man]6562-the dying man exceedingly . But [she]160-gudrun loathed the death itself . [She]160-gudrun was glad [the everyday world]6615-the everyday world held good , and [she]160-gudrun need not recognise anything beyond . “[2801-you] [You]2801-you are quite all right here?—nothing [we]2805-we can do for you?—nothing [you]2801-you find wrong in [your]2801-you position ? ” “[2801-you] Except that [you]2801-you are too good to [me]0-i , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2801-you] Ah , well , the fault of that lies with [yourself]2801-you , ” [he]0-i said , and [he]0-i felt a little exultation , that [he]0-i had made this speech . [He]0-i was still so strong and living ! But the nausea of death began to creep back on [him]0-i , in reaction . [Gudrun]160-gudrun went away , back to [Winifred]297-winifred . [Mademoiselle]322-mademoiselle had left , [Gudrun]160-gudrun stayed a good deal at [Shortlands]7-shortlands , and [a tutor]6616-a tutor came in to carry on [Winifred]297-winifred ’s education . But [he]0-i did not live in [the house]468-the house , [he]0-i was connected with [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school . One day , [Gudrun]160-gudrun was to drive with [Winifred]297-winifred and [Gerald]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin to [town]602-town , in [the car]4987-the car . It was a dark , showery day . [Winifred]297-winifred and [Gudrun]160-gudrun were ready and waiting at the door . [Winifred]297-winifred was very quiet , but [Gudrun]160-gudrun had not noticed . Suddenly [the child]2063-the child asked , in a voice of unconcern : “[2801-you] Do [you]2806-you think [[my]0-i father]5349-my father ’s going to die , [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen ? ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun started . “[2806-you] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” [she]2063-the child replied . “[0-i] Do n’t [you]2806-you truly ? ” “[2806-you] [Nobody]912-nobody knows for certain . [He]5349-my father may die , of course . ” [The child]2063-the child pondered a few moments , then [she]2063-the child asked : “[5349-my father] But do [you]2806-you think [he]5349-my father will die ? ” It was put almost like a question in geography or science , insistent , as if [she]2063-the child would force an admission from [the adult]6623-the adult . [The watchful , slightly triumphant child]6624-the watchful , slightly triumphant child was almost diabolical . “[2806-you] Do [I]0-i think [he]5349-my father will die ? ” repeated [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] Yes , [I]0-i do . ” But [Winifred]297-winifred ’s large eyes were fixed on [her]2063-the child , and [the girl]540-the girl did not move . “[0-i] [He]5349-my father is very ill , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . A small smile came over [Winifred]297-winifred ’s face , subtle and sceptical . “[5349-my father] [I]0-i do n’t believe [he]5349-my father will , ” [the child]2063-the child asserted , mockingly , and [she]2063-the child moved away into the drive . [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [the isolated figure]6627-the isolated figure , and [her]160-gudrun heart stood still . [Winifred]297-winifred was playing with a little rivulet of water , absorbedly as if nothing had been said . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’ve made a proper dam , ” [she]160-gudrun said , out of the moist distance . [Gerald]255-gerald came to the door from out of [the hall]734-the hall behind . “[0-i] It is just as well [she]2809-she does n’t choose to believe it , ” [he]255-gerald said . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald . [Their]6629-they eyes met ; and [they]6629-they exchanged a sardonic understanding . “[2809-she] Just as well , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [He]255-gerald looked at [her]160-gudrun again , and a fire flickered up in [his]255-gerald eyes . “[2809-she] Best to dance while [Rome]43-rome burns , since it must burn , do n’t [you]0-i think ? ” [he]255-gerald said . [She]160-gudrun was rather taken aback . But , gathering [herself]160-gudrun together , [she]160-gudrun replied : “[0-i] Oh — better dance than wail , certainly . ” “[0-i] So [I]0-i think . ” And [they]6629-they both felt the subterranean desire to let go , to fling away everything , and lapse into a sheer unrestraint , brutal and licentious . A strange black passion surged up pure in [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun felt strong . [She]160-gudrun felt [her]160-gudrun hands so strong , as if [she]160-gudrun could tear [the world]541-the world asunder with [them]6631-them . [She]160-gudrun remembered the abandonments of Roman licence , and [her]160-gudrun heart grew hot . [She]160-gudrun knew [she]160-gudrun wanted this [herself]160-gudrun also — or something , something equivalent . Ah , if that which was unknown and suppressed in [her]160-gudrun were once let loose , what an orgiastic and satisfying event it would be . And [she]160-gudrun wanted it , [she]160-gudrun trembled slightly from the proximity of [the man , who stood just behind [her]160-gudrun , suggestive of the same black licentiousness that rose in [herself]160-gudrun]6632-the man , who stood just behind her , suggestive of the same black licentiousness that rose in herself . [She]160-gudrun wanted it with [him]6632-the man , who stood just behind her , suggestive of the same black licentiousness that rose in herself , this unacknowledged frenzy . For a moment the clear perception of this preoccupied [her]160-gudrun , distinct and perfect in its final reality . Then [she]160-gudrun shut it off completely , saying : “[0-i] [We]2810-we might as well go down to [the lodge]2811-the lodge after [Winifred]297-winifred — [we]2810-we can get in [the car]4987-the car [there]629-there . ” “[0-i] So [we]2810-we can , ” [he]6632-the man , who stood just behind her , suggestive of the same black licentiousness that rose in herself answered , going with [her]160-gudrun . [They]2810-we found [Winifred]297-winifred at [the lodge]2811-the lodge admiring the litter of purebred white puppies . [The girl]540-the girl looked up , and there was a rather ugly , unseeing cast in [her]540-the girl eyes as [she]540-the girl turned to [Gerald]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]540-the girl did not want to see [them]2810-we . “[0-i] Look ! ” [she]540-the girl cried . “[0-i] Three new puppies ! [Marshall]190-marshall says this one seems perfect . Is n’t it a sweetling ? But it is n’t so nice as [its mother]2545-its mother . ” [She]540-the girl turned to caress [the fine white bull - terrier bitch that stood uneasily near [her]540-the girl]6635-the fine white bull - terrier bitch that stood uneasily near her . “[0-i] [[My]0-i dearest]2815-my dearest [Lady Crich]343-lady crich , ” [she]540-the girl said , “[0-i] [you]343-lady crich are beautiful as an angel on [earth]571-earth . [Angel]344-angel — angel — don’t [you]343-lady crich think [she]2817-she ’s good enough and beautiful enough to go to heaven , [Gudrun]160-gudrun ? [They]2818-they will be in heaven , wo n’t [they]2818-they — and especially [[my]0-i darling [Lady Crich]343-lady crich]2819-my darling lady crich ! [Mrs Marshall]190-marshall , [I]0-i say ! ” “[0-i] Yes , [Miss Winifred]186-winifred ? ” said [the woman]873-the woman , appearing at the door . “[186-winifred] Oh do call [this one]2820-this one [Lady Winifred]345-lady winifred , if [she]2820-this one turns out perfect , will [you]186-winifred ? Do tell [Marshall]190-marshall to call it [Lady Winifred]345-lady winifred . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i ’ll tell [him]2821-him — but [I]0-i ’m afraid that ’s [a gentleman puppy]2822-a gentleman puppy , [Miss Winifred]186-winifred . ” “[2822-a gentleman puppy] Oh no ! ” There was the sound of [a car]6637-a car . “[2822-a gentleman puppy] There ’s [Rupert]169-birkin ! ” cried [the child]2063-the child , and [she]2063-the child ran to the gate . [Birkin]169-birkin , driving [[his]0-i car]6639-his car , pulled up outside [the lodge gate]6640-the lodge gate . “[169-birkin] [We]2823-we ’re ready ! ” cried [Winifred]186-winifred . “[169-birkin] [I]0-i want to sit in front with [you]169-birkin , [Rupert]169-birkin . May [I]0-i ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m afraid [you]186-winifred ’ll fidget about and fall out , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] No [I]0-i wo n’t . [I]0-i do want to sit in front next to [you]169-birkin . It makes [my]0-i feet so lovely and warm , from the engines . ” [Birkin]169-birkin helped [her]186-winifred up , amused at sending [Gerald]255-gerald to sit by [Gudrun]160-gudrun in the body of [the car]4987-the car . “[0-i] Have [you]169-birkin any news , [Rupert]169-birkin ? ” [Gerald]255-gerald called , as [they]6642-they rushed along [the lanes]6137-the lanes . “[169-birkin] News ? ” exclaimed [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Yes , ” [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [Gudrun]160-gudrun , who sat by [his]255-gerald side , and [he]255-gerald said , [his]255-gerald eyes narrowly laughing , “[0-i] [I]0-i want to know whether [I]0-i ought to congratulate [him]2824-him , but [I]0-i ca n’t get anything definite out of [him]2824-him . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun flushed deeply . “[0-i] Congratulate [him]2824-him on what ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked . “[2824-him] There was some mention of an engagement — at least , [he]2824-him said something to [me]0-i about it . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun flushed darkly . “[2824-him] [You]2825-you mean with [Ursula]255-gerald ? ” [she]160-gudrun said , in challenge . “[2824-him] Yes . That is so , is n’t it ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t think there ’s any engagement , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , coldly . “[0-i] That so ? Still no developments , [Rupert]169-birkin ? ” [he]2824-him called . “[169-birkin] Where ? Matrimonial ? No . ” “[2825-you] How ’s that ? ” called [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Birkin]169-birkin glanced quickly round . There was irritation in [his]2824-him eyes also . “[2825-you] Why ? ” [he]2824-him replied . “[2825-you] What do [you]2825-you think of it , [Gudrun]160-gudrun ? ” “[2825-you] Oh , ” [she]160-gudrun cried , determined to fling [her]160-gudrun stone also into the pool , since [they]6644-they had begun , “[2825-you] [I]0-i do n’t think [she]2826-she wants an engagement . Naturally , [she]2826-she ’s a bird that prefers the bush . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s voice was clear and gong - like . It reminded [Rupert]169-birkin of [[her]160-gudrun father]583-her father ’s , so strong and vibrant . “[2826-she] And [I]0-i , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin , [his]0-i face playful but yet determined , “[0-i] [I]0-i want a binding contract , and am not keen on love , particularly free love . ” [They]6644-they were both amused . Why this public avowal ? [Gerald]255-gerald seemed suspended a moment , in amusement . “[0-i] Love is n’t good enough for [you]2825-you ? ” [he]0-i called . “[0-i] No ! ” shouted [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Ha , well that ’s being over - refined , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , and [the car]4987-the car ran through the mud . “[0-i] What ’s the matter , really ? ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , turning to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . This was an assumption of a sort of intimacy that irritated [Gudrun]160-gudrun almost like an affront . It seemed to [her]160-gudrun that [Gerald]255-gerald was deliberately insulting [her]160-gudrun , and infringing on the decent privacy of [them]6644-they all . “[0-i] What is it ? ” [she]160-gudrun said , in [her]160-gudrun high , repellent voice . “[0-i] Do n’t ask [me!—I]0-i know nothing about ultimate marriage , [I]0-i assure [you]0-i : or even penultimate . ” “[0-i] Only the ordinary unwarrantable brand ! ” replied [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Just so — same here . [I]0-i am [no expert on marriage , and degrees of ultimateness]2827-no expert on marriage , and degrees of ultimateness . It seems to be a bee that buzzes loudly in [Rupert]169-birkin ’s bonnet . ” “[2828-his] Exactly ! But that is [his]2828-his trouble , exactly ! Instead of wanting [a woman]897-a woman for [herself]897-a woman , [he]2828-his wants [his]2828-his ideas fulfilled . Which , when it comes to actual practice , is not good enough . ” “[2828-his] Oh no . Best go slap for what ’s womanly in [woman]1012-woman , like a bull at a gate . ” Then [he]0-i seemed to glimmer in [himself]0-i . “[0-i] [You]0-i think love is the ticket , do [you]0-i ? ” [he]0-i asked . “[0-i] Certainly , while it lasts — [you]0-i only ca n’t insist on permanency , ” came [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s voice , strident above the noise . “[0-i] Marriage or no marriage , ultimate or penultimate or just so - so?—take the love as [you]0-i find it . ” “[0-i] As [you]0-i please , or as [you]0-i do n’t please , ” [she]160-gudrun echoed . “[0-i] Marriage is a social arrangement , [I]0-i take it , and has nothing to do with the question of love . ” [His]0-i eyes were flickering on [her]160-gudrun all the time . [She]160-gudrun felt as is [he]0-i were kissing [her]160-gudrun freely and malevolently . It made the colour burn in [her]160-gudrun cheeks , but [her]160-gudrun heart was quite firm and unfailing . “[0-i] [You]0-i think [Rupert]169-birkin is off [his]2831-he head a bit ? ” [Gerald]255-gerald asked . [Her]160-gudrun eyes flashed with acknowledgment . “[169-birkin] As regards [a woman]897-a woman , yes , ” [she]160-gudrun said , “[0-i] [I]0-i do . There is such a thing as [two people]4778-two people being in love for the whole of [their]4778-two people lives — perhaps . But marriage is neither here nor there , even then . If [they]4778-two people are in love , well and good . If not — why break eggs about it ! ” “[2831-he] Yes , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[2831-he] That ’s how it strikes [me]0-i . But what about [Rupert]169-birkin ? ” “[169-birkin] [I]0-i ca n’t make out — neither can [he]2831-he nor [anybody]744-anybody . [He]2831-he seems to think that if [you]2835-you marry [you]2835-you can get through marriage into a third heaven , or something — all very vague . ” “[2831-he] Very ! And who wants [a third heaven]2836-a third heaven ? As a matter of fact , [Rupert]169-birkin has a great yearning to be safe — to tie [himself]169-birkin to the mast . ” “[2831-he] Yes . It seems to [me]0-i [he]2831-he ’s mistaken there too , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2831-he] [I]0-i ’m sure [a mistress]2837-a mistress is more likely to be faithful than [a wife]2838-a wife — just because [she]2838-a wife is [[her]2838-a wife own mistress]2839-her own mistress . No — [he]2831-he says [he]2831-he believes that [a man]4648-a man and [wife]2315-wife can go further than [any other two beings]2842-any other two beings — but where , is not explained . [They]2843-they can know [each other]451-each other , heavenly and hellish , but particularly hellish , so perfectly that [they]2843-they go beyond heaven and hell — into — there it all breaks down — into nowhere . ” “[2831-he] Into Paradise , [he]2831-he says , ” laughed [Gerald]255-gerald . [Gudrun]160-gudrun shrugged [her]160-gudrun shoulders . “[2831-he] Je m’en fiche of [[your]2831-he Paradise]2845-your paradise ! ” [she]160-gudrun said . “[2831-he] Not being [a Mohammedan]2846-a mohammedan , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin sat motionless , driving [the car]4987-the car , quite unconscious of what [they]2843-they said . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun , sitting immediately behind [him]2831-he , felt a sort of ironic pleasure in thus exposing [him]2831-he . “[2831-he] [He]2831-he says , ” [she]160-gudrun added , with a grimace of irony , “[2831-he] that [you]2831-he can find an eternal equilibrium in marriage , if [you]2831-he accept the unison , and still leave [yourself]2831-he separate , do n’t try to fuse . ” “[2831-he] Does n’t inspire [me]0-i , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] That ’s just it , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[0-i] [I]0-i believe in love , in a real abandon , if [you]2831-he ’re capable of it , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] So do [I]0-i , ” said [she]160-gudrun . “[0-i] And so does [Rupert]169-birkin , too — though [he]2831-he is always shouting . ” “[2831-he] No , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2831-he] [He]2831-he wo n’t abandon [himself]2831-he to [the other person]6429-the other person . [You]2831-he ca n’t be sure of [him]2831-he . That ’s the trouble [I]0-i think . ” “[0-i] Yet [he]2831-he wants marriage ! Marriage — et puis ? ” “[2848-le paradis] [Le paradis]2848-le paradis ! ” mocked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Birkin]169-birkin , as [he]2831-he drove , felt a creeping of the spine , as if [somebody]4745-somebody was threatening [his]2831-he neck . But [he]2831-he shrugged with indifference . It began to rain . Here was a change . [He]2831-he stopped [the car]4987-the car and got down to put up the hood . [They]6650-they came to [the town]4907-the town , and left [Gerald]255-gerald at [the railway station]4873-the railway station . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Winifred]186-winifred were to come to tea with [Birkin]169-birkin , who expected [Ursula]255-gerald also . In the afternoon , however , [the first person to turn up]6653-the first person to turn up was [Hermione]168-hermione . [Birkin]169-birkin was out , so [she]168-hermione went in [the drawing - room]5183-the drawing - room , looking at [his]2831-he books and papers , and playing on the piano . Then [Ursula]255-gerald arrived . [She]168-hermione was surprised , unpleasantly so , to see [Hermione]168-hermione , of whom [she]168-hermione had heard nothing for some time . “[2848-le paradis] It is a surprise to see [you]2849-she , ” [she]168-hermione said . “[2849-she] Yes , ” said [Hermione—“I’ve]346-hermione—“i’ve[2848-le paradis] been away at [Aix]91-aix — ” “[2848-le paradis] Oh , for [your]2849-she health ? ” “[2848-le paradis] Yes . ” [The two women]882-the two women looked at [each other]451-each other . [Ursula]255-gerald resented [Hermione]168-hermione ’s long , grave , downward - looking face . There was something of the stupidity and the unenlightened self - esteem of a horse in it . “[2848-le paradis] [She]2849-she ’s got a horse - face , ” [Ursula]255-gerald said to [herself]255-gerald , “[2849-she] [she]2849-she runs between blinkers . ” It did seem as if [Hermione]168-hermione , like the moon , had only one side to [her]168-hermione penny . There was no obverse . [She]168-hermione stared out all the time on the narrow , but to [her]168-hermione , complete world of the extant consciousness . In the darkness , [she]168-hermione did not exist . Like the moon , one half of [her]168-hermione was lost to life . [Her]168-hermione self was all in [her]168-hermione head , [she]168-hermione did not know what it was spontaneously to run or move , like a fish in the water , or a weasel on the grass . [She]168-hermione must always know . But [Ursula]255-gerald only suffered from [Hermione]168-hermione ’s one - sidedness . [She]168-hermione only felt [Hermione]168-hermione ’s cool evidence , which seemed to put [her]168-hermione down as nothing . [Hermione]168-hermione , who brooded and brooded till [she]168-hermione was exhausted with the ache of [her]168-hermione effort at consciousness , spent and ashen in [her]168-hermione body , who gained so slowly and with such effort [her]168-hermione final and barren conclusions of knowledge , was apt , in the presence of [other women , whom [she]168-hermione thought simply female]6657-other women , whom she thought simply female , to wear the conclusions of [her]168-hermione bitter assurance like jewels which conferred on [her]168-hermione an unquestionable distinction , established [her]168-hermione in a higher order of life . [She]168-hermione was apt , mentally , to condescend to women such as [Ursula]255-gerald , whom [she]168-hermione regarded as purely emotional . [Poor Hermione]168-hermione , it was [her]168-hermione one possession , this aching certainty of [hers]168-hermione , it was [her]168-hermione only justification . [She]168-hermione must be confident here , for [God]167-god knows , [she]168-hermione felt rejected and deficient enough elsewhere . In the life of thought , of the spirit , [she]168-hermione was one of [the elect]6658-the elect . And [she]168-hermione wanted to be universal . But there was a devastating cynicism at the bottom of [her]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione did not believe in [her]168-hermione own universals — they were sham . [She]168-hermione did not believe in the inner life — it was a trick , not a reality . [She]168-hermione did not believe in the spiritual world — it was an affectation . In the last resort , [she]168-hermione believed in [Mammon]348-mammon , the flesh , and the devil — these at least were not sham . [She]168-hermione was [a priestess without belief , without conviction]6659-a priestess without belief , without conviction , suckled in a creed outworn , and condemned to the reiteration of mysteries that were not divine to [her]168-hermione . Yet there was no escape . [She]168-hermione was a leaf upon a dying tree . What help was there then , but to fight still for the old , withered truths , to die for the old , outworn belief , to be [a sacred and inviolate priestess of desecrated mysteries]6660-a sacred and inviolate priestess of desecrated mysteries ? The old great truths had been true . And [she]168-hermione was a leaf of the old great tree of knowledge that was withering now . To the old and last truth then [she]168-hermione must be faithful even though cynicism and mockery took place at the bottom of [her]168-hermione soul . “[2849-she] [I]0-i am so glad to see [you]2850-you , ” [she]168-hermione said to [Ursula]255-gerald , in [her]168-hermione slow voice , that was like an incantation . “[0-i] [You]2850-you and [Rupert]169-birkin have become quite [friends]5028-friends ? ” “[5028-friends] Oh yes , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[5028-friends] [He]2852-he is always somewhere in the background . ” [Hermione]168-hermione paused before [she]168-hermione answered . [She]168-hermione saw perfectly well [the other woman]885-the other woman ’s vaunt : it seemed truly vulgar . “[2852-he] Is [he]2852-he ? ” [she]168-hermione said slowly , and with perfect equanimity . “[2852-he] And do [you]2850-you think [you]2850-you will marry ? ” The question was so calm and mild , so simple and bare and dispassionate that [Ursula]255-gerald was somewhat taken aback , rather attracted . It pleased [her]2850-you almost like a wickedness . There was some delightful naked irony in [Hermione]168-hermione . “[2850-you] Well , ” replied [Ursula]255-gerald , “[2852-he] [He]2852-he wants to , awfully , but [I]0-i ’m not so sure . ” [Hermione]168-hermione watched [her]2850-you with slow calm eyes . [She]168-hermione noted this new expression of vaunting . How [she]168-hermione envied [Ursula]255-gerald a certain unconscious positivity ! even [her]2850-you vulgarity ! “[0-i] Why are n’t [you]2850-you sure ? ” [she]168-hermione asked , in [her]168-hermione easy sing song . [She]168-hermione was perfectly at [her]168-hermione ease , perhaps even rather happy in this conversation . “[2850-you] [You]2850-you do n’t really love [him]2852-he ? ” [Ursula]255-gerald flushed a little at the mild impertinence of this question . And yet [she]168-hermione could not definitely take offence . [Hermione]168-hermione seemed so calmly and sanely candid . After all , it was rather great to be able to be so sane . “[2852-he] [He]2852-he says it is n’t love [he]2852-he wants , ” [she]168-hermione replied . “[2852-he] What is it then ? ” [Hermione]168-hermione was slow and level . “[2852-he] [He]2852-he wants [me]0-i really to accept [him]2852-he in marriage . ” [Hermione]168-hermione was silent for some time , watching [Ursula]255-gerald with slow , pensive eyes . “[2852-he] Does [he]2852-he ? ” [she]168-hermione said at length , without expression . Then , rousing , “[2852-he] And what is it [you]2850-you do n’t want ? [You]2850-you do n’t want marriage ? ” “[2850-you] No — [I]0-i don’t — not really . [I]0-i do n’t want to give the sort of submission [he]2852-he insists on . [He]2852-he wants [me]0-i to give [myself]0-i up — and [I]0-i simply do n’t feel that [I]0-i can do it . ” Again there was a long pause , before [Hermione]168-hermione replied : “[2850-you] Not if [you]2850-you do n’t want to . ” Then again there was silence . [Hermione]168-hermione shuddered with a strange desire . Ah , if only [he]2852-he had asked [her]168-hermione to subserve [him]2852-he , to be [[his]2852-he slave]6662-his slave ! [She]168-hermione shuddered with desire . “[2850-you] [You]2850-you see [I]0-i ca n’t — ” “[0-i] But exactly in what does — ” [They]6663-they had both begun at once , [they]6663-they both stopped . Then , [Hermione]168-hermione , assuming priority of speech , resumed as if wearily : “[2852-he] To what does [he]2852-he want [you]2850-you to submit ? ” “[2852-he] [He]2852-he says [he]2852-he wants [me]0-i to accept [him]2852-he non - emotionally , and finally — [I]0-i really do n’t know what [he]2852-he means . [He]2852-he says [he]2852-he wants the demon part of [himself]2852-he to be mated — physically — not [the human being]1305-the human being . [You]2850-you see [he]2852-he says one thing one day , and another the next — and [he]2852-he always contradicts [himself]2852-he — ” “[2852-he] And always thinks about [himself]2852-he , and [his]2852-he own dissatisfaction , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione slowly . “[2852-he] Yes , ” cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “[2852-he] As if there were [no one]485-no one but [himself]2852-he concerned . That makes it so impossible . ” But immediately [she]168-hermione began to retract . “[2852-he] [He]2852-he insists on [my]0-i accepting [God]167-god knows what in [him]2852-he , ” [she]168-hermione resumed . “[2852-he] [He]2852-he wants [me]0-i to accept [him]2852-he as — as an absolute — But it seems to [me]0-i [he]2852-he does n’t want to give anything . [He]2852-he does n’t want real warm intimacy — [he]2852-he wo n’t have it — [he]2852-he rejects it . [He]2852-he wo n’t let [me]0-i think , really , and [he]2852-he wo n’t let [me]0-i feel — [he]2852-he hates feelings . ” There was a long pause , bitter for [Hermione]168-hermione . Ah , if only [he]2852-he would have made this demand of [her]168-hermione ? [Her]168-hermione [he]2852-he drove into thought , drove inexorably into knowledge — and then execrated [her]168-hermione for it . “[2852-he] [He]2852-he wants [me]0-i to sink [myself]0-i , ” [Ursula]255-gerald resumed , “[2852-he] not to have any being of [my]0-i own — ” “[2852-he] Then why does n’t [he]2852-he marry [an odalisk]2855-an odalisk ? ” said [Hermione]168-hermione in [her]168-hermione mild sing - song , “[2852-he] if it is that [he]2852-he wants . ” [Her]168-hermione long face looked sardonic and amused . “[2852-he] Yes , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald vaguely . After all , the tiresome thing was , [he]2852-he did not want [an odalisk]2855-an odalisk , [he]2852-he did not want [a slave]2139-a slave . [Hermione]168-hermione would have been [[his]2852-he slave]6662-his slave — there was in [her]168-hermione a horrible desire to prostrate [herself]168-hermione before [a man]4648-a man — a man who worshipped [her]168-hermione , however , and admitted [her]168-hermione as the supreme thing . [He]2852-he did not want [an odalisk]2855-an odalisk . [He]2852-he wanted [a woman]897-a woman to take something from [him]2852-he , to give [herself]897-a woman up so much that [she]897-a woman could take the last realities of [him]2852-he , the last facts , the last physical facts , physical and unbearable . And if [she]897-a woman did , would [he]2852-he acknowledge [her]897-a woman ? Would [he]2852-he be able to acknowledge [her]897-a woman through everything , or would [he]2852-he use [her]897-a woman just as [his]2852-he instrument , use [her]897-a woman for [his]2852-he own private satisfaction , not admitting [her]897-a woman ? That was what [the other men]6670-the other men had done . [They]6670-the other men had wanted [their]6670-the other men own show , and [they]6670-the other men would not admit [her]897-a woman , [they]6670-the other men turned all [she]897-a woman was into nothingness . Just as [Hermione]168-hermione now betrayed [herself]168-hermione as [a woman]897-a woman . [Hermione]168-hermione was like [a man]4648-a man , [she]168-hermione believed only in [men]848-men ’s things . [She]168-hermione betrayed [the woman]873-the woman in [herself]168-hermione . And [Birkin]169-birkin , would [he]2856-he acknowledge , or would [he]2856-he deny [her]168-hermione ? “[2852-he] Yes , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione , as [each woman]6675-each woman came out of [her]168-hermione own separate reverie . “[2852-he] It would be a mistake — [I]0-i think it would be a mistake — ” “[0-i] To marry [him]2856-he ? ” asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] Yes , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione slowly—“I[2852-he] think [you]0-i need [a man]4648-a man — soldierly , strong - willed — ” [Hermione]168-hermione held out [her]168-hermione hand and clenched it with rhapsodic intensity . “[4648-a man] [You]0-i should have [a man like [the old heroes]2859-the old heroes]2858-a man like the old heroes — [you]0-i need to stand behind [him]2856-he as [he]2856-he goes into battle , [you]0-i need to see [his]2856-he strength , and to hear [his]2856-he shout—. [You]0-i need [a man]4648-a man physically strong , and virile in [his]2856-he will , not [a sensitive man—.]2861-a sensitive man—. ” There was a break , as if [the pythoness]6676-the pythoness had uttered the oracle , and now [the woman]873-the woman went on , in a rhapsody - wearied voice : “[2861-a sensitive man—.] And [you]0-i see , [Rupert]169-birkin is n’t this , [he]2856-he is n’t . [He]2856-he is frail in health and body , [he]2856-he needs great , great care . Then [he]2856-he is so changeable and unsure of [himself]2856-he — it requires the greatest patience and understanding to help [him]2856-he . And [I]0-i do n’t think [you]0-i are patient . [You]0-i would have to be prepared to suffer — dreadfully . [I]0-i ca n’t tell [you]0-i how much suffering it would take to make [him]2856-he happy . [He]2856-he lives an intensely spiritual life , at times — too , too wonderful . And then come the reactions . [I]0-i ca n’t speak of what [I]0-i have been through with [him]2856-he . [We]2862-we have been together so long , [I]0-i really do know [him]2856-he , [I]0-i do know what [he]2856-he is . And [I]0-i feel [I]0-i must say it ; [I]0-i feel it would be perfectly disastrous for [you]0-i to marry [him]2856-he — for [you]0-i even more than for [him]2856-he . ” [Hermione]168-hermione lapsed into bitter reverie . “[2856-he] [He]2856-he is so uncertain , so unstable — [he]2856-he wearies , and then reacts . [I]0-i could n’t tell [you]0-i what [his]2856-he reactions are . [I]0-i could n’t tell [you]0-i the agony of them . That which [he]2856-he affirms and loves one day — a little latter [he]2856-he turns on it in a fury of destruction . [He]2856-he is never constant , always this awful , dreadful reaction . Always the quick change from good to bad , bad to good . And nothing is so devastating , nothing — ” “[4646-one] Yes , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald humbly , “[4646-one] [you]0-i must have suffered . ” An unearthly light came on [Hermione]168-hermione ’s face . [She]168-hermione clenched [her]168-hermione hand like one inspired . “[0-i] And [one]4646-one must be willing to suffer — willing to suffer for [him]2856-he hourly , daily — if [you]0-i are going to help [him]2856-he , if [he]2856-he is to keep true to anything at all — ” “[0-i] And [I]0-i do n’t want to suffer hourly and daily , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t , [I]0-i should be ashamed . [I]0-i think it is degrading not to be happy . ” [Hermione]168-hermione stopped and looked at [her]168-hermione a long time . “[0-i] Do [you]0-i ? ” [she]168-hermione said at last . And this utterance seemed to [her]168-hermione a mark of [Ursula]255-gerald ’s far distance from [herself]255-gerald . For to [Hermione]168-hermione suffering was the greatest reality , come what might . Yet [she]168-hermione too had a creed of happiness . “[0-i] Yes , ” [she]168-hermione said . “[0-i] [One]4646-one should be happy — ” But it was a matter of will . “[4646-one] Yes , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione , listlessly now , “[4646-one] [I]0-i can only feel that it would be disastrous , disastrous — at least , to marry in a hurry . Ca n’t [you]2865-you be together without marriage ? Ca n’t [you]2865-you go away and live somewhere without marriage ? [I]0-i do feel that marriage would be fatal , for [both of [you]2865-you]2866-both of you . [I]0-i think for [you]2865-you even more than for [him]2867-him — and [I]0-i think of [his]2867-him health — ” “[0-i] Of course , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald , “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t care about marriage — it is n’t really important to [me]0-i — it ’s [he]2867-him who wants it . ” “[2867-him] It is [his]2867-him idea for the moment , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione , with that weary finality , and a sort of si jeunesse savait infallibility . There was a pause . Then [Ursula]255-gerald broke into faltering challenge . “[2867-him] [You]0-i think [I]0-i ’m merely [a physical woman]2868-a physical woman , do n’t [you]0-i ? ” “[0-i] No indeed , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione . “[0-i] No , indeed ! But [I]0-i think [you]2865-you are vital and young — it is n’t a question of years , or even of experience — it is almost a question of race . [Rupert]169-birkin is race - old , [he]2867-him comes of an old race — and [you]2865-you seem to [me]0-i so young , [you]2865-you come of [a young , inexperienced race]2869-a young , inexperienced race . ” “[0-i] Do [I]0-i ! ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] But [I]0-i think [he]2867-him is awfully young , on one side . ” “[2867-him] Yes , perhaps childish in many respects . Nevertheless — ” [They]6678-they both lapsed into silence . [Ursula]255-gerald was filled with deep resentment and a touch of hopelessness . “[2867-him] It is n’t true , ” [she]2865-you said to [herself]2865-you , silently addressing [[her]2865-you adversary]6679-her adversary . “[2867-him] It is n’t true . And it is [you]2865-you who want [a physically strong , bullying man]2870-a physically strong , bullying man , not [I.]0-i It is [you]2865-you who want [an unsensitive man]2871-an unsensitive man , not [I.]0-i [You]2865-you do n’t know anything about [Rupert]169-birkin , not really , in spite of the years [you]2865-you have had with [him]2867-him . [You]2865-you do n’t give [him]2867-him [a woman]897-a woman ’s love , [you]2865-you give [him]2867-him an ideal love , and that is why [he]2867-him reacts away from [you]2865-you . [You]2865-you do n’t know . [You]2865-you only know the dead things . [Any kitchen maid]2873-any kitchen maid would know something about [him]2867-him , [you]2865-you do n’t know . What do [you]2865-you think [your]2865-you knowledge is but dead understanding , that does n’t mean a thing . [You]2865-you are so false , and untrue , how could [you]2865-you know anything ? What is the good of [your]2865-you talking about love — [you]2865-you untrue spectre of [a woman]897-a woman ! How can [you]2865-you know anything , when [you]2865-you do n’t believe ? [You]2865-you do n’t believe in [yourself]2865-you and [your]2865-you own womanhood , so what good is [your]2865-you conceited , shallow cleverness — ! ” [The two women]882-the two women sat on in antagonistic silence . [Hermione]168-hermione felt injured , that all [her]168-hermione good intention , all [her]168-hermione offering , only left [the other woman]885-the other woman in vulgar antagonism . But then , [Ursula]255-gerald could not understand , never would understand , could never be more than [the usual jealous and unreasonable female]6682-the usual jealous and unreasonable female , with a good deal of powerful female emotion , female attraction , and a fair amount of female understanding , but no mind . [Hermione]168-hermione had decided long ago that where there was no mind , it was useless to appeal for reason — [one]4646-one had merely to ignore [the ignorant]6684-the ignorant . And [Rupert]169-birkin — [he]6685-he had now reacted towards [the strongly female , healthy , selfish woman]6686-the strongly female , healthy , selfish woman — it was [his]6685-he reaction for the time being — there was no helping it all . It was all a foolish backward and forward , a violent oscillation that would at length be too violent for [his]6685-he coherency , and [he]6685-he would smash and be dead . There was no saving [him]6685-he . This violent and directionless reaction between animalism and spiritual truth would go on in [him]6685-he till [he]6685-he tore [himself]6685-he in two between the opposite directions , and disappeared meaninglessly out of life . It was no good — [he]6685-he too was without unity , without mind , in the ultimate stages of living ; not quite man enough to make a destiny for [a woman]897-a woman . [They]6688-they sat on till [Birkin]169-birkin came in and found [them]6688-they together . [He]6685-he felt at once the antagonism in the atmosphere , something radical and insuperable , and [he]6685-he bit [his]6685-he lip . But [he]6685-he affected a bluff manner . “[2865-you] Hello , [Hermione]168-hermione , are [you]168-hermione back again ? How do [you]168-hermione feel ? ” “[168-hermione] Oh , better . And how are [you]168-hermione — [you]168-hermione do n’t look well — ” “[168-hermione] Oh!—I believe [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Winnie Crich]297-winifred are coming in to tea . At least [they]2875-they said [they]2875-they were . [We]2876-we shall be a tea - party . What train did [you]168-hermione come by , [Ursula]255-gerald ? ” It was rather annoying to see [him]6685-he trying to placate [both women]4824-both women at once . [Both women]4824-both women watched [him]6685-he , [Hermione]168-hermione with deep resentment and pity for [him]6685-he , [Ursula]255-gerald very impatient . [He]6685-he was nervous and apparently in quite good spirits , chattering the conventional commonplaces . [Ursula]255-gerald was amazed and indignant at the way [he]6685-he made small - talk ; [he]6685-he was adept as [any fat in [Christendom]92-christendom]6691-any fat in christendom . [She]168-hermione became quite stiff , [she]168-hermione would not answer . It all seemed to [her]168-hermione so false and so belittling . And still [Gudrun]160-gudrun did not appear . “[255-gerald] [I]0-i think [I]0-i shall go to [Florence]93-florence for the winter , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione at length . “[0-i] Will [you]0-i ? ” [he]6685-he answered . “[0-i] But it is so cold there . ” “[0-i] Yes , but [I]0-i shall stay with [Palestra]246-palestra . It is quite comfortable . ” “[0-i] What takes [you]0-i to [Florence]93-florence ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione slowly . Then [she]168-hermione looked at [him]6685-he with [her]168-hermione slow , heavy gaze . “[0-i] [Barnes]349-barnes is starting [his]349-barnes school of æsthetics , and [Olandese]350-olandese is going to give a set of discourses on the Italian national policy — ” “[350-olandese] Both rubbish , ” [he]6685-he said . “[350-olandese] No , [I]0-i do n’t think so , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione . “[0-i] Which do [you]0-i admire , then ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i admire both . [Barnes]349-barnes is [a pioneer]2877-a pioneer . And then [I]0-i am interested in [Italy]95-italy , in [her]95-italy coming to national consciousness . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i wish [she]95-italy ’d come to something different from national consciousness , then , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin ; “[95-italy] especially as it only means a sort of commercial - industrial consciousness . [I]0-i hate [Italy]95-italy and [her]95-italy national rant . And [I]0-i think [Barnes]349-barnes is [an amateur]2787-an amateur . ” [Hermione]168-hermione was silent for some moments , in a state of hostility . But yet , [she]168-hermione had got [Birkin]169-birkin back again into [[her]168-hermione world]2418-her world ! How subtle [her]168-hermione influence was , [she]168-hermione seemed to start [his]2879-you irritable attention into [her]168-hermione direction exclusively , in one minute . [He]2879-you was [[her]168-hermione creature]6693-her creature . “[349-barnes] No , ” [she]168-hermione said , “[2879-you] [you]2879-you are wrong . ” Then a sort of tension came over [her]168-hermione , [she]168-hermione raised [her]168-hermione face like the pythoness inspired with oracles , and went on , in rhapsodic manner : “[2879-you] Il Sandro mi scrive che ha accolto il più grande entusiasmo , tutti [i]0-i [giovani]2880-giovani , e fanciulle e ragazzi , sono tutti — ” [She]168-hermione went on in Italian , as if , in thinking of the Italians [she]168-hermione thought in [their]2881-their language . [He]0-i listened with a shade of distaste to [her]168-hermione rhapsody , then [he]0-i said : “[0-i] For all that , [I]0-i do n’t like it . [Their]2881-their nationalism is just industrialism — that and a shallow jealousy [I]0-i detest so much . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i think [you]2879-you are wrong — [I]0-i think [you]2879-you are wrong — ” said [Hermione]168-hermione . “[2879-you] It seems to [me]0-i purely spontaneous and beautiful , the modern Italian ’s passion , for it is a passion , for [Italy]95-italy , l’Italia — ” “[2879-you] Do [you]2879-you know [Italy]95-italy well ? ” [Ursula]255-gerald asked of [Hermione]168-hermione . [Hermione]168-hermione hated to be broken in upon in this manner . Yet [she]168-hermione answered mildly : “[2879-you] Yes , pretty well . [I]0-i spent several years of [my]0-i girlhood [there]629-there , with [[my]0-i mother]2883-my mother . [[My]0-i mother]2883-my mother died in [Florence]93-florence . ” “[2883-my mother] Oh . ” There was a pause , painful to [Ursula]255-gerald and to [Birkin]169-birkin . [Hermione]168-hermione however seemed abstracted and calm . [Birkin]169-birkin was white , [his]2879-you eyes glowed as if [he]2879-you were in a fever , [he]2879-you was far too over - wrought . How [Ursula]255-gerald suffered in this tense atmosphere of strained wills ! [Her]168-hermione head seemed bound round by iron bands . [Birkin]169-birkin rang the bell for tea . [They]6694-they could not wait for [Gudrun]160-gudrun any longer . When the door was opened , the cat walked in . “[351-micio] [Micio]351-micio ! [Micio]351-micio ! ” called [Hermione]168-hermione , in [her]168-hermione slow , deliberate sing - song . [The young cat]1750-the young cat turned to look at [her]168-hermione , then , with [his]1750-the young cat slow and stately walk [he]1750-the young cat advanced to [her]168-hermione side . “[352-vieni] [Vieni]352-vieni — vieni quá , ” [Hermione]168-hermione was saying , in [her]168-hermione strange caressive , protective voice , as if [she]168-hermione were always [the elder]1414-the elder , [the mother superior]6697-the mother superior . “[352-vieni] Vieni dire Buon ’ Giorno alla zia . [Mi ricordi]2885-mi ricordi , [mi ricordi bene]2886-mi ricordi bene — non è vero , piccolo ? È vero che mi ricordi ? È vero ? ” And slowly [she]168-hermione rubbed [his]2887-his head , slowly and with ironic indifference . “[2887-his] Does [he]2887-his understand Italian ? ” said [Ursula]255-gerald , who knew nothing of the language . “[2887-his] Yes , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione at length . “[2887-his] [[His]2887-his mother]4685-his mother was Italian . [She]4685-his mother was born in [my]0-i waste - paper basket in [Florence]93-florence , on the morning of [Rupert]169-birkin ’s birthday . [She]2889-she was [his]2887-his birthday present . ” Tea was brought in . [Birkin]169-birkin poured out for [them]6698-they . It was strange how inviolable was the intimacy which existed between [him]2887-his and [Hermione]168-hermione . [Ursula]255-gerald felt that [she]168-hermione was [an outsider]4935-an outsider . The very tea - cups and the old silver was a bond between [Hermione]168-hermione and [Birkin]169-birkin . It seemed to belong to [an old , past world which [they]6698-they had inhabited together]6700-an old , past world which they had inhabited together , and in which [Ursula]255-gerald was [a foreigner]6701-a foreigner . [She]168-hermione was almost a parvenue in [[their]6698-they old cultured milieu]6702-their old cultured milieu . [Her]168-hermione convention was not [their]6698-they convention , [their]6698-they standards were not [her]168-hermione standards . But theirs were established , [they]6698-they had the sanction and the grace of age . [He]2887-his and [she]168-hermione together , [Hermione]168-hermione and [Birkin]169-birkin , were [people of the same old tradition , the same withered deadening culture]6703-people of the same old tradition , the same withered deadening culture . And [she]168-hermione , [Ursula]255-gerald , was [an intruder]6704-an intruder . So [they]6698-they always made [her]168-hermione feel . [Hermione]168-hermione poured a little cream into a saucer . The simple way [she]168-hermione assumed [her]168-hermione rights in [[Birkin]169-birkin ’s room]6705-birkin ’s room maddened and discouraged [Ursula]255-gerald . There was a fatality about it , as if it were bound to be . [Hermione]168-hermione lifted the cat and put the cream before [him]2887-his . [He]2887-his planted [his]2887-his two paws on the edge of the table and bent [his]2887-his gracious young head to drink . “[2889-she] Sicuro che capisce italiano , ” sang [Hermione]168-hermione , “[2889-she] non l’avrà dimenticato , la lingua della Mamma . ” [She]168-hermione lifted the cat ’s head with [her]168-hermione long , slow , white fingers , not letting [him]2887-his drink , holding [him]2887-his in [her]168-hermione power . It was always the same , this joy in power [she]168-hermione manifested , peculiarly in power over [any male being]6706-any male being . [He]2887-his blinked forbearingly , with a male , bored expression , licking [his]2887-his whiskers . [Hermione]168-hermione laughed in [her]168-hermione short , grunting fashion . “[2889-she] Ecco , [il bravo ragazzo]2890-il bravo ragazzo , [com ’ è superbo]2891-com ’ è superbo , questo ! ” [She]168-hermione made a vivid picture , so calm and strange with the cat . [She]168-hermione had a true static impressiveness , [she]168-hermione was [a social artist]6707-a social artist in some ways . [The cat]6406-the cat refused to look at [her]168-hermione , indifferently avoided [her]168-hermione fingers , and began to drink again , [his]6406-the cat nose down to the cream , perfectly balanced , as [he]6406-the cat lapped with [his]6406-the cat odd little click . “[2891-com ’ è superbo] It ’s bad for [him]2892-him , teaching [him]2892-him to eat at table , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[2891-com ’ è superbo] Yes , ” said [Hermione]168-hermione , easily assenting . Then , looking down at the cat , [she]168-hermione resumed [her]168-hermione old , mocking , humorous sing - song . “[2891-com ’ è superbo] Ti imparano fare brutte cose , brutte cose — ” [She]168-hermione lifted the [Mino]265-the mino ’s white chin on [her]168-hermione forefinger , slowly . [The young cat]1750-the young cat looked round with a supremely forbearing air , avoided seeing anything , withdrew [his]6406-the cat chin , and began to wash [his]6406-the cat face with [his]6406-the cat paw . [Hermione]168-hermione grunted [her]168-hermione laughter , pleased . “[2891-com ’ è superbo] Bel giovanotto — ” [she]168-hermione said . The cat reached forward again and put [his]6406-the cat fine white paw on the edge of the saucer . [Hermione]168-hermione lifted it down with delicate slowness . This deliberate , delicate carefulness of movement reminded [Ursula]255-gerald of [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[2891-com ’ è superbo] No ! Non è permesso di mettere il zampino nel tondinetto . Non piace al babbo . Un signor gatto così selvatico — ! ” And [she]168-hermione kept [her]168-hermione finger on the softly planted paw of the cat , and [her]168-hermione voice had the same whimsical , humorous note of bullying . [Ursula]255-gerald had [her]168-hermione nose out of joint . [She]168-hermione wanted to go away now . It all seemed no good . [Hermione]168-hermione was established for ever , [she]168-hermione [herself]168-hermione was ephemeral and had not yet even arrived . “[0-i] [I]0-i will go now , ” [she]168-hermione said suddenly . [Birkin]169-birkin looked at [her]168-hermione almost in fear — [he]0-i so dreaded [her]168-hermione anger . “[0-i] But there is no need for such hurry , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] Yes , ” [she]168-hermione answered . “[0-i] [I]0-i will go . ” And turning to [Hermione]168-hermione , before there was time to say any more , [she]168-hermione held out [her]168-hermione hand and said “[0-i] Good - bye . ” “[0-i] Good - bye — ” sang [Hermione]168-hermione , detaining the hand . “[0-i] Must [you]0-i really go now ? ” “[0-i] Yes , [I]0-i think [I]0-i ’ll go , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald , [her]168-hermione face set , and averted from [Hermione]168-hermione ’s eyes . “[0-i] [You]0-i think [you]0-i will — ” But [Ursula]255-gerald had got [her]168-hermione hand free . [She]168-hermione turned to [Birkin]169-birkin with a quick , almost jeering : “[0-i] Good - bye , ” and [she]168-hermione was opening the door before [he]0-i had time to do it for [her]168-hermione . When [she]168-hermione got outside [the house]468-the house [she]168-hermione ran down [the road]502-the road in fury and agitation . It was strange , the unreasoning rage and violence [Hermione]168-hermione roused in [her]168-hermione , by [her]168-hermione very presence . [Ursula]255-gerald knew [she]168-hermione gave [herself]255-gerald away to [the other woman]885-the other woman , [she]168-hermione knew [she]168-hermione looked ill - bred , uncouth , exaggerated . But [she]168-hermione did not care . [She]168-hermione only ran up [the road]502-the road , lest [she]168-hermione should go back and jeer in the faces of [the two [she]168-hermione had left behind]6714-the two she had left behind . For [they]6714-the two she had left behind outraged [her]168-hermione . Next day [Birkin]169-birkin sought [Ursula]255-gerald out . It happened to be the half - day at [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school . [He]6716-he appeared towards the end of the morning , and asked [her]168-hermione , would [she]168-hermione drive with [him]6716-he in the afternoon . [She]168-hermione consented . But [her]168-hermione face was closed and unresponding , and [his]6716-he heart sank . The afternoon was fine and dim . [He]6716-he was driving [the motor - car]5108-the motor - car , and [she]168-hermione sat beside [him]6716-he . But still [her]168-hermione face was closed against [him]6716-he , unresponding . When [she]168-hermione became like this , like a wall against [him]6716-he , [his]6716-he heart contracted . [His]6716-he life now seemed so reduced , that [he]6716-he hardly cared any more . At moments it seemed to [him]6716-he [he]6716-he did not care a straw whether [Ursula]255-gerald or [Hermione]168-hermione or [anybody else]1074-anybody else existed or did not exist . Why bother ! Why strive for a coherent , satisfied life ? Why not drift on in a series of accidents — like a picaresque novel ? Why not ? Why bother about human relationships ? Why take [them]6719-them seriously - male or female ? Why form any serious connections at all ? Why not be casual , drifting along , taking all for what it was worth ? And yet , still , [he]6716-he was damned and doomed to the old effort at serious living . “[0-i] Look , ” [he]6716-he said , “[0-i] what [I]0-i bought . ” [The car]4987-the car was running along [a broad white road]6721-a broad white road , between autumn trees . [He]6716-he gave [her]168-hermione a little bit of screwed - up paper . [She]168-hermione took it and opened it . “[0-i] How lovely , ” [she]168-hermione cried . [She]168-hermione examined the gift . “[0-i] How perfectly lovely ! ” [she]168-hermione cried again . “[0-i] But why do [you]0-i give them [me]0-i ? ” [She]168-hermione put the question offensively . [His]6716-he face flickered with bored irritation . [He]6716-he shrugged [his]6716-he shoulders slightly . “[0-i] [I]0-i wanted to , ” [he]6716-he said , coolly . “[0-i] But why ? Why should [you]0-i ? ” “[0-i] Am [I]0-i called on to find reasons ? ” [he]6716-he asked . There was a silence , whilst [she]168-hermione examined the rings that had been screwed up in the paper . “[0-i] [I]0-i think they are beautiful , ” [she]168-hermione said , “[0-i] especially this . This is wonderful — ” It was a round opal , red and fiery , set in a circle of tiny rubies . “[0-i] [You]0-i like that best ? ” [he]6716-he said . “[0-i] [I]0-i think [I]0-i do . ” “[0-i] [I]0-i like the sapphire , ” [he]6716-he said . “[0-i] This ? ” It was a rose - shaped , beautiful sapphire , with small brilliants . “[0-i] Yes , ” [she]168-hermione said , “[0-i] it is lovely . ” [She]168-hermione held it in the light . “[0-i] Yes , perhaps it is the best — ” “[0-i] The blue — ” [he]6716-he said . “[0-i] Yes , wonderful — ” [He]6716-he suddenly swung [the car]4987-the car out of the way of [a farm - cart]6723-a farm - cart . [It]4987-the car tilted on the bank . [He]6716-he was [a careless driver]6724-a careless driver , yet very quick . But [Ursula]255-gerald was frightened . There was always that something regardless in [him]6716-he which terrified [her]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione suddenly felt [he]6716-he might kill [her]168-hermione , by making some dreadful accident with [the motor - car]5108-the motor - car . For a moment [she]168-hermione was stony with fear . “[0-i] Is n’t it rather dangerous , the way [you]0-i drive ? ” [she]168-hermione asked [him]6716-he . “[0-i] No , it is n’t dangerous , ” [he]6716-he said . And then , after a pause : “[0-i] Do n’t [you]0-i like the yellow ring at all ? ” It was a squarish topaz set in a frame of steel , or some other similar mineral , finely wrought . “[0-i] Yes , ” [she]168-hermione said , “[0-i] [I]0-i do like it . But why did [you]0-i buy these rings ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i wanted them . They are second - hand . ” “[0-i] [You]0-i bought them for [yourself]0-i ? ” “[0-i] No . Rings look wrong on [my]0-i hands . ” “[0-i] Why did [you]0-i buy them then ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i bought them to give to [you]0-i . ” “[0-i] But why ? Surely [you]0-i ought to give them to [Hermione]168-hermione ! [You]0-i belong to [her]168-hermione . ” [He]6716-he did not answer . [She]168-hermione remained with the jewels shut in [her]168-hermione hand . [She]168-hermione wanted to try them on [her]168-hermione fingers , but something in [her]168-hermione would not let [her]168-hermione . And moreover , [she]168-hermione was afraid [her]168-hermione hands were too large , [she]168-hermione shrank from the mortification of a failure to put them on any but [her]168-hermione little finger . [They]2893-we travelled in silence through [the empty lanes]6726-the empty lanes . Driving in [a motor - car]977-a motor - car excited [her]168-hermione , [she]168-hermione forgot [his]6716-he presence even . “[0-i] Where are [we]2893-we ? ” [she]168-hermione asked suddenly . “[0-i] Not far from [Worksop]96-worksop . ” “[0-i] And where are [we]2893-we going ? ” “[0-i] Anywhere . ” It was the answer [she]168-hermione liked . [She]168-hermione opened [her]168-hermione hand to look at the rings . They gave [her]168-hermione such pleasure , as they lay , the three circles , with their knotted jewels , entangled in [her]168-hermione palm . [She]168-hermione would have to try them on . [She]168-hermione did so secretly , unwilling to let [him]6716-he see , so that [he]6716-he should not know [her]168-hermione finger was too large for them . But [he]6716-he saw nevertheless . [He]6716-he always saw , if [she]168-hermione wanted [him]6716-he not to . It was another of [his]6716-he hateful , watchful characteristics . Only the opal , with its thin wire loop , would go on [her]168-hermione ring finger . And [she]168-hermione was superstitious . No , there was ill - portent enough , [she]168-hermione would not accept this ring from [him]6716-he in pledge . “[0-i] Look , ” [she]168-hermione said , putting forward [her]168-hermione hand , that was half - closed and shrinking . “[0-i] The others do n’t fit [me]0-i . ” [He]6716-he looked at the red - glinting , soft stone , on [her]168-hermione over - sensitive skin . “[0-i] Yes , ” [he]6716-he said . “[0-i] But opals are unlucky , are n’t [they]2894-they ? ” [she]168-hermione said wistfully . “[2894-they] No . [I]0-i prefer unlucky things . Luck is vulgar . Who wants what luck would bring ? [I]0-i do n’t . ” “[0-i] But why ? ” [she]168-hermione laughed . And , consumed with a desire to see how the other rings would look on [her]168-hermione hand , [she]168-hermione put them on [her]168-hermione little finger . “[0-i] They can be made a little bigger , ” [he]6716-he said . “[0-i] Yes , ” [she]168-hermione replied , doubtfully . And [she]168-hermione sighed . [She]168-hermione knew that , in accepting the rings , [she]168-hermione was accepting a pledge . Yet fate seemed more than [herself]168-hermione . [She]168-hermione looked again at the jewels . They were very beautiful to [her]168-hermione eyes — not as ornament , or wealth , but as tiny fragments of loveliness . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m glad [you]0-i bought them , ” [she]168-hermione said , putting [her]168-hermione hand , half unwillingly , gently on [his]6716-he arm . [He]6716-he smiled , slightly . [He]6716-he wanted [her]168-hermione to come to [him]6716-he . But [he]6716-he was angry at the bottom of [his]6716-he soul , and indifferent . [He]6716-he knew [she]168-hermione had a passion for [him]6716-he , really . But it was not finally interesting . There were depths of passion when one became impersonal and indifferent , unemotional . Whereas [Ursula]255-gerald was still at the emotional personal level — always so abominably personal . [He]6716-he had taken [her]168-hermione as [he]6716-he had never been taken [himself]6716-he . [He]6716-he had taken [her]168-hermione at the roots of [her]168-hermione darkness and shame — like a demon , laughing over the fountain of mystic corruption which was one of the sources of [her]168-hermione being , laughing , shrugging , accepting , accepting finally . As for [her]168-hermione , when would [she]168-hermione so much go beyond [herself]168-hermione as to accept [him]6716-he at the quick of death ? [She]168-hermione now became quite happy . [The motor - car]5108-the motor - car ran on , the afternoon was soft and dim . [She]168-hermione talked with lively interest , analysing [people]579-people and [their]579-people motives — [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]6716-he answered vaguely . [He]6716-he was not very much interested any more in personalities and in [people]579-people — [people]579-people were all different , but [they]579-people were all enclosed nowadays in a definite limitation , [he]6716-he said ; there were only about two great ideas , two great streams of activity remaining , with various forms of reaction therefrom . The reactions were all varied in [various people]6732-various people , but [they]579-people followed a few great laws , and intrinsically there was no difference . [They]579-people acted and reacted involuntarily according to a few great laws , and once the laws , the great principles , were known , [people]579-people were no longer mystically interesting . [They]579-people were all essentially alike , the differences were only variations on a theme . None of [them]579-people transcended the given terms . [Ursula]255-gerald did not agree — [people]579-people were still an adventure to [her]168-hermione — but — perhaps not as much as [she]168-hermione tried to persuade [herself]168-hermione . Perhaps there was something mechanical , now , in [her]168-hermione interest . Perhaps also [her]168-hermione interest was destructive , [her]168-hermione analysing was a real tearing to pieces . There was an under - space in [her]168-hermione where [she]168-hermione did not care for [people]579-people and [their]579-people idiosyncracies , even to destroy [them]579-people . [She]168-hermione seemed to touch for a moment this undersilence in [herself]168-hermione , [she]168-hermione became still , and [she]168-hermione turned for a moment purely to [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Wo n’t it be lovely to go [home]4649-home in the dark ? ” [she]168-hermione said . “[2896-we] [We]2896-we might have tea rather late — shall [we?—and]2897-we?—and have high tea ? Would n’t that be rather nice ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i promised to be at [Shortlands]7-shortlands for dinner , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] But — it does n’t matter — [you]0-i can go tomorrow — ” “[0-i] [Hermione]168-hermione is there , ” [he]0-i said , in rather an uneasy voice . “[168-hermione] [She]168-hermione is going away in two days . [I]0-i suppose [I]0-i ought to say good - bye to [her]168-hermione . [I]0-i shall never see [her]168-hermione again . ” [Ursula]255-gerald drew away , closed in a violent silence . [He]0-i knitted [his]0-i brows , and [his]0-i eyes began to sparkle again in anger . “[0-i] [You]0-i do n’t mind , do [you]0-i ? ” [he]0-i asked irritably . “[0-i] No , [I]0-i do n’t care . Why should [I]0-i ? Why should [I]0-i mind ? ” [Her]168-hermione tone was jeering and offensive . “[0-i] That ’s what [I]0-i ask [myself]0-i , ” [he]0-i said ; “[0-i] why should [you]0-i mind ! But [you]0-i seem to . ” [His]0-i brows were tense with violent irritation . “[0-i] [I]0-i assure [you]0-i [I]0-i do n’t , [I]0-i do n’t mind in the least . Go where [you]0-i belong — it ’s what [I]0-i want [you]0-i to do . ” “[0-i] Ah [[you]0-i fool]5322-you fool ! ” [he]0-i cried , “[0-i] with [your]0-i ‘ go where [you]0-i belong . ’ It ’s finished between [Hermione]168-hermione and [me]0-i . [She]168-hermione means much more to [you]0-i , if it comes to that , than [she]168-hermione does to [me]0-i . For [you]0-i can only revolt in pure reaction from [her]168-hermione — and to be [her]168-hermione opposite is to be [[her]168-hermione counterpart]2899-her counterpart . ” “[2899-her counterpart] Ah , opposite ! ” cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “[2899-her counterpart] [I]0-i know [[your]0-i dodges]2900-your dodges . [I]0-i am not taken in by [your]0-i word - twisting . [You]0-i belong to [Hermione]168-hermione and [her]168-hermione dead show . Well , if [you]0-i do , [you]0-i do . [I]0-i do n’t blame [you]0-i . But then [you]0-i ’ve nothing to do with [me]0-i . In [his]0-i inflamed , overwrought exasperation , [he]0-i stopped [the car]4987-the car , and [they]2902-they sat there , in the middle of [the country lane]2903-the country lane , to have it out . It was a crisis of war between [them]2902-they , so [they]2902-they did not see the ridiculousness of [their]2902-they situation . “ If [you]0-i were n’t [a fool]4749-a fool , if only [you]0-i were n’t [a fool]4749-a fool , ”[0-i] [he]0-i cried in bitter despair , “ [you]0-i ’d see that [one]4646-one could be decent , even when [one]4646-one has been wrong . [I]0-i was wrong to go on all those years with [Hermione]168-hermione — it was a deathly process . But after all , [one]4646-one can have a little human decency . But no , [you]0-i would tear [my]0-i soul out with [your]0-i jealousy at the very mention of [Hermione]168-hermione ’s name . ”[0-i] “ [I]0-i jealous ! [I]0-i — jealous ! [You]0-i are mistaken if [you]0-i think that . [I]0-i ’m not jealous in the least of [Hermione]168-hermione , [she]168-hermione is nothing to [me]0-i , not that ! ”[0-i] And [Ursula]255-gerald snapped [her]2904-i fingers . “ No , it ’s [you]0-i who are [a liar]6741-a liar . It ’s [you]0-i who must return , like a dog to [his]6742-his vomit . It is what [Hermione]168-hermione stands for that [I]255-gerald hate . [I]255-gerald hate it . It is lies , it is false , it is death . But [you]0-i want it , [you]0-i ca n’t help it , [you]0-i ca n’t help [yourself]0-i . [You]0-i belong to that old , deathly way of living — then go back to it . But do n’t come to [me]255-gerald , for [I]255-gerald ’ve nothing to do with it . ”[255-gerald] And in the stress of [her]2904-i violent emotion , [she]2904-i got down from [the car]4987-the car and went to the hedgerow , picking unconsciously some flesh - pink spindleberries , some of which were burst , showing their orange seeds . “ Ah , [you]2904-i are [a fool]4749-a fool , ”[2904-i] [he]2904-i cried , bitterly , with some contempt . “ Yes , [I]2904-i am . [I]2904-i am [a fool]4749-a fool . And thank [God]167-god for it . [I]2904-i ’m too big [a fool]4749-a fool to swallow [your]0-i cleverness . [God]167-god be praised . [You]0-i go to [[your]0-i women]6746-your women — go to [them]6746-your women — [they]6746-your women are [[your]0-i sort]6747-your sort — [you’ve]0-i always had a string of [them]6746-your women trailing after [you]0-i — and [you]0-i always will . Go to [[your]0-i spiritual brides]6748-your spiritual brides — but do n’t come to [me]2904-i as well , because [I]2904-i ’m not having any , thank [you]0-i . [You]0-i ’re not satisfied , are [you]0-i ? [[Your]0-i spiritual brides]6748-your spiritual brides ca n’t give [you]0-i what [you]0-i want , [they]6748-your spiritual brides are n’t common and fleshy enough for [you]0-i , are n’t [they]6748-your spiritual brides ? So [you]0-i come to [me]2904-i , and keep [them]6748-your spiritual brides in the background ! [You]0-i will marry [me]2904-i for daily use . But [you]0-i ’ll keep [yourself]0-i well provided with [spiritual brides]6750-spiritual brides in the background . [I]2904-i know [your]0-i dirty little game . ”[2904-i] Suddenly a flame ran over [her]2906-she , and [she]2906-she stamped [her]2906-she foot madly on [the road]502-the road , and [he]2908-he winced , afraid that [she]2906-she would strike [him]2908-he . “ And [I]2906-she , [I]2906-she ’m not spiritual enough , [I]2906-she ’m not as spiritual as that Hermione — ! ”[2906-she] [Her]2906-she brows knitted , [her]2906-she eyes blazed like a tiger ’s . “ Then go to [her]2906-she , that ’s all [I]2906-she say , go to [her]2906-she , go . Ha , [she]2906-she spiritual — spiritual , [she]2906-she ! [A dirty materialist]6751-a dirty materialist as [she]2906-she is . [She]2906-she spiritual ? What does [she]2906-she care for , what is [her]2906-she spirituality ? What is it ? ”[2906-she] [Her]2906-she fury seemed to blaze out and burn [his]2908-he face . [He]2908-he shrank a little . “ [I]2909-her tell [you]2906-she it ’s dirt , dirt , and nothing but dirt . And it ’s dirt [you]2906-she want , [you]2906-she crave for it . Spiritual ! Is that spiritual , [her]2906-she bullying , [her]2906-she conceit , [her]2906-she sordid materialism ? [She]2906-she ’s [a fishwife]6752-a fishwife , [a fishwife]6752-a fishwife , [she]2906-she is such [a materialist]6754-a materialist . And all so sordid . What does [she]2906-she work out to , in the end , with all [her]2906-she social passion , as [you]2906-she call it . Social passion — what social passion has she?—show it [me!—where]6755-me!—where is it ? [She]2906-she wants petty , immediate power , [she]2906-she wants the illusion that [she]2906-she is [a great woman]6756-a great woman , that is all . In [her]2906-she soul [she]2906-she ’s [a devilish unbeliever]6757-a devilish unbeliever , common as dirt . That ’s what [she]2906-she is at the bottom . And all the rest is pretence — but [you]2906-she love it . [You]2906-she love the sham spirituality , it ’s [your]2906-she food . And why ? Because of the dirt underneath . Do [you]2906-she think [I]2909-her do n’t know the foulness of [your]2906-she sex life — and her’s?—I do . And it ’s that foulness [you]2906-she want , [you]2906-she liar . Then have it , have it . [You]2906-she ’re such [a liar]6741-a liar . ”[2909-her] [She]2909-her turned away , spasmodically tearing the twigs of spindleberry from the hedge , and fastening them , with vibrating fingers , in the bosom of [her]2909-her coat . [He]2910-you stood watching in silence . A wonderful tenderness burned in [him]2910-you , at the sight of [her]2909-her quivering , so sensitive fingers : and at the same time [he]2910-you was full of rage and callousness . “ This is a degrading exhibition , ”[2910-you] [he]2910-you said coolly . “ Yes , degrading indeed , ”[2909-her] [she]2909-her said . “ But more to [me]2909-her than to [you]2910-you . ”[2909-her] “ Since [you]2909-her choose to degrade [yourself]2909-her , ”[2910-you] [he]2910-you said . Again the flash came over [her]2909-her face , the yellow lights concentrated in [her]2909-her eyes . “ [You]2910-you ! ”[2909-her] [she]2909-her cried . “ [You]2910-you ! [You]2910-you truth - lover ! [You]2910-you purity - monger ! It stinks , [your]2910-you truth and [your]2910-you purity . It stinks of the offal [you]2910-you feed on , [you]2910-you scavenger dog , [you]2910-you eater of corpses . [You]2910-you are foul , foul — and [you]2910-you must know it . [Your]2910-you purity , [your]2910-you candour , [your]2910-you goodness — yes , thank [you]2910-you , [we]6759-we ’ve had some . What [you]2910-you are is a foul , deathly thing , obscene , that ’s what [you]2910-you are , obscene and perverse . [You]2910-you , and love ! [You]2910-you may well say , [you]2910-you do n’t want love . No , [you]2910-you want [yourself]2910-you , and dirt , and death — that ’s what [you]2910-you want . [You]2910-you are so perverse , so death - eating . And then — ”[2909-her] “ There ’s [a bicycle]6760-a bicycle coming , ”[2911-he] [he]2911-he said , writhing under [her]2912-she loud denunciation . [She]2912-she glanced down [the road]502-the road . “ [I]2912-she do n’t care , ”[2912-she] [she]2912-she cried . Nevertheless [she]2912-she was silent . [The cyclist , having heard the voices raised in altercation]2914-the cyclist , having heard the voices raised in altercation , glanced curiously at [the man]4658-the man , and [the woman]873-the woman , and at [the standing motor - car]2917-the standing motor - car as [he]2911-he passed . “ — Afternoon , ”[2911-he] [he]2911-he said , cheerfully . “ Good - afternoon , ”[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]169-birkin coldly . [They]2918-they were silent as [the man]4658-the man passed into the distance . A clearer look had come over [Birkin]169-birkin ’s face . [He]2911-he knew [she]2912-she was in the main right . [He]2911-he knew [he]2911-he was perverse , so spiritual on the one hand , and in some strange way , degraded , on the other . But was [she]2912-she [herself]2912-she any better ? Was [anybody]744-anybody any better ? “ It may all be true , lies and stink and all , ”[2911-he] [he]2911-he said . “ But [Hermione]168-hermione ’s spiritual intimacy is no rottener than [your]6761-you emotional - jealous intimacy . [One]4646-one can preserve the decencies , even to [one ’s enemies]6763-one ’s enemies : for one ’s own sake . [Hermione]168-hermione is [[my]2911-he enemy]6764-my enemy — to [her]168-hermione last breath ! That ’s why [I]2911-he must bow [her]168-hermione off the field . ”[2911-he] “ [You]6761-you ! [You]6761-you and [[your]6761-you enemies]6765-your enemies and [your]6761-you bows ! A pretty picture [you]6761-you make of [yourself]6761-you . But it takes [nobody]912-nobody in but [yourself]6761-you . [I]2921-i jealous ! [I]2921-i ! What [I]2921-i say , ”[2921-i] [her]2921-i voice sprang into flame , “ [I]2921-i say because it is true , do [you]2922-he see , because [you]6761-you are [you]6761-you , [a foul and false liar]6767-a foul and false liar , [a whited sepulchre]6768-a whited sepulchre . That ’s why [I]2921-i say it . And [you]2922-he hear it . ”[2921-i] “ And be grateful , ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he added , with a satirical grimace . “ Yes , ”[2921-i] [she]2921-i cried , “ and if [you]2922-he have a spark of decency in [you]2922-he , be grateful . ”[2921-i] “ Not having a spark of decency , however — ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he retorted . “ No , ”[2921-i] [she]2921-i cried , “ [you]2922-he have n’t a spark . And so [you]2922-he can go [your]2922-he way , and [I]2921-i ’ll go [mine]2921-i . It ’s no good , not the slightest . So [you]2922-he can leave [me]2921-i now , [I]2921-i do n’t want to go any further with [you]2922-he — leave [me]2921-i — ”[2921-i] “ [You]2921-i do n’t even know where [you]2921-i are , ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he said . “ Oh , do n’t bother , [I]2922-he assure [you]2921-i [I]2922-he shall be all right . [I]2922-he ’ve got ten shillings in [my]2922-he purse , and that will take [me]2922-he back from anywhere [you]2922-he have brought [me]2922-he to . ”[2922-he] [She]2923-she hesitated . The rings were still on [her]2923-she fingers , two on [her]2923-she little finger , one on [her]2923-she ring finger . Still [she]2923-she hesitated . “ Very good , ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he said . “ The only hopeless thing is [a fool]4749-a fool . ”[2922-he] “ [You]2922-he are quite right , ”[2923-she] [she]2923-she said . Still [she]2923-she hesitated . Then an ugly , malevolent look came over [her]2923-she face , [she]2923-she pulled the rings from [her]2923-she fingers , and tossed them at [him]2922-he . One touched [his]2922-he face , the others hit [his]2922-he coat , and they scattered into the mud . “ And take [your]2922-he rings , ”[2923-she] [she]2923-she said , “ and go and buy [yourself]2922-he a female elsewhere — there are plenty to be had , who will be quite glad to share [your]2922-he spiritual mess,—or to have [your]2922-he physical mess , and leave [your]2922-he spiritual mess to [Hermione]168-hermione . ”[2923-she] With which [she]2923-she walked away , desultorily , up [the road]502-the road . [He]2922-he stood motionless , watching [her]2923-she sullen , rather ugly walk . [She]2923-she was sullenly picking and pulling at the twigs of the hedge as [she]2923-she passed . [She]2923-she grew smaller , [she]2923-she seemed to pass out of [his]2922-he sight . A darkness came over [his]2922-he mind . Only a small , mechanical speck of consciousness hovered near [him]2922-he . [He]2922-he felt tired and weak . Yet also [he]2922-he was relieved . [He]2922-he gave up [his]2922-he old position . [He]2922-he went and sat on [the bank]1564-the bank . No doubt [Ursula]255-gerald was right . It was true , really , what [she]2923-she said . [He]2922-he knew that [his]2922-he spirituality was concomitant of a process of depravity , a sort of pleasure in self - destruction . There really was a certain stimulant in self - destruction , for [him]2922-he — especially when it was translated spiritually . But then [he]2922-he knew it — [he]2922-he knew it , and had done . And was not [Ursula]255-gerald ’s way of emotional intimacy , emotional and physical , was it not just as dangerous as [Hermione]168-hermione ’s abstract spiritual intimacy ? Fusion , fusion , this horrible fusion of [two beings]2926-two beings , which [every woman]1465-every woman and [most men]2928-most men insisted on , was it not nauseous and horrible anyhow , whether it was a fusion of the spirit or of the emotional body ? [Hermione]168-hermione saw [herself]255-gerald as the perfect Idea , to which [all men]2482-all men must come : And [Ursula]255-gerald was the perfect Womb , the bath of birth , to which [all men]2482-all men must come ! And both were horrible . Why could [they]2482-all men not remain [individuals]6030-individuals , limited by [their]2482-all men own limits ? Why this dreadful all - comprehensiveness , this hateful tyranny ? Why not leave [the other being]2932-the other being , free , why try to absorb , or melt , or merge ? One might abandon [oneself]2933-oneself utterly to the moments , but not to [any other being]2934-any other being . [He]2922-he could not bear to see the rings lying in the pale mud of [the road]502-the road . [He]2922-he picked them up , and wiped them unconsciously on [his]2922-he hands . They were the little tokens of the reality of beauty , the reality of happiness in warm creation . But [he]2922-he had made [his]2922-he hands all dirty and gritty . There was a darkness over [his]2922-he mind . The terrible knot of consciousness that had persisted there like an obsession was broken , gone , [his]2922-he life was dissolved in darkness over [his]2922-he limbs and [his]2922-he body . But there was a point of anxiety in [his]2922-he heart now . [He]2922-he wanted [her]2936-she to come back . [He]2922-he breathed lightly and regularly like [an infant , that breathes innocently , beyond the touch of responsibility]2937-an infant , that breathes innocently , beyond the touch of responsibility . [She]2936-she was coming back . [He]2922-he saw [her]2936-she drifting desultorily under the high hedge , advancing towards [him]2922-he slowly . [He]2922-he did not move , [he]2922-he did not look again . [He]2922-he was as if asleep , at peace , slumbering and utterly relaxed . [She]2936-she came up and stood before [him]2922-he , hanging [her]2936-she head . “ See what a flower [I]2936-she found [you]2922-he , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said , wistfully holding a piece of purple - red bell - heather under [his]2922-he face . [He]2922-he saw the clump of coloured bells , and the tree - like , tiny branch : also [her]2936-she hands , with [their]2938-their over - fine , over - sensitive skin . “ Pretty ! ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he said , looking up at [her]2936-she with a smile , taking the flower . Everything had become simple again , quite simple , the complexity gone into nowhere . But [he]2922-he badly wanted to cry : except that [he]2922-he was weary and bored by emotion . Then a hot passion of tenderness for [her]2936-she filled [his]2922-he heart . [He]2922-he stood up and looked into [her]2936-she face . It was new and oh , so delicate in its luminous wonder and fear . [He]2922-he put [his]2922-he arms round [her]2936-she , and [she]2936-she hid [her]2936-she face on [his]2922-he shoulder . It was peace , just simple peace , as [he]2922-he stood folding [her]2936-she quietly there on [the open lane]2939-the open lane . It was peace at last . The old , detestable world of tension had passed away at last , [his]2922-he soul was strong and at ease . [She]2936-she looked up at [him]2922-he . The wonderful yellow light in [her]2936-she eyes now was soft and yielded , [they]2940-they were at peace with each other . [He]2922-he kissed [her]2936-she , softly , many , many times . A laugh came into [her]2936-she eyes . “ Did [I]2936-she abuse [you]2922-he ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she asked . [He]2922-he smiled too , and took [her]2936-she hand , that was so soft and given . “ Never mind , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said , “ it is all for the good . ”[2936-she] [He]2922-he kissed [her]2936-she again , softly , many times . “ Is n’t it ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said . “ Certainly , ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he replied . “ Wait ! [I]2936-she shall have [my]2936-she own back . ”[2936-she] [She]2936-she laughed suddenly , with a wild catch in [her]2936-she voice , and flung [her]2936-she arms around [him]2922-he . “ [You]2922-he are [mine]2936-she , [[my]2936-she love]2765-my love , are n’t [you]2922-he ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she cried straining [him]2922-he close . “ Yes , ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he said , softly . [His]2922-he voice was so soft and final , [she]2936-she went very still , as if under a fate which had taken [her]2936-she . Yes , [she]2936-she acquiesced — but it was accomplished without [her]2936-she acquiescence . [He]2922-he was kissing [her]2936-she quietly , repeatedly , with a soft , still happiness that almost made [her]2936-she heart stop beating . “ [My]2936-she love ! ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she cried , lifting [her]2936-she face and looking with frightened , gentle wonder of bliss . Was it all real ? But [his]2922-he eyes were beautiful and soft and immune from stress or excitement , beautiful and smiling lightly to [her]2936-she , smiling with [her]2936-she . [She]2936-she hid [her]2936-she face on [his]2922-he shoulder , hiding before [him]2922-he , because [he]2922-he could see [her]2936-she so completely . [She]2936-she knew [he]2922-he loved [her]2936-she , and [she]2936-she was afraid , [she]2936-she was in a strange element , a new heaven round about [her]2936-she . [She]2936-she wished [he]2922-he were passionate , because in passion [she]2936-she was at [home]4649-home . But this was so still and frail , as space is more frightening than force . Again , quickly , [she]2936-she lifted [her]2936-she head . “ Do [you]2922-he love [me]2936-she ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said , quickly , impulsively . “ Yes , ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he replied , not heeding [her]2936-she motion , only [her]2936-she stillness . [She]2936-she knew it was true . [She]2936-she broke away . “ So [you]2922-he ought , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said , turning round to look at [the road]502-the road . “ Did [you]2922-he find the rings ? ”[2936-she] “ Yes . ”[2936-she] “ Where are they ? ”[2936-she] “ In [my]2936-she pocket . ”[2936-she] [She]2936-she put [her]2936-she hand into [his]2922-he pocket and took them out . [She]2936-she was restless . “ Shall [we]2943-they go ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said . “ Yes , ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he answered . And [they]2943-they mounted to [the car]4987-the car once more , and left behind [them]2943-they this memorable battle - field . [They]2943-they drifted through the wild , late afternoon , in a beautiful motion that was smiling and transcendent . [His]2922-he mind was sweetly at ease , the life flowed through [him]2922-he as from some new fountain , [he]2922-he was as if born out of the cramp of a womb . “ Are [you]2922-he happy ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she asked [him]2922-he , in [her]2936-she strange , delighted way . “ Yes , ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he said . “ So am [I]2936-she , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she cried in sudden ecstacy , putting [her]2936-she arm round [him]2922-he and clutching [him]2922-he violently against [her]2936-she , as [he]2922-he steered [the motor - car]5108-the motor - car . “ Do n’t drive much more , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said . “ [I]2936-she do n’t want [you]2922-he to be always doing something . ”[2936-she] “ No , ”[2922-he] [he]2922-he said . “ [We]6771-we ’ll finish this little trip , and then [we]6771-we ’ll be free . ”[2922-he] “ [We]6771-we will , [[my]2936-she love]2765-my love , [we]6771-we will , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she cried in delight , kissing [him]2922-he as [he]2922-he turned to [her]2936-she . [He]2922-he drove on in a strange new wakefulness , the tension of [his]2922-he consciousness broken . [He]2922-he seemed to be conscious all over , all [his]2922-he body awake with a simple , glimmering awareness , as if [he]2922-he had just come awake , like a thing that is born , like a bird when it comes out of an egg , into a new universe . [They]2946-they dropped down [a long hill]2947-a long hill in the dusk , and suddenly [Ursula]255-gerald recognised on [her]2936-she right hand , below in [the hollow]2948-the hollow , the form of [Southwell Minster]97-southwell minster . “ Are [we]2946-they here ! ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she cried with pleasure . [The rigid , sombre , ugly cathedral]2949-the rigid , sombre , ugly cathedral was settling under the gloom of the coming night , as [they]2946-they entered [the narrow town]2950-the narrow town , the golden lights showed like slabs of revelation , in the shop - windows . “ [Father]185-father came here with [mother]4695-mother , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said , “ when [they]2946-they first knew [each other]451-each other . [He]185-father loves it — [he]185-father loves [the Minster]98-the minster . Do [you]2936-she ? ”[2936-she] “ Yes . It looks like quartz crystals sticking up out of [the dark hollow]6775-the dark hollow . [We]2946-they ’ll have [our]2946-they high tea at [the Saracen ’s Head]99-the saracen ’s head . ”[2936-she] As [they]2946-they descended , [they]2946-they heard the [Minster]98-the minster bells playing a hymn , when the hour had struck six . So , to [Ursula]255-gerald ’s ear , the tune fell out , drop by drop , from the unseen sky on to [the dusky town]2951-the dusky town . It was like dim , bygone centuries sounding . It was all so far off . [She]2936-she stood in [the old yard of [the inn]2953-the inn]2952-the old yard of the inn , smelling of straw and [stables]2954-stables and petrol . Above , [she]2936-she could see the first stars . What was it all ? This was no actual world , it was the dream - world of [one]4646-one ’s childhood — a great circumscribed reminiscence . [The world]541-the world had become unreal . [She]2936-she [herself]2936-she was a strange , transcendent reality . [They]2946-they sat together in [a little parlour by the fire]2957-a little parlour by the fire . “ Is it true ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said , wondering . “ What ? ”[2936-she] “ Everything — is everything true ? ”[2958-he] “ The best is true , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said , grimacing at [her]2936-she . “ Is it ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she replied , laughing , but unassured . [She]2936-she looked at [him]2958-he . [He]2958-he seemed still so separate . New eyes were opened in [her]2936-she soul . [She]2936-she saw a strange creature from [another world]4676-another world , in [him]2958-he . It was as if [she]2936-she were enchanted , and everything were metamorphosed . [She]2936-she recalled again the old magic of the Book of Genesis , where [the sons of [God]167-god]2960-the sons of god saw [the daughters of [men]848-men]2961-the daughters of men , that [they]2961-the daughters of men were fair . And [he]2958-he was one of these , [one of these strange creatures from the beyond]2963-one of these strange creatures from the beyond , looking down at [her]2936-she , and seeing [she]2936-she was fair . [He]2958-he stood on the hearth - rug looking at [her]2936-she , at [her]2936-she face that was upturned exactly like a flower , a fresh , luminous flower , glinting faintly golden with the dew of the first light . And [he]2958-he was smiling faintly as if there were no speech in [the world]541-the world , save the silent delight of flowers in each other . Smilingly [they]2965-they delighted in [each other]451-each other ’s presence , pure presence , not to be thought of , even known . But [his]2958-he eyes had a faintly ironical contraction . And [she]2936-she was drawn to [him]2958-he strangely , as in a spell . Kneeling on the hearth - rug before [him]2958-he , [she]2936-she put [her]2936-she arms round [his]2958-he loins , and put [her]2936-she face against [his]2958-he thigh . Riches ! Riches ! [She]2936-she was overwhelmed with a sense of a heavenful of riches . “ [We]6776-we love [each other]451-each other , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said in delight . “ More than that , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he answered , looking down at [her]2936-she with [his]2958-he glimmering , easy face . Unconsciously , with [her]2936-she sensitive fingertips , [she]2936-she was tracing the back of [his]2958-he thighs , following some mysterious life - flow there . [She]2936-she had discovered something , something more than wonderful , more wonderful than life itself . It was the strange mystery of [his]2958-he life - motion , there , at the back of the thighs , down the flanks . It was a strange reality of [his]2958-he being , the very stuff of being , there in the straight downflow of the thighs . It was here [she]2936-she discovered [him]2958-he [one of [the sons of [God]167-god such as were in the beginning of [the world]541-the world]2968-the sons of god such as were in the beginning of the world]2967-one of the sons of god such as were in the beginning of the world , not [a man]4648-a man , something other , something more . This was release at last . [She]2936-she had had [lovers]621-lovers , [she]2936-she had known passion . But this was neither love nor passion . It was [the daughters of [men]848-men coming back to [the sons of [God]167-god]2960-the sons of god , [the strange inhuman sons of [God who are in the beginning]2976-god who are in the beginning]2975-the strange inhuman sons of god who are in the beginning]2972-the daughters of men coming back to the sons of god , the strange inhuman sons of god who are in the beginning . [Her]2936-she face was now one dazzle of released , golden light , as [she]2936-she looked up at [him]2958-he , and laid [her]2936-she hands full on [his]2958-he thighs , behind , as [he]2958-he stood before [her]2936-she . [He]2958-he looked down at [her]2936-she with a rich bright brow like a diadem above [his]2958-he eyes . [She]2936-she was beautiful as a new marvellous flower opened at [his]2958-he knees , a paradisal flower [she]2936-she was , beyond womanhood , such a flower of luminousness . Yet something was tight and unfree in [him]2958-he . [He]2958-he did not like this crouching , this radiance — not altogether . It was all achieved , for [her]2936-she . [She]2936-she had found [one of [the sons of [God]167-god]2960-the sons of god from the Beginning]2977-one of the sons of god from the beginning , and [he]2958-he had found one of [the first most luminous daughters of men]2979-the first most luminous daughters of men . [She]2936-she traced with [her]2936-she hands the line of [his]2958-he loins and thighs , at the back , and a living fire ran through [her]2936-she , from [him]2958-he , darkly . It was a dark flood of electric passion [she]2936-she released from [him]2958-he , drew into [herself]2936-she . [She]2936-she had established a rich new circuit , a new current of passional electric energy , between [the two of [them]1536-the two of them]1536-the two of them , released from the darkest poles of the body and established in perfect circuit . It was a dark fire of electricity that rushed from [him]2958-he to [her]2936-she , and flooded [them]1536-the two of them both with rich peace , satisfaction . “ [My]2936-she love , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she cried , lifting [her]2936-she face to [him]2958-he , [her]2936-she eyes , [her]2936-she mouth open in transport . “ [My]2958-he love , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he answered , bending and kissing [her]2936-she , always kissing [her]2936-she . [She]2936-she closed [her]2936-she hands over the full , rounded body of [his]2958-he loins , as [he]2958-he stooped over [her]2936-she , [she]2936-she seemed to touch the quick of the mystery of darkness that was bodily [him]2958-he . [She]2936-she seemed to faint beneath , and [he]2958-he seemed to faint , stooping over [her]2936-she . It was a perfect passing away for both of [them]2981-them , and at the same time the most intolerable accession into being , the marvellous fullness of immediate gratification , overwhelming , out - flooding from the source of the deepest life - force , the darkest , deepest , strangest life - source of [the human body]2982-the human body , at the back and base of the loins . After a lapse of stillness , after the rivers of strange dark fluid richness had passed over [her]2936-she , flooding , carrying away [her]2936-she mind and flooding down [her]2936-she spine and down [her]2936-she knees , past [her]2936-she feet , a strange flood , sweeping away everything and leaving [her]2936-she an essential new being , [she]2936-she was left quite free , [she]2936-she was free in complete ease , [her]2936-she complete self . So [she]2936-she rose , stilly and blithe , smiling at [him]2958-he . [He]2958-he stood before [her]2936-she , glimmering , so awfully real , that [her]2936-she heart almost stopped beating . [He]2958-he stood there in [his]2958-he strange , whole body , that had its marvellous fountains , like the bodies of [the sons of [God who were in the beginning]2984-god who were in the beginning]2983-the sons of god who were in the beginning . There were strange fountains of [his]2958-he body , more mysterious and potent than any [she]2936-she had imagined or known , more satisfying , ah , finally , mystically - physically satisfying . [She]2936-she had thought there was no source deeper than [the phallic source]2985-the phallic source . And now , behold , from the smitten rock of [the man]4658-the man ’s body , from the strange marvellous flanks and thighs , deeper , further in mystery than the phallic source , came the floods of ineffable darkness and ineffable riches . [They]2987-they were glad , and [they]2987-they could forget perfectly . [They]2987-they laughed , and went to the meal provided . There was a venison pasty , of all things , a large broad - faced cut ham , eggs and cresses and red beet - root , and medlars and apple - tart , and tea . “ What good things ! ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she cried with pleasure . “ How noble it looks!—shall [I]2936-she pour out the tea ? — ”[2936-she] [She]2936-she was usually nervous and uncertain at performing these public duties , such as giving tea . But today [she]2936-she forgot , [she]2936-she was at [her]2936-she ease , entirely forgetting to have misgivings . The tea - pot poured beautifully from a proud slender spout . [Her]2936-she eyes were warm with smiles as [she]2936-she gave [him]2958-he [his]2958-he tea . [She]2936-she had learned at last to be still and perfect . “ Everything is [ours]6778-we , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said to [him]2958-he . “ Everything , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he answered . [She]2936-she gave a queer little crowing sound of triumph . “ [I]2936-she ’m so glad ! ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she cried , with unspeakable relief . “ So am [I]2958-he , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said . “ But [I]2958-he ’m thinking [we]6778-we ’d better get out of [our]6778-we responsibilities as quick as [we]6778-we can . ”[2958-he] “ What responsibilities ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she asked , wondering . “ [We]6778-we must drop [our]6778-we jobs , like a shot . ”[2936-she] A new understanding dawned into [her]2936-she face . “ Of course , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said , “ there ’s that . ”[2936-she] “ [We]6778-we must get out , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said . “ There ’s nothing for it but to get out , quick . ”[2958-he] [She]2936-she looked at [him]2958-he doubtfully across the table . “ But where ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said . “ [I]2958-he do n’t know , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said . “ [We]6778-we ’ll just wander about for a bit . ”[2958-he] Again [she]2936-she looked at [him]2958-he quizzically . “ [I]2936-she should be perfectly happy at [the Mill]5426-the mill , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said . “ [It]5426-the mill ’s very near the old thing , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said . “ Let [us]6778-we wander a bit . ”[2958-he] [His]2958-he voice could be so soft and happy - go - lucky , it went through [her]2936-she veins like an exhilaration . Nevertheless [she]2936-she dreamed of [a valley]2988-a valley , and [wild gardens]2989-wild gardens , and peace . [She]2936-she had a desire too for splendour — an aristocratic extravagant splendour . Wandering seemed to [her]2936-she like restlessness , dissatisfaction . “ Where will [you]2958-he wander to ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she asked . “ [I]2936-she do n’t know . [I]2936-she feel as if [I]2936-she would just meet [you]2958-he and [we]6778-we ’d set off — just towards the distance . ”[2936-she] “ But where can one go ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she asked anxiously . “ After all , there is only [the world]541-the world , and none of it is very distant . ”[2936-she] “ Still , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said , “ [I]2958-he should like to go with [you]2936-she — nowhere . It would be rather wandering just to nowhere . That ’s the place to get to — nowhere . [One]4646-one wants to wander away from [the world]541-the world ’s somewheres , into [[our]6778-we own nowhere]6783-our own nowhere . ”[2958-he] Still [she]2936-she meditated . “ [You]2958-he see , [[my]2936-she love]2765-my love , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said , “ [I]2936-she ’m so afraid that while [we]6778-we are only [people]579-people , [we]6778-we ’ve got to take the world that ’s given — because there is n’t any other . ”[2936-she] “ Yes there is , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said . “ There ’s somewhere where [we]6778-we can be free — somewhere where one need n’t wear much clothes — none even — where one meets [a few people who have gone through enough , and can take things for granted]6786-a few people who have gone through enough , and can take things for granted — where [you]6787-you be [yourself]6787-you , without bothering . There is somewhere — there are [one or two people]6788-one or two people — ”[2958-he] “ But where — ? ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she sighed . “ Somewhere — anywhere . Let ’s wander off . That ’s the thing to do — let ’s wander off . ”[2936-she] “ Yes — ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said , thrilled at the thought of travel . But to [her]2936-she it was only travel . “ To be free , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said . “ To be free , in a free place , with [a few other people]6789-a few other people ! ”[2958-he] “ Yes , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said wistfully . Those “ [few other people]6790-few other people ”[2936-she] depressed [her]2936-she . “ It is n’t really a locality , though , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said . “ It ’s a perfected relation between [you]2936-she and [me]2958-he , and [others]593-others — the perfect relation — so that [we]6792-we are free together . ”[2958-he] “ It is , [[my]2936-she love]2765-my love , is n’t it , ”[2936-she] [she]2936-she said . “ It ’s [you]2958-he and [me]2936-she . It ’s [you]2958-he and [me]2936-she , is n’t it ? ”[2936-she] [She]2936-she stretched out [her]2936-she arms to [him]2958-he . [He]2958-he went across and stooped to kiss [her]2936-she face . [Her]2936-she arms closed round [him]2958-he again , [her]2936-she hands spread upon [his]2958-he shoulders , moving slowly there , moving slowly on [his]2958-he back , down [his]2958-he back slowly , with a strange recurrent , rhythmic motion , yet moving slowly down , pressing mysteriously over [his]2958-he loins , over [his]2958-he flanks . The sense of the awfulness of riches that could never be impaired flooded [her]2936-she mind like a swoon , a death in most marvellous possession , mystic - sure . [She]2936-she possessed [him]2958-he so utterly and intolerably , that [she]2936-she [herself]2936-she lapsed out . And yet [she]2936-she was only sitting still in the chair , with [her]2936-she hands pressed upon [him]2958-he , and lost . Again [he]2958-he softly kissed [her]2936-she . “ [We]2990-they shall never go apart again , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he murmured quietly . And [she]2936-she did not speak , but only pressed [her]2936-she hands firmer down upon the source of darkness in [him]2958-he . [They]2990-they decided , when [they]2990-they woke again from the pure swoon , to write [their]2990-they resignations from the world of work there and then . [She]2936-she wanted this . [He]2958-he rang the bell , and ordered note - paper without a printed address . [The waiter]4920-the waiter cleared the table . “ Now then , ”[2958-he] [he]2958-he said , “ [yours]2936-she first . Put [your]2936-she home address , and the date — then ‘ Director of Education , [[Town]602-town Hall]6795-town hall — [Sir]5461-sir — ’ Now then!—I do n’t know how [one]4646-one really stands — [I]2958-he suppose [one]4646-one could get out of it in less than month — Anyhow ‘ Sir — [I]2958-he beg to resign [my]2958-he post as classmistress in [the Willey Green Grammar School]6799-the willey green grammar school . [I]2958-he should be very grateful if [you]5461-sir would liberate [me]2958-he as soon as possible , without waiting for the expiration of the month ’s notice . ’ That ’ll do . Have [you]5461-sir got it ? Let [me]2958-he look . ‘ [Ursula Brangwen]255-gerald . ’ Good ! Now [I]2958-he ’ll write [mine]2958-he . [I]2958-he ought to give [them]6800-them three months , but [I]2958-he can plead health . [I]2958-he can arrange it all right . ”[2958-he] [He]2992-he sat and wrote out [his]2992-he formal resignation . “ Now , ”[2992-he] [he]2992-he said , when the envelopes were sealed and addressed , “ shall [we]6801-we post [them]6800-them here , both together ? [I]2992-he know [Jackie]181-john will say , ‘ Here ’s a coincidence ! ’ when [he]2992-he receives [them]6800-them in all [their]6800-them identity . Shall [we]6801-we let [him]2992-he say it , or not ? ”[2992-he] “ [I]2993-she do n’t care , ”[2993-she] [she]2993-she said . “ No — ? ”[2992-he] [he]2992-he said , pondering . “ It does n’t matter , does it ? ”[2993-she] [she]2993-she said . “ Yes , ”[2992-he] [he]2992-he replied . “ [Their]6800-them imaginations shall not work on [us]6801-we . [I]2992-he ’ll post [yours]6802-yours here , [mine]2992-he after . [I]2992-he can not be implicated in [their]6800-them imaginings . ”[2992-he] [He]2992-he looked at [her]2993-she with [his]2992-he strange , non - human singleness . “ Yes , [you]2992-he are right , ”[2993-she] [she]2993-she said . [She]2993-she lifted [her]2993-she face to [him]2992-he , all shining and open . It was as if [he]2992-he might enter straight into the source of [her]2993-she radiance . [His]2992-he face became a little distracted . “ Shall [we]2994-we go ? ”[2992-he] [he]2992-he said . “ As [you]2992-he like , ”[2993-she] [she]2993-she replied . [They]2994-we were soon out of [the little town]2995-the little town , and running through [the uneven lanes of [the country]4896-the country]2996-the uneven lanes of the country . [Ursula]255-gerald nestled near [him]2992-he , into [his]2992-he constant warmth , and watched the pale - lit revelation racing ahead , the visible night . Sometimes it was [a wide old road]2998-a wide old road , with grass - spaces on either side , flying magic and elfin in the greenish illumination , sometimes it was trees looming overhead , sometimes it was bramble bushes , sometimes the walls of [a crew - yard]2999-a crew - yard and the butt of [a barn]3000-a barn . “ Are [you]2992-he going to [Shortlands]7-shortlands to dinner ? ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald asked [him]2992-he suddenly . [He]2992-he started . “ [Good God]167-god ! ”[2992-he] [he]2992-he said . “ [Shortlands]7-shortlands ! Never again . Not that . Besides [we]3003-we should be too late . ”[2992-he] “ Where are [we]3003-we going then — to [the Mill]5426-the mill ? ”[255-gerald] “ If [you]2992-he like . Pity to go anywhere on this good dark night . Pity to come out of it , really . Pity [we]3003-we ca n’t stop in the good darkness . It is better than anything ever would be — [this good immediate darkness]6804-this good immediate darkness . ”[3001-she] [She]3001-she sat wondering . [The car]4987-the car lurched and swayed . [She]3001-she knew there was no leaving [him]2992-he , the darkness held [them]3003-we both and contained [them]3003-we , it was not to be surpassed . Besides [she]3001-she had a full mystic knowledge of [his]2992-he suave loins of darkness , dark - clad and suave , and in this knowledge there was some of the inevitability and the beauty of fate , fate which [one]4646-one asks for , which [one]4646-one accepts in full . [He]2992-he sat still like [an Egyptian Pharoah]353-an egyptian pharoah , driving [the car]4987-the car . [He]2992-he felt as if [he]2992-he were seated in immemorial potency , like the great carven statues of [real Egypt]101-real egypt , as real and as fulfilled with subtle strength , as these are , with a vague inscrutable smile on the lips . [He]2992-he knew what it was to have the strange and magical current of force in [his]2992-he back and loins , and down [his]2992-he legs , force so perfect that it stayed [him]2992-he immobile , and left [his]2992-he face subtly , mindlessly smiling . [He]2992-he knew what it was to be awake and potent in that other basic mind , the deepest physical mind . And from this source [he]2992-he had a pure and magic control , magical , mystical , a force in darkness , like electricity . It was very difficult to speak , it was so perfect to sit in this pure living silence , subtle , full of unthinkable knowledge and unthinkable force , upheld immemorially in timeless force , like [the immobile , supremely potent Egyptians]3007-the immobile , supremely potent egyptians , seated forever in [their]3007-the immobile , supremely potent egyptians living , subtle silence . “ [We]6805-we need not go [home]4649-home , ”[2992-he] [he]2992-he said . “ [This car]6807-this car has seats that let down and make a bed , and [we]6805-we can lift the hood . ”[2992-he] [She]3008-she was glad and frightened . [She]3008-she cowered near to [him]2992-he . “ But what about [them]3009-they at [home]4649-home ? ”[3008-she] [she]3008-she said . “ Send a telegram . ”[3008-she] Nothing more was said . [They]3009-they ran on in silence . But with a sort of second consciousness [he]2992-he steered [the car]4987-the car towards a destination . For [he]2992-he had the free intelligence to direct [his]2992-he own ends . [His]2992-he arms and [his]2992-he breast and [his]2992-he head were rounded and living like those of [the Greek]3011-the greek , [he]2992-he had not the unawakened straight arms of [the Egyptian]3012-the egyptian , nor the sealed , slumbering head . A lambent intelligence played secondarily above [his]2992-he pure Egyptian concentration in darkness . [They]3009-they came to [a village]3013-a village that lined along [the road]502-the road . [The car]4987-the car crept slowly along , until [he]2992-he saw [the post - office]3016-the post - office . Then [he]2992-he pulled up . “ [I]2992-he will send a telegram to [[your]3017-she father]5347-your father , ”[2992-he] [he]2992-he said . “ [I]2992-he will merely say ‘ spending the night in [town]602-town , ’ shall [I]2992-he ? ”[2992-he] “ Yes , ”[3017-she] [she]3017-she answered . [She]3017-she did not want to be disturbed into taking thought . [She]3017-she watched [him]2992-he move into [the post - office]3016-the post - office . It was also [a shop]3019-a shop , [she]3017-she saw . Strange , [he]2992-he was . Even as [he]2992-he went into [the lighted , public place]3020-the lighted , public place [he]2992-he remained dark and magic , the living silence seemed the body of reality in [him]2992-he , subtle , potent , indiscoverable . There [he]2992-he was ! In a strange uplift of elation [she]3017-she saw [him]2992-he , the being never to be revealed , awful in its potency , mystic and real . This dark , subtle reality of [him]2992-he , never to be translated , liberated [her]3017-she into perfection , [her]3017-she own perfected being . [She]3017-she too was dark and fulfilled in silence . [He]2992-he came out , throwing some packages into [the car]4987-the car . “ There is some bread , and cheese , and raisins , and apples , and hard chocolate , ”[2992-he] [he]2992-he said , in [his]2992-he voice that was as if laughing , because of the unblemished stillness and force which was the reality in [him]2992-he . [She]3017-she would have to touch [him]2992-he . To speak , to see , was nothing . It was a travesty to look and to comprehend [the man there]3022-the man there . Darkness and silence must fall perfectly on [her]3017-she , then [she]3017-she could know mystically , in unrevealed touch . [She]3017-she must lightly , mindlessly connect with [him]2992-he , have the knowledge which is death of knowledge , the reality of surety in not - knowing . Soon [they]3023-they had run on again into the darkness . [She]3017-she did not ask where [they]3023-they were going , [she]3017-she did not care . [She]3017-she sat in a fullness and a pure potency that was like apathy , mindless and immobile . [She]3017-she was next to [him]2992-he , and hung in a pure rest , as a star is hung , balanced unthinkably . Still there remained a dark lambency of anticipation . [She]3017-she would touch [him]2992-he . With perfect fine finger - tips of reality [she]3017-she would touch the reality in [him]2992-he , the suave , pure , untranslatable reality of [his]2992-he loins of darkness . To touch , mindlessly in darkness to come in pure touching upon the living reality of [him]2992-he , [his]2992-he suave perfect loins and thighs of darkness , this was [her]3017-she sustaining anticipation . And [he]2992-he too waited in the magical steadfastness of suspense , for [her]3017-she to take this knowledge of [him]2992-he as [he]2992-he had taken it of [her]3017-she . [He]2992-he knew [her]3017-she darkly , with the fullness of dark knowledge . Now [she]3017-she would know [him]2992-he , and [he]2992-he too would be liberated . [He]2992-he would be night - free , like [an Egyptian , steadfast in perfectly suspended equilibrium , pure mystic nodality of physical being]3024-an egyptian , steadfast in perfectly suspended equilibrium , pure mystic nodality of physical being . [They]3025-they would give [each other]451-each other this star - equilibrium which alone is freedom . [She]3017-she saw that [they]3025-they were running among trees — great old trees with dying bracken undergrowth . The palish , gnarled trunks showed ghostly , and like [old priests in the hovering distance]3027-old priests in the hovering distance , the fern rose magical and mysterious . It was a night all darkness , with low cloud . [The motor - car]5108-the motor - car advanced slowly . “ Where are [we]3025-they ? ”[3017-she] [she]3017-she whispered . “ In [Sherwood Forest]102-sherwood forest . ”[3017-she] It was evident [he]2992-he knew [the place]5125-the place . [He]2992-he drove softly , watching . Then [they]3025-they came to [a green road between the trees]3030-a green road between the trees . [They]3025-they turned cautiously round , and were advancing between the oaks of [the forest]3031-the forest , down [a green lane]3032-a green lane . [The green lane]3033-the green lane widened into a little circle of grass , where there was a small trickle of water at the bottom of a sloping bank . [The car]4987-the car stopped . “ [We]3025-they will stay [here]4650-here , ”[2992-he] [he]2992-he said , “ and put out the lights . ”[2992-he] [He]2992-he extinguished the lamps at once , and it was pure night , with shadows of trees like realities of other , nightly being . [He]2992-he threw a rug on to the bracken , and [they]3025-they sat in stillness and mindless silence . There were faint sounds from the wood , but no disturbance , no possible disturbance , [the world]541-the world was under a strange ban , a new mystery had supervened . [They]3025-they threw off [their]3025-they clothes , and [he]2992-he gathered [her]3036-her to [him]2992-he , and found [her]3036-her , found the pure lambent reality of [her]3036-her forever invisible flesh . Quenched , inhuman , [his]2992-he fingers upon [her]3036-her unrevealed nudity were the fingers of silence upon silence , the body of mysterious night upon the body of mysterious night , the night masculine and feminine , never to be seen with the eye , or known with the mind , only known as a palpable revelation of living otherness . [She]3036-her had [her]3036-her desire of [him]2992-he , [she]3036-her touched , [she]3036-her received the maximum of unspeakable communication in touch , dark , subtle , positively silent , a magnificent gift and give again , a perfect acceptance and yielding , a mystery , the reality of that which can never be known , vital , sensual reality that can never be transmuted into mind content , but remains outside , living body of darkness and silence and subtlety , the mystic body of reality . [She]3036-her had [her]3036-her desire fulfilled . [He]2992-he had [his]2992-he desire fulfilled . For [she]3036-her was to [him]2992-he what [he]2992-he was to [her]3036-her , the immemorial magnificence of mystic , palpable , real otherness . [They]3037-they slept the chilly night through under the hood of [the car]4987-the car , a night of unbroken sleep . It was already high day when [he]2992-he awoke . [They]3037-they looked at [each other]451-each other and laughed , then looked away , filled with darkness and secrecy . Then [they]3037-they kissed and remembered the magnificence of the night . It was so magnificent , such an inheritance of [a universe of dark reality]3040-a universe of dark reality , that [they]3037-they were afraid to seem to remember . [They]3037-they hid away the remembrance and the knowledge . [Thomas Crich]164-thomas crich died slowly , terribly slowly . It seemed impossible to everybody that the thread of life could be drawn out so thin , and yet not break . [The sick man]2384-the sick man lay unutterably weak and spent , kept alive by morphia and by drinks , which [he]2384-the sick man sipped slowly . [He]2384-the sick man was only half conscious — a thin strand of consciousness linking the darkness of death with the light of day . Yet [his]2384-the sick man will was unbroken , [he]2384-the sick man was integral , complete . Only [he]2384-the sick man must have perfect stillness about [him]2384-the sick man . Any presence but that of [the nurses]3042-the nurses was a strain and an effort to [him]2384-the sick man now . Every morning [Gerald]255-gerald went into [the room]739-the room , hoping to find [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father passed away at last . Yet always [he]255-gerald saw the same transparent face , the same dread dark hair on the waxen forehead , and the awful , inchoate dark eyes , which seemed to be decomposing into formless darkness , having only a tiny grain of vision within them . And always , as the dark , inchoate eyes turned to [him]255-gerald , there passed through [Gerald]255-gerald ’s bowels a burning stroke of revolt , that seemed to resound through [his]255-gerald whole being , threatening to break [his]255-gerald mind with its clangour , and making [him]255-gerald mad . Every morning , [the son]6604-the son stood there , erect and taut with life , gleaming in [his]6604-the son blondness . The gleaming blondness of [his]6604-the son strange , imminent being put [the father]646-the father into a fever of fretful irritation . [He]6604-the son could not bear to meet the uncanny , downward look of [Gerald]255-gerald ’s blue eyes . But it was only for a moment . [Each on the brink of departure]3047-each on the brink of departure , [the father]646-the father and [son]3049-son looked at [each other]451-each other , then parted . For a long time [Gerald]255-gerald preserved a perfect sang - froid , [he]255-gerald remained quite collected . But at last , fear undermined [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was afraid of some horrible collapse in [himself]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald had to stay and see this thing through . Some perverse will made [him]255-gerald watch [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father drawn over the borders of life . And yet , now , every day , the great red - hot stroke of horrified fear through the bowels of [the son]6604-the son struck a further inflammation . [Gerald]255-gerald went about all day with a tendency to cringe , as if there were the point of a sword of [Damocles]354-damocles pricking the nape of [his]255-gerald neck . There was no escape — [he]255-gerald was bound up with [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father , [he]255-gerald had to see [him]5330-his father through . And [the father]646-the father ’s will never relaxed or yielded to death . It would have to snap when death at last snapped it,—if it did not persist after a physical death . In the same way , the will of [the son]6604-the son never yielded . [He]6604-the son stood firm and immune , [he]6604-the son was outside this death and this dying . It was a trial by ordeal . Could [he]6604-the son stand and see [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father slowly dissolve and disappear in death , without once yielding [his]5330-his father will , without once relenting before the omnipotence of death . Like [a Red Indian undergoing torture]3057-a red indian undergoing torture , [Gerald]255-gerald would experience the whole process of slow death without wincing or flinching . [He]255-gerald even triumphed in it . [He]255-gerald somehow wanted this death , even forced it . It was as if [he]255-gerald [himself]255-gerald were dealing the death , even when [he]255-gerald most recoiled in horror . Still , [he]255-gerald would deal it , [he]255-gerald would triumph through death . But in the stress of this ordeal , [Gerald]255-gerald too lost [his]255-gerald hold on the outer , daily life . That which was much to [him]255-gerald , came to mean nothing . Work , pleasure — it was all left behind . [He]255-gerald went on more or less mechanically with [his]255-gerald business , but this activity was all extraneous . The real activity was this ghastly wrestling for death in [his]255-gerald own soul . And [his]255-gerald own will should triumph . Come what might , [he]255-gerald would not bow down or submit or acknowledge [a master]3058-a master . [He]255-gerald had [no master in death]3059-no master in death . But as the fight went on , and all that [he]255-gerald had been and was continued to be destroyed , so that life was a hollow shell all round [him]255-gerald , roaring and clattering like the sound of [the sea]2243-the sea , a noise in which [he]255-gerald participated externally , and inside this hollow shell was all the darkness and fearful space of death , [he]255-gerald knew [he]255-gerald would have to find reinforcements , otherwise [he]255-gerald would collapse inwards upon [the great dark void which circled at the centre of [his]255-gerald soul]3061-the great dark void which circled at the centre of his soul . [His]255-gerald will held [his]255-gerald outer life , [his]255-gerald outer mind , [his]255-gerald outer being unbroken and unchanged . But the pressure was too great . [He]255-gerald would have to find something to make good the equilibrium . Something must come with [him]255-gerald into the hollow void of death in [his]255-gerald soul , fill it up , and so equalise the pressure within to the pressure without . For day by day [he]255-gerald felt more and more like a bubble filled with darkness , round which whirled the iridescence of [his]255-gerald consciousness , and upon which the pressure of [the outer world]5906-the outer world , the outer life , roared vastly . In this extremity [his]255-gerald instinct led [him]255-gerald to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [He]255-gerald threw away everything now — [he]255-gerald only wanted the relation established with [her]160-gudrun . [He]255-gerald would follow [her]160-gudrun to [the studio]2756-the studio , to be near [her]160-gudrun , to talk to [her]160-gudrun . [He]255-gerald would stand about [the room]739-the room , aimlessly picking up the implements , the lumps of clay , the little figures [she]160-gudrun had cast — they were whimsical and grotesque — looking at them without perceiving them . And [she]160-gudrun felt [him]255-gerald following [her]160-gudrun , dogging [her]160-gudrun heels like a doom . [She]160-gudrun held away from [him]255-gerald , and yet [she]160-gudrun knew [he]255-gerald drew always a little nearer , a little nearer . “ [I]255-gerald say , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said to [her]160-gudrun one evening , in an odd , unthinking , uncertain way , “ wo n’t [you]160-gudrun stay to dinner tonight ? [I]255-gerald wish [you]160-gudrun would . ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun started slightly . [He]255-gerald spoke to [her]160-gudrun like [a man]4648-a man making a request of [another man]4776-another man . “ [They]6812-they ’ll be expecting [me]160-gudrun at [home]4649-home , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ Oh , [they]6812-they wo n’t mind , will [they]6812-they ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [I]255-gerald should be awfully glad if [you]160-gudrun ’d stay . ”[255-gerald] [Her]160-gudrun long silence gave consent at last . “ [I]255-gerald ’ll tell [Thomas]164-thomas crich , shall [I]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [I]160-gudrun must go almost immediately after dinner , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . It was a dark , cold evening . There was no fire in [the drawing - room]5183-the drawing - room , [they]3068-they sat in [the library]2470-the library . [He]255-gerald was mostly silent , absent , and [Winifred]297-winifred talked little . But when [Gerald]255-gerald did rouse [himself]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald smiled and was pleasant and ordinary with [her]160-gudrun . Then there came over [him]255-gerald again the long blanks , of which [he]255-gerald was not aware . [She]160-gudrun was very much attracted by [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald looked so preoccupied , and [his]255-gerald strange , blank silences , which [she]160-gudrun could not read , moved [her]160-gudrun and made [her]160-gudrun wonder over [him]255-gerald , made [her]160-gudrun feel reverential towards [him]255-gerald . But [he]255-gerald was very kind . [He]255-gerald gave [her]160-gudrun the best things at the table , [he]255-gerald had a bottle of slightly sweet , delicious golden wine brought out for dinner , knowing [she]160-gudrun would prefer it to the burgundy . [She]160-gudrun felt [herself]160-gudrun esteemed , needed almost . As [they]3070-they took coffee in [the library]2470-the library , there was a soft , very soft knocking at the door . [He]255-gerald started , and called “ Come in . ”[255-gerald] The timbre of [his]255-gerald voice , like something vibrating at high pitch , unnerved [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [A nurse in white]3072-a nurse in white entered , half hovering in the doorway like a shadow . [She]3072-a nurse in white was very good - looking , but strangely enough , shy and self - mistrusting . “ [The doctor]5890-the doctor would like to speak to [you]255-gerald , [Mr Crich]171-mr crich , ”[3072-a nurse in white] [she]3072-a nurse in white said , in [her]3072-a nurse in white low , discreet voice . “ [The doctor]5890-the doctor ! ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , starting up . “ Where is [he]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] “ [He]255-gerald is in [the dining - room]774-the dining - room . ”[3072-a nurse in white] “ Tell [him]255-gerald [I]255-gerald ’m coming . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald drank up [his]255-gerald coffee , and followed [the nurse , who had dissolved like a shadow]3073-the nurse , who had dissolved like a shadow . “ [Which nurse]6817-which nurse was that ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [Miss Inglis]355-miss inglis — [I]297-winifred like [her]355-miss inglis best , ”[297-winifred] replied [Winifred]297-winifred . After a while [Gerald]255-gerald came back , looking absorbed by [his]255-gerald own thoughts , and having some of that tension and abstraction which is seen in [a slightly drunken man]3074-a slightly drunken man . [He]255-gerald did not say what [the doctor]5890-the doctor had wanted [him]255-gerald for , but stood before the fire , with [his]255-gerald hands behind [his]255-gerald back , and [his]255-gerald face open and as if rapt . Not that [he]255-gerald was really thinking — [he]255-gerald was only arrested in pure suspense inside [himself]255-gerald , and thoughts wafted through [his]255-gerald mind without order . “ [I]297-winifred must go now and see [Mama]356-mama , ”[297-winifred] said [Winifred]297-winifred , “ and see [Dadda]357-dadda before [he]255-gerald goes to sleep . ”[3076-she] [She]3076-she bade [them]3077-them both good - night . [Gudrun]160-gudrun also rose to take [her]3076-she leave . “ [You]160-gudrun need n’t go yet , need [you]160-gudrun ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , glancing quickly at the clock . “ It is early yet . [I]255-gerald ’ll walk down with [you]160-gudrun when [you]160-gudrun go . Sit down , do n’t hurry away . ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun sat down , as if , absent as [he]255-gerald was , [his]255-gerald will had power over [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun felt almost mesmerised . [He]255-gerald was strange to [her]160-gudrun , something unknown . What was [he]255-gerald thinking , what was [he]255-gerald feeling , as [he]255-gerald stood there so rapt , saying nothing ? [He]255-gerald kept [her]160-gudrun — [she]160-gudrun could feel that . [He]255-gerald would not let [her]160-gudrun go . [She]160-gudrun watched [him]255-gerald in humble submissiveness . “ Had [the doctor]5890-the doctor anything new to tell [you]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked , softly , at length , with that gentle , timid sympathy which touched a keen fibre in [his]255-gerald heart . [He]255-gerald lifted [his]255-gerald eyebrows with a negligent , indifferent expression . “ No — nothing new , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied , as if the question were quite casual , trivial . “ [He]5890-the doctor says the pulse is very weak indeed , very intermittent — but that does n’t necessarily mean much , [you]255-gerald know . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald looked down at [her]160-gudrun . [Her]160-gudrun eyes were dark and soft and unfolded , with a stricken look that roused [him]255-gerald . “ No , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun murmured at length . “ [I]160-gudrun do n’t understand anything about these things . ”[160-gudrun] “ Just as well not , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [I]255-gerald say , wo n’t [you]160-gudrun have a cigarette?—do ! ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald quickly fetched the box , and held [her]160-gudrun a light . Then [he]255-gerald stood before [her]160-gudrun on the hearth again . “ No , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ [we]6819-we ’ve never had much illness in [the house]468-the house , either — not till [father]4673-father . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald seemed to meditate a while . Then looking down at [her]160-gudrun , with strangely communicative blue eyes , that filled [her]160-gudrun with dread , [he]255-gerald continued : “ It ’s something [you]160-gudrun do n’t reckon with , [you]160-gudrun know , till it is there . And then [you]160-gudrun realise that it was there all the time — it was always there — [you]160-gudrun understand what [I]255-gerald mean?—the possibility of this incurable illness , this slow death . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald moved [his]255-gerald feet uneasily on the marble hearth , and put [his]255-gerald cigarette to [his]255-gerald mouth , looking up at the ceiling . “ [I]255-gerald know , ”[255-gerald] murmured [Gudrun]160-gudrun : “ it is dreadful . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald smoked without knowing . Then [he]255-gerald took the cigarette from [his]255-gerald lips , bared [his]255-gerald teeth , and putting the tip of [his]255-gerald tongue between [his]255-gerald teeth spat off a grain of tobacco , turning slightly aside , like [a man who is alone , or who is lost in thought]3078-a man who is alone , or who is lost in thought . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t know what the effect actually is , on one , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , and again [he]255-gerald looked down at [her]160-gudrun . [Her]160-gudrun eyes were dark and stricken with knowledge , looking into [his]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald saw [her]160-gudrun submerged , and [he]255-gerald turned aside [his]255-gerald face . “ But [I]255-gerald absolutely am not the same . There ’s nothing left , if [you]160-gudrun understand what [I]255-gerald mean . [You]160-gudrun seem to be clutching at the void — and at the same time [you]160-gudrun are void [yourself]160-gudrun . And so [you]160-gudrun do n’t know what to do . ”[255-gerald] “ No , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun murmured . A heavy thrill ran down [her]160-gudrun nerves , heavy , almost pleasure , almost pain . “ What can be done ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun added . [He]255-gerald turned , and flipped the ash from [his]255-gerald cigarette on to the great marble hearth - stones , that lay bare in [the room]739-the room , without fender or bar . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t know , [I]255-gerald ’m sure , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ But [I]255-gerald do think [you]160-gudrun ’ve got to find some way of resolving the situation — not because [you]160-gudrun want to , but because [you]160-gudrun ’ve got to , otherwise [you]160-gudrun ’re done . The whole of everything , and [yourself]160-gudrun included , is just on the point of caving in , and [you]160-gudrun are just holding it up with [your]160-gudrun hands . Well , it ’s a situation that obviously ca n’t continue . [You]160-gudrun ca n’t stand holding the roof up with [your]160-gudrun hands , for ever . [You]160-gudrun know that sooner or later [you]160-gudrun ’ll have to let go . Do [you]160-gudrun understand what [I]255-gerald mean ? And so something ’s got to be done , or there ’s a universal collapse — as far as [you]160-gudrun [yourself]160-gudrun are concerned . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald shifted slightly on the hearth , crunching a cinder under [his]255-gerald heel . [He]255-gerald looked down at it . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was aware of the beautiful old marble panels of the fireplace , swelling softly carved , round [him]255-gerald and above [him]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun felt as if [she]160-gudrun were caught at last by fate , imprisoned in some horrible and fatal trap . “ But what can be done ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun murmured humbly . “ [You]255-gerald must use [me]160-gudrun if [I]160-gudrun can be of any help at all — but how can [I]160-gudrun ? [I]160-gudrun do n’t see how [I]160-gudrun can help [you]255-gerald . ”[160-gudrun] [He]255-gerald looked down at [her]160-gudrun critically . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t want [you]160-gudrun to help , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , slightly irritated , “ because there ’s nothing to be done . [I]255-gerald only want sympathy , do [you]160-gudrun see : [I]255-gerald want [somebody]4745-somebody [I]255-gerald can talk to sympathetically . That eases the strain . And there is [nobody to talk to sympathetically]6823-nobody to talk to sympathetically . That ’s the curious thing . There is [nobody]912-nobody . There ’s [Rupert Birkin]169-birkin . But then [he]6825-he is n’t sympathetic , [he]6825-he wants to dictate . And that is no use whatsoever . ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun was caught in a strange snare . [She]160-gudrun looked down at [her]160-gudrun hands . Then there was the sound of the door softly opening . [Gerald]255-gerald started . [He]255-gerald was chagrined . It was [his]255-gerald starting that really startled [Gudrun]160-gudrun . Then [he]255-gerald went forward , with quick , graceful , intentional courtesy . “ Oh , [mother]4695-mother ! ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ How nice of [you]4695-mother to come down . How are [you]4695-mother ? ”[255-gerald] [The elderly woman]3080-the elderly woman , loosely and bulkily wrapped in a purple gown , came forward silently , slightly hulked , as usual . [[Her]3080-the elderly woman son]568-her son was at [her]3080-the elderly woman side . [He]255-gerald pushed [her]3080-the elderly woman up a chair , saying “ [You]4695-mother know [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen , do n’t [you]4695-mother ? ”[255-gerald] [The mother]565-the mother glanced at [Gudrun]160-gudrun indifferently . “ Yes , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said . Then [she]565-the mother turned [her]565-the mother wonderful , forget - [me]0-i - not blue eyes up to [[her]565-the mother son]568-her son , as [she]565-the mother slowly sat down in the chair [he]255-gerald had brought [her]565-the mother . “ [I]565-the mother came to ask [you]568-her son about [[your]568-her son father]5347-your father , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said , in [her]565-the mother rapid , scarcely - audible voice . “ [I]565-the mother did n’t know [you]568-her son had [company]6828-company . ”[565-the mother] “ No ? Did n’t [Winifred]297-winifred tell [you]568-her son ? [Miss Brangwen]338-miss brangwen stayed to dinner , to make [us]6829-us a little more lively — ”[165-mrs crich] [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich turned slowly round to [Gudrun]160-gudrun , and looked at [her]565-the mother , but with unseeing eyes . “ [I]565-the mother ’m afraid it would be no treat to [her]160-gudrun . ”[565-the mother] Then [she]565-the mother turned again to [[her]565-the mother son]568-her son . “ [Winifred]297-winifred tells [me]565-the mother [the doctor]5890-the doctor had something to say about [[your]568-her son father]5347-your father . What is it ? ”[565-the mother] “ Only that the pulse is very weak — misses altogether a good many times — so that [he]5347-your father might not last the night out , ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald replied . [Mrs Crich]165-mrs crich sat perfectly impassive , as if [she]565-the mother had not heard . [Her]565-the mother bulk seemed hunched in the chair , [her]565-the mother fair hair hung slack over [her]565-the mother ears . But [her]565-the mother skin was clear and fine , [her]565-the mother hands , as [she]565-the mother sat with them forgotten and folded , were quite beautiful , full of potential energy . A great mass of energy seemed decaying up in that silent , hulking form . [She]565-the mother looked up at [[her]565-the mother son]568-her son , as [he]568-her son stood , keen and soldierly , near to [her]565-the mother . [Her]565-the mother eyes were most wonderfully blue , bluer than forget - me - nots . [She]565-the mother seemed to have a certain confidence in [Gerald]255-gerald , and to feel a certain motherly mistrust of [him]568-her son . “ How are [you]568-her son ? ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother muttered , in [her]565-the mother strangely quiet voice , as if [nobody]912-nobody should hear but [him]568-her son . “ [You]568-her son ’re not getting into a state , are [you]568-her son ? [You]568-her son ’re not letting it make [you]568-her son hysterical ? ”[565-the mother] The curious challenge in the last words startled [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]568-her son do n’t think so , [mother]4695-mother , ”[568-her son] [he]568-her son answered , rather coldly cheery . “ [Somebody]4745-somebody ’s got to see it through , [you]4695-mother know . ”[568-her son] “ Have [they]4745-somebody ? Have [they]4745-somebody ? ”[4685-his mother] answered [[his]568-her son mother]4685-his mother rapidly . “ Why should [you]568-her son take it on [yourself]568-her son ? What have [you]568-her son got to do , seeing it through . It will see itself through . [You]568-her son are not needed . ”[4685-his mother] “ No , [I]568-her son do n’t suppose [I]568-her son can do any good , ”[568-her son] [he]568-her son answered . “ It ’s just how it affects [us]6834-us , [you]4695-mother see . ”[568-her son] “ [You]255-gerald like to be affected — don’t [you]255-gerald ? It ’s quite nuts for [you]255-gerald ? [You]255-gerald would have to be important . [You]255-gerald have no need to stop at [home]4649-home . Why do n’t [you]255-gerald go away ! ”[4685-his mother] These sentences , evidently the ripened grain of many dark hours , took [Gerald]255-gerald by surprise . “ [I]568-her son do n’t think it ’s any good going away now , [mother]4695-mother , at the last minute , ”[568-her son] [he]568-her son said , coldly . “ [You]568-her son take care , ”[4685-his mother] replied [[his]568-her son mother]4685-his mother . “ [You]568-her son mind [yourself]568-her son — that ’s [your]568-her son business . [You]568-her son take too much on [yourself]568-her son . [You]568-her son mind [yourself]568-her son , or [you]568-her son ’ll find [yourself]568-her son in [Queer Street]103-queer street , that ’s what will happen to [you]568-her son . [You]568-her son ’re hysterical , always were . ”[4685-his mother] “ [I]568-her son ’m all right , [mother]4695-mother , ”[568-her son] [he]568-her son said . “ There ’s no need to worry about [me]568-her son , [I]568-her son assure [you]4695-mother . ”[568-her son] “ Let [the dead]6838-the dead bury [their]6838-the dead dead — don’t go and bury [yourself]568-her son along with [them]6838-the dead — that ’s what [I]568-her son tell [you]4695-mother . [I]568-her son know [you]4695-mother well enough . ”[568-her son] [He]568-her son did not answer this , not knowing what to say . [The mother]565-the mother sat bunched up in silence , [her]565-the mother beautiful white hands , that had no rings whatsoever , clasping the pommels of [her]565-the mother arm - chair . “ [You]568-her son ca n’t do it , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said , almost bitterly . “ [You]568-her son have n’t the nerve . [You]568-her son ’re as weak as a cat , really — always were . Is [this young woman]6839-this young woman staying [here]4650-here ? ”[565-the mother] “ No , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [She]6839-this young woman is going [home]4649-home tonight . ”[255-gerald] “ Then [she]6839-this young woman ’d better have [the dog - cart]6842-the dog - cart . Does [she]6839-this young woman go far ? ”[565-the mother] “ Only to [Beldover]1-beldover . ”[565-the mother] “ Ah ! ”[3080-the elderly woman] [The elderly woman]3080-the elderly woman never looked at [Gudrun]160-gudrun , yet [she]3080-the elderly woman seemed to take knowledge of [her]160-gudrun presence . “ [You]568-her son are inclined to take too much on [yourself]568-her son , [Gerald]255-gerald , ”[565-the mother] said [the mother]565-the mother , pulling [herself]565-the mother to [her]565-the mother feet , with a little difficulty . “ Will [you]565-the mother go , [mother]4695-mother ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked , politely . “ Yes , [I]565-the mother ’ll go up again , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother replied . Turning to [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [she]565-the mother bade [her]565-the mother “ Good - night . ”[565-the mother] Then [she]565-the mother went slowly to the door , as if [she]565-the mother were unaccustomed to walking . At the door [she]565-the mother lifted [her]565-the mother face to [him]255-gerald , implicitly . [He]255-gerald kissed [her]565-the mother . “ Do n’t come any further with [me]565-the mother , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said , in [her]565-the mother barely audible voice . “ [I]565-the mother do n’t want [you]255-gerald any further . ”[565-the mother] [He]255-gerald bade [her]565-the mother good - night , watched [her]565-the mother across to the stairs and mount slowly . Then [he]255-gerald closed the door and came back to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Gudrun]160-gudrun rose also , to go . “ [A queer being]6844-a queer being , [[my]255-gerald mother]2883-my mother , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Yes , ”[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [She]2883-my mother has [her]2883-my mother own thoughts . ”[160-gudrun] “ Yes , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . Then [they]3092-they were silent . “ [You]160-gudrun want to go ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ Half a minute , [I]255-gerald ’ll just have a horse put in — ”[255-gerald] “ No , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]160-gudrun want to walk . ”[160-gudrun] [He]255-gerald had promised to walk with [her]565-the mother down [the long , lonely mile of drive]3093-the long , lonely mile of drive , and [she]565-the mother wanted this . “ [You]565-the mother might just as well drive , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [I]565-the mother ’d much rather walk , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother asserted , with emphasis . “ [You]255-gerald would ! Then [I]565-the mother will come along with [you]255-gerald . [You]255-gerald know where [your]255-gerald things are ? [I]565-the mother ’ll put boots on . ”[565-the mother] [He]255-gerald put on a cap , and an overcoat over [his]255-gerald evening dress . [They]3094-they went out into the night . “ Let [us]3094-they light a cigarette , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , stopping in a sheltered angle of [the porch]3095-the porch . “ [You]565-the mother have one too . ”[255-gerald] So , with the scent of tobacco on the night air , [they]3094-they set off down [the dark drive]3096-the dark drive that ran between close - cut hedges through [sloping meadows]3097-sloping meadows . [He]255-gerald wanted to put [his]255-gerald arm round [her]565-the mother . If [he]255-gerald could put [his]255-gerald arm round [her]565-the mother , and draw [her]565-the mother against [him]255-gerald as [they]3094-they walked , [he]255-gerald would equilibriate [himself]255-gerald . For now [he]255-gerald felt like a pair of scales , the half of which tips down and down into an indefinite void . [He]255-gerald must recover some sort of balance . And here was the hope and the perfect recovery . Blind to [her]565-the mother , thinking only of [himself]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald slipped [his]255-gerald arm softly round [her]565-the mother waist , and drew [her]565-the mother to [him]255-gerald . [Her]565-the mother heart fainted , feeling [herself]565-the mother taken . But then , [his]255-gerald arm was so strong , [she]565-the mother quailed under its powerful close grasp . [She]565-the mother died a little death , and was drawn against [him]255-gerald as [they]3094-they walked down the stormy darkness . [He]255-gerald seemed to balance [her]565-the mother perfectly in opposition to [himself]255-gerald , in [their]3094-they dual motion of walking . So , suddenly , [he]255-gerald was liberated and perfect , strong , heroic . [He]255-gerald put [his]255-gerald hand to [his]255-gerald mouth and threw [his]255-gerald cigarette away , a gleaming point , into the unseen hedge . Then [he]255-gerald was quite free to balance [her]565-the mother . “ That ’s better , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , with exultancy . The exultation in [his]255-gerald voice was like a sweetish , poisonous drug to [her]565-the mother . Did [she]565-the mother then mean so much to [him]255-gerald ! [She]565-the mother sipped the poison . “ Are [you]255-gerald happier ? ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother asked , wistfully . “ Much better , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , in the same exultant voice , “ and [I]255-gerald was rather far gone . ”[255-gerald] [She]565-the mother nestled against [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald felt [her]565-the mother all soft and warm , [she]565-the mother was the rich , lovely substance of [his]255-gerald being . The warmth and motion of [her]565-the mother walk suffused through [him]255-gerald wonderfully . “ [I]565-the mother ’m so glad if [I]565-the mother help [you]255-gerald , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said . “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald answered . “ There ’s [nobody else]6846-nobody else could do it , if [you]565-the mother would n’t . ”[565-the mother] “ That is true , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said to [herself]565-the mother , with a thrill of strange , fatal elation . As [they]3098-they walked , [he]255-gerald seemed to lift [her]565-the mother nearer and nearer to [himself]255-gerald , till [she]565-the mother moved upon the firm vehicle of [his]255-gerald body . [He]255-gerald was so strong , so sustaining , and [he]255-gerald could not be opposed . [She]565-the mother drifted along in a wonderful interfusion of physical motion , down [the dark , blowy hillside]3099-the dark , blowy hillside . Far across shone the little yellow lights of [Beldover]1-beldover , many of them , spread in [a thick patch on [another dark hill]3101-another dark hill]3100-a thick patch on another dark hill . But [he]255-gerald and [she]565-the mother were walking in perfect , isolated darkness , outside [the world]541-the world . “ But how much do [you]255-gerald care for [me]565-the mother ! ”[565-the mother] came [her]565-the mother voice , almost querulous . “ [You]255-gerald see , [I]565-the mother do n’t know , [I]565-the mother do n’t understand ! ”[565-the mother] “ How much ! ”[255-gerald] [His]255-gerald voice rang with a painful elation . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t know either — but everything . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald was startled by [his]255-gerald own declaration . It was true . So [he]255-gerald stripped [himself]255-gerald of every safeguard , in making this admission to [her]565-the mother . [He]255-gerald cared everything for [her]565-the mother — [she]565-the mother was everything . “ But [I]565-the mother ca n’t believe it , ”[565-the mother] said [her]565-the mother low voice , amazed , trembling . [She]565-the mother was trembling with doubt and exultance . This was the thing [she]565-the mother wanted to hear , only this . Yet now [she]565-the mother heard it , heard the strange clapping vibration of truth in [his]255-gerald voice as [he]255-gerald said it , [she]565-the mother could not believe . [She]565-the mother could not believe — [she]565-the mother did not believe . Yet [she]565-the mother believed , triumphantly , with fatal exultance . “ Why not ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Why do n’t [you]565-the mother believe it ? It ’s true . It is true , as [we]6847-we stand at this moment — ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald stood still with [her]565-the mother in the wind ; “ [I]255-gerald care for nothing on [earth]571-earth , or in [heaven]619-heaven , outside [this spot where [we]6847-we are]6850-this spot where we are . And it is n’t [my]255-gerald own presence [I]255-gerald care about , it is all [yours]565-the mother . [I]255-gerald ’d sell [my]255-gerald soul a hundred times — but [I]255-gerald could n’t bear not to have [you]565-the mother here . [I]255-gerald could n’t bear to be alone . [My]255-gerald brain would burst . It is true . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald drew [her]565-the mother closer to [him]255-gerald , with definite movement . “ No , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother murmured , afraid . Yet this was what [she]565-the mother wanted . Why did [she]565-the mother so lose courage ? [They]3103-they resumed [their]3103-they strange walk . [They]3103-they were [such strangers]3104-such strangers — and yet [they]3103-they were so frightfully , unthinkably near . It was like a madness . Yet it was what [she]565-the mother wanted , it was what [she]565-the mother wanted . [They]3103-they had descended [the hill]497-the hill , and now [they]3103-they were coming to [the square arch where [the road]502-the road passed under [the colliery railway]6007-the colliery railway]3106-the square arch where the road passed under the colliery railway . [The arch]3109-the arch , [Gudrun]160-gudrun knew , had walls of squared stone , mossy on one side with water that trickled down , dry on the other side . [She]160-gudrun had stood under [it]3109-the arch to hear the train rumble thundering over the logs overhead . And [she]160-gudrun knew that under [this dark and lonely bridge]3110-this dark and lonely bridge [the young colliers]3111-the young colliers stood in the darkness with [[their]3111-the young colliers sweethearts]3112-their sweethearts , in rainy weather . And so [she]160-gudrun wanted to stand under [the bridge]3113-the bridge with [[her]160-gudrun sweetheart]3114-her sweetheart , and be kissed under [the bridge]3113-the bridge in the invisible darkness . [Her]160-gudrun steps dragged as [she]160-gudrun drew near . So , under [the bridge]3113-the bridge , [they]3111-the young colliers came to a standstill , and [he]3117-his lifted [her]160-gudrun upon [his]3117-his breast . [His]3117-his body vibrated taut and powerful as [he]3117-his closed upon [her]160-gudrun and crushed [her]160-gudrun , breathless and dazed and destroyed , crushed [her]160-gudrun upon [his]3117-his breast . Ah , it was terrible , and perfect . Under [this bridge]3118-this bridge , [the colliers]4675-the colliers pressed [[their]4675-the colliers lovers]3120-their lovers to [their]4675-the colliers breast . And now , under [the bridge]3113-the bridge , [the master of [them]4675-the colliers all]3122-the master of them all pressed [her]160-gudrun to [himself]3122-the master of them all ! And how much more powerful and terrible was [his]3117-his embrace than [theirs]3123-theirs , how much more concentrated and supreme [his]3117-his love was , than [theirs]3123-theirs in the same sort ! [She]160-gudrun felt [she]160-gudrun would swoon , die , under the vibrating , inhuman tension of [his]3117-his arms and [his]3117-his body — [she]160-gudrun would pass away . Then the unthinkable high vibration slackened and became more undulating . [He]3117-his slackened and drew [her]160-gudrun with [him]3117-his to stand with [his]3117-his back to the wall . [She]160-gudrun was almost unconscious . So [[the colliers]4675-the colliers ’ lovers]3125-the colliers ’ lovers would stand with [their]3125-the colliers ’ lovers backs to the walls , holding [[their]3125-the colliers ’ lovers sweethearts]3112-their sweethearts and kissing [them]3112-their sweethearts as [she]160-gudrun was being kissed . Ah , but would [their]3125-the colliers ’ lovers kisses be fine and powerful as the kisses of [the firm - mouthed master]3127-the firm - mouthed master ? Even [the keen , short - cut moustache]3128-the keen , short - cut moustache — [the colliers]4675-the colliers would not have that . And [[the colliers]4675-the colliers ’ sweethearts]3131-the colliers ’ sweethearts would , like [herself]160-gudrun , hang [their]3131-the colliers ’ sweethearts heads back limp over [their]3131-the colliers ’ sweethearts shoulder , and look out from [the dark archway]3132-the dark archway , at the close patch of yellow lights on [the unseen hill in the distance]3133-the unseen hill in the distance , or at the vague form of trees , and at [the buildings of [the colliery wood - yard]3135-the colliery wood - yard]3134-the buildings of the colliery wood - yard , in the other direction . [His]3127-the firm - mouthed master arms were fast around [her]160-gudrun , [he]3127-the firm - mouthed master seemed to be gathering [her]160-gudrun into [himself]3127-the firm - mouthed master , [her]160-gudrun warmth , [her]160-gudrun softness , [her]160-gudrun adorable weight , drinking in the suffusion of [her]160-gudrun physical being , avidly . [He]3127-the firm - mouthed master lifted [her]160-gudrun , and seemed to pour [her]160-gudrun into [himself]3127-the firm - mouthed master , like wine into a cup . “ This is worth everything , ”[3127-the firm - mouthed master] [he]3127-the firm - mouthed master said , in a strange , penetrating voice . So [she]160-gudrun relaxed , and seemed to melt , to flow into [him]3127-the firm - mouthed master , as if [she]160-gudrun were some infinitely warm and precious suffusion filling into [his]3127-the firm - mouthed master veins , like an intoxicant . [Her]160-gudrun arms were round [his]3127-the firm - mouthed master neck , [he]3127-the firm - mouthed master kissed [her]160-gudrun and held [her]160-gudrun perfectly suspended , [she]160-gudrun was all slack and flowing into [him]3127-the firm - mouthed master , and [he]3127-the firm - mouthed master was the firm , strong cup that receives the wine of [her]160-gudrun life . So [she]160-gudrun lay cast upon [him]3127-the firm - mouthed master , stranded , lifted up against [him]3127-the firm - mouthed master , melting and melting under [his]3127-the firm - mouthed master kisses , melting into [his]3127-the firm - mouthed master limbs and bones , as if [he]3127-the firm - mouthed master were soft iron becoming surcharged with [her]160-gudrun electric life . Till [she]160-gudrun seemed to swoon , gradually [her]160-gudrun mind went , and [she]160-gudrun passed away , everything in [her]160-gudrun was melted down and fluid , and [she]160-gudrun lay still , become contained by [him]3127-the firm - mouthed master , sleeping in [him]3127-the firm - mouthed master as lightning sleeps in a pure , soft stone . So [she]160-gudrun was passed away and gone in [him]3127-the firm - mouthed master , and [he]3127-the firm - mouthed master was perfected . When [she]160-gudrun opened [her]160-gudrun eyes again , and saw the patch of lights in the distance , it seemed to [her]160-gudrun strange that [the world]541-the world still existed , that [she]160-gudrun was standing under the bridge resting [her]160-gudrun head on [Gerald]255-gerald ’s breast . [Gerald]255-gerald — who was [he]255-gerald ? [He]255-gerald was the exquisite adventure , the desirable unknown to [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun looked up , and in the darkness saw [his]255-gerald face above [her]160-gudrun , [his]255-gerald shapely , male face . There seemed a faint , white light emitted from [him]255-gerald , a white aura , as if [he]255-gerald were visitor from the unseen . [She]160-gudrun reached up , like [Eve]269-eve reaching to the apples on the tree of knowledge , and [she]160-gudrun kissed [him]255-gerald , though [her]160-gudrun passion was a transcendent fear of the thing [he]255-gerald was , touching [his]255-gerald face with [her]160-gudrun infinitely delicate , encroaching wondering fingers . [Her]160-gudrun fingers went over the mould of [his]255-gerald face , over [his]255-gerald features . How perfect and foreign [he]255-gerald was — ah how dangerous ! [Her]160-gudrun soul thrilled with complete knowledge . This was the glistening , forbidden apple , this face of [a man]4648-a man . [She]160-gudrun kissed [him]255-gerald , putting [her]160-gudrun fingers over [his]255-gerald face , [his]255-gerald eyes , [his]255-gerald nostrils , over [his]255-gerald brows and [his]255-gerald ears , to [his]255-gerald neck , to know [him]255-gerald , to gather [him]255-gerald in by touch . [He]255-gerald was so firm , and shapely , with such satisfying , inconceivable shapeliness , strange , yet unutterably clear . [He]255-gerald was such an unutterable enemy , yet glistening with uncanny white fire . [She]160-gudrun wanted to touch [him]255-gerald and touch [him]255-gerald and touch [him]255-gerald , till [she]160-gudrun had [him]255-gerald all in [her]160-gudrun hands , till [she]160-gudrun had strained [him]255-gerald into [her]160-gudrun knowledge . Ah , if [she]160-gudrun could have the precious knowledge of [him]255-gerald , [she]160-gudrun would be filled , and nothing could deprive [her]160-gudrun of this . For [he]255-gerald was so unsure , so risky in the common world of day . “ [You]255-gerald are so beautiful , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun murmured in [her]160-gudrun throat . [He]255-gerald wondered , and was suspended . But [she]160-gudrun felt [him]255-gerald quiver , and [she]160-gudrun came down involuntarily nearer upon [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald could not help [himself]255-gerald . [Her]160-gudrun fingers had [him]255-gerald under [their]3138-their power . The fathomless , fathomless desire they could evoke in [him]255-gerald was deeper than death , where [he]255-gerald had no choice . But [she]160-gudrun knew now , and it was enough . For the time , [her]160-gudrun soul was destroyed with the exquisite shock of [his]255-gerald invisible fluid lightning . [She]160-gudrun knew . And this knowledge was a death from which [she]160-gudrun must recover . How much more of [him]255-gerald was there to know ? Ah much , much , many days harvesting for [her]160-gudrun large , yet perfectly subtle and intelligent hands upon the field of [his]255-gerald living , radio - active body . Ah , [her]160-gudrun hands were eager , greedy for knowledge . But for the present it was enough , enough , as much as [her]160-gudrun soul could bear . Too much , and [she]160-gudrun would shatter [herself]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun would fill the fine vial of [her]160-gudrun soul too quickly , and it would break . Enough now — enough for the time being . There were all the after days when [her]160-gudrun hands , like birds , could feed upon the fields of [him]255-gerald mystical plastic form — till then enough . And even [he]255-gerald was glad to be checked , rebuked , held back . For to desire is better than to possess , the finality of the end was dreaded as deeply as it was desired . [They]3139-they walked on towards [the town]4907-the town , towards where the lamps threaded singly , at long intervals down [the dark high - road of [the valley]5286-the valley]3141-the dark high - road of the valley . [They]3139-they came at length to the gate of [the drive]5874-the drive . “ Do n’t come any further , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [You]160-gudrun ’d rather [I]255-gerald did n’t ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked , relieved . [He]255-gerald did not want to go up [the public streets]3144-the public streets with [her]160-gudrun , [his]255-gerald soul all naked and alight as it was . “ Much rather — good - night . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun held out [her]160-gudrun hand . [He]255-gerald grasped it , then touched the perilous , potent fingers with [his]255-gerald lips . “ Good - night , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Tomorrow . ”[255-gerald] And [they]3139-they parted . [He]255-gerald went [home]4649-home full of the strength and the power of living desire . But the next day , [she]160-gudrun did not come , [she]160-gudrun sent a note that [she]160-gudrun was kept [indoors]1712-indoors by a cold . Here was a torment ! But [he]255-gerald possessed [his]255-gerald soul in some sort of patience , writing a brief answer , telling [her]160-gudrun how sorry [he]255-gerald was not to see [her]160-gudrun . The day after this , [he]255-gerald stayed at [home]4649-home — it seemed so futile to go down to [the office]6213-the office . [[His]255-gerald father]5330-his father could not live the week out . And [he]255-gerald wanted to be at [home]4649-home , suspended . [Gerald]255-gerald sat on a chair by the window in [[[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father ’s room]3152-his father ’s room . [The landscape outside]3153-the landscape outside was black and winter - sodden . [[His]255-gerald father]5330-his father lay grey and ashen on the bed , [a nurse]3155-a nurse moved silently in [her]3155-a nurse white dress , neat and elegant , even beautiful . There was a scent of eau - de - Cologne in [the room]739-the room . [The nurse]6559-the nurse went out of [the room]739-the room , [Gerald]255-gerald was alone with death , facing the winter - black landscape . “ Is there much more water in [Denley]104-denley ? ”[3159-the faint voice] came [the faint voice]3159-the faint voice , determined and querulous , from the bed . [The dying man]6562-the dying man was asking about a leakage from [Willey Water]8-willey water into [one of [the pits]6076-the pits]3161-one of the pits . “ Some more — [we]6851-we shall have to run off [the lake]4830-the lake , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Will [you]6562-the dying man ? ”[255-gerald] The faint voice filtered to extinction . There was dead stillness . [The grey - faced , sick man]3163-the grey - faced , sick man lay with eyes closed , more dead than death . [Gerald]255-gerald looked away . [He]255-gerald felt [his]255-gerald heart was seared , it would perish if this went on much longer . Suddenly [he]255-gerald heard a strange noise . Turning round , [he]255-gerald saw [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father ’s eyes wide open , strained and rolling in a frenzy of inhuman struggling . [Gerald]255-gerald started to [his]255-gerald feet , and stood transfixed in horror . “ Wha - a - ah - h - h — ”[5330-his father] came a horrible choking rattle from [[his]255-gerald father]5330-his father ’s throat , the fearful , frenzied eye , rolling awfully in its wild fruitless search for help , passed blindly over [Gerald]255-gerald , then up came the dark blood and mess pumping over the face of [the agonised being]3166-the agonised being . The tense body relaxed , the head fell aside , down the pillow . [Gerald]255-gerald stood transfixed , [his]255-gerald soul echoing in horror . [He]255-gerald would move , but [he]255-gerald could not . [He]255-gerald could not move [his]255-gerald limbs . [His]255-gerald brain seemed to re - echo , like a pulse . [The nurse in white softly]3167-the nurse in white softly entered . [She]3167-the nurse in white softly glanced at [Gerald]255-gerald , then at the bed . “ Ah ! ”[3167-the nurse in white softly] came [her]3167-the nurse in white softly soft whimpering cry , and [she]3167-the nurse in white softly hurried forward to [the dead man]3168-the dead man . “ Ah - h ! ”[3167-the nurse in white softly] came the slight sound of [her]3167-the nurse in white softly agitated distress , as [she]3167-the nurse in white softly stood bending over the bedside . Then [she]3167-the nurse in white softly recovered , turned , and came for towel and sponge . [She]3167-the nurse in white softly was wiping [the dead face]3169-the dead face carefully , and murmuring , almost whimpering , very softly : “ [Poor Mr Crich!—Poor Mr Crich]358-mr crich ! Poor [Mr Crich]358-mr crich ! ”[3167-the nurse in white softly] “ Is [he]3168-the dead man dead ? ”[255-gerald] clanged [Gerald]255-gerald ’s sharp voice . “ Oh yes , [he]3168-the dead man ’s gone , ”[3167-the nurse in white softly] replied the soft , moaning voice of [the nurse]6559-the nurse , as [she]3167-the nurse in white softly looked up at [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face . [She]3167-the nurse in white softly was young and beautiful and quivering . A strange sort of grin went over [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face , over the horror . And [he]255-gerald walked out of [the room]739-the room . [He]255-gerald was going to tell [[his]255-gerald mother]4685-his mother . On [the landing]3173-the landing [he]255-gerald met [[his]255-gerald brother]760-his brother [Basil]359-basil . “ [He]255-gerald ’s gone , [Basil]359-basil , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , scarcely able to subdue [his]255-gerald voice , not to let an unconscious , frightening exultation sound through . “ What ? ”[359-basil] cried [Basil]359-basil , going pale . [Gerald]255-gerald nodded . Then [he]255-gerald went on to [[[his]255-gerald mother]4685-his mother ’s room]3176-his mother ’s room . [She]4685-his mother was sitting in [her]4685-his mother purple gown , sewing , very slowly sewing , putting in a stitch then another stitch . [She]4685-his mother looked up at [Gerald]255-gerald with [her]4685-his mother blue undaunted eyes . “ [Father]185-father ’s gone , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [He]185-father ’s dead ? Who says so ? ”[255-gerald] “ Oh , [you]4685-his mother know , [mother]4695-mother , if [you]4685-his mother see [him]185-father . ”[4685-his mother] [She]4685-his mother put [her]4685-his mother sewing down , and slowly rose . “ Are [you]4685-his mother going to see [him]185-father ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ Yes , ”[4685-his mother] [she]4685-his mother said By the bedside [the children]4705-the children already stood in a weeping group . “ Oh , [mother]4695-mother ! ”[3178-the daughters] cried [the daughters]3178-the daughters , almost in hysterics , weeping loudly . But [the mother]565-the mother went forward . [The dead man]3168-the dead man lay in repose , as if gently asleep , so gently , so peacefully , like [a young man sleeping in purity]3181-a young man sleeping in purity . [He]3168-the dead man was still warm . [She]565-the mother stood looking at [him]3168-the dead man in gloomy , heavy silence , for some time . “ Ay , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said bitterly , at length , speaking as if to [the unseen witnesses of the air]3182-the unseen witnesses of the air . “ [You]3168-the dead man ’re dead . ”[565-the mother] [She]565-the mother stood for some minutes in silence , looking down . “ [Beautiful]360-beautiful , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother asserted , “ beautiful as if life had never touched [you]3168-the dead man — never touched [you]3168-the dead man . [God]167-god send [I]565-the mother look different . [I]565-the mother hope [I]565-the mother shall look [my]565-the mother years , when [I]565-the mother am dead . Beautiful , beautiful , ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother crooned over [him]3168-the dead man . “ [You]3168-the dead man can see [him]3168-the dead man in [his]3168-the dead man teens , with [his]3168-the dead man first beard on [his]3168-the dead man face . [A beautiful soul]6855-a beautiful soul , beautiful — ”[565-the mother] Then there was a tearing in [her]565-the mother voice as [she]565-the mother cried : “ None of [you]3168-the dead man look like this , when [you]3168-the dead man are dead ! Do n’t let it happen again . ”[565-the mother] It was a strange , wild command from out of the unknown . [[Her]565-the mother children]2445-her children moved unconsciously together , in [a nearer group]3184-a nearer group , at the dreadful command in [her]565-the mother voice . The colour was flushed bright in [her]565-the mother cheek , [she]565-the mother looked awful and wonderful . “ Blame [me]565-the mother , blame [me]565-the mother if [you]3168-the dead man like , that [he]3168-the dead man lies there like [a lad in [his]3168-the dead man teens]6856-a lad in his teens , with [his]3168-the dead man first beard on [his]3168-the dead man face . Blame [me]565-the mother if [you]3168-the dead man like . But [you]3168-the dead man none of [you]3168-the dead man know . ”[565-the mother] [She]565-the mother was silent in intense silence . Then there came , in a low , tense voice : “ If [I]565-the mother thought that [the children [I]565-the mother bore]6857-the children i bore would lie looking like that in death , [I]565-the mother ’d strangle [them]6857-the children i bore when [they]6857-the children i bore were [infants]6858-infants , yes — ”[565-the mother] “ No , [mother]4695-mother , ”[255-gerald] came the strange , clarion voice of [Gerald]255-gerald from the background , “ [we]6860-we are different , [we]6860-we do n’t blame [you]4695-mother . ”[255-gerald] [She]565-the mother turned and looked full in [his]255-gerald eyes . Then [she]565-the mother lifted [her]565-the mother hands in a strange half - gesture of mad despair . “ Pray ! ”[565-the mother] [she]565-the mother said strongly . “ Pray for [yourselves]1823-her daughters to [God]167-god , for there ’s no help for [you]1823-her daughters from [[your]1823-her daughters parents]6861-your parents . ”[565-the mother] “ Oh [mother]4695-mother ! ”[1823-her daughters] cried [[her]565-the mother daughters]1823-her daughters wildly . But [she]565-the mother had turned and gone , and [they]1823-her daughters all went quickly away from [each other]451-each other . When [Gudrun]160-gudrun heard that [Mr Crich]358-mr crich was dead , [she]160-gudrun felt rebuked . [She]160-gudrun had stayed away lest [Gerald]255-gerald should think [her]160-gudrun too easy of winning . And now , [he]255-gerald was in the midst of trouble , whilst [she]160-gudrun was cold . The following day [she]160-gudrun went up as usual to [Winifred]297-winifred , who was glad to see [her]160-gudrun , glad to get away into [the studio]2756-the studio . [The girl]540-the girl had wept , and then , too frightened , had turned aside to avoid any more tragic eventuality . [She]160-gudrun and [Gudrun]160-gudrun resumed work as usual , in the isolation of [the studio]2756-the studio , and this seemed an immeasurable happiness , [a pure world of freedom]3190-a pure world of freedom , after the aimlessness and misery of [the house]468-the house . [Gudrun]160-gudrun stayed on till evening . [She]160-gudrun and [Winifred]297-winifred had dinner brought up to [the studio]2756-the studio , where [they]3193-they ate in freedom , away from [all the people in [the house]468-the house]3194-all the people in the house . After dinner [Gerald]255-gerald came up . [The great high studio]3196-the great high studio was full of shadow and a fragrance of coffee . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Winifred]297-winifred had a little table near the fire at the far end , with a white lamp whose light did not travel far . [They]3193-they were a tiny world to [themselves]3193-they , [the two girls]473-the two girls surrounded by lovely shadows , the beams and rafters shadowy over - head , the benches and implements shadowy down [the studio]2756-the studio . “ [You]473-the two girls are cosy enough here , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , going up to [them]473-the two girls . There was a low brick fireplace , full of fire , an old blue Turkish rug , the little oak table with the lamp and the white - and - blue cloth and the dessert , and [Gudrun]160-gudrun making coffee in [an odd brass coffee - maker]3199-an odd brass coffee - maker , and [Winifred]297-winifred scalding a little milk in a tiny saucepan . “ Have [you]473-the two girls had coffee ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]255-gerald have , but [I]255-gerald ’ll have some more with [you]473-the two girls , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ Then [you]473-the two girls must have it in a glass — there are only two cups , ”[297-winifred] said [Winifred]297-winifred . “ It is the same to [me]255-gerald , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , taking a chair and coming into [the charmed circle of [the girls]4851-the girls]3200-the charmed circle of the girls . How happy [they]4851-the girls were , how cosy and glamorous it was with [them]4851-the girls , in a world of lofty shadows ! [The outside world]3202-the outside world , in which [he]255-gerald had been transacting funeral business all the day was completely wiped out . In an instant [he]255-gerald snuffed glamour and magic . [They]4851-the girls had all [their]4851-the girls things very dainty , two odd and lovely little cups , scarlet and solid gilt , and a little black jug with scarlet discs , and the curious coffee - machine , whose spirit - flame flowed steadily , almost invisibly . There was the effect of rather sinister richness , in which [Gerald]255-gerald at once escaped [himself]255-gerald . [They]4851-the girls all sat down , and [Gudrun]160-gudrun carefully poured out the coffee . “ Will [you]255-gerald have milk ? ”[3203-she] [she]3203-she asked calmly , yet nervously poising the little black jug with its big red dots . [She]3203-she was always so completely controlled , yet so bitterly nervous . “ No , [I]255-gerald wo n’t , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . So , with a curious humility , [she]3203-she placed [him]255-gerald the little cup of coffee , and [herself]3203-she took the awkward tumbler . [She]3203-she seemed to want to serve [him]255-gerald . “ Why do n’t [you]3203-she give [me]255-gerald the glass — it is so clumsy for [you]3203-she , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . [He]255-gerald would much rather have had it , and seen [her]3203-she daintily served . But [she]3203-she was silent , pleased with the disparity , with [her]3203-she self - abasement . “ [You]3203-she are quite en ménage , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Yes . [We]6863-we are n’t really at [home]4649-home to [visitors]6865-visitors , ”[297-winifred] said [Winifred]297-winifred . “ [You]255-gerald ’re not ? Then [I]297-winifred ’m [an intruder]6704-an intruder ? ”[297-winifred] For once [he]255-gerald felt [his]255-gerald conventional dress was out of place , [he]255-gerald was [an outsider]4935-an outsider . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was very quiet . [She]3203-she did not feel drawn to talk to [him]255-gerald . At this stage , silence was best — or mere light words . It was best to leave serious things aside . So [they]3205-they talked gaily and lightly , till [they]3205-they heard [the man below]3206-the man below lead out the horse , and call it to “ back - back ! ”[3206-the man below] into the dog - cart that was to take [Gudrun]160-gudrun [home]4649-home . So [she]3203-she put on [her]3203-she things , and shook hands with [Gerald]255-gerald , without once meeting [his]255-gerald eyes . And [she]3203-she was gone . The funeral was detestable . Afterwards , at the tea - table , [the daughters]3178-the daughters kept saying—“He was [a good father]6867-a good father to [us]3205-they — [the best father in the]6868-the best father in the world”—or[3178-the daughters] else—“We sha n’t easily find [another man as good as father]6869-another man as good as father was . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald acquiesced in all this . It was the right conventional attitude , and , as far as [the world]541-the world went , [he]255-gerald believed in the conventions . [He]255-gerald took it as a matter of course . But [Winifred]297-winifred hated everything , and hid in [the studio]2756-the studio , and cried [her]3203-she heart out , and wished [Gudrun]160-gudrun would come . Luckily [everybody]780-everybody was going away . [The Criches]174-the criches never stayed long at [home]4649-home . By dinner - time , [Gerald]255-gerald was left quite alone . Even [Winifred]297-winifred was carried off to [London]2-london , for a few days with [[her]3203-she sister]449-her sister [Laura]180-laura . But when [Gerald]255-gerald was really left alone , [he]255-gerald could not bear it . One day passed by , and another . And all the time [he]255-gerald was like [a man hung in chains over the edge of an abyss]3214-a man hung in chains over the edge of an abyss . Struggle as [he]255-gerald might , [he]255-gerald could not turn [himself]255-gerald to the solid earth , [he]255-gerald could not get footing . [He]255-gerald was suspended on [the edge of a void]3215-the edge of a void , writhing . Whatever [he]255-gerald thought of , was [the abyss]3216-the abyss — whether it were [friends]5028-friends or [strangers]4698-strangers , or work or play , it all showed [him]255-gerald only [the same bottomless void]3219-the same bottomless void , in which [his]255-gerald heart swung perishing . There was no escape , there was nothing to grasp hold of . [He]255-gerald must writhe on the edge of the chasm , suspended in chains of invisible physical life . At first [he]255-gerald was quiet , [he]255-gerald kept still , expecting the extremity to pass away , expecting to find [himself]255-gerald released into the world of the living , after this extremity of penance . But it did not pass , and a crisis gained upon [him]255-gerald . As the evening of the third day came on , [his]255-gerald heart rang with fear . [He]255-gerald could not bear another night . Another night was coming on , for another night [he]255-gerald was to be suspended in chain of physical life , over the bottomless pit of nothingness . And [he]255-gerald could not bear it . [He]255-gerald could not bear it . [He]255-gerald was frightened deeply , and coldly , frightened in [his]255-gerald soul . [He]255-gerald did not believe in [his]255-gerald own strength any more . [He]255-gerald could not fall into this infinite void , and rise again . If [he]255-gerald fell , [he]255-gerald would be gone for ever . [He]255-gerald must withdraw , [he]255-gerald must seek reinforcements . [He]255-gerald did not believe in [his]255-gerald own single self , any further than this . After dinner , faced with the ultimate experience of [his]255-gerald own nothingness , [he]255-gerald turned aside . [He]255-gerald pulled on [his]255-gerald boots , put on [his]255-gerald coat , and set out to walk in the night . It was dark and misty . [He]255-gerald went through the wood , stumbling and feeling [his]255-gerald way to [the Mill]5426-the mill . [Birkin]169-birkin was away . Good — [he]255-gerald was half glad . [He]255-gerald turned up [the hill]497-the hill , and stumbled blindly over [the wild slopes]3222-the wild slopes , having lost [the path]671-the path in the complete darkness . It was boring . Where was [he]255-gerald going ? No matter . [He]255-gerald stumbled on till [he]255-gerald came to [a path]3224-a path again . Then [he]255-gerald went on through [another wood]3225-another wood . [His]255-gerald mind became dark , [he]255-gerald went on automatically . Without thought or sensation , [he]255-gerald stumbled unevenly on , out into the open again , fumbling for stiles , losing [the path]671-the path , and going along the hedges of [the fields]520-the fields till [he]255-gerald came to [the outlet]3228-the outlet . And at last [he]255-gerald came to [the high road]3229-the high road . It had distracted [him]255-gerald to struggle blindly through the maze of darkness . But now , [he]255-gerald must take a direction . And [he]255-gerald did not even know where [he]255-gerald was . But [he]255-gerald must take a direction now . Nothing would be resolved by merely walking , walking away . [He]255-gerald had to take a direction . [He]255-gerald stood still on [the road]502-the road , that was high in the utterly dark night , and [he]255-gerald did not know where [he]255-gerald was . It was a strange sensation , [his]255-gerald heart beating , and ringed round with the utterly unknown darkness . So [he]255-gerald stood for some time . Then [he]255-gerald heard footsteps , and saw a small , swinging light . [He]255-gerald immediately went towards this . It was [a miner]1442-a miner . “ Can [you]3232-the miner tell [me]255-gerald , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ where [this road]6870-this road goes ? ”[255-gerald] “ [Road]6871-road ? Ay , it goes ter [Whatmore]72-whatmore . ”[3232-the miner] “ [Whatmore]72-whatmore ! Oh thank [you]3232-the miner , that ’s right . [I]3232-the miner thought [I]3232-the miner was wrong . Good - night . ”[3232-the miner] “ Good - night , ”[3232-the miner] replied the broad voice of [the miner]3232-the miner . [Gerald]255-gerald guessed where [he]255-gerald was . At least , when [he]255-gerald came to [Whatmore]72-whatmore , [he]255-gerald would know . [He]255-gerald was glad to be on [a high road]3233-a high road . [He]255-gerald walked forward as in a sleep of decision . That was [Whatmore Village]105-whatmore village — ? Yes , [[the King]3234-the king ’s Head]106-the king ’s head — and there the hall gates . [He]255-gerald descended [the steep hill]3235-the steep hill almost running . Winding through [the hollow]2948-the hollow , [he]255-gerald passed [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school , and came to [Willey Green Church]107-willey green church . [The churchyard]547-the churchyard ! [He]255-gerald halted . Then in another moment [he]255-gerald had clambered up the wall and was going among [the graves]553-the graves . Even in this darkness [he]255-gerald could see the heaped pallor of old white flowers at [his]255-gerald feet . This then was [the grave]3240-the grave . [He]255-gerald stooped down . The flowers were cold and clammy . There was a raw scent of chrysanthemums and tube - roses , deadened . [He]255-gerald felt the clay beneath , and shrank , it was so horribly cold and sticky . [He]255-gerald stood away in revulsion . [Here]4650-here was one centre then , here in the complete darkness beside [the unseen , raw grave]3242-the unseen , raw grave . But there was nothing for [him]255-gerald here . No , [he]255-gerald had nothing to stay [here]4650-here for . [He]255-gerald felt as if some of the clay were sticking cold and unclean , on [his]255-gerald heart . No , enough of this . Where then?—home ? Never ! It was no use going [there]629-there . That was less than no use . It could not be done . There was [somewhere else to go]3245-somewhere else to go . Where ? A dangerous resolve formed in [his]255-gerald heart , like a fixed idea . There was [Gudrun]160-gudrun — [she]160-gudrun would be safe in [[her]160-gudrun home]469-her home . But [he]255-gerald could get at [her]160-gudrun — [he]255-gerald would get at [her]160-gudrun . [He]255-gerald would not go back tonight till [he]255-gerald had come to [her]160-gudrun , if it cost [him]255-gerald [his]255-gerald life . [He]255-gerald staked [his]255-gerald all on this throw . [He]255-gerald set off walking straight across [the fields]520-the fields towards [Beldover]1-beldover . It was so dark , [nobody]912-nobody could ever see [him]255-gerald . [His]255-gerald feet were wet and cold , heavy with clay . But [he]255-gerald went on persistently , like a wind , straight forward , as if to [his]255-gerald fate . There were great gaps in [his]255-gerald consciousness . [He]255-gerald was conscious that [he]255-gerald was at [Winthorpe hamlet]108-winthorpe hamlet , but quite unconscious how [he]255-gerald had got [there]629-there . And then , as in a dream , [he]255-gerald was in [the long street of [Beldover]1-beldover]3250-the long street of beldover , with [its]3250-the long street of beldover street - lamps . There was a noise of voices , and of a door shutting loudly , and being barred , and of [men]848-men talking in the night . [The “ Lord Nelson ”]6872-the “ lord nelson ”[848-men] had just closed , and [the drinkers]4913-the drinkers were going [home]4649-home . [He]255-gerald had better ask one of these where [she]3254-she lived — for [he]255-gerald did not know [the side streets]3255-the side streets at all . “ Can [you]6873-you tell [me]255-gerald where [Somerset Drive]109-somerset drive is ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked of one of [the uneven men]3256-the uneven men . “ Where what ? ”[3257-the tipsy miner] replied [the tipsy miner]3257-the tipsy miner ’s voice . “ [Somerset Drive]109-somerset drive . ”[3257-the tipsy miner] “ [Somerset Drive!—I’ve]110-somerset drive!—i’ve heard o ’ such [a place]6874-a place , but [I]3257-the tipsy miner could n’t for [my]3257-the tipsy miner life say where it is . Who might [you]6873-you be wanting ? ”[3257-the tipsy miner] “ [Mr Brangwen]361-mr brangwen — [William Brangwen]289-brangwen . ”[3257-the tipsy miner] “ [William Brangwen]289-brangwen — ? — ? ”[3257-the tipsy miner] “ Who teaches at [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school , at [Willey Green]6-willey green — [[his]289-brangwen daughter]6269-his daughter teaches [there]629-there too . ”[3257-the tipsy miner] “ O - o - o - oh , [Brangwen]289-brangwen ! Now [I]3257-the tipsy miner ’ve got [you]289-brangwen . Of course , [William Brangwen]289-brangwen ! Yes , yes , [he]289-brangwen ’s got [two lasses]6878-two lasses as [teachers]6879-teachers , aside hisself . Ay , that ’s [him]289-brangwen — that ’s [him]289-brangwen ! Why certainly [I]3257-the tipsy miner know where [he]289-brangwen lives , back [your]289-brangwen life [I]3257-the tipsy miner do ! Yi — what place do [they]6880-they ca ’ [it]6881-it ? ”[3257-the tipsy miner] “ [Somerset Drive]109-somerset drive , ”[255-gerald] repeated [Gerald]255-gerald patiently . [He]255-gerald knew [[his]255-gerald own colliers]3258-his own colliers fairly well . “ [Somerset Drive]109-somerset drive , for certain ! ”[983-the collier] said [the collier]983-the collier , swinging [his]983-the collier arm as if catching something up . “ [Somerset Drive]109-somerset drive — yi ! [I]255-gerald could n’t for [my]255-gerald life lay hold o ’ [the lercality o ’ [the place]5125-the place]6882-the lercality o ’ the place . Yis , [I]255-gerald know [the place]5125-the place , to be sure [I]255-gerald do — ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald turned unsteadily on [his]255-gerald feet , and pointed up [the dark , nigh - deserted road]3260-the dark , nigh - deserted road . “ [You]6885-you go up [theer]6886-theer — an ’ [you]6885-you ta’e th ’ first — yi , th ’ first turnin ’ on [your]6885-you left — o ’ that side — past [Withamses tuffy shop]6887-withamses tuffy shop — ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald know , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Ay ! [You]6885-you go down a bit , past wheer [th ’ water - man]6888-th ’ water - man lives — and then [Somerset Drive]109-somerset drive , as [they]6889-they ca ’ [it]109-somerset drive , branches off on ’ t right hand side — an ’ there ’s nowt but [three houses in [it]109-somerset drive]6890-three houses in it , no more than three , [I]255-gerald believe,—an ’ [I]255-gerald ’m a’most certain as theirs is [th]6891-th ’ last — th ’ last o ’ th ’ three — [you]6885-you see — ”[255-gerald] “ Thank [you]255-gerald very much , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Good - night . ”[255-gerald] And [he]255-gerald started off , leaving [the tipsy man]3261-the tipsy man there standing rooted . [Gerald]255-gerald went past [the dark shops and houses]3262-the dark shops and houses , most of [them]3262-the dark shops and houses sleeping now , and twisted round to [the little blind road]3263-the little blind road that ended on [a field of darkness]3264-a field of darkness . [He]255-gerald slowed down , as [he]255-gerald neared [his]255-gerald goal , not knowing how [he]255-gerald should proceed . What if [the house]468-the house were closed in darkness ? But it was not . [He]255-gerald saw a big lighted window , and heard voices , then a gate banged . [His]255-gerald quick ears caught the sound of [Birkin]169-birkin ’s voice , [his]255-gerald keen eyes made out [Birkin]169-birkin , with [Ursula]255-gerald standing in a pale dress on the step of [the garden path]3266-the garden path . Then [Ursula]255-gerald stepped down , and came along [the road]502-the road , holding [Birkin]169-birkin ’s arm . [Gerald]255-gerald went across into [the darkness]3268-the darkness and [they]3269-they dawdled past [him]255-gerald , talking happily , [Birkin]169-birkin ’s voice low , [Ursula]255-gerald ’s high and distinct . [Gerald]255-gerald went quickly to [the house]468-the house . The blinds were drawn before the big , lighted window of [the dining - room]774-the dining - room . Looking up [the path at the side]3272-the path at the side [he]255-gerald could see the door left open , shedding a soft , coloured light from the hall lamp . [He]255-gerald went quickly and silently up [the path]671-the path , and looked up into [the hall]734-the hall . There were pictures on the walls , and the antlers of a stag — and the stairs going up on one side — and just near the foot of the stairs the half opened door of [the dining - room]774-the dining - room . With heart drawn fine , [Gerald]255-gerald stepped into [the hall]734-the hall , whose floor was of coloured tiles , went quickly and looked into [the large , pleasant room]3277-the large , pleasant room . In a chair by the fire , [the father]646-the father sat asleep , [his]646-the father head tilted back against the side of the big oak chimney piece , [his]646-the father ruddy face seen foreshortened , the nostrils open , the mouth fallen a little . It would take the merest sound to wake [him]646-the father . [Gerald]255-gerald stood a second suspended . [He]255-gerald glanced down [the passage]5006-the passage behind [him]255-gerald . It was all dark . Again [he]255-gerald was suspended . Then [he]255-gerald went swiftly [upstairs]467-upstairs . [His]255-gerald senses were so finely , almost supernaturally keen , that [he]255-gerald seemed to cast [his]255-gerald own will over [the half - unconscious house]3281-the half - unconscious house . [He]255-gerald came to [the first landing]3282-the first landing . There [he]255-gerald stood , scarcely breathing . Again , corresponding to the door below , there was a door again . That would be [[the mother]565-the mother ’s room]3284-the mother ’s room . [He]255-gerald could hear [her]565-the mother moving about in the candlelight . [She]565-the mother would be expecting [[her]565-the mother husband]5204-her husband to come up . [He]255-gerald looked along [the dark landing]3286-the dark landing . Then , silently , on infinitely careful feet , [he]255-gerald went along [the passage]5006-the passage , feeling the wall with the extreme tips of [his]255-gerald fingers . There was a door . [He]255-gerald stood and listened . [He]255-gerald could hear [two people]4778-two people ’s breathing . It was not that . [He]255-gerald went stealthily forward . There was another door , slightly open . [The room]739-the room was in darkness . Empty . Then there was [the bathroom]3290-the bathroom , [he]255-gerald could smell the soap and the heat . Then at the end [another bedroom]3291-another bedroom — one soft breathing . This was [she]565-the mother . With an almost occult carefulness [he]255-gerald turned the door handle , and opened the door an inch . It creaked slightly . Then [he]255-gerald opened it another inch — then another . [His]255-gerald heart did not beat , [he]255-gerald seemed to create a silence about [himself]255-gerald , an obliviousness . [He]255-gerald was in [the room]739-the room . Still [the sleeper]3293-the sleeper breathed softly . It was very dark . [He]255-gerald felt [his]255-gerald way forward inch by inch , with [his]255-gerald feet and hands . [He]255-gerald touched the bed , [he]255-gerald could hear [the sleeper]3293-the sleeper . [He]255-gerald drew nearer , bending close as if [his]255-gerald eyes would disclose whatever there was . And then , very near to [his]255-gerald face , to [his]255-gerald fear , [he]255-gerald saw the round , dark head of [a boy]764-a boy . [He]255-gerald recovered , turned round , saw the door ajar , a faint light revealed . And [he]255-gerald retreated swiftly , drew the door to without fastening it , and passed rapidly down [the passage]5006-the passage . At the head of [the stairs]5176-the stairs [he]255-gerald hesitated . There was still time to flee . But it was unthinkable . [He]255-gerald would maintain [his]255-gerald will . [He]255-gerald turned past the door of [the parental bedroom]3298-the parental bedroom like a shadow , and was climbing [the second flight of stairs]3299-the second flight of stairs . They creaked under [his]255-gerald weight — it was exasperating . Ah what disaster , if [the mother]565-the mother ’s door opened just beneath [him]255-gerald , and [she]565-the mother saw [him]255-gerald ! It would have to be , if it were so . [He]255-gerald held the control still . [He]255-gerald was not quite up [these stairs]3301-these stairs when [he]255-gerald heard a quick running of feet below , the outer door was closed and locked , [he]255-gerald heard [Ursula]255-gerald ’s voice , then [the father]646-the father ’s sleepy exclamation . [He]255-gerald pressed on swiftly to [the upper landing]3303-the upper landing . Again a door was ajar , [a room]3304-a room was empty . Feeling [his]255-gerald way forward , with the tips of [his]255-gerald fingers , travelling rapidly , like [a blind man]3305-a blind man , anxious lest [Ursula]255-gerald should come [upstairs]467-upstairs , [he]255-gerald found another door . There , with [his]255-gerald preternaturally fine sense alert , [he]255-gerald listened . [He]255-gerald heard [someone moving in bed]3307-someone moving in bed . This would be [she]3307-someone moving in bed . Softly now , like [one who has only one sense , the tactile sense]3308-one who has only one sense , the tactile sense , [he]255-gerald turned the latch . It clicked . [He]255-gerald held still . The bed - clothes rustled . [His]255-gerald heart did not beat . Then again [he]255-gerald drew the latch back , and very gently pushed the door . It made a sticking noise as it gave . “ [Ursula]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s voice , frightened . [He]255-gerald quickly opened the door and pushed it behind [him]255-gerald . “ Is it [you]255-gerald , [Ursula]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] came [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s frightened voice . [He]255-gerald heard [her]3307-someone moving in bed sitting up in bed . In another moment [she]3307-someone moving in bed would scream . “ No , it ’s [me]255-gerald , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , feeling [his]255-gerald way towards [her]3307-someone moving in bed . “ It is [I]255-gerald , [Gerald]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] [She]3307-someone moving in bed sat motionless in [her]3307-someone moving in bed bed in sheer astonishment . [She]3307-someone moving in bed was too astonished , too much taken by surprise , even to be afraid . “ [Gerald]255-gerald ! ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed echoed , in blank amazement . [He]255-gerald had found [his]255-gerald way to the bed , and [his]255-gerald outstretched hand touched [her]3307-someone moving in bed warm breast blindly . [She]3307-someone moving in bed shrank away . “ Let [me]3307-someone moving in bed make a light , ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed said , springing out . [He]255-gerald stood perfectly motionless . [He]255-gerald heard [her]3307-someone moving in bed touch the match - box , [he]255-gerald heard [her]3307-someone moving in bed fingers in [their]3309-their movement . Then [he]255-gerald saw [her]3307-someone moving in bed in the light of a match , which [she]3307-someone moving in bed held to the candle . The light rose in [the room]739-the room , then sank to a small dimness , as the flame sank down on the candle , before it mounted again . [She]3307-someone moving in bed looked at [him]255-gerald , as [he]255-gerald stood near the other side of the bed . [His]255-gerald cap was pulled low over [his]255-gerald brow , [his]255-gerald black overcoat was buttoned close up to [his]255-gerald chin . [His]255-gerald face was strange and luminous . [He]255-gerald was inevitable as [a supernatural being]3311-a supernatural being . When [she]3307-someone moving in bed had seen [him]255-gerald , [she]3307-someone moving in bed knew . [She]3307-someone moving in bed knew there was something fatal in the situation , and [she]3307-someone moving in bed must accept it . Yet [she]3307-someone moving in bed must challenge [him]255-gerald . “ How did [you]255-gerald come up ? ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed asked . “ [I]3307-someone moving in bed walked up the stairs — the door was open . ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [She]3307-someone moving in bed looked at [him]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald have n’t closed this door , either , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . [She]3307-someone moving in bed walked swiftly across [the room]739-the room , and closed [her]3307-someone moving in bed door , softly , and locked it . Then [she]3307-someone moving in bed came back . [She]3307-someone moving in bed was wonderful , with startled eyes and flushed cheeks , and [her]3307-someone moving in bed plait of hair rather short and thick down [her]3307-someone moving in bed back , and [her]3307-someone moving in bed long , fine white night - dress falling to [her]3307-someone moving in bed feet . [She]3307-someone moving in bed saw that [his]255-gerald boots were all clayey , even [his]255-gerald trousers were plastered with clay . And [she]3307-someone moving in bed wondered if [he]255-gerald had made footprints all the way up . [He]255-gerald was a very strange figure , standing in [[her]3307-someone moving in bed bedroom]3313-her bedroom , near the tossed bed . “ Why have [you]255-gerald come ? ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed asked , almost querulous . “ [I]255-gerald wanted to , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . And this [she]3307-someone moving in bed could see from [his]255-gerald face . It was fate . “ [You]255-gerald are so muddy , ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed said , in distaste , but gently . [He]255-gerald looked down at [his]255-gerald feet . “ [I]255-gerald was walking in the dark , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . But [he]255-gerald felt vividly elated . There was a pause . [He]255-gerald stood on one side of the tumbled bed , [she]3307-someone moving in bed on the other . [He]255-gerald did not even take [his]255-gerald cap from [his]255-gerald brows . “ And what do [you]255-gerald want of [me]3307-someone moving in bed , ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed challenged . [He]255-gerald looked aside , and did not answer . Save for the extreme beauty and mystic attractiveness of this distinct , strange face , [she]3307-someone moving in bed would have sent [him]255-gerald away . But [his]255-gerald face was too wonderful and undiscovered to [her]3307-someone moving in bed . It fascinated [her]3307-someone moving in bed with the fascination of pure beauty , cast a spell on [her]3307-someone moving in bed , like nostalgia , an ache . “ What do [you]255-gerald want of [me]3307-someone moving in bed ? ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed repeated in an estranged voice . [He]255-gerald pulled off [his]255-gerald cap , in a movement of dream - liberation , and went across to [her]3307-someone moving in bed . But [he]255-gerald could not touch [her]3307-someone moving in bed , because [she]3307-someone moving in bed stood barefoot in [her]3307-someone moving in bed night - dress , and [he]255-gerald was muddy and damp . [Her]3307-someone moving in bed eyes , wide and large and wondering , watched [him]255-gerald , and asked [him]255-gerald the ultimate question . “ [I]255-gerald came — because [I]255-gerald must , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Why do [you]255-gerald ask ? ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [She]3307-someone moving in bed looked at [him]255-gerald in doubt and wonder . “ [I]3307-someone moving in bed must ask , ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed said . [He]255-gerald shook [his]255-gerald head slightly . “ There is no answer , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied , with strange vacancy . There was about [him]255-gerald a curious , and almost godlike air of simplicity and native directness . [He]255-gerald reminded [her]3307-someone moving in bed of [an apparition]3314-an apparition , [the young Hermes]362-the young hermes . “ But why did [you]255-gerald come to [me]3307-someone moving in bed ? ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed persisted . “ Because — it has to be so . If there were n’t [you]255-gerald in [the world]541-the world , then [I]3307-someone moving in bed should n’t be in [the world]541-the world , either . ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [She]3307-someone moving in bed stood looking at [him]255-gerald , with large , wide , wondering , stricken eyes . [His]255-gerald eyes were looking steadily into [hers]3307-someone moving in bed all the time , and [he]255-gerald seemed fixed in an odd supernatural steadfastness . [She]3307-someone moving in bed sighed . [She]3307-someone moving in bed was lost now . [She]3307-someone moving in bed had no choice . “ Wo n’t [you]255-gerald take off [your]255-gerald boots , ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [she]3307-someone moving in bed said . “ They must be wet . ”[3307-someone moving in bed] [He]255-gerald dropped [his]255-gerald cap on a chair , unbuttoned [his]255-gerald overcoat , lifting up [his]255-gerald chin to unfasten the throat buttons . [His]255-gerald short , keen hair was ruffled . [He]255-gerald was so beautifully blond , like wheat . [He]255-gerald pulled off [his]255-gerald overcoat . Quickly [he]255-gerald pulled off [his]255-gerald jacket , pulled loose [his]255-gerald black tie , and was unfastening [his]255-gerald studs , which were headed each with a pearl . [She]3307-someone moving in bed listened , watching , hoping [no one]485-no one would hear the starched linen crackle . It seemed to snap like pistol shots . [He]255-gerald had come for vindication . [She]3307-someone moving in bed let [him]255-gerald hold [her]3307-someone moving in bed in [his]255-gerald arms , clasp [her]3307-someone moving in bed close against [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald found in [her]3307-someone moving in bed an infinite relief . Into [her]3307-someone moving in bed [he]255-gerald poured all [his]255-gerald pent - up darkness and corrosive death , and [he]255-gerald was whole again . It was wonderful , marvellous , it was a miracle . This was the ever - recurrent miracle of [his]255-gerald life , at the knowledge of which [he]255-gerald was lost in an ecstasy of relief and wonder . And [she]3307-someone moving in bed , [subject]3316-subject , received [him]255-gerald as a vessel filled with [his]255-gerald bitter potion of death . [She]3307-someone moving in bed had no power at this crisis to resist . The terrible frictional violence of death filled [her]3307-someone moving in bed , and [she]3307-someone moving in bed received it in an ecstasy of subjection , in throes of acute , violent sensation . As [he]255-gerald drew nearer to [her]3307-someone moving in bed , [he]255-gerald plunged deeper into [her]3307-someone moving in bed enveloping soft warmth , a wonderful creative heat that penetrated [his]255-gerald veins and gave [him]255-gerald life again . [He]255-gerald felt [himself]255-gerald dissolving and sinking to rest in the bath of [her]3307-someone moving in bed living strength . It seemed as if [her]3307-someone moving in bed heart in [her]3307-someone moving in bed breast were a second unconquerable sun , into the glow and creative strength of which [he]255-gerald plunged further and further . All [his]255-gerald veins , that were murdered and lacerated , healed softly as life came pulsing in , stealing invisibly in to [him]255-gerald as if it were the all - powerful effluence of the sun . [His]255-gerald blood , which seemed to have been drawn back into death , came ebbing on the return , surely , beautifully , powerfully . [He]255-gerald felt [his]255-gerald limbs growing fuller and flexible with life , [his]255-gerald body gained an unknown strength . [He]255-gerald was [a man]4648-a man again , strong and rounded . And [he]255-gerald was [a child , so soothed and restored and full of gratitude]3318-a child , so soothed and restored and full of gratitude . And [she]3307-someone moving in bed , [she]3307-someone moving in bed was the great bath of life , [he]255-gerald worshipped [her]3307-someone moving in bed . [Mother]187-mother and substance of all life [she]3307-someone moving in bed was . And [he]255-gerald , [child]3319-child and [man]1089-man , received of [her]3307-someone moving in bed and was made whole . [His]255-gerald pure body was almost killed . But the miraculous , soft effluence of [her]3307-someone moving in bed breast suffused over [him]255-gerald , over [his]255-gerald seared , damaged brain , like a healing lymph , like a soft , soothing flow of life itself , perfect as if [he]255-gerald were bathed in the womb again . [His]255-gerald brain was hurt , seared , the tissue was as if destroyed . [He]255-gerald had not known how hurt [he]255-gerald was , how [his]255-gerald tissue , the very tissue of [his]255-gerald brain was damaged by the corrosive flood of death . Now , as the healing lymph of [her]3307-someone moving in bed effluence flowed through [him]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald knew how destroyed [he]255-gerald was , like [a plant whose tissue is burst from inwards by a frost]3321-a plant whose tissue is burst from inwards by a frost . [He]255-gerald buried [his]255-gerald small , hard head between [her]3307-someone moving in bed breasts , and pressed [her]3307-someone moving in bed breasts against [him]255-gerald with [his]255-gerald hands . And [she]3307-someone moving in bed with quivering hands pressed [his]255-gerald head against [her]3307-someone moving in bed , as [he]255-gerald lay suffused out , and [she]3307-someone moving in bed lay fully conscious . The lovely creative warmth flooded through [him]255-gerald like a sleep of fecundity within the womb . Ah , if only [she]3307-someone moving in bed would grant [him]255-gerald the flow of this living effluence , [he]255-gerald would be restored , [he]255-gerald would be complete again . [He]255-gerald was afraid [she]3307-someone moving in bed would deny [him]255-gerald before it was finished . Like [a child at the breast]3322-a child at the breast , [he]255-gerald cleaved intensely to [her]3307-someone moving in bed , and [she]3307-someone moving in bed could not put [him]255-gerald away . And [his]255-gerald seared , ruined membrane relaxed , softened , that which was seared and stiff and blasted yielded again , became soft and flexible , palpitating with new life . [He]255-gerald was infinitely grateful , as to [God]167-god , or as [an infant]3323-an infant is at [its mother]2545-its mother ’s breast . [He]255-gerald was glad and grateful like a delirium , as [he]255-gerald felt [his]255-gerald own wholeness come over [him]255-gerald again , as [he]255-gerald felt the full , unutterable sleep coming over [him]255-gerald , the sleep of complete exhaustion and restoration . But [Gudrun]160-gudrun lay wide awake , destroyed into perfect consciousness . [She]160-gudrun lay motionless , with wide eyes staring motionless into the darkness , whilst [he]255-gerald was sunk away in sleep , [his]255-gerald arms round [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun seemed to be hearing waves break on [a hidden shore]3325-a hidden shore , long , slow , gloomy waves , breaking with the rhythm of fate , so monotonously that it seemed eternal . This endless breaking of slow , sullen waves of fate held [her]160-gudrun life a possession , whilst [she]160-gudrun lay with dark , wide eyes looking into the darkness . [She]160-gudrun could see so far , as far as eternity — yet [she]160-gudrun saw nothing . [She]160-gudrun was suspended in perfect consciousness — and of what was [she]160-gudrun conscious ? This mood of extremity , when [she]160-gudrun lay staring into eternity , utterly suspended , and conscious of everything , to the last limits , passed and left [her]160-gudrun uneasy . [She]160-gudrun had lain so long motionless . [She]160-gudrun moved , [she]160-gudrun became self - conscious . [She]160-gudrun wanted to look at [him]255-gerald , to see [him]255-gerald . But [she]160-gudrun dared not make a light , because [she]160-gudrun knew [he]255-gerald would wake , and [she]160-gudrun did not want to break [his]255-gerald perfect sleep , that [she]160-gudrun knew [he]255-gerald had got of [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun disengaged [herself]160-gudrun , softly , and rose up a little to look at [him]255-gerald . There was a faint light , it seemed to [her]160-gudrun , in [the room]739-the room . [She]160-gudrun could just distinguish [his]255-gerald features , as [he]255-gerald slept the perfect sleep . In this darkness , [she]160-gudrun seemed to see [him]255-gerald so distinctly . But [he]255-gerald was far off , in [another world]4676-another world . Ah , [she]160-gudrun could shriek with torment , [he]255-gerald was so far off , and perfected , in [another world]4676-another world . [She]160-gudrun seemed to look at [him]255-gerald as at a pebble far away under [clear dark water]3329-clear dark water . And here was [she]160-gudrun , left with all the anguish of consciousness , whilst [he]255-gerald was sunk deep into the other element of mindless , remote , living shadow - gleam . [He]255-gerald was beautiful , far - off , and perfected . [They]3330-they would never be together . Ah , this awful , inhuman distance which would always be interposed between [her]160-gudrun and [the other being]2932-the other being ! There was nothing to do but to lie still and endure . [She]160-gudrun felt an overwhelming tenderness for [him]255-gerald , and a dark , under - stirring of jealous hatred , that [he]255-gerald should lie so perfect and immune , in [an other - world]3332-an other - world , whilst [she]160-gudrun was tormented with violent wakefulness , cast out in the outer darkness . [She]160-gudrun lay in intense and vivid consciousness , an exhausting superconsciousness . The church clock struck the hours , it seemed to [her]160-gudrun , in quick succession . [She]160-gudrun heard them distinctly in the tension of [her]160-gudrun vivid consciousness . And [he]255-gerald slept as if time were one moment , unchanging and unmoving . [She]160-gudrun was exhausted , wearied . Yet [she]160-gudrun must continue in this state of violent active superconsciousness . [She]160-gudrun was conscious of everything — [her]160-gudrun childhood , [her]160-gudrun girlhood , all the forgotten incidents , all the unrealised influences and all the happenings [she]160-gudrun had not understood , pertaining to [herself]160-gudrun , to [[her]160-gudrun family]5945-her family , to [[her]160-gudrun friends]603-her friends , [[her]160-gudrun lovers]3335-her lovers , [[her]160-gudrun acquaintances]1225-her acquaintances , [everybody]780-everybody . It was as if [she]160-gudrun drew a glittering rope of knowledge out of the sea of darkness , drew and drew and drew it out of the fathomless depths of the past , and still it did not come to an end , there was no end to it , [she]160-gudrun must haul and haul at the rope of glittering consciousness , pull it out phosphorescent from the endless depths of the unconsciousness , till [she]160-gudrun was weary , aching , exhausted , and fit to break , and yet [she]160-gudrun had not done . Ah , if only [she]160-gudrun might wake [him]3338-he ! [She]160-gudrun turned uneasily . When could [she]160-gudrun rouse [him]3338-he and send [him]3338-he away ? When could [she]160-gudrun disturb [him]3338-he ? And [she]160-gudrun relapsed into [her]160-gudrun activity of automatic consciousness , that would never end . But the time was drawing near when [she]160-gudrun could wake [him]3338-he . It was like a release . The clock had struck four , outside in the night . Thank [God]167-god the night had passed almost away . At five [he]3338-he must go , and [she]160-gudrun would be released . Then [she]160-gudrun could relax and fill [[her]160-gudrun own place]3339-her own place . Now [she]160-gudrun was driven up against [his]3338-he perfect sleeping motion like a knife white - hot on a grindstone . There was something monstrous about [him]3338-he , about [his]3338-he juxtaposition against [her]160-gudrun . The last hour was the longest . And yet , at last it passed . [Her]160-gudrun heart leapt with relief — yes , there was the slow , strong stroke of the church clock — at last , after this night of eternity . [She]160-gudrun waited to catch each slow , fatal reverberation . “ Three — four — five ! ”[160-gudrun] There , it was finished . A weight rolled off [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun raised [herself]160-gudrun , leaned over [him]3338-he tenderly , and kissed [him]3338-he . [She]160-gudrun was sad to wake [him]3338-he . After a few moments , [she]160-gudrun kissed [him]3338-he again . But [he]3338-he did not stir . [The darling]3340-the darling , [he]3338-he was so deep in sleep ! What a shame to take [him]3338-he out of it . [She]160-gudrun let [him]3338-he lie a little longer . But [he]3338-he must go — [he]3338-he must really go . With full over - tenderness [she]160-gudrun took [his]3338-he face between [her]160-gudrun hands , and kissed [his]3338-he eyes . The eyes opened , [he]3338-he remained motionless , looking at [her]160-gudrun . [Her]160-gudrun heart stood still . To hide [her]160-gudrun face from [his]3338-he dreadful opened eyes , in the darkness , [she]160-gudrun bent down and kissed [him]3338-he , whispering : “ [You]3338-he must go , [[my]160-gudrun love]2765-my love . ”[160-gudrun] But [she]160-gudrun was sick with terror , sick . [He]3338-he put [his]3338-he arms round [her]160-gudrun . [Her]160-gudrun heart sank . “ But [you]160-gudrun must go , [[my]3338-he love]2765-my love . It ’s late . ”[3338-he] “ What time is it ? ”[3338-he] [he]3338-he said . Strange , [[his]3338-he man]3341-his man ’s voice . [She]160-gudrun quivered . It was an intolerable oppression to [her]160-gudrun . “ Past five o’clock , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . But [he]3338-he only closed [his]3338-he arms round [her]160-gudrun again . [Her]160-gudrun heart cried within [her]160-gudrun in torture . [She]160-gudrun disengaged [herself]160-gudrun firmly . “ [You]3338-he really must go , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ Not for a minute , ”[3338-he] [he]3338-he said . [She]160-gudrun lay still , nestling against [him]3338-he , but unyielding . “ Not for a minute , ”[3338-he] [he]3338-he repeated , clasping [her]160-gudrun closer . “ Yes , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , unyielding , “ [I]160-gudrun ’m afraid if [you]3338-he stay any longer . ”[160-gudrun] There was a certain coldness in [her]160-gudrun voice that made [him]3338-he release [her]160-gudrun , and [she]160-gudrun broke away , rose and lit the candle . That then was the end . [He]3338-he got up . [He]3338-he was warm and full of life and desire . Yet [he]3338-he felt a little bit ashamed , humiliated , putting on [his]3338-he clothes before [her]160-gudrun , in the candle - light . For [he]3338-he felt revealed , exposed to [her]160-gudrun , at a time when [she]160-gudrun was in some way against [him]3338-he . It was all very difficult to understand . [He]3338-he dressed [himself]3338-he quickly , without collar or tie . Still [he]3338-he felt full and complete , perfected . [She]160-gudrun thought it humiliating to see [a man dressing : the ridiculous shirt , the ridiculous trousers and braces]3342-a man dressing : the ridiculous shirt , the ridiculous trousers and braces . But again an idea saved [her]160-gudrun . “ It is like [a workman]6249-a workman getting up to go to work , ”[160-gudrun] thought [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ And [I]160-gudrun am like [[a workman]6249-a workman ’s wife]6898-a workman ’s wife . ”[160-gudrun] But an ache like nausea was upon [her]160-gudrun : a nausea of [him]3338-he . [He]3338-he pushed [his]3338-he collar and tie into [his]3338-he overcoat pocket . Then [he]3338-he sat down and pulled on [his]3338-he boots . They were sodden , as were [his]3338-he socks and trouser - bottoms . But [he]3338-he [himself]3338-he was quick and warm . “ Perhaps [you]3338-he ought to have put [your]3338-he boots on [downstairs]1690-downstairs , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . At once , without answering , [he]3338-he pulled them off again , and stood holding them in [his]3338-he hand . [She]160-gudrun had thrust [her]160-gudrun feet into slippers , and flung a loose robe round [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun was ready . [She]160-gudrun looked at [him]3338-he as [he]3338-he stood waiting , [his]3338-he black coat buttoned to the chin , [his]3338-he cap pulled down , [his]3338-he boots in [his]3338-he hand . And the passionate almost hateful fascination revived in [her]160-gudrun for a moment . It was not exhausted . [His]3338-he face was so warm - looking , wide - eyed and full of newness , so perfect . [She]160-gudrun felt old , old . [She]160-gudrun went to [him]3338-he heavily , to be kissed . [He]3338-he kissed [her]160-gudrun quickly . [She]160-gudrun wished [his]3338-he warm , expressionless beauty did not so fatally put a spell on [her]160-gudrun , compel [her]160-gudrun and subjugate [her]160-gudrun . It was a burden upon [her]160-gudrun , that [she]160-gudrun resented , but could not escape . Yet when [she]160-gudrun looked at [[his]3338-he straight man]3343-his straight man ’s brows , and at [his]3338-he rather small , well - shaped nose , and at [his]3338-he blue , indifferent eyes , [she]160-gudrun knew [her]160-gudrun passion for [him]3338-he was not yet satisfied , perhaps never could be satisfied . Only now [she]160-gudrun was weary , with an ache like nausea . [She]160-gudrun wanted [him]3338-he gone . [They]3344-they went [downstairs]1690-downstairs quickly . It seemed [they]3344-they made a prodigious noise . [He]3338-he followed [her]160-gudrun as , wrapped in [her]160-gudrun vivid green wrap , [she]160-gudrun preceded [him]3338-he with the light . [She]160-gudrun suffered badly with fear , lest [[her]160-gudrun people]3346-her people should be roused . [He]3338-he hardly cared . [He]3338-he did not care now who knew . And [she]160-gudrun hated this in [him]3338-he . [One]4646-one must be cautious . [One]4646-one must preserve [oneself]4646-one . [She]160-gudrun led the way to [the kitchen]1588-the kitchen . [It]1588-the kitchen was neat and tidy , as [the woman]873-the woman had left [it]1588-the kitchen . [He]3338-he looked up at the clock — twenty minutes past five Then [he]3338-he sat down on a chair to put on [his]3338-he boots . [She]160-gudrun waited , watching [his]3338-he every movement . [She]160-gudrun wanted it to be over , it was a great nervous strain on [her]160-gudrun . [He]3338-he stood up — [she]160-gudrun unbolted the back door , and looked out . A cold , raw night , not yet dawn , with a piece of a moon in the vague sky . [She]160-gudrun was glad [she]160-gudrun need not go out . “ Good - bye then , ”[3338-he] [he]3338-he murmured . “ [I]160-gudrun ’ll come to the gate , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . And again [she]160-gudrun hurried on in front , to warn [him]3338-he of the steps . And at the gate , once more [she]160-gudrun stood on the step whilst [he]3338-he stood below [her]160-gudrun . “ Good - bye , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun whispered . [He]3338-he kissed [her]160-gudrun dutifully , and turned away . [She]160-gudrun suffered torments hearing [his]3338-he firm tread going so distinctly down [the road]502-the road . Ah , the insensitiveness of that firm tread ! [She]160-gudrun closed the gate , and crept quickly and noiselessly back to bed . When [she]160-gudrun was in [[her]160-gudrun room]5117-her room , and the door closed , and all safe , [she]160-gudrun breathed freely , and a great weight fell off [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun nestled down in bed , in the groove [his]3338-he body had made , in the warmth [he]3338-he had left . And excited , worn - out , yet still satisfied , [she]160-gudrun fell soon into a deep , heavy sleep . [Gerald]255-gerald walked quickly through the raw darkness of the coming dawn . [He]255-gerald met [nobody]912-nobody . [His]255-gerald mind was beautifully still and thoughtless , like a still pool , and [his]255-gerald body full and warm and rich . [He]255-gerald went quickly along towards [Shortlands]7-shortlands , in a grateful self - sufficiency . [The Brangwen family]3354-the brangwen family was going to move from [Beldover]1-beldover . It was necessary now for [the father]646-the father to be in [town]602-town . [Birkin]169-birkin had taken out a marriage licence , yet [Ursula]255-gerald deferred from day to day . [She]169-birkin would not fix any definite time — [she]169-birkin still wavered . [Her]169-birkin month ’s notice to leave [the Grammar School]544-the grammar school was in its third week . [Christmas]363-christmas was not far off . [Gerald]255-gerald waited for the [Ursula - Birkin]364-birkin marriage . It was something crucial to [him]255-gerald . “ Shall [we]364-birkin make it a double - barrelled affair ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said to [Birkin]364-birkin one day . “ Who for the second shot ? ”[364-birkin] asked [Birkin]364-birkin . “ [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [me]255-gerald , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , the venturesome twinkle in [his]255-gerald eyes . [Birkin]364-birkin looked at [him]255-gerald steadily , as if somewhat taken aback . “ Serious — or joking ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ Oh , serious . Shall [I]255-gerald ? Shall [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [I]255-gerald rush in along with [you]255-gerald ? ”[255-gerald] “ Do by all means , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ [I]364-birkin did n’t know [you]255-gerald ’d got that length . ”[364-birkin] “ What length ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , looking at [the other man]832-the other man , and laughing . “ Oh yes , [we]6900-we ’ve gone all the lengths . ”[255-gerald] “ There remains to put it on a broad social basis , and to achieve a high moral purpose , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ Something like that : the length and breadth and height of it , ”[255-gerald] replied [Gerald]255-gerald , smiling . “ Oh well , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin , “ it ’s a very admirable step to take , [I]364-birkin should say . ”[364-birkin] [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [him]255-gerald closely . “ Why are n’t [you]255-gerald enthusiastic ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ [I]255-gerald thought [you]255-gerald were such dead nuts on marriage . ”[255-gerald] [Birkin]364-birkin lifted [his]255-gerald shoulders . “ [One]4646-one might as well be dead nuts on noses . There are all sorts of noses , snub and otherwise — ”[364-birkin] [Gerald]255-gerald laughed . “ And all sorts of marriage , also snub and otherwise ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ That ’s it . ”[255-gerald] “ And [you]255-gerald think if [I]255-gerald marry , it will be snub ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald quizzically , [his]255-gerald head a little on one side . [Birkin]364-birkin laughed quickly . “ How do [I]255-gerald know what it will be ! ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Do n’t lambaste [me]255-gerald with [my]255-gerald own parallels — ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald pondered a while . “ But [I]255-gerald should like to know [your]255-gerald opinion , exactly , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ On [your]255-gerald marriage?—or marrying ? Why should [you]255-gerald want [my]255-gerald opinion ? [I]255-gerald ’ve got no opinions . [I]255-gerald ’m not interested in legal marriage , one way or another . It ’s a mere question of convenience . ”[255-gerald] Still [Gerald]255-gerald watched [him]255-gerald closely . “ More than that , [I]255-gerald think , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said seriously . “ However [you]255-gerald may be bored by the ethics of marriage , yet really to marry , in one ’s own personal case , is something critical , final — ”[255-gerald] “ [You]255-gerald mean there is something final in going to the registrar with [a woman]897-a woman ? ”[255-gerald] “ If [you]255-gerald ’re coming back with [her]897-a woman , [I]255-gerald do , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ It is in some way irrevocable . ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , [I]364-birkin agree , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ No matter how [one]4646-one regards legal marriage , yet to enter into the married state , in [one]4646-one ’s own personal instance , is final — ”[364-birkin] “ [I]364-birkin believe it is , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin , “ somewhere . ”[364-birkin] “ The question remains then , should [one]4646-one do it , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . [Birkin]364-birkin watched [him]255-gerald narrowly , with amused eyes . “ [You]255-gerald are like [Lord Bacon]365-lord bacon , [Gerald]255-gerald , ”[3359-i] [he]3359-i said . “ [You]255-gerald argue it like [a lawyer]6906-a lawyer — or like [Hamlet ’s to - be - or - not - to - be]6907-hamlet ’s to - be - or - not - to - be . If [I]3359-i were [you]255-gerald [I]3359-i would not marry : but ask [Gudrun]160-gudrun , not [me]3359-i . [You]255-gerald ’re not marrying [me]3359-i , are [you]255-gerald ? ”[3359-i] [Gerald]255-gerald did not heed the latter part of this speech . “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ one must consider it coldly . It is something critical . [One]4646-one comes to the point where one must take a step in one direction or another . And marriage is one direction — ”[255-gerald] “ And what is the other ? ”[364-birkin] asked [Birkin]364-birkin quickly . [Gerald]255-gerald looked up at [him]255-gerald with hot , strangely - conscious eyes , that [the other man]832-the other man could not understand . “ [I]255-gerald ca n’t say , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ If [I]255-gerald knew that — ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald moved uneasily on [his]255-gerald feet , and did not finish . “ [You]255-gerald mean if [you]255-gerald knew the alternative ? ”[364-birkin] asked [Birkin]364-birkin . “ And since [you]255-gerald do n’t know it , marriage is a pis aller . ”[364-birkin] [Gerald]255-gerald looked up at [Birkin]364-birkin with the same hot , constrained eyes . “ [One]4646-one does have the feeling that marriage is a pis aller , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald admitted . “ Then do n’t do it , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ [I]255-gerald tell [you]364-birkin , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald went on , “ the same as [I]255-gerald ’ve said before , marriage in the old sense seems to [me]255-gerald repulsive . Égoïsme à deux is nothing to it . It ’s a sort of tacit hunting in [couples]2322-couples : [the world]541-the world all in [couples]2322-couples , each couple in [[its]2322-couples own little house]6913-its own little house , watching its own little interests , and stewing in [its]2322-couples own little privacy — it ’s the most repulsive thing on [earth]571-earth . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald quite agree , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ There ’s something inferior about it . But as [I]255-gerald say , what ’s the alternative . ”[255-gerald] “ [One]4646-one should avoid this home instinct . It ’s not an instinct , it ’s a habit of cowardliness . [One]4646-one should never have a [home]4649-home . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald agree really , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ But there ’s no alternative . ”[255-gerald] “ [We]6918-we ’ve got to find one . [I]255-gerald do believe in a permanent union between [a man]4648-a man and [a woman]897-a woman . Chopping about is merely an exhaustive process . But a permanent relation between [a man]4648-a man and [a woman]897-a woman is n’t the last word — it certainly is n’t . ”[255-gerald] “ Quite , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ In fact , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin , “ because the relation between [man]1089-man and [woman]1012-woman is made the supreme and exclusive relationship , that ’s where all the tightness and meanness and insufficiency comes in . ”[364-birkin] “ Yes , [I]255-gerald believe [you]255-gerald , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [You]255-gerald ’ve got to take down the love - and - marriage ideal from its pedestal . [We]6918-we want something broader . [I]255-gerald believe in the additional perfect relationship between [man]1089-man and [man]1089-man — additional to marriage . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald can never see how [they]6927-they can be the same , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Not the same — but equally important , equally creative , equally sacred , if [you]255-gerald like . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald know , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , “ [you]255-gerald believe something like that . Only [I]255-gerald ca n’t feel it , [you]255-gerald see . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald put [his]255-gerald hand on [Birkin]364-birkin ’s arm , with a sort of deprecating affection . And [he]255-gerald smiled as if triumphantly . [He]255-gerald was ready to be doomed . Marriage was like a doom to [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was willing to condemn [himself]255-gerald in marriage , to become like [a convict condemned to the mines of the underworld , living no life in the sun , but having a dreadful subterranean activity]3361-a convict condemned to the mines of the underworld , living no life in the sun , but having a dreadful subterranean activity . [He]255-gerald was willing to accept this . And marriage was the seal of [his]255-gerald condemnation . [He]255-gerald was willing to be sealed thus in [the underworld]3362-the underworld , like [a soul damned but living forever in damnation]3363-a soul damned but living forever in damnation . But [he]255-gerald would not make any pure relationship with [any other soul]3364-any other soul . [He]255-gerald could not . Marriage was not the committing of [himself]255-gerald into a relationship with [Gudrun]160-gudrun . It was a committing of [himself]255-gerald in acceptance of [the established world]6169-the established world , [he]255-gerald would accept the established order , in which [he]255-gerald did not livingly believe , and then [he]255-gerald would retreat to [the underworld]3362-the underworld for [his]255-gerald life . This [he]255-gerald would do . The other way was to accept [Rupert]169-birkin ’s offer of alliance , to enter into the bond of pure trust and love with [the other man]832-the other man , and then subsequently with [the woman]873-the woman . If [he]255-gerald pledged [himself]255-gerald with [the man]4658-the man [he]255-gerald would later be able to pledge [himself]255-gerald with [the woman]873-the woman : not merely in legal marriage , but in absolute , mystic marriage . Yet [he]255-gerald could not accept the offer . There was a numbness upon [him]255-gerald , a numbness either of unborn , absent volition , or of atrophy . Perhaps it was the absence of volition . For [he]255-gerald was strangely elated at [Rupert]169-birkin ’s offer . Yet [he]255-gerald was still more glad to reject it , not to be committed . There was [a jumble market]3371-a jumble market every Monday afternoon in [the old market - place in [town]602-town]3372-the old market - place in town . [Ursula]364-birkin and [Birkin]169-birkin strayed down [there]629-there one afternoon . [They]3375-they had been talking of furniture , and [they]3375-they wanted to see if there was any fragment [they]3375-they would like to buy , amid the heaps of rubbish collected on the cobble - stones . [The old market - square]3376-the old market - square was not very large , a mere bare patch of granite setts , usually with [a few fruit - stalls under a wall]3377-a few fruit - stalls under a wall . [It]3376-the old market - square was in [a poor quarter of [the town]4907-the town]3378-a poor quarter of the town . [Meagre houses]3380-meagre houses stood down one side , there was [a hosiery factory]3381-a hosiery factory , [a great blank with myriad oblong windows]3382-a great blank with myriad oblong windows , at the end , [a street of little shops with flagstone pavement]3383-a street of little shops with flagstone pavement down the other side , and , for a crowning monument , [the public baths]3384-the public baths , of new red brick , with [a clock - tower]3385-a clock - tower . [The people who moved about]3386-the people who moved about seemed stumpy and sordid , the air seemed to smell rather dirty , there was a sense of [many mean streets]3387-many mean streets ramifying off into warrens of meanness . Now and again a great chocolate - and - yellow tramcar ground round a difficult bend under [the hosiery factory]3388-the hosiery factory . [Ursula]364-birkin was superficially thrilled when [she]364-birkin found [herself]364-birkin out among [the common people]1858-the common people , in the jumbled place piled with old bedding , heaps of old iron , [shabby crockery in pale lots]3390-shabby crockery in pale lots , muffled lots of unthinkable clothing . [She]364-birkin and [Birkin]364-birkin went unwillingly down [the narrow aisle between the rusty wares]3391-the narrow aisle between the rusty wares . [He]3392-he was looking at the goods , [she]364-birkin at [the people]4677-the people . [She]364-birkin excitedly watched [a young woman]3394-a young woman , who was going to have [a baby]1080-a baby , and who was turning over a mattress and making [a young man , down - at - heel and dejected]3396-a young man , down - at - heel and dejected , feel it also . So secretive and active and anxious [the young woman]3397-the young woman seemed , so reluctant , slinking , [the young man]676-the young man . [He]676-the young man was going to marry [her]3394-a young woman because [she]3394-a young woman was having [a child]733-a child . When [they]3400-they had felt the mattress , [the young woman]3397-the young woman asked [the old man]1432-the old man seated on a stool among [his]1432-the old man wares , how much it was . [He]1432-the old man told [her]3397-the young woman , and [she]3397-the young woman turned to [the young man]676-the young man . [The latter]778-the latter was ashamed , and selfconscious . [He]676-the young man turned [his]676-the young man face away , though [he]676-the young man left [his]676-the young man body standing there , and muttered aside . And again [the woman]873-the woman anxiously and actively fingered the mattress and added up in [her]873-the woman mind and bargained with [the old , unclean man]3406-the old , unclean man . All the while , [the young man]676-the young man stood by , shamefaced and down - at - heel , submitting . “ Look , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin , “ there is a pretty chair . ”[364-birkin] “ Charming ! ”[364-birkin] cried [Ursula]364-birkin . “ Oh , charming . ”[364-birkin] It was an arm - chair of simple wood , probably birch , but of such fine delicacy of grace , standing there on the sordid stones , it almost brought tears to the eyes . It was square in shape , of the purest , slender lines , and four short lines of wood in the back , that reminded [Ursula]364-birkin of harpstrings . “ It was once , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin , “ gilded — and it had a cane seat . [Somebody]4745-somebody has nailed this wooden seat in . Look , here is a trifle of the red that underlay the gilt . The rest is all black , except where the wood is worn pure and glossy . It is the fine unity of the lines that is so attractive . Look , how they run and meet and counteract . But of course the wooden seat is wrong — it destroys the perfect lightness and unity in tension the cane gave . [I]364-birkin like it though — ”[364-birkin] “ Ah yes , ”[364-birkin] said [Ursula]364-birkin , “ so do [I.]364-birkin ”[364-birkin] “ How much is it ? ”[364-birkin] [Birkin]364-birkin asked [the man]4658-the man . “ Ten shillings . ”[364-birkin] “ And [you]4658-the man will send [it]6929-it — ? ”[364-birkin] It was bought . “ So beautiful , so pure ! ”[364-birkin] [Birkin]364-birkin said . “ It almost breaks [my]364-birkin heart . ”[364-birkin] [They]3409-we walked along between the heaps of rubbish . “ [[My]3409-we beloved country]6930-my beloved country — it had something to express even when it made that chair . ”[3409-we] “ And has n’t it now ? ”[364-birkin] asked [Ursula]364-birkin . [She]364-birkin was always angry when [he]4658-the man took this tone . “ No , it has n’t . When [I]4658-the man see that clear , beautiful chair , and [I]4658-the man think of [England]80-england , even [[Jane Austen]199-jane austen ’s [England]80-england]6931-jane austen ’s england — it had living thoughts to unfold even then , and pure happiness in unfolding them . And now , [we]3409-we can only fish among the rubbish heaps for the remnants of [their]6932-their old expression . There is no production in [us]3409-we now , only sordid and foul mechanicalness . ”[4658-the man] “ It is n’t true , ”[364-birkin] cried [Ursula]364-birkin . “ Why must [you]4658-the man always praise the past , at the expense of the present ? Really , [I]364-birkin do n’t think so much of [Jane Austen]199-jane austen ’s [England]80-england . It was materialistic enough , if [you]4658-the man like — ”[364-birkin] “ It could afford to be materialistic , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin , “ because it had the power to be something other — which [we]3409-we have n’t . [We]3409-we are materialistic because [we]3409-we have n’t the power to be anything else — try as [we]3409-we may , [we]3409-we ca n’t bring off anything but materialism : mechanism , the very soul of materialism . ”[364-birkin] [Ursula]364-birkin was subdued into angry silence . [She]364-birkin did not heed what [he]3410-you said . [She]364-birkin was rebelling against something else . “ And [I]364-birkin hate [your]4658-the man past . [I]364-birkin ’m sick of it , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin cried . “ [I]364-birkin believe [I]364-birkin even hate that old chair , though it is beautiful . It is n’t [my]364-birkin sort of beauty . [I]364-birkin wish it had been smashed up when its day was over , not left to preach the beloved past to [us]3409-we . [I]364-birkin ’m sick of the beloved past . ”[364-birkin] “ Not so sick as [I]3410-you am of the accursed present , ”[3410-you] [he]3410-you said . “ Yes , just the same . [I]3410-you hate the present — but [I]3410-you do n’t want the past to take its place — [I]3410-you do n’t want that old chair . ”[3410-you] [He]3410-you was rather angry for a moment . Then [he]3410-you looked at the sky shining beyond [the tower of [the public baths]3384-the public baths]3411-the tower of the public baths , and [he]3410-you seemed to get over it all . [He]3410-you laughed . “ All right , ”[3410-you] [he]3410-you said , “ then let [us]3409-we not have it . [I]3410-you ’m sick of it all , too . At any rate one ca n’t go on living on the old bones of beauty . ”[3410-you] “ One ca n’t , ”[3410-you] [she]3410-you cried . “ [I]3410-you do n’t want old things . ”[3410-you] “ The truth is , [we]3409-we do n’t want things at all , ”[3410-you] [he]3410-you replied . “ The thought of [a house]6309-a house and furniture of [my]3410-you own is hateful to [me]3410-you . ”[3410-you] This startled [her]3410-you for a moment . Then [she]3410-you replied : “ So it is to [me]3410-you . But [one]4646-one must live somewhere . ”[3410-you] “ Not somewhere — anywhere , ”[3410-you] [he]3410-you said . “ [One]4646-one should just live anywhere — not have a definite place . [I]3410-you do n’t want a definite place . As soon as [you]3410-you get [a room]3304-a room , and [it]3304-a room is complete , [you]3410-you want to run from [it]3304-a room . Now [[my]3410-you rooms at [the Mill]5426-the mill]6937-my rooms at the mill are quite complete , [I]3410-you want them at [the bottom of [the sea]2243-the sea]6939-the bottom of the sea . It is a horrible tyranny of a fixed milieu , where each piece of furniture is a commandment - stone . ”[3410-you] [She]3410-you clung to [his]3410-you arm as [they]3413-we walked away from [the market]1483-the market . “ But what are [we]3413-we going to do ? ”[3410-you] [she]3410-you said . “ [We]3413-we must live somehow . And [I]3410-you do want some beauty in [my]3410-you surroundings . [I]3410-you want a sort of natural grandeur even , splendour . ”[3410-you] “ [You]3410-you ’ll never get it in [houses]981-houses and furniture — or even clothes . [Houses]981-houses and furniture and clothes , they are all terms of an old base world , [a detestable society of [man]1089-man]6943-a detestable society of man . And if [you]3410-you have [a Tudor house]6945-a tudor house and old , beautiful furniture , it is only the past perpetuated on top of [you]3410-you , horrible . And if [you]3410-you have [a perfect modern house done for [you]3410-you by [Poiret]366-poiret]6946-a perfect modern house done for you by poiret , it is something else perpetuated on top of [you]3410-you . It is all horrible . It is all possessions , possessions , bullying [you]3410-you and turning [you]3410-you into a generalisation . [You]3410-you have to be like [Rodin]367-rodin , [Michelangelo]368-michelangelo , and leave a piece of raw rock unfinished to [your]3410-you figure . [You]3410-you must leave [your]3410-you surroundings sketchy , unfinished , so that [you]3410-you are never contained , never confined , never dominated from the outside . ”[3415-she] [She]3415-she stood in [the street]948-the street contemplating . “ And [we]6947-we are never to have [a complete place of [our]6947-we own]6948-a complete place of our own — never [a home]5556-a home ? ”[3415-she] [she]3415-she said . “ Pray [God]167-god , in [this world]2436-this world , no , ”[3417-he] [he]3417-he answered . “ But there ’s only [this world]2436-this world , ”[3415-she] [she]3415-she objected . [He]3417-he spread out [his]3417-he hands with a gesture of indifference . “ Meanwhile , then , [we]6947-we ’ll avoid having things of [our]6947-we own , ”[3417-he] [he]3417-he said . “ But [you]3417-he ’ve just bought a chair , ”[3415-she] [she]3415-she said . “ [I]3417-he can tell [the man]4658-the man [I]3417-he do n’t want it , ”[3417-he] [he]3417-he replied . [She]3415-she pondered again . Then a queer little movement twitched [her]3415-she face . “ No , ”[3415-she] [she]3415-she said , “ [we]6947-we do n’t want it . [I]3415-she ’m sick of old things . ”[3415-she] “ New ones as well , ”[3417-he] [he]3417-he said . [They]3418-they retraced [their]3418-they steps . There — in front of some furniture , stood [the young couple]3419-the young couple , [the woman who was going to have [a baby]1080-a baby]3420-the woman who was going to have a baby , and [the narrow - faced youth]3422-the narrow - faced youth . [She]3415-she was fair , rather short , stout . [He]3417-he was of medium height , attractively built . [His]3417-he dark hair fell sideways over [his]3417-he brow , from under [his]3417-he cap , [he]3417-he stood strangely aloof , like [one of the damned]1053-one of the damned . “ Let [us]3418-they give it to [them]3419-the young couple , ”[364-birkin] whispered [Ursula]364-birkin . “ Look [they]3419-the young couple are getting [a home]5556-a home together . ”[364-birkin] “ [I]3417-he wo n’t aid abet [them]3419-the young couple in it , ”[3417-he] [he]3417-he said petulantly , instantly sympathising with [the aloof , furtive youth]3424-the aloof , furtive youth , against [the active , procreant female]3425-the active , procreant female . “ Oh yes , ”[364-birkin] cried [Ursula]364-birkin . “ It ’s right for [them]3419-the young couple — there ’s nothing else for [them]3419-the young couple . ”[364-birkin] “ Very well , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin , “ [you]364-birkin offer it to [them]3419-the young couple . [I]364-birkin ’ll watch . ”[364-birkin] [Ursula]364-birkin went rather nervously to [the young couple]3419-the young couple , who were discussing an iron washstand — or rather , [the man]4658-the man was glancing furtively and wonderingly , like [a prisoner]3428-a prisoner , at the abominable article , whilst [the woman]873-the woman was arguing . “ [We]3419-the young couple bought a chair , ”[364-birkin] said [Ursula]364-birkin , “ and [we]3419-the young couple do n’t want it . Would [you]3419-the young couple have it ? [We]3419-the young couple should be glad if [you]3419-the young couple would . ”[364-birkin] [The young couple]3419-the young couple looked round at [her]364-birkin , not believing that [she]364-birkin could be addressing [them]3419-the young couple . “ Would [you]3419-the young couple care for it ? ”[364-birkin] repeated [Ursula]364-birkin . “ It ’s really very pretty — but — but — ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin smiled rather dazzlingly . [The young couple]3419-the young couple only stared at [her]364-birkin , and looked significantly at [each other]451-each other , to know what to do . And [the man]4658-the man curiously obliterated [himself]4658-the man , as if [he]4658-the man could make [himself]4658-the man invisible , as a rat can . “ [We]3419-the young couple wanted to give it to [you]676-the young man , ”[364-birkin] explained [Ursula]364-birkin , now overcome with confusion and dread of [them]3419-the young couple . [She]364-birkin was attracted by [the young man]676-the young man . [He]676-the young man was [a still , mindless creature]3435-a still , mindless creature , hardly [a man at all]3436-a man at all , a creature that [the towns]3437-the towns have produced , strangely pure - bred and fine in one sense , furtive , quick , subtle . [His]676-the young man lashes were dark and long and fine over [his]676-the young man eyes , that had no mind in them , only a dreadful kind of subject , inward consciousness , glazed and dark . [His]676-the young man dark brows and all [his]676-the young man lines , were finely drawn . [He]676-the young man would be [a dreadful , but wonderful lover to [a woman]897-a woman]3438-a dreadful , but wonderful lover to a woman , so marvellously contributed . [His]676-the young man legs would be marvellously subtle and alive , under the shapeless , trousers , [he]676-the young man had some of the fineness and stillness and silkiness of a dark - eyed , silent rat . [Ursula]364-birkin had apprehended [him]676-the young man with a fine frisson of attraction . [The full - built woman]3440-the full - built woman was staring offensively . Again [Ursula]364-birkin forgot [him]676-the young man . “ Wo n’t [you]4658-the man have the chair ? ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said . [The man]4658-the man looked at [her]364-birkin with a sideways look of appreciation , yet far - off , almost insolent . [The woman]873-the woman drew [herself]873-the woman up . There was a certain costermonger richness about [her]873-the woman . [She]873-the woman did not know what [Ursula]364-birkin was after , [she]873-the woman was on [her]873-the woman guard , hostile . [Birkin]364-birkin approached , smiling wickedly at seeing [Ursula]364-birkin so nonplussed and frightened . “ What ’s the matter ? ”[4658-the man] [he]4658-the man said , smiling . [His]4658-the man eyelids had dropped slightly , there was about [him]4658-the man the same suggestive , mocking secrecy that was in the bearing of the two city creatures . [The man]4658-the man jerked [his]4658-the man head a little on one side , indicating [Ursula]364-birkin , and said , with curious amiable , jeering warmth : “ What [she]364-birkin warnt?—eh ? ”[4658-the man] An odd smile writhed [his]4658-the man lips . [Birkin]364-birkin looked at [him]4658-the man from under [his]4658-the man slack , ironical eyelids . “ To give [you]364-birkin a chair — that — with the label on it , ”[4658-the man] [he]4658-the man said , pointing . [The man]4658-the man looked at the object indicated . There was a curious hostility in male , outlawed understanding between [the two men]686-the two men . “ What ’s [she]364-birkin warnt to give it [us]686-the two men for , [guvnor]6954-guvnor , ”[4658-the man] [he]4658-the man replied , in a tone of free intimacy that insulted [Ursula]364-birkin . “ Thought [you]364-birkin ’d like it — it ’s a pretty chair . [We]686-the two men bought it and do n’t want it . No need for [you]364-birkin to have it , do n’t be frightened , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin , with a wry smile . [The man]4658-the man glanced up at [him]4658-the man , half inimical , half recognising . “ Why do n’t [you]4658-the man want it for [yourselves]4658-the man , if [you]4658-the man ’ve just bought it ? ”[873-the woman] asked [the woman]873-the woman coolly . “ ’ Taint good enough for [you]4658-the man , now [you]4658-the man ’ve had a look at it . Frightened it ’s got something in it , eh ? ”[364-birkin] [She]364-birkin was looking at [Ursula]364-birkin , admiringly , but with some resentment . “ [I]364-birkin ’d never thought of that , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ But no , the wood ’s too thin everywhere . ”[364-birkin] “ [You]4658-the man see , ”[364-birkin] said [Ursula]364-birkin , [her]364-birkin face luminous and pleased . “ [We]3450-we are just going to get married , and [we]3450-we thought [we]3450-we ’d buy things . Then [we]3450-we decided , just now , that [we]3450-we would n’t have furniture , [we]3450-we ’d go abroad . ”[364-birkin] [The full - built , slightly blowsy city girl]3448-the full - built , slightly blowsy city girl looked at the fine face of [the other woman]885-the other woman , with appreciation . [They]3450-we appreciated [each other]451-each other . [The youth]3452-the youth stood aside , [his]3452-the youth face expressionless and timeless , the thin line of the black moustache drawn strangely suggestive over [his]3452-the youth rather wide , closed mouth . [He]3452-the youth was impassive , abstract , like some dark suggestive presence , a gutter - presence . “ It ’s all right to be [some folks]6955-some folks , ”[3453-the city girl] said [the city girl]3453-the city girl , turning to [[her]3453-the city girl own young man]3454-her own young man . [He]3452-the youth did not look at [her]3453-the city girl , but [he]3452-the youth smiled with the lower part of [his]3452-the youth face , putting [his]3452-the youth head aside in an odd gesture of assent . [His]3452-the youth eyes were unchanging , glazed with darkness . “ Cawsts something to chynge [your]3397-the young woman mind , ”[3452-the youth] [he]3452-the youth said , in an incredibly low accent . “ Only ten shillings this time , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . [The man]4658-the man looked up at [him]4658-the man with a grimace of a smile , furtive , unsure . “ Cheap at ’ arf a quid , [guvnor]6954-guvnor , ”[3452-the youth] [he]3452-the youth said . “ Not like getting divawced . ”[3452-the youth] “ [We]6957-we ’re not married yet , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ No , no more are n’t [we]6957-we , ”[3397-the young woman] said [the young woman]3397-the young woman loudly . “ But [we]6957-we shall be , [a Saturday]6958-a saturday . ”[3397-the young woman] Again [she]3397-the young woman looked at [the young man]676-the young man with a determined , protective look , at once overbearing and very gentle . [He]3452-the youth grinned sicklily , turning away [his]3452-the youth head . [She]3397-the young woman had got [his]3452-the youth manhood , but [Lord]3458-lord , what did [he]3452-the youth care ! [He]3452-the youth had a strange furtive pride and slinking singleness . “ Good luck to [you]676-the young man , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ Same to [you]676-the young man , ”[3397-the young woman] said [the young woman]3397-the young woman . Then , rather tentatively : “ When ’s [yours]676-the young man coming off , then ? ”[364-birkin] [Birkin]364-birkin looked round at [Ursula]364-birkin . “ It ’s for [the lady]6959-the lady to say , ”[3452-the youth] [he]3452-the youth replied . “ [We]6960-we go to [the registrar]6961-the registrar the moment [she]6959-the lady ’s ready . ”[3452-the youth] [Ursula]364-birkin laughed , covered with confusion and bewilderment . “ No ’ urry , ”[676-the young man] said [the young man]676-the young man , grinning suggestive . “ Oh , do n’t break [your]676-the young man neck to get there , ”[3397-the young woman] said [the young woman]3397-the young woman . “ ’ Slike when [you]676-the young man ’re dead — [you’re]676-the young man long time married . ”[3397-the young woman] [The young man]676-the young man turned aside as if this hit [him]676-the young man . “ The longer the better , let [us]6960-we hope , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ That ’s it , [guvnor]6954-guvnor , ”[676-the young man] said [the young man]676-the young man admiringly . “ Enjoy it while it larsts — niver whip a dead donkey . ”[676-the young man] “ Only when [he]3465-her young man ’s shamming dead , ”[3397-the young woman] said [the young woman]3397-the young woman , looking at [[her]3397-the young woman young man]3465-her young man with caressive tenderness of authority . “ [Aw]369-aw , there ’s a difference , ”[3465-her young man] [he]3465-her young man said satirically . “ What about the chair ? ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ Yes , all right , ”[873-the woman] said [the woman]873-the woman . [They]3467-they trailed off to [the dealer]3468-the dealer , [the handsome but abject young fellow]3469-the handsome but abject young fellow hanging a little aside . “ That ’s it , ”[364-birkin] said [Birkin]364-birkin . “ Will [you]3468-the dealer take it with [you]3468-the dealer , or have the address altered . ”[364-birkin] “ Oh , [Fred]297-winifred can carry it . Make [him]297-winifred do what [he]297-winifred can for [the dear old ’ ome]6963-the dear old ’ ome . ”[297-winifred] “ Mike use of ’ [i]297-winifred m , ”[297-winifred] said [Fred]297-winifred , grimly humorous , as [he]297-winifred took the chair from [the dealer]3468-the dealer . [His]297-winifred movements were graceful , yet curiously abject , slinking . “ ’ [Ere]6963-the dear old ’ ome ’s mother ’s cosy chair , ”[297-winifred] [he]297-winifred said . “ Warnts a cushion . ”[297-winifred] And [he]297-winifred stood it down on [the market stones]3471-the market stones . “ Do n’t [you]297-winifred think it ’s pretty ? ”[364-birkin] laughed [Ursula]364-birkin . “ Oh , [I]3397-the young woman do , ”[3397-the young woman] said [the young woman]3397-the young woman . “ ’ Ave a sit in [it]6964-it , [you]364-birkin ’ll wish [you]364-birkin ’d kept it , ”[676-the young man] said [the young man]676-the young man . [Ursula]364-birkin promptly sat down in the middle of [the market - place]1477-the market - place . “ Awfully comfortable , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said . “ But rather hard . [You]676-the young man try it . ”[364-birkin] [She]364-birkin invited [the young man]676-the young man to a seat . But [he]676-the young man turned uncouthly , awkwardly aside , glancing up at [her]364-birkin with quick bright eyes , oddly suggestive , like a quick , live rat . “ Do n’t spoil [him]676-the young man , ”[3397-the young woman] said [the young woman]3397-the young woman . “ [He]676-the young man ’s not used to arm - chairs , ’ e is n’t . ”[3397-the young woman] [The young man]676-the young man turned away , and said , with averted grin : “ Only warnts legs on ’ is . ”[676-the young man] [The four]3478-the four parted . [The young woman]3397-the young woman thanked [them]3478-the four . “ Thank [you]676-the young man for the chair — it’ll last till it gives way . ”[3397-the young woman] “ Keep it for an ornyment , ”[676-the young man] said [the young man]676-the young man . “ Good afternoon — good afternoon , ”[364-birkin] said [Ursula]364-birkin and [Birkin]364-birkin . “ Goo’-luck to [you]364-birkin , ”[676-the young man] said [the young man]676-the young man , glancing and avoiding [Birkin]364-birkin ’s eyes , as [he]676-the young man turned aside [his]676-the young man head . [The two couples]3482-the two couples went asunder , [Ursula]364-birkin clinging to [Birkin]364-birkin ’s arm . When [they]3482-the two couples had gone some distance , [she]364-birkin glanced back and saw [the young man]676-the young man going beside [the full , easy young woman]3484-the full , easy young woman . [His]676-the young man trousers sank over [his]676-the young man heels , [he]676-the young man moved with a sort of slinking evasion , more crushed with odd self - consciousness now [he]676-the young man had the slim old arm - chair to carry , [his]676-the young man arm over the back , the four fine , square tapering legs swaying perilously near the granite setts of [the pavement]6240-the pavement . And yet [he]676-the young man was somewhere indomitable and separate , like a quick , vital rat . [He]676-the young man had a queer , subterranean beauty , repulsive too . “ How strange [they]3482-the two couples are ! ”[364-birkin] said [Ursula]364-birkin . “ [Children of]6965-children of [men]848-men , ”[676-the young man] [he]676-the young man said . “ [They]3482-the two couples remind [me]676-the young man of [Jesus]247-jesus : ‘ [The meek]6967-the meek shall inherit [the earth]972-the earth . ’ ”[676-the young man] “ But [they]3482-the two couples are n’t [the meek]6967-the meek , ”[364-birkin] said [Ursula]364-birkin . “ Yes , [I]676-the young man do n’t know why , but [they]3482-the two couples are , ”[676-the young man] [he]676-the young man replied . [They]3486-we waited for [the tramcar]3487-the tramcar . [Ursula]364-birkin sat on top and looked out on [the town]4907-the town . The dusk was just dimming the hollows of [crowded houses]3489-crowded houses . “ And are [they]3482-the two couples going to inherit [the earth]972-the earth ? ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said . “ Yes — [they]3482-the two couples . ”[364-birkin] “ Then what are [we]3486-we going to do ? ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin asked . “ [We]3486-we ’re not like [them]3482-the two couples — are [we]3486-we ? [We]3486-we ’re not [the meek]6967-the meek ? ”[364-birkin] “ No . [We]3486-we ’ve got to live in [the chinks]6972-the chinks [they]3482-the two couples leave [us]3486-we . ”[364-birkin] “ How horrible ! ”[364-birkin] cried [Ursula]364-birkin . “ [I]364-birkin do n’t want to live in chinks . ”[364-birkin] “ Do n’t worry , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you said . “ [They]3482-the two couples are [the children of [men]848-men]6973-the children of men , [they]3482-the two couples like [market - places]6975-market - places and [street - corners]6976-street - corners best . That leaves plenty of chinks . ”[3490-you] “ All [the world]541-the world , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said . “ Ah no — but [some room]6978-some room . ”[364-birkin] [The tramcar]3487-the tramcar mounted slowly up [the hill]497-the hill , where the ugly winter - grey masses of [houses]981-houses looked like a vision of [hell that is cold and angular]3494-hell that is cold and angular . [They]3495-we sat and looked . Away in the distance was an angry redness of sunset . [It]3496-it was all cold , somehow small , crowded , and like the end of [the world]541-the world . “ [I]364-birkin do n’t mind it even then , ”[364-birkin] said [Ursula]364-birkin , looking at the repulsiveness of it all . “ It does n’t concern [me]364-birkin . ”[364-birkin] “ No more it does , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you replied , holding [her]364-birkin hand . “ [One]4646-one need n’t see . [One]4646-one goes [one]4646-one ’s way . In [[my]3490-you world]6982-my world it is sunny and spacious — ”[3490-you] “ It is , [[my]364-birkin love]2765-my love , is n’t it ? ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin cried , hugging near to [him]3490-you on the top of [the tramcar]3487-the tramcar , so that [the other passengers]3499-the other passengers stared at [them]3495-we . “ And [we]3495-we will wander about on the face of [the earth]972-the earth , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you said , “ and [we]3495-we ’ll look at [the world]541-the world beyond just this bit . ”[3490-you] There was a long silence . [Her]364-birkin face was radiant like gold , as [she]364-birkin sat thinking . “ [I]364-birkin do n’t want to inherit [the earth]972-the earth , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said . “ [I]364-birkin do n’t want to inherit anything . ”[364-birkin] [He]3490-you closed [his]3490-you hand over [hers]364-birkin . “ Neither do [I.]364-birkin [I]3490-you want to be disinherited . ”[3490-you] [She]364-birkin clasped [his]3490-you fingers closely . “ [We]6987-we wo n’t care about anything , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said . [He]3490-you sat still , and laughed . “ And [we]6987-we ’ll be married , and have done with [them]6988-them , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin added . Again [he]3490-you laughed . “ It ’s one way of getting rid of everything , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said , “ to get married . ”[364-birkin] “ And one way of accepting [the whole world]6299-the whole world , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you added . “ [A whole other world]6990-a whole other world , yes , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said happily . “ Perhaps there ’s [Gerald]255-gerald — and [Gudrun]160-gudrun — ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you said . “ If there is there is , [you]3490-you see , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said . “ It ’s no good [our]6987-we worrying . [We]6987-we ca n’t really alter [them]6988-them , can [we]6987-we ? ”[364-birkin] “ No , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you said . “ [One]4646-one has no right to try — not with the best intentions in [the world]541-the world . ”[3490-you] “ Do [you]3490-you try to force [them]6988-them ? ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin asked . “ Perhaps , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you said . “ Why should [I]3490-you want [him]3490-you to be free , if it is n’t [his]3490-you business ? ”[3490-you] [She]364-birkin paused for a time . “ [We]6987-we ca n’t make [him]3490-you happy , anyhow , ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin said . “ [He]3490-you ’d have to be it of [himself]3490-you . ”[364-birkin] “ [I]3490-you know , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you said . “ But [we]6987-we want [other people]4665-other people with [us]6987-we , do n’t [we]6987-we ? ”[3490-you] “ Why should [we]6987-we ? ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin asked . “ [I]3490-you do n’t know , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you said uneasily . “ [One]4646-one has a hankering after a sort of further fellowship . ”[3490-you] “ But why ? ”[364-birkin] [she]364-birkin insisted . “ Why should [you]3490-you hanker after [other people]4665-other people ? Why should [you]3490-you need [them]4665-other people ? ”[364-birkin] This hit [him]3490-you right on the quick . [His]3490-you brows knitted . “ Does it end with just [[our]6987-we two selves]6996-our two selves ? ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you asked , tense . “ Yes — what more do [you]3490-you want ? If [anybody]744-anybody likes to come along , let [them]744-anybody . But why must [you]3490-you run after [them]744-anybody ? ”[3490-you] [His]3490-you face was tense and unsatisfied . “ [You]3500-she see , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you said , “ [I]3490-you always imagine [our]6987-we being really happy with [some few other people]6998-some few other people — a little freedom with [people]579-people . ”[3490-you] [She]3500-she pondered for a moment . “ Yes , [one]4646-one does want that . But it must happen . [You]3490-you ca n’t do anything for it with [your]3490-you will . [You]3490-you always seem to think [you]3490-you can force the flowers to come out . [People]579-people must love [us]6987-we because [they]579-people love [us]6987-we — [you]3490-you ca n’t make [them]579-people . ”[3500-she] “ [I]3490-you know , ”[3490-you] [he]3490-you said . “ But must [one]4646-one take no steps at all ? Must one just go as if [one]4646-one were alone in [the world]541-the world — the only creature in [the world]541-the world ? ”[3490-you] “ [You]3490-you ’ve got [me]3500-she , ”[3500-she] [she]3500-she said . “ Why should [you]3490-you need [others]593-others ? Why must [you]3490-you force [people]579-people to agree with [you]3490-you ? Why ca n’t [you]3490-you be single by [yourself]3490-you , as [you]3490-you are always saying ? [You]3490-you try to bully [Gerald]255-gerald — as [you]3490-you tried to bully [Hermione]168-hermione . [You]3490-you must learn to be alone . And it ’s so horrid of [you]3490-you . [You]3490-you ’ve got [me]3500-she . And yet [you]3490-you want to force [other people]4665-other people to love [you]3490-you as well . [You]3490-you do try to bully [them]4665-other people to love [you]3490-you . And even then , [you]3490-you do n’t want [their]4665-other people love . ”[3500-she] [His]3501-i face was full of real perplexity . “ Do n’t [I]3501-i ? ”[3501-i] [he]3501-i said . “ It ’s the problem [I]3501-i ca n’t solve . [I]3501-i know [I]3501-i want a perfect and complete relationship with [you]3502-her : and [we]7009-we ’ve nearly got it — [we]7009-we really have . But beyond that . Do [I]3501-i want a real , ultimate relationship with [Gerald]255-gerald ? Do [I]3501-i want a final almost extra - human relationship with [him]255-gerald — a relationship in the ultimate of [me]3501-i and [him]255-gerald — or do n’t [I]3501-i ? ”[3501-i] [She]3502-her looked at [him]3501-i for a long time , with strange bright eyes , but [she]3502-her did not answer . That evening [Ursula]255-gerald returned [home]4649-home very bright - eyed and wondrous — which irritated [[her]3502-her people]3346-her people . [[Her]3502-her father]583-her father came [home]4649-home at suppertime , tired after the evening class , and the long journey [home]4649-home . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was reading , [the mother]565-the mother sat in silence . Suddenly [Ursula]255-gerald said to [the company at large]806-the company at large , in a bright voice , “ [Rupert]169-birkin and [I]255-gerald are going to be married tomorrow . ”[255-gerald] [[Her]3502-her father]583-her father turned round , stiffly . “ [You]255-gerald what ? ”[583-her father] [he]583-her father said . “ Tomorrow ! ”[160-gudrun] echoed [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Indeed ! ”[565-the mother] said [the mother]565-the mother . But [Ursula]255-gerald only smiled wonderfully , and did not reply . “ Married tomorrow ! ”[583-her father] cried [[her]3502-her father]583-her father harshly . “ What are [you]255-gerald talking about . ”[583-her father] “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Why not ? ”[255-gerald] Those two words , from [her]3502-her , always drove [him]583-her father mad . “ Everything is all right — [we]7010-we shall go to [[the registrar]6961-the registrar ’s office]7012-the registrar ’s office — ”[3502-her] There was a second ’s hush in [the room]739-the room , after [Ursula]255-gerald ’s blithe vagueness . “ Really , [Ursula]255-gerald ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Might [we]7010-we ask why there has been all this secrecy ? ”[565-the mother] demanded [the mother]565-the mother , rather superbly . “ But there has n’t , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [You]583-her father knew . ”[255-gerald] “ Who knew ? ”[646-the father] now cried [the father]646-the father . “ Who knew ? What do [you]583-her father mean by [your]583-her father ‘ [you]583-her father knew ’ ? ”[646-the father] [He]583-her father was in one of [his]583-her father stupid rages , [she]3502-her instantly closed against [him]583-her father . “ Of course [you]583-her father knew , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her said coolly . “ [You]583-her father knew [we]7010-we were going to get married . ”[3502-her] There was a dangerous pause . “ [We]7010-we knew [you]583-her father were going to get married , did [we]7010-we ? Knew ! Why , does [anybody]744-anybody know anything about [you]583-her father , [[you]583-her father shifty bitch]7014-you shifty bitch ! ”[3502-her] “ [Father]185-father ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , flushing deep in violent remonstrance . Then , in a cold , but gentle voice , as if to remind [[her]3502-her sister]449-her sister to be tractable : “ But is n’t it a fearfully sudden decision , [Ursula]255-gerald ? ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her asked . “ No , not really , ”[255-gerald] replied [Ursula]255-gerald , with the same maddening cheerfulness . “ [He]583-her father ’s been wanting [me]255-gerald to agree for weeks — [he]583-her father ’s had the licence ready . Only [I]255-gerald — [I]255-gerald was n’t ready in [myself]255-gerald . Now [I]255-gerald am ready — is there anything to be disagreeable about ? ”[255-gerald] “ Certainly not , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , but in a tone of cold reproof . “ [You]255-gerald are perfectly free to do as [you]255-gerald like . ”[160-gudrun] “ ‘ Ready in [yourself’—yourself]255-gerald , that ’s all that matters , is n’t it ! ‘ [I]3517-he was n’t ready in [myself]3517-he , ’ ”[3517-he] [he]3517-he mimicked [her]3502-her phrase offensively . “ [You]255-gerald and [yourself]255-gerald , [you]255-gerald ’re of some importance , are n’t [you]255-gerald ? ”[3517-he] [She]3502-her drew [herself]3502-her up and set back [her]3502-her throat , [her]3502-her eyes shining yellow and dangerous . “ [I]3502-her am to [myself]3502-her , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her said , wounded and mortified . “ [I]3502-her know [I]3502-her am not to [anybody else]1074-anybody else . [You]3517-he only wanted to bully [me]3502-her — [you]3517-he never cared for [my]3502-her happiness . ”[3502-her] [He]3517-he was leaning forward watching [her]3502-her , [his]3517-he face intense like a spark . “ [Ursula]255-gerald , what are [you]255-gerald saying ? Keep [your]255-gerald tongue still , ”[770-her mother] cried [[her]3502-her mother]770-her mother . [Ursula]255-gerald swung round , and the lights in [her]3502-her eyes flashed . “ No , [I]3502-her wo n’t , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her cried . “ [I]3502-her wo n’t hold [my]3502-her tongue and be bullied . What does it matter which day [I]3502-her get married — what does it matter ! It does n’t affect [anybody]744-anybody but [myself]3502-her . ”[3502-her] [[Her]3502-her father]583-her father was tense and gathered together like a cat about to spring . “ Does n’t it ? ”[3517-he] [he]3517-he cried , coming nearer to [her]3502-her . [She]3502-her shrank away . “ No , how can it ? ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her replied , shrinking but stubborn . “ It does n’t matter to [me]3517-he then , what [you]3502-her do — what becomes of [you]3502-her ? ”[3517-he] [he]3517-he cried , in a strange voice like a cry . [The mother]565-the mother and [Gudrun]160-gudrun stood back as if hypnotised . “ No , ”[255-gerald] stammered [Ursula]255-gerald . [[Her]3502-her father]583-her father was very near to [her]3502-her . “ [You]3517-he only want to — ”[583-her father] [She]3502-her knew it was dangerous , and [she]3502-her stopped . [He]3517-he was gathered together , every muscle ready . “ What ? ”[3517-he] [he]3517-he challenged . “ Bully [me]3502-her , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her muttered , and even as [her]3502-her lips were moving , [his]3517-he hand had caught [her]3502-her smack at the side of the face and [she]3502-her was sent up against the door . “ [Father]4673-father ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun in a high voice , “ it is impossible ! ”[160-gudrun] [He]3517-he stood unmoving . [Ursula]255-gerald recovered , [her]3502-her hand was on the door handle . [She]3502-her slowly drew [herself]3502-her up . [He]3517-he seemed doubtful now . “ It ’s true , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her declared , with brilliant tears in [her]3502-her eyes , [her]3502-her head lifted up in defiance . “ What has [your]3517-he love meant , what did it ever mean?—bullying , and denial — it did — ”[3502-her] [He]3517-he was advancing again with strange , tense movements , and clenched fist , and the face of [a murderer]4779-a murderer . But swift as lightning [she]3502-her had flashed out of the door , and [they]3523-they heard [her]3502-her running [upstairs]467-upstairs . [He]3517-he stood for a moment looking at the door . Then , like a defeated animal , [he]3517-he turned and went back to [his]3517-he seat by the fire . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was very white . Out of the intense silence , [the mother]565-the mother ’s voice was heard saying , cold and angry : “ Well , [you]3517-he should n’t take so much notice of [her]3502-her . ”[565-the mother] Again the silence fell , each followed a separate set of emotions and thoughts . Suddenly the door opened again : [Ursula]255-gerald , dressed in hat and furs , with a small valise in [her]3502-her hand : “ Good - bye ! ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her said , in [her]3502-her maddening , bright , almost mocking tone . “ [I]3502-her ’m going . ”[3502-her] And in the next instant the door was closed , [they]3523-they heard the outer door , then [her]3502-her quick steps down [the garden path]3266-the garden path , then the gate banged , and [her]3502-her light footfall was gone . There was a silence like death in [the house]468-the house . [Ursula]255-gerald went straight to [the station]4906-the station , hastening heedlessly on [winged]3529-winged feet . There was [no train]3530-no train , [she]3502-her must walk on to [the junction]3531-the junction . As [she]3502-her went through the darkness , [she]3502-her began to cry , and [she]3502-her wept bitterly , with a dumb , heart - broken , [child]3319-child ’s anguish , all the way on [the road]502-the road , and in [the train]4874-the train . Time passed unheeded and unknown , [she]3502-her did not know where [she]3502-her was , nor what was taking place . Only [she]3502-her wept from fathomless depths of hopeless , hopeless grief , the terrible grief of [a child]733-a child , that knows no extenuation . Yet [her]3502-her voice had the same defensive brightness as [she]3502-her spoke to [[Birkin]169-birkin ’s landlady]3536-birkin ’s landlady at the door . “ Good evening ! Is [Mr Birkin]169-birkin in ? Can [I]3502-her see [him]3538-he ? ”[3502-her] “ Yes , [he]3538-he ’s in . [He]3538-he ’s in [[his]3538-he study]7018-his study . ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald slipped past [the woman]873-the woman . [His]3538-he door opened . [He]3538-he had heard [her]3502-her voice . “ Hello ! ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he exclaimed in surprise , seeing [her]3502-her standing there with the valise in [her]3502-her hand , and marks of tears on [her]3502-her face . [She]3502-her was one who wept without showing many traces , like [a child]733-a child . “ Do [I]3502-her look a sight ? ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her said , shrinking . “ No — why ? Come in , ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he took the bag from [her]3502-her hand and [they]3540-they went into [the study]5469-the study . There — immediately , [her]3502-her lips began to tremble like those of [a child that remembers again]3542-a child that remembers again , and the tears came rushing up . “ What ’s the matter ? ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he asked , taking [her]3502-her in [his]3538-he arms . [She]3502-her sobbed violently on [his]3538-he shoulder , whilst [he]3538-he held [her]3502-her still , waiting . “ What ’s the matter ? ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he said again , when [she]3502-her was quieter . But [she]3502-her only pressed [her]3502-her face further into [his]3538-he shoulder , in pain , like [a child that can not tell]3543-a child that can not tell . “ What is it , then ? ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he asked . Suddenly [she]3502-her broke away , wiped [her]3502-her eyes , regained [her]3502-her composure , and went and sat in a chair . “ [Father]185-father hit [me]3502-her , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her announced , sitting bunched up , rather like a ruffled bird , [her]3502-her eyes very bright . “ What for ? ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he said . [She]3502-her looked away , and would not answer . There was a pitiful redness about [her]3502-her sensitive nostrils , and [her]3502-her quivering lips . “ Why ? ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he repeated , in [his]3538-he strange , soft , penetrating voice . [She]3502-her looked round at [him]3538-he , rather defiantly . “ Because [I]3502-her said [I]3502-her was going to be married tomorrow , and [he]185-father bullied [me]3502-her . ”[3502-her] “ Why did [he]185-father bully [you]3502-her ? ”[3502-her] [Her]3502-her mouth dropped again , [she]3502-her remembered the scene once more , the tears came up . “ Because [I]3502-her said [he]185-father did n’t care — and [he]185-father does n’t , it ’s only [his]185-father domineeringness that ’s hurt — ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her said , [her]3502-her mouth pulled awry by [her]3502-her weeping , all the time [she]3502-her spoke , so that [he]3538-he almost smiled , it seemed so childish . Yet it was not childish , it was a mortal conflict , a deep wound . “ It is n’t quite true , ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he said . “ And even so , [you]3502-her should n’t say it . ”[3538-he] “ It is true — it is true , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her wept , “ and [I]3502-her wo n’t be bullied by [his]185-father pretending it ’s love — when it isn’t — [he]185-father does n’t care , how can [he]185-father — no , [he]185-father ca n’t — ”[3502-her] [He]3538-he sat in silence . [She]3502-her moved [him]3538-he beyond [himself]3538-he . “ Then [you]3502-her should n’t rouse [him]185-father , if [he]185-father ca n’t , ”[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]169-birkin quietly . “ And [I]3502-her have loved [him]185-father , [I]3502-her have , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her wept . “ [I]3502-her ’ve loved [him]185-father always , and [he]185-father ’s always done this to [me]3502-her , [he]185-father has — ”[3502-her] “ It ’s been a love of opposition , then , ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he said . “ Never mind — it will be all right . It ’s nothing desperate . ”[3538-he] “ Yes , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her wept , “ it is , it is . ”[3502-her] “ Why ? ”[3538-he] “ [I]3538-he shall never see [him]185-father again — ”[3538-he] “ Not immediately . Do n’t cry , [you]3502-her had to break with [him]185-father , it had to be — don’t cry . ”[3538-he] [He]3538-he went over to [her]3502-her and kissed [her]3502-her fine , fragile hair , touching [her]3502-her wet cheeks gently . “ Do n’t cry , ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he repeated , “ do n’t cry any more . ”[3538-he] [He]3538-he held [her]3502-her head close against [him]3538-he , very close and quiet . At last [she]3502-her was still . Then [she]3502-her looked up , [her]3502-her eyes wide and frightened . “ Do n’t [you]3538-he want [me]3502-her ? ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her asked . “ Want [you]3538-he ? ”[3502-her] [His]3538-he darkened , steady eyes puzzled [her]3502-her and did not give [her]3502-her play . “ Do [you]3538-he wish [I]3502-her had n’t come ? ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her asked , anxious now again for fear [she]3502-her might be out of place . “ No , ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he said . “ [I]3538-he wish there had n’t been the violence — so much ugliness — but perhaps it was inevitable . ”[3538-he] [She]3502-her watched [him]3538-he in silence . [He]3538-he seemed deadened . “ But where shall [I]3502-her stay ? ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her asked , feeling humiliated . [He]3538-he thought for a moment . “ Here , with [me]3538-he , ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he said . “ [We]7019-we ’re married as much today as [we]7019-we shall be tomorrow . ”[3538-he] “ But — ”[3538-he] “ [I]3538-he ’ll tell [Mrs Varley]370-mrs varley , ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he said . “ Never mind now . ”[3538-he] [He]3538-he sat looking at [her]3502-her . [She]3502-her could feel [his]3538-he darkened steady eyes looking at [her]3502-her all the time . It made [her]3502-her a little bit frightened . [She]3502-her pushed [her]3502-her hair off [her]3502-her forehead nervously . “ Do [I]3502-her look ugly ? ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her said . And [she]3502-her blew [her]3502-her nose again . A small smile came round [his]3538-he eyes . “ No , ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he said , “ fortunately . ”[3538-he] And [he]3538-he went across to [her]3502-her , and gathered [her]3502-her like a belonging in [his]3538-he arms . [She]3502-her was so tenderly beautiful , [he]3538-he could not bear to see [her]3502-her , [he]3538-he could only bear to hide [her]3502-her against [himself]3538-he . Now ; washed all clean by [her]3502-her tears , [she]3502-her was new and frail like a flower just unfolded , a flower so new , so tender , so made perfect by inner light , that [he]3538-he could not bear to look at [her]3502-her , [he]3538-he must hide [her]3502-her against [himself]3538-he , cover [his]3538-he eyes against [her]3502-her . [She]3502-her had the perfect candour of creation , something translucent and simple , like a radiant , shining flower that moment unfolded in primal blessedness . [She]3502-her was so new , so wonder - clear , so undimmed . And [he]3538-he was so old , so steeped in heavy memories . [Her]3502-her soul was new , undefined and glimmering with the unseen . And [his]3538-he soul was dark and gloomy , it had only one grain of living hope , like a grain of mustard seed . But this one living grain in [him]3538-he matched [the perfect youth in [her]3502-her]3544-the perfect youth in her . “ [I]3538-he love [you]3502-her , ”[3538-he] [he]3538-he whispered as [he]3538-he kissed [her]3502-her , and trembled with pure hope , like [a man who is born again to a wonderful , lively hope far exceeding the bounds of death]3545-a man who is born again to a wonderful , lively hope far exceeding the bounds of death . [She]3502-her could not know how much it meant to [him]3538-he , how much [he]3538-he meant by the few words . Almost childish , [she]3502-her wanted proof , and statement , even over - statement , for everything seemed still uncertain , unfixed to [her]3502-her . But the passion of gratitude with which [he]3538-he received [her]3502-her into [his]3538-he soul , the extreme , unthinkable gladness of knowing [himself]3538-he living and fit to unite with [her]3502-her , [he]3538-he , who was so nearly dead , who was so near to being gone with the rest of [[his]3538-he race]3546-his race down the slope of mechanical death , could never be understood by [her]3502-her . [He]3538-he worshipped [her]3502-her as [age worships youth]3547-age worships youth , [he]3538-he gloried in [her]3502-her , because , in [his]3538-he one grain of faith , [he]3538-he was young as [she]3502-her , [he]3538-he was [[her]3502-her proper mate]3548-her proper mate . This marriage with [her]3502-her was [his]3538-he resurrection and [his]3538-he life . All this [she]3502-her could not know . [She]3502-her wanted to be made much of , to be adored . There were infinite distances of silence between [them]3549-them . How could [he]3538-he tell [her]3502-her of the immanence of [her]3502-her beauty , that was not form , or weight , or colour , but something like a strange , golden light ! How could [he]3538-he know [himself]3538-he what [her]3502-her beauty lay in , for [him]3538-he . [He]3538-he said “ [Your]3502-her nose is beautiful , [your]3502-her chin is adorable . ”[3538-he] But it sounded like lies , and [she]3502-her was disappointed , hurt . Even when [he]3538-he said , whispering with truth , “ [I]3538-he love [you]3502-her , [I]3538-he love [you]3502-her , ”[3538-he] it was not the real truth . It was something beyond love , such a gladness of having surpassed [oneself]3550-oneself , of having transcended the old existence . How could [he]3538-he say ‘ [I]0-i ’ when [he]3538-he was something new and unknown , not [himself]3538-he at all ? This [I]0-i , this old formula of the age , was a dead letter . In the new , superfine bliss , a peace superseding knowledge , there was no [I]0-i and [you]3551-you , there was only the third , unrealised wonder , the wonder of existing not as [oneself]3550-oneself , but in a consummation of [my]0-i being and of [her]3502-her being in a new one , a new , paradisal unit regained from the duality . Nor can [I]0-i say “ [I]0-i love [you]3551-you , ”[0-i] when [I]0-i have ceased to be , and [you]3551-you have ceased to be : [we]3552-we are both caught up and transcended into a new oneness where everything is silent , because there is nothing to answer , all is perfect and at one . [Speech]371-speech travels between the separate parts . But in the perfect One there is perfect silence of bliss . [They]3552-we were married by law on the next day , and [she]3502-her did as [he]3538-he bade [her]3502-her , [she]3502-her wrote to [[her]3502-her father]583-her father and [mother]4695-mother . [[Her]3502-her mother]770-her mother replied , not [[her]3502-her father]583-her father . [She]3502-her did not go back to [school]4869-school . [She]3502-her stayed with [Birkin]169-birkin in [[his]3538-he rooms]3558-his rooms , or at [the Mill]5426-the mill , moving with [him]3538-he as [he]3538-he moved . But [she]3502-her did not see [anybody]744-anybody , save [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald . [She]3502-her was all strange and wondering as yet , but relieved as by dawn . [Gerald]255-gerald sat talking to [her]3502-her one afternoon in [the warm study]3561-the warm study down at [the Mill]111-the mill . [Rupert]169-birkin had not yet come [home]4649-home . “ [You]3502-her are happy ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald asked [her]3502-her , with a smile . “ Very happy ! ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her cried , shrinking a little in [her]3502-her brightness . “ Yes , [one]4646-one can see it . ”[3502-her] “ Can one ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald in surprise . [He]255-gerald looked up at [her]3502-her with a communicative smile . “ Oh yes , plainly . ”[255-gerald] [She]3502-her was pleased . [She]3502-her meditated a moment . “ And can [you]255-gerald see that [Rupert]169-birkin is happy as well ? ”[3502-her] [He]255-gerald lowered [his]255-gerald eyelids , and looked aside . “ Oh yes , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Really ! ”[255-gerald] “ Oh yes . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald was very quiet , as if it were something not to be talked about by [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald seemed sad . [She]3502-her was very sensitive to suggestion . [She]3502-her asked the question [he]255-gerald wanted [her]3502-her to ask . “ Why do n’t [you]255-gerald be happy as well ? ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her said . “ [You]255-gerald could be just the same . ”[3502-her] [He]255-gerald paused a moment . “ With [Gudrun]160-gudrun ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ Yes ! ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her cried , [her]3502-her eyes glowing . But there was a strange tension , an emphasis , as if [they]3563-they were asserting [their]3563-they wishes , against the truth . “ [You]3502-her think [Gudrun]160-gudrun would have [me]255-gerald , and [we]3563-they should be happy ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Yes , [I]3502-her ’m sure ! ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her cried . [Her]3502-her eyes were round with delight . Yet underneath [she]3502-her was constrained , [she]3502-her knew [her]3502-her own insistence . “ Oh , [I]3502-her ’m so glad , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her added . [He]255-gerald smiled . “ What makes [you]3502-her glad ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ For [her]160-gudrun sake , ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her replied . “ [I]255-gerald ’m sure [you’d]255-gerald — [you’re]255-gerald [the right man for [her]160-gudrun]7021-the right man for her . ”[255-gerald] “ [You]255-gerald are ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ And do [you]3502-her think [she]160-gudrun would agree with [you]3502-her ? ”[255-gerald] “ Oh yes ! ”[3502-her] [she]3502-her exclaimed hastily . Then , upon reconsideration , very uneasy : “ Though [Gudrun]160-gudrun is n’t so very simple , is [she]160-gudrun ? [One]4646-one does n’t know [her]160-gudrun in five minutes , does [one]4646-one ? [She]160-gudrun ’s not like [me]3502-her in that . ”[3502-her] [She]3502-her laughed at [him]255-gerald with [her]3502-her strange , open , dazzled face . “ [You]3502-her think [she]160-gudrun ’s not much like [you]3502-her ? ”[3502-her] [Gerald]255-gerald asked . [She]3502-her knitted [her]3502-her brows . “ Oh , in many ways [she]160-gudrun is . But [I]3502-her never know what [she]160-gudrun will do when anything new comes . ”[3502-her] “ [You]3502-her do n’t ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was silent for some moments . Then [he]255-gerald moved tentatively . “ [I]255-gerald was going to ask [her]160-gudrun , in any case , to go away with [me]255-gerald at Christmas , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , in a very small , cautious voice . “ Go away with [you]3502-her ? For a time , [you]3502-her mean ? ”[255-gerald] “ As long as [she]160-gudrun likes , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , with a deprecating movement . [They]3564-they were both silent for some minutes . “ Of course , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald at last , “ [she]160-gudrun might just be willing to rush into marriage . [You]255-gerald can see . ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] smiled [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald can see . But in case [she]160-gudrun won’t — do [you]3502-her think [she]160-gudrun would go abroad with [me]255-gerald for a few days — or for a fortnight ? ”[255-gerald] “ Oh yes , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald ’d ask [her]160-gudrun . ”[255-gerald] “ Do [you]3502-her think [we]3564-they might all go together ? ”[255-gerald] “ [All of [us]3564-they]7024-all of us ? ”[255-gerald] Again [Ursula]255-gerald ’s face lighted up . “ It would be rather fun , do n’t [you]255-gerald think ? ”[255-gerald] “ Great fun , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ And then [you]255-gerald could see , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ What ? ”[255-gerald] “ How things went . [I]3565-i think it is best to take the honeymoon before the wedding — don’t [you]255-gerald ? ”[3565-i] [She]3565-i was pleased with this mot . [He]255-gerald laughed . “ In certain cases , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [I]255-gerald ’d rather it were so in [my]255-gerald own case . ”[255-gerald] “ Would [you]255-gerald ! ”[255-gerald] exclaimed [Ursula]255-gerald . Then doubtingly , “ Yes , perhaps [you]255-gerald ’re right . [One]4646-one should please [oneself]4646-one . ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin came in a little later , and [Ursula]255-gerald told [him]255-gerald what had been said . “ [Gudrun]160-gudrun ! ”[169-birkin] exclaimed [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [She]160-gudrun ’s [a born mistress]7026-a born mistress , just as [Gerald]255-gerald is [a born lover]7027-a born lover — amant en titre . If as [somebody]4745-somebody says [all women]7029-all women are either [wives]1230-wives or [mistresses]1229-mistresses , then [Gudrun]160-gudrun is [a mistress]2837-a mistress . ”[169-birkin] “ And [all men]2482-all men either [lovers]621-lovers or [husbands]7035-husbands , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ But why not both ? ”[255-gerald] “ [The one]7036-the one excludes [the other]920-the other , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald laughed . “ Then [I]255-gerald want [a lover]6265-a lover , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ No [you]255-gerald do n’t , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ But [I]3566-her do , ”[3566-her] [she]3566-her wailed . [He]255-gerald kissed [her]3566-her , and laughed . It was two days after this that [Ursula]255-gerald was to go to fetch [her]3566-her things from [the house in [Beldover]1-beldover]3567-the house in beldover . The removal had taken place , [the family]722-the family had gone . [Gudrun]160-gudrun had [rooms in [Willey Green]6-willey green]3569-rooms in willey green . [Ursula]255-gerald had not seen [[her]3566-her parents]1835-her parents since [her]3566-her marriage . [She]3566-her wept over the rupture , yet what was the good of making it up ! Good or not good , [she]3566-her could not go to [them]1835-her parents . So [her]3566-her things had been left behind and [she]3566-her and [Gudrun]160-gudrun were to walk over for [them]1835-her parents , in the afternoon . It was a wintry afternoon , with red in the sky , when [they]1835-her parents arrived at [the house]468-the house . The windows were dark and blank , already [the place]5125-the place was frightening . [A stark , void entrance - hall]3573-a stark , void entrance - hall struck a chill to the hearts of [the girls]4851-the girls . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t believe [I]255-gerald dare have come in alone , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ It frightens [me]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ [Ursula]255-gerald ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Is n’t it amazing ! Can [you]255-gerald believe [you]255-gerald lived in [this place]1058-this place and never felt it ? How [I]160-gudrun lived [here]4650-here a day without dying of terror , [I]160-gudrun can not conceive ! ”[160-gudrun] [They]1835-her parents looked in [the big dining - room]3575-the big dining - room . [It]3575-the big dining - room was [a good - sized room]3576-a good - sized room , but now [a cell]3577-a cell would have been lovelier . The large bay windows were naked , the floor was stripped , and a border of dark polish went round the tract of pale boarding . In the faded wallpaper were dark patches where furniture had stood , where pictures had hung . The sense of walls , dry , thin , flimsy - seeming walls , and a flimsy flooring , pale with its artificial black edges , was neutralising to the mind . Everything was null to the senses , there was enclosure without substance , for the walls were dry and papery . Where were [they]1835-her parents standing , on earth , or suspended in some cardboard box ? In the hearth was burnt paper , and scraps of half - burnt paper . “ Imagine that [we]1835-her parents passed [our]1835-her parents days [here]4650-here ! ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]160-gudrun know , ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ It is too appalling . What must [we]1835-her parents be like , if [we]1835-her parents are the contents of this ! ”[160-gudrun] “ Vile ! ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ It really is . ”[255-gerald] And [she]3578-her recognised half - burnt covers of “ Vogue”—half[160-gudrun] - burnt representations of [women in gowns]3579-women in gowns — lying under the grate . [They]1835-her parents went to [the drawing - room]5183-the drawing - room . Another piece of shut - in air ; without weight or substance , only a sense of intolerable papery imprisonment in nothingness . [The kitchen]1588-the kitchen did look more substantial , because of the red - tiled floor and the stove , but it was cold and horrid . [The two girls]473-the two girls tramped hollowly up [the bare stairs]3583-the bare stairs . Every sound re - echoed under [their]473-the two girls hearts . [They]473-the two girls tramped down [the bare corridor]3584-the bare corridor . Against the wall of [[Ursula]255-gerald ’s bedroom]3585-ursula ’s bedroom were [her]3578-her things — a trunk , a work - basket , some books , loose coats , a hat - box , standing desolate in the universal emptiness of the dusk . “ A cheerful sight , are n’t [they]473-the two girls ? ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , looking down at [her]3578-her forsaken possessions . “ Very cheerful , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [The two girls]473-the two girls set to , carrying everything down to the front door . Again and again [they]473-the two girls made the hollow , re - echoing transit . [The whole place]3587-the whole place seemed to resound about [them]473-the two girls with a noise of hollow , empty futility . In the distance [the empty , invisible rooms]3588-the empty , invisible rooms sent forth a vibration almost of obscenity . [They]473-the two girls almost fled with the last articles , into the out - of - door . But it was cold . [They]473-the two girls were waiting for [Birkin]169-birkin , who was coming with [the car]4987-the car . [They]473-the two girls went [indoors]1712-indoors again , and [upstairs]467-upstairs to [[[their]473-the two girls parents]1834-their parents ’ front bedroom]3593-their parents ’ front bedroom , whose windows looked down on [the road]502-the road , and across [the country]4896-the country at the black - barred sunset , black and red barred , without light . [They]473-the two girls sat down in the window - seat , to wait . [Both girls]3596-both girls were looking over [the room]739-the room . It was void , with a meaninglessness that was almost dreadful . “ Really , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ [this room]5256-this room could n’t be sacred , could it ? ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked over [it]739-the room with slow eyes . “ Impossible , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied . “ When [I]160-gudrun think of [their]473-the two girls lives — [father]4673-father ’s and [mother]4695-mother ’s , [their]473-the two girls love , and [their]473-the two girls marriage , and [all of [us]473-the two girls [children]4659-children]7045-all of us children , and [our]473-the two girls bringing - up — would [you]160-gudrun have such a life , [Prune]163-prune ? ”[160-gudrun] “ [I]255-gerald would n’t , [Ursula]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ It all seems so nothing — [their]473-the two girls two lives — there ’s no meaning in it . Really , if [they]473-the two girls had not met , and not married , and not lived together — it would n’t have mattered , would it ? ”[255-gerald] “ Of course — [you]160-gudrun ca n’t tell , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ No . But if [I]160-gudrun thought [my]160-gudrun life was going to be like it — [Prune]163-prune , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun caught [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s arm , “ [I]160-gudrun should run . ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun was silent for a few moments . “ As a matter of fact , one can not contemplate the ordinary life — [one]4646-one can not contemplate it , ”[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ With [you]255-gerald , [Ursula]255-gerald , it is quite different . [You]255-gerald will be out of it all , with [Birkin]169-birkin . [He]7048-he ’s a special case . But with [the ordinary man]7049-the ordinary man , who has [his]7049-the ordinary man life fixed in one place , marriage is just impossible . There may be , and there are , thousands of [women who want it , and could conceive of nothing else]7050-women who want it , and could conceive of nothing else . But the very thought of it sends [me]160-gudrun mad . [One]4646-one must be free , above all , [one]4646-one must be free . [One]4646-one may forfeit everything else , but [one]4646-one must be free — [one]4646-one must not become 7 , [Pinchbeck Street]112-pinchbeck street — or [Somerset Drive]109-somerset drive — or [Shortlands]7-shortlands . [No man]4775-no man will be sufficient to make that good — [no man]4775-no man ! To marry , [one]4646-one must have a free lance , or nothing , [a comrade - in - arms]7059-a comrade - in - arms , a Glücksritter . [A man with a position in [the social world]7061-the social world]7060-a man with a position in the social world — well , it is just impossible , impossible ! ”[160-gudrun] “ What a lovely word — a Glücksritter ! ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ So much nicer than [a soldier of fortune]7062-a soldier of fortune . ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , is n’t it ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]160-gudrun ’d tilt [the world]541-the world with a Glücksritter . But [a home]5556-a home , [an establishment]7065-an establishment ! [Ursula]255-gerald , what would it mean?—think ! ”[160-gudrun] “ [I]255-gerald know , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [We]3598-they ’ve had [one home]7066-one home — that ’s enough for [me]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ Quite enough , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [The little grey home in [the west]7068-the west]7067-the little grey home in the west , ”[255-gerald] quoted [Ursula]255-gerald ironically . “ Does n’t it sound grey , too , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun grimly . [They]3598-they were interrupted by the sound of [the car]4987-the car . There was [Birkin]169-birkin . [Ursula]255-gerald was surprised that [she]3600-she felt so lit up , that [she]3600-she became suddenly so free from the problems of [grey homes in [the west]7068-the west]3601-grey homes in the west . [They]3598-they heard [his]3603-he heels click on [the hall pavement below]3604-the hall pavement below . “ Hello ! ”[3603-he] [he]3603-he called , [his]3603-he voice echoing alive through [the house]468-the house . [Ursula]255-gerald smiled to [herself]255-gerald . [He]3603-he was frightened of [the place]5125-the place too . “ Hello ! Here [we]3598-they are , ”[3600-she] [she]3600-she called [downstairs]1690-downstairs . And [they]3598-they heard [him]3603-he quickly running up . “ This is a ghostly situation , ”[3603-he] [he]3603-he said . “ [These houses]7069-these houses do n’t have ghosts — they’ve never had any personality , and only a place with personality can have a ghost , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [I]160-gudrun suppose so . Are [you]3598-they both weeping over the past ? ”[160-gudrun] “ [We]3598-they are , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , grimly . [Ursula]255-gerald laughed . “ Not weeping that it ’s gone , but weeping that it ever was , ”[3600-she] [she]3600-she said . “ Oh , ”[3603-he] [he]3603-he replied , relieved . [He]3603-he sat down for a moment . There was something in [his]3603-he presence , [Ursula]255-gerald thought , lambent and alive . It made even the impertinent structure of [this null house]3608-this null house disappear . “ [Gudrun]160-gudrun says [she]160-gudrun could not bear to be married and put into [a house]6309-a house , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald meaningful — [they]3598-they knew this referred to [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]3603-he was silent for some moments . “ Well , ”[3603-he] [he]3603-he said , “ if [you]255-gerald know beforehand [you]255-gerald could n’t stand it , [you]255-gerald ’re safe . ”[3603-he] “ Quite ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Why does [every woman]1465-every woman think [her]1465-every woman aim in life is to have [a hubby]7072-a hubby and [a little grey home in [the west]7068-the west]7073-a little grey home in the west ? Why is this the goal of life ? Why should it be ? ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Il faut avoir le respect de ses bêtises , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ But [you]255-gerald need n’t have the respect for the bêtise before [you]255-gerald ’ve committed it , ”[255-gerald] laughed [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Ah then , des bêtises du papa ? ”[255-gerald] “ Et de la maman , ”[160-gudrun] added [Gudrun]160-gudrun satirically . “ Et des voisins , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . [They]3598-they all laughed , and rose . It was getting dark . [They]3598-they carried the things to [the car]4987-the car . [Gudrun]160-gudrun locked the door of [the empty house]3610-the empty house . [Birkin]169-birkin had lighted the lamps of [the automobile]3611-the automobile . [It]3612-it all seemed very happy , as if [they]3598-they were setting out . “ Do [you]7075-you mind stopping at [Coulsons]113-coulsons . [I]160-gudrun have to leave the key there , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Right , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , and [they]3598-they moved off . [They]3598-they stopped in [the main street]3613-the main street . [The shops]1484-the shops were just lighted , [the last miners]3615-the last miners were passing [home]4649-home along [the causeways]6021-the causeways , half - visible shadows in [their]3615-the last miners grey pit - dirt , moving through the blue air . But [their]3615-the last miners feet rang harshly in manifold sound , along [the pavement]6240-the pavement . How pleased [Gudrun]160-gudrun was to come out of [the shop]3619-the shop , and enter [the car]4987-the car , and be borne swiftly away into the downhill of palpable dusk , with [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin ! What an adventure life seemed at this moment ! How deeply , how suddenly [she]160-gudrun envied [Ursula]255-gerald ! Life for [her]160-gudrun was so quick , and an open door — so reckless as if not only [this world]2436-this world , but the world that was gone and [the world to come]3622-the world to come were nothing to [her]160-gudrun . Ah , if [she]160-gudrun could be just like that , it would be perfect . For always , except in [her]160-gudrun moments of excitement , [she]160-gudrun felt a want within [herself]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun was unsure . [She]160-gudrun had felt that now , at last , in [Gerald]255-gerald ’s strong and violent love , [she]160-gudrun was living fully and finally . But when [she]160-gudrun compared [herself]160-gudrun with [Ursula]255-gerald , already [her]160-gudrun soul was jealous , unsatisfied . [She]160-gudrun was not satisfied — [she]160-gudrun was never to be satisfied . What was [she]160-gudrun short of now ? It was marriage — it was the wonderful stability of marriage . [She]160-gudrun did want it , let [her]160-gudrun say what [she]160-gudrun might . [She]160-gudrun had been lying . The old idea of marriage was right even now — marriage and [the home]471-the home . Yet [her]160-gudrun mouth gave a little grimace at the words . [She]160-gudrun thought of [Gerald]255-gerald and [Shortlands]7-shortlands — marriage and [the home]471-the home ! Ah well , let it rest ! [He]255-gerald meant a great deal to [her]160-gudrun — but — ! Perhaps it was not in [her]160-gudrun to marry . [She]160-gudrun was [one of [life ’s outcasts]3626-life ’s outcasts]3625-one of life ’s outcasts , [one of the drifting lives that have no root]3627-one of the drifting lives that have no root . No , no it could not be so . [She]160-gudrun suddenly conjured up [a rosy room]3628-a rosy room , with [herself]160-gudrun in a beautiful gown , and [a handsome man in evening dress who held [her]160-gudrun in [his]3629-a handsome man in evening dress who held her in his arms in the firelight , and kissed her arms in the firelight , and kissed [her]160-gudrun]3629-a handsome man in evening dress who held her in his arms in the firelight , and kissed her . This picture [she]160-gudrun entitled “ [Home]4649-home . ”[160-gudrun] It would have done for [the Royal Academy]3630-the royal academy . “ Come with [us]3631-us to tea — do , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , as [they]3631-us ran nearer to [the cottage of [Willey Green]6-willey green]3632-the cottage of willey green . “ Thanks awfully — but [I]160-gudrun must go in — ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun wanted very much to go on with [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin . That seemed like life indeed to [her]160-gudrun . Yet a certain perversity would not let [her]160-gudrun . “ Do come — yes , it would be so nice , ”[255-gerald] pleaded [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald ’m awfully sorry — [I]255-gerald should love to — but [I]255-gerald can’t — really — ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun descended from [the car]4987-the car in trembling haste . “ Ca n’t [you]160-gudrun really ! ”[255-gerald] came [Ursula]255-gerald ’s regretful voice . “ No , really [I]160-gudrun ca n’t , ”[160-gudrun] responded [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s pathetic , chagrined words out of the dusk . “ All right , are [you]160-gudrun ? ”[169-birkin] called [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Quite ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Good - night ! ”[160-gudrun] “ Good - night , ”[3634-they] [they]3634-they called . “ Come whenever [you]160-gudrun like , [we]3634-they shall be glad , ”[169-birkin] called [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Thank [you]3635-you very much , ”[160-gudrun] called [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in the strange , twanging voice of lonely chagrin that was very puzzling to [him]3635-you . [She]160-gudrun turned away to [[her]160-gudrun cottage gate]3636-her cottage gate , and [they]3634-they drove on . But immediately [she]160-gudrun stood to watch [them]3634-they , as [the car]4987-the car ran vague into the distance . And as [she]160-gudrun went up the path to [[her]160-gudrun strange house]3638-her strange house , [her]160-gudrun heart was full of incomprehensible bitterness . In [[her]160-gudrun parlour]3639-her parlour was a long - case clock , and inserted into its dial was a ruddy , round , slant - eyed , joyous - painted face , that wagged [over with the most ridiculous ogle when the clock ticked , and back again with the same absurd glad - eye at the next tick]3640-over with the most ridiculous ogle when the clock ticked , and back again with the same absurd glad - eye at the next tick . All the time the absurd smooth , brown - ruddy face gave [her]160-gudrun an obtrusive “ glad - eye . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun stood for minutes , watching it , till a sort of maddened disgust overcame [her]160-gudrun , and [she]160-gudrun laughed at [herself]160-gudrun hollowly . And still it rocked , and gave [her]160-gudrun the glad - eye from one side , then from the other , from one side , then from the other . Ah , how unhappy [she]160-gudrun was ! In the midst of [her]160-gudrun most active happiness , ah , how unhappy [she]160-gudrun was ! [She]160-gudrun glanced at the table . Gooseberry jam , and the same home - made cake with too much soda in it ! Still , gooseberry jam was good , and one so rarely got it . All the evening [she]160-gudrun wanted to go to [the Mill]5426-the mill . But [she]160-gudrun coldly refused to allow [herself]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun went the next afternoon instead . [She]160-gudrun was happy to find [Ursula]255-gerald alone . [It]3642-it was a lovely , intimate secluded atmosphere . [They]3643-they talked endlessly and delightedly . “ Are n’t [you]449-her sister fearfully happy [here]4650-here ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun to [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister glancing at [her]160-gudrun own bright eyes in the mirror . [She]160-gudrun always envied , almost with resentment , the strange positive fullness that subsisted in the atmosphere around [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin . How really beautifully [this room]5256-this room is done , ” [she]160-gudrun said aloud . “[160-gudrun] This hard plaited matting — what a lovely colour it is , the colour of cool light ! ” And it seemed to [her]160-gudrun perfect . “[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald , ” [she]160-gudrun said at length , in a voice of question and detachment , “[255-gerald] did [you]255-gerald know that [Gerald Crich]255-gerald had suggested [our]3643-they going away all together at Christmas ? ” “[255-gerald] Yes , [he]255-gerald ’s spoken to [Rupert]169-birkin . ” A deep flush dyed [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s cheek . [She]160-gudrun was silent a moment , as if taken aback , and not knowing what to say . “[255-gerald] But do n’t [you]255-gerald think , ” [she]160-gudrun said at last , “[255-gerald] it is amazingly cool ! ” [Ursula]255-gerald laughed . “[255-gerald] [I]0-i like [him]255-gerald for it , ” [she]160-gudrun said . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was silent . It was evident that , whilst [she]160-gudrun was almost mortified by [Gerald]255-gerald ’s taking the liberty of making such a suggestion to [Birkin]169-birkin , yet the idea itself attracted [her]160-gudrun strongly . “[255-gerald] There ’s a rather lovely simplicity about [Gerald]255-gerald , [I]0-i think , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald , “[0-i] so defiant , somehow ! Oh , [I]0-i think [he]255-gerald ’s very lovable . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun did not reply for some moments . [She]160-gudrun had still to get over the feeling of insult at the liberty taken with [her]160-gudrun freedom . “[0-i] What did [Rupert]169-birkin say — do [you]255-gerald know ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked . “[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald said it would be most awfully jolly , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . Again [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked down , and was silent . “[255-gerald] Do n’t [you]255-gerald think it would ? ” said [Ursula]255-gerald , tentatively . [She]160-gudrun was never quite sure how many defences [Gudrun]160-gudrun was having round [herself]160-gudrun . [Gudrun]160-gudrun raised [her]160-gudrun face with difficulty and held it averted . “[255-gerald] [I]0-i think it might be awfully jolly , as [you]255-gerald say , ” [she]160-gudrun replied . “[0-i] But do n’t [you]255-gerald think it was an unpardonable liberty to take — to talk of such things to [Rupert]169-birkin — who after all — [you]255-gerald see what [I]0-i mean , [Ursula]255-gerald — [they]3646-they might have been [two men]2401-two men arranging an outing with some little type [they]3646-they ’d picked up . Oh , [I]0-i think it ’s unforgivable , quite ! ” [She]160-gudrun used the French word “[0-i] type . ” [Her]160-gudrun eyes flashed , [her]160-gudrun soft face was flushed and sullen . [Ursula]255-gerald looked on , rather frightened , frightened most of all because [she]160-gudrun thought [Gudrun]160-gudrun seemed rather common , really like a little type . But [she]160-gudrun had not the courage quite to think this — not right out . “[0-i] Oh no , ” [she]160-gudrun cried , stammering . “[0-i] Oh no — not at all like that — oh no ! No , [I]0-i think it ’s rather beautiful , the friendship between [Rupert]169-birkin and [Gerald]255-gerald . [They]3646-they just are simple — [they]3646-they say anything to [each other]451-each other , like [brothers]6584-brothers . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun flushed deeper . [She]160-gudrun could not bear it that [Gerald]255-gerald gave [her]160-gudrun away — even to [Birkin]169-birkin . “[3646-they] But do [you]0-i think [even brothers]3650-even brothers have any right to exchange confidences of that sort ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked , with deep anger . “[0-i] Oh yes , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[0-i] There ’s never anything said that is n’t perfectly straightforward . No , the thing that ’s amazed [me]0-i most in [Gerald]255-gerald — how perfectly simple and direct [he]255-gerald can be ! And [you]0-i know , it takes rather [a big man]3651-a big man . Most of [them]3646-they must be indirect , [they]3646-they are [such cowards]3652-such cowards . ” But [Gudrun]160-gudrun was still silent with anger . [She]160-gudrun wanted the absolute secrecy kept , with regard to [her]160-gudrun movements . “[3652-such cowards] Wo n’t [you]0-i go ? ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[3652-such cowards] Do , [we]3653-we might all be so happy ! There is something [I]0-i love about [Gerald]255-gerald — [he]255-gerald ’s much more lovable than [I]0-i thought [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald ’s free , [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [he]255-gerald really is . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s mouth was still closed , sullen and ugly . [She]160-gudrun opened it at length . “[255-gerald] Do [you]0-i know where [he]255-gerald proposes to go ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked . “[0-i] Yes — to [the Tyrol]3654-the tyrol , where [he]255-gerald used to go when [he]255-gerald was in [Germany]114-germany — [a lovely place where [students]3656-students go , small and rough and lovely , for winter sport]3655-a lovely place where students go , small and rough and lovely , for winter sport ! ” Through [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s mind went the angry thought—“they[0-i] know everything . ” “[0-i] Yes , ” [she]160-gudrun said aloud , “[0-i] about forty kilometres from [Innsbruck]115-innsbruck , is n’t it ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know exactly where — but it would be lovely , do n’t [you]0-i think , high in the perfect snow — ? ” “[0-i] Very lovely ! ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , sarcastically . [Ursula]255-gerald was put out . “[0-i] Of course , ” [she]160-gudrun said , “[0-i] [I]0-i think [Gerald]255-gerald spoke to [Rupert]169-birkin so that it should n’t seem like an outing with a type — ” “[255-gerald] [I]0-i know , of course , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “[0-i] that [he]255-gerald quite commonly does take up with that sort . ” “[255-gerald] Does [he]255-gerald ! ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[255-gerald] Why how do [you]0-i know ? ” “[0-i] [I]0-i know of a model in [Chelsea]4-chelsea , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun coldly . Now [Ursula]255-gerald was silent . “[0-i] Well , ” [she]160-gudrun said at last , with a doubtful laugh , “[0-i] [I]0-i hope [he]255-gerald has a good time with [her]3657-her . ” At which [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked more glum . [Christmas]363-christmas drew near , [all four]7078-all four prepared for flight . [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald were busy packing [their]7078-all four few personal things , making [them]7078-all four ready to be sent off , to [whatever country and whatever place [they]7078-all four might choose at last]7079-whatever country and whatever place they might choose at last . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was very much excited . [She]160-gudrun loved to be on the wing . [She]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald , being ready first , set off via [London]2-london and [Paris]42-paris to [Innsbruck]115-innsbruck , where [they]7078-all four would meet [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin . In [London]2-london [they]7078-all four stayed one night . [They]7078-all four went to [the music - hall]7080-the music - hall , and afterwards to [the Pompadour Café]7081-the pompadour café . [Gudrun]160-gudrun hated the Café , yet [she]160-gudrun always went back to it , as did [most of [the artists of [her]160-gudrun acquaintance]7083-the artists of her acquaintance]7082-most of the artists of her acquaintance . [She]160-gudrun loathed its atmosphere of petty vice and petty jealousy and petty art . Yet [she]160-gudrun always called in again , when [she]160-gudrun was in [town]602-town . It was as if [she]160-gudrun had to return to this small , slow , central whirlpool of disintegration and dissolution : just give it a look . [She]160-gudrun sat with [Gerald]255-gerald drinking some sweetish liqueur , and staring with black , sullen looks at [the various groups of people at the tables]7085-the various groups of people at the tables . [She]160-gudrun would greet [nobody]912-nobody , but [young men]5365-young men nodded to [her]160-gudrun frequently , with a kind of sneering familiarity . [She]160-gudrun cut [them]5365-young men all . And it gave [her]160-gudrun pleasure to sit there , cheeks flushed , eyes black and sullen , seeing [them]5365-young men all objectively , as put away from [her]160-gudrun , like creatures in [some menagerie of apish degraded souls]7088-some menagerie of apish degraded souls . [God]167-god , what [a foul crew]7089-a foul crew [they]5365-young men were ! [Her]160-gudrun blood beat black and thick in [her]160-gudrun veins with rage and loathing . Yet [she]160-gudrun must sit and watch , watch . [One or two people]6788-one or two people came to speak to [her]160-gudrun . From every side of [the Café]116-the café , eyes turned half furtively , half jeeringly at [her]160-gudrun , [men]848-men looking over [their]848-men shoulders , [women]453-women under [their]453-women hats . [The old crowd]7093-the old crowd was there , [Carlyon]372-carlyon in [his]372-carlyon corner with [[his]372-carlyon pupils]7094-his pupils and [[his]372-carlyon girl]7095-his girl , [Halliday]204-halliday and [Libidnikov]218-libidnikov and [the Pussum]4973-the pussum — [they]7093-the old crowd were all there . [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [Gerald]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun watched [his]255-gerald eyes linger a moment on [Halliday]204-halliday , on [[Halliday]204-halliday ’s party]7097-halliday ’s party . [These last]7098-these last were on the look - out — [they]7098-these last nodded to [him]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald nodded again . [They]7098-these last giggled and whispered among [themselves]7098-these last . [Gerald]255-gerald watched [them]7098-these last with the steady twinkle in [his]255-gerald eyes . [They]7098-these last were urging [the Pussum]211-the pussum to something . [She]160-gudrun at last rose . [She]160-gudrun was wearing a curious dress of dark silk splashed and spattered with different colours , a curious motley effect . [She]160-gudrun was thinner , [her]160-gudrun eyes were perhaps hotter , more disintegrated . Otherwise [she]160-gudrun was just the same . [Gerald]255-gerald watched [her]160-gudrun with the same steady twinkle in [his]255-gerald eyes as [she]160-gudrun came across . [She]160-gudrun held out [her]160-gudrun thin brown hand to [him]255-gerald . “[0-i] How are [you]3658-you ? ” [she]160-gudrun said . [He]255-gerald shook hands with [her]160-gudrun , but remained seated , and let [her]160-gudrun stand near [him]255-gerald , against the table . [She]160-gudrun nodded blackly to [Gudrun]160-gudrun , whom [she]160-gudrun did not know to speak to , but well enough by sight and reputation . “[3658-you] [I]0-i am very well , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[3658-you] And [you]3658-you ? ” “[3658-you] Oh [I]0-i ’m all wight . What about [Wupert]212-wupert ? ” “[212-wupert] [Rupert]169-birkin ? [He]212-wupert ’s very well , too . ” “[212-wupert] Yes , [I]0-i do n’t mean that . What about [him]212-wupert being married ? ” “[212-wupert] Oh — yes , [he]212-wupert is married . ” [The Pussum]211-the pussum ’s eyes had a hot flash . “[212-wupert] Oh , [he]212-wupert ’s [weally]3659-weally bwought it off then , has [he]212-wupert ? When was [he]212-wupert married ? ” “[212-wupert] A week or two ago . ” “[212-wupert] Weally ! [He]212-wupert ’s never written . ” “[212-wupert] No . ” “[212-wupert] No . Do n’t [you]3658-you think it ’s too bad ? ” This last was in a tone of challenge . [The Pussum]211-the pussum let it be known by [her]3658-you tone , that [she]3658-you was aware of [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s listening . “[3658-you] [I]0-i suppose [he]212-wupert did n’t feel like it , ” replied [Gerald]255-gerald . “[212-wupert] But why did n’t [he]212-wupert ? ” pursued [the Pussum]211-the pussum . This was received in silence . There was an ugly , mocking persistence in the small , beautiful figure of [the short - haired girl]7099-the short - haired girl , as [she]7099-the short - haired girl stood near [Gerald]255-gerald . “[212-wupert] Are [you]0-i staying in [town]602-town long ? ” [she]7099-the short - haired girl asked . “[0-i] Tonight only . ” “[0-i] Oh , only tonight . Are [you]0-i coming over to speak to [Julius]209-julius ? ” “[0-i] Not tonight . ” “[0-i] Oh very well . [I]0-i ’ll tell [him]209-julius then . ” Then came [her]7099-the short - haired girl touch of diablerie . “[0-i] [You]0-i ’re looking awf’lly fit . ” “[0-i] Yes — [I]0-i feel it . ” [Gerald]255-gerald was quite calm and easy , a spark of satiric amusement in [his]255-gerald eye . “[0-i] Are [you]0-i having a good time ? ” This was a direct blow for [Gudrun]160-gudrun , spoken in a level , toneless voice of callous ease . “[0-i] Yes , ” [he]255-gerald replied , quite colourlessly . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’m awf’lly sorry [you]0-i are n’t coming round to [the flat]1046-the flat . [You]0-i are n’t very faithful to [[your]0-i fwiends]3662-your fwiends . ” “[0-i] Not very , ” [he]255-gerald said . [She]3663-she nodded [them]3664-them both “[0-i] Good - night ’ , and went back slowly to [her]3663-she own set . [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [her]3663-she curious walk , stiff and jerking at the loins . [They]3664-them heard [her]3663-she level , toneless voice distinctly . “ [He]255-gerald wo n’t come over;—he is otherwise engaged , ”[3664-them] it said . There was more laughter and lowered voices and mockery at the table . “ Is [she]3663-she [a friend of yours]7100-a friend of yours ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , looking calmly at [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald ’ve stayed at [[Halliday]204-halliday ’s flat]7101-halliday ’s flat with [Birkin]169-birkin , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , meeting [her]3663-she slow , calm eyes . And [she]3663-she knew that [the Pussum]211-the pussum was [one of [[his]255-gerald mistresses]3666-his mistresses]3665-one of his mistresses — and [he]255-gerald knew [she]3663-she knew . [She]3663-she looked round , and called for [the waiter]4920-the waiter . [She]3663-she wanted an iced cocktail , of all things . This amused [Gerald]255-gerald — [he]255-gerald wondered what was up . [The Halliday party]3668-the halliday party was tipsy , and malicious . [They]3669-they were talking out loudly about [Birkin]169-birkin , ridiculing [him]255-gerald on every point , particularly on [his]255-gerald marriage . “ Oh , do n’t make [me]204-halliday think of [Birkin]169-birkin , ”[204-halliday] [Halliday]204-halliday was squealing . “ [He]255-gerald makes [me]204-halliday perfectly sick . [He]255-gerald is as bad as [Jesus]247-jesus . ‘ [Lord]7102-lord , what must [I]204-halliday do to be saved ! ’ ”[204-halliday] [He]204-halliday giggled to [himself]204-halliday tipsily . “ Do [you]7103-you remember , ”[221-the russian] came the quick voice of [the Russian]221-the russian , “ the letters [he]255-gerald used to send . ‘ Desire is holy — ’ ”[221-the russian] “ Oh yes ! ”[204-halliday] cried [Halliday]204-halliday . “ Oh , how perfectly splendid . Why , [I]204-halliday ’ve got one in [my]204-halliday pocket . [I]204-halliday ’m sure [I]204-halliday have . ”[204-halliday] [He]204-halliday took out various papers from [his]204-halliday pocket book . “ [I]204-halliday ’m sure [I’ve]204-halliday — hic ! Oh dear!—got one . ”[204-halliday] [Gerald]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun were watching absorbedly . “ Oh yes , how perfectly — hic!—splendid ! Do n’t make [me]160-gudrun laugh , [Pussum]211-the pussum , it gives [me]160-gudrun the hiccup . Hic ! — ”[160-gudrun] [They]3670-they all giggled . “ What did [he]255-gerald say in that one ? ”[4973-the pussum] [the Pussum]4973-the pussum asked , leaning forward , [her]4973-the pussum dark , soft hair falling and swinging against [her]4973-the pussum face . There was something curiously indecent , obscene , about [her]4973-the pussum small , longish , dark skull , particularly when the ears showed . “ Wait — oh do wait ! No - o , [I]215-maxim wo n’t give it to [you]211-the pussum , [I]215-maxim ’ll read it aloud . [I]215-maxim ’ll read [you]211-the pussum the choice bits,—hic ! Oh dear ! Do [you]211-the pussum think if [I]215-maxim drink water it would take off this hiccup ? Hic ! Oh , [I]215-maxim feel perfectly helpless . ”[215-maxim] “ Is n’t that the letter about uniting the dark and the light — and the Flux of Corruption ? ”[215-maxim] asked [Maxim]215-maxim , in [his]215-maxim precise , quick voice . “ [I]211-the pussum believe so , ”[211-the pussum] said [the Pussum]211-the pussum . “ Oh is it ? [I]204-halliday ’d forgotten — hic!—it was that one , ”[204-halliday] [Halliday]204-halliday said , opening the letter . “ Hic ! Oh yes . How perfectly splendid ! This is one of the best . ‘ There is a phase in every race — ’ ”[204-halliday] [he]204-halliday read in the sing - song , slow , distinct voice of [a clergyman reading the Scriptures]3672-a clergyman reading the scriptures , “ ‘ When the desire for destruction overcomes every other desire . In [the individual]5373-the individual , this desire is ultimately a desire for destruction in the self’—hic ! — ”[204-halliday] [he]204-halliday paused and looked up . “ [I]221-the russian hope [he]204-halliday ’s going ahead with the destruction of [himself]204-halliday , ”[221-the russian] said the quick voice of [the Russian]221-the russian . [Halliday]204-halliday giggled , and lolled [his]204-halliday head back , vaguely . “ There ’s not much to destroy in [him]204-halliday , ”[4973-the pussum] said [the Pussum]4973-the pussum . “ [He]204-halliday ’s so thin already , there ’s only a fag - end to start on . ”[4973-the pussum] “ Oh , is n’t it beautiful ! [I]204-halliday love reading it ! [I]204-halliday believe it has cured [my]204-halliday hiccup ! ”[204-halliday] squealed [Halliday]204-halliday . “ Do let [me]204-halliday go on . ‘ It is a desire for the reduction process in [oneself]7105-oneself , a reducing back to the origin , a return along the Flux of Corruption , to the original rudimentary conditions of being — ! ’ Oh , but [I]204-halliday do think it is wonderful . It almost supersedes the Bible — ”[204-halliday] “ Yes — Flux of Corruption , ”[221-the russian] said [the Russian]221-the russian , “ [I]221-the russian remember that phrase . ”[221-the russian] “ Oh , [he]204-halliday was always talking about Corruption , ”[211-the pussum] said [the Pussum]211-the pussum . “ [He]204-halliday must be corrupt [himself]204-halliday , to have it so much on [his]204-halliday mind . ”[211-the pussum] “ Exactly ! ”[221-the russian] said [the Russian]221-the russian . “ Do let [me]221-the russian go on ! Oh , this is a perfectly wonderful piece ! But do listen to this . ‘ And in the great retrogression , the reducing back of the created body of life , [we]7106-we get knowledge , and beyond knowledge , the phosphorescent ecstasy of acute sensation . ’ Oh , [I]221-the russian do think these phrases are too absurdly wonderful . Oh but do n’t [you]7107-you think they are — they’re nearly as good as [Jesus]247-jesus . ‘ And if , [Julius]209-julius , [you]209-julius want this ecstasy of reduction with the Pussum , [you]209-julius must go on till it is fulfilled . But surely there is in [you]209-julius also , somewhere , the living desire for positive creation , relationships in ultimate faith , when all this process of active corruption , with all its flowers of mud , is transcended , and more or less finished — ’ [I]221-the russian do wonder what the flowers of mud are . [Pussum]211-the pussum , [you]211-the pussum are a flower of mud . ”[221-the russian] “ Thank [you]211-the pussum — and what are [you]211-the pussum ? ”[204-halliday] “ Oh , [I]204-halliday ’m another , surely , according to this letter ! [We]7106-we ’re all flowers of mud — fleurs — hic ! du mal ! It ’s perfectly wonderful , [Birkin]169-birkin harrowing Hell — harrowing the Pompadour — Hic ! ”[204-halliday] “ Go on — go on , ”[215-maxim] said [Maxim]215-maxim . “ What comes next ? It ’s really very interesting . ”[215-maxim] “ [I]4973-the pussum think it ’s awful cheek to write like that , ”[4973-the pussum] said [the Pussum]4973-the pussum . “ Yes — yes , so do [I]5027-the russian , ”[5027-the russian] said [the Russian]5027-the russian . “ [He]204-halliday is [a megalomaniac]7108-a megalomaniac , of course , it is a form of religious mania . [He]204-halliday thinks [he]204-halliday is [the Saviour of man]7109-the saviour of man — go on reading . ”[5027-the russian] “ Surely , ”[204-halliday] [Halliday]204-halliday intoned , “ ‘ surely goodness and mercy hath followed [me]204-halliday all the days of [my]204-halliday life — ’ ”[204-halliday] [he]204-halliday broke off and giggled . Then [he]204-halliday began again , intoning like [a clergyman]3676-a clergyman . “ ‘ Surely there will come an end in [us]7110-ourselves to this desire — for the constant going apart,—this passion for putting asunder — everything — [ourselves]7110-ourselves , reducing [ourselves]7110-ourselves part from part — reacting in intimacy only for destruction,—using sex as a great reducing agent , reducing the two great elements of male and female from [their]7111-their highly complex unity — reducing the old ideas , going back to the savages for [our]7110-ourselves sensations,—always seeking to lose [ourselves]7110-ourselves in some ultimate black sensation , mindless and infinite — burning only with destructive fires , raging on with the hope of being burnt out utterly — ’ ”[204-halliday] “ [I]160-gudrun want to go , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun to [Gerald]255-gerald , as [she]160-gudrun signalled [the waiter]4920-the waiter . [Her]160-gudrun eyes were flashing , [her]160-gudrun cheeks were flushed . The strange effect of [Birkin]169-birkin ’s letter read aloud in a perfect clerical sing - song , clear and resonant , phrase by phrase , made the blood mount into [her]160-gudrun head as if [she]160-gudrun were mad . [She]160-gudrun rose , whilst [Gerald]255-gerald was paying the bill , and walked over to [Halliday]204-halliday ’s table . [They]3678-they all glanced up at [her]160-gudrun . “ Excuse [me]160-gudrun , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ Is that a genuine letter [you]204-halliday are reading ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Oh yes , ”[204-halliday] said [Halliday]204-halliday . “ Quite genuine . ”[204-halliday] “ May [I]204-halliday see ? ”[204-halliday] Smiling foolishly [he]204-halliday handed it to [her]160-gudrun , as if hypnotised . “ Thank [you]204-halliday , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . And [she]160-gudrun turned and walked out of [the Café]4911-the café with the letter , all down [the brilliant room]3680-the brilliant room , between the tables , in [her]160-gudrun measured fashion . It was some moments before [anybody]744-anybody realised what was happening . From [Halliday]204-halliday ’s table came half articulate cries , then [somebody]4745-somebody booed , then all the far end of [the place]5125-the place began booing after [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s retreating form . [She]160-gudrun was fashionably dressed in blackish - green and silver , [her]160-gudrun hat was brilliant green , like the sheen on an insect , but the brim was soft dark green , a falling edge with fine silver , [her]160-gudrun coat was dark green , lustrous , with a high collar of grey fur , and great fur cuffs , the edge of [her]160-gudrun dress showed silver and black velvet , [her]160-gudrun stockings and shoes were silver grey . [She]160-gudrun moved with slow , fashionable indifference to the door . [The porter]3684-the porter opened obsequiously for [her]160-gudrun , and , at [her]160-gudrun nod , hurried to the edge of [the pavement]6240-the pavement and whistled for [a taxi]1103-a taxi . The two lights of [a vehicle]3687-a vehicle almost immediately curved round towards [her]160-gudrun , like two eyes . [Gerald]255-gerald had followed in wonder , amid all the booing , not having caught [her]160-gudrun misdeed . [He]255-gerald heard [the Pussum]211-the pussum ’s voice saying : “ Go and get it back from [her]160-gudrun . [I]211-the pussum never heard of such a thing ! Go and get it back from [her]160-gudrun . Tell [Gerald Crich]255-gerald — there [he]255-gerald goes — go and make [him]255-gerald give it up . ”[211-the pussum] [Gudrun]160-gudrun stood at the door of [the taxi]3688-the taxi , which [the man]4658-the man held open for [her]160-gudrun . “ To [the hotel]7112-the hotel ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked , as [Gerald]255-gerald came out , hurriedly . “ Where [you]160-gudrun like , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald answered . “ Right ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . Then to [the driver]4986-the driver , “ [Wagstaff’s]117-wagstaff’s — [Barton Street]7113-barton street . ”[4986-the driver] [The driver]4986-the driver bowed [his]4986-the driver head , and put down the flag . [Gudrun]160-gudrun entered [the taxi]3688-the taxi , with the deliberate cold movement of [a woman who is well - dressed and contemptuous in [her]3693-a woman who is well - dressed and contemptuous in her soul soul]3693-a woman who is well - dressed and contemptuous in her soul . Yet [she]160-gudrun was frozen with overwrought feelings . [Gerald]255-gerald followed [her]160-gudrun . “ [You]255-gerald ’ve forgotten [the man]4658-the man , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said cooly , with a slight nod of [her]160-gudrun hat . [Gerald]255-gerald gave [the porter]3684-the porter a shilling . [The man]4658-the man saluted . [They]3696-they were in motion . “ What was all the row about ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald , in wondering excitement . “ [I]160-gudrun walked away with [Birkin]169-birkin ’s letter , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , and [he]255-gerald saw the crushed paper in [her]160-gudrun hand . [His]255-gerald eyes glittered with satisfaction . “ Ah ! ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Splendid ! A set of jackasses ! ”[255-gerald] “ [I]160-gudrun could have killed [them]7115-them ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried in passion . “ [Dogs!—they]373-dogs!—they are dogs ! Why is [Rupert]169-birkin such [a fool]4749-a fool as to write such letters to [them]7115-them ? Why does [he]255-gerald give [himself]255-gerald away to such canaille ? It ’s a thing that can not be borne . ”[160-gudrun] [Gerald]255-gerald wondered over [her]160-gudrun strange passion . And [she]160-gudrun could not rest any longer in [London]2-london . [They]3697-they must go by [the morning train]3698-the morning train from [Charing Cross]118-charing cross . As [they]3697-they drew over [the bridge]3113-the bridge , in [the train]4874-the train , having glimpses of the river between the great iron girders , [she]160-gudrun cried : “ [I]160-gudrun feel [I]160-gudrun could never see [this foul town]7117-this foul town again — [I]160-gudrun could n’t bear to come back to [it]7117-this foul town . ”[160-gudrun] [Ursula]255-gerald went on in an unreal suspense , the last weeks before going away . [She]160-gudrun was not [herself,—she]160-gudrun was not anything . [She]160-gudrun was something that is going to be — soon — soon — very soon . But as yet , [she]160-gudrun was only imminent . [She]160-gudrun went to see [[her]160-gudrun parents]1835-her parents . It was a rather stiff , sad meeting , more like a verification of separateness than a reunion . But [they]1835-her parents were all vague and indefinite with [one another]1500-one another , stiffened in the fate that moved [them]1835-her parents apart . [She]160-gudrun did not really come to until [she]160-gudrun was on [the ship]3703-the ship crossing from [Dover]70-dover to [Ostend]119-ostend . Dimly [she]160-gudrun had come down to [London]2-london with [Birkin]169-birkin , [London]2-london had been a vagueness , so had the train - journey to [Dover]70-dover . It was all like a sleep . And now , at last , as [she]160-gudrun stood in [the stern of [the ship]3703-the ship]3704-the stern of the ship , in a pitch - dark , rather blowy night , feeling the motion of [the sea]2243-the sea , and watching the small , rather desolate little lights that twinkled on [the shores of [England]80-england]3707-the shores of england , as on [the shores of nowhere]3708-the shores of nowhere , watched [them]3709-them sinking smaller and smaller on the profound and living darkness , [she]160-gudrun felt [her]160-gudrun soul stirring to awake from its anæsthetic sleep . “ Let [us]3711-they go forward , shall [we]3711-they ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . [He]3710-he wanted to be at the tip of [their]3711-they projection . So [they]3711-they left off looking at the faint sparks that glimmered out of nowhere , in the far distance , called [England]80-england , and turned [their]3711-they faces to the unfathomed night in front . [They]3711-they went right to the bows of [the softly plunging vessel]3712-the softly plunging vessel . In the complete obscurity , [Birkin]169-birkin found [a comparatively sheltered nook]3713-a comparatively sheltered nook , where a great rope was coiled up . It was quite near the very point of [the ship]3703-the ship , near [the black , unpierced space ahead]3715-the black , unpierced space ahead . There [they]3711-they sat down , folded together , folded round with the same rug , creeping in nearer and ever nearer to [one another]1500-one another , till it seemed [they]3711-they had crept right into each other , and become one substance . It was very cold , and the darkness was palpable . [One of [the ship]3703-the ship ’s crew]3717-one of the ship ’s crew came along [the deck]3719-the deck , dark as the darkness , not really visible . [They]3711-they then made out the faintest pallor of [his]3717-one of the ship ’s crew face . [He]3717-one of the ship ’s crew felt [their]3711-they presence , and stopped , unsure — then bent forward . When [his]3717-one of the ship ’s crew face was near [them]3711-they , [he]3717-one of the ship ’s crew saw the faint pallor of [their]3711-they faces . Then [he]3717-one of the ship ’s crew withdrew like a phantom . And [they]3711-they watched [him]3717-one of the ship ’s crew without making any sound . [They]3711-they seemed to fall away into the profound darkness . There was no sky , [no earth]3720-no earth , only one unbroken darkness , into which , with a soft , sleeping motion , [they]3711-they seemed to fall like one closed seed of life falling through [dark , fathomless space]3721-dark , fathomless space . [They]3711-they had forgotten where [they]3711-they were , forgotten all that was and all that had been , conscious only in [their]3711-they heart , and there conscious only of this pure trajectory through the surpassing darkness . [The ship]3703-the ship ’s prow cleaved on , with a faint noise of cleavage , into the complete night , without knowing , without seeing , only surging on . In Ursula the sense of [the unrealised world ahead]3723-the unrealised world ahead triumphed over everything . In the midst of this profound darkness , there seemed to glow on [her]3724-her heart the effulgence of [a paradise unknown and unrealised]3725-a paradise unknown and unrealised . [Her]3724-her heart was full of the most wonderful light , golden like honey of darkness , sweet like the warmth of day , a light which was not shed on [the world]541-the world , only on [the unknown paradise towards which [she]3724-her was going]3727-the unknown paradise towards which she was going , a sweetness of habitation , a delight of living quite unknown , but [hers]3724-her infallibly . In [her]3724-her transport [she]3724-her lifted [her]3724-her face suddenly to [him]3717-one of the ship ’s crew , and [he]3717-one of the ship ’s crew touched it with [his]3717-one of the ship ’s crew lips . So cold , so fresh , so sea - clear [her]3724-her face was , it was like kissing a flower that grows near [the surf]3728-the surf . But [he]3717-one of the ship ’s crew did not know the ecstasy of bliss in fore - knowledge that [she]3724-her knew . To [him]3717-one of the ship ’s crew , the wonder of this transit was overwhelming . [He]3717-one of the ship ’s crew was falling through [a gulf of infinite darkness]3729-a gulf of infinite darkness , like a meteorite plunging across [the chasm between the worlds]3730-the chasm between the worlds . [The world]541-the world was torn in two , and [he]3717-one of the ship ’s crew was plunging like an unlit star through the ineffable rift . What was beyond was not yet for [him]3717-one of the ship ’s crew . [He]3717-one of the ship ’s crew was overcome by the trajectory . In a trance [he]3717-one of the ship ’s crew lay enfolding [Ursula]255-gerald round about . [His]3717-one of the ship ’s crew face was against [her]3724-her fine , fragile hair , [he]3717-one of the ship ’s crew breathed its fragrance with [the sea]2243-the sea and the profound night . And [his]3717-one of the ship ’s crew soul was at peace ; yielded , as [he]3717-one of the ship ’s crew fell into [the unknown]3733-the unknown . This was the first time that an utter and absolute peace had entered [his]3717-one of the ship ’s crew heart , now , in this final transit out of life . When there came some stir on [the deck]3719-the deck , [they]3735-they roused . [They]3735-they stood up . How stiff and cramped [they]3735-they were , in the night - time ! And yet the paradisal glow on [her]3724-her heart , and the unutterable peace of darkness in [his]3717-one of the ship ’s crew , this was the all - in - all . [They]3735-they stood up and looked ahead . Low lights were seen down the darkness . This was [the world]541-the world again . It was not the bliss of [her]3724-her heart , nor the peace of [his]3717-one of the ship ’s crew . It was the superficial unreal world of fact . Yet not quite [the old world]3737-the old world . For the peace and the bliss in [their]3735-they hearts was enduring . Strange , and desolate above all things , like disembarking from [the Styx]120-the styx into [the desolated underworld]3738-the desolated underworld , was this landing at night . There was the raw , half - lighted , covered - in vastness of [the dark place]3739-the dark place , boarded and hollow underfoot , with only desolation everywhere . [Ursula]255-gerald had caught sight of the big , pallid , mystic letters “ OSTEND , ”[780-everybody] standing in the darkness . [Everybody]780-everybody was hurrying with a blind , insect - like intentness through the dark grey air , [porters]3741-porters were calling in un - English English , then trotting with heavy bags , [their]3741-porters colourless blouses looking ghostly as [they]3741-porters disappeared ; [Ursula]255-gerald stood at a long , low , zinc - covered barrier , along with hundreds of [other spectral people]3742-other spectral people , and all the way down the vast , raw darkness was this low stretch of open bags and [spectral people]3743-spectral people , whilst , on the other side of the barrier , [pallid officials in peaked caps and moustaches]3744-pallid officials in peaked caps and moustaches were turning the underclothing in the bags , then scrawling a chalk - mark . It was done . [Birkin]169-birkin snapped the hand bags , off [they]3735-they went , [the porter]3684-the porter coming behind . [They]3735-they were through a great doorway , and in the open night again — ah , [a railway platform]3746-a railway platform ! Voices were still calling in inhuman agitation through the dark - grey air , spectres were running along the darkness between [the train]4874-the train . “ Köln — [Berlin]67-berlin — ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald made out on the boards hung on [the high train]3748-the high train on one side . “ Here [we]3735-they are , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . And on [her]169-birkin side [she]169-birkin saw : “ [Elsass]121-elsass — [Lothringen]122-lothringen — [Luxembourg]123-luxembourg , [Metz]124-metz — [Basle]125-basle . ”[169-birkin] “ That was it , [Basle]125-basle ! ”[3684-the porter] [The porter]3684-the porter came up . “ [À Bâle]126-à bâle — deuxième classe?—Voilà ! ”[3684-the porter] And [he]3684-the porter clambered into [the high train]3748-the high train . [They]3735-they followed . [The compartments]3751-the compartments were already some of [them]3751-the compartments taken . But many were dim and empty . The luggage was stowed , [the porter]3684-the porter was tipped . “ Nous avons encore — ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , looking at [his]3753-his watch and at [the porter]3684-the porter . “ Encore une demi - heure . ”[169-birkin] With which , in [his]3684-the porter blue blouse , [he]3684-the porter disappeared . [He]3684-the porter was ugly and insolent . “ Come , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ It is cold . Let [us]3735-they eat . ”[169-birkin] There was [a coffee - wagon]3755-a coffee - wagon on [the platform]2118-the platform . [They]3735-they drank hot , watery coffee , and ate the long rolls , split , with ham between , which were such a wide bite that it almost dislocated [Ursula]255-gerald ’s jaw ; and [they]3735-they walked beside [the high trains]3757-the high trains . It was all so strange , so extremely desolate , like the underworld , grey , grey , dirt grey , desolate , forlorn , nowhere — grey , dreary nowhere . At last [they]3735-they were moving through the night . In the darkness [Ursula]255-gerald made out [the flat fields]3758-the flat fields , the wet flat dreary darkness of [the Continent]127-the continent . [They]3735-they pulled up surprisingly soon — [Bruges]128-bruges ! Then on through the level darkness , with glimpses of [sleeping farms]3759-sleeping farms and thin poplar trees and [deserted high - roads]3760-deserted high - roads . [She]3761-she sat dismayed , hand in hand with [Birkin]169-birkin . [He]3684-the porter pale , immobile like [a revenant]5187-a revenant [himself]3684-the porter , looked sometimes out of the window , sometimes closed [his]3684-the porter eyes . Then [his]3684-the porter eyes opened again , dark as the darkness outside . A flash of a few lights on the darkness — [Ghent station]129-ghent station ! [A few more spectres]3763-a few more spectres moving outside on [the platform]2118-the platform — then the bell — then motion again through the level darkness . [Ursula]255-gerald saw [a man with a lantern come out of [a farm by [the railway]1339-the railway]3766-a farm by the railway , and cross to [the dark farm - buildings]3768-the dark farm - buildings]3765-a man with a lantern come out of a farm by the railway , and cross to the dark farm - buildings . [She]3761-she thought of [the Marsh]130-the marsh , [the old , intimate farm - life at [Cossethay]131-cossethay]3769-the old , intimate farm - life at cossethay . [[My]0-i God]3770-my god , how far was [she]3761-she projected from [her]3761-she childhood , how far was [she]3761-she still to go ! In one life - time one travelled through æons . The great chasm of memory from [her]3761-she childhood in [the intimate country surroundings of [Cossethay]131-cossethay]3771-the intimate country surroundings of cossethay and [the Marsh Farm]3772-the marsh farm — [she]3761-she remembered [the servant Tilly , who used to give [her]3761-she bread and butter sprinkled with brown sugar , in [the old living - room]3774-the old living - room where the grandfather clock had two pink roses in a basket painted above the figures on the face]3773-the servant tilly , who used to give her bread and butter sprinkled with brown sugar , in the old living - room where the grandfather clock had two pink roses in a basket painted above the figures on the face — and now when [she]3761-she was travelling into the unknown with [Birkin]169-birkin , [an utter stranger]3775-an utter stranger — was so great , that it seemed [she]3761-she had no identity , that [the child [she]3761-she had been , playing in [Cossethay churchyard]131-cossethay]3776-the child she had been , playing in cossethay churchyard , was a little creature of history , not really [herself]3761-she . [They]3777-they were at [Brussels]133-brussels — half an hour for breakfast . [They]3777-they got down . On the great station clock it said six o’clock . [They]3777-they had coffee and rolls and honey in [the vast desert refreshment room]3778-the vast desert refreshment room , so dreary , always so dreary , dirty , so spacious , such desolation of space . But [she]3761-she washed [her]3761-she face and hands in hot water , and combed [her]3761-she hair — that was a blessing . Soon [they]3777-they were in [the train]4874-the train again and moving on . The greyness of dawn began . There were [several people in the compartment]3780-several people in the compartment , [large florid Belgian business - men with long brown beards]3781-large florid belgian business - men with long brown beards , talking incessantly in an ugly French [she]3761-she was too tired to follow . It seemed [the train]4874-the train ran by degrees out of the darkness into a faint light , then beat after beat into the day . Ah , how weary it was ! Faintly , the trees showed , like shadows . Then [a house]6309-a house , white , had a curious distinctness . How was it ? Then [she]3761-she saw [a village]3013-a village — there were always [houses]981-houses passing . This was [an old world [she]3761-she was still journeying through]3786-an old world she was still journeying through , winter - heavy and dreary . There was [plough - land]3787-plough - land and [pasture]3788-pasture , and copses of bare trees , copses of bushes , and homesteads naked and work - bare . [No new earth]3789-no new earth had come to pass . [She]3761-she looked at [Birkin]169-birkin ’s face . It was white and still and eternal , too eternal . [She]3761-she linked [her]3761-she fingers imploringly in [his]3790-his , under the cover of [her]3761-she rug . [His]3790-his fingers responded , [his]3790-his eyes looked back at [her]3761-she . How dark , like a night , [his]3790-his eyes were , like another world beyond ! Oh , if [he]3790-his were [the world]541-the world as well , if only [the world]541-the world were [he]3790-his ! If only [he]3790-his could call [a world]4850-a world into being , that should be [[their]3794-they own world]3795-their own world ! [The Belgians]375-the belgians left , [the train]4874-the train ran on , through [Luxembourg]123-luxembourg , through [Alsace - Lorraine]134-alsace - lorraine , through [Metz]124-metz . But [she]3761-she was blind , [she]3761-she could see no more . [Her]3761-she soul did not look out . [They]3794-they came at last to [Basle]125-basle , to [the hotel]7112-the hotel . It was all a drifting trance , from which [she]3761-she never came to . [They]3794-they went out in the morning , before [the train]4874-the train departed . [She]3761-she saw [the street]948-the street , [the river]3800-the river , [she]3761-she stood on [the bridge]3113-the bridge . But it all meant nothing . [She]3761-she remembered [some shops]3802-some shops — one full of pictures , one with orange velvet and ermine . But what did these signify?—nothing . [She]3761-she was not at ease till [they]3794-they were in [the train]4874-the train again . Then [she]3761-she was relieved . So long as [they]3794-they were moving onwards , [she]3761-she was satisfied . [They]3794-they came to [Zürich]135-zürich , then , before very long , ran under [the mountains]3804-the mountains , that were deep in snow . At last [she]3761-she was drawing near . This was [the other world]3805-the other world now . [Innsbruck]115-innsbruck was wonderful , deep in snow , and evening . [They]3794-they drove in [an open sledge]3806-an open sledge over the snow : [the train]4874-the train had been so hot and stifling . And [the hotel]7112-the hotel , with the golden light glowing under [the porch]3095-the porch , seemed like [a home]5556-a home . [They]3794-they laughed with pleasure when [they]3794-they were in [the hall]734-the hall . [The place]5125-the place seemed full and busy . “ Do [you]255-gerald know if [Mr and Mrs Crich]376-mrs crich — English — from [Paris]42-paris , have arrived ? ”[169-birkin] [Birkin]169-birkin asked in German . [The porter]3684-the porter reflected a moment , and was just going to answer , when [Ursula]255-gerald caught sight of [Gudrun]160-gudrun sauntering down [the stairs]5176-the stairs , wearing [her]160-gudrun dark glossy coat , with grey fur . “ [Gudrun]160-gudrun ! [Gudrun]160-gudrun ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun called , waving up the well of [the staircase]3815-the staircase . “ [Shu]377-shu - hu ! ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked over the rail , and immediately lost [her]160-gudrun sauntering , diffident air . [Her]160-gudrun eyes flashed . “ Really — [Ursula]255-gerald ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried . And [she]160-gudrun began to move [downstairs]1690-downstairs as [Ursula]255-gerald ran up . [They]3817-we met at a turn and kissed with laughter and exclamations inarticulate and stirring . “ But ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , mortified . “ [We]3817-we thought it was tomorrow [you]255-gerald were coming ! [I]160-gudrun wanted to come to [the station]4906-the station . ”[160-gudrun] “ No , [we]3817-we ’ve come today ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Is n’t it lovely here ! ”[255-gerald] “ [Adorable]378-adorable ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [Gerald]255-gerald ’s just gone out to get something . [Ursula]255-gerald , are n’t [you]255-gerald fearfully tired ? ”[160-gudrun] “ No , not so very . But [I]255-gerald look a filthy sight , do n’t [I]255-gerald ! ”[255-gerald] “ No , [you]255-gerald do n’t . [You]255-gerald look almost perfectly fresh . [I]3818-i like that fur cap immensely ! ”[3818-i] [She]3818-i glanced over [Ursula]255-gerald , who wore a big soft coat with a collar of deep , soft , blond fur , and a soft blond cap of fur . “ And [you]255-gerald ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ What do [you]255-gerald think [you]255-gerald look like ! ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun assumed an unconcerned , expressionless face . “ Do [you]255-gerald like it ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ It ’s very fine ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald , perhaps with a touch of satire . “ Go up — or come down , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . For there [the sisters]452-the sisters stood , [Gudrun]160-gudrun with [her]160-gudrun hand on [Ursula]255-gerald ’s arm , on the turn of [the stairs]5176-the stairs half way to [the first landing]3282-the first landing , blocking the way and affording full entertainment to the whole of [the hall below]3822-the hall below , from the door porter to [the plump Jew in black clothes]3823-the plump jew in black clothes . [The two young women]3824-the two young women slowly mounted , followed by [Birkin]169-birkin and [the waiter]4920-the waiter . “ [First floor]7119-first floor ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun , looking back over [her]160-gudrun shoulder . “ Second Madam — the lift ! ”[4920-the waiter] [the waiter]4920-the waiter replied . And [he]4920-the waiter darted to [the elevator]3827-the elevator to forestall [the two women]882-the two women . But [they]882-the two women ignored [him]4920-the waiter , as , chattering without heed , [they]882-the two women set to mount [the second flight]3829-the second flight . Rather chagrined , [the waiter]4920-the waiter followed . It was curious , the delight of [the sisters]452-the sisters in each other , at this meeting . It was as if [they]882-the two women met in exile , and united [their]882-the two women solitary forces against all [the world]541-the world . [Birkin]169-birkin looked on with some mistrust and wonder . When [they]3824-the two young women had bathed and changed , [Gerald]255-gerald came in . [He]255-gerald looked shining like the sun on frost . “ Go with [Gerald]255-gerald and smoke , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald to [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [I]255-gerald want to talk . ”[255-gerald] Then [the sisters]452-the sisters sat in [[Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s bedroom]3834-gudrun ’s bedroom , and talked clothes , and experiences . [Gudrun]160-gudrun told [Ursula]255-gerald the experience of the [Birkin]169-birkin letter in the café . [Ursula]255-gerald was shocked and frightened . “ Where is the letter ? ”[3835-she] [she]3835-she asked . “ [I]160-gudrun kept it , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [You]160-gudrun ’ll give it [me]3835-she , wo n’t [you]160-gudrun ? ”[3835-she] [she]3835-she said . But [Gudrun]160-gudrun was silent for some moments , before [she]160-gudrun replied : “ Do [you]160-gudrun really want it , [Ursula]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] “ [I]255-gerald want to read it , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Certainly , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . Even now , [she]3835-she could not admit , to [Ursula]255-gerald , that [she]3835-she wanted to keep it , as a memento , or a symbol . But [Ursula]255-gerald knew , and was not pleased . So the subject was switched off . “ What did [you]160-gudrun do in [Paris]42-paris ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Oh , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun laconically—“the usual things . [We]7120-we had a fine party one night in [[Fanny Bath]379-fanny bath ’s studio]7121-fanny bath ’s studio . ”[160-gudrun] “ Did [you]160-gudrun ? And [you]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald were there ! Who else ? Tell [me]3835-she about it . ”[3835-she] “ Well , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ There ’s nothing particular to tell . [You]160-gudrun know [Fanny]379-fanny bath is frightfully in love with [that painter]7122-that painter , [Billy Macfarlane]380-billy macfarlane . [He]380-billy macfarlane was there — so [Fanny]379-fanny bath spared nothing , [she]379-fanny bath spent very freely . It was really remarkable ! Of course , [everybody]780-everybody got fearfully drunk — but in an interesting way , not like that filthy [London]2-london crowd . The fact is these were all people that matter , which makes all the difference . There was [a Roumanian]7124-a roumanian , [a fine chap]7125-a fine chap . [He]7124-a roumanian got completely drunk , and climbed to the top of [a high studio ladder]7126-a high studio ladder , and gave the most marvellous address — really , [Ursula]255-gerald , it was wonderful ! [He]7124-a roumanian began in French — La vie , c’est une affaire d’âmes impériales — in a most beautiful voice — [he]7124-a roumanian was [a fine - looking chap]7127-a fine - looking chap — but [he]7124-a roumanian had got into [Roumanian]381-roumanian before [he]7124-a roumanian had finished , and not a soul understood . But [Donald Gilchrist]382-donald gilchrist was worked to a frenzy . [He]382-donald gilchrist dashed [his]382-donald gilchrist glass to the ground , and declared , by [God]167-god , [he]382-donald gilchrist was glad [he]382-donald gilchrist had been born , by [God]167-god , it was a miracle to be alive . And do [you]255-gerald know , [Ursula]255-gerald , so it was — ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun laughed rather hollowly . “ But how was [Gerald]255-gerald among [them]7128-them all ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [Gerald]255-gerald ! Oh , [my]255-gerald word , [he]255-gerald came out like a dandelion in the sun ! [He]255-gerald ’s a whole saturnalia in [himself]255-gerald , once [he]255-gerald is roused . [I]255-gerald should n’t like to say whose waist [his]255-gerald arm did not go round . Really , [Ursula]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald seems to reap [the women]537-the women like a harvest . There was n’t one that would have resisted [him]255-gerald . It was too amazing ! Can [you]160-gudrun understand it ? ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald reflected , and a dancing light came into [her]3836-her eyes . “ Yes , ”[3836-her] [she]3836-her said . “ [I]3836-her can . [He]255-gerald is such a whole - hogger . ”[3836-her] “ [Whole - hogger]7130-whole - hogger ! [I]160-gudrun should think so ! ”[160-gudrun] exclaimed [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ But it is true , [Ursula]255-gerald , [every woman in [the room]739-the room]7131-every woman in the room was ready to surrender to [him]255-gerald . [Chanticleer]383-chanticleer is n’t in it — even [Fanny Bath]379-fanny bath , who is genuinely in love with [Billy Macfarlane]380-billy macfarlane ! [I]160-gudrun never was more amazed in [my]160-gudrun life ! And [you]160-gudrun know , afterwards — [I]160-gudrun felt [I]160-gudrun was [a whole roomful of [women]453-women]7133-a whole roomful of women . [I]160-gudrun was no more [myself]160-gudrun to [him]255-gerald , than [I]160-gudrun was [Queen Victoria]384-queen victoria . [I]160-gudrun was a whole roomful of [women]453-women at once . It was most astounding ! But [my]160-gudrun eye , [I]160-gudrun ’d caught [a Sultan]7136-a sultan that time — ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s eyes were flashing , [her]160-gudrun cheek was hot , [she]160-gudrun looked strange , exotic , satiric . [Ursula]255-gerald was fascinated at once — and yet uneasy . [They]3837-they had to get ready for dinner . [Gudrun]160-gudrun came down in a daring gown of vivid green silk and tissue of gold , with green velvet bodice and a strange black - and - white band round [her]160-gudrun hair . [She]160-gudrun was really brilliantly beautiful and [everybody]780-everybody noticed [her]160-gudrun . [Gerald]255-gerald was in that full - blooded , gleaming state when [he]255-gerald was most handsome . [Birkin]169-birkin watched [them]3837-they with quick , laughing , half - sinister eyes , [Ursula]255-gerald quite lost [her]160-gudrun head . There seemed a spell , almost a blinding spell , cast round [their]3837-they table , as if [they]3837-they were lighted up more strongly than the rest of [the dining - room]774-the dining - room . “ Do n’t [you]255-gerald love to be in [this place]1058-this place ? ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Is n’t the snow wonderful ! Do [you]255-gerald notice how it exalts everything ? It is simply marvellous . [One]4646-one really does feel übermenschlich — more than human . ”[160-gudrun] “ [One]4646-one does , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ But is n’t that partly the being out of [England]80-england ? ”[255-gerald] “ Oh , of course , ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [One]4646-one could never feel like this in [England]80-england , for the simple reason that the damper is never lifted off one , there . It is quite impossible really to let go , in [England]80-england , of that [I]160-gudrun am assured . ”[160-gudrun] And [she]160-gudrun turned again to the food [she]160-gudrun was eating . [She]160-gudrun was fluttering with vivid intensity . “ It ’s quite true , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , “ it never is quite the same in [England]80-england . But perhaps [we]7141-we do n’t want it to be — perhaps it ’s like bringing the light a little too near the powder - magazine , to let go altogether , in [England]80-england . [One]172-one is afraid what might happen , if [everybody else]4773-everybody else let go . ”[255-gerald] “ [[My]160-gudrun God]3770-my god ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ But would n’t it be wonderful , if all [England]80-england did suddenly go off like a display of fireworks . ”[160-gudrun] “ It could n’t , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ They are all too damp , the powder is damp in them . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]255-gerald ’m not so sure of that , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Nor [I]169-birkin , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ When [the English]385-the english really begin to go off , en masse , it ’ll be time to shut [your]7144-your ears and run . ”[169-birkin] “ [They]385-the english never will , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [We]7141-we ’ll see , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ Is n’t it marvellous , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “ how thankful [one]4646-one can be , to be out of [one ’s country]7146-one ’s country . [I]160-gudrun can not believe [myself]160-gudrun , [I]160-gudrun am so transported , the moment [I]160-gudrun set foot on [a foreign shore]7147-a foreign shore . [I]160-gudrun say to [myself]160-gudrun ‘ Here steps a new creature into life . ’ ”[160-gudrun] “ Do n’t be too hard on [poor old [England]80-england]7148-poor old england , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Though [we]7149-we curse it , [we]7149-we love it really . ”[255-gerald] To [Ursula]255-gerald , there seemed a fund of cynicism in these words . “ [We]7149-we may , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ But it ’s a damnably uncomfortable love : like a love for [an aged parent who suffers horribly from a complication of diseases , for which there is no hope]7150-an aged parent who suffers horribly from a complication of diseases , for which there is no hope . ”[169-birkin] [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [him]3840-you with dilated dark eyes . “ [You]3840-you think there is no hope ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked , in [her]160-gudrun pertinent fashion . But [Birkin]169-birkin backed away . [He]3840-you would not answer such a question . “ Any hope of [England]80-england ’s becoming real ? God knows . It ’s a great actual unreality now , an aggregation into unreality . It might be real , if there were [no Englishmen]7151-no englishmen . ”[3840-you] “ [You]3840-you think [the English]385-the english will have to disappear ? ”[160-gudrun] persisted [Gudrun]160-gudrun . It was strange , [her]160-gudrun pointed interest in [his]3840-you answer . It might have been [her]160-gudrun own fate [she]160-gudrun was inquiring after . [Her]160-gudrun dark , dilated eyes rested on [Birkin]169-birkin , as if [she]160-gudrun could conjure the truth of the future out of [him]3840-you , as out of some instrument of divination . [He]3840-you was pale . Then , reluctantly , [he]3840-you answered : “ Well — what else is in front of [them]385-the english , but disappearance ? [They]385-the english ’ve got to disappear from [their]385-the english own special brand of Englishness , anyhow . ”[3840-you] [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [him]3840-you as if in a hypnotic state , [her]160-gudrun eyes wide and fixed on [him]3840-you . “ But in what way do [you]3840-you mean , disappear ? — ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun persisted . “ Yes , do [you]3840-you mean a change of heart ? ”[255-gerald] put in [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [I]169-birkin do n’t mean anything , why should [I]169-birkin ? ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [I]169-birkin ’m [an Englishman]7152-an englishman , and [I]169-birkin ’ve paid the price of it . [I]169-birkin ca n’t talk about [England]80-england — [I]169-birkin can only speak for [myself]169-birkin . ”[169-birkin] “ Yes , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun slowly , “ [you]3840-you love [England]80-england immensely , immensely , [Rupert]169-birkin . ”[160-gudrun] “ And leave [her]80-england , ”[3840-you] [he]3840-you replied . “ No , not for good . [You]3840-you ’ll come back , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , nodding sagely . “ [They]7153-they say [the lice]7154-the lice crawl off a dying body , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , with a glare of bitterness . “ So [I]169-birkin leave [England]80-england . ”[169-birkin] “ Ah , but [you]3840-you ’ll come back , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , with a sardonic smile . “ Tant pis pour moi , ”[3840-you] [he]3840-you replied . “ Is n’t [he]3840-you angry with [[his]3840-you mother country]7155-his mother country ! ”[255-gerald] laughed [Gerald]255-gerald , amused . “ Ah , [a patriot]7156-a patriot ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , with something like a sneer . [Birkin]169-birkin refused to answer any more . [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [him]3840-you still for a few seconds . Then [she]160-gudrun turned away . It was finished , [her]160-gudrun spell of divination in [him]3840-you . [She]160-gudrun felt already purely cynical . [She]160-gudrun looked at [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was wonderful like a piece of radium to [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun felt [she]160-gudrun could consume [herself]160-gudrun and know all , by means of this fatal , living metal . [She]160-gudrun smiled to [herself]160-gudrun at [her]160-gudrun fancy . And what would [she]160-gudrun do with [herself]160-gudrun , when [she]160-gudrun had destroyed [herself]160-gudrun ? For if spirit , if integral being is destructible , Matter is indestructible . [He]255-gerald was looking bright and abstracted , puzzled , for the moment . [She]160-gudrun stretched out [her]160-gudrun beautiful arm , with its fluff of green tulle , and touched [his]255-gerald chin with [her]160-gudrun subtle , [artist]3841-artist ’s fingers . “ What are [they]7157-they then ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked , with a strange , knowing smile . “ What ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied , [his]255-gerald eyes suddenly dilating with wonder . “ [Your]160-gudrun thoughts . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald looked like [a man]4648-a man coming awake . “ [I]255-gerald think [I]255-gerald had none , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Really ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , with grave laughter in [her]160-gudrun voice . And to [Birkin]169-birkin it was as if [she]160-gudrun killed [Gerald]255-gerald , with that touch . “ Ah but , ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “ let [us]7158-us drink to [Britannia]136-britannia — let [us]7158-us drink to [Britannia]136-britannia . ”[160-gudrun] It seemed there was wild despair in [her]160-gudrun voice . [Gerald]255-gerald laughed , and filled the glasses . “ [I]255-gerald think [Rupert]169-birkin means , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , “ that nationally [all Englishmen]7159-all englishmen must die , so that [they]7159-all englishmen can exist individually and — ”[255-gerald] “ Super - nationally — ”[160-gudrun] put in [Gudrun]160-gudrun , with a slight ironic grimace , raising [her]160-gudrun glass . The next day , [they]3843-they descended at [the tiny railway station of [Hohenhausen]137-hohenhausen]3844-the tiny railway station of hohenhausen , at [the end of [the tiny valley railway]3846-the tiny valley railway]3845-the end of the tiny valley railway . It was snow everywhere , [a white , perfect cradle of snow , new and frozen , sweeping up on either side , black crags , and white sweeps of silver towards the blue pale heavens]3847-a white , perfect cradle of snow , new and frozen , sweeping up on either side , black crags , and white sweeps of silver towards the blue pale heavens . As [they]3843-they stepped out on [the naked platform]3848-the naked platform , with only snow around and above , [Gudrun]160-gudrun shrank as if it chilled [her]160-gudrun heart . “ [[My]160-gudrun God]3770-my god , [Jerry]255-gerald , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , turning to [Gerald]255-gerald with sudden intimacy , “ [you]255-gerald ’ve done it now . ”[160-gudrun] “ What ? ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun made a faint gesture , indicating [the world]541-the world on either hand . “ Look at it ! ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun seemed afraid to go on . [He]255-gerald laughed . [They]3843-they were in [the heart of [the mountains]3804-the mountains]3850-the heart of the mountains . From high above , on either side , swept down the white fold of snow , so that one seemed small and tiny in [a valley of pure concrete heaven]3852-a valley of pure concrete heaven , all strangely radiant and changeless and silent . “ It makes one feel so small and alone , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , turning to [Birkin]169-birkin and laying [her]160-gudrun hand on [his]255-gerald arm . “ [You]160-gudrun ’re not sorry [you]160-gudrun ’ve come , are [you]160-gudrun ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun looked doubtful . [They]3843-they went out of [the station]4906-the station between [banks of snow]3854-banks of snow . “ Ah , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , sniffing the air in elation , “ this is perfect . There ’s [[our]3843-they sledge]7161-our sledge . [We]3843-they ’ll walk a bit — we’ll run up [the road]502-the road . ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun , always doubtful , dropped [her]160-gudrun heavy coat on [the sledge]3855-the sledge , as [he]255-gerald did [his]255-gerald , and [they]3843-they set off . Suddenly [she]160-gudrun threw up [her]160-gudrun head and set off scudding along [the road of snow]3856-the road of snow , pulling [her]160-gudrun cap down over [her]160-gudrun ears . [Her]160-gudrun blue , bright dress fluttered in the wind , [her]160-gudrun thick scarlet stockings were brilliant above the whiteness . [Gerald]255-gerald watched [her]160-gudrun : [she]160-gudrun seemed to be rushing towards [her]160-gudrun fate , and leaving [him]255-gerald behind . [He]255-gerald let [her]160-gudrun get some distance , then , loosening [his]255-gerald limbs , [he]255-gerald went after [her]160-gudrun . Everywhere was deep and silent snow . Great snow - eaves weighed down [the broad - roofed Tyrolese houses]3857-the broad - roofed tyrolese houses , that were sunk to the window - sashes in snow . [Peasant - women , full - skirted , wearing each a cross - over shawl , and thick snow - boots]3858-peasant - women , full - skirted , wearing each a cross - over shawl , and thick snow - boots , turned in the way to look at [the soft , determined girl]3859-the soft , determined girl running with such heavy fleetness from the man , who was overtaking [her]160-gudrun , but not gaining any power over [her]160-gudrun . [They]3860-they passed [the inn]2953-the inn with [its]2953-the inn painted shutters and [balcony]3862-balcony , [a few cottages]3863-a few cottages , half buried in the snow ; then [the snow - buried silent sawmill by the roofed bridge]3864-the snow - buried silent sawmill by the roofed bridge , which crossed [the hidden stream]3865-the hidden stream , over which [they]3860-they ran into the very depth of the untouched sheets of snow . It was a silence and a sheer whiteness exhilarating to madness . But the perfect silence was most terrifying , isolating the soul , surrounding the heart with frozen air . “ [It]7163-it ’s [a marvellous place]7164-a marvellous place , for all that , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , looking into [his]255-gerald eyes with a strange , meaning look . [His]255-gerald soul leapt . “ Good , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . A fierce electric energy seemed to flow over all [his]255-gerald limbs , [his]255-gerald muscles were surcharged , [his]255-gerald hands felt hard with strength . [They]3860-they walked along rapidly up [the snow - road]3866-the snow - road , that was marked by withered branches of trees stuck in at intervals . [He]255-gerald and [she]3867-she were separate , like opposite poles of one fierce energy . But [they]3860-they felt powerful enough to leap over the confines of life into [the forbidden places]3868-the forbidden places , and back again . [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald were running along also , over the snow . [He]255-gerald had disposed of the luggage , and [they]3860-they had a little start of the sledges . [Ursula]255-gerald was excited and happy , but [she]3867-she kept turning suddenly to catch hold of [Birkin]169-birkin ’s arm , to make sure of [him]255-gerald . “ This is something [I]3867-she never expected , ”[3867-she] [she]3867-she said . “ It is [a different world]7165-a different world , here . ”[3867-she] [They]3860-they went on into [a snow meadow]3869-a snow meadow . There [they]3860-they were overtaken by the sledge , that came tinkling through the silence . It was another mile before [they]3860-they came upon [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald on the steep up - climb , beside [the pink , half - buried shrine]3870-the pink , half - buried shrine . Then [they]3860-they passed into [a gulley]3871-a gulley , where were walls of black rock and [a river filled with snow]3872-a river filled with snow , and a still blue sky above . Through [a covered bridge]3873-a covered bridge [they]3860-they went , drumming roughly over the boards , crossing [the snow - bed]3874-the snow - bed once more , then slowly up and up , the horses walking swiftly , [the driver]4986-the driver cracking [his]4986-the driver long whip as [he]4986-the driver walked beside , and calling [his]4986-the driver strange wild hue - hue ! , the walls of rock passing slowly by , till [they]3860-they emerged again between slopes and masses of snow . Up and up , gradually [they]3860-they went , through the cold shadow - radiance of the afternoon , silenced by the imminence of [the mountains]3804-the mountains , the luminous , dazing sides of snow that rose above [them]3860-they and fell away beneath . [They]3860-they came forth at last in [a little high table - land of snow , where stood the last peaks of snow like the heart petals of an open rose]3877-a little high table - land of snow , where stood the last peaks of snow like the heart petals of an open rose . In the midst of [the last deserted valleys of heaven]3878-the last deserted valleys of heaven stood [a lonely building]3879-a lonely building with brown wooden walls and white heavy roof , deep and deserted in [the waste of snow]3880-the waste of snow , like a dream . [It]3879-a lonely building stood like a rock that had rolled down from [the last steep slopes]3881-the last steep slopes , a rock that had taken the form of [a house]6309-a house , and was now half - buried . It was unbelievable that [one]4646-one could live there uncrushed by all this terrible waste of whiteness and silence and clear , upper , ringing cold . Yet the sledges ran up in fine style , [people]579-people came to the door laughing and excited , the floor of [the hostel]3885-the hostel rang hollow , [the passage]5006-the passage was wet with snow , it was [a real , warm interior]3887-a real , warm interior . [The newcomers]5111-the newcomers tramped up [the bare wooden stairs]3889-the bare wooden stairs , following [the serving woman]3890-the serving woman . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald took [the first bedroom]3891-the first bedroom . In a moment [they]3860-they found [themselves]3860-they alone in [a bare , smallish , close - shut room]3892-a bare , smallish , close - shut room that was all of golden - coloured wood , floor , walls , ceiling , door , all of the same warm gold panelling of oiled pine . There was a window opposite the door , but low down , because the roof sloped . Under the slope of the ceiling were the table with wash - hand bowl and jug , and across , another table with mirror . On either side the door were two beds piled high with an enormous blue - checked overbolster , enormous . This was all — [no cupboard]3893-no cupboard , none of the amenities of life . Here [they]3860-they were shut up together in [this cell of golden - coloured wood]3894-this cell of golden - coloured wood , with two blue checked beds . [They]3860-they looked at [each other]451-each other and laughed , frightened by this naked nearness of isolation . [A man]4648-a man knocked and came in with the luggage . [He]4648-a man was [a sturdy fellow with flattish cheek - bones , rather pale , and with coarse fair moustache]3897-a sturdy fellow with flattish cheek - bones , rather pale , and with coarse fair moustache . [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [him]4648-a man put down the bags , in silence , then tramp heavily out . “ It is n’t too rough , is it ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald asked . [The bedroom]3898-the bedroom was not very warm , and [she]3890-the serving woman shivered slightly . “ It is wonderful , ”[3890-the serving woman] [she]3890-the serving woman equivocated . “ Look at the colour of this panelling — it ’s wonderful , like being inside a nut . ”[3890-the serving woman] [He]255-gerald was standing watching [her]3890-the serving woman , feeling [his]255-gerald short - cut moustache , leaning back slightly and watching [her]3890-the serving woman with [his]255-gerald keen , undaunted eyes , dominated by the constant passion , that was like a doom upon [him]255-gerald . [She]3890-the serving woman went and crouched down in front of the window , curious . “ Oh , but this — ! ”[3890-the serving woman] [she]3890-the serving woman cried involuntarily , almost in pain . In front was [a valley]2988-a valley shut in under the sky , [the last huge slopes of snow and black rock]3900-the last huge slopes of snow and black rock , and at the end , like the navel of [the earth]972-the earth , a white - folded wall , and two peaks glimmering in the late light . Straight in front ran [the cradle of silent snow]3902-the cradle of silent snow , between the great slopes that were fringed with a little roughness of pine - trees , like hair , round the base . But the cradle of snow ran on to the eternal closing - in , where the walls of snow and rock rose impenetrable , and the mountain peaks above were in [heaven immediate]3903-heaven immediate . This was the centre , the knot , the navel of [the world]541-the world , where [the earth]972-the earth belonged to the skies , pure , unapproachable , impassable . It filled [Gudrun]160-gudrun with a strange rapture . [She]3890-the serving woman crouched in front of the window , clenching [her]3890-the serving woman face in [her]3890-the serving woman hands , in a sort of trance . At last [she]3890-the serving woman had arrived , [she]3890-the serving woman had reached [[her]3890-the serving woman place]3906-her place . Here at last [she]3890-the serving woman folded [her]3890-the serving woman venture and settled down like a crystal in [the navel of snow]3907-the navel of snow , and was gone . [Gerald]255-gerald bent above [her]3890-the serving woman and was looking out over [her]3890-the serving woman shoulder . Already [he]255-gerald felt [he]255-gerald was alone . [She]3890-the serving woman was gone . [She]3890-the serving woman was completely gone , and there was icy vapour round [his]255-gerald heart . [He]255-gerald saw [the blind valley]3908-the blind valley , [the great cul - de - sac of snow and mountain peaks]3909-the great cul - de - sac of snow and mountain peaks , under [the heaven]3910-the heaven . And there was no way out . The terrible silence and cold and the glamorous whiteness of the dusk wrapped [him]255-gerald round , and [she]3890-the serving woman remained crouching before the window , as at [a shrine]3911-a shrine , a shadow . “ Do [you]255-gerald like it ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked , in a voice that sounded detached and foreign . At least [she]3890-the serving woman might acknowledge [he]255-gerald was with [her]3890-the serving woman . But [she]3890-the serving woman only averted [her]3890-the serving woman soft , mute face a little from [his]255-gerald gaze . And [he]255-gerald knew that there were tears in [her]3890-the serving woman eyes , [her]3890-the serving woman own tears , tears of [her]3890-the serving woman strange religion , that put [him]255-gerald to nought . Quite suddenly , [he]255-gerald put [his]255-gerald hand under [her]3890-the serving woman chin and lifted up [her]3890-the serving woman face to [him]255-gerald . [Her]3890-the serving woman dark blue eyes , in their wetness of tears , dilated as if [she]3890-the serving woman was startled in [her]3890-the serving woman very soul . [They]3912-their looked at [him]255-gerald through [their]3912-their tears in terror and a little horror . [His]255-gerald light blue eyes were keen , small - pupilled and unnatural in [their]3912-their vision . [Her]3890-the serving woman lips parted , as [she]3890-the serving woman breathed with difficulty . The passion came up in [him]255-gerald , stroke after stroke , like the ringing of a bronze bell , so strong and unflawed and indomitable . [His]255-gerald knees tightened to bronze as [he]255-gerald hung above [her]3890-the serving woman soft face , whose lips parted and whose eyes dilated in a strange violation . In the grasp of [his]255-gerald hand [her]3890-the serving woman chin was unutterably soft and silken . [He]255-gerald felt strong as winter , [his]255-gerald hands were living metal , invincible and not to be turned aside . [His]255-gerald heart rang like a bell clanging inside [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald took [her]3890-the serving woman up in [his]255-gerald arms . [She]3890-the serving woman was soft and inert , motionless . All the while [her]3890-the serving woman eyes , in which the tears had not yet dried , were dilated as if in a kind of swoon of fascination and helplessness . [He]255-gerald was superhumanly strong , and unflawed , as if invested with supernatural force . [He]255-gerald lifted [her]3890-the serving woman close and folded [her]3890-the serving woman against [him]255-gerald . [Her]3890-the serving woman softness , [her]3890-the serving woman inert , relaxed weight lay against [his]255-gerald own surcharged , bronze - like limbs in a heaviness of desirability that would destroy [him]255-gerald , if [he]255-gerald were not fulfilled . [She]3890-the serving woman moved convulsively , recoiling away from [him]255-gerald . [His]255-gerald heart went up like a flame of ice , [he]255-gerald closed over [her]3890-the serving woman like steel . [He]255-gerald would destroy [her]3890-the serving woman rather than be denied . But the overweening power of [his]255-gerald body was too much for [her]3890-the serving woman . [She]3890-the serving woman relaxed again , and lay loose and soft , panting in a little delirium . And to [him]255-gerald , [she]3890-the serving woman was so sweet , [she]3890-the serving woman was such bliss of release , that [he]255-gerald would have suffered a whole eternity of torture rather than forego one second of this pang of unsurpassable bliss . “ [[My]255-gerald God]3770-my god , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said to [her]3890-the serving woman , [his]255-gerald face drawn and strange , transfigured , “ what next ? ”[255-gerald] [She]3890-the serving woman lay perfectly still , with [a still , child - like face and dark eyes]3913-a still , child - like face and dark eyes , looking at [him]255-gerald . [She]3890-the serving woman was lost , fallen right away . “ [I]255-gerald shall always love [you]3890-the serving woman , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , looking at [her]3890-the serving woman . But [she]3890-the serving woman did not hear . [She]3890-the serving woman lay , looking at [him]255-gerald as at something [she]3890-the serving woman could never understand , never : as [a child]733-a child looks at [a grown - up person]3915-a grown - up person , without hope of understanding , only submitting . [He]255-gerald kissed [her]3890-the serving woman , kissed [her]3890-the serving woman eyes shut , so that [she]3890-the serving woman could not look any more . [He]255-gerald wanted something now , some recognition , some sign , some admission . But [she]3890-the serving woman only lay silent and child - like and remote , like [a child that is overcome and can not understand]3916-a child that is overcome and can not understand , only feels lost . [He]255-gerald kissed [her]3890-the serving woman again , giving up . “ Shall [we]7167-we go down and have coffee and [Kuchen]386-kuchen ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . The twilight was falling slate - blue at the window . [She]3890-the serving woman closed [her]3890-the serving woman eyes , closed away the monotonous level of dead wonder , and opened them again to [the every - day world]3917-the every - day world . “ Yes , ”[3890-the serving woman] [she]3890-the serving woman said briefly , regaining [her]3890-the serving woman will with a click . [She]3890-the serving woman went again to the window . Blue evening had fallen over [the cradle of snow]3918-the cradle of snow and over [the great pallid slopes]3919-the great pallid slopes . But in the heaven the peaks of snow were rosy , glistening like transcendent , radiant spikes of blossom in [the heavenly upper - world]3920-the heavenly upper - world , so lovely and beyond . [Gudrun]160-gudrun saw all [their]3921-they loveliness , [she]160-gudrun knew how immortally beautiful [they]3921-they were , great pistils of rose - coloured , snow - fed fire in the blue twilight of [the heaven]3910-the heaven . [She]160-gudrun could see it , [she]160-gudrun knew it , but [she]160-gudrun was not of it . [She]160-gudrun was divorced , debarred , [a soul shut out]3923-a soul shut out . With a last look of remorse , [she]160-gudrun turned away , and was doing [her]160-gudrun hair . [He]3924-he had unstrapped the luggage , and was waiting , watching [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun knew [he]3924-he was watching [her]160-gudrun . It made [her]160-gudrun a little hasty and feverish in [her]160-gudrun precipitation . [They]3921-they went [downstairs]1690-downstairs , both with a strange other - world look on [their]3921-they faces , and with a glow in [their]3921-they eyes . [They]3921-they saw [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald sitting at the long table in a corner , waiting for [them]3921-they . “ How good and simple [they]3921-they look together , ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun thought , jealously . [She]160-gudrun envied [them]3921-they some spontaneity , a childish sufficiency to which [she]160-gudrun [herself]160-gudrun could never approach . [They]3921-they seemed such children to [her]160-gudrun . “ Such good [Kranzkuchen]387-kranzkuchen ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald greedily . “ So good ! ”[255-gerald] “ Right , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Can [we]7168-we have [Kaffee mit Kranzkuchen]387-kranzkuchen ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun added to [the waiter]4920-the waiter . And [she]160-gudrun seated [herself]160-gudrun on the bench beside [Gerald]255-gerald . [Birkin]169-birkin , looking at [them]3921-they , felt a pain of tenderness for [them]3921-they . “ [I]255-gerald think [the place]5125-the place is really wonderful , [Gerald]255-gerald , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said ; “ prachtvoll and wunderbar and wunderschön and unbeschreiblich and all the other German adjectives . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald broke into a slight smile . “ [I]255-gerald like it , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . The tables , of white scrubbed wood , were placed round three sides of [the room]739-the room , as in a [Gasthaus]138-gasthaus . [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald sat with [their]3921-they backs to the wall , which was of oiled wood , and [Gerald]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun sat in the corner next [them]3921-they , near to the stove . [It]739-the room was [a fairly large place , with a tiny bar , just like [a country inn]3929-a country inn , but quite simple and bare , and all of oiled wood , ceilings and walls and floor]3928-a fairly large place , with a tiny bar , just like a country inn , but quite simple and bare , and all of oiled wood , ceilings and walls and floor , the only furniture being the tables and benches going round three sides , the great green stove , and the bar and the doors on the fourth side . The windows were double , and quite uncurtained . It was early evening . The coffee came — hot and good — and a whole ring of cake . “ [A whole Kuchen]7170-a whole kuchen ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [They]7171-they give [you]7172-you more than [us]7173-us ! [I]255-gerald want some of [yours]7172-you . ”[255-gerald] There were [other people in [the place]5125-the place]3930-other people in the place , ten altogether , so [Birkin]169-birkin had found out : [two artists]3932-two artists , [three students]3933-three students , [a man]4648-a man and [wife]2315-wife , and [a Professor]3936-a professor and [two daughters]3937-two daughters — [all Germans]3938-all germans . [The four English people]3939-the four english people , being [newcomers]3940-newcomers , sat in [their]3939-the four english people coign of vantage to watch . [The Germans]252-the germans peeped in at the door , called a word to [the waiter]4920-the waiter , and went away again . It was not meal - time , so [they]3939-the four english people did not come into [this dining - room]3942-this dining - room , but betook [themselves]3939-the four english people , when [their]3939-the four english people boots were changed , to [the Reunionsaal]3943-the reunionsaal . [The English visitors]3944-the english visitors could hear the occasional twanging of a zither , the strumming of a piano , snatches of laughter and shouting and singing , a faint vibration of voices . [The whole building]3945-the whole building being of wood , it seemed to carry every sound , like a drum , but instead of increasing each particular noise , it decreased it , so that the sound of the zither seemed tiny , as if a diminutive zither were playing somewhere , and it seemed the piano must be a small one , like a little spinet . [The host]3946-the host came when the coffee was finished . [He]3946-the host was a Tyrolese , broad , rather flat - cheeked , with a pale , pock - marked skin and flourishing moustaches . “ Would [you]3947-these english people like to go to [the Reunionsaal]139-the reunionsaal to be introduced to [the other ladies and gentlemen]7174-the other ladies and gentlemen ? ”[3946-the host] [he]3946-the host asked , bending forward and smiling , showing [his]3946-the host large , strong teeth . [His]3946-the host blue eyes went quickly from one to the other — [he]3946-the host was not quite sure of [his]3946-the host ground with [these English people]3947-these english people . [He]3946-the host was unhappy too because [he]3946-the host spoke no English and [he]3946-the host was not sure whether to try [his]3946-the host French . “ Shall [we]3950-the four strangers go to [the Reunionsaal]139-the reunionsaal , and be introduced to [the other people]751-the other people ? ”[255-gerald] repeated [Gerald]255-gerald , laughing . There was a moment ’s hesitation . “ [I]169-birkin suppose [we]3950-the four strangers ’d better — better break the ice , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . [The women]537-the women rose , rather flushed . And [the Wirt ’s black , beetle - like , broad - shouldered figure]3949-the wirt ’s black , beetle - like , broad - shouldered figure went on ignominiously in front , towards the noise . [He]3946-the host opened the door and ushered [the four strangers]3950-the four strangers into [the play - room]3951-the play - room . Instantly a silence fell , a slight embarrassment came over [the company]746-the company . [The newcomers]5111-the newcomers had a sense of many blond faces looking [their]5111-the newcomers way . Then , [the host]3946-the host was bowing to [a short , energetic - looking man with large moustaches , and saying in a low voice]3955-a short , energetic - looking man with large moustaches , and saying in a low voice : “ [Herr Professor]388-herr professor , darf ich vorstellen — ”[3955-a short , energetic - looking man with large moustaches , and saying in a low voice] [The Herr Professor]3956-the herr professor was prompt and energetic . [He]3956-the herr professor bowed low to [the English people]3957-the english people , smiling , and began to be [a comrade]3958-a comrade at once . “ Nehmen die Herrschaften teil an unserer Unterhaltung ? ”[3956-the herr professor] [he]3956-the herr professor said , with a vigorous suavity , [his]3956-the herr professor voice curling up in the question . [The four English people]3939-the four english people smiled , lounging with an attentive uneasiness in the middle of [the room]739-the room . [Gerald]255-gerald , who was [spokesman]3961-spokesman , said that [they]3939-the four english people would willingly take part in the entertainment . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald , laughing , excited , felt the eyes of [all the men upon [them]3939-the four english people]3962-all the men upon them , and [they]3939-the four english people lifted [their]3939-the four english people heads and looked nowhere , and felt royal . [The Professor]3963-the professor announced the names of [those present]1678-those present , sans cérémonie . There was a bowing to [the wrong people]3965-the wrong people and to [the right people]3966-the right people . [Everybody]780-everybody was there , except [the man]4658-the man and [wife]2315-wife . [The two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of [the professor]3963-the professor , with [their]3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , [their]3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes rather long , strong necks , [their]3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and [their]3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes blushes]3970-the two tall , clear - skinned , athletic daughters of the professor , with their plain - cut , dark blue blouses and loden skirts , their rather long , strong necks , their clear blue eyes and carefully banded hair , and their blushes , bowed and stood back ; [the three students]3972-the three students bowed very low , in the humble hope of making an impression of extreme good - breeding ; then there was [a thin , dark - skinned man with full eyes]3973-a thin , dark - skinned man with full eyes , an odd creature , like [a child]733-a child , and like a troll , quick , detached ; [he]3973-a thin , dark - skinned man with full eyes bowed slightly ; [[his]3973-a thin , dark - skinned man with full eyes companion]3975-his companion , [a large fair young man]3976-a large fair young man , stylishly dressed , blushed to the eyes and bowed very low . It was over . “ [Herr Loerke]389-loerke was giving [us]3972-the three students a recitation in the [Cologne]140-cologne dialect , ”[3963-the professor] said [the Professor]3963-the professor . “ [He]389-loerke must forgive [us]3972-the three students for interrupting [him]389-loerke , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , “ [we]3972-the three students should like very much to hear it . ”[255-gerald] There was instantly a bowing and an offering of seats . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald , [Gerald]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin sat in the deep sofas against the wall . [The room]739-the room was of naked oiled panelling , like [the rest of [the house]468-the house]3979-the rest of the house . [It]739-the room had a piano , sofas and chairs , and a couple of tables with books and magazines . In its complete absence of decoration , save for the big , blue stove , it was cosy and pleasant . [Herr Loerke]389-loerke was [the little man with the boyish figure , and the round , full , sensitive - looking head , and the quick , full eyes , like a mouse ’s]3981-the little man with the boyish figure , and the round , full , sensitive - looking head , and the quick , full eyes , like a mouse ’s . [He]389-loerke glanced swiftly from one to the other of [the strangers]3982-the strangers , and held [himself]389-loerke aloof . “ Please go on with the recitation , ”[3963-the professor] said [the Professor]3963-the professor , suavely , with [his]3963-the professor slight authority . [Loerke]389-loerke , who was sitting hunched on the piano stool , blinked and did not answer . “ It would be a great pleasure , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , who had been getting the sentence ready , in German , for some minutes . Then , suddenly , [the small , unresponding man]3984-the small , unresponding man swung aside , towards [[his]3984-the small , unresponding man previous audience]3985-his previous audience and broke forth , exactly as [he]3984-the small , unresponding man had broken off ; in a controlled , mocking voice , giving an imitation of a quarrel between [an old Cologne woman]3986-an old cologne woman and [a railway guard]3987-a railway guard . [His]3984-the small , unresponding man body was slight and unformed , like [a boy]764-a boy ’s , but [his]3984-the small , unresponding man voice was mature , sardonic , its movement had the flexibility of essential energy , and of a mocking penetrating understanding . [Gudrun]160-gudrun could not understand a word of [his]3984-the small , unresponding man monologue , but [she]160-gudrun was spell - bound , watching [him]3984-the small , unresponding man . [He]3984-the small , unresponding man must be [an artist]1059-an artist , [nobody else could have such fine adjustment and singleness]3990-nobody else could have such fine adjustment and singleness . [The Germans]252-the germans were doubled up with laughter , hearing [his]3984-the small , unresponding man strange droll words , [his]3984-the small , unresponding man droll phrases of dialect . And in the midst of [their]252-the germans paroxysms , [they]252-the germans glanced with deference at [the four English strangers]3991-the four english strangers , [the elect]6658-the elect . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald were forced to laugh . [The room]739-the room rang with shouts of laughter . The blue eyes of [[the Professor]3963-the professor ’s daughters]3995-the professor ’s daughters were swimming over with laughter - tears , [their]3995-the professor ’s daughters clear cheeks were flushed crimson with mirth , [[their]3995-the professor ’s daughters father]447-their father broke out in the most astonishing peals of hilarity , [the students]3997-the students bowed [their]3997-the students heads on [their]3997-the students knees in excess of joy . [Ursula]255-gerald looked round amazed , the laughter was bubbling out of [her]3998-her involuntarily . [She]3998-her looked at [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [her]3998-her , and [the two sisters]463-the two sisters burst out laughing , carried away . [Loerke]389-loerke glanced at [them]3995-the professor ’s daughters swiftly , with [his]389-loerke full eyes . [Birkin]169-birkin was sniggering involuntarily . [Gerald Crich]255-gerald sat erect , with a glistening look of amusement on [his]255-gerald face . And the laughter crashed out again , in wild paroxysms , [[the Professor]3963-the professor ’s daughters]3995-the professor ’s daughters were reduced to shaking helplessness , the veins of [the Professor]3963-the professor ’s neck were swollen , [his]255-gerald face was purple , [he]255-gerald was strangled in ultimate , silent spasms of laughter . [The students]3997-the students were shouting half - articulated words that tailed off in helpless explosions . Then suddenly the rapid patter of [the artist]4004-the artist ceased , there were little whoops of subsiding mirth , [Ursula]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun were wiping [their]463-the two sisters eyes , and [the Professor]3963-the professor was crying loudly . “ Das war ausgezeichnet , das war famos — ”[3963-the professor] “ Wirklich famos , ”[3963-the professor] echoed [[his]3963-the professor exhausted daughters]4006-his exhausted daughters , faintly . “ And [we]3997-the students could n’t understand it , ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Oh leider , leider ! ”[3963-the professor] cried [the Professor]3963-the professor . “ [You]3997-the students could n’t understand it ? ”[3997-the students] cried [the Students]3997-the students , let loose at last in speech with [the newcomers]5111-the newcomers . “ Ja , das ist wirklich schade , das ist schade , gnädige Frau . [Wissen Sie]390-wissen sie — ”[5111-the newcomers] The mixture was made , [the newcomers]5111-the newcomers were stirred into the party , like new ingredients , [the whole room]4011-the whole room was alive . [Gerald]255-gerald was in [his]255-gerald element , [he]255-gerald talked freely and excitedly , [his]255-gerald face glistened with a strange amusement . Perhaps even [Birkin]169-birkin , in the end , would break forth . [He]255-gerald was shy and withheld , though full of attention . [Ursula]255-gerald was prevailed upon to sing “ [Annie Lowrie]391-annie lowrie , ”[255-gerald] as [the Professor]3963-the professor called it . There was a hush of extreme deference . [She]4013-she had never been so flattered in [her]4013-she life . [Gudrun]160-gudrun accompanied [her]4013-she on the piano , playing from memory . [Ursula]255-gerald had a beautiful ringing voice , but usually no confidence , [she]4013-she spoiled everything . This evening [she]4013-she felt conceited and untrammelled . [Birkin]169-birkin was well in the background , [she]169-birkin shone almost in reaction , [the Germans]252-the germans made [her]169-birkin feel fine and infallible , [she]4013-she was liberated into overweening self - confidence . [She]4013-she felt like a bird flying in the air , as [her]4013-she voice soared out , enjoying [herself]4013-she extremely in the balance and flight of the song , like the motion of a bird ’s wings that is up in the wind , sliding and playing on the air , [she]4013-she played with sentimentality , supported by rapturous attention . [She]4013-she was very happy , singing that song by [herself]4013-she , full of a conceit of emotion and power , working upon [all those people]4680-all those people , and upon [herself]4013-she , exerting [herself]4013-she with gratification , giving immeasurable gratification to [the Germans]252-the germans . At the end , [the Germans]4015-the germans were all touched with admiring , delicious melancholy , [they]4015-the germans praised [her]4013-she in soft , reverent voices , [they]4015-the germans could not say too much . “ Wie schön , wie rührend ! Ach , die Schottischen Lieder , sie haben so viel Stimmung ! Aber die gnädige Frau hat eine wunderbare Stimme ; die gnädige Frau ist wirklich eine Künstlerin , aber wirklich ! ”[4015-the germans] [She]4013-she was dilated and brilliant , like a flower in the morning sun . [She]4013-she felt [Birkin]169-birkin looking at [her]4013-she , as if [he]4016-he were jealous of [her]4013-she , and [her]4013-she breasts thrilled , [her]4013-she veins were all golden . [She]4013-she was as happy as the sun that has just opened above clouds . And [everybody]780-everybody seemed so admiring and radiant , it was perfect . After dinner [she]4013-she wanted to go out for a minute , to look at [the world]541-the world . [The company]746-the company tried to dissuade [her]4013-she — it was so terribly cold . But just to look , [she]4013-she said . [They]4015-the germans all four wrapped up warmly , and found [themselves]4015-the germans in a vague , unsubstantial outdoors of dim snow and ghosts of [an upper - world]4020-an upper - world , that made strange shadows before the stars . It was indeed cold , bruisingly , frighteningly , unnaturally cold . [Ursula]255-gerald could not believe the air in [her]4013-she nostrils . It seemed conscious , malevolent , purposive in its intense murderous coldness . Yet it was wonderful , an intoxication , a silence of dim , unrealised snow , of the invisible intervening between [her]4013-she and the visible , between [her]4013-she and the flashing stars . [She]4013-she could see [Orion]392-orion sloping up . How wonderful [he]392-orion was , wonderful enough to make one cry aloud . And all around was this cradle of snow , and there was firm snow underfoot , that struck with heavy cold through [her]4013-she boot - soles . It was night , and silence . [She]4013-she imagined [she]4013-she could hear the stars . [She]4013-she imagined distinctly [she]4013-she could hear the celestial , musical motion of the stars , quite near at hand . [She]4013-she seemed like a bird flying amongst their harmonious motion . And [she]4013-she clung close to [Birkin]169-birkin . Suddenly [she]4013-she realised [she]4013-she did not know what [he]392-orion was thinking . [She]4013-she did not know where [he]392-orion was ranging . “ [My]4013-she love ! ”[4013-she] [she]4013-she said , stopping to look at [him]392-orion . [His]392-orion face was pale , [his]392-orion eyes dark , there was a faint spark of starlight on them . And [he]392-orion saw [her]4013-she face soft and upturned to [him]392-orion , very near . [He]392-orion kissed [her]4013-she softly . “ What then ? ”[392-orion] [he]392-orion asked . “ Do [you]392-orion love [me]4013-she ? ”[4013-she] [she]4013-she asked . “ Too much , ”[392-orion] [he]392-orion answered quietly . [She]4013-she clung a little closer . “ Not too much , ”[4013-she] [she]4013-she pleaded . “ Far too much , ”[392-orion] [he]392-orion said , almost sadly . “ And does it make [you]392-orion sad , that [I]4013-she am everything to [you]392-orion ? ”[4013-she] [she]4013-she asked , wistful . [He]392-orion held [her]4013-she close to [him]392-orion , kissing [her]4013-she , and saying , scarcely audible : “ No , but [I]392-orion feel like [a beggar]7176-a beggar — [I]392-orion feel poor . ”[392-orion] [She]4013-she was silent , looking at the stars now . Then [she]4013-she kissed [him]392-orion . “ Do n’t be [a beggar]7176-a beggar , ”[4013-she] [she]4013-she pleaded , wistfully . “ It is n’t ignominious that [you]392-orion love [me]4013-she . ”[4013-she] “ It is ignominious to feel poor , is n’t it ? ”[392-orion] [he]392-orion replied . “ Why ? Why should it be ? ”[4013-she] [she]4013-she asked . [He]392-orion only stood still , in the terribly cold air that moved invisibly over [the mountain tops]4021-the mountain tops , folding [her]4013-she round with [his]392-orion arms . “ [I]392-orion could n’t bear this cold , eternal place without [you]4013-she , ”[392-orion] [he]392-orion said . “ [I]392-orion could n’t bear it , it would kill the quick of [my]392-orion life . ”[392-orion] [She]4013-she kissed [him]392-orion again , suddenly . “ Do [you]392-orion hate it ? ”[4013-she] [she]4013-she asked , puzzled , wondering . “ If [I]392-orion could n’t come near to [you]4013-she , if [you]4013-she were n’t [here]4650-here , [I]392-orion should hate it . [I]392-orion could n’t bear it , ”[392-orion] [he]392-orion answered . “ But [the people]4677-the people are nice , ”[4013-she] [she]4013-she said . “ [I]392-orion mean the stillness , the cold , the frozen eternality , ”[392-orion] [he]392-orion said . [She]4013-she wondered . Then [her]4013-she spirit came home to [him]392-orion , nestling unconscious in [him]392-orion . “ Yes , it is good [we]4022-they are warm and together , ”[4013-she] [she]4013-she said . And [they]4022-they turned [home]4649-home again . [They]4022-they saw the golden lights of [the hotel]7112-the hotel glowing out in the night of snow - silence , small in [the hollow]2948-the hollow , like a cluster of yellow berries . It seemed like a bunch of sun - sparks , tiny and orange in the midst of the snow - darkness . Behind , was a high shadow of a peak , blotting out the stars , like a ghost . [They]4022-they drew near to [[their]4022-they home]4026-their home . [They]4022-they saw [a man]4648-a man come from [the dark building]4028-the dark building , with a lighted lantern which swung golden , and made that [his]4648-a man dark feet walked in a halo of snow . [He]4648-a man was a small , dark figure in the darkened snow . [He]4648-a man unlatched the door of [an outhouse]4029-an outhouse . A smell of cows , hot , animal , almost like beef , came out on the heavily cold air . There was a glimpse of two cattle in [their]4030-their dark stalls , then the door was shut again , and not a chink of light showed . It had reminded [Ursula]255-gerald again of [home]4649-home , of [the Marsh]130-the marsh , of [her]4013-she childhood , and of the journey to [Brussels]133-brussels , and , strangely , of [Anton Skrebensky]272-skrebensky . Oh , [God]167-god , could [one bear it]4032-one bear it , this past which was gone down [the abyss]3216-the abyss ? Could [she]4013-she bear , that it ever had been ! [She]4013-she looked round this silent , upper world of snow and stars and powerful cold . There was [another world]4676-another world , like views on a magic lantern ; [The Marsh]130-the marsh , [Cossethay]131-cossethay , [Ilkeston]141-ilkeston , lit up with a common , unreal light . There was a shadowy unreal [Ursula]255-gerald , a whole shadow - play of an unreal life . It was as unreal , and circumscribed , as a magic - lantern show . [She]4013-she wished the slides could all be broken . [She]4013-she wished it could be gone for ever , like a lantern - slide which was broken . [She]4013-she wanted to have no past . [She]4013-she wanted to have come down from [the slopes of heaven]4035-the slopes of heaven to [this place]1058-this place , with [Birkin]169-birkin , not to have toiled out of the murk of [her]4013-she childhood and [her]4013-she upbringing , slowly , all soiled . [She]4013-she felt that memory was a dirty trick played upon [her]4013-she . What was this decree , that [she]4013-she should ‘ remember ’ ! Why not a bath of pure oblivion , a new birth , without any recollections or blemish of a past life . [She]4013-she was with [Birkin]169-birkin , [she]4013-she had just come into life , here in [the high snow]4037-the high snow , against the stars . What had [she]4013-she to do with [parents]4038-parents and antecedents ? [She]4013-she knew [herself]4013-she new and unbegotten , [she]4013-she had [no father]4039-no father , [no mother]4040-no mother , no anterior connections , [she]4013-she was [herself]4013-she , pure and silvery , [she]4013-she belonged only to the oneness with [Birkin]169-birkin , a oneness that struck deeper notes , sounding into [the heart of [the universe]6164-the universe]4041-the heart of the universe , the heart of reality , where [she]4013-she had never existed before . Even [Gudrun]160-gudrun was [a separate unit]4043-a separate unit , separate , separate , having nothing to do with [this self]4044-this self , this [Ursula]255-gerald , in [[her]4013-she new world of reality]4045-her new world of reality . That old shadow - world , the actuality of the past — ah , let it go ! [She]160-gudrun rose free on the wings of [her]160-gudrun new condition . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald had not come in . [They]4046-they had walked up [the valley]5286-the valley straight in front of [the house]468-the house , not like [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin , on to [the little hill at the right]4049-the little hill at the right . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was driven by a strange desire . [She]160-gudrun wanted to plunge on and on , till [she]160-gudrun came to the end of [the valley of snow]4050-the valley of snow . Then [she]160-gudrun wanted to climb the wall of white finality , climb over , into the peaks that sprang up like sharp petals in the heart of [the frozen , mysterious navel of [the world]541-the world]4051-the frozen , mysterious navel of the world . [She]160-gudrun felt that there , over [the strange blind , terrible wall of rocky snow]4053-the strange blind , terrible wall of rocky snow , there in the navel of [the mystic world]4054-the mystic world , among [the final cluster of peaks]4055-the final cluster of peaks , there , in [the infolded navel of it all]4056-the infolded navel of it all , was [her]160-gudrun consummation . If [she]160-gudrun could but come there , alone , and pass into [the infolded navel of eternal snow]4057-the infolded navel of eternal snow and of [uprising , immortal peaks of snow and rock]4058-uprising , immortal peaks of snow and rock , [she]160-gudrun would be a oneness with all , [she]160-gudrun would be [herself]160-gudrun the eternal , infinite silence , the sleeping , timeless , frozen centre of [the All]142-the all . [They]4059-they went back to [the house]468-the house , to [the Reunionsaal]139-the reunionsaal . [She]160-gudrun was curious to see what was going on . [The men there]4061-the men there made [her]160-gudrun alert , roused [her]160-gudrun curiosity . It was a new taste of life for [her]160-gudrun , [they]4061-the men there were so prostrate before [her]160-gudrun , yet so full of life . [The party]701-the party was boisterous ; [they]4059-they were dancing all together , dancing the Schuhplatteln , the Tyrolese dance of the clapping hands and tossing [the partner]4063-the partner in the air at the crisis . [The Germans]4015-the germans were all proficient — [they]4015-the germans were from [Munich]58-munich chiefly . [Gerald]255-gerald also was quite passable . There were three zithers twanging away in a corner . It was a scene of great animation and confusion . [The Professor]3963-the professor was initiating [Ursula]255-gerald into the dance , stamping , clapping , and swinging [her]4066-her high , with amazing force and zest . When the crisis came even [Birkin]169-birkin was behaving manfully with [one of [[the Professor]3963-the professor ’s fresh , strong daughters]4069-the professor ’s fresh , strong daughters , who was exceedingly happy]4067-one of the professor ’s fresh , strong daughters , who was exceedingly happy . [Everybody]780-everybody was dancing , there was the most boisterous turmoil . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked on with delight . The solid wooden floor resounded to the knocking heels of [the men]727-the men , the air quivered with the clapping hands and the zither music , there was a golden dust about the hanging lamps . Suddenly the dance finished , [Loerke]389-loerke and [the students]3997-the students rushed out to bring in drinks . There was an excited clamour of voices , a clinking of mug - lids , a great crying of “ Prosit — Prosit ! ”[389-loerke] [Loerke]389-loerke was everywhere at once , like [a gnome]4073-a gnome , suggesting drinks for [the women]537-the women , making an obscure , slightly risky joke with [the men]727-the men , confusing and mystifying [the waiter]4920-the waiter . [He]389-loerke wanted very much to dance with [Gudrun]160-gudrun . From the first moment [he]389-loerke had seen [her]160-gudrun , [he]389-loerke wanted to make a connection with [her]160-gudrun . Instinctively [she]160-gudrun felt this , and [she]160-gudrun waited for [him]389-loerke to come up . But a kind of sulkiness kept [him]389-loerke away from [her]160-gudrun , so [she]160-gudrun thought [he]389-loerke disliked [her]160-gudrun . “ Will [you]160-gudrun schuhplätteln , [gnädige Frau]393-frau ? ”[4077-the large , fair youth] said [the large , fair youth]4077-the large , fair youth , [[Loerke]389-loerke ’s companion]4078-loerke ’s companion . [He]389-loerke was too soft , too humble for [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s taste . But [she]160-gudrun wanted to dance , and [the fair youth]4079-the fair youth , who was called [Leitner]394-leitner , was handsome enough in [his]4079-the fair youth uneasy , slightly abject fashion , a humility that covered a certain fear . [She]160-gudrun accepted [him]4079-the fair youth as [a partner]4080-a partner . [The zithers]4081-the zithers sounded out again , the dance began . [Gerald]255-gerald led [them]4082-them , laughing , with [one of [[the Professor]3963-the professor ’s daughters]3995-the professor ’s daughters]4083-one of the professor ’s daughters . [Ursula]255-gerald danced with [one of [the students]3997-the students]4086-one of the students , [Birkin]169-birkin with [the other daughter of [the Professor]3963-the professor]4088-the other daughter of the professor , [the Professor with [Frau Kramer]393-frau]4090-the professor with frau kramer , and [the rest of [the men]727-the men]4091-the rest of the men danced together , with quite as much zest as if [they]4091-the rest of the men had had [women partners]4093-women partners . Because [Gudrun]160-gudrun had danced with [the well - built , soft youth]4094-the well - built , soft youth , [[his]3963-the professor companion]3975-his companion , [Loerke]389-loerke , was more pettish and exasperated than ever , and would not even notice [her]3975-his companion existence in [the room]739-the room . This piqued [her]3975-his companion , but [she]3975-his companion made up to [herself]3975-his companion by dancing with [the Professor]3963-the professor , who was strong as [a mature , well - seasoned bull , and as full of coarse energy]4098-a mature , well - seasoned bull , and as full of coarse energy . [She]3975-his companion could not bear [him]3963-the professor , critically , and yet [she]3975-his companion enjoyed being rushed through the dance , and tossed up into the air , on [his]3963-the professor coarse , powerful impetus . [The Professor]3963-the professor enjoyed it too , [he]3963-the professor eyed [her]3975-his companion with strange , large blue eyes , full of galvanic fire . [She]3975-his companion hated [him]3963-the professor for the seasoned , semi - paternal animalism with which [he]3963-the professor regarded [her]3975-his companion , but [she]3975-his companion admired [his]3963-the professor weight of strength . [The room]739-the room was charged with excitement and strong , animal emotion . [Loerke]389-loerke was kept away from [Gudrun]160-gudrun , to whom [he]389-loerke wanted to speak , as by a hedge of thorns , and [he]389-loerke felt a sardonic ruthless hatred for [this young love - companion]4101-this young love - companion , [Leitner]394-leitner , who was [[his]389-loerke penniless dependent]4102-his penniless dependent . [He]389-loerke mocked [the youth]3452-the youth , with an acid ridicule , that made [Leitner]394-leitner red in the face and impotent with resentment . [Gerald]255-gerald , who had now got the dance perfectly , was dancing again with [the younger of [the Professor]3963-the professor ’s daughters]4104-the younger of the professor ’s daughters , who was almost dying of virgin excitement , because [she]3975-his companion thought [Gerald]255-gerald so handsome , so superb . [He]255-gerald had [her]3975-his companion in [his]255-gerald power , as if [she]3975-his companion were a palpitating bird , [a fluttering , flushing , bewildered creature]4106-a fluttering , flushing , bewildered creature . And it made [him]255-gerald smile , as [she]3975-his companion shrank convulsively between [his]255-gerald hands , violently , when [he]255-gerald must throw [her]3975-his companion into the air . At the end , [she]3975-his companion was so overcome with prostrate love for [him]255-gerald , that [she]3975-his companion could scarcely speak sensibly at all . [Birkin]169-birkin was dancing with [Ursula]255-gerald . There were odd little fires playing in [his]255-gerald eyes , [he]255-gerald seemed to have turned into something wicked and flickering , mocking , suggestive , quite impossible . [Ursula]255-gerald was frightened of [him]255-gerald , and fascinated . Clear , before [her]3975-his companion eyes , as in a vision , [she]3975-his companion could see the sardonic , licentious mockery of [his]255-gerald eyes , [he]255-gerald moved towards [her]3975-his companion with subtle , animal , indifferent approach . The strangeness of [his]255-gerald hands , which came quick and cunning , inevitably to the vital place beneath [her]3975-his companion breasts , and , lifting with mocking , suggestive impulse , carried [her]3975-his companion through the air as if without strength , through blackmagic , made [her]3975-his companion swoon with fear . For a moment [she]3975-his companion revolted , it was horrible . [She]3975-his companion would break the spell . But before the resolution had formed [she]3975-his companion had submitted again , yielded to [her]3975-his companion fear . [He]255-gerald knew all the time what [he]255-gerald was doing , [she]3975-his companion could see it in [his]255-gerald smiling , concentrated eyes . It was [his]255-gerald responsibility , [she]3975-his companion would leave it to [him]255-gerald . When [they]4107-they were alone in the darkness , [she]3975-his companion felt the strange , licentiousness of [him]255-gerald hovering upon [her]3975-his companion . [She]3975-his companion was troubled and repelled . Why should [he]255-gerald turn like this ? “ What is it ? ”[3975-his companion] [she]3975-his companion asked in dread . But [his]255-gerald face only glistened on [her]3975-his companion , unknown , horrible . And yet [she]3975-his companion was fascinated . [Her]3975-his companion impulse was to repel [him]255-gerald violently , break from this spell of mocking brutishness . But [she]3975-his companion was too fascinated , [she]3975-his companion wanted to submit , [she]3975-his companion wanted to know . What would [he]255-gerald do to [her]3975-his companion ? [He]255-gerald was so attractive , and so repulsive at one . The sardonic suggestivity that flickered over [his]255-gerald face and looked from [his]255-gerald narrowed eyes , made [her]3975-his companion want to hide , to hide [herself]3975-his companion away from [him]255-gerald and watch [him]255-gerald from somewhere unseen . “ Why are [you]255-gerald like this ? ”[3975-his companion] [she]3975-his companion demanded again , rousing against [him]255-gerald with sudden force and animosity . The flickering fires in [his]255-gerald eyes concentrated as [he]255-gerald looked into [her]3975-his companion eyes . Then the lids drooped with a faint motion of satiric contempt . Then they rose again to the same remorseless suggestivity . And [she]3975-his companion gave way , [he]255-gerald might do as [he]255-gerald would . [His]255-gerald licentiousness was repulsively attractive . But [he]255-gerald was self - responsible , [she]3975-his companion would see what it was . [They]4108-they might do as [they]4108-they liked — this [she]3975-his companion realised as [she]3975-his companion went to sleep . How could anything that gave one satisfaction be excluded ? What was degrading ? Who cared ? Degrading things were real , with a different reality . And [he]255-gerald was so unabashed and unrestrained . Was n’t it rather horrible , [a man who could be so soulful and spiritual , now to be so]4109-a man who could be so soulful and spiritual , now to be so — [she]3975-his companion balked at [her]3975-his companion own thoughts and memories : then [she]3975-his companion added — so bestial ? So bestial , [they]4108-they two!—so degraded ! [She]3975-his companion winced . But after all , why not ? [She]3975-his companion exulted as well . Why not be bestial , and go the whole round of experience ? [She]3975-his companion exulted in it . [She]3975-his companion was bestial . How good it was to be really shameful ! There would be no shameful thing [she]3975-his companion had not experienced . Yet [she]3975-his companion was unabashed , [she]3975-his companion was [herself]3975-his companion . Why not ? [She]3975-his companion was free , when [she]3975-his companion knew everything , and no dark shameful things were denied [her]3975-his companion . [Gudrun]160-gudrun , who had been watching [Gerald]255-gerald in the Reunionsaal , suddenly thought : “ [He]255-gerald should have [all [the women]537-the women [he]255-gerald can]7180-all the women he can — it is [his]255-gerald nature . It is absurd to call [him]255-gerald monogamous — [he]255-gerald is naturally promiscuous . That is [his]255-gerald nature . ”[160-gudrun] The thought came to [her]160-gudrun involuntarily . It shocked [her]160-gudrun somewhat . It was as if [she]160-gudrun had seen [some new Mene]4110-some new mene ! [Mene]395-mene ! upon the wall . Yet it was merely true . A voice seemed to have spoken it to [her]160-gudrun so clearly , that for the moment [she]160-gudrun believed in inspiration . “ It is really true , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said to [herself]160-gudrun again . [She]160-gudrun knew quite well [she]160-gudrun had believed it all along . [She]160-gudrun knew it implicitly . But [she]160-gudrun must keep it dark — almost from [herself]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun must keep it completely secret . It was knowledge for [her]160-gudrun alone , and scarcely even to be admitted to [herself]160-gudrun . The deep resolve formed in [her]160-gudrun , to combat [him]4111-him . One of [them]4112-them must triumph over [the other]920-the other . Which should it be ? [Her]160-gudrun soul steeled itself with strength . Almost [she]160-gudrun laughed within [herself]160-gudrun , at [her]160-gudrun confidence . It woke a certain keen , half contemptuous pity , tenderness for [him]4111-him : [she]160-gudrun was so ruthless . [Everybody]780-everybody retired early . [The Professor]3963-the professor and [Loerke]389-loerke went into [a small lounge]4116-a small lounge to drink . [They]4117-they both watched [Gudrun]160-gudrun go along [the landing by the railing upstairs]4118-the landing by the railing upstairs . “ [Ein schönes Frauenzimmer]396-ein schönes frauenzimmer , ”[3963-the professor] said [the Professor]3963-the professor . “ Ja ! ”[3963-the professor] asserted [Loerke]389-loerke , shortly . [Gerald]255-gerald walked with [his]255-gerald queer , long wolf - steps across [the bedroom]3898-the bedroom to the window , stooped and looked out , then rose again , and turned to [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [his]255-gerald eyes sharp with an abstract smile . [He]255-gerald seemed very tall to [her]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun saw the glisten of [his]255-gerald whitish eyebrows , that met between [his]255-gerald brows . “ How do [you]160-gudrun like it ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . [He]255-gerald seemed to be laughing inside [himself]255-gerald , quite unconsciously . [She]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was a phenomenon to [her]160-gudrun , not [a human being]5012-a human being : [a sort of creature]4122-a sort of creature , greedy . “ [I]160-gudrun like it very much , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied . “ Who do [you]160-gudrun like best [downstairs]1690-downstairs ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked , standing tall and glistening above [her]160-gudrun , with [his]255-gerald glistening stiff hair erect . “ Who do [I]160-gudrun like best ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun repeated , wanting to answer [his]255-gerald question , and finding it difficult to collect [herself]160-gudrun . “ Why [I]160-gudrun do n’t know , [I]160-gudrun do n’t know enough about [them]7183-them yet , to be able to say . Who do [you]160-gudrun like best ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Oh , [I]255-gerald do n’t care — [I]255-gerald do n’t like or dislike any of [them]7183-them . It does n’t matter about [me]255-gerald . [I]255-gerald wanted to know about [you]160-gudrun . ”[255-gerald] “ But why ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked , going rather pale . The abstract , unconscious smile in [his]255-gerald eyes was intensified . “ [I]255-gerald wanted to know , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . [She]160-gudrun turned aside , breaking the spell . In some strange way , [she]160-gudrun felt [he]255-gerald was getting power over [her]160-gudrun . “ Well , [I]160-gudrun ca n’t tell [you]255-gerald already , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . [She]160-gudrun went to the mirror to take out the hairpins from [her]160-gudrun hair . [She]160-gudrun stood before the mirror every night for some minutes , brushing [her]160-gudrun fine dark hair . It was part of the inevitable ritual of [her]160-gudrun life . [He]255-gerald followed [her]160-gudrun , and stood behind [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun was busy with bent head , taking out the pins and shaking [her]160-gudrun warm hair loose . When [she]160-gudrun looked up , [she]160-gudrun saw [him]255-gerald in the glass standing behind [her]160-gudrun , watching unconsciously , not consciously seeing [her]160-gudrun , and yet watching , with finepupilled eyes that seemed to smile , and which were not really smiling . [She]160-gudrun started . It took all [her]160-gudrun courage for [her]160-gudrun to continue brushing [her]160-gudrun hair , as usual , for [her]160-gudrun to pretend [she]160-gudrun was at [her]160-gudrun ease . [She]160-gudrun was far , far from being at [her]160-gudrun ease with [him]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun beat [her]160-gudrun brains wildly for something to say to [him]255-gerald . “ What are [your]255-gerald plans for tomorrow ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked nonchalantly , whilst [her]160-gudrun heart was beating so furiously , [her]160-gudrun eyes were so bright with strange nervousness , [she]160-gudrun felt [he]255-gerald could not but observe . But [she]160-gudrun knew also that [he]255-gerald was completely blind , blind as a wolf looking at [her]160-gudrun . It was a strange battle between [her]160-gudrun ordinary consciousness and [his]255-gerald uncanny , black - art consciousness . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t know , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied , “ what would [you]160-gudrun like to do ? ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald spoke emptily , [his]255-gerald mind was sunk away . “ Oh , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , with easy protestation , “ [I]160-gudrun ’m ready for anything — anything will be fine for [me]160-gudrun , [I]160-gudrun ’m sure . ”[160-gudrun] And to [herself]160-gudrun [she]160-gudrun was saying : “ [God]167-god , why am [I]160-gudrun so nervous — why are [you]255-gerald so nervous , [[you]255-gerald fool]5322-you fool . If [he]255-gerald sees it [I]160-gudrun ’m done for forever — [you]255-gerald know [you]255-gerald ’re done for forever , if [he]255-gerald sees the absurd state [you]255-gerald ’re in . ”[160-gudrun] And [she]160-gudrun smiled to [herself]160-gudrun as if it were all [child]3319-child ’s play . Meanwhile [her]160-gudrun heart was plunging , [she]160-gudrun was almost fainting . [She]160-gudrun could see [him]4124-he , in the mirror , as [he]4124-he stood there behind [her]160-gudrun , tall and over - arching — blond and terribly frightening . [She]160-gudrun glanced at [his]4124-he reflection with furtive eyes , willing to give anything to save [him]4124-he from knowing [she]160-gudrun could see [him]4124-he . [He]4124-he did not know [she]160-gudrun could see [his]4124-he reflection . [He]4124-he was looking unconsciously , glisteningly down at [her]160-gudrun head , from which the hair fell loose , as [she]160-gudrun brushed it with wild , nervous hand . [She]160-gudrun held [her]160-gudrun head aside and brushed and brushed [her]160-gudrun hair madly . For [her]160-gudrun life , [she]160-gudrun could not turn round and face [him]4124-he . For [her]160-gudrun life , [she]160-gudrun could not . And the knowledge made [her]160-gudrun almost sink to the ground in a faint , helpless , spent . [She]160-gudrun was aware of [his]4124-he frightening , impending figure standing close behind [her]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun was aware of [his]4124-he hard , strong , unyielding chest , close upon [her]160-gudrun back . And [she]160-gudrun felt [she]160-gudrun could not bear it any more , in a few minutes [she]160-gudrun would fall down at [his]4124-he feet , grovelling at [his]4124-he feet , and letting [him]4124-he destroy [her]160-gudrun . The thought pricked up all [her]160-gudrun sharp intelligence and presence of mind . [She]160-gudrun dared not turn round to [him]4124-he — and there [he]4124-he stood motionless , unbroken . Summoning all [her]160-gudrun strength , [she]160-gudrun said , in a full , resonant , nonchalant voice , that was forced out with all [her]160-gudrun remaining self - control : “ Oh , would [you]4124-he mind looking in that bag behind there and giving [me]160-gudrun [my]160-gudrun — ”[160-gudrun] Here [her]160-gudrun power fell inert . “ [My]160-gudrun what — [my]160-gudrun what — ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun screamed in silence to [herself]160-gudrun . But [he]4124-he had started round , surprised and startled that [she]160-gudrun should ask [him]4124-he to look in [her]160-gudrun bag , which [she]160-gudrun always kept so very private to [herself]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun turned now , [her]160-gudrun face white , [her]160-gudrun dark eyes blazing with uncanny , overwrought excitement . [She]160-gudrun saw [him]4124-he stooping to the bag , undoing the loosely buckled strap , unattentive . “ [Your]160-gudrun what ? ”[4124-he] [he]4124-he asked . “ Oh , a little enamel box — yellow — with a design of a cormorant plucking [her]160-gudrun breast — ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun went towards [him]4124-he , stooping [her]160-gudrun beautiful , bare arm , and deftly turned some of [her]160-gudrun things , disclosing the box , which was exquisitely painted . “ That is it , see , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , taking it from under [his]4124-he eyes . And [he]4124-he was baffled now . [He]4124-he was left to fasten up the bag , whilst [she]160-gudrun swiftly did up [her]160-gudrun hair for the night , and sat down to unfasten [her]160-gudrun shoes . [She]160-gudrun would not turn [her]160-gudrun back to [him]4124-he any more . [He]4124-he was baffled , frustrated , but unconscious . [She]160-gudrun had the whip hand over [him]4124-he now . [She]160-gudrun knew [he]4124-he had not realised [her]160-gudrun terrible panic . [Her]160-gudrun heart was beating heavily still . [Fool]4125-fool , fool that [she]160-gudrun was , to get into such a state ! How [she]160-gudrun thanked [God]167-god for [Gerald]255-gerald ’s obtuse blindness . Thank [God]167-god [he]4124-he could see nothing . [She]160-gudrun sat slowly unlacing [her]160-gudrun shoes , and [he]4124-he too commenced to undress . Thank [God]167-god that crisis was over . [She]160-gudrun felt almost fond of [him]4124-he now , almost in love with [him]4124-he . “ Ah , [Gerald]255-gerald , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun laughed , caressively , teasingly , “ Ah , what a fine game [you]255-gerald played with [[the Professor]3963-the professor ’s daughter]7186-the professor ’s daughter — didn’t [you]255-gerald now ? ”[160-gudrun] “ What game ? ”[4124-he] [he]4124-he asked , looking round . “ Is n’t [she]7186-the professor ’s daughter in love with [you]255-gerald — oh dear , is n’t [she]7186-the professor ’s daughter in love with [you]255-gerald ! ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in [her]160-gudrun gayest , most attractive mood . “ [I]4124-he should n’t think so , ”[4124-he] [he]4124-he said . “ Should n’t think so ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun teased . “ Why [the poor girl]7187-the poor girl is lying at this moment overwhelmed , dying with love for [you]255-gerald . [She]7187-the poor girl thinks [you]255-gerald ’re wonderful — oh marvellous , beyond what [man]1089-man has ever been . really , is n’t it funny ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Why funny , what is funny ? ”[4124-he] [he]4124-he asked . “ Why to see [you]255-gerald working it on [her]7187-the poor girl , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , with a half reproach that confused [the male conceit in [him]4124-he]4126-the male conceit in him . “ Really [Gerald]255-gerald , [the poor girl]7187-the poor girl — ! ”[160-gudrun] “ [I]4124-he did nothing to [her]7187-the poor girl , ”[4124-he] [he]4124-he said . “ Oh , it was too shameful , the way [you]255-gerald simply swept [her]7187-the poor girl off [her]7187-the poor girl feet . ”[4124-he] “ That was Schuhplatteln , ”[4124-he] [he]4124-he replied , with a bright grin . “ Ha — ha — ha ! ”[160-gudrun] laughed [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Her]160-gudrun mockery quivered through [his]4124-he muscles with curious re - echoes . When [he]4124-he slept [he]4124-he seemed to crouch down in the bed , lapped up in [his]4124-he own strength , that yet was hollow . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun slept strongly , a victorious sleep . Suddenly , [she]160-gudrun was almost fiercely awake . [The small timber room]4127-the small timber room glowed with the dawn , that came upwards from the low window . [She]160-gudrun could see down [the valley]5286-the valley when [she]160-gudrun lifted [her]160-gudrun head : the snow with a pinkish , half - revealed magic , the fringe of pine - trees at the bottom of [the slope]4129-the slope . And one tiny figure moved over [the vaguely - illuminated space]4130-the vaguely - illuminated space . [She]160-gudrun glanced at [his]4124-he watch ; it was seven o’clock . [He]4124-he was still completely asleep . And [she]160-gudrun was so hard awake , it was almost frightening — a hard , metallic wakefulness . [She]160-gudrun lay looking at [him]4124-he . [He]4124-he slept in the subjection of [his]4124-he own health and defeat . [She]160-gudrun was overcome by a sincere regard for [him]4124-he . Till now , [she]160-gudrun was afraid before [him]4124-he . [She]160-gudrun lay and thought about [him]4124-he , what [he]4124-he was , what [he]4124-he represented in [the world]541-the world . A fine , independent will , [he]4124-he had . [She]160-gudrun thought of the revolution [he]4124-he had worked in [the mines]988-the mines , in so short a time . [She]160-gudrun knew that , if [he]4124-he were confronted with any problem , any hard actual difficulty , [he]4124-he would overcome it . If [he]4124-he laid hold of any idea , [he]4124-he would carry it through . [He]4124-he had the faculty of making order out of confusion . Only let [him]4124-he grip hold of a situation , and [he]4124-he would bring to pass an inevitable conclusion . For a few moments [she]160-gudrun was borne away on the wild wings of ambition . [Gerald]255-gerald , with [his]4124-he force of will and [his]4124-he power for comprehending [the actual world]4133-the actual world , should be set to solve the problems of the day , the problem of industrialism in [the modern world]4134-the modern world . [She]160-gudrun knew [he]4124-he would , in the course of time , effect the changes [he]4124-he desired , [he]4124-he could re - organise the industrial system . [She]160-gudrun knew [he]4124-he could do it . As an instrument , in these things , [he]4124-he was marvellous , [she]160-gudrun had never seen [any man]2675-any man with [his]4124-he potentiality . [He]4124-he was unaware of it , but [she]160-gudrun knew . [He]4124-he only needed to be hitched on , [he]4124-he needed that [his]4124-he hand should be set to the task , because [he]4124-he was so unconscious . And this [she]160-gudrun could do . [She]160-gudrun would marry [him]4124-he , [he]4124-he would go into Parliament in the Conservative interest , [he]4124-he would clear up the great muddle of labour and industry . [He]4124-he was so superbly fearless , masterful , [he]4124-he knew that every problem could be worked out , in life as in geometry . And [he]4124-he would care neither about [himself]4124-he nor about anything but the pure working out of the problem . [He]4124-he was very pure , really . [Her]160-gudrun heart beat fast , [she]160-gudrun flew away on wings of elation , imagining a future . [He]4124-he would be [a Napoleon of peace]4136-a napoleon of peace , or [a Bismarck]4137-a bismarck — and [she]160-gudrun [the woman behind [him]4124-he]4138-the woman behind him . [She]160-gudrun had read [Bismarck]327-bismarck ’s letters , and had been deeply moved by them . And [Gerald]255-gerald would be freer , more dauntless than [Bismarck]327-bismarck . But even as [she]160-gudrun lay in fictitious transport , bathed in the strange , false sunshine of hope in life , something seemed to snap in [her]160-gudrun , and a terrible cynicism began to gain upon [her]160-gudrun , blowing in like a wind . Everything turned to irony with [her]160-gudrun : the last flavour of everything was ironical . When [she]160-gudrun felt [her]160-gudrun pang of undeniable reality , this was when [she]160-gudrun knew the hard irony of hopes and ideas . [She]160-gudrun lay and looked at [him]4124-he , as [he]4124-he slept . [He]4124-he was sheerly beautiful , [he]4124-he was a perfect instrument . To [her]160-gudrun mind , [he]4124-he was [a pure , inhuman , almost superhuman instrument]4139-a pure , inhuman , almost superhuman instrument . [His]4124-he instrumentality appealed so strongly to [her]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun wished [she]160-gudrun were [God]167-god , to use [him]4124-he as a tool . And at the same instant , came the ironical question : “ What for ? ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun thought of [[the colliers]4675-the colliers ’ wives]4141-the colliers ’ wives , with [their]4141-the colliers ’ wives linoleum and [their]4141-the colliers ’ wives lace curtains and [[their]4141-the colliers ’ wives little girls]4142-their little girls in high - laced boots . [She]160-gudrun thought of [the wives and daughters of [the pit - managers]4144-the pit - managers]4143-the wives and daughters of the pit - managers , [their]4141-the colliers ’ wives tennis - parties , and [their]4141-the colliers ’ wives terrible struggles to be superior each to the other , in the social scale . There was [Shortlands]7-shortlands with its meaningless distinction , the meaningless crowd of the Criches . There was [London]2-london , [the House of Commons]5142-the house of commons , [the extant social world]4146-the extant social world . [[My]0-i God]3770-my god ! Young as [she]160-gudrun was , [Gudrun]160-gudrun had touched the whole pulse of social [England]80-england . [She]160-gudrun had no ideas of rising in [the world]541-the world . [She]160-gudrun knew , with the perfect cynicism of [cruel youth]4149-cruel youth , that to rise in [the world]541-the world meant to have one outside show instead of another , the advance was like having a spurious half - crown instead of a spurious penny . The whole coinage of valuation was spurious . Yet of course , [her]160-gudrun cynicism knew well enough that , in a world where spurious coin was current , [a bad sovereign]4151-a bad sovereign was better than a bad farthing . But rich and poor , [she]160-gudrun despised [both alike]4152-both alike . Already [she]160-gudrun mocked at [herself]160-gudrun for [her]160-gudrun dreams . They could be fulfilled easily enough . But [she]160-gudrun recognised too well , in [her]160-gudrun spirit , the mockery of [her]160-gudrun own impulses . What did [she]160-gudrun care , that [Gerald]255-gerald had created a richly - paying industry out of an old worn - out concern ? What did [she]160-gudrun care ? The worn - out concern and the rapid , splendidly organised industry , they were bad money . Yet of course , [she]160-gudrun cared a great deal , outwardly — and outwardly was all that mattered , for inwardly was a bad joke . Everything was intrinsically a piece of irony to [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun leaned over [Gerald]255-gerald and said in [her]160-gudrun heart , with compassion : “ Oh , [[my]160-gudrun dear]1126-my dear , [[my]160-gudrun dear]1126-my dear , the game is n’t worth even [you]255-gerald . [You]255-gerald are a fine thing really — why should [you]255-gerald be used on such a poor show ! ”[160-gudrun] [Her]160-gudrun heart was breaking with pity and grief for [him]255-gerald . And at the same moment , a grimace came over [her]160-gudrun mouth , of mocking irony at [her]160-gudrun own unspoken tirade . Ah , what a farce it was ! [She]160-gudrun thought of [Parnell]397-parnell and [Katherine O’Shea]398-katherine o’shea . [Parnell]397-parnell ! After all , who can take the nationalisation of [Ireland]144-ireland seriously ? Who can take political [Ireland]144-ireland really seriously , whatever it does ? And who can take political [England]80-england seriously ? [Who]4153-who can ? Who can care a straw , really , how [the old patched - up Constitution]4154-the old patched - up constitution is tinkered at any more ? Who cares a button for [our]4155-our national ideas , any more than for [our]4155-our national bowler hat ? Aha , it is all old hat , it is all old bowler hat ! That ’s all it is , [Gerald]255-gerald , [[my]0-i young hero]4156-my young hero . At any rate [we]4155-our ’ll spare [ourselves]4155-our the nausea of stirring the old broth any more . [You]255-gerald be beautiful , [[my]0-i [Gerald]255-gerald]4157-my gerald , and reckless . There are perfect moments . Wake up , [Gerald]255-gerald , wake up , convince [me]0-i of the perfect moments . Oh , convince [me]0-i , [I]0-i need it . [He]255-gerald opened [his]255-gerald eyes , and looked at [her]4158-her . [She]4158-her greeted [him]255-gerald with a mocking , enigmatic smile in which was a poignant gaiety . Over [his]255-gerald face went the reflection of the smile , [he]255-gerald smiled , too , purely unconsciously . That filled [her]4158-her with extraordinary delight , to see the smile cross [his]255-gerald face , reflected from [her]4158-her face . [She]4158-her remembered that was how [a baby]1080-a baby smiled . It filled [her]4158-her with extraordinary radiant delight . “ [You]255-gerald ’ve done it , ”[4158-her] [she]4158-her said . “ What ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked , dazed . “ Convinced [me]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] And [she]4158-her bent down , kissing [him]255-gerald passionately , passionately , so that [he]255-gerald was bewildered . [He]255-gerald did not ask [her]4158-her of what [he]255-gerald had convinced [her]4158-her , though [he]255-gerald meant to . [He]255-gerald was glad [she]4158-her was kissing [him]255-gerald . [She]4158-her seemed to be feeling for [his]255-gerald very heart to touch the quick of [him]255-gerald . And [he]255-gerald wanted [her]4158-her to touch the quick of [his]255-gerald being , [he]255-gerald wanted that most of all . Outside , [somebody]4745-somebody was singing , in a manly , reckless handsome voice : [Gudrun]160-gudrun knew that that song would sound through [her]160-gudrun eternity , sung in a manly , reckless , mocking voice . It marked one of [her]160-gudrun supreme moments , the supreme pangs of [her]160-gudrun nervous gratification . There it was , fixed in eternity for [her]160-gudrun . The day came fine and bluish . There was a light wind blowing among [the mountain tops]4021-the mountain tops , keen as a rapier where it touched , carrying with it a fine dust of snow - powder . [Gerald]255-gerald went out with the fine , blind face of [a man who is in [his]4162-a man who is in his state of fulfilment state of fulfilment]4162-a man who is in his state of fulfilment . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [he]255-gerald were in perfect static unity this morning , but unseeing and unwitting . [They]4163-they went out with a toboggan , leaving [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin to follow . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was all scarlet and royal blue — a scarlet jersey and cap , and a royal blue skirt and stockings . [She]160-gudrun went gaily over the white snow , with [Gerald]255-gerald beside [her]160-gudrun , in white and grey , pulling the little toboggan . [They]4163-they grew small in the distance of snow , climbing [the steep slope]4164-the steep slope . For [Gudrun]160-gudrun [herself]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun seemed to pass altogether into the whiteness of the snow , [she]160-gudrun became a pure , thoughtless crystal . When [she]160-gudrun reached the top of [the slope]4129-the slope , in the wind , [she]160-gudrun looked round , and saw peak beyond peak of rock and snow , bluish , transcendent in heaven . And it seemed to [her]160-gudrun like [a garden]1590-a garden , with the peaks for pure flowers , and [her]160-gudrun heart gathering them . [She]160-gudrun had no separate consciousness for [Gerald]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun held on to [him]255-gerald as [they]4163-they went sheering down over [the keen slope]4167-the keen slope . [She]160-gudrun felt as if [her]160-gudrun senses were being whetted on some fine grindstone , that was keen as flame . The snow sprinted on either side , like sparks from a blade that is being sharpened , the whiteness round about ran swifter , swifter , in pure flame [the white slope]4168-the white slope flew against [her]160-gudrun , and [she]160-gudrun fused like one molten , dancing globule , rushed through a white intensity . Then there was a great swerve at the bottom , when [they]4163-they swung as it were in a fall to earth , in the diminishing motion . [They]4163-they came to rest . But when [she]160-gudrun rose to [her]160-gudrun feet , [she]160-gudrun could not stand . [She]160-gudrun gave a strange cry , turned and clung to [him]255-gerald , sinking [her]160-gudrun face on [his]255-gerald breast , fainting in [him]255-gerald . Utter oblivion came over [her]160-gudrun , as [she]160-gudrun lay for a few moments abandoned against [him]255-gerald . “ What is it ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald was saying . “ Was it too much for [you]160-gudrun ? ”[255-gerald] But [she]160-gudrun heard nothing . When [she]160-gudrun came to , [she]160-gudrun stood up and looked round , astonished . [Her]160-gudrun face was white , [her]160-gudrun eyes brilliant and large . “ What is it ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald repeated . “ Did it upset [you]160-gudrun ? ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald with [her]160-gudrun brilliant eyes that seemed to have undergone some transfiguration , and [she]160-gudrun laughed , with a terrible merriment . “ No , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried , with triumphant joy . “ It was the complete moment of [my]160-gudrun life . ”[160-gudrun] And [she]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald with [her]160-gudrun dazzling , overweening laughter , like [one possessed]4169-one possessed . A fine blade seemed to enter [his]255-gerald heart , but [he]255-gerald did not care , or take any notice . But [they]4170-they climbed up [the slope]4129-the slope again , and [they]4170-they flew down through the white flame again , splendidly , splendidly . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was laughing and flashing , powdered with snow - crystals , [Gerald]255-gerald worked perfectly . [He]255-gerald felt [he]255-gerald could guide the toboggan to a hair - breadth , almost [he]255-gerald could make it pierce into the air and right into the very heart of the sky . It seemed to [him]255-gerald [the flying sledge]4172-the flying sledge was but [his]255-gerald strength spread out , [he]255-gerald had but to move [his]255-gerald arms , the motion was [his]255-gerald own . [They]4170-they explored [the great slopes]4173-the great slopes , to find another slide . [He]255-gerald felt there must be something better than [they]4170-they had known . And [he]255-gerald found what [he]255-gerald desired , a perfect long , fierce sweep , sheering past the foot of a rock and into the trees at the base . It was dangerous , [he]255-gerald knew . But then [he]255-gerald knew also [he]255-gerald would direct the sledge between [his]255-gerald fingers . The first days passed in an ecstasy of physical motion , sleighing , skiing , skating , moving in an intensity of speed and white light that surpassed life itself , and carried the souls of [the human beings]828-the human beings beyond into an inhuman abstraction of velocity and weight and eternal , frozen snow . [Gerald]255-gerald ’s eyes became hard and strange , and as [he]255-gerald went by on [his]255-gerald skis [he]255-gerald was more like some powerful , fateful sigh than [a man]4648-a man , [his]255-gerald muscles elastic in a perfect , soaring trajectory , [his]255-gerald body projected in pure flight , mindless , soulless , whirling along one perfect line of force . Luckily there came a day of snow , when [they]4170-they must all stay indoors : otherwise [Birkin]169-birkin said , [they]4170-they would all lose [their]4170-they faculties , and begin to utter [themselves]4170-they in cries and shrieks , like [some strange , unknown species of snow - creatures]4176-some strange , unknown species of snow - creatures . It happened in the afternoon that [Ursula]255-gerald sat in [the Reunionsaal]3943-the reunionsaal talking to [Loerke]389-loerke . [The latter]778-the latter had seemed unhappy lately . [He]778-the latter was lively and full of mischievous humour , as usual . But [Ursula]255-gerald had thought [he]778-the latter was sulky about something . [[His]778-the latter partner]4179-his partner , too , [the big , fair , good - looking youth]4180-the big , fair , good - looking youth , was ill at ease , going about as if [he]778-the latter belonged to nowhere , and was kept in some sort of subjection , against which [he]778-the latter was rebelling . [Loerke]389-loerke had hardly talked to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [[His]778-the latter associate]4181-his associate , on the other hand , had paid [her]778-the latter constantly a soft , over - deferential attention . [Gudrun]160-gudrun wanted to talk to [Loerke]389-loerke . [He]778-the latter was [a sculptor]2803-a sculptor , and [she]778-the latter wanted to hear [his]778-the latter view of [his]778-the latter art . And [his]778-the latter figure attracted [her]778-the latter . There was the look of a little wastrel about [him]778-the latter , that intrigued [her]778-the latter , and [an old man]4183-an old man ’s look , that interested [her]778-the latter , and then , beside this , an uncanny singleness , a quality of being by [himself]778-the latter , not in contact with [anybody else]1074-anybody else , that marked out [an artist to [her]778-the latter]4185-an artist to her . [He]778-the latter was [a chatterer]4186-a chatterer , [a magpie , a maker of mischievous word - jokes , that were sometimes very clever , but which often were not]4187-a magpie , a maker of mischievous word - jokes , that were sometimes very clever , but which often were not . And [she]778-the latter could see in [his]778-the latter brown , [gnome]4188-gnome ’s eyes , the black look of inorganic misery , which lay behind all [his]778-the latter small buffoonery . [His]778-the latter figure interested [her]778-the latter — the figure of [a boy]764-a boy , almost [a street arab]4190-a street arab . [He]778-the latter made no attempt to conceal it . [He]778-the latter always wore a simple loden suit , with knee breeches . [His]778-the latter legs were thin , and [he]778-the latter made no attempt to disguise the fact : which was of itself remarkable , in a [German]145-german . And [he]778-the latter never ingratiated [himself]778-the latter anywhere , not in the slightest , but kept to [himself]778-the latter , for all [his]778-the latter apparent playfulness . [Leitner]394-leitner , [[his]778-the latter companion]3975-his companion , was [a great sportsman]4192-a great sportsman , very handsome with [his]394-leitner big limbs and [his]394-leitner blue eyes . [Loerke]389-loerke would go toboganning or skating , in little snatches , but [he]389-loerke was indifferent . And [his]389-loerke fine , thin nostrils , the nostrils of [a pure - bred street arab]4193-a pure - bred street arab , would quiver with contempt at [Leitner]394-leitner ’s splothering gymnastic displays . It was evident that [the two men who had travelled and lived together , sharing [the same bedroom]4195-the same bedroom]4194-the two men who had travelled and lived together , sharing the same bedroom , had now reached the stage of loathing . [Leitner]394-leitner hated [Loerke]389-loerke with an injured , writhing , impotent hatred , and [Loerke]389-loerke treated [Leitner]394-leitner with a fine - quivering contempt and sarcasm . Soon [the two]2296-the two would have to go apart . Already [they]2296-the two were rarely together . [Leitner]394-leitner ran attaching [himself]394-leitner to [somebody or other]4197-somebody or other , always deferring , [Loerke]389-loerke was a good deal alone . Out of doors [he]389-loerke wore a Westphalian cap , a close brown - velvet head with big brown velvet flaps down over [his]389-loerke ears , so that [he]389-loerke looked like a lop - eared rabbit , or a troll . [His]389-loerke face was brown - red , with a dry , bright skin , that seemed to crinkle with [his]389-loerke mobile expressions . [His]389-loerke eyes were arresting — brown , full , like a rabbit ’s , or like a troll ’s , or like the eyes of a lost being , having a strange , dumb , depraved look of knowledge , and a quick spark of uncanny fire . Whenever [Gudrun]160-gudrun had tried to talk to [him]389-loerke [he]389-loerke had shied away unresponsive , looking at [her]4198-her with [his]389-loerke watchful dark eyes , but entering into no relation with [her]4198-her . [He]389-loerke had made [her]4198-her feel that [her]4198-her slow French and [her]4198-her slower German , were hateful to [him]389-loerke . As for [his]389-loerke own inadequate English , [he]389-loerke was much too awkward to try it at all . But [he]389-loerke understood a good deal of what was said , nevertheless . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun , piqued , left [him]389-loerke alone . This afternoon , however , [she]4198-her came into [the lounge]4199-the lounge as [he]389-loerke was talking to [Ursula]255-gerald . [His]389-loerke fine , black hair somehow reminded [her]4198-her of a bat , thin as it was on [his]389-loerke full , sensitive - looking head , and worn away at the temples . [He]389-loerke sat hunched up , as if [his]389-loerke spirit were bat - like . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun could see [he]389-loerke was making some slow confidence to [Ursula]255-gerald , unwilling , a slow , grudging , scanty self - revelation . [She]4198-her went and sat by [[her]4198-her sister]449-her sister . [He]389-loerke looked at [her]4198-her , then looked away again , as if [he]389-loerke took no notice of [her]4198-her . But as a matter of fact , [she]4198-her interested [him]389-loerke deeply . “ Is n’t it interesting , [Prune]163-prune , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , turning to [[her]4198-her sister]449-her sister , “ [Herr Loerke]389-loerke is doing a great frieze for [a factory in [Cologne]140-cologne]7192-a factory in cologne , for the outside , [the street]948-the street . ”[255-gerald] [She]4198-her looked at [him]389-loerke , at [his]389-loerke thin , brown , nervous hands , that were prehensile , and somehow like talons , like “ [griffes , ”[4198-her] inhuman]7194-griffes , ” inhuman . “ What in ? ”[4198-her] [she]4198-her asked . “ Aus was ? ”[255-gerald] repeated [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [Granit]399-granit , ”[389-loerke] [he]389-loerke replied . It had become immediately a laconic series of question and answer between [fellow craftsmen]4202-fellow craftsmen . “ What is the relief ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ [Alto relievo]7195-alto relievo . ”[160-gudrun] “ And at what height ? ”[160-gudrun] It was very interesting to [Gudrun]160-gudrun to think of [his]389-loerke making the great granite frieze for [a great granite factory in [Cologne]140-cologne]4203-a great granite factory in cologne . [She]4198-her got from [him]389-loerke some notion of the design . It was a representation of a fair , with [peasants]4204-peasants and [artisans]4205-artisans in an orgy of enjoyment , drunk and absurd in [their]4206-their modern dress , whirling ridiculously in roundabouts , gaping at shows , kissing and staggering and rolling in knots , swinging in [swing - boats]4207-swing - boats , and firing down [shooting galleries]4208-shooting galleries , a frenzy of chaotic motion . There was a swift discussion of technicalities . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was very much impressed . “ But how wonderful , to have such [a factory]7196-a factory ! ”[255-gerald] cried [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Is [the whole building]3945-the whole building fine ? ”[255-gerald] “ Oh yes , ”[389-loerke] [he]389-loerke replied . “ The frieze is part of the whole architecture . Yes , it is a colossal thing . ”[389-loerke] Then [he]389-loerke seemed to stiffen , shrugged [his]389-loerke shoulders , and went on : “ Sculpture and architecture must go together . The day for irrelevant statues , as for wall pictures , is over . As a matter of fact sculpture is always part of an architectural conception . And since [churches]7198-churches are all museum stuff , since industry is [our]7199-our business , now , then let [us]7199-our make [[our]7199-our places of industry [our]7199-our art]7200-our places of industry our art — [[our]7199-our factory]7201-our factory - area [our]7199-our Parthenon , ecco ! ”[389-loerke] [Ursula]255-gerald pondered . “ [I]4209-you suppose , ”[4209-you] [she]4209-you said , “ there is no need for [our]7199-our great works to be so hideous . ”[4209-you] Instantly [he]389-loerke broke into motion . “ There [you]4209-you are ! ”[389-loerke] [he]389-loerke cried , “ there [you]4209-you are ! There is not only no need for [our]7199-our places of work to be ugly , but [their]7202-their ugliness ruins the work , in the end . [Men]848-men will not go on submitting to such intolerable ugliness . In the end it will hurt too much , and [they]848-men will wither because of it . And this will wither the work as well . [They]848-men will think the work itself is ugly : the machines , the very act of labour . Whereas the machinery and the acts of labour are extremely , maddeningly beautiful . But this will be the end of [our]7199-our civilisation , when [people]579-people will not work because work has become so intolerable to [their]579-people senses , it nauseates [them]579-people too much , [they]579-people would rather starve . Then [we]7199-our shall see the hammer used only for smashing , then [we]7199-our shall see it . Yet here [we]7199-our are — [we]7199-our have the opportunity to make [beautiful factories]7205-beautiful factories , [beautiful machine - houses]7206-beautiful machine - houses — [we]7199-our have the opportunity — ”[389-loerke] [Gudrun]160-gudrun could only partly understand . [She]160-gudrun could have cried with vexation . “ What does [he]4210-he say ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked [Ursula]255-gerald . And [Ursula]255-gerald translated , stammering and brief . [Loerke]389-loerke watched [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s face , to see [her]160-gudrun judgment . “ And do [you]255-gerald think then , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “ that art should serve industry ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Art should interpret industry , as art once interpreted religion , ”[4210-he] [he]4210-he said . “ But does [your]4210-he fair interpret industry ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked [him]4210-he . “ Certainly . What is [man]1089-man doing , when [he]1089-man is at a fair like this ? [He]1089-man is fulfilling the counterpart of labour — the machine works [him]1089-man , instead of [he]1089-man the machine . [He]1089-man enjoys the mechanical motion , in [his]1089-man own body . ”[4210-he] “ But is there nothing but work — mechanical work ? ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Nothing but work ! ”[4210-he] [he]4210-he repeated , leaning forward , [his]4210-he eyes two darknesses , with needle - points of light . “ No , it is nothing but this , serving a machine , or enjoying the motion of a machine — motion , that is all . [You]160-gudrun have never worked for hunger , or [you]160-gudrun would know what god governs [us]7208-us . ”[4210-he] [Gudrun]160-gudrun quivered and flushed . For some reason [she]160-gudrun was almost in tears . “ No , [I]160-gudrun have not worked for hunger , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied , “ but [I]160-gudrun have worked ! ”[160-gudrun] “ Travaillé — lavorato ? ”[4210-he] [he]4210-he asked . “ E che lavoro — che lavoro ? Quel travail est - ce que vous avez fait ? ”[4210-he] [He]4210-he broke into a mixture of Italian and French , instinctively using a foreign language when [he]4210-he spoke to [her]160-gudrun . “ [You]160-gudrun have never worked as [the world]541-the world works , ”[4210-he] [he]4210-he said to [her]160-gudrun , with sarcasm . “ Yes , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [I]160-gudrun have . And [I]160-gudrun do — [I]160-gudrun work now for [my]160-gudrun daily bread . ”[160-gudrun] [He]4210-he paused , looked at [her]160-gudrun steadily , then dropped the subject entirely . [She]160-gudrun seemed to [him]4210-he to be trifling . “ But have [you]4210-he ever worked as [the world]541-the world works ? ”[160-gudrun] [Ursula]255-gerald asked [him]4210-he . [He]4210-he looked at [her]160-gudrun untrustful . “ Yes , ”[4210-he] [he]4210-he replied , with a surly bark . “ [I]4210-he have known what it was to lie in bed for three days , because [I]4210-he had nothing to eat . ”[4210-he] [Gudrun]160-gudrun was looking at [him]4210-he with large , grave eyes , that seemed to draw the confession from [him]4210-he as the marrow from [his]4210-he bones . All [his]4210-he nature held [him]4210-he back from confessing . And yet [her]160-gudrun large , grave eyes upon [him]4210-he seemed to open some valve in [his]4210-he veins , and involuntarily [he]4210-he was telling . “ [[My]4210-he father]5349-my father was [a man who did not like work]7212-a man who did not like work , and [we]7213-we had [no mother]4040-no mother . [We]7213-we lived in [Austria]146-austria , [Polish Austria]147-polish austria . How did [we]7213-we live ? Ha!—somehow ! Mostly in [a room with [three other families]7216-three other families]7215-a room with three other families — one set in each corner — and [the W.C.]7217-the w.c. in the middle of [the room]739-the room — a pan with a plank on it — ha ! [I]4210-he had [two brothers]7219-two brothers and [a sister]7220-a sister — and there might be [a woman with [[my]4210-he father]5349-my father]7221-a woman with my father . [He]5349-my father was [a free being]7223-a free being , in [his]5349-my father way — would fight with [any man in [the town]4907-the town]7224-any man in the town — [a garrison town]7226-a garrison town — and was [a little man]7227-a little man too . But [he]5349-my father would n’t work for [anybody]744-anybody — set [his]5349-my father heart against it , and would n’t . ”[4210-he] “ And how did [you]4211-i live then ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . [He]4211-i looked at [her]4212-her — then , suddenly , at [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Do [you]4212-her understand ? ”[4211-i] [he]4211-i asked . “ Enough , ”[4212-her] [she]4212-her replied . [Their]4213-their eyes met for a moment . Then [he]4211-i looked away . [He]4211-i would say no more . “ And how did [you]4211-i become [a sculptor]2803-a sculptor ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Ursula]255-gerald . “ How did [I]4211-i become [a sculptor]2803-a sculptor — ”[4211-i] [he]4211-i paused . “ [Dunque]400-dunque — ”[4211-i] [he]4211-i resumed , in a changed manner , and beginning to speak [French—“I]401-french—“i became old enough — [I]4211-i used to steal from [the market - place]1477-the market - place . Later [I]4211-i went to work — imprinted the stamp on clay bottles , before they were baked . It was [an earthenware - bottle factory]7232-an earthenware - bottle factory . [There]629-there [I]4211-i began making [models]1036-models . One day , [I]4211-i had had enough . [I]4211-i lay in the sun and did not go to work . Then [I]4211-i walked to [Munich]58-munich — then [I]4211-i walked to [Italy]95-italy — begging , begging everything . ”[4211-i] “ [The Italians]7235-the italians were very good to [me]4211-i — [they]7235-the italians were good and honourable to [me]4211-i . From [Bozen]148-bozen to [Rome]43-rome , almost every night [I]4211-i had a meal and a bed , perhaps of straw , with [some peasant]7236-some peasant . [I]4211-i love [the Italian people]7237-the italian people , with all [my]4211-i heart . “[4211-i] Dunque , adesso — maintenant — [I]0-i earn a thousand pounds in a year , or [I]0-i earn two thousand — ” [He]0-i looked down at [the ground]7238-the ground , [his]0-i voice tailing off into silence . [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [his]0-i fine , thin , shiny skin , reddish - brown from the sun , drawn tight over [his]0-i full temples ; and at [his]0-i thin hair — and at the thick , coarse , brush - like moustache , cut short about [his]0-i mobile , rather shapeless mouth . “[4211-i] How old are [you]0-i ? ” [she]4214-she asked . [He]0-i looked up at [her]4214-she with [his]0-i full , elfin eyes startled . “[0-i] Wie alt ? ” [he]0-i repeated . And [he]0-i hesitated . It was evidently one of [his]0-i reticencies . “[0-i] How old are [you]4214-she ? ” [he]0-i replied , without answering . “[4214-she] [I]0-i am twenty - six , ” [she]4214-she answered . “[0-i] Twenty - six , ” [he]0-i repeated , looking into [her]4214-she eyes . [He]0-i paused . Then [he]0-i said : “[0-i] Und Ihr [Herr Gemahl]402-herr gemahl , wie alt ist er ? ” “[402-herr gemahl] Who ? ” asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[4215-your husband] [[Your]4214-she husband]4215-your husband , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald , with a certain irony . “[4214-she] [I]0-i have n’t got [a husband]4216-a husband , ” said [Gudrun]160-gudrun in English . In German [she]4214-she answered , “[4215-your husband] [He]4215-your husband is thirty - one . ” But [Loerke]389-loerke was watching closely , with [his]4215-your husband uncanny , full , suspicious eyes . Something in [Gudrun]160-gudrun seemed to accord with [him]4215-your husband . [He]4215-your husband was really like one of [the “[4215-your husband] little people ’ who have no soul]7239-the “ little people ’ who have no soul , who has found [[his]4215-your husband mate]4217-his mate in [a human being]5012-a human being . But [he]4215-your husband suffered in [his]4215-your husband discovery . [She]4219-her too was fascinated by [him]4215-your husband , fascinated , as if some strange creature , a rabbit or a bat , or a brown seal , had begun to talk to [her]4219-her . But also , [she]4219-her knew what [he]4215-your husband was unconscious of , [his]4215-your husband tremendous power of understanding , of apprehending [her]4219-her living motion . [He]4215-your husband did not know [his]4215-your husband own power . [He]4215-your husband did not know how , with [his]4215-your husband full , submerged , watchful eyes , [he]4215-your husband could look into [her]4219-her and see [her]4219-her , what [she]4219-her was , see [her]4219-her secrets . [He]4215-your husband would only want [her]4219-her to be [herself]4219-her — [he]4215-your husband knew [her]4219-her verily , with a subconscious , sinister knowledge , devoid of illusions and hopes . To [Gudrun]160-gudrun , there was in [Loerke]389-loerke [the rock - bottom of all life]4220-the rock - bottom of all life . [Everybody else]4773-everybody else had [their]4773-everybody else illusion , must have [their]4773-everybody else illusion , [their]4773-everybody else before and after . But [he]4215-your husband , with a perfect stoicism , did without any before and after , dispensed with all illusion . [He]4215-your husband did not deceive [himself]4215-your husband in the last issue . In the last issue [he]4215-your husband cared about nothing , [he]4215-your husband was troubled about nothing , [he]4215-your husband made not the slightest attempt to be at one with anything . [He]4215-your husband existed a pure , unconnected will , stoical and momentaneous . There was only [his]4215-your husband work . It was curious too , how [his]4215-your husband poverty , the degradation of [his]4215-your husband earlier life , attracted [her]160-gudrun . There was something insipid and tasteless to [her]160-gudrun , in the idea of [a gentleman]4992-a gentleman , [a man who had gone the usual course through school and university]4223-a man who had gone the usual course through school and university . A certain violent sympathy , however , came up in [her]160-gudrun for [this mud - child]4224-this mud - child . [He]4215-your husband seemed to be the very stuff of the underworld of life . There was no going beyond [him]4215-your husband . [Ursula]255-gerald too was attracted by [Loerke]389-loerke . In both sisters [he]4215-your husband commanded a certain homage . But there were moments when to [Ursula]255-gerald [he]4215-your husband seemed indescribably inferior , false , a vulgarism . Both [Birkin]169-birkin and [Gerald]255-gerald disliked [him]4215-your husband , [Gerald]255-gerald ignoring [him]4215-your husband with some contempt , [Birkin]169-birkin exasperated . “ What do [the women]537-the women find so impressive in [that little brat]7241-that little brat ? ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald asked . “ [God]167-god alone knows , ”[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]169-birkin , “ unless it ’s some sort of appeal [he]4215-your husband makes to [them]537-the women , which flatters [them]537-the women and has such a power over [them]537-the women . ”[169-birkin] [Gerald]255-gerald looked up in surprise . “ Does [he]4215-your husband make an appeal to [them]537-the women ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ Oh yes , ”[169-birkin] replied [Birkin]169-birkin . “ [He]4215-your husband is [the perfectly subjected being]7242-the perfectly subjected being , existing almost like [a criminal]7243-a criminal . And [the women]537-the women rush towards that , like a current of air towards a vacuum . ”[169-birkin] “ Funny [they]537-the women should rush to that , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Makes one mad , too , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ But [he]4215-your husband has the fascination of pity and repulsion for [them]537-the women , a little obscene monster of the darkness that [he]4215-your husband is . ”[169-birkin] [Gerald]255-gerald stood still , suspended in thought . “ What do [women]453-women want , at the bottom ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . [Birkin]169-birkin shrugged [his]255-gerald shoulders . “ God knows , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ Some satisfaction in basic repulsion , it seems to [me]255-gerald . [They]453-women seem to creep down [some ghastly tunnel of darkness]7246-some ghastly tunnel of darkness , and will never be satisfied till [they]453-women ’ve come to the end . ”[255-gerald] [Gerald]255-gerald looked out into the mist of fine snow that was blowing by . [Everywhere]77-everywhere was blind today , horribly blind . “ And what is the end ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . [Birkin]169-birkin shook [his]255-gerald head . “ [I]169-birkin ’ve not got there yet , so [I]169-birkin do n’t know . [Ask Loerke]389-loerke , [he]7247-he ’s pretty near . [He]7247-he is a good many stages further than either [you]169-birkin or [I]169-birkin can go . ”[169-birkin] “ Yes , but stages further in what ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Gerald]255-gerald , irritated . [Birkin]169-birkin sighed , and gathered [his]255-gerald brows into a knot of anger . “ Stages further in social hatred , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ [He]7247-he lives like a rat , in [the river of corruption]7248-the river of corruption , just where it falls over into [the bottomless pit]7249-the bottomless pit . [He]7247-he ’s further on than [we]7250-we are . [He]7247-he hates the ideal more acutely . [He]7247-he hates the ideal utterly , yet it still dominates [him]7247-he . [I]255-gerald expect [he]7247-he is [a Jew]1093-a jew — or [part Jewish]7252-part jewish . ”[255-gerald] “ Probably , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [He]7247-he is a gnawing little negation , gnawing at the roots of life . ”[255-gerald] “ But why does [anybody]744-anybody care about [him]7247-he ? ”[255-gerald] cried [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Because [they]744-anybody hate the ideal also , in [their]744-anybody souls . [They]744-anybody want to explore [the sewers]7254-the sewers , and [he]7247-he ’s the wizard rat that swims ahead . ”[255-gerald] Still [Gerald]255-gerald stood and stared at the blind haze of snow outside . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t understand [your]255-gerald terms , really , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , in a flat , doomed voice . “ But it sounds a rum sort of desire . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]169-birkin suppose [we]727-the men want the same , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin . “ Only [we]727-the men want to take a quick jump downwards , in a sort of ecstasy — and [he]7247-he ebbs with the stream , [the sewer stream]7255-the sewer stream . ”[169-birkin] Meanwhile [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Ursula]255-gerald waited for the next opportunity to talk to [Loerke]389-loerke . It was no use beginning when [the men]727-the men were [there]629-there . Then [they]727-the men could get into no touch with [the isolated little sculptor]4227-the isolated little sculptor . [He]389-loerke had to be alone with [them]727-the men . And [he]389-loerke preferred [Ursula]255-gerald to be [there]629-there , as a sort of transmitter to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Do [you]389-loerke do nothing but architectural sculpture ? ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun asked [him]389-loerke one evening . “ Not now , ”[389-loerke] [he]389-loerke replied . “ [I]389-loerke have done all sorts — except portraits — [I]389-loerke never did portraits . But other things — ”[389-loerke] “ What kind of things ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [He]389-loerke paused a moment , then rose , and went out of [the room]739-the room . [He]389-loerke returned almost immediately with a little roll of paper , which [he]389-loerke handed to [her]4230-her . [She]4230-her unrolled it . It was a photogravure reproduction of a statuette , signed [F. Loerke]404-loerke . “ That is quite an early thing — not mechanical , ”[389-loerke] [he]389-loerke said , “ more popular . ”[389-loerke] The statuette was of [a naked girl]4231-a naked girl , small , finely made , sitting on a great naked horse . [The girl]540-the girl was young and tender , [a mere bud]4233-a mere bud . [She]540-the girl was sitting sideways on the horse , [her]540-the girl face in [her]540-the girl hands , as if in shame and grief , in a little abandon . [Her]540-the girl hair , which was short and must be flaxen , fell forward , divided , half covering [her]540-the girl hands . [Her]540-the girl limbs were young and tender . [Her]540-the girl legs , scarcely formed yet , the legs of [a maiden]4234-a maiden just passing towards cruel womanhood , dangled childishly over the side of the powerful horse , pathetically , the small feet folded one over the other , as if to hide . But there was no hiding . There [she]540-the girl was exposed naked on the naked flank of the horse . The horse stood stock still , stretched in a kind of start . It was a massive , magnificent stallion , rigid with pent - up power . [Its]4235-its neck was arched and terrible , like a sickle , its flanks were pressed back , rigid with power . [Gudrun]160-gudrun went pale , and a darkness came over [her]4230-her eyes , like shame , [she]4230-her looked up with a certain supplication , almost slave - like . [He]389-loerke glanced at [her]4230-her , and jerked [his]389-loerke head a little . “ How big is it ? ”[4230-her] [she]4230-her asked , in a toneless voice , persisting in appearing casual and unaffected . “ How big ? ”[389-loerke] [he]389-loerke replied , glancing again at [her]4230-her . “ Without pedestal — so high — ”[389-loerke] [he]389-loerke measured with [his]389-loerke hand—“with pedestal , so — ”[389-loerke] [He]389-loerke looked at [her]4230-her steadily . There was a little brusque , turgid contempt for [her]4230-her in [his]389-loerke swift gesture , and [she]4230-her seemed to cringe a little . “ And what is it done in ? ”[4230-her] [she]4230-her asked , throwing back [her]4230-her head and looking at [him]389-loerke with affected coldness . [He]389-loerke still gazed at [her]4230-her steadily , and [his]389-loerke dominance was not shaken . “ Bronze — green bronze . ”[389-loerke] “ Green bronze ! ”[160-gudrun] repeated [Gudrun]160-gudrun , coldly accepting [his]389-loerke challenge . [She]4230-her was thinking of the slender , immature , tender limbs of [the girl]540-the girl , smooth and cold in green bronze . “ Yes , beautiful , ”[4230-her] [she]4230-her murmured , looking up at [him]389-loerke with a certain dark homage . [He]389-loerke closed [his]389-loerke eyes and looked aside , triumphant . “ Why , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ did [you]389-loerke make the horse so stiff ? It is as stiff as a block . ”[255-gerald] “ Stiff ? ”[389-loerke] [he]389-loerke repeated , in arms at once . “ Yes . Look how stock and stupid and brutal it is . [Horses]7256-horses are sensitive , quite delicate and sensitive , really . ”[389-loerke] [He]389-loerke raised [his]389-loerke shoulders , spread [his]389-loerke hands in a shrug of slow indifference , as much as to inform [her]4230-her [she]4230-her was [an amateur]2787-an amateur and [an impertinent nobody]4238-an impertinent nobody . “ [Wissen Sie]390-wissen sie , ”[389-loerke] [he]389-loerke said , with an insulting patience and condescension in [his]389-loerke voice , “ that horse is a certain form , part of a whole form . It is part of a work of art , a piece of form . It is not a picture of a friendly horse to which [you]390-wissen sie give a lump of sugar , do [you]390-wissen sie see — it is part of a work of art , it has no relation to anything outside that work of art . ”[389-loerke] [Ursula]255-gerald , angry at being treated quite so insultingly de haut en bas , from the height of esoteric art to the depth of general exoteric amateurism , replied , hotly , flushing and lifting [her]4230-her face . “ But it is a picture of a horse , nevertheless . ”[389-loerke] [He]389-loerke lifted [his]389-loerke shoulders in another shrug . “ As [you]255-gerald like — it is not a picture of a cow , certainly . ”[389-loerke] Here [Gudrun]160-gudrun broke in , flushed and brilliant , anxious to avoid any more of this , any more of [Ursula]255-gerald ’s foolish persistence in giving [herself]255-gerald away . “ What do [you]160-gudrun mean by ‘ it is a picture of a horse ? ’ ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried at [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister . “ What do [you]160-gudrun mean by a horse ? [You]160-gudrun mean an idea [you]390-wissen sie have in [your]390-wissen sie head , and which [you]390-wissen sie want to see represented . There is another idea altogether , quite another idea . Call it a horse if [you]390-wissen sie like , or say it is not a horse . [I]160-gudrun have just as much right to say that [your]390-wissen sie horse is n’t a horse , that it is a falsity of [your]390-wissen sie own make - up . ”[160-gudrun] [Ursula]255-gerald wavered , baffled . Then [her]160-gudrun words came . “ But why does [he]404-loerke have this idea of a horse ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [I]160-gudrun know it is [his]404-loerke idea . [I]160-gudrun know it is a picture of [himself]404-loerke , really — ”[160-gudrun] [Loerke]404-loerke snorted with rage . “ A picture of [myself]404-loerke ! ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke repeated , in derision . “ Wissen sie , gnädige Frau , that is a Kunstwerk , a work of art . It is a work of art , it is a picture of nothing , of absolutely nothing . It has nothing to do with anything but itself , it has no relation with the everyday world of this and other , there is no connection between [them]7257-them , absolutely none , they are two different and distinct planes of existence , and to translate one into the other is worse than foolish , it is a darkening of all counsel , a making confusion everywhere . Do [you]390-wissen sie see , [you]390-wissen sie must not confuse the relative work of action , with the absolute world of art . That [you]390-wissen sie must not do . ”[404-loerke] “ That is quite true , ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , let loose in a sort of rhapsody . “ The two things are quite and permanently apart , they have nothing to do with one another . [I]160-gudrun and [my]160-gudrun art , [they]7257-them have nothing to do with [each other]451-each other . [My]160-gudrun art stands in [another world]4676-another world , [I]160-gudrun am in [this world]2436-this world . ”[160-gudrun] [Her]4240-her face was flushed and transfigured . [Loerke]404-loerke who was sitting with [his]404-loerke head ducked , like some creature at bay , looked up at [her]4240-her , swiftly , almost furtively , and murmured , “ Ja — so ist es , so ist es . ”[404-loerke] [Ursula]255-gerald was silent after this outburst . [She]4240-her was furious . [She]4240-her wanted to poke a hole into [them]4241-them both . “ It is n’t a word of it true , of all this harangue [you]404-loerke have made [me]4240-her , ”[4240-her] [she]4240-her replied flatly . “ The horse is a picture of [your]404-loerke own stock , stupid brutality , and [the girl]540-the girl was [a girl [you]404-loerke loved and tortured and then ignored]7262-a girl you loved and tortured and then ignored . ”[4240-her] [He]404-loerke looked up at [her]4240-her with a small smile of contempt in [his]404-loerke eyes . [He]404-loerke would not trouble to answer this last charge . [Gudrun]160-gudrun too was silent in exasperated contempt . [Ursula]255-gerald was such [an insufferable outsider]4242-an insufferable outsider , rushing in where [angels would fear to tread]4243-angels would fear to tread . But then — [fools]4244-fools must be suffered , if not gladly . But [Ursula]255-gerald was persistent too . “ As for [your]404-loerke world of art and [your]404-loerke world of reality , ”[4240-her] [she]4240-her replied , “ [you]404-loerke have to separate [the two]2296-the two , because [you]404-loerke ca n’t bear to know what [you]404-loerke are . [You]404-loerke ca n’t bear to realise what a stock , stiff , hide - bound brutality [you]404-loerke are really , so [you]404-loerke say ‘ it ’s the world of art . ’ The world of art is only the truth about [the real world]4679-the real world , that ’s all — but [you]404-loerke are too far gone to see it . ”[4240-her] [She]4240-her was white and trembling , intent . [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Loerke]404-loerke sat in stiff dislike of [her]4240-her . [Gerald]255-gerald too , who had come up in the beginning of the speech , stood looking at [her]4240-her in complete disapproval and opposition . [He]255-gerald felt [she]4240-her was undignified , [she]4240-her put a sort of vulgarity over the esotericism which gave [man]1089-man [his]1089-man last distinction . [He]255-gerald joined [his]255-gerald forces with [the other two]4921-the other two . [[They]4921-the other two all three]4247-they all three wanted [her]4240-her to go away . But [she]4240-her sat on in silence , [her]4240-her soul weeping , throbbing violently , [her]4240-her fingers twisting [her]4240-her handkerchief . [The others]809-the others maintained a dead silence , letting the display of [Ursula]255-gerald ’s obtrusiveness pass by . Then [Gudrun]160-gudrun asked , in a voice that was quite cool and casual , as if resuming a casual conversation : “ Was [the girl]540-the girl [a model]7266-a model ? ”[160-gudrun] “ [Nein]405-nein , sie war kein Modell . Sie war eine kleine Malschülerin . ”[160-gudrun] “ [An art - student]7267-an art - student ! ”[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun . And how the situation revealed itself to [her]160-gudrun ! [She]160-gudrun saw [the girl]540-the girl [art - student , unformed and of pernicious recklessness]4250-art - student , unformed and of pernicious recklessness , too young , [her]4240-her straight flaxen hair cut short , hanging just into [her]4240-her neck , curving inwards slightly , because it was rather thick ; and [Loerke]404-loerke , [the well - known master - sculptor]4251-the well - known master - sculptor , and [the girl , probably well - brought - up]4252-the girl , probably well - brought - up , and of [good family]4253-good family , thinking [herself]4240-her so great to be [[his]404-loerke mistress]4254-his mistress . Oh how well [she]160-gudrun knew the common callousness of it all . [Dresden]88-dresden , [Paris]42-paris , or [London]2-london , what did it matter ? [She]160-gudrun knew it . “ Where is [she]4240-her now ? ”[255-gerald] [Ursula]255-gerald asked . [Loerke]404-loerke raised [his]404-loerke shoulders , to convey [his]404-loerke complete ignorance and indifference . “ That is already six years ago , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said ; “ [she]4240-her will be twenty - three years old , no more good . ”[404-loerke] [Gerald]255-gerald had picked up the picture and was looking at it . It attracted [him]255-gerald also . [He]255-gerald saw on the pedestal , that the piece was called “ [Lady Godiva]406-lady godiva . ”[255-gerald] “ But this is n’t [Lady Godiva]406-lady godiva , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , smiling good - humouredly . “ [She]406-lady godiva was [the middle - aged wife of [some Earl]7269-some earl or other , who covered [herself]406-lady godiva with [her]406-lady godiva long hair]7268-the middle - aged wife of some earl or other , who covered herself with her long hair . ”[255-gerald] “ À la [Maud Allan]407-maud allan , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun with a mocking grimace . “ Why [Maud Allan]407-maud allan ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ Is n’t it so ? [I]255-gerald always thought the legend was that . ”[255-gerald] “ Yes , [[Gerald]255-gerald dear]7270-gerald dear , [I]4255-she ’m quite sure [you]255-gerald ’ve got the legend perfectly . ”[4255-she] [She]4255-she was laughing at [him]255-gerald , with a little , mock - caressive contempt . “ To be sure , [I]255-gerald ’d rather see [the woman]873-the woman than the hair , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald laughed in return . “ Would n’t [you]255-gerald just ! ”[160-gudrun] mocked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [Ursula]255-gerald rose and went away , leaving [the three]4256-the three together . [Gudrun]160-gudrun took the picture again from [Gerald]255-gerald , and sat looking at it closely . “ Of course , ”[4255-she] [she]4255-she said , turning to tease [Loerke]404-loerke now , “ [you]255-gerald understood [your]255-gerald little Malschülerin . ”[4255-she] [He]255-gerald raised [his]255-gerald eyebrows and [his]255-gerald shoulders in a complacent shrug . “ [The little girl]2288-the little girl ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald , pointing to the figure . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was sitting with the picture in [her]160-gudrun lap . [She]160-gudrun looked up at [Gerald]255-gerald , full into [his]255-gerald eyes , so that [he]255-gerald seemed to be blinded . “ Did n’t [he]255-gerald understand [her]2288-the little girl ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said to [Gerald]255-gerald , in a slightly mocking , humorous playfulness . “ [You]255-gerald ’ve only to look at the feet — aren’t they darling , so pretty and tender — oh , they ’re really wonderful , they are really — ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun lifted [her]160-gudrun eyes slowly , with a hot , flaming look into [Loerke]404-loerke ’s eyes . [His]255-gerald soul was filled with [her]160-gudrun burning recognition , [he]255-gerald seemed to grow more uppish and lordly . [Gerald]255-gerald looked at the small , sculptured feet . [They]4257-they were turned together , half covering each other in pathetic shyness and fear . [He]255-gerald looked at [them]4257-they a long time , fascinated . Then , in some pain , [he]255-gerald put the picture away from [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald felt full of barrenness . “ What was [her]2288-the little girl name ? ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun asked [Loerke]404-loerke . “ [Annette von Weck]408-annette von weck , ”[404-loerke] [Loerke]404-loerke replied reminiscent . “ [Ja]409-ja , sie war hübsch . [She]2288-the little girl was pretty — but [she]2288-the little girl was tiresome . [She]2288-the little girl was [a nuisance,—not]7273-a nuisance,—not for a minute would [she]2288-the little girl keep still — not until [I]255-gerald ’d slapped [her]2288-the little girl hard and made [her]2288-the little girl cry — then [she]2288-the little girl ’d sit for five minutes . ”[255-gerald] [He]255-gerald was thinking over the work , [his]255-gerald work , the all important to [him]255-gerald . “ Did [you]255-gerald really slap [her]2288-the little girl ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun , coolly . [He]255-gerald glanced back at [her]160-gudrun , reading [her]160-gudrun challenge . “ Yes , [I]255-gerald did , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said , nonchalant , “ harder than [I]255-gerald have ever beat anything in [my]255-gerald life . [I]255-gerald had to , [I]255-gerald had to . It was the only way [I]255-gerald got the work done . ”[255-gerald] [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [him]255-gerald with large , dark - filled eyes , for some moments . [She]160-gudrun seemed to be considering [his]255-gerald very soul . Then [she]160-gudrun looked down , in silence . “ Why did [you]404-loerke have such a young [Godiva]406-lady godiva then ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [She]406-lady godiva is so small , besides , on the horse — not big enough for it — such [a child]733-a child . ”[255-gerald] A queer spasm went over [Loerke]404-loerke ’s face . “ Yes , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . “ [I]404-loerke do n’t like [them]7275-them any bigger , any older . Then [they]7275-them are beautiful , at sixteen , seventeen , eighteen — after that , they are no use to [me]404-loerke . ”[404-loerke] There was a moment ’s pause . “ Why not ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald . [Loerke]404-loerke shrugged [his]404-loerke shoulders . “ [I]404-loerke do n’t find them interesting — or beautiful — they are no good to [me]404-loerke , for [my]404-loerke work . ”[404-loerke] “ Do [you]404-loerke mean to say [a woman]897-a woman is n’t beautiful after [she]897-a woman is twenty ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “ For [me]255-gerald , no . Before twenty , [she]897-a woman is small and fresh and tender and slight . After that — let [her]897-a woman be what [she]897-a woman likes , [she]897-a woman has nothing for [me]255-gerald . [The Venus of [Milo]410-milo]7277-the venus of milo is [a bourgeoise]7278-a bourgeoise — so are [they]7279-they all . ”[255-gerald] “ And [you]404-loerke do n’t care for [women]453-women at all after twenty ? ”[255-gerald] asked [Gerald]255-gerald . “ [They]453-women are no good to [me]404-loerke , [they]453-women are of no use in [my]404-loerke art , ”[404-loerke] [Loerke]404-loerke repeated impatiently . “ [I]404-loerke do n’t find [them]453-women beautiful . ”[404-loerke] “ [You]404-loerke are an epicure , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , with a slight sarcastic laugh . “ And what about [men]848-men ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun suddenly . “ Yes , [they]848-men are good at all ages , ”[404-loerke] replied [Loerke]404-loerke . “ [A man]4648-a man should be big and powerful — whether [he]4648-a man is old or young is of no account , so [he]4648-a man has the size , something of massiveness and — and stupid form . ”[404-loerke] [Ursula]255-gerald went out alone into [the world of pure , new snow]4258-the world of pure , new snow . But the dazzling whiteness seemed to beat upon [her]4259-she till it hurt [her]4259-she , [she]4259-she felt the cold was slowly strangling [her]4259-she soul . [Her]4259-she head felt dazed and numb . Suddenly [she]4259-she wanted to go away . It occurred to [her]4259-she , like a miracle , that [she]4259-she might go away into [another world]4676-another world . [She]4259-she had felt so doomed up here in [the eternal snow]4261-the eternal snow , as if there were no beyond . Now suddenly , as by a miracle [she]4259-she remembered that away beyond , below [her]4259-she , lay [the dark fruitful earth]4262-the dark fruitful earth , that towards the south there were stretches of land dark with orange trees and cypress , grey with olives , that ilex trees lifted wonderful plumy tufts in shadow against a blue sky . Miracle of miracles!—this utterly silent , frozen world of [the mountain - tops]4263-the mountain - tops was not universal ! [One]4646-one might leave it and have done with it . [One]4646-one might go away . [She]4259-she wanted to realise the miracle at once . [She]4259-she wanted at this instant to have done with [the snow - world]4266-the snow - world , [the terrible , static ice - built mountain tops]4267-the terrible , static ice - built mountain tops . [She]4259-she wanted to see [the dark earth]4268-the dark earth , to smell its earthy fecundity , to see [the patient wintry vegetation]4269-the patient wintry vegetation , to feel the sunshine touch a response in the buds . [She]4259-she went back gladly to [the house]468-the house , full of hope . [Birkin]169-birkin was reading , lying in bed . “ [Rupert]169-birkin , ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she said , bursting in on [him]4271-he . “ [I]4259-she want to go away . ”[4259-she] [He]4271-he looked up at [her]4259-she slowly . “ Do [you]4259-she ? ”[4271-he] [he]4271-he replied mildly . [She]4259-she sat by [him]4271-he und put [her]4259-she arms round [his]4271-he neck . It surprised [her]4259-she that [he]4271-he was so little surprised . “ Do n’t [you]4271-he ? ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she asked troubled . “ [I]4271-he had n’t thought about it , ”[4271-he] [he]4271-he said . “ But [I]4271-he ’m sure [I]4271-he do . ”[4271-he] [She]4259-she sat up , suddenly erect . “ [I]4259-she hate it , ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she said . “ [I]4259-she hate the snow , and the unnaturalness of it , the unnatural light it throws on [everybody]780-everybody , the ghastly glamour , the unnatural feelings it makes [everybody]780-everybody have . ”[4259-she] [He]4271-he lay still and laughed , meditating . “ Well , ”[4271-he] [he]4271-he said , “ [we]7285-we can go away — [we]7285-we can go tomorrow . [We]7285-we ’ll go tomorrow to [Verona]149-verona , and find [Romeo]411-romeo and [Juliet]412-juliet , and sit in the amphitheatre — shall [we]7285-we ? ”[4271-he] Suddenly [she]4259-she hid [her]4259-she face against [his]4271-he shoulder with perplexity and shyness . [He]4271-he lay so untrammelled . “ Yes , ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she said softly , filled with relief . [She]4259-she felt [her]4259-she soul had new wings , now [he]4271-he was so uncaring . “ [I]4259-she shall love to be [Romeo]411-romeo and [Juliet]412-juliet , ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she said . “ [My]4259-she love ! ”[4259-she] “ Though a fearfully cold wind blows in [Verona]149-verona , ”[4271-he] [he]4271-he said , “ from out of [the Alps]150-the alps . [We]7286-we shall have the smell of the snow in [our]7286-we noses . ”[4271-he] [She]4259-she sat up and looked at [him]4271-he . “ Are [you]4271-he glad to go ? ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she asked , troubled . [His]4271-he eyes were inscrutable and laughing . [She]4259-she hid [her]4259-she face against [his]4271-he neck , clinging close to [him]4271-he , pleading : “ Do n’t laugh at [me]4259-she — don’t laugh at [me]4259-she . ”[4259-she] “ Why how ’s that ? ”[4271-he] [he]4271-he laughed , putting [his]4271-he arms round [her]4259-she . “ Because [I]4259-she do n’t want to be laughed at , ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she whispered . [He]4271-he laughed more , as [he]4271-he kissed [her]4259-she delicate , finely perfumed hair . “ Do [you]4271-he love [me]4259-she ? ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she whispered , in wild seriousness . “ Yes , ”[4271-he] [he]4271-he answered , laughing . Suddenly [she]4259-she lifted [her]4259-she mouth to be kissed . [Her]4259-she lips were taut and quivering and strenuous , [his]4271-he were soft , deep and delicate . [He]4271-he waited a few moments in the kiss . Then a shade of sadness went over [his]4271-he soul . “ [Your]4259-she mouth is so hard , ”[4271-he] [he]4271-he said , in faint reproach . “ And [yours]4271-he is so soft and nice , ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she said gladly . “ But why do [you]4259-she always grip [your]4259-she lips ? ”[4271-he] [he]4271-he asked , regretful . “ Never mind , ”[4259-she] [she]4259-she said swiftly . “ It is [my]4259-she way . ”[4259-she] [She]4259-she knew [he]4271-he loved [her]4259-she ; [she]4259-she was sure of [him]4271-he . Yet [she]4259-she could not let go a certain hold over [herself]4259-she , [she]4259-she could not bear [him]4271-he to question [her]4259-she . [She]4259-she gave [herself]4259-she up in delight to being loved by [him]4271-he . [She]4259-she knew that , in spite of [his]4271-he joy when [she]4259-she abandoned [herself]4259-she , [he]4271-he was a little bit saddened too . [She]4259-she could give [herself]4259-she up to [his]4271-he activity . But [she]4259-she could not be [herself]4259-she , [she]4259-she dared not come forth quite nakedly to [his]4271-he nakedness , abandoning all adjustment , lapsing in pure faith with [him]4271-he . [She]4259-she abandoned [herself]4259-she to [him]4271-he , or [she]4259-she took hold of [him]4271-he and gathered [her]4259-she joy of [him]4271-he . And [she]4259-she enjoyed [him]4271-he fully . But [they]4272-they were never quite together , at the same moment , [one]4646-one was always a little left out . Nevertheless [she]4259-she was glad in hope , glorious and free , full of life and liberty . And [he]4271-he was still and soft and patient , for the time . [They]4272-they made [their]4272-they preparations to leave the next day . First [they]4272-they went to [[Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s room]4274-gudrun ’s room , where [she]4259-she and [Gerald]255-gerald were just dressed ready for the evening indoors . “ [Prune]163-prune , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , “ [I]255-gerald think [we]4272-they shall go away tomorrow . [I]255-gerald ca n’t stand the snow any more . It hurts [my]255-gerald skin and [my]255-gerald soul . ”[255-gerald] “ Does it really hurt [your]255-gerald soul , [Ursula]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun , in some surprise . “ [I]160-gudrun can believe quite it hurts [your]255-gerald skin — it is terrible . But [I]160-gudrun thought it was admirable for the soul . ”[160-gudrun] “ No , not for [mine]255-gerald . It just injures it , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ Really ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun . There was a silence in [the room]739-the room . And [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin could feel that [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald were relieved by [their]4276-their going . “ [You]255-gerald will go [south]7287-south ? ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , a little ring of uneasiness in [his]255-gerald voice . “ Yes , ”[169-birkin] said [Birkin]169-birkin , turning away . There was a queer , indefinable hostility between [the two men]686-the two men , lately . [Birkin]169-birkin was on the whole dim and indifferent , drifting along in a dim , easy flow , unnoticing and patient , since [he]255-gerald came abroad , whilst [Gerald]255-gerald on the other hand , was intense and gripped into white light , agonistes . [The two men]686-the two men revoked [one another]1500-one another . [Gerald]255-gerald and [Gudrun]160-gudrun were very kind to [the two who were departing]4280-the two who were departing , solicitous for [their]4280-the two who were departing welfare as if [they]4280-the two who were departing were [two children]4281-two children . [Gudrun]160-gudrun came to [[Ursula]255-gerald ’s bedroom]3585-ursula ’s bedroom with three pairs of the coloured stockings for which [she]160-gudrun was notorious , and [she]160-gudrun threw them on the bed . But these were thick silk stockings , vermilion , cornflower blue , and grey , bought in [Paris]42-paris . The grey ones were knitted , seamless and heavy . [Ursula]255-gerald was in raptures . [She]160-gudrun knew [Gudrun]160-gudrun must be feeling very loving , to give away such treasures . “ [I]160-gudrun ca n’t take them from [you]160-gudrun , [Prune]163-prune , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried . “ [I]160-gudrun ca n’t possibly deprive [you]160-gudrun of them — the jewels . ”[160-gudrun] “ Are n’t they jewels ! ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , eyeing [her]160-gudrun gifts with an envious eye . “ Are n’t [they]7288-they [real lambs]7289-real lambs ! ”[160-gudrun] “ Yes , [you]160-gudrun must keep them , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [I]255-gerald do n’t want them , [I]255-gerald ’ve got three more pairs . [I]255-gerald want [you]160-gudrun to keep them — [I]255-gerald want [you]160-gudrun to have them . They ’re [yours]7290-yours , there — ”[255-gerald] And with trembling , excited hands [she]160-gudrun put the coveted stockings under [Ursula]255-gerald ’s pillow . “ [One]4646-one gets the greatest joy of all out of really lovely stockings , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald . “ [One]4646-one does , ”[160-gudrun] replied [Gudrun]160-gudrun ; “ the greatest joy of all . ”[160-gudrun] And [she]160-gudrun sat down in the chair . It was evident [she]160-gudrun had come for a last talk . [Ursula]255-gerald , not knowing what [she]160-gudrun wanted , waited in silence . “ Do [you]255-gerald feel , [Ursula]255-gerald , ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun began , rather sceptically , that [you]255-gerald are going - away - for - ever , never - to - return , sort of thing ? ” “[160-gudrun] Oh , [we]4283-we shall come back , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald . “[160-gudrun] It is n’t a question of train - journeys . ” “[0-i] Yes , [I]0-i know . But spiritually , so to speak , [you]255-gerald are going away from [us]4283-we all ? ” [Ursula]255-gerald quivered . “[255-gerald] [I]0-i do n’t know a bit what is going to happen , ” [she]160-gudrun said . “[0-i] [I]0-i only know [we]4283-we are going somewhere . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun waited . “[0-i] And [you]255-gerald are glad ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked . [Ursula]255-gerald meditated for a moment . “[255-gerald] [I]0-i believe [I]0-i am very glad , ” [she]160-gudrun replied . But [Gudrun]160-gudrun read the unconscious brightness on [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister ’s face , rather than the uncertain tones of [her]160-gudrun speech . “[0-i] But do n’t [you]255-gerald think [you]255-gerald ’ll want the old connection with [the world]541-the world — [father]4673-father and the rest of [us]4283-we , and all that it means , [England]80-england and [the world of thought]4286-the world of thought — don’t [you]255-gerald think [you]255-gerald ’ll need that , really to make [a world]4850-a world ? ” [Ursula]255-gerald was silent , trying to imagine . “[0-i] [I]0-i think , ” [she]160-gudrun said at length , involuntarily , “[169-birkin] that [Rupert]169-birkin is right — [one]4646-one wants a new space to be in , and [one]4646-one falls away from the old . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister with impassive face and steady eyes . “[4646-one] [One]4646-one wants a new space to be in , [I]0-i quite agree , ” [she]160-gudrun said . “[0-i] But [I]0-i think that [a new world]6236-a new world is a development from [this world]2436-this world , and that to isolate [oneself]4646-one with [one other person]4293-one other person , is n’t to find [a new world]6236-a new world at all , but only to secure [oneself]4646-one in one ’s illusions . ” [Ursula]255-gerald looked out of the window . In [her]160-gudrun soul [she]160-gudrun began to wrestle , and [she]160-gudrun was frightened . [She]160-gudrun was always frightened of words , because [she]160-gudrun knew that mere word - force could always make [her]160-gudrun believe what [she]160-gudrun did not believe . “[0-i] Perhaps , ” [she]160-gudrun said , full of mistrust , of [herself]160-gudrun and [everybody]780-everybody . “[0-i] But , ” [she]160-gudrun added , “[0-i] [I]0-i do think that one ca n’t have anything new whilst [one]4646-one cares for the old — do [you]4296-you know what [I]0-i mean?—even fighting [the old]4297-the old is belonging to it . [I]0-i know , [one]4646-one is tempted to stop with [the world]541-the world , just to fight it . But then it is n’t worth it . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun considered [herself]160-gudrun . “[4296-you] Yes , ” [she]160-gudrun said . “[4296-you] In a way , one is of [the world]541-the world if [one]4646-one lives in [it]541-the world . But is n’t it really an illusion to think [you]4296-you can get out of it ? After all , [a cottage in [the Abruzzi]151-the abruzzi]4302-a cottage in the abruzzi , or wherever [it]4302-a cottage in the abruzzi may be , is n’t [a new world]6236-a new world . No , the only thing to do with [the world]541-the world , is to see it through . ” [Ursula]255-gerald looked away . [She]4296-you was so frightened of argument . “[4646-one] But there can be something else , ca n’t there ? ” [she]4296-you said . “[4646-one] [One]4646-one can see it through in [one]4646-one ’s soul , long enough before it sees itself through in actuality . And then , when [one]4646-one has seen one ’s soul , one is something else . ” “[4646-one] Can [one]4646-one see it through in one ’s soul ? ” asked [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “[4646-one] If [you]4296-you mean that [you]4296-you can see to the end of what will happen , [I]0-i do n’t agree . [I]0-i really ca n’t agree . And anyhow , [you]4296-you ca n’t suddenly fly off on to [a new planet]4309-a new planet , because [you]4296-you think [you]4296-you can see to the end of this . ” [Ursula]255-gerald suddenly straightened [herself]255-gerald . “[4296-you] Yes , ” [she]4296-you said . “[4296-you] Yes — [one]4646-one knows . [One]4646-one has no more connections here . [One]4646-one has a sort of other self , that belongs to [a new planet]4309-a new planet , not to this . [You]4296-you ’ve got to hop off . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun reflected for a few moments . Then a smile of ridicule , almost of contempt , came over [her]4296-you face . “[4296-you] And what will happen when [you]4296-you find [yourself]4296-you in space ? ” [she]4296-you cried in derision . “[4296-you] After all , the great ideas of [the world]541-the world are the same there . [[You]4296-you above [everybody]780-everybody]4315-you above everybody ca n’t get away from the fact that love , for instance , is the supreme thing , in space as well as on [earth]571-earth . ” “[4296-you] No , ” said [Ursula]255-gerald , “[4296-you] it is n’t . Love is too human and little . [I]0-i believe in something inhuman , of which love is only a little part . [I]0-i believe what [we]4318-we must fulfil comes out of the unknown to [us]4318-we , and it is something infinitely more than love . It is n’t so merely human . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked at [Ursula]255-gerald with steady , balancing eyes . [She]160-gudrun admired and despised [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister so much , both ! Then , suddenly [she]4296-you averted [her]4296-you face , saying coldly , uglily : “[0-i] Well , [I]0-i ’ve got no further than love , yet . ” Over [Ursula]255-gerald ’s mind flashed the thought : “[0-i] Because [you]4296-you never have loved , [you]4296-you ca n’t get beyond it . ” [Gudrun]160-gudrun rose , came over to [Ursula]255-gerald and put [her]160-gudrun arm round [her]449-her sister neck . “[4296-you] Go and find [[your]4296-you new world]4319-your new world , [dear]2460-dear , ” [she]160-gudrun said , [her]160-gudrun voice clanging with false benignity . “[2460-dear] After all , the happiest voyage is the quest of [[Rupert]169-birkin ’s Blessed [Isles]152-isles]4321-rupert ’s blessed isles . ” [Her]160-gudrun arm rested round [Ursula]255-gerald ’s neck , [her]160-gudrun fingers on [Ursula]255-gerald ’s cheek for a few moments . [Ursula]255-gerald was supremely uncomfortable meanwhile . There was an insult in [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s protective patronage that was really too hurting . Feeling [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister ’s resistance , [Gudrun]160-gudrun drew awkwardly away , turned over the pillow , and disclosed the stockings again . “[169-birkin] Ha — ha ! ” [she]160-gudrun laughed , rather hollowly . “[169-birkin] How [we]4322-we do talk indeed — [new worlds]4323-new worlds and old — ! ” And [they]4322-we passed to [the familiar worldly subjects]7298-the familiar worldly subjects . [Gerald]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin had walked on ahead , waiting for [the sledge]3855-the sledge to overtake [them]4322-we , conveying [the departing guests]7300-the departing guests . “[169-birkin] How much longer will [you]4324-you stay [here]4650-here ? ” asked [Birkin]169-birkin , glancing up at [Gerald]255-gerald ’s very red , almost blank face . “[4324-you] Oh , [I]0-i ca n’t say , ” [Gerald]255-gerald replied . “[0-i] Till [we]4322-we get tired of it . ” “[0-i] [You]4324-you ’re not afraid of the snow melting first ? ” asked [Birkin]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald laughed . “[0-i] Does it melt ? ” [he]255-gerald said . “[0-i] Things are all right with [you]4324-you then ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald screwed up [his]255-gerald eyes a little . “[4324-you] All right ? ” [he]255-gerald said . “[0-i] [I]0-i never know what those common words mean . All right and all wrong , do n’t they become synonymous , somewhere ? ” “[0-i] Yes , [I]0-i suppose . How about going back ? ” asked [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] Oh , [I]0-i do n’t know . [We]4322-we may never get back . [I]0-i do n’t look before and after , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald . “[0-i] Nor pine for what is not , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . [Gerald]255-gerald looked into the distance , with the small - pupilled , abstract eyes of a hawk . “[0-i] No . There ’s something final about this . And [Gudrun]160-gudrun seems like the end , to [me]0-i . [I]0-i do n’t know — but [she]160-gudrun seems so soft , [her]160-gudrun skin like silk , [her]160-gudrun arms heavy and soft . And it withers [my]0-i consciousness , somehow , it burns the pith of [my]0-i mind . ” [He]255-gerald went on a few paces , staring ahead , [his]255-gerald eyes fixed , looking like a mask used in ghastly religions of [the barbarians]7301-the barbarians . “[160-gudrun] It blasts [your]4326-you soul ’s eye , ” [he]255-gerald said , “[160-gudrun] and leaves [you]4326-you sightless . Yet [you]4326-you want to be sightless , [you]4326-you want to be blasted , [you]4326-you do n’t want it any different . ” [He]255-gerald was speaking as if in a trance , verbal and blank . Then suddenly [he]255-gerald braced [himself]255-gerald up with a kind of rhapsody , and looked at [Birkin]169-birkin with vindictive , cowed eyes , saying : “[4326-you] Do [you]4326-you know what it is to suffer when [you]4326-you are with [a woman]897-a woman ? [She]897-a woman ’s so beautiful , so perfect , [you]4326-you find [her]897-a woman so good , it tears [you]4326-you like a silk , and every stroke and bit cuts hot — ha , that perfection , when [you]4326-you blast [yourself]4326-you , [you]4326-you blast [yourself]4326-you ! And then — ” [he]255-gerald stopped on the snow and suddenly opened [his]255-gerald clenched hands—“it[0-i] ’s nothing — [your]4326-you brain might have gone charred as rags — and — ” [he]255-gerald looked round into the air with a queer histrionic movement “[0-i] it ’s blasting — [you]4326-you understand what [I]0-i mean — it is a great experience , something final — and then — [you’re]4326-you shrivelled as if struck by electricity . ” [He]255-gerald walked on in silence . It seemed like bragging , but like [a man in extremity]7302-a man in extremity bragging truthfully . “[4326-you] Of course , ” [he]255-gerald resumed , “[4326-you] [I]0-i would n’t not have had it ! It ’s a complete experience . And [she]897-a woman ’s [a wonderful woman]4328-a wonderful woman . But — how [I]0-i hate [her]897-a woman somewhere ! It ’s curious — ” [Birkin]169-birkin looked at [him]255-gerald , at [his]255-gerald strange , scarcely conscious face . [Gerald]255-gerald seemed blank before [his]255-gerald own words . “[897-a woman] But [you]0-i ’ve had enough now ? ” said [Birkin]169-birkin . “[0-i] [You]0-i have had [your]0-i experience . Why work on an old wound ? ” “[897-a woman] Oh , ” said [Gerald]255-gerald , “[897-a woman] [I]0-i do n’t know . It ’s not finished — ” And [the two]2296-the two walked on . “[0-i] [I]0-i ’ve loved [you]0-i , as well as [Gudrun]160-gudrun , do n’t forget , ” said [Birkin]169-birkin bitterly . [Gerald]255-gerald looked at [him]0-i strangely , abstractedly . “[0-i] Have [you]0-i ? ” [he]255-gerald said , with icy scepticism . “[0-i] Or do [you]0-i think [you]0-i have ? ” [He]255-gerald was hardly responsible for what [he]255-gerald said . [The sledge]3855-the sledge came . [Gudrun]160-gudrun dismounted and [they]2296-the two all made [their]2296-the two farewell . [They]2296-the two wanted to go apart , all of [them]2296-the two . [Birkin]169-birkin took [his]255-gerald place , and [the sledge]3855-the sledge drove away leaving [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Gerald]255-gerald standing on the snow , waving . Something froze [Birkin]169-birkin ’s heart , seeing [them]2296-the two standing there in the isolation of the snow , growing smaller and more isolated . When [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin were gone , [Gudrun]160-gudrun felt [herself]160-gudrun free in [her]160-gudrun contest with [Gerald]255-gerald . As [they]2296-the two grew more used to each other , [he]255-gerald seemed to press upon [her]160-gudrun more and more . At first [she]160-gudrun could manage [him]255-gerald , so that [her]160-gudrun own will was always left free . But very soon , [he]255-gerald began to ignore [her]160-gudrun female tactics , [he]255-gerald dropped [his]255-gerald respect for [her]160-gudrun whims and [her]160-gudrun privacies , [he]255-gerald began to exert [his]255-gerald own will blindly , without submitting to [hers]160-gudrun . Already a vital conflict had set in , which frightened [them]2296-the two both . But [he]255-gerald was alone , whilst already [she]160-gudrun had begun to cast round for external resource . When [Ursula]255-gerald had gone , [Gudrun]160-gudrun felt [her]160-gudrun own existence had become stark and elemental . [She]160-gudrun went and crouched alone in [[her]160-gudrun bedroom]3313-her bedroom , looking out of the window at the big , flashing stars . In front was the faint shadow of the mountain - knot . That was the pivot . [She]160-gudrun felt strange and inevitable , as if [she]160-gudrun were centred upon the pivot of all existence , there was no further reality . Presently [Gerald]255-gerald opened the door . [She]160-gudrun knew [he]255-gerald would not be long before [he]255-gerald came . [She]160-gudrun was rarely alone , [he]255-gerald pressed upon [her]160-gudrun like a frost , deadening [her]160-gudrun . “[0-i] Are [you]4329-you alone in the dark ? ” [he]255-gerald said . And [she]160-gudrun could tell by [his]255-gerald tone [he]255-gerald resented it , [he]255-gerald resented this isolation [she]160-gudrun had drawn round [herself]160-gudrun . Yet , feeling static and inevitable , [she]160-gudrun was kind towards [him]255-gerald . “[0-i] Would [you]4330-you like to light the candle ? ” [she]160-gudrun asked . [He]255-gerald did not answer , but came and stood behind [her]160-gudrun , in the darkness . “[4330-you] Look , ” [she]160-gudrun said , “[4330-you] at that lovely star up there . Do [you]4330-you know its name ? ” [He]255-gerald crouched beside [her]160-gudrun , to look through the low window . “[4330-you] No , ” [he]255-gerald said . “[4330-you] It is very fine . ” “[4330-you] Is n’t it beautiful ! Do [you]4330-you notice how it darts different coloured fires — it flashes really superbly — ” [They]7307-they remained in silence . With a mute , heavy gesture [she]160-gudrun put [her]160-gudrun hand on [his]255-gerald knee , and took [his]255-gerald hand . “[4330-you] Are [you]4330-you regretting [Ursula]255-gerald ? ” [he]255-gerald asked . “[4330-you] No , not at all , ” [she]160-gudrun said . Then , in a slow mood , [she]160-gudrun asked : “[4330-you] How much do [you]4330-you love [me]0-i ? ” [He]255-gerald stiffened [himself]255-gerald further against [her]160-gudrun . “[4330-you] How much do [you]4330-you think [I]0-i do ? ” [he]255-gerald asked . “[4330-you] [I]0-i do n’t know , ” [she]160-gudrun replied . “[0-i] But what is [your]4330-you opinion ? ” [he]255-gerald asked . There was a pause . At length , in the darkness , came [her]160-gudrun voice , hard and indifferent : “[4330-you] Very little indeed , ” [she]160-gudrun said coldly , almost flippant . [His]255-gerald heart went icy at the sound of [her]160-gudrun voice . “[4330-you] Why do n’t [I]0-i love [you]4330-you ? ” [he]255-gerald asked , as if admitting the truth of [her]160-gudrun accusation , yet hating [her]4330-you for it . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t know why [you]4330-you don’t — [I’ve]0-i been good to [you]4330-you . [You]4330-you were in a fearful state when [you]4330-you came to [me]0-i . ” [Her]4330-you heart was beating to suffocate [her]4330-you , yet [she]4330-you was strong and unrelenting . “[4330-you] When was [I]0-i in a fearful state ? ” [he]0-i asked . “[0-i] When [you]4330-you first came to [me]0-i . [I]0-i had to take pity on [you]4330-you . But it was never love . ” It was that statement “[0-i] It was never love , ” which sounded in [his]0-i ears with madness . “[0-i] Why must [you]4330-you repeat it so often , that there is no love ? ” [he]0-i said in a voice strangled with rage . “[4330-you] Well [you]0-i do n’t think [you]0-i love , do [you]0-i ? ” [she]4330-you asked . [He]0-i was silent with cold passion of anger . “[0-i] [You]0-i do n’t think [you]0-i can love [me]0-i , do [you]0-i ? ” [she]4330-you repeated almost with a sneer . “[0-i] No , ” [he]0-i said . “[0-i] [You]4330-you know [you]4330-you never have loved [me]0-i , do n’t [you]4330-you ? ” “[4330-you] [I]0-i do n’t know what [you]4330-you mean by the word “ love , ”[0-i] [he]0-i replied . “ Yes , [you]0-i do . [You]0-i know all right that [you]0-i have never loved [me]0-i . Have [you]0-i , do [you]0-i think ? ”[0-i] “ No , ”[0-i] [he]0-i said , prompted by some barren spirit of truthfulness and obstinacy . “ And [you]0-i never will love [me]4330-you , ”[4330-you] [she]4330-you said finally , “ will [you]0-i ? ”[4330-you] There was a diabolic coldness in [her]4330-you , too much to bear . “ No , ”[0-i] [he]0-i said . “ Then , ”[4330-you] [she]4330-you replied , “ what have [you]0-i against [me]4330-you ! ”[4330-you] [He]0-i was silent in cold , frightened rage and despair . “ If only [I]0-i could kill [her]4330-you , ”[0-i] [his]0-i heart was whispering repeatedly . “ If only [I]0-i could kill [her]4330-you — [I]0-i should be free . ”[0-i] It seemed to [him]0-i that death was the only severing of this Gordian knot . “ Why do [you]4330-you torture [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [he]0-i said . [She]4330-you flung [her]4330-you arms round [his]0-i neck . “ Ah , [I]4330-you do n’t want to torture [you]0-i , ”[4330-you] [she]4330-you said pityingly , as if [she]4330-you were comforting [a child]733-a child . The impertinence made [his]0-i veins go cold , [he]0-i was insensible . [She]4330-you held [her]4330-you arms round [his]0-i neck , in a triumph of pity . And [her]4330-you pity for [him]0-i was as cold as stone , its deepest motive was hate of [him]0-i , and fear of [his]0-i power over [her]4330-you , which [she]4330-you must always counterfoil . “ Say [you]0-i love [me]4330-you , ”[4330-you] [she]4330-you pleaded . “ Say [you]0-i will love [me]4330-you for ever — won’t [you]0-i — won’t [you]0-i ? ”[4330-you] But it was [her]4330-you voice only that coaxed [him]0-i . [Her]4330-you senses were entirely apart from [him]0-i , cold and destructive of [him]0-i . It was [her]4330-you overbearing will that insisted . “ Wo n’t [you]0-i say [you]0-i ’ll love [me]4330-you always ? ”[4330-you] [she]4330-you coaxed . “ Say it , even if it is n’t true — say it [Gerald]255-gerald , do . ”[4330-you] “ [I]0-i will love [you]4330-you always , ”[0-i] [he]0-i repeated , in real agony , forcing the words out . [She]4330-you gave [him]0-i a quick kiss . “ Fancy [your]0-i actually having said it , ”[4330-you] [she]4330-you said with a touch of raillery . [He]0-i stood as if [he]0-i had been beaten . “ Try to love [me]4330-you a little more , and to want [me]4330-you a little less , ”[4330-you] [she]4330-you said , in a half contemptuous , half coaxing tone . The darkness seemed to be swaying in waves across [his]0-i mind , great waves of darkness plunging across [his]0-i mind . It seemed to [him]0-i [he]0-i was degraded at the very quick , made of no account . “ [You]4330-you mean [you]4330-you do n’t want [me]0-i ? ”[0-i] [he]0-i said . “ [You]4330-you are so insistent , and there is so little grace in [you]4330-you , so little fineness . [You]4330-you are so crude . [You]4330-you break [me]0-i — [you]4330-you only waste [me]0-i — it is horrible to [me]0-i . ”[0-i] “ Horrible to [you]4330-you ? ”[0-i] [he]0-i repeated . “ Yes . Do n’t [you]4330-you think [I]0-i might have [a room to [myself]0-i]7308-a room to myself , now [Ursula]255-gerald has gone ? [You]4330-you can say [you]4330-you want [a dressing room]7309-a dressing room . ”[0-i] “ [You]4330-you do as [you]4330-you like — [you]4330-you can leave altogether if [you]4330-you like , ”[0-i] [he]0-i managed to articulate . “ Yes , [I]4332-her know that , ”[4332-her] [she]4332-her replied . “ So can [you]0-i . [You]0-i can leave [me]4332-her whenever [you]0-i like — without notice even . ”[4332-her] The great tides of darkness were swinging across [his]0-i mind , [he]0-i could hardly stand upright . A terrible weariness overcame [him]0-i , [he]0-i felt [he]0-i must lie on the floor . Dropping off [his]0-i clothes , [he]0-i got into bed , and lay like [a man suddenly overcome by drunkenness]4333-a man suddenly overcome by drunkenness , the darkness lifting and plunging as if [he]0-i were lying upon [a black , giddy sea]4334-a black , giddy sea . [He]0-i lay still in this strange , horrific reeling for some time , purely unconscious . At length [she]4332-her slipped from [her]4332-her own bed and came over to [him]0-i . [He]0-i remained rigid , [his]0-i back to [her]4332-her . [He]0-i was all but unconscious . [She]4332-her put [her]4332-her arms round [his]0-i terrifying , insentient body , and laid [her]4332-her cheek against [his]0-i hard shoulder . “ [Gerald]255-gerald , ”[4332-her] [she]4332-her whispered . “ [Gerald]255-gerald . ”[4332-her] There was no change in [him]0-i . [She]4332-her caught [him]0-i against [her]4332-her . [She]4332-her pressed [her]4332-her breasts against [his]0-i shoulders , [she]4332-her kissed [his]0-i shoulder , through the sleeping jacket . [Her]4332-her mind wondered , over [his]0-i rigid , unliving body . [She]4332-her was bewildered , and insistent , only [her]4332-her will was set for [him]0-i to speak to [her]4332-her . “ [Gerald]255-gerald , [[my]4332-her dear]1126-my dear ! ”[4332-her] [she]4332-her whispered , bending over [him]0-i , kissing [his]0-i ear . [Her]4332-her warm breath playing , flying rhythmically over [his]0-i ear , seemed to relax the tension . [She]4332-her could feel [his]0-i body gradually relaxing a little , losing its terrifying , unnatural rigidity . [Her]4332-her hands clutched [his]0-i limbs , [his]0-i muscles , going over [him]0-i spasmodically . The hot blood began to flow again through [his]0-i veins , [his]0-i limbs relaxed . “ Turn round to [me]4332-her , ”[4332-her] [she]4332-her whispered , forlorn with insistence and triumph . So at last [he]0-i was given again , warm and flexible . [He]0-i turned and gathered [her]4332-her in [his]0-i arms . And feeling [her]4332-her soft against [him]0-i , so perfectly and wondrously soft and recipient , [his]0-i arms tightened on [her]4332-her . [She]4332-her was as if crushed , powerless in [him]0-i . [His]0-i brain seemed hard and invincible now like a jewel , there was no resisting [him]0-i . [His]0-i passion was awful to [her]4332-her , tense and ghastly , and impersonal , like a destruction , ultimate . [She]4332-her felt it would kill [her]4332-her . [She]4332-her was being killed . “ [[My]4332-her God]3770-my god , [[my]4332-her God]3770-my god , ”[4332-her] [she]4332-her cried , in anguish , in [his]0-i embrace , feeling [her]4332-her life being killed within [her]4332-her . And when [he]0-i was kissing [her]4332-her , soothing [her]4332-her , [her]4332-her breath came slowly , as if [she]4332-her were really spent , dying . “ Shall [I]4332-her die , shall [I]4332-her die ? ”[4332-her] [she]4332-her repeated to [herself]4332-her . And in the night , and in [him]0-i , there was no answer to the question . And yet , next day , the fragment of [her]4332-her which was not destroyed remained intact and hostile , [she]4332-her did not go away , [she]4332-her remained to finish the holiday , admitting nothing . [He]0-i scarcely ever left [her]4332-her alone , but followed [her]4332-her like a shadow , [he]0-i was like a doom upon [her]4332-her , a continual “ [thou]7313-thou shalt , ”[0-i] “ [thou]7313-thou shalt not . ”[0-i] Sometimes it was [he]0-i who seemed strongest , whist [she]4332-her was almost gone , creeping near [the earth]972-the earth like a spent wind ; sometimes it was the reverse . But always it was this eternal see - saw , one destroyed that the other might exist , one ratified because the other was nulled . “ In the end , ”[4332-her] [she]4332-her said to [herself]4332-her , “ [I]4332-her shall go away from [him]0-i . ”[4332-her] “ [I]0-i can be free of [her]4332-her , ”[0-i] [he]0-i said to [himself]0-i in [his]0-i paroxysms of suffering . And [he]0-i set [himself]0-i to be free . [He]0-i even prepared to go away , to leave [her]4332-her in the lurch . But for the first time there was a flaw in [his]0-i will . “ Where shall [I]0-i go ? ”[0-i] [he]0-i asked [himself]0-i . “ Ca n’t [you]160-gudrun be self - sufficient ? ”[0-i] [he]0-i replied to [himself]0-i , putting [himself]0-i upon [his]0-i pride . “ Self - sufficient ! ”[0-i] [he]0-i repeated . It seemed to [him]0-i that [Gudrun]160-gudrun was sufficient unto [herself]160-gudrun , closed round and completed , like a thing in a case . In the calm , static reason of [his]0-i soul , [he]0-i recognised this , and admitted it was [her]4332-her right , to be closed round upon [herself]4332-her , self - complete , without desire . [He]0-i realised it , [he]0-i admitted it , it only needed one last effort on [his]0-i own part , to win for [himself]0-i the same completeness . [He]0-i knew that it only needed one convulsion of [his]0-i will for [him]0-i to be able to turn upon [himself]0-i also , to close upon [himself]0-i as a stone fixes upon itself , and is impervious , self - completed , a thing isolated . This knowledge threw [him]0-i into a terrible chaos . Because , however much [he]0-i might mentally will to be immune and self - complete , the desire for this state was lacking , and [he]0-i could not create it . [He]0-i could see that , to exist at all , [he]0-i must be perfectly free of [Gudrun]160-gudrun , leave [her]160-gudrun if [she]160-gudrun wanted to be left , demand nothing of [her]160-gudrun , have no claim upon [her]160-gudrun . But then , to have no claim upon [her]160-gudrun , [he]0-i must stand by [himself]0-i , in sheer nothingness . And [his]0-i brain turned to nought at the idea . It was a state of nothingness . On the other hand , [he]0-i might give in , and fawn to [her]160-gudrun . Or , finally , [he]0-i might kill [her]160-gudrun . Or [he]0-i might become just indifferent , purposeless , dissipated , momentaneous . But [his]0-i nature was too serious , not gay enough or subtle enough for mocking licentiousness . A strange rent had been torn in [him]0-i ; like a victim that is torn open and given to the heavens , so [he]0-i had been torn apart and given to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . How should [he]0-i close again ? This wound , this strange , infinitely - sensitive opening of [his]0-i soul , where [he]0-i was exposed , like an open flower , to all [the universe]6164-the universe , and in which [he]0-i was given to [[his]0-i complement]4337-his complement , the other , the unknown , this wound , this disclosure , this unfolding of [his]0-i own covering , leaving [him]0-i incomplete , limited , unfinished , like an open flower under the sky , this was [his]0-i cruellest joy . Why then should [he]0-i forego it ? Why should [he]0-i close up and become impervious , immune , like a partial thing in a sheath , when [he]0-i had broken forth , like a seed that has germinated , to issue forth in being , embracing the unrealised heavens . [He]0-i would keep the unfinished bliss of [his]0-i own yearning even through the torture [she]160-gudrun inflicted upon [him]0-i . A strange obstinacy possessed [him]0-i . [He]0-i would not go away from [her]160-gudrun whatever [she]160-gudrun said or did . A strange , deathly yearning carried [him]0-i along with [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun was the determinating influence of [his]0-i very being , though [she]160-gudrun treated [him]0-i with contempt , repeated rebuffs , and denials , still [he]0-i would never be gone , since in being near [her]160-gudrun , even , [he]0-i felt the quickening , the going forth in [him]0-i , the release , the knowledge of [his]0-i own limitation and the magic of the promise , as well as the mystery of [his]0-i own destruction and annihilation . [She]160-gudrun tortured the open heart of [him]0-i even as [he]0-i turned to [her]160-gudrun . And [she]160-gudrun was tortured [herself]160-gudrun . It may have been [her]160-gudrun will was stronger . [She]160-gudrun felt , with horror , as if [he]0-i tore at the bud of [her]160-gudrun heart , tore it open , like [an irreverent persistent being]4338-an irreverent persistent being . Like [a boy who pulls off a fly]4339-a boy who pulls off a fly ’s wings , or tears open a bud to see what is in the flower , [he]0-i tore at [her]160-gudrun privacy , at [her]160-gudrun very life , [he]0-i would destroy [her]160-gudrun as an immature bud , torn open , is destroyed . [She]160-gudrun might open towards [him]0-i , a long while hence , in [her]160-gudrun dreams , when [she]160-gudrun was a pure spirit . But now [she]160-gudrun was not to be violated and ruined . [She]160-gudrun closed against [him]0-i fiercely . [They]4340-they climbed together , at evening , up [the high slope]4341-the high slope , to see the sunset . In the finely breathing , keen wind [they]4340-they stood and watched the yellow sun sink in crimson and disappear . Then in the east the peaks and ridges glowed with living rose , incandescent like immortal flowers against a brown - purple sky , a miracle , whilst down below [the world]541-the world was a bluish shadow , and above , like an annunciation , hovered a rosy transport in mid - air . To [her]160-gudrun it was so beautiful , it was a delirium , [she]160-gudrun wanted to gather the glowing , eternal peaks to [her]160-gudrun breast , and die . [He]0-i saw them , saw they were beautiful . But there arose no clamour in [his]0-i breast , only a bitterness that was visionary in itself . [He]0-i wished [the peaks]4343-the peaks were grey and unbeautiful , so that [she]160-gudrun should not get [her]160-gudrun support from [them]4343-the peaks . Why did [she]160-gudrun betray [the two of [them]4340-they]1536-the two of them so terribly , in embracing the glow of the evening ? Why did [she]160-gudrun leave [him]0-i standing there , with the ice - wind blowing through [his]0-i heart , like death , to gratify [herself]160-gudrun among the rosy snow - tips ? “ What does the twilight matter ? ”[0-i] [he]0-i said . “ Why do [you]160-gudrun grovel before it ? Is it so important to [you]160-gudrun ? ”[0-i] [She]160-gudrun winced in violation and in fury . “ Go away , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried , “ and leave [me]160-gudrun to it . It is beautiful , beautiful , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun sang in strange , rhapsodic tones . “ It is the most beautiful thing [I]160-gudrun have ever seen in [my]160-gudrun life . Do n’t try to come between it and [me]160-gudrun . Take [yourself]160-gudrun away , [you]160-gudrun are out of place — ”[160-gudrun] [He]0-i stood back a little , and left [her]160-gudrun standing there , statue - like , transported into [the mystic glowing east]4345-the mystic glowing east . Already the rose was fading , large white stars were flashing out . [He]0-i waited . [He]0-i would forego everything but the yearning . “ That was the most perfect thing [I]160-gudrun have ever seen , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said in cold , brutal tones , when at last [she]160-gudrun turned round to [him]0-i . “ It amazes [me]160-gudrun that [you]0-i should want to destroy it . If [you]0-i ca n’t see it [yourself]0-i , why try to debar [me]160-gudrun ? ”[160-gudrun] But in reality , [he]0-i had destroyed it for [her]160-gudrun , [she]160-gudrun was straining after a dead effect . “ One day , ”[0-i] [he]0-i said , softly , looking up at [her]160-gudrun , “ [I]0-i shall destroy [you]160-gudrun , as [you]160-gudrun stand looking at the sunset ; because [you]160-gudrun are such [a liar]6741-a liar . ”[0-i] There was a soft , voluptuous promise to [himself]0-i in the words . [She]160-gudrun was chilled but arrogant . “ Ha ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [I]160-gudrun am not afraid of [your]0-i threats ! ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun denied [herself]160-gudrun to [him]0-i , [she]160-gudrun kept [[her]160-gudrun room]5117-her room rigidly private to [herself]160-gudrun . But [he]0-i waited on , in a curious patience , belonging to [his]0-i yearning for [her]160-gudrun . “ In the end , ”[0-i] [he]0-i said to [himself]0-i with real voluptuous promise , “ when it reaches that point , [I]0-i shall do away with [her]160-gudrun . ”[0-i] And [he]0-i trembled delicately in every limb , in anticipation , as [he]0-i trembled in [his]0-i most violent accesses of passionate approach to [her]160-gudrun , trembling with too much desire . [She]160-gudrun had a curious sort of allegiance with [Loerke]404-loerke , all the while , now , something insidious and traitorous . [Gerald]255-gerald knew of it . But in the unnatural state of patience , and the unwillingness to harden [himself]0-i against [her]160-gudrun , in which [he]0-i found [himself]0-i , [he]0-i took no notice , although [her]160-gudrun soft kindliness to [the other man]832-the other man , whom [he]0-i hated as a noxious insect , made [him]0-i shiver again with an access of the strange shuddering that came over [him]0-i repeatedly . [He]0-i left [her]160-gudrun alone only when [he]0-i went skiing , a sport [he]0-i loved , and which [she]160-gudrun did not practise . Then [he]0-i seemed to sweep out of life , to be a projectile into the beyond . And often , when [he]0-i went away , [she]160-gudrun talked to [the little German sculptor]4348-the little german sculptor . [They]4349-they had an invariable topic , in [their]4349-they art . [They]4349-they were almost of the same ideas . [He]0-i hated [Mestrovic]413-mestrovic , was not satisfied with [the Futurists]4350-the futurists , [he]0-i liked the West African wooden figures , the Aztec art , Mexican and [Central American]153-central american . [He]0-i saw the grotesque , and a curious sort of mechanical motion intoxicated [him]0-i , a confusion in nature . [They]4349-they had a curious game with [each other]451-each other , [Gudrun]160-gudrun and [Loerke]404-loerke , of infinite suggestivity , strange and leering , as if [they]4349-they had some esoteric understanding of life , that [they]4349-they alone were initiated into the fearful central secrets , that [the world]541-the world dared not know . [Their]4349-they whole correspondence was in a strange , barely comprehensible suggestivity , [they]4349-they kindled [themselves]4349-they at the subtle lust of [the Egyptians]414-the egyptians or [the Mexicans]4353-the mexicans . The whole game was one of subtle inter - suggestivity , and [they]4349-they wanted to keep it on the plane of suggestion . From [their]4349-they verbal and physical nuances [they]4349-they got the highest satisfaction in the nerves , from a queer interchange of half - suggested ideas , looks , expressions and gestures , which were quite intolerable , though incomprehensible , to [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald had no terms in which to think of [their]4349-they commerce , [his]255-gerald terms were much too gross . The suggestion of primitive art was [their]4349-they refuge , and the inner mysteries of sensation [their]4349-they object of worship . Art and Life were to [them]4349-they the Reality and the Unreality . “ Of course , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “ life does n’t really matter — it is one ’s art which is central . What [one]4646-one does in one ’s life has peu de rapport , it does n’t signify much . ”[160-gudrun] “ Yes , that is so , exactly , ”[4354-the sculptor] replied [the sculptor]4354-the sculptor . “ What [one]4646-one does in [one]4646-one ’s art , that is the breath of one ’s being . What [one]4646-one does in [one]4646-one ’s life , that is a bagatelle for [the outsiders]7320-the outsiders to fuss about . ”[4354-the sculptor] It was curious what a sense of elation and freedom [Gudrun]160-gudrun found in this communication . [She]160-gudrun felt established for ever . Of course [Gerald]255-gerald was bagatelle . Love was one of the temporal things in [her]160-gudrun life , except in so far as [she]160-gudrun was [an artist]1059-an artist . [She]160-gudrun thought of [Cleopatra]415-cleopatra — [Cleopatra]415-cleopatra must have been [an artist]1059-an artist ; [she]415-cleopatra reaped the essential from [a man]4648-a man , [she]415-cleopatra harvested the ultimate sensation , and threw away the husk ; and [Mary Stuart]416-mary stuart , and [the great Rachel]417-the great rachel , panting with [[her]415-cleopatra lovers]3335-her lovers after [the theatre]1043-the theatre , these were [the exoteric exponents of love]4360-the exoteric exponents of love . After all , what was [the lover]4361-the lover but fuel for the transport of this subtle knowledge , for a female art , the art of pure , perfect knowledge in sensuous understanding . One evening [Gerald]255-gerald was arguing with [Loerke]404-loerke about [Italy]95-italy and [Tripoli]418-tripoli . [The Englishman]4362-the englishman was in a strange , inflammable state , [the German]4363-the german was excited . It was a contest of words , but it meant a conflict of spirit between [the two men]686-the two men . And all the while [Gudrun]160-gudrun could see in [Gerald]255-gerald an arrogant English contempt for [a foreigner]6701-a foreigner . Although [Gerald]255-gerald was quivering , [his]255-gerald eyes flashing , [his]255-gerald face flushed , in [his]255-gerald argument there was a brusqueness , a savage contempt in [his]255-gerald manner , that made [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s blood flare up , and made [Loerke]404-loerke keen and mortified . For [Gerald]255-gerald came down like a sledge - hammer with [his]255-gerald assertions , anything [the little German]4366-the little german said was merely contemptible rubbish . At last [Loerke]404-loerke turned to [Gudrun]160-gudrun , raising [his]404-loerke hands in helpless irony , a shrug of ironical dismissal , something appealing and child - like . “ Sehen sie , gnädige [Frau]393-frau — ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke began . “ Bitte sagen Sie nicht immer , gnädige [Frau]393-frau , ”[160-gudrun] cried [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [her]160-gudrun eyes flashing , [her]160-gudrun cheeks burning . [She]160-gudrun looked like [a vivid Medusa]4367-a vivid medusa . [Her]160-gudrun voice was loud and clamorous , [the other people in the room]4368-the other people in the room were startled . “ Please do n’t call [me]160-gudrun [Mrs Crich]376-mrs crich , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried aloud . The name , in [Loerke]404-loerke ’s mouth particularly , had been an intolerable humiliation and constraint upon [her]160-gudrun , these many days . [The two men]686-the two men looked at [her]160-gudrun in amazement . [Gerald]255-gerald went white at the cheek - bones . “ What shall [I]404-loerke say , then ? ”[404-loerke] asked [Loerke]404-loerke , with soft , mocking insinuation . “ Sagen Sie nur nicht das , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun muttered , [her]160-gudrun cheeks flushed crimson . “ Not that , at least . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun saw , by the dawning look on [Loerke]404-loerke ’s face , that [he]255-gerald had understood . [She]160-gudrun was not [Mrs Crich]376-mrs crich ! So - o- , that explained a great deal . “ Soll ich Fräulein sagen ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked , malevolently . “ [I]160-gudrun am not married , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , with some hauteur . [Her]160-gudrun heart was fluttering now , beating like a bewildered bird . [She]160-gudrun knew [she]160-gudrun had dealt a cruel wound , and [she]160-gudrun could not bear it . [Gerald]255-gerald sat erect , perfectly still , [his]255-gerald face pale and calm , like the face of a statue . [He]255-gerald was unaware of [her]160-gudrun , or of [Loerke]404-loerke or [anybody]744-anybody . [He]255-gerald sat perfectly still , in an unalterable calm . [Loerke]404-loerke , meanwhile , was crouching and glancing up from under [his]404-loerke ducked head . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was tortured for something to say , to relieve the suspense . [She]160-gudrun twisted [her]160-gudrun face in a smile , and glanced knowingly , almost sneering , at [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Truth is best , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said to [him]255-gerald , with a grimace . But now again [she]160-gudrun was under [his]255-gerald domination ; now , because [she]160-gudrun had dealt [him]255-gerald this blow ; because [she]160-gudrun had destroyed [him]255-gerald , and [she]160-gudrun did not know how [he]255-gerald had taken it . [She]160-gudrun watched [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was interesting to [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun had lost [her]160-gudrun interest in [Loerke]404-loerke . [Gerald]255-gerald rose at length , and went over in a leisurely still movement , to [the Professor]3963-the professor . [The two]2296-the two began a conversation on [Goethe]419-goethe . [She]160-gudrun was rather piqued by the simplicity of [Gerald]255-gerald ’s demeanour this evening . [He]255-gerald did not seem angry or disgusted , only [he]255-gerald looked curiously innocent and pure , really beautiful . Sometimes it came upon [him]255-gerald , this look of clear distance , and it always fascinated [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun waited , troubled , throughout the evening . [She]160-gudrun thought [he]255-gerald would avoid [her]160-gudrun , or give some sign . But [he]255-gerald spoke to [her]160-gudrun simply and unemotionally , as [he]255-gerald would to [anyone else in [the room]739-the room]4373-anyone else in the room . A certain peace , an abstraction possessed [his]255-gerald soul . [She]160-gudrun went to [[his]255-gerald room]5054-his room , hotly , violently in love with [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was so beautiful and inaccessible . [He]255-gerald kissed [her]160-gudrun , [he]255-gerald was [a lover to [her]160-gudrun]4376-a lover to her . And [she]160-gudrun had extreme pleasure of [him]255-gerald . But [he]255-gerald did not come to , [he]255-gerald remained remote and candid , unconscious . [She]160-gudrun wanted to speak to [him]255-gerald . But this innocent , beautiful state of unconsciousness that had come upon [him]255-gerald prevented [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun felt tormented and dark . In the morning , however , [he]255-gerald looked at [her]160-gudrun with a little aversion , some horror and some hatred darkening into [his]255-gerald eyes . [She]160-gudrun withdrew on to [her]160-gudrun old ground . But still [he]255-gerald would not gather [himself]255-gerald together , against [her]160-gudrun . [Loerke]404-loerke was waiting for [her]160-gudrun now . [The little artist]4377-the little artist , isolated in [his]4377-the little artist own complete envelope , felt that here at last was [a woman from whom [he]4377-the little artist could get something]4378-a woman from whom he could get something . [He]255-gerald was uneasy all the while , waiting to talk with [her]160-gudrun , subtly contriving to be near [her]160-gudrun . [Her]160-gudrun presence filled [him]255-gerald with keenness and excitement , [he]255-gerald gravitated cunningly towards [her]160-gudrun , as if [she]160-gudrun had some unseen force of attraction . [He]255-gerald was not in the least doubtful of [himself]255-gerald , as regards [Gerald]255-gerald . [Gerald]255-gerald was [one of [the outsiders]7320-the outsiders]4379-one of the outsiders . [Loerke]404-loerke only hated [him]255-gerald for being rich and proud and of fine appearance . All these things , however , riches , pride of social standing , handsome physique , were externals . When it came to the relation with [a woman such as [Gudrun]160-gudrun]4381-a woman such as gudrun , [he]255-gerald , [Loerke]404-loerke , had an approach and a power that [Gerald]255-gerald never dreamed of . How should [Gerald]255-gerald hope to satisfy [a woman of [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s calibre]4382-a woman of gudrun ’s calibre ? Did [he]255-gerald think that pride or masterful will or physical strength would help [him]255-gerald ? [Loerke]404-loerke knew a secret beyond these things . The greatest power is the one that is subtle and adjusts itself , not one which blindly attacks . And [he]404-loerke , [Loerke]404-loerke , had understanding where [Gerald]255-gerald was [a calf]4383-a calf . [He]404-loerke , [Loerke]404-loerke , could penetrate into depths far out of [Gerald]255-gerald ’s knowledge . [Gerald]255-gerald was left behind like a postulant in [the ante - room of [this temple of mysteries]4385-this temple of mysteries]4384-the ante - room of this temple of mysteries , [this woman]4386-this woman . But [he]255-gerald [Loerke]404-loerke , could [he]255-gerald not penetrate into the inner darkness , find the spirit of [the woman]873-the woman in its inner recess , and wrestle with it there , the central serpent that is coiled at the core of life . What was it , after all , that [a woman]897-a woman wanted ? Was it mere social effect , fulfilment of ambition in [the social world]7061-the social world , in [the community of [mankind]1014-mankind]4390-the community of mankind ? Was it even a union in love and goodness ? Did [she]873-the woman want “ goodness ”[873-the woman] ? Who but [a fool]4749-a fool would accept this of [Gudrun]160-gudrun ? This was but the street view of [her]873-the woman wants . Cross the threshold , and [you]4393-you found [her]873-the woman completely , completely cynical about the social world and its advantages . Once inside [the house of [her]873-the woman soul]4394-the house of her soul and there was a pungent atmosphere of corrosion , an inflamed darkness of sensation , and a vivid , subtle , critical consciousness , that saw [the world]541-the world distorted , horrific . What then , what next ? Was it sheer blind force of passion that would satisfy [her]873-the woman now ? Not this , but the subtle thrills of extreme sensation in reduction . It was an unbroken will reacting against [her]873-the woman unbroken will in a myriad subtle thrills of reduction , the last subtle activities of analysis and breaking down , carried out in the darkness of [her]873-the woman , whilst the outside form , [the individual]5373-the individual , was utterly unchanged , even sentimental in its poses . But between [two particular people]4397-two particular people , [any two people]4398-any two people on [earth]571-earth , the range of pure sensational experience is limited . The climax of sensual reaction , once reached in any direction , is reached finally , there is no going on . There is only repetition possible , or the going apart of [the two protagonists]4400-the two protagonists , or the subjugating of the one will to the other , or death . [Gerald]255-gerald had penetrated [all the outer places of [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s soul]4401-all the outer places of gudrun ’s soul . [He]255-gerald was to [her]160-gudrun the most crucial instance of [the existing world]4402-the existing world , the ne plus ultra of [the world of [man]1089-man]4403-the world of man as it existed for [her]160-gudrun . In [him]255-gerald [she]160-gudrun knew [the world]541-the world , and had done with it . Knowing [him]255-gerald finally [she]160-gudrun was the Alexander seeking [new worlds]4323-new worlds . But there were [no new worlds]4407-no new worlds , there were [no more men]4408-no more men , there were only creatures , little , ultimate creatures like [Loerke]404-loerke . [The world]541-the world was finished now , for [her]160-gudrun . There was only the inner , individual darkness , sensation within the ego , the obscene religious mystery of ultimate reduction , the mystic frictional activities of diabolic reducing down , disintegrating the vital organic body of life . All this [Gudrun]160-gudrun knew in [her]160-gudrun subconsciousness , not in [her]160-gudrun mind . [She]160-gudrun knew [her]160-gudrun next step — [she]160-gudrun knew what [she]160-gudrun should move on to , when [she]160-gudrun left [Gerald]255-gerald . [She]160-gudrun was afraid of [Gerald]255-gerald , that [he]255-gerald might kill [her]160-gudrun . But [she]160-gudrun did not intend to be killed . A fine thread still united [her]160-gudrun to [him]255-gerald . It should not be [her]160-gudrun death which broke it . [She]160-gudrun had further to go , a further , slow exquisite experience to reap , unthinkable subtleties of sensation to know , before [she]160-gudrun was finished . Of the last series of subtleties , [Gerald]255-gerald was not capable . [He]255-gerald could not touch the quick of [her]160-gudrun . But where [his]255-gerald ruder blows could not penetrate , the fine , insinuating blade of [Loerke]404-loerke ’s insect - like comprehension could . At least , it was time for [her]160-gudrun now to pass over to the other , [the creature]4410-the creature , [the final craftsman]4411-the final craftsman . [She]160-gudrun knew that [Loerke]404-loerke , in [his]404-loerke innermost soul , was detached from everything , for [him]404-loerke there was neither heaven nor [earth]571-earth nor hell . [He]404-loerke admitted no allegiance , [he]404-loerke gave no adherence anywhere . [He]404-loerke was single and , by abstraction from the rest , absolute in [himself]404-loerke . Whereas in [Gerald]255-gerald ’s soul there still lingered some attachment to the rest , to the whole . And this was [his]404-loerke limitation . [He]404-loerke was limited , borné , subject to [his]404-loerke necessity , in the last issue , for goodness , for righteousness , for oneness with the ultimate purpose . That the ultimate purpose might be the perfect and subtle experience of the process of death , the will being kept unimpaired , that was not allowed in [him]404-loerke . And this was [his]404-loerke limitation . There was a hovering triumph in [Loerke]404-loerke , since [Gudrun]160-gudrun had denied [her]160-gudrun marriage with [Gerald]255-gerald . [The artist]4004-the artist seemed to hover like a creature on the wing , waiting to settle . [He]404-loerke did not approach [Gudrun]160-gudrun violently , [he]404-loerke was never ill - timed . But carried on by a sure instinct in the complete darkness of [his]404-loerke soul , [he]404-loerke corresponded mystically with [her]160-gudrun , imperceptibly , but palpably . For two days , [he]404-loerke talked to [her]160-gudrun , continued the discussions of art , of life , in which [they]4414-they both found such pleasure . [They]4414-they praised the by - gone things , [they]4414-they took a sentimental , childish delight in the achieved perfections of the past . Particularly [they]4414-they liked the late eighteenth century , the period of [Goethe]419-goethe and of [Shelley]420-shelley , and [Mozart]421-mozart . [They]4414-they played with the past , and with [the great figures of the past]4415-the great figures of the past , a sort of little game of chess , or marionettes , all to please [themselves]4414-they . [They]4414-they had [all the great men]4416-all the great men for [[their]4414-they marionettes]4417-their marionettes , and [they]4418-they two were [the God of the show]4419-the god of the show , working it all . As for the future , that [they]4414-they never mentioned except [one]4646-one laughed out some mocking dream of the destruction of [the world]541-the world by a ridiculous catastrophe of [man]1089-man ’s invention : [a man]4648-a man invented such a perfect explosive that it blew [the earth]972-the earth in two , and the two halves set off in different directions through space , to the dismay of [the inhabitants]1447-the inhabitants : or else [the people of [the world]541-the world]4426-the people of the world divided into two halves , and [each half]4428-each half decided it was perfect and right , the other half was wrong and must be destroyed ; so another end of [the world]541-the world . Or else , [Loerke]404-loerke ’s dream of fear , [the world]541-the world went cold , and snow fell everywhere , and only white creatures , polar - bears , white foxes , and men like awful white snow - birds , persisted in ice cruelty . Apart from these stories , [they]4414-they never talked of the future . [They]4414-they delighted most either in mocking imaginations of destruction , or in sentimental , fine marionette - shows of the past . It was a sentimental delight to reconstruct the world of [Goethe]419-goethe at [Weimar]154-weimar , or of [Schiller]422-schiller and poverty and faithful love , or to see again [Jean Jacques]423-jean jacques in [his]423-jean jacques quakings , or [Voltaire]424-voltaire at [Ferney]155-ferney , or [Frederick the Great]425-frederick the great reading [his]423-jean jacques own poetry . [They]4414-they talked together for hours , of literature and sculpture and painting , amusing [themselves]4414-they with [Flaxman]426-flaxman and [Blake]427-blake and [Fuseli]428-fuseli , with tenderness , and with [Feuerbach]429-feuerbach and [Böcklin]430-böcklin . It would take [them]4414-they a life - time , [they]4414-they felt to live again , in petto , the lives of [the great artists]4431-the great artists . But [they]4414-they preferred to stay in the eighteenth and the nineteenth centuries . [They]4414-they talked in a mixture of languages . The ground - work was French , in either case . But [he]4432-he ended most of [his]4432-he sentences in a stumble of English and a conclusion of German , [she]4433-she skilfully wove [herself]4433-she to [her]4433-she end in whatever phrase came to [her]4433-she . [She]4433-she took a peculiar delight in this conversation . It was full of odd , fantastic expression , of double meanings , of evasions , of suggestive vagueness . It was a real physical pleasure to [her]4433-she to make this thread of conversation out of the different - coloured strands of three languages . And all the while [they]4414-they two were hovering , hesitating round the flame of some invisible declaration . [He]4432-he wanted it , but was held back by some inevitable reluctance . [She]4433-she wanted it also , but [she]4433-she wanted to put it off , to put it off indefinitely , [she]4433-she still had some pity for [Gerald]255-gerald , some connection with [him]255-gerald . And the most fatal of all , [she]4433-she had the reminiscent sentimental compassion for [herself]4433-she in connection with [him]255-gerald . Because of what had been , [she]4433-she felt [herself]4433-she held to [him]255-gerald by immortal , invisible threads — because of what had been , because of [his]255-gerald coming to [her]4433-she that first night , into [[her]4433-she own house]4434-her own house , in [his]255-gerald extremity , because — [Gerald]255-gerald was gradually overcome with a revulsion of loathing for [Loerke]404-loerke . [He]255-gerald did not take [the man]4658-the man seriously , [he]255-gerald despised [him]4658-the man merely , except as [he]255-gerald felt in [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s veins the influence of [the little creature]4436-the little creature . It was this that drove [Gerald]255-gerald wild , the feeling in [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s veins of [Loerke]404-loerke ’s presence , [Loerke]404-loerke ’s being , flowing dominant through [her]4433-she . “ What makes [you]160-gudrun so smitten with that little vermin ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked , really puzzled . For [he]255-gerald , [man]1089-man - like , could not see anything attractive or important at all in [Loerke]404-loerke . [Gerald]255-gerald expected to find some handsomeness or nobleness , to account for [a woman]897-a woman ’s subjection . But [he]255-gerald saw none here , only an insect - like repulsiveness . [Gudrun]160-gudrun flushed deeply . It was these attacks [she]160-gudrun would never forgive . “ What do [you]255-gerald mean ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied . “ [[My]160-gudrun God]3770-my god , what a mercy [I]160-gudrun am not married to [you]255-gerald ! ”[160-gudrun] [Her]160-gudrun voice of flouting and contempt scotched [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald was brought up short . But [he]255-gerald recovered [himself]255-gerald . “ Tell [me]255-gerald , only tell [me]255-gerald , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald reiterated in a dangerous narrowed voice—“tell [me]255-gerald what it is that fascinates [you]160-gudrun in [him]255-gerald . ”[255-gerald] “ [I]160-gudrun am not fascinated , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , with cold repelling innocence . “ Yes , [you]255-gerald are . [You]255-gerald are fascinated by that little dry snake , like a bird gaping ready to fall down its throat . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald with black fury . “ [I]160-gudrun do n’t choose to be discussed by [you]255-gerald , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ It does n’t matter whether [you]160-gudrun choose or not , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied , “ that does n’t alter the fact that [you]160-gudrun are ready to fall down and kiss the feet of that little insect . And [I]255-gerald do n’t want to prevent [you]160-gudrun — do it , fall down and kiss [his]255-gerald feet . But [I]255-gerald want to know , what it is that fascinates [you]160-gudrun — what is it ? ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun was silent , suffused with black rage . “ How dare [you]255-gerald come brow - beating [me]160-gudrun , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried , “ how dare [you]255-gerald , [[you]255-gerald little squire]7322-you little squire , [you]255-gerald bully . What right have [you]255-gerald over [me]160-gudrun , do [you]255-gerald think ? ”[160-gudrun] [His]255-gerald face was white and gleaming , [she]160-gudrun knew by the light in [his]255-gerald eyes that [she]160-gudrun was in [his]255-gerald power — the wolf . And because [she]160-gudrun was in [his]255-gerald power , [she]160-gudrun hated [him]255-gerald with a power that [she]160-gudrun wondered did not kill [him]255-gerald . In [her]160-gudrun will [she]160-gudrun killed [him]255-gerald as [he]255-gerald stood , effaced [him]255-gerald . “ It is not a question of right , ”[255-gerald] said [Gerald]255-gerald , sitting down on a chair . [She]160-gudrun watched the change in [his]255-gerald body . [She]160-gudrun saw [his]255-gerald clenched , mechanical body moving there like an obsession . [Her]160-gudrun hatred of [him]255-gerald was tinged with fatal contempt . “ It ’s not a question of [my]160-gudrun right over [you]255-gerald — though [I]160-gudrun have some right , remember . [I]160-gudrun want to know , [I]160-gudrun only want to know what it is that subjugates [you]255-gerald to [that little scum of [a sculptor downstairs]7324-a sculptor downstairs]7323-that little scum of a sculptor downstairs , what it is that brings [you]255-gerald down like a humble maggot , in worship of [him]255-gerald . [I]160-gudrun want to know what [you]255-gerald creep after . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun stood over against the window , listening . Then [she]160-gudrun turned round . “ Do [you]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , in [her]160-gudrun most easy , most cutting voice . “ Do [you]255-gerald want to know what it is in [him]255-gerald ? It ’s because [he]255-gerald has some understanding of [a woman]897-a woman , because [he]255-gerald is not stupid . That ’s why it is . ”[160-gudrun] A queer , sinister , animal - like smile came over [Gerald]255-gerald ’s face . “ But what understanding is it ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . “ The understanding of a flea , a hopping flea with a proboscis . Why should [you]160-gudrun crawl abject before the understanding of a flea ? ”[255-gerald] There passed through [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s mind [Blake]427-blake ’s representation of the soul of a flea . [She]160-gudrun wanted to fit it to [Loerke]404-loerke . [Blake]427-blake was [a clown]4439-a clown too . But it was necessary to answer [Gerald]255-gerald . “ Do n’t [you]255-gerald think the understanding of a flea is more interesting than the understanding of [a fool]4749-a fool ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked . “ [A fool]4749-a fool ! ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald repeated . “ [A fool]4749-a fool , [a conceited fool]7329-a conceited fool — [a Dummkopf]7330-a dummkopf , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied , adding the German word . “ Do [you]160-gudrun call [me]255-gerald [a fool]4749-a fool ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald replied . “ Well , would n’t [I]255-gerald rather be [the fool]5321-the fool [I]255-gerald am , than that flea [downstairs]1690-downstairs ? ”[255-gerald] [She]160-gudrun looked at [him]255-gerald . A certain blunt , blind stupidity in [him]255-gerald palled on [her]160-gudrun soul , limiting [her]160-gudrun . “ [You]255-gerald give [yourself]255-gerald away by that last , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . [He]255-gerald sat and wondered . “ [I]255-gerald shall go away soon , ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald said . [She]160-gudrun turned on [him]255-gerald . “ Remember , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , “ [I]160-gudrun am completely independent of [you]255-gerald — completely . [You]255-gerald make [your]255-gerald arrangements , [I]160-gudrun make [mine]160-gudrun . ”[160-gudrun] [He]255-gerald pondered this . “ [You]160-gudrun mean [we]7334-we are [strangers]4698-strangers from this minute ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . [She]160-gudrun halted and flushed . [He]255-gerald was putting [her]160-gudrun in a trap , forcing [her]160-gudrun hand . [She]160-gudrun turned round on [him]255-gerald . “ [Strangers]4698-strangers , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , “ [we]7334-we can never be . But if [you]255-gerald want to make any movement apart from [me]160-gudrun , then [I]160-gudrun wish [you]255-gerald to know [you]255-gerald are perfectly free to do so . Do not consider [me]160-gudrun in the slightest . ”[160-gudrun] Even so slight an implication that [she]160-gudrun needed [him]255-gerald and was depending on [him]255-gerald still was sufficient to rouse [his]255-gerald passion . As [he]255-gerald sat a change came over [his]255-gerald body , the hot , molten stream mounted involuntarily through [his]255-gerald veins . [He]255-gerald groaned inwardly , under its bondage , but [he]255-gerald loved it . [He]255-gerald looked at [her]160-gudrun with clear eyes , waiting for [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun knew at once , and was shaken with cold revulsion . How could [he]255-gerald look at [her]160-gudrun with those clear , warm , waiting eyes , waiting for [her]160-gudrun , even now ? What had been said between [them]4440-them , was it not enough to put [them]4440-them worlds asunder , to freeze [them]4440-them forever apart ! And yet [he]255-gerald was all transfused and roused , waiting for [her]160-gudrun . It confused [her]160-gudrun . Turning [her]160-gudrun head aside , [she]160-gudrun said : “ [I]160-gudrun shall always tell [you]255-gerald , whenever [I]160-gudrun am going to make any change — ”[160-gudrun] And with this [she]160-gudrun moved out of [the room]739-the room . [He]255-gerald sat suspended in a fine recoil of disappointment , that seemed gradually to be destroying [his]255-gerald understanding . But the unconscious state of patience persisted in [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald remained motionless , without thought or knowledge , for a long time . Then [he]255-gerald rose , and went [downstairs]1690-downstairs , to play at chess with [one of [the students]3997-the students]4086-one of the students . [His]255-gerald face was open and clear , with [a certain innocent laisser - aller that troubled [Gudrun]160-gudrun most]4445-a certain innocent laisser - aller that troubled gudrun most , made [her]160-gudrun almost afraid of [him]255-gerald , whilst [she]160-gudrun disliked [him]255-gerald deeply for it . It was after this that [Loerke]404-loerke , who had never yet spoken to [her]160-gudrun personally , began to ask [her]160-gudrun of [her]160-gudrun state . “ [You]160-gudrun are not married at all , are [you]160-gudrun ? ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke asked . [She]160-gudrun looked full at [him]255-gerald . “ Not in the least , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied , in [her]160-gudrun measured way . [Loerke]404-loerke laughed , wrinkling up [his]255-gerald face oddly . There was a thin wisp of [his]255-gerald hair straying on [his]255-gerald forehead , [she]160-gudrun noticed that [his]255-gerald skin was of a clear brown colour , [his]255-gerald hands , [his]255-gerald wrists . And [his]255-gerald hands seemed closely prehensile . [He]255-gerald seemed like topaz , so strangely brownish and pellucid . “ Good , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . Still it needed some courage for [him]404-loerke to go on . “ Was [Mrs Birkin]169-birkin [[your]160-gudrun sister]4794-your sister ? ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke asked . “ Yes . ”[404-loerke] “ And was [she]169-birkin married ? ”[160-gudrun] “ [She]169-birkin was married . ”[404-loerke] “ Have [[you]160-gudrun [parents]4038-parents]7338-you parents , then ? ”[404-loerke] “ Yes , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun , “ [we]7340-we have [parents]4038-parents . ”[160-gudrun] And [she]160-gudrun told [him]404-loerke , briefly , laconically , [her]160-gudrun position . [He]404-loerke watched [her]160-gudrun closely , curiously all the while . “ So ! ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke exclaimed , with some surprise . “ And [the Herr Crich]432-the herr crich , is [he]432-the herr crich rich ? ”[404-loerke] “ Yes , [he]432-the herr crich is rich , [a coal owner]7342-a coal owner . ”[160-gudrun] “ How long has [your]160-gudrun friendship with [him]432-the herr crich lasted ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Some months . ”[404-loerke] There was a pause . “ Yes , [I]404-loerke am surprised , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said at length . “ The English , [I]404-loerke thought [they]7343-they were so — cold . And what do [you]160-gudrun think to do when [you]160-gudrun leave [here]4650-here ? ”[404-loerke] “ What do [I]160-gudrun think to do ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun repeated . “ Yes . [You]160-gudrun can not go back to the teaching . No — ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke shrugged [his]404-loerke shoulders—“that is impossible . Leave that to the canaille who can do nothing else . [You]160-gudrun , for [your]160-gudrun part — [you]160-gudrun know , [you]160-gudrun are [a remarkable woman]7345-a remarkable woman , [eine seltsame Frau]393-frau . Why deny it — why make any question of it ? [You]160-gudrun are [an extraordinary woman]7346-an extraordinary woman , why should [you]160-gudrun follow the ordinary course , the ordinary life ? ”[404-loerke] [Gudrun]160-gudrun sat looking at [her]160-gudrun hands , flushed . [She]160-gudrun was pleased that [he]404-loerke said , so simply , that [she]160-gudrun was [a remarkable woman]7345-a remarkable woman . [He]404-loerke would not say that to flatter [her]160-gudrun — [he]404-loerke was far too self - opinionated and objective by nature . [He]404-loerke said it as [he]404-loerke would say a piece of sculpture was remarkable , because [he]404-loerke knew it was so . And it gratified [her]160-gudrun to hear it from [him]404-loerke . [Other people]4665-other people had such a passion to make everything of one degree , of one pattern . In [England]80-england it was chic to be perfectly ordinary . And it was a relief to [her]160-gudrun to be acknowledged extraordinary . Then [she]160-gudrun need not fret about the common standards . “ [You]404-loerke see , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , “ [I]160-gudrun have no money whatsoever . ”[160-gudrun] “ Ach , money ! ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke cried , lifting [his]404-loerke shoulders . “ When [one]4646-one is grown up , money is lying about at [one]4646-one ’s service . It is only when [one]4646-one is young that it is rare . Take no thought for money — that always lies to hand . ”[404-loerke] “ Does it ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , laughing . “ Always . [The Gerald]7350-the gerald will give [you]404-loerke a sum , if [you]404-loerke ask [him]7350-the gerald for it — ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun flushed deeply . “ [I]160-gudrun will ask [anybody else]1074-anybody else , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , with some difficulty—“but not [him]7350-the gerald . ”[160-gudrun] [Loerke]404-loerke looked closely at [her]160-gudrun . “ Good , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . “ Then let it be [somebody else]4755-somebody else . Only do n’t go back to [that England]7353-that england , [that school]7354-that school . No , that is stupid . ”[404-loerke] Again there was a pause . [He]404-loerke was afraid to ask [her]160-gudrun outright to go with [him]404-loerke , [he]404-loerke was not even quite sure [he]404-loerke wanted [her]160-gudrun ; and [she]160-gudrun was afraid to be asked . [He]404-loerke begrudged [his]404-loerke own isolation , was very chary of sharing [his]404-loerke life , even for a day . “ [The only other place [I]160-gudrun know]7355-the only other place i know is [Paris]42-paris , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , “ and [I]160-gudrun ca n’t stand that . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun looked with [her]160-gudrun wide , steady eyes full at [Loerke]404-loerke . [He]404-loerke lowered [his]404-loerke head and averted [his]404-loerke face . “ [Paris]42-paris , no ! ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . “ Between the réligion d’amour , and the latest ’ ism , and the new turning to [Jesus]247-jesus , [one]4646-one had better ride on [a carrousel]7357-a carrousel all day . But come to [Dresden]88-dresden . [I]404-loerke have [a studio]2751-a studio [there]629-there — [I]404-loerke can give [you]160-gudrun work,—oh , that would be easy enough . [I]404-loerke have n’t seen any of [your]160-gudrun things , but [I]404-loerke believe in [you]160-gudrun . Come to [Dresden]88-dresden — that is [a fine town to be in]7360-a fine town to be in , and as good a life as [you]160-gudrun can expect of [a town]7361-a town . [You]160-gudrun have everything there , without the foolishness of [Paris]42-paris or the beer of [Munich]58-munich . ”[404-loerke] [He]4448-he sat and looked at [her]4449-her , coldly . What [she]4449-her liked about [him]4448-he was that [he]4448-he spoke to [her]4449-her simple and flat , as to [himself]4448-he . [He]4448-he was [a fellow craftsman]4450-a fellow craftsman , [a fellow being to [her]4449-her]4451-a fellow being to her , first . “ No — [Paris]42-paris , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he resumed , “ it makes [me]4448-he sick . Pah — l’amour . [I]4448-he detest it . [L’amour]156-l’amour , l’amore , die Liebe — [I]4448-he detest it in every language . [Women]453-women and love , there is no greater tedium , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he cried . [She]4449-her was slightly offended . And yet , this was [her]4449-her own basic feeling . [Men]848-men , and love — there was no greater tedium . “ [I]4449-her think the same , ”[4449-her] [she]4449-her said . “ A bore , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he repeated . “ What does it matter whether [I]4448-he wear this hat or another . So love . [I]4448-he need n’t wear a hat at all , only for convenience . Neither need [I]4448-he love except for convenience . [I]4448-he tell [you]4449-her what , gnädige [Frau]393-frau — ”[4448-he] and [he]4448-he leaned towards [her]4449-her — then [he]4448-he made a quick , odd gesture , as of striking something aside—“gnädige Fräulein , never mind — [I]4448-he tell [you]4449-her what , [I]4448-he would give everything , everything , all [your]4449-her love , for a little companionship in intelligence — ”[4448-he] [his]4448-he eyes flickered darkly , evilly at [her]4449-her . “ [You]4449-her understand ? ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he asked , with a faint smile . “ It would n’t matter if [she]4449-her were a hundred years old , a thousand — it would be all the same to [me]4448-he , so that [she]4449-her can understand . ”[4448-he] [He]4448-he shut [his]4448-he eyes with a little snap . Again [Gudrun]160-gudrun was rather offended . Did [he]4448-he not think [her]4449-her good looking , then ? Suddenly [she]4449-her laughed . “ [I]4449-her shall have to wait about eighty years to suit [you]4448-he , at that ! ”[4449-her] [she]4449-her said . “ [I]4449-her am ugly enough , are n’t [I]4449-her ? ”[4449-her] [He]4448-he looked at [her]4449-her with [an artist]1059-an artist ’s sudden , critical , estimating eye . “ [You]4449-her are beautiful , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he said , “ and [I]4448-he am glad of it . But it is n’t that — it is n’t that , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he cried , with emphasis that flattered [her]4449-her . “ It is that [you]4449-her have a certain wit , it is the kind of understanding . For [me]4448-he , [I]4448-he am little , chétif , insignificant . Good ! Do not ask [me]4448-he to be strong and handsome , then . But it is the [me]4448-he — ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he put [his]4448-he fingers to [his]4448-he mouth , oddly—“it is the [me]4448-he that is looking for [a mistress]2837-a mistress , and [[my]4448-he me]7364-my me is waiting for the thee of [the mistress]7365-the mistress , for the match to [my]4448-he particular intelligence . [You]4449-her understand ? ”[4448-he] “ Yes , ”[4449-her] [she]4449-her said , “ [I]4449-her understand . ”[4449-her] “ As for the other , this amour — ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he made a gesture , dashing [his]4448-he hand aside , as if to dash away something troublesome—“it is unimportant , unimportant . Does it matter , whether [I]4448-he drink white wine this evening , or whether [I]4448-he drink nothing ? It does not matter , it does not matter . So this love , this amour , this baiser . Yes or no , soit ou soit pas , today , tomorrow , or never , it is all the same , it does not matter — no more than the white wine . ”[4448-he] [He]4448-he ended with an odd dropping of the head in a desperate negation . [Gudrun]160-gudrun watched [him]4448-he steadily . [She]160-gudrun had gone pale . Suddenly [she]160-gudrun stretched over and seized [his]4448-he hand in [her]160-gudrun own . “ That is true , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , in rather a high , vehement voice , “ that is true for [me]160-gudrun too . It is the understanding that matters . ”[160-gudrun] [He]4448-he looked up at [her]160-gudrun almost frightened , furtive . Then [he]4448-he nodded , a little sullenly . [She]4449-her let go [his]4448-he hand : [he]4448-he had made not the lightest response . And [they]4454-they sat in silence . “ Do [you]160-gudrun know , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he said , suddenly looking at [her]160-gudrun with dark , self - important , prophetic eyes , “ [your]160-gudrun fate and [mine]7366-mine , [they]4454-they will run together , till — ”[4448-he] and [he]4448-he broke off in a little grimace . “ Till when ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked , blanched , [her]160-gudrun lips going white . [She]160-gudrun was terribly susceptible to these evil prognostications , but [he]4448-he only shook [his]4448-he head . “ [I]4448-he do n’t know , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he said , “ [I]4448-he do n’t know . ”[4448-he] [Gerald]255-gerald did not come in from [his]4448-he skiing until nightfall , [he]4448-he missed the coffee and cake that [she]160-gudrun took at four o’clock . The snow was in perfect condition , [he]4448-he had travelled a long way , by [himself]4448-he , among [the snow ridges]4455-the snow ridges , on [his]4448-he skis , [he]4448-he had climbed high , so high that [he]4448-he could see over the top of [the pass]4456-the pass , five miles distant , could see [the Marienhütte]157-the marienhütte , [the hostel on the crest of [the pass]4456-the pass]4457-the hostel on the crest of the pass , half buried in snow , and over into [the deep valley beyond , to the dusk of the pine trees]4459-the deep valley beyond , to the dusk of the pine trees . [One]4646-one could go that way [home]4649-home ; but [he]4448-he shuddered with nausea at the thought of home;—one could travel on skis down there , and come to [the old imperial road]4462-the old imperial road , below [the pass]4456-the pass . But why come to [any road]4464-any road ? [He]4448-he revolted at the thought of finding [himself]4448-he in [the world]541-the world again . [He]4448-he must stay up [there]629-there in [the snow]4467-the snow forever . [He]4448-he had been happy by [himself]4448-he , high up there alone , travelling swiftly on skis , taking far flights , and skimming past the dark rocks veined with brilliant snow . But [he]4448-he felt something icy gathering at [his]4448-he heart . This strange mood of patience and innocence which had persisted in [him]4448-he for some days , was passing away , [he]4448-he would be left again a prey to the horrible passions and tortures . So [he]4448-he came down reluctantly , snow - burned , snow - estranged , to [the house in [the hollow]2948-the hollow]4468-the house in the hollow , between [the knuckles of [the mountain tops]4021-the mountain tops]4470-the knuckles of the mountain tops . [He]4448-he saw [its]4468-the house in the hollow lights shining yellow , and [he]4448-he held back , wishing [he]4448-he need not go in , to confront [those people]4472-those people , to hear the turmoil of voices and to feel the confusion of other presences . [He]4448-he was isolated as if there were a vacuum round [his]4448-he heart , or a sheath of pure ice . The moment [he]4448-he saw [Gudrun]160-gudrun something jolted in [his]4448-he soul . [She]160-gudrun was looking rather lofty and superb , smiling slowly and graciously to [the Germans]252-the germans . A sudden desire leapt in [his]4448-he heart , to kill [her]160-gudrun . [He]4448-he thought , what a perfect voluptuous fulfilment it would be , to kill [her]160-gudrun . [His]4448-he mind was absent all the evening , estranged by the snow and [his]4448-he passion . But [he]4448-he kept the idea constant within [him]4448-he , what a perfect voluptuous consummation it would be to strangle [her]160-gudrun , to strangle every spark of life out of [her]160-gudrun , till [she]160-gudrun lay completely inert , soft , relaxed for ever , a soft heap lying dead between [his]4448-he hands , utterly dead . Then [he]4448-he would have had [her]160-gudrun finally and for ever ; there would be such a perfect voluptuous finality . [Gudrun]160-gudrun was unaware of what [he]4448-he was feeling , [he]4448-he seemed so quiet and amiable , as usual . [His]4448-he amiability even made [her]160-gudrun feel brutal towards [him]4448-he . [She]160-gudrun went into [[his]4448-he room]5054-his room when [he]4448-he was partially undressed . [She]160-gudrun did not notice the curious , glad gleam of pure hatred , with which [he]4448-he looked at [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun stood near the door , with [her]160-gudrun hand behind [her]160-gudrun . “ [I]160-gudrun have been thinking , [Gerald]255-gerald , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , with an insulting nonchalance , “ that [I]160-gudrun shall not go back to [England]80-england . ”[160-gudrun] “ Oh , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he said , “ where will [you]160-gudrun go then ? ”[4448-he] But [she]160-gudrun ignored [his]4448-he question . [She]160-gudrun had [her]160-gudrun own logical statement to make , and it must be made as [she]160-gudrun had thought it . “ [I]160-gudrun ca n’t see the use of going back , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun continued . “ It is over between [me]160-gudrun and [you]4448-he — ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun paused for [him]4448-he to speak . But [he]4448-he said nothing . [He]4448-he was only talking to [himself]4448-he , saying “ Over , is it ? [I]4448-he believe it is over . But it is n’t finished . Remember , it is n’t finished . [We]7367-we must put some sort of a finish on it . There must be a conclusion , there must be finality . ”[4448-he] So [he]4448-he talked to [himself]4448-he , but aloud [he]4448-he said nothing whatever . “ What has been , has been , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun continued . “ There is nothing that [I]160-gudrun regret . [I]160-gudrun hope [you]4448-he regret nothing — ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun waited for [him]4448-he to speak . “ Oh , [I]4448-he regret nothing , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he said , accommodatingly . “ Good then , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun answered , “ good then . Then neither of [us]7368-our cherishes any regrets , which is as it should be . ”[160-gudrun] “ Quite as it should be , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he said aimlessly . [She]160-gudrun paused to gather up [her]160-gudrun thread again . “ [Our]7368-our attempt has been a failure , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ But [we]7368-our can try again , elsewhere . ”[160-gudrun] A little flicker of rage ran through [his]4448-he blood . It was as if [she]160-gudrun were rousing [him]4448-he , goading [him]4448-he . Why must [she]160-gudrun do it ? “ Attempt at what ? ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he asked . “ At being [lovers]621-lovers , [I]160-gudrun suppose , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , a little baffled , yet so trivial [she]160-gudrun made it all seem . “ [Our]7368-our attempt at being [lovers]621-lovers has been a failure ? ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he repeated aloud . To [himself]4448-he [he]4448-he was saying , “ [I]4448-he ought to kill [her]160-gudrun here . There is only this left , for [me]4448-he to kill [her]160-gudrun . ”[4448-he] A heavy , overcharged desire to bring about [her]160-gudrun death possessed [him]4448-he . [She]160-gudrun was unaware . “ Has n’t it ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked . “ Do [you]4448-he think it has been a success ? ”[160-gudrun] Again the insult of the flippant question ran through [his]4448-he blood like a current of fire . “ It had some of the elements of success , [our]7371-our relationship , ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he replied . “ It — might have come off . ”[4448-he] But [he]4448-he paused before concluding the last phrase . Even as [he]4448-he began the sentence , [he]4448-he did not believe in what [he]4448-he was going to say . [He]4448-he knew it never could have been a success . “ No , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied . “ [You]4448-he can not love . ”[160-gudrun] “ And [you]160-gudrun ? ”[4448-he] [he]4448-he asked . [Her]160-gudrun wide , dark - filled eyes were fixed on [him]4448-he , like two moons of darkness . “ [I]160-gudrun could n’t love [you]4448-he , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , with stark cold truth . A blinding flash went over [his]4448-he brain , [his]4448-he body jolted . [His]4448-he heart had burst into flame . [His]4448-he consciousness was gone into [his]4448-he wrists , into [his]4448-he hands . [He]4448-he was one blind , incontinent desire , to kill [her]160-gudrun . [His]4448-he wrists were bursting , there would be no satisfaction till [his]4448-he hands had closed on [her]160-gudrun . But even before [his]4448-he body swerved forward on [her]160-gudrun , a sudden , cunning comprehension was expressed on [her]160-gudrun face , and in a flash [she]160-gudrun was out of the door . [She]160-gudrun ran in one flash to [[her]160-gudrun room]5117-her room and locked [herself]160-gudrun in . [She]160-gudrun was afraid , but confident . [She]160-gudrun knew [her]160-gudrun life trembled on the edge of [an abyss]4475-an abyss . But [she]160-gudrun was curiously sure of [her]160-gudrun footing . [She]160-gudrun knew [her]160-gudrun cunning could outwit [him]4448-he . [She]160-gudrun trembled , as [she]160-gudrun stood in [[her]160-gudrun room]5117-her room , with excitement and awful exhilaration . [She]160-gudrun knew [she]160-gudrun could outwit [him]4448-he . [She]160-gudrun could depend on [her]160-gudrun presence of mind , and on [her]160-gudrun wits . But it was a fight to the death , [she]160-gudrun knew it now . One slip , and [she]160-gudrun was lost . [She]160-gudrun had a strange , tense , exhilarated sickness in [her]160-gudrun body , as [one who is in peril of falling from a great height , but who does not look down , does not admit the fear]4477-one who is in peril of falling from a great height , but who does not look down , does not admit the fear . “ [I]160-gudrun will go away the day after tomorrow , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . [She]160-gudrun only did not want [Gerald]255-gerald to think that [she]160-gudrun was afraid of [him]4448-he , that [she]160-gudrun was running away because [she]160-gudrun was afraid of [him]4448-he . [She]160-gudrun was not afraid of [him]4448-he , fundamentally . [She]160-gudrun knew it was [her]160-gudrun safeguard to avoid [his]4448-he physical violence . But even physically [she]160-gudrun was not afraid of [him]4448-he . [She]160-gudrun wanted to prove it to [him]4448-he . When [she]160-gudrun had proved it , that , whatever [he]4448-he was , [she]160-gudrun was not afraid of [him]4448-he ; when [she]160-gudrun had proved that , [she]160-gudrun could leave [him]4448-he forever . But meanwhile the fight between [them]4478-them , terrible as [she]160-gudrun knew it to be , was inconclusive . And [she]160-gudrun wanted to be confident in [herself]160-gudrun . However many terrors [she]160-gudrun might have , [she]160-gudrun would be unafraid , uncowed by [him]4448-he . [He]4448-he could never cow [her]160-gudrun , nor dominate [her]160-gudrun , nor have any right over [her]160-gudrun ; this [she]160-gudrun would maintain until [she]160-gudrun had proved it . Once it was proved , [she]160-gudrun was free of [him]4448-he forever . But [she]160-gudrun had not proved it yet , neither to [him]4448-he nor to [herself]160-gudrun . And this was what still bound [her]160-gudrun to [him]4448-he . [She]160-gudrun was bound to [him]4448-he , [she]160-gudrun could not live beyond [him]4448-he . [She]160-gudrun sat up in bed , closely wrapped up , for many hours , thinking endlessly to [herself]160-gudrun . It was as if [she]160-gudrun would never have done weaving the great provision of [her]160-gudrun thoughts . “ It is n’t as if [he]4448-he really loved [me]160-gudrun , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said to [herself]160-gudrun . “ [He]4448-he does n’t . [Every woman [he]4448-he comes across]7372-every woman he comes across [he]4448-he wants to make [her]7372-every woman he comes across in love with [him]4448-he . [He]4448-he does n’t even know that [he]4448-he is doing it . But there [he]4448-he is , before [every woman]1465-every woman [he]4448-he unfurls [his]4448-he male attractiveness , displays [his]4448-he great desirability , [he]4448-he tries to make [every woman]1465-every woman think how wonderful it would be to have [him]4448-he for [a lover]6265-a lover . [His]4448-he very ignoring of [the women]537-the women is part of the game . [He]4448-he is never unconscious of [them]537-the women . [He]4448-he should have been [a cockerel]7377-a cockerel , so [he]4448-he could strut before [fifty females]7378-fifty females , [all [his]4448-he subjects]7379-all his subjects . But really , [his]4448-he Don Juan does not interest [me]160-gudrun . [I]160-gudrun could play [Dona Juanita]433-dona juanita a million times better than [he]4448-he plays [Juan]434-juan . [He]4448-he bores [me]160-gudrun , [you]7380-you know . [[His]4448-he maleness]7381-his maleness bores [me]160-gudrun . Nothing is so boring , so inherently stupid and stupidly conceited . Really , [the fathomless conceit of [these men]589-these men]7382-the fathomless conceit of these men , it is ridiculous — [the little strutters]7384-the little strutters . “[160-gudrun] [They]4479-they are [all alike]4480-all alike . Look at [Birkin]169-birkin . Built out of the limitation of conceit [they]4479-they are , and nothing else . Really , nothing but [their]4479-they ridiculous limitation and intrinsic insignificance could make [them]4479-they so conceited . “ As for [Loerke]404-loerke , there is a thousand times more in [him]404-loerke than in a [Gerald]255-gerald . [Gerald]255-gerald is so limited , there is a dead end to [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald would grind on at [the old mills]7385-the old mills forever . And really , there is no corn between the millstones any more . [They]4479-they grind on and on , when there is nothing to grind — saying the same things , believing the same things , acting the same things . Oh , [[my]0-i God]3770-my god , it would wear out the patience of a stone . “[0-i] [I]0-i do n’t worship [Loerke]404-loerke , but at any rate , [he]404-loerke is [a free individual]4481-a free individual . [He]404-loerke is not stiff with conceit of [his]404-loerke own maleness . [He]404-loerke is not grinding dutifully at [the old mills]7385-the old mills . [Oh God]167-god , when [I]0-i think of [Gerald]255-gerald , and [his]255-gerald work — [those offices at [Beldover]1-beldover]4483-those offices at beldover , and [the mines]988-the mines — it makes [my]0-i heart sick . What have [I]0-i to do with it — and [him]255-gerald thinking [he]255-gerald can be [a lover]6265-a lover to [a woman]897-a woman ! [One]4646-one might as well ask it of a self - satisfied lamp - post . [These men]589-these men , with [their]589-these men eternal jobs — and [[their]589-these men eternal mills of [God]167-god]4489-their eternal mills of god that keep on grinding at nothing ! It is too boring , just boring . However did [I]0-i come to take [him]255-gerald seriously at all ! “ At least in [Dresden]88-dresden , [one]4646-one will have [one]4646-one ’s back to it all . And there will be amusing things to do . It will be amusing to go to these eurythmic displays , and the German opera , [the German theatre]7389-the german theatre . It will be amusing to take part in German Bohemian life . And [Loerke]404-loerke is [an artist]1059-an artist , [he]404-loerke is [a free individual]4481-a free individual . [One]4646-one will escape from so much , that is the chief thing , escape so much hideous boring repetition of vulgar actions , vulgar phrases , vulgar postures . [I]0-i do n’t delude [myself]0-i that [I]0-i shall find an elixir of life in [Dresden]88-dresden . [I]0-i know [I]0-i sha n’t . But [I]0-i shall get away from [people who have [[their]7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that own homes]7394-their own homes and [[their]7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that own children]7395-their own children and [[their]7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that own acquaintances]7396-their own acquaintances and [their]7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that own this and [their]7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that own that]7393-people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that . [I]0-i shall be among [people who do n’t own things]7397-people who do n’t own things and who have n’t got [a home]5556-a home and [a domestic servant in the background]7399-a domestic servant in the background , [who have n’t got a standing and a status and a degree]7400-who have n’t got a standing and a status and a degree and [a circle of [friends of the same]7402-friends of the same]7401-a circle of friends of the same . Oh God , the wheels within wheels of [people]579-people , it makes [one]4646-one ’s head tick like a clock , with a very madness of dead mechanical monotony and meaninglessness . How [I]0-i hate life , how [I]0-i hate it . How [I]0-i hate [the Geralds]435-the geralds , that [they]435-the geralds can offer one nothing else . “[0-i] Shortlands!—Heavens ! Think of living [there]629-there , one week , then the next , and then the third — “ No , [I]4491-she wo n’t think of it — it is too much — ”[4491-she] And [she]4491-she broke off , really terrified , really unable to bear any more . The thought of the mechanical succession of day following day , day following day , ad infintum , was one of the things that made [her]4491-she heart palpitate with a real approach of madness . The terrible bondage of this tick - tack of time , this twitching of the hands of the clock , this eternal repetition of hours and days — oh God , it was too awful to contemplate . And there was no escape from it , no escape . [She]4491-she almost wished [Gerald]255-gerald were with [her]4491-she to save [her]4491-she from the terror of [her]4491-she own thoughts . Oh , how [she]4491-she suffered , lying there alone , confronted by the terrible clock , with its eternal tick - tack . All life , all life resolved itself into this : tick - tack , tick - tack , tick - tack ; then the striking of the hour ; then the tick - tack , tick - tack , and the twitching of the clock - fingers . [Gerald]255-gerald could not save [her]4491-she from it . [He]255-gerald , [his]255-gerald body , [his]255-gerald motion , [his]255-gerald life — it was the same ticking , the same twitching across the dial , a horrible mechanical twitching forward over the face of the hours . What were [his]255-gerald kisses , [his]255-gerald embraces . [She]4491-she could hear [their]4492-their tick - tack , tick - tack . Ha — ha — [she]4491-she laughed to [herself]4491-she , so frightened that [she]4491-she was trying to laugh it off — ha — ha , how maddening it was , to be sure , to be sure ! Then , with a fleeting self - conscious motion , [she]4491-she wondered if [she]4491-she would be very much surprised , on rising in the morning , to realise that [her]4491-she hair had turned white . [She]4491-she had felt it turning white so often , under the intolerable burden of [her]4491-she thoughts , und [her]4491-she sensations . Yet there it remained , brown as ever , and there [she]4491-she was [herself]4491-she , looking a picture of health . Perhaps [she]4491-she was healthy . Perhaps it was only [her]4491-she unabateable health that left [her]4491-she so exposed to the truth . If [she]4491-she were sickly [she]4491-she would have [her]4491-she illusions , imaginations . As it was , there was no escape . [She]4491-she must always see and know and never escape . [She]4491-she could never escape . There [she]4491-she was , placed before the clock - face of life . And if [she]4491-she turned round as in [a railway station]4493-a railway station , to look at the bookstall , still [she]4491-she could see , with [her]4491-she very spine , [she]4491-she could see the clock , always the great white clock - face . In vain [she]4491-she fluttered the leaves of books , or made statuettes in clay . [She]4491-she knew [she]4491-she was not really reading . [She]4491-she was not really working . [She]4491-she was watching the fingers twitch across the eternal , mechanical , monotonous clock - face of time . [She]4491-she never really lived , [she]4491-she only watched . Indeed , [she]4491-she was like a little , twelve - hour clock , vis - à - vis with the enormous clock of eternity — there [she]4491-she was , like Dignity and Impudence , or Impudence and Dignity . The picture pleased [her]4491-she . Did n’t [her]4491-she face really look like a clock dial — rather roundish and often pale , and impassive . [She]4491-she would have got up to look , in the mirror , but the thought of the sight of [her]4491-she own face , that was like a twelve - hour clock - dial , filled [her]4491-she with such deep terror , that [she]4491-she hastened to think of something else . Oh , why was n’t somebody kind to [her]4491-she ? Why was n’t there somebody who would take [her]4491-she in [their]4494-their arms , and hold [her]4491-she to [their]4494-their breast , and give [her]4491-she rest , pure , deep , healing rest . Oh , why was n’t there somebody to take [her]4491-she in [their]4494-their arms and fold [her]4491-she safe and perfect , for sleep . [She]4491-she wanted so much this perfect enfolded sleep . [She]4491-she lay always so unsheathed in sleep . [She]4491-she would lie always unsheathed in sleep , unrelieved , unsaved . Oh , how could [she]4491-she bear it , this endless unrelief , this eternal unrelief . [Gerald]255-gerald ! Could [he]255-gerald fold [her]4491-she in [his]255-gerald arms and sheathe [her]4491-she in sleep ? Ha ! [He]255-gerald needed putting to sleep [himself]255-gerald — poor [Gerald]255-gerald . That was all [he]255-gerald needed . What did [he]255-gerald do , [he]255-gerald made the burden for [her]4491-she greater , the burden of [her]4491-she sleep was the more intolerable , when [he]255-gerald was there . [He]255-gerald was an added weariness upon [her]4491-she unripening nights , [her]4491-she unfruitful slumbers . Perhaps [he]255-gerald got some repose from [her]4491-she . Perhaps [he]255-gerald did . Perhaps this was what [he]255-gerald was always dogging [her]4491-she for , like [a child that is famished , crying for the breast]4495-a child that is famished , crying for the breast . Perhaps this was the secret of [his]255-gerald passion , [his]255-gerald forever unquenched desire for [her]4491-she — that [he]255-gerald needed [her]4491-she to put [him]255-gerald to sleep , to give [him]255-gerald repose . What then ! Was [she]4491-she [[his]255-gerald mother]4685-his mother ? Had [she]4491-she asked for [a child]733-a child , whom [she]4491-she must nurse through the nights , for [[her]4491-she lover]668-her lover . [She]4491-she despised [him]255-gerald , [she]4491-she despised [him]255-gerald , [she]4491-she hardened [her]4491-she heart . [An infant crying in the night]4499-an infant crying in the night , [this Don Juan]4500-this don juan . Ooh , but how [she]4491-she hated [the infant]4501-the infant crying in the night . [She]4491-she would murder it gladly . [She]4491-she would stifle it and bury it , as [Hetty Sorrell]436-hetty sorrell did . No doubt [[Hetty Sorrell]436-hetty sorrell ’s infant]4502-hetty sorrell ’s infant cried in the night — no doubt [[Arthur Donnithorne]437-arthur donnithorne ’s infant]4503-arthur donnithorne ’s infant would . Ha — [the Arthur Donnithornes]438-the arthur donnithornes , [the Geralds of [this world]2436-this world]4504-the geralds of this world . So manly by day , yet all the while , such a crying of [infants]6858-infants in the night . Let [them]6858-infants turn into mechanisms , let [them]6858-infants . Let [them]6858-infants become instruments , pure machines , pure wills , that work like clock - work , in perpetual repetition . Let [them]6858-infants be this , let [them]6858-infants be taken up entirely in [their]6858-infants work , let [them]6858-infants be perfect parts of a great machine , having a slumber of constant repetition . Let [Gerald]255-gerald manage [[his]255-gerald firm]4507-his firm . There [he]255-gerald would be satisfied , as satisfied as a wheelbarrow that goes backwards and forwards along a plank all day — [she]4508-she had seen it . The wheel - barrow — the one humble wheel — the unit of [the firm]1794-the firm . Then [the cart]5820-the cart , with two wheels ; then [the truck]4511-the truck , with four ; then the donkey - engine , with eight , then the winding - engine , with sixteen , and so on , till it came to [the miner]3232-the miner , with a thousand wheels , and then [the electrician , with three thousand]4513-the electrician , with three thousand , and [the underground manager]4514-the underground manager , with twenty thousand , and [the general manager with a hundred thousand little wheels working away to complete [his]255-gerald make - up]4515-the general manager with a hundred thousand little wheels working away to complete his make - up , and then [Gerald]255-gerald , with a million wheels and cogs and axles . [Poor Gerald]255-gerald , such a lot of little wheels to [his]255-gerald make - up ! [He]255-gerald was more intricate than a chronometer - watch . But oh heavens , what weariness ! What weariness , [God]167-god above ! A chronometer - watch — a beetle — [her]4508-she soul fainted with utter ennui , from the thought . So many wheels to count and consider and calculate ! Enough , enough — there was an end to [man]1089-man ’s capacity for complications , even . Or perhaps there was no end . Meanwhile [Gerald]255-gerald sat in [[his]255-gerald room]5054-his room , reading . When [Gudrun]160-gudrun was gone , [he]255-gerald was left stupefied with arrested desire . [He]255-gerald sat on the side of the bed for an hour , stupefied , little strands of consciousness appearing and reappearing . But [he]255-gerald did not move , for a long time [he]255-gerald remained inert , [his]255-gerald head dropped on [his]255-gerald breast . Then [he]255-gerald looked up and realised that [he]255-gerald was going to bed . [He]255-gerald was cold . Soon [he]255-gerald was lying down in the dark . But what [he]255-gerald could not bear was the darkness . The solid darkness confronting [him]255-gerald drove [him]255-gerald mad . So [he]255-gerald rose , and made a light . [He]255-gerald remained seated for a while , staring in front . [He]255-gerald did not think of [Gudrun]160-gudrun , [he]255-gerald did not think of anything . Then suddenly [he]255-gerald went [downstairs]1690-downstairs for a book . [He]255-gerald had all [his]255-gerald life been in terror of the nights that should come , when [he]255-gerald could not sleep . [He]255-gerald knew that this would be too much for [him]255-gerald , to have to face nights of sleeplessness and of horrified watching the hours . So [he]255-gerald sat for hours in bed , like a statue , reading . [His]255-gerald mind , hard and acute , read on rapidly , [his]255-gerald body understood nothing . In a state of rigid unconsciousness , [he]255-gerald read on through the night , till morning , when , weary and disgusted in spirit , disgusted most of all with [himself]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald slept for two hours . Then [he]255-gerald got up , hard and full of energy . [Gudrun]160-gudrun scarcely spoke to [him]255-gerald , except at coffee when [she]160-gudrun said : “ [I]160-gudrun shall be leaving tomorrow . ”[160-gudrun] “ [We]7405-we will go together as far as [Innsbruck]115-innsbruck , for appearance ’s sake ? ”[255-gerald] [he]255-gerald asked . “ Perhaps , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . [She]160-gudrun said ‘ Perhaps ’ between the sips of [her]160-gudrun coffee . And the sound of [her]160-gudrun taking [her]160-gudrun breath in the word , was nauseous to [him]255-gerald . [He]255-gerald rose quickly to be away from [her]160-gudrun . [He]255-gerald went and made arrangements for the departure on the morrow . Then , taking some food , [he]255-gerald set out for the day on the skis . Perhaps , [he]255-gerald said to [the Wirt]440-the wirt , [he]255-gerald would go up to [the Marienhütte]4519-the marienhütte , perhaps to [the village below]4520-the village below . To [Gudrun]160-gudrun this day was full of a promise like spring . [She]160-gudrun felt an approaching release , a new fountain of life rising up in [her]160-gudrun . It gave [her]160-gudrun pleasure to dawdle through [her]160-gudrun packing , it gave [her]160-gudrun pleasure to dip into books , to try on [her]160-gudrun different garments , to look at [herself]160-gudrun in the glass . [She]160-gudrun felt a new lease of life was come upon [her]160-gudrun , and [she]160-gudrun was happy like [a child]733-a child , very attractive and beautiful to [everybody]780-everybody , with [her]160-gudrun soft , luxuriant figure , and [her]160-gudrun happiness . Yet underneath was death itself . In the afternoon [she]160-gudrun had to go out with [Loerke]404-loerke . [Her]160-gudrun tomorrow was perfectly vague before [her]160-gudrun . This was what gave [her]160-gudrun pleasure . [She]160-gudrun might be going to [England]80-england with [Gerald]255-gerald , [she]160-gudrun might be going to [Dresden]88-dresden with [Loerke]404-loerke , [she]160-gudrun might be going to [Munich]58-munich , to [a girl - friend [she]160-gudrun had there]4523-a girl - friend she had there . Anything might come to pass on the morrow . And today was the white , snowy iridescent threshold of all possibility . All possibility — that was the charm to [her]160-gudrun , the lovely , iridescent , indefinite charm,—pure illusion . All possibility — because death was inevitable , and nothing was possible but death . [She]160-gudrun did not want things to materialise , to take any definite shape . [She]160-gudrun wanted , suddenly , at one moment of the journey tomorrow , to be wafted into an utterly new course , by some utterly unforeseen event , or motion . So that , although [she]160-gudrun wanted to go out with [Loerke]404-loerke for the last time into [the snow]4467-the snow , [she]160-gudrun did not want to be serious or businesslike . And [Loerke]404-loerke was not [a serious figure]4525-a serious figure . In [his]404-loerke brown velvet cap , that made [his]404-loerke head as round as a chestnut , with the brown - velvet flaps loose and wild over [his]404-loerke ears , and a wisp of elf - like , thin black hair blowing above [his]404-loerke full , elf - like dark eyes , the shiny , transparent brown skin crinkling up into odd grimaces on [his]404-loerke small - featured face , [he]404-loerke looked [an odd little boy - man]4526-an odd little boy - man , a bat . But in [his]404-loerke figure , in the greeny loden suit , [he]404-loerke looked chétif and puny , still strangely different from the rest . [He]404-loerke had taken a little toboggan , for [the two of [them]1536-the two of them]1536-the two of them , and [they]1536-the two of them trudged between the blinding slopes of snow , that burned [their]1536-the two of them now hardening faces , laughing in an endless sequence of quips and jests and polyglot fancies . The fancies were the reality to both of [them]1536-the two of them , [they]1536-the two of them were both so happy , tossing about the little coloured balls of verbal humour and whimsicality . [Their]1536-the two of them natures seemed to sparkle in full interplay , [they]1536-the two of them were enjoying a pure game . And [they]1536-the two of them wanted to keep it on the level of a game , [their]1536-the two of them relationship : such a fine game . [Loerke]404-loerke did not take the toboganning very seriously . [He]404-loerke put no fire and intensity into it , as [Gerald]255-gerald did . Which pleased [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun was weary , oh so weary of [Gerald]255-gerald ’s gripped intensity of physical motion . [Loerke]404-loerke let the sledge go wildly , and gaily , like a flying leaf , and when , at a bend , [he]404-loerke pitched both [her]160-gudrun and [him]404-loerke out into the snow , [he]404-loerke only waited for [them]1536-the two of them both to pick [themselves]1536-the two of them up unhurt off [the keen white ground]4528-the keen white ground , to be laughing and pert as [a pixie]4529-a pixie . [She]160-gudrun knew [he]404-loerke would be making ironical , playful remarks as [he]404-loerke wandered in hell — if [he]404-loerke were in the humour . And that pleased [her]160-gudrun immensely . It seemed like a rising above the dreariness of actuality , the monotony of contingencies . [They]1536-the two of them played till the sun went down , in pure amusement , careless and timeless . Then , as the little sledge twirled riskily to rest at the bottom of the slope , “ Wait ! ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said suddenly , and [he]404-loerke produced from somewhere a large thermos flask , a packet of Keks , and a bottle of Schnapps . “ Oh [Loerke]404-loerke , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried . “ What an inspiration ! What a comble de joie indeed ! What is the Schnapps ? ”[160-gudrun] [He]404-loerke looked at it , and laughed . “ Heidelbeer ! ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . “ No ! From the bilberries under the snow . Does n’t it look as if it were distilled from snow . Can [you]404-loerke — ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun sniffed , and sniffed at the bottle—“can [you]404-loerke smell bilberries ? Is n’t it wonderful ? It is exactly as if one could smell them through the snow . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun stamped [her]160-gudrun foot lightly on the ground . [He]404-loerke kneeled down and whistled , and put [his]404-loerke ear to the snow . As [he]404-loerke did so [his]404-loerke black eyes twinkled up . “ Ha ! Ha ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun laughed , warmed by the whimsical way in which [he]404-loerke mocked at [her]160-gudrun verbal extravagances . [He]404-loerke was always teasing [her]160-gudrun , mocking [her]160-gudrun ways . But as [he]404-loerke in [his]404-loerke mockery was even more absurd than [she]160-gudrun in [her]160-gudrun extravagances , what could one do but laugh and feel liberated . [She]160-gudrun could feel [their]4530-their voices , [hers]160-gudrun and [his]404-loerke , ringing silvery like bells in the frozen , motionless air of the first twilight . How perfect it was , how very perfect it was , this silvery isolation and interplay . [She]160-gudrun sipped the hot coffee , whose fragrance flew around [them]4530-their like bees murmuring around flowers , in the snowy air , [she]160-gudrun drank tiny sips of the Heidelbeerwasser , [she]160-gudrun ate the cold , sweet , creamy wafers . How good everything was ! How perfect everything tasted and smelled and sounded , here in this utter stillness of snow and falling twilight . “ [You]160-gudrun are going away tomorrow ? ”[404-loerke] [his]404-loerke voice came at last . “ Yes . ”[404-loerke] There was a pause , when the evening seemed to rise in its silent , ringing pallor infinitely high , to the infinite which was near at hand . “ Wohin ? ”[404-loerke] That was the question — wohin ? Whither ? [Wohin]441-wohin ? What a lovely word ! [She]160-gudrun never wanted it answered . Let it chime for ever . “ [I]160-gudrun do n’t know , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , smiling at [him]404-loerke . [He]404-loerke caught the smile from [her]160-gudrun . “ [One]4646-one never does , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . “ [One]4646-one never does , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun repeated . There was a silence , wherein [he]404-loerke ate biscuits rapidly , as a rabbit eats leaves . “ But , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke laughed , “ where will [you]160-gudrun take a ticket to ? ”[404-loerke] “ Oh heaven ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried . “ [One]4646-one must take a ticket . ”[160-gudrun] Here was a blow . [She]160-gudrun saw [herself]160-gudrun at the wicket , at [the railway station]4873-the railway station . Then a relieving thought came to [her]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun breathed freely . “ But [one]4646-one need n’t go , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried . “ Certainly not , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . “ [I]404-loerke mean one need n’t go where [one]4646-one ’s ticket says . ”[404-loerke] That struck [him]404-loerke . [One]4646-one might take a ticket , so as not to travel to the destination [it]4646-one indicated . [One]172-one might break off , and avoid the destination . [A point located]4533-a point located . That was an idea ! “ Then take a ticket to [London]2-london , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . “ [One]4646-one should never go [there]629-there . ”[404-loerke] “ Right , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun answered . [He]404-loerke poured a little coffee into a tin can . “ [You]160-gudrun wo n’t tell [me]404-loerke where [you]160-gudrun will go ? ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke asked . “ Really and truly , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , “ [I]160-gudrun do n’t know . It depends which way the wind blows . ”[160-gudrun] [He]404-loerke looked at [her]160-gudrun quizzically , then [he]404-loerke pursed up [his]404-loerke lips , like [Zephyrus]442-zephyrus , blowing across the snow . “ It goes towards [Germany]114-germany , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . “ [I]160-gudrun believe so , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun laughed . Suddenly , [they]4534-they were aware of a vague white figure near [them]4534-they . It was [Gerald]255-gerald . [Gudrun]160-gudrun ’s heart leapt in sudden terror , profound terror . [She]160-gudrun rose to [her]160-gudrun feet . “ [They]4534-they told [me]255-gerald where [you]160-gudrun were , ”[255-gerald] came [Gerald]255-gerald ’s voice , like a judgment in the whitish air of twilight . “ [Maria]443-maria ! [You]443-maria come like a ghost , ”[404-loerke] exclaimed [Loerke]404-loerke . [Gerald]255-gerald did not answer . [His]255-gerald presence was unnatural and ghostly to [them]4534-they . [Loerke]404-loerke shook the flask — then [he]404-loerke held it inverted over the snow . Only a few brown drops trickled out . “ All gone ! ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . To [Gerald]255-gerald , [the smallish , odd figure of the German]4535-the smallish , odd figure of the german was distinct and objective , as if seen through field glasses . And [he]255-gerald disliked the small figure exceedingly , [he]255-gerald wanted it removed . Then [Loerke]404-loerke rattled the box which held the biscuits . “ Biscuits there are still , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . And reaching from [his]404-loerke seated posture in the sledge , [he]404-loerke handed them to [Gudrun]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun fumbled , and took one . [He]404-loerke would have held them to [Gerald]255-gerald , but [Gerald]255-gerald so definitely did not want to be offered a biscuit , that [Loerke]404-loerke , rather vaguely , put the box aside . Then [he]404-loerke took up the small bottle , and held it to the light . “ Also there is some Schnapps , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said to [himself]404-loerke . Then suddenly , [he]404-loerke elevated the battle gallantly in the air , a strange , grotesque figure leaning towards [Gudrun]160-gudrun , and said : “ Gnädiges Fräulein , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said , “ wohl — ”[404-loerke] There was a crack , the bottle was flying , [Loerke]404-loerke had started back , [the three]4256-the three stood quivering in violent emotion . [Loerke]404-loerke turned to [Gerald]255-gerald , a devilish leer on [his]255-gerald bright - skinned face . “ Well done ! ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said , in a satirical demoniac frenzy . “ C’est le sport , sans doute . ”[404-loerke] The next instant [he]404-loerke was sitting ludicrously in the snow , [Gerald]255-gerald ’s fist having rung against the side of [his]404-loerke head . But [Loerke]404-loerke pulled [himself]404-loerke together , rose , quivering , looking full at [Gerald]255-gerald , [his]255-gerald body weak and furtive , but [his]255-gerald eyes demoniacal with satire . “ Vive le héros , vive — ”[255-gerald] But [he]404-loerke flinched , as , in a black flash [Gerald]255-gerald ’s fist came upon [him]404-loerke , banged into the other side of [his]404-loerke head , and sent [him]404-loerke aside like a broken straw . But [Gudrun]160-gudrun moved forward . [She]160-gudrun raised [her]160-gudrun clenched hand high , and brought it down , with a great downward stroke on to the face and on to the breast of [Gerald]255-gerald . A great astonishment burst upon [him]404-loerke , as if the air had broken . Wide , wide [his]404-loerke soul opened , in wonder , feeling the pain . Then it laughed , turning , with strong hands outstretched , at last to take the apple of [his]404-loerke desire . At last [he]404-loerke could finish [his]404-loerke desire . [He]404-loerke took the throat of [Gudrun]160-gudrun between [his]404-loerke hands , that were hard and indomitably powerful . And [her]160-gudrun throat was beautifully , so beautifully soft , save that , within , [he]404-loerke could feel the slippery chords of [her]160-gudrun life . And this [he]404-loerke crushed , this [he]404-loerke could crush . What bliss ! Oh what bliss , at last , what satisfaction , at last ! The pure zest of satisfaction filled [his]404-loerke soul . [He]404-loerke was watching the unconsciousness come unto [her]160-gudrun swollen face , watching the eyes roll back . How ugly [she]160-gudrun was ! What a fulfilment , what a satisfaction ! How good this was , oh how good it was , what a God - given gratification , at last ! [He]404-loerke was unconscious of [her]160-gudrun fighting and struggling . The struggling was [her]160-gudrun reciprocal lustful passion in this embrace , the more violent it became , the greater the frenzy of delight , till the zenith was reached , the crisis , the struggle was overborne , [her]160-gudrun movement became softer , appeased . [Loerke]404-loerke roused [himself]404-loerke on the snow , too dazed and hurt to get up . Only [his]404-loerke eyes were conscious . “ [Monsieur]7413-monsieur ! ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said , in [his]404-loerke thin , roused voice : “ Quand vous aurez fini — ”[404-loerke] A revulsion of contempt and disgust came over [Gerald]255-gerald ’s soul . The disgust went to the very bottom of [him]404-loerke , a nausea . Ah , what was [he]404-loerke doing , to what depths was [he]404-loerke letting [himself]404-loerke go ! As if [he]404-loerke cared about [her]160-gudrun enough to kill [her]160-gudrun , to have [her]160-gudrun life on [his]404-loerke hands ! A weakness ran over [his]404-loerke body , a terrible relaxing , a thaw , a decay of strength . Without knowing , [he]404-loerke had let go [his]404-loerke grip , and [Gudrun]160-gudrun had fallen to [her]160-gudrun knees . Must [he]404-loerke see , must [he]404-loerke know ? A fearful weakness possessed [him]404-loerke , [his]404-loerke joints were turned to water . [He]404-loerke drifted , as on a wind , veered , and went drifting away . “ [I]404-loerke did n’t want it , really , ”[404-loerke] was the last confession of disgust in [his]404-loerke soul , as [he]404-loerke drifted up the slope , weak , finished , only sheering off unconsciously from any further contact . “ [I]404-loerke ’ve had enough — [I]404-loerke want to go to sleep . [I]404-loerke ’ve had enough . ”[404-loerke] [He]404-loerke was sunk under a sense of nausea . [He]404-loerke was weak , but [he]404-loerke did not want to rest , [he]404-loerke wanted to go on and on , to the end . Never again to stay , till [he]404-loerke came to the end , that was all the desire that remained to [him]404-loerke . So [he]404-loerke drifted on and on , unconscious and weak , not thinking of anything , so long as [he]404-loerke could keep in action . The twilight spread a weird , unearthly light overhead , bluish - rose in colour , the cold blue night sank on the snow . In [the valley below]4537-the valley below , behind , in the great bed of snow , were [two small figures]4538-two small figures : [Gudrun]160-gudrun dropped on [her]160-gudrun knees , like [one executed]4539-one executed , and [Loerke]404-loerke sitting propped up near [her]160-gudrun . That was all . [Gerald]255-gerald stumbled on up [the slope of snow]4540-the slope of snow , in the bluish darkness , always climbing , always unconsciously climbing , weary though [he]404-loerke was . On [his]404-loerke left was a steep slope with black rocks and fallen masses of rock and veins of snow slashing in and about the blackness of rock , veins of snow slashing vaguely in and about the blackness of rock . Yet there was no sound , all this made no noise . To add to [his]404-loerke difficulty , a small bright moon shone brilliantly just ahead , on the right , a painful brilliant thing that was always there , unremitting , from which there was no escape . [He]404-loerke wanted so to come to the end — [he]404-loerke had had enough . Yet [he]404-loerke did not sleep . [He]404-loerke surged painfully up , sometimes having to cross [a slope of black rock]4541-a slope of black rock , that was blown bare of snow . Here [he]404-loerke was afraid of falling , very much afraid of falling . And high up here , on the crest , moved a wind that almost overpowered [him]404-loerke with a sleep - heavy iciness . Only it was not here , the end , and [he]404-loerke must still go on . [His]404-loerke indefinite nausea would not let [him]404-loerke stay . Having gained one ridge , [he]404-loerke saw the vague shadow of something higher in front . Always higher , always higher . [He]404-loerke knew [he]404-loerke was following the track towards [the summit of [the slopes]4543-the slopes]4542-the summit of the slopes , where was [the Marienhütte]4519-the marienhütte , and the descent on the other side . But [he]404-loerke was not really conscious . [He]404-loerke only wanted to go on , to go on whilst [he]404-loerke could , to move , to keep going , that was all , to keep going , until it was finished . [He]404-loerke had lost all [his]404-loerke sense of place . And yet in the remaining instinct of life , [his]404-loerke feet sought the track where the skis had gone . [He]404-loerke slithered down [a sheer snow slope]4545-a sheer snow slope . That frightened [him]404-loerke . [He]404-loerke had no alpenstock , nothing . But having come safely to rest , [he]404-loerke began to walk on , in the illuminated darkness . It was as cold as sleep . [He]404-loerke was between two ridges , in a hollow . So [he]404-loerke swerved . Should [he]404-loerke climb the other ridge , or wander along [the hollow]2948-the hollow ? How frail the thread of [his]404-loerke being was stretched ! [He]404-loerke would perhaps climb [the ridge]4547-the ridge . The snow was firm and simple . [He]404-loerke went along . There was something standing out of the snow . [He]404-loerke approached , with dimmest curiosity . It was a half - buried Crucifix , [a little Christ under a little sloping hood]4548-a little christ under a little sloping hood , at the top of a pole . [He]404-loerke sheered away . [Somebody]4745-somebody was going to murder [him]404-loerke . [He]404-loerke had a great dread of being murdered . But it was a dread which stood outside [him]404-loerke , like [his]404-loerke own ghost . Yet why be afraid ? It was bound to happen . To be murdered ! [He]404-loerke looked round in terror at the snow , [the rocking , pale , shadowy slopes of the upper world]4550-the rocking , pale , shadowy slopes of the upper world . [He]404-loerke was bound to be murdered , [he]404-loerke could see it . This was the moment when the death was uplifted , and there was no escape . [Lord Jesus]247-jesus , was it then bound to be — [Lord Jesus]247-jesus ! [He]404-loerke could feel the blow descending , [he]404-loerke knew [he]404-loerke was murdered . [Vaguely]444-vaguely wandering forward , [his]404-loerke hands lifted as if to feel what would happen , [he]404-loerke was waiting for the moment when [he]404-loerke would stop , when it would cease . It was not over yet . [He]404-loerke had come to [the hollow basin of snow]4551-the hollow basin of snow , surrounded by [sheer slopes]4552-sheer slopes and precipices , out of which rose a track that brought one to [the top of [the mountain]1160-the mountain]4553-the top of the mountain . But [he]404-loerke wandered unconsciously , till [he]404-loerke slipped and fell down , and as [he]404-loerke fell something broke in [his]404-loerke soul , and immediately [he]404-loerke went to sleep . When [they]4555-they brought the body [home]4649-home , the next morning , [Gudrun]160-gudrun was shut up in [[her]160-gudrun room]5117-her room . From [her]160-gudrun window [she]160-gudrun saw [men]848-men coming along with a burden , over the snow . [She]160-gudrun sat still and let the minutes go by . There came a tap at [her]160-gudrun door . [She]160-gudrun opened . There stood [a woman]897-a woman , saying softly , oh , far too reverently : “ [They]4555-they have found [him]7414-him , [madam]1177-madam ! ”[897-a woman] “ [Il est mort]7416-il est mort ? ”[897-a woman] “ Yes — hours ago . ”[897-a woman] [Gudrun]160-gudrun did not know what to say . What should [she]160-gudrun say ? What should [she]160-gudrun feel ? What should [she]160-gudrun do ? What did [they]4555-they expect of [her]160-gudrun ? [She]160-gudrun was coldly at a loss . “ Thank [you]873-the woman , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said , and [she]160-gudrun shut the door of [[her]160-gudrun room]5117-her room . [The woman]873-the woman went away mortified . Not a word , not a tear — ha ! [Gudrun]160-gudrun was cold , [a cold woman]4562-a cold woman . [Gudrun]160-gudrun sat on in [[her]160-gudrun room]5117-her room , [her]160-gudrun face pale and impassive . What was [she]160-gudrun to do ? [She]160-gudrun could not weep and make a scene . [She]160-gudrun could not alter [herself]160-gudrun . [She]160-gudrun sat motionless , hiding from [people]579-people . [Her]160-gudrun one motive was to avoid actual contact with events . [She]160-gudrun only wrote out a long telegram to [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin . In the afternoon , however , [she]160-gudrun rose suddenly to look for [Loerke]404-loerke . [She]160-gudrun glanced with apprehension at the door of [the room that had been [Gerald]255-gerald ’s]4565-the room that had been gerald ’s . Not for worlds would [she]160-gudrun enter [there]629-there . [She]160-gudrun found [Loerke]404-loerke sitting alone in [the lounge]4199-the lounge . [She]160-gudrun went straight up to [him]404-loerke . “ It is n’t true , is it ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . [He]404-loerke looked up at [her]160-gudrun . A small smile of misery twisted [his]404-loerke face . [He]404-loerke shrugged [his]404-loerke shoulders . “ True ? ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke echoed . “ [We]7417-we have n’t killed [him]404-loerke ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked . [He]404-loerke disliked [her]160-gudrun coming to [him]404-loerke in such a manner . [He]404-loerke raised [his]404-loerke shoulders wearily . “ It has happened , ”[404-loerke] [he]404-loerke said . [She]160-gudrun looked at [him]404-loerke . [He]404-loerke sat crushed and frustrated for the time being , quite as emotionless and barren as [herself]160-gudrun . [[My]0-i God]3770-my god ! this was a barren tragedy , barren , barren . [She]160-gudrun returned to [[her]160-gudrun room]5117-her room to wait for [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin . [She]160-gudrun wanted to get away , only to get away . [She]160-gudrun could not think or feel until [she]160-gudrun had got away , till [she]160-gudrun was loosed from this position . The day passed , the next day came . [She]160-gudrun heard the sledge , saw [Ursula]255-gerald and [Birkin]169-birkin alight , and [she]160-gudrun shrank from these also . [Ursula]255-gerald came straight up to [her]160-gudrun . “ [Gudrun]160-gudrun ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun cried , the tears running down [her]160-gudrun cheeks . And [she]160-gudrun took [[her]160-gudrun sister]449-her sister in [her]160-gudrun arms . [Gudrun]160-gudrun hid [her]160-gudrun face on [Ursula]255-gerald ’s shoulder , but still [she]160-gudrun could not escape the cold devil of irony that froze [her]160-gudrun soul . “ Ha , ha ! ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun thought , “ this is the right behaviour . ”[160-gudrun] But [she]160-gudrun could not weep , and the sight of [her]160-gudrun cold , pale , impassive face soon stopped the fountain of [Ursula]255-gerald ’s tears . In a few moments , [the sisters]452-the sisters had nothing to say to [each other]451-each other . “ Was it very vile to be dragged back here again ? ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun asked at length . [Ursula]255-gerald looked up in some bewilderment . “ [I]160-gudrun never thought of it , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [I]160-gudrun felt a beast , fetching [you]255-gerald , ”[160-gudrun] said [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ But [I]160-gudrun simply could n’t see [people]579-people . That is too much for [me]160-gudrun . ”[160-gudrun] “ Yes , ”[255-gerald] said [Ursula]255-gerald , chilled . [Birkin]169-birkin tapped and entered . [His]4573-he face was white and expressionless . [She]160-gudrun knew [he]4573-he knew . [He]4573-he gave [her]160-gudrun [his]4573-he hand , saying : “ The end of this trip , at any rate . ”[4573-he] [Gudrun]160-gudrun glanced at [him]4573-he , afraid . There was silence between [the three of them]4574-the three of them , nothing to be said . At length [Ursula]255-gerald asked in a small voice : “ Have [you]4573-he seen [him]4573-he ? ”[255-gerald] [He]4573-he looked back at [Ursula]255-gerald with a hard , cold look , and did not trouble to answer . “ Have [you]4573-he seen [him]4573-he ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun repeated . “ [I]4573-he have , ”[4573-he] [he]4573-he said , coldly . Then [he]4573-he looked at [Gudrun]160-gudrun . “ Have [you]160-gudrun done anything ? ”[4573-he] [he]4573-he said . “ Nothing , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun replied , “ nothing . ”[160-gudrun] [She]160-gudrun shrank in cold disgust from making any statement . “ [Loerke]404-loerke says that [Gerald]255-gerald came to [you]160-gudrun , when [you]160-gudrun were sitting on the sledge at [the bottom of [the Rudelbahn]158-the rudelbahn]7419-the bottom of the rudelbahn , that [you]160-gudrun had words , and [Gerald]255-gerald walked away . What were the words about ? [I]160-gudrun had better know , so that [I]160-gudrun can satisfy [the authorities]7420-the authorities , if necessary . ”[160-gudrun] [Gudrun]160-gudrun looked up at [him]4573-he , white , childlike , mute with trouble . “ There were n’t even any words , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [He]255-gerald knocked [Loerke]404-loerke down and stunned [him]255-gerald , [he]255-gerald half strangled [me]160-gudrun , then [he]255-gerald went away . ”[160-gudrun] To [herself]160-gudrun [she]160-gudrun was saying : “ A pretty little sample of the eternal triangle ! ”[160-gudrun] And [she]160-gudrun turned ironically away , because [she]160-gudrun knew that the fight had been between [Gerald]255-gerald and [herself]160-gudrun and that the presence of [the third party]4575-the third party was a mere contingency — an inevitable contingency perhaps , but a contingency none the less . But let [them]4576-them have it as an example of the eternal triangle , the trinity of hate . It would be simpler for [them]4576-them . [Birkin]169-birkin went away , [his]4573-he manner cold and abstracted . But [she]160-gudrun knew [he]4573-he would do things for [her]160-gudrun , nevertheless , [he]4573-he would see [her]160-gudrun through . [She]160-gudrun smiled slightly to [herself]160-gudrun , with contempt . Let [him]4573-he do the work , since [he]4573-he was so extremely good at looking after [other people]4665-other people . [Birkin]169-birkin went again to [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]4573-he had loved [him]255-gerald . And yet [he]4573-he felt chiefly disgust at the inert body lying there . It was so inert , so coldly dead , a carcase , [Birkin]169-birkin ’s bowels seemed to turn to ice . [He]4573-he had to stand and look at the frozen dead body that had been [Gerald]255-gerald . It was the frozen carcase of [a dead male]4578-a dead male . [Birkin]169-birkin remembered a rabbit which [he]4573-he had once found frozen like a board on the snow . It had been rigid like a dried board when [he]4573-he picked it up . And now this was [Gerald]255-gerald , stiff as a board , curled up as if for sleep , yet with the horrible hardness somehow evident . It filled [him]4573-he with horror . [The room]739-the room must be made warm , the body must be thawed . The limbs would break like glass or like wood if they had to be straightened . [He]4573-he reached and touched the dead face . And the sharp , heavy bruise of ice bruised [his]4573-he living bowels . [He]4573-he wondered if [he]4573-he [himself]4573-he were freezing too , freezing from the inside . In the short blond moustache the life - breath was frozen into a block of ice , beneath the silent nostrils . And this was [Gerald]255-gerald ! Again [he]4573-he touched the sharp , almost glittering fair hair of the frozen body . It was icy - cold , hair icy - cold , almost venomous . [Birkin]169-birkin ’s heart began to freeze . [He]4573-he had loved [Gerald]255-gerald . Now [he]4573-he looked at the shapely , strange - coloured face , with the small , fine , pinched nose and the manly cheeks , saw it frozen like an ice - pebble — yet [he]4573-he had loved it . What was one to think or feel ? [His]4573-he brain was beginning to freeze , [his]4573-he blood was turning to ice - water . So cold , so cold , a heavy , bruising cold pressing on [his]4573-he arms from outside , and a heavier cold congealing within [him]4573-he , in [his]4573-he heart and in [his]4573-he bowels . [He]4573-he went over [the snow slopes]4580-the snow slopes , to see where the death had been . At last [he]4573-he came to [the great shallow among the precipices and slopes]4581-the great shallow among the precipices and slopes , near [the summit of [the pass]4456-the pass]4582-the summit of the pass . It was a grey day , the third day of greyness and stillness . All was white , icy , pallid , save for the scoring of black rocks that jutted like roots sometimes , and sometimes were in naked faces . In the distance a slope sheered down from a peak , with many black rock - slides . It was like a shallow pot lying among the stone and snow of [the upper world]4584-the upper world . In this pot [Gerald]255-gerald had gone to sleep . At the far end , [the guides]4585-the guides had driven iron stakes deep into the snow - wall , so that , by means of the great rope attached , [they]4585-the guides could haul [themselves]4585-the guides up the massive snow - front , out on to [the jagged summit of [the pass]4456-the pass]4586-the jagged summit of the pass , naked to heaven , where [the Marienhütte]4519-the marienhütte hid among the naked rocks . Round about , spiked , slashed [snow - peaks]4589-snow - peaks pricked the heaven . [Gerald]255-gerald might have found this rope . [He]255-gerald might have hauled [himself]255-gerald up to [the crest]4590-the crest . [He]255-gerald might have heard the dogs in [the Marienhütte]4519-the marienhütte , and found shelter . [He]255-gerald might have gone on , down [the steep , steep fall of [the south - side]4593-the south - side]4592-the steep , steep fall of the south - side , down into [the dark valley]4594-the dark valley with its pines , on to [the great Imperial road leading south to [Italy]95-italy]4595-the great imperial road leading south to italy . [He]255-gerald might ! And what then ? [The Imperial road]4596-the imperial road ! The south ? [Italy]95-italy ? What then ? Was it a way out ? It was only a way in again . [Birkin]169-birkin stood high in the painful air , looking at [the peaks]4343-the peaks , and the way south . Was it any good going south , to [Italy]95-italy ? Down [the old , old Imperial road]4598-the old , old imperial road ? [He]4599-he turned away . Either the heart would break , or cease to care . Best cease to care . Whatever the mystery which has brought forth man and [the universe]6164-the universe , it is a non - human mystery , it has its own great ends , man is not the criterion . Best leave it all to the vast , creative , non - human mystery . Best strive with [oneself]4601-oneself only , not with [the universe]6164-the universe . “ [God]167-god can not do without [man]1089-man . ”[4603-some great french religious teacher] It was a saying of [some great French religious teacher]4603-some great french religious teacher . But surely this is false . [God]167-god can do without [man]1089-man . [God]167-god could do without the ichthyosauri and the mastodon . These monsters failed creatively to develop , so [God]167-god , the creative mystery , dispensed with [them]4605-them . In the same way the mystery could dispense with [man]1089-man , should [he]1089-man too fail creatively to change and develop . The eternal creative mystery could dispose of [man]1089-man , and replace [him]1089-man with [a finer created being]4608-a finer created being . Just as the horse has taken the place of the mastodon . It was very consoling to [Birkin]169-birkin , to think this . If humanity ran into [a cul de sac]4609-a cul de sac and expended [itself]4610-itself , the timeless creative mystery would bring forth some other being , finer , more wonderful , some new , more lovely race , to carry on the embodiment of creation . The game was never up . The mystery of creation was fathomless , infallible , inexhaustible , forever . Races came and went , species passed away , but ever new species arose , more lovely , or equally lovely , always surpassing wonder . The fountain - head was incorruptible and unsearchable . It had no limits . [It]4611-it could bring forth miracles , create utter new races and new species , in its own hour , new forms of consciousness , new forms of body , new units of being . To be [man]1089-man was as nothing compared to the possibilities of the creative mystery . To have [one]4646-one ’s pulse beating direct from the mystery , this was perfection , unutterable satisfaction . Human or inhuman mattered nothing . The perfect pulse throbbed with indescribable being , miraculous unborn species . [Birkin]169-birkin went [home]4649-home again to [Gerald]255-gerald . [He]4615-he went into [the room]739-the room , and sat down on the bed . Dead , dead and cold ! There was no response from that which had been [Gerald]255-gerald . Strange , congealed , icy substance — no more . No more ! Terribly weary , [Birkin]169-birkin went away , about the day ’s business . [He]4615-he did it all quietly , without bother . To rant , to rave , to be tragic , to make situations — it was all too late . Best be quiet , and bear [one]4646-one ’s soul in patience and in fullness . But when [he]4615-he went in again , at evening , to look at [Gerald]255-gerald between the candles , because of [his]4615-he heart ’s hunger , suddenly [his]4615-he heart contracted , [his]4615-he own candle all but fell from [his]4615-he hand , as , with a strange whimpering cry , the tears broke out . [He]4615-he sat down in a chair , shaken by a sudden access . [Ursula]255-gerald who had followed [him]4615-he , recoiled aghast from [him]4615-he , as [he]4615-he sat with sunken head and body convulsively shaken , making a strange , horrible sound of tears . “ [I]4615-he did n’t want it to be like this — [I]4615-he did n’t want it to be like this , ”[4615-he] [he]4615-he cried to [himself]4615-he . [Ursula]255-gerald could but think of [the Kaiser]445-the kaiser ’s : “ Ich habe es nicht gewollt . ”[4618-she] [She]4618-she looked almost with horror on [Birkin]169-birkin . Suddenly [he]4615-he was silent . But [he]4615-he sat with [his]4615-he head dropped , to hide [his]4615-he face . Then furtively [he]4615-he wiped [his]4615-he face with [his]4615-he fingers . Then suddenly [he]4615-he lifted [his]4615-he head , and looked straight at [Ursula]255-gerald , with dark , almost vengeful eyes . “ [He]255-gerald should have loved [me]4615-he , ”[4615-he] [he]4615-he said . “ [I]4615-he offered [him]255-gerald . ”[4615-he] [She]4618-she , afraid , white , with mute lips answered : “ What difference would it have made ! ”[4618-she] “ It would ! ”[4615-he] [he]4615-he said . “ It would . ”[4615-he] [He]4615-he forgot [her]4618-she , and turned to look at [Gerald]255-gerald . With head oddly lifted , like [a man who draws [his]4619-a man who draws his head back from an insult head back from an insult]4619-a man who draws his head back from an insult , half haughtily , [he]4615-he watched the cold , mute , material face . [It]4620-it had a bluish cast . It sent a shaft like ice through the heart of [the living man]4621-the living man . [Cold , mute , material]4622-cold , mute , material ! [Birkin]169-birkin remembered how once [Gerald]255-gerald had clutched [his]255-gerald hand , with a warm , momentaneous grip of final love . For one second — then let go again , let go for ever . If [he]4615-he had kept true to that clasp , death would not have mattered . [Those who die , and dying still can love]4623-those who die , and dying still can love , still believe , do not die . [They]4623-those who die , and dying still can love live still in the beloved . [Gerald]255-gerald might still have been living in the spirit with [Birkin]169-birkin , even after death . [He]255-gerald might have lived with [[his]255-gerald friend]4885-his friend , a further life . But now [he]255-gerald was dead , like clay , like bluish , corruptible ice . [Birkin]169-birkin looked at the pale fingers , the inert mass . [He]4615-he remembered a dead stallion [he]4615-he had seen : a dead mass of maleness , repugnant . [He]4615-he remembered also the beautiful face of [one whom [he]4615-he had loved]4625-one whom he had loved , and [who had died still having the faith to yield to the mystery]4626-who had died still having the faith to yield to the mystery . That dead face was beautiful , [no one could call it cold , mute , material]4627-no one could call it cold , mute , material . [No one]485-no one could remember it without gaining faith in the mystery , without the soul ’s warming with new , deep life - trust . And [Gerald]255-gerald ! [The denier]4629-the denier ! [He]4615-he left the heart cold , frozen , hardly able to beat . [[Gerald]255-gerald ’s father]6060-gerald ’s father had looked wistful , to break the heart : but not this last terrible look of cold , mute Matter . [Birkin]169-birkin watched and watched . [Ursula]255-gerald stood aside watching [the living man]4621-the living man stare at the frozen face of [the dead man]3168-the dead man . [Both faces]4633-both faces were unmoved and unmoving . The candle - flames flickered in the frozen air , in the intense silence . “ Have n’t [you]4615-he seen enough ? ”[4634-she] [she]4634-she said . [He]4615-he got up . “ It ’s a bitter thing to [me]4615-he , ”[4615-he] [he]4615-he said . “ What — that [he]3168-the dead man ’s dead ? ”[4634-she] [she]4634-she said . [His]4615-he eyes just met [hers]4634-she . [He]4615-he did not answer . “ [You]4615-he ’ve got [me]4634-she , ”[4634-she] [she]4634-she said . [He]4615-he smiled and kissed [her]4634-she . “ If [I]4615-he die , ”[4615-he] [he]4615-he said , “ [you]4634-she ’ll know [I]4615-he have n’t left [you]4634-she . ”[4615-he] “ And [me]4634-she ? ”[4634-she] [she]4634-she cried . “ And [you]4634-she wo n’t have left [me]4615-he , ”[4615-he] [he]4615-he said . “ [We]4635-we sha n’t have any need to despair , in death . ”[4615-he] [She]4634-she took hold of [his]4615-he hand . “ But need [you]4615-he despair over [Gerald]255-gerald ? ”[4634-she] [she]4634-she said . “ Yes , ”[4615-he] [he]4615-he answered . [They]4635-we went away . [Gerald]255-gerald was taken to [England]80-england , to be buried . [Birkin]169-birkin and [Ursula]255-gerald accompanied the body , along with [one of [[Gerald]255-gerald ’s brothers]4637-gerald ’s brothers]4636-one of gerald ’s brothers . It was [the Crich brothers]432-the herr crich and [sisters]5954-sisters who insisted on the burial in [England]80-england . [Birkin]169-birkin wanted to leave [the dead man]3168-the dead man in [the Alps]150-the alps , near [the snow]4467-the snow . But [the family]722-the family was strident , loudly insistent . [Gudrun]160-gudrun went to [Dresden]88-dresden . [She]160-gudrun wrote no particulars of [herself]160-gudrun . [Ursula]255-gerald stayed at [the Mill]5426-the mill with [Birkin]169-birkin for a week or two . [They]4643-they were both very quiet . “ Did [you]3168-the dead man need [Gerald]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked one evening . “ Yes , ”[3168-the dead man] [he]3168-the dead man said . “ Are n’t [I]160-gudrun enough for [you]3168-the dead man ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun asked . “ No , ”[3168-the dead man] [he]3168-the dead man said . “ [You]255-gerald are enough for [me]3168-the dead man , as far as [a woman]897-a woman is concerned . [You]255-gerald are [all women]7029-all women to [me]3168-the dead man . But [I]3168-the dead man wanted [a man friend]7424-a man friend , as eternal as [you]255-gerald and [I]3168-the dead man are eternal . ”[3168-the dead man] “ Why are n’t [I]160-gudrun enough ? ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ [You]255-gerald are enough for [me]160-gudrun . [I]160-gudrun do n’t want [anybody else]1074-anybody else but [you]255-gerald . Why is n’t it the same with [you]255-gerald ? ”[160-gudrun] “ Having [you]255-gerald , [I]4644-he can live all [my]4644-he life without [anybody else]1074-anybody else , any other sheer intimacy . But to make it complete , really happy , [I]4644-he wanted eternal union with [a man]4648-a man too : another kind of love , ”[4644-he] [he]4644-he said . “ [I]160-gudrun do n’t believe it , ”[160-gudrun] [she]160-gudrun said . “ It ’s an obstinacy , a theory , a perversity . ”[160-gudrun] “ Well — ”[4644-he] [he]4644-he said . “ [You]160-gudrun ca n’t have two kinds of love . Why should [you]160-gudrun ! ”[4644-he] It seems as if [I]0-i ca n’t , ” [he]4644-he said . “[0-i] Yet [I]0-i wanted it . ” “[160-gudrun] [You]4644-he ca n’t have it , because it ’s false , impossible , ” [she]160-gudrun said . “[4644-he] [I]0-i do n’t believe that , ” [he]4644-he answered .